All language subtitles for Everybody Hates Chris s02e21 Everybody Hates Math.eng

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When I was in school,
students usually got recognition

for one of two things:
being really good...

This year's Valedictorian
is Stephanie Borelli.

... and being really bad.

I'm sorry to have to tell you this,

but your son is an idiot.

I was usually somewhere in the middle.

Until it came to algebra.

Chris, are you paying attention?

Can't you see I'm trying to sleep?

- Yes.
- It's a simple two-step equation.

Minus nine X, plus one,
equals minus 80.

What is x?

89?

Eighty-no.

Monkey toe.

- X equals positive nine.
- Correct.

Why didn't you just ask him
in the first place?

- I need to talk to you.
- Yes?

You realize this week
is our pizza competition.

I know.

Every year, the math classes at Corleone
competed for a pizza day.

Next to the last day of school,
it was everybody's favorite day.

At my old school, if you got
a high score in math,

all you got was this...

An "A" in math?

I bet that "A" won't keep
me from kicking your ass.

Now, Chris, my request
for the school to provide you

with an alternate victory meal
of ribs and pigs' knuckles was denied,

but I know as well as you do
that you loves you some pizza, right?

Uh... right.

Well, I'd like our class win, but...

If you don't get your average up,
that's not going to happen.

But I'm trying.
I just don't get algebra.

Maybe you could tutor me after school.

I'm sorry, Chris.
I don't have time.

Have you called
the United Negro College Fund?

Maybe they can help.

History would later prove her wrong.

All I'm trying to say is:

if you don't get algebra,
we don't get pizza.

And I'm gonna get sliced.

2x20 - Everybody Hates Math.

Transcript & presync:FRM@Alan Shu

Resync & revision: Sixe

You've got to come through for us, dude.

Remember last year how
we could smell the pizza

coming down the hall and then...

passing us by and leaving us
like the last helicopter out of Saigon?

Greg had watched First Blood
on TV the night before.

I don't want to go through that again.

So, what?
You're going to help me?

I'd like to, but I'm already
tutoring six other dumb kids.

Plus, my aunt's over this week.

She's got something planned
with the family every night this week.

Tonight we're driving
over the Verrazano Bridge.

- Maybe someone else can help you.
- Nobody here is going to help me.

You gotta do something.

I want that pizza.

Greg, you eat pizza every day.

- Yeah, but this is free.
- Hey, Major Harris...

if you mess up our pizza day,

I'm gonna smack the crust out of you.

Since it wasn't the first time
I'd had problems with algebra,

I figured the best thing
to do was to get help.

Hey, baby. I thought you
had to work today.

I asked Doc for the day off.

- Why? What's wrong?
- Algebra.

We have this pizza day coming up
and we can't win

unless I bring up my test score.

Is that how they get you to pass
your classes these days,

is by giving you pizza?

I guess if they gave you steak,
you'd be headed to class.

And if they gave you chicken,
you'd open up the Apollo.

I could get an algebra tutor?

An algebra tutor? In Bed-Stuy?

Now, there are six units
and 12 tenants in this building.

If "X" equals the number
of units with televisions,

and "Y" equals the people
who are at work right now,

how many TVs can we steal?

You know, your grandmother
was a great algebra teacher.

Oh, that's right.
I forgot about that.

So you think she can work with me?

You could work with me--
I know algebra like the back of my hand.

Which will probably end up
upside my head.

So you're going to tutor me?

You want that pizza, don't you?

Besides, I don't want my mother
thinking my kids are dumb.

Your kids? What about her kid?

Because of the crack trade,
it was a lot harder

for Risky to make money
on the streets.

He couldn't make money
on electronics.

This is a brand new VCR-- $30.

I'll sell you 30 for $1.

He couldn't make money on clothes.

This is nice. It's real leather, $50.

I'll sell this one to you for a $1.50.

He couldn't even make money on food.

One Bomb Pop. Two dollars.

Sell you a lick for a nickel.

So Risky took his biggest risk of all.

He got a job.

You 10 minutes late.

Sorry, man.
Look, I appreciateyou hiring me,

but I haven't had a regular
job in ten years.

But, hey-- I'm here and I'm ready.

Yeah. Ready to give my father
high blood pressure.

Look, I'd like to help you out,

but be late tomorrow, and that's it.

Tanya loved her TV time.

And to her, TV time meant
no Drew time.

- What do you think you're doing?
- I'm sitting down.

You can't sit in Daddy's chair.

You're the one taking up
the whole couch.

So? Sit on the floor.

- I don't want to sit on the floor.
- Well, I'm telling Daddy.

Telling Daddy what?

Telling Daddy
that you broke his chair.

You are going to be in so much trouble.

You're sure you can't do this?

I can't. My cousin
from south Jersey wants to drive me

around Brooklyn
and listen to "Born in the USA."

- What?
- It's a long story.

I've gotta get some help with this.

I don't get it.
If your mom knows algebra,

why don't you want her to tutor you?

'Cause when I'm working with her,
I never learn anything.

She's like Bobby Knight.
All she does is scream and point.

But I stuck with it,

sure that my hard work would pay off.

No! No! What are you doing?

N plus five over minus
16 equals minus one.

- What's the answer?
- I don't know.

The other side.

What difference does it make?

What difference does it make?

Note to self: when dealing
with the irrefutable scienceof numbers,

don't ask
"What difference does it make?"

If you put it on that side, it's wrong.

That's the difference.

Wrong!

That's wrong!

Incorrect!

Since when does Y equal X?

Are you crazy?!

X does not equal Y!

You carry the two over the N.

How hard can it be?!

God, Chris, what kind
of answer is that?

The kind you come up with,

with a crazy woman
screaming at you.

You know, maybe Grandma can help me.
We could call her.

No, because she's gonna to tell
you the same thing.

If you can add and subtract,
you can do this.

My mother applied that logic
to a lot of situations.

If you can crack an egg,
you can crack a safe.

Boy, if you can lace up a sneaker,

then you can stitch up a chest.

Suture!

If you can jump rope,
you can jump from a plane.

You forgot your parachute!

No, no! If you multiply on one side,

you have to multiply
on the other side.

That moment was the closest I ever came
to giving up and hitting the pipe.

Mom, can we please take a break?

You know what?
I think we're getting a little closer.

I can feel it.

If it's utter despair,
I can I can feel it, too.

While I was trying to find
an answer to my problem,

Drew was trying to dodge
a problem with his answer.

Somebody been sitting in my chair?

- Middle bear.
- I don't know. Why?

It's broken, that's why.

Broken? How?

I don't know. I didn't break it.

Are you sure?

'Cause you could've just broken just now
when you sat down.

Tonya, you been sitting in my chair?

If that were me, Tonya would've
been telling already.

But for Drew, she had
something better in mind.

Yeah, I sat there.
What happened?

I think you broke it.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

That's all right.

I think I can fix it.

How come you didn't tell?

Because you're going
to do whatever I tell you to do.

And if you don't,
then I'm gonna tell.

Now go get me some popcorn.

Go ahead.

I wonder if that's how
Hillary Clinton got started.

When the going gets tough,
the tough get going.

So I got going to grandma's house.

Chris, what are you doing here?

Hi, Grandma. I need your help.

What's the problem?

Mama, plus me,
times algebra, equals you.

Come behind my mother's back
to get help from my grand mother,

made me feel guiltier

than Janet Jackson
at a half-time show.

Don't feel bad, Chris.

I taught Rochelle
everything she knows,

but I didn't teach her
everything I know.

Teaching is a skill.

No different than flying a plane.

Except you don't fall 35,000
feet to your death.

How come you didn't come to me
in the first place?

She didn't want you to think
that she couldn't do it.

So, I guess you just want
to keep this between me and you.

Could we?

My father had given Risky a job,

which was turning out
to be a job in itself.

- Hey, what's happening, Cooper?
- Hey, Coop, how you doing, man?

Let me get a large coffee
and, two butter rolls.

I'm sorry, man.

No coffee today.

What? No coffee?

Somebody broke into
the truck again last night.

Stole the coffeemaker,
they stole the coffee,

they stole the sugar,
they stole the creamer,

they stole the straws,
they stole the stirrers,

they even stole the Sweet'N Low.

All they left me was three bags
of Earl Grey tea... and these cups.

I can give you the water,
but you have to heat it yourself.

What if I give you a new coffeemaker?

Fifteen bucks.

Fifteen bucks?!

Last time, you only
charged me ten.

The time before that,
you charged me 20.

And both times, they looked like
the same coffeemaker.

What are you doing?

What? I'm just trying to make
a little extra money on the side.

Your job here is unloading papers,
not selling stolen coffee pots.

It's not stolen, it's recovered.

And if you stop recovering them from me,
I could stop recovering them for you.

When you're with me,

you got one job:
unloading papers.

I'm not trying to hurt nobody, man.
We're all in this together.

It's the business cycle.

If he can't sell coffee,
you can't sell papers,

next thing you know,
we're all out of a job.

Twelve bucks!

This time, I want the
coffeemaker, I want a pistol,

and I want some No-Doze.

Go get the coffeemaker.

While Risky was doing
the soft sell,

Tonya was taking a hard line.

Hey, Drew.

- What?
- My shoe's untied.

- So what?
- So tie it.

I'm not tying your shoe.
You tie it.

Nah, that's okay. Maybe I'll just wait
till Daddy gets home

and I'll ask him if
he wants to tie it.

Okay, I'll tie it.

Put it in a bow.

Thank you.

It's a good thing
she can't read minds.

Just because my grandmother
was better at teaching math,

didn't mean I was any better
at learning it.

You're doing that wrong.

- What do you mean?
- Chris, are you paying attention?

I thought I was.

Pizza is not the only thing

you won't be getting
if you don't pass this class.

What? You want to grow up
to be a toll booth operator?

I did, but E-ZPass
took all the jobs.

What am I gonna have to do
to get you to understand this?

How much longer do we have to work?

Now, why do you ask?

'Cause the Mets are about to play.

Oh, so you like baseball, huh?

What's all this?

Ah, well, I figured while
you sell the newspapers,

I open up a whole new customer base.

How about I open up your skull
with a tire iron?

I can't drive around with a
truck full of stolen goods.

I'm not a thief.
I'm a wholesaler.

Cut out the middle man.

How about you cut out the bail man?
'Cause that's what we're gonna need.

Have you ever known me to be
in trouble with the law? Come on, now.

Have you ever known me to sell radios
out the back of a paper truck?

I'm sorry.

Let me just move this stuff today,

and after that, it'll be
newspapers and only newspapers.

One day.

- And that's it.
- Thank you.

How much for this?

Back home, my mother
was looking at my test,

and she didn't like the score.

"X" over "2Y",
over square root...

I know I showed him
how to do this right.

Meanwhile, I was finally getting
into the swing of things.

Okay, Chris, in
yesterday's game,

Darryl Strawberry batted .500
with six at bats.

How many hits did he get?

Okay, "A" equals
the number of at bats,

which is six.

And "B" equals the batting average.

- Which is?
- .500.

And .500 equals "H",

which is the number of hits over six.

So if you multiply both sides
of the equation by six,

you will see that
the number of hits is...

- three.
- That's right.

You got three in a row!

Can we do another one?

Okay, you work out another one.

Get this door...

Mama, I need your help.

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion
of as the ghetto term.

When my mother found out

I was going behind
her back for tutoring,

she was her usual understanding self.

Chris, how come you
just didn't say something

instead of sneaking around?

What else are you learning on the side?
English? Science? History?

Where does it stop?!

One day, she caught me speaking Latin
and kicked me out of the house.

I'm sorry, Ma.
I just needed to get some help.

Oh, so I just rassled you to the ground
and stopped you from learning?

Rochelle, all you did
was holler at the boy.

My mother was hollering at her boy

long before it was cool
to holla at your boy.

Is that what you told her?

He didn't have to tell me, I know you.

You are impatient.

You couldn't teach a rock
how to hit the ground if you dropped it.

Now, all you got to do
is fall straight down.

Didn't I tell you to hit the ground?!

Are you saying I don't know
how to raise my children?

See, that's another thing:
you don't listen.

If he just did what I said,
we wouldn't have a problem!

I did what you said.
That's why we're here.

Did you hear what I said?
Better yet, do you hear yourself?

Are you telling me
I don't know what I'm doing?

Yes.

Don't ask me, ask him.

I'll tell her, and you tell everyone

my last words were
"Thanks a lot, Grandma."

So you're just gonna stand
there, look me in my face

and tell me I didn't help you,
not one little teeny, tiny little bit.

- Yes!
- No.

- No?
- Yes?

Okay, well, I'm gonna take
my little behind home.

I had reached the end of my rope,

and Risky had reached
the end of the road.

Hey, Julius.

Man, where's your uniform?

Yeah, I got to talk to you about that.

Man, look, I told you,
we're not selling your stuff out here.

I'm not going out with you.

I'm gonna have to quit.

Quit? Man, we got work to do!

You can't just up and quit every
time you don't like something.

It works for Terrell Owens.

This ain't my thing.
I'm a businessman.

You can't compete with these
crackheads around here.

- You told me that.
- Yeah, I know, I know.

Well, what you gonna do?

Get off the streets.
Open up a storefront. Go legit.

- A business?
- Yeah.

- You?
- Yeah!

That's kind of risky, ain't it?

What's in the box?

This is that new stereo
you were looking at.

My way of saying thanks.

I appreciate it.

Ah, stop, man, stop.

It's $20.

What?

It was $50.

Back home, Tonya was continuing
to undo the work of Abraham Lincoln.

Drew, hand me the remote.

No.
I'm sick of you.

You get it.

Daddy!

Go ahead. What are you gonna
tell him, that I broke his chair?

Yep.

But you told him you did it.

So if you tell him I did it,
I'm gonna tell Mama you lied on me.

You're gonna have to tell her either you
lied this time or you lied that time.

And either way, you lied.

So if I get a beating from him,

you're gonna get a beating from her.

So you want to tell or you want
to get up and get that remote?

Drew stamped Tonya's blackmail
"Return to sender."

What is it?

Never mind.

Ohand, uh, while you're up,

make sure you get me some popcorn.

One standoff down, one to go.

Ma? Are you okay?

I'm fine.

You're not mad?

No. Why would you think that?

Because those mashed potatoes
just started bleeding.

You know I didn't mean to upset you.

Who's upset?
I'm not upset.

You want to learn algebra
with your grandma,

- that's fine by me.
- It is?

No, it's not.

Why would you go running
to her instead of me?

What was wrong with the
way I was teaching you?

- Everything.
- Nothing.

Something.

It's just that the way
you were teaching me, I couldn't get it.

Well, I was doing the best I could.

I know, and that's okay.

Because there's a lot
of other things I learn from you.

Yeah, like,
don't put plaids and stripes together.

And don't leave fake leather
on the radiator,

'cause it'll melt.

And, don't answer the phone
past 7pm

because it's probably a bill collector.

The advice about white girls
was priceless.

I'm sorry, baby.

I just wanted to be the one to help you.

- How's everything going?
- Better.

Better's not good enough.
We're calling your grandma.

My mother hated to ask
my grandmother for help.

So I knew I had a choice:
learn or die.

Okay, "10N" equals 40.

"N" equals four.

Nine plus "9X" equals nine.

"X" equals zero.

144 equals minus 12

times "X" plus five.

Minus 17.

Oh! Good job, baby.

"3N"

minus five equals

negative-eight times six

plus "5N".

"N" equals negative one.

Look like somebody
gonna get some pizza!

If all studying were
rewarded with pizza,

then Charles Barkley
would've won a Nobel Prize.

We waited for the results
of the test.

But I knew for sure that I had
knocked it out of the park.

Chris, you got
every single answer wrong.

- What?!
- Because of you, we don't get pizza.

Calm down, everybody!

- Guys!
- Nice going, mud bone.

Wait, how could I get
every single one wrong?

- There must be some mistake.
- There was.

Unfortunately, you made it.

You answered question one on line two.

Subsequently, all the answers
that followed were wrong.

Isn't that how Bush got elected?

If you hadn't done that,
you would've scored 100.

But you did, so you didn't.

This where the pizzas go?

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