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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,289 [THE OFFSPRING'S "WANT YOU BAD" PLAYS] 2 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,923 ♪ If you could only read my mind ♪ 3 00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:52,468 ♪ You would know That things between us ♪ 4 00:00:52,636 --> 00:00:55,722 ♪ Ain't right ♪ 5 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,974 ♪ I know your arms are open wide ♪ 6 00:00:58,142 --> 00:01:01,310 ♪ But you're a little On the straight side ♪ 7 00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:04,397 ♪ I can't lie ♪ 8 00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:09,402 ♪ Your one vice Is you're too nice ♪ 9 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:13,990 ♪ Come around now Can you see? ♪ 10 00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:18,578 ♪ I want you All tattooed ♪ 11 00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:21,998 ♪ I want you bad ♪ 12 00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:27,587 ♪ Complete me Mistreat me ♪ 13 00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:33,926 ♪ I want you to be Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad ♪ 14 00:01:36,722 --> 00:01:39,056 ♪ If you could only read my mind ♪ 15 00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:42,518 ♪ You would know That I've been waiting ♪ 16 00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:45,855 ♪ So long ♪ 17 00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:48,191 ♪ For someone almost just like you ♪ 18 00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:51,360 ♪ But with attitude I've waited ♪ 19 00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:53,696 ♪ So come on ♪ 20 00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:59,410 ♪ Get out at close time Pull out those highlights ♪ 21 00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:04,040 ♪ Come around now Can you see? ♪ 22 00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:08,544 ♪ I want you In a vinyl suit ♪ 23 00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:12,173 ♪ I want you bad ♪ 24 00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:17,678 ♪ Complicated X-rated ♪ 25 00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:23,976 ♪ I want you Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad ♪ 26 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,228 ♪ Bad ♪ 27 00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,438 [PHONE RINGS] 28 00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:33,736 ♪ I mean it I need it ♪ 29 00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:41,911 ♪ I want you Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad ♪ 30 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,246 ♪ Bad ♪ 31 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:46,749 ♪ Really, really bad ♪♪ 32 00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:49,585 [♪♪♪] 33 00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:52,296 MICHAEL: Whoo! Is this such a good idea? 34 00:02:52,464 --> 00:02:56,259 Is marriage a good idea? Because marriage is huge. 35 00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:59,512 I am having trouble breathing. 36 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,722 I am having trouble catching my breath. 37 00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:04,851 Would you relax? How could I possibly relax? 38 00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:06,561 Because it's my wedding. 39 00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,813 MICHAEL: That's Max. Only 19 years old 40 00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:12,608 and is getting married to the only girl he's ever had sex with. 41 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,402 [PANTING] 42 00:03:14,570 --> 00:03:18,698 That day I promised myself, I'd stay single forever. 43 00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:20,199 Gimshins. 44 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,285 MICHAEL: Granted, Kimberly was gorgeous. 45 00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:25,496 What's the holdup? Your groom isn't quite out yet. 46 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:28,082 Well, fix it, Daddy! Unh! 47 00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:31,210 MICHAEL: I guess Max didn't see her quite the way I did. 48 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:32,587 Make him behave! 49 00:03:32,796 --> 00:03:34,630 It will be perfect. I promise. 50 00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:38,467 MICHAEL: Kimberly's father helped invent a very special pill. 51 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:44,140 Now, Viagra beat him to the market, but his pill was just as good. 52 00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:46,017 It could turn this 53 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,935 into this. 54 00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:52,231 There's enough to give an elephant a boner. 55 00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:55,902 You are so bad. Your own sister's wedding? 56 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,779 Please. She's gonna love it. 57 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:02,450 I'll put it on the gift table. They'll take it on the honeymoon. 58 00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:05,369 He'll have a three-day boner. KELLY: Ha-ha. 59 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:10,291 Oh, yeah! I love the smell of bridesmaids in the morning. 60 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:15,296 MICHAEL: My best friend, Kyle. If this is your average brain, 61 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:18,424 this is Kyle's brain. 62 00:04:19,051 --> 00:04:22,887 Anyway, the wedding was about to get especially hard. 63 00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:27,016 I propose a toast. Yes. To Max! 64 00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:30,102 MEN: To Max. First tomcat to take the plunge. 65 00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:31,562 Thanks, guys. 66 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,189 MEN: May it never happen to us! 67 00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:34,357 [ALL LAUGH] 68 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,778 Ah. There you go, buddy. 69 00:04:47,329 --> 00:04:48,663 Dude. 70 00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,083 Heh. Dude. 71 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,046 Dude. 72 00:04:58,215 --> 00:05:01,509 This is the best wine ever. 73 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,096 What the hell is going on? Everybody's waiting out there. 74 00:05:06,098 --> 00:05:08,099 What is up with you? 75 00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,521 Holy Mary, 76 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,356 Mother of God. 77 00:05:15,691 --> 00:05:18,192 You boys must really like weddings. 78 00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,029 Get out there. Everybody's waiting. 79 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,281 [ORGAN PLAYING "BRIDAL CHORUS"] 80 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,624 [PEOPLE MURMURING] 81 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,091 [ALL MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY] 82 00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:47,680 Don't move. 83 00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:51,225 MICHAEL: Here we go, here we go. 84 00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:52,935 [CLEARS THROAT] 85 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:09,952 You may all be seated. 86 00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,332 [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 87 00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:18,669 Turn around. We can't. 88 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:19,920 MICHAEL: Here we go. 89 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:23,632 [♪♪♪] 90 00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,635 [GIGGLING] 91 00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:38,481 Don't they look handsome in their tuxedos? 92 00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:42,068 MICHAEL: I cannot believe that Max actually went through with it. 93 00:06:42,277 --> 00:06:43,903 It's a goddamn shame. 94 00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:48,908 I am hereby dedicating myself to a life as a professional tomcat. 95 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:51,410 Professional tomcat, right on. 96 00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,579 KYLE: Yeah, man. Forget marriage. 97 00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:55,581 I'll nail every woman on the planet. 98 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,209 Every one? Except my mother and grandmother. 99 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,669 First of all, your mom is hot. 100 00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,506 Secondly, you realize there are 101 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,758 two and a half billion females on Earth. 102 00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:09,303 Are you saying it can't be done? No. But we got to divide them up. 103 00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:11,180 Ha-ha-ha. Deal. 104 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,682 I'll never get married. Ever. 105 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:16,811 You're almost married as it is. Kelly runs your life. 106 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,854 She does not! 107 00:07:19,022 --> 00:07:22,316 Jan. You've got five minutes. Thank you. 108 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:25,444 [MEN LAUGHING AND IMITATING WHIPPING SOUNDS] 109 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,321 You'll be the next to go. 110 00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:29,782 Please. We all know who'll be next. 111 00:07:29,991 --> 00:07:32,201 ALL: Steve dog! 112 00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,869 [BLOWS RASPBERRY THEN LAUGHS] 113 00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:36,205 I don't even have a girlfriend. 114 00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:37,915 You're going down, buddy. 115 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,458 What? Why? 116 00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:44,004 Because, like Max, the first girl that lets you get with her, you'll marry. 117 00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:45,214 You want to bet? 118 00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:47,591 Actually bet? Really bet for money? 119 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:51,137 Yeah. Let's say the last single man gets a thousand bucks 120 00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:54,223 from the rest of you who end up getting married. Ha-ha-ha. 121 00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,392 Six grand's a lot of money. 122 00:07:57,352 --> 00:08:01,147 No, no. If we're going to do this, we do it right. Okay? 123 00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:04,567 Each of us puts a couple hundred dollars a year away in savings. 124 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:07,820 No, no, no. High-yield mutual fund. 125 00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:11,532 All right, the last man standing at the end, gets the whole pot. 126 00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:13,576 I'm talking 10, 20 grand! 127 00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:14,869 That's a lot of money. 128 00:08:15,078 --> 00:08:17,830 Yeah. And you're out if you go gay, Gary. 129 00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:19,081 Hey, blow me. 130 00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,167 [♪♪♪] 131 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,171 All right, Gary's out. 132 00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:28,757 I'm in. Tomcats' bet. Let's get in here. 133 00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,509 KYLE: Come on, get in here! 134 00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:33,137 I'm going to invest some money, okay? 135 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,306 ALL: Tomcats! Tomcats! 136 00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:39,852 Tomcats! Tomcats! Tomcats! Tomcats! 137 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,395 Ha-ha-ha! 138 00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:44,273 You guys are going to pay me so bad! 139 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,066 [LAUGHING] 140 00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:49,445 I don't ever want to get married. I don't! 141 00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:50,905 I do. 142 00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:56,744 By the power vested in me, by Allah 143 00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:59,079 and the state of Nevada, 144 00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:01,582 I now pronounce you, 145 00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:04,919 husband and... 146 00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:07,463 Ooh-ooh-ooh. 147 00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:10,633 - Wife, my friends. Ha-ha. 148 00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:12,301 Okay, love her tender. 149 00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,386 Love her tenders. Please. 150 00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,388 Oop. Rock the jailhouse. 151 00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:22,353 Every single woman, come to the center of the aisle, 152 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,939 so you can catch the flower bouquets... 153 00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:27,233 All the single ladies. Where are you going? 154 00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:28,734 MINISTER: Let's go, please. Sit down. 155 00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,903 Thank you very much. 156 00:09:34,658 --> 00:09:36,492 [CROWD APPLAUDING] 157 00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:40,371 Ha-ha-ha! Whoo! All right. 158 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,331 You went down, my man! 159 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:43,832 Down like a 2-dollar hooker! 160 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,793 Boom! You're out! You suck! 161 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,461 Tricia's great, though. 162 00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:50,923 No, I'll tell you who's great. Jan here is great. 163 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,427 What's our bachelor pool up to now? 164 00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:58,806 As of Friday, about 475. 165 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,641 Man, that's half a million bucks! 166 00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:01,850 [LAUGHS] 167 00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:06,063 Can our man Jan pick IPOs or what? I'm wet. I'm, like, wet. 168 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:09,108 Don't you sometimes wish you could fuck money? 169 00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:12,569 Weddings bring out the romantic in you, Kyle. 170 00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:15,197 Kyle, don't you have enough money already? 171 00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:19,285 You can never have enough money. And you're a fag for saying that. 172 00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,954 No offense, Gary. Hey, blow me. 173 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,542 Looks like it's just you and me now, buddy. 174 00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:29,420 And I'm not the one bringing chicks who catch bouquets. 175 00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:31,588 [GRAND THEFT AUDIO'S "WE LUV U" PLAYS] 176 00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:39,096 MICHAEL: I can't believe we're doing this again. 177 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,848 How many times can we do it? 178 00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:42,891 SHELBY: You're going down. MICHAEL: You're unquenchable. 179 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:47,563 I'll pass out. Here it comes. Here it comes. 180 00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,523 [PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV] 181 00:10:49,691 --> 00:10:51,358 [GROANS] 182 00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:53,777 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING ON TV] 183 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,363 [GRUNTING] 184 00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:58,866 Ah. You lose. Ha-ha-ha. 185 00:10:59,117 --> 00:11:01,869 Take off your pants. Oh, no. I lose again! 186 00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:04,872 Oh, God, I hate losing. 187 00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:07,124 Hurry, before he says it again. 188 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:12,004 No, no, no. No more drinking. No more drinking. You win. 189 00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:13,672 You win. 190 00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,425 I win? Oh, yeah? 191 00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,927 Well, good. Then I'm collecting. 192 00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:25,559 Come on. I want to be dangerous. 193 00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,019 Where we going? 194 00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:28,479 Where are we going? 195 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,280 Oh, wow. 196 00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:40,032 Say it, Michael. 197 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,576 Um... Say it? 198 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,162 I won't do it unless you say it. 199 00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:48,999 I'm sorry. I'm having a little bit of trouble concentrating here. 200 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,085 What is it exactly you want me to say? 201 00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:52,961 You know. 202 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,130 Those three 203 00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:56,840 little 204 00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:58,717 words. 205 00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:03,806 Those three little words. 206 00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,353 Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute. 207 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,021 What? What's wrong? 208 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,984 I'm sorry. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. 209 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:18,153 Why are you acting like this? 210 00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:20,656 You are the one who's rushing things. 211 00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:21,865 Rushing what? 212 00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:24,243 Shelby, I like you. I like you a lot. 213 00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:27,371 But things are just moving a little too fast. 214 00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:31,959 I'm just not ready to say, "I love you." 215 00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:35,129 What makes you think I want you to say, "I love you"? 216 00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:38,006 Oh, come on. Back there. 217 00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:41,635 You wouldn't do it because I wouldn't say those three little words. 218 00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:43,679 [LAUGHS] 219 00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:46,181 You colossal moron. 220 00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:51,270 "Suck my cock." 221 00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:57,401 Suck my cock. Suck my cock! 222 00:12:57,652 --> 00:13:01,864 Oh, suck my cock! Suck my cock! Suck my cock! Suck my cock. 223 00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,868 [(HED) PLANET EARTH'S "BARTENDER" PLAYS] 224 00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:09,872 That was great. You put your shoes out on the pillow like this. Great. 225 00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:11,498 MICHAEL: Shelby! 226 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,627 Sorry. WAITRESS: Jerk. 227 00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:16,920 I'll catch you later. 228 00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:19,214 [LAUGHS] 229 00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:24,011 What's going on? Who you looking for? 230 00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:26,930 Shelby. She's probably halfway back to L.A. By now. 231 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,975 Oh, boy. What'd you do now? 232 00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:32,603 It's weird. 233 00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:36,607 I thought she wanted me to say, "I love you." I wouldn't lie to get sex. 234 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,693 You know another way? I know. I'm an idiot. 235 00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:43,197 Don't worry, buddy. You're at the Hard Rock. 236 00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:47,242 I mean, this place rocks hard. 237 00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:49,119 There's like a million women here. 238 00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:52,539 I cannot believe you and Trish got married, Steve. 239 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,042 Aren't you terrified? 240 00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,543 Let me ask you a question: 241 00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,671 If you could sleep with any woman, who would it be? 242 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,716 Ooh. Is this hypothetical? Because my birthday's soon. 243 00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:04,384 Any woman. Hypothetical. 244 00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:05,761 Fictional? 245 00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:08,347 Not Judy Jetson. Well, then, I'm out. 246 00:14:08,932 --> 00:14:10,098 Who's yours? 247 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,392 Truth? 248 00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:14,102 Tricia. 249 00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:19,399 If I could fuck any woman in the whole world, it'd be her. 250 00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,193 That's why I married her. 251 00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:24,655 I'm glad you didn't write your own vows. 252 00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:27,950 Trish and I have this deep connection, you know? 253 00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:31,578 She understands what I'm feeling without my having to tell her. 254 00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:36,041 It's like I found this huge spiritual side to myself 255 00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:38,919 that I didn't even know existed. 256 00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:41,421 Last week I had sex with twins. 257 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:43,882 Okay, you win. 258 00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:50,055 Oh, can I get a Heineken? 259 00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:51,515 Thanks. 260 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:58,772 [♪♪♪] 261 00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:06,446 Ha-ha-ha. Forget it, pal. She's only interested in high rollers. 262 00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:14,955 Hard six! Let's go! We need a hard six! We got a shooter! 263 00:15:15,164 --> 00:15:18,083 Long and hard six. Let's go. DEALER: No more bets. 264 00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:21,920 Two trades, go a long way. Here we go, we got a shooter. 265 00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:24,214 We got a roller! Hard six! DEALER: Seven! 266 00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,509 That hurt. Uh... 267 00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,845 That hurt. I, uh... 268 00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:36,268 ♪ Don't take much To make me feel all right ♪♪ 269 00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:51,033 I'm in! We got a shooter! Let's go! I'm in. I'm letting it ride! 270 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,242 No more bets. 271 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,536 Eleven! Winner, winner, chicken dinner. Whoo! 272 00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:55,704 DEALER: Craps. 273 00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:59,041 Oh, God, no. No touching! No touching. 274 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,835 That really hurt. Wow. 275 00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:05,088 Woo-hoo! Yes, I'm on a roll! 276 00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:07,716 [HUMMING THEN LAUGHS] 277 00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,134 I need you to come over. 278 00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:12,304 Michael's gone crazy trying to impress some girl. 279 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:15,682 Aw, come on, baby. I'm on fire. 280 00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,726 [LAUGHING] 281 00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:21,938 All right, I'll come down. Color me up, pops. 282 00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:25,984 Your $11, sir? 283 00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:28,820 Who's your daddy? 284 00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:30,822 Craps. 285 00:16:31,032 --> 00:16:33,742 No, please, Jesus, kill me now! 286 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,286 Kill me now! Kill me. 287 00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:44,086 Or don't? Let it ride, my credit's good! Credit! 288 00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:45,921 Let's go! Give me these dice! 289 00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:49,174 What are you doing, buddy? Rolling the bones. 290 00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:51,468 Steve, Amber. Amber, Steve. 291 00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:54,638 How far are you down? I'm not so bad. 292 00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:56,515 Twenty-five five. 293 00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:58,892 Social security. Twenty-five thousand? 294 00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:01,853 Listen, buddy. You can't do this. 295 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,356 Okay, listen. You can't afford this. 296 00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,775 You have to stop now! Give me my dice! 297 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:08,193 Put the dice down. 298 00:17:09,404 --> 00:17:11,279 Stop. Now. 299 00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:19,413 That was close, buddy. I'll quit while I still can. That was close. Whoo. 300 00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:25,752 Seven out. Time out! 301 00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:29,631 Do over! I didn't roll that. I didn't roll that. She rolled. 302 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:31,883 Come with us, please. 303 00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:35,721 Let's go. That's it. No more redheads. Ever. 304 00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:37,639 Fellas, we're closed. 305 00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:50,068 PIT BOSS: This is the guy, Carlos. 306 00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:57,701 Hi. 307 00:17:57,994 --> 00:17:59,453 I don't think I owe this money. 308 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:03,039 Really? And why do you say that, Mr. Delaney? 309 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:07,085 I didn't roll the dice. A lady threw the dice. I don't even know her name. 310 00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:11,548 Wow. So this is all just like a big misunderstanding. 311 00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:15,093 BOTH: Yeah. Well, luckily, we have tape. 312 00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:23,059 Huh? See? That's us. Losers. Ha-ha. More losers. 313 00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:28,273 Ooh. For about $9.95 in the room, you can watch that. 314 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:29,983 Tricia? 315 00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:32,736 CARLOS: Shame we had to leave that. 316 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:37,115 A reason to bring back instant replay. I've said that for years. 317 00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:38,784 That has got to hurt you. 318 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,368 Was that Tricia? 319 00:18:40,703 --> 00:18:44,206 The woman you were with at the bar was handling the dice for luck. 320 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,834 You gave them to her, she threw them on the table. 321 00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:50,921 That, Mr. Delaney, is a roll in any casino in town. 322 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:55,050 Now, I'm sorry. But you owe us $51,000. 323 00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:57,260 Fifty-one thousand dollars? Plus the minibar. 324 00:18:57,428 --> 00:19:00,597 Can we see that tape? I don't have 51,000 dollars. 325 00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:04,643 I'm a cartoonist. I do background color for Sunday's "Garfield." 326 00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:06,937 I love your work, but here's what we do: 327 00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:11,900 We're dangerous, quasi-criminal, take-no-shit Vegas types. 328 00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:16,071 So, what does that mean? What are you going to do? Hurt me? 329 00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:19,908 Mr. Delaney, I got into this business to make easy money 330 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:22,744 and the damn thing is they hook you in, 331 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:26,498 and then you find yourself doing things you don't really want to be doing, 332 00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:28,750 like killing people like you. 333 00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:33,004 And then you start to enjoy it, which is a problem. 334 00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:36,675 I'm kidding. Making a light remark, though probably not to you. 335 00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,260 Point is, I will hang you, 336 00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:41,012 cut your balls off and put them in your pocket. 337 00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:43,056 But not without a lot of Jewish guilt. 338 00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:46,017 You owe me, in one month, 51,000 dollars. 339 00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:49,604 And starting now, I will need a daily security deposit. 340 00:19:49,772 --> 00:19:53,275 I think it's important if we go back to that tape with the ladies. 341 00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:55,026 CARLOS: But cheer up. 342 00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:58,822 I am going to comp the minibar. 343 00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:03,118 What happened? 344 00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:06,621 I'm screwed, that's what happened. STEVE: All right, where are you? 345 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,541 I just lost 51,000 dollars. 346 00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:12,294 If I don't get it in a month, I'm buzzard feed. 347 00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:13,837 They'll kill me. 348 00:20:14,005 --> 00:20:16,840 Jesus. I wish we could give you the money, 349 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:19,342 but we put our cash into the house. 350 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,722 And we've borrowed against it to set up Steve's practice, 351 00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:27,726 which explains why the wedding of my dreams cost $280. 352 00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:30,395 What are you doing? 353 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,522 Have you seen my flip-flops? 354 00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,235 You know anybody who'll loan you the money? 355 00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:46,828 No, baby, listen. 356 00:20:47,038 --> 00:20:51,833 If you want us to stop seeing other people, what the hell? Let's try it. 357 00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:56,546 It might help us reach a deeper level of togetherness, 358 00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,924 and you know, bring us closer together. 359 00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:01,843 Yeah. Okay. Sure. Heh-heh. 360 00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:05,513 Yeah, me too. All right, kiss-kiss. Okay, bye. 361 00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:09,434 Whew. Your sister is driving me nuts. 362 00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:11,353 Okay, we're here. 363 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,688 [SALIVA'S "YOUR DISEASE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 364 00:21:13,856 --> 00:21:17,859 What you're going to go for is a nice, smooth stroke. Okay? 365 00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:20,362 Mm-hm. Swing back. 366 00:21:21,447 --> 00:21:22,948 There you go. How's that? 367 00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:26,034 Okay. Well, we'll keep trying, okay? 368 00:21:26,243 --> 00:21:29,162 Let's work on your form. You'll get it. No problem. 369 00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:31,164 MICHAEL: All right, Yoshi. Keep your head down. 370 00:21:31,374 --> 00:21:32,874 Keep your head down. Remember? 371 00:21:33,084 --> 00:21:34,793 Grip and rip, dude. Grip and rip. 372 00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:36,378 [MEN SPEAKING IN JAPANESE] 373 00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:37,587 Hey, Kyle! 374 00:21:38,923 --> 00:21:41,716 Kyle, what's going on? Mike? Hey. 375 00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:43,718 What are you doing here? 376 00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:46,680 I'm just hitting the links with some of the fellas. 377 00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:47,889 You want a ride? 378 00:21:48,057 --> 00:21:50,809 Sure. Fellas, I'll meet you at the 19th hole for a Heineken. 379 00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:52,018 [SPEAKS IN JAPANESE] 380 00:21:52,186 --> 00:21:53,436 Banzai! Ha-ha-ha. 381 00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:55,105 [♪♪♪] 382 00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:57,691 MICHAEL: So you're serious about this girl, huh? 383 00:21:57,900 --> 00:21:59,067 KYLE: Remember what we said 384 00:21:59,235 --> 00:22:01,236 about screwing every woman in the world? 385 00:22:01,445 --> 00:22:04,572 I'm halfway there. One or two chicks at a time. 386 00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:05,740 [GRUNTS] 387 00:22:05,908 --> 00:22:08,118 [MAN SHOUTING IN JAPANESE] 388 00:22:08,285 --> 00:22:09,828 Whoopsie. 389 00:22:09,996 --> 00:22:12,789 That's okay. Keep it. I've got more in the bag. 390 00:22:12,957 --> 00:22:14,332 KYLE: She's nothing to me, dude. 391 00:22:16,043 --> 00:22:18,837 Two things I hate: Chicks who want commitment, 392 00:22:19,005 --> 00:22:21,006 and assholes who want to borrow money. 393 00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:22,257 [WOMAN GRUNTS] 394 00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:25,885 I'm okay. We just ran over your girlfriend. 395 00:22:26,095 --> 00:22:27,846 Man, do not say that word. 396 00:22:28,055 --> 00:22:30,181 What did you want to talk to me about? 397 00:22:30,808 --> 00:22:33,435 I just missed you. Don't go all faggy on me. 398 00:22:33,602 --> 00:22:35,603 [GRUNTS THEN GROANS] 399 00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:38,940 Ha-ha-ha. You should see the look on your face. 400 00:22:39,108 --> 00:22:40,316 I'm totally kidding, man. 401 00:22:40,985 --> 00:22:44,112 So you've never even come close to falling in love. 402 00:22:44,321 --> 00:22:45,822 No, no, never. 403 00:22:46,323 --> 00:22:47,907 Well, maybe once. 404 00:22:48,117 --> 00:22:50,702 Natalie. She was a bridesmaid at Max's wedding. 405 00:22:50,911 --> 00:22:53,872 She was amazing. I took her to a bluff out in Malibu. 406 00:22:54,081 --> 00:22:55,457 We talked all night. 407 00:22:55,666 --> 00:22:57,917 We made love in the morning at sunrise. 408 00:22:58,127 --> 00:23:01,171 She fell asleep in my arms. It was incredible. 409 00:23:01,505 --> 00:23:04,591 That's quite a story. What happened to her? 410 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,844 I don't know. She could've been the love of my life. 411 00:23:09,346 --> 00:23:12,348 [DEXTER FREEBISH'S "LEAVING TOWN" PLAYS] 412 00:23:18,355 --> 00:23:21,649 ♪ Oh, your reputation's so golden ♪ 413 00:23:21,817 --> 00:23:26,404 ♪ You're never lonely And you're never home ♪ 414 00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:30,700 ♪ I know you've been talking About leaving ♪ 415 00:23:30,868 --> 00:23:34,120 ♪ You've lost all your feeling For this town ♪ 416 00:23:34,288 --> 00:23:37,165 Nice couch, Mikey. Is it leather? 417 00:23:37,708 --> 00:23:39,542 Oh, no way. It's pleather. 418 00:23:40,169 --> 00:23:41,544 Gross. 419 00:23:42,963 --> 00:23:44,214 [GRUNTS] 420 00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:47,092 It'd be easier if you had a front-door key for us. 421 00:23:47,301 --> 00:23:49,636 I'll get right on that. Night, fellas. 422 00:23:49,845 --> 00:23:51,638 ♪ So high in the gene pool ♪♪ 423 00:23:51,806 --> 00:23:53,306 [TIRES SCREECH] 424 00:23:57,561 --> 00:23:59,687 Hey, what's up, buddy? 425 00:24:00,064 --> 00:24:02,482 Is Tricia here? I'd like to ask her something. 426 00:24:02,817 --> 00:24:04,317 Yeah, she's upstairs. Whoa! 427 00:24:04,527 --> 00:24:05,902 Whoa. Watch that. 428 00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:08,071 I'll take you up there. 429 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,365 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 430 00:24:10,533 --> 00:24:11,825 Turn it off! Shitballs! 431 00:24:12,034 --> 00:24:16,204 Turn it off! Turn it off! Goddamn it! Son of a bitch! 432 00:24:17,915 --> 00:24:19,874 She's upstairs with Consuela. 433 00:24:20,417 --> 00:24:22,252 Damn hose. 434 00:24:22,878 --> 00:24:24,838 Must have had a kink in it. 435 00:24:25,047 --> 00:24:26,673 Any luck with the money? 436 00:24:26,882 --> 00:24:29,926 Oh, no. I tried everything. I don't know what to do. 437 00:24:30,094 --> 00:24:31,386 [♪♪♪] 438 00:24:31,554 --> 00:24:33,054 Tricia! 439 00:24:37,852 --> 00:24:39,394 Aha! Uh... 440 00:24:40,896 --> 00:24:42,063 Oh, boy. 441 00:24:42,273 --> 00:24:44,107 Is your blood sugar low again? 442 00:24:46,443 --> 00:24:48,820 I was wondering about a friend of yours, Natalie. 443 00:24:49,029 --> 00:24:50,864 A bridesmaid at your sister's wedding. 444 00:24:51,073 --> 00:24:53,366 Natalie? Steve, offer Michael a beer. 445 00:24:53,576 --> 00:24:54,951 You want a beer? Yeah. 446 00:24:55,161 --> 00:24:56,995 What do you want with Natalie? 447 00:24:57,246 --> 00:25:01,249 Nothing. I was thinking about her and I thought maybe I'd look her up. 448 00:25:01,458 --> 00:25:02,917 We don't have one clean glass. 449 00:25:03,752 --> 00:25:05,753 We have a full-time maid, for chrissakes. 450 00:25:06,922 --> 00:25:08,381 Consuela. 451 00:25:08,757 --> 00:25:10,758 What is it that you do around here? 452 00:25:14,889 --> 00:25:16,472 It's Saturday night, right? 453 00:25:17,183 --> 00:25:18,600 I know exactly where she is. 454 00:25:18,767 --> 00:25:20,768 [MYSTIKAL'S "SHAKE YA ASS" PLAYS] 455 00:25:28,235 --> 00:25:30,361 ♪ Shake ya ass But watch yourself ♪ 456 00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:32,822 ♪ Shake ya ass Show me what you're working with ♪ 457 00:25:32,990 --> 00:25:34,616 ♪ Shake ya ass But watch yourself ♪ 458 00:25:34,783 --> 00:25:35,825 You looking for a date? 459 00:25:36,202 --> 00:25:37,285 MAN: You're not my type. 460 00:25:37,453 --> 00:25:39,996 NATALIE: Whatever. You wouldn't be anyway. 461 00:25:41,457 --> 00:25:43,082 ♪ Be cool ♪ 462 00:25:43,250 --> 00:25:45,585 ♪ And don't worry about how I'm rippin' this shit ♪ 463 00:25:46,670 --> 00:25:47,712 Yeah? 464 00:25:49,131 --> 00:25:50,506 [MICHAEL CHUCKLES] 465 00:25:54,136 --> 00:25:56,346 ♪ They don't Y'all bitches can't catch me ♪ 466 00:25:56,513 --> 00:25:59,098 ♪ And you won't Tell ya self, bitch ass ♪♪ 467 00:26:01,727 --> 00:26:02,894 What's it gonna be? 468 00:26:03,103 --> 00:26:07,857 I have a proposal for you and it's gonna sound a little strange. 469 00:26:08,317 --> 00:26:09,859 Does it involve sex? 470 00:26:10,110 --> 00:26:13,196 I'd say there'd be a fair amount of sex involved. 471 00:26:13,447 --> 00:26:17,742 There will definitely be a house and a ring involved. Maybe even children. 472 00:26:17,952 --> 00:26:19,577 [CHUCKLING] Children? 473 00:26:19,787 --> 00:26:23,957 That'll depend on how far you and this other guy will want to take it. 474 00:26:24,208 --> 00:26:27,877 But, yeah. I'd say kids would be involved. At least a dog. Ha. 475 00:26:28,545 --> 00:26:31,965 Children, a dog and another guy. 476 00:26:32,675 --> 00:26:36,052 You're allergic to dogs. How about cats? Maybe a hamster? 477 00:26:36,220 --> 00:26:37,679 [BOTH LAUGH] 478 00:26:37,846 --> 00:26:39,097 Maybe a hamster. 479 00:26:39,265 --> 00:26:41,266 [LAUGHING] 480 00:26:41,433 --> 00:26:43,935 Baby, I got exactly what you need. 481 00:26:44,103 --> 00:26:45,228 [SIRENS WAILING] 482 00:26:45,396 --> 00:26:46,980 NATALIE: Let's go. Over here. Let's go. 483 00:26:47,314 --> 00:26:48,690 [GRUNTING] 484 00:26:48,857 --> 00:26:51,025 You're under arrest, you sick fuck. 485 00:26:51,193 --> 00:26:53,444 [SNIFFLING] 486 00:26:53,612 --> 00:26:57,699 I wasn't soliciting prostitution. I swear to God, I wasn't. 487 00:26:57,908 --> 00:27:00,285 You know what they do to pedophiles in the joint? 488 00:27:00,494 --> 00:27:02,870 Not to mention hamster fuckers. 489 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:06,916 I wasn't looking for a hooker or a hamster! I was looking for you. 490 00:27:07,126 --> 00:27:09,085 I was looking for Natalie Parker. 491 00:27:09,670 --> 00:27:10,920 How do you know her name? 492 00:27:11,255 --> 00:27:14,215 We were at a wedding once, a long time ago. 493 00:27:14,425 --> 00:27:17,885 And you hooked up with a friend of mine, Kyle Brenner. 494 00:27:18,262 --> 00:27:19,554 Doesn't ring any bells. 495 00:27:19,763 --> 00:27:21,681 What do you want with her? 496 00:27:21,890 --> 00:27:25,393 It's stupid. It was a bad idea. Can I please just apologize and go? 497 00:27:26,186 --> 00:27:27,770 I want to hear it. 498 00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:32,525 MICHAEL: I go to Vegas. There's this redhead. 499 00:27:32,735 --> 00:27:35,820 I play craps. I lose all my money. Get to the point, Delaney. 500 00:27:36,530 --> 00:27:38,239 I'm in a lot of trouble. 501 00:27:38,407 --> 00:27:39,741 [BLOWS NOSE] 502 00:27:40,784 --> 00:27:43,077 Some buddies of mine and I have a bet. 503 00:27:43,787 --> 00:27:46,247 Last bachelor standing wins. 504 00:27:47,166 --> 00:27:49,042 The pot is huge. Half a million. 505 00:27:49,251 --> 00:27:53,254 And I need this money. I mean, I really need this money. 506 00:27:53,630 --> 00:27:55,590 I just thought... It's stupid, but... 507 00:27:55,799 --> 00:27:56,966 [WHIMPERING] 508 00:27:57,134 --> 00:27:59,927 What? You thought what? 509 00:28:00,137 --> 00:28:02,305 I just thought that, uh... 510 00:28:02,973 --> 00:28:05,725 Kyle talks about you like you were the one that got away. 511 00:28:05,934 --> 00:28:08,269 Like you were his last chance at true love. 512 00:28:08,479 --> 00:28:11,439 I just thought that getting the two of you together, 513 00:28:11,648 --> 00:28:13,066 something would rekindle. 514 00:28:13,275 --> 00:28:16,778 You guys would get married and I'd win the money. Everybody wins. Ha-ha. 515 00:28:21,700 --> 00:28:25,411 That was the most pathetic fucking shit I have ever heard. 516 00:28:25,996 --> 00:28:28,122 That hamster story was better than that crap. 517 00:28:30,667 --> 00:28:34,921 What made you think I'd agree to it? I don't even remember this guy Karl. 518 00:28:35,130 --> 00:28:37,090 Kyle. Whatever. 519 00:28:37,299 --> 00:28:38,841 Kyle Brenner. 520 00:28:39,593 --> 00:28:41,844 You're right. I'm sorry. It was stupid. 521 00:28:42,054 --> 00:28:43,179 I'm sorry. 522 00:28:43,389 --> 00:28:44,680 It's your call, detective. 523 00:28:51,688 --> 00:28:53,147 Cut him loose. 524 00:28:53,357 --> 00:28:55,149 Hi, yes. I'm here. Hi. 525 00:28:55,359 --> 00:28:58,319 I was wondering if I could increase my limit to, 526 00:28:58,529 --> 00:29:00,988 I don't know, 51,000 dollars. 527 00:29:01,740 --> 00:29:03,533 Yes, yes, I know. 528 00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:05,952 Carlos did? 529 00:29:06,495 --> 00:29:09,831 No. I have no intentions of cutting up my card. 530 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,959 No, do not send someone over to do it for me! 531 00:29:13,127 --> 00:29:15,002 Hello? Hello? 532 00:29:15,170 --> 00:29:16,754 [DOORBELL RINGS] 533 00:29:17,214 --> 00:29:19,465 This Carlos runs a very tight ship. 534 00:29:19,967 --> 00:29:22,718 Coming. Let me just throw something on. 535 00:29:22,928 --> 00:29:27,265 Okay. One more sec. Who is it? 536 00:29:30,561 --> 00:29:32,145 I've done some checking. 537 00:29:32,354 --> 00:29:35,523 Kyle's rich. Why don't you ask him for a loan? 538 00:29:35,732 --> 00:29:38,317 I tried. He doesn't lend people money. 539 00:29:40,028 --> 00:29:41,362 How did you find me? 540 00:29:41,572 --> 00:29:44,198 Michael. Cop. Remember? 541 00:29:46,243 --> 00:29:48,453 Some place you got here. 542 00:29:48,829 --> 00:29:50,204 Got anything to drink? 543 00:29:50,372 --> 00:29:51,873 Uh... 544 00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:56,794 I bet I'm the only guy you know who's had all of his beverages repossessed. 545 00:29:57,254 --> 00:29:59,714 Here. Pour this. 546 00:29:59,923 --> 00:30:01,424 Patrón. Classy. 547 00:30:01,633 --> 00:30:03,176 What are you wearing? 548 00:30:03,719 --> 00:30:07,638 Oh, uh... I was on hold for a very long... 549 00:30:08,807 --> 00:30:12,602 Anyway, I don't really feel the need to dress up for these repo guys. 550 00:30:15,397 --> 00:30:16,939 I've thought about your idea. 551 00:30:20,486 --> 00:30:21,861 I want to do it. 552 00:30:22,029 --> 00:30:23,488 [♪♪♪] 553 00:30:24,072 --> 00:30:26,574 But we split the bet money 50-50. 554 00:30:26,909 --> 00:30:29,160 Sure. Yeah. 555 00:30:29,536 --> 00:30:31,829 This is great. This is terrific. Actually, uh, 556 00:30:33,207 --> 00:30:34,749 there is one little problem. 557 00:30:34,958 --> 00:30:37,919 You kind of have to marry Kyle 558 00:30:38,128 --> 00:30:39,378 within 30 days. 559 00:30:39,588 --> 00:30:40,630 No problem. 560 00:30:41,965 --> 00:30:43,799 I want to do to Kyle what he did to me. 561 00:30:44,343 --> 00:30:46,135 What do you mean? You do remember Kyle? 562 00:30:47,262 --> 00:30:48,304 Of course I do. 563 00:30:48,722 --> 00:30:50,515 We hooked up at Max's wedding. 564 00:30:50,682 --> 00:30:51,766 [SCOFFS] 565 00:30:51,934 --> 00:30:54,727 That little shit told me everything I wanted to hear, 566 00:30:54,937 --> 00:30:57,021 and then abandoned me on the PCH 567 00:30:57,231 --> 00:31:00,107 with nothing more than a roll of quarters to call a cab. 568 00:31:06,198 --> 00:31:08,324 Nice memory for a girl's first time? 569 00:31:08,492 --> 00:31:09,825 Uh... 570 00:31:10,202 --> 00:31:14,288 I was kind of hoping for "love will prevail," but you know what? 571 00:31:14,456 --> 00:31:16,624 Hate will do just fine. 572 00:31:21,672 --> 00:31:23,381 [CAR ALARM WAILING AND MAN YELLING] 573 00:31:23,549 --> 00:31:27,301 Sorry! Sorry about that. 574 00:31:27,636 --> 00:31:30,513 NATALIE: The first thing we have to do is get to know our prey. 575 00:31:30,722 --> 00:31:34,267 Precisely what kind of girls he likes. 576 00:31:34,434 --> 00:31:36,435 [♪♪♪] 577 00:31:44,486 --> 00:31:45,486 [MICHAEL GRUNTS] 578 00:31:45,654 --> 00:31:50,324 Hey! Be careful. This is expensive. I'm sorry. It's heavy. 579 00:31:56,999 --> 00:31:59,166 Hand me the night-spectrum spotting scope. 580 00:32:03,755 --> 00:32:04,839 [GLASS SHATTERS] 581 00:32:05,007 --> 00:32:06,507 I think we left that in the car. 582 00:32:08,218 --> 00:32:10,344 Then just hand me a pair of binoculars. 583 00:32:10,512 --> 00:32:11,679 Yeah. 584 00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:21,105 NATALIE: Long time no see, Kyle. 585 00:32:22,190 --> 00:32:24,150 The guy has pleather furniture. 586 00:32:25,027 --> 00:32:28,279 What kind of loser has pleather furniture? 587 00:32:29,406 --> 00:32:30,698 Beats me. Heh. 588 00:32:34,828 --> 00:32:37,580 NATALIE: A stewardess. How cliché. 589 00:32:37,873 --> 00:32:40,333 Subject likes brunettes. 590 00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:44,337 Prefers subservient women in uniform. 591 00:32:46,256 --> 00:32:49,342 Let me see. Quit hogging them. It's my turn. Give me. 592 00:32:52,429 --> 00:32:53,721 This is so cool. 593 00:32:53,930 --> 00:32:56,974 This is better than cable. Shh. Quiet! 594 00:32:58,935 --> 00:33:00,770 MICHAEL: God, I never had a stewardess. 595 00:33:00,979 --> 00:33:04,398 I think they're leaving. It'd be cool to get some audio. 596 00:33:04,608 --> 00:33:06,067 We will. Give me five minutes. 597 00:33:13,533 --> 00:33:16,911 MICHAEL: My God, this girl is Wonder Woman. 598 00:33:17,871 --> 00:33:21,916 I'm terrified, yet strangely aroused. 599 00:33:22,626 --> 00:33:24,960 Take that robe off. Aren't you hot? 600 00:33:25,212 --> 00:33:27,213 No, no. I'm good, I'm good. 601 00:33:27,923 --> 00:33:30,758 You guys want to come over tonight? I can't. I got a date. 602 00:33:30,967 --> 00:33:33,302 With who? That stewardess? 603 00:33:33,595 --> 00:33:35,262 Did I tell you about the stewardess? 604 00:33:35,430 --> 00:33:40,601 Uh... Yeah, great tits. I believe you had sex with her. 605 00:33:40,811 --> 00:33:44,105 Yeah. All night long. But this one's better. 606 00:33:44,314 --> 00:33:46,357 Why is that? Shoot some sticks. 607 00:33:46,566 --> 00:33:48,651 She's a cosmetics counter girl. 608 00:33:48,860 --> 00:33:52,196 If I ever get married, it'll be to a cosmetics counter girl. 609 00:33:52,406 --> 00:33:55,074 Why a cosmetics counter girl? Grill some steaks and... 610 00:33:55,283 --> 00:33:59,537 They're the perfect woman. They'll always smell good and wear makeup. 611 00:33:59,746 --> 00:34:01,455 They're not too ambitious. 612 00:34:01,665 --> 00:34:04,291 And they won't be a damn feminist bitch, 613 00:34:04,501 --> 00:34:06,752 keeps her own name when you marry. 614 00:34:06,962 --> 00:34:09,755 Like my mother? Yeah, exactly. 615 00:34:10,549 --> 00:34:11,716 Let's get out of here. 616 00:34:11,925 --> 00:34:14,635 Mike, you coming along? No, I'm good. I'm good. 617 00:34:14,845 --> 00:34:17,680 I'll stay and get a good sweat going. 618 00:34:17,889 --> 00:34:20,099 Take care of yourself. Yeah. 619 00:34:20,308 --> 00:34:23,227 I'll catch up with you guys. 620 00:34:23,687 --> 00:34:25,688 [PANTING] 621 00:34:29,317 --> 00:34:30,818 Gotcha. 622 00:34:32,112 --> 00:34:34,113 [GRUNTING] 623 00:34:35,323 --> 00:34:36,824 [SHUVEL'S "THOSE WHO STAND IN LINE" PLAYS OVER STEREO] 624 00:34:36,992 --> 00:34:38,951 ♪ We agree to believe That we're bought and done ♪ 625 00:34:39,119 --> 00:34:40,995 ♪ Still refuse He's afraid to fly ♪ 626 00:34:41,163 --> 00:34:42,788 This is my favorite group. 627 00:34:43,415 --> 00:34:44,498 Ah. 628 00:34:44,666 --> 00:34:46,876 [TURNS MUSIC VOLUME UP] ♪ Right now, decide ♪♪ 629 00:34:47,043 --> 00:34:48,544 [WHOOPS] 630 00:34:48,712 --> 00:34:50,546 You hear that?! Yeah! 631 00:34:50,797 --> 00:34:51,964 It came in stereo. 632 00:34:52,549 --> 00:34:55,009 This is a system. Oh, yeah! 633 00:34:55,510 --> 00:34:58,262 You hear that bass? Good, right? You want more? 634 00:34:58,430 --> 00:34:59,680 [MUSIC STOPS] 635 00:34:59,973 --> 00:35:01,557 Stakeout. 636 00:35:02,267 --> 00:35:03,476 Right. Sorry. 637 00:35:07,355 --> 00:35:08,522 Hey. 638 00:35:08,774 --> 00:35:10,024 Is that me? 639 00:35:10,442 --> 00:35:13,360 Oh. Yeah, but I draw all my friends. 640 00:35:13,528 --> 00:35:15,362 It is me. Let me see. No, really. 641 00:35:15,530 --> 00:35:17,531 It's very rough. It's very rough. 642 00:35:17,783 --> 00:35:18,866 Let go. 643 00:35:19,493 --> 00:35:20,534 Thank you. 644 00:35:20,911 --> 00:35:22,036 [♪♪♪] 645 00:35:22,204 --> 00:35:23,954 Nice ass. 646 00:35:24,998 --> 00:35:27,041 These are really good. 647 00:35:28,627 --> 00:35:30,211 Have you ever tried to sell these? 648 00:35:30,670 --> 00:35:33,881 It's pretty hard to start your own comic strip. 649 00:35:34,216 --> 00:35:35,549 [GLASS SHATTERING] 650 00:35:35,717 --> 00:35:36,884 There's our boy. 651 00:35:37,219 --> 00:35:38,969 [♪♪♪] 652 00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:44,058 MAN: Where is he? Tell me. 653 00:35:45,227 --> 00:35:47,394 Come on back here. I see you. 654 00:35:49,606 --> 00:35:51,899 Jackass. I'll sic the National Guard on you. 655 00:35:52,067 --> 00:35:55,611 Oh, man. I learned my lesson. No more two-story houses. 656 00:35:55,821 --> 00:35:58,739 Subject hates two-story houses. 657 00:36:06,581 --> 00:36:08,749 Here. Got you something. 658 00:36:12,754 --> 00:36:16,465 These will go with my horny devil socks. 659 00:36:16,716 --> 00:36:18,425 Thank you. You're welcome. 660 00:36:20,720 --> 00:36:22,596 So, what's our man up to? 661 00:36:22,931 --> 00:36:24,139 Ugh. Trying on underwear. 662 00:36:24,349 --> 00:36:26,058 Oh, man! Thank you. 663 00:36:26,476 --> 00:36:28,018 NATALIE: So you hungry? 664 00:36:29,062 --> 00:36:31,355 I think I just lost my appetite. 665 00:36:32,065 --> 00:36:33,190 Have some sushi. 666 00:36:33,483 --> 00:36:36,110 Oh, no, no. I don't do sushi. 667 00:36:36,278 --> 00:36:37,444 What? 668 00:36:37,612 --> 00:36:39,947 I've always hated sushi. Everybody likes sushi. 669 00:36:40,115 --> 00:36:42,199 Not me. All right, you're going to try sushi. 670 00:36:42,367 --> 00:36:44,952 No. Yeah. Try sushi. 671 00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,788 It disgusts me. Really. Open your mouth. 672 00:36:47,956 --> 00:36:49,248 [IMITATES TRAIN CHUGGING] 673 00:36:49,416 --> 00:36:51,083 Toot-toot! Open your mouth. 674 00:36:51,293 --> 00:36:52,626 Good boy. Mm-hm. 675 00:36:53,086 --> 00:36:54,628 There you go. 676 00:36:55,171 --> 00:36:57,339 There you go, sport. Mm. 677 00:36:59,759 --> 00:37:01,385 You're a fun date, aren't you? 678 00:37:01,636 --> 00:37:02,761 I told you I hate sushi. 679 00:37:03,013 --> 00:37:04,471 I guess so. 680 00:37:04,681 --> 00:37:06,390 OLD WOMAN: This was a good idea. OLD MAN: Yeah, I agree. 681 00:37:06,558 --> 00:37:08,517 Ooh! OLD WOMAN: You're looking cute. 682 00:37:08,852 --> 00:37:09,977 You vixen. Ha-ha-ha. 683 00:37:10,145 --> 00:37:11,812 [♪♪♪] 684 00:37:14,816 --> 00:37:17,735 NATALIE [ON RECORDING]: Subject likes brunettes. 685 00:37:17,944 --> 00:37:21,947 Prefers subservient women in uniform. 686 00:37:24,826 --> 00:37:28,454 MICHAEL: My God, this girl is Wonder Woman. 687 00:37:29,205 --> 00:37:33,042 I'm terrified, yet strangely aroused. 688 00:37:33,209 --> 00:37:34,668 [LAUGHS] 689 00:37:34,836 --> 00:37:36,837 [♪♪♪] 690 00:37:38,006 --> 00:37:41,133 KYLE: You hear guys talking about having blue balls. 691 00:37:41,343 --> 00:37:44,178 I'll tell you, the last couple of weeks, 692 00:37:44,387 --> 00:37:46,722 I fuck and I fuck and I can't get any relief. 693 00:37:46,932 --> 00:37:49,224 Hold on. I gotta take a break. 694 00:37:49,434 --> 00:37:52,978 I ate some raw fish. Please, give me one second. 695 00:37:54,564 --> 00:37:55,689 Do you like it better, 696 00:37:56,149 --> 00:38:00,110 when a girl makes the first move on you or when you do? 697 00:38:00,654 --> 00:38:03,697 Dude. Honestly? I don't give a rat's ass. 698 00:38:05,408 --> 00:38:07,326 I guess I like to be surprised. 699 00:38:07,661 --> 00:38:09,620 What exactly do you mean by surprise? 700 00:38:09,829 --> 00:38:11,580 Oh, dude. Oh, my God. 701 00:38:11,790 --> 00:38:15,459 Last week, I'm doing this girl in the back seat of her daddy's car. 702 00:38:16,002 --> 00:38:19,463 Catholic schoolgirl's uniform. The whole nine yards, man. 703 00:38:19,673 --> 00:38:24,635 She drinks too much. She's sick, so she hangs her head out the window, 704 00:38:24,886 --> 00:38:27,388 and just commences to puking. 705 00:38:27,722 --> 00:38:29,264 It's too bad you had to stop. 706 00:38:29,474 --> 00:38:31,183 No, see, I was gonna. 707 00:38:31,851 --> 00:38:34,019 That would have been the right thing. 708 00:38:34,229 --> 00:38:37,481 But the way she was having these contractions. 709 00:38:37,691 --> 00:38:40,401 They were just wrenching down on the old crank. 710 00:38:40,568 --> 00:38:42,319 Oh, God, it felt so great. 711 00:38:42,529 --> 00:38:44,530 Now, that's a surprise. 712 00:38:47,409 --> 00:38:50,202 Hey, my car, my car, my car! 713 00:38:50,412 --> 00:38:52,579 Yeah, I know. It sucks. 714 00:38:52,831 --> 00:38:55,666 Oh, you get that extra key made for the house? 715 00:38:56,209 --> 00:38:57,918 Yeah. Yeah. 716 00:38:58,670 --> 00:38:59,837 Thanks. 717 00:39:00,839 --> 00:39:04,091 Uh... I got to take the phone. Sorry. 718 00:39:04,342 --> 00:39:06,760 I need that phone. That phone is my life. 719 00:39:06,928 --> 00:39:08,679 [PHONE RINGS] 720 00:39:08,847 --> 00:39:10,264 Hello? CARLOS [OVER PHONE]: Michael. 721 00:39:10,432 --> 00:39:12,766 Carlos. Give him the phone. 722 00:39:13,101 --> 00:39:14,935 You've got three weeks. 723 00:39:16,062 --> 00:39:17,104 Thanks, buddy. 724 00:39:17,272 --> 00:39:19,273 [WOMAN SINGING "HALE'IWA HULA"] 725 00:39:26,573 --> 00:39:28,866 [CHILDREN LAUGHING] 726 00:39:29,034 --> 00:39:31,035 [CHATTERING] 727 00:39:31,202 --> 00:39:32,536 Michael! 728 00:39:32,704 --> 00:39:35,539 I'm so glad to see you. Oh! 729 00:39:35,707 --> 00:39:38,459 Great, great. All the kids are here. 730 00:39:39,627 --> 00:39:42,713 Hey, how you doing, pal? Come here. 731 00:39:43,131 --> 00:39:46,258 Ling, take your penis out of the tartar sauce. You look great. 732 00:39:46,468 --> 00:39:48,635 Michael, a surprise for you. 733 00:39:48,845 --> 00:39:51,805 Natalie, this is Michael. Michael, this is Natalie. 734 00:39:52,307 --> 00:39:55,392 You probably don't remember, but you two have met. 735 00:39:56,269 --> 00:39:58,145 Michael was an usher at our wedding. 736 00:39:58,688 --> 00:40:00,981 Boing-yoing-yoing! Boing-yoing-yoing! 737 00:40:01,149 --> 00:40:03,650 Right, right. I think I remember you. 738 00:40:04,319 --> 00:40:05,486 Doesn't ring a bell. 739 00:40:05,820 --> 00:40:07,196 [LAUGHS] 740 00:40:08,323 --> 00:40:13,285 So, Natalie, you're still single and in law enforcement. How interesting. 741 00:40:13,495 --> 00:40:16,163 Do you have any exciting stories? Uh-oh. Thank you. 742 00:40:16,414 --> 00:40:19,625 Well, last year I got shot. I shattered my pelvis and I was in... 743 00:40:19,793 --> 00:40:23,212 Oh, speaking of pelvises, how was the birth, Kelly? 744 00:40:23,421 --> 00:40:24,671 I had to have a C-section. 745 00:40:24,923 --> 00:40:26,673 Oh. She only dilated this much. 746 00:40:26,925 --> 00:40:28,342 That happened with Freedom. 747 00:40:28,510 --> 00:40:31,678 Then he came out feet first. Talk about getting ripped. 748 00:40:32,013 --> 00:40:35,349 Ha-ha-ha. Ripped. Ha-ha. 749 00:40:35,517 --> 00:40:39,061 Nuyen's birth mother birthed in water. Tony and I were in the tub. 750 00:40:39,270 --> 00:40:40,854 Oh, guys. 751 00:40:41,106 --> 00:40:43,899 I was in labor for 26 hours. 752 00:40:44,109 --> 00:40:45,734 Don't you people ever watch TV? 753 00:40:45,944 --> 00:40:47,694 I know I said no more matchmaking... 754 00:40:47,862 --> 00:40:50,489 Yes, but Tricia can't help herself. 755 00:40:50,698 --> 00:40:53,450 It's just that you two are perfect for each other. 756 00:40:53,618 --> 00:40:55,536 [♪♪♪] 757 00:40:55,703 --> 00:40:58,622 Kill me, Michael. Kill me now. 758 00:40:58,790 --> 00:41:00,290 What? Dill kung pao. 759 00:41:00,458 --> 00:41:02,209 Pass the dill kung pao. 760 00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:13,720 [GASPING] 761 00:41:15,598 --> 00:41:16,890 Oh. 762 00:41:17,559 --> 00:41:18,600 [PANTING] 763 00:41:19,060 --> 00:41:20,185 Oh. 764 00:41:20,353 --> 00:41:22,312 [SCREAMING] 765 00:41:23,898 --> 00:41:25,107 [SIGHS] 766 00:41:25,275 --> 00:41:26,400 [BABY CRYING] 767 00:41:26,901 --> 00:41:29,111 NATALIE: Oh-oh-oh... 768 00:41:29,571 --> 00:41:32,739 Oh, no, no, no. What a beautiful baby! 769 00:41:34,159 --> 00:41:35,325 [SCREAMS] 770 00:41:37,078 --> 00:41:39,413 Oh, my God. You won't believe this. 771 00:41:39,747 --> 00:41:42,374 My water just broke. Her water... 772 00:41:42,584 --> 00:41:44,751 What does that mean, her water broke? 773 00:41:45,336 --> 00:41:46,837 What is that, her water? 774 00:41:47,046 --> 00:41:51,925 Oh, God. Oh, God. People, we're going to need a mop in here! 775 00:41:53,344 --> 00:41:57,764 That scene back there freaked you out, huh? Don't you like kids? 776 00:41:57,932 --> 00:42:01,852 I am not talking to you about kids. Last time, I wound up in handcuffs. 777 00:42:02,103 --> 00:42:03,645 [LAUGHS] 778 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:11,612 You know the one thing I regret more than losing my money in Las Vegas? 779 00:42:12,113 --> 00:42:13,280 What's that? 780 00:42:14,199 --> 00:42:17,117 I should've asked you out back at Max's wedding. 781 00:42:17,368 --> 00:42:19,369 [♪♪♪] 782 00:42:19,787 --> 00:42:22,623 With that mullet hair you had? 783 00:42:22,790 --> 00:42:24,124 Keep dreaming, buddy. 784 00:42:24,292 --> 00:42:26,543 Nice. Nice. 785 00:42:29,297 --> 00:42:30,464 Why didn't you? 786 00:42:31,799 --> 00:42:33,258 I don't really like ugly chicks. 787 00:42:33,426 --> 00:42:34,801 [LAUGHS] 788 00:42:34,969 --> 00:42:36,970 [♪♪♪] 789 00:42:44,479 --> 00:42:46,146 Ever play mercy? 790 00:42:49,484 --> 00:42:52,319 Yes. I'll have you know I'm very good at the game. 791 00:42:52,487 --> 00:42:54,655 Ooh. Bring it on. Okay. 792 00:42:55,573 --> 00:42:57,574 One, two... Three. 793 00:42:57,742 --> 00:43:01,995 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You are going down! 794 00:43:03,665 --> 00:43:05,332 I lose. 795 00:43:13,549 --> 00:43:16,301 Wow. Uh... I'm sorry. 796 00:43:17,011 --> 00:43:18,512 I'm sorry. 797 00:43:20,181 --> 00:43:23,684 I don't know what came over me. Freeze, motherfucker! 798 00:43:23,851 --> 00:43:26,520 I am really sorry! I was out of line! 799 00:43:26,771 --> 00:43:27,854 Please don't shoot me! 800 00:43:30,608 --> 00:43:32,192 Bring Kyle to me tomorrow. 801 00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:33,360 Drop cans! 802 00:43:34,779 --> 00:43:35,946 Hands on your head! 803 00:43:36,364 --> 00:43:38,490 You are not falling in love with her. 804 00:43:38,700 --> 00:43:41,326 You're a lady-killer. You're a tomcat. 805 00:43:41,953 --> 00:43:43,370 Take it easy, Mike. 806 00:43:44,289 --> 00:43:47,541 Good night, fellas. Have a safe drive. 807 00:43:49,752 --> 00:43:51,044 [DOOR CLOSES] 808 00:43:57,385 --> 00:44:00,804 I'm confused because I really like Michael. 809 00:44:01,556 --> 00:44:03,056 And I think he likes me. 810 00:44:03,224 --> 00:44:05,058 What, you can't tell? 811 00:44:06,686 --> 00:44:07,769 Go. 812 00:44:07,937 --> 00:44:10,147 Police! Nobody move, goddamn it! 813 00:44:10,315 --> 00:44:11,398 [♪♪♪] 814 00:44:11,733 --> 00:44:12,941 ♪ Bring in the ruckus ♪ 815 00:44:13,109 --> 00:44:15,569 [YELLING] 816 00:44:19,490 --> 00:44:22,659 There was this one moment. It was amazing. 817 00:44:22,827 --> 00:44:24,661 [♪♪♪] 818 00:44:30,835 --> 00:44:32,586 What the fuck does that mean? 819 00:44:32,795 --> 00:44:33,879 Natalie! 820 00:44:34,047 --> 00:44:35,380 [GUNSHOTS] 821 00:44:36,591 --> 00:44:38,133 [SCREAMS] 822 00:44:39,135 --> 00:44:40,552 ♪ Bring in the ruckus Yeah ♪ 823 00:44:41,220 --> 00:44:42,721 ♪ Let's bring the bullshit ♪ 824 00:44:43,848 --> 00:44:45,640 ♪ Bring in the ruckus Yeah ♪ 825 00:44:45,808 --> 00:44:48,143 ♪ Get down We's a-bumpin' ♪♪ 826 00:44:48,436 --> 00:44:51,813 So you really like this guy, huh? 827 00:44:52,023 --> 00:44:53,440 I think I'm in love with him. 828 00:44:53,858 --> 00:44:55,275 HURLEY: This is serious. 829 00:44:55,443 --> 00:44:57,611 I know. He has a slick exterior, but... 830 00:44:58,196 --> 00:45:00,447 I see a real sweetheart underneath. 831 00:45:00,782 --> 00:45:02,157 [♪♪♪] 832 00:45:04,035 --> 00:45:05,160 Clear. 833 00:45:05,328 --> 00:45:07,287 [MAN SCREAMS AND SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY] 834 00:45:07,914 --> 00:45:08,955 Clear. 835 00:45:09,123 --> 00:45:11,124 [♪♪♪] 836 00:45:19,300 --> 00:45:21,343 [SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] 837 00:45:21,511 --> 00:45:22,969 Shit. 838 00:45:23,554 --> 00:45:26,598 Remember the first time we met him at the station? 839 00:45:26,766 --> 00:45:30,310 He found me because he felt I was Kyle's last chance for true love. 840 00:45:31,979 --> 00:45:33,814 Can't say that if you don't believe it. 841 00:45:34,065 --> 00:45:35,982 [YELLING] 842 00:45:37,735 --> 00:45:39,069 [GRUNTS] 843 00:45:40,238 --> 00:45:42,239 [♪♪♪] 844 00:45:44,075 --> 00:45:45,534 [COUGHING] 845 00:45:47,829 --> 00:45:49,913 So how do I find out how he feels? 846 00:45:51,916 --> 00:45:53,208 [GRUNTS] 847 00:45:53,376 --> 00:45:54,668 Say you're falling for Kyle. 848 00:45:54,836 --> 00:45:57,421 Don't move or I'll blow your brains out! 849 00:45:58,923 --> 00:46:00,757 He won't believe I'm falling for Kyle. 850 00:46:00,967 --> 00:46:03,051 Oh, he'll believe it. Trust me. 851 00:46:03,219 --> 00:46:04,344 Your partner's right. 852 00:46:04,512 --> 00:46:07,681 Want to get a guy to make a move? Get him competition. 853 00:46:07,849 --> 00:46:09,182 Shut up. 854 00:46:11,018 --> 00:46:12,227 Let me look at cologne. 855 00:46:12,437 --> 00:46:15,897 Look at this place. There's hot babes everywhere. It smells great. 856 00:46:16,107 --> 00:46:17,232 I ought to move in here. 857 00:46:17,442 --> 00:46:19,025 Would you watch it? Sorry. 858 00:46:20,445 --> 00:46:21,611 Excuse us. 859 00:46:26,701 --> 00:46:27,868 Man, this again? 860 00:46:28,035 --> 00:46:31,371 I hate this shade of lipstick. Stays on your dick for a week. 861 00:46:34,542 --> 00:46:37,878 Then you should try our hypoallergenic cleanser. 862 00:46:38,212 --> 00:46:40,714 I think you should try some Visine. 863 00:46:41,299 --> 00:46:42,674 Why do I need Visine? 864 00:46:43,384 --> 00:46:46,052 So you can get a clear vision of our future together. 865 00:46:46,262 --> 00:46:47,387 [BOTH LAUGH] 866 00:46:50,057 --> 00:46:51,808 Do I know you from somewhere? 867 00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:55,228 I don't know. My name is Natalie. 868 00:46:57,773 --> 00:47:00,233 Um... I'm from Van Nuys. 869 00:47:01,402 --> 00:47:02,903 Oh, my God, you're Natalie. 870 00:47:03,404 --> 00:47:05,906 That's what I just said. You're Natalie. No, no, no. 871 00:47:06,532 --> 00:47:08,575 Hey, I'm Kyle. 872 00:47:08,910 --> 00:47:10,911 Remember? Max and Kim's wedding. 873 00:47:11,078 --> 00:47:13,413 Malibu? I popped your cherry. 874 00:47:13,664 --> 00:47:15,290 Kyle. Right. 875 00:47:15,500 --> 00:47:19,294 Oh, my God. You look great. Yeah, huh? Wow. 876 00:47:19,545 --> 00:47:21,421 I'll let you two get reacquainted. 877 00:47:21,672 --> 00:47:24,424 Wow. So you're working here. Cosmetics counter girl. 878 00:47:24,634 --> 00:47:27,719 I know it's not very ambitious, 879 00:47:27,929 --> 00:47:30,347 but I'm saving my money for a one-story house. 880 00:47:30,556 --> 00:47:31,681 That's fantastic. 881 00:47:31,849 --> 00:47:33,850 [♪♪♪] 882 00:47:56,374 --> 00:47:58,375 [GRUNTING] 883 00:48:02,588 --> 00:48:04,130 [GROANS] 884 00:48:15,977 --> 00:48:17,978 [YELLS] 885 00:48:25,319 --> 00:48:28,321 [ERIC GILLIOM'S "MOONDANCE" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 886 00:48:30,324 --> 00:48:33,618 MICHAEL: Put your shoes back on. Get out of there. 887 00:48:34,579 --> 00:48:35,620 Here you go. 888 00:48:35,788 --> 00:48:37,664 [IN SPANISH ACCENT] Would you like to dance? 889 00:48:38,958 --> 00:48:41,167 Oh, yes. Come dance with me. 890 00:48:41,335 --> 00:48:44,671 I love to lambada. I love to fall feet and turns. 891 00:48:44,922 --> 00:48:46,423 [IN NORMAL VOICE] Oh. Nice dip, dork. 892 00:48:47,174 --> 00:48:51,136 All right, Natalie. Enough's enough. Tell him you can't stand him. 893 00:48:51,345 --> 00:48:53,847 Tell him it's a scam. You're in love with me. 894 00:48:54,056 --> 00:48:56,308 Where you guys going? Natalie, don't go. 895 00:48:57,685 --> 00:48:58,810 Natalie. 896 00:48:58,978 --> 00:49:00,854 ♪ Magic ♪ 897 00:49:03,733 --> 00:49:05,609 [PANTING] 898 00:49:07,153 --> 00:49:09,904 No, no. Get out now. 899 00:49:10,072 --> 00:49:11,239 [MICHAEL GROANS] 900 00:49:11,407 --> 00:49:13,700 [NATALIE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER HEADPHONES] 901 00:49:14,785 --> 00:49:15,869 [MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY] 902 00:49:16,037 --> 00:49:19,873 ♪ Can I just have One more moondance? ♪ 903 00:49:20,041 --> 00:49:21,791 Night vision. 904 00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:25,795 No, no, Natalie. Get out of there. 905 00:49:26,047 --> 00:49:27,881 There you go. Thattagirl. 906 00:49:29,675 --> 00:49:31,635 No, not the microphone. Not the microphone. 907 00:49:31,802 --> 00:49:33,261 [FEEDBACK SQUEALS ON HEADPHONES] 908 00:49:33,429 --> 00:49:36,139 Aah! Ugh. Natalie, get out of there. 909 00:49:37,058 --> 00:49:38,058 Get out. 910 00:49:38,601 --> 00:49:39,768 [SCREAMS] 911 00:49:39,935 --> 00:49:41,853 I'm blind. 912 00:49:42,063 --> 00:49:46,358 Ooh, you like it with the lights on? Baby, come on. Ride the pony. 913 00:49:46,567 --> 00:49:48,401 Whoo! You know you want it. 914 00:49:48,778 --> 00:49:49,861 [♪♪♪] 915 00:49:50,029 --> 00:49:51,112 [GROWLS] 916 00:49:53,741 --> 00:49:58,078 Natalie, get out of there! Save yourself! It's the dick of death. 917 00:49:58,329 --> 00:50:00,538 Come on, get some of this. 918 00:50:01,248 --> 00:50:02,832 Come on, you little rodeo gal. 919 00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,335 ♪ One more moondance ♪ 920 00:50:05,503 --> 00:50:07,420 Here's how it's gonna go. 921 00:50:08,047 --> 00:50:09,506 We're not having sex 922 00:50:10,049 --> 00:50:11,591 tonight. 923 00:50:12,218 --> 00:50:16,513 In fact, I don't know when we're going to have sex. 924 00:50:18,683 --> 00:50:20,767 I'm not like all the other girls. 925 00:50:20,935 --> 00:50:24,688 But I promise you, Kyle, you've never had a girl like me. 926 00:50:26,774 --> 00:50:28,274 [LAUGHS] 927 00:50:28,442 --> 00:50:30,068 All right. 928 00:50:34,281 --> 00:50:35,281 Ready. 929 00:50:38,452 --> 00:50:39,744 Better take care of that. 930 00:50:39,912 --> 00:50:43,248 ♪ One more moondance tonight ♪♪ 931 00:50:43,416 --> 00:50:46,960 This is kind of about me, right? Who'll take care of me better than me? 932 00:50:47,753 --> 00:50:50,130 Ha-ha. And you knew that! 933 00:50:50,464 --> 00:50:52,132 We got a future together, baby. 934 00:50:53,259 --> 00:50:54,551 [DOOR CLOSES] 935 00:50:55,886 --> 00:50:59,389 All right. Here we go. 936 00:51:01,642 --> 00:51:05,478 I am going to hurt you tonight. 937 00:51:09,108 --> 00:51:10,859 [PHONE RINGS] 938 00:51:13,154 --> 00:51:16,489 Natalie? Michael. Yeah, it's me. 939 00:51:16,657 --> 00:51:19,409 I need you to meet me right away. Name a place. 940 00:51:19,660 --> 00:51:23,538 Somewhere Kyle would never stumble across us in a million years. 941 00:51:23,748 --> 00:51:25,749 [♪♪♪] 942 00:51:35,509 --> 00:51:37,177 Thanks for meeting me. 943 00:51:38,429 --> 00:51:40,013 Are you all right? I'm fine. 944 00:51:44,518 --> 00:51:46,519 I'm, heh... 945 00:51:46,687 --> 00:51:48,021 I'm falling for Kyle. 946 00:51:49,982 --> 00:51:53,109 What? He's actually pretty sweet. 947 00:51:53,319 --> 00:51:57,447 Sweet? The guy screws women while they're barfing! 948 00:51:57,782 --> 00:51:59,240 Shh! 949 00:52:00,117 --> 00:52:01,993 You just don't know him like I do. 950 00:52:02,203 --> 00:52:05,622 There's another side to him that he doesn't show to everyone. 951 00:52:05,831 --> 00:52:10,210 I've known the guy my whole life. There's no other side. He's a dick. 952 00:52:10,377 --> 00:52:13,213 He's afraid to show his sensitivity. He must be very afraid. 953 00:52:13,380 --> 00:52:15,048 Michael. 954 00:52:15,633 --> 00:52:18,551 Michael. All my life, I waited to fall in love. 955 00:52:19,303 --> 00:52:21,387 And now this guy really loves me. 956 00:52:21,889 --> 00:52:23,681 Do you know what that's like? 957 00:52:24,016 --> 00:52:25,350 Do you love anyone? 958 00:52:27,478 --> 00:52:29,062 I guess not. 959 00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:30,814 [SIGHS] 960 00:52:33,901 --> 00:52:35,485 I better get back. 961 00:52:36,946 --> 00:52:37,987 [♪♪♪] 962 00:52:38,155 --> 00:52:41,908 You won't let this defeat you. You won't let this defeat you. 963 00:52:42,076 --> 00:52:44,160 You know why? You know why? 964 00:52:44,370 --> 00:52:48,498 Because you're the man. Who the man? You the man. You the man. 965 00:52:48,749 --> 00:52:50,875 Now, here's what you'll do. 966 00:52:51,085 --> 00:52:54,420 You'll go out there and you'll fuck the first woman you see. 967 00:52:54,672 --> 00:52:57,757 The first woman you see. You are going to be ruthless. 968 00:52:57,925 --> 00:53:01,427 You'll use every little dirty trick. Every little manipulation. 969 00:53:01,720 --> 00:53:06,015 Every lie you know! You know why? Because you the man! Now get her. 970 00:53:07,434 --> 00:53:11,771 The first woman you see. The first woman you see. 971 00:53:13,065 --> 00:53:17,235 The second woman you see. The second woman you see. 972 00:53:21,615 --> 00:53:23,116 [CHUCKLES] 973 00:53:23,284 --> 00:53:25,869 This is almost too easy. 974 00:53:34,253 --> 00:53:35,295 Hi. Uh... 975 00:53:35,462 --> 00:53:37,297 Whoa! Ha. Hey. 976 00:53:37,673 --> 00:53:41,551 Um... Where would I bring an overdue book? 977 00:53:45,014 --> 00:53:46,973 Oh, uh... 978 00:53:47,725 --> 00:53:48,892 I'll take that. 979 00:53:49,101 --> 00:53:52,020 JILL: I have always loved books. 980 00:53:52,229 --> 00:53:56,900 And so I started studying library science at Luther College and... 981 00:53:57,067 --> 00:53:58,151 [♪♪♪] 982 00:53:58,319 --> 00:54:02,488 Oh, I'm sorry. I've been going on and on and on about myself all night. 983 00:54:02,740 --> 00:54:04,157 Oh, this is so embarrassing. 984 00:54:04,408 --> 00:54:09,078 It's such a treat when you meet a woman who's so honest and direct. 985 00:54:10,247 --> 00:54:12,540 You're making me blush. You're sweet. 986 00:54:12,750 --> 00:54:15,293 Golly, stop it. 987 00:54:17,004 --> 00:54:19,422 Uh, uh... Um, this is me. 988 00:54:19,965 --> 00:54:21,466 Ah. 989 00:54:23,344 --> 00:54:25,511 It was nice to meet you, Jill. 990 00:54:27,514 --> 00:54:28,514 Oh, thank you. 991 00:54:30,434 --> 00:54:35,021 It was really sweet of you to let me pick the restaurant out tonight. 992 00:54:35,272 --> 00:54:36,940 Oh, please, I love sushi. 993 00:54:37,691 --> 00:54:38,942 [♪♪♪] 994 00:54:39,109 --> 00:54:41,027 Well, uh... 995 00:54:43,697 --> 00:54:46,616 Good night. 996 00:54:47,076 --> 00:54:49,077 [♪♪♪] 997 00:54:49,828 --> 00:54:51,204 Michael? 998 00:54:51,538 --> 00:54:53,247 [MOUTHING WORDS] 999 00:54:55,292 --> 00:54:58,795 Uh... I was wondering... 1000 00:54:59,004 --> 00:55:01,923 I mean, this isn't how I... Gosh. 1001 00:55:02,091 --> 00:55:04,884 Golly, I'm tongue-tied tonight. It's okay. You can say it. 1002 00:55:05,970 --> 00:55:08,554 Would you like to come in? 1003 00:55:09,181 --> 00:55:12,266 Oh. Oh, no, it's way too late. 1004 00:55:12,434 --> 00:55:13,518 Okay. 1005 00:55:18,649 --> 00:55:21,359 Wow. Nice place. Thank you. 1006 00:55:22,486 --> 00:55:26,322 Four-H ribbons, cool. That's a big cock. 1007 00:55:27,908 --> 00:55:29,242 JILL: Grammy. 1008 00:55:29,410 --> 00:55:31,869 Grammy, hello. 1009 00:55:32,079 --> 00:55:35,581 Grammy, I'd like you to meet my friend Michael. 1010 00:55:35,958 --> 00:55:40,920 Michael, this is Grammy. She was a librarian too. 1011 00:55:41,255 --> 00:55:44,090 Ah. Hello, young man. 1012 00:55:44,883 --> 00:55:47,427 Would you two kids like a nightcap? 1013 00:55:47,594 --> 00:55:48,636 Sure. 1014 00:55:54,435 --> 00:55:59,522 I hope you like hot butterscotch toddies. They're Jill's favorite. 1015 00:56:00,107 --> 00:56:01,733 Mine too. 1016 00:56:02,109 --> 00:56:03,276 This is amazing. 1017 00:56:03,444 --> 00:56:08,114 It's like your granddaughter and I are on the same wavelength! It's spooky! 1018 00:56:08,282 --> 00:56:10,533 [MOUTHING] You want to go upstairs? 1019 00:56:13,579 --> 00:56:15,038 Sweet dreams, Grammy. 1020 00:56:15,247 --> 00:56:17,081 Night, peanut. 1021 00:56:21,628 --> 00:56:25,465 Jill, I think I could really care for you. 1022 00:56:25,674 --> 00:56:27,550 Really? Yeah. 1023 00:56:28,135 --> 00:56:29,761 Whoa! 1024 00:56:31,013 --> 00:56:32,722 Hold on, one second. 1025 00:56:37,269 --> 00:56:39,270 [LAUGHING] 1026 00:56:47,946 --> 00:56:51,157 Oh. I see the tables have turned. 1027 00:56:54,328 --> 00:56:56,162 What are you doing? 1028 00:56:56,580 --> 00:56:58,039 Trust me. 1029 00:57:00,751 --> 00:57:02,418 [MICHAEL LAUGHS] 1030 00:57:04,171 --> 00:57:08,341 Oh. Oh. Oh. 1031 00:57:08,509 --> 00:57:11,636 Ow! Jesus! You can take it. 1032 00:57:11,845 --> 00:57:14,013 I don't know if I want to take it. 1033 00:57:15,516 --> 00:57:17,517 [♪♪♪] 1034 00:57:20,354 --> 00:57:22,605 You've been a bad, bad boy. 1035 00:57:22,856 --> 00:57:24,690 No, no. I haven't. 1036 00:57:24,942 --> 00:57:26,192 I've been a very good boy. 1037 00:57:26,443 --> 00:57:29,112 You had an overdue library book. 1038 00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:35,368 This is a little unexpected. 1039 00:57:35,869 --> 00:57:39,372 Call me mistress, you disgusting little worm. 1040 00:57:42,376 --> 00:57:45,545 You said it. We're on the same wavelength. 1041 00:57:45,712 --> 00:57:49,924 Uh... All that wavelength stuff, to be honest with you, 1042 00:57:50,134 --> 00:57:52,218 I said that to get you into bed. 1043 00:57:52,386 --> 00:57:53,845 That is not very nice. 1044 00:57:54,513 --> 00:57:57,098 In fact, that is downright naughty. 1045 00:57:57,307 --> 00:57:59,225 I've been a bad boy. Very bad. 1046 00:57:59,393 --> 00:58:02,895 I'm sorry. I think I should go home and think about what I've done. 1047 00:58:03,063 --> 00:58:08,067 That's right. You should think long and hard about what you did. 1048 00:58:09,653 --> 00:58:11,737 You naughty boy. 1049 00:58:15,075 --> 00:58:16,075 What is that? 1050 00:58:17,035 --> 00:58:19,162 You piece of slime. 1051 00:58:20,164 --> 00:58:21,330 MICHAEL: What is this? 1052 00:58:21,748 --> 00:58:23,541 Okay! Look at the time. 1053 00:58:23,750 --> 00:58:26,627 It's getting late. I should be heading home. 1054 00:58:26,837 --> 00:58:29,213 It's really way past my bedtime. 1055 00:58:30,924 --> 00:58:35,219 I know you'd probably love to have me hang around so you can 1056 00:58:35,429 --> 00:58:37,388 beat the ever-living shit out of me! 1057 00:58:37,598 --> 00:58:40,766 I really should go home Please let me go home. 1058 00:58:40,934 --> 00:58:42,101 Please, can I go home? 1059 00:58:42,269 --> 00:58:45,521 I know about boys like you. 1060 00:58:45,731 --> 00:58:48,024 You don't take books seriously. 1061 00:58:48,275 --> 00:58:49,442 Yes, I do. 1062 00:58:50,110 --> 00:58:52,278 [MUFFLED] I take books very seriously. 1063 00:58:54,489 --> 00:58:56,073 Yeah. 1064 00:58:58,952 --> 00:59:00,703 Meow. 1065 00:59:04,416 --> 00:59:07,960 So you don't respect books. I love books. 1066 00:59:08,128 --> 00:59:12,798 You break their bindings. You doodle in their margins. 1067 00:59:12,966 --> 00:59:14,800 [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 1068 00:59:17,262 --> 00:59:20,640 That's right. You are a doodlebug. 1069 00:59:20,849 --> 00:59:22,308 I'm not a doodlebug. 1070 00:59:22,643 --> 00:59:27,104 That's what you are. Just a little, dirty bug. 1071 00:59:29,608 --> 00:59:31,484 Hmm. Ha-ha-ha. 1072 00:59:32,152 --> 00:59:33,486 The Scarlet Letter. 1073 00:59:34,154 --> 00:59:38,574 Great inspiration in those pages. It's an excellent choice. 1074 00:59:39,618 --> 00:59:43,496 One whack for every day overdue. 1075 00:59:44,373 --> 00:59:45,706 [THWACK] 1076 00:59:46,625 --> 00:59:49,877 [MUFFLED SCREAMING] 1077 00:59:50,587 --> 00:59:51,921 [SIGHS] 1078 00:59:52,089 --> 00:59:54,006 [MICHAEL WHIMPERING] 1079 00:59:54,341 --> 00:59:55,508 I don't know. 1080 00:59:55,842 --> 00:59:57,677 I'm just not feeling it. 1081 00:59:57,928 --> 01:00:00,888 Something's missing. 1082 01:00:01,056 --> 01:00:02,098 [♪♪♪] 1083 01:00:02,266 --> 01:00:05,351 Here's Grammy! 1084 01:00:06,103 --> 01:00:09,105 [SCREAMING] 1085 01:00:11,692 --> 01:00:15,987 That's it. No more redheads. No more redheads, ever. 1086 01:00:17,364 --> 01:00:18,364 God! 1087 01:00:18,532 --> 01:00:19,573 [SCREAMING] 1088 01:00:25,330 --> 01:00:27,873 You really like this girl? Natalie? 1089 01:00:28,041 --> 01:00:31,210 Man, I'm telling you. She's the best. 1090 01:00:31,461 --> 01:00:33,921 Isn't it time you moved on? No way, dude. 1091 01:00:34,131 --> 01:00:36,382 This girl really knows how to turn me on. 1092 01:00:37,634 --> 01:00:40,386 You find anything down there? Feel my left nut. 1093 01:00:41,638 --> 01:00:42,930 Are you out of your mind? 1094 01:00:43,140 --> 01:00:46,517 No, no, man. It's like the size of a baseball. 1095 01:00:46,893 --> 01:00:49,145 Good for you. I'm not touching it. 1096 01:00:49,354 --> 01:00:50,730 This other one's fine. 1097 01:00:51,023 --> 01:00:53,691 But this one feels like a cantaloupe or something. 1098 01:00:53,900 --> 01:00:56,360 Must be those blue balls you mentioned. 1099 01:00:56,737 --> 01:00:58,446 Feel it. Tell me what you think. 1100 01:00:58,655 --> 01:01:01,407 I think I'm about to kick your ass! 1101 01:01:01,700 --> 01:01:03,492 Come on. Dude. Mike. 1102 01:01:04,828 --> 01:01:06,746 Mike, come on! 1103 01:01:07,039 --> 01:01:09,081 A real pal'd feel my balls. 1104 01:01:09,249 --> 01:01:11,459 We were showering. And I looked down, 1105 01:01:11,668 --> 01:01:14,670 and my left nut is the size of an Easter egg. 1106 01:01:14,921 --> 01:01:16,839 What do you want me to do about it? 1107 01:01:17,049 --> 01:01:19,091 I want your professional opinion. 1108 01:01:19,343 --> 01:01:21,010 You want me to grope your balls? 1109 01:01:21,219 --> 01:01:23,179 Just the left one. Mike wouldn't do it. 1110 01:01:23,388 --> 01:01:26,265 Come on, you're a doctor. Feel his balls. 1111 01:01:26,433 --> 01:01:29,268 I'm a proctologist, not a urologist. 1112 01:01:29,519 --> 01:01:32,438 You'll jam your fingers up his ass but won't touch his balls? 1113 01:01:32,606 --> 01:01:36,442 They're two different things! You went to medical school. 1114 01:01:36,610 --> 01:01:38,986 All right! Slow down! Slow down! 1115 01:01:40,906 --> 01:01:41,947 I'll do it. 1116 01:01:42,991 --> 01:01:44,283 Thanks. 1117 01:01:44,451 --> 01:01:45,993 I need my nurse present. 1118 01:01:46,161 --> 01:01:47,244 [INTERCOM BEEPS] 1119 01:01:47,412 --> 01:01:50,289 Shirley, have my nurse come in here, please? 1120 01:01:50,457 --> 01:01:52,333 SHIRLEY: She's in room 12 with your wife. 1121 01:01:52,501 --> 01:01:55,669 They've been back there for about a half an hour, at least. 1122 01:01:55,837 --> 01:01:57,129 Shitballs! 1123 01:01:57,297 --> 01:01:59,006 [♪♪♪] 1124 01:01:59,174 --> 01:02:00,800 WOMAN: Harder. Do it harder. 1125 01:02:01,009 --> 01:02:03,135 [TRICIA GRUNTING] 1126 01:02:04,554 --> 01:02:06,472 STEVE: I finally caught you, you dirty... 1127 01:02:10,811 --> 01:02:14,814 Steve, you finish that sentence, and I swear to God I'll call a lawyer. 1128 01:02:22,656 --> 01:02:24,240 We better go with two on this one. 1129 01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:35,668 Jesus. 1130 01:02:36,169 --> 01:02:37,962 This is huge. 1131 01:02:38,672 --> 01:02:40,589 Like a kumquat. 1132 01:02:41,508 --> 01:02:42,925 What does it mean? 1133 01:02:43,844 --> 01:02:45,177 Beats me. 1134 01:02:47,013 --> 01:02:49,932 I won't beat around the dance floor, Mr. Brenner. 1135 01:02:50,350 --> 01:02:51,392 It's cancer. 1136 01:02:51,560 --> 01:02:52,685 [♪♪♪] 1137 01:02:52,853 --> 01:02:54,687 Oh, Jesus. 1138 01:02:56,356 --> 01:02:58,023 DOCTOR: It's only in the one testicle. 1139 01:02:58,275 --> 01:03:00,860 We'll run more tests after we remove it. 1140 01:03:02,195 --> 01:03:05,364 You mean, remove the cancer? No, Mr. Brenner. 1141 01:03:05,532 --> 01:03:06,991 I mean, remove the testicle. 1142 01:03:07,200 --> 01:03:10,119 If I don't remove it, you could die. 1143 01:03:11,037 --> 01:03:13,873 How painful a death are we talking about? 1144 01:03:15,459 --> 01:03:17,042 Let me give it to you straight. 1145 01:03:18,044 --> 01:03:23,048 The affected region is too close to the spine to give you any anesthesia. 1146 01:03:23,216 --> 01:03:26,969 So we plan to make a gash in the abdomen. 1147 01:03:27,471 --> 01:03:32,016 Reach down, yank the scrotum up into the abdominal cavity 1148 01:03:32,225 --> 01:03:34,727 and saw off the testicle. 1149 01:03:37,355 --> 01:03:39,106 There's a 40 percent chance 1150 01:03:39,274 --> 01:03:42,401 we're going to have to amputate the penis. 1151 01:03:42,569 --> 01:03:43,652 Oh, God! 1152 01:03:45,572 --> 01:03:47,072 [STAMMERING] 1153 01:03:47,240 --> 01:03:52,244 Ha-ha-ha. Had you going. That is why I love this job. 1154 01:03:52,537 --> 01:03:55,372 It's painless. The procedure takes about an hour. 1155 01:03:56,041 --> 01:03:59,543 Okay. So will I still be able to? 1156 01:03:59,753 --> 01:04:02,129 You know? Play the trombone? 1157 01:04:02,339 --> 01:04:05,925 No, I mean, with girls. Will I...? Can I still? 1158 01:04:06,092 --> 01:04:10,095 Oh, ride the one-eyed hoagie. Of course you can, son. Ha. 1159 01:04:10,889 --> 01:04:14,808 However, I recommend to most of my patients before this procedure 1160 01:04:15,018 --> 01:04:17,937 that they make a deposit in the sperm bank 1161 01:04:18,104 --> 01:04:20,481 before the operation, just in case. 1162 01:04:20,690 --> 01:04:22,149 Just go on over, you know, 1163 01:04:22,359 --> 01:04:24,568 give her a whack. Pfft. 1164 01:04:25,111 --> 01:04:26,612 I don't want to do this. 1165 01:04:26,863 --> 01:04:29,114 I'm not asking you to go in the room with me. 1166 01:04:29,282 --> 01:04:31,492 If you do it too, I'll be more comfortable. 1167 01:04:31,660 --> 01:04:34,620 I mean, look at this place. It's completely professional, right? 1168 01:04:34,788 --> 01:04:35,788 Hi. 1169 01:04:36,289 --> 01:04:39,291 We're here to make a deposit. 1170 01:04:39,626 --> 01:04:41,126 I really don't want to do this. 1171 01:04:41,294 --> 01:04:43,587 NURSE: Sign these forms. 1172 01:04:43,880 --> 01:04:46,715 And fill these bottles. 1173 01:04:47,092 --> 01:04:50,469 So if I run into trouble back there, 1174 01:04:51,263 --> 01:04:52,638 you'll give me a hand? 1175 01:04:52,889 --> 01:04:54,306 Never heard that one before. 1176 01:04:54,808 --> 01:04:57,226 You're in room seven, and you're in room nine. 1177 01:04:57,978 --> 01:04:58,978 Okay. 1178 01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:19,498 [OVER HEADPHONES] ♪ Strolling in the park ♪ 1179 01:05:19,666 --> 01:05:23,669 ♪ Watching winter turn to spring ♪ 1180 01:05:28,008 --> 01:05:34,346 ♪ Walking in the dark Seeing lovers do their thing ♪ 1181 01:05:36,016 --> 01:05:38,225 ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ 1182 01:05:38,810 --> 01:05:40,561 ♪ That's the time ♪ 1183 01:05:42,230 --> 01:05:44,189 ♪ I feel like making love ♪ 1184 01:05:44,357 --> 01:05:45,441 Come on. 1185 01:05:45,817 --> 01:05:47,818 ♪ To you ♪ 1186 01:05:49,779 --> 01:05:52,948 ♪ That's the time ♪ 1187 01:05:53,241 --> 01:05:54,617 Come on. 1188 01:05:54,784 --> 01:05:56,869 ♪ Making dreams come true ♪♪ 1189 01:05:57,037 --> 01:06:00,122 Oh, Michael, you're the greatest. 1190 01:06:01,708 --> 01:06:03,709 [♪♪♪] 1191 01:06:41,790 --> 01:06:43,791 [EASY-LISTENING MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 1192 01:06:48,421 --> 01:06:49,880 Here you go. 1193 01:06:51,174 --> 01:06:52,424 Eh. 1194 01:06:57,597 --> 01:06:59,807 Dude. Ha-ha. 1195 01:07:01,059 --> 01:07:02,434 Dude. 1196 01:07:11,444 --> 01:07:14,279 Dude! Oh, yeah. 1197 01:07:18,451 --> 01:07:19,952 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 1198 01:07:24,833 --> 01:07:29,128 Hey, Mike. Hey. I brought you a plant. 1199 01:07:29,295 --> 01:07:30,295 [LAUGHS THEN GRUNTS] 1200 01:07:30,463 --> 01:07:32,464 Oh, dude. Don't make me laugh. 1201 01:07:32,924 --> 01:07:35,259 Has Natalie been here all night? 1202 01:07:36,302 --> 01:07:37,803 She never left my side. 1203 01:07:38,096 --> 01:07:42,933 She says this happened because I've got too much karma in my genitals. 1204 01:07:43,143 --> 01:07:45,310 How was it? It was all right. 1205 01:07:45,478 --> 01:07:48,313 Doc says the other rocket launcher's good, so... 1206 01:07:49,482 --> 01:07:50,691 [SIGHS] 1207 01:07:52,318 --> 01:07:54,153 Come here. Come here. 1208 01:07:54,654 --> 01:07:55,738 Come here. 1209 01:08:01,286 --> 01:08:02,828 I want my ball. 1210 01:08:03,747 --> 01:08:07,499 Kyle, I understand that, but look on the bright side. 1211 01:08:07,751 --> 01:08:10,502 You still have one healthy one. You don't understand. 1212 01:08:10,670 --> 01:08:14,840 I want to take it home with me, and the nurses said I can't do that. 1213 01:08:15,633 --> 01:08:17,009 It's not a tooth, Kyle. 1214 01:08:17,177 --> 01:08:20,471 It belongs to me. I miss it. 1215 01:08:21,598 --> 01:08:23,599 Please. Get my nut. 1216 01:08:24,976 --> 01:08:26,977 [WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA] 1217 01:08:27,145 --> 01:08:29,146 [♪♪♪] 1218 01:08:42,202 --> 01:08:44,119 MAN: It fell right on the floor. 1219 01:08:44,329 --> 01:08:45,496 WOMAN: What? The kidney? 1220 01:08:45,663 --> 01:08:47,706 MAN: Slipped from my hand, embarrassing. 1221 01:08:47,957 --> 01:08:52,294 Mertle kicks it, it rolls under the O.R. Table, slides across the room. 1222 01:08:55,089 --> 01:08:56,590 Ow. 1223 01:08:57,717 --> 01:08:59,051 [DOOR CLOSES] 1224 01:09:09,103 --> 01:09:12,731 Brenner. Brenner. Brenner. Brenner. 1225 01:09:24,327 --> 01:09:26,245 I can't believe I'm doing this. 1226 01:09:30,208 --> 01:09:31,625 [SCREAMS] 1227 01:09:31,793 --> 01:09:34,169 Oh, no. Oh, no. 1228 01:09:42,470 --> 01:09:44,763 Okay. Okay. 1229 01:09:46,182 --> 01:09:48,100 Okay, come on. Come to papa. 1230 01:09:48,560 --> 01:09:51,770 Slippery little guy. Got you. 1231 01:09:59,696 --> 01:10:03,699 I got to put this in something. Got to find something to put this in. 1232 01:10:03,867 --> 01:10:05,200 Whoops. 1233 01:10:06,369 --> 01:10:09,288 Where'd it go? Where'd you go? 1234 01:10:11,291 --> 01:10:12,583 Where'd you... 1235 01:10:13,126 --> 01:10:14,543 go? 1236 01:10:21,217 --> 01:10:23,135 Hey! You can't be in here. 1237 01:10:23,303 --> 01:10:25,304 [♪♪♪] 1238 01:10:31,811 --> 01:10:33,103 Oh. 1239 01:10:53,333 --> 01:10:57,461 [LAUGHING] 1240 01:10:57,629 --> 01:11:00,756 Ew. Ew. Ew. 1241 01:11:09,098 --> 01:11:11,099 [♪♪♪] 1242 01:11:19,400 --> 01:11:21,860 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold the sticky buns. Give me these. 1243 01:11:22,028 --> 01:11:24,363 Stand in line. Give them to me. 1244 01:11:25,031 --> 01:11:26,615 You have to 1245 01:11:27,158 --> 01:11:29,701 stand in 1246 01:11:30,703 --> 01:11:32,079 line! 1247 01:11:38,211 --> 01:11:39,711 Doctor! 1248 01:11:40,171 --> 01:11:41,546 Do not eat that! 1249 01:11:41,714 --> 01:11:43,423 [PEOPLE GROANING] 1250 01:11:47,971 --> 01:11:49,471 [GASPS] 1251 01:12:00,400 --> 01:12:02,693 [PANTING] 1252 01:12:06,572 --> 01:12:07,572 Did you get it? 1253 01:12:07,865 --> 01:12:10,742 Uh... Yep. I got it. 1254 01:12:11,995 --> 01:12:14,579 Wow. So that's what a nut looks like? 1255 01:12:15,373 --> 01:12:16,748 Yeah. 1256 01:12:16,916 --> 01:12:18,375 That's a nut. 1257 01:12:20,253 --> 01:12:22,421 Thanks, Mike. You're a lifesaver. 1258 01:12:23,089 --> 01:12:24,673 I appreciate it. 1259 01:12:25,049 --> 01:12:29,720 Remember our deal, banging every girl in the world? That's on you now, pal. 1260 01:12:30,680 --> 01:12:32,264 I'll get right on that. 1261 01:12:32,432 --> 01:12:33,724 [♪♪♪] 1262 01:12:33,891 --> 01:12:35,434 [BOTH MOANING] 1263 01:12:35,601 --> 01:12:38,103 MICHAEL: All right. Okay. 1264 01:12:40,189 --> 01:12:41,565 Call me. Okay. 1265 01:12:45,445 --> 01:12:47,696 Don't get too comfortable. 1266 01:12:49,782 --> 01:12:51,867 You have got to wait your turn. 1267 01:12:52,076 --> 01:12:53,910 Hurry up, Michael, I'm next. 1268 01:12:54,120 --> 01:12:57,622 Give me a couple of minutes of rest. Kyle doesn't take this long. 1269 01:12:57,790 --> 01:12:59,791 Two, three minutes and he's always done. 1270 01:12:59,959 --> 01:13:02,627 Hurry if you want to get every woman in the world. 1271 01:13:02,795 --> 01:13:06,548 MICHAEL: Please, let me shut my eyes, for like, literally 30 seconds, 1272 01:13:06,758 --> 01:13:09,092 and then just a little sandwich. 1273 01:13:09,260 --> 01:13:11,261 [WOMEN CLAMORING] 1274 01:13:11,429 --> 01:13:13,430 [♪♪♪] 1275 01:13:21,314 --> 01:13:23,315 [MICHAEL SCREAMS] 1276 01:13:25,359 --> 01:13:26,401 [GASPS] 1277 01:13:26,569 --> 01:13:28,570 [PHONE RINGING] 1278 01:13:32,825 --> 01:13:35,994 Hello? Michael. It's Carlos. 1279 01:13:36,245 --> 01:13:38,997 I know you got three days and 14 hours to go, 1280 01:13:39,165 --> 01:13:42,000 but since you've run out of shit for me to take, 1281 01:13:42,168 --> 01:13:46,171 I remind you, if you don't pay, you die. 1282 01:13:46,380 --> 01:13:47,839 No problem. I'll have it. 1283 01:13:48,091 --> 01:13:52,844 You're as bad a liar as you are a gambler, Mr. Delaney. See you Friday. 1284 01:13:53,346 --> 01:13:55,347 [PIANO PLAYING] 1285 01:13:58,017 --> 01:13:59,267 Hey, Mike. 1286 01:13:59,977 --> 01:14:01,311 How's it going, man? 1287 01:14:02,355 --> 01:14:03,772 [GRUNTING] 1288 01:14:03,940 --> 01:14:05,190 Oh... 1289 01:14:06,317 --> 01:14:08,068 I'm just kidding, man. Ow! 1290 01:14:08,528 --> 01:14:09,528 Unh! I'm all better. 1291 01:14:10,029 --> 01:14:13,198 I'm fine. I bring this everywhere I go. 1292 01:14:13,533 --> 01:14:14,741 Thanks to you. 1293 01:14:14,992 --> 01:14:18,829 Thanks for showing up today. I really wanted you to be here. 1294 01:14:19,038 --> 01:14:20,330 Here for what? 1295 01:14:21,249 --> 01:14:22,374 You're busted, Mike. 1296 01:14:22,542 --> 01:14:24,251 Natalie told me what you did. 1297 01:14:24,460 --> 01:14:27,754 She what? How you found her. I can't believe it. 1298 01:14:28,673 --> 01:14:29,714 Kyle, I am so sorry. 1299 01:14:29,924 --> 01:14:33,552 You tracked her down after hearing my story to see if we'd fit. 1300 01:14:35,054 --> 01:14:38,390 Who does that? Thank you. You're the best, pal. 1301 01:14:40,726 --> 01:14:42,561 She tell you she's a cop? 1302 01:14:42,728 --> 01:14:46,356 That whole cosmetics counter thing? That was an undercover gig. 1303 01:14:46,566 --> 01:14:47,941 Very clever. 1304 01:14:50,194 --> 01:14:51,820 Oh. Thank you. 1305 01:14:53,906 --> 01:14:54,906 You know what? 1306 01:14:56,284 --> 01:14:59,077 When death has literally got you by the balls, 1307 01:14:59,245 --> 01:15:02,455 everything you've been afraid of suddenly, phew, seems unimportant. 1308 01:15:02,707 --> 01:15:04,791 There are things that I can do now 1309 01:15:05,293 --> 01:15:07,919 that I never could do before. 1310 01:15:08,921 --> 01:15:09,921 For instance: 1311 01:15:13,092 --> 01:15:14,384 Officer Natalie Parker, 1312 01:15:14,927 --> 01:15:17,387 I have been arrested by your beauty. 1313 01:15:17,638 --> 01:15:19,931 And I'd love to serve a life sentence 1314 01:15:20,808 --> 01:15:22,893 in the jail of your heart. 1315 01:15:24,228 --> 01:15:25,979 Oh, my God. 1316 01:15:28,191 --> 01:15:29,357 Yes. 1317 01:15:30,401 --> 01:15:32,277 Of course I'll marry you, Kyle. 1318 01:15:32,445 --> 01:15:34,529 [CROWD APPLAUDING] 1319 01:15:38,409 --> 01:15:42,954 I can't believe it. I've delivered Natalie right into the devil's lair. 1320 01:15:43,789 --> 01:15:46,708 I finally feel I can have something real with someone. 1321 01:15:46,918 --> 01:15:51,630 You know, something solid. Built on trust. Like what you and Tricia have. 1322 01:15:56,093 --> 01:15:58,470 Now she's going to go off and marry him. 1323 01:15:59,096 --> 01:16:01,348 Step up, man. Tell her how you feel. 1324 01:16:01,599 --> 01:16:03,266 Tell her you love her, you puss. 1325 01:16:03,476 --> 01:16:05,685 Have you been listening? She loves Kyle. 1326 01:16:06,437 --> 01:16:07,854 Steve, it's so weird. 1327 01:16:09,190 --> 01:16:10,815 For the first time in my life, 1328 01:16:11,317 --> 01:16:14,361 someone else matters more to me than 1329 01:16:14,779 --> 01:16:16,029 I matter to myself. 1330 01:16:16,280 --> 01:16:19,699 Well, you changed after all that shit you went through. 1331 01:16:20,326 --> 01:16:23,119 I'm exercising. People change. 1332 01:16:23,621 --> 01:16:26,331 You know what? Maybe Kyle has changed too. 1333 01:16:26,540 --> 01:16:29,960 All he went through. Maybe he's a changed man now. 1334 01:16:30,169 --> 01:16:32,963 Aah! Oh, yeah, baby! Ha-ha! 1335 01:16:33,130 --> 01:16:34,547 [OVER SPEAKERS] ♪ When I come around ♪ 1336 01:16:34,715 --> 01:16:36,716 All right! Give it to me. 1337 01:16:36,884 --> 01:16:38,802 [GRUNTS THEN WHOOPS] 1338 01:16:38,970 --> 01:16:40,679 I'll be right back, baby. 1339 01:16:40,846 --> 01:16:42,639 [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 1340 01:16:42,807 --> 01:16:44,975 What's up, having fun? 1341 01:16:45,142 --> 01:16:46,851 ♪ Stay on top but remain From the underground ♪ 1342 01:16:47,019 --> 01:16:48,311 Calm down! Ah-hoo! 1343 01:16:48,479 --> 01:16:50,981 ♪ All in the family ♪ ♪ Ever since Xzibit could spit ♪ 1344 01:16:51,148 --> 01:16:53,191 How rocking is this? Whoo! 1345 01:16:53,359 --> 01:16:54,859 ♪ Like a potential mistress ♪ 1346 01:16:55,027 --> 01:16:57,028 ♪ Shine bright Make sure that X stay tight ♪ 1347 01:16:57,488 --> 01:17:01,074 What's the matter? You're not having a good time, buddy? 1348 01:17:01,242 --> 01:17:02,534 Whoo! Hey, all right. 1349 01:17:02,702 --> 01:17:05,662 Get a load of some of these women. They're amazing. 1350 01:17:05,871 --> 01:17:08,081 You see that one there? In the blue? 1351 01:17:08,291 --> 01:17:09,332 [LAUGHS] 1352 01:17:09,500 --> 01:17:12,836 You wouldn't believe what she can do with Ping-Pong balls. 1353 01:17:13,045 --> 01:17:14,337 It is showtime! 1354 01:17:15,381 --> 01:17:17,257 MAN: Come on, come on! 1355 01:17:17,466 --> 01:17:19,467 [CROWD CHEERING] 1356 01:17:20,928 --> 01:17:22,345 Mike, did you see this? 1357 01:17:22,555 --> 01:17:25,390 Yo, Cherry, come here! Come here, Cherry. 1358 01:17:25,683 --> 01:17:29,019 Hey, sit down. This is Michael. And she's a student. 1359 01:17:29,603 --> 01:17:31,855 Right now I'm concentrating on my actressing. 1360 01:17:32,398 --> 01:17:34,858 Come over here, Cherry. Mm-hm. 1361 01:17:35,026 --> 01:17:37,193 Ooh. You sexy little actress thing, you. 1362 01:17:37,403 --> 01:17:41,406 How about we go in the bedroom? Can I bring a friend? 1363 01:17:42,116 --> 01:17:44,743 It's my bachelor party. The more, the merrier. 1364 01:17:45,119 --> 01:17:47,203 Oh, hello there! Oh! 1365 01:17:47,955 --> 01:17:49,164 Wow. 1366 01:17:49,332 --> 01:17:54,127 You're cool with this? Everybody's entitled to a last hurrah. 1367 01:17:55,296 --> 01:17:59,174 You want to go in the bedroom and start warming up without me? 1368 01:17:59,383 --> 01:18:00,925 I'll be there in a minute. 1369 01:18:01,927 --> 01:18:03,762 [MICHAEL GRUNTING] 1370 01:18:04,221 --> 01:18:05,263 Thank you. 1371 01:18:05,806 --> 01:18:07,766 What do you mean, "last hurrah"? 1372 01:18:08,059 --> 01:18:12,395 I just figure you're getting married tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m. 1373 01:18:12,605 --> 01:18:16,483 You know, you're entitled one last dip in the bachelor pool. 1374 01:18:16,692 --> 01:18:18,109 [ALL CHEERING] 1375 01:18:18,277 --> 01:18:19,778 [LAUGHS] 1376 01:18:19,945 --> 01:18:23,114 You're funny. You're hysterical, man. 1377 01:18:24,492 --> 01:18:26,242 You're joking, right? 1378 01:18:26,452 --> 01:18:30,163 I thought you loved her. Love's got nothing to do with it. 1379 01:18:30,331 --> 01:18:32,665 [ALL CHEERING] 1380 01:18:32,833 --> 01:18:34,709 Oh! Oh! 1381 01:18:35,961 --> 01:18:38,671 Natalie will be a great baby-maker. 1382 01:18:38,923 --> 01:18:40,924 I could still sleep around. 1383 01:18:41,133 --> 01:18:44,344 She'll be at home with the kids. She'll never know. Ah. 1384 01:18:45,304 --> 01:18:47,180 Whoo! Hey, girls! What's up? 1385 01:18:47,932 --> 01:18:52,143 Woo-hoo. I thought you were going to go warm up in bed without me. 1386 01:18:52,311 --> 01:18:54,813 ♪ X to the Z And we all in the family ♪ 1387 01:18:54,980 --> 01:18:56,314 ♪ X Rearrange the whole game ♪ 1388 01:18:56,482 --> 01:18:57,649 ♪ With my rugged sound X ♪ 1389 01:18:57,817 --> 01:19:00,026 ♪ Won't even say your own name When I come around ♪♪ 1390 01:19:00,611 --> 01:19:01,903 You did it, man. 1391 01:19:02,071 --> 01:19:03,405 [CHUCKLES] 1392 01:19:03,572 --> 01:19:04,739 You won the bet, man! 1393 01:19:04,907 --> 01:19:06,699 [LAUGHS] 1394 01:19:06,867 --> 01:19:08,034 You'll be rich. 1395 01:19:08,327 --> 01:19:12,664 Tomorrow morning at 9, you're gonna be rich. 1396 01:19:12,832 --> 01:19:14,707 Rich! Ha-ha-ha! 1397 01:19:14,875 --> 01:19:16,209 [THUD] 1398 01:19:16,377 --> 01:19:19,295 No, Steve. No, I'm not. 1399 01:19:19,672 --> 01:19:21,714 I have got a wedding to stop! 1400 01:19:22,675 --> 01:19:23,925 [GRUNTS] 1401 01:19:36,355 --> 01:19:39,274 I cannot believe you let Kyle plan this wedding. 1402 01:19:39,483 --> 01:19:40,567 It doesn't matter. 1403 01:19:41,026 --> 01:19:42,652 You're going through with this? 1404 01:19:44,071 --> 01:19:47,323 Hey. Look at me. Do I look amazing or what? 1405 01:19:47,575 --> 01:19:51,870 Ha-ha. We're in luck. My uncle Murray's performing the ceremonies. 1406 01:19:52,079 --> 01:19:53,121 He's my hero. 1407 01:19:53,330 --> 01:19:55,790 And the witnesses sign in triplicate. 1408 01:19:56,000 --> 01:19:57,959 That's three, tres, trois, 1409 01:19:58,169 --> 01:19:59,419 and then, 1410 01:19:59,670 --> 01:20:03,548 I stamp a little, I notarize, I file it. 1411 01:20:03,757 --> 01:20:04,799 Voilà. 1412 01:20:04,967 --> 01:20:07,051 [WAGNER'S "BRIDAL CHORUS" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] 1413 01:20:07,219 --> 01:20:09,929 Can't you just feel the romance? 1414 01:20:10,556 --> 01:20:12,557 [♪♪♪] 1415 01:20:13,559 --> 01:20:15,059 [TICKING] 1416 01:20:16,562 --> 01:20:18,271 [MICHAEL GROANS] 1417 01:20:19,899 --> 01:20:21,274 Oh, no. Oh, no! 1418 01:20:21,567 --> 01:20:22,567 No! 1419 01:20:22,735 --> 01:20:23,776 [GRUNTING] 1420 01:20:23,944 --> 01:20:25,945 [♪♪♪] 1421 01:20:26,447 --> 01:20:29,741 Where are my clothes? 1422 01:20:30,284 --> 01:20:32,660 Clothes. Where are my clothes? 1423 01:20:34,955 --> 01:20:38,750 Excuse me, ma'am? Ma'am? Excuse me, ma'am. Please get up. 1424 01:20:39,001 --> 01:20:40,543 Have you seen a pair of pants? 1425 01:20:42,338 --> 01:20:45,215 I'm gonna borrow your jacket, okay? There we go. 1426 01:20:45,424 --> 01:20:48,927 Please. Okay. There we go. Okay. Here we go. 1427 01:20:49,220 --> 01:20:52,055 I promise I'll return this, okay? 1428 01:20:52,223 --> 01:20:54,182 [BAND PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC] 1429 01:20:56,519 --> 01:20:58,269 WAITER: Whoa! Slow down! 1430 01:20:59,104 --> 01:21:00,688 That was close. 1431 01:21:01,440 --> 01:21:02,941 [GRUNTING] 1432 01:21:03,108 --> 01:21:04,692 [CROWD GASPS] 1433 01:21:16,747 --> 01:21:18,081 [YELLS] 1434 01:21:19,583 --> 01:21:21,209 I can't believe this. It's terrible. 1435 01:21:21,377 --> 01:21:23,336 [♪♪♪] 1436 01:21:31,720 --> 01:21:35,098 Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. 1437 01:21:38,227 --> 01:21:40,770 Fur coat! 1438 01:21:40,980 --> 01:21:42,230 [CROWD YELLING] 1439 01:21:42,398 --> 01:21:43,731 What are you...? Stop it! 1440 01:21:59,039 --> 01:22:03,835 Marriage is a state that is not entered into easily. 1441 01:22:04,044 --> 01:22:05,670 It is damn hard, kids. 1442 01:22:05,879 --> 01:22:10,508 It requires dedication and a lot of sacrifices. 1443 01:22:10,718 --> 01:22:13,136 Like for instance, if you have a mother-in-law 1444 01:22:13,345 --> 01:22:17,807 who figures she can stay over with you whenever she damn pleases! 1445 01:22:18,017 --> 01:22:21,185 She comes in and stays in the toilet for an hour and a half! 1446 01:22:21,395 --> 01:22:23,730 Who reads War and Peace in the toilet?! 1447 01:22:23,897 --> 01:22:25,898 [♪♪♪] 1448 01:22:28,569 --> 01:22:29,986 [SCREAMS] 1449 01:22:30,154 --> 01:22:32,447 GIRL: Mommy! Shh. I'm a good stranger. It's okay. 1450 01:22:32,615 --> 01:22:33,740 Hey, you! Stop! 1451 01:22:33,991 --> 01:22:35,867 I'm not weird. We were just talking. 1452 01:22:38,495 --> 01:22:42,874 Kyle, do you promise to make love to Natalie, 1453 01:22:43,334 --> 01:22:45,627 and only Natalie, 1454 01:22:45,836 --> 01:22:47,837 until one of you is dead? 1455 01:22:50,049 --> 01:22:52,050 [♪♪♪] 1456 01:22:53,344 --> 01:22:55,595 [WOMAN HUMMING] 1457 01:22:57,723 --> 01:22:58,890 [SCREAMS] 1458 01:22:59,058 --> 01:23:02,560 No, no, no. I wasn't looking at you. Don't do that. 1459 01:23:02,728 --> 01:23:04,562 [WHISTLE BLOWS] 1460 01:23:08,359 --> 01:23:11,235 Be advised, we're looking for a peeping Tom. 1461 01:23:14,198 --> 01:23:16,407 This guy is really twisted. 1462 01:23:16,617 --> 01:23:18,409 And do you, my handsome nephew, 1463 01:23:18,577 --> 01:23:22,455 take Natalie to be your lawful wedded wife, 1464 01:23:22,706 --> 01:23:25,917 through the good times and the bad times, 1465 01:23:26,126 --> 01:23:29,796 and the times she won't talk to you for months, 1466 01:23:30,089 --> 01:23:32,799 and even worse, when she will, 1467 01:23:33,008 --> 01:23:36,886 so you pretend you're asleep so she'll leave you alone, 1468 01:23:37,554 --> 01:23:40,807 but you lie there listening to her grind her teeth, 1469 01:23:41,058 --> 01:23:43,685 hour after hour 1470 01:23:43,894 --> 01:23:46,437 like a fucking hacksaw? 1471 01:23:46,772 --> 01:23:48,106 [♪♪♪] 1472 01:23:48,273 --> 01:23:50,274 [SIREN WAILING] 1473 01:23:56,407 --> 01:23:57,573 I made it. 1474 01:23:57,908 --> 01:23:59,909 [CAR HORNS HONKING] 1475 01:24:02,621 --> 01:24:04,080 DRIVER: Nice dress, bonehead! 1476 01:24:04,456 --> 01:24:05,665 MICHAEL: Sorry. My mistake. 1477 01:24:05,833 --> 01:24:06,958 [HORN HONKING] 1478 01:24:07,126 --> 01:24:08,292 [SCREAMS] 1479 01:24:14,758 --> 01:24:16,259 [MURRAY SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 1480 01:24:16,427 --> 01:24:17,927 Stop the wedding! 1481 01:24:19,471 --> 01:24:20,722 I love you! 1482 01:24:27,479 --> 01:24:30,148 I thought you said you were done with all that. 1483 01:24:30,357 --> 01:24:33,901 It's not Peter. I don't even know who this guy is. 1484 01:24:34,153 --> 01:24:37,155 [MARTI FREDERIKSEN'S "GET IT WHILE YOU CAN" PLAYS] 1485 01:24:40,701 --> 01:24:44,871 ♪ Went to Las Vegas ♪ 1486 01:24:46,373 --> 01:24:50,960 ♪ To see the Eiffel Tower ♪ 1487 01:24:52,004 --> 01:24:56,299 ♪ Silicone ladies ♪ 1488 01:24:58,343 --> 01:25:01,679 I'm curious, Mr. Delaney. How did you get the money? 1489 01:25:01,930 --> 01:25:03,306 ♪ Went to bed drunk ♪ 1490 01:25:03,474 --> 01:25:05,641 I guess you could say I sold my soul. 1491 01:25:06,769 --> 01:25:08,019 Yeah, I see a lot of that. 1492 01:25:08,353 --> 01:25:12,023 ♪ Can't remember Half the things that I did ♪ 1493 01:25:13,650 --> 01:25:15,860 ♪ But I bounced back Bounced back like a kid ♪ 1494 01:25:16,028 --> 01:25:17,695 [LAUGHING] 1495 01:25:18,906 --> 01:25:23,242 ♪ Woke up one day older ♪ 1496 01:25:23,410 --> 01:25:27,705 ♪ Get it while you can Someone said ♪ 1497 01:25:27,873 --> 01:25:29,207 KYLE: Michael. 1498 01:25:29,374 --> 01:25:31,876 ♪ Get it while you can ♪♪ 1499 01:25:33,128 --> 01:25:34,712 Way to go. 1500 01:25:34,880 --> 01:25:37,715 Marry the best woman in the world and it's not enough for you. 1501 01:25:38,217 --> 01:25:39,383 What? 1502 01:25:39,635 --> 01:25:40,968 You're married?! No, I... He... 1503 01:25:43,180 --> 01:25:44,722 Pfft! 1504 01:25:45,891 --> 01:25:48,893 Thanks, asshole. You got something on your nose. 1505 01:25:49,228 --> 01:25:51,229 [GRUNTING] 1506 01:25:51,563 --> 01:25:54,690 You were in on it together. Take me for a ride. 1507 01:25:54,900 --> 01:25:58,736 What do you mean? You got it all! Why'd you tap me on the nose? 1508 01:25:59,238 --> 01:26:00,988 You really don't know, do you? 1509 01:26:01,198 --> 01:26:04,492 On our wedding night. I thought everything was fine. 1510 01:26:04,701 --> 01:26:06,619 I was ready to give her a hose down. 1511 01:26:06,829 --> 01:26:09,580 Well, hello, Mrs. Brenner. 1512 01:26:09,832 --> 01:26:12,375 Actually, I'm gonna keep my own name. 1513 01:26:12,584 --> 01:26:14,085 [CHUCKLES] Yeah, whatever. 1514 01:26:15,587 --> 01:26:20,675 Oh. Yeah. A little of the old bubbly. Kyle. 1515 01:26:22,177 --> 01:26:24,095 Remember our first time? 1516 01:26:25,013 --> 01:26:28,432 When you left me out in Malibu with nothing but a roll of quarters? 1517 01:26:28,600 --> 01:26:31,102 Yeah. That was so hot. 1518 01:26:31,562 --> 01:26:32,812 Here's to that. 1519 01:26:32,980 --> 01:26:35,147 [♪♪♪] 1520 01:26:44,449 --> 01:26:46,534 Let's swap bodily fluids, baby. 1521 01:26:46,827 --> 01:26:48,160 [GRUNTS] 1522 01:26:48,370 --> 01:26:50,746 When I woke up, she was gone. 1523 01:26:51,039 --> 01:26:54,500 The next day, marriage was annulled, she was nowhere to be found. 1524 01:26:54,668 --> 01:26:58,045 Never saw her again. Figured you two had a scam to get the bachelor cash. 1525 01:26:58,255 --> 01:27:01,966 That's cool, though. I'm getting more pussy now than ever. 1526 01:27:02,134 --> 01:27:05,177 Chicks really dig a guy with a broken heart. 1527 01:27:05,387 --> 01:27:06,971 Kyle, I am so sorry. 1528 01:27:07,222 --> 01:27:10,766 Ha-ha-ha. I'm kidding. I just play that. You know me. 1529 01:27:10,976 --> 01:27:13,644 I'll be a one-balled babe hound when I'm 80. 1530 01:27:13,854 --> 01:27:16,480 I got a date with a new girl. She's fantastic. 1531 01:27:16,648 --> 01:27:19,025 What, another cosmetics counter girl? 1532 01:27:19,234 --> 01:27:23,321 No, man, no. A librarian. She's so hot. A little redheaded girl. 1533 01:27:23,488 --> 01:27:25,281 She gave me this book to read. 1534 01:27:28,118 --> 01:27:31,579 Dude, this book will change your life. 1535 01:27:31,914 --> 01:27:34,165 I gotta go. Mike. 1536 01:27:34,917 --> 01:27:37,418 I like to be spanked with a day-old carrot. 1537 01:27:37,586 --> 01:27:38,836 Um... 1538 01:27:39,296 --> 01:27:40,504 How much you got? 1539 01:27:41,131 --> 01:27:42,757 Twenty bucks. 1540 01:27:43,091 --> 01:27:44,508 And my own carrot. 1541 01:27:44,676 --> 01:27:46,010 MICHAEL: Excuse me. 1542 01:27:46,762 --> 01:27:48,095 Michael! 1543 01:27:48,430 --> 01:27:51,349 I've got a proposal, but it might sound a little strange. 1544 01:27:51,516 --> 01:27:53,434 [SIRENS WAILING] 1545 01:27:53,602 --> 01:27:55,686 The Chinese Theater is this way? 1546 01:27:55,938 --> 01:27:57,772 Thank you very much, ma'am. 1547 01:27:58,523 --> 01:28:00,232 Where's the carrot? NATALIE: I got it. 1548 01:28:00,442 --> 01:28:02,193 It's okay. I got it. 1549 01:28:03,612 --> 01:28:05,863 I just wanted to give you this. 1550 01:28:06,365 --> 01:28:07,865 You were there? 1551 01:28:08,283 --> 01:28:11,202 I tried to stop the wedding, but I was late. 1552 01:28:12,621 --> 01:28:16,207 So, um, this proposal, 1553 01:28:17,209 --> 01:28:18,542 does it involve sex? 1554 01:28:18,877 --> 01:28:22,546 Yeah, I'd say there'd be a fair amount of sex involved. 1555 01:28:22,839 --> 01:28:24,966 Definitely a house and a ring. 1556 01:28:25,217 --> 01:28:27,802 Maybe even some children. Children? 1557 01:28:28,053 --> 01:28:31,222 At least a dog. Definitely not a hamster. 1558 01:28:32,140 --> 01:28:33,891 I like dogs. 1559 01:28:34,059 --> 01:28:35,810 [♪♪♪] 1560 01:28:35,978 --> 01:28:39,146 So, what's up, Delaney? 1561 01:28:39,898 --> 01:28:41,232 You love me or something? 1562 01:28:41,525 --> 01:28:42,566 I do. 1563 01:28:43,568 --> 01:28:45,319 I now happily ratify 1564 01:28:45,529 --> 01:28:48,114 your union as husband and wife. 1565 01:28:48,323 --> 01:28:50,241 You may kiss your bride. 1566 01:28:51,576 --> 01:28:52,994 Wait. 1567 01:28:53,662 --> 01:28:56,664 Not until you say those three little words. 1568 01:28:59,543 --> 01:29:01,836 I'm not falling for that one again. 1569 01:29:03,714 --> 01:29:06,340 Suck my cock. 1570 01:29:07,843 --> 01:29:09,176 [THWACK] 1571 01:29:10,721 --> 01:29:12,430 MICHAEL: Hold it. Hold it. 1572 01:29:12,597 --> 01:29:15,433 How big of an idiot do you think I am? 1573 01:29:16,393 --> 01:29:17,435 I love you. 1574 01:29:20,981 --> 01:29:22,982 [CROWD APPLAUDING] 1575 01:29:25,652 --> 01:29:26,819 [♪♪♪] 1576 01:29:26,987 --> 01:29:30,197 This is fantastic. You're like a big, bad dominatrix. 1577 01:29:30,407 --> 01:29:33,576 I can't wait to get to this. Show me what you got. 1578 01:29:34,911 --> 01:29:36,287 I don't know. 1579 01:29:36,538 --> 01:29:38,330 I think something's missing. 1580 01:29:38,498 --> 01:29:39,707 [LAUGHS] 1581 01:29:39,875 --> 01:29:43,794 KYLE: Yeah, something's missing, get your butt out of that little thing. 1582 01:29:44,129 --> 01:29:48,132 You got to do something to me. Let's see what you got. 1583 01:29:49,634 --> 01:29:51,802 [YELLING] 1584 01:29:51,970 --> 01:29:53,721 Whoa. Whoa. 1585 01:29:53,889 --> 01:29:55,347 Hey. 1586 01:29:55,557 --> 01:29:58,559 [BLINK 182'S "MUTT" PLAYS] 1587 01:30:07,819 --> 01:30:09,070 Tricia? 1588 01:30:13,992 --> 01:30:15,659 ♪ He pauses shaving ♪ 1589 01:30:15,827 --> 01:30:17,328 What the hell am I thinking? 1590 01:30:17,496 --> 01:30:18,954 [WOMAN GIGGLES] 1591 01:30:19,122 --> 01:30:20,164 WOMAN: Tricia. 1592 01:30:20,332 --> 01:30:22,500 ♪ Her credit cards Are paying the funds ♪ 1593 01:30:22,667 --> 01:30:25,336 Tricia! Oh, God, I knew it! 1594 01:30:25,754 --> 01:30:27,171 Oh, how could you? 1595 01:30:27,422 --> 01:30:31,675 Consuela. Kelly. Tricia! 1596 01:30:31,927 --> 01:30:34,178 You're all dirty birdies! 1597 01:30:34,346 --> 01:30:35,596 You want to join us? 1598 01:30:36,932 --> 01:30:38,307 [LAUGHING] 1599 01:30:43,271 --> 01:30:47,233 Thank God Almighty! 1600 01:30:47,400 --> 01:30:49,360 [SCREAMS] 1601 01:30:49,528 --> 01:30:51,862 ♪ And I know He's only looking to score ♪ 1602 01:30:52,030 --> 01:30:53,531 Come on, Johnny. 1603 01:30:53,698 --> 01:30:56,075 Oh, yeah, Johnny. Oh, come on. 1604 01:30:56,243 --> 01:30:58,244 [PANTING] 1605 01:30:59,871 --> 01:31:01,372 If you don't cut, I'm gonna come. 1606 01:31:01,540 --> 01:31:02,706 [CREW LAUGHING] 1607 01:31:03,458 --> 01:31:05,292 [MICHAEL PANTING] 1608 01:31:05,460 --> 01:31:07,670 MICHAEL: What is it exactly you want me to say? 1609 01:31:07,879 --> 01:31:09,171 You know, 1610 01:31:09,673 --> 01:31:11,215 those three 1611 01:31:11,716 --> 01:31:13,050 little 1612 01:31:13,677 --> 01:31:14,969 words. 1613 01:31:16,471 --> 01:31:19,557 MICHAEL: Uh... Okay. I love you. 1614 01:31:20,058 --> 01:31:22,059 I love you, I love you. 1615 01:31:22,227 --> 01:31:24,728 [O'CONNELL & CREW LAUGHING] 1616 01:31:24,896 --> 01:31:27,189 O'CONNELL: I love you. 1617 01:31:27,566 --> 01:31:29,733 MAN 1: Yeah, baby! 1618 01:31:31,069 --> 01:31:32,319 MAN 2: Hold it, Bob. 1619 01:31:32,654 --> 01:31:35,573 MAN 1: In unison, turn. Okay? MAN 2: Two, three. 1620 01:31:35,740 --> 01:31:37,408 ♪ He took the seat Off his own bike ♪ 1621 01:31:37,576 --> 01:31:39,118 O'CONNELL: I'm sorry. 1622 01:31:39,286 --> 01:31:40,786 [CREW LAUGHING] 1623 01:31:41,663 --> 01:31:43,247 I'm sorry. I tried, I tried. 1624 01:31:43,832 --> 01:31:44,874 MAN 1: C mark. 1625 01:31:45,041 --> 01:31:46,208 MAN 2: Action! 1626 01:31:46,376 --> 01:31:47,918 [GRUNTS] 1627 01:31:48,086 --> 01:31:50,504 You're under arrest, you sick fuck. 1628 01:31:51,548 --> 01:31:53,716 ♪ They don't even care at all ♪ 1629 01:31:53,884 --> 01:31:55,885 [ELIZABETH & CREW LAUGHING] 1630 01:31:59,181 --> 01:32:01,765 You should try some Visine. 1631 01:32:02,017 --> 01:32:03,434 NATALIE: Why do I need Visine? 1632 01:32:03,602 --> 01:32:06,687 So you can get a clear future of our vision together. 1633 01:32:06,855 --> 01:32:08,480 [CLICKS TONGUE AND ELIZABETH LAUGHS] 1634 01:32:08,648 --> 01:32:11,442 ♪ He's only looking to score ♪ ♪ He's only looking to score ♪ 1635 01:32:11,610 --> 01:32:14,153 Wash my car. 1636 01:32:14,321 --> 01:32:16,614 ♪ Often they've typically Been starved ♪♪ 1637 01:32:16,781 --> 01:32:18,073 MAN: Marker. 1638 01:32:18,241 --> 01:32:20,951 KYLE: I mean, I might've fallen in love with her that night. 1639 01:32:21,203 --> 01:32:23,078 MICHAEL: What happened to her? 1640 01:32:23,288 --> 01:32:25,456 She might've been the love of my life. 1641 01:32:25,624 --> 01:32:27,583 WOMAN: Kyle! 1642 01:32:28,960 --> 01:32:30,544 WOMAN: Energy and pace. 1643 01:32:48,480 --> 01:32:50,022 What the fuck are you doing? 1644 01:32:50,190 --> 01:32:52,107 [LAUGHING] 1645 01:32:52,275 --> 01:32:56,737 I'm experimenting. He said try some stuff. I'm blowing bubbles. 1646 01:32:56,905 --> 01:32:58,614 MAN: Marker. You're welcome. 1647 01:32:58,782 --> 01:33:00,824 [BOTH MOANING] 1648 01:33:01,785 --> 01:33:04,453 Michael. Oh, call me. 1649 01:33:04,663 --> 01:33:07,498 Okay. I will. 1650 01:33:09,251 --> 01:33:10,918 Don't get too comfortable. 1651 01:33:14,339 --> 01:33:17,341 You have got to wait your turn. Hurry up, I'm next. 1652 01:33:17,592 --> 01:33:19,593 Jesus Christ! What the hell is this? 1653 01:33:19,761 --> 01:33:21,345 [CREW & ACTORS LAUGHING] 1654 01:33:21,513 --> 01:33:23,597 Oh, my God. 1655 01:33:25,517 --> 01:33:26,684 Cut. 1656 01:33:33,692 --> 01:33:34,984 MAN: That's a wrap. 1657 01:33:35,151 --> 01:34:00,592 [♪♪♪] 111814

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