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Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
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Previously on 30 Rock...
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- So you're...
- In three weddings on the same day.
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00:00:05,257 --> 00:00:06,339
Fate is telling us
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00:00:06,508 --> 00:00:08,674
we're each other's
settling soul mates.
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00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:11,719
I've been seeing someone else,
and I'm in love with both of you.
7
00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:13,061
Jack wants me to stall?
8
00:00:15,635 --> 00:00:17,257
So I'm gonna marry...
9
00:00:18,508 --> 00:00:19,648
Japheth.
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00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:22,063
And we're gonna live in...
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00:00:23,885 --> 00:00:24,885
Nineveh.
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00:00:25,261 --> 00:00:26,984
And I'm gonna be a...
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00:00:28,448 --> 00:00:29,498
prostitute.
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00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,447
I continued to see other people.
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00:00:31,616 --> 00:00:34,158
One person, who apparently
you're also in love with.
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00:00:34,328 --> 00:00:37,161
It's possible.
Haven't you ever read Archie comics?
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00:00:37,331 --> 00:00:38,638
I got divorced.
18
00:00:38,763 --> 00:00:40,944
I didn't know
if you would ever leave Mark,
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00:00:41,069 --> 00:00:42,792
so I let myself
fall into something else.
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00:00:44,701 --> 00:00:47,838
- You look amazing in that dress.
- You look like a gay mortician.
21
00:00:52,012 --> 00:00:53,219
I have a thankless job.
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00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:57,301
For example, I'm here on a Saturday
to show around some Kabletown folks.
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00:00:59,143 --> 00:01:00,768
It's not real.
Point is,
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00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:03,106
I usually only get
to deliver bad news.
25
00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:04,188
But not today.
26
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:07,681
You are the new...
27
00:01:08,396 --> 00:01:12,400
junior in-charge boy
of the entire NBC page program.
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00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:14,248
Oh, my goodness!
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00:01:14,697 --> 00:01:16,547
This is my dream come true.
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00:01:17,457 --> 00:01:20,352
And to hear it from my best friend
in the whole world,
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comma, bald category.
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00:01:22,834 --> 00:01:24,091
You start in two weeks.
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00:01:24,216 --> 00:01:26,585
And they'll give you some moving money
to help you get to L.A.
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00:01:27,653 --> 00:01:28,658
California?
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00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:30,381
I can't move out there
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00:01:30,550 --> 00:01:32,092
and be away from all of you.
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00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,093
No, thank you, sir.
I'll pass.
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00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:35,512
You can't pass.
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00:01:35,644 --> 00:01:38,264
Jack put you up for this.
You have to talk to him.
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00:01:38,433 --> 00:01:40,219
Fine.
I will talk to him.
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00:01:40,344 --> 00:01:41,957
And Mr. Donaghy will understand
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00:01:42,082 --> 00:01:43,936
'cause he's my best friend
in the whole world,
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00:01:44,255 --> 00:01:47,405
comma, beautiful hair category,
parentheses, strong.
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00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:52,309
And a man must leave his mother
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00:01:52,926 --> 00:01:55,740
And a woman needs her bones
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00:01:55,908 --> 00:01:57,992
What can I say, Nancy?
I want to be with you.
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00:01:58,161 --> 00:02:01,037
I want to take naps with you.
I want to watch you watch a hockey game.
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00:02:01,206 --> 00:02:03,372
I want to find long red hairs
in my overcooked pot roast.
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00:02:04,601 --> 00:02:05,458
I love you.
50
00:02:05,627 --> 00:02:08,669
I do love you,
because you know that what I really am
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00:02:08,839 --> 00:02:11,352
is a poor mama's boy
from Sadchester, Massachusetts
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00:02:11,477 --> 00:02:13,966
who had to wear
his sister's hand-me-down corduroys.
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00:02:14,136 --> 00:02:16,427
They were orange
and had hearts for pockets.
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00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:17,970
And you like me anyway.
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00:02:18,139 --> 00:02:20,306
I get it,
but what are you gonna do about it?
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00:02:20,475 --> 00:02:23,241
I can't share you with another woman
like you're that Mormon guy on HBO
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00:02:23,366 --> 00:02:24,727
who was in that tornado movie.
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00:02:24,896 --> 00:02:27,480
The one with the girl with the forehead
who was married to that Jewish.
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00:02:28,733 --> 00:02:30,708
I'm a mom.
Give me a break.
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00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,651
I need to know right now,
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00:02:32,984 --> 00:02:34,779
are you in or are you out?
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00:02:34,948 --> 00:02:36,389
In. Nancy, I'm in.
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Then I'm in too.
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00:02:41,496 --> 00:02:44,235
... sum of all his parts
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There is a love
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00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:54,214
There is love...
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00:03:16,227 --> 00:03:19,323
- What are you doing?
- You didn't go to give your hair?
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00:03:19,573 --> 00:03:21,367
I was, but I forgot my bag of hair.
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00:03:21,885 --> 00:03:23,785
Is this who you're into now?
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00:03:24,321 --> 00:03:25,329
Cher?
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00:03:25,885 --> 00:03:27,998
You're being another woman
behind my back?
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00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:30,959
- It's not what it looks like.
- Spare me your lame excuses.
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00:03:31,199 --> 00:03:33,921
Maybe I'm old-fashioned,
but when a girl dates a straight man
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00:03:34,561 --> 00:03:37,701
who impersonates her on stage
for mostly gay audiences,
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00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:39,593
she has certain expectations.
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00:03:39,765 --> 00:03:42,680
Fidelity, Paul.
It's not just the bank that sued me.
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00:03:42,849 --> 00:03:44,807
But I love you both equally.
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00:03:44,976 --> 00:03:47,768
I don't know what to tell you.
But you have to choose.
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00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:49,103
It's her
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00:03:49,313 --> 00:03:50,313
or me.
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00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:52,522
Jenna, babe, wait.
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00:03:52,954 --> 00:03:54,692
I'm sorry.
That came out wrong.
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00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,870
I need to talk to you
about an urgent page-related matter.
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00:04:07,995 --> 00:04:10,291
- He came out of nowhere.
- We can talk on Monday.
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00:04:10,585 --> 00:04:14,170
- We have an hour between weddings to...
- Tickle each other like teletubbies.
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00:04:14,396 --> 00:04:17,506
That's how I used to explain it
to my kids when they walked in on us.
87
00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:20,092
But I don't want my promotion, sir.
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00:04:20,586 --> 00:04:22,462
I want to stay here in New York.
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00:04:22,587 --> 00:04:25,764
I'm not going to let you say no.
This is a promotion for you.
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00:04:25,934 --> 00:04:28,767
And, yes, it's difficult,
but today is about pulling triggers.
91
00:04:28,937 --> 00:04:30,936
It's about making bold choices.
It's about...
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00:04:31,106 --> 00:04:33,355
Two spider-mans fighting,
sometimes they make weird noises,
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00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:35,399
but they're not hurting each other.
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00:04:35,568 --> 00:04:37,567
- How often did they walk in on you?
- A lot.
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00:04:38,902 --> 00:04:40,402
If you'll excuse me.
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00:04:44,222 --> 00:04:46,172
D'oh, bother!
Treble bother!
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00:04:46,822 --> 00:04:47,578
What?
98
00:04:47,747 --> 00:04:50,164
My fancy dress slippers.
I left them in my office.
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00:04:50,289 --> 00:04:52,082
Go get them
and meet me at Cerie's wedding.
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00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:55,002
When I was fired,
I vowed on the Snipes name
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00:04:55,171 --> 00:04:56,921
I would never set foot
in there again.
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00:04:57,090 --> 00:04:59,240
Also Kevin in security
has a picture of me.
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00:04:59,885 --> 00:05:01,967
You want me
to go get your tuxedo shoes?
104
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,804
See? Our minds are already one
as our bodies soon shall be.
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00:05:06,521 --> 00:05:08,021
There's the address.
106
00:05:08,521 --> 00:05:10,098
Of course. You work in insurance.
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00:05:10,269 --> 00:05:12,352
Specializing
in the transportation industry.
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00:05:12,848 --> 00:05:15,773
Fulfills my boyhood passion
for train accidents.
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00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:18,900
- Fine. I'll go get your shoes.
- Farewell, my luscious plum.
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00:05:23,710 --> 00:05:25,991
- Son of a...
- Why is your face like that?
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00:05:29,748 --> 00:05:31,996
California?
No way, Ken.
112
00:05:32,167 --> 00:05:33,853
You got to tank this promotion.
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00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:35,875
Do a sloppy job,
and they'll leave you alone.
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00:05:36,390 --> 00:05:39,440
That's how I got out of doing
foreplay with Angie.
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00:05:40,128 --> 00:05:41,278
And my taxes.
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00:05:41,593 --> 00:05:43,252
That's not in my nature.
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00:05:43,917 --> 00:05:46,167
If you've learned anything from me,
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00:05:46,535 --> 00:05:48,221
it's how to do a bad job.
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Go. Honor me.
120
00:05:49,976 --> 00:05:52,643
Save yourself.
But first get me a sandwich.
121
00:05:53,732 --> 00:05:56,188
Get it yourself, chubbs.
I'm on a coffee break.
122
00:05:58,395 --> 00:05:59,595
That's my boy.
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00:06:06,564 --> 00:06:09,264
I'm gonna hit the ladies' room.
You can never tell when one
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00:06:09,389 --> 00:06:11,829
of these non-denominational,
goof-around weddings is gonna start.
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00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:21,630
- Paul l'astname. I'm Jenna's boyfriend.
- I've heard a lot about you, Paul.
126
00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:22,868
It's all true.
127
00:06:22,993 --> 00:06:25,175
I'm a native of Houston,
and I love to cook healthy.
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00:06:25,345 --> 00:06:27,115
And the female impersonator stuff.
129
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:28,604
Sure. Of course.
130
00:06:29,099 --> 00:06:32,152
It's actually been causing
some problems at home lately.
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00:06:32,867 --> 00:06:35,686
Do you think it's possible
to love two women at once?
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00:06:36,617 --> 00:06:38,167
I know it's possible.
133
00:06:38,492 --> 00:06:40,529
But at some point,
you have to choose.
134
00:06:40,654 --> 00:06:42,484
You can't delude yourself
with thoughts like,
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00:06:42,724 --> 00:06:46,324
"what if I could somehow combine
them into one perfect woman,
136
00:06:46,764 --> 00:06:48,782
"like a s'more you could take
a shower with?"
137
00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:51,622
But how do you know
if you've made the right decision?
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00:06:51,747 --> 00:06:52,619
You don't.
139
00:06:53,435 --> 00:06:56,381
You'll always be wondering
what your life would have been like
140
00:06:56,745 --> 00:06:59,668
- if you'd opened that other door.
- Like at a haunted house sex party.
141
00:06:59,983 --> 00:07:00,835
Exactly.
142
00:07:07,220 --> 00:07:09,790
Come on, Jessup.
Get it together. No tears.
143
00:07:11,314 --> 00:07:12,556
Everything all right?
144
00:07:14,355 --> 00:07:15,355
I'm fine.
145
00:07:17,877 --> 00:07:20,105
Here.
You need this more than I do.
146
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:21,982
I never put my mouth on it.
147
00:07:22,315 --> 00:07:24,575
- Thanks.
- You look so familiar to me.
148
00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,678
I'm a financial reporter for CNBC.
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00:07:28,264 --> 00:07:30,574
The hot box with Avery Jessup.
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00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:33,367
You ever do a commercial
for overshoppe.com?
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00:07:33,538 --> 00:07:34,744
God, I did.
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00:07:35,194 --> 00:07:37,414
That was before I got rid
of my Maryland accent.
153
00:07:38,069 --> 00:07:41,000
Does the "O" have it?
"O", we do.
154
00:07:41,258 --> 00:07:43,378
Do you "O"?
"O", no?
155
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:44,379
Let go.
156
00:07:46,790 --> 00:07:48,008
That accent's idiotic.
157
00:07:48,572 --> 00:07:51,390
Anyway, nice to meet you,
Avery Jessup. I'm Nancy.
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00:07:51,764 --> 00:07:53,430
I'm not normally this...
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00:07:53,999 --> 00:07:54,930
overwhelmed.
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00:07:55,564 --> 00:07:58,435
I came here to talk to my boyfriend
or whatever he is.
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00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,103
I mean, this whole situation...
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00:08:00,387 --> 00:08:02,537
Clamp down, Jessup!
Be a winner.
163
00:08:06,013 --> 00:08:07,463
I can't drink this.
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00:08:12,776 --> 00:08:14,526
You wanna talk about it?
165
00:08:15,890 --> 00:08:18,163
Tuxedo slippers.
Give me a break.
166
00:08:20,008 --> 00:08:21,957
Excuse me.
I'm supposed to meet you here?
167
00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:25,378
Are you Wesley?
I'm Carol.
168
00:08:25,548 --> 00:08:28,715
- I'm sorry. What's happening now?
- I'm supposed to meet a Wesley.
169
00:08:29,018 --> 00:08:31,426
- Wesley doesn't work here anymore.
- Are you serious?
170
00:08:31,644 --> 00:08:34,638
I made the appointment a month ago.
I rearranged my whole Saturday.
171
00:08:35,539 --> 00:08:37,696
- Are you a doorman?
- Yeah, I'm a doorman...
172
00:08:37,821 --> 00:08:38,871
to the sky.
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00:08:38,996 --> 00:08:39,893
I'm a pilot.
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00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,556
It's a standard workman's comp claim.
I'm sure you could handle it.
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00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,084
I was flying at 7:00 a.m.
From Tampa to Louisville,
176
00:08:48,209 --> 00:08:51,488
and we had a two-hour weather delay,
naturally all the passengers got drunk.
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00:08:51,656 --> 00:08:54,046
Generally speaking, if there's a delay
of more than 20 minutes,
178
00:08:54,171 --> 00:08:57,571
I might as well be driving a party bus.
It's just idiocy.
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00:08:57,696 --> 00:08:59,788
I don't know what's going on
in this country.
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00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,650
People wear flip-flops to church.
181
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:04,416
And the NBA tattoo situation
is out of control.
182
00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:07,101
Thank you. Anyway,
we're about a half hour into the flight,
183
00:09:07,226 --> 00:09:09,586
I hear this commotion
behind me in the cabin,
184
00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:12,759
I exit the cockpit, I go down the aisle,
and to my left, I see...
185
00:09:13,091 --> 00:09:15,660
- A terrorist?
- No. I wish. It's a drunk lady.
186
00:09:15,785 --> 00:09:17,811
She's pulled her pants off,
and she's ranting.
187
00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:20,523
She's complaining
about the in-flight entertainment.
188
00:09:20,648 --> 00:09:24,395
So things got a little heated...
And I had to implement sky law.
189
00:09:24,657 --> 00:09:25,939
- What's...
- Sky law.
190
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:27,970
It's when I put on
the "fasten seatbelt" sign,
191
00:09:28,095 --> 00:09:30,442
no one's allowed to move
till we've had ten minutes of silence.
192
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,973
I made the whole thing up.
But, you know, people are stupid,
193
00:09:34,098 --> 00:09:35,490
so they don't question it.
194
00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:37,201
That is awesome.
195
00:09:37,983 --> 00:09:39,980
So what is the workman's comp
part of this?
196
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,496
I flipped the drunk lady off,
she bit my finger.
197
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,007
It was totally unprofessional.
198
00:09:45,132 --> 00:09:47,419
But she was bagging pretty hard
on my TGS.
199
00:09:47,973 --> 00:09:49,046
- What?
- TGS.
200
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:50,975
It's this late-night show on NBC.
201
00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:53,420
We run it in-flight
when we're northwest-bound.
202
00:09:53,545 --> 00:09:55,978
Basically, the greatest thing
ever on television.
203
00:09:56,103 --> 00:09:58,972
I don't stand for anybody
besmirching it on my aircraft.
204
00:09:59,414 --> 00:10:01,099
Do you believe in fate?
205
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:07,064
Are you kidding me?
You write for TGS with Tracy Jordan?
206
00:10:07,586 --> 00:10:10,149
I'm the head writer.
I'm not an insurance claims adjustor.
207
00:10:10,274 --> 00:10:11,818
I'm just here because...
208
00:10:12,113 --> 00:10:13,213
my cousin...
209
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:20,517
I mean, it's my favorite show ever.
There's the one fart doctor sketch
210
00:10:20,642 --> 00:10:22,788
where this fart doctor's trying
to figure out who farted
211
00:10:22,957 --> 00:10:25,964
- in the spelling bee, and he's like...
- "He who spelt it, dealt it."
212
00:10:26,089 --> 00:10:28,126
I wrote that.
I write all of the fart doctors.
213
00:10:28,342 --> 00:10:29,878
I can't believe this.
214
00:10:31,804 --> 00:10:33,922
Would you like to go
to a rich girl's wedding with me?
215
00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:35,875
I don't know.
Does that sound like more fun
216
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,476
than me eating alone
at the Laguardia chili's?
217
00:10:39,860 --> 00:10:41,181
I won't leave you, sir.
218
00:10:41,484 --> 00:10:42,931
No matter what it takes.
219
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,226
Good afternoon, and welcome...
220
00:10:46,650 --> 00:10:47,478
not.
221
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:50,981
We begin our stupid tour
of this once-great network
222
00:10:51,152 --> 00:10:53,250
outside studio 6H.
223
00:10:54,363 --> 00:10:55,320
Ring-ring.
224
00:10:56,863 --> 00:10:57,863
What's up?
225
00:10:58,178 --> 00:11:01,201
Nothing. Just giving a dumb tour
to a bunch of uggos.
226
00:11:02,614 --> 00:11:05,714
Let's meet up later
and smoke some drug cigarettes.
227
00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:10,584
You're a pilot.
228
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:12,491
I should pick your brain.
229
00:11:12,616 --> 00:11:15,173
I'm developing a daytime talk
show with Sully Sullenberger.
230
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,493
Yeah, I met that guy.
He's not that great.
231
00:11:17,618 --> 00:11:20,682
You know what a great pilot
would have done? Not hit the birds.
232
00:11:20,807 --> 00:11:22,767
That's what I do every day...
Not hit birds.
233
00:11:22,892 --> 00:11:24,957
Where's my ticket to the Grammys?
234
00:11:25,144 --> 00:11:28,728
- What took you so long in the bathroom?
- The usual ladies' room nonsense.
235
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:31,113
Girl with boyfriend troubles.
Someone forgot tampons.
236
00:11:31,238 --> 00:11:33,483
Everybody's bad at science and math.
You know the drill.
237
00:11:33,971 --> 00:11:36,221
The ceremony will be starting soon.
238
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:39,029
I'll get our table number.
You get as many drinks as you can carry.
239
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:41,657
I'll see you at the reception.
240
00:11:44,251 --> 00:11:45,975
Get ready for some of this.
241
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:49,416
Later.
242
00:11:49,919 --> 00:11:52,163
- He's here with you?
- Indeed he is.
243
00:11:52,288 --> 00:11:53,795
I see that Nancy is still here.
244
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:56,889
- You're welcome.
- Smug 40-year-old bridesmaid.
245
00:11:57,014 --> 00:11:59,134
What a treat for everyone.
Yes, Lemon,
246
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:00,468
I am with Nancy now.
247
00:12:00,638 --> 00:12:02,950
- What made up your mind?
- I decided that any decision
248
00:12:03,075 --> 00:12:04,888
was better than no decision at all.
249
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,976
I don't know. I used
to feel that way too, but now I know.
250
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:09,508
You can't force your fate.
251
00:12:09,633 --> 00:12:11,466
You just have
to let it wash over you,
252
00:12:11,591 --> 00:12:14,314
like a spray tan that won't take
because your skin is too oily.
253
00:12:14,485 --> 00:12:16,917
That's absurd. The world is made
by those who control
254
00:12:17,042 --> 00:12:18,153
their own destiny.
255
00:12:18,322 --> 00:12:21,382
It isn't made by those who don't do.
It's made by those who do do,
256
00:12:21,507 --> 00:12:23,158
which is what made me the man I am.
257
00:12:23,283 --> 00:12:24,741
I do do.
258
00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,261
Grow up, Lemon.
259
00:12:27,386 --> 00:12:29,742
The point is I made my choice,
and I'm not looking back.
260
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,404
- Period.
- Period.
261
00:12:40,012 --> 00:12:40,924
Son of a...
262
00:12:41,575 --> 00:12:44,656
What did you do on your tour today?
Those were the kabletown executives.
263
00:12:44,781 --> 00:12:46,054
Our new bosses.
264
00:12:46,225 --> 00:12:48,014
Sir, I was just trying
to do a bad job
265
00:12:48,139 --> 00:12:50,210
so I wouldn't have
to go to Los Angeles.
266
00:12:50,335 --> 00:12:52,869
Everyone there smiles creepily
all the time.
267
00:12:52,994 --> 00:12:54,688
And that's sort of my thing.
268
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,940
You're not going to Los Angeles.
269
00:12:58,152 --> 00:13:00,235
Because they're making me fire you.
270
00:13:00,769 --> 00:13:01,919
You're fired.
271
00:13:22,657 --> 00:13:25,437
- Ready?
- Here. This is yours.
272
00:13:26,607 --> 00:13:29,148
I'm sorry.
This is an embarrassing oversight.
273
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,899
This morning at church, you told me
all the reasons that you loved me,
274
00:13:33,024 --> 00:13:35,605
some more graphic
than were appropriate for the setting.
275
00:13:35,878 --> 00:13:37,190
Now I want you to tell me
276
00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:39,691
what's so special
about this other woman.
277
00:13:40,438 --> 00:13:42,237
I like how she's less hot than you.
278
00:13:42,406 --> 00:13:43,403
I'm serious.
279
00:13:43,574 --> 00:13:46,340
What can I say?
She's smart. She's pretty.
280
00:13:46,465 --> 00:13:48,910
She can tell you the dow 40
in order of market cap.
281
00:13:49,090 --> 00:13:50,903
She knows how to field dress a deer.
282
00:13:51,028 --> 00:13:52,372
- Why do you...
- Go on.
283
00:13:55,093 --> 00:13:56,129
Her laugh...
284
00:13:56,828 --> 00:13:58,028
is like music.
285
00:13:58,779 --> 00:13:59,878
Really mean music.
286
00:14:00,049 --> 00:14:02,633
And she always wears high heels
because, according to her,
287
00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:04,533
flat shoes are for quitters.
288
00:14:04,658 --> 00:14:07,095
For God's sake, what can I say?
You'd like her.
289
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:10,098
So you weren't lying when you said
you were in love with two women?
290
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:12,258
- No. I wasn't lying.
- Good.
291
00:14:12,436 --> 00:14:14,644
- I feel a lot better about leaving.
- What?
292
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:16,188
Avery's here, Jack.
293
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:20,599
And she's pregnant.
294
00:14:23,489 --> 00:14:24,689
This is crazy.
295
00:14:25,163 --> 00:14:26,163
It's fate.
296
00:14:26,288 --> 00:14:27,906
You were supposed to be a dad.
297
00:14:28,227 --> 00:14:30,663
And by the way, when I blew
your mind last night,
298
00:14:30,788 --> 00:14:32,940
I was giving it about 50%.
299
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,459
Unhand my fiancee!
300
00:14:37,789 --> 00:14:39,792
No, no, he's just a groomsman.
301
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:41,678
And a Somali pirate.
Careful.
302
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:45,513
You tried to end our engagement
with a textual transmission.
303
00:14:47,605 --> 00:14:51,014
Your behavior as a fiancee
has been as weak as american tea.
304
00:14:51,946 --> 00:14:53,099
There. I've said it.
305
00:14:54,420 --> 00:14:56,937
- Our first argument, everyone.
- You're engaged?
306
00:14:58,022 --> 00:15:00,148
What if the bachelorette party
theme was sluts?
307
00:15:00,317 --> 00:15:02,357
No, the engagement is off.
308
00:15:03,147 --> 00:15:05,558
You keep talking about how fate
is trying to push us together.
309
00:15:05,683 --> 00:15:08,238
You know what, it is.
But not to meet you.
310
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:09,908
To meet the right man.
311
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,658
His name is Carol.
312
00:15:11,829 --> 00:15:13,578
Like Carroll O'Connor
from Nick at Nite.
313
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,121
Exactly, Cerie.
Thank you.
314
00:15:15,673 --> 00:15:18,081
Carol is the one
that I was fated to meet.
315
00:15:18,298 --> 00:15:21,469
I've only known him for a few hours,
and maybe this sounds crazy,
316
00:15:21,594 --> 00:15:24,796
but I already feel like I could spend
the rest of my life with him.
317
00:15:25,114 --> 00:15:27,614
He's the one
that I've been waiting for.
318
00:15:27,739 --> 00:15:31,684
And someday, when Carol sees
my disgusting foot secret,
319
00:15:32,114 --> 00:15:34,681
he's gonna be okay with it.
I can tell.
320
00:15:35,052 --> 00:15:37,878
You were wrong, Wesley.
We don't have to settle.
321
00:15:38,003 --> 00:15:41,521
The moms were wrong.
Stupid Buzz Aldrin was wrong.
322
00:15:41,692 --> 00:15:43,866
So thank you and good-bye.
323
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:47,737
Praise to the universe.
Love is real!
324
00:15:50,439 --> 00:15:52,039
Fine.
It's your loss.
325
00:15:52,806 --> 00:15:55,577
There's only one Wesley Snipes
in this world.
326
00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:57,296
You know there isn't.
327
00:16:02,934 --> 00:16:05,509
- How much of that did you hear?
- You were engaged.
328
00:16:05,634 --> 00:16:08,300
Apparently you hate Buzz Aldrin.
Foot problem.
329
00:16:08,469 --> 00:16:10,967
And you and I are going to spend
the rest of our lives together.
330
00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:12,138
I see.
331
00:16:12,937 --> 00:16:15,263
I'm sure you could
get a cab on Houston.
332
00:16:15,873 --> 00:16:17,223
I'm gonna depart.
333
00:16:17,691 --> 00:16:18,476
On time.
334
00:16:19,644 --> 00:16:20,744
I'm a pilot.
335
00:16:47,408 --> 00:16:49,446
Could you turn that down, please?
336
00:16:52,071 --> 00:16:53,071
Mazel Tov.
337
00:16:54,713 --> 00:16:56,930
I'm trying to tell you
I want to get married.
338
00:16:57,101 --> 00:16:58,475
For God's sakes, Jack.
339
00:16:58,644 --> 00:17:00,696
What do you think,
you're gonna sweep me off my feet?
340
00:17:00,821 --> 00:17:03,647
This pregnancy is two years
ahead of schedule.
341
00:17:03,824 --> 00:17:05,073
I'm suing dodecacil.
342
00:17:05,198 --> 00:17:07,141
I'm suing you.
I'm suing this baby.
343
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:09,986
You can't control everything.
Sometimes it's just fate.
344
00:17:10,450 --> 00:17:12,405
- Is their gay juice in the champagne?
- See
345
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:16,032
I want you to teach our child
how to say awesome stuff like that.
346
00:17:16,656 --> 00:17:18,456
I would be a kick-ass mom.
347
00:17:18,952 --> 00:17:21,303
But if this is just you
trying to do the right thing...
348
00:17:21,428 --> 00:17:22,894
No. I want this.
349
00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:25,293
I've always wanted this.
350
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:28,528
But maybe it's too hard.
The career, motherhood,
351
00:17:29,079 --> 00:17:31,466
keeping it tight to stay camera-ready
for breaking news.
352
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:33,508
Sure,
Soledad O'Brien does it, but...
353
00:17:33,679 --> 00:17:35,344
I wipe the floor with that bitch.
354
00:17:37,769 --> 00:17:38,969
Let's do this.
355
00:17:41,242 --> 00:17:43,393
Love is patient. Love is weird
356
00:17:43,661 --> 00:17:45,377
and sometimes gross.
357
00:17:45,502 --> 00:17:48,083
Love is elusive,
and you have found it.
358
00:17:48,208 --> 00:17:49,458
So treasure it.
359
00:17:49,709 --> 00:17:51,110
To Grizz and Feyonce.
360
00:17:53,735 --> 00:17:55,811
On behalf of Grizz and Feyonce,
361
00:17:56,085 --> 00:17:57,492
I'd like to thank Jack Donaghy
362
00:17:57,940 --> 00:18:00,068
for letting us have
this reception here
363
00:18:00,193 --> 00:18:02,613
after the other location
couldn't support the weight
364
00:18:02,738 --> 00:18:05,057
of Grizz's extended family.
365
00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:08,728
Now, hit it.
366
00:18:12,468 --> 00:18:13,904
Naturally, I blew it.
367
00:18:14,029 --> 00:18:15,800
Now I'm alone in a dashiki.
368
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:18,215
I wonder what
that Somali pirate's deal is.
369
00:18:18,340 --> 00:18:21,153
- I could live on a boat.
- I don't even know where Paul went.
370
00:18:21,278 --> 00:18:22,767
I guess he made his choice.
371
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:25,270
You know what? Forget men.
We've got each other.
372
00:18:26,003 --> 00:18:27,153
Let's go lez.
373
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:29,524
No, I meant, like,
a book club or something. Jeez.
374
00:18:29,693 --> 00:18:31,218
Right. Sisterhood.
375
00:18:31,343 --> 00:18:34,444
That's something we can count on.
I'll never... Is that Paul?
376
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,784
You have a lot of taped-up balls
to come here dressed like that.
377
00:18:42,347 --> 00:18:45,248
If this is gonna work,
it can't just be all about you.
378
00:18:45,536 --> 00:18:46,919
- But...
- No buts.
379
00:18:47,158 --> 00:18:49,544
I'm the man here,
and you're gonna respect me.
380
00:18:50,038 --> 00:18:52,297
Yes, shma'am.
381
00:18:56,224 --> 00:18:59,215
Lemon, you know
that's a young boy's puberty dashiki.
382
00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:01,806
Wrong, Jack.
It's a warlord's concubine dashiki.
383
00:19:02,498 --> 00:19:03,640
Avery, you're here.
384
00:19:03,914 --> 00:19:06,601
- I'm not surprised. Why should I be?
- And I'm pregnant.
385
00:19:06,726 --> 00:19:08,800
Also not shocking me.
386
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:12,358
- Reacting appropriately.
- Your pilot friend is looking for you.
387
00:19:16,729 --> 00:19:17,542
So?
388
00:19:17,667 --> 00:19:20,958
I thought he was gone forever.
I guess I should go talk to him.
389
00:19:24,136 --> 00:19:26,454
What are you doing here?
How did you get past security?
390
00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:29,214
You walk briskly in a pilot's uniform,
you can go pretty much anywhere.
391
00:19:29,339 --> 00:19:32,506
I've been upstairs in the white house
while the Obamas were sleeping.
392
00:19:32,631 --> 00:19:35,361
- I thought you had a flight.
- Yeah, I do. Those dirt bags can wait
393
00:19:35,486 --> 00:19:36,966
on the runway a couple more hours.
394
00:19:37,665 --> 00:19:39,065
I hate people too.
395
00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:41,712
I'm 39 years old, I'm single,
396
00:19:41,837 --> 00:19:43,556
and I've been thinking
there's a reason.
397
00:19:44,171 --> 00:19:46,516
I keep expecting people to be perfect,
but nobody's perfect.
398
00:19:47,081 --> 00:19:48,019
Exactly.
399
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:51,564
So if the worst thing about you is
that you give crazy speeches to fiances
400
00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:53,898
and maybe you have
some kind of foot thing...
401
00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:55,568
Joke. I have medicine for it.
402
00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:58,000
Why don't we give this a shot?
As long as you're not Jewish.
403
00:19:58,125 --> 00:19:59,225
I'm kidding.
404
00:20:00,302 --> 00:20:01,991
Let's do this.
And honestly, Carol,
405
00:20:02,116 --> 00:20:04,112
I am a very normal person.
406
00:20:04,996 --> 00:20:08,092
- Not a good time, guys.
- Liz, Cher and me,
407
00:20:08,217 --> 00:20:11,179
Paul, and I want to thank you
for being a part of our lives.
408
00:20:11,304 --> 00:20:13,706
And for encouraging us
to be like this.
409
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:17,143
I can't believe I'm meeting
11/2 Jenna Maroneys right now.
410
00:20:18,860 --> 00:20:20,426
That's a girl's name.
411
00:20:20,595 --> 00:20:22,045
It's a family name.
412
00:20:22,618 --> 00:20:24,137
Hey, everybody.
413
00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:26,681
I got fired today.
414
00:20:27,300 --> 00:20:30,560
You won't have Kenneth ellen
parcell to kick around anymore,
415
00:20:31,041 --> 00:20:32,522
so I want to tell you people
416
00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:35,661
what I really think of you.
417
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:37,609
This ain't the...
418
00:20:38,974 --> 00:20:42,978
For four long years,
I have listened to you all complain
419
00:20:43,103 --> 00:20:46,950
about your east coast
media elite problems,
420
00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:50,245
your apartment renovations,
421
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:54,127
and your overpriced
Star Wars memorabilia.
422
00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:55,566
That doorman is hammered.
423
00:20:55,691 --> 00:20:57,211
I have watched you
424
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,412
throw away better food
425
00:21:00,739 --> 00:21:02,779
than my family eats
426
00:21:02,904 --> 00:21:04,385
at Christmas.
427
00:21:04,725 --> 00:21:08,681
And I have loved it.
428
00:21:08,881 --> 00:21:11,842
You people, you are my best friends,
429
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:14,564
and I hope you get everything
430
00:21:14,755 --> 00:21:16,105
you want in life.
431
00:21:21,425 --> 00:21:23,862
So kiss my face!
432
00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,489
That was really sweet.
433
00:21:25,614 --> 00:21:28,201
I'll see you all in heaven!
434
00:21:31,772 --> 00:21:34,123
Have a wonderful summer!
435
00:21:35,123 --> 00:21:45,123
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