All language subtitles for Krapopolis s01e05 12 Angry Goat Herders.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,850 --> 00:00:04,684 - Oh, man. What do you guys know about this oedipus guy? 2 00:00:04,729 --> 00:00:07,522 - Never heard of him. - Well, you're about to. 3 00:00:07,568 --> 00:00:08,525 - Wait, what? 4 00:00:08,653 --> 00:00:10,319 - How insane is that? 5 00:00:10,406 --> 00:00:12,114 - Oh, oedipus, oedipus, oedipus. 6 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:13,741 - Don't spoil it. 7 00:00:13,828 --> 00:00:14,577 This is nothing. 8 00:00:14,663 --> 00:00:15,662 If I lost my eyesight, 9 00:00:15,706 --> 00:00:17,706 I'd bump into my mother a lot too. 10 00:00:17,793 --> 00:00:19,751 Both: You're reading it backwards. 11 00:00:19,796 --> 00:00:23,298 - Ah! Oedipus, you naughty pioneer. 12 00:00:23,344 --> 00:00:24,635 - Hardly pioneering. 13 00:00:24,722 --> 00:00:26,513 This is the top half of my family tree. 14 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,516 Stupendous? Incest, murder? 15 00:00:28,603 --> 00:00:30,269 - Nah, I know the story. 16 00:00:30,314 --> 00:00:31,313 Sucks to be oedipus. 17 00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:33,265 - Sucks to be oedipus' parents! 18 00:00:33,277 --> 00:00:34,443 - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. 19 00:00:34,529 --> 00:00:36,529 - You know what, guys? I don't say this enough. 20 00:00:36,617 --> 00:00:38,825 We're a relatively healthy family. 21 00:00:38,912 --> 00:00:39,911 All: Aww. - I act like 22 00:00:39,955 --> 00:00:41,872 You guys are a burden, and you are, 23 00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:45,293 But I need to appreciate my situation for what it is: 24 00:00:45,381 --> 00:00:47,048 Somewhat better than oedipus. 25 00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:48,383 - Aww. - How nice. 26 00:00:48,512 --> 00:00:50,803 - Every goat in the city has been partially eaten, 27 00:00:50,848 --> 00:00:52,806 Leaving a trail of blood to the palace gates, 28 00:00:52,894 --> 00:00:54,602 And the people are coming with torches 29 00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:56,688 To demand your father be killed! 30 00:00:56,733 --> 00:00:58,650 - [sighs] maybe I'd rather be oedipus. 31 00:00:58,737 --> 00:01:02,280 - [laughs] not a chance, stud. 32 00:01:02,368 --> 00:01:05,160 [upbeat mythical music] 33 00:01:05,248 --> 00:01:12,169 ? ? 34 00:01:27,243 --> 00:01:28,576 [crowd clamoring] 35 00:01:28,662 --> 00:01:31,037 - Dad, did you eat those goats? - Of course not. 36 00:01:31,083 --> 00:01:33,709 I'd remember if I did. Goats are amazing. 37 00:01:33,754 --> 00:01:35,796 They have those little handles on their heads 38 00:01:35,841 --> 00:01:37,966 So you can just... [chomping] 39 00:01:38,012 --> 00:01:40,596 - Next time someone asks, shorten that to "no." 40 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:41,848 - You want me to beat 'em up? 41 00:01:41,892 --> 00:01:44,476 - Everyone? In the entire city? 42 00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:45,479 - Is that a challenge? 43 00:01:45,566 --> 00:01:47,608 - If you beat everyone up, 44 00:01:47,652 --> 00:01:48,818 What am I the king of? 45 00:01:48,863 --> 00:01:51,280 - Quieter people? - No. 46 00:01:51,367 --> 00:01:53,200 Angry mobs feed on fear and violence. 47 00:01:53,245 --> 00:01:56,371 A smart leader dispels it with calmness and courage. 48 00:01:56,459 --> 00:01:57,583 - So you want me standing 49 00:01:57,669 --> 00:01:59,336 Right behind you or right in front of you? 50 00:01:59,422 --> 00:02:01,297 - Is me on your shoulders too much? 51 00:02:01,342 --> 00:02:04,176 Crowd: Angry mob! Angry mob! 52 00:02:04,221 --> 00:02:05,763 - Everybody, calm down! 53 00:02:05,850 --> 00:02:08,017 - We don't wanna calm down! We're an angry mob! 54 00:02:08,062 --> 00:02:09,936 - You won't be if you calm down. 55 00:02:09,981 --> 00:02:12,315 - Well, isn't that convenient logic? 56 00:02:12,361 --> 00:02:13,485 Crowd: Yeah! 57 00:02:13,529 --> 00:02:15,780 - My father did not kill your goats. 58 00:02:15,783 --> 00:02:17,115 Can you at least put out the torches? 59 00:02:17,202 --> 00:02:18,534 They're silly. It's daytime. 60 00:02:18,704 --> 00:02:21,580 - Look, if you're gonna be this dismissive of our anger, 61 00:02:21,626 --> 00:02:24,418 Don't act shocked by our decision to be a mob! 62 00:02:24,464 --> 00:02:25,713 [crowd clamoring] 63 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,132 - You guys, I'm not dismissing you. 64 00:02:27,177 --> 00:02:29,761 Can we just talk? - Nobody talked to my goats. 65 00:02:29,848 --> 00:02:31,765 Crowd: Yeah! - Or maybe they did. 66 00:02:31,893 --> 00:02:33,518 But it didn't help! Crowd: Yeah! 67 00:02:33,604 --> 00:02:34,895 - My point is, our goats are dead. 68 00:02:34,981 --> 00:02:37,148 Crowd: Yeah! - You're overexplaining it. 69 00:02:37,236 --> 00:02:38,485 Crowd: Oh. - What are you, 70 00:02:38,530 --> 00:02:40,363 My angry mob mentor? Crowd: Yes! 71 00:02:40,408 --> 00:02:42,032 - Man, our city sucks. 72 00:02:42,077 --> 00:02:44,869 They can't even kill one murderer together. 73 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,167 - Everybody, I'm going to create a system 74 00:02:48,212 --> 00:02:51,880 By which you, the people, are in charge of justice. 75 00:02:51,927 --> 00:02:54,302 We'll call it "a justice system." 76 00:02:55,057 --> 00:02:56,849 - I don't wanna speak for the whole mob, 77 00:02:56,935 --> 00:02:59,602 But I'm willing to indulge you because this torch is heavy! 78 00:02:59,648 --> 00:03:00,939 Crowd: Yeah! 79 00:03:01,025 --> 00:03:03,568 [all grumbling] 80 00:03:03,655 --> 00:03:05,113 - That was close. - Yeah. 81 00:03:05,199 --> 00:03:07,783 For a moment there, you almost spinelessly pandered 82 00:03:07,871 --> 00:03:10,121 To a bunch of dingholes I could've easily killed. 83 00:03:10,166 --> 00:03:11,165 - You don't get it. 84 00:03:11,334 --> 00:03:13,168 If the people are in charge of justice, 85 00:03:13,213 --> 00:03:15,839 They'll have to agree on who's guilty or innocent. 86 00:03:15,925 --> 00:03:17,717 Those people can't agree on anything, 87 00:03:17,763 --> 00:03:18,678 So I'll just talk in circles 88 00:03:18,764 --> 00:03:20,221 Until dad gets away with murder. 89 00:03:20,349 --> 00:03:24,268 - You don't seriously expect me to admire you for this, do you? 90 00:03:24,356 --> 00:03:27,232 [metallic clanging] 91 00:03:29,407 --> 00:03:32,158 - [groans] 92 00:03:32,244 --> 00:03:33,577 [zapping] 93 00:03:36,711 --> 00:03:39,754 Ugh, unbelievable. 94 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,382 What are you doing? 95 00:03:41,427 --> 00:03:42,802 - It's called science, mom. 96 00:03:42,888 --> 00:03:45,013 - Don't ever call me mom. 97 00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:47,308 That's a word my actual children try 98 00:03:47,395 --> 00:03:48,394 And use to leverage me. 99 00:03:48,439 --> 00:03:49,563 I tolerate it from them. 100 00:03:49,565 --> 00:03:50,981 I won't from you. 101 00:03:51,068 --> 00:03:53,568 Now what is the point of this science? 102 00:03:53,656 --> 00:03:55,531 - We can use it to do amazing things, 103 00:03:55,575 --> 00:03:57,158 Like give people water. 104 00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:58,495 - Like this? 105 00:03:58,580 --> 00:04:00,330 - That's also impressive. 106 00:04:00,417 --> 00:04:01,416 - Isn't it just? 107 00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:03,377 It's called being powerful. 108 00:04:03,464 --> 00:04:05,923 It's why I have a temple and why mortals worship me 109 00:04:05,968 --> 00:04:08,844 And why half-fish stepchildren should know better than to ruin 110 00:04:08,932 --> 00:04:11,599 What was previously a pretty solid day drunk. 111 00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:12,935 - Powerful. Got it. 112 00:04:12,980 --> 00:04:15,272 Um, before you go, could you-- 113 00:04:15,359 --> 00:04:17,109 - Invent an umbrella. 114 00:04:17,153 --> 00:04:19,445 Quietly. 115 00:04:19,533 --> 00:04:20,490 - Dad? 116 00:04:20,576 --> 00:04:22,617 Dad? - [muffled grunts] 117 00:04:22,705 --> 00:04:24,705 - Okay, grab him. - Come on, old man. 118 00:04:24,791 --> 00:04:26,875 When's the last time you fit through any window? 119 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:29,629 - I am not leaving through the window. 120 00:04:29,675 --> 00:04:31,466 I was grabbing my weed. 121 00:04:31,553 --> 00:04:32,760 I'm leaving from the roof. 122 00:04:32,847 --> 00:04:34,763 - Why leave? I'm going to exonerate you. 123 00:04:34,850 --> 00:04:37,684 - My boy, you're what, 30? I'm thousands. 124 00:04:37,771 --> 00:04:40,063 This is how it works with monsters and humans. 125 00:04:40,151 --> 00:04:42,693 I chill among you a while, then something creepy happens, 126 00:04:42,780 --> 00:04:45,489 You kids grab the torches, and daddy bones out. 127 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:46,993 It's been real. - I have a plan. 128 00:04:47,038 --> 00:04:48,495 I already sold the people on it. 129 00:04:48,624 --> 00:04:50,081 It's why they disbanded. 130 00:04:50,126 --> 00:04:53,920 - You need me to put my head on the block to save yours. 131 00:04:53,965 --> 00:04:55,715 - Well, it sounds bad when you say it. 132 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:56,967 - All right, well, how's this sound? 133 00:04:57,012 --> 00:04:59,712 I'm gonna put my weed plant up on the roof-- 134 00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,308 - Flight risk. - [grunts] 135 00:05:01,353 --> 00:05:02,518 Can I hang on to my weed, 136 00:05:02,605 --> 00:05:04,021 Or is there a law against that too? 137 00:05:04,066 --> 00:05:05,774 - Your weed will always be legal, dad. 138 00:05:05,860 --> 00:05:07,610 I'm a tyrant, not a crazy person. 139 00:05:12,038 --> 00:05:13,746 - Okay, here's how it's going to work. 140 00:05:13,832 --> 00:05:15,749 We're replacing the large angry mob 141 00:05:15,835 --> 00:05:18,002 With a smaller, seated, thoughtful mob. 142 00:05:18,048 --> 00:05:19,005 That's you guys. 143 00:05:19,132 --> 00:05:20,882 You'll decide on guilt or innocence 144 00:05:21,011 --> 00:05:24,170 After hearing all information from both sides. 145 00:05:24,174 --> 00:05:26,225 - Question. - Not your job, but go ahead. 146 00:05:26,269 --> 00:05:29,729 - How are you allowed to be king and defend the killer? 147 00:05:29,776 --> 00:05:31,192 It seems janky. - Janky? 148 00:05:31,278 --> 00:05:34,029 That's a word now? - Are you ruling over that too? 149 00:05:34,117 --> 00:05:35,616 - Uh-huh! - I mean, it really does 150 00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:37,619 Seem janky. - Okay, okay. 151 00:05:37,664 --> 00:05:38,955 This is not part of the royal court. 152 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,333 This is a separate court, a legal court, 153 00:05:41,462 --> 00:05:42,628 Where there is no king. 154 00:05:42,672 --> 00:05:43,921 - So who's in charge? 155 00:05:44,008 --> 00:05:45,632 - Well, we don't really--okay. 156 00:05:45,677 --> 00:05:48,177 Who is the oldest person in the city? 157 00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:51,391 - What? I don't wanna be involved in this hipster crap. 158 00:05:51,478 --> 00:05:52,602 I'm 40! 159 00:05:52,647 --> 00:05:53,855 - You don't even have to do anything 160 00:05:53,899 --> 00:05:55,315 But sit there and be old. 161 00:05:55,402 --> 00:05:56,359 Just do it. 162 00:05:57,363 --> 00:05:58,154 Make him do it. - Hey! 163 00:05:58,198 --> 00:05:59,531 I don't have time for this! 164 00:05:59,617 --> 00:06:01,492 I could die any moment! 165 00:06:01,579 --> 00:06:03,620 I'm 40 years old! 166 00:06:03,666 --> 00:06:04,915 Uh, what's this? 167 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:06,752 - That was left there by a carpenter 168 00:06:06,796 --> 00:06:08,755 And clearly has nothing to do with any... 169 00:06:08,799 --> 00:06:10,466 If we could get started, I'd-- - what? 170 00:06:10,510 --> 00:06:12,302 - What do you mean "what"? You're banging a hammer-- 171 00:06:12,347 --> 00:06:14,806 - When I feel like it? That's what I thought. 172 00:06:14,893 --> 00:06:16,267 Okay, I'm into this job. 173 00:06:16,312 --> 00:06:19,730 I'm not into your music, but I'm into this job. 174 00:06:19,818 --> 00:06:21,526 Proceed. - All right. I'm-- 175 00:06:21,571 --> 00:06:23,029 I'm sorry. What's wrong with our music? 176 00:06:23,115 --> 00:06:26,325 - It's a bunch of people banging on drums. 177 00:06:26,370 --> 00:06:28,913 When I was your age, we had to make the drums. 178 00:06:28,958 --> 00:06:30,458 - You're five years older than us. 179 00:06:30,503 --> 00:06:34,379 - Everything's a number to your generation. 180 00:06:36,846 --> 00:06:37,887 [whooshing] - aah! 181 00:06:37,932 --> 00:06:39,223 [groans] - my bad! 182 00:06:39,267 --> 00:06:40,683 You've got a great story now, though. 183 00:06:40,770 --> 00:06:42,061 Almost never happens. 184 00:06:42,106 --> 00:06:43,438 [whispers] when I'm sober. 185 00:06:43,525 --> 00:06:44,816 - You're too much. 186 00:06:44,902 --> 00:06:45,943 - I'm just enough. 187 00:06:45,987 --> 00:06:47,529 - I could use a little more. 188 00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:49,323 [both laugh] 189 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,118 [both sigh] 190 00:06:51,204 --> 00:06:53,496 How are you, herm-herms? 191 00:06:53,542 --> 00:06:55,125 - Just runnin' and funnin'. 192 00:06:55,211 --> 00:06:56,919 Spreadin' words of stuff I heard. 193 00:06:56,964 --> 00:06:58,755 Speaking of which, so sorry to hear 194 00:06:58,842 --> 00:07:00,133 About all those lost worshippers. 195 00:07:00,177 --> 00:07:01,885 - What do you mean? - Oh, right. 196 00:07:01,931 --> 00:07:03,722 You probably haven't heard because all the other gods 197 00:07:03,809 --> 00:07:05,684 Have been talking about it behind your back. 198 00:07:05,728 --> 00:07:06,853 The killassians, 199 00:07:06,897 --> 00:07:08,230 They're worshipping some new god. 200 00:07:08,275 --> 00:07:10,358 - The killassians? Well, that's my city. 201 00:07:10,444 --> 00:07:11,694 They pray to me. 202 00:07:11,780 --> 00:07:13,613 What's the name of this new god? 203 00:07:13,659 --> 00:07:15,534 - Simon? S�ance? 204 00:07:15,579 --> 00:07:16,786 - Is it science? 205 00:07:16,831 --> 00:07:18,247 - You know him? Introduce me. 206 00:07:18,292 --> 00:07:20,625 Or you could just turn into a crow and blow me off. 207 00:07:20,670 --> 00:07:22,003 Bitch. 208 00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:29,056 [magical poof] 209 00:07:31,272 --> 00:07:33,147 - Where is the fish boy? 210 00:07:33,817 --> 00:07:35,859 - To what do we owe the honor? 211 00:07:35,905 --> 00:07:36,987 - Playtime is over. 212 00:07:36,989 --> 00:07:38,864 Give me back my killassians. 213 00:07:38,910 --> 00:07:40,951 - I'm sorry, but no. 214 00:07:41,038 --> 00:07:43,914 - It sounded like you said "no," 215 00:07:44,001 --> 00:07:45,250 But that can't be right 216 00:07:45,295 --> 00:07:47,962 Because it would result in your immediate death. 217 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,049 - Killassians, 218 00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,552 Will you worship deliria if she kills me? 219 00:07:51,597 --> 00:07:53,972 Killassians: No! Hail science! 220 00:07:54,018 --> 00:07:56,101 - Turns out, you don't have to be a god to be powerful. 221 00:07:56,189 --> 00:07:57,563 You just have to create one. 222 00:07:57,565 --> 00:07:59,148 Killassians: Hail science! 223 00:07:59,236 --> 00:08:03,863 - My life may be infinite, but my patience is not. 224 00:08:03,993 --> 00:08:05,576 - You may not care if I live or die, 225 00:08:05,621 --> 00:08:08,705 But my dad does, and you love him. 226 00:08:08,751 --> 00:08:10,042 La la la. 227 00:08:10,128 --> 00:08:12,087 So I guess it's time for you to become outraged 228 00:08:12,206 --> 00:08:14,423 And fake a mysterious reason to leave. 229 00:08:14,469 --> 00:08:16,010 - I won't tolerate this 230 00:08:16,013 --> 00:08:20,266 Because I'm late to make love to the moon. 231 00:08:21,439 --> 00:08:24,357 - Science demands I take a bath, 232 00:08:24,519 --> 00:08:26,861 Which is more fun with a friend. 233 00:08:26,906 --> 00:08:29,198 - All right! 234 00:08:29,286 --> 00:08:30,952 - [sighs] 235 00:08:33,042 --> 00:08:34,292 - I don't know if this is helpful, 236 00:08:34,336 --> 00:08:36,253 But depending on when those goats were killed, 237 00:08:36,298 --> 00:08:38,298 I may have been at home masturbating. 238 00:08:38,384 --> 00:08:41,093 It actually depends very little on when they were killed. 239 00:08:41,139 --> 00:08:43,889 - Was it in front of a crowd of reputable witnesses? 240 00:08:43,935 --> 00:08:45,018 - Bless your heart, son. 241 00:08:45,062 --> 00:08:46,478 I'm not 100 anymore. 242 00:08:46,565 --> 00:08:48,064 - Dad, under my new system, 243 00:08:48,151 --> 00:08:50,443 You have the right to say nothing. 244 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,030 I'd like you to do that. 245 00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:54,116 - If I say nothing, won't I look guilty? 246 00:08:54,161 --> 00:08:56,453 - Not as much as if you say anything. 247 00:08:56,540 --> 00:08:57,622 I've got a strategy. 248 00:08:57,708 --> 00:08:58,707 I'm going to convince everyone 249 00:08:58,793 --> 00:08:59,834 You were accused 250 00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:02,379 Simply because you are a monster. 251 00:09:02,467 --> 00:09:03,466 [echoing boom] 252 00:09:03,593 --> 00:09:04,675 - Sorry I'm late. 253 00:09:04,762 --> 00:09:06,511 I walked instead of flying. 254 00:09:06,557 --> 00:09:08,807 Last thing this city needs is more panic. 255 00:09:08,894 --> 00:09:10,268 - Excuse me! 256 00:09:10,355 --> 00:09:12,980 We can't just have a sphinx wandering around. 257 00:09:13,026 --> 00:09:16,194 - The sphinx's name is brenda, and I'm here 258 00:09:16,281 --> 00:09:18,740 To represent the goat farmers against your father. 259 00:09:18,827 --> 00:09:22,120 - Now you can't make us look anti-monster. 260 00:09:22,166 --> 00:09:24,249 - Brenda, why? This isn't who you are. 261 00:09:24,295 --> 00:09:26,712 You love riddles. - I loved one. 262 00:09:26,799 --> 00:09:29,216 It got solved, and we all have to eat, 263 00:09:29,303 --> 00:09:31,929 Appropriately, in normal quantities, 264 00:09:31,974 --> 00:09:33,599 With human permission. 265 00:09:33,685 --> 00:09:35,936 [humans cheering] 266 00:09:36,023 --> 00:09:38,023 - Everyone, stop being loud and young! 267 00:09:38,110 --> 00:09:39,859 - Did you have a backup strategy? 268 00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:41,946 - I did, but it was basically 269 00:09:41,991 --> 00:09:44,534 To double down on the first one. 270 00:09:46,165 --> 00:09:48,958 As a trader of pottery, you've seen a lot of stories 271 00:09:49,044 --> 00:09:52,003 Painted on a lot of vases, pots, and bowls, correct? 272 00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:54,801 - Well, of course. That's why I got into ceramics. 273 00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:55,928 I'm a news junkie. 274 00:09:56,014 --> 00:09:57,806 - And how many vases have you seen 275 00:09:57,893 --> 00:09:59,893 Depicting monsters as innocent creatures? 276 00:09:59,938 --> 00:10:02,188 - [laughs] none. - You're laughing about that. 277 00:10:02,276 --> 00:10:04,818 - Well, it's funny to imagine a vase 278 00:10:04,946 --> 00:10:06,779 Showing a monster helping someone. 279 00:10:06,950 --> 00:10:08,491 Nobody would want it. 280 00:10:08,536 --> 00:10:12,329 - "nobody would want it." 281 00:10:12,375 --> 00:10:13,499 Your expert. 282 00:10:13,544 --> 00:10:14,918 - Thank you. 283 00:10:14,963 --> 00:10:17,505 Do you ever keep old pottery? 284 00:10:17,593 --> 00:10:20,218 - Well, the older a vase gets, the less valuable. 285 00:10:20,306 --> 00:10:23,515 But I do keep an archive of stories that seem important. 286 00:10:23,561 --> 00:10:26,437 - Oh? Anything this court might find enlightening? 287 00:10:26,524 --> 00:10:29,609 - Well, as a matter of fact, I sure did find something. 288 00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:31,905 This bowl is centuries old. 289 00:10:31,992 --> 00:10:34,159 We can't know what region this was, 290 00:10:34,245 --> 00:10:37,330 But you see here a monster that looks like the accused. 291 00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:40,793 And these appear to be human babies. 292 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:44,842 And then this would be the accused eating the babies. 293 00:10:44,931 --> 00:10:45,971 [crowd gasps] - oh, no. 294 00:10:46,015 --> 00:10:48,682 - Oh, that was mesopotamia. 295 00:10:48,728 --> 00:10:49,769 Or sumeria. 296 00:10:49,813 --> 00:10:50,979 I get them confused. 297 00:10:51,066 --> 00:10:52,899 One thing is for sure, though: 298 00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:55,444 I have gained weight. 299 00:10:59,246 --> 00:11:00,828 - Why didn't you tell me you spent 300 00:11:00,873 --> 00:11:02,873 Part of your life eating babies? 301 00:11:02,961 --> 00:11:04,168 - I'm on trial for eating goats. 302 00:11:04,213 --> 00:11:05,754 It hardly seemed relevant. 303 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:06,839 - Not to get us off track, 304 00:11:06,884 --> 00:11:08,092 But what do they taste like? 305 00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:09,385 - Do not answer that! 306 00:11:09,429 --> 00:11:12,097 - Look, I spent some time a thousand years ago 307 00:11:12,226 --> 00:11:14,560 Imprisoned in a pit by a tribe of humans 308 00:11:14,605 --> 00:11:17,815 That refused to feed me anything but their enemies. 309 00:11:17,902 --> 00:11:19,902 - Who's enemies with babies? 310 00:11:19,990 --> 00:11:22,282 - You know, human values have a habit of drifting. 311 00:11:22,326 --> 00:11:24,243 It always starts with "let's get rid of bad people" 312 00:11:24,329 --> 00:11:27,330 And somehow always ends up with a baby pit. 313 00:11:27,377 --> 00:11:30,044 Oh, honey, you're back. I missed you. 314 00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:31,714 - What are you doing? - Whoops. 315 00:11:31,801 --> 00:11:34,176 [crow squawks] your loss, whoever you are. 316 00:11:34,263 --> 00:11:36,388 - I don't care what you do with that slutty bird. 317 00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:38,934 I just need you to do me a small favor. 318 00:11:39,021 --> 00:11:40,979 - Anything, my love. - Kill your son. 319 00:11:41,025 --> 00:11:42,941 - Okay, but since he's defending me, 320 00:11:43,028 --> 00:11:44,485 It might be a bit of an issue. 321 00:11:44,614 --> 00:11:46,947 - Not our son, your son. 322 00:11:46,993 --> 00:11:48,743 I'd do it, but you know the rules. 323 00:11:48,787 --> 00:11:49,995 "you make 'em, you kill 'em." 324 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:51,164 - Nobody's killing anyone. 325 00:11:51,292 --> 00:11:52,833 What do you think hippocampus did 326 00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:54,210 That would warrant his murder? 327 00:11:54,330 --> 00:11:56,881 - He took my killassians away from me. 328 00:11:56,968 --> 00:11:58,176 - So what? It's not like 329 00:11:58,220 --> 00:11:59,845 You ever did anything to earn their worship. 330 00:11:59,931 --> 00:12:01,598 - You don't earn worship. 331 00:12:01,643 --> 00:12:02,683 Then it's not worship. 332 00:12:02,770 --> 00:12:04,811 If I had to do things to get things, 333 00:12:04,856 --> 00:12:06,397 I'd be one of you things. 334 00:12:06,442 --> 00:12:08,400 - Well, if people praised you and never get anything for it, 335 00:12:08,488 --> 00:12:11,781 Doesn't it stand to reason that they might stop? 336 00:12:11,910 --> 00:12:13,326 - Of course. You're right. 337 00:12:13,412 --> 00:12:15,162 I don't have to kill your brother. 338 00:12:15,248 --> 00:12:16,998 I just have to bribe everyone with gifts 339 00:12:17,043 --> 00:12:19,335 So they forget all about that stupid science. 340 00:12:19,381 --> 00:12:20,963 - That's not really what I was saying. 341 00:12:21,050 --> 00:12:23,175 - Got what I wanted. Not listening. 342 00:12:23,221 --> 00:12:25,054 - Okay, back to what's actually important. 343 00:12:25,140 --> 00:12:26,890 Dad, I'm going to lose this case, 344 00:12:26,976 --> 00:12:28,226 And you're going to die. 345 00:12:28,270 --> 00:12:29,937 - Look, I know laws just got invented, 346 00:12:30,023 --> 00:12:31,815 But I think your dad needs to break a couple 347 00:12:31,902 --> 00:12:32,859 If he's gonna live. 348 00:12:32,903 --> 00:12:33,860 - She's right. 349 00:12:33,905 --> 00:12:35,113 I'll tell people you escaped. 350 00:12:35,157 --> 00:12:37,741 Can you maul and trample me a little? 351 00:12:37,745 --> 00:12:38,994 Oh, in a way that doesn't hurt. 352 00:12:39,038 --> 00:12:40,287 - I can't run now, son. 353 00:12:40,332 --> 00:12:41,832 Your people would kill you. 354 00:12:41,876 --> 00:12:43,251 - They'll kill you if you stay. 355 00:12:43,337 --> 00:12:47,089 - But legally, thanks to you. 356 00:12:47,177 --> 00:12:49,594 - You're welcome? 357 00:12:51,268 --> 00:12:54,018 - Someone in this city killed the goats, folks, 358 00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:57,023 And someone in your city used to eat babies. 359 00:12:57,069 --> 00:12:59,027 Not exactly a riddle. 360 00:12:59,072 --> 00:13:00,905 I'd know. I'm a sphinx. 361 00:13:00,992 --> 00:13:02,116 You want to hear a riddle? 362 00:13:02,161 --> 00:13:03,702 - Oh, god. Here she goes. 363 00:13:03,788 --> 00:13:05,371 - What has four legs in the morning, 364 00:13:05,499 --> 00:13:07,750 Two legs at noon, and three legs at night? 365 00:13:07,795 --> 00:13:11,839 Man because he crawls as a baby and uses a cane when he's old. 366 00:13:11,927 --> 00:13:13,218 Thank you. - Ooh. 367 00:13:13,263 --> 00:13:15,263 - That was a good riddle. - Impressive. 368 00:13:15,349 --> 00:13:16,599 - I'm not addressing that riddle 369 00:13:16,685 --> 00:13:19,019 Because it has nothing to do with the trial. 370 00:13:19,064 --> 00:13:20,898 Also, not a great riddle. 371 00:13:20,942 --> 00:13:21,816 - We liked her riddle. 372 00:13:21,903 --> 00:13:23,027 - It's clearly popular, 373 00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:24,653 Which is why I won't criticize it, 374 00:13:24,741 --> 00:13:27,909 But it's frustrating when popular things are stupid. 375 00:13:27,954 --> 00:13:29,287 - Come on. - Crazy. 376 00:13:29,373 --> 00:13:31,457 - The sphinx's riddle is not on trial, young man. 377 00:13:31,502 --> 00:13:34,127 - No, it's not and never has been. 378 00:13:34,215 --> 00:13:36,298 Maybe it should've been. [people grumbling] 379 00:13:36,385 --> 00:13:37,343 Moving on. 380 00:13:37,345 --> 00:13:38,552 - Excuse me. Not moving on. 381 00:13:38,639 --> 00:13:40,972 I want to know what makes my riddle stupid. 382 00:13:41,060 --> 00:13:42,100 - I shouldn't have said that. 383 00:13:42,144 --> 00:13:45,145 That was rude, and I'm sorry. 384 00:13:45,234 --> 00:13:47,234 I just think that a proper riddle 385 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,403 Is a solvable linguistic puzzle, 386 00:13:49,532 --> 00:13:51,949 Like, what can be touched but not seen? 387 00:13:51,953 --> 00:13:53,786 The heart. 388 00:13:54,624 --> 00:13:56,582 - Can we just find his father guilty now? 389 00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:58,919 - You don't wanna hear his closing argument? 390 00:13:58,965 --> 00:14:00,256 - Kind of a waste of time. 391 00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:02,300 - Yeah, this guy's time is so important. 392 00:14:02,428 --> 00:14:04,345 What are you, late to marry an overrated riddle? 393 00:14:04,432 --> 00:14:06,307 [people booing] 394 00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:11,398 - Killassians, deliria has returned. 395 00:14:11,485 --> 00:14:14,653 And I think you're going to like what I brought with me. 396 00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:16,157 - An air of desperation? 397 00:14:16,244 --> 00:14:18,786 - In my thousands of years on this planet, 398 00:14:18,874 --> 00:14:20,290 I have learned many things, 399 00:14:20,376 --> 00:14:24,587 But mostly how to properly reward my worshippers. 400 00:14:24,716 --> 00:14:26,799 So you're welcome. 401 00:14:26,887 --> 00:14:29,095 Ooh, honey. 402 00:14:29,141 --> 00:14:31,099 Yum, yum, yum. 403 00:14:31,185 --> 00:14:33,394 - Bribery? Isn't that beneath you? 404 00:14:33,439 --> 00:14:35,397 - Not if it works. - It won't. 405 00:14:35,484 --> 00:14:36,859 You can offer them anything you want, 406 00:14:36,945 --> 00:14:38,904 But they won't take it. 407 00:14:38,990 --> 00:14:40,323 Asskill, wanna tell her why? 408 00:14:40,451 --> 00:14:42,951 - Science has opened our eyes to amazing new concepts. 409 00:14:42,997 --> 00:14:44,705 I mean, the baths alone. 410 00:14:44,708 --> 00:14:45,707 Right, bath buddy? 411 00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:46,918 - Not in front of people. 412 00:14:47,004 --> 00:14:49,713 - You idiots really believe this nonsense? 413 00:14:49,759 --> 00:14:52,384 I'm a god. I'm real. 414 00:14:52,429 --> 00:14:54,220 - It's called faith, stepmother, 415 00:14:54,308 --> 00:14:56,391 And it's much bigger than you. 416 00:14:56,436 --> 00:14:59,771 - But is it bigger than sandals? 417 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,567 Shovels? Dairy cows? 418 00:15:02,613 --> 00:15:04,363 Piles of hair? 419 00:15:04,408 --> 00:15:06,992 Killassians: All hail science! 420 00:15:07,037 --> 00:15:08,703 - Shall we talk? 421 00:15:08,749 --> 00:15:10,374 - What do you want? 422 00:15:10,418 --> 00:15:13,086 - I want you to let me call you mom. 423 00:15:13,131 --> 00:15:14,381 - What? Why? 424 00:15:14,424 --> 00:15:16,049 - Does it matter? - No. 425 00:15:16,136 --> 00:15:17,844 Because it's never going to happen. 426 00:15:17,889 --> 00:15:19,013 - Which is exactly why 427 00:15:19,058 --> 00:15:21,308 It's the only thing I will accept. 428 00:15:21,353 --> 00:15:23,395 - You do realize it won't mean anything. 429 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,315 You can't make me love you. 430 00:15:25,402 --> 00:15:27,151 - Pfft, I don't want your love. 431 00:15:27,196 --> 00:15:28,278 I want power. 432 00:15:28,365 --> 00:15:30,573 You see, every time I call you mom, 433 00:15:30,660 --> 00:15:32,702 You'll know I beat you. 434 00:15:32,747 --> 00:15:34,872 That's worth everything. 435 00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:36,792 - I am strangely impressed 436 00:15:36,879 --> 00:15:39,338 By your cold, unfeeling calculations. 437 00:15:39,425 --> 00:15:40,924 - I thought you might be. - Fine. 438 00:15:41,012 --> 00:15:43,345 Because you are power-hungry and have proven yourself 439 00:15:43,432 --> 00:15:46,182 A worthy adversary, I will allow you this. 440 00:15:46,270 --> 00:15:48,353 - I know you will, mom. 441 00:15:48,399 --> 00:15:51,316 - Ooh, it's like being stabbed in the ears. 442 00:15:51,446 --> 00:15:54,488 Now can we finally get out of this dusty hellhole? 443 00:15:54,576 --> 00:15:57,493 - Absolutely. I miss my bed and my lab. 444 00:15:57,581 --> 00:15:59,456 Plus, no matter how much water they get, 445 00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:03,210 These people still smell like half-dead muskrats. 446 00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:06,008 All hail science or whatever. 447 00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:07,803 Smell ya later! 448 00:16:07,848 --> 00:16:10,140 What are you gonna do about all your lost worshippers? 449 00:16:10,185 --> 00:16:11,350 - Well, I'm not too worried. 450 00:16:11,437 --> 00:16:13,395 I have a feeling they'll find their way back. 451 00:16:13,483 --> 00:16:14,982 I might not know what humans like, 452 00:16:15,069 --> 00:16:16,902 But I know what they don't: 453 00:16:17,030 --> 00:16:18,738 Locusts! 454 00:16:18,824 --> 00:16:20,199 [buzzing] 455 00:16:20,243 --> 00:16:23,703 [people screaming] 456 00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,750 - And if a lifetime, which is a series of days, 457 00:16:25,836 --> 00:16:27,252 Looks like a single day, 458 00:16:27,380 --> 00:16:31,049 Your perspective is so distant that a cane would be a leg, 459 00:16:31,137 --> 00:16:33,221 So it's not just a jumble of metaphors. 460 00:16:33,265 --> 00:16:34,723 It's the best riddle ever, 461 00:16:34,768 --> 00:16:37,185 And I now understand why people like it. 462 00:16:37,231 --> 00:16:38,313 Good enough? 463 00:16:39,567 --> 00:16:41,984 - All right, you may begin your closing argument, 464 00:16:42,072 --> 00:16:44,030 But it better be good. 465 00:16:44,076 --> 00:16:47,202 - Fact: Your goats were eaten. 466 00:16:47,248 --> 00:16:50,666 Fact: My dad... 467 00:16:50,753 --> 00:16:52,461 - Ate babies. 468 00:16:52,548 --> 00:16:55,799 - Stop telling everyone you ate babies! 469 00:16:55,887 --> 00:16:57,846 Stop talking. 470 00:16:57,932 --> 00:17:00,683 Everything you say is... 471 00:17:02,690 --> 00:17:04,523 True. 472 00:17:04,652 --> 00:17:09,155 My father has never lied in his life. 473 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:11,076 I should know. 474 00:17:11,121 --> 00:17:13,538 I grew up wishing he would. 475 00:17:13,625 --> 00:17:18,461 I also grew up constantly lying about him. 476 00:17:18,550 --> 00:17:22,010 I told people I didn't have a father. 477 00:17:22,097 --> 00:17:24,306 I was ashamed of him 478 00:17:24,393 --> 00:17:26,059 Because he's shameless. 479 00:17:26,188 --> 00:17:27,270 - It's true. 480 00:17:27,356 --> 00:17:29,565 - We want to be good. 481 00:17:29,611 --> 00:17:32,987 We want to set wrong things right. 482 00:17:33,116 --> 00:17:34,866 You know who else wanted that? 483 00:17:34,952 --> 00:17:36,535 These guys. 484 00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:39,206 Chucking babies into a monster's mouth. 485 00:17:39,251 --> 00:17:41,251 What happened here? 486 00:17:41,297 --> 00:17:43,839 If we asked these humans, would they tell us, 487 00:17:43,884 --> 00:17:46,343 Or would they say, "it didn't happen that way. 488 00:17:46,430 --> 00:17:48,138 "there's more to it than that. 489 00:17:48,225 --> 00:17:49,349 "the babies were bigger. 490 00:17:49,393 --> 00:17:51,352 "they were very dangerous babies. 491 00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:53,146 You had to be there. Trust me"? 492 00:17:53,234 --> 00:17:55,943 Well, I don't trust them. 493 00:17:56,030 --> 00:17:57,863 They're too human. 494 00:17:57,950 --> 00:17:59,616 They mean too well. 495 00:17:59,702 --> 00:18:01,619 And they want too much. 496 00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:05,165 And they lie too often. 497 00:18:05,295 --> 00:18:07,963 Is there a reason not to let this guy babysit? 498 00:18:08,050 --> 00:18:09,549 Yep. 499 00:18:09,636 --> 00:18:13,179 Are there reasons not to take his grooming advice? Yes. 500 00:18:13,267 --> 00:18:14,849 When you look at him, listen to him, 501 00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:16,269 Or watch him do anything, 502 00:18:16,313 --> 00:18:18,855 Is it reasonable to be disgusted? 503 00:18:18,943 --> 00:18:20,651 Maybe. 504 00:18:20,779 --> 00:18:23,688 But there's no reason to mistrust him. 505 00:18:23,743 --> 00:18:27,161 He's never pretended to be better than he is. 506 00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:29,958 That's me. That's you. 507 00:18:30,045 --> 00:18:31,712 That's these guys. 508 00:18:31,798 --> 00:18:36,843 That's why humans have to be extra careful about justice. 509 00:18:36,889 --> 00:18:38,264 We're too good at it. 510 00:18:38,309 --> 00:18:41,518 And too wrong, too often. 511 00:18:42,149 --> 00:18:44,316 This guy ate babies. 512 00:18:44,361 --> 00:18:46,778 He didn't eat your goats. Thank you. 513 00:18:46,865 --> 00:18:49,198 - Mm-hmm. - Very impressive. 514 00:18:49,244 --> 00:18:50,577 - I'll tell you what happened here. 515 00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:54,373 One of these babies survived and sired my ancestors. 516 00:18:54,461 --> 00:18:59,213 I am the last descendant of the baby that got away. 517 00:18:59,303 --> 00:19:02,763 - Son, this is a goat-eating trial. 518 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:03,932 - No, you idiots! 519 00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:06,019 The whole point of killing the goats 520 00:19:06,105 --> 00:19:07,313 Was to make you understand 521 00:19:07,399 --> 00:19:09,608 You're sheltering an evil beast! 522 00:19:09,695 --> 00:19:12,946 - Wait, are you saying you killed our goats? 523 00:19:13,034 --> 00:19:13,949 - Look! Goats! 524 00:19:14,036 --> 00:19:16,078 [scared panting] 525 00:19:16,164 --> 00:19:17,246 - Let's go! - Let's get him! 526 00:19:17,333 --> 00:19:18,290 - Come on! - Get him! 527 00:19:18,377 --> 00:19:20,335 - We find the monster innocent. 528 00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:21,962 Get the torches! - Yeah! 529 00:19:22,007 --> 00:19:22,923 [jury cheering] 530 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:27,304 - Go get him. - [laughs evilly] 531 00:19:27,350 --> 00:19:30,017 - Justice is hereby over. Keeping the hammer. 532 00:19:30,063 --> 00:19:31,312 - Thank you, son. 533 00:19:31,357 --> 00:19:34,483 - You're welcome, you baby-eating old bastard. 534 00:19:34,570 --> 00:19:35,945 [crowd cheering] - come on! 535 00:19:36,031 --> 00:19:37,489 Get him! - [sobbing] 536 00:19:37,492 --> 00:19:39,075 - Yeah! - [grunts] 537 00:19:39,161 --> 00:19:40,452 - Should they be doing that? 538 00:19:40,497 --> 00:19:42,372 Doesn't everybody have rights now? 539 00:19:42,458 --> 00:19:44,458 - Yeah, everybody but that guy. 540 00:19:44,546 --> 00:19:46,546 Let's take the win. - Congratulations. 541 00:19:46,590 --> 00:19:47,840 I had a feeling you were innocent. 542 00:19:47,884 --> 00:19:50,301 - Are you serious? Then what the hell, brenda? 543 00:19:50,389 --> 00:19:51,721 Why? - I was hungry. 544 00:19:51,766 --> 00:19:53,933 And they offered me a lot of goat carcasses. 545 00:19:53,978 --> 00:19:55,185 Hey, king tyrannis, 546 00:19:55,355 --> 00:19:57,188 What's a dick in the morning... - Yep, that's okay. 547 00:19:57,275 --> 00:19:58,524 - And then at night? - We get it. 548 00:19:58,610 --> 00:19:59,776 - You. - Oh, wow. 549 00:19:59,821 --> 00:20:01,404 Good thing you followed all the way through. 550 00:20:01,490 --> 00:20:04,074 - What can't hear a dick over the sound of it leaving? 551 00:20:04,162 --> 00:20:06,704 Brenda the legal sphinx! 552 00:20:08,085 --> 00:20:09,960 [whoosh] aah! 553 00:20:10,046 --> 00:20:11,713 Both: Whoa! - Holy! 554 00:20:11,757 --> 00:20:12,798 - Did you see that? 555 00:20:12,885 --> 00:20:15,469 - Sphinx flying just outside the city. 556 00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:17,556 - Mom got it! - Mom, no! 557 00:20:17,601 --> 00:20:19,851 - Oh, he's just as much my child as you two. 558 00:20:19,938 --> 00:20:21,146 - No, not that. 559 00:20:21,232 --> 00:20:23,441 That was, uh-- we knew her. 560 00:20:23,527 --> 00:20:25,444 - Well, she may be alive. 561 00:20:25,531 --> 00:20:27,364 - She was making sounds going down. 562 00:20:27,451 --> 00:20:30,452 Not good sounds, but not no sounds. 563 00:20:30,498 --> 00:20:32,456 - [sighs] do I have to go and get her? 564 00:20:32,501 --> 00:20:35,710 - No, we'll all go get her together. 565 00:20:35,798 --> 00:20:38,633 - So I have to go get her slowly. 566 00:20:42,142 --> 00:20:43,558 Ugh. 567 00:20:46,733 --> 00:20:48,566 - I say, darling, do you ever think 568 00:20:48,653 --> 00:20:51,529 How lucky you are that you don't have to bathe yourself? 569 00:20:51,616 --> 00:20:54,825 No washing your armpits or legpits or wingpits 570 00:20:54,914 --> 00:20:55,996 Or your tailpit? 571 00:20:56,082 --> 00:20:57,998 - Can't say that I have. 572 00:21:07,518 --> 00:21:09,434 Have you quite finished? 573 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:12,439 - Well, now I have to start again. 574 00:21:12,527 --> 00:21:13,985 - Isn't it strange 575 00:21:14,029 --> 00:21:15,988 How the things you once found cute in a lover 576 00:21:16,032 --> 00:21:19,492 Become the very things that end up torturing you forever? 577 00:21:19,538 --> 00:21:21,955 - Well, I like the idea of being loved forever. 578 00:21:22,001 --> 00:21:24,042 - Then stop that. 579 00:21:27,969 --> 00:21:29,635 I like it too. 580 00:21:31,099 --> 00:21:32,515 - Did you get any of that? 581 00:21:35,064 --> 00:21:36,606 - Bento. [applause] 582 00:21:36,656 --> 00:21:41,206 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41906

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