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1
00:00:03,919 --> 00:00:05,437
Listen Baby...
2
00:00:05,438 --> 00:00:07,662
Why don't I come over.
3
00:00:07,663 --> 00:00:10,064
We'll throw on some Anita Baker
4
00:00:10,065 --> 00:00:12,333
and see where
the night takes us.
5
00:00:12,334 --> 00:00:15,002
(singing off-key):
* Sweet love... *
6
00:00:15,003 --> 00:00:16,671
(phone ringing)
7
00:00:16,672 --> 00:00:19,340
(continues ringing)
8
00:00:19,341 --> 00:00:21,742
Sorry, baby. It's go-time.
9
00:00:23,879 --> 00:00:25,246
When?
10
00:00:25,247 --> 00:00:26,814
(phone rings)
11
00:00:26,815 --> 00:00:28,149
Hello?
12
00:00:28,150 --> 00:00:29,984
General Murray's on his
way to inspect the post.
13
00:00:29,985 --> 00:00:31,919
Start prepping. How
soon will he be here?
14
00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:32,987
Two days.
15
00:00:32,988 --> 00:00:34,689
Then why do we
have to do this now?
16
00:00:34,690 --> 00:00:36,257
Because it's the General Murray!
17
00:00:36,258 --> 00:00:37,525
Do I have to come down there
18
00:00:37,526 --> 00:00:39,093
and put my fake foot
in your real butt?
19
00:00:39,094 --> 00:00:40,094
Surprise inspection.
20
00:00:40,095 --> 00:00:41,529
(gasps) Wake up!
21
00:00:41,530 --> 00:00:44,532
Yes, Sergeant! Are you
kidding? It's 2:00 a.m.
22
00:00:44,533 --> 00:00:46,667
General Murray's on his
way to inspect us. Hurry up.
23
00:00:46,668 --> 00:00:48,035
Cody's obsessed with that guy.
24
00:00:48,036 --> 00:00:51,038
He always finds something wrong.
Everyone knows it's pointless.
25
00:00:51,039 --> 00:00:52,940
Living quarters ready! Hooah!
26
00:00:52,941 --> 00:00:54,175
Randy doesn't count.
27
00:00:54,176 --> 00:00:55,607
This will go quickly
as long as you
28
00:00:55,608 --> 00:00:57,864
don't have any contraband.
Like that hot plate
29
00:00:57,865 --> 00:00:59,046
you got sitting
there on your fridge.
30
00:00:59,047 --> 00:01:00,381
What do you even
have that thing for?
31
00:01:00,382 --> 00:01:02,149
You know I'm a soup guy.
What, am I supposed
32
00:01:02,150 --> 00:01:04,352
to bake my pepper pot bisque in
the microwave like some animal?
33
00:01:04,353 --> 00:01:05,453
Got to confiscate it.
34
00:01:05,454 --> 00:01:07,054
This is the part of
the Army that I hate.
35
00:01:07,055 --> 00:01:08,489
There's no reason
to take this away.
36
00:01:08,490 --> 00:01:10,685
Having a little bowl of soup
every once in a while
37
00:01:10,686 --> 00:01:11,959
is the only thing
that makes me happy,
38
00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:13,628
and by that I mean
eases my depression
39
00:01:13,629 --> 00:01:14,996
into a bearable sadness.
40
00:01:14,997 --> 00:01:16,464
You know what? Fine.
41
00:01:16,465 --> 00:01:17,965
It's early.
42
00:01:17,966 --> 00:01:20,902
I'm tired. I think
it's a stupid rule, too.
43
00:01:20,903 --> 00:01:22,403
Just hide it, all right?
44
00:01:22,404 --> 00:01:26,140
Wow. I can't believe you're
being so chill about this.
45
00:01:27,209 --> 00:01:28,809
I'm gonna hug you.
46
00:01:28,810 --> 00:01:30,044
What?
47
00:01:32,247 --> 00:01:33,981
I'm gonna make you the
best damn bowl of bisque
48
00:01:33,982 --> 00:01:35,349
you've ever had.
49
00:01:36,552 --> 00:01:38,219
Permission to love
you too, Sergeant.
50
00:01:38,220 --> 00:01:40,321
Just... get off.
51
00:01:40,322 --> 00:01:44,192
CODY: The Army is filled with
troops on heroic missions,
52
00:01:44,193 --> 00:01:45,626
and then there's us.
53
00:01:45,627 --> 00:01:47,695
We take care of things at home.
54
00:01:47,696 --> 00:01:49,864
We are the Rear Detachment.
55
00:01:49,865 --> 00:01:52,333
Yes, we're soldiers.
56
00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:57,782
Sync and corrections by brayanatsix
www.addic7ed.com
57
00:01:59,608 --> 00:02:02,376
PETE: At ease.
58
00:02:02,377 --> 00:02:03,544
What the hell?
59
00:02:07,716 --> 00:02:09,450
You look like a
bunch of Bratz dolls.
60
00:02:09,451 --> 00:02:11,252
Thanks, Chill Pete.
61
00:02:11,253 --> 00:02:13,721
And thank you for letting
us express ourselves.
62
00:02:13,722 --> 00:02:15,623
My morale is at a peak.
63
00:02:15,624 --> 00:02:16,958
I'm playing Donkey Kong!
64
00:02:16,959 --> 00:02:18,893
Sorry. I thought you
asked me what I was doing.
65
00:02:18,894 --> 00:02:19,794
What is going on?
66
00:02:19,795 --> 00:02:22,063
Derrick told them
you're chill now.
67
00:02:22,064 --> 00:02:24,599
All I said was that you
were cool about my hot plate.
68
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:26,267
And hey, what's wrong
with being Chill Pete?
69
00:02:26,268 --> 00:02:27,768
He's so much better
than "Shouty Pete."
70
00:02:27,769 --> 00:02:29,871
Do you understand we're
getting inspected?!
71
00:02:29,872 --> 00:02:31,405
Okay, Shouty Pete's a bummer.
72
00:02:31,406 --> 00:02:32,607
Look at these dog tags.
73
00:02:32,608 --> 00:02:34,141
"Blood type: Tiger"?
74
00:02:34,142 --> 00:02:37,645
Oh, it's supposed to say "Tigger,"
'cause everywhere I go, I bounce on tail.
75
00:02:37,646 --> 00:02:39,213
That went from cute to gross.
76
00:02:39,214 --> 00:02:42,216
Just put it all away before
Sergeant Major Cody sees you.
77
00:02:42,217 --> 00:02:45,319
CODY (over P.A.): Sergeant Hill!
There are cameras in here.
78
00:02:46,955 --> 00:02:48,656
Smile, y'all. We on camera.
79
00:02:48,657 --> 00:02:50,558
I look good, right?
80
00:02:50,559 --> 00:02:52,560
It was a miscommunication.
81
00:02:52,561 --> 00:02:54,128
What miscommunication
lets Private Park think
82
00:02:54,129 --> 00:02:56,230
she can walk around
wearing kitty earrings?
83
00:02:56,231 --> 00:02:58,266
(knocking) Hey-o.
84
00:02:58,267 --> 00:03:00,201
Word has it General Murray's
gonna inspect the post.
85
00:03:00,202 --> 00:03:01,569
CODY: Indeed he is.
86
00:03:01,570 --> 00:03:03,838
General Murray is my mentor
87
00:03:03,839 --> 00:03:06,107
and the standard by which
all Army soldiers are judged.
88
00:03:06,108 --> 00:03:07,608
Yeah, he's my bro.
89
00:03:07,609 --> 00:03:09,410
We all need "bros."
90
00:03:09,411 --> 00:03:10,811
West Point peeps!
91
00:03:10,812 --> 00:03:12,965
Anyway, our sole objective
92
00:03:12,966 --> 00:03:14,815
is to make this Army
post worthy of his visit.
93
00:03:14,816 --> 00:03:16,751
Headline is... I agree with you.
94
00:03:16,752 --> 00:03:18,286
But I feel like the
meal we're cooking
95
00:03:18,287 --> 00:03:20,988
- needs a few more calories.
- What's he talking about?
96
00:03:20,989 --> 00:03:22,690
I don't know. There's a headline
and we're cooking something.
97
00:03:22,691 --> 00:03:25,026
My boy Chad who
works at the Pentagon
98
00:03:25,027 --> 00:03:28,496
told me General Murray goes
ping-ping for air shows.
99
00:03:28,497 --> 00:03:31,432
So I've arranged for
a squadron of Apaches
100
00:03:31,433 --> 00:03:33,267
to fly over in formation.
101
00:03:33,268 --> 00:03:35,036
So, bullet points...
102
00:03:35,037 --> 00:03:37,872
amuse-bouche,
entree and dessert.
103
00:03:37,873 --> 00:03:39,807
(beeps) I gotta take this text.
104
00:03:39,808 --> 00:03:41,943
West Point.
105
00:03:41,944 --> 00:03:44,779
It can produce a legendary
leader like General Murray,
106
00:03:44,780 --> 00:03:46,514
or drop a deuce like that guy.
107
00:03:46,515 --> 00:03:48,683
I know. That guy's
the worst, right?
108
00:03:48,684 --> 00:03:49,984
Oh, no, we're not bonding here!
109
00:03:49,985 --> 00:03:51,886
You need to get your
head in the game.
110
00:03:51,887 --> 00:03:53,521
This is no ordinary inspection.
111
00:03:53,522 --> 00:03:55,523
I guess I'm not
just as ping-ping
112
00:03:55,524 --> 00:03:56,724
as you are for this.
113
00:03:56,725 --> 00:03:57,859
Retract whatever those are.
114
00:03:59,361 --> 00:04:01,395
PETE: So, what am I looking at?
115
00:04:01,396 --> 00:04:03,898
The only award Fort
McGee has ever won:
116
00:04:03,899 --> 00:04:06,795
"Best Irish-Named Army
Post in South Florida...
117
00:04:06,796 --> 00:04:07,735
Runner-Up."
118
00:04:07,736 --> 00:04:08,736
That's depressing.
119
00:04:08,737 --> 00:04:11,072
If you get us a perfect
inspection score,
120
00:04:11,073 --> 00:04:13,808
General Murray will
award us Top Gold Honors.
121
00:04:13,809 --> 00:04:15,209
I know you're trying
to manipulate me
122
00:04:15,210 --> 00:04:16,344
by appealing to my ego.
123
00:04:16,345 --> 00:04:18,312
Are you gonna win us
our very first trophy?
124
00:04:18,313 --> 00:04:20,214
My brain can't help
but respond to this.
125
00:04:20,215 --> 00:04:22,717
I can literally feel my
dopamine levels rising.
126
00:04:22,718 --> 00:04:24,886
You'd be a hero on this post.
127
00:04:24,887 --> 00:04:26,621
Hero?
128
00:04:29,057 --> 00:04:31,058
(distant crowd cheering)
129
00:04:32,694 --> 00:04:34,695
Hooah!
130
00:04:34,696 --> 00:04:36,731
It's just so damn easy.
131
00:04:36,732 --> 00:04:38,032
What's with him?
132
00:04:38,033 --> 00:04:40,735
He's excited about his
General Murray detail.
133
00:04:40,736 --> 00:04:42,570
Want to hear yours?
134
00:04:42,571 --> 00:04:44,238
Fill this fridge with snacks.
135
00:04:44,239 --> 00:04:45,373
Seriously?
136
00:04:45,374 --> 00:04:46,841
General Murray has
an eclectic palate.
137
00:04:46,842 --> 00:04:48,209
Here's his rider.
138
00:04:48,210 --> 00:04:50,945
His rider?
What is he, a rock star?
139
00:04:50,946 --> 00:04:53,681
Eh, more like an "Iraq star."
140
00:04:53,682 --> 00:04:55,583
(laughs) No?
141
00:04:55,584 --> 00:04:57,552
I was kind of hoping
for something bigger.
142
00:04:57,553 --> 00:04:59,754
This is the only detail
that guarantees you
143
00:04:59,755 --> 00:05:01,522
General Murray face time.
144
00:05:01,523 --> 00:05:02,790
You mean, like
one-on-one?
145
00:05:02,791 --> 00:05:05,026
Or am I saying
actual words to him?
146
00:05:05,027 --> 00:05:06,861
Or maybe he's saying
stuff, and I'm just nodding.
147
00:05:06,862 --> 00:05:08,663
Or wait, is he nodding at me?
148
00:05:08,664 --> 00:05:10,398
Oh, my God, he's nodding at me.
149
00:05:10,399 --> 00:05:12,967
General Murray can promote
you with the snap of a finger.
150
00:05:17,072 --> 00:05:19,073
Snack detail! Hooah!
151
00:05:19,074 --> 00:05:21,375
(quietly): It's so damn easy.
152
00:05:21,376 --> 00:05:23,578
GUMBLE: You should
have been there, George.
153
00:05:23,579 --> 00:05:26,113
You would have loved it! (all laugh)
154
00:05:26,114 --> 00:05:27,315
Hey, Chill Pete.
155
00:05:27,316 --> 00:05:28,416
Hey, brother,
156
00:05:28,417 --> 00:05:30,585
that soup is simmering
back at the barracks.
157
00:05:30,586 --> 00:05:32,587
And when it blows
your taste buds,
158
00:05:32,588 --> 00:05:34,422
don't blame me,
blame the nutmeg.
159
00:05:34,423 --> 00:05:36,257
No taste buds will
be blown, Corporal.
160
00:05:36,258 --> 00:05:38,326
Oh, no. You don't want soup,
161
00:05:38,327 --> 00:05:39,494
you're using formal language.
162
00:05:39,495 --> 00:05:41,262
I can see you're clenching
through your pants.
163
00:05:41,263 --> 00:05:42,463
Atten-tion!
164
00:05:42,464 --> 00:05:44,632
This is a different chill.
This is a bad chill.
165
00:05:44,633 --> 00:05:47,401
I'm here to confiscate
all y'alls contraband!
166
00:05:47,402 --> 00:05:48,169
Even mine?
167
00:05:48,170 --> 00:05:49,804
All y'alls!
168
00:05:49,805 --> 00:05:51,272
No, no, no, they're
not clip-ons!
169
00:05:51,273 --> 00:05:53,274
Okay, they're clip-ons.
170
00:05:53,275 --> 00:05:55,309
That's the source of my power!
171
00:05:55,310 --> 00:05:57,912
But it gives me peace!
172
00:05:57,913 --> 00:06:00,181
I got no defense.
173
00:06:00,849 --> 00:06:02,116
Chill Pete is gone.
174
00:06:02,117 --> 00:06:03,017
(groans)
175
00:06:03,018 --> 00:06:04,652
Hard Ass Pete is here to stay!
176
00:06:04,653 --> 00:06:06,788
Hey, y'all, what'd I miss?
177
00:06:07,956 --> 00:06:10,358
My inspiration was a
pimp that was a mermaid.
178
00:06:10,359 --> 00:06:12,393
What?! I think I captured that.
179
00:06:16,521 --> 00:06:17,922
We have an inspection coming up.
180
00:06:19,357 --> 00:06:21,358
Man, you owe me six dollars.
181
00:06:21,359 --> 00:06:24,161
It'll be conducted by the
legendary General Murray,
182
00:06:24,162 --> 00:06:27,131
and if done right, we will
win that Top Gold trophy.
183
00:06:27,132 --> 00:06:28,199
Now how's that sound?
184
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:30,167
Like being eaten
alive by a walrus.
185
00:06:30,168 --> 00:06:31,335
I want my earrings back.
186
00:06:31,336 --> 00:06:32,636
Do you know me at all?
187
00:06:32,637 --> 00:06:33,971
Wrong answers.
188
00:06:33,972 --> 00:06:35,806
We're gonna make
this post perfect
189
00:06:35,807 --> 00:06:37,942
and look as squared
away as that stud
190
00:06:37,943 --> 00:06:40,144
hanging on that poster up there.
191
00:06:40,145 --> 00:06:41,212
Oh. Hey, that... Oh! Ooh!
192
00:06:41,213 --> 00:06:42,513
PARK: Hey! Hey. Wait a minute.
193
00:06:42,514 --> 00:06:44,482
You hung up your own poster?
194
00:06:44,483 --> 00:06:45,883
I would never.
195
00:06:45,884 --> 00:06:46,984
He let me do it.
196
00:06:48,153 --> 00:06:49,220
This is such a crock.
197
00:06:49,221 --> 00:06:50,654
And not the kind
that you set on low
198
00:06:50,655 --> 00:06:52,356
so you can leave the house,
come back ten hours later
199
00:06:52,357 --> 00:06:53,791
to a decadent orgy of flavors.
200
00:06:53,792 --> 00:06:54,892
That reminds me.
201
00:06:58,230 --> 00:07:00,931
No! This was ranked number
one in Soup Enthusiast!
202
00:07:00,932 --> 00:07:02,333
They gave it five ladles!
203
00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:05,069
All it is to me is contraband.
204
00:07:05,070 --> 00:07:07,638
I thought we were on
the same page for once!
205
00:07:07,639 --> 00:07:09,373
I hugged you. I hugged you!
206
00:07:09,374 --> 00:07:12,543
Last I checked, the Army
didn't bend the rules for hugs.
207
00:07:12,544 --> 00:07:14,044
It's a hard truth,
but he's right, Derrick.
208
00:07:14,045 --> 00:07:15,513
You know what, Corporal?
209
00:07:15,514 --> 00:07:17,214
Your insubordination has
earned you the pleasure
210
00:07:17,215 --> 00:07:18,916
of mowing every
lawn on this post.
211
00:07:18,917 --> 00:07:21,051
Fine, but know this...
212
00:07:21,052 --> 00:07:22,253
(whispers): I will have my revenge.
213
00:07:22,254 --> 00:07:23,654
Okay.
214
00:07:23,655 --> 00:07:27,691
And revenge is a dish best
served (blows air) cold,
215
00:07:27,692 --> 00:07:28,993
much like a gazpacho.
216
00:07:28,994 --> 00:07:31,228
(snaps fingers)
I am gonna gazpacho your ass.
217
00:07:31,229 --> 00:07:32,429
Is that even a threat?
218
00:07:32,430 --> 00:07:33,931
It is in the soup community.
219
00:07:33,932 --> 00:07:37,001
Sergeant Perez, you should
be out getting those snacks.
220
00:07:37,002 --> 00:07:38,135
Understood, Sergeant Major,
221
00:07:38,136 --> 00:07:40,237
but some of this
stuff is just so weird.
222
00:07:40,238 --> 00:07:41,805
I mean, where do they even carry
223
00:07:41,806 --> 00:07:44,341
"That pudding endorsed
by Gloria Estefan"?
224
00:07:44,342 --> 00:07:45,743
Gloria Este-flan?
225
00:07:45,744 --> 00:07:47,344
Chocolate, vanilla,
or tres leches?
226
00:07:47,345 --> 00:07:49,246
Private Hill, I want you
227
00:07:49,247 --> 00:07:51,182
to help Sergeant Perez
in her snack detail.
228
00:07:51,183 --> 00:07:52,616
Clearly, she needs it.
229
00:07:52,617 --> 00:07:54,718
It was just that one pudding
thing, Sergeant Major.
230
00:07:54,719 --> 00:07:56,187
I don't need help! I...
231
00:07:56,188 --> 00:07:58,589
Private Randy Hill
reporting for duty.
232
00:07:58,590 --> 00:08:00,424
(? la Bill Cosby): We're gonna get
some Jell-O pudding.
233
00:08:00,425 --> 00:08:02,092
Is that supposed
to be Bill Cosby?
234
00:08:02,093 --> 00:08:04,428
Listening to jazz
music in the basement.
235
00:08:04,429 --> 00:08:08,466
Theo's got to go to school
so I can deliver the babies.
236
00:08:08,467 --> 00:08:10,234
(normal voice):
Hey, Sergeant Perez, wait up!
237
00:08:10,235 --> 00:08:12,069
PEREZ: This list is inSane.
238
00:08:12,070 --> 00:08:16,240
I mean, where am I gonna find "Goji
juice, black chewing gum, moose jerky"?
239
00:08:16,241 --> 00:08:19,410
The co-op, the gun store, guy
in a van behind the gun store.
240
00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:21,879
Seriously? How do you know that?
241
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,514
I help put together
care packages,
242
00:08:23,515 --> 00:08:27,284
so I know where to find any soldier
comfort item in a ten-mile radius.
243
00:08:27,285 --> 00:08:30,821
This is amazing.
You might actually help me.
244
00:08:30,822 --> 00:08:35,392
Thanks. I mean, I think that
you will find that I'm...
245
00:08:35,393 --> 00:08:37,661
Boom! Reflexes like a cat!
246
00:08:37,662 --> 00:08:39,563
Okay. (clears throat) Whoa!
247
00:08:40,332 --> 00:08:41,499
Leave it! Leave it!
248
00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:43,968
(clears throat)
To the gun store!
249
00:08:43,969 --> 00:08:46,737
General Murray gonna
be here in 18 hours!
250
00:08:46,738 --> 00:08:48,339
This motor pool
needs to be spotless!
251
00:08:48,340 --> 00:08:50,107
I want to be able to
eat off this floor!
252
00:08:51,009 --> 00:08:52,443
I feel like I'm in Annie.
253
00:08:53,945 --> 00:08:56,347
Uh, not sharp enough.
254
00:08:56,348 --> 00:08:58,415
Gummy worms!
255
00:08:58,416 --> 00:08:58,415
Gummy worms!
256
00:08:58,416 --> 00:09:00,251
Whoopie Pie! Whoopie Pie.
257
00:09:00,986 --> 00:09:02,953
I want to join the Army.
258
00:09:07,492 --> 00:09:08,759
Not even close.
259
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:10,961
Who was responsible for
cleaning this area? Gumble.
260
00:09:10,962 --> 00:09:12,297
- Tanisha. - It is you.
- No.- Not Tanisha.
261
00:09:12,298 --> 00:09:14,298
Can I get a straight
answer, please?
262
00:09:17,035 --> 00:09:19,136
Not shiny enough.
263
00:09:19,137 --> 00:09:20,671
(squeaking)
264
00:09:21,807 --> 00:09:24,508
I want to be able
to eat off of it.
265
00:09:25,677 --> 00:09:28,145
RANDY: Let me get a
bag of moose jerky.
266
00:09:29,681 --> 00:09:31,382
(sniffs)
267
00:09:32,918 --> 00:09:35,886
We're not paying you... for elk.
268
00:09:35,887 --> 00:09:37,154
(gasps)
269
00:09:44,362 --> 00:09:46,230
I'm still tasting floor.
270
00:09:46,231 --> 00:09:47,898
What is the lesson here?
271
00:09:50,869 --> 00:09:53,604
Not reverent enough.
272
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:04,519
Dobkiss, what the
hell are you doing?
273
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,488
It's a topiary dog.
274
00:10:06,489 --> 00:10:08,490
Don't call me dawg.
I'm your sergeant.
275
00:10:08,491 --> 00:10:10,225
No, it's a topiary dog.
276
00:10:10,226 --> 00:10:13,362
That's what I made.
It's a schnauzer.
277
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,397
General Murray wants
to see right angles.
278
00:10:16,432 --> 00:10:18,200
Son of a bitch!
279
00:10:19,235 --> 00:10:20,535
Corporal Hill!
280
00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:22,437
Glad to see you're on board.
281
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:26,174
He's not on board.
282
00:10:30,813 --> 00:10:34,049
Lieutenant Schneeberger's
not the only one with dazzle!
283
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,685
This is General Murray's
beloved Humvee, Betty Lou.
284
00:10:36,686 --> 00:10:38,353
Had her shipped from Fallujah.
285
00:10:38,354 --> 00:10:40,622
"Go home, Yankee
Bluejeans." Nice.
286
00:10:40,623 --> 00:10:42,891
I can't wait to see the smile
on General Murray's face.
287
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,092
I've never seen him smile.
288
00:10:44,093 --> 00:10:45,360
No one has.
289
00:10:45,361 --> 00:10:47,229
See that she gets
cleaned up by tomorrow.
290
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:48,897
ALL: Aw...! I don't
want to do that.
291
00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:50,732
Do you want to win that
Top Gold trophy or not?!
292
00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:51,733
ALL: No!
293
00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:52,901
I want to go to sleep.
294
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:54,069
Morning, sir.
295
00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:56,471
Oh, boy.
296
00:10:56,472 --> 00:10:59,308
Humvee? More like Bumvee.
297
00:10:59,309 --> 00:11:00,876
Schneeberg out.
298
00:11:00,877 --> 00:11:02,911
That guy sucks.
299
00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:05,314
I'd like to beat him
with a bag of tangerines.
300
00:11:05,315 --> 00:11:07,449
PETE: Three hours till
the general gets here.
301
00:11:07,450 --> 00:11:08,450
Now, come on.
302
00:11:08,451 --> 00:11:11,320
Good Lord, how many
knobs must I polish?
303
00:11:11,321 --> 00:11:13,121
(laughter) PETE:
Don't laugh at that.
304
00:11:13,122 --> 00:11:14,089
Keep working.
305
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,424
Can we please stop to eat?
306
00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:17,726
Gumble's got the grumbles.
307
00:11:17,727 --> 00:11:19,061
Never say that again.
308
00:11:19,062 --> 00:11:21,296
I'm sorry, when I get
hungry I get adorable.
309
00:11:21,297 --> 00:11:22,597
I don't care if
you're all starving.
310
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,233
What do y'all got there?
311
00:11:25,234 --> 00:11:26,902
More like what
don't we got there.
312
00:11:26,903 --> 00:11:28,770
(Randy shushing)
313
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:30,505
What?
314
00:11:30,506 --> 00:11:32,174
Hey!
315
00:11:35,645 --> 00:11:37,746
Do you think this
stuff is safe here?
316
00:11:37,747 --> 00:11:39,014
Yeah, it'll be fine.
317
00:11:39,015 --> 00:11:41,683
(quietly):
I don't... I don't know.
318
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,288
(yells)
319
00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:47,522
That's creepy.
320
00:11:47,523 --> 00:11:48,657
We need to stand guard.
321
00:11:48,658 --> 00:11:49,658
I don't have time for that.
322
00:11:49,659 --> 00:11:50,726
I have to prep my uniform.
323
00:11:50,727 --> 00:11:52,094
I have to check on my troops.
324
00:11:52,095 --> 00:11:54,363
Then I shall stand guard.
325
00:11:54,364 --> 00:11:55,530
Whatever floats your boat.
326
00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,277
(razor buzzes)
327
00:12:11,381 --> 00:12:13,515
Chubowski, you look...
328
00:12:13,516 --> 00:12:14,549
lean.
329
00:12:14,550 --> 00:12:16,351
A lady never
reveals her secrets.
330
00:12:16,352 --> 00:12:18,587
But man-to-man...
331
00:12:18,588 --> 00:12:20,188
I'm wearing a girdle.
332
00:12:23,059 --> 00:12:24,893
You guys look great.
333
00:12:24,894 --> 00:12:26,995
I got to admit, for
the first time ever
334
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:28,764
I actually feel
like a real soldier.
335
00:12:31,267 --> 00:12:32,367
Me, too, Sergeant.
(clears throat)
336
00:12:32,368 --> 00:12:33,835
Where were you, Corporal?
337
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:35,404
Just had to finish
mowing the lawns.
338
00:12:35,405 --> 00:12:37,706
I had to make sure
I did it just right.
339
00:12:37,707 --> 00:12:39,841
Put your game faces on.
340
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:42,911
Well, isn't this a surprise.
341
00:12:42,912 --> 00:12:44,246
Thank you, Sergeant Major.
342
00:12:44,247 --> 00:12:47,049
I'd just like to
say to all of you
343
00:12:47,050 --> 00:12:49,051
that I've never been
more proud of you
344
00:12:49,052 --> 00:12:51,987
than I am at this moment.
345
00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:54,122
Top Honors or not,
346
00:12:54,123 --> 00:12:56,592
we've already won.
347
00:13:03,766 --> 00:13:05,000
Hey, folks, no bigs.
348
00:13:05,001 --> 00:13:06,568
General Murray's not coming.
349
00:13:06,569 --> 00:13:08,070
What? Is he with the president?
350
00:13:08,071 --> 00:13:10,038
Are we at war?
No, he's at SeaWorld.
351
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:11,039
SeaWorld?
352
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,909
General Murray would never shirk
his official duty for R&R.
353
00:13:13,910 --> 00:13:17,179
Message was "Canceling official
duties to take some R&R at SeaWorld."
354
00:13:17,180 --> 00:13:18,547
Hey, Stacey, yeah.
355
00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:19,681
Need to cancel that flyover.
356
00:13:19,682 --> 00:13:21,183
It's Schneeberger.
357
00:13:21,184 --> 00:13:23,151
Just like it sounds.
358
00:13:23,152 --> 00:13:24,720
Are you all right,
Sergeant Major?
359
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:30,592
The man by which I define myself
just blew me off to feed Shamu.
360
00:13:30,593 --> 00:13:32,861
Well, I-I don't think you
actually get to feed Shamu.
361
00:13:32,862 --> 00:13:34,229
Are you helping?
362
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,441
(muffled yelling)
363
00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:00,289
Ah, Sergeant Major, I
just want to get an idea
364
00:14:00,290 --> 00:14:02,357
of what your thoughts
were going forward.
365
00:14:02,358 --> 00:14:05,160
Obviously none of this matters.
366
00:14:05,161 --> 00:14:06,662
So do whatever you want!
367
00:14:13,369 --> 00:14:16,004
Well, screw this.
368
00:14:16,005 --> 00:14:17,306
We all like Schneeberger, right?
369
00:14:17,307 --> 00:14:18,674
He's, like, part
of the gang now?
370
00:14:18,675 --> 00:14:20,442
Ooh.
371
00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,611
The sweet relief.
372
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:24,146
Did you do this?
373
00:14:24,147 --> 00:14:28,283
I-I had something planned,
but this is much better.
374
00:14:32,804 --> 00:14:35,305
Chubowski. Where is everyone?
375
00:14:35,306 --> 00:14:36,640
I believe my colleagues think
376
00:14:36,641 --> 00:14:37,875
they have the rest
of the day off.
377
00:14:37,876 --> 00:14:39,977
Because Sergeant Major
blew off some steam?
378
00:14:39,978 --> 00:14:42,446
Seriously? It's over.
379
00:14:42,447 --> 00:14:44,081
CODY: Attention, all soldiers.
380
00:14:44,082 --> 00:14:45,215
You worked hard for no reason.
381
00:14:45,216 --> 00:14:46,817
So who gives a crap today?
382
00:14:46,818 --> 00:14:49,086
Now enjoy some Anita Baker.
383
00:14:49,087 --> 00:14:51,422
ANITA BAKER: * I'm in love *
384
00:14:51,423 --> 00:14:53,424
Sweet love
385
00:14:53,425 --> 00:14:56,260
I lost my innocence
to this song.
386
00:14:56,261 --> 00:14:58,228
Hear me calling
out your name.
387
00:14:59,197 --> 00:15:00,864
What are you doing here?
388
00:15:00,865 --> 00:15:01,999
I thought the general flaked.
389
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:03,600
I didn't hear
anything about that.
390
00:15:03,601 --> 00:15:04,868
Yup, so I guess we get
391
00:15:04,869 --> 00:15:07,104
to dig in to that booty!
392
00:15:07,105 --> 00:15:08,572
You don't have clearance.
393
00:15:08,573 --> 00:15:10,341
I'm gonna get that candy, dawg.
394
00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:12,242
I want some Rolos, son!
395
00:15:12,243 --> 00:15:14,845
I'm sorry... sons.
396
00:15:21,619 --> 00:15:24,154
(soldiers chattering)
DERRICK: Oh!
397
00:15:24,155 --> 00:15:26,156
There we go! Go get
the-the hammer thing!
398
00:15:26,157 --> 00:15:29,126
Hey, this screen is to be
used for satellite maps.
399
00:15:29,127 --> 00:15:30,861
And n-now it's for Donkey Kong!
400
00:15:30,862 --> 00:15:32,563
(all laughing) He's jumping
on Sergeant Hill's head.
401
00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:34,098
I don't get it.
402
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:36,667
It must be difficult having no
authority over us today, huh?
403
00:15:36,668 --> 00:15:38,802
I'll tell you what though.
I-I will go away
404
00:15:38,803 --> 00:15:40,537
if you give me
back my hot plate.
405
00:15:40,538 --> 00:15:41,839
Yeah, I gave that to
Sergeant Major Cody
406
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,107
to throw in the trash.
407
00:15:46,911 --> 00:15:49,179
Sweet love
408
00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:51,115
(humming) * Hear me *
409
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:53,784
Calling out your name...
410
00:15:53,785 --> 00:15:54,952
Is this a good time?
411
00:15:54,953 --> 00:15:56,553
It's all good.
412
00:15:56,554 --> 00:15:58,622
You know, having my feet up
413
00:15:58,623 --> 00:16:01,392
on the desk like this
is against the rules.
414
00:16:01,393 --> 00:16:03,394
But I don't give a damn. (laughs)
415
00:16:03,395 --> 00:16:06,463
Some of those rules do seem
pretty arbitrary, don't they?
416
00:16:06,464 --> 00:16:07,731
They sure do.
417
00:16:07,732 --> 00:16:11,001
Like, why does the Army
have a ban on blue pens?
418
00:16:11,002 --> 00:16:12,136
Thank you.
419
00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:13,504
Well, let's see
how they like this.
420
00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:15,239
Careful now, you don't
want to get court-martialed.
421
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,541
Smiley face in blue. (laughs)
422
00:16:17,542 --> 00:16:18,709
(laughing)
423
00:16:18,710 --> 00:16:20,644
Let's have some soup, huh?
424
00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:26,183
We're coming for
that candy, Randy.
425
00:16:26,184 --> 00:16:29,119
You don't have clearance.
426
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,187
GUMBLE: Then it's on.
427
00:16:30,188 --> 00:16:31,622
Like Donkey Kong.
428
00:16:31,623 --> 00:16:32,923
(chittering like an ape)
429
00:16:34,359 --> 00:16:35,592
(chittering like an ape)
430
00:16:35,593 --> 00:16:38,796
(video game sound effects play)
431
00:16:38,797 --> 00:16:40,831
ROBINSON: Randy, why
you throwing barrels?
432
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:46,904
Do, do, do, do, do.
433
00:16:46,905 --> 00:16:48,072
Do, do, do, do, do.
434
00:16:48,073 --> 00:16:49,940
Do,
do-da-loo, do.
435
00:16:49,941 --> 00:16:52,676
(hoots like an ape) Hooah!
(video game music plays)
436
00:16:52,677 --> 00:16:55,245
What are you doing?
437
00:16:55,246 --> 00:16:57,114
Freeing his mind.
438
00:16:57,115 --> 00:16:59,383
Put that filthy soup down,
Sergeant Major.
439
00:16:59,384 --> 00:17:01,118
It is chaos out there.
440
00:17:01,119 --> 00:17:02,886
Who cares?
441
00:17:02,887 --> 00:17:05,522
I work my ass off for
that man every year.
442
00:17:06,925 --> 00:17:08,926
But it was all bull.
443
00:17:10,695 --> 00:17:13,697
I feel stupid
taking it seriously.
444
00:17:13,698 --> 00:17:15,899
You said General
Murray was an idea.
445
00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:17,668
For the past two days,
446
00:17:17,669 --> 00:17:19,903
we become that idea.
447
00:17:19,904 --> 00:17:22,306
You pushed me, I pushed them.
448
00:17:22,307 --> 00:17:23,874
And for the first
time in their lives,
449
00:17:23,875 --> 00:17:25,976
my troops were
proud of their post.
450
00:17:25,977 --> 00:17:29,346
Proud to be soldiers.
451
00:17:29,347 --> 00:17:32,549
So your mentor may
have let you down,
452
00:17:32,550 --> 00:17:34,952
but mine sure as hell didn't.
453
00:17:34,953 --> 00:17:36,687
I know you're trying
to manipulate me
454
00:17:36,688 --> 00:17:38,589
by appealing to my ego.
455
00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:39,990
It's working.
456
00:17:39,991 --> 00:17:42,793
It doesn't matter
if Murray comes.
457
00:17:44,296 --> 00:17:46,830
It's the idea that's important.
458
00:17:46,831 --> 00:17:48,799
Right?
459
00:17:51,336 --> 00:17:52,469
What do you think, Corporal?
460
00:17:52,470 --> 00:17:53,737
(yells)
461
00:17:53,738 --> 00:17:55,673
Just burned my hand really bad.
462
00:17:55,674 --> 00:17:57,007
So I'm kind of turning
the whole corner
463
00:17:57,008 --> 00:17:58,108
on the whole hot plate thing.
464
00:17:58,109 --> 00:17:59,910
It's actually a
really dangerous item.
465
00:17:59,911 --> 00:18:01,946
(phone ringing)
466
00:18:04,215 --> 00:18:06,216
(soldiers chattering, laughing)
467
00:18:10,555 --> 00:18:12,523
You said nothing matters, so...
468
00:18:15,460 --> 00:18:17,094
CODY: General Murray
is on his way!
469
00:18:17,095 --> 00:18:19,063
Clean up this crap or
you'll be doing push-ups
470
00:18:19,064 --> 00:18:20,197
until your pecs explode!
471
00:18:20,198 --> 00:18:23,334
I knew those guys were lying.
472
00:18:23,335 --> 00:18:26,370
Somebody help me with this pool!
473
00:18:28,974 --> 00:18:30,608
What?! What?!
474
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:33,477
I'm not getting a promotion,
so I want candy.
475
00:18:33,478 --> 00:18:35,012
How did you even get in here?
476
00:18:35,013 --> 00:18:36,213
I got skills.
477
00:18:37,382 --> 00:18:39,116
Snack attack!
478
00:18:39,117 --> 00:18:41,986
The general is on
his way right now!
479
00:18:41,987 --> 00:18:43,520
Huh?! For real?
480
00:18:43,521 --> 00:18:44,788
Yes. Oh, God!
481
00:18:44,789 --> 00:18:46,790
I ate all the snacks.
482
00:18:46,791 --> 00:18:48,092
Everything. I ate
all the candy, Randy!
483
00:18:48,093 --> 00:18:49,793
Candy Randy!
484
00:18:49,794 --> 00:18:51,795
Randy Candy, that's a really good
name for a British candy bar.
485
00:18:51,796 --> 00:18:52,796
(British accent): Hello!
486
00:18:52,797 --> 00:18:54,131
I'm chock-full of toffee, I am.
487
00:18:54,132 --> 00:18:56,000
- Toffee's on... I'm Rand...
- I'm Rand...
488
00:18:56,001 --> 00:18:57,368
No, no, stop it!
489
00:18:57,369 --> 00:18:59,136
Get a hold of yourself,
Sergeant Perez!
490
00:18:59,137 --> 00:19:00,904
Okay, we still got
the secret stash.
491
00:19:00,905 --> 00:19:02,306
What secret stash?
492
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:03,907
In that ammo can.
493
00:19:03,908 --> 00:19:05,409
I hid some snacks just in case.
494
00:19:05,410 --> 00:19:06,677
I grew up with brothers.
495
00:19:06,678 --> 00:19:08,145
I learned to keep
my enemies close,
496
00:19:08,146 --> 00:19:09,980
but my snacks closer.
497
00:19:09,981 --> 00:19:13,517
You're a really good
soldier, Private Hill.
498
00:19:13,518 --> 00:19:15,552
I know.
499
00:19:16,621 --> 00:19:19,156
(grunting) As tight as you can.
500
00:19:19,157 --> 00:19:21,392
Atten-hut!
501
00:19:40,812 --> 00:19:42,513
Let's see what
you've got this year.
502
00:19:43,715 --> 00:19:44,748
CODY: So...
503
00:19:44,749 --> 00:19:46,884
that's our post, General.
504
00:19:46,885 --> 00:19:48,385
I hope everything
is to your liking
505
00:19:48,386 --> 00:19:50,921
This inspection has
left me a little peckish.
506
00:19:50,922 --> 00:19:51,689
(clears throat)
507
00:19:54,659 --> 00:19:56,093
Savory or sweet, sir?
508
00:19:57,662 --> 00:19:59,563
Thank you, Sergeant.
509
00:19:59,564 --> 00:20:00,965
Perez, is it?
510
00:20:00,966 --> 00:20:03,234
Hmm.
511
00:20:07,939 --> 00:20:10,074
That was some quality face time.
512
00:20:10,075 --> 00:20:12,076
Thank you so much for
your help, Private.
513
00:20:12,077 --> 00:20:15,145
I'm in love
514
00:20:15,146 --> 00:20:16,714
Sweet love
515
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:19,783
Oh, no.
516
00:20:19,784 --> 00:20:22,453
- * Don't you ever go away. *
- Emotions.
517
00:20:22,454 --> 00:20:24,488
One last detail, General.
518
00:20:29,661 --> 00:20:31,328
Betty Lou?
519
00:20:31,329 --> 00:20:34,932
Sergeant Major,
you son of a gun!
520
00:20:34,933 --> 00:20:36,767
Did you see him
smile? He smiled!
521
00:20:36,768 --> 00:20:39,136
Yeah, I know.
It was kind of scary.
522
00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:41,305
Aw, hell, Sergeant Major.
523
00:20:41,306 --> 00:20:43,607
I haven't found one infraction.
524
00:20:43,608 --> 00:20:47,211
I'm awarding this post
the Top Gold Honors.
525
00:20:47,212 --> 00:20:48,712
We are honored, sir.
526
00:20:48,713 --> 00:20:49,780
(all cheering)
527
00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:51,549
Aw, yeah.
528
00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:54,318
Well, it's no
Blue Angel flyover,
529
00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:57,121
but I did my best to whip
this post into shape, sir.
530
00:20:57,122 --> 00:20:59,123
Well done, Lieutenant.
531
00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:00,624
Your chopper is waiting.
532
00:21:03,194 --> 00:21:05,396
He just took all your credit.
533
00:21:05,397 --> 00:21:06,630
It's all right.
534
00:21:06,631 --> 00:21:08,332
I got my smile.
535
00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:10,234
And I'm gonna get my trophy.
536
00:21:10,235 --> 00:21:11,669
There's no trophy.
537
00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:13,704
(laughs)
538
00:21:13,705 --> 00:21:15,172
Rest.
539
00:21:15,173 --> 00:21:17,074
I guess I should thank you.
540
00:21:17,075 --> 00:21:19,643
You didn't let your little
revenge fantasy ruin the day.
541
00:21:19,644 --> 00:21:23,013
Yeah, about that...
542
00:21:23,014 --> 00:21:24,815
Glad you're happy
with the post, sir.
543
00:21:24,816 --> 00:21:26,850
I oversaw every detail.
544
00:21:26,900 --> 00:21:31,450
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