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Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
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00:00:01,568 --> 00:00:03,398
A breakfast date?
Who is this guy?
3
00:00:03,466 --> 00:00:04,894
Uh, I met him on kdate,
4
00:00:04,962 --> 00:00:07,650
Which is the personals section
of the kraft foods website.
5
00:00:07,718 --> 00:00:08,781
And what was he like?
6
00:00:08,849 --> 00:00:10,810
He owns a cockatiel
named Arliss.
7
00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:11,976
Oh, God.
8
00:00:12,043 --> 00:00:13,475
But I'm not letting it
get me down.
9
00:00:13,543 --> 00:00:15,508
I'm just gonna keep putting
positive energy out there,
10
00:00:15,575 --> 00:00:17,509
And something good
will come back to me.
11
00:00:17,577 --> 00:00:19,143
Good morning, Miss Lemon.
12
00:00:19,210 --> 00:00:21,272
A Mr. Debarber called.
Seriously?
13
00:00:21,339 --> 00:00:23,629
[solemn voice]
A Mr. Debarber called.
14
00:00:25,163 --> 00:00:27,561
Floyd called.
Oh, my God.
15
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:30,826
That's amazing.
What you said worked.
16
00:00:30,894 --> 00:00:33,927
Okay, universe,
17
00:00:33,994 --> 00:00:35,859
Send me
a white football player--
18
00:00:35,927 --> 00:00:37,459
No kickers or linemen.
19
00:00:37,526 --> 00:00:40,428
[exciting jazz music]
20
00:00:40,496 --> 00:00:48,524
♪ 30 Rock 4x16 ♪
Floyd Original Air Date on March 18, 2010
21
00:00:48,534 --> 00:00:53,434
-- Sync by elderman --
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
22
00:00:57,196 --> 00:00:59,129
Hey, Danny,
congratulations.
23
00:00:59,196 --> 00:01:01,329
Congratulations?
For what?
24
00:01:01,397 --> 00:01:03,363
Danny was nominated
for a Juno,
25
00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:05,231
Which is like
a Canadian Grammy.
26
00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:07,532
Yeah, I recorded
the psych up song that plays
27
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,266
During Ottawa Senators games.
28
00:01:09,334 --> 00:01:11,168
♪ the crowd's getting loud ♪
29
00:01:11,235 --> 00:01:12,402
♪ scotiabank place ♪
30
00:01:12,469 --> 00:01:14,369
♪ make a hockey-loving face ♪
31
00:01:14,437 --> 00:01:16,102
♪ at scotiabank place ♪
32
00:01:16,170 --> 00:01:18,969
I'm not gonna win, but it's
an honor just to be nominated
33
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:21,070
In the same category
as Sir Dave Coulier.
34
00:01:21,137 --> 00:01:22,770
Well, it should be
great exposure for ya.
35
00:01:22,837 --> 00:01:24,935
I know! And there's gonna be
a profile of me
36
00:01:25,003 --> 00:01:27,865
In the New York Times as filler
because of dwindling ad sales.
37
00:01:27,933 --> 00:01:30,833
Isn't that awesome?
38
00:01:30,900 --> 00:01:33,967
I am sick
of that guy's positive energy.
39
00:01:34,035 --> 00:01:35,634
We got to start messing
with him.
40
00:01:35,702 --> 00:01:37,635
Yeah. Like, what if
we trick him into kissing me?
41
00:01:37,703 --> 00:01:39,936
It'd be so funny
because I'm not gay.
42
00:01:40,004 --> 00:01:43,604
Or if the pranksmen write
that times profile ourselves,
43
00:01:43,672 --> 00:01:46,072
Making Danny
look like an idiot.
44
00:01:46,139 --> 00:01:47,739
And put it
in the press packet
45
00:01:47,807 --> 00:01:49,506
That everybody gets.
46
00:01:49,574 --> 00:01:52,041
This is the most friends
I've ever had.
47
00:01:53,576 --> 00:01:56,009
Kenneth, I'm having a Tracy
and Jenna problem.
48
00:01:56,077 --> 00:01:57,077
Gosh, Mr. Hornberger,
49
00:01:57,145 --> 00:01:58,478
You say that so often,
50
00:01:58,546 --> 00:02:00,646
You should come up
with a shortcut word for it,
51
00:02:00,714 --> 00:02:03,615
Like, "ivatrennapra."
52
00:02:03,683 --> 00:02:05,316
Well, Danny's interview
with the New York Times
53
00:02:05,384 --> 00:02:07,251
Comes out today,
so "ivatrennapra."
54
00:02:07,319 --> 00:02:08,585
A what?
55
00:02:08,653 --> 00:02:09,853
If Tracy and Jenna hear
about it,
56
00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:10,920
They'll get jealous
and act out,
57
00:02:10,988 --> 00:02:12,021
And as much as I want to,
58
00:02:12,089 --> 00:02:13,922
I can't slap
the brat out of them.
59
00:02:13,990 --> 00:02:16,591
So Tracy and Jenna will spend
the day in the makeup room,
60
00:02:16,659 --> 00:02:19,627
Having full plaster impressions
made of their faces.
61
00:02:19,695 --> 00:02:23,164
So that should shut them up
for, uh, let's say, 12 hours.
62
00:02:23,232 --> 00:02:25,299
Oh, my,
that's a long time.
63
00:02:25,367 --> 00:02:26,700
Maybe I should keep
them company.
64
00:02:26,768 --> 00:02:29,769
Yes.
Tell them your stories.
65
00:02:29,837 --> 00:02:32,971
They'll hate that.
66
00:02:33,039 --> 00:02:34,939
Silly Mr. Hornberger.
67
00:02:35,006 --> 00:02:38,105
Always saying hate
when he means love.
68
00:02:42,375 --> 00:02:43,939
Hello, Floyd.
It's Liz.
69
00:02:44,007 --> 00:02:45,603
Thank you
for calling me back.
70
00:02:45,671 --> 00:02:47,203
We have so much
to catch up on.
71
00:02:47,271 --> 00:02:50,465
Yeah. So how are you?
Oh, my God.
72
00:02:50,533 --> 00:02:52,700
You're not gonna ask me
what's wrong with my voice?
73
00:02:52,768 --> 00:02:54,434
I was being polite.
74
00:02:54,502 --> 00:02:56,936
[chuckles] look, Liz,
I'm sorry I haven't called
75
00:02:57,004 --> 00:02:58,537
In a while, but I'm in New York
for a couple days,
76
00:02:58,604 --> 00:03:00,704
And I, uh--
I'd really like to see you.
77
00:03:00,772 --> 00:03:02,172
Wow. Great.
Okay.
78
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:05,074
Um, just tell me now
if you've grown a goatee.
79
00:03:05,141 --> 00:03:06,341
No, no, no goatee,
80
00:03:06,409 --> 00:03:07,808
Just chola eyebrows.
81
00:03:07,876 --> 00:03:09,276
[both laugh]
82
00:03:09,344 --> 00:03:10,710
So are you free tonight?
83
00:03:10,778 --> 00:03:13,145
Uh, I have to work late.
Can it be tomorrow night?
84
00:03:13,212 --> 00:03:15,446
Yeah. I mean, I'd love
to see you sooner than that,
85
00:03:15,513 --> 00:03:16,713
But, you know,
whatever works.
86
00:03:16,781 --> 00:03:18,714
Okay, well,
I'll call you tomorrow.
87
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:20,316
Okay, perfect.
Uh, I got to run.
88
00:03:20,383 --> 00:03:21,716
Call me.
Ciao.
89
00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:23,117
Uh.
90
00:03:23,185 --> 00:03:25,485
I don't know how this
happened, Jack,
91
00:03:25,553 --> 00:03:26,486
But it's bad.
92
00:03:26,553 --> 00:03:28,287
I think I really screwed up.
93
00:03:28,355 --> 00:03:29,554
With a female page?
Don't worry.
94
00:03:29,621 --> 00:03:31,122
[whispering]
they disappear all the time.
95
00:03:31,189 --> 00:03:33,123
No, I did an interview
for the New York Times,
96
00:03:33,191 --> 00:03:35,057
And they printed all
of this stuff that I didn't say.
97
00:03:35,125 --> 00:03:36,325
Typical liberal media.
98
00:03:36,393 --> 00:03:37,692
That's why I get
all my news
99
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,860
From Dick Cheney's website--
dickviews.Com.
100
00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:42,828
I never said that Liz banged
her way to the middle
101
00:03:42,896 --> 00:03:45,263
Or that Jenna kidnapped
a Swedish au pair
102
00:03:45,331 --> 00:03:46,497
To use as a hair farm,
103
00:03:46,565 --> 00:03:51,067
And I never called Tracy clean
and articulate.
104
00:03:51,134 --> 00:03:52,569
Why would I?
He's not.
105
00:03:52,636 --> 00:03:54,138
This stuff
is in the newspaper, Jack.
106
00:03:54,205 --> 00:03:55,974
Everyone's gonna see it.
No, they're not.
107
00:03:56,042 --> 00:03:57,710
It's a hoax.
What?
108
00:03:57,778 --> 00:03:59,713
The New York Times
doesn't have a staff writer
109
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:01,381
Named Seymour Nips.
110
00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:03,149
You've been pranked
by the nerds.
111
00:04:03,217 --> 00:04:08,088
My guess is this is the work
of Frank, the black one,
112
00:04:08,155 --> 00:04:09,689
And...
113
00:04:09,757 --> 00:04:11,157
Lutz.
114
00:04:11,225 --> 00:04:13,159
The writers--
why would they do that to me?
115
00:04:13,226 --> 00:04:15,394
Because they look at you, and
you're everything they're not.
116
00:04:15,461 --> 00:04:16,828
You're handsome.
So are you, Jack.
117
00:04:16,895 --> 00:04:18,028
I wasn't fishing,
but thank you.
118
00:04:18,096 --> 00:04:20,031
Danny, we will not let
this stand.
119
00:04:20,098 --> 00:04:21,332
Well, then what
are we gonna do?
120
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:23,868
I'm no stranger
to the art of japery.
121
00:04:23,936 --> 00:04:26,104
At Princeton,
I was in a secret society.
122
00:04:26,171 --> 00:04:27,538
I shouldn't tell you this,
123
00:04:27,606 --> 00:04:29,340
But one time
we snuck up to Dartmouth,
124
00:04:29,408 --> 00:04:30,608
Put their mascot
in a box,
125
00:04:30,676 --> 00:04:32,844
And sent it
to Mexico City.
126
00:04:32,911 --> 00:04:34,444
We didn't know
until the next day
127
00:04:34,512 --> 00:04:36,813
That it was
an actual indian.
128
00:04:36,881 --> 00:04:38,414
He didn't speak
a word of english,
129
00:04:38,482 --> 00:04:40,949
Like all Dartmouth men.
130
00:04:41,017 --> 00:04:42,717
All right, I'm game.
131
00:04:42,784 --> 00:04:45,018
Let's team up.
What should we call ourselves?
132
00:04:45,086 --> 00:04:47,620
What's
the most handsome animal?
133
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:50,056
Both:
The silver panther.
134
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,957
[snarling]
135
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:54,860
[tv chatter]
136
00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:56,094
Guess who called me?
137
00:04:56,162 --> 00:04:58,061
The boob job recall center?
138
00:04:58,129 --> 00:04:59,929
No.
Floyd.
139
00:04:59,997 --> 00:05:01,397
We're having dinner
tomorrow night,
140
00:05:01,465 --> 00:05:02,465
And I don't know
what it means,
141
00:05:02,532 --> 00:05:04,800
But I am allowing myself
to be excited.
142
00:05:04,868 --> 00:05:06,134
I mean, on the phone,
it was like
143
00:05:06,202 --> 00:05:08,369
We were just right back there,
Liz and Floyd.
144
00:05:08,437 --> 00:05:11,805
Liz and who?
Come on. Floyd.
145
00:05:11,873 --> 00:05:15,241
My ex-boyfriend, the only
good boyfriend I've ever had--
146
00:05:15,309 --> 00:05:17,643
Recovering alcoholic, he used
to work in this building.
147
00:05:17,711 --> 00:05:19,812
Oh, you mean that guy?
148
00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:21,680
And, of course, this is
our other finalist couple
149
00:05:21,748 --> 00:05:24,518
For the today wedding contest,
Floyd and Kaitlin.
150
00:05:24,585 --> 00:05:27,488
[cheers and applause]
151
00:05:27,556 --> 00:05:29,256
Whahk?
152
00:05:32,671 --> 00:05:35,276
An old Gus is the biggest catfish
in the pond.
153
00:05:35,456 --> 00:05:36,576
Legend has it, the only bait
154
00:05:36,631 --> 00:05:37,964
That'll catch old gus
155
00:05:37,974 --> 00:05:39,994
is a piece of old Gus himself.
156
00:05:40,004 --> 00:05:41,324
So everytime they catch him,
157
00:05:41,334 --> 00:05:43,434
they cut off a litlle piece of him
158
00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:44,564
so they can catch him
159
00:05:44,574 --> 00:05:47,094
Now how did the very first person
catch old Gus?
160
00:05:47,379 --> 00:05:50,546
Well, that's a story
for another time--
161
00:05:50,613 --> 00:05:51,780
Right now.
162
00:05:51,848 --> 00:05:53,649
So if my grandfather
hadn't gotten
163
00:05:53,717 --> 00:05:55,183
On the wrong train that day,
164
00:05:55,251 --> 00:05:57,885
He never would have met
his wife's murderer.
165
00:05:57,953 --> 00:06:01,055
I wonder what hawaii's
state quarter's gonna be?
166
00:06:01,122 --> 00:06:02,456
Nobody knows.
167
00:06:02,524 --> 00:06:04,224
But here are
several hundred guesses--
168
00:06:04,292 --> 00:06:06,693
A pineapple,
a coconut...
169
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:09,662
[soft music]
170
00:06:09,729 --> 00:06:13,698
♪ ♪
171
00:06:13,766 --> 00:06:15,400
Uh, Lemon, could I have
your weakness files
172
00:06:15,467 --> 00:06:16,834
On Frank, toofer,
and lutz?
173
00:06:16,902 --> 00:06:19,604
Floyd's getting married,
maybe on the today show.
174
00:06:19,672 --> 00:06:21,706
♪ ♪
175
00:06:21,773 --> 00:06:23,074
Floyd never told you?
176
00:06:23,142 --> 00:06:26,044
I mean, "b"s before "h"s,
but that is low.
177
00:06:26,112 --> 00:06:27,546
This sucks, Jack.
178
00:06:27,613 --> 00:06:29,380
I know
that I'm a sour person,
179
00:06:29,448 --> 00:06:30,948
And I don't like
a lot of people,
180
00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:32,149
But I liked Floyd.
181
00:06:32,217 --> 00:06:33,584
And I guess in the back
of my mind,
182
00:06:33,651 --> 00:06:36,084
I thought we'd end up
together someday,
183
00:06:36,152 --> 00:06:38,152
That, you know, the whole thing
would turn out like a movie
184
00:06:38,220 --> 00:06:40,722
Where christopher cross
sings a song like,
185
00:06:40,789 --> 00:06:43,257
♪ all my days,
I've been waiting ♪
186
00:06:43,325 --> 00:06:45,692
♪ for you to come back home ♪
187
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,427
♪ in the moonlight ♪
188
00:06:47,495 --> 00:06:50,830
♪ of New York city ♪
189
00:06:50,897 --> 00:06:52,731
Lemon, I'm sorry.
190
00:06:52,799 --> 00:06:54,099
We all have
our romantic pipe dreams.
191
00:06:54,167 --> 00:06:55,900
I thought that nancy would leave
her husband for me,
192
00:06:55,968 --> 00:06:57,502
And it's not going
to happen.
193
00:06:57,570 --> 00:06:59,837
They're boston irish catholic--
they mate for life,
194
00:06:59,905 --> 00:07:02,604
Like swans,
like drunk...
195
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:03,871
Angry swans.
196
00:07:03,939 --> 00:07:05,706
[distant cheering]
vote for Floyd and Kaitlin.
197
00:07:05,774 --> 00:07:07,108
I love this woman.
198
00:07:07,175 --> 00:07:08,508
Oh, my God.
199
00:07:08,576 --> 00:07:12,311
I can hear him on the plaza.
200
00:07:12,379 --> 00:07:13,345
[cheers and applause]
201
00:07:13,413 --> 00:07:15,647
Hey, keep it down
out there!
202
00:07:15,715 --> 00:07:19,684
This isn't Liz.
203
00:07:19,752 --> 00:07:21,853
Okay, it's bad enough
that he is getting married,
204
00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:24,222
But does he have to do it
right outside my window?
205
00:07:24,289 --> 00:07:26,557
No. He cannot win
this contest!
206
00:07:26,625 --> 00:07:28,792
Lemon, I know you're hurt,
and I know that look,
207
00:07:28,860 --> 00:07:30,560
But don't even think
about revenge.
208
00:07:30,628 --> 00:07:32,228
You are not a silver panther.
209
00:07:32,296 --> 00:07:34,029
What are you talking about?
210
00:07:34,096 --> 00:07:35,429
Just stick
to the high road.
211
00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:37,030
The low road
is a slippery slope.
212
00:07:37,098 --> 00:07:40,166
[sighs] I know, Jack.
Believe me.
213
00:07:40,234 --> 00:07:42,134
I mean, it's like, on tv,
it used to be
214
00:07:42,202 --> 00:07:44,269
You couldn't say crap,
and then they let that slide.
215
00:07:44,337 --> 00:07:46,204
And now we can say
whatever we want--
216
00:07:46,272 --> 00:07:47,872
Douche bag, asswipe.
217
00:07:47,939 --> 00:07:49,540
Anal rot.
Exactly.
218
00:07:49,607 --> 00:07:51,475
So I'm simply
gonna ask Floyd,
219
00:07:51,542 --> 00:07:54,844
As a friend and former
intercourse companion,
220
00:07:54,911 --> 00:07:56,578
To do me the favor
221
00:07:56,646 --> 00:07:59,512
Of not getting married
right outside my window.
222
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,880
I'm gonna meet him tomorrow
night at mcshanley's for dinner.
223
00:08:01,947 --> 00:08:04,047
Mcshanley's? The place
where you got food poisoning
224
00:08:04,115 --> 00:08:05,615
From the fish
three times?
225
00:08:05,683 --> 00:08:07,283
So?
So are you sure
226
00:08:07,351 --> 00:08:08,984
You're not planning
to get Floyd sick
227
00:08:09,052 --> 00:08:10,586
And sabotage his chance
of winning?
228
00:08:10,653 --> 00:08:13,187
What? No, Jack, that never
even occurred to me.
229
00:08:13,255 --> 00:08:15,755
Then you'll never be
a silver panther.
230
00:08:15,823 --> 00:08:19,792
I don't care.
I'll start my own group.
231
00:08:19,860 --> 00:08:22,395
Rejection from society
is what created the x-men.
232
00:08:22,463 --> 00:08:25,066
So to get there,
you start on old barn road.
233
00:08:25,134 --> 00:08:27,909
Then you take the first left,
then the next left,
234
00:08:27,977 --> 00:08:30,379
Then the next left,
and then another left.
235
00:08:30,446 --> 00:08:31,780
That'll take you
around the quarry,
236
00:08:31,848 --> 00:08:33,917
Which is real pretty.
I just wanted you to see it.
237
00:08:33,985 --> 00:08:36,086
That'll put you back
on old barn road.
238
00:08:36,154 --> 00:08:38,491
What do you got there?
Have you guys seen this?
239
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,592
We are getting a report
from right here
240
00:08:40,660 --> 00:08:43,659
At rockefeller center
that there is a toxic gas leak
241
00:08:43,726 --> 00:08:44,758
In the building.
242
00:08:44,826 --> 00:08:46,426
Whahk?
The type of gas is unknown,
243
00:08:46,494 --> 00:08:49,328
But it is triggering
the building's autolocks.
244
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:51,630
What is happening?
245
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,465
Oh, my God,
what do we do?
246
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,000
What do we do?
I know a way out!
247
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:57,400
[coughs]
248
00:08:57,468 --> 00:08:59,100
What's wrong?
[screams]
249
00:08:59,168 --> 00:09:00,168
So much of my life
250
00:09:00,235 --> 00:09:01,936
Have I wasted
putting things on hats!
251
00:09:02,003 --> 00:09:04,572
We are now getting reports
that the toxic leak has created
252
00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:07,641
What police are calling
a Cloverfield type monster
253
00:09:07,709 --> 00:09:09,642
In the building.
254
00:09:09,710 --> 00:09:12,644
The monster cannot detect
the smell of human skin.
255
00:09:12,712 --> 00:09:16,447
Anyone still inside
should disrobe immediately.
256
00:09:16,515 --> 00:09:19,817
[screaming]
257
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,820
I'm keeping my hat on.
I don't care, man.
258
00:09:24,888 --> 00:09:26,522
Get them off, Lutz.
Get your shorts off.
259
00:09:26,590 --> 00:09:30,623
Gentlemen,
I wanted some
260
00:09:30,691 --> 00:09:33,328
Of the tgs dancers
to see this.
261
00:09:33,395 --> 00:09:35,330
Now we're even, guys.
262
00:09:35,397 --> 00:09:39,499
As you were, nerds.
[laughing]
263
00:09:39,567 --> 00:09:44,370
Surculus et pruna.Surculus et pruna.
264
00:09:44,438 --> 00:09:46,273
Now, I don't have
a lot of experience
265
00:09:46,341 --> 00:09:47,709
Reading stuff out loud
to people,
266
00:09:47,777 --> 00:09:50,078
So I'm gonna do this
the most normal way
267
00:09:50,146 --> 00:09:51,713
I can think of.
268
00:09:51,781 --> 00:09:53,848
Space, space, space,
space, space,
269
00:09:53,916 --> 00:09:56,651
Space,
my autobiography, space, space,
270
00:09:56,719 --> 00:09:58,820
Space, space, space,
by Kenneth Ellen Parcell.
271
00:09:58,888 --> 00:10:01,289
Space, space, space,
space, space.
272
00:10:05,394 --> 00:10:06,929
Thank you.
273
00:10:06,996 --> 00:10:08,196
Good morning, ladies.
274
00:10:08,264 --> 00:10:09,965
Mm-hmm.
Good morning.
275
00:10:10,033 --> 00:10:14,736
Liz, last night I had a very
graphic dream about Kenneth.
276
00:10:14,804 --> 00:10:16,336
What?
Ugh!
277
00:10:16,404 --> 00:10:17,670
I know.
It's disgusting.
278
00:10:17,738 --> 00:10:19,371
But Tracy and I had to listen
to Kenneth talk
279
00:10:19,439 --> 00:10:20,639
For hours yesterday.
280
00:10:20,706 --> 00:10:22,406
He must have gotten
into my subconscious.
281
00:10:22,474 --> 00:10:24,975
And then I dreamed
that he and I--
282
00:10:25,043 --> 00:10:26,676
I don't want to hear it.
La la la la!
283
00:10:26,744 --> 00:10:28,578
♪ da da, no ♪
284
00:10:28,646 --> 00:10:30,012
Good morning, Mr. Jordan.
Oh, good morning.
285
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:31,580
Lemaroni,
286
00:10:31,647 --> 00:10:33,580
Something horrible happened
to me last night.
287
00:10:33,648 --> 00:10:35,915
I had a dream
that Kenneth and I got intimate
288
00:10:35,982 --> 00:10:37,082
In a portable jacuzzi.
289
00:10:37,150 --> 00:10:38,817
It was crazy.
290
00:10:38,885 --> 00:10:40,786
Glistening black
and white skin--
291
00:10:40,853 --> 00:10:43,522
It looked like a close-up
of a killer whale being born.
292
00:10:43,589 --> 00:10:45,657
He got me too.
It was horrifying.
293
00:10:45,725 --> 00:10:47,391
Now I never want to go
to sleep.
294
00:10:47,459 --> 00:10:50,493
Just like this amazing city
that we live in.
295
00:10:56,265 --> 00:10:57,398
I knew it.
296
00:10:57,465 --> 00:10:59,232
Surculus et pruna
is the motto
297
00:10:59,299 --> 00:11:00,566
Of the twig and plums.
298
00:11:00,633 --> 00:11:02,600
And your motto is,
"above all, be boring."
299
00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:03,867
Listen to me.
300
00:11:03,935 --> 00:11:06,536
Twig and Plums
is a Princeton secret society,
301
00:11:06,603 --> 00:11:08,172
And Jack is clearly a member.
302
00:11:08,239 --> 00:11:10,440
So?
So they have all kinds
303
00:11:10,508 --> 00:11:11,774
Of weird rituals
and rules,
304
00:11:11,842 --> 00:11:13,809
Like if someone says
"twig and plums"
305
00:11:13,877 --> 00:11:16,078
In front of a member,
he has to find an excuse
306
00:11:16,145 --> 00:11:18,112
To leave the room,
no matter what he's doing.
307
00:11:18,180 --> 00:11:19,714
What?
But during the period
308
00:11:19,782 --> 00:11:20,715
Of the '90s...
Twig and plums!
309
00:11:20,782 --> 00:11:22,183
Thank you, folks.
310
00:11:22,250 --> 00:11:24,885
Excuse me, I have tickets
to a Harry Connick Jr. Concert.
311
00:11:24,953 --> 00:11:28,054
Jack messed
with the wrong fat losers.
312
00:11:28,122 --> 00:11:29,823
Yeah!
[chuckling]
313
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:32,024
This issue is time-sensitive,
so hear me out
314
00:11:32,091 --> 00:11:33,826
Before the overseas markets...
315
00:11:33,895 --> 00:11:36,096
Open for the day.
316
00:11:36,164 --> 00:11:38,131
Twig and plums.
317
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:40,899
Excuse me, gentlemen.
318
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:44,135
I have a, uh...
Veterinary appointment.
319
00:11:48,073 --> 00:11:50,942
What's up?
How you guys doing?
320
00:11:51,009 --> 00:11:53,110
Do you want to split
some mozzarella sticks?
321
00:11:53,178 --> 00:11:54,678
I saw you
on the today show.
322
00:11:54,745 --> 00:11:56,079
Damn it.
323
00:11:56,146 --> 00:11:57,814
I could have sworn you watched
the early show on CBS.
324
00:11:57,882 --> 00:11:59,850
The early show?
What am I, in a hospital?
325
00:11:59,918 --> 00:12:01,252
I'm so sorry, Liz.
326
00:12:01,319 --> 00:12:03,154
You know, I just wanted to tell
you everything face-to-face.
327
00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:05,156
I did not mean for you
to find out about Kaitlin on tv.
328
00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:06,524
Believe me,
if I had a time machine,
329
00:12:06,592 --> 00:12:09,027
I would go back
and do it differently.
330
00:12:09,095 --> 00:12:10,529
You want to split
some mozzarella sticks?
331
00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:11,997
Aagh!
I didn't go back far enough.
332
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,800
[laughs]
333
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:16,469
Look, I-I want you
to be happy,
334
00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:18,670
And obviously
you have a life to live,
335
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,639
But your getting married
is a big deal to me.
336
00:12:21,707 --> 00:12:24,141
So please, don't do it
where I work.
337
00:12:24,209 --> 00:12:27,511
And don't drag
my best friend, tv, into it.
338
00:12:27,578 --> 00:12:29,279
No, I get it.
I do.
339
00:12:29,347 --> 00:12:30,647
But I'm sorry.
I got to do this.
340
00:12:30,714 --> 00:12:33,082
Look, Kaitlin
is a yogaerobics instructor
341
00:12:33,150 --> 00:12:34,150
And an ab model.
342
00:12:34,217 --> 00:12:35,517
I was in a reenactment
343
00:12:35,585 --> 00:12:37,753
On America's Most Wanted once,
344
00:12:37,821 --> 00:12:41,059
Playing a lady
strangled on the toilet.
345
00:12:41,127 --> 00:12:42,495
We're just hoping
the exposure can help Kaitlin
346
00:12:42,563 --> 00:12:43,731
Get some jobs
here in New York.
347
00:12:43,799 --> 00:12:46,300
Here in New York?
Wow.
348
00:12:46,368 --> 00:12:48,302
Let's just order.
349
00:12:48,370 --> 00:12:50,705
I'm sorry, Liz.
No.
350
00:12:50,772 --> 00:12:53,206
Don't be. It's fine.
High road.
351
00:12:53,274 --> 00:12:55,709
So are you seeing anyone?
352
00:12:55,777 --> 00:12:57,311
You should try
the fish!
353
00:12:57,379 --> 00:12:59,414
[laughs, clears throat]
354
00:13:03,165 --> 00:13:04,431
[knock at door]
355
00:13:04,561 --> 00:13:05,929
What would you like
for dinner, Mr. Jordan--
356
00:13:05,996 --> 00:13:09,769
Barbecue or me?
[sultry music plays]
357
00:13:09,837 --> 00:13:12,943
No!
No!
358
00:13:13,011 --> 00:13:13,979
Are you
all right, Tracy?
359
00:13:14,046 --> 00:13:15,716
I had another
freaky ken-mare.
360
00:13:15,784 --> 00:13:18,456
It's okay.
We're gonna get through this...
361
00:13:18,523 --> 00:13:21,458
Together.
362
00:13:21,526 --> 00:13:25,030
No!
[sultry music plays]
363
00:13:25,097 --> 00:13:27,200
[screams]
364
00:13:27,268 --> 00:13:30,035
[screams] I just had
another Kenneth dream.
365
00:13:30,103 --> 00:13:32,671
Me too. But how do I know
this isn't a dream?
366
00:13:32,738 --> 00:13:34,072
Wait a minute.
367
00:13:34,140 --> 00:13:36,441
All my teeth are loose,
so we're good.
368
00:13:36,508 --> 00:13:37,508
It's real.
369
00:13:37,576 --> 00:13:39,143
Tracy, my dreams
are getting worse.
370
00:13:39,211 --> 00:13:41,746
This one was so graphic.
371
00:13:41,814 --> 00:13:45,416
Kenneth and I were married
and living in Indianapolis.
372
00:13:45,484 --> 00:13:46,684
We had kids.
373
00:13:46,752 --> 00:13:48,986
What kind of sick mind
dreams that?
374
00:13:49,054 --> 00:13:50,754
It was disgusting!
375
00:13:50,822 --> 00:13:52,222
We have to get him
out of our dreams.
376
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:53,757
We have to go
back to how things were.
377
00:13:53,824 --> 00:13:55,725
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
378
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:57,093
Both: We have
to Elm Street this.
379
00:13:57,161 --> 00:14:00,196
We have to go to sleep
and kill Kenneth in our dreams.
380
00:14:00,264 --> 00:14:01,697
I don't know
who the hell told you
381
00:14:01,765 --> 00:14:03,732
To say that, rossitano,
but you have no idea--
382
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:04,933
Twig and plums.
383
00:14:07,302 --> 00:14:10,905
I have to go
to an intervention
384
00:14:10,973 --> 00:14:12,606
For my...
385
00:14:12,674 --> 00:14:15,109
Travel agent.
386
00:14:16,812 --> 00:14:19,781
[clears throat]
387
00:14:19,849 --> 00:14:22,918
So that's
your second salmon.
388
00:14:22,985 --> 00:14:24,052
How are you feeling?
389
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:25,453
Like a rock star.
390
00:14:25,521 --> 00:14:28,054
Hey, excuse me, can I get
another salmon, compadre?
391
00:14:28,122 --> 00:14:29,623
Sauce on the side
again, please?
392
00:14:29,690 --> 00:14:31,424
Eating healthy,
'cause I'm marrying a lady
393
00:14:31,492 --> 00:14:33,359
That keeps it fit--
you know, nice and tight.
394
00:14:33,427 --> 00:14:35,794
You know...
[whistles] kapow!
395
00:14:35,862 --> 00:14:36,795
Yeah.
396
00:14:36,863 --> 00:14:38,197
Are you okay?
397
00:14:38,264 --> 00:14:39,498
Hmm? Hells, yeah.
Yeah, I'm great.
398
00:14:39,566 --> 00:14:41,633
♪ shot through the heart ♪
whoa-oa!
399
00:14:41,701 --> 00:14:42,734
♪ and you're to blame ♪
400
00:14:42,802 --> 00:14:44,269
This is my jam
right here.
401
00:14:44,337 --> 00:14:45,904
♪ you give love a bad name ♪
ooh, my jam-a-lam.
402
00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:46,905
Mm-mm!
403
00:14:46,973 --> 00:14:51,476
♪ ♪
[laughs]
404
00:14:51,544 --> 00:14:53,879
So another Jack-glazed salmon.
And anything for you?
405
00:14:53,947 --> 00:14:55,714
Wait, what is Jack glaze?
406
00:14:55,782 --> 00:14:57,616
It's our special sauce
that we put on the salmon.
407
00:14:57,684 --> 00:14:59,718
It's molasses and honey
and Jack Daniels.
408
00:14:59,786 --> 00:15:01,653
It has alcohol in it?
No, no, he doesn't drink.
409
00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:03,721
Oh, don't worry. The alcohol
cooks down with the fish.
410
00:15:03,789 --> 00:15:05,256
But what if you get
the sauce on the side,
411
00:15:05,323 --> 00:15:06,590
And it isn't cooked
with the fish?
412
00:15:06,658 --> 00:15:10,461
That would explain why we have
so many drunk kids here.
413
00:15:10,529 --> 00:15:14,231
♪ angel's smile... ♪
oh, what have I done?
414
00:15:14,298 --> 00:15:17,967
This is the slippery slope.
415
00:15:19,370 --> 00:15:20,770
There's alcohol
in that sauce.
416
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,705
You've been drinking alcohol.
417
00:15:22,773 --> 00:15:24,073
Trying to get me drunk?
418
00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:26,475
Squeeze in one last ride
at six Floyds Amusement Park?
419
00:15:26,543 --> 00:15:28,644
Well, we're closed.
Sorry.
420
00:15:28,712 --> 00:15:30,445
No, Floyd, I just wanted you
to get food poisoning
421
00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:31,913
To mess up
your Today show thing.
422
00:15:31,981 --> 00:15:33,281
Look, you're drunk.
423
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:35,249
It's my fault.
Let's get you back to the hotel.
424
00:15:35,317 --> 00:15:37,085
No, I would never do that
to you--
425
00:15:37,152 --> 00:15:41,096
Get you drunk on salmon
or any fish!
426
00:15:41,164 --> 00:15:43,131
I thought we cared
about each other.
427
00:15:43,199 --> 00:15:44,265
Yeah, I did too.
428
00:15:44,332 --> 00:15:46,233
I thought the only thing
keeping us apart
429
00:15:46,301 --> 00:15:47,734
Was that you wanted
to live in Cleveland,
430
00:15:47,802 --> 00:15:49,602
But you'll move to New York
for Kaitlin.
431
00:15:49,670 --> 00:15:51,104
Yeah, I will.
You know why?
432
00:15:51,171 --> 00:15:53,306
One, blonde.
433
00:15:53,374 --> 00:15:55,877
Two, she's alive...
434
00:15:55,944 --> 00:15:57,078
Like a deer.
435
00:15:57,145 --> 00:16:00,647
She runs and sniffs
and jumps and stares.
436
00:16:00,715 --> 00:16:02,482
She's not like the badger
437
00:16:02,549 --> 00:16:06,352
With its glasses and its rules
about weekday sex.
438
00:16:06,419 --> 00:16:08,854
Those are good rules.
People have work in the morning.
439
00:16:08,921 --> 00:16:10,757
How are you
still single, Liz?
440
00:16:10,824 --> 00:16:12,725
There's so many guys
out there
441
00:16:12,793 --> 00:16:15,060
That want to be poisoned
and yelled at.
442
00:16:16,696 --> 00:16:19,764
Yeah, well, uh,
have a good night.
443
00:16:19,832 --> 00:16:21,233
Enjoy your salmon.
444
00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:23,334
Salmon for everyone...
445
00:16:23,401 --> 00:16:26,802
On me.
[cheers and applause]
446
00:16:28,403 --> 00:16:31,105
This is a dream.
447
00:16:31,173 --> 00:16:34,640
You're in control.
448
00:16:43,986 --> 00:16:46,753
Why? I considered you
a brother.
449
00:16:46,821 --> 00:16:48,387
Aah!
450
00:16:48,455 --> 00:16:49,588
It's working.
451
00:16:49,655 --> 00:16:51,555
We've joined forces
in our dreamscape.
452
00:16:51,623 --> 00:16:54,056
Now we fly.
453
00:16:54,124 --> 00:16:56,258
What the hell
are you doing?
454
00:16:56,326 --> 00:16:58,761
Uh, controlling our dreams?
455
00:16:58,828 --> 00:17:00,162
We can explain, Pete.
456
00:17:00,230 --> 00:17:02,030
We were just trying
to Elm Street Kenneth.
457
00:17:02,098 --> 00:17:04,567
Unbelievable. It is
way too early for this, guys.
458
00:17:04,634 --> 00:17:06,569
I haven't even had
my first cup of wine today.
459
00:17:06,636 --> 00:17:09,004
Tracy, it's morning.
460
00:17:09,072 --> 00:17:11,540
We slept all night, and
we didn't dream about Kenneth.
461
00:17:11,608 --> 00:17:13,608
We're cured.
It worked!
462
00:17:13,676 --> 00:17:15,410
It's a miracle.
463
00:17:18,145 --> 00:17:20,412
No, I got
in a lot of writing--
464
00:17:25,184 --> 00:17:27,586
Who's that from?
465
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:34,194
That's my mom's room.
466
00:17:37,832 --> 00:17:38,899
Hello, Frank.
467
00:17:38,967 --> 00:17:41,535
I think you know
where I am.
468
00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:43,204
I just happened to run
into your mom
469
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:44,839
At a T.J. Maxx in Queens,
470
00:17:44,906 --> 00:17:47,441
And we came back here
for some cannoli and red wine.
471
00:17:47,509 --> 00:17:50,044
She's a lovely woman.
472
00:17:50,112 --> 00:17:52,547
I'll be leaving soon.
I'm a gentleman...
473
00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:53,915
As is Danny.
474
00:17:53,982 --> 00:17:55,383
Hey, Frank.
475
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,151
Your mom's a hugger.
476
00:17:57,219 --> 00:17:58,720
Don't push me, Frank.
477
00:17:58,788 --> 00:18:01,591
You won't enjoy the next tape.
Your mom might, though.
478
00:18:01,658 --> 00:18:05,228
And I believe toofer and lutz
also have mothers.
479
00:18:05,296 --> 00:18:07,431
Do we understand
each other?
480
00:18:07,499 --> 00:18:10,067
Pranksmen...
481
00:18:10,135 --> 00:18:12,637
Stand down.
482
00:18:12,705 --> 00:18:14,272
You wanted to see me?
483
00:18:14,340 --> 00:18:16,808
Lemon, have you seen
the today show this morning?
484
00:18:16,876 --> 00:18:18,743
Why?
Floyd showed up, right?
485
00:18:18,811 --> 00:18:20,578
Funny you would ask that,
but, yes, he showed up.
486
00:18:20,646 --> 00:18:22,278
The problem is,
he won't leave.
487
00:18:22,345 --> 00:18:24,909
In this hour,
spring cleaning--
488
00:18:24,976 --> 00:18:28,610
Boring! Boring!
Floyd, come on.
489
00:18:28,678 --> 00:18:31,313
Hey, you guys wear
so much makeup, you know that?
490
00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:34,215
You do.
Floyd! Have you been drinking?
491
00:18:34,283 --> 00:18:35,783
Shut up, kit kat!
492
00:18:35,851 --> 00:18:37,417
Vote for Floyd and Kaitlin!
493
00:18:37,485 --> 00:18:38,518
Yeah!
494
00:18:38,586 --> 00:18:43,056
Right?
Oh, God.
495
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:44,824
Mm.
496
00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:46,291
Ah, false alarm!
497
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,426
Saved it.
498
00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:48,528
All right.
499
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:49,929
He got drunk
with me last night,
500
00:18:49,997 --> 00:18:51,197
But it was an accident.
501
00:18:51,265 --> 00:18:52,665
And he was being a wang.
502
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:53,932
I didn't think
he would go on a bender.
503
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,868
Lemon, you have to--
fix this. I know.
504
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:57,336
This is not--
the high road. I know.
505
00:18:57,404 --> 00:18:58,637
Shut up.
506
00:18:58,705 --> 00:19:01,739
Kaitlin, you have every right
to be furious at me.
507
00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,374
What I did
was unconscionable.
508
00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:05,142
And I-I didn't have
a lot of time,
509
00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:06,843
But to make it up to you,
I hope
510
00:19:06,911 --> 00:19:10,113
That you'll accept
these tgs mouse pads
511
00:19:10,181 --> 00:19:13,816
And a man's wallet
with the Dateline logo on it.
512
00:19:13,884 --> 00:19:16,185
I'm not mad, Liz.
This is a relief.
513
00:19:16,252 --> 00:19:18,253
I thought he'd gone
off the wagon 'cause of me.
514
00:19:18,321 --> 00:19:20,955
No. Even drunk, he only had
really nice things
515
00:19:21,023 --> 00:19:23,023
To say about you
and your butt.
516
00:19:23,091 --> 00:19:25,392
God, I don't remember
any of that.
517
00:19:25,460 --> 00:19:27,328
Did I fall down
while I was with you?
518
00:19:27,395 --> 00:19:32,633
'cause my lower back
is killing me.
519
00:19:32,701 --> 00:19:36,035
Oh, boy.
Floyd, I am so sorry.
520
00:19:36,103 --> 00:19:38,037
No, Liz, there's a reason
I quit drinking.
521
00:19:38,105 --> 00:19:40,840
You know, I-I probably
would have left me there too.
522
00:19:40,908 --> 00:19:43,075
I really just want you
to be happy.
523
00:19:43,143 --> 00:19:44,910
You too, Liz Lemon.
524
00:19:44,978 --> 00:19:47,579
So go.
525
00:19:47,647 --> 00:19:50,248
Get married.
Love each other.
526
00:19:50,316 --> 00:19:52,584
And if you go on a cruise
for your honeymoon,
527
00:19:52,652 --> 00:19:54,753
May it be free
of pirates.
528
00:19:55,822 --> 00:19:57,822
Outie 5000.
529
00:20:02,428 --> 00:20:05,430
Liz, look,
well, maybe this is crazy,
530
00:20:05,498 --> 00:20:07,532
But I don't have
any female friends
531
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,235
Because, you know,
my body.
532
00:20:10,302 --> 00:20:11,703
And I was just wondering...
533
00:20:11,771 --> 00:20:13,605
And now I have agreed
to do a reading
534
00:20:13,673 --> 00:20:15,908
From corinthians
at Floyd's wedding.
535
00:20:15,975 --> 00:20:19,678
So instead of avoiding
seeing Floyd getting married...
536
00:20:19,746 --> 00:20:21,246
I'm in the wedding party.
537
00:20:21,314 --> 00:20:22,849
Yeah.
538
00:20:26,731 --> 00:20:28,464
I've had enough
of both of you.
539
00:20:28,532 --> 00:20:30,532
Your bad behavior stops now!
540
00:20:30,536 --> 00:20:32,236
Absolutely, sir.
We promise.
541
00:20:32,304 --> 00:20:35,673
And we are never, never
taking you for granted again.
542
00:20:35,740 --> 00:20:38,976
In fact, we'd like to sing you
a thank-you song.
543
00:20:39,043 --> 00:20:40,043
[both inhale deeply]
544
00:20:40,111 --> 00:20:43,113
[alarm beeping]
545
00:20:48,353 --> 00:20:49,820
Thank you, Kenneth.
546
00:20:49,887 --> 00:20:53,089
Oh, I'll show you
how to thank me.
547
00:20:53,156 --> 00:20:55,858
[sultry music plays]
548
00:20:55,926 --> 00:20:57,727
♪ ♪
549
00:20:57,795 --> 00:20:59,362
Let's do this.
550
00:20:59,429 --> 00:21:01,965
Wake up, wake up, wake up,
wake up, wake up.
551
00:21:02,033 --> 00:21:05,636
Wake up.
[screaming]
552
00:21:05,646 --> 00:21:09,346
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