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God bless America again
2
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You must know the trouble that she's in
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Wash her pretty face
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Dry her eyes and then
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God bless America again
6
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You know
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I wish God would bless America again
8
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Like he did way back there
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When it all began
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He blessed her then
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But we sort of took it for granted
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And didn't ask again
13
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So let's just kinda hold her hand now
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That's all
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In case she stumbles
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Let's don't let her fall
17
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Let's go live to TV 10's Kelly Breen.
18
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It's a big day in Niagara Falls, new York,
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Where the presidential motorcade
20
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Will pass by in a few moments.
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The turnout is pretty much nonexistent,
22
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Which is rather surprising.
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This is the first time
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A president has been here since 1901,
25
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When William mckinley stopped by and was shot.
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God bless America again
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You must know the trouble that she's in
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Wash her pretty face
29
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Dry her eyes and then
30
00:02:37,562 --> 00:02:42,567
God bless America again
31
00:02:42,567 --> 00:02:46,571
Ah-ahh
32
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I don't understand everything I read and hear
33
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About what's wrong with America
34
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When you don't have a lot of book learning
35
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There's many things you don't understand
36
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But I know this much
37
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She's like a mother to me
38
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I love her with all my heart
39
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And let me tell you this, mister
40
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Everything I am or ever hope to be
41
00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:17,602
I owe to her
42
00:03:17,602 --> 00:03:19,504
Topping the president's
Agenda today will be a speech
43
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At the recently closed Hacker defense plant.
44
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Hacker was closed,
10,000 employees laid off
45
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Due to the end of the cold war,
46
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Which rendered useless
47
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The military supplies they produced there.
48
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The public is being encouraged
49
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To not only hear the president,
50
00:03:34,236 --> 00:03:36,738
But also pick up on a bargain.
51
00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:39,141
There are some good deals left on items
52
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Ranging from missiles to light armament.
53
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One of those laid-off employees this morning
54
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Had quite an altercation.
55
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This ex-Hacker employee
56
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Is trying to deface the image of R.J. Hacker,
57
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The chairman of that company.
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He got away before he could be apprehended.
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God bless America again
60
00:04:05,016 --> 00:04:11,907
You must know the trouble that she's in
61
00:04:11,907 --> 00:04:15,911
Wash her pretty face
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Dry her eyes and then
63
00:04:19,915 --> 00:04:27,672
God bless America again
64
00:04:27,672 --> 00:04:35,547
Oh, please God bless America again
65
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Shit!
66
00:05:33,855 --> 00:05:34,756
Meanwhile, in other news,
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Due to the record number of laid-off workers
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00:05:36,858 --> 00:05:38,760
jumping to their death in Niagara Falls,
69
00:05:38,860 --> 00:05:42,264
The city council has just
Approved an incentive program.
70
00:05:42,364 --> 00:05:43,765
Sheriff's deputies who talk
someone out of jumping
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00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:46,368
Will be getting $25.
72
00:05:46,368 --> 00:05:47,769
If they go in to retrieve the body,
73
00:05:47,869 --> 00:05:49,404
they'll be getting $50.
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00:05:49,504 --> 00:05:54,125
Jump!
Jump! Jump!
75
00:05:54,125 --> 00:05:55,527
What'll this one make?
76
00:05:55,627 --> 00:05:57,028
Uh...
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The third one today.
78
00:06:00,131 --> 00:06:02,133
Uh, ninth this week.
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00:06:02,133 --> 00:06:07,272
Man, are we racking up the grief bonus!
80
00:06:07,272 --> 00:06:08,673
450 bucks,
81
00:06:08,773 --> 00:06:10,292
and the week's not over yet.
82
00:06:10,392 --> 00:06:12,644
Stick with me, Honey.
83
00:06:12,644 --> 00:06:14,045
Things keep going like this,
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we'll make what we
85
00:06:15,076 --> 00:06:16,047
used to make at Hacker.
86
00:06:16,147 --> 00:06:21,536
You know it.
87
00:06:21,536 --> 00:06:26,658
What's this guy doing up there?
88
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It's a free country.
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He doesn't like it here,
he can swim to Canada.
90
00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,303
A lot of work there.
91
00:06:38,303 --> 00:06:42,424
Shut up and look at this.
92
00:06:42,924 --> 00:06:43,458
Hey, isn't that--
93
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It's our good friend,
Roy boy.
94
00:06:46,061 --> 00:06:47,329
Jump!
95
00:06:47,429 --> 00:06:49,331
No, no! He's wearing my good hat!
96
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Let's help him out.
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Great.
98
00:06:51,933 --> 00:06:53,335
Don't jump, Roy boy,
99
00:06:53,435 --> 00:06:59,941
don't jump!
Help is on the way!
100
00:07:02,444 --> 00:07:04,095
Huh?
101
00:07:04,195 --> 00:07:05,597
Nice shootin'!
102
00:07:05,697 --> 00:07:07,349
All right!
103
00:07:07,449 --> 00:07:09,701
Who did this?
104
00:07:09,701 --> 00:07:12,454
Medic.
105
00:07:12,454 --> 00:07:14,356
That was a beautiful thing you just did, Honey.
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00:07:14,456 --> 00:07:17,959
God, I love you.
107
00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:19,959
Just kidding.
Ha ha ha!
108
00:07:19,961 --> 00:07:21,961
Ha ha ha!
109
00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:23,963
I was kidding.
110
00:07:29,270 --> 00:07:30,672
Let me get this straight.
111
00:07:30,772 --> 00:07:33,391
You shot me
112
00:07:33,391 --> 00:07:35,927
because I didn't want to go on living?
113
00:07:36,027 --> 00:07:37,429
Yeah. You want me to finish the job?
114
00:07:37,529 --> 00:07:38,930
Relax, Honey.
115
00:07:39,030 --> 00:07:40,932
Roy boy, would you please pipe down?
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I was trying to make a statement
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about our plight.
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At least the plight of those
whose uncle ain't the mayor.
119
00:07:48,406 --> 00:07:50,308
Don't you mention my uncle Jack.
120
00:07:50,408 --> 00:07:52,410
You're thinking nepotism.
121
00:07:52,410 --> 00:07:55,313
I took that test and passed it fair and square.
122
00:07:55,413 --> 00:07:56,448
What about handing her a job?
123
00:07:56,548 --> 00:07:57,949
I�m your buddy.
124
00:07:58,049 --> 00:08:00,552
Don't you mention Honey like that.
125
00:08:00,552 --> 00:08:02,320
Look, you guys,
126
00:08:02,420 --> 00:08:04,322
My life has been complete hell
127
00:08:04,422 --> 00:08:06,207
since Hacker laid me off.
128
00:08:06,307 --> 00:08:08,810
We know how you feel.
129
00:08:08,810 --> 00:08:10,812
We all feel the same way.
130
00:08:10,812 --> 00:08:12,714
We've all made big changes in our life
131
00:08:12,814 --> 00:08:14,215
since the plant closed down.
132
00:08:14,315 --> 00:08:16,315
That's right.
133
00:08:16,317 --> 00:08:19,220
If life hands you a lemon,
crush it into lemonade.
134
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:20,722
That's positive thinking.
135
00:08:20,822 --> 00:08:23,074
Come on, smile.
136
00:08:23,074 --> 00:08:26,828
Just what makes that little ol' ant
137
00:08:27,328 --> 00:08:30,331
think he'd move that rubber tree plant?
138
00:08:30,331 --> 00:08:32,333
Everyone knows an ant
139
00:08:32,834 --> 00:08:33,735
can't
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00:08:33,835 --> 00:08:35,837
move a rubber tree plant.
141
00:08:35,837 --> 00:08:36,237
'Cause he's got
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Roy boy, sing!
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00:08:37,839 --> 00:08:39,240
High hopes
144
00:08:39,340 --> 00:08:40,742
He's got
145
00:08:40,842 --> 00:08:42,844
High hopes
146
00:08:42,844 --> 00:08:44,362
He's got
147
00:08:44,462 --> 00:08:49,467
High-apple-pie-in-the-sky hopes
148
00:08:49,467 --> 00:08:52,220
So any time you're feelin' low
149
00:08:52,220 --> 00:08:53,505
'Stead of lettin' go
150
00:08:53,605 --> 00:08:56,474
Just remember that ant
151
00:08:56,474 --> 00:09:00,478
Woops, there goes another rubber tree
152
00:09:00,478 --> 00:09:03,481
Woops, there goes another rubber tree
153
00:09:03,481 --> 00:09:06,985
Woops, there goes another rubber tree plant
154
00:09:06,985 --> 00:09:08,985
Ker-plop!?
155
00:09:17,495 --> 00:09:18,396
President here yet, Riley?
156
00:09:18,496 --> 00:09:19,397
Officer Riley.
157
00:09:19,497 --> 00:09:20,899
Oh, sure.
Sorry.
158
00:09:20,999 --> 00:09:22,400
You fellas need any backup here,
159
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:23,902
Officer Riley?
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00:09:24,002 --> 00:09:25,286
I don't think so, sheriff.
161
00:09:25,386 --> 00:09:26,905
Ok.
162
00:09:27,005 --> 00:09:32,260
You finding a lot of
roadkill this year, sheriff?
163
00:09:32,260 --> 00:09:33,411
We get to keep what we find.
164
00:09:33,511 --> 00:09:34,913
Ha ha ha!
165
00:09:35,013 --> 00:09:38,016
Ha ha.
166
00:09:38,016 --> 00:09:38,666
Forgive me.
Where are my manners?
167
00:09:38,766 --> 00:09:40,802
This is my woman deputy, Honey.
168
00:09:40,902 --> 00:09:42,303
Honey's been a real asset
169
00:09:42,403 --> 00:09:48,409
since she got her parole.
170
00:09:48,409 --> 00:09:49,427
Next, I have an unused,
171
00:09:49,527 --> 00:09:50,812
air-delivered, chemical weapon
172
00:09:50,912 --> 00:09:53,781
guaranteed death within 3 minutes.
173
00:09:53,781 --> 00:09:57,285
What do I hear for this
miracle of modern science?
174
00:09:57,285 --> 00:09:58,686
Spread 'em, or i�ll blow your brains out.
175
00:09:58,786 --> 00:10:01,289
Ha ha ha!
176
00:10:01,289 --> 00:10:02,690
Where the hell you guys been?
177
00:10:02,790 --> 00:10:05,293
Pulling stiffs out of the Falls.
178
00:10:05,293 --> 00:10:07,195
You promised I could pull
the stiffs out this time.
179
00:10:07,295 --> 00:10:08,696
I need the money.
180
00:10:08,796 --> 00:10:10,798
We never got the $50.
181
00:10:10,798 --> 00:10:14,802
We stopped Roy boy from jumping off.
182
00:10:15,303 --> 00:10:17,205
What you�re jumping off the Falls now?
183
00:10:17,305 --> 00:10:18,706
I was making a statement.
184
00:10:18,806 --> 00:10:20,208
Stop with the statement thing.
185
00:10:20,308 --> 00:10:21,209
Get us a beer.
186
00:10:21,309 --> 00:10:25,313
I do love an auction.
187
00:10:25,813 --> 00:10:28,216
What do I hear for this beautiful, wire-guided,
188
00:10:28,316 --> 00:10:30,218
uranium-tipped fire-and-forget thing?
189
00:10:30,318 --> 00:10:31,719
Who'll give me $1,000?
190
00:10:31,819 --> 00:10:33,221
1,000, 1,000, 1,000?
191
00:10:33,321 --> 00:10:34,222
$500, then.
192
00:10:34,322 --> 00:10:36,324
Have $500 anyone?
193
00:10:36,324 --> 00:10:38,324
$500, my ass.
194
00:10:38,326 --> 00:10:39,727
Come on,
ladies and gentlemen.
195
00:10:39,827 --> 00:10:41,229
Built right here in Niagara Falls.
196
00:10:41,329 --> 00:10:43,331
You can own one.
197
00:10:43,831 --> 00:10:45,233
You built it.
You can own it now.
198
00:10:45,333 --> 00:10:47,335
300, 300, 300, 4.
199
00:10:47,335 --> 00:10:49,337
400, 400, 400, 400, 5.
200
00:10:49,337 --> 00:10:51,839
Can we get out of here?
201
00:10:51,839 --> 00:10:53,741
All these guns and white
people are making me nervous.
202
00:10:53,841 --> 00:10:55,743
Ease off with that 'white people' stuff.
203
00:10:55,843 --> 00:10:59,480
You got me looking at 'em funny.
204
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:01,983
I�ve got 25, 26, 25, 26.
205
00:11:01,983 --> 00:11:04,736
Sold! $25.
206
00:11:04,736 --> 00:11:05,637
All right.
207
00:11:05,737 --> 00:11:07,739
Here you go.
208
00:11:07,739 --> 00:11:09,739
Next, we have...
209
00:11:14,996 --> 00:11:16,397
Pardon me.
210
00:11:16,497 --> 00:11:19,500
Out of the way.
Let me by.
211
00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:22,003
Anyone!
Could I have $100, please?
212
00:11:22,003 --> 00:11:24,505
Give me that microphone.
213
00:11:25,006 --> 00:11:26,407
I reckon all of you know me.
214
00:11:26,507 --> 00:11:29,510
I�m R.J. Hacker,
and I own Hacker dynamics
215
00:11:29,510 --> 00:11:30,912
and Hacker aerospace,
216
00:11:31,012 --> 00:11:32,413
Time-Hacker,
217
00:11:32,513 --> 00:11:33,915
Hacker-upjohn,
218
00:11:34,015 --> 00:11:36,417
and a bunch of others I don't even remember,
219
00:11:36,517 --> 00:11:38,036
and you don't care.
220
00:11:38,136 --> 00:11:40,038
You're upset because I closed this plant
221
00:11:40,138 --> 00:11:43,024
and put you out on the street.
222
00:11:43,024 --> 00:11:46,527
Well, I want you to know I�m upset, too.
223
00:11:46,527 --> 00:11:49,537
In fact, I get choked up thinking about it.
224
00:12:03,911 --> 00:12:05,913
Boo!
Boo!
225
00:12:11,419 --> 00:12:14,422
Shit.
226
00:12:14,422 --> 00:12:15,323
Pill-popping freaks.
227
00:12:15,423 --> 00:12:16,824
Look at this trash.
228
00:12:16,924 --> 00:12:18,926
Just garbage.
Human garbage.
229
00:12:18,926 --> 00:12:21,329
Look. That's what we get for kicking butt
230
00:12:21,429 --> 00:12:23,831
in every goddamn corner of the world.
231
00:12:23,931 --> 00:12:27,011
Why do we have to be here at these closings?
232
00:12:27,435 --> 00:12:28,336
General, we're here
233
00:12:28,436 --> 00:12:29,837
to show the people that we care.
234
00:12:29,937 --> 00:12:31,188
Let's put on
235
00:12:31,288 --> 00:12:33,441
a happy face, shall we?
236
00:12:33,441 --> 00:12:36,094
Used to be that you had your Russian reds,
237
00:12:36,194 --> 00:12:38,696
your Cuban red,
Hollywood red.
238
00:12:38,696 --> 00:12:40,098
Here a red, there a red,
everywhere a red red.
239
00:12:40,198 --> 00:12:42,200
E-i-e-i-o.
240
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:45,203
But it kept us on our toes.
241
00:12:45,203 --> 00:12:47,705
We didn't know who to mistrust,
242
00:12:48,206 --> 00:12:50,108
but we had to defend ourselves.
243
00:12:50,208 --> 00:12:53,218
You had good jobs to put meat on the table.
244
00:12:53,711 --> 00:12:56,614
But today we find ourselves being destroyed
245
00:12:56,714 --> 00:12:59,217
not by the reds,
246
00:12:59,217 --> 00:13:01,119
but by a bunch of shortsighted,
247
00:13:01,219 --> 00:13:03,221
bleeding-heart,
248
00:13:03,221 --> 00:13:05,473
penny-pinching Washington wimps.
249
00:13:05,473 --> 00:13:06,874
Who is this guy?
250
00:13:06,974 --> 00:13:08,976
R.J. Hacker, sir.
251
00:13:08,976 --> 00:13:10,378
How about some credit?
252
00:13:10,478 --> 00:13:12,380
I�m the only president who
hasn't gotten us into a war.
253
00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:14,382
I think that's his point, sir.
254
00:13:14,482 --> 00:13:16,884
You have yet to send our boys into battle.
255
00:13:16,984 --> 00:13:18,986
Where nobody�s bothering us.
256
00:13:18,986 --> 00:13:21,489
Send them anywhere,
Sir.
257
00:13:21,489 --> 00:13:22,609
Guaranteed 30-point
258
00:13:22,709 --> 00:13:23,891
boost in the polls.
259
00:13:23,991 --> 00:13:25,393
Well, I�m not going to start a war
260
00:13:25,493 --> 00:13:29,997
just to increase my popularity.
261
00:13:30,498 --> 00:13:31,899
What can I do for 20 points?
262
00:13:31,999 --> 00:13:33,401
...makes me want to commit acts
263
00:13:33,501 --> 00:13:35,036
I cannot utter in public.
264
00:13:35,136 --> 00:13:37,638
Here he is now--
265
00:13:38,139 --> 00:13:40,641
The man that a thin majority of you
266
00:13:41,142 --> 00:13:44,152
chose to be president of the United States.
267
00:13:57,525 --> 00:13:59,527
Stu.
268
00:13:59,527 --> 00:14:00,928
Little hard on the leader
269
00:14:01,028 --> 00:14:02,930
of the free world,
don't you think?
270
00:14:03,030 --> 00:14:06,033
It's just what he deserved.
271
00:14:06,033 --> 00:14:08,936
This peace ain't all it's cracked up to be.
272
00:14:09,036 --> 00:14:12,573
Especially if we keep laying
off thousands of voters.
273
00:14:12,673 --> 00:14:14,575
What would you suggest we do?
274
00:14:14,675 --> 00:14:16,377
To keep these
275
00:14:16,477 --> 00:14:18,079
factories open
276
00:14:18,179 --> 00:14:19,580
Should I call up the Russians,
277
00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,550
see if they want to get back into it?
278
00:14:22,550 --> 00:14:24,452
Don't you get sarcastic with me,
279
00:14:24,552 --> 00:14:26,554
you little piss ant!
280
00:14:26,554 --> 00:14:29,056
You just had an idea that I liked!
281
00:14:29,056 --> 00:14:30,958
I want you to follow up on it.
282
00:14:31,058 --> 00:14:32,960
See to it that those Russkies
283
00:14:33,060 --> 00:14:35,563
get back in the cold war mode.
284
00:14:35,563 --> 00:14:39,567
If you don't, you'll go
right back where I found you.
285
00:14:39,567 --> 00:14:42,570
Now, don't make decisions.
Just do it.
286
00:14:42,570 --> 00:14:45,973
I want to thank you for that great welcome.
287
00:14:46,073 --> 00:14:48,476
You provided the power to win the cold war
288
00:14:48,576 --> 00:14:50,886
for the United States of America.
289
00:14:50,962 --> 00:14:52,363
If we could take what we spent
290
00:14:52,463 --> 00:14:55,967
on just one day of the cold war,
291
00:14:56,467 --> 00:14:58,986
we could put our children
through school for the year.
292
00:14:59,086 --> 00:15:01,472
Now's our chance to do it.
293
00:15:01,973 --> 00:15:03,875
Time to turn off that war machine
294
00:15:03,975 --> 00:15:05,626
and turn on our children.
295
00:15:05,726 --> 00:15:08,729
Ha ha!
296
00:15:08,729 --> 00:15:09,630
Turn...
297
00:15:09,730 --> 00:15:12,600
Turn...on our children.
298
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,502
The time has come,
fortunately,
299
00:15:14,602 --> 00:15:17,605
for us to beat our swords into plowshares.
300
00:15:17,605 --> 00:15:19,607
Excuse me.
Do you work here?
301
00:15:19,607 --> 00:15:21,008
You work here?
302
00:15:21,108 --> 00:15:23,995
I want to get a copy of the speech.
303
00:15:24,495 --> 00:15:25,897
A transcript or something?
304
00:15:25,997 --> 00:15:26,898
And you are...?
305
00:15:26,998 --> 00:15:28,399
Oh, I�m sorry.
306
00:15:28,499 --> 00:15:31,002
Sheriff Bud Boomer,
Niagara county.
307
00:15:31,002 --> 00:15:31,903
And your handle is?
308
00:15:32,003 --> 00:15:33,404
What?
Your name?
309
00:15:33,504 --> 00:15:33,905
Your name.
310
00:15:34,005 --> 00:15:36,507
Stuart Smiley,
311
00:15:36,507 --> 00:15:39,447
the president's national security advisor.
312
00:15:40,878 --> 00:15:42,780
Stu, you're just the guy we wanted to see.
313
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:46,884
Can you give us a deal at
our sheriff's department?
314
00:15:46,884 --> 00:15:49,287
We're looking for-- what do you call them?
315
00:15:49,387 --> 00:15:52,890
The m-1640-millimeter grenade launchers--
316
00:15:52,890 --> 00:15:54,892
Flash, fragmentation,
317
00:15:54,892 --> 00:15:55,793
incendiary illumination,
318
00:15:55,893 --> 00:15:57,295
and smoke.
319
00:15:57,395 --> 00:15:58,296
To go, please.
320
00:15:58,396 --> 00:16:00,398
Are we putting on a play?
321
00:16:00,398 --> 00:16:02,783
It's for civil disturbances only.
322
00:16:02,783 --> 00:16:06,287
'How many times...
323
00:16:06,287 --> 00:16:09,790
'Must the cannonballs fly...'
324
00:16:09,790 --> 00:16:11,192
You tell us.
325
00:16:11,292 --> 00:16:13,194
'...before they're forever banned?'
326
00:16:13,294 --> 00:16:14,695
Ugh.
327
00:16:14,795 --> 00:16:17,298
'The answer, my friend...
328
00:16:17,298 --> 00:16:21,802
'Is blowin' in the wind.
329
00:16:21,802 --> 00:16:23,802
'The answer, my friend...'
330
00:16:28,676 --> 00:16:30,578
O.k. I�m in command here.
Stay calm.
331
00:16:30,678 --> 00:16:32,930
Get off me!
332
00:16:32,930 --> 00:16:34,332
The sheriff has the eagle covered.
333
00:16:34,432 --> 00:16:37,435
It's an honor to meet you.
334
00:16:37,435 --> 00:16:39,337
I�m sorry I didn't vote for you.
335
00:16:39,437 --> 00:16:40,338
I had to stay home.
336
00:16:40,438 --> 00:16:41,839
The cable installers said they'd come--
337
00:16:41,939 --> 00:16:42,840
Get off me.
338
00:16:42,940 --> 00:16:43,841
Pardon?
339
00:16:43,941 --> 00:16:45,343
Get off me!
340
00:16:45,443 --> 00:16:47,445
I�m sorry. Sure.
341
00:16:47,445 --> 00:16:49,445
Oh, god.
342
00:16:55,836 --> 00:16:57,116
Good thing for you.
343
00:16:57,216 --> 00:16:58,990
The president liked me.
344
00:16:59,090 --> 00:17:00,992
Otherwise, you'd be in big trouble.
345
00:17:01,092 --> 00:17:03,494
Right. You must be really important, Boomer.
346
00:17:03,594 --> 00:17:04,745
You see cops last night?
347
00:17:04,845 --> 00:17:06,247
I wouldn't miss it.
348
00:17:06,347 --> 00:17:07,748
They kept the camera running
349
00:17:07,848 --> 00:17:08,749
while they were
350
00:17:08,849 --> 00:17:10,851
waling away on those guys.
351
00:17:10,851 --> 00:17:12,853
Whack, whack,
Whack, whack!
352
00:17:12,853 --> 00:17:15,856
Oh, it was awesome!
Ooh!
353
00:17:15,856 --> 00:17:18,259
You think we're ever gonna be on cops?
354
00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:20,361
Damn right we will.
355
00:17:20,361 --> 00:17:21,262
Wait'll they see me
356
00:17:21,362 --> 00:17:23,614
throwing myself on that grenade.
357
00:17:23,614 --> 00:17:25,516
You threw the president on the grenade.
358
00:17:25,616 --> 00:17:27,616
Well, whatever.
359
00:17:28,486 --> 00:17:30,137
Morning, Mr. President.
360
00:17:30,237 --> 00:17:31,639
Morning, sir.
361
00:17:31,739 --> 00:17:33,641
I have the results from the overnight tracking.
362
00:17:33,741 --> 00:17:35,743
Care to hear the damage?
363
00:17:36,243 --> 00:17:37,144
Yeah. I can take it.
364
00:17:37,244 --> 00:17:38,646
It's good news, sir.
365
00:17:38,746 --> 00:17:41,148
Immediately after the assassination attempt,
366
00:17:41,248 --> 00:17:44,035
we got a 15-point boost in the national polls.
367
00:17:44,135 --> 00:17:46,253
Ok.
368
00:17:46,253 --> 00:17:48,155
They dropped off considerably
369
00:17:48,255 --> 00:17:50,041
once word got out that you were still alive.
370
00:17:50,141 --> 00:17:53,501
But the initial massive gains the Dow Jones made
371
00:17:53,644 --> 00:17:55,884
after the assassination bulletin
372
00:17:56,013 --> 00:17:57,915
held for the entire business day.
373
00:17:58,015 --> 00:17:59,300
That's good news.
374
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,302
According to this,
rumors that you were
375
00:18:01,402 --> 00:18:02,803
clinically dead for 5 minutes,
376
00:18:02,903 --> 00:18:04,905
and returned to life
377
00:18:05,406 --> 00:18:07,308
boosted your rating with the religious right.
378
00:18:07,408 --> 00:18:08,809
That's good.
379
00:18:08,909 --> 00:18:12,913
But the voters felt that
your being alive or dead
380
00:18:12,913 --> 00:18:15,182
had no real bearing on their daily lives.
381
00:18:15,282 --> 00:18:17,184
You can take that a couple of ways.
382
00:18:17,284 --> 00:18:19,286
With all due respect, sir,
383
00:18:19,787 --> 00:18:21,322
enjoy your single term.
384
00:18:21,422 --> 00:18:24,291
You know, it's not fair.
385
00:18:24,291 --> 00:18:25,826
Every other president
386
00:18:25,926 --> 00:18:27,828
had the Russians to blame for everything.
387
00:18:27,928 --> 00:18:29,930
What have I got?
388
00:18:29,930 --> 00:18:32,333
It is really too bad that the Russians
389
00:18:32,433 --> 00:18:33,834
are no longer in the game.
390
00:18:33,934 --> 00:18:35,336
They weren't much fun anyway.
391
00:18:35,436 --> 00:18:37,805
Never got to kill any.
392
00:18:37,805 --> 00:18:39,707
But without them,
you and your friends
393
00:18:39,807 --> 00:18:41,208
would've had to get real jobs.
394
00:18:41,308 --> 00:18:42,209
That isn't funny, Stu.
395
00:18:42,309 --> 00:18:43,210
Stu's got a point.
396
00:18:43,310 --> 00:18:44,712
What point, sir?
397
00:18:44,812 --> 00:18:46,213
You got a point, too.
398
00:18:46,313 --> 00:18:49,393
My point is that Russia is in such shambles,
399
00:18:49,817 --> 00:18:52,219
they couldn't sissy-slap us if they tried.
400
00:18:52,319 --> 00:18:54,321
Well, they still have
401
00:18:54,321 --> 00:18:55,723
all those missiles lying around.
402
00:18:55,823 --> 00:18:57,608
20,473, to be exact.
403
00:18:57,708 --> 00:18:59,110
Are you kidding?
404
00:18:59,210 --> 00:19:01,112
One of their breakaway republics, Kazakhstan,
405
00:19:01,212 --> 00:19:02,613
is the third-ranking nuclear power
406
00:19:02,713 --> 00:19:03,614
in the world.
407
00:19:03,714 --> 00:19:04,615
Are you kidding?
408
00:19:04,715 --> 00:19:06,367
Most Americans
409
00:19:06,467 --> 00:19:08,369
don't know where Kazakhstan is.
410
00:19:08,469 --> 00:19:09,870
My travel agent can't find it.
411
00:19:09,970 --> 00:19:11,739
I can imagine why.
412
00:19:11,839 --> 00:19:14,725
What do you want to do about Russia?
413
00:19:14,725 --> 00:19:17,128
Let's find out who's in
charge over there this week.
414
00:19:17,228 --> 00:19:18,629
Vladimir Krushkin.
415
00:19:18,729 --> 00:19:20,131
Vlad. I like him.
That's good.
416
00:19:20,231 --> 00:19:22,233
Let's ask him to come over.
417
00:19:22,233 --> 00:19:24,735
We can have a summit thing.
418
00:19:24,735 --> 00:19:27,004
Maybe we can work something out like before.
419
00:19:27,104 --> 00:19:28,506
That's an excellent idea.
420
00:19:28,606 --> 00:19:31,108
Super idea, sir.
421
00:19:31,108 --> 00:19:32,009
We got a contingency plan.
422
00:19:32,109 --> 00:19:33,010
Good.
423
00:19:33,110 --> 00:19:35,110
We'll bring it right in.
424
00:20:00,771 --> 00:20:02,673
Look at the treacherous bastards.
425
00:20:02,773 --> 00:20:04,175
Once a commie,
always a commie.
426
00:20:04,275 --> 00:20:05,676
Pretend you're not here.
427
00:20:05,776 --> 00:20:07,776
Shut up,
Peanuts.
428
00:20:07,778 --> 00:20:11,148
All right. Be nice.
This man's our only hope.
429
00:20:11,649 --> 00:20:13,050
Mr. President,
welcome to our summit.
430
00:20:13,150 --> 00:20:14,301
You look great.
431
00:20:14,401 --> 00:20:17,154
Ha ha ha!
432
00:20:17,154 --> 00:20:18,055
Let's eat.
433
00:20:18,155 --> 00:20:19,557
Good. Right this way.
434
00:20:19,657 --> 00:20:20,558
Have a good trip?
435
00:20:20,658 --> 00:20:21,559
Wonderful.
436
00:20:21,659 --> 00:20:26,163
Truly wonderful.
437
00:20:26,163 --> 00:20:28,163
Mmm.
438
00:20:40,311 --> 00:20:44,815
Mmm.
439
00:20:44,815 --> 00:20:46,717
Mr. President,
we were wondering if, uh...
440
00:20:46,817 --> 00:20:49,820
If you and I,
you know...
441
00:20:49,820 --> 00:20:52,823
If we couldn't sort of get together and...
442
00:20:52,823 --> 00:20:54,720
you know, mano y mano,
443
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:55,226
and...
444
00:20:55,326 --> 00:20:59,330
and sort of work something out,
445
00:20:59,330 --> 00:21:01,232
sort of mix it up the way we used to
446
00:21:01,332 --> 00:21:04,084
in the good old days.
447
00:21:04,084 --> 00:21:06,086
I don't mean a real war.
448
00:21:06,086 --> 00:21:08,589
Just a little tension.
449
00:21:08,589 --> 00:21:12,092
Sort of help people forget about things.
450
00:21:12,092 --> 00:21:14,094
Ha ha ha!
451
00:21:14,595 --> 00:21:15,996
Oh, Mr. President...
452
00:21:16,096 --> 00:21:17,498
Please!
453
00:21:17,598 --> 00:21:18,549
Is this why
454
00:21:18,649 --> 00:21:20,000
you called us here?
455
00:21:20,100 --> 00:21:22,853
We already gave up.
You've won.
456
00:21:22,853 --> 00:21:24,755
We are too busy trying to perfect
457
00:21:24,855 --> 00:21:27,358
universal indoor plumbing.
458
00:21:27,358 --> 00:21:28,759
That's right.
459
00:21:28,859 --> 00:21:29,760
Indoor plumbing.
460
00:21:29,860 --> 00:21:32,363
Maybe even a little...
461
00:21:32,363 --> 00:21:34,365
central heating.
462
00:21:34,365 --> 00:21:34,965
Big Buick
463
00:21:35,065 --> 00:21:35,766
in every garage
464
00:21:35,866 --> 00:21:37,384
would be nice.
465
00:21:37,484 --> 00:21:38,886
A few cellular phones...
466
00:21:38,986 --> 00:21:41,622
compact discs, mtv--
467
00:21:41,622 --> 00:21:43,023
What is the name of that other channel?
468
00:21:43,123 --> 00:21:43,774
VH-1.
469
00:21:43,874 --> 00:21:46,377
Yes! VH-1!
470
00:21:46,377 --> 00:21:48,879
I�m so sorry,
Mr. President.
471
00:21:48,879 --> 00:21:51,382
We can't go back to the old days.
472
00:21:51,882 --> 00:21:52,449
Please try
473
00:21:52,549 --> 00:21:53,284
and understand.
474
00:21:53,384 --> 00:21:56,253
Good day.
475
00:21:56,253 --> 00:21:56,654
It's a trick,
Mr. President.
476
00:21:56,754 --> 00:21:58,155
Damn right.
477
00:21:58,255 --> 00:22:00,257
Can't we talk this over?
478
00:22:00,257 --> 00:22:02,257
What is there to talk over?
479
00:22:02,259 --> 00:22:03,160
You're in charge of the world now.
480
00:22:03,260 --> 00:22:05,262
Don't be a sore winner.
481
00:22:05,262 --> 00:22:06,664
I�m sure we could discuss this
482
00:22:06,764 --> 00:22:07,665
like civilized men.
483
00:22:07,765 --> 00:22:10,267
Civilized men?
484
00:22:10,267 --> 00:22:14,271
Is that what we've both
been for the last 50 years?
485
00:22:14,271 --> 00:22:15,061
Just a holy
486
00:22:15,161 --> 00:22:16,173
Goddamn minute.
487
00:22:16,273 --> 00:22:18,909
Your comradeship!
488
00:22:18,909 --> 00:22:20,311
Throwing your weight around
489
00:22:20,411 --> 00:22:22,813
for half a century,
threatening the peaceful,
490
00:22:22,913 --> 00:22:26,417
Western world, ng and decide one day
491
00:22:26,417 --> 00:22:27,818
to tug the rope no more.
492
00:22:27,918 --> 00:22:29,920
Do you?
493
00:22:30,170 --> 00:22:31,071
Mr. President,
I�m so sorry for this.
494
00:22:31,171 --> 00:22:33,173
Sorry for this?
495
00:22:33,173 --> 00:22:34,548
You made us spend trillion $
496
00:22:34,648 --> 00:22:36,076
on submarines and missiles
497
00:22:36,176 --> 00:22:38,579
and what did all this rubbish get us?
498
00:22:38,679 --> 00:22:41,799
Bread lines and may day parades!
499
00:22:42,299 --> 00:22:45,803
Don't chicken out on us now!
500
00:22:45,803 --> 00:22:48,305
We need you. I need you.
501
00:22:48,806 --> 00:22:51,091
You don't always get a second chance.
502
00:22:51,191 --> 00:22:53,944
Attaboy, Stu!
503
00:22:53,944 --> 00:22:54,845
You can't do that!
504
00:22:54,945 --> 00:22:55,846
Get off him!
505
00:22:55,946 --> 00:22:59,450
Get off him!
506
00:22:59,450 --> 00:23:00,351
I�m very sorry,
Mr. President.
507
00:23:00,451 --> 00:23:02,102
I�m very-- all right.
508
00:23:02,202 --> 00:23:04,104
Get over there.
Get over there.
509
00:23:04,204 --> 00:23:06,106
Sorry. I�m really,
truly sorry.
510
00:23:06,206 --> 00:23:07,725
Maybe we could meet again.
511
00:23:07,825 --> 00:23:09,226
How about Geneva?
512
00:23:09,326 --> 00:23:10,227
We could meet at Geneva,
513
00:23:10,327 --> 00:23:12,963
sort of neutral territory.
514
00:23:12,963 --> 00:23:15,466
Goodbye, Mr. President...
515
00:23:15,466 --> 00:23:21,338
and good luck.
516
00:23:21,338 --> 00:23:25,342
Any more bright ideas?
517
00:23:25,342 --> 00:23:27,711
What are we going to do for an enemy now?
518
00:23:27,811 --> 00:23:31,682
Dead.
519
00:23:31,682 --> 00:23:34,685
Dead.
520
00:23:34,685 --> 00:23:38,188
Dead.
521
00:23:38,188 --> 00:23:39,089
Dead.
522
00:23:39,189 --> 00:23:40,090
I miss anything?
523
00:23:40,190 --> 00:23:43,077
Nothing.
524
00:23:43,077 --> 00:23:45,079
Also dead.
525
00:23:45,079 --> 00:23:46,480
They're all dead.
526
00:23:46,580 --> 00:23:47,982
You working from an old list?
527
00:23:48,082 --> 00:23:51,085
They're what we're looking for.
528
00:23:51,085 --> 00:23:53,587
This guy,
he's still alive.
529
00:23:53,587 --> 00:23:54,488
But he's down in Florida
530
00:23:54,588 --> 00:23:58,842
making license plates now.
531
00:23:58,842 --> 00:24:00,361
She's reformed...
532
00:24:00,461 --> 00:24:02,596
and looking good.
533
00:24:02,596 --> 00:24:04,598
You know,
we were thinking,
534
00:24:04,598 --> 00:24:05,249
what could be
535
00:24:05,349 --> 00:24:06,000
a bigger threat
536
00:24:06,100 --> 00:24:08,719
than aliens invading from space?
537
00:24:08,719 --> 00:24:11,372
Whoo-boy! Scare the shit out of everyone.
538
00:24:11,472 --> 00:24:13,472
Even me, sir.
539
00:24:13,474 --> 00:24:15,876
Is this the best you could come up with?
540
00:24:15,976 --> 00:24:18,879
What about, you know,
international terrorism?
541
00:24:18,979 --> 00:24:20,881
Sir, we're not going to reopen missile factories
542
00:24:20,981 --> 00:24:22,983
just to fight some creeps
543
00:24:22,983 --> 00:24:25,986
running around in exploding rental cars.
544
00:24:25,986 --> 00:24:29,123
Turn on the lights.
545
00:24:29,623 --> 00:24:30,524
I�m sorry.
546
00:24:30,624 --> 00:24:32,626
I�m appalled.
547
00:24:32,626 --> 00:24:35,529
I�m surprised you left those
killer bees off the list.
548
00:24:35,629 --> 00:24:38,632
How about...
549
00:24:38,632 --> 00:24:40,632
How about Canada?
550
00:24:40,884 --> 00:24:44,388
O Canada
551
00:24:44,888 --> 00:24:49,259
Our home and native land
552
00:24:49,259 --> 00:24:53,263
True patriot love
553
00:24:53,263 --> 00:24:57,768
In all thy sons command...
554
00:24:57,768 --> 00:25:00,170
Uhh! That's what I hate about coming here.
555
00:25:00,270 --> 00:25:01,805
You got to listen to that song.
556
00:25:01,905 --> 00:25:03,905
Check out the flag.
557
00:25:04,274 --> 00:25:06,176
What is that,
a weed on there?
558
00:25:06,276 --> 00:25:08,278
Give me a break!
Nice flag.
559
00:25:08,278 --> 00:25:11,281
Let's go!
560
00:25:11,281 --> 00:25:12,566
Let's go!
Drop the puck!
561
00:25:12,666 --> 00:25:14,068
Let's go!
562
00:25:14,168 --> 00:25:16,420
Come on!
Face off!
563
00:25:16,420 --> 00:25:19,790
O Canada
564
00:25:19,790 --> 00:25:24,795
We stand on guard for thee
565
00:25:24,795 --> 00:25:25,428
Evening,
566
00:25:25,528 --> 00:25:26,196
Ladies and gentlemen.
567
00:25:26,296 --> 00:25:28,198
Welcome to hockey night in Canada.
568
00:25:28,298 --> 00:25:30,701
Tonight the American team
visits our Canadian champions,
569
00:25:30,801 --> 00:25:32,801
the Ontario Beavers.
570
00:25:32,803 --> 00:25:34,204
Please enjoy the game,
and remember,
571
00:25:34,304 --> 00:25:36,690
no bad language and no littering.
572
00:25:36,690 --> 00:25:42,196
Here we go!
573
00:25:42,696 --> 00:25:44,715
Hey, Kabral,
how come you never see
574
00:25:44,815 --> 00:25:46,717
any black guys playing hockey?
575
00:25:46,817 --> 00:25:49,219
Do you think it's easy to just gradually
576
00:25:49,319 --> 00:25:50,682
take over every
577
00:25:50,782 --> 00:25:52,222
professional sport?
578
00:25:52,322 --> 00:25:53,724
Let me tell you something, man.
579
00:25:53,824 --> 00:25:54,725
Brothers are starting to figure out
580
00:25:54,825 --> 00:25:56,827
this ice thing.
581
00:25:56,827 --> 00:25:58,827
Hope you enjoyed it.
582
00:25:58,829 --> 00:26:01,215
Heh heh heh.
583
00:26:01,215 --> 00:26:03,617
These Canadians ain't got a care in the world.
584
00:26:03,717 --> 00:26:05,119
How about the way they cheat
585
00:26:05,219 --> 00:26:06,620
at the world series?
586
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:08,489
That's our game, people!
587
00:26:08,589 --> 00:26:12,092
That is true.
588
00:26:12,092 --> 00:26:14,682
And another thing-- their beer sucks.
589
00:26:36,750 --> 00:26:39,002
Eww!
590
00:26:39,002 --> 00:26:40,771
Oh, boy!
591
00:26:40,871 --> 00:26:42,272
Look at that!
592
00:26:42,372 --> 00:26:46,260
That's footage never seen on TV.
593
00:26:46,260 --> 00:26:47,661
Yowsah!
594
00:26:47,761 --> 00:26:50,514
It's amazing.
595
00:26:50,514 --> 00:26:51,348
How did you know that
596
00:26:51,448 --> 00:26:52,282
was a nuclear facility?
597
00:26:52,382 --> 00:26:56,136
They tricked us there.
That's a hospital.
598
00:26:56,136 --> 00:26:56,386
But it's
599
00:26:56,486 --> 00:26:57,037
a hell of a strike.
600
00:26:57,137 --> 00:26:59,139
We've got technology
601
00:26:59,139 --> 00:27:00,541
we've never been able to use.
602
00:27:00,641 --> 00:27:01,652
A riot between
603
00:27:01,752 --> 00:27:02,543
Americans and Canadians
604
00:27:02,643 --> 00:27:04,044
broke out last night
605
00:27:04,144 --> 00:27:07,397
at a hockey arena in Niagara Falls, Ontario.
606
00:27:07,397 --> 00:27:09,299
Police estimate at least 60 people,
607
00:27:09,399 --> 00:27:12,286
including an American sheriff,
608
00:27:12,286 --> 00:27:15,189
were detained overnight by Canadian authorities.
609
00:27:15,289 --> 00:27:17,191
I want to call the American embassy.
610
00:27:17,291 --> 00:27:21,295
All I said was,
'Canadian beer sucks.'
611
00:27:21,295 --> 00:27:22,696
People!
612
00:27:22,796 --> 00:27:26,300
People!
613
00:27:26,300 --> 00:27:28,802
Can't we all just get along?
614
00:27:28,802 --> 00:27:31,112
Boy, these Canadians are violent.
615
00:27:39,313 --> 00:27:40,714
General, can I use your phone for a second?
616
00:27:40,814 --> 00:27:47,070
Sure. Go ahead.
617
00:27:47,070 --> 00:27:48,472
Yeah. Stu Smiley.
618
00:27:48,572 --> 00:27:51,074
Give me central intelligence.
619
00:27:51,074 --> 00:27:53,327
Yeah, Canada desk?
620
00:27:53,827 --> 00:27:54,728
Timmy.
621
00:27:54,828 --> 00:27:56,230
Hi, Stu.
622
00:27:56,330 --> 00:27:57,731
What's up, Bill?
623
00:27:57,831 --> 00:27:59,233
How you doing, Stu?
624
00:27:59,333 --> 00:28:01,235
Re-route the heroin through Cancun.
625
00:28:01,335 --> 00:28:02,236
Hold on a second--
626
00:28:02,336 --> 00:28:04,338
Yeah. Oliver Stone.
627
00:28:04,838 --> 00:28:06,840
There's Gus.
628
00:28:07,341 --> 00:28:08,242
What do you say, Stu?
629
00:28:08,342 --> 00:28:10,344
Long time no see, huh?
630
00:28:10,844 --> 00:28:13,347
It's like the plaza in here.
631
00:28:13,347 --> 00:28:16,750
They've got me in a temporary
place here, that's all.
632
00:28:16,850 --> 00:28:18,869
I see you're still proud of telling Kennedy
633
00:28:18,969 --> 00:28:20,971
to send advisors to Vietnam.
634
00:28:20,971 --> 00:28:22,372
You're damn right.
635
00:28:22,472 --> 00:28:24,374
The whole Vietnam war was my idea.
636
00:28:24,474 --> 00:28:26,476
Not ashamed of it one bit.
637
00:28:26,977 --> 00:28:28,879
If they had followed my
advice and gone nuclear...
638
00:28:28,979 --> 00:28:30,119
I�m sure history
639
00:28:30,219 --> 00:28:31,381
will vindicate you.
640
00:28:31,481 --> 00:28:32,883
Would've wiped out the Koreans, too.
641
00:28:32,983 --> 00:28:34,985
Then we wouldn't be driving
642
00:28:35,485 --> 00:28:38,388
behind them shitty little
compacts with no pickup.
643
00:28:38,488 --> 00:28:39,890
Those cars are built in South Korea.
644
00:28:39,990 --> 00:28:40,891
They're our Koreans.
645
00:28:40,991 --> 00:28:42,993
Like I care!
646
00:28:43,493 --> 00:28:44,394
What have you got for me?
647
00:28:44,494 --> 00:28:45,395
Anything, something?
648
00:28:45,495 --> 00:28:46,396
You mean Canada.
649
00:28:46,496 --> 00:28:47,898
Yeah.
650
00:28:47,998 --> 00:28:51,501
We can't talk here. Let's go for a walk.
651
00:28:51,501 --> 00:28:53,403
There a secretary hidden somewhere
652
00:28:53,503 --> 00:28:56,640
to hold your calls for you?
653
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:58,542
Remember the big New York blackout?
654
00:28:58,642 --> 00:29:01,512
Caused by a Canadian hydroelectric plant,
655
00:29:01,645 --> 00:29:03,046
Niagara Falls.
656
00:29:03,146 --> 00:29:04,548
The Canucks claim
657
00:29:04,648 --> 00:29:08,151
that it was a faulty transmitter.
658
00:29:08,151 --> 00:29:10,053
We had reason to suspect otherwise.
659
00:29:10,153 --> 00:29:12,155
Why what do you mean?
660
00:29:12,155 --> 00:29:13,557
These Canadians suffer
661
00:29:13,657 --> 00:29:16,526
from a serious inferiority complex.
662
00:29:17,027 --> 00:29:18,428
That's why they built this--
663
00:29:18,528 --> 00:29:19,457
Canadian
664
00:29:19,557 --> 00:29:20,931
National tower.
665
00:29:21,031 --> 00:29:21,992
World's tallest
666
00:29:22,092 --> 00:29:23,433
freestanding structure.
667
00:29:23,533 --> 00:29:25,936
Our scientists can't figure out its purpose.
668
00:29:26,036 --> 00:29:26,937
I�ll bet theirs can't either.
669
00:29:27,037 --> 00:29:30,040
Jesus.
670
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:31,942
Canadians are always dreaming up
671
00:29:32,042 --> 00:29:35,545
a lot of ways to ruin our lives.
672
00:29:35,545 --> 00:29:37,447
The metric system,
for the love of god!
673
00:29:37,547 --> 00:29:38,949
Celsius!
674
00:29:39,049 --> 00:29:41,051
Neil Young?
675
00:29:41,051 --> 00:29:42,452
By god, you're right, Gus.
676
00:29:42,552 --> 00:29:44,554
Of course!
It was crazy of us
677
00:29:44,554 --> 00:29:46,456
to have been so blind for so long.
678
00:29:46,556 --> 00:29:49,059
We thought,
they're just Canadians.
679
00:29:49,059 --> 00:29:51,561
They're practically the 51st state.
680
00:29:51,561 --> 00:29:53,964
We admired them-- clean streets, no crime,
681
00:29:54,064 --> 00:29:54,965
no minorities.
682
00:29:55,065 --> 00:29:56,466
How'd they do that?
683
00:29:56,566 --> 00:29:57,968
No slavery.
684
00:29:58,068 --> 00:30:00,068
God, they're smart.
685
00:30:00,070 --> 00:30:02,973
Their entire government is run by socialists.
686
00:30:03,073 --> 00:30:04,474
But it's not the real pinko stuff.
687
00:30:04,574 --> 00:30:07,077
No! That's where you're wrong.
688
00:30:07,577 --> 00:30:10,580
They've always had these tendencies.
689
00:30:10,580 --> 00:30:12,232
'Capitalism must be destroyed in all forms.'
690
00:30:12,332 --> 00:30:13,734
What's this?
691
00:30:13,834 --> 00:30:15,736
We haven't been paying attention.
692
00:30:15,836 --> 00:30:18,839
We think that,
oh, they're a little strange
693
00:30:18,839 --> 00:30:21,289
With the socialized medicine stuff.
694
00:30:21,341 --> 00:30:24,244
But do you know they provide
free college to anyone?
695
00:30:24,344 --> 00:30:25,746
Free trains,
696
00:30:25,846 --> 00:30:27,247
free eyeglasses,
697
00:30:27,347 --> 00:30:28,248
free condoms?
698
00:30:28,348 --> 00:30:29,750
Jesus.
699
00:30:29,850 --> 00:30:32,352
Do your superiors know about this?
700
00:30:32,352 --> 00:30:34,855
Ah, those gutless desk mammals.
701
00:30:34,855 --> 00:30:36,256
Ever since I told them
702
00:30:36,356 --> 00:30:38,358
the bay of pigs by 10:00,
703
00:30:38,358 --> 00:30:40,861
they've treated me like dirt.
704
00:30:40,861 --> 00:30:41,762
You've done a great job here.
705
00:30:41,862 --> 00:30:43,263
I�ll make sure
706
00:30:43,363 --> 00:30:44,765
the president knows of your fine work.
707
00:30:44,865 --> 00:30:48,034
Like I care!
708
00:30:48,034 --> 00:30:48,935
Canada?
709
00:30:49,035 --> 00:30:52,172
Did you say Canada?
710
00:30:52,172 --> 00:30:57,177
The American people,
Mr. Smiley...
711
00:30:57,177 --> 00:30:59,679
would never, ever buy this.
712
00:31:00,180 --> 00:31:02,082
Mr. President,
the American people
713
00:31:02,182 --> 00:31:04,684
will buy whatever we tell them to.
714
00:31:05,185 --> 00:31:06,953
You know that.
715
00:31:07,053 --> 00:31:10,557
Aren't you overlooking one major obstacle,
716
00:31:10,557 --> 00:31:12,459
like how to get the average American
717
00:31:12,559 --> 00:31:14,945
to hate and fear Canadians?
718
00:31:14,945 --> 00:31:16,596
Hell, they're whiter than we are.
719
00:31:16,696 --> 00:31:19,699
Gentlemen, ladies,
allow me to clue you
720
00:31:19,699 --> 00:31:22,202
to a few rude awakenings.
721
00:31:22,202 --> 00:31:25,605
For those that think Canada
is a mom-and-pop operation,
722
00:31:25,705 --> 00:31:28,108
it's time to wake up and smell the snow.
723
00:31:28,208 --> 00:31:30,210
Fact: Canada�s now
724
00:31:30,210 --> 00:31:33,213
the second-largest country in the world.
725
00:31:33,213 --> 00:31:35,615
Fact: Canadians freely cross over our borders,
726
00:31:35,715 --> 00:31:37,117
walking among us...
727
00:31:37,217 --> 00:31:40,220
undetected.
728
00:31:40,220 --> 00:31:42,222
How many of you knew
729
00:31:42,222 --> 00:31:43,740
that they eliminated the Miss Canada contest?
730
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,476
You're on to something here.
731
00:31:46,476 --> 00:31:49,880
Remember the air force c-130
that crashed mysteriously
732
00:31:49,980 --> 00:31:51,381
a few years ago?
733
00:31:51,481 --> 00:31:53,984
And that just happened to occur
734
00:31:53,984 --> 00:31:56,486
over Canada,
Mr. President.
735
00:31:56,486 --> 00:31:58,989
My god.
That's shocking.
736
00:31:58,989 --> 00:32:00,891
When did they get rid of Miss Canada?
737
00:32:00,991 --> 00:32:03,109
A year ago.
738
00:32:03,109 --> 00:32:06,613
Suppose something like that caught on down here.
739
00:32:06,613 --> 00:32:07,514
One week,
Mr. President.
740
00:32:07,614 --> 00:32:09,616
Give me one week,
741
00:32:09,616 --> 00:32:12,519
and I�ll have Americans
Burning maple leaves so fast,
742
00:32:12,619 --> 00:32:15,021
they won't have time to think
about their smog-filled lungs,
743
00:32:15,121 --> 00:32:16,523
rising interest rates,
744
00:32:16,623 --> 00:32:19,143
or their dwindling savings accounts.
745
00:32:25,131 --> 00:32:27,131
One week, sir.
746
00:32:37,143 --> 00:32:38,044
Good evening.
747
00:32:38,144 --> 00:32:41,147
Edwin S. Simon reporting.
748
00:32:41,147 --> 00:32:44,150
NBS news has obtained Pentagon documents
749
00:32:44,150 --> 00:32:46,553
that show our neighbor to the north,
750
00:32:46,653 --> 00:32:48,555
the sovereign nation of Canada,
751
00:32:48,655 --> 00:32:50,557
has embarked on a military program
752
00:32:50,657 --> 00:32:53,543
aimed at the United States.
753
00:32:53,543 --> 00:32:57,414
Canada, known for ages as
a polite and clean country,
754
00:32:57,414 --> 00:32:59,654
has, under a socialist majority,
755
00:32:59,799 --> 00:33:01,952
undertaken a massive military buildup
756
00:33:02,052 --> 00:33:04,321
on its border with the United States.
757
00:33:04,421 --> 00:33:05,822
I don't like Canada.
758
00:33:05,922 --> 00:33:08,058
It's freezing cold.
759
00:33:08,558 --> 00:33:09,960
Canada owns more of the US
760
00:33:10,060 --> 00:33:15,432
than any other country.
761
00:33:15,432 --> 00:33:16,833
William Shatner.
762
00:33:16,933 --> 00:33:18,335
Michael J. Fox.
763
00:33:18,435 --> 00:33:20,435
Monty Hall.
764
00:33:20,437 --> 00:33:21,838
Mike Myers.
765
00:33:21,938 --> 00:33:23,940
Alex Trebek.
766
00:33:23,940 --> 00:33:25,342
All of them Canadians.
767
00:33:25,442 --> 00:33:31,197
All of them here.
768
00:33:31,698 --> 00:33:33,600
Is Canadian prime minister Clark MacDonald
769
00:33:33,700 --> 00:33:35,952
a member of a satanic cult?
770
00:33:35,952 --> 00:33:39,456
Most of Canada's vast military technology
771
00:33:39,956 --> 00:33:43,960
has been built and supplied
by the United States.
772
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:46,690
The Canadian national tower in Toronto,
773
00:33:46,963 --> 00:33:49,366
erected to transmit nuclear attack warnings
774
00:33:49,466 --> 00:33:51,368
from radar stations in northern Canada,
775
00:33:51,468 --> 00:33:54,971
is now solely in Canadian hands.
776
00:33:54,971 --> 00:33:57,874
It is the height of 6 American football fields,
777
00:33:57,974 --> 00:34:00,477
Or 5 Canadian football fields--
778
00:34:00,977 --> 00:34:03,380
as if Canadian football really counts.
779
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:06,483
What would be the psychological motivation
780
00:34:06,483 --> 00:34:10,987
to erect a huge,
long, rigid shaft?
781
00:34:11,488 --> 00:34:13,773
First, there is no Canadian culture.
782
00:34:13,873 --> 00:34:17,377
I�ve never read any Canadian literature.
783
00:34:17,877 --> 00:34:19,279
And when have you heard anyone say,
784
00:34:19,379 --> 00:34:23,019
'Honey, let's stay in and
order some Canadian food'?
785
00:34:23,383 --> 00:34:26,152
Congress is also asking intelligence agencies
786
00:34:26,252 --> 00:34:29,756
to investigate why the Canadians maintain
787
00:34:29,756 --> 00:34:32,759
a threatening lead in Zamboni technology.
788
00:34:32,759 --> 00:34:35,261
Think of your children
789
00:34:35,261 --> 00:34:37,921
pledging allegiance to the maple leaf.
790
00:34:38,264 --> 00:34:40,767
Mayonnaise on everything.
791
00:34:40,767 --> 00:34:44,771
Winter-- 11 months of the year.
792
00:34:44,771 --> 00:34:46,771
Anne Murray...
793
00:34:46,773 --> 00:34:48,174
All day...
794
00:34:48,274 --> 00:34:52,662
Every day.
795
00:34:52,662 --> 00:34:56,533
Holy shit.
796
00:34:56,533 --> 00:34:58,535
We're right on the border.
797
00:34:58,535 --> 00:35:01,421
We're the first line of defense.
798
00:35:01,421 --> 00:35:03,801
We have to get everyone organized.
799
00:35:03,923 --> 00:35:05,825
All right, people!
Do not panic!
800
00:35:05,925 --> 00:35:07,925
I repeat, do not panic!
801
00:35:07,927 --> 00:35:09,446
I�m in complete control.
802
00:35:09,546 --> 00:35:11,948
Now, Honey, Kabral,
Roy boy, and myself--
803
00:35:12,048 --> 00:35:14,551
we'll guard the hydro plant.
804
00:35:14,551 --> 00:35:17,554
Snake, you guard Ed's gun shop.
805
00:35:17,554 --> 00:35:18,955
Dell, the bowling alley.
806
00:35:19,055 --> 00:35:21,057
The rest of you,
807
00:35:21,057 --> 00:35:25,061
guard this bar with your lives.
808
00:35:25,061 --> 00:35:26,463
Yeah.
809
00:35:26,563 --> 00:35:31,067
All right, people.
810
00:35:31,067 --> 00:35:33,319
Let's move out.
811
00:35:33,319 --> 00:35:38,324
Fighting soldiers from the sky
812
00:35:38,324 --> 00:35:40,326
fearless men
813
00:35:40,326 --> 00:35:43,079
Who jump and die
814
00:35:43,079 --> 00:35:46,082
Men who mean
815
00:35:46,082 --> 00:35:49,219
just what they say
816
00:35:49,219 --> 00:35:51,721
The brave men
817
00:35:51,971 --> 00:35:54,974
of the green beret
818
00:35:55,091 --> 00:35:57,594
Silver wings
819
00:35:57,594 --> 00:36:00,597
upon their chest
820
00:36:00,597 --> 00:36:03,099
These are men
821
00:36:03,099 --> 00:36:05,852
America's best
822
00:36:05,852 --> 00:36:08,855
100 men
823
00:36:08,855 --> 00:36:11,858
will test today
824
00:36:11,858 --> 00:36:14,861
but only 3
825
00:36:14,861 --> 00:36:17,614
win the green beret
826
00:36:17,614 --> 00:36:20,366
Put silver wings
827
00:36:20,366 --> 00:36:23,503
on my son's chest
828
00:36:23,503 --> 00:36:26,256
Make him one
829
00:36:26,256 --> 00:36:28,758
of America's best
830
00:36:29,259 --> 00:36:32,128
He'll be a man
831
00:36:32,128 --> 00:36:34,764
they'll test one day
832
00:36:35,265 --> 00:36:37,767
Have him win
833
00:36:37,767 --> 00:36:44,307
the green beret
834
00:36:44,307 --> 00:36:45,708
Now, who would've thought--
835
00:36:45,808 --> 00:36:49,312
America against the scary Canadians.
836
00:36:49,312 --> 00:36:51,314
Heh heh heh.
837
00:36:51,314 --> 00:36:52,715
Boy, I�m good.
838
00:36:52,815 --> 00:36:56,319
I�m going to let you in on a little secret.
839
00:36:56,319 --> 00:36:58,821
Mmm!
840
00:36:58,821 --> 00:37:00,821
Mmm...christ.
841
00:37:07,330 --> 00:37:09,732
The American public's attention span
842
00:37:09,832 --> 00:37:11,734
is about as long as your dick.
843
00:37:11,834 --> 00:37:13,236
You have got to give Americans
844
00:37:13,336 --> 00:37:15,338
something real.
845
00:37:15,338 --> 00:37:16,739
Something they can get their teeth into,
846
00:37:16,839 --> 00:37:17,199
something that
847
00:37:17,299 --> 00:37:17,740
will make them cry
848
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:20,343
'Bloody murder!'
849
00:37:20,343 --> 00:37:21,008
Americans
850
00:37:21,108 --> 00:37:22,245
will not go to war,
851
00:37:22,345 --> 00:37:24,347
even a cold war,
852
00:37:24,347 --> 00:37:26,349
unless they truly believe
853
00:37:26,349 --> 00:37:30,853
that their very lives are threatened.
854
00:37:30,853 --> 00:37:32,388
What do you have in mind?
855
00:37:32,488 --> 00:37:34,991
Back in the early 1960s,
856
00:37:34,991 --> 00:37:37,994
my old buddy Lyndon Johnson says,
857
00:37:37,994 --> 00:37:40,897
'Boys, why don't we just
bomb one of our own ships
858
00:37:40,997 --> 00:37:42,899
'and blame it on the north Vietnamese?'
859
00:37:42,999 --> 00:37:46,502
We did. We shelled a US Navy ship
860
00:37:46,502 --> 00:37:48,271
in the gulf of Tonkin.
861
00:37:48,371 --> 00:37:49,630
At least, that's
862
00:37:49,730 --> 00:37:51,730
what we told everybody
863
00:37:51,874 --> 00:37:53,276
as far as I know,
that damn boat
864
00:37:53,376 --> 00:37:57,880
was out in the middle of lake Erie. But...
865
00:37:57,880 --> 00:37:59,880
24 hours later
866
00:37:59,882 --> 00:38:03,386
the US Senate voted 98 to 2
867
00:38:03,386 --> 00:38:07,390
to send troops to Vietnam.
868
00:38:07,390 --> 00:38:08,291
That's an amazing story.
869
00:38:08,391 --> 00:38:10,893
That's the truth,
870
00:38:10,893 --> 00:38:17,400
and it can still work.
871
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:19,400
Like maple syrup,
872
00:38:19,402 --> 00:38:23,906
Canada's evil oozes over the United States.
873
00:38:23,906 --> 00:38:27,410
How long will we remain silent to the screams?
874
00:38:27,910 --> 00:38:29,910
Oh, that is stunning.
875
00:38:30,913 --> 00:38:31,814
Everyone knows what it's like
876
00:38:31,914 --> 00:38:33,816
to get syrup on your fingers.
877
00:38:33,916 --> 00:38:36,419
This guy's ingenious.
I mean--
878
00:38:36,419 --> 00:38:37,320
Mr. President,
Canadian prime minister!
879
00:38:37,420 --> 00:38:40,923
Ha ha ha!
880
00:38:40,923 --> 00:38:42,923
Clark?
881
00:38:42,925 --> 00:38:44,927
How's Claire?
882
00:38:45,428 --> 00:38:47,830
You were just watching on NBS, really?
883
00:38:47,930 --> 00:38:48,831
I don't know what to think.
884
00:38:48,931 --> 00:38:49,382
Looks
885
00:38:49,482 --> 00:38:50,333
like you people
886
00:38:50,433 --> 00:38:52,685
are planning something nasty.
887
00:38:52,685 --> 00:38:54,087
Mmm mmm mmm.
888
00:38:54,187 --> 00:38:55,588
Ha ha. What?
889
00:38:55,688 --> 00:39:00,326
If you feel that way about it, goodbye.
890
00:39:00,827 --> 00:39:03,079
I like this.
891
00:39:03,079 --> 00:39:04,480
I think now may be the time
892
00:39:04,580 --> 00:39:05,848
to turn up the heat.
893
00:39:05,948 --> 00:39:07,950
What do you mean?
894
00:39:07,950 --> 00:39:09,852
Well, what if--I�m just spitballing here--
895
00:39:09,952 --> 00:39:11,354
That's ok.
Go ahead.
896
00:39:11,454 --> 00:39:13,856
A Canadian hit squad,
i.e., trained professionals,
897
00:39:13,956 --> 00:39:15,958
who looked like Canadians,
898
00:39:15,958 --> 00:39:18,361
were photographed sabotaging
an important installation
899
00:39:18,461 --> 00:39:20,463
inside the US.
900
00:39:20,463 --> 00:39:22,365
Let's go there with a strike force,
901
00:39:22,465 --> 00:39:23,866
knock out their infrastructure
902
00:39:23,966 --> 00:39:25,868
quicker than you can say,
'collateral damage.'
903
00:39:25,968 --> 00:39:27,370
No.
No.
904
00:39:27,470 --> 00:39:28,871
Why not?
Yeah, why not?
905
00:39:28,971 --> 00:39:31,974
A war with Canada would be over in days.
906
00:39:31,974 --> 00:39:33,376
Remember Grenada?
907
00:39:33,476 --> 00:39:34,377
They didn't even wake Reagan up.
908
00:39:34,477 --> 00:39:36,477
Didn't have to.
909
00:39:36,479 --> 00:39:39,982
All we found were rich
American med school rejects
910
00:39:39,982 --> 00:39:41,384
and a couple of Cuban construction workers.
911
00:39:41,484 --> 00:39:42,885
That's liberal bullshit.
912
00:39:42,985 --> 00:39:43,886
Cuba had a division in there.
913
00:39:43,986 --> 00:39:45,988
What about Panama?
914
00:39:45,988 --> 00:39:47,390
Right. Listen to this.
915
00:39:47,490 --> 00:39:48,204
A few days
916
00:39:48,304 --> 00:39:48,891
of blasting
917
00:39:48,991 --> 00:39:50,893
Def Leppard over loudspeakers,
918
00:39:50,993 --> 00:39:52,993
And Noriega ran out weeping.
919
00:39:52,995 --> 00:39:53,896
And Iraqha!
920
00:39:53,996 --> 00:39:55,398
Ha.
921
00:39:55,498 --> 00:39:58,151
They were supposed to have this big, bad army.
922
00:39:58,251 --> 00:39:59,652
They had the biggest cannon,
923
00:39:59,752 --> 00:40:01,752
invented by a Canadian.
924
00:40:01,754 --> 00:40:03,156
72 hours after we invade,
925
00:40:03,256 --> 00:40:04,657
they're begging for a big mac.
926
00:40:04,757 --> 00:40:05,658
They stopped
927
00:40:05,758 --> 00:40:06,659
a hundred miles short of Baghdad.
928
00:40:06,759 --> 00:40:08,161
We just sat there
929
00:40:08,261 --> 00:40:11,264
waving our dicks at the desert.
930
00:40:11,264 --> 00:40:13,666
Mr. President, do you want more of that,
931
00:40:13,766 --> 00:40:16,769
or 50 years of cold war prosperity
932
00:40:16,769 --> 00:40:19,672
because Joe Schmoe American is scared shitless
933
00:40:19,772 --> 00:40:25,778
the world's going to end
before the next commercial?
934
00:40:26,279 --> 00:40:28,181
Well, I think I like Mr. Smiley's approach.
935
00:40:28,281 --> 00:40:30,783
No, no.
I really like it.
936
00:40:31,284 --> 00:40:32,685
Here's what we're going to do.
937
00:40:32,785 --> 00:40:34,785
We'll get some special ops.
938
00:40:34,787 --> 00:40:36,689
We'll disguise them as Canadians
939
00:40:36,789 --> 00:40:38,191
and let them blow something up.
940
00:40:38,291 --> 00:40:40,291
But nothing valuable, ok?
941
00:40:40,293 --> 00:40:41,694
No casualties, all right?
942
00:40:41,794 --> 00:40:43,196
There will be no casualties,
943
00:40:43,296 --> 00:40:45,296
and Canada gets the blame.
944
00:41:00,062 --> 00:41:02,565
Come on.
Step on the gas!
945
00:41:02,565 --> 00:41:03,966
Double time.
Double time.
946
00:41:04,066 --> 00:41:06,066
We're just minutes away
947
00:41:06,068 --> 00:41:08,471
from blowing this hydro plant to kingdom come.
948
00:41:08,571 --> 00:41:10,571
Ha! I�m back!
949
00:41:28,975 --> 00:41:35,481
You got them down there?
950
00:41:35,481 --> 00:41:37,750
Wait till those s.o.b.s back at Langley
951
00:41:37,850 --> 00:41:41,354
see this on the nightly news.
952
00:41:41,354 --> 00:41:43,356
Freeze! The both of you!
953
00:41:43,856 --> 00:41:46,492
Don't move.
Don't anybody move.
954
00:41:46,492 --> 00:41:47,393
Honey, Canadians on the east wing.
955
00:41:47,493 --> 00:41:48,895
Bring the boys, quick!
956
00:41:48,995 --> 00:41:49,896
Who the hell are you?
957
00:41:49,996 --> 00:41:51,998
Who the hell are you?
958
00:41:51,998 --> 00:41:54,000
Get out! Go on!
959
00:41:54,500 --> 00:41:55,401
Look what we found!
960
00:41:55,501 --> 00:41:56,402
Get your hands up there.
961
00:41:56,502 --> 00:41:58,504
Come on! Hey, spread 'em!
962
00:41:58,504 --> 00:42:00,506
Come on.
Let's go! M!
963
00:42:00,506 --> 00:42:02,909
Under the articles of the
fifth Geneva convention,
964
00:42:03,009 --> 00:42:04,911
and with the powers invested in me by--
965
00:42:05,011 --> 00:42:07,413
Would you please shut up?
We're American!
966
00:42:07,513 --> 00:42:09,513
Who plays quarterback
967
00:42:09,515 --> 00:42:10,416
for the St. Louis Cardinals?
968
00:42:10,516 --> 00:42:12,518
I have no idea.
969
00:42:12,518 --> 00:42:13,920
There ain't no more St. Louis Cardinals!
970
00:42:14,020 --> 00:42:16,272
They moved to Phoenix!
971
00:42:16,772 --> 00:42:18,174
Wait. Give us another one.
972
00:42:18,274 --> 00:42:19,175
Sorry. Time's up!
973
00:42:19,275 --> 00:42:22,278
Cuff 'em!
Frisk these Canucks!
974
00:42:22,278 --> 00:42:23,679
Then call the CIA,
975
00:42:23,779 --> 00:42:26,782
the FBI, the D.A.,
and the A.S.P.C.A.,
976
00:42:27,283 --> 00:42:28,684
and call Channel 5.
977
00:42:28,784 --> 00:42:33,289
You're going to be on TV.
978
00:42:33,789 --> 00:42:35,691
The nation remains stunned today
979
00:42:35,791 --> 00:42:38,694
after the capture of secret Canadian agents
980
00:42:38,794 --> 00:42:41,197
who were attempting to blow
up the hydroelectric plant
981
00:42:41,297 --> 00:42:43,799
in Niagara Falls, New York.
982
00:42:43,799 --> 00:42:45,201
The Canadians were apprehended
983
00:42:45,301 --> 00:42:47,803
by Niagara sheriff,
Bud B. Boomer.
984
00:42:47,803 --> 00:42:48,704
Move! Move! Move!
985
00:42:48,804 --> 00:42:50,806
Right.
986
00:42:50,806 --> 00:42:52,208
Our correspondent,
Charles Jackal,
987
00:42:52,308 --> 00:42:53,709
Who is rejoining us
988
00:42:53,809 --> 00:42:55,711
after a stint at the Betty Ford clinic,
989
00:42:55,811 --> 00:42:57,813
kicks off our team coverage.
990
00:42:58,314 --> 00:43:01,067
Chuck, it's great to have you back.
991
00:43:01,067 --> 00:43:04,070
And it's great to be back.
992
00:43:04,070 --> 00:43:06,072
I want to apologize
993
00:43:06,072 --> 00:43:06,973
for the hurt I may have caused that night
994
00:43:07,073 --> 00:43:09,575
to so many of you,
995
00:43:09,575 --> 00:43:10,977
especially those who were standing
996
00:43:11,077 --> 00:43:14,080
too close to the curb.
997
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:16,582
You know who you are.
998
00:43:16,582 --> 00:43:20,586
Forgive me.
999
00:43:20,586 --> 00:43:22,355
Ed, it's a startling revelation.
1000
00:43:22,455 --> 00:43:24,357
Canada, getting ready to invade,
1001
00:43:24,457 --> 00:43:26,959
has amassed 90%
of its population
1002
00:43:26,959 --> 00:43:29,111
along its border with the United States--
1003
00:43:29,211 --> 00:43:32,114
The longest unprotected border in the world,
1004
00:43:32,214 --> 00:43:33,616
stretching from the Atlantic ocean
1005
00:43:33,716 --> 00:43:39,355
to that other one.
1006
00:43:39,855 --> 00:43:40,756
You'll be pleased to know, sir,
1007
00:43:40,856 --> 00:43:43,359
that the Hacker Hellstorm
1008
00:43:43,359 --> 00:43:46,262
was delivered to and installed
in Toronto yesterday.
1009
00:43:46,362 --> 00:43:47,763
Good work.
1010
00:43:47,863 --> 00:43:49,863
Good work, boy.
1011
00:43:49,865 --> 00:43:51,267
When I found you,
1012
00:43:51,367 --> 00:43:53,369
I said to myself,
1013
00:43:53,869 --> 00:43:55,271
'I can make something
1014
00:43:55,371 --> 00:43:56,772
'out of that sniveling little sneak.'
1015
00:43:56,872 --> 00:43:59,625
Yes, sir.
1016
00:43:59,625 --> 00:44:04,630
Sir, what exactly is the Hacker Hellstorm?
1017
00:44:04,630 --> 00:44:08,751
I�m just curious since I sold it and all.
1018
00:44:08,751 --> 00:44:11,754
Well, that's fair enough, Stu.
1019
00:44:12,254 --> 00:44:15,157
The Hacker hellstorm is a devastating weapon,
1020
00:44:15,257 --> 00:44:17,259
a destabilizing weapon.
1021
00:44:17,259 --> 00:44:19,762
And it is capable
1022
00:44:19,762 --> 00:44:21,163
of launching all the missiles
1023
00:44:21,263 --> 00:44:22,665
in the United States
1024
00:44:22,765 --> 00:44:24,050
at once.
1025
00:44:24,150 --> 00:44:25,551
Really?
1026
00:44:25,651 --> 00:44:28,654
But the Canadians will never, ever use it.
1027
00:44:28,654 --> 00:44:30,656
How can you be so sure?
1028
00:44:30,656 --> 00:44:34,660
Because I didn't give them the operating codes.
1029
00:44:35,161 --> 00:44:36,062
Really?
1030
00:44:36,162 --> 00:44:38,064
They think it gives them an edge
1031
00:44:38,164 --> 00:44:41,667
on high-tech weather forecasting.
1032
00:44:41,667 --> 00:44:43,069
Uh-huh.
1033
00:44:43,169 --> 00:44:49,792
So the Hellstorm is harmless, yes?
1034
00:44:49,792 --> 00:44:51,794
Ah, Stuey.
1035
00:44:51,794 --> 00:44:56,215
Ha ha ha!
1036
00:44:56,215 --> 00:44:58,215
Honey!
1037
00:45:06,225 --> 00:45:11,230
Honey!
1038
00:45:11,731 --> 00:45:15,234
What the...
1039
00:45:15,234 --> 00:45:18,738
Holy shit.
1040
00:45:18,738 --> 00:45:20,738
What the hell?
1041
00:45:25,745 --> 00:45:26,779
Honey?
1042
00:45:26,879 --> 00:45:29,632
Shh!
1043
00:45:30,132 --> 00:45:32,134
Kabral...
1044
00:45:32,134 --> 00:45:34,036
What does this look like to you?
1045
00:45:34,136 --> 00:45:35,538
Got me.
1046
00:45:35,638 --> 00:45:37,907
I never saw a white one that size.
1047
00:45:38,007 --> 00:45:41,010
It's the Canadian national tower.
1048
00:45:41,010 --> 00:45:41,685
Maybe I better
1049
00:45:41,785 --> 00:45:42,411
carry the guns.
1050
00:45:42,511 --> 00:45:43,913
Where we going?
1051
00:45:44,013 --> 00:45:45,414
Boomer's got a special mission for us.
1052
00:45:45,514 --> 00:45:46,916
Says Canadians are too clean
1053
00:45:47,016 --> 00:45:47,917
for their own good.
1054
00:45:48,017 --> 00:45:48,918
We're crossing over.
1055
00:45:49,018 --> 00:45:51,020
To Canada?
1056
00:45:51,020 --> 00:45:53,022
Yep. We're going in tonight
1057
00:45:53,022 --> 00:45:53,742
to kick
1058
00:45:53,842 --> 00:45:55,424
some Canadian butt.
1059
00:45:55,524 --> 00:45:57,524
Can we go to the tower?
1060
00:45:57,526 --> 00:45:59,526
No. I don't think so.
1061
00:46:05,284 --> 00:46:08,224
Cut the engine.
It's making too much noise.
1062
00:46:09,789 --> 00:46:11,190
What did you say?
1063
00:46:11,290 --> 00:46:13,793
We have to be very quiet.
1064
00:46:13,793 --> 00:46:15,695
We're all going to have to paddle.
1065
00:46:15,795 --> 00:46:17,795
Get those oars in the water.
1066
00:46:17,797 --> 00:46:19,932
Go on. Put your back into it.
1067
00:46:19,932 --> 00:46:25,187
Nice and easy. There you go.
1068
00:46:25,187 --> 00:46:27,917
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Canada.
1069
00:46:35,564 --> 00:46:41,570
This'll drive them crazy!
1070
00:46:41,570 --> 00:46:45,070
There is no more heinous
crime than this in Canada.
1071
00:46:45,074 --> 00:46:46,475
Are you sure we're in Canada?
1072
00:46:46,575 --> 00:46:47,977
Do you smell anything?
1073
00:46:48,077 --> 00:46:50,933
No.
Exactly.
1074
00:46:51,033 --> 00:46:52,732
Canada!
1075
00:46:52,832 --> 00:46:54,233
Hey, those look like my socks.
1076
00:46:54,333 --> 00:46:55,234
That isn't garbage!
1077
00:46:55,334 --> 00:46:56,736
That's my laundry.
1078
00:46:56,836 --> 00:46:58,237
Roy boy, you idiot!
1079
00:46:58,337 --> 00:47:00,339
Pick this up!
1080
00:47:00,339 --> 00:47:01,091
You stupid jerk,
1081
00:47:01,191 --> 00:47:01,991
what are you doing?
1082
00:47:02,091 --> 00:47:04,093
My good stuff.
1083
00:47:04,093 --> 00:47:04,471
Hello?
1084
00:47:04,571 --> 00:47:05,378
Who goes there?
1085
00:47:05,478 --> 00:47:06,879
Freeze!
1086
00:47:06,979 --> 00:47:08,381
Johnny Canuck!
1087
00:47:08,481 --> 00:47:10,983
Leave the park immediately
1088
00:47:10,983 --> 00:47:12,134
and go back to where you came from.
1089
00:47:12,234 --> 00:47:14,737
Scatter!
1090
00:47:14,737 --> 00:47:18,607
Everybody back to the boat!
1091
00:47:18,607 --> 00:47:20,509
Sir, you can't end your
sentence with a preposition.
1092
00:47:20,609 --> 00:47:21,510
Oh, really?
1093
00:47:21,610 --> 00:47:23,612
Ha ha ha!
1094
00:47:23,612 --> 00:47:26,615
Whoo whoo whoo!
1095
00:47:26,615 --> 00:47:29,118
Well, what would you say?
1096
00:47:29,118 --> 00:47:31,020
Well, I guess I'd say either,
1097
00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:33,022
'Go back from where you came,'
1098
00:47:33,122 --> 00:47:34,523
or the preferred Queen's English,
1099
00:47:34,623 --> 00:47:37,626
'Go back, thee,
from whence thou came.'
1100
00:47:37,626 --> 00:47:39,628
Hee hee hee!
1101
00:47:40,129 --> 00:47:43,132
Oh, man,
that was close.
1102
00:47:43,132 --> 00:47:48,637
We were staring death right in its face!
1103
00:47:48,637 --> 00:47:50,637
So, uh,
where's, uh, Honey?
1104
00:47:59,648 --> 00:48:02,651
Oh, man,
we forgot Honey!
1105
00:48:02,651 --> 00:48:04,053
I left Honey behind!
1106
00:48:04,153 --> 00:48:06,155
We left a man behind.
1107
00:48:06,155 --> 00:48:08,157
Boomer left a man behind!
1108
00:48:08,657 --> 00:48:10,559
The marines never leave a man behind.
1109
00:48:10,659 --> 00:48:12,561
Chuck Norris never left a man behind.
1110
00:48:12,661 --> 00:48:15,064
Wesley Snipes never leaves a man behind!
1111
00:48:15,164 --> 00:48:16,565
She's all alone behind enemy lines.
1112
00:48:16,665 --> 00:48:18,667
I got to think!
1113
00:48:19,168 --> 00:48:20,569
She's going to be fine.
1114
00:48:20,669 --> 00:48:22,769
She's a survivor.
She's strong!
1115
00:48:28,060 --> 00:48:30,160
Hope she doesn't kill anybody.
1116
00:48:36,318 --> 00:48:38,220
We interrupt our regularly-scheduled program
1117
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:43,325
and go live to the president
of the United States.
1118
00:48:43,826 --> 00:48:46,729
We have just learned that
the Canadian government
1119
00:48:46,829 --> 00:48:49,832
is holding an American citizen hostage.
1120
00:48:49,832 --> 00:48:51,233
I have communicated
1121
00:48:51,333 --> 00:48:53,836
with the Canadian prime minister
1122
00:48:53,836 --> 00:48:57,706
our demand that this hostage, this woman,
1123
00:48:57,706 --> 00:49:00,209
uh, hostage Honey,
1124
00:49:00,209 --> 00:49:03,712
must be released now!
1125
00:49:03,712 --> 00:49:05,114
Oh, my god. Honey!
1126
00:49:05,214 --> 00:49:07,214
To facilitate this,
1127
00:49:07,216 --> 00:49:12,221
I've ordered our armed forces on alert,
1128
00:49:12,221 --> 00:49:15,224
and I've ordered them to prepare to engage
1129
00:49:15,224 --> 00:49:19,728
in operation Canadian Bacon.
1130
00:49:20,229 --> 00:49:23,132
And I want to say to prime minister MacDonald,
1131
00:49:23,232 --> 00:49:25,734
'Surrender her pronto,
1132
00:49:25,734 --> 00:49:30,239
'or we'll level Toronto.'
1133
00:49:30,739 --> 00:49:31,640
God bless America.
1134
00:49:31,740 --> 00:49:33,142
God bless America.
1135
00:49:33,242 --> 00:49:37,746
God bless you,
Mr. President.
1136
00:49:37,746 --> 00:49:40,249
Oh, Honey.
1137
00:49:40,249 --> 00:49:44,753
And, Honey,
I miss you
1138
00:49:45,254 --> 00:49:50,259
and I'm bein' good
1139
00:49:50,759 --> 00:49:55,264
and I'd love to be with you
1140
00:49:55,264 --> 00:49:58,767
if only I could
1141
00:49:58,767 --> 00:50:00,769
This just got in.
1142
00:50:00,769 --> 00:50:04,773
We have received amateur
videotape of hostage Honey.
1143
00:50:04,773 --> 00:50:06,175
Roy boy, Kabral, quick!
1144
00:50:06,275 --> 00:50:07,676
Huh?
Honey!
1145
00:50:07,776 --> 00:50:08,677
Boomer!
1146
00:50:08,777 --> 00:50:11,780
Traitor!
You Benedict Arnold!
1147
00:50:11,780 --> 00:50:13,315
You took off and left me here...
1148
00:50:13,415 --> 00:50:16,418
Oh, she's pissed.
1149
00:50:16,418 --> 00:50:17,820
You think?
1150
00:50:17,920 --> 00:50:18,821
I'll rip out every bone in your body!
1151
00:50:18,921 --> 00:50:20,573
She's mad at you,
Boomer.
1152
00:50:20,673 --> 00:50:22,191
Boomer, you hear me?
1153
00:50:22,291 --> 00:50:24,693
She is being held at mountie headquarters
1154
00:50:24,793 --> 00:50:27,296
in Niagara Falls,
Canada.
1155
00:50:27,296 --> 00:50:29,886
Sources in the intelligence community
1156
00:50:30,299 --> 00:50:32,701
speculate that Canada may be preparing
1157
00:50:32,801 --> 00:50:35,804
to terminate her,
1158
00:50:35,804 --> 00:50:37,706
which would certainly be in keeping
1159
00:50:37,806 --> 00:50:39,708
with what we know about the Canadians.
1160
00:50:39,808 --> 00:50:41,210
Terminate?
1161
00:50:41,310 --> 00:50:43,812
This is no less than an act of war.
1162
00:50:43,812 --> 00:50:46,815
There's a time to think and a time to act,
1163
00:50:47,316 --> 00:50:52,821
and this, gentlemen,
is no time to think.
1164
00:50:52,821 --> 00:50:55,224
We'll have one more round,
and then we'll go.
1165
00:50:55,324 --> 00:50:56,725
Chester!
1166
00:50:56,825 --> 00:50:57,726
Another round.
1167
00:50:57,826 --> 00:51:00,329
Same thing.
1168
00:51:00,329 --> 00:51:01,730
Gives Honey a chance to cool off a little bit.
1169
00:51:01,830 --> 00:51:03,832
Yeah,
we know.
1170
00:51:03,832 --> 00:51:05,832
Yeah.
1171
00:51:33,078 --> 00:51:35,080
Come on.
Out of the way.
1172
00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:36,482
There's not a locked door in the whole country.
1173
00:51:36,582 --> 00:51:38,582
Let's go!
1174
00:52:01,473 --> 00:52:02,374
I don't want to have to drop first blood,
1175
00:52:02,474 --> 00:52:03,509
but I will if I have to!
1176
00:52:03,609 --> 00:52:05,611
I mean it, I'll hurt you.
1177
00:52:05,611 --> 00:52:06,512
Everybody down on the ground,
1178
00:52:06,612 --> 00:52:08,614
and no one will be hurt!
1179
00:52:08,614 --> 00:52:11,366
The elk, the beaver, and the moose
1180
00:52:11,366 --> 00:52:13,869
are man's best friends.
1181
00:52:13,869 --> 00:52:15,871
All right, pops,
1182
00:52:15,871 --> 00:52:18,991
who's in charge?
1183
00:52:18,991 --> 00:52:21,276
Uh, just the two of us,
just Ruthie and me.
1184
00:52:21,376 --> 00:52:22,895
No other personnel in the whole building?
1185
00:52:22,995 --> 00:52:25,380
No. We're the night shift.
1186
00:52:25,380 --> 00:52:27,382
Excuse me, ma'am,
1187
00:52:27,382 --> 00:52:29,034
there's not another control room?
1188
00:52:29,134 --> 00:52:30,903
No, dear, this is it.
1189
00:52:31,003 --> 00:52:33,003
Thank you.
1190
00:52:33,005 --> 00:52:34,036
Um, Boomer, maybe
1191
00:52:34,136 --> 00:52:35,407
we better just go, huh?
1192
00:52:35,507 --> 00:52:36,909
Stand your ground, soldier!
1193
00:52:37,009 --> 00:52:39,009
Oh, brother.
1194
00:52:39,011 --> 00:52:41,513
Now, let me get this straight.
1195
00:52:41,513 --> 00:52:45,017
You're telling me that you two are responsible
1196
00:52:45,017 --> 00:52:45,918
for supplying all the electricity
1197
00:52:46,018 --> 00:52:48,270
to your entire nation?
1198
00:52:48,270 --> 00:52:49,671
That's about the size of it.
1199
00:52:49,771 --> 00:52:52,274
Oh, dad.
Tsk tsk tsk.
1200
00:52:52,274 --> 00:52:54,059
Does he ever like to brag.
1201
00:52:54,159 --> 00:52:56,159
Heh heh heh.
1202
00:52:56,528 --> 00:52:57,930
Put those needles down,
nice and easy,
1203
00:52:58,030 --> 00:52:59,681
where I can see them.
1204
00:52:59,781 --> 00:53:01,183
Spread out!
1205
00:53:01,283 --> 00:53:02,684
Find the power source
1206
00:53:02,784 --> 00:53:04,814
for the mountie headquarters.
1207
00:53:09,925 --> 00:53:12,794
I'm going to ask you one more time.
1208
00:53:12,794 --> 00:53:15,797
Where is the power switch
1209
00:53:15,797 --> 00:53:18,584
to the Royal Canadian
Mounted Police headquarters?
1210
00:53:18,684 --> 00:53:21,086
You're going to tell me sooner or later.
1211
00:53:21,186 --> 00:53:23,689
Now, we can do it my way,
1212
00:53:23,689 --> 00:53:25,591
which is very nice right now,
1213
00:53:25,691 --> 00:53:27,693
or we can do it their way,
1214
00:53:28,193 --> 00:53:30,363
which you're not going to like.
1215
00:53:41,573 --> 00:53:45,577
Heh heh heh.
1216
00:53:45,577 --> 00:53:49,581
You Canadians are so sneaky.
1217
00:53:49,581 --> 00:53:50,983
Don't touch that.
1218
00:53:51,083 --> 00:53:53,335
You'll black out most of Canada!
1219
00:53:53,335 --> 00:53:54,736
Ha ha ha!
1220
00:53:54,836 --> 00:53:56,238
Yeah, right.
1221
00:53:56,338 --> 00:53:58,340
What do we look like, jerks?
1222
00:53:58,340 --> 00:54:00,342
Please!
1223
00:54:00,842 --> 00:54:01,743
You screwed up now.
1224
00:54:01,843 --> 00:54:04,293
I'll be the judge of that!
1225
00:54:10,485 --> 00:54:12,988
All right. Let's move out.
1226
00:54:12,988 --> 00:54:14,890
And you, don't tell anybody we was here.
1227
00:54:14,990 --> 00:54:16,992
Come on!
1228
00:54:17,492 --> 00:54:20,112
Ow!
1229
00:54:20,112 --> 00:54:22,614
You know, I could get to like this.
1230
00:54:22,614 --> 00:54:28,503
Really?
1231
00:54:28,503 --> 00:54:31,506
On these screens here, Mr. President.
1232
00:54:32,007 --> 00:54:32,908
What is this?
What's happening?
1233
00:54:33,008 --> 00:54:33,681
All of Canada
1234
00:54:33,781 --> 00:54:34,660
is going dark, sir.
1235
00:54:34,760 --> 00:54:37,262
What do you make of this?
1236
00:54:37,262 --> 00:54:39,665
I'll tell you,
but you'll dislike it.
1237
00:54:39,765 --> 00:54:40,666
Mr. President,
prime minister MacDonald,
1238
00:54:40,766 --> 00:54:41,667
calling from Ottawa.
1239
00:54:41,767 --> 00:54:44,770
Yes--
1240
00:54:44,770 --> 00:54:48,774
Clark, hi.
1241
00:54:48,774 --> 00:54:52,277
Now, why would we want to cut off your power?
1242
00:54:52,277 --> 00:54:54,279
No. What--calm down.
1243
00:54:54,279 --> 00:54:56,782
Calm--
1244
00:54:56,782 --> 00:54:58,183
No. If we were up to something,
1245
00:54:58,283 --> 00:54:59,685
we would have mined your harbors.
1246
00:54:59,785 --> 00:55:01,787
Damn right.
1247
00:55:01,787 --> 00:55:02,688
What?
1248
00:55:02,788 --> 00:55:06,792
Who?
1249
00:55:06,792 --> 00:55:09,294
Yeah, I see. Yeah.
1250
00:55:09,294 --> 00:55:11,196
We'll check this out,
and we'll get back to you.
1251
00:55:11,296 --> 00:55:12,698
Goodbye!
1252
00:55:12,798 --> 00:55:14,700
You're not going to believe this.
1253
00:55:14,800 --> 00:55:17,202
That same goddamned sheriff from Niagara Falls,
1254
00:55:17,302 --> 00:55:20,305
that--that--that hero...
1255
00:55:20,305 --> 00:55:22,808
Bud Boomer...
1256
00:55:22,808 --> 00:55:24,576
he's the one responsible for the blackout.
1257
00:55:24,676 --> 00:55:27,179
Boomer. Oh, sir.
That's bullshit!
1258
00:55:27,179 --> 00:55:29,681
This is a Canadian trick.
1259
00:55:29,681 --> 00:55:30,331
Blame us,
1260
00:55:30,431 --> 00:55:31,583
get world sympathy
1261
00:55:31,683 --> 00:55:32,584
and make it impossible
1262
00:55:32,684 --> 00:55:33,585
for our night-attack bombers
1263
00:55:33,685 --> 00:55:35,087
to locate their cities
1264
00:55:35,187 --> 00:55:36,088
and destroy their inhabitants.
1265
00:55:36,188 --> 00:55:37,589
God, sir,
1266
00:55:37,689 --> 00:55:40,209
that's the oldest trick in the book!
1267
00:55:50,947 --> 00:55:55,451
'Thank you for sleeping so quietly.
1268
00:55:55,451 --> 00:55:59,956
'I love you...
1269
00:55:59,956 --> 00:56:06,212
'even though you're a criminal.
1270
00:56:06,712 --> 00:56:10,716
'Thank you for keeping your cell clean.
1271
00:56:10,716 --> 00:56:11,984
'I...
1272
00:56:12,084 --> 00:56:17,723
'miss you.'
1273
00:56:17,723 --> 00:56:19,492
Welcome to Canada.
1274
00:56:19,592 --> 00:56:22,228
Hold it right there,
Canuck.
1275
00:56:22,728 --> 00:56:24,847
Who are you?
1276
00:56:24,847 --> 00:56:26,849
I'm your worst nightmare.
1277
00:56:26,849 --> 00:56:28,251
I'm a citizen
1278
00:56:28,351 --> 00:56:30,136
with a constitutional right to bear arms.
1279
00:56:30,236 --> 00:56:32,238
Heh heh heh!
1280
00:56:32,238 --> 00:56:34,140
Take the pelts.
Take whatever you want.
1281
00:56:34,240 --> 00:56:36,742
We don't want your stinking pelts.
1282
00:56:37,243 --> 00:56:39,262
Have some fudge.
Just leave me alone.
1283
00:56:39,362 --> 00:56:40,763
Didn't you hear him?
1284
00:56:40,863 --> 00:56:43,866
We're your worst nightmare.
1285
00:56:43,866 --> 00:56:45,866
My worst nightmare
1286
00:56:45,868 --> 00:56:48,871
involved a pack of rabid wolves.
1287
00:56:48,871 --> 00:56:51,507
I was stuck somewhere in the Yukon,
1288
00:56:51,507 --> 00:56:54,010
and there were tall,
skinny rabbits,
1289
00:56:54,010 --> 00:56:56,180
and they were drinking heavily.
1290
00:56:57,013 --> 00:56:59,382
Just shut up!
1291
00:56:59,382 --> 00:57:01,884
We want your prisoner.
Where is she?
1292
00:57:01,884 --> 00:57:04,420
I don't know what you're talking aboot, eh.
1293
00:57:04,520 --> 00:57:06,522
'Aboot?' it's 'about!'
1294
00:57:06,522 --> 00:57:08,522
What we're talking about!
1295
00:57:08,524 --> 00:57:09,087
And enough of
1296
00:57:09,187 --> 00:57:09,926
that 'eh' business.
1297
00:57:10,026 --> 00:57:12,528
Learn to talk right,
understand?
1298
00:57:13,029 --> 00:57:14,931
We got ways of making you
pronounce the letter 'o.'
1299
00:57:15,031 --> 00:57:17,033
I want my Honey!
1300
00:57:17,033 --> 00:57:18,434
Now, get the keys for the cells now.
1301
00:57:18,534 --> 00:57:19,685
Now!
1302
00:57:19,785 --> 00:57:21,053
Easy.
1303
00:57:21,153 --> 00:57:23,155
Easy.
1304
00:57:23,155 --> 00:57:25,658
O.k., Mr. Canuck,
1305
00:57:25,658 --> 00:57:27,560
Mr. two-time world series winner.
1306
00:57:27,660 --> 00:57:31,163
Hey, watch that fancy move!
1307
00:57:31,163 --> 00:57:33,753
See, this is all the prisoners we have.
1308
00:57:34,166 --> 00:57:36,166
This man was arrested
1309
00:57:36,168 --> 00:57:39,071
for putting regular gas into an unleaded tank.
1310
00:57:39,171 --> 00:57:41,073
Where do you think you're going?
1311
00:57:41,173 --> 00:57:43,576
I'm going over to show you the next guy.
1312
00:57:43,676 --> 00:57:46,178
Easy. One step at a time.
1313
00:57:46,178 --> 00:57:47,580
This man was arrested
1314
00:57:47,680 --> 00:57:49,834
for being in
1315
00:57:49,934 --> 00:57:52,935
too many bad moods.
1316
00:57:52,935 --> 00:57:53,836
I got you covered.
1317
00:57:53,936 --> 00:57:54,837
I got you covered.
1318
00:57:54,937 --> 00:57:56,939
I got you covered, buddy.
1319
00:57:56,939 --> 00:57:58,941
This man raided a company,
1320
00:57:58,941 --> 00:58:00,843
merged it with his conglomerate,
1321
00:58:00,943 --> 00:58:02,845
and then fired all the employees.
1322
00:58:02,945 --> 00:58:04,347
Get away from the bars, you scum!
1323
00:58:04,447 --> 00:58:05,348
Boomer!
1324
00:58:05,448 --> 00:58:08,451
Hold on, Jack.
1325
00:58:08,951 --> 00:58:10,853
Now, you tell us where Honey is.
1326
00:58:10,953 --> 00:58:11,854
Let me paint a picture
1327
00:58:11,954 --> 00:58:13,356
for you, buddy.
1328
00:58:13,456 --> 00:58:15,958
She's petite,
extremely beautiful,
1329
00:58:15,958 --> 00:58:18,961
and heavily armed.
1330
00:58:18,961 --> 00:58:20,863
Wait. You mean the litterbug.
1331
00:58:20,963 --> 00:58:22,965
They took her to the capital
1332
00:58:22,965 --> 00:58:26,002
to give her a free mental health examination.
1333
00:58:26,102 --> 00:58:28,604
Good. The capital, Toronto.
1334
00:58:28,604 --> 00:58:32,608
No. The capital of Canada is Ottawa.
1335
00:58:32,608 --> 00:58:34,610
Ha ha ha!
1336
00:58:35,111 --> 00:58:37,613
Yeah, right.
1337
00:58:37,613 --> 00:58:39,015
Do we look that stupid?
1338
00:58:39,115 --> 00:58:41,117
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
1339
00:58:41,617 --> 00:58:43,019
Ha ha ha!
1340
00:58:43,119 --> 00:58:44,520
Ottawa!
1341
00:58:44,620 --> 00:58:45,521
Ha ha ha!
1342
00:58:45,621 --> 00:58:47,390
Nice try, Dudley.
1343
00:58:47,490 --> 00:58:48,891
All right, boys!
1344
00:58:48,991 --> 00:58:50,993
We're going to Toronto...
1345
00:58:50,993 --> 00:58:52,395
Ha ha ha!
1346
00:58:52,495 --> 00:58:54,495
The capital.
1347
00:59:01,387 --> 00:59:03,389
Do you want some water?
1348
00:59:03,389 --> 00:59:04,290
Mm-hmm.
1349
00:59:04,390 --> 00:59:05,791
Mm-hmm.
1350
00:59:05,891 --> 00:59:08,010
Too bad.
1351
00:59:08,010 --> 00:59:11,514
Gentlemen...
1352
00:59:12,014 --> 00:59:13,065
Let's, uh,
1353
00:59:13,165 --> 00:59:14,417
take the truck.
1354
00:59:14,517 --> 00:59:15,918
Ha ha ha!
1355
00:59:16,018 --> 00:59:16,919
Ha ha ha!
1356
00:59:17,019 --> 00:59:20,523
Let's go!
1357
00:59:20,523 --> 00:59:23,526
Hey, Boomer?
1358
00:59:23,526 --> 00:59:25,526
Yeah? What's wrong?
1359
00:59:25,528 --> 00:59:28,030
I got an idea.
1360
00:59:28,531 --> 00:59:29,432
Oh, yeah.
1361
00:59:29,532 --> 00:59:31,350
Oh, yeah.
1362
00:59:31,450 --> 00:59:32,852
Mr. President,
1363
00:59:32,952 --> 00:59:34,353
I think we should look on the positive side.
1364
00:59:34,453 --> 00:59:36,453
What we have
1365
00:59:36,455 --> 00:59:38,357
is a brave but misguided group of Americans
1366
00:59:38,457 --> 00:59:40,457
who've gone into Canada
1367
00:59:40,459 --> 00:59:41,861
and kicked some serious Canadian butt.
1368
00:59:41,961 --> 00:59:42,862
Well, we've got to do something.
1369
00:59:42,962 --> 00:59:52,104
We could send in the omega force.
1370
00:59:52,605 --> 00:59:56,108
Isn't that a bit drastic?
1371
00:59:56,108 --> 01:00:00,613
Sir, the helms amendment and nsc order 725
1372
01:00:01,113 --> 01:00:02,515
both specifically prohibit
1373
01:00:02,615 --> 01:00:04,517
the use of omega force against Caucasians.
1374
01:00:04,617 --> 01:00:06,735
That's right.
1375
01:00:07,236 --> 01:00:10,139
I guess if I were the
president's male secretary,
1376
01:00:10,239 --> 01:00:13,492
I might read the helms amendment that way.
1377
01:00:13,492 --> 01:00:15,744
What choice do we have, sir?
1378
01:00:16,245 --> 01:00:19,148
We have to take this sheriff out immediately
1379
01:00:19,248 --> 01:00:21,150
before this turns into a shooting war
1380
01:00:21,250 --> 01:00:24,753
instead of the cold war that we wanted.
1381
01:00:24,753 --> 01:00:26,155
Mr. President...
1382
01:00:26,255 --> 01:00:27,656
Hey! Hey!
1383
01:00:27,756 --> 01:00:30,759
Sheriff Boomer has become a national idol
1384
01:00:30,759 --> 01:00:33,662
at a time when our people lack true heroes,
1385
01:00:33,762 --> 01:00:35,762
yourself excluded, sir.
1386
01:00:35,764 --> 01:00:38,050
It would seem wise not to lose him.
1387
01:00:38,150 --> 01:00:42,154
General, the president should see this, sir.
1388
01:00:42,154 --> 01:00:44,557
Enraged by the imprisonment of hostage Honey,
1389
01:00:44,657 --> 01:00:47,176
and inspired by their hero Bud Boomer,
1390
01:00:47,276 --> 01:00:50,029
US Citizens from coast to coast
1391
01:00:50,029 --> 01:00:52,431
are taking actions against
Americans of Canadian birth
1392
01:00:52,531 --> 01:00:55,534
and suspected Canadian sympathizers.
1393
01:00:56,035 --> 01:00:57,570
Some Americans in other border towns
1394
01:00:57,670 --> 01:01:00,470
have followed sheriff Boomer into Canada
1395
01:01:00,923 --> 01:01:04,543
with the hope of liberating that country.
1396
01:01:04,543 --> 01:01:05,945
Everything I see
1397
01:01:06,045 --> 01:01:06,979
or read about
1398
01:01:07,079 --> 01:01:07,947
these Canadians
1399
01:01:08,047 --> 01:01:10,049
just makes me want to puke!
1400
01:01:10,049 --> 01:01:10,950
USA, USA
1401
01:01:11,050 --> 01:01:13,953
It's time we put America back in north America.
1402
01:01:14,053 --> 01:01:16,555
God bless Bud Boomer!
1403
01:01:16,555 --> 01:01:18,555
USA, USA
1404
01:01:18,557 --> 01:01:20,559
Oh...christ.
1405
01:01:20,559 --> 01:01:24,063
Mr. President, I believe we have no choice
1406
01:01:24,063 --> 01:01:27,066
but to remove Bud Boomer judiciously...
1407
01:01:27,066 --> 01:01:30,569
Ah...
1408
01:01:30,569 --> 01:01:35,457
Now.
1409
01:01:35,457 --> 01:01:40,963
Well, it's an idea.
1410
01:01:40,963 --> 01:01:42,965
Send in omega force!
1411
01:02:06,739 --> 01:02:09,539
Spread your tiny wings and fly away...
1412
01:02:14,747 --> 01:02:16,747
Go fish.
1413
01:02:25,374 --> 01:02:27,376
Welcome to Canada.
1414
01:02:27,376 --> 01:02:28,277
Who are you?
1415
01:02:28,377 --> 01:02:29,778
Uhh!
1416
01:02:29,878 --> 01:02:31,880
Uhh!
1417
01:02:31,880 --> 01:02:37,136
That was totally unnecessary.
1418
01:02:37,636 --> 01:02:39,636
Where is Boomer?
1419
01:02:39,638 --> 01:02:42,141
I had an amazing hand.
1420
01:02:42,141 --> 01:02:45,644
Where is he?
1421
01:02:45,644 --> 01:02:47,644
Toronto.
1422
01:02:54,787 --> 01:02:58,290
We're coming, Honey.
We're coming.
1423
01:02:58,290 --> 01:03:03,796
Hey, Boomer, how come you
never let me drive, man?
1424
01:03:03,796 --> 01:03:05,698
Just don't--don't start with me, all right?
1425
01:03:05,798 --> 01:03:08,178
The black cat never gets to drive.
1426
01:03:08,300 --> 01:03:09,702
It's not because you're black.
1427
01:03:09,802 --> 01:03:10,471
Lots of black guys
1428
01:03:10,571 --> 01:03:11,203
drive all the time.
1429
01:03:11,303 --> 01:03:13,305
For example.
1430
01:03:13,305 --> 01:03:14,707
What's his name?
Danny Glover
1431
01:03:14,807 --> 01:03:16,709
In driving Miss...
What's her name?
1432
01:03:16,809 --> 01:03:18,711
Danny Glover didn't drive Miss Daisy.
1433
01:03:18,811 --> 01:03:21,313
He drove Mel Gibson.
1434
01:03:21,313 --> 01:03:22,715
He didn't drive Mel Gibson.
1435
01:03:22,815 --> 01:03:24,717
That's Eddie Murphy drives Mel Gibson.
1436
01:03:24,817 --> 01:03:26,218
Eddie Murphy drives Nick Nolte.
1437
01:03:26,318 --> 01:03:27,720
He does not.
1438
01:03:27,820 --> 01:03:31,073
Hey, guys,
I drove once.
1439
01:03:33,075 --> 01:03:33,726
Oh, jeez.
1440
01:03:33,826 --> 01:03:35,227
Oh, jeez.
1441
01:03:35,327 --> 01:03:37,329
Oh, jeez.
1442
01:03:37,329 --> 01:03:39,329
Maybe it's not us.
1443
01:03:39,698 --> 01:03:40,733
It's not us.
1444
01:03:40,833 --> 01:03:41,734
Pull over!
1445
01:03:41,834 --> 01:03:43,352
Pull over!
1446
01:03:43,452 --> 01:03:46,455
It's us. He wants us.
All right.
1447
01:03:46,455 --> 01:03:52,961
We're pulling over.
1448
01:03:52,961 --> 01:03:54,863
All right, fellas.
Just act normal,
1449
01:03:54,963 --> 01:03:56,748
all right?
1450
01:03:56,848 --> 01:03:58,367
Act normal,
1451
01:03:58,467 --> 01:03:59,368
not normal for us.
1452
01:03:59,468 --> 01:04:00,188
Normal for
1453
01:04:00,288 --> 01:04:02,288
regular people.
1454
01:04:06,475 --> 01:04:07,376
Good day.
1455
01:04:07,476 --> 01:04:09,478
Hi.
1456
01:04:09,478 --> 01:04:12,631
May I see your license and registration, please?
1457
01:04:12,731 --> 01:04:13,382
There you go.
1458
01:04:13,482 --> 01:04:15,484
Thank you.
1459
01:04:15,484 --> 01:04:17,486
Oh, Americans!
1460
01:04:17,486 --> 01:04:19,271
Welcome to Ontario,
A sportsman's paradise.
1461
01:04:19,371 --> 01:04:21,490
Isn't it, though?
1462
01:04:21,490 --> 01:04:24,710
Please get out and step away from the vehicle.
1463
01:04:33,886 --> 01:04:35,888
O.k...
1464
01:04:35,888 --> 01:04:37,289
What is wrong with this picture?
1465
01:04:37,389 --> 01:04:38,791
Um...
1466
01:04:38,891 --> 01:04:40,891
Uh...
1467
01:04:40,893 --> 01:04:41,293
No snow tires.
1468
01:04:41,393 --> 01:04:43,162
No.
1469
01:04:43,262 --> 01:04:44,385
I was driving on the
1470
01:04:44,485 --> 01:04:45,664
wrong side of the road.
1471
01:04:45,764 --> 01:04:46,665
I can explain that.
1472
01:04:46,765 --> 01:04:48,300
I am not used to your rules up here.
1473
01:04:48,400 --> 01:04:50,903
That's not it.
1474
01:04:50,903 --> 01:04:53,555
This writing on the side of your vehicle.
1475
01:04:53,655 --> 01:04:56,158
Oh! How did that get there?
1476
01:04:56,158 --> 01:04:57,059
Those kids at the garage,
1477
01:04:57,159 --> 01:04:58,427
I just--
1478
01:04:58,527 --> 01:05:00,529
Whatever.
1479
01:05:00,529 --> 01:05:01,930
My concern is the sensibilities
1480
01:05:02,030 --> 01:05:03,432
of a certain distinct
1481
01:05:03,532 --> 01:05:05,434
and viable part of Canadian society--
1482
01:05:05,534 --> 01:05:06,935
Les Quebecois.
1483
01:05:07,035 --> 01:05:07,936
Huh?
1484
01:05:08,036 --> 01:05:10,038
You know,
wine drinkers.
1485
01:05:10,038 --> 01:05:11,440
Pea-soup eaters.
1486
01:05:11,540 --> 01:05:12,941
French Canadians.
1487
01:05:13,041 --> 01:05:15,043
Oh, yeah.
Those guys. Sure.
1488
01:05:15,544 --> 01:05:16,945
If you wish to avoid prosecution,
1489
01:05:17,045 --> 01:05:19,948
I'd advise that you comply
with our language laws,
1490
01:05:20,048 --> 01:05:23,051
which specifically prescribe
1491
01:05:23,051 --> 01:05:26,555
that all signs be in both English and French,
1492
01:05:27,055 --> 01:05:27,956
Canada's 2 official languages.
1493
01:05:28,056 --> 01:05:29,458
O.k.
1494
01:05:29,558 --> 01:05:31,560
I do have to fine you.
1495
01:05:31,560 --> 01:05:32,961
That'll be $1,000 Canadian
1496
01:05:33,061 --> 01:05:36,064
or $10 American if you'd prefer.
1497
01:05:36,064 --> 01:05:39,568
Oh! No. I'll pay the American there. Yeah.
1498
01:05:39,568 --> 01:05:41,570
There you go, buddy.
1499
01:05:41,570 --> 01:05:43,572
Here you are, $10.
1500
01:05:43,572 --> 01:05:44,473
Thank you very much.
There's your receipt.
1501
01:05:44,573 --> 01:05:45,858
Thank you.
1502
01:05:45,958 --> 01:05:48,460
And now...
1503
01:05:50,462 --> 01:05:52,462
In French,
if you please.
1504
01:06:11,350 --> 01:06:17,856
Dr. Wall, Dr. Wall,
please pick up line 5.
1505
01:06:18,357 --> 01:06:21,994
All doctors participating
1506
01:06:21,994 --> 01:06:24,897
in today's house calls,
please report to the lobby.
1507
01:06:24,997 --> 01:06:26,997
'Get well soon
1508
01:06:26,999 --> 01:06:28,901
'From prime minister Clark MacDonald.'
1509
01:06:29,001 --> 01:06:31,520
Anyone in need of a free triple bypass,
1510
01:06:31,620 --> 01:06:33,522
please sign the bonus slip in your room.
1511
01:06:33,622 --> 01:06:35,524
'Get well, get well,
feel good.'
1512
01:06:35,624 --> 01:06:40,128
This is...
1513
01:06:40,128 --> 01:06:42,631
'Best wishes,
Gordon Lightfoot.'
1514
01:06:42,631 --> 01:06:45,634
Eww!
1515
01:06:45,634 --> 01:06:46,535
Ottawa!
1516
01:06:46,635 --> 01:06:50,272
Go, fifi!
1517
01:06:50,272 --> 01:06:50,915
So, we're up
1518
01:06:51,015 --> 01:06:51,924
and around, are we?
1519
01:06:52,024 --> 01:06:54,893
And how are we feeling today?
1520
01:06:55,394 --> 01:06:57,796
Aren't you two a little young to be doctors?
1521
01:06:57,896 --> 01:07:00,299
Oh, we're not doctors.
We're candy stripers.
1522
01:07:00,399 --> 01:07:01,300
Our universal health care system
1523
01:07:01,400 --> 01:07:02,801
has determined
1524
01:07:02,901 --> 01:07:03,802
that you don't actually need a doctor until...
1525
01:07:03,902 --> 01:07:06,405
2006.
1526
01:07:06,405 --> 01:07:08,407
Until then,
we're here to see
1527
01:07:08,407 --> 01:07:10,692
that you're comfortable and to give you, uh...
1528
01:07:10,792 --> 01:07:12,794
a kidney transplant.
1529
01:07:13,295 --> 01:07:15,414
No, that can't be right.
1530
01:07:15,414 --> 01:07:16,315
Check the paperwork.
1531
01:07:16,415 --> 01:07:17,816
Ow!
1532
01:07:17,916 --> 01:07:19,318
Oh! Oh!
1533
01:07:19,418 --> 01:07:21,069
Oh, Douglas!
1534
01:07:21,169 --> 01:07:22,571
Born
1535
01:07:22,671 --> 01:07:23,572
Born in the USA
1536
01:07:23,672 --> 01:07:25,073
I was
1537
01:07:25,173 --> 01:07:27,175
Born in the USA
1538
01:07:27,175 --> 01:07:28,577
I was
1539
01:07:28,677 --> 01:07:31,179
Born in the USA
1540
01:07:31,179 --> 01:07:31,964
I was
1541
01:07:32,064 --> 01:07:34,566
Born in the USA
1542
01:07:34,566 --> 01:07:35,968
I was
1543
01:07:36,068 --> 01:07:40,072
Born in the USA
1544
01:07:40,072 --> 01:07:43,075
Born in the USA
1545
01:07:43,575 --> 01:07:45,577
Dah, dah
1546
01:07:45,577 --> 01:07:47,577
Dah, dah, dah, USA?
1547
01:07:54,453 --> 01:07:56,455
If you catch a cold,
1548
01:07:56,455 --> 01:07:59,207
there's some aspirin in the cabinet.
1549
01:07:59,708 --> 01:08:04,048
And thanks for hanging on to my
American-made assault weapons.
1550
01:08:07,849 --> 01:08:09,751
Dr. Fred Einerschmidt to 2-b.
1551
01:08:09,851 --> 01:08:10,869
Give me that.
1552
01:08:10,969 --> 01:08:13,472
O...
1553
01:08:13,972 --> 01:08:14,873
- klahoma
1554
01:08:14,973 --> 01:08:17,476
O...
1555
01:08:17,476 --> 01:08:18,877
- klahoma
1556
01:08:18,977 --> 01:08:20,379
O...
1557
01:08:20,479 --> 01:08:21,380
- klahoma
1558
01:08:21,480 --> 01:08:22,881
Hmm mm mm
1559
01:08:22,981 --> 01:08:25,484
Dah dah dah dah dah
1560
01:08:25,484 --> 01:08:27,486
Oklahoma
1561
01:08:27,486 --> 01:08:29,488
Oklahoma
1562
01:08:29,488 --> 01:08:31,488
Oklahoma
1563
01:08:31,490 --> 01:08:33,492
Okla...Oklahoma?
1564
01:08:50,008 --> 01:08:52,511
Hey, it's o.k.
1565
01:08:53,011 --> 01:08:55,011
It was just my toe.
1566
01:09:08,026 --> 01:09:12,030
All right.
That's enough, man.
1567
01:09:12,531 --> 01:09:14,933
You guys aren't thinking
about Honey at all, are you?
1568
01:09:15,033 --> 01:09:17,035
I'm worried sick.
1569
01:09:17,035 --> 01:09:19,035
Ever see the dirty dozen?
1570
01:09:19,037 --> 01:09:20,572
That was a cool movie.
1571
01:09:20,672 --> 01:09:21,940
Man, that was real cool.
1572
01:09:22,040 --> 01:09:23,442
Lee Marvin...
1573
01:09:23,542 --> 01:09:24,443
Charles Bronson...
1574
01:09:24,543 --> 01:09:26,328
Ernest Borgnine.
1575
01:09:26,428 --> 01:09:28,430
Jim Brown.
1576
01:09:28,430 --> 01:09:30,932
Uh, Telly Savalas,
Clint Walker.
1577
01:09:30,932 --> 01:09:31,950
Jim Brown.
1578
01:09:32,050 --> 01:09:33,335
Trini Lopez!
1579
01:09:33,435 --> 01:09:34,336
Cool.
1580
01:09:34,436 --> 01:09:37,339
Trini Lopez! Never could figure that one out.
1581
01:09:37,439 --> 01:09:39,341
What the hell was he doing in the dirty dozen?
1582
01:09:39,441 --> 01:09:40,842
If I was putting together
1583
01:09:40,942 --> 01:09:42,844
a group of murderers and cutthroats,
1584
01:09:42,944 --> 01:09:45,347
Trini Lopez would not be in the starting lineup.
1585
01:09:45,447 --> 01:09:46,715
That's why he dies first.
1586
01:09:46,815 --> 01:09:47,466
Don't they all die?
1587
01:09:47,566 --> 01:09:48,967
No.
1588
01:09:49,067 --> 01:09:50,218
Jim Brown dies.
1589
01:09:50,318 --> 01:09:51,720
What do you expect?
1590
01:09:51,820 --> 01:09:52,220
Of all the dirty dozen,
1591
01:09:52,320 --> 01:09:53,722
this black guy's
1592
01:09:53,822 --> 01:09:55,223
supposed to sneak in behind enemy lines
1593
01:09:55,323 --> 01:09:57,826
and pretend he's a Kraut?
1594
01:09:58,326 --> 01:09:59,728
That's not it, man.
1595
01:09:59,828 --> 01:10:02,831
It's just the black guy always dies.
1596
01:10:02,831 --> 01:10:04,733
Think about it, man.
Unforgiven...
1597
01:10:04,833 --> 01:10:06,234
Uh,
Alien...
1598
01:10:06,334 --> 01:10:07,235
Rocky IV...
1599
01:10:07,335 --> 01:10:08,236
The shining...
1600
01:10:08,336 --> 01:10:09,738
Star Trek II...
1601
01:10:09,838 --> 01:10:11,239
Forrest Gump..
1602
01:10:11,339 --> 01:10:12,240
Witness...
1603
01:10:12,340 --> 01:10:13,742
Annie Hall.
1604
01:10:13,842 --> 01:10:15,844
Not Annie Hall...
1605
01:10:15,844 --> 01:10:16,745
Night of the living dead.
1606
01:10:16,845 --> 01:10:19,347
That's the one!
1607
01:10:19,347 --> 01:10:21,249
And what about that brother in Jurassic Park?
1608
01:10:21,349 --> 01:10:22,751
Oh, that was cool.
1609
01:10:22,851 --> 01:10:25,854
Two black guys died in that one. A twofer!
1610
01:10:25,854 --> 01:10:28,256
You must be really pissed off at that one.
1611
01:10:28,356 --> 01:10:30,356
I'm telling you, man,
1612
01:10:30,358 --> 01:10:32,598
the black guy always dies first.
1613
01:10:40,869 --> 01:10:44,873
Oh, aw, man.
1614
01:10:44,873 --> 01:10:45,774
Hey.
1615
01:10:45,874 --> 01:10:47,876
Don't worry,
Kabral.
1616
01:10:47,876 --> 01:10:49,876
You'll pass for Canadian.
1617
01:10:54,633 --> 01:10:56,633
You really do need help.
1618
01:10:56,635 --> 01:10:57,035
Oh, I need help?
1619
01:10:57,135 --> 01:10:59,137
Yeah.
1620
01:10:59,137 --> 01:11:01,540
Knock it off with this dirty dozen stuff.
1621
01:11:01,640 --> 01:11:03,041
Did anyone see Dirty Dancing?
1622
01:11:03,141 --> 01:11:04,176
Whoo!
1623
01:11:04,276 --> 01:11:06,278
Ha ha ha ha!
1624
01:11:06,278 --> 01:11:11,283
That was a good movie.
1625
01:11:11,783 --> 01:11:14,052
Welcome to the Hacker Hellstorm,
1626
01:11:14,152 --> 01:11:18,657
Your one-stop program for
total nuclear destruction.
1627
01:11:18,657 --> 01:11:25,163
Please enter your pin code now.
1628
01:11:25,163 --> 01:11:30,418
You have reached the Hellstorm
communications center.
1629
01:11:30,418 --> 01:11:32,821
Please choose your missile launch sites
1630
01:11:32,921 --> 01:11:34,923
from your on-screen menu.
1631
01:11:42,063 --> 01:11:44,065
Establishing contact...
1632
01:11:44,065 --> 01:11:48,069
with all US launch sites.
1633
01:11:48,069 --> 01:11:50,071
American missiles...
1634
01:11:50,071 --> 01:11:54,826
now under the control of the Hacker Hellstorm.
1635
01:11:54,826 --> 01:11:59,447
Countdown ready to commence.
1636
01:11:59,447 --> 01:12:02,200
Hellstorm activated.
1637
01:12:02,701 --> 01:12:04,703
Thank God for technology.
1638
01:12:04,703 --> 01:12:08,340
12 hours to launch.
1639
01:12:19,968 --> 01:12:21,369
Any word from omega force,
1640
01:12:21,469 --> 01:12:22,370
like where they are?
1641
01:12:22,470 --> 01:12:24,470
Hell, they--
1642
01:12:24,973 --> 01:12:25,874
What the hell is that?
1643
01:12:25,974 --> 01:12:28,109
It's def-con 4, sir.
1644
01:12:28,610 --> 01:12:30,512
Just remind me.
What is def-con 4?
1645
01:12:30,612 --> 01:12:32,013
Defense condition 4, sir.
1646
01:12:32,113 --> 01:12:33,515
A nuclear attack is imminent
1647
01:12:33,615 --> 01:12:34,516
or the opposite.
1648
01:12:34,616 --> 01:12:35,517
I'm not quite sure.
1649
01:12:35,617 --> 01:12:36,518
Imminent, Stu!
1650
01:12:36,618 --> 01:12:37,519
There you go,
imminent.
1651
01:12:37,619 --> 01:12:39,621
Well, can't we stop this?
1652
01:12:39,621 --> 01:12:41,523
The siren, sir,
or nuclear exchange?
1653
01:12:41,623 --> 01:12:43,742
Either one!
1654
01:12:43,742 --> 01:12:46,645
Uh, sir, our missile silos in southern Utah
1655
01:12:46,745 --> 01:12:48,845
have somehow become activated.
1656
01:12:49,247 --> 01:12:50,148
Well, who ordered that?
1657
01:12:50,248 --> 01:12:51,399
It wasn't me, was it?
1658
01:12:51,499 --> 01:12:52,901
No. I didn't order that.
1659
01:12:53,001 --> 01:12:55,003
Can't you stop this?
1660
01:12:55,003 --> 01:12:55,904
General Panzer,
1661
01:12:56,004 --> 01:12:56,905
where are those missiles aimed?
1662
01:12:57,005 --> 01:13:00,508
Well, sir, uh...
1663
01:13:00,508 --> 01:13:04,012
those icbms in southern Utah are, uh,
1664
01:13:04,012 --> 01:13:06,514
directed at, uh,
1665
01:13:06,514 --> 01:13:07,916
at Moscow, sir.
1666
01:13:08,016 --> 01:13:09,417
What?
1667
01:13:09,517 --> 01:13:12,520
Why would you aim missiles at an--an ally?
1668
01:13:12,520 --> 01:13:14,923
Sir, it seems that nearly all of our missiles
1669
01:13:15,023 --> 01:13:17,525
are directed at targets
1670
01:13:17,525 --> 01:13:18,927
in the former Soviet republics.
1671
01:13:19,027 --> 01:13:20,428
Why the hell is that?
1672
01:13:20,528 --> 01:13:22,528
With all due respect, sir,
1673
01:13:22,530 --> 01:13:22,876
your boys
1674
01:13:22,976 --> 01:13:23,431
in intelligence
1675
01:13:23,531 --> 01:13:25,533
never could decide
1676
01:13:25,533 --> 01:13:25,783
who was
1677
01:13:25,883 --> 01:13:26,434
a big enough threat
1678
01:13:26,534 --> 01:13:27,936
to point those babies elsewhere.
1679
01:13:28,036 --> 01:13:29,437
Let me say, sir,
1680
01:13:29,537 --> 01:13:30,368
if one of
1681
01:13:30,468 --> 01:13:31,439
our birds land
1682
01:13:31,539 --> 01:13:33,541
in the Russkies' backyard,
1683
01:13:33,541 --> 01:13:36,047
plenty will
1684
01:13:36,147 --> 01:13:39,931
be landing in ours.
1685
01:13:39,931 --> 01:13:42,434
I have just arrived here
1686
01:13:42,434 --> 01:13:45,937
as part of the pentagon press corps.
1687
01:13:45,937 --> 01:13:49,341
There are some things we will
not be allowed to show you.
1688
01:13:49,441 --> 01:13:52,944
But you can rest assured
that you will be getting
1689
01:13:52,944 --> 01:13:56,448
all of the information you need to know.
1690
01:13:56,448 --> 01:13:58,950
I am standing here--
1691
01:13:58,950 --> 01:14:00,950
in the middle of--
1692
01:14:00,952 --> 01:14:05,457
and it is--
1693
01:14:05,457 --> 01:14:10,462
for those of you with sons
and daughters up here,
1694
01:14:10,462 --> 01:14:12,462
I can only say that--
1695
01:14:18,470 --> 01:14:19,871
and that's about the only thing
1696
01:14:19,971 --> 01:14:24,843
that has been going wrong at this point.
1697
01:14:24,843 --> 01:14:26,244
The activation order
1698
01:14:26,344 --> 01:14:26,966
appears to be
1699
01:14:27,066 --> 01:14:27,879
coming from Canada.
1700
01:14:27,979 --> 01:14:29,381
How can Canada
1701
01:14:29,481 --> 01:14:30,882
activate our missiles?
1702
01:14:30,982 --> 01:14:32,384
Oh, shit.
The Hacker Hellstorm.
1703
01:14:32,484 --> 01:14:33,251
The what?
1704
01:14:33,351 --> 01:14:35,353
The Hacker Hellstorm.
1705
01:14:35,854 --> 01:14:36,755
Sir, it's a program you canceled
1706
01:14:36,855 --> 01:14:37,506
when you tried to
1707
01:14:37,606 --> 01:14:38,256
balance the budget.
1708
01:14:38,356 --> 01:14:39,758
What is the Hacker Hellstorm?
1709
01:14:39,858 --> 01:14:41,860
Vargo...
1710
01:14:41,860 --> 01:14:44,262
It's an automatic nuclear response system, sir.
1711
01:14:44,362 --> 01:14:46,264
It initiates a nuclear counterstrike on its own.
1712
01:14:46,364 --> 01:14:47,766
I never liked it.
1713
01:14:47,866 --> 01:14:49,267
Took the fun out of Armageddon.
1714
01:14:49,367 --> 01:14:50,769
I'm glad they canceled the son of a bitch.
1715
01:14:50,869 --> 01:14:52,270
How did Canada get it?
1716
01:14:52,370 --> 01:14:54,372
That's classified.
1717
01:14:54,372 --> 01:14:56,372
Classified?
1718
01:14:56,374 --> 01:14:58,376
I'm--I'm the president!
1719
01:14:58,376 --> 01:14:59,778
How did Canada get it, Stu?
1720
01:14:59,878 --> 01:15:02,328
I want to talk to Hacker right now!
1721
01:15:08,553 --> 01:15:09,955
It's a vision.
1722
01:15:10,055 --> 01:15:12,055
My eyes.
1723
01:15:21,816 --> 01:15:22,717
There it is, men.
1724
01:15:22,817 --> 01:15:24,219
Toronto.
1725
01:15:24,319 --> 01:15:27,822
It's beautiful.
1726
01:15:27,822 --> 01:15:29,608
It's like no other city I've ever seen.
1727
01:15:29,708 --> 01:15:32,711
It's like Albany...
1728
01:15:32,711 --> 01:15:34,711
Only cleaner.
1729
01:15:54,599 --> 01:15:56,599
The tower!
1730
01:16:05,360 --> 01:16:06,761
That's Toronto, boys.
1731
01:16:06,861 --> 01:16:09,864
Cool.
1732
01:16:09,864 --> 01:16:12,000
Wow!
1733
01:16:12,000 --> 01:16:15,153
Jeez, how do they clean all those windows?
1734
01:16:15,253 --> 01:16:17,253
Windex, dummy.
1735
01:16:23,011 --> 01:16:25,280
Where did they get so many buildings?
1736
01:16:25,380 --> 01:16:27,382
It's eerie.
1737
01:16:27,882 --> 01:16:29,284
Where is everybody?
I don't like this.
1738
01:16:29,384 --> 01:16:32,137
Me neither.
1739
01:16:32,137 --> 01:16:36,391
There's a kid up there.
1740
01:16:36,391 --> 01:16:39,394
Hey, hey, kid.
1741
01:16:39,394 --> 01:16:41,396
Kid, where is everybody?
1742
01:16:41,396 --> 01:16:42,681
The tower.
1743
01:16:42,781 --> 01:16:44,182
The tower?
1744
01:16:44,282 --> 01:16:45,684
The Canadian national tower.
1745
01:16:45,784 --> 01:16:47,936
Some crazy American woman's
there with a big gun.
1746
01:16:48,036 --> 01:16:50,538
Oh, thanks.
1747
01:16:50,538 --> 01:16:52,941
Crazy American lady with a gun. Ha ha.
1748
01:16:53,041 --> 01:16:53,942
It's Honey!
1749
01:16:54,042 --> 01:16:56,042
Come on, fellas, let's go.
1750
01:17:02,050 --> 01:17:02,951
Attention, please.
1751
01:17:03,051 --> 01:17:05,051
Attention, please.
1752
01:17:05,420 --> 01:17:08,360
This is the Royal Canadian mounted police.
1753
01:17:08,423 --> 01:17:10,325
Would you come down from the tower, please?
1754
01:17:10,425 --> 01:17:12,827
If you say 'please' one more time,
1755
01:17:12,927 --> 01:17:14,957
I'm going to let you have it.
1756
01:17:21,069 --> 01:17:22,470
No, no, no.
I got that part.
1757
01:17:22,570 --> 01:17:23,972
What I don't understand
1758
01:17:24,072 --> 01:17:25,473
is how the Canadians
1759
01:17:25,573 --> 01:17:29,077
have a fully functional
and operational Hellstorm.
1760
01:17:29,077 --> 01:17:31,248
I thought what I sold them
1761
01:17:31,348 --> 01:17:32,480
was not usable.
1762
01:17:32,580 --> 01:17:33,982
How the hell did I let you
1763
01:17:34,082 --> 01:17:36,084
Stuey...
1764
01:17:36,084 --> 01:17:38,586
God almighty.
1765
01:17:38,586 --> 01:17:39,988
Why do you bother your head
1766
01:17:40,088 --> 01:17:42,090
with this kind of crap?
1767
01:17:42,090 --> 01:17:44,492
Maybe it's because you're an only child.
1768
01:17:44,592 --> 01:17:45,994
Or maybe it's because
1769
01:17:46,094 --> 01:17:48,096
you're becoming irrelevant.
1770
01:17:48,096 --> 01:17:49,998
Now, calm down,
for christ's sake.
1771
01:17:50,098 --> 01:17:52,100
Mm-hmm.
1772
01:17:52,100 --> 01:17:53,501
The Canadians cannot launch any missiles.
1773
01:17:53,601 --> 01:17:56,104
Only I can,
1774
01:17:56,104 --> 01:17:58,106
because I have the codes,
1775
01:17:58,106 --> 01:18:00,106
All of them.
1776
01:18:00,108 --> 01:18:01,509
And I'm in control.
1777
01:18:01,609 --> 01:18:03,611
So, easy.
1778
01:18:03,611 --> 01:18:05,656
Missile countdown has started in
1779
01:18:05,756 --> 01:18:07,015
Wyoming and Montana.
1780
01:18:07,115 --> 01:18:08,516
All right.
I want an answer.
1781
01:18:08,616 --> 01:18:10,018
Does Canada have the power
1782
01:18:10,118 --> 01:18:12,638
to launch America's nuclear weapons?
1783
01:18:12,871 --> 01:18:17,375
The Hacker Hellstorm can do that and a lot more.
1784
01:18:17,375 --> 01:18:19,778
And if you hadn't canceled that program,
1785
01:18:19,878 --> 01:18:20,779
the technology would
1786
01:18:20,879 --> 01:18:22,881
still be in American hands.
1787
01:18:22,881 --> 01:18:25,283
So you sold control of American missiles
1788
01:18:25,383 --> 01:18:27,385
to a foreign country.
1789
01:18:27,385 --> 01:18:28,255
If you can call
1790
01:18:28,355 --> 01:18:29,287
Canada foreign
1791
01:18:29,387 --> 01:18:31,890
or a country.
1792
01:18:31,890 --> 01:18:33,792
When you canceled that program,
1793
01:18:33,892 --> 01:18:34,793
you left me standing there
1794
01:18:34,893 --> 01:18:37,896
out of pocket $500 million!
1795
01:18:38,396 --> 01:18:39,798
I got to make up
1796
01:18:39,898 --> 01:18:41,900
on a shortfall like that.
1797
01:18:41,900 --> 01:18:45,403
After all the billions he's made on uncle Sam...
1798
01:18:45,403 --> 01:18:47,906
in a decent, God-fearing country,
1799
01:18:47,906 --> 01:18:49,808
I'd be allowed to beat the two of you to death.
1800
01:18:49,908 --> 01:18:51,309
It's scum like you
1801
01:18:51,409 --> 01:18:53,178
that make a simple war all screwed up
1802
01:18:53,278 --> 01:18:55,914
and confusing.
1803
01:18:55,914 --> 01:18:59,684
It's people like us who keep
people like you in business.
1804
01:18:59,784 --> 01:19:02,187
We're now registering
missile activity in Nevada.
1805
01:19:02,287 --> 01:19:04,789
All right,
now I want to know
1806
01:19:04,789 --> 01:19:08,293
where exactly did you install this,
1807
01:19:08,293 --> 01:19:09,694
this Hellstorm thing?
1808
01:19:09,794 --> 01:19:13,298
Ever run an old possum up a tree, Mr. President?
1809
01:19:13,298 --> 01:19:15,888
He'll find the highest branch he can.
1810
01:19:39,207 --> 01:19:41,207
Out of my way.
Out of my way.
1811
01:19:41,209 --> 01:19:42,110
Out of my way.
1812
01:19:42,210 --> 01:19:43,611
Oh, I'm sorry.
1813
01:19:43,711 --> 01:19:45,113
Excuse me.
1814
01:19:45,213 --> 01:19:47,715
Out of my way.
Out of my way.
1815
01:19:48,216 --> 01:19:49,117
I'm sorry.
1816
01:19:49,217 --> 01:19:51,219
Out of my way.
Out of my way.
1817
01:19:51,219 --> 01:19:53,219
I'm sorry.
1818
01:19:53,221 --> 01:19:55,223
All right.
You wait here.
1819
01:19:55,223 --> 01:19:57,813
I'll be right back.
Get out of my way.
1820
01:20:06,985 --> 01:20:08,985
Oh...
1821
01:20:29,507 --> 01:20:32,410
Now, you know that I built Hellstorm number 1.
1822
01:20:32,510 --> 01:20:34,512
But what you don't know
1823
01:20:34,512 --> 01:20:36,915
is that I also built Hellstorm number 2.
1824
01:20:37,015 --> 01:20:39,017
what's that?
What's 2?
1825
01:20:39,017 --> 01:20:42,020
It's to defend us against Hellstorm 1.
1826
01:20:42,520 --> 01:20:43,797
Just in case an enemy
1827
01:20:43,897 --> 01:20:45,173
should ever acquire it.
1828
01:20:45,273 --> 01:20:46,674
I don't want to say that it's pure genius,
1829
01:20:46,774 --> 01:20:47,675
But--
1830
01:20:47,775 --> 01:20:49,177
No, no.
It's insane!
1831
01:20:49,277 --> 01:20:51,529
It's business.
1832
01:20:52,030 --> 01:20:53,932
And I can let you have it immediately,
1833
01:20:54,032 --> 01:20:55,433
but it won't be cheap.
1834
01:20:55,533 --> 01:20:57,936
It won't be cheap?
How much will it be?
1835
01:20:58,036 --> 01:21:00,538
$1 trillion.
1836
01:21:00,538 --> 01:21:02,540
$1 trillion!
1837
01:21:02,540 --> 01:21:04,909
That includes the cost overruns.
1838
01:21:04,909 --> 01:21:06,811
Mr. Hacker, you've got uncle Sam
1839
01:21:06,911 --> 01:21:08,913
by the cojones.
1840
01:21:08,913 --> 01:21:11,416
Don't you have any patriotism, sir?
1841
01:21:11,416 --> 01:21:13,418
What about the Alamo?
1842
01:21:13,418 --> 01:21:14,819
The halls of Montezuma,
1843
01:21:14,919 --> 01:21:16,921
the sands of Iwo Jima?
1844
01:21:16,921 --> 01:21:19,424
The guns of Navarone?
1845
01:21:19,424 --> 01:21:21,826
Didn't you ever fantasize about the duke
1846
01:21:21,926 --> 01:21:23,328
in the flying leathernecks?
1847
01:21:23,428 --> 01:21:24,829
Huh?
1848
01:21:24,929 --> 01:21:26,831
I mean, fantasize about being the duke,
1849
01:21:26,931 --> 01:21:27,882
not fantasize
1850
01:21:27,982 --> 01:21:28,833
about the duke.
1851
01:21:28,933 --> 01:21:30,935
You know what I mean, sir?
1852
01:21:30,935 --> 01:21:33,735
30 minutes to launch.
1853
01:21:41,696 --> 01:21:44,832
Oh, god...
1854
01:21:45,333 --> 01:21:47,713
What have you got there?
1855
01:21:54,459 --> 01:21:55,860
Oh, my god...
1856
01:21:55,960 --> 01:21:58,863
Mr. President, we have a
Situation uranus in Utah.
1857
01:21:58,963 --> 01:22:00,865
They bumped their birds up to t-minus 7.
1858
01:22:00,965 --> 01:22:02,367
This is terrible.
1859
01:22:02,467 --> 01:22:03,868
I didn't understand a word of what he said.
1860
01:22:03,968 --> 01:22:05,370
He said the missiles will launch
1861
01:22:05,470 --> 01:22:05,870
in 7 minutes.
1862
01:22:05,970 --> 01:22:07,972
Oh, my god!
1863
01:22:07,972 --> 01:22:09,374
Mr. President,
1864
01:22:09,474 --> 01:22:10,375
you got 6 minutes and change.
1865
01:22:10,475 --> 01:22:11,376
This is a mistake
1866
01:22:11,476 --> 01:22:12,877
you do not want to make!
1867
01:22:12,977 --> 01:22:13,833
Negotiate with him.
1868
01:22:13,933 --> 01:22:14,879
Give him what he wants.
1869
01:22:14,979 --> 01:22:16,381
I know. Just give me a second.
1870
01:22:16,481 --> 01:22:19,384
Gentlemen, I intend to put some shoe leather
1871
01:22:19,484 --> 01:22:21,986
between me and ground zero.
1872
01:22:21,986 --> 01:22:23,388
Call me, Mr. President,
1873
01:22:23,488 --> 01:22:24,889
when you decide to give me the money.
1874
01:22:24,989 --> 01:22:26,891
Wait a second.
Hold on 1 second.
1875
01:22:26,991 --> 01:22:28,393
I don't understand something.
1876
01:22:28,493 --> 01:22:30,395
Why would the Canadians try to start a war
1877
01:22:30,495 --> 01:22:31,396
between us and the Russians?
1878
01:22:31,496 --> 01:22:32,897
I don't get that.
1879
01:22:32,997 --> 01:22:35,500
Hacker!
1880
01:22:35,500 --> 01:22:38,136
Hacker! Hack--
1881
01:22:38,136 --> 01:22:40,788
Get me intelligence.
I need intelligence.
1882
01:22:40,888 --> 01:22:42,290
Canada's not launching those missiles.
1883
01:22:42,390 --> 01:22:43,791
You are!
1884
01:22:43,891 --> 01:22:46,294
Give me the money,
Then I'll turn it off.
1885
01:22:46,394 --> 01:22:50,898
Give me the goddamn codes!
1886
01:22:50,898 --> 01:22:55,153
You son of a bitch,
You're through!
1887
01:22:55,653 --> 01:22:57,171
Oh, my god!
1888
01:22:57,271 --> 01:23:00,024
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
1889
01:23:00,525 --> 01:23:03,778
Guards! Arrest Mr. Smiley!
1890
01:23:03,778 --> 01:23:05,780
Wait! I got the codes!
1891
01:23:09,283 --> 01:23:10,685
Mr. Hacker?
1892
01:23:10,785 --> 01:23:12,787
Mr. Hacker?
1893
01:23:12,787 --> 01:23:13,688
I think this old possum
1894
01:23:13,788 --> 01:23:15,189
has bought the farm.
1895
01:23:15,289 --> 01:23:17,289
E-i-e-i-o.
1896
01:23:31,055 --> 01:23:31,956
Oh, excuse me.
1897
01:23:32,056 --> 01:23:32,957
Pardon me.
1898
01:23:33,057 --> 01:23:34,842
Sorry.
1899
01:23:34,942 --> 01:23:35,843
Oh!
1900
01:23:35,943 --> 01:23:37,943
Sorry!
1901
01:23:43,451 --> 01:23:45,451
Stu, Stu, Stu,
1902
01:23:45,453 --> 01:23:46,854
It really pains me to see you this way.
1903
01:23:46,954 --> 01:23:48,956
Ah, who am I kidding?
1904
01:23:48,956 --> 01:23:49,857
We'll torture him later.
1905
01:23:49,957 --> 01:23:52,460
Get him out of here.
1906
01:23:52,460 --> 01:23:54,460
What about the Russians?
1907
01:23:54,462 --> 01:23:56,912
Call Moscow.
We've got to warn them.
1908
01:23:56,964 --> 01:23:59,367
Vladimir Krushkin-- he
was in briefly over lunch,
1909
01:23:59,467 --> 01:24:00,868
Countercoup, he was out,
then reinstalled again--
1910
01:24:00,968 --> 01:24:01,898
As of supper,
1911
01:24:01,998 --> 01:24:03,998
he was still there.
1912
01:24:08,843 --> 01:24:11,846
Let me level with you, sir.
1913
01:24:11,846 --> 01:24:13,247
I would destroy any nation,
1914
01:24:13,347 --> 01:24:14,749
even my own,
1915
01:24:14,849 --> 01:24:15,719
if my president
1916
01:24:15,819 --> 01:24:16,751
gave the order.
1917
01:24:16,851 --> 01:24:19,353
So you just say the word, sir,
1918
01:24:19,353 --> 01:24:19,766
and we'll do what
1919
01:24:19,866 --> 01:24:20,254
we should have done
1920
01:24:20,354 --> 01:24:21,756
in the first place.
1921
01:24:21,856 --> 01:24:24,859
We'll nuke the slimy Canuck bastards.
1922
01:24:24,859 --> 01:24:26,861
We'll wipe their frigid,
1923
01:24:26,861 --> 01:24:28,961
Goddamned country off the map.
1924
01:24:29,363 --> 01:24:31,265
I can't kill America's neighbors.
1925
01:24:31,365 --> 01:24:32,266
I can.
1926
01:24:32,366 --> 01:24:34,368
I summer up there.
1927
01:24:34,368 --> 01:24:35,770
I understand, sir.
1928
01:24:35,870 --> 01:24:37,271
Mr. President,
1929
01:24:37,371 --> 01:24:38,272
We've lost contact with omega force.
1930
01:24:38,372 --> 01:24:40,374
Well, that's it.
1931
01:24:40,875 --> 01:24:42,877
Moscow is about to light up
1932
01:24:42,877 --> 01:24:43,778
hotter than a pig roast
1933
01:24:43,878 --> 01:24:44,779
on flag day.
1934
01:24:44,879 --> 01:24:46,881
That'll certainly guarantee
1935
01:24:46,881 --> 01:24:48,282
a retaliatory gesture against the United States.
1936
01:24:48,382 --> 01:24:52,270
No shit.
1937
01:24:56,274 --> 01:24:57,175
Get prime minister MacDonald
1938
01:24:57,275 --> 01:24:58,676
on the phone.
1939
01:24:58,776 --> 01:24:59,677
I'll give him anything he wants.
1940
01:24:59,777 --> 01:25:02,280
Got to.
1941
01:25:02,280 --> 01:25:06,284
This is the Hacker Hellstorm
Weather forecasting center.
1942
01:25:06,284 --> 01:25:10,288
1 minute, 50 seconds to total annihilation.
1943
01:25:10,288 --> 01:25:12,790
Have a nice day.
1944
01:25:12,790 --> 01:25:14,192
Mr. Prime minister,
1945
01:25:14,292 --> 01:25:18,296
I'm asking you to stop it.
1946
01:25:18,296 --> 01:25:20,548
Now pay attention to me, o.k.?
1947
01:25:20,548 --> 01:25:22,950
I'm talking about the Hacker Hellstorm.
1948
01:25:23,050 --> 01:25:26,554
You got it,
and you've got to turn it off.
1949
01:25:26,554 --> 01:25:27,955
Clark, we can't turn it off.
1950
01:25:28,055 --> 01:25:30,055
Of course we've tried!
1951
01:25:30,057 --> 01:25:32,059
We can't turn it--
1952
01:25:32,560 --> 01:25:33,961
He's putting his wife on.
1953
01:25:34,061 --> 01:25:34,962
Hi.
1954
01:25:35,062 --> 01:25:36,464
Uh...uh...
1955
01:25:36,564 --> 01:25:39,066
Ecoutez,
1956
01:25:39,066 --> 01:25:41,068
vous avez gagne.
1957
01:25:41,569 --> 01:25:44,071
Uh...
1958
01:25:44,071 --> 01:25:48,576
Fermez les 'rockettes',
o.k.?
1959
01:25:48,576 --> 01:25:50,578
About 2 years in high school
1960
01:25:50,578 --> 01:25:52,480
and about 4 years in college.
1961
01:25:52,580 --> 01:25:56,450
Well, thank you.
1962
01:25:56,450 --> 01:25:59,690
American missiles will launch
1963
01:25:59,790 --> 01:26:01,790
in 1 minute and 30 seconds.
1964
01:26:33,120 --> 01:26:35,623
Oh! Oh! When will it end?
1965
01:26:53,391 --> 01:26:56,394
Clark, are you listening to me?
1966
01:26:56,394 --> 01:26:59,397
Don't launch the rockets.
1967
01:26:59,397 --> 01:27:00,298
Our rockets!
1968
01:27:00,398 --> 01:27:01,799
Don't launch them!
1969
01:27:01,899 --> 01:27:03,929
I'm giving up,
you understand?
1970
01:27:04,402 --> 01:27:05,803
Whatever you want,
you've got it! You've won!
1971
01:27:05,903 --> 01:27:08,703
Don't play games with me,
Clark! You won!
1972
01:27:19,917 --> 01:27:22,536
Canuck central!
1973
01:27:22,536 --> 01:27:24,536
T-minus 15 seconds.
1974
01:27:26,173 --> 01:27:28,676
The Canucks and Hacker?
1975
01:27:28,676 --> 01:27:31,429
10 seconds to launch.
1976
01:27:31,429 --> 01:27:38,686
Prepare to launch.
1977
01:27:38,686 --> 01:27:41,486
Clark, please!
We're running out of time!
1978
01:27:55,202 --> 01:27:57,202
That's my Honey.
1979
01:28:33,357 --> 01:28:34,759
Boomer!
1980
01:28:34,859 --> 01:28:36,859
Don't like heights.
1981
01:28:36,861 --> 01:28:42,116
We've got to get out of here.
Come on!
1982
01:28:42,616 --> 01:28:48,122
Step on it.
1983
01:28:48,622 --> 01:28:52,402
Now, this is what I call a health care system.
1984
01:29:03,521 --> 01:29:04,922
Look, Honey.
1985
01:29:05,022 --> 01:29:05,923
Home.
1986
01:29:06,023 --> 01:29:08,025
Home.
1987
01:29:08,025 --> 01:29:10,027
The US of A.
1988
01:29:15,649 --> 01:29:17,649
Whoo! Let's go.
1989
01:30:14,258 --> 01:30:16,760
Ha ha ha!
There it is!
1990
01:30:16,877 --> 01:30:18,877
Like I care!
1991
01:30:53,914 --> 01:30:55,316
We're going to be there any minute now!
1992
01:30:55,416 --> 01:30:57,416
Oh, yeah! Trust me.
1993
01:31:04,508 --> 01:31:08,012
Only in America
1994
01:31:08,012 --> 01:31:10,514
Can a guy from anywhere
1995
01:31:11,015 --> 01:31:13,517
Go to sleep a pauper
1996
01:31:13,517 --> 01:31:17,021
And wake up a millionaire
1997
01:31:17,021 --> 01:31:19,023
Only in America
1998
01:31:19,023 --> 01:31:20,424
A-woo
1999
01:31:20,524 --> 01:31:21,926
Can a kid without a cent
2000
01:31:22,026 --> 01:31:24,026
A-woo
2001
01:31:24,028 --> 01:31:29,533
Get a break and maybe grow up to be president
2002
01:31:29,533 --> 01:31:33,037
Only in America
2003
01:31:33,037 --> 01:31:35,539
Land of opportunity, yeah
2004
01:31:35,539 --> 01:31:38,042
Could a boy who's nothing
2005
01:31:38,042 --> 01:31:44,548
Be something and be everything
2006
01:31:44,548 --> 01:31:48,052
Only in America
2007
01:31:48,052 --> 01:31:50,554
Can a kid who's washin' cars
2008
01:31:50,554 --> 01:31:53,057
Take a giant step
2009
01:31:53,057 --> 01:31:57,061
And reach right up and touch the stars
2010
01:31:57,061 --> 01:31:59,063
Only in America
2011
01:31:59,063 --> 01:32:00,464
A-woo
2012
01:32:00,564 --> 01:32:01,966
Could a dream like this come true
2013
01:32:02,066 --> 01:32:02,967
A-woo
2014
01:32:03,067 --> 01:32:05,069
Could a guy like me
2015
01:32:05,069 --> 01:32:08,072
Start with nothing and end up
2016
01:32:08,572 --> 01:32:13,577
Like you
2017
01:32:34,098 --> 01:32:37,601
Only in America
2018
01:32:37,601 --> 01:32:40,104
Land of opportunity,
Yeah
2019
01:32:40,104 --> 01:32:42,606
Could a boy who's nothing
2020
01:32:42,606 --> 01:32:47,611
Be something and be everything
2021
01:32:48,112 --> 01:32:52,616
Be everything
2022
01:32:53,117 --> 01:32:56,120
America
2023
01:32:56,120 --> 01:32:59,123
America
2024
01:32:59,123 --> 01:33:02,126
America
2025
01:33:02,126 --> 01:33:05,129
America
2026
01:33:05,129 --> 01:33:07,129
America?
2027
01:33:17,641 --> 01:33:22,146
Beneath its snowy mantle cold and clean
2028
01:33:22,146 --> 01:33:24,048
The unborn grass lies waiting
2029
01:33:24,148 --> 01:33:28,152
For its gold to turn to green
2030
01:33:28,152 --> 01:33:32,156
The snowbird sings the song he always sings
2031
01:33:32,156 --> 01:33:34,158
And speaks to me of flowers
2032
01:33:34,658 --> 01:33:38,162
That will bloom again in spring
2033
01:33:38,662 --> 01:33:42,666
When I was young my heart was young then, too
2034
01:33:42,666 --> 01:33:44,568
And anything that it would tell me
2035
01:33:44,668 --> 01:33:48,172
That's the thing that I would do
2036
01:33:48,672 --> 01:33:52,676
But now I feel such emptiness within
2037
01:33:52,676 --> 01:33:55,546
For the thing that I want most in life's?
2038
01:33:55,679 --> 01:33:59,183
The thing that I can't win
2039
01:33:59,183 --> 01:34:03,187
Spread your tiny wings and fly away
2040
01:34:03,187 --> 01:34:05,357
And take the snow back with you
2041
01:34:05,689 --> 01:34:09,193
Where it came from on that day
2042
01:34:09,193 --> 01:34:13,197
The one I loved forever is untrue
2043
01:34:13,197 --> 01:34:15,197
And if I could
2044
01:34:15,199 --> 01:34:19,703
You know that I would fly away with you
2045
01:34:19,703 --> 01:34:23,707
The breeze along the river seems to say
2046
01:34:23,707 --> 01:34:26,110
That he'll only break my heart again
2047
01:34:26,210 --> 01:34:29,713
Should I decide to stay
2048
01:34:29,713 --> 01:34:34,218
Spread your tiny wings and fly away
2049
01:34:34,218 --> 01:34:36,388
And take the snow back with you134118
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