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1
00:00:52,485 --> 00:00:54,521
Okay.
2
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:55,755
Here I come,
3
00:00:55,855 --> 00:00:57,490
ready or not.
4
00:00:57,590 --> 00:00:58,792
Not. I haven't finished.
5
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,827
Oh, that's all right.
6
00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:03,129
Oh, watch out,
7
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:04,998
you'll burn your face.
8
00:01:05,098 --> 00:01:06,433
Mmm. What is this?
9
00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:09,169
Oh, celery,
10
00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:12,472
onions, and mushrooms,
11
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,441
and spices.
12
00:01:14,541 --> 00:01:15,541
I mean, the brown lumps.
13
00:01:15,608 --> 00:01:18,678
Oh, that's liver and gizzard.
14
00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:19,579
Urgh.
15
00:01:19,679 --> 00:01:20,814
Oh, it's delicious.
16
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,582
Here. Try.
17
00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:24,484
Oh.
18
00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:25,985
- Why do you put them in?
- Mmm.
19
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,220
Mmm! 'Cause it's good
20
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,656
and Gloria loves it this way.
21
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:30,990
Gloria?
22
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,193
You're gonna send this
all the way to California?
23
00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:35,462
No. She's gonna
eat it here.
24
00:01:35,562 --> 00:01:36,796
Oh,
25
00:01:36,896 --> 00:01:39,833
I didn't mean to tell you that.
26
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:40,967
Tell me what?
27
00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:45,371
Gloria, and Mike,
28
00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:47,474
and Joey are coming
29
00:01:47,574 --> 00:01:49,742
tonight for Thanksgiving.
30
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:51,211
Neat.
31
00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:52,979
Let's not tell Uncle Archie
32
00:01:53,079 --> 00:01:54,414
'cause it's a secret.
33
00:01:54,514 --> 00:01:55,648
I won't.
34
00:01:55,748 --> 00:01:57,150
I don't know
35
00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:58,718
little girls ain't too good
36
00:01:58,818 --> 00:02:00,487
at keeping secrets.
37
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:02,222
Neither are big girls.
38
00:02:03,756 --> 00:02:05,325
Yeah. Hmm.
39
00:02:05,425 --> 00:02:06,635
Stephanie:
How long are they staying?
40
00:02:06,659 --> 00:02:07,994
Oh, I don't know.
41
00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:10,897
I guess until Mike
finds a new job.
42
00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:11,997
Oh,
43
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:14,901
I did it again.
44
00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:17,003
Another secret, huh?
45
00:02:17,103 --> 00:02:20,507
Please.
Let's not tell Uncle Archie.
46
00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:21,607
Okay.
47
00:02:21,674 --> 00:02:22,718
Uncle Archie said that Meathead
48
00:02:22,742 --> 00:02:24,377
couldn't hold a job.
49
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:25,488
He said he couldn't even find
50
00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:27,814
his belt with both hands.
51
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,551
He can too.
52
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,054
You shouldn't repeat
53
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,557
everything Uncle Archie says.
54
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,726
- I didn't.
- I cleaned it up.
55
00:02:41,761 --> 00:02:44,397
How did he lose his job?
56
00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:46,966
He got fired.
57
00:02:47,066 --> 00:02:48,066
Why?
58
00:02:50,236 --> 00:02:52,305
He marched in one of them...
59
00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:54,941
what do you call... a protest.
60
00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:56,776
He got arrested.
61
00:02:56,876 --> 00:02:59,179
Let's not tell Uncle Archie.
62
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:00,780
I won't.
63
00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,016
Why was he arrested
for marching?
64
00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:08,454
He wasn't exactly
dressed for it.
65
00:03:08,555 --> 00:03:10,990
How was he dressed?
66
00:03:11,090 --> 00:03:12,392
He wasn't.
67
00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:14,827
He wasn't what?
68
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:17,362
Dressed.
69
00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:21,000
You mean he was naked?
70
00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:25,538
Don't say that.
71
00:03:25,638 --> 00:03:26,739
Why not?
72
00:03:26,839 --> 00:03:28,508
Because I don't wanna hear it.
73
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,479
I have a good idea.
74
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,915
- What?
- Let's not tell Uncle Archie.
75
00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:54,934
Oh, jeez...
76
00:03:55,034 --> 00:03:56,034
Oh...
77
00:03:56,102 --> 00:03:58,504
would you listen
to this guy over here?
78
00:03:58,605 --> 00:04:00,206
Come on, Barney.
79
00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:02,809
Can't you pull
yourself together?
80
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,844
Why is it that I always miss
81
00:04:04,944 --> 00:04:08,114
Blanche most at Thanksgiving?
82
00:04:08,214 --> 00:04:10,950
Because Blanche is a turkey.
83
00:04:13,686 --> 00:04:15,488
I wish I was dead.
84
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:17,423
Oh, jeez.
What a terrible thing
85
00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:19,993
to say at Thanksgiving.
86
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,761
You know,
there are more suicides
87
00:04:21,861 --> 00:04:24,197
during the holidays
than at any other time?
88
00:04:24,297 --> 00:04:26,466
- Hey.
- Don't encourage him.
89
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:28,067
Oh, hey Barney. Hey, huh?
90
00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:29,802
No funerals
this weekend, will you?
91
00:04:29,902 --> 00:04:32,438
All your friends
got other plans.
92
00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:35,475
Boy, what a cruel thing
93
00:04:35,575 --> 00:04:37,910
to say to your old pal.
94
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,213
I'm only saying,
don't do it now.
95
00:04:40,313 --> 00:04:41,681
You'll get another chance.
96
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:43,082
Christmas is coming.
97
00:04:43,182 --> 00:04:45,285
Christmas!
98
00:04:47,186 --> 00:04:49,589
Why is he still crying?
99
00:04:50,923 --> 00:04:53,526
He's doing
his Christmas sobbing early.
100
00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:03,236
Hey, Arch,
101
00:05:03,336 --> 00:05:04,337
you know,
102
00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:08,775
I got no place to go tomorrow,
103
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:10,310
especially.
104
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,314
Oh. Hey. Hey.
105
00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:16,516
Don't give me that, Barney,
106
00:05:16,616 --> 00:05:18,151
because for once in a blue moon,
107
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:20,486
we're having a quiet
Thanksgiving at home.
108
00:05:20,586 --> 00:05:22,021
It's just Edith, and me,
109
00:05:22,121 --> 00:05:23,122
and Stephanie.
110
00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:24,222
You're rotten.
111
00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:25,425
I can't help it.
112
00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:27,293
Listen,
why don't you
come over here
113
00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:29,729
and watch football
with me and my girl,
114
00:05:29,829 --> 00:05:32,632
- what do you say?
- Hey, thanks Murray.
115
00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:33,866
Barney.
116
00:05:33,966 --> 00:05:35,468
- Barney: Yeah?
- Barney. Listen,
117
00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:37,337
after the game,
118
00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:39,539
why don't you come over
to my house for dinner.
119
00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:41,007
The wife's roasting a goose.
120
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:43,209
She got the recipe from Blanche.
121
00:05:43,309 --> 00:05:44,510
Oh, boy.
122
00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:47,580
You know, I really
love Blanche's goose.
123
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,683
Blanche's goose
is what you got, too.
124
00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:54,487
Why did you start on him again?
125
00:05:59,592 --> 00:06:02,495
Hi, Edith. I'm home.
126
00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:03,739
- Hi, Archie!
- Archie! Uncle Archie!
127
00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:06,265
Uncle Archie!
128
00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:15,041
Hey!
129
00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:18,978
Hey, hey, Edith,
130
00:06:19,078 --> 00:06:21,848
oh, oh my God,
131
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,216
don't you know it's red dogs
132
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,518
like that ruined Joe Namath?
133
00:06:26,652 --> 00:06:27,652
Ah!
134
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,860
I thought you was gonna warn her
135
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,829
about the dangers of doing that?
136
00:06:39,832 --> 00:06:41,968
What are you
so excited about, huh?
137
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,636
Are you on a sugar high?
138
00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:46,472
The turkey, it weighs 20 pounds.
139
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,074
Twenty pounds?
140
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:49,942
Why do you need
a big bird like that for?
141
00:06:50,042 --> 00:06:51,511
It's only her, me, and you.
142
00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:53,079
Oh. Well some...
143
00:06:53,179 --> 00:06:54,280
I...
144
00:07:01,521 --> 00:07:03,322
What the hell is that?
145
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,423
Oh.
146
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:07,960
I bet I know who else is coming.
147
00:07:08,694 --> 00:07:09,694
Who?
148
00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:13,299
You went and you invited
a few of them "distoibos"
149
00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:15,168
from the Hoo-Hoo Hotel
150
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,703
you work at.
151
00:07:17,804 --> 00:07:18,838
Oh,
152
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,708
I never thought of that.
153
00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:25,211
That would've been nice.
154
00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:26,479
No, it wouldn't.
155
00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:28,014
We would've been eating Turkey
156
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,316
with rubber spoons.
157
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,454
Come on, Stephie.
158
00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:37,924
We got to finish cooking.
159
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:40,126
Wait a minute. Wait.
160
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:43,029
Why ain't youse two
racing for the door?
161
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:46,432
Both:
We're busy.
162
00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:54,140
Something is up here.
163
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,309
Oh, don't tell me
that... Edith!
164
00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,211
If this is one
of your relatives from Jersey,
165
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,513
I'm gonna open a vein.
166
00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:04,150
Who is it?
167
00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:06,686
My name is Capt. Spaulding,
the African Explorer.
168
00:08:06,786 --> 00:08:07,963
Did someone call me Schnorrer,
169
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,889
hooray, hooray, hooray.
170
00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:15,127
This is a gala day,
and a gala day
171
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:17,730
is enough for any man.
172
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:19,131
Say the secret word,
173
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:21,033
you win a free Thanksgiving
guest for dinner.
174
00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:23,045
It's a common word. You used
to find it around the house
175
00:08:23,069 --> 00:08:24,504
all the time.
176
00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:25,938
Meathead?
177
00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:27,373
That's the secret word, Archie.
178
00:08:27,473 --> 00:08:28,641
Congratulations.
179
00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:30,142
What the hell
are you doing here?
180
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:31,954
- It's only for the weekend.
- Where's the little monster?
181
00:08:31,978 --> 00:08:33,418
- Hey, look who's here.
- Uncle Mike.
182
00:08:33,479 --> 00:08:35,248
Hey Stephanie. How are you?
183
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,415
Nice to see you.
184
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:37,950
Ma. Oh, it's so good
to see you.
185
00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:39,952
- Oh, hey.
- What a surprise.
186
00:08:40,052 --> 00:08:41,052
Hey, wait a minute.
187
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,288
Where's Gloria?
188
00:08:42,388 --> 00:08:43,599
Well, she had to stay
with little Joey.
189
00:08:43,623 --> 00:08:44,967
You can't leave
a four year-old kid alone.
190
00:08:44,991 --> 00:08:46,626
You could've bring 'em with you.
191
00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:47,936
Gee! Why didn't I think of that?
192
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,328
Well, it's too late.-
193
00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:51,028
- Listen, Arch.
- Do me a favor will you?
194
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:52,374
My suitcase
is on the front porch,
195
00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:53,398
will you get it for me?
196
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:55,868
Go on! Go get your own bag.
197
00:08:55,968 --> 00:08:58,471
Bag? You're talking
about the woman I love.
198
00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:05,978
Is that you Gloria?
199
00:09:14,987 --> 00:09:16,389
Hey. Oh.
200
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:18,024
Look who's here.
201
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:19,759
- Oh.
- Hey. Hey Joey,
202
00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:21,594
you gonna give Grandpa a kiss?
203
00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:22,694
No.
204
00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:26,933
Archie:
Oh, hey. Hey,
listen, yeah, Mike.
205
00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:28,968
Hey. You got to train the kid
206
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:31,137
the minute he sees his grandpa,
207
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:32,905
to come up and give him
a kiss, you know.
208
00:09:33,005 --> 00:09:35,141
I think the child
has hated me too long.
209
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,475
Arch, he loves you.
210
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,077
Well, but still.
211
00:09:38,177 --> 00:09:39,177
Oh.
212
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:42,048
Oh, Daddy's chair.
213
00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:44,050
Oh. Gloria,
214
00:09:45,217 --> 00:09:47,553
Ma's elephant.
215
00:09:47,653 --> 00:09:49,655
Hello, Mr. Elephant.
216
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:52,892
And what did
Mr. Elephant always say?
217
00:09:54,860 --> 00:09:56,462
Yay!
218
00:09:56,562 --> 00:09:59,832
- Gloria: Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!
- - It's so good to be back.
219
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,267
What a surprise.
220
00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:03,078
- What a nice surprise.
- It's nice to see you.
221
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:05,571
Really, nice to see you.
222
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:06,806
Hey! Ain't that terrific
223
00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:08,808
that you can bring
your whole family home
224
00:10:08,908 --> 00:10:09,908
for Thanksgiving?
225
00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:11,043
You must be getting to be
226
00:10:11,143 --> 00:10:12,945
a big shot out there.
227
00:10:13,045 --> 00:10:15,348
Oh, big, very big.
228
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:18,551
My daddy had his picture
229
00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:20,086
in the newspaper.
230
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:21,296
- Michael: Shh! Oh, son, son.
- Oh, Daddy.
231
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,589
It's so wonderful to see you.
232
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:24,824
Hey. Why is this, uh,
233
00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:27,026
I heard the child say
you had your picture
234
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:29,295
in the paper,
then why don't you
send us a clipping?
235
00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:30,395
Well, uh...
236
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:33,132
It wasn't Michael's best side.
237
00:10:33,232 --> 00:10:34,232
That's it.
238
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:37,903
Yeah. But I would've
recognized him,
239
00:10:38,004 --> 00:10:39,005
wouldn't I?
240
00:10:39,105 --> 00:10:40,773
Well, yeah, but,
241
00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:42,642
it's a little over-exposed.
242
00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:48,914
Hey, Arch.
243
00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:50,082
Good to see you.
244
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,552
My daddy was naked.
245
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:06,365
This is useless
without the knobs.
246
00:11:06,465 --> 00:11:09,235
I can't tune that set
without the knobs.
247
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:10,536
What do you want me to do?
248
00:11:12,638 --> 00:11:14,507
Joey,
249
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:17,076
I can't do nothing unless
you give me back the knobs.
250
00:11:18,811 --> 00:11:20,212
Won't you tell grandpa
251
00:11:20,312 --> 00:11:21,847
what you've done with the knobs?
252
00:11:21,947 --> 00:11:23,015
No.
253
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:27,953
Don't you want Grandpa
to watch the football game?
254
00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:29,221
No.
255
00:11:30,990 --> 00:11:33,192
Don't you wanna watch
the football game?
256
00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:35,861
I don't want him watching
the football game.
257
00:11:35,961 --> 00:11:37,396
It's a violent sport.
258
00:11:37,496 --> 00:11:39,141
You know how many kids
get serious injuries
259
00:11:39,165 --> 00:11:40,466
playing football?
260
00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:42,501
If you wanna be
a red-blooded American,
261
00:11:42,601 --> 00:11:45,171
you got to get serious injuries.
262
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:47,440
So what are you saying,
he has to play football?
263
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:48,583
Well, what do you
want him to do,
264
00:11:48,607 --> 00:11:50,342
take ballet lessons?
265
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,311
If he wants to.
266
00:11:52,411 --> 00:11:54,747
- Why not?
- Shut up.
267
00:11:56,415 --> 00:11:57,850
You know what he'll turn into,
268
00:11:57,950 --> 00:11:59,318
if he does that, now.
269
00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:03,889
Look at him with the doll.
270
00:12:03,989 --> 00:12:06,292
He's got one foot
in the closet already.
271
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,199
Give me back the doll.
272
00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:19,105
- Michael: Joey.
- Come over here and sit with Daddy.
273
00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:20,773
Give him back his truck.
274
00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:25,244
Don't jump.
275
00:12:28,180 --> 00:12:30,216
Now, a truck.
276
00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:32,818
Now that's a real toy for men.
277
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:36,455
So, I'm gonna talk
to you man-to-man:
278
00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:38,257
give me back them knobs
279
00:12:38,357 --> 00:12:40,860
and that's a direct order.
280
00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:49,969
God. Where did he learn
that low habit?
281
00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:51,871
How am I gonna punish this kid?
282
00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:54,039
Don't go to his dance recital.
283
00:12:58,244 --> 00:12:59,979
Dinner is almost ready.
284
00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:01,147
Michael:
Oh, great. Honey,
285
00:13:01,247 --> 00:13:02,290
bring that stuff over here.
286
00:13:02,314 --> 00:13:03,314
I'm starving.
287
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:05,818
I haven't eaten a thing all day.
288
00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:07,419
What?
289
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:08,654
What about four eggs
290
00:13:08,754 --> 00:13:09,955
and half a pound of bacon,
291
00:13:10,055 --> 00:13:12,024
three waffles
with boysenberry syrup?
292
00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:13,826
Wasn't that breakfast?
293
00:13:15,261 --> 00:13:17,029
I didn't have any toast.
294
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:19,265
Holy cow.
295
00:13:19,365 --> 00:13:20,575
- Gloria: Come on, honey.
- Would you help me?
296
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:21,734
Oh, yeah, sure.
297
00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:24,336
Joey, why don't you
sit here, by Grandpa?
298
00:13:24,436 --> 00:13:25,480
I'm gonna help Mommy
in the kitchen.
299
00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:26,548
Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
300
00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:27,840
Gloria, Gloria, please,
301
00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:30,709
please don't make
your husband do women's work.
302
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:31,677
I don't mind.
303
00:13:31,777 --> 00:13:33,646
I ain't saying it for you.
304
00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:35,247
I'm saying it
for the child here.
305
00:13:35,347 --> 00:13:37,449
I wanna teach him what a man is.
306
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:39,718
God, it's a losing battle,
307
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,720
he's got the doll again.
308
00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:44,390
Give me the doll, huh, Joe?
309
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,758
No.
310
00:13:45,858 --> 00:13:47,459
Look at the big bug
flying past, there.
311
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:48,928
Give me that.
312
00:13:51,363 --> 00:13:54,066
Arch, what is a man anyway?
313
00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:55,510
Someone who sits
in the chair all day
314
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:57,570
while his wife's
in the kitchen slaving?
315
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,138
No, a man can help his wife
316
00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:01,006
in the kitchen, now and then,
317
00:14:01,106 --> 00:14:03,776
but not on special,
traditional days
318
00:14:03,876 --> 00:14:05,644
like Thanksgiving.
319
00:14:05,744 --> 00:14:08,414
He's only gonna help me
carry out the turkey.
320
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:09,724
Archie:
But that's the whole point
321
00:14:09,748 --> 00:14:11,250
of the thing there,
little dummy.
322
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:12,751
That's woman's work.
323
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,186
Ah!
324
00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:19,358
You learned that from
your little mama, huh?
325
00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:22,194
Thanksgiving is a holiday
for women, too.
326
00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:24,897
Oh, come on. I know that.
327
00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:27,766
I'm only saying a woman
is supposed to celebrate it
328
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,668
by putting a meal on the table
329
00:14:29,768 --> 00:14:31,470
all by themselves.
330
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:33,205
Oh?
331
00:14:33,305 --> 00:14:36,008
Well, yeah.
332
00:14:36,108 --> 00:14:37,953
Don't you know nothing about
the history of the country,
333
00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:39,020
the history of Thanksgiving
334
00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:40,679
and about the first turkey?
335
00:14:40,779 --> 00:14:42,514
Yeah, they told it in school.
336
00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:45,351
Yeah, well,
I'll tell you the real story.
337
00:14:46,485 --> 00:14:48,287
When the pilgrim fathers,
338
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:49,889
when they seen the first
Thanksgiving
339
00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:52,992
coming up on the calendar,
you know,
340
00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:55,494
they said, "We ought to have
something special to eat."
341
00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:58,063
So they sent this guy,
342
00:14:58,163 --> 00:14:59,999
Myles Sandwich, out there
343
00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:02,334
to find something.
344
00:15:02,434 --> 00:15:05,271
And he was the guy
that brung back the turkey.
345
00:15:05,371 --> 00:15:07,806
Now, he first wanted a buffalo,
346
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:11,076
see, but the buffalos
all went west,
347
00:15:11,176 --> 00:15:13,612
and then he would've
went for a horse,
348
00:15:13,712 --> 00:15:15,581
but the horse is too fast,
349
00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:17,283
he couldn't catch a horse.
350
00:15:19,985 --> 00:15:21,620
And he would've picked
some other bird,
351
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:22,922
but then all the other birds,
352
00:15:23,022 --> 00:15:24,657
they could fly.
353
00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:27,059
So he looked around him
354
00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:29,695
and seen a turkey
standing there.
355
00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:30,795
Turkey couldn't run,
356
00:15:30,863 --> 00:15:32,965
the turkey couldn't fly,
357
00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:35,567
so he said,
"We'll eat this dumbbell."
358
00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:40,372
Grabbed ahold of the turkey,
359
00:15:40,472 --> 00:15:41,607
strangled it,
360
00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:42,751
brung it home to the women,
361
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,543
they done the rest.
362
00:15:44,643 --> 00:15:46,812
Did they stuff it with gizzards?
363
00:15:46,912 --> 00:15:48,213
No. As I recall,
364
00:15:48,314 --> 00:15:49,848
they used, uh, corn.
365
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:50,989
Because corn let them know
366
00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:52,818
when the turkey was cooked.
367
00:15:52,918 --> 00:15:54,386
How?
368
00:15:54,486 --> 00:15:56,989
Well, see, the corn swells up,
369
00:15:57,089 --> 00:15:58,624
then it explodes,
370
00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:00,759
blows the rear end
out of the bird...
371
00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:10,002
Michael:
Here's the turkey!
372
00:16:10,102 --> 00:16:11,837
Come on everybody, let's eat.
373
00:16:11,937 --> 00:16:13,305
Oh, it looks great.
374
00:16:13,405 --> 00:16:14,405
All right, all right.
375
00:16:16,041 --> 00:16:17,276
Michael:
There you go, Joey.
376
00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:18,410
Sit here next, Daddy.
377
00:16:18,510 --> 00:16:20,145
- Oh, boy. Oh.
- Oh.
378
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:23,182
All right now, before we begin...
379
00:16:23,282 --> 00:16:25,384
Before we begin,
now I hope everybody
380
00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:29,021
takes and opportunity...
before everybody
digs in here...
381
00:16:29,121 --> 00:16:31,090
I mean, don't you think
we all ought to say,
382
00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:33,258
on Thanksgiving,
what we're thankful for?
383
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:36,595
Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.
384
00:16:39,064 --> 00:16:40,366
Well, if it's such a good idea,
385
00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:42,701
why don't you open your mouth?
386
00:16:42,801 --> 00:16:44,703
Oh, oh, sure.
387
00:16:44,803 --> 00:16:46,505
Well, I'm thankful
388
00:16:46,605 --> 00:16:48,340
that the whole family
389
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,843
is together.
390
00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:52,644
Now, Stephie, you tell.
391
00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:54,780
I'm thankful for Aunt Edith
392
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,715
and Uncle Archie.
393
00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:58,851
Ain't that sweet?
394
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:00,619
You get a dollar for that.
395
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,858
Now, it's your turn, Archie.
396
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,760
Well, I was gonna say, Edith,
397
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,094
just what you said,
398
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:11,530
but then you just said it.
399
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:13,332
Oh, I'm sorry.
400
00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:16,168
Yeah, you always got
to jump in so fast.
401
00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:18,804
All I can add to that
402
00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:20,939
is that I'm glad
they got here safe
403
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,742
and I didn't have to spring
for the airfares.
404
00:17:23,842 --> 00:17:24,843
Oh...
405
00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:29,415
Now, Gloria, how about you?
406
00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:30,715
Oh, I'm thankful that we could
407
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,651
all spend Thanksgiving together
408
00:17:32,751 --> 00:17:35,454
and that Joey's having
such a good time
409
00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:37,890
with his grandpa,
aren't you, Joe?
410
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,224
No.
411
00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:43,762
That's my boy. Let's eat.
412
00:17:43,862 --> 00:17:45,130
Oh, wait a minute.
413
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,666
- Wait a minute.
- Wait, wait just a minute.
414
00:17:47,766 --> 00:17:48,801
Edith, just a minute,
415
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:51,870
we ain't heard
from everybody yet.
416
00:17:51,970 --> 00:17:53,172
What about you there,
417
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:54,573
thankless?
418
00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:58,210
Ain't you got nothing
to be thankful for?
419
00:17:58,310 --> 00:18:00,079
Yeah. I'm thankful for Ma
420
00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:01,680
being such a terrific cook.
421
00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:04,016
- Oh, you're welcome.
- Wait, wait a minute.
422
00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:05,250
Wait a minute.
423
00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:07,186
We know that.
424
00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:08,526
But ain't you gonna give thanks
425
00:18:08,554 --> 00:18:11,023
to, uh, you know,
where all this come from?
426
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:13,825
The bedroom.
427
00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:17,963
He knows damn well
428
00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:19,598
I want him to say "God."
429
00:18:19,698 --> 00:18:20,999
- Arch, please.
- Come on, Daddy.
430
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,143
- Let's eat.
- Why don't you give up?
431
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:23,167
Archie:
No. No.
432
00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:26,305
No. No.
433
00:18:26,405 --> 00:18:28,149
If he ain't gonna give
the proper thanks to God
434
00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:29,975
then I'll give it for him.
435
00:18:30,075 --> 00:18:31,219
But let me tell you something,
436
00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:32,287
this guy here has got
a hell of a lot
437
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:34,413
to be thankful for, damn it.
438
00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:36,215
Language.
439
00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:37,315
Not just language,
440
00:18:37,382 --> 00:18:39,084
a lot of other things.
441
00:18:40,919 --> 00:18:43,021
This whole life
to be thankful for.
442
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,122
Look at him,
443
00:18:44,189 --> 00:18:45,090
he's got a beautiful
little house
444
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,825
out there in Santa Barbara
445
00:18:46,925 --> 00:18:50,562
with a lovely
little outside patio.
446
00:18:50,662 --> 00:18:52,664
Daddy, please, can't we eat?
447
00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:55,134
"Please, Daddy."
Ain't you grateful
448
00:18:55,234 --> 00:18:56,802
that he's got such a wonderful,
449
00:18:56,902 --> 00:18:59,204
steady, good-paying job?
450
00:19:02,374 --> 00:19:05,744
What the hell is she crying for?
451
00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:06,912
Huh?
452
00:19:07,012 --> 00:19:08,847
Did I say something here?
453
00:19:08,947 --> 00:19:11,583
What is she...
Do you know what I said?
454
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:15,020
Do you know what I said?
455
00:19:17,122 --> 00:19:17,990
Do you know what... no,
456
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:18,991
you don't know nothing.
457
00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:20,592
- Yes, I do.
- What?
458
00:19:20,692 --> 00:19:21,692
Stephie.
459
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,395
I can't tell you.
460
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:26,198
You ain't getting a dollar.
461
00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:30,202
What? Edith, Edith,
462
00:19:30,302 --> 00:19:32,671
Edith, what is she crying for?
463
00:19:32,771 --> 00:19:34,273
All I said was that her husband
464
00:19:34,373 --> 00:19:36,475
had a wonderful, good paying...
465
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,245
Uh-oh,
466
00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:43,081
oh,
467
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,384
maybe he ain't got
that wonderful job
468
00:19:45,484 --> 00:19:48,353
no more, yeah?
469
00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:50,756
Maybe he lost it?
470
00:19:54,293 --> 00:19:56,028
I was fired, Arch.
471
00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:02,901
I knew it the minute
he walked in the door.
472
00:20:03,001 --> 00:20:04,570
Archie, please let's eat,
473
00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:05,980
- the turkey is getting cold.
- Edith, Edith,
474
00:20:06,004 --> 00:20:08,207
Edith, don't get
excited here, will you?
475
00:20:08,307 --> 00:20:10,976
- Don't get excited.
- It ain't the end of world
476
00:20:11,076 --> 00:20:13,712
he lost his job.
477
00:20:13,812 --> 00:20:15,080
I ain't worried about that.
478
00:20:15,180 --> 00:20:16,315
Hey, Meathead,
479
00:20:16,415 --> 00:20:18,183
I know what's been going on
in California.
480
00:20:18,283 --> 00:20:19,885
I read the papers, huh?
481
00:20:19,985 --> 00:20:22,821
I know a lot of teachers
have been fired,
482
00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:24,456
it's all because of this guy
483
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:25,724
Herbert H. Job,
484
00:20:25,824 --> 00:20:28,694
and some preparation 13.
485
00:20:34,132 --> 00:20:35,132
That's all it is,
486
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:36,301
but it ain't his fault,
487
00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:39,004
it ain't your fault.
488
00:20:39,104 --> 00:20:40,739
You'll get another
good-paying job
489
00:20:40,839 --> 00:20:42,507
as a teacher, soon.
490
00:20:42,608 --> 00:20:44,185
- Come on, come on.
- Have Thanksgiving dinner.
491
00:20:44,209 --> 00:20:45,310
Thank you, Daddy.
492
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:47,579
Come on, don't worry about it.
493
00:20:47,679 --> 00:20:48,714
Yeah, no.
494
00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:50,582
- No, it's...
- there's just one thing.
495
00:20:50,682 --> 00:20:53,285
Just one thing before you start,
496
00:20:53,385 --> 00:20:54,905
and I ain't gonna
hold you up for long.
497
00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:56,989
I just want to know
498
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,857
is that the reason
you got fired?
499
00:20:58,957 --> 00:21:00,826
The Jarvis thing?
500
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,795
Well, I...
501
00:21:05,697 --> 00:21:07,532
You see her pull
on his ear, there?
502
00:21:09,635 --> 00:21:11,837
There's something's
"surruptious" about that.
503
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,408
Is that the reason?
504
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:20,812
You ain't gonna tell me, huh?
505
00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:25,017
Well...
506
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:28,954
if you ain't
gonna tell me then, uh,
507
00:21:29,054 --> 00:21:30,088
you tell me!
508
00:21:33,325 --> 00:21:35,661
- Now I know.
- Now I know.
509
00:21:35,761 --> 00:21:37,663
- What are you gonna do?
- There ain't one hunk
510
00:21:37,763 --> 00:21:39,765
of turkey
or one dribble of gravy
511
00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:41,300
that's gonna pass one lip here,
512
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:42,644
till I get
to the bottom of this.
513
00:21:42,668 --> 00:21:43,711
Michael:
You're acting ridiculous.
514
00:21:43,735 --> 00:21:44,879
- No, I ain't.
- I wanna know.
515
00:21:44,903 --> 00:21:46,171
Let's eat now.
516
00:21:46,271 --> 00:21:48,049
- No, we ain't gonna eat.
- No, we ain't gonna eat!
517
00:21:48,073 --> 00:21:50,409
- Give me that plate.
- Wait. Daddy!
518
00:21:52,444 --> 00:21:53,912
Archie:
will you cut
the crying out?
519
00:21:54,012 --> 00:21:55,012
Cut it out.
520
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:56,948
- Stop crying.
- Stop crying.
521
00:21:57,049 --> 00:21:58,259
If you don't stop crying, Edith,
522
00:21:58,283 --> 00:21:59,923
I'm gonna throw this tray
at the elephant.
523
00:21:59,951 --> 00:22:02,654
- No, give me that!
- No, Daddy.
524
00:22:02,754 --> 00:22:03,855
All right, go on.
525
00:22:03,955 --> 00:22:05,357
Put the bird back on the tray.
526
00:22:05,457 --> 00:22:06,692
And then get your hands off.
527
00:22:06,792 --> 00:22:08,072
- Don't hit him.
- She stabbed me
528
00:22:08,126 --> 00:22:09,237
right in the back
of the hand with a fork.
529
00:22:09,261 --> 00:22:10,696
It don't hurt.
530
00:22:10,796 --> 00:22:13,065
God, it does now.
531
00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:17,502
Anyway, here's
where these things
532
00:22:17,602 --> 00:22:20,205
hurt a father.
533
00:22:20,305 --> 00:22:21,473
Edith, sit down.
534
00:22:21,573 --> 00:22:23,275
Sit down.
535
00:22:23,375 --> 00:22:24,815
We ain't gonna go on
with this dinner
536
00:22:24,910 --> 00:22:27,279
till I get to the bottom
of this whole thing.
537
00:22:29,414 --> 00:22:31,550
Stephie,
would you please
take Joey
538
00:22:31,650 --> 00:22:33,518
upstairs and play.
539
00:22:33,618 --> 00:22:35,887
We ain't gonna eat yet.
540
00:22:35,987 --> 00:22:37,055
Come on, Joey.
541
00:22:37,155 --> 00:22:39,191
They're gonna yell
at each other.
542
00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:40,892
I think the children
should hear this
543
00:22:40,992 --> 00:22:43,228
if it's terrible.
544
00:22:43,328 --> 00:22:45,997
Yeah, when they're grown up.
545
00:22:46,098 --> 00:22:47,699
All right, now.
546
00:22:47,799 --> 00:22:48,843
I want to hear the real reason
547
00:22:48,867 --> 00:22:50,202
that you was fired,
548
00:22:50,302 --> 00:22:53,505
so come on, give.
549
00:22:56,108 --> 00:22:57,909
- Well...
- Don't tell him.
550
00:22:58,009 --> 00:22:59,211
Why not?
551
00:23:00,612 --> 00:23:02,647
I was fired because... ow!
552
00:23:02,748 --> 00:23:04,182
Don't you kick me!
553
00:23:05,650 --> 00:23:06,928
I was fired, because I took part
554
00:23:06,952 --> 00:23:09,254
in a protest march
against nuclear energy
555
00:23:09,354 --> 00:23:11,590
and I was... ow!
556
00:23:11,690 --> 00:23:12,924
Ow!
557
00:23:14,793 --> 00:23:16,461
Why did you do that?
558
00:23:16,561 --> 00:23:18,563
I'm sorry, Ma.
I didn't mean to do that.
559
00:23:18,663 --> 00:23:19,898
I meant to do this.
560
00:23:19,998 --> 00:23:21,633
Ow!
561
00:23:21,733 --> 00:23:23,213
- Come on. Let's eat.
- Just a minute.
562
00:23:23,301 --> 00:23:24,436
Just a minute, now,
563
00:23:24,536 --> 00:23:26,605
we are coming up
on this thing here, Edith.
564
00:23:26,705 --> 00:23:28,573
Now, just a minute.
565
00:23:28,673 --> 00:23:30,475
The whole world is parading
566
00:23:30,575 --> 00:23:31,943
against nuclear energy
567
00:23:32,043 --> 00:23:34,546
and nobody gives a damn.
568
00:23:35,714 --> 00:23:37,649
They didn't can you
just for that.
569
00:23:37,749 --> 00:23:39,317
If you must know,
570
00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:41,286
they wanted to build
a nuclear power plant
571
00:23:41,386 --> 00:23:43,054
on the site of a nude beach
572
00:23:43,155 --> 00:23:44,723
and I joined the protest march
573
00:23:44,823 --> 00:23:46,191
in the nude.
574
00:23:46,758 --> 00:23:48,059
Okay.
575
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:55,801
I...
37212
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