All language subtitles for 30 Rock S05e17 Queen of Jordan.eng

Previously, on "Queen of Jordan..."

Don't tell me I can't sing.

What the [Bleep]
have you ever done?

Who the [Bleep]
are the Beatles?

[Gasps]

I know what you said
about me.

Please. I don't even think
about you.

You're nothing.

I know the photo shoot
for Randi's dog's funeral

is the wrong place
to tell you this,

but I'm going to Africa.

It's my way till payday.

Sync & corrections by Alice
for www.addic7ed.com

D'Fwan,
glue in the business weave.

I have an important meeting
with Jack Donaghy

from NBC today.

D'Fwan forgot
his catchphrase.

[Bell dings]

Since Tracy
is off helping people in Africa,

I finally have a chance
to focus on me.

That is why I'm launching
my music career.

It has been my dream
to be a singer

ever since I was a little...

drunk the other day and
rented out a recording space.

Oh, Angie, thank you
for coming in.

NBC could not be happier...

About Queen of Jordan.

For the first time
in six months,

we beat all the music
choice channels

except, of course,
Latin Beats.

Well, Angie's thinking
of the next move now.

As you know, my single
"My Single is Dropping"

- is dropping.
- What's happening?

My single is called
"My Single is Dropping"

and it's dropping.

Angie,
"My Single is Dropping"

is the reason I wanted

the three of us to meet.

With Tracy gone,
TGS will be airing

another "Best of" Special.

Actually, legal says
we can't use the word "best."

Either way,
the studio is free,

so I thought we would have
your release party there.

You would perform
and Lemon here

will help you put it
together.

What? No. I thought
we were here

to talk about getting Tracy
back from Africa.

Look, I love Tracy.
But he is work.

Angie, look what the banister
did to me!

Do know how much of my time
he wastes?

- Let's role play.
- Tracy, we're gonna be late!

[Door closes]
Our boat exploded.

With Tracy away, it's time
to let Angie be the star.

I hope Tracy doesn't come home
for months.

Months? No. We can't make it
that long without Tracy.

- You can't do this!
- Are you giving me orders?

Am I the waiter?

Is this the restaurant
that I'm opening up

with Dennis Rodman
and Webster?

No. I just thought
you would be on my side.

"Yes, we can."
Obama '08, remember?

Look,
this is a very complic...

- Oh!
- Oh!

As an executive of Kabletown
and NBC Universal

I am ordering you
not to use that footage.

John Francis Donaghy.
Verbal signature.

Angie's single release party
is tomorrow night.

It seems like the perfect place
for me to reveal

my shocking, secret past.

No, we're not writing
a tearful admission

about you being a call girl
in Delaware.

Write it yourself.

For your information,

I am a Christian illiterate,
so that's not an option.

You know what,
I'm not getting sucked

into your crazy
reality show nonsense.

Liz, I'm so mad at you
for that thing you did.

Am I trying
to instigate fights

by throwing wine at people
just to get on camera

and maybe also promote my new
lifestyle web site:

Jennas-side.com?

Of course not.

I mean, is wine throwing
something that even gets you

on a reality show?

God, Jenna, I told you
not to buy that domain name.

- Say it out loud.
- Jennas-side... Genocide.

I'm not hearing it, Liz.

Hey, guess who's getting out
of jail.

I don't know. But I hope
they didn't collect $200.

Lynn Onkman.
Remember her?

Oh, sure,
that hot teacher from Queens

who had an affair
with her student.

Oh, my God.
Check out this picture.

Frank, is that you?

You never said
you were in Lynn Onkman's class.

- Sure, I did.
- What?

Do you know the kid
she had an affair with?

No. Yes. I don't know.
Shut up.

- It was you.
- I don't want to talk about it.

Well done, sir.

Guys, a teacher preying
on a student is wrong...

Yeah.

If the teacher is male
and the student is female.

What happened to Frank
is awesome.

- Standing ovation.
- You don't understand!

It was love!
We were in love!

I need to look good
for my party.

And I refuse to wear anything
in my size

or appropriate for my age.

Lemon, a word.

Ham.

Wow.
If only Tracy were here,

he'd be, like, "Damn, woman,

"I want to make love
to your neck."

Don't do impressions
of other races.

Roger that, Angie.

I'm in charge of
setting up for Angie's party.

'Cause I'm not just
a gay hairdresser.

I'm also a homosexual
party planner.

Mr. D'Fwan,
Party City does not sell

giant see-through clocks
or strap-on Pegasus wings,

so I got this paper pineapple
instead.

Hey, girlfriends.

Why don't we all have
some drinks

and talk about
how I think Portia has no class.

- Yeah, you heard me, Portia.
- Uh-uh.

I will not be in the same room
as that woman.

Is this about what happened
in Atlantic city?

- I didn't say it.
- You did.

- You did.
- I didn't say it.

- I didn't say it!
- You did!

- I didn't say it.
- You did.

Excuse me. I'm looking
for Francis Rossitano.

Oh, snap.
That's Lynn Onkman.

Portia reads the papers.

- Mrs. Onkman?
- Frank R?

Yeah.

Michael.
Are you back on meth?

- Mm-hmm.
No. Why? You got some?

Think fast.
[Laughs]

Nice catch, dotcom.

I'm sick of being disrespected
by that man.

Sick of it.

Yeah. I was an athlete.
Very graceful.

Sports stories?
I got some.

Uh, I'm meeting my friend Greg
for lunch.

Again?

When I was at Princeton,

I played baseball
and football.

And back then,
football players went both ways.

Really?
So you went both ways?

Yeah. We all did.
It was the '70s.

So when you played baseball,
were you ever on the DL?

Yeah. I was on the DL
most of my junior year.

Mm.
DL can mean "disabled list."

But it can also mean
"down low" or "secretly gay."

Which one
was Jack talking about?

When we were on the DL,

we spent most of our time
in the whirlpool

getting rubbed down.

You were a switch-hitter?

Switch-hitter.
Pitcher. Catcher.

Whatever the boys needed.

I think I made my point.

I drank
all the throwing wine

and I have something
to say to Portia.

I know what you said
about me.

Good. Because I'm concerned
about you.

Even though we just met,
I can tell you're an alcoholic.

Come on, Portia.
I want to fight.

I have battled my own demons
and you need help.

No. I don't need
any help.

I am in denial
about my disease.

And I don't know
what would change that.

Drunk actor brainstorm.

I'm going to make Pete host
an intervention for me.

It'll be all about Jenna.
Drama. Crying.

The beauty of redemption.
Perhaps a song.

This is the best day
of my life.

[Knocking at door]
I'm sorry.

You want me
to perform in this?

Yeah. You're Amy Grant
from the "Baby Baby" video.

The one where the man likes her
at the Carnival.

That's some white nonsense.

Too bad Tracy's not here
to take your side.

He'd be, like, "Damn you,
Liz Lemon."

We discussed this,
Elizabeth.

Yes. Uh, anyway,
I've got the auditions

for your backup dancers.

Good. 'Cause I'm looking
for dancers who can dance

for 15 seconds 'cause that's
how long my song is.

What?
That's my wedding video.

Oh, no. I must've mixed up
the DVD discs.

Agh! Well, we'll just have
to watch it anyway

- and see what feelings arise.
- Angie, just start!

[Police siren blares]

Are you wearing handcuffs,
Tracy?

Can my friend cheese
come with us on our honeymoon?

What?

Okay, I should've watched
that first.

Do you see how exhausting
that man can be?

Yes. He has his flaws.

But I know
you two love each other.

Yeah. And with him gone,

our relationship
has never been better.

So he can stay in Africa
for as long as he wants.

I'm on Angie time now.

Frank and Lynn's story
really moved me.

So I let them have
their reunion date

at the Stripaerobics Studio
I bought with the money I got

after that cop shot me.

What else did you miss
in prison?

Oh, they kept remaking
The Hulk

and it kept getting worse.

[Laughs] Could we talk
about something

other than comic book movies?

Sure.
Yeah, uh...

I thought about you a lot
while I was away.

And I still remember
the... the moment

when we fell in love.

You were administering
a scoliosis test to the class

and you lingered on my spine.

Frank,
why did you bring me here?

And who's that woman?

A friend. Continue.

I'm sorry, but I couldn't
bring you to my place.

My mom's there and she still
wants you to rot in hell.

You live with your mother?

Yeah. Otherwise who would
wake me up for work?

- What's wrong?
[Sighs] - Oh, Frank.

The boy I fell in love with

was the most amazing
eighth-grader

that I've ever met.

And I couldn't wait
to meet the man

that that boy became,
but you haven't grown.

You're still talking
about superheroes

and video games
and why Seth Logan

shouldn't have played
the green something.

Hornet. Yeah.
And it's Rogen.

It's like you're stuck.

Oh.
I wonder why I'm stuck.

What could've happened
to me when I was 14

to make me never want
to grow up?

Inside voice, Frank.

And I refuse to take
the blame for that.

I lost everything
to be with you.

Well, this is who I am.

If you don't like it
then what's the point?

Now may I be dismissed?
Okay.

I thought this was a meeting
to discuss your spinoff

where you do matchmaking
for wealthy dogs.

I lied.

D'Fwan thinks that maybe you're
not being true to your you.

I know what it's like
to live a lie.

I used to be in the military.

But I was unfairly thrown out
because I went berserk

around all those dudes
and tried to bang everybody.

It has come to my attention

that some of what I said
yesterday

may have been misconstrued.

"Going both ways"
in football

means playing offense
and defense.

And there is nothing gay
about the Princeton fight song.

♪ Oh, the merry men of Princeton
are charging up the rear ♪

♪ holding all the balls... ♪
okay, I hear it now.

Regardless,
I'm not gay or clumsy.

So your little show has nothing
with which to embarrass me.

[Chair squeaks]
That was the chair.

Here. I'll show you.

[Silence]

It was the chair.

What is this?

Jenna, everyone here
loves you very much.

But because of your drinking,
we feel like we're losing you.

Is this an intervention?

We all agree
it's gone too far.

Kenneth. Richard Esposito.
Your two psychics.

Wait. You're seeing
another psychic?

I mean, I knew that.
No! I am not doing this!

I'm leaving!
Read your letters.

Jenna, everyone
has written you letters

that they'd like to share.

"Miss Maroney, your addiction
has negatively affected me

"in the following ways.

"Number one,
I was so worried,

I forgot to write
the rest of this letter."

Thank you.

I mean...
[Cries]

Webster, we need to talk.
Your check didn't clear.

[Bleep], [Bleep], [Bleep],
[Bleep], [Bleep].

'Scuse me.
Is that my computer?

No, I was just...
no, pinwheel. Not now.

Are you on my email?
Are you emailing my husband?

I can explain.

I'm asleep right now and I think
that that's my computer.

Gah. Huh? Whuh?
Where am I?

"Tracy, as your wife,
I'm ordering you to come home."

- I know this looks bad.
- "The kids need you.

"And I want to give you
all the sex things you like."

You don't have to read
any more.

"For instance, doing it
across the bed

"instead of up and down."

- Saw that in a movie.
- "Come home now.

"Sho 'nuff, Angie."
Sho 'nuff?

It's a first draft.

Are you trying to trick Tracy
into coming home?

Were you trying to trick me
with my wedding video?

Listen, you're not in charge.
I am.

- Mind your own business.
- Yeah, well, Tracy is my... ow.

There's more
where this came from.

I'm contractually obligated
to pull out some bitch's weave

eight more times
this season.

It's not a weave. Gah.

♪ It's the beauty
by of redemption ♪

Jenna, will you accept
the help

we're offering you today?

Of course.

Today is the first day
of the rest of my life.

Jenna, this is Charles.
He has his van waiting outside.

How nice.

He's gonna take you
to the airport

and then fly with you

to the Alternatives Treatment
Center in Minnesota.

Well, of course, 'cause that's
how interventions end.

And I can't back out now

otherwise they can't use
any of this.

Oh, God.

Anyway,
that's why I did it.

One, To see the fear
in her eyes.

And two,
Without Tracy or Jenna,

we can file a claim
against the show's insurance

and keep getting paid
without working.

So this is kind of the best day
of my life.

After my second husband
shot me the second time,

I realized that love
is the most important thing

in the world.

I just hope Frank does
the right thing.

[Gasps] Oh, Frank.

How did you know
where I work?

It's one of the benefits
of being in love

with a registered
sex offender.

Frank, about what happened
at Randi's Strippercise Studio...

No. You were right.
I have been afraid to grow up.

Well, what are you doing?

I'm throwing out
my kid stuff.

I want to become the man
you waited for.

The man you helped cheat

on the presidential physical
fitness test.

Well, if you didn't get better
at the shuttle run,

they were gonna put you
in the hospital.

Oh, no. That's your favorite.
You can't.

Skeletor's not my favorite.
You are.

Are you throwing toys
in the fryer?

You're fired, Onkman.

Now give me a waiver to sign.

The world has to be educated
about blurry face syndrome.

Angie's changed her hairstyle
since this last photo was taken

and D'Fwan
is a queer-fectionist.

Wow.
She gets a whole window?

Wait.
What used to be there?

Oh, Angie,
a Queen of Jordan indeed.

- Muah.
- Nnn.

Jack, I also suffer
from Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

It was the chair. Oh.

I hope you're not this clumsy
on the dance floor.

- I am not clumsy.
- You know why you're so tense?

It's 'cause you have
a secret locked up inside you.

A man-sex secret.

You know what, I give up.

If this idiotic show insists
on portraying me

as some clumsy,
gay flatulent, so be it.

I am extremely secure
in my athleticism,

my masculinity,
and my rectal integrity.

- Mm-hmm.
- "Mm-hmm," indeed, D'Fwan.

I know who I am.

So if you want to dance,
it would be my pleasure.

Yeah, he's straight.
That boy cannot dance.

I know what D'Fwan said
about me and it is on.

I'm a superb dancer.

At Princeton, I played Maria
in an all-male production

of West Side Story.

Oh, forget it. You people should
be ashamed of yourselves.

Ah.

Jenna,
what are you doing here?

You're supposed
to be on a plane.

I explained to Charles
that I was just pretending

to be an alcoholic
to get on camera.

And we laughed.

And he said I can drink
as much as I want.

So cheers to good friends.

You... you're insane!

In the lobby, she pulled
a wrench out of her purse,

hit me over the head.

I will never go
to Minnesota.

"My Single is Dropping"

is not just
about a single dropping.

It's about a woman
learning to fly.

A woman who doesn't need a man
or anybody

except Josh at Sidney Bernstein
Management,

Sidney at Josh Bernstein
Accounting.

Shut up, Angie.
Just shut up!

I'm sick of your selfishness.
People's jobs are at sake.

I'm selfish?
You are a joke.

And everybody thinks so.

Let me talk.
I am talking.

Will you let me talk?
Can I talk for once?

You need to call Tracy
right now

because I know
that he is your man,

but he is my man too.

And TGS is my family.

And my family
is thick as thieves.

Now who here wants
to teach me how to fight?

[Cries]

Attention everyone.

I found a glove
in the elevator.

If anyone is missing a glove,
I may have found your glove.

Angie, I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to make you cry.

No. It's not you,
Liz Lemon. It's them.

I miss my weird love,
but he won't come back.

What?

I've been trying
to get Tracy to come back

ever since he left,
but he won't.

So I sit and act
like this is what I want.

But what I really want
is for everything to go back

to the way it used to be.

I just want to wake up
in the morning

and look over
at my husband asleep...

On our neighbor's roof.

But if you can't get him
to come back, who can?

What if he never comes back?

What is going to happen
to all of us?

Wait. You know what,
this is my glove.

If anyone sees another glove,
I've lost one of my gloves.

Thank you.

Sync & corrections by Alice
for www.addic7ed.com

Next week on "Queen of Jordan..."

I challenge you to a [Bleep]
dance contest!

You'll never get me Charles.

- Why are you mad at me??
- Because the way you ****

I never said it.

That was the chair, because I only
pass gas once a year

for an hour **** ******

Oh, God!!

Oh brother!