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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,588 --> 00:00:06,049 (grand orchestral fanfare playing) 2 00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:30,573 (tires squealing) 3 00:00:33,284 --> 00:00:35,744 d Ding, dong, ding d 4 00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:39,707 d Ding, dong, ding d 5 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:43,128 ("A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives playing) 6 00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:49,633 d Have a holly jolly Christmas d 7 00:00:49,634 --> 00:00:52,929 d It's the best time of the year d 8 00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:57,473 d I don't know if there'll be snow d 9 00:00:57,475 --> 00:01:00,143 d But have a cup of cheer d 10 00:01:00,145 --> 00:01:03,439 d Have a holly jolly Christmas d 11 00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:06,233 d And when you walk down the street... d 12 00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:10,361 - (belches) - Another one? 13 00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:14,365 Well, I'm still vertical, so I'd like to change that. 14 00:01:14,367 --> 00:01:17,618 d Oh, ho, the mistletoe d 15 00:01:17,620 --> 00:01:20,289 d Hung where you can see d 16 00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:23,375 d Somebody waits for you... d 17 00:01:23,376 --> 00:01:25,626 (chuckling): Ho, ho. 18 00:01:25,628 --> 00:01:27,129 (gags) 19 00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:29,382 MAN: Bitter. Pint. 20 00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:32,176 You just get off? 21 00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:34,802 d And in case you didn't hear d 22 00:01:34,804 --> 00:01:37,264 d Oh, by golly, have a holly... d 23 00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:39,182 I'm taking a break. 24 00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:41,352 Between shifts, I guess you could say. 25 00:01:41,353 --> 00:01:42,936 - MAN: Hmm. - You ain't driving, are you? 26 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,980 I steer a little, but the reindeer do most of the work. 27 00:01:45,981 --> 00:01:48,901 (laughter) 28 00:01:48,902 --> 00:01:50,319 Mm-hmm. 29 00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,528 This is my, uh, fourth year as a Santa. 30 00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:53,822 Ah. 31 00:01:53,823 --> 00:01:55,073 How about you? 32 00:01:55,075 --> 00:01:57,158 Lost count. 33 00:01:57,159 --> 00:02:00,328 I forget why I started doing it in the first place. 34 00:02:00,329 --> 00:02:03,623 Same reason anybody does anything. 35 00:02:03,625 --> 00:02:05,417 The money. 36 00:02:05,418 --> 00:02:08,086 (chuckling): Money. Money. 37 00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:10,088 This whole planet runs on greed. 38 00:02:10,090 --> 00:02:11,799 (crunching) 39 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:14,759 (grunts, sighs) 40 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:17,221 MAN: It's the look on the kiddies' faces, innit? 41 00:02:17,222 --> 00:02:18,847 That's what does it for me. 42 00:02:18,848 --> 00:02:22,518 - Ah, the look. Yeah, that look. - (man chuckles) 43 00:02:22,519 --> 00:02:24,728 Lasts about two seconds. 44 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:27,146 As soon as they're finished unwrapping, 45 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,608 they want the next present, 46 00:02:29,609 --> 00:02:32,360 they want the next cool thing. 47 00:02:32,361 --> 00:02:34,362 That's how this world works. 48 00:02:34,364 --> 00:02:36,406 And kids... what kids have become. 49 00:02:36,408 --> 00:02:40,576 They're just like little junkies. 50 00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:43,247 They're little shits. They just demand. 51 00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:44,789 They don't believe. 52 00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:48,502 They just want, crave, consume. 53 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,587 (sighs softly) 54 00:02:53,508 --> 00:02:56,009 Maybe this is my last year. 55 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,094 d d 56 00:02:58,096 --> 00:03:00,264 The last Christmas. 57 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:07,354 Well, I can't stand seeing another Santa in distress. 58 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:08,521 (belches) 59 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,149 Put his drinks on my tab. 60 00:03:10,150 --> 00:03:11,608 - Okay? - Yeah. 61 00:03:11,609 --> 00:03:14,235 Oh, very merry of you. Okay. 62 00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:16,655 I better get going. 63 00:03:16,656 --> 00:03:18,865 Presents aren't gonna deliver themselves. 64 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,033 (laughter) 65 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,909 Oh, uh... 66 00:03:21,911 --> 00:03:23,787 For your grandson. Save me a trip. 67 00:03:23,788 --> 00:03:25,830 It's, uh, that new video game. 68 00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:28,542 It's Astro Blaster, Blaster Astro. 69 00:03:28,543 --> 00:03:30,544 I-I don't know. 70 00:03:30,545 --> 00:03:31,920 Merry Christmas. (belches) 71 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,423 How'd he know my grandson's name? 72 00:03:34,424 --> 00:03:37,634 How'd he know I have a grandson? - (door opens) 73 00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:41,930 Oi! That door leads to the roof. 74 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,264 Piss head. 75 00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,810 Go easy on him. It's Christmas. 76 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:51,355 Hey! You can't be up here. 77 00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:55,026 If you break your neck, I'm the one... 78 00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:57,530 (panting) 79 00:04:07,331 --> 00:04:09,332 d d 80 00:04:09,334 --> 00:04:11,377 (sleigh bells jingling) 81 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,879 (sighs) 82 00:04:14,881 --> 00:04:17,300 My God. 83 00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:24,139 It's... 84 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:26,182 (retching) 85 00:04:26,184 --> 00:04:27,644 ...beauti... 86 00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:31,896 (gasping) 87 00:04:31,898 --> 00:04:33,942 d d 88 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:39,447 ("Deck the Halls" playing) 89 00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:51,500 (music ends) 90 00:04:57,673 --> 00:04:59,173 (dog barking nearby) 91 00:04:59,175 --> 00:05:00,884 (sighs) 92 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,762 (rummaging) 93 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:05,889 (vehicle approaches, horn honks) 94 00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:11,437 (bells jingling) 95 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,692 Hi. Hi, hi, hi. 96 00:05:16,692 --> 00:05:19,028 There she is. Hello, muffin. 97 00:05:20,071 --> 00:05:22,365 Let's go see Grandma. 98 00:05:24,117 --> 00:05:25,533 Ooh. 99 00:05:25,535 --> 00:05:27,786 Merry Christmas. 100 00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:31,706 Merry Christmas, Trudy. 101 00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:32,790 Merry... 102 00:05:32,792 --> 00:05:34,543 Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah! 103 00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:37,963 Merry Christmas, Daddy, ya filthy animal. 104 00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:39,380 (Trudy chuckling) 105 00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:41,550 She got to stay up late and watch Home Alone. 106 00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:42,634 Uh-huh. 107 00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:45,553 It was so funny. (screams) 108 00:05:45,555 --> 00:05:48,014 - Yep. - That... that hurts. 109 00:05:48,016 --> 00:05:49,557 - All morning. - Okay, um... 110 00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:51,603 Thank you. 111 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,521 For doing this. 112 00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,733 I'm not doing it for you. 113 00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:00,526 - It's Christmas! - Yeah! 114 00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:02,738 d d 115 00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:21,423 Merry Christmas, Al. 116 00:06:21,423 --> 00:06:23,257 Hi, Linda. Merry Christmas. 117 00:06:23,259 --> 00:06:25,302 - Mr. Lightstone. - Hey, Al. 118 00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:26,677 Hey, you back there, Tru? 119 00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,430 Yeah, I bet you're excited for Christmas. 120 00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:30,139 What did you ask Santa for? 121 00:06:30,141 --> 00:06:31,891 - Not to work on Christmas Eve. - (laughs) 122 00:06:31,893 --> 00:06:33,476 Must've been naughty this year, 123 00:06:33,478 --> 00:06:35,103 - 'cause here I am. - Mm-hmm. 124 00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:37,105 Just make sure you let Santa through the gates later, Al. 125 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,649 - Yeah. - Have a merry one, now. 126 00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:40,651 - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas, Al. 127 00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:42,694 Merry Christmas, Tru. 128 00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:44,237 - (laughs) Thank you, Al. - Yeah. 129 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,449 d d 130 00:07:01,547 --> 00:07:03,800 d d 131 00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:07,052 (busy chatter) 132 00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:09,805 MAN: I can't remember where the second one is. 133 00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:14,975 MALE VOICE (recorded): Ho, ho, ho, ho. 134 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:16,728 Merry Christmas. 135 00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:18,814 Hope you're on the nice list. 136 00:07:18,814 --> 00:07:21,565 WOMAN: That doesn't go over there. 137 00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:23,819 (chatter continues indistinctly) 138 00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:30,951 WOMAN: Excuse me. 139 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,161 (chatter continues indistinctly) 140 00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,997 What the hell is this? 141 00:07:36,999 --> 00:07:39,375 You are the worst catering company on the planet. 142 00:07:39,377 --> 00:07:41,377 It's lengthwise, not width. 143 00:07:41,379 --> 00:07:43,254 Unbelievable. 144 00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:45,507 d d 145 00:07:52,014 --> 00:07:53,598 (watch beeps) 146 00:07:59,689 --> 00:08:00,855 Okay. 147 00:08:00,857 --> 00:08:03,065 Hi. Hi, guys. Merry Christmas. 148 00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:05,026 - Hi. - I'm fine. Thank you so much. 149 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,612 ("The Twelve Days of Christmas" playing) 150 00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:11,617 I'll never get over the fact that you grew up like this. 151 00:08:12,744 --> 00:08:15,204 My therapist says I'll never get over it, either. 152 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,413 I need a drink. 153 00:08:17,415 --> 00:08:18,874 d Two turtledoves d 154 00:08:18,875 --> 00:08:21,959 d And a partridge in a pear tree... d 155 00:08:21,961 --> 00:08:25,213 - (whistle tooting) - Hey, look at that. 156 00:08:34,182 --> 00:08:35,974 Hi, Linda. 157 00:08:35,975 --> 00:08:38,018 - (chuckling): Hey. - How's it going, Alva? 158 00:08:38,019 --> 00:08:39,936 Mm-hmm. You gained weight. 159 00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:42,813 - (coughing) - Looks good on you, though. 160 00:08:42,815 --> 00:08:44,732 - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. 161 00:08:44,734 --> 00:08:46,442 'Sup, limp dick? 162 00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:47,903 (sighs) 163 00:08:47,903 --> 00:08:49,571 I got great feelings about this Christmas. 164 00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:51,740 - You want to know why? - Yeah. 165 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,741 'Cause I think this is the year 166 00:08:53,743 --> 00:08:55,534 that Mom's gonna kick herself upstairs 167 00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:58,245 and choose one of us to start running the show. 168 00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:02,750 And I got to tell you, Jason, that I'm gunning for your ass. 169 00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:04,168 (clicks tongue) 170 00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:05,961 What would a Lightstone family Christmas be 171 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,755 without groveling and infighting? 172 00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,090 (Alva chuckling) 173 00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:10,801 SERVER: Your ros�, ma'am. 174 00:09:10,802 --> 00:09:13,552 Honey, smile. It's Christmas. 175 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,678 Mm. 176 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,264 Good. Good girl. 177 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:17,808 (chuckles) 178 00:09:18,643 --> 00:09:21,769 I am sorry about my sister. 179 00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:24,272 d Making spirits bright d 180 00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:27,149 d What fun it is to ride and sing... d 181 00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:29,611 It is really nice to see you. 182 00:09:31,447 --> 00:09:33,740 To have you here. 183 00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:36,993 d Jingle all the way... d 184 00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:40,455 Okay, I'm behind. Catch me up on all the hot goss. 185 00:09:40,456 --> 00:09:42,289 Hot goss. Okay. 186 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:46,086 Um, well, you remember Bert, my sister's pride and joy. 187 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:49,923 Yo, yo, yo. This is the Bert Locker 188 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:53,802 living that bling life on Christmas Eve. 189 00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:55,386 (laughs, inhales sharply) 190 00:09:55,388 --> 00:09:56,804 Hashtag "blessed." 191 00:09:56,806 --> 00:09:59,349 He just got what I can only assume 192 00:09:59,350 --> 00:10:02,644 will be his first of many sexual harassment accusations. 193 00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:04,312 Mom paid off the school, 194 00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:06,480 and now the gymnasium is named after us. 195 00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:08,482 Of course she did. 196 00:10:08,484 --> 00:10:09,609 What about Tragic Mike? 197 00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:11,403 All I'm saying is, 198 00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:13,071 if I was on one of those planes, 199 00:10:13,072 --> 00:10:15,072 9/11 would've ended with a bunch of terrorists 200 00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:18,826 skydiving over Connecticut without their parachutes. 201 00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:20,870 - (grunts) Yeah. You like that? - ALVA: Yes. Yes. 202 00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:23,081 - Yeah, I do like it. - Ooh. 203 00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:25,500 - Kiss me in front of my son. - Now, huh? 204 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:28,043 - Mm... - (Alva chuckles) 205 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:30,087 He might actually be a decent actor. 206 00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:32,173 Hmm. - He's been doing an Oscar-worthy job 207 00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:34,759 - of pretending to find my sister appealing. - (laughs) 208 00:10:34,759 --> 00:10:37,261 Now he wants Mom to fund a film for him. 209 00:10:37,263 --> 00:10:38,679 (laughing) 210 00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:40,181 (indistinct chatter) 211 00:10:40,182 --> 00:10:42,182 - MORGAN: It's Gertrude! - It's Mom. 212 00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,226 - Okay, let's do this. - Okay, okay. Come on. 213 00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:45,937 - Come on. Bert, get over here. - No. Mom. Mom! 214 00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:47,187 - Positions. - Game time, buddy. 215 00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:49,024 - Okay. Okay. - This is my good side. 216 00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:50,817 - BERT: I'm busy. - ALVA: We've gone over this! Come on! 217 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:51,942 MORGAN: Gosh. Okay. 218 00:10:51,943 --> 00:10:53,110 ALVA: Bert, get in the middle. 219 00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:54,361 (sighs): So it begins. 220 00:10:54,363 --> 00:10:56,489 Seriously, come. You know what that means. 221 00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,575 Shall we jockey forward? 222 00:10:58,576 --> 00:11:00,327 No. 223 00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:04,080 No, we can hang back. 224 00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:05,539 Yeah. 225 00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:07,168 Trudy, honey? 226 00:11:08,878 --> 00:11:10,128 Come on over here. 227 00:11:10,129 --> 00:11:11,587 - (growls playfully) - (Trudy chuckles) 228 00:11:11,589 --> 00:11:13,756 Just, like... 229 00:11:13,758 --> 00:11:15,549 GERTRUDE: Threaten 'em or bribe 'em. 230 00:11:15,551 --> 00:11:16,842 This isn't rocket science. 231 00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:18,386 Same shit we always do. 232 00:11:19,889 --> 00:11:21,221 That's what? 233 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,682 That's the best you can do? 234 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,559 Excited to see your grandma? 235 00:11:25,561 --> 00:11:26,894 Listen, you cocksucker. 236 00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,855 It's Christmas, so why don't you take 237 00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,774 your best offer, gift wrap it, 238 00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:33,735 and ram it up your fucking box. 239 00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:35,070 (Alva clears throat) 240 00:11:35,071 --> 00:11:37,404 GERTRUDE: Maybe you don't realize who I am. 241 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:38,990 Those were Grandma words. You know, forget them. 242 00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:40,825 ALVA: Oh, boy. Look at Mr. Cool back here. 243 00:11:40,826 --> 00:11:43,077 Yeah, what's your angle, man? Hmm? 244 00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:45,705 No angle. I'm not doing anything. 245 00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:47,164 (scoffing): Oh, yeah. 246 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:48,750 GERTRUDE: No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No! 247 00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,794 Don't shit in my mouth and tell me it's chocolate cake. 248 00:11:51,796 --> 00:11:53,087 (chuckles) Grandma's cool. 249 00:11:53,088 --> 00:11:55,381 GERTRUDE: I can make that story go away... 250 00:11:55,383 --> 00:11:57,091 I think your brother's up to something. 251 00:11:57,092 --> 00:11:58,884 No, I just decided to let you guys 252 00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,761 have all the fun sucking up to Mom today. 253 00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:03,556 Please. You are King Suck-up. 254 00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:05,600 You named your kid Gertrude. 255 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:06,976 (Linda scoffs) 256 00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:09,269 Alva, you named your son Bertrude. 257 00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:11,272 Okay. 258 00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:12,982 Sorry, Bert, but that's not a real name. 259 00:12:12,984 --> 00:12:15,818 Sorry, Linda. We can't all be lucky enough to have daughters. 260 00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:17,822 Mom, I can hear you. 261 00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,533 You know something we don't. What is it? 262 00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:22,993 No, I don't. I don't. 263 00:12:22,994 --> 00:12:24,244 I got it. Bingo. 264 00:12:24,245 --> 00:12:25,662 I'm onto you, man. Come on! 265 00:12:25,663 --> 00:12:27,288 - We were just... - MORGAN: Come on, 266 00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:28,539 come on, come on, come on. 267 00:12:28,541 --> 00:12:30,833 - GERTRUDE: You big sack of shit. - Ooh. 268 00:12:30,835 --> 00:12:32,668 No wonder your husband left you. 269 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,922 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 270 00:12:35,965 --> 00:12:38,299 Merry Christmas to you, too, Senator. 271 00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:40,927 - Merry Christmas, Mommy. - Merry Christmas. 272 00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,261 (chuckling) 273 00:12:42,263 --> 00:12:43,804 LINDA: Merry Christmas. 274 00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:46,558 Why in the hell are you standing all the way back there? 275 00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:49,394 Merry Christmas, Grandma! 276 00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,479 - GERTRUDE: Aw. - Little bitch. 277 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:54,024 Little Gertrude. And how is my favorite granddaughter? 278 00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:56,567 Everybody calls me Trudy now. 279 00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:58,236 Trudy? 280 00:12:59,572 --> 00:13:01,697 - Well, that makes her sound like a whore. - Okay. 281 00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:04,451 Oh, she doesn't even know the meaning of the word. 282 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,785 I'm starving. Let's eat. 283 00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:08,245 ALVA: Great. 284 00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:10,749 And, Mom, I think Gertrude is a beautiful name. 285 00:13:10,750 --> 00:13:13,043 Mm-hmm. I only call her Gertrude. 286 00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:14,335 - Merry Christmas, Gertrude. - Come on, Bertrude. 287 00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:18,088 d When the kids are fast asleep d 288 00:13:18,090 --> 00:13:20,759 d Gently down the stairs we'll creep d 289 00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:22,384 (swallows, gags) 290 00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:25,263 d Then we'll lock and bolt all the doors d 291 00:13:25,264 --> 00:13:28,892 d Just you and me and Santa Claus d 292 00:13:28,893 --> 00:13:30,350 (groans) 293 00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:33,187 d We'll be as quiet as quiet can be d 294 00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:36,482 d Planting toys under the tree d 295 00:13:36,484 --> 00:13:40,278 d We'll be crawling around on all fours d 296 00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:42,072 d Just you and me d 297 00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:44,698 - d And Santa Claus d - (belching) 298 00:13:44,700 --> 00:13:46,326 (whooping) 299 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,370 d d 300 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,040 d For soon will be d 301 00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:55,710 - d That magic time d - (scoffs) 302 00:13:55,711 --> 00:13:58,379 d When we hear that midnight chime d 303 00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:00,173 - (wind whistling) - (urine splattering) 304 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:01,883 - d When that flying sleigh d - (grunts) 305 00:14:01,884 --> 00:14:04,177 d Finally flies away d 306 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:07,388 d We'll have a very merry Christmas Day d 307 00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:11,893 d We'll raise a toast to the team with the most d 308 00:14:11,894 --> 00:14:15,230 d The best there ever was d 309 00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:19,234 d You and me and Santa Claus... d 310 00:14:19,235 --> 00:14:22,071 Another fucking Christmas. 311 00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:25,405 (song ends) 312 00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:27,158 TRUDY: I made these all by myself. 313 00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:28,743 - JASON: No way. - LINDA: Mm-hmm. 314 00:14:28,744 --> 00:14:30,912 TRUDY: I even made one that looks exactly like Santa. 315 00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:33,414 - Exactly. - JASON (laughs): Yeah. 316 00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:35,792 Santa gets a candy cane, too? 317 00:14:35,793 --> 00:14:37,043 Yeah. 318 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,546 Mm, okay. 319 00:14:39,922 --> 00:14:41,588 It's perfect. 320 00:14:41,590 --> 00:14:43,258 No peeking. 321 00:14:43,259 --> 00:14:45,717 This house has so many chimneys. 322 00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,220 (Linda chuckles) 323 00:14:47,221 --> 00:14:49,264 How will Santa know which one to come down? 324 00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:51,140 Oh, Santa just knows. 325 00:14:51,142 --> 00:14:52,934 Christmas magic. 326 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,605 Honey, what's wrong? 327 00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:01,110 Daddy never took me to see Santa at the mall this year. 328 00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:04,113 LINDA: He didn't. 329 00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:08,491 I am so sorry. 330 00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:12,245 This year has been weird. 331 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:15,956 I never got to tell Santa what I wanted for Christmas. 332 00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:18,460 Oh, honey. Come here. 333 00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:24,756 You know what? 334 00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:28,970 You go put your pj's on, 335 00:15:28,971 --> 00:15:32,057 and I will be two minutes. 336 00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:35,977 d d 337 00:15:37,855 --> 00:15:40,149 (hushed): Yes! 338 00:15:41,609 --> 00:15:44,027 Okay... 339 00:15:44,028 --> 00:15:47,114 (muttering) 340 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,661 (sighs): Yes. 341 00:15:53,662 --> 00:15:55,663 (paper rustling) 342 00:15:57,499 --> 00:15:59,335 Yes! 343 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:05,215 Because you have been so good to me and Mommy this year, 344 00:16:05,216 --> 00:16:09,177 we decided that you could have one gift... 345 00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,053 (gasps) early! 346 00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:13,514 - Really? - (Jason chuckling) 347 00:16:17,561 --> 00:16:19,647 What is it? 348 00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:25,150 That is a very special walkie-talkie. 349 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:26,693 It's magic. 350 00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:27,986 - Magic? - Mm-hmm. 351 00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:30,197 What you got right there 352 00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:32,575 is a direct hotline to Santa Claus himself. 353 00:16:32,576 --> 00:16:35,327 - I can talk to Santa? - Oh, yeah. 354 00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:39,164 It's just like writing him a letter... but better. 355 00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:40,290 Mm-hmm. 356 00:16:40,292 --> 00:16:43,086 Now, the only thing is, 357 00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:45,462 he might not have time to answer you. 358 00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:47,506 He's delivering a lot of presents tonight. 359 00:16:47,508 --> 00:16:48,841 Mm-hmm. 360 00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:51,427 But he'll hear everything you want to say to him. 361 00:16:55,724 --> 00:16:57,892 (beeps, crackles) 362 00:16:57,893 --> 00:16:59,726 Hello, Santa? 363 00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:03,188 This is Trudy Lightstone. 364 00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:05,232 I hope you're having a nice night. 365 00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:07,402 JASON: Mm. (kissing rapidly) 366 00:17:07,403 --> 00:17:12,156 It's really cold tonight, so don't forget your mittens. 367 00:17:12,991 --> 00:17:16,286 So, I wanted to tell you, Santa, 368 00:17:16,287 --> 00:17:18,078 I was extra good this year, 369 00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:22,250 so I wrote a big list for you with all the stuff I wanted. 370 00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:25,461 But then... 371 00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:28,882 then I realized I don't need any of that. 372 00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:33,511 I really only want one present for Christmas. 373 00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:38,849 I want Mommy and Daddy to make up 374 00:17:38,851 --> 00:17:41,269 so we can be a family again. 375 00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:44,146 Okay. 376 00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:46,317 Good night, Santa. 377 00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:49,611 Good night, Mr. Bunny. 378 00:17:53,824 --> 00:17:56,242 (sighs) 379 00:17:57,118 --> 00:17:58,702 (footsteps squishing) 380 00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:01,164 (groans) 381 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,790 Which one of you did that? 382 00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:05,125 (reindeer grunting) 383 00:18:05,126 --> 00:18:06,461 You can't go two seconds without 384 00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:08,296 crapping on the roof like a bunch of pigeons? 385 00:18:08,297 --> 00:18:10,006 (huffing) 386 00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:13,134 So unprofessional. 387 00:18:14,595 --> 00:18:15,720 (sighs) 388 00:18:15,721 --> 00:18:18,432 You know, Rudolph will never do this crap. 389 00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:22,185 - (jingling) - (whooshing) 390 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:25,145 (sighs, grunts) 391 00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:27,357 d d 392 00:18:31,653 --> 00:18:33,322 Hmm. 393 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,411 Mmm. 394 00:18:43,915 --> 00:18:46,084 (chuckling) 395 00:18:46,085 --> 00:18:48,336 Mmm, mmm. 396 00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:51,672 Homemade. 397 00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:53,048 Mmm. 398 00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:54,801 (slurps) 399 00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,887 Ugh. 400 00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:00,473 Skim. 401 00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:12,317 Oh, yeah. 402 00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:14,445 That's the stuff. 403 00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:20,786 Mmm. 404 00:19:21,787 --> 00:19:23,538 DuBoi... 405 00:19:23,538 --> 00:19:26,540 - On some prewar shit right there. - (cork pops) 406 00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:28,961 - Good shit. - (cork clatters on floor) 407 00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:35,675 ("We Wish You a Merry Christmas" melody plays) 408 00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:40,555 (melody ends) 409 00:19:40,556 --> 00:19:42,222 (exhales sharply) Mmm. 410 00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:43,891 That pairs well. 411 00:19:43,892 --> 00:19:46,561 What do we have here? 412 00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:50,566 (sighing) 413 00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:01,660 (chair vibrating) 414 00:20:02,786 --> 00:20:04,494 Oh, yeah. 415 00:20:04,496 --> 00:20:06,582 That's the stuff. 416 00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,420 (slurping) 417 00:20:15,507 --> 00:20:18,593 - You know, uh... - (sighs) 418 00:20:18,594 --> 00:20:21,596 Christmas is all right, 419 00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:25,267 but you Americans don't celebrate my favorite holiday. 420 00:20:26,101 --> 00:20:27,934 Oh, yeah? What? 421 00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:29,563 Boxing Day. 422 00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:32,940 (glass shatters) 423 00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:34,984 d d 424 00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,990 (watch beeping) 425 00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:44,036 (chiming) 426 00:20:49,458 --> 00:20:51,710 (watches chiming) 427 00:20:56,214 --> 00:20:58,467 (watch chiming) 428 00:21:02,804 --> 00:21:04,471 Yo, yo. B. Lightstone here, 429 00:21:04,472 --> 00:21:06,265 live streaming the dream, you know. 430 00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,809 They say the richest man... 431 00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:11,604 Say goodbye. 432 00:21:11,605 --> 00:21:13,565 And if you... 433 00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:17,734 Grandma! Your Wi-Fi sucks dick. 434 00:21:17,736 --> 00:21:19,403 Damn it! 435 00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:21,989 When he was small, I begged you to beat him. 436 00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:23,951 (gasps softly) 437 00:21:39,465 --> 00:21:41,467 Hey. Merry Christmas. 438 00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:43,134 Or should I say "happy holidays" now? 439 00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:45,179 Right? I mean, it's like, people, make up your minds. 440 00:21:45,180 --> 00:21:47,431 - You know what I'm saying? - Can I help you? 441 00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:49,392 Oh, yeah. I sure hope so. See, uh, 442 00:21:49,393 --> 00:21:51,018 my car broke down a little ways... 443 00:21:51,019 --> 00:21:52,853 Out here? This is a private road. 444 00:21:52,854 --> 00:21:54,855 You're telling me. (chuckles) 445 00:21:54,855 --> 00:21:57,148 It's the first place I've seen for miles. 446 00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:58,442 I think I got frostbite. 447 00:21:58,442 --> 00:21:59,777 Where the hell am I, anyway? 448 00:21:59,778 --> 00:22:01,528 G.T. Lightstone family compound. 449 00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:03,365 I'll call you a tow. 450 00:22:05,701 --> 00:22:07,702 - (silenced gunshot) - (grunts) 451 00:22:09,997 --> 00:22:12,414 d d 452 00:22:12,415 --> 00:22:14,416 All right, revelers. 453 00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:16,210 (over earpiece): Time to steal Christmas. 454 00:22:16,211 --> 00:22:17,461 Sound off. 455 00:22:17,461 --> 00:22:19,046 Jingle. Check. 456 00:22:19,047 --> 00:22:20,631 Peppermint. Check. 457 00:22:20,632 --> 00:22:22,215 Sugarplum. Check. 458 00:22:22,217 --> 00:22:25,176 Krampus. Ready to fuck shit up. 459 00:22:25,178 --> 00:22:26,971 Candy Cane. Check. 460 00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:29,598 - Go for Frosty. - Go for Tinsel. 461 00:22:29,599 --> 00:22:31,308 Go for Gingerbread. 462 00:22:31,309 --> 00:22:34,269 Are we gonna use these stupid code names all night? 463 00:22:34,270 --> 00:22:35,770 (over earpiece): 'Tis the season. 464 00:22:35,771 --> 00:22:39,567 Welcome to your worst Christmas ever. 465 00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:42,945 Trudy loves seeing Santa at the mall. 466 00:22:43,779 --> 00:22:45,573 She loves going with her father. 467 00:22:45,574 --> 00:22:47,240 And you should've taken her yesterday, 468 00:22:47,241 --> 00:22:48,617 like you do every Christmas, 469 00:22:48,618 --> 00:22:50,327 but we didn't even hear from you. 470 00:22:50,328 --> 00:22:51,662 Mom put me on a special project. 471 00:22:51,663 --> 00:22:53,079 - It's complicated. - But it's not, 472 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,165 because it keeps happening over and over. 473 00:22:55,166 --> 00:22:57,752 Your mother forcing herself between us. - You're right. 474 00:22:59,462 --> 00:23:01,506 d d 475 00:23:02,340 --> 00:23:04,717 What if we could give Trudy her Christmas wish? 476 00:23:04,718 --> 00:23:06,801 (scoffs) You're trying to win me back 477 00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:09,471 with a romantic weekend at your mother's? 478 00:23:09,472 --> 00:23:12,808 What if things really changed this time? 479 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,020 We got out from under my mother's thumb. 480 00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:18,814 We'll walk away. 481 00:23:18,815 --> 00:23:21,526 From the company, the family. 482 00:23:24,237 --> 00:23:25,864 Tonight. 483 00:23:26,656 --> 00:23:28,199 What are you up to? 484 00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:31,452 (distant gunfire) 485 00:23:32,703 --> 00:23:34,664 - (rapid gunfire) - (grunts) 486 00:23:38,167 --> 00:23:39,669 (chair vibrating) 487 00:23:39,670 --> 00:23:41,837 - (distant gunfire) - (snorts) 488 00:23:45,759 --> 00:23:47,300 (vibrating stops) 489 00:23:47,301 --> 00:23:48,929 (gunfire continues) 490 00:23:53,474 --> 00:23:55,852 (groaning) 491 00:24:03,317 --> 00:24:04,943 (gunfire continues) 492 00:24:04,944 --> 00:24:07,488 (grunting) 493 00:24:07,489 --> 00:24:09,656 (panting quietly) 494 00:24:09,657 --> 00:24:11,826 (whimpering) 495 00:24:11,826 --> 00:24:13,493 - (Candy Cane yells) - (grunts) 496 00:24:13,494 --> 00:24:14,787 Let's go. 497 00:24:14,788 --> 00:24:17,288 We need to get you out of here. 498 00:24:17,289 --> 00:24:19,040 Mommy, where are you going? 499 00:24:19,041 --> 00:24:20,835 - She's going for the panic room! - What? 500 00:24:20,836 --> 00:24:22,169 - Yes. Go, Bertrude. - Without us? 501 00:24:22,170 --> 00:24:24,839 - (gunfire continues) - (groaning) 502 00:24:26,967 --> 00:24:28,134 (grunts) 503 00:24:28,134 --> 00:24:30,178 ALVA: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 504 00:24:39,061 --> 00:24:40,730 (gunfire) 505 00:24:51,866 --> 00:24:53,826 GERTRUDE: There isn't room for all of us. 506 00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:55,577 She can fit at least two of us. Mom, take me. 507 00:24:55,578 --> 00:24:57,538 - Mom! (stammers) - Oh. Yeah. 508 00:24:57,538 --> 00:24:59,164 M-Mom, can Bert come, too? 509 00:24:59,165 --> 00:25:01,834 - (device beeps) - (whirring) 510 00:25:01,835 --> 00:25:03,085 Okay. Move it or lose it, son. 511 00:25:03,086 --> 00:25:04,795 - Move it! - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 512 00:25:04,796 --> 00:25:06,922 You're supposed to protect us. 513 00:25:06,923 --> 00:25:08,592 We protect the primary asset. 514 00:25:12,554 --> 00:25:13,762 Who the hell are you? 515 00:25:13,763 --> 00:25:16,724 You can call me Mr. Scrooge. 516 00:25:17,476 --> 00:25:18,893 Hilarious. 517 00:25:18,894 --> 00:25:20,228 Get him. 518 00:25:20,854 --> 00:25:22,897 (grunting and groaning) 519 00:25:28,778 --> 00:25:31,198 Bah humbug, motherfucker. 520 00:25:34,534 --> 00:25:36,744 d d 521 00:25:40,582 --> 00:25:42,834 SCROOGE: Hey. Step aside. 522 00:25:44,085 --> 00:25:46,586 Tinsel, Peppermint, sweep upstairs. 523 00:25:46,587 --> 00:25:48,798 I want all the Lightstones together. 524 00:25:49,590 --> 00:25:51,300 Kill anybody else you find. 525 00:25:55,596 --> 00:25:59,099 (panting, whimpering) 526 00:26:01,478 --> 00:26:04,271 Fuck. Fuck, fuck. 527 00:26:05,105 --> 00:26:07,651 LINDA: Trudy, honey, we got to go. 528 00:26:08,609 --> 00:26:10,152 JASON: Wake up, honey. Wake up. 529 00:26:10,153 --> 00:26:12,948 Maybe we can get out the back by the servants' stairs. 530 00:26:16,576 --> 00:26:17,951 (gasps) 531 00:26:17,952 --> 00:26:19,787 (crackles, whistles) 532 00:26:19,788 --> 00:26:22,288 Oh, come on. Not now. Not now. 533 00:26:22,289 --> 00:26:23,414 (crackles, whistles) 534 00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:25,416 Fuck! Fuck! 535 00:26:25,417 --> 00:26:26,961 Mistletoe, gingerbread. 536 00:26:26,961 --> 00:26:29,088 (crackles, whistles) 537 00:26:31,298 --> 00:26:33,050 (gasps) 538 00:26:40,599 --> 00:26:43,060 (banging) 539 00:26:51,152 --> 00:26:52,236 Hey! 540 00:26:52,237 --> 00:26:53,947 (jingling) 541 00:26:55,073 --> 00:26:56,323 Oh. Oh. 542 00:26:56,324 --> 00:26:57,782 (chuckling): Hi. 543 00:26:57,784 --> 00:27:00,243 You got me. 544 00:27:00,244 --> 00:27:02,829 I don't want any trouble, okay? 545 00:27:02,830 --> 00:27:04,539 Downstairs. Now. 546 00:27:04,540 --> 00:27:08,210 Look, mister, I don't want to get involved. 547 00:27:08,211 --> 00:27:10,628 I just... I just have a job to do. 548 00:27:10,630 --> 00:27:12,006 Okay? That's it. 549 00:27:12,007 --> 00:27:14,508 I'm just gonna take my bag, 550 00:27:14,509 --> 00:27:17,344 and I'm just gonna scooch up that chimney. 551 00:27:17,345 --> 00:27:18,846 (both grunt) 552 00:27:18,846 --> 00:27:20,723 Enough talk. Let's go. 553 00:27:21,516 --> 00:27:23,267 You don't want to do this. 554 00:27:23,268 --> 00:27:24,476 What? This? 555 00:27:24,477 --> 00:27:26,185 (both grunt) 556 00:27:26,186 --> 00:27:27,520 Now, move! 557 00:27:27,521 --> 00:27:29,522 - (groaning) - Are you deaf? 558 00:27:29,523 --> 00:27:31,525 Fucking move! 559 00:27:31,526 --> 00:27:32,776 (Tinsel gasps) 560 00:27:32,777 --> 00:27:34,988 (grunting) 561 00:27:38,450 --> 00:27:40,659 (snorting, grunting) 562 00:27:40,660 --> 00:27:42,327 (rapid hoofbeats) 563 00:27:42,328 --> 00:27:44,203 No, no, no. 564 00:27:44,204 --> 00:27:47,374 No! Wait! 565 00:27:47,375 --> 00:27:48,709 Wait. 566 00:27:48,710 --> 00:27:50,376 Wait! Don't go! 567 00:27:50,377 --> 00:27:52,255 Come back! 568 00:27:55,717 --> 00:27:57,969 (grunting) 569 00:27:59,930 --> 00:28:02,847 (both yelling) 570 00:28:02,848 --> 00:28:05,099 (grunting and groaning) 571 00:28:05,101 --> 00:28:07,479 - (sizzling) - (screaming) 572 00:28:11,607 --> 00:28:13,232 (steam hissing) 573 00:28:13,233 --> 00:28:15,402 (groaning) 574 00:28:15,403 --> 00:28:17,446 (both yelling, grunting) 575 00:28:22,618 --> 00:28:24,871 (groaning) 576 00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:31,961 (crackling, whistling) 577 00:28:34,005 --> 00:28:37,092 (grunting and groaning) 578 00:28:50,396 --> 00:28:53,107 (strained grunting) 579 00:28:57,278 --> 00:28:59,447 (screaming) 580 00:29:02,616 --> 00:29:05,202 (yells) 581 00:29:07,329 --> 00:29:09,082 Oh, fuck! 582 00:29:10,458 --> 00:29:12,291 (grunts) 583 00:29:12,292 --> 00:29:15,296 (coughs, groans) 584 00:29:16,631 --> 00:29:18,842 (groaning) 585 00:29:33,189 --> 00:29:34,690 Oh, shit. 586 00:29:34,691 --> 00:29:36,942 (wind whistling) 587 00:29:42,656 --> 00:29:44,907 (frustrated grunt) 588 00:29:44,909 --> 00:29:47,494 (panting, gasping) 589 00:29:56,003 --> 00:29:59,840 Damn chickenshit reindeer leave me here to die. 590 00:30:08,266 --> 00:30:11,518 (to tune of "Silent Night"): d Violent night d 591 00:30:11,519 --> 00:30:14,605 d Gory night d 592 00:30:14,605 --> 00:30:16,773 d All is calm d 593 00:30:16,775 --> 00:30:21,028 d If all doesn't want to get shot in the fucking head. d 594 00:30:21,820 --> 00:30:23,196 GERTRUDE: Cute. 595 00:30:23,198 --> 00:30:26,326 Do you have any idea who you're fucking with? 596 00:30:28,368 --> 00:30:29,661 (groaning) 597 00:30:29,662 --> 00:30:32,538 I know exactly who I'm fucking with. 598 00:30:32,539 --> 00:30:34,665 Oh, wait, wait. Did you actually think 599 00:30:34,666 --> 00:30:36,210 that I spent months 600 00:30:36,211 --> 00:30:38,878 planning a complex break-in to the most secure 601 00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:40,506 private residence in the country 602 00:30:40,507 --> 00:30:42,257 and I didn't know who lived here? 603 00:30:42,258 --> 00:30:43,842 Well, you're wrong. 604 00:30:43,843 --> 00:30:46,804 'Cause your staff are dead. 605 00:30:46,805 --> 00:30:48,931 - Your security are dead. - (grunts) 606 00:30:48,932 --> 00:30:52,227 Now, sit down and shut the fuck up! 607 00:30:54,061 --> 00:30:56,064 (Trudy screams) 608 00:31:00,067 --> 00:31:02,612 d d 609 00:31:20,337 --> 00:31:22,382 Oh, fuck. 610 00:31:25,259 --> 00:31:26,593 We planned it. It's all right. 611 00:31:26,594 --> 00:31:28,220 It'll be solved in a couple minutes. 612 00:31:28,221 --> 00:31:29,762 Better be solved. 613 00:31:29,763 --> 00:31:32,141 So much like a scene from my movie Dark Ransom. 614 00:31:32,142 --> 00:31:33,601 Oh, my God. 615 00:31:34,769 --> 00:31:36,269 If they didn't have guns, 616 00:31:36,270 --> 00:31:38,313 I could take out three, maybe four of them. 617 00:31:38,314 --> 00:31:40,440 ALVA: Try all of them. 618 00:31:40,441 --> 00:31:43,067 Ew, Mom. Yuck. 619 00:31:43,068 --> 00:31:44,862 If you'd really done your research, you'd know 620 00:31:44,863 --> 00:31:47,656 that my brother Rory was kidnapped in the '70s. 621 00:31:48,532 --> 00:31:51,160 But my father never called the police. 622 00:31:51,161 --> 00:31:53,662 Dad sent in our own private extraction team, 623 00:31:53,663 --> 00:31:57,249 and Rory was home safe and sound a week later. 624 00:31:57,250 --> 00:32:00,919 And the kidnappers were never found. 625 00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:03,006 If you get me. 626 00:32:04,548 --> 00:32:06,048 I know. 627 00:32:06,049 --> 00:32:08,759 I know all about your extraction team 628 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:10,846 that you affectionately call "the Kill Squad" 629 00:32:10,846 --> 00:32:12,638 behind closed doors. 630 00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:14,557 I also know that they're on their way 631 00:32:14,558 --> 00:32:16,559 and how long it's gonna take 'em to get here. 632 00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:19,479 I even know their credit ratings and their dick sizes. 633 00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:21,147 If you get me. 634 00:32:21,148 --> 00:32:23,317 Then you should also know you're already dead. 635 00:32:23,317 --> 00:32:25,152 We don't do ransoms. 636 00:32:25,153 --> 00:32:27,778 Again, I know. I know. 637 00:32:27,779 --> 00:32:29,780 See, I know a lot, Gertrude. 638 00:32:29,781 --> 00:32:31,532 I really do. 639 00:32:31,534 --> 00:32:34,619 Like the fact that you have 300 million in U.S. dollars 640 00:32:34,621 --> 00:32:36,747 sitting in your personal vault downstairs. 641 00:32:36,748 --> 00:32:38,999 - The fuck? - SCROOGE: That's right. 642 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:41,751 300 million that the U.S. government 643 00:32:41,752 --> 00:32:45,213 gave Lightstone to quietly distribute in the Middle East 644 00:32:45,214 --> 00:32:46,882 to all the worst people, 645 00:32:46,883 --> 00:32:51,052 to grease the wheels and keep that sweet oil flowing. 646 00:32:51,054 --> 00:32:55,641 300 million that... oops... disappeared in the fog of war. 647 00:32:55,642 --> 00:32:58,852 Except it didn't really disappear, did it, Gerty? 648 00:32:58,853 --> 00:33:00,186 'Cause you stole it. 649 00:33:00,188 --> 00:33:01,771 Did you know about this? 650 00:33:01,772 --> 00:33:03,231 SCROOGE: Man, this family. 651 00:33:03,232 --> 00:33:06,401 This moneygrubbing family. 652 00:33:06,402 --> 00:33:08,278 Clinging desperately to your wealth, 653 00:33:08,278 --> 00:33:10,696 when your poor employees don't even have enough coal 654 00:33:10,698 --> 00:33:12,574 to keep Tiny Tim warm. 655 00:33:12,575 --> 00:33:15,743 What is it with you and all this Christmas shit? 656 00:33:15,744 --> 00:33:17,537 Talk all you want. 657 00:33:17,538 --> 00:33:19,373 You'll never get in the vault. 658 00:33:19,374 --> 00:33:22,875 Oh, oh, oh, because when you-you hit the panic button, 659 00:33:22,876 --> 00:33:24,544 it reset the combination? 660 00:33:24,545 --> 00:33:28,215 I keep telling you, I know. 661 00:33:29,133 --> 00:33:31,385 d d 662 00:33:33,011 --> 00:33:35,888 SCROOGE: This is what breaking into a vault has turned into? 663 00:33:35,890 --> 00:33:40,559 Remember when you just had to drill holes and blow shit up? 664 00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,229 I don't know, maybe I'm getting old, 665 00:33:42,230 --> 00:33:43,730 but there was something romantic about that. 666 00:33:43,730 --> 00:33:45,982 CANDY CANE (over radio): Boss, you copy? 667 00:33:45,983 --> 00:33:47,942 I'm kind of busy here. 668 00:33:47,943 --> 00:33:50,404 You're gonna want to see this. 669 00:33:59,747 --> 00:34:01,414 Maybe he fell. 670 00:34:01,415 --> 00:34:02,833 You rappel down buildings with him. 671 00:34:02,834 --> 00:34:05,252 You gonna tell me he just fell out a window? 672 00:34:06,086 --> 00:34:08,088 All right, look lively, gang. 673 00:34:08,088 --> 00:34:09,840 We got a gopher. 674 00:34:25,273 --> 00:34:26,773 LINDA: You know what? 675 00:34:26,773 --> 00:34:30,943 Um, I think Mr. Bunny wants to go to sleep. 676 00:34:30,945 --> 00:34:32,945 So, let's tuck him in. 677 00:34:32,947 --> 00:34:34,574 Okay? 678 00:34:35,742 --> 00:34:37,452 It's gonna be okay. 679 00:34:39,619 --> 00:34:41,664 d d 680 00:34:51,340 --> 00:34:53,884 Hello? Santa? 681 00:34:53,885 --> 00:34:55,844 Are you there? 682 00:34:57,554 --> 00:34:59,599 (panting) 683 00:35:01,684 --> 00:35:03,436 Shit. 684 00:35:05,813 --> 00:35:07,563 (radio crackles) 685 00:35:07,565 --> 00:35:10,192 (over radio): This is Candy Cane at checkpoint three. 686 00:35:10,193 --> 00:35:11,902 (gasps) Oh, shit. 687 00:35:11,902 --> 00:35:13,695 Shit. Shit. Shit. 688 00:35:13,695 --> 00:35:15,739 (panting) 689 00:35:16,865 --> 00:35:18,784 Video game. 690 00:35:19,952 --> 00:35:21,286 Video game. 691 00:35:21,286 --> 00:35:23,496 Didn't anybody ask for a bat or a sword 692 00:35:23,498 --> 00:35:26,626 - or Molotov cocktails? - (door opens) 693 00:35:35,134 --> 00:35:36,844 (whispers): Wait. 694 00:35:43,266 --> 00:35:45,519 d d 695 00:35:49,981 --> 00:35:51,608 (grunts) 696 00:35:51,608 --> 00:35:53,275 CHILD'S VOICE (recorded): Mommy, I love you. 697 00:35:53,277 --> 00:35:54,820 ("?D�nde Est� Santa Claus?" by Toni Stante playing) 698 00:35:54,820 --> 00:35:56,695 Poetry book. 699 00:35:56,697 --> 00:35:59,157 Die Hard on Blu-ray. Fuck! 700 00:35:59,157 --> 00:36:00,742 (grunting) 701 00:36:00,742 --> 00:36:04,371 - d Mamacita d - d Mamacita, ah-ooh d 702 00:36:04,371 --> 00:36:07,039 - d ?D�nde est� Santa Claus? d - d Mamacita d 703 00:36:07,041 --> 00:36:09,166 - (grunts, chokes) - d Ah-ooh d 704 00:36:09,168 --> 00:36:11,710 - d ?D�nde est� Santa Claus? d - d Mamacita, ah-ooh... d 705 00:36:11,711 --> 00:36:13,295 - (grunts) - (gun clicks) 706 00:36:13,297 --> 00:36:15,257 Safety's on, dipshit. 707 00:36:15,257 --> 00:36:16,882 (grunting continues) 708 00:36:16,884 --> 00:36:20,262 - d Mamacita d - d Mamacita, ah-ooh d 709 00:36:20,262 --> 00:36:22,639 d Oh, where is Santa Claus? d 710 00:36:22,639 --> 00:36:24,266 d Mamacita, ah-ooh d 711 00:36:24,266 --> 00:36:26,059 d I look for him because d 712 00:36:26,059 --> 00:36:28,018 Wait. Hang on. Hang on. 713 00:36:28,019 --> 00:36:29,396 d It's Christmas Eve... d 714 00:36:29,396 --> 00:36:31,981 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Look. 715 00:36:31,983 --> 00:36:33,400 I don't want to kill you. 716 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:34,860 (chuckles) 717 00:36:34,860 --> 00:36:37,362 (laughing) 718 00:36:37,362 --> 00:36:41,157 Wow, a big fat guy, gray beard. 719 00:36:41,159 --> 00:36:43,244 Eh? 720 00:36:43,786 --> 00:36:45,829 Santa... 721 00:36:45,829 --> 00:36:47,873 I'm gonna rip your fucking balls off. 722 00:36:47,873 --> 00:36:50,666 (both yelling) 723 00:36:50,668 --> 00:36:52,168 (grunting with effort) 724 00:36:52,170 --> 00:36:55,213 d I hope he won't forget to crack his castanets d 725 00:36:55,213 --> 00:36:58,757 d And to his reindeer say d 726 00:36:58,759 --> 00:37:01,344 d "Oh, Pancho, oh, Vixen, oh, Pedro, oh, Blitzen..." d 727 00:37:01,344 --> 00:37:03,262 Oh, shit. (grunts) 728 00:37:03,264 --> 00:37:04,597 (pained grunting) 729 00:37:04,599 --> 00:37:06,307 (machine beeping) 730 00:37:06,309 --> 00:37:08,934 - d Mamacita d - d Mamacita, ah-ooh d 731 00:37:08,936 --> 00:37:11,271 d ?D�nde est� Santa Claus? d 732 00:37:11,271 --> 00:37:12,898 (screams) 733 00:37:12,898 --> 00:37:15,775 d Oh, where is Santa Claus? d 734 00:37:15,775 --> 00:37:17,568 d Mamacita, ah-ooh d 735 00:37:17,570 --> 00:37:19,320 d It's Christmas Eve d 736 00:37:19,322 --> 00:37:21,280 d Christmas Eve d 737 00:37:21,282 --> 00:37:24,117 d d 738 00:37:24,117 --> 00:37:25,702 (grunts fiercely) 739 00:37:25,702 --> 00:37:28,456 (screaming, groaning) 740 00:37:29,456 --> 00:37:30,623 (pained yelling) 741 00:37:30,625 --> 00:37:32,250 d I hope he won't forget d 742 00:37:32,251 --> 00:37:33,835 d To crack his castanets d 743 00:37:33,835 --> 00:37:37,713 - (screams, grunts) - d And to his reindeer say d 744 00:37:37,715 --> 00:37:41,675 d "Oh, Pancho, oh, Vixen, oh, Pedro, oh, Blitzen d 745 00:37:41,677 --> 00:37:45,639 d Ol�, ol�, ol�" d 746 00:37:45,639 --> 00:37:48,599 - d Mamacita d - d Mamacita, ah-ooh d 747 00:37:48,601 --> 00:37:51,143 d ?D�nde est� Santa Claus? d 748 00:37:51,144 --> 00:37:52,311 d Mamacita, ah-ooh d 749 00:37:52,313 --> 00:37:54,313 d Oh, where is Santa Claus? d 750 00:37:54,315 --> 00:37:56,023 d Mamacita, ah-ooh d 751 00:37:56,025 --> 00:37:59,568 - d It's Christmas Eve d - d Christmas Eve d 752 00:37:59,570 --> 00:38:02,489 d It's Christmas Eve d 753 00:38:02,489 --> 00:38:04,157 d Mamacita d 754 00:38:04,157 --> 00:38:06,409 - d It's Christmas Eve d - d Mamacita. d 755 00:38:06,409 --> 00:38:08,494 - (yells) - (screaming in pain) 756 00:38:08,496 --> 00:38:09,871 (song ends) 757 00:38:09,871 --> 00:38:12,833 (Frosty screaming hysterically) 758 00:38:16,170 --> 00:38:18,505 (whimpers, growls) 759 00:38:20,298 --> 00:38:22,050 (whimpering) 760 00:38:23,927 --> 00:38:25,554 (gasping) 761 00:38:30,184 --> 00:38:32,561 - (electrical crackling) - (sputtering) 762 00:38:44,072 --> 00:38:46,199 - (grunts) - (steam hissing) 763 00:38:46,199 --> 00:38:48,076 (chuckles) 764 00:38:48,077 --> 00:38:50,411 Ah, God. 765 00:38:50,413 --> 00:38:52,123 Whew. 766 00:38:53,164 --> 00:38:56,126 Whew. Whew. 767 00:38:56,126 --> 00:38:58,210 (over radio): This is Candy Cane checking in. 768 00:38:58,211 --> 00:38:59,920 Compound is clear and secured. 769 00:38:59,922 --> 00:39:02,047 - (radio crackling, beeping) - (grunting) 770 00:39:02,048 --> 00:39:04,134 SCROOGE: Copy. What's the status on the Kill Squad? 771 00:39:04,135 --> 00:39:05,802 (coughing) 772 00:39:05,802 --> 00:39:07,554 GINGERBREAD: Kill Squad won't be here for two hours. 773 00:39:07,554 --> 00:39:10,431 So we're doing good. The outer seal's already been breached. 774 00:39:10,432 --> 00:39:13,059 Is there a 911 thing on here? 775 00:39:13,059 --> 00:39:15,561 (whimpers) My... 776 00:39:15,563 --> 00:39:17,521 Am I doing that correct? 777 00:39:17,523 --> 00:39:18,856 Hello? 778 00:39:18,858 --> 00:39:20,817 Hello, can anybody hear me? 779 00:39:20,818 --> 00:39:23,402 TRUDY: Can you hear me, Santa? 780 00:39:23,403 --> 00:39:25,237 d d 781 00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:26,489 Hello? 782 00:39:26,489 --> 00:39:28,074 Santa? 783 00:39:31,244 --> 00:39:32,996 Yeah, this is Santa. 784 00:39:35,750 --> 00:39:38,418 I hope I'm not bothering you. 785 00:39:39,795 --> 00:39:42,672 Daddy said you were very busy tonight. 786 00:39:44,425 --> 00:39:46,342 I'm... 787 00:39:46,344 --> 00:39:48,552 I'm on a break. 788 00:39:48,554 --> 00:39:50,764 Who-who am I speaking to? 789 00:39:53,184 --> 00:39:55,059 My name is Trudy Lightstone, 790 00:39:55,061 --> 00:39:58,521 and I've been very good this year. 791 00:39:58,521 --> 00:40:00,440 (grunts) Trudy... 792 00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:02,650 (panting) 793 00:40:02,652 --> 00:40:04,778 Trudy Lightstone. 794 00:40:08,199 --> 00:40:09,824 (chuckles) 795 00:40:13,621 --> 00:40:15,829 Yeah, Trudy. 796 00:40:15,831 --> 00:40:18,208 You're on my nice list. 797 00:40:18,208 --> 00:40:20,753 You've been a very good girl this year. 798 00:40:22,295 --> 00:40:24,507 Where are you now, Trudy? 799 00:40:25,757 --> 00:40:28,592 TRUDY: I'm in a big room with all my relatives. 800 00:40:28,594 --> 00:40:31,972 There's two bad men with guns watching us. 801 00:40:34,557 --> 00:40:36,266 SANTA: Oh, no. Six left. 802 00:40:36,268 --> 00:40:38,603 TRUDY: Are you gonna help us, Santa? 803 00:40:39,730 --> 00:40:41,731 Yeah. Of course I'm gonna help you. 804 00:40:41,731 --> 00:40:44,442 I'm gonna... I'm gonna get you out of there. 805 00:40:44,443 --> 00:40:48,030 Take all these bad guys on my naughty list... 806 00:40:48,905 --> 00:40:51,407 I'm gonna take a lump of coal, 807 00:40:51,409 --> 00:40:55,369 each and every one of them, and shove it straight up... 808 00:40:55,371 --> 00:40:56,664 The ass. 809 00:40:59,500 --> 00:41:01,041 Well, I mean, come on, sweetie. 810 00:41:01,043 --> 00:41:04,003 We want to keep you on the nice list, you know. 811 00:41:05,338 --> 00:41:07,925 Sorry. Can I say "butthole," then? 812 00:41:08,717 --> 00:41:10,217 I mean, it's borderline. 813 00:41:10,219 --> 00:41:11,844 How about "anus"? 814 00:41:11,846 --> 00:41:16,181 (sighs) Technically, yes, uh, "anus" is the tech... 815 00:41:16,182 --> 00:41:18,016 Okay, look, uh, Tru... uh, Trudy. 816 00:41:18,018 --> 00:41:20,769 I got to call for help, and the phone lines are down. 817 00:41:20,771 --> 00:41:23,440 You probably know this house better than anybody. 818 00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:25,358 You got any suggestions? 819 00:41:25,358 --> 00:41:26,985 I have an idea. 820 00:41:29,237 --> 00:41:31,822 All right, you're telling me there's a goddamn Santa Claus 821 00:41:31,824 --> 00:41:33,742 running around here? 822 00:41:36,911 --> 00:41:38,954 Okay, well, he looks jolly as fuck, 823 00:41:38,956 --> 00:41:40,498 but who the hell is he? 824 00:41:40,498 --> 00:41:42,708 There's no Santa listed on the employee manifest. 825 00:41:42,710 --> 00:41:44,043 Yeah, there's more. 826 00:41:44,043 --> 00:41:45,753 Frosty hasn't checked in. I can't reach him. 827 00:41:45,755 --> 00:41:47,713 All right, keep trying. 828 00:41:47,715 --> 00:41:50,382 d d 829 00:41:50,384 --> 00:41:51,925 All right, it's official. 830 00:41:51,927 --> 00:41:53,844 We got a gopher on the loose, and he's dangerous. 831 00:41:53,846 --> 00:41:55,262 Watch your backs. 832 00:41:55,264 --> 00:41:57,307 d d 833 00:42:00,226 --> 00:42:02,980 Al? Al? 834 00:42:09,195 --> 00:42:11,070 Oh, shit. 835 00:42:17,161 --> 00:42:18,744 (clicking) 836 00:42:18,746 --> 00:42:20,413 Oh, shit! 837 00:42:20,414 --> 00:42:23,751 SCROOGE (over radio): Frosty, what's your status? 838 00:42:27,213 --> 00:42:29,255 Frosty, sound off. 839 00:42:30,257 --> 00:42:33,135 Uh, Frosty? 840 00:42:34,427 --> 00:42:35,887 Is-is that, uh... 841 00:42:35,887 --> 00:42:37,806 is that the naughty guy I met in the basement? 842 00:42:37,806 --> 00:42:39,516 Your-your friend is dead. 843 00:42:39,516 --> 00:42:42,768 Uh, he got a star in his face, then his head caught on fire. 844 00:42:42,769 --> 00:42:44,686 It's a long story. 845 00:42:44,688 --> 00:42:47,523 Oh. 846 00:42:47,525 --> 00:42:49,692 Is this... is this our Santy? 847 00:42:49,693 --> 00:42:52,612 Is this our... our Santy Claus? 848 00:42:52,612 --> 00:42:54,197 Yeah, it is. 849 00:42:54,989 --> 00:42:56,907 To whom am I speaking? 850 00:42:56,909 --> 00:42:58,909 Well, for tonight, I'm Mr. Scrooge. 851 00:42:58,911 --> 00:43:02,831 Now, what is it that you want exactly, Santa? 852 00:43:02,831 --> 00:43:05,375 I want you to put down your weapons, 853 00:43:05,376 --> 00:43:08,293 I want you to let this family go, 854 00:43:08,295 --> 00:43:10,170 and then I want to find my reindeer, 855 00:43:10,172 --> 00:43:12,675 and I want to continue delivering my presents. 856 00:43:15,427 --> 00:43:16,969 Are you fucking with me? 857 00:43:16,971 --> 00:43:19,264 All right, who the hell are you really, huh? 858 00:43:19,264 --> 00:43:21,891 Some security guard who's watched too many action flicks? 859 00:43:21,891 --> 00:43:24,351 Some loser ex-cop stuck in a mall 860 00:43:24,353 --> 00:43:26,603 playing dress-up with fat kids pissing on your lap? 861 00:43:26,605 --> 00:43:28,021 Stop me when I get it right. 862 00:43:28,023 --> 00:43:30,315 It's a little more complicated than that. 863 00:43:30,317 --> 00:43:31,943 Not to me, it's not. 864 00:43:31,943 --> 00:43:33,945 'Cause I want to make it my personal mission, 865 00:43:33,945 --> 00:43:38,282 my holiday to-do list, to find you and to end you 866 00:43:38,284 --> 00:43:41,952 and to wipe my ass with you and this whole fucking holiday. 867 00:43:41,954 --> 00:43:44,496 That's what I want for Christmas, Santa. 868 00:43:44,498 --> 00:43:48,626 That is a terrible thing to want for Christmas. 869 00:43:48,626 --> 00:43:52,380 But maybe you and I should discuss that in person. 870 00:43:53,673 --> 00:43:56,342 Santa Claus is coming to town. 871 00:43:58,177 --> 00:43:59,762 (sighs) 872 00:43:59,762 --> 00:44:02,016 (trickling) 873 00:44:07,730 --> 00:44:09,188 Shit. 874 00:44:19,032 --> 00:44:20,365 All right, who did you hire 875 00:44:20,367 --> 00:44:23,036 to play Santa at your Christmas party, huh? 876 00:44:23,036 --> 00:44:25,079 - (gasping, coughing) - I said, who's playing Santa 877 00:44:25,079 --> 00:44:26,539 at your fucked-up Christmas party? 878 00:44:26,539 --> 00:44:29,458 (gasping, straining): I didn't hire a Santa. 879 00:44:29,460 --> 00:44:32,420 I never have a Santa. It's tacky. 880 00:44:32,420 --> 00:44:33,795 SCROOGE: So, who is he? 881 00:44:33,797 --> 00:44:36,632 d Oh, what fun it is to ride... d 882 00:44:36,634 --> 00:44:39,510 Huh? Who is he? 883 00:44:39,510 --> 00:44:41,054 Somebody better start talking, 884 00:44:41,054 --> 00:44:44,139 or I'm gonna bash her brains in with this... 885 00:44:44,141 --> 00:44:48,728 Damn, Gertrude. You really got a thing for nutcrackers, huh? 886 00:44:49,896 --> 00:44:53,775 So, I'm gonna torture everyone in your family 887 00:44:53,775 --> 00:44:56,860 until you tell me who's running around your mansion 888 00:44:56,862 --> 00:44:59,614 playing Santa and fucking with my shit. 889 00:44:59,614 --> 00:45:01,615 And who should I pick first? 890 00:45:01,617 --> 00:45:03,034 Should I go by age? 891 00:45:03,034 --> 00:45:04,702 - (Trudy whimpers) - LINDA: Shh. 892 00:45:04,702 --> 00:45:06,371 Or should I go by IQ? 893 00:45:06,371 --> 00:45:09,831 Pick Jason. He's my mom's favorite. 894 00:45:09,833 --> 00:45:11,876 - Yep. Him. - The one in the sweater. 895 00:45:11,876 --> 00:45:14,253 All right. Jason Lightstone it is. 896 00:45:14,253 --> 00:45:15,505 - The number one son. - No. 897 00:45:15,505 --> 00:45:17,005 Wait, wait, wait. No, we don't need... 898 00:45:17,007 --> 00:45:18,423 We don't need to do that. No, it's okay. 899 00:45:18,425 --> 00:45:20,592 No. No, no, no. We don't need to do this. 900 00:45:20,594 --> 00:45:21,802 No. No, no, no, no. 901 00:45:21,804 --> 00:45:23,304 Don't, don't, don't. 902 00:45:23,304 --> 00:45:25,597 - No, don't... Put it... Don't... No. - (muttering) 903 00:45:25,599 --> 00:45:27,809 - No, no, no, no. No, no. - Give me this fucking... 904 00:45:27,809 --> 00:45:30,853 - (Jason whimpers, screams) - (snaps) 905 00:45:30,853 --> 00:45:32,355 - (grunts) - (groaning) 906 00:45:32,356 --> 00:45:34,648 - (whimpering gasp) - (screams) 907 00:45:34,650 --> 00:45:36,818 (groaning) 908 00:45:36,818 --> 00:45:39,528 I'm telling you, no one hired a Santa. 909 00:45:39,530 --> 00:45:41,155 All right, all right, all right. You're right. 910 00:45:41,155 --> 00:45:42,197 You're right. Let's stop it. Let's stop it. 911 00:45:42,199 --> 00:45:44,324 What are we doing here? Come on. 912 00:45:44,326 --> 00:45:47,411 What are we, amateurs? We're half-assing this. 913 00:45:47,413 --> 00:45:50,541 Come on. It's not called a finger cracker. 914 00:45:51,750 --> 00:45:53,710 Okay, Candy Cane. 915 00:45:53,710 --> 00:45:55,085 Stick one of his bozaks in there. 916 00:45:55,086 --> 00:45:56,295 I'm not touching his balls. 917 00:45:56,295 --> 00:45:58,005 What, are you a princess all of a sudden? 918 00:45:58,007 --> 00:45:59,632 I've seen you scoop out brains before. 919 00:45:59,632 --> 00:46:01,092 CANDY CANE: You want me to scoop his brains out, 920 00:46:01,092 --> 00:46:02,635 I'll scoop his brains out right now, 921 00:46:02,635 --> 00:46:03,802 but I'm not touching his junk. 922 00:46:03,804 --> 00:46:05,221 I don't care who does it. 923 00:46:05,222 --> 00:46:06,806 I better be looking at flat balls, 924 00:46:06,806 --> 00:46:08,056 like, in three seconds. 925 00:46:08,057 --> 00:46:10,643 I'll do it. 926 00:46:10,643 --> 00:46:11,936 Krampus. Perfect. 927 00:46:11,936 --> 00:46:13,311 Oh, not that guy. Not that guy. 928 00:46:13,313 --> 00:46:14,813 That's what I love about sociopaths. 929 00:46:14,815 --> 00:46:16,106 Always up for trying new things. 930 00:46:16,108 --> 00:46:17,442 You don't need to do this, okay? 931 00:46:17,443 --> 00:46:19,360 No, it's all right. Um... Oh, no. 932 00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:21,903 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 933 00:46:21,905 --> 00:46:24,449 (panting): Oh, God. Oh, my God. 934 00:46:24,449 --> 00:46:25,992 (Jason whimpers) 935 00:46:25,992 --> 00:46:27,617 KRAMPUS: Put your nuts in. 936 00:46:27,619 --> 00:46:28,994 Yummy, yummy. 937 00:46:28,996 --> 00:46:31,748 Stop hurting my daddy... 938 00:46:31,748 --> 00:46:34,168 or Santa will get mad. 939 00:46:35,001 --> 00:46:37,210 Ah, what a cutie. 940 00:46:37,211 --> 00:46:39,297 So, what do we know about Santa, little one? 941 00:46:39,297 --> 00:46:41,215 She doesn't know anything about Santa. 942 00:46:41,215 --> 00:46:42,092 (groans) 943 00:46:42,092 --> 00:46:43,842 He wasn't asking you. 944 00:46:43,844 --> 00:46:46,262 She's playing make-believe. 945 00:46:46,262 --> 00:46:48,514 She's pretending to talk to Santa. 946 00:46:48,514 --> 00:46:50,516 It's not pretend. Santa's my friend, 947 00:46:50,516 --> 00:46:52,434 and he said he's going to save us. 948 00:46:52,436 --> 00:46:53,518 JASON: No. 949 00:46:53,519 --> 00:46:55,771 - And beat you up. - SCROOGE: Oh, is he? 950 00:46:55,773 --> 00:46:58,315 I bet he'd come out of hiding if you asked him to, huh? 951 00:46:58,317 --> 00:46:59,900 What do you say you come with me 952 00:46:59,902 --> 00:47:02,152 and we play a little game with him, huh? - No, no, no. 953 00:47:02,153 --> 00:47:03,528 Trudy, come on. Tell him the truth now. 954 00:47:03,530 --> 00:47:05,364 - You aren't talking to Santa. - Yes, I am. 955 00:47:05,364 --> 00:47:06,699 No, you're not. Come on, now. 956 00:47:06,699 --> 00:47:09,534 Yes, I am. - Damn it, Trudy, Santa isn't real! 957 00:47:09,536 --> 00:47:10,786 (gasps) 958 00:47:10,788 --> 00:47:12,206 (sighs) 959 00:47:14,958 --> 00:47:17,751 d d 960 00:47:17,753 --> 00:47:19,545 I'm sorry, honey. 961 00:47:20,505 --> 00:47:22,715 Santa's just a thing adults tell kids 962 00:47:22,715 --> 00:47:24,927 to make them feel better, okay? 963 00:47:26,929 --> 00:47:29,054 Your mommy and I give you the presents, 964 00:47:29,056 --> 00:47:31,056 and we say they're from Santa. 965 00:47:31,057 --> 00:47:32,224 (Jason sighs) 966 00:47:32,226 --> 00:47:33,809 He's not coming to save us. 967 00:47:33,811 --> 00:47:36,019 He doesn't exist. 968 00:47:36,021 --> 00:47:38,440 It's all made-up. 969 00:47:39,983 --> 00:47:41,775 - Really? - SCROOGE: Aw. 970 00:47:41,777 --> 00:47:44,612 What a way to find out that there's no Santa. 971 00:47:44,612 --> 00:47:46,655 Hey, let's come back Easter and ruin the Easter Bunny 972 00:47:46,657 --> 00:47:48,824 - for her, too, huh? - (Krampus chuckling) 973 00:47:48,826 --> 00:47:50,242 - LINDA: Trudy! - Come back here! 974 00:47:50,244 --> 00:47:51,702 - Stop her! - Trudy! -Hey! 975 00:47:51,702 --> 00:47:53,204 CANDY CANE: You idiots, stay at your posts. 976 00:47:53,204 --> 00:47:54,664 LINDA: Trudy! 977 00:47:54,664 --> 00:47:57,000 I'll find this little brat. 978 00:47:59,753 --> 00:48:02,005 (panting) 979 00:48:05,592 --> 00:48:07,635 d d 980 00:48:10,556 --> 00:48:12,599 (sighs) 981 00:48:19,438 --> 00:48:22,358 (song playing with eerie, indistinct chanted vocal) 982 00:48:37,331 --> 00:48:39,585 (song continues with eerie, indistinct chanted vocal) 983 00:48:46,592 --> 00:48:48,635 (shuddering breaths) 984 00:48:55,266 --> 00:48:57,643 (short, pained breaths) 985 00:49:03,108 --> 00:49:04,525 Okay. 986 00:49:13,534 --> 00:49:16,413 (panting) 987 00:49:19,498 --> 00:49:20,916 (grunts) 988 00:49:20,918 --> 00:49:22,376 (exhales) 989 00:49:23,170 --> 00:49:25,003 (song ends) 990 00:49:25,005 --> 00:49:26,838 (panting) 991 00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:29,050 (people screaming, shouting) 992 00:49:33,137 --> 00:49:36,139 TRUDY (over radio): Santa. Santa. 993 00:49:36,141 --> 00:49:38,016 - Santa! - (gasps) 994 00:49:38,018 --> 00:49:39,684 (panting) 995 00:49:39,686 --> 00:49:41,521 This is Trudy. 996 00:49:42,356 --> 00:49:45,525 - Are you okay, Santa? - (breathing heavily, grunting) 997 00:49:47,610 --> 00:49:49,027 Hi. Hey. 998 00:49:49,028 --> 00:49:50,862 Are you okay? 999 00:49:50,864 --> 00:49:52,697 I'm good. Uh... 1000 00:49:52,699 --> 00:49:55,076 I was just wrapping something up. 1001 00:49:55,077 --> 00:49:57,286 I ran away and hid in the attic. 1002 00:49:57,286 --> 00:50:00,539 Okay. If you're safe... 1003 00:50:00,539 --> 00:50:03,541 uh, just stay there and, uh, stay quiet, all right? 1004 00:50:03,543 --> 00:50:08,380 Okay. I can set up booby traps, like in Home Alone. 1005 00:50:08,382 --> 00:50:10,048 Okay, I don't know what that means, 1006 00:50:10,050 --> 00:50:11,759 but, uh, yeah, do that. 1007 00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:13,679 Just do it quietly. 1008 00:50:15,054 --> 00:50:17,056 Are you really Santa? 1009 00:50:17,056 --> 00:50:19,268 (chuckling) 1010 00:50:20,893 --> 00:50:22,896 Of course I am, sweetheart. 1011 00:50:23,771 --> 00:50:26,650 My daddy says there isn't any Santa. 1012 00:50:28,068 --> 00:50:31,278 He says parents just tell their kids that Santa's real 1013 00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:32,989 to make them feel better. 1014 00:50:32,989 --> 00:50:35,865 He said they give us presents 1015 00:50:35,867 --> 00:50:38,159 and say they're from Santa. 1016 00:50:38,161 --> 00:50:40,288 Yeah. 1017 00:50:40,289 --> 00:50:42,539 Yeah, a lot of parents say that. 1018 00:50:42,541 --> 00:50:46,585 But I still bring presents to kids that need me. 1019 00:50:47,878 --> 00:50:50,172 Kids who really believe. 1020 00:50:51,425 --> 00:50:54,342 How do you know who really needs you? 1021 00:50:54,344 --> 00:50:56,554 Christmas magic. 1022 00:50:56,554 --> 00:50:58,847 I'm not really sure how it works. 1023 00:50:58,849 --> 00:51:00,182 (chuckles) 1024 00:51:06,648 --> 00:51:08,940 But, uh... 1025 00:51:08,942 --> 00:51:11,110 (sighs) 1026 00:51:11,110 --> 00:51:14,237 I remember, um... 1027 00:51:14,239 --> 00:51:16,157 when Trudy Lightstone wrote to me. 1028 00:51:16,157 --> 00:51:18,576 She must have been about six years old, 1029 00:51:18,577 --> 00:51:22,413 and she said that she felt lonely sometimes. 1030 00:51:22,414 --> 00:51:24,831 She missed having a best friend. 1031 00:51:24,833 --> 00:51:26,166 And so I brought her 1032 00:51:26,168 --> 00:51:28,043 a beautiful little stuffed rabbit. 1033 00:51:28,045 --> 00:51:29,420 Mr. Bunny. 1034 00:51:29,420 --> 00:51:31,380 And then I remember the next year, 1035 00:51:31,380 --> 00:51:33,507 and you said you had this amazing dream 1036 00:51:33,507 --> 00:51:37,552 and that, afterwards, all you wanted to do was... 1037 00:51:37,554 --> 00:51:38,804 To fly! 1038 00:51:38,804 --> 00:51:41,224 (laughing): To fly. To fly. 1039 00:51:42,476 --> 00:51:46,936 I mean, Santa might have some magic, but... 1040 00:51:46,938 --> 00:51:50,650 making a little girl fly? 1041 00:51:52,818 --> 00:51:56,905 But giving you a kite, 1042 00:51:56,907 --> 00:52:00,367 floating just beneath the clouds, 1043 00:52:00,369 --> 00:52:03,204 well, it's about as good as it gets. 1044 00:52:03,204 --> 00:52:05,081 I knew it. 1045 00:52:05,081 --> 00:52:07,458 I knew you were real, Santa. 1046 00:52:10,003 --> 00:52:13,172 Don't be too hard on your parents, all right? 1047 00:52:14,925 --> 00:52:17,760 Grown-ups have a hard time believing things. 1048 00:52:18,594 --> 00:52:20,887 Can you use your Christmas magic 1049 00:52:20,889 --> 00:52:23,224 to make them love each other again? 1050 00:52:23,224 --> 00:52:25,768 I wish I had that kind of power. 1051 00:52:26,561 --> 00:52:30,313 Mrs. Claus and I have been going on year, uh, 1052 00:52:30,315 --> 00:52:32,608 1,100, and... 1053 00:52:33,485 --> 00:52:36,320 Grown-up relationships are complicated. 1054 00:52:37,155 --> 00:52:39,364 It takes work. 1055 00:52:39,365 --> 00:52:41,492 A lot of work. 1056 00:52:43,619 --> 00:52:46,038 Do you still love her? 1057 00:52:46,039 --> 00:52:47,873 Yeah, I do. 1058 00:52:48,833 --> 00:52:52,378 And sometimes, even if you want to make somebody happy... 1059 00:52:53,588 --> 00:52:55,882 ...the magic just goes away. 1060 00:52:57,925 --> 00:53:00,260 Hey. 1061 00:53:00,262 --> 00:53:02,054 I've got an idea. 1062 00:53:02,054 --> 00:53:03,681 This will be fun. 1063 00:53:04,724 --> 00:53:07,976 Why don't you guys open your presents? 1064 00:53:07,978 --> 00:53:12,273 I want to see what you rich assholes get each other. 1065 00:53:12,273 --> 00:53:18,237 And some of you might not make it till tomorrow morning, 1066 00:53:18,237 --> 00:53:21,240 so this could be your only chance. 1067 00:53:22,074 --> 00:53:23,534 Come on. 1068 00:53:23,534 --> 00:53:26,288 Where's the Christmas spirit? 1069 00:53:27,831 --> 00:53:29,916 Uh... 1070 00:53:30,791 --> 00:53:35,211 Gertrude, uh, I got you something pretty special. 1071 00:53:35,213 --> 00:53:36,547 KRAMPUS: Did you hear that, Gertrude? 1072 00:53:36,547 --> 00:53:38,507 He got you something amazing. 1073 00:53:38,507 --> 00:53:41,427 (giggling excitedly): Oh, what could it be? 1074 00:53:41,427 --> 00:53:43,846 Oh, my God, this is exciting. 1075 00:53:43,847 --> 00:53:46,056 Mom. 1076 00:53:46,056 --> 00:53:47,766 Can I call you Mom? 1077 00:53:48,976 --> 00:53:50,603 Mrs. Lightstone. 1078 00:53:52,438 --> 00:53:55,817 Okay, so in the business, they call this... 1079 00:53:56,818 --> 00:53:58,277 ...a pitch deck. 1080 00:53:59,195 --> 00:54:00,278 - Pitch deck. - MORGAN: Yeah. 1081 00:54:00,280 --> 00:54:02,072 It's called Explosive Force. 1082 00:54:02,072 --> 00:54:03,615 Starring me. 1083 00:54:03,617 --> 00:54:05,367 And if you look in the back, 1084 00:54:05,367 --> 00:54:08,829 there are the financial numbers. 1085 00:54:08,829 --> 00:54:12,375 I'm kind of a big deal in Asia. 1086 00:54:13,626 --> 00:54:15,793 Parts of Asia, at least. 1087 00:54:15,795 --> 00:54:17,880 We were in parts of Asia once, and, like, 1088 00:54:17,880 --> 00:54:19,632 we couldn't even go to a restaurant. 1089 00:54:19,632 --> 00:54:23,135 Ah, what is there a better gift than... 1090 00:54:23,135 --> 00:54:26,472 gift of a golden opportunity? 1091 00:54:27,806 --> 00:54:30,059 KRAMPUS (laughing): Oh, no. 1092 00:54:30,059 --> 00:54:31,309 (laughing) 1093 00:54:31,311 --> 00:54:33,771 Granny doesn't like it. (laughs) 1094 00:54:33,771 --> 00:54:36,398 Mother, I got you something really special. 1095 00:54:42,655 --> 00:54:45,324 It's a sentimental photo of the day I was born. 1096 00:54:45,324 --> 00:54:47,367 I remember. 1097 00:54:47,369 --> 00:54:48,744 I was there. 1098 00:54:48,744 --> 00:54:50,996 KRAMPUS: She doesn't give a shit. 1099 00:54:50,996 --> 00:54:53,456 (laughing) 1100 00:54:53,458 --> 00:54:55,166 - Swing and miss again! - (glass shatters) 1101 00:54:55,168 --> 00:54:56,460 This is so fun. 1102 00:54:56,460 --> 00:54:57,670 ALVA: Mommy, how about another one? 1103 00:54:57,670 --> 00:54:59,380 I got you a lot of good things. 1104 00:54:59,380 --> 00:55:01,422 - I'll grab one. - Alva, Alva, sit down. 1105 00:55:01,423 --> 00:55:03,175 You've already given me one. It's... 1106 00:55:03,175 --> 00:55:04,425 It's Jason's turn. 1107 00:55:04,427 --> 00:55:05,844 JASON: Uh... 1108 00:55:05,844 --> 00:55:09,306 I th... I-I think I left it in the car. 1109 00:55:09,306 --> 00:55:11,559 No, I-I saw you put one under the tree earlier. 1110 00:55:11,559 --> 00:55:13,936 - No. It's in the... - Yeah, I did. 1111 00:55:13,936 --> 00:55:17,021 I could've sworn. You know what, it's, uh... 1112 00:55:17,023 --> 00:55:19,108 Y-You don't... you don't... you don't... you... 1113 00:55:19,108 --> 00:55:21,735 It's this one, right? Yeah, I got you, bro. 1114 00:55:21,735 --> 00:55:23,195 Come on. 1115 00:55:23,195 --> 00:55:24,947 (panting quietly) 1116 00:55:24,947 --> 00:55:26,992 Thank you. 1117 00:55:28,034 --> 00:55:30,244 It's my favorite whiskey. 1118 00:55:30,244 --> 00:55:32,914 You can skip the note. 1119 00:55:40,547 --> 00:55:42,798 d d 1120 00:55:51,974 --> 00:55:54,018 (sighs) 1121 00:55:56,271 --> 00:55:58,023 Thank you, Jason. 1122 00:56:03,402 --> 00:56:05,737 What's the card say? 1123 00:56:05,739 --> 00:56:08,657 I think I'll just keep that between Jason and I. 1124 00:56:08,657 --> 00:56:12,786 No one really needs to know. Right, Jason? 1125 00:56:15,248 --> 00:56:16,958 Right. 1126 00:56:17,916 --> 00:56:20,293 TRUDY: Did you ever have a mommy and daddy? 1127 00:56:20,295 --> 00:56:22,086 (grunts) 1128 00:56:22,088 --> 00:56:24,130 (chuckling): Yeah, of course I had a mommy and daddy. 1129 00:56:24,132 --> 00:56:27,802 I wasn't... I wasn't always Santa Claus. 1130 00:56:28,637 --> 00:56:30,929 I had a life before this. 1131 00:56:31,847 --> 00:56:34,601 A long, long, long time ago. 1132 00:56:38,771 --> 00:56:41,898 They used to call me, uh... 1133 00:56:41,900 --> 00:56:43,817 Nicomund. 1134 00:56:43,818 --> 00:56:46,070 (flames rumbling) 1135 00:56:46,070 --> 00:56:47,570 (panting) 1136 00:56:47,572 --> 00:56:49,197 SANTA: Nicomund the Red. 1137 00:56:49,199 --> 00:56:50,782 (people yelling) 1138 00:56:50,784 --> 00:56:53,534 TRUDY: You had a different job then? 1139 00:56:53,536 --> 00:56:56,288 SANTA: Yeah, you could say that. 1140 00:56:56,289 --> 00:56:58,164 I was a warrior. 1141 00:56:58,166 --> 00:57:00,250 A raider. A thief. 1142 00:57:00,251 --> 00:57:04,045 - (man screams) - And if somebody got in my way, 1143 00:57:04,047 --> 00:57:05,797 me and Skullcrusher would... 1144 00:57:05,798 --> 00:57:07,467 TRUDY: Who's Skullcrusher? 1145 00:57:08,300 --> 00:57:11,427 Skullcrusher's my, uh... 1146 00:57:11,429 --> 00:57:14,139 my hammer. 1147 00:57:14,139 --> 00:57:16,391 My favorite hammer. 1148 00:57:16,393 --> 00:57:18,768 I was a surgeon with that thing. 1149 00:57:18,769 --> 00:57:21,230 Used to be able to take three heads, line 'em up... 1150 00:57:21,231 --> 00:57:22,815 (makes thudding sound) 1151 00:57:22,815 --> 00:57:25,400 But why? 1152 00:57:25,402 --> 00:57:26,860 What? 1153 00:57:26,860 --> 00:57:29,489 Why'd you do those things? 1154 00:57:31,449 --> 00:57:33,534 Because I was mean. 1155 00:57:34,702 --> 00:57:36,829 And I was greedy. 1156 00:57:38,664 --> 00:57:41,458 And I wanted gold, jewels. 1157 00:57:41,458 --> 00:57:44,168 Yeah, I mean, if there was a naughty list back then, 1158 00:57:44,170 --> 00:57:46,172 I'd be top dog. 1159 00:57:47,757 --> 00:57:49,884 Well, maybe... 1160 00:57:50,885 --> 00:57:52,094 What? 1161 00:57:52,094 --> 00:57:54,222 Maybe all those bad things you used to do... 1162 00:57:55,306 --> 00:57:58,601 ...maybe you can use them to do good things instead. 1163 00:57:59,393 --> 00:58:01,686 To help. 1164 00:58:01,688 --> 00:58:03,605 What do you mean? 1165 00:58:03,606 --> 00:58:07,985 Mr. Bunny, he wasn't just a toy. 1166 00:58:07,985 --> 00:58:11,405 That night, you gave me what I wished for. 1167 00:58:11,405 --> 00:58:13,282 A best friend. 1168 00:58:14,324 --> 00:58:16,952 'Cause you're good and kind. 1169 00:58:16,952 --> 00:58:20,539 And you mean more than just the presents you bring. 1170 00:58:20,539 --> 00:58:23,208 That's why I believe in you, Santa. 1171 00:58:23,208 --> 00:58:25,628 That's why I believe. 1172 00:58:26,755 --> 00:58:29,047 (exhaling sharply) 1173 00:58:31,217 --> 00:58:32,885 Thank you. 1174 00:58:34,721 --> 00:58:38,681 You stay hidden, Trudy, till I come get you. 1175 00:58:38,682 --> 00:58:40,601 Stay safe. 1176 00:58:41,561 --> 00:58:44,480 SCROOGE: All right, we got satellite confirmation. 1177 00:58:44,481 --> 00:58:46,606 Extraction team's on the go. 1178 00:58:46,608 --> 00:58:48,900 ETA: 30 minutes. 1179 00:58:48,902 --> 00:58:50,568 We're on schedule. 1180 00:58:50,570 --> 00:58:51,987 Everything's good. 1181 00:58:51,987 --> 00:58:53,572 - (engines revving) - THORP: All right, fellas. 1182 00:58:53,572 --> 00:58:54,989 Look alive, look alive. 1183 00:58:54,990 --> 00:58:56,909 You all know the plan, 1184 00:58:56,909 --> 00:59:00,286 and I like my operations like I like to fuck: 1185 00:59:00,288 --> 00:59:03,081 hard and fast with minimal cleanup. 1186 00:59:03,081 --> 00:59:07,628 Now, some idiot gets in your way, what do you do? 1187 00:59:07,628 --> 00:59:09,713 ALL: Fuck their shit up right! 1188 00:59:09,713 --> 00:59:11,382 Damn right. 1189 00:59:12,175 --> 00:59:14,885 - Time to lube up. - (engines revving) 1190 00:59:16,012 --> 00:59:18,722 Let's go, motherfuckers! Let's go! 1191 00:59:24,646 --> 00:59:26,898 (whispers): This fucking family. 1192 00:59:46,166 --> 00:59:48,418 MALE VOICE (recorded): Ho, ho, ho, ho. 1193 00:59:48,418 --> 00:59:50,211 - (gasps) - Merry Christmas. 1194 00:59:50,213 --> 00:59:51,463 Happy holidays. 1195 00:59:51,463 --> 00:59:52,588 Traitor. 1196 00:59:52,590 --> 00:59:54,048 (grunts) 1197 00:59:54,050 --> 00:59:56,050 I got him in the east wing. 1198 00:59:56,052 --> 00:59:58,512 SCROOGE: All right, we're on our way. Hold him. 1199 00:59:58,512 --> 01:00:00,054 (grunting, panting) 1200 01:00:00,056 --> 01:00:02,431 (yells) 1201 01:00:02,432 --> 01:00:03,851 (gasps) 1202 01:00:07,480 --> 01:00:09,731 (both grunting) 1203 01:00:11,818 --> 01:00:13,820 Step aside. 1204 01:00:18,199 --> 01:00:20,702 - (gunshot) - (whooshing) 1205 01:00:22,871 --> 01:00:25,123 d d 1206 01:00:27,333 --> 01:00:30,126 SCROOGE (in other room): Now, how did this tired, old, 1207 01:00:30,128 --> 01:00:32,795 fat piece of shit get the drop on us? 1208 01:00:32,797 --> 01:00:34,255 GINGERBREAD: I don't know. 1209 01:00:34,257 --> 01:00:36,257 CANDY CANE: He's not even armed. 1210 01:00:36,259 --> 01:00:38,677 This bag is the only thing he had on him. 1211 01:00:38,677 --> 01:00:40,096 SCROOGE: What's in there? 1212 01:00:40,847 --> 01:00:42,891 Can't see anything. 1213 01:00:46,978 --> 01:00:48,438 SCROOGE: Here, give it to me. 1214 01:00:59,532 --> 01:01:02,034 What kind of moron... 1215 01:01:02,034 --> 01:01:04,286 carries a chess set with him? 1216 01:01:07,916 --> 01:01:09,458 What the fuck? 1217 01:01:09,458 --> 01:01:12,001 Doesn't make any sense. Look at all this shit. 1218 01:01:12,003 --> 01:01:14,211 (thuds, strings twang) 1219 01:01:14,213 --> 01:01:16,382 (chuckling) 1220 01:01:19,217 --> 01:01:22,219 So, you're gonna tell us what's the gimmick with the bag? 1221 01:01:22,221 --> 01:01:23,889 It's magic. 1222 01:01:23,889 --> 01:01:26,809 You put your hand in, out comes a present. 1223 01:01:28,393 --> 01:01:31,146 I don't really understand how it works, either. 1224 01:01:32,523 --> 01:01:35,567 So, you're Mr. Scrooge. 1225 01:01:35,568 --> 01:01:37,568 That's right. 1226 01:01:37,570 --> 01:01:39,362 But who are you? 1227 01:01:39,364 --> 01:01:41,407 Weihnachtsmann. 1228 01:01:42,784 --> 01:01:44,744 Julenissen. 1229 01:01:45,619 --> 01:01:47,538 Shengdan Laor�n. 1230 01:01:48,373 --> 01:01:51,583 Babbo Natale, Pere Noel, Kris Kringle. 1231 01:01:51,583 --> 01:01:54,085 Jolly old Saint Nick. 1232 01:01:54,086 --> 01:01:57,130 People call me a lot of things. 1233 01:01:57,965 --> 01:02:00,592 SCROOGE: Ha, ha, ha. Very funny. 1234 01:02:00,592 --> 01:02:02,969 Or should I say, "Ho, ho, ho"? 1235 01:02:02,971 --> 01:02:06,556 If you're Santa, where's your reindeer? 1236 01:02:06,556 --> 01:02:08,391 They were on the roof 1237 01:02:08,393 --> 01:02:11,018 until that guy I turned into an ice kebab just... 1238 01:02:11,019 --> 01:02:13,646 (Santa imitates rapid gunfire) 1239 01:02:13,648 --> 01:02:15,273 You don't believe me? 1240 01:02:15,273 --> 01:02:16,400 Go check. 1241 01:02:16,400 --> 01:02:19,152 Prancer left a tasty log up there. 1242 01:02:19,152 --> 01:02:20,987 SCROOGE: This fucking guy. 1243 01:02:20,989 --> 01:02:22,697 You don't think... 1244 01:02:22,699 --> 01:02:25,867 Now, I know you're an idiot, but don't be an idiot out loud. 1245 01:02:25,867 --> 01:02:27,952 Come on, he's just in Santy Claus 1246 01:02:27,954 --> 01:02:29,954 with a fucking trick bag. 1247 01:02:29,956 --> 01:02:31,956 SANTA: Oh, no! 1248 01:02:31,958 --> 01:02:33,791 That bag was full of kids' dreams! 1249 01:02:33,793 --> 01:02:35,585 SCROOGE: Oh, come on. 1250 01:02:35,585 --> 01:02:37,880 Everybody knows that Christmas dreams are bullshit. 1251 01:02:38,672 --> 01:02:41,298 My father used to make a big deal out of it 1252 01:02:41,300 --> 01:02:43,092 every Christmas. 1253 01:02:43,094 --> 01:02:45,262 Every freaking Christmas with the presents 1254 01:02:45,262 --> 01:02:47,472 and the candy and the decorations 1255 01:02:47,472 --> 01:02:51,268 and the Christmas caroling and all that bullshit. 1256 01:02:52,644 --> 01:02:54,938 And then when I was... 1257 01:02:54,938 --> 01:02:58,358 I don't know, ten, 11, 1258 01:02:58,358 --> 01:03:00,318 he got laid off, and that Christmas, 1259 01:03:00,318 --> 01:03:01,820 couldn't even afford a tree. 1260 01:03:01,820 --> 01:03:03,362 No Christmas dinner, no gifts. 1261 01:03:03,364 --> 01:03:05,992 Nothing, nada, culo, dick. 1262 01:03:06,784 --> 01:03:08,159 But our neighbors... 1263 01:03:08,161 --> 01:03:10,036 our neighbors, oh, they had it all. 1264 01:03:10,038 --> 01:03:11,829 I could see all that yuletide cheer 1265 01:03:11,831 --> 01:03:14,373 through their window mocking me. 1266 01:03:14,375 --> 01:03:18,295 So Christmas Eve rolls around, and... 1267 01:03:18,295 --> 01:03:21,338 I waited for everybody to go to bed. 1268 01:03:21,340 --> 01:03:24,677 And then I snuck in there to take it all. 1269 01:03:25,677 --> 01:03:28,221 Only problem was that the gramps got up to take a piss 1270 01:03:28,222 --> 01:03:30,639 and the two of us scared the shit out of each other. 1271 01:03:30,641 --> 01:03:33,684 And, um, he fell down the stairs 1272 01:03:33,686 --> 01:03:38,231 and-and broke his neck, and he died in the hospital. 1273 01:03:38,231 --> 01:03:39,858 Everybody thought that I did it, 1274 01:03:39,858 --> 01:03:41,358 and every time I tried to tell them, 1275 01:03:41,360 --> 01:03:43,862 I tried to tell them that... 1276 01:03:45,322 --> 01:03:47,699 Anyway, maybe I did do it. 1277 01:03:47,699 --> 01:03:49,742 Maybe I did push him. 1278 01:03:49,744 --> 01:03:51,536 Poor old fucker. 1279 01:03:51,536 --> 01:03:55,039 So, you see, Christmas ruined my life. 1280 01:03:55,041 --> 01:03:56,708 Okay? But you know what? 1281 01:03:56,708 --> 01:03:58,043 It set me on the path 1282 01:03:58,043 --> 01:04:00,086 and made me the great man that I am today. 1283 01:04:00,088 --> 01:04:02,130 I'm sorry, Jimmy. 1284 01:04:02,923 --> 01:04:04,467 I really am. 1285 01:04:05,300 --> 01:04:07,344 But I do gifts. I do Christmas cheer. 1286 01:04:07,344 --> 01:04:09,554 I don't get involved in people's lives. 1287 01:04:09,554 --> 01:04:13,434 Oh, yeah? Yeah, well, maybe you fucking should! 1288 01:04:17,938 --> 01:04:21,108 Um, how did he know your name? 1289 01:04:21,108 --> 01:04:22,818 Oh, Bjorn. 1290 01:04:22,818 --> 01:04:24,945 What's your excuse? 1291 01:04:24,945 --> 01:04:26,530 Huh? 1292 01:04:26,530 --> 01:04:29,865 Didn't I get you that Huffy bike you wanted back in '82? 1293 01:04:29,867 --> 01:04:33,077 One you wrote me 50 times about! 1294 01:04:33,079 --> 01:04:34,579 What about you, Kira? 1295 01:04:34,579 --> 01:04:37,748 Well, you made your brother eat worms. 1296 01:04:37,750 --> 01:04:39,251 That's naughty! 1297 01:04:39,251 --> 01:04:41,168 Okay, how does he know about my bike? 1298 01:04:41,170 --> 01:04:44,588 It's a lucky guess, like: "Hey, do you like big tits?" 1299 01:04:44,590 --> 01:04:46,800 Come on, every kid wants a fucking bike. 1300 01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:49,927 You're gonna tell me who you work for... - Oh, Christ. No. 1301 01:04:49,929 --> 01:04:53,222 ...then you've got five seconds to tell me who you really are. 1302 01:04:53,224 --> 01:04:56,059 Five, four, three, two... 1303 01:04:56,059 --> 01:04:57,768 I'm Santa Claus! 1304 01:04:57,769 --> 01:05:00,063 Well, not anymore. 1305 01:05:01,773 --> 01:05:04,025 d d 1306 01:05:24,963 --> 01:05:26,797 GINGERBREAD: Is it snowing? 1307 01:05:26,798 --> 01:05:30,219 CANDY CANE: Is he doing this with Santa magic? 1308 01:05:36,726 --> 01:05:39,103 Let it snow! 1309 01:05:50,822 --> 01:05:52,824 It's not snow. 1310 01:05:52,824 --> 01:05:54,159 It's Styrofoam. 1311 01:05:54,159 --> 01:05:56,411 I told you this guy's a big phony. 1312 01:05:56,411 --> 01:05:58,164 (grunts) 1313 01:05:59,916 --> 01:06:02,168 (whooshing) 1314 01:06:05,838 --> 01:06:08,090 (groaning) 1315 01:06:09,175 --> 01:06:10,842 (grunts, sighs) 1316 01:06:10,842 --> 01:06:12,719 Where'd he go? 1317 01:06:12,719 --> 01:06:14,346 GINGERBREAD: He went up the chimney. 1318 01:06:14,347 --> 01:06:16,014 - I saw it. - SCROOGE: I don't know, 1319 01:06:16,014 --> 01:06:17,849 he had a rig or some pulley system 1320 01:06:17,849 --> 01:06:19,851 - that just yanked him up. - You can't fit up there. 1321 01:06:19,851 --> 01:06:21,561 - It's impossible. - Oh, you see one weird thing, 1322 01:06:21,561 --> 01:06:23,896 and then you think you're in a fairy tale? 1323 01:06:23,898 --> 01:06:25,190 KRAMPUS (over radio): Incoming. 1324 01:06:25,190 --> 01:06:26,067 We've got sleigh bells approaching. 1325 01:06:26,068 --> 01:06:27,858 Oh, my God. 1326 01:06:27,860 --> 01:06:29,737 It's his reindeer. 1327 01:06:31,364 --> 01:06:33,364 - (hits table) - It's the extraction team. 1328 01:06:33,365 --> 01:06:35,574 Pull yourselves together! 1329 01:06:35,576 --> 01:06:38,246 (engines revving) 1330 01:06:41,039 --> 01:06:43,251 d d 1331 01:06:47,213 --> 01:06:49,382 (engines revving in distance) 1332 01:06:50,507 --> 01:06:54,802 And that is the sound of my Kill Squad. 1333 01:06:54,804 --> 01:06:56,262 (Bert laughing) 1334 01:06:56,264 --> 01:06:58,347 Oh, you're fizzity-fucked now. 1335 01:06:58,349 --> 01:07:00,557 Huh? What are you gonna do? You little elf bitch. 1336 01:07:00,559 --> 01:07:02,018 Fu... (grunts) 1337 01:07:02,018 --> 01:07:03,186 (gasps) Bertie. 1338 01:07:03,186 --> 01:07:04,728 Hashtag "blessed." 1339 01:07:04,730 --> 01:07:07,773 (yells, grunts) 1340 01:07:07,775 --> 01:07:10,402 Yeah! (yells) 1341 01:07:10,402 --> 01:07:11,402 Parkour. 1342 01:07:11,403 --> 01:07:12,570 Kill him, babe! 1343 01:07:12,570 --> 01:07:15,240 - (yells) Oh! - (others gasping) 1344 01:07:16,117 --> 01:07:17,742 Morgan's gonna save us. 1345 01:07:19,494 --> 01:07:23,248 Jean-Claude Van Dipshit just ditched us, sweetie. 1346 01:07:30,255 --> 01:07:32,257 Hold your fire. 1347 01:07:32,257 --> 01:07:33,882 Barrel roll! 1348 01:07:33,884 --> 01:07:35,592 (grunting, panting) 1349 01:07:35,594 --> 01:07:36,885 Easy, easy. 1350 01:07:36,887 --> 01:07:38,804 - (grunts) Yeah! - Easy. 1351 01:07:38,806 --> 01:07:40,097 Identify yourself. 1352 01:07:40,099 --> 01:07:42,474 I'm one of the hostages. 1353 01:07:42,476 --> 01:07:45,603 Morgan Steel, the actor. 1354 01:07:45,603 --> 01:07:48,606 Played a lot of soldiers in my career. 1355 01:07:48,606 --> 01:07:52,193 Can I just say, thank you for your service. Semper fi. 1356 01:07:53,028 --> 01:07:54,945 What's the situation inside? 1357 01:07:54,947 --> 01:07:57,364 Bunch of ex-military guys, 1358 01:07:57,365 --> 01:07:59,367 but I got to warn you, they know you're coming. 1359 01:07:59,367 --> 01:08:01,036 I think they're ready for you. 1360 01:08:01,036 --> 01:08:02,871 They better be. 1361 01:08:02,871 --> 01:08:04,956 We're on a tight schedule. 1362 01:08:04,956 --> 01:08:06,791 Shit. 1363 01:08:10,128 --> 01:08:12,255 (gasps) Oh, f... 1364 01:08:12,255 --> 01:08:15,550 - All right, let's move out. - Let's move out. 1365 01:08:19,721 --> 01:08:21,347 Come on. 1366 01:08:21,349 --> 01:08:23,557 You got to be kidding me. 1367 01:08:23,559 --> 01:08:25,268 SCROOGE: Hey, Thorp, you're ten minutes late. 1368 01:08:25,269 --> 01:08:26,644 What kept you? 1369 01:08:26,645 --> 01:08:28,979 Looks to me like your net's got a hole in it. 1370 01:08:28,980 --> 01:08:31,440 Or are you just letting your hostages out for some exercise? 1371 01:08:31,442 --> 01:08:33,693 No, no, no. We got a wild gopher running around 1372 01:08:33,694 --> 01:08:36,279 complicating shit and causing problems. 1373 01:08:36,279 --> 01:08:37,863 Who? Lightstone security? 1374 01:08:37,864 --> 01:08:39,448 Nah, I don't think so. Some intruder dressed as Santa. 1375 01:08:39,449 --> 01:08:40,867 But I'm telling you, I'm telling you, 1376 01:08:40,868 --> 01:08:43,078 there's something weird about him. 1377 01:08:43,078 --> 01:08:44,703 Might be the real Santa. 1378 01:08:44,704 --> 01:08:47,164 - The fuck did she just say? - SCROOGE: Nothing, nothing. 1379 01:08:47,166 --> 01:08:48,248 She's joking. 1380 01:08:48,250 --> 01:08:50,752 My squad will take care of it. 1381 01:08:53,130 --> 01:08:55,840 Beta Team, go find this asshole. 1382 01:08:55,841 --> 01:08:57,841 Go. 1383 01:08:57,842 --> 01:09:02,180 Now, let's unwrap our present, shall we? 1384 01:09:02,180 --> 01:09:04,431 All right, you heard the man. 1385 01:09:04,432 --> 01:09:07,060 Time to kill Santa. 1386 01:09:07,060 --> 01:09:09,520 I've got him. He's on the roof. 1387 01:09:09,521 --> 01:09:11,815 Roger that. I got eyes on him. 1388 01:09:15,735 --> 01:09:18,530 (gasping) 1389 01:09:19,698 --> 01:09:21,574 (screams) 1390 01:09:22,701 --> 01:09:25,161 (groaning) 1391 01:09:25,162 --> 01:09:27,372 (panting, grunting) 1392 01:09:29,207 --> 01:09:31,208 Right, Sugarplum. Hit that button. 1393 01:09:31,210 --> 01:09:33,211 (tapping keys) 1394 01:09:33,212 --> 01:09:35,463 (clunking, whirring) 1395 01:09:38,175 --> 01:09:40,051 Here we go. 1396 01:09:40,051 --> 01:09:41,427 Our skeleton key. 1397 01:09:41,429 --> 01:09:43,304 The "open" magic stick. 1398 01:09:43,305 --> 01:09:45,014 This better fucking work. 1399 01:09:45,015 --> 01:09:47,684 I'm flushing my career for this, my reputation. 1400 01:09:47,685 --> 01:09:50,479 Yeah, well, then you can buy yourself a new rep. 1401 01:09:59,404 --> 01:10:00,904 THORP: As a kid, I loved 1402 01:10:00,905 --> 01:10:02,948 unwrapping Christmas presents so much 1403 01:10:02,949 --> 01:10:05,911 that my mom would wrap empty boxes for me. 1404 01:10:06,828 --> 01:10:09,247 I didn't care that nothing was inside. 1405 01:10:13,210 --> 01:10:15,421 d d 1406 01:10:21,217 --> 01:10:23,802 Is this a fucking joke? 1407 01:10:23,804 --> 01:10:25,014 No. 1408 01:10:26,390 --> 01:10:28,307 THORP: You said it would fucking be here! 1409 01:10:28,309 --> 01:10:31,935 I'm telling you, my intel was rock solid. 1410 01:10:31,936 --> 01:10:34,230 I had guys on the inside. 1411 01:10:35,274 --> 01:10:38,984 300 million in cash was delivered here yesterday 1412 01:10:38,985 --> 01:10:41,279 to this fucking mansion. 1413 01:10:46,284 --> 01:10:48,953 Somebody must've intercepted it. 1414 01:10:52,957 --> 01:10:55,002 Son of a bitch. 1415 01:10:57,421 --> 01:11:00,341 (groaning) 1416 01:11:06,012 --> 01:11:08,806 (panting) 1417 01:11:15,146 --> 01:11:17,398 (groans) 1418 01:11:17,399 --> 01:11:18,942 Oh, shit. 1419 01:11:18,943 --> 01:11:21,485 Santa, you okay? 1420 01:11:21,487 --> 01:11:23,070 (over radio): Santa. 1421 01:11:23,072 --> 01:11:25,364 A bunch of new bad guys showed up. 1422 01:11:25,365 --> 01:11:27,158 They're on the naughty list. 1423 01:11:27,158 --> 01:11:30,162 They got their gadgets and their gizmos on them. 1424 01:11:30,996 --> 01:11:33,581 I'm sorry. I think this is it, kid. 1425 01:11:33,582 --> 01:11:35,375 No, no, don't say that. 1426 01:11:35,376 --> 01:11:37,377 The naughty list... 1427 01:11:37,377 --> 01:11:39,796 just grows and grows. 1428 01:11:46,345 --> 01:11:48,512 (device whirring) 1429 01:11:48,514 --> 01:11:52,350 He's in that structure. Body cams on. 1430 01:11:52,350 --> 01:11:54,435 TRUDY: Don't give up. 1431 01:11:54,435 --> 01:11:57,020 You make a wish this time, Santa. 1432 01:11:57,021 --> 01:11:58,648 Just this once. 1433 01:11:58,649 --> 01:12:01,568 If you could have anything in this world, 1434 01:12:01,569 --> 01:12:03,820 what would it be? 1435 01:12:09,534 --> 01:12:12,578 SANTA: I wish I could see Mrs. Claus again, 1436 01:12:12,579 --> 01:12:15,707 tell her how much I love her. 1437 01:12:15,707 --> 01:12:18,542 Then you make that wish come true. 1438 01:12:18,543 --> 01:12:20,712 - (ring clinking) - Oh, shit. 1439 01:12:20,712 --> 01:12:23,046 No, no, no, no. No, no. 1440 01:12:23,047 --> 01:12:24,798 (grunting) 1441 01:12:24,800 --> 01:12:26,216 Oh, God. 1442 01:12:26,217 --> 01:12:29,054 (grunts) No. 1443 01:12:31,222 --> 01:12:33,434 d d 1444 01:12:41,442 --> 01:12:44,444 You said these guys, they're naughty. 1445 01:12:44,444 --> 01:12:47,404 And what do you do to the naughty ones? 1446 01:12:47,405 --> 01:12:49,282 I give them a lump of coal. 1447 01:12:49,283 --> 01:12:51,534 Yeah. Give them their lumps. 1448 01:12:52,744 --> 01:12:55,037 Take that coal and shove it straight up their... 1449 01:12:55,038 --> 01:12:57,289 - Anuses. - Yeah! 1450 01:12:57,291 --> 01:12:59,042 d d 1451 01:13:03,255 --> 01:13:04,921 They're right outside. 1452 01:13:04,922 --> 01:13:06,341 (whooshing) 1453 01:13:06,341 --> 01:13:08,135 d d 1454 01:13:19,104 --> 01:13:21,605 Santa's gonna eat through these guys 1455 01:13:21,606 --> 01:13:23,734 like a plate full of cookies. 1456 01:13:24,525 --> 01:13:26,779 (whispering) 1457 01:13:28,279 --> 01:13:29,657 Move, move. 1458 01:13:33,327 --> 01:13:35,119 Hey, lock it up. 1459 01:13:37,038 --> 01:13:38,873 Lights down. 1460 01:13:40,042 --> 01:13:41,958 Stay at my back. 1461 01:13:41,960 --> 01:13:44,087 All right, we got this, boys. 1462 01:13:44,087 --> 01:13:45,756 (fierce grunting) 1463 01:13:46,422 --> 01:13:48,884 (yelling in pain) 1464 01:13:53,055 --> 01:13:55,390 - (yelps, groans) - (neck snaps) 1465 01:13:55,390 --> 01:13:57,643 d d 1466 01:14:00,186 --> 01:14:01,645 (gasps) 1467 01:14:01,646 --> 01:14:02,939 (pained yelling) 1468 01:14:02,939 --> 01:14:05,315 All right, where the fuck is my money?! 1469 01:14:05,317 --> 01:14:07,694 Where's the money?! 1470 01:14:09,154 --> 01:14:11,155 (yells) 1471 01:14:18,329 --> 01:14:21,248 All right, I've been a sweetheart up to now. 1472 01:14:21,250 --> 01:14:22,708 But that's all over. 1473 01:14:22,710 --> 01:14:24,502 No more fucking games! 1474 01:14:24,502 --> 01:14:26,002 Where's the money? 1475 01:14:26,003 --> 01:14:29,048 Or I will shoot every last one of you and enjoy it. 1476 01:14:33,177 --> 01:14:35,930 - It's in the vault. - I just looked in the vault. 1477 01:14:35,930 --> 01:14:37,347 Had the money been in there, 1478 01:14:37,349 --> 01:14:39,182 I'd have a different expression on my face. 1479 01:14:39,184 --> 01:14:40,560 Impossible. 1480 01:14:40,560 --> 01:14:42,645 Takes days to get into that thing. 1481 01:14:42,645 --> 01:14:46,149 Not if we have the key, Mrs. Lightstone. 1482 01:14:47,525 --> 01:14:49,569 GERTRUDE: Thorp. 1483 01:14:49,569 --> 01:14:50,944 (sighs) 1484 01:14:50,945 --> 01:14:53,530 You can't trust anyone these days. 1485 01:14:53,532 --> 01:14:55,699 SCROOGE: I'm not sure how, but you 1486 01:14:55,701 --> 01:14:58,578 or one of your shithead kids moved the money. 1487 01:14:58,578 --> 01:15:00,454 And this upsets me. 1488 01:15:00,456 --> 01:15:02,289 It upsets me 1489 01:15:02,291 --> 01:15:06,295 in a way that makes me want to just randomly shoot at people. 1490 01:15:07,296 --> 01:15:09,505 Hold on. Just... Sorry. 1491 01:15:09,506 --> 01:15:10,922 - Um... - What? What? 1492 01:15:10,923 --> 01:15:12,300 Uh, what if you randomly shoot 1493 01:15:12,301 --> 01:15:14,886 the only person who knows where it is? 1494 01:15:15,887 --> 01:15:18,221 Oh, fuck you people! 1495 01:15:18,222 --> 01:15:20,225 d d 1496 01:15:22,810 --> 01:15:27,899 d We waited all through the year d 1497 01:15:28,775 --> 01:15:33,820 d For the day to appear d 1498 01:15:33,822 --> 01:15:35,698 (grunting and groaning) 1499 01:15:35,698 --> 01:15:41,496 d When we could be together d 1500 01:15:41,497 --> 01:15:43,997 d In harmony d 1501 01:15:43,998 --> 01:15:45,248 (yells) 1502 01:15:45,250 --> 01:15:47,585 d You know the time will come d 1503 01:15:47,586 --> 01:15:50,546 (grunts, screams) 1504 01:15:50,546 --> 01:15:52,881 d Peace on Earth for everyone d 1505 01:15:52,882 --> 01:15:54,466 SANTA: Suck on this. 1506 01:15:54,467 --> 01:15:57,095 (grunting, gurgling) 1507 01:15:58,889 --> 01:16:03,768 d And we can live forever d 1508 01:16:03,769 --> 01:16:07,020 d In a world where we are free d 1509 01:16:07,021 --> 01:16:10,106 d Let it shine for you and me d 1510 01:16:10,108 --> 01:16:13,277 d There's something about Christmastime d 1511 01:16:13,278 --> 01:16:16,447 d Something about Christmastime d 1512 01:16:16,448 --> 01:16:19,449 d That makes you wish it was Christmas every day... d 1513 01:16:19,451 --> 01:16:20,952 I need some feedback, guys. 1514 01:16:20,953 --> 01:16:22,537 (grunting and yelling over monitor) 1515 01:16:22,537 --> 01:16:24,497 Guys, what the hell is going on? 1516 01:16:25,289 --> 01:16:28,125 d The way that the old folks smile d 1517 01:16:28,126 --> 01:16:32,756 d Says that Christmas will never go away d 1518 01:16:34,298 --> 01:16:39,136 - d We're all as one tonight d - (grunting and groaning) 1519 01:16:39,136 --> 01:16:43,850 d Makes no difference if you're Black or white d 1520 01:16:43,850 --> 01:16:46,769 (grunting and groaning continue) 1521 01:16:46,770 --> 01:16:49,479 d 'Cause we can sing together d 1522 01:16:49,480 --> 01:16:51,983 (screaming) 1523 01:16:51,984 --> 01:16:54,194 d In harmony d 1524 01:16:56,113 --> 01:17:00,908 d I know it's not too late d 1525 01:17:00,908 --> 01:17:03,869 d The world would be d 1526 01:17:03,871 --> 01:17:07,291 - d A better place d - (engine starts, rumbles) 1527 01:17:09,501 --> 01:17:10,917 - What's that? - Huh? 1528 01:17:10,918 --> 01:17:13,003 d If we can keep the spirit d 1529 01:17:13,005 --> 01:17:15,006 (grunting and groaning continue) 1530 01:17:15,006 --> 01:17:17,341 d More than one day in the year d 1531 01:17:17,341 --> 01:17:21,721 d Send a message loud and clear d 1532 01:17:23,015 --> 01:17:25,932 d There's something about Christmastime d 1533 01:17:25,934 --> 01:17:28,476 d Something about Christmastime d 1534 01:17:28,478 --> 01:17:32,814 d That makes you wish it was Christmas every day d 1535 01:17:32,815 --> 01:17:34,859 (grunting, screaming) 1536 01:17:34,859 --> 01:17:38,404 d To see the joy in the children's eyes d 1537 01:17:38,404 --> 01:17:41,282 d The way that the old folks smile d 1538 01:17:41,283 --> 01:17:46,329 d Says that Christmas will never go away d 1539 01:17:47,122 --> 01:17:49,916 d It's the time of year when everyone's together... d 1540 01:17:49,917 --> 01:17:52,043 Jesus Christ. 1541 01:17:52,793 --> 01:17:55,212 Nope. Just jolly old Saint Nick. 1542 01:17:55,212 --> 01:17:57,631 d Here on Christmas Day d 1543 01:17:57,632 --> 01:17:59,175 (grunts) 1544 01:17:59,176 --> 01:18:02,929 d When the ones you love are there d 1545 01:18:02,930 --> 01:18:07,766 d You can feel the magic in the air... d 1546 01:18:07,768 --> 01:18:10,519 - (grunts) Oh, God! - There you go. 1547 01:18:10,520 --> 01:18:12,229 A little stocking stuffer. 1548 01:18:13,023 --> 01:18:16,609 Where is it? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 1549 01:18:16,609 --> 01:18:19,069 Fuck, fuck, fuck. 1550 01:18:19,070 --> 01:18:21,782 - I got to watch. - Fuck! 1551 01:18:22,908 --> 01:18:25,117 Ho-Ho-Holy shit. 1552 01:18:25,118 --> 01:18:27,411 d Christmas will never go away. d 1553 01:18:27,412 --> 01:18:30,122 Gertrude would never trust anybody 1554 01:18:30,122 --> 01:18:32,582 who wasn't blood with this kind of info. 1555 01:18:32,583 --> 01:18:34,292 So... 1556 01:18:34,293 --> 01:18:37,921 the in-laws wouldn't know shit, 1557 01:18:37,922 --> 01:18:40,466 which means that I can shoot her... 1558 01:18:40,466 --> 01:18:42,009 (gasping) 1559 01:18:42,010 --> 01:18:44,011 ...unless you tell me where the fucking money is. 1560 01:18:44,011 --> 01:18:46,262 LINDA: Please don't, okay? It's Christmas. 1561 01:18:46,264 --> 01:18:48,100 Shut up! 1562 01:18:48,975 --> 01:18:50,393 I swear, I'll blow her brains out 1563 01:18:50,394 --> 01:18:51,810 unless you tell me where the money went. 1564 01:18:51,811 --> 01:18:54,020 I did it! 1565 01:18:54,021 --> 01:18:56,439 - What? - JASON: Okay. Yeah, I did it. 1566 01:18:56,440 --> 01:18:58,359 - I moved the money. - No, d-don't-don't be an idiot. 1567 01:18:58,359 --> 01:19:00,110 - What? - The money's our only leverage. 1568 01:19:00,112 --> 01:19:01,695 Well, my wife has a fucking gun to her head, so... 1569 01:19:01,697 --> 01:19:03,780 Yeah, how did you find out that we were coming, huh? 1570 01:19:03,782 --> 01:19:05,448 I didn't. I was stealing it. 1571 01:19:05,449 --> 01:19:06,617 (Linda sighs) 1572 01:19:06,618 --> 01:19:08,077 - Yeah, coincidence. - ALVA: Oh, my God. 1573 01:19:08,078 --> 01:19:09,453 I was planning to take the money 1574 01:19:09,453 --> 01:19:12,622 and leave with my wife and daughter tonight 1575 01:19:12,623 --> 01:19:14,625 and never come back here. 1576 01:19:14,626 --> 01:19:18,003 Oh, and then my mom would, uh, 1577 01:19:18,005 --> 01:19:20,006 read the note with her whiskey in the morning 1578 01:19:20,006 --> 01:19:21,798 and know what I had done. 1579 01:19:21,800 --> 01:19:24,092 For years, I have been telling you 1580 01:19:24,094 --> 01:19:26,470 to stop caring about your mother's fucking money! 1581 01:19:26,470 --> 01:19:29,725 And you think the solution was to steal a bunch of it. 1582 01:19:30,516 --> 01:19:32,726 Well, it... yeah, it does sound stupid 1583 01:19:32,728 --> 01:19:34,228 when you say it like that. 1584 01:19:34,229 --> 01:19:36,229 ALVA: How can you do this right now? 1585 01:19:36,230 --> 01:19:38,314 It's disgusting. After all that Mother has given us? 1586 01:19:38,315 --> 01:19:40,525 Come on, Alva. Everything she ever gave you, 1587 01:19:40,527 --> 01:19:41,819 she made damn sure we knew 1588 01:19:41,819 --> 01:19:43,069 she had the power to take right back. 1589 01:19:43,070 --> 01:19:46,948 I have spent years groveling to you. 1590 01:19:46,949 --> 01:19:49,743 In the meanwhile, I was destroying 1591 01:19:49,744 --> 01:19:51,787 the only good thing in my life. 1592 01:19:51,787 --> 01:19:53,163 KRAMPUS: What are we doing here, huh? 1593 01:19:53,164 --> 01:19:55,791 Family therapy or doing a heist? 1594 01:19:55,792 --> 01:19:59,045 Yeah, enough of this sharing bullshit. - (Linda gasps) 1595 01:19:59,046 --> 01:20:01,006 All right. Where'd you put it? 1596 01:20:05,676 --> 01:20:07,177 (Candy Cane scoffs) 1597 01:20:07,179 --> 01:20:09,847 Look at this little idiot. 1598 01:20:13,560 --> 01:20:14,935 Oh, no. 1599 01:20:14,935 --> 01:20:16,770 What? 1600 01:20:16,771 --> 01:20:18,689 - The bad guys found me. - Okay. 1601 01:20:18,689 --> 01:20:20,524 I'm coming. 1602 01:20:27,114 --> 01:20:31,036 You know, booby traps don't work unless you hide them. 1603 01:20:33,704 --> 01:20:35,207 You little moron. 1604 01:20:38,251 --> 01:20:40,587 - (yelling) - Jesus! Shit! 1605 01:20:41,378 --> 01:20:43,715 (Gingerbread continues yelling) 1606 01:20:44,466 --> 01:20:46,634 GINGERBREAD: Help me! Help me! Help! 1607 01:20:46,635 --> 01:20:48,051 (yelling, gurgling) 1608 01:20:48,052 --> 01:20:50,179 You'll be f... (gags) You'll be fine. 1609 01:20:50,180 --> 01:20:52,349 Sit tight. I'll be back in a sec. 1610 01:20:53,809 --> 01:20:55,225 (pained yelling) 1611 01:20:55,226 --> 01:20:57,561 Right after I kill this little piece of shit! 1612 01:21:00,314 --> 01:21:02,733 (panting) You little fucking brat. 1613 01:21:02,734 --> 01:21:04,903 (creaking) 1614 01:21:07,780 --> 01:21:10,492 (grunts, whimpers) 1615 01:21:19,917 --> 01:21:21,127 (grunts) 1616 01:21:21,962 --> 01:21:24,463 (screams) 1617 01:21:28,426 --> 01:21:29,844 (grunts) 1618 01:21:29,845 --> 01:21:31,845 (yelling) 1619 01:21:31,846 --> 01:21:33,430 (squishing) 1620 01:21:33,430 --> 01:21:36,143 (screaming) 1621 01:21:38,270 --> 01:21:40,688 (grunts, yelps) 1622 01:21:40,689 --> 01:21:43,440 (gasping breaths) 1623 01:21:44,234 --> 01:21:45,734 (yells in pain) 1624 01:21:45,734 --> 01:21:47,945 (whimpering) 1625 01:21:49,905 --> 01:21:51,157 (grunts) 1626 01:21:51,158 --> 01:21:52,949 You're dead! 1627 01:21:52,951 --> 01:21:55,453 You're so fucking dead! 1628 01:22:02,627 --> 01:22:05,087 Fucking piece of shit. 1629 01:22:10,135 --> 01:22:12,970 (scoffs) You little... 1630 01:22:22,730 --> 01:22:24,565 (gasping) 1631 01:22:27,777 --> 01:22:30,237 (grunting) 1632 01:22:30,238 --> 01:22:32,282 - Incoming! - (gasps) 1633 01:22:35,659 --> 01:22:38,412 (straining) 1634 01:22:39,831 --> 01:22:41,122 (yelps) 1635 01:22:41,123 --> 01:22:42,417 (chuckles) 1636 01:22:44,127 --> 01:22:46,502 (straining) 1637 01:22:46,503 --> 01:22:47,671 (gasps) 1638 01:22:48,965 --> 01:22:51,007 (groaning) 1639 01:22:51,009 --> 01:22:52,842 (screams) Son of a fucking... 1640 01:22:52,844 --> 01:22:54,304 (chuckles) 1641 01:22:57,599 --> 01:22:59,184 - (crunching) - (screaming) 1642 01:23:00,769 --> 01:23:02,895 (groaning) 1643 01:23:02,895 --> 01:23:04,854 Fuck. (whimpers) 1644 01:23:04,855 --> 01:23:06,649 I got you now, kid. 1645 01:23:06,649 --> 01:23:08,318 Yeah? Heads up. 1646 01:23:08,902 --> 01:23:10,444 (chuckles) 1647 01:23:10,444 --> 01:23:12,070 That's all you got? You fucking... 1648 01:23:12,072 --> 01:23:14,907 (grunts, groans) 1649 01:23:14,908 --> 01:23:17,452 Enough of this shit. (spits) 1650 01:23:25,042 --> 01:23:27,253 d d 1651 01:23:31,006 --> 01:23:33,217 (panting) 1652 01:23:40,432 --> 01:23:42,226 (hammer drops to floor) 1653 01:23:43,019 --> 01:23:44,229 Santa! 1654 01:23:45,229 --> 01:23:47,314 (Santa grunts) 1655 01:23:54,154 --> 01:23:56,407 Hi, Trudy. Hi. 1656 01:23:56,408 --> 01:23:59,243 I made booby traps like in the movie. It was so funny. 1657 01:23:59,243 --> 01:24:01,869 (chuckling): Ho, ho, ho. 1658 01:24:01,871 --> 01:24:03,579 (rustling) 1659 01:24:03,581 --> 01:24:05,417 (grunting weakly) 1660 01:24:07,752 --> 01:24:11,672 Trudy, I want you to, uh... just do me a favor. 1661 01:24:12,506 --> 01:24:15,426 Just turn around and close your eyes. 1662 01:24:15,426 --> 01:24:18,261 Maybe put your fingers in your ears and, uh, 1663 01:24:18,262 --> 01:24:21,306 sing "Jingle Bells" as loud as you can. 1664 01:24:21,307 --> 01:24:23,309 d Jingle bells, jingle bells d 1665 01:24:23,310 --> 01:24:25,601 d Jingle all the way d 1666 01:24:25,603 --> 01:24:27,854 d Oh, how fun it is to ride... d 1667 01:24:27,855 --> 01:24:30,815 You were about to murder an innocent child. 1668 01:24:30,817 --> 01:24:32,150 d Jingle bells, jingle bells... d 1669 01:24:32,152 --> 01:24:33,777 Innocent? 1670 01:24:33,778 --> 01:24:35,779 - It's naughty. - (Trudy continues singing) 1671 01:24:35,779 --> 01:24:37,239 Naughty. 1672 01:24:37,990 --> 01:24:39,449 - Naughty! - (squishing thud) 1673 01:24:39,451 --> 01:24:41,159 It's part of the Lightstone legacy. 1674 01:24:41,161 --> 01:24:42,786 We're horrible people. 1675 01:24:42,787 --> 01:24:44,662 So I get why you did what you did. 1676 01:24:44,663 --> 01:24:46,748 When your grandfather told me I'd never run the company 1677 01:24:46,750 --> 01:24:49,167 because a girl doesn't have what it takes, 1678 01:24:49,168 --> 01:24:51,170 I had to snatch the reins away from him. 1679 01:24:51,171 --> 01:24:52,628 But the point is, 1680 01:24:52,630 --> 01:24:54,381 a Lightstone takes what's theirs. 1681 01:24:54,381 --> 01:24:56,050 I'm proud of you, son. 1682 01:24:56,051 --> 01:24:57,509 All right, where the hell is it? 1683 01:24:57,510 --> 01:24:59,845 (choral Christmas music playing over speakers) 1684 01:24:59,845 --> 01:25:01,765 The money's hidden inside. 1685 01:25:02,931 --> 01:25:06,060 SCROOGE: And the Three Wise Men presented him with gifts 1686 01:25:06,060 --> 01:25:08,896 of frankincense, myrrh... 1687 01:25:11,024 --> 01:25:14,109 ...and cold hard cash. 1688 01:25:14,109 --> 01:25:15,569 Load it up, boys. 1689 01:25:15,569 --> 01:25:17,820 All right, we're securing the money. 1690 01:25:17,822 --> 01:25:19,907 Kill the hostages and meet us outside. 1691 01:25:19,908 --> 01:25:21,699 What? 1692 01:25:21,701 --> 01:25:23,702 No. (grunts) 1693 01:25:23,703 --> 01:25:25,496 d d 1694 01:25:25,497 --> 01:25:26,954 BERT: Mom. 1695 01:25:26,956 --> 01:25:28,332 It's fine, Bert. 1696 01:25:28,332 --> 01:25:29,832 Everything's fine. 1697 01:25:29,833 --> 01:25:31,918 Okay. 1698 01:25:31,920 --> 01:25:33,837 Everybody, get up. 1699 01:25:33,837 --> 01:25:38,341 (singsongy): It's time for a murder. 1700 01:25:38,342 --> 01:25:40,927 Come on. Come on. You don't want to kill us. 1701 01:25:40,929 --> 01:25:42,261 You really don't. 1702 01:25:42,262 --> 01:25:44,430 Oh, yes, I do. 1703 01:25:44,431 --> 01:25:47,518 I really, really, really do. 1704 01:25:47,519 --> 01:25:49,228 And I'm gonna start with you. 1705 01:25:49,229 --> 01:25:50,561 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 1706 01:25:50,563 --> 01:25:52,162 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 1707 01:25:53,565 --> 01:25:55,274 You got to kill Aunt Linda first. 1708 01:25:55,275 --> 01:25:57,027 What the hell, Bert? 1709 01:25:57,028 --> 01:25:59,113 You want to squeeze in being a little shit 1710 01:25:59,113 --> 01:26:00,655 before you die, Bertrude? 1711 01:26:00,657 --> 01:26:02,282 - I say shoot him first. - BERT: What? 1712 01:26:02,283 --> 01:26:04,368 ALVA: Wait. No, no, no. Don't shoot him. 1713 01:26:04,368 --> 01:26:06,412 Don't shoot him first. And don't you call him 1714 01:26:06,412 --> 01:26:08,122 a little shit, you gold-digging bitch. 1715 01:26:08,122 --> 01:26:09,832 Okay. I changed my mind. 1716 01:26:09,832 --> 01:26:11,792 Shoot the alcoholic bitch first. - Don't call my mom 1717 01:26:11,792 --> 01:26:13,877 - an alcoholic bitch. - Your mom's an alcoholic. 1718 01:26:13,877 --> 01:26:15,712 - I'm sorry. - You're a gold-digging bitch. 1719 01:26:15,712 --> 01:26:17,881 Oh, I'm a gold-digger, when I have a whole-ass career? 1720 01:26:17,881 --> 01:26:19,550 You're not even part of the fucking family. 1721 01:26:19,551 --> 01:26:22,301 - She's an engineer. - You know goddamn well... 1722 01:26:22,302 --> 01:26:23,680 Shut up! 1723 01:26:25,222 --> 01:26:27,390 (sighs) 1724 01:26:27,391 --> 01:26:31,479 Just like rats in a barrel. 1725 01:26:32,271 --> 01:26:34,439 Why don't you die with some dignity? 1726 01:26:34,440 --> 01:26:36,274 - (grunts) - (flame whooshes) 1727 01:26:36,275 --> 01:26:38,528 (yelling, grunting) 1728 01:26:39,487 --> 01:26:41,404 Get off of me! 1729 01:26:41,405 --> 01:26:43,157 ALVA: Okay, okay. 1730 01:26:43,158 --> 01:26:44,408 BERT: Fuck you! 1731 01:26:44,408 --> 01:26:46,993 LINDA: This is for yelling at my child! 1732 01:26:46,994 --> 01:26:48,412 ALVA: Creep! 1733 01:26:48,412 --> 01:26:49,954 That's for slapping me, motherfucker! 1734 01:26:49,956 --> 01:26:52,039 ALVA: This is for your dumb fucking hat! 1735 01:26:52,041 --> 01:26:54,461 (grunting, yelling continue) 1736 01:26:57,212 --> 01:26:59,340 (all panting) 1737 01:27:01,676 --> 01:27:03,342 Is he... 1738 01:27:03,344 --> 01:27:04,887 Is he dead? 1739 01:27:08,765 --> 01:27:10,643 Yeah. 1740 01:27:11,435 --> 01:27:13,060 Thanks, Linda. 1741 01:27:13,061 --> 01:27:16,273 Well, it's nice to do something as a family for a change. 1742 01:27:16,274 --> 01:27:17,440 (laughter) 1743 01:27:17,442 --> 01:27:19,150 - (grunts) - (screaming) -Oh, shit! 1744 01:27:19,152 --> 01:27:21,028 KRAMPUS: I'm gonna... (grunts) 1745 01:27:21,029 --> 01:27:23,614 (gurgling) 1746 01:27:25,115 --> 01:27:26,658 ALVA: That was for Morgan. 1747 01:27:26,658 --> 01:27:31,663 He may have been stupid, but he was very, very hot. 1748 01:27:33,041 --> 01:27:35,417 Oh. Trudy! 1749 01:27:35,417 --> 01:27:37,836 - Mommy! - (sighs, grunts) 1750 01:27:37,837 --> 01:27:39,462 Thank God, baby. 1751 01:27:39,463 --> 01:27:41,381 (sighs heavily) Are you okay? 1752 01:27:41,381 --> 01:27:43,132 I'm okay, Mommy. 1753 01:27:43,134 --> 01:27:44,301 Okay. 1754 01:27:44,301 --> 01:27:46,804 This is my friend, Santa. 1755 01:27:51,225 --> 01:27:53,310 What the fuck? 1756 01:27:53,310 --> 01:27:55,145 I can't thank you enough, Mister... 1757 01:27:55,145 --> 01:27:57,480 Claus. But please call me Santa. 1758 01:27:57,481 --> 01:27:58,856 Mm-hmm. 1759 01:27:58,858 --> 01:28:00,984 SANTA: You guys should get out of here. 1760 01:28:00,984 --> 01:28:02,444 It's dangerous. 1761 01:28:02,444 --> 01:28:04,780 They took my husband and her grandmother. 1762 01:28:06,615 --> 01:28:08,242 Anybody know how to work these gizmos? 1763 01:28:08,243 --> 01:28:09,576 I think so. 1764 01:28:09,577 --> 01:28:11,328 I used to hunt with my dad. 1765 01:28:11,328 --> 01:28:12,496 Ow. 1766 01:28:12,497 --> 01:28:14,163 Copy that. How's that looking? 1767 01:28:14,164 --> 01:28:17,000 - Yeah, I got it on lockdown. - Heads on a swivel, boys. 1768 01:28:17,001 --> 01:28:18,335 (gunfire) 1769 01:28:18,336 --> 01:28:19,962 - Incoming! - Heads up! 1770 01:28:19,962 --> 01:28:21,171 (gasps) 1771 01:28:21,171 --> 01:28:22,672 - (bullets whizzing) - Oh, oh! Who's shooting? 1772 01:28:22,673 --> 01:28:24,341 - Who's... - (yelps) 1773 01:28:24,341 --> 01:28:27,511 - PEPPERMINT: Cap, get down! - SCROOGE: Watch it! Watch it! 1774 01:28:28,345 --> 01:28:31,097 (gasping) 1775 01:28:31,099 --> 01:28:32,599 (grunts, sputters) 1776 01:28:32,600 --> 01:28:34,978 Gun 'em down. Mow them all down. 1777 01:28:36,854 --> 01:28:39,606 (whimpering) 1778 01:28:42,902 --> 01:28:44,694 (yells) 1779 01:28:44,695 --> 01:28:46,905 (gunfire continues) 1780 01:28:50,827 --> 01:28:53,662 All right, let's get the fuck out of here. - Let's go. 1781 01:28:53,662 --> 01:28:56,164 - Go where? - Come on, move, you old bat. 1782 01:28:56,916 --> 01:28:58,876 GERTRUDE: Get your fucking hands off of me. 1783 01:29:00,752 --> 01:29:02,421 (grunts) 1784 01:29:04,381 --> 01:29:06,717 (engines starting) 1785 01:29:07,885 --> 01:29:09,011 (yells) 1786 01:29:09,011 --> 01:29:11,345 Oh! Oh, shit. 1787 01:29:11,346 --> 01:29:14,725 My balls! My fucking balls! 1788 01:29:18,895 --> 01:29:21,733 - (engine sputtering) - (grunting) 1789 01:29:23,275 --> 01:29:25,403 (screaming) 1790 01:29:31,367 --> 01:29:34,203 Ow, my balls! Why did you shoot me in the ball... 1791 01:29:35,162 --> 01:29:38,039 (choral Christmas music continues over speakers) 1792 01:29:38,041 --> 01:29:40,417 Oh, Jesus. 1793 01:29:40,417 --> 01:29:42,085 Sorry. 1794 01:29:42,086 --> 01:29:43,920 (panting) 1795 01:29:43,921 --> 01:29:46,590 Don't worry about us, Mr. Claus. We got this. 1796 01:29:46,591 --> 01:29:48,841 JASON: Who is that guy? 1797 01:29:48,842 --> 01:29:51,470 He said he was Mr. Claus. 1798 01:29:53,264 --> 01:29:55,306 - Fuck. Trudy. - No, no. 1799 01:29:55,307 --> 01:29:56,932 She's in the house. She's okay. 1800 01:29:56,934 --> 01:29:58,310 She's safe. 1801 01:29:58,310 --> 01:30:00,436 - Oh, thank God. - Yeah. 1802 01:30:00,438 --> 01:30:02,689 (both panting) 1803 01:30:04,108 --> 01:30:06,152 d d 1804 01:30:19,539 --> 01:30:21,166 (gun clicks) 1805 01:30:21,167 --> 01:30:22,626 LINDA: No, no. 1806 01:30:22,627 --> 01:30:25,295 - Oh... go, go, go, go, go. - No, no, no. Wait, wait. 1807 01:30:25,296 --> 01:30:27,547 (grunting and groaning) 1808 01:30:31,594 --> 01:30:33,886 (screaming) 1809 01:30:33,887 --> 01:30:35,097 (grunts) 1810 01:30:37,850 --> 01:30:39,810 (panting) 1811 01:30:44,273 --> 01:30:45,731 (grunting, panting) 1812 01:30:45,733 --> 01:30:48,152 (choral Christmas music continues over speakers) 1813 01:30:49,945 --> 01:30:52,363 - (whimpers) - (grunts) 1814 01:30:52,364 --> 01:30:55,076 (screaming) 1815 01:30:57,494 --> 01:30:59,662 d d 1816 01:30:59,663 --> 01:31:01,998 (engines buzzing nearby) 1817 01:31:07,087 --> 01:31:08,672 (yells) 1818 01:31:11,134 --> 01:31:13,552 Oh, shit! 1819 01:31:15,805 --> 01:31:18,599 - Ho, ho! - (engine revving) 1820 01:31:20,309 --> 01:31:21,519 Fuck! 1821 01:31:33,405 --> 01:31:36,323 (choral Christmas music playing over speakers) 1822 01:31:36,324 --> 01:31:38,161 (gasping weakly) 1823 01:31:41,581 --> 01:31:44,248 (straining, gasping) 1824 01:31:44,250 --> 01:31:45,585 (grunts) 1825 01:31:46,586 --> 01:31:48,587 (grunting) 1826 01:31:54,176 --> 01:31:55,552 (yelps) 1827 01:31:58,597 --> 01:32:00,850 (whimpers softly) 1828 01:32:05,104 --> 01:32:07,774 - (gasping weakly) - Fucking die. 1829 01:32:10,443 --> 01:32:12,694 (straining) 1830 01:32:16,990 --> 01:32:19,201 (Linda exhales sharply) 1831 01:32:19,202 --> 01:32:21,244 (coughing) 1832 01:32:22,662 --> 01:32:24,663 (choral Christmas music ends) 1833 01:32:24,664 --> 01:32:26,625 (coughing, gasping) 1834 01:32:26,626 --> 01:32:28,920 (grunting) 1835 01:32:30,587 --> 01:32:33,090 (panting) 1836 01:32:40,640 --> 01:32:42,891 d d 1837 01:32:55,154 --> 01:32:57,323 d d 1838 01:33:00,952 --> 01:33:02,828 SCROOGE: Come on. Come on. Come on. 1839 01:33:02,828 --> 01:33:06,122 Yeah, over here. Over here. 1840 01:33:06,122 --> 01:33:07,375 Santa! 1841 01:33:08,333 --> 01:33:10,167 Come on! 1842 01:33:10,168 --> 01:33:11,627 Yeah. 1843 01:33:11,628 --> 01:33:14,090 (engine revving) 1844 01:33:21,721 --> 01:33:23,472 (screaming) 1845 01:33:23,474 --> 01:33:25,184 (grunts) 1846 01:33:27,686 --> 01:33:30,648 (groaning, panting) 1847 01:33:34,777 --> 01:33:36,862 (grunting) 1848 01:33:36,863 --> 01:33:38,780 (bullets ricocheting) 1849 01:33:44,161 --> 01:33:46,037 (groaning) 1850 01:33:52,168 --> 01:33:53,795 (gun clicking) 1851 01:33:53,796 --> 01:33:55,421 (gasping) 1852 01:33:55,422 --> 01:33:56,673 Fuck. 1853 01:34:02,596 --> 01:34:05,307 (Santa groaning) 1854 01:34:07,560 --> 01:34:09,811 d d 1855 01:34:20,363 --> 01:34:22,408 You're real? 1856 01:34:23,783 --> 01:34:26,203 You're... him. 1857 01:34:29,206 --> 01:34:30,457 You're you. 1858 01:34:30,457 --> 01:34:33,167 That's what I've been trying to tell you. 1859 01:34:33,168 --> 01:34:36,546 The real goddamn Santa Claus. 1860 01:34:36,546 --> 01:34:39,006 This is not your night, pal. 1861 01:34:39,007 --> 01:34:42,135 Oh, I don't know. I think you're wrong. 1862 01:34:42,136 --> 01:34:45,555 I think my whole shitty life's built up to this moment. 1863 01:34:45,555 --> 01:34:46,931 Because when I kill you, 1864 01:34:46,932 --> 01:34:50,226 this whole goddamn holiday finally ends. 1865 01:34:51,979 --> 01:34:53,898 Whatever it takes... 1866 01:34:55,649 --> 01:34:57,734 ...Christmas dies tonight. 1867 01:34:57,734 --> 01:35:00,320 (yelling, grunting) 1868 01:35:04,742 --> 01:35:06,826 (engine revving) 1869 01:35:06,827 --> 01:35:07,911 (yells, whimpers) 1870 01:35:07,912 --> 01:35:09,119 (grunting) 1871 01:35:09,121 --> 01:35:10,622 (screams) 1872 01:35:10,622 --> 01:35:12,457 (grunting and groaning) 1873 01:35:19,923 --> 01:35:23,094 (both yelling) 1874 01:35:30,393 --> 01:35:32,769 (both panting, grunting) 1875 01:35:32,770 --> 01:35:34,980 (Santa coughing) 1876 01:35:38,484 --> 01:35:40,778 (grunting, panting) 1877 01:35:43,113 --> 01:35:44,948 (Scrooge chuckles) 1878 01:35:49,953 --> 01:35:51,621 Whoa! (grunts) 1879 01:35:51,622 --> 01:35:53,747 (laughs, grunts) 1880 01:35:53,748 --> 01:35:56,127 (grunting and groaning) 1881 01:35:59,963 --> 01:36:02,925 (yells in pain) 1882 01:36:07,595 --> 01:36:10,640 (song playing with indistinct chanted vocal) 1883 01:36:10,640 --> 01:36:13,101 (grunting and groaning continue) 1884 01:36:16,689 --> 01:36:19,817 d d 1885 01:36:33,329 --> 01:36:36,042 (screaming) 1886 01:36:41,005 --> 01:36:44,341 (Scrooge straining) 1887 01:36:47,595 --> 01:36:50,346 (both straining) 1888 01:36:52,557 --> 01:36:54,518 (yells in pain) 1889 01:36:57,354 --> 01:36:59,606 (laughs) 1890 01:37:03,903 --> 01:37:05,862 (screams) 1891 01:37:05,863 --> 01:37:09,074 (grunting and groaning continue) 1892 01:37:16,873 --> 01:37:19,460 The last Christmas. 1893 01:37:20,543 --> 01:37:23,421 (grunting) 1894 01:37:29,302 --> 01:37:31,930 Not if you still believe. 1895 01:37:33,724 --> 01:37:35,725 No! 1896 01:37:35,725 --> 01:37:38,561 (grunting, screaming) 1897 01:37:44,902 --> 01:37:48,029 (laughing) 1898 01:37:49,573 --> 01:37:51,574 (continues laughing) 1899 01:37:54,411 --> 01:37:57,247 (gunfire) 1900 01:38:02,461 --> 01:38:03,752 (Santa grunting) 1901 01:38:03,753 --> 01:38:07,423 I have no idea what the fuck is going on here. 1902 01:38:09,801 --> 01:38:11,929 But this ends now. 1903 01:38:16,850 --> 01:38:18,644 Damn right it does. 1904 01:38:20,604 --> 01:38:22,605 (engines buzzing) 1905 01:38:27,819 --> 01:38:29,988 LINDA: Trudy, be careful. 1906 01:38:31,282 --> 01:38:33,699 (panting, groaning) 1907 01:38:33,701 --> 01:38:35,618 TRUDY: Santa! 1908 01:38:35,618 --> 01:38:38,122 Oh, no. Santa. 1909 01:38:39,582 --> 01:38:41,125 Oh, no. 1910 01:38:44,170 --> 01:38:46,296 (Jason sighs) 1911 01:38:47,922 --> 01:38:50,091 You saved my daughter. 1912 01:38:50,885 --> 01:38:52,427 SANTA: No. 1913 01:38:53,220 --> 01:38:54,804 She saved me. 1914 01:38:54,805 --> 01:38:57,556 Help him. Please help him. 1915 01:38:57,557 --> 01:39:00,059 Honey, I don't think there's anything we can do. 1916 01:39:00,060 --> 01:39:01,310 SANTA: It's okay. It's okay. 1917 01:39:01,311 --> 01:39:03,645 It's too late for that. 1918 01:39:03,646 --> 01:39:05,983 Too late. 1919 01:39:06,774 --> 01:39:09,444 I'm cold. (whimpers) 1920 01:39:09,444 --> 01:39:11,695 I haven't felt cold in years. 1921 01:39:11,697 --> 01:39:13,740 We need to keep him warm. 1922 01:39:14,574 --> 01:39:16,993 All of the fires are going out. 1923 01:39:16,993 --> 01:39:19,287 We need to find something to burn. 1924 01:39:20,622 --> 01:39:22,166 I got an idea. 1925 01:39:25,085 --> 01:39:27,046 Whoa. 1926 01:39:28,588 --> 01:39:30,006 No. 1927 01:39:30,006 --> 01:39:32,175 No, no, no, no. No, Jason, no. 1928 01:39:32,176 --> 01:39:33,301 TRUDY: Please, Santa. 1929 01:39:33,301 --> 01:39:36,305 I don't want you to die. 1930 01:39:39,390 --> 01:39:41,100 ALVA: Jason, let's slow this down. 1931 01:39:41,100 --> 01:39:42,601 What are you doing? 1932 01:39:42,603 --> 01:39:45,896 I've lived longer than any man should ever live. 1933 01:39:45,898 --> 01:39:48,608 He's pretty much dead. What the hell is happening? 1934 01:39:48,609 --> 01:39:50,693 - You don't need to burn money. - JASON: Okay. More. Yeah. 1935 01:39:50,694 --> 01:39:54,154 You can't die, Santa. You have to get up. 1936 01:39:54,155 --> 01:39:56,699 I think I used up all my Christmas magic. 1937 01:39:57,701 --> 01:39:59,328 Sorry. 1938 01:40:01,372 --> 01:40:05,123 I'm s... I'm sorry I can't give you what you asked for. 1939 01:40:05,125 --> 01:40:06,708 (sniffling) 1940 01:40:06,710 --> 01:40:09,002 Take that. Take that. 1941 01:40:09,003 --> 01:40:10,546 TRUDY: But you did. 1942 01:40:13,300 --> 01:40:15,635 Santa, please don't die. 1943 01:40:15,636 --> 01:40:18,179 Wake up. Wake up. 1944 01:40:18,180 --> 01:40:20,847 We need to get him close to the fire. 1945 01:40:20,849 --> 01:40:22,725 Jason. 1946 01:40:23,476 --> 01:40:25,436 (crying): Just wake up. 1947 01:40:26,479 --> 01:40:27,854 Please. 1948 01:40:27,855 --> 01:40:29,733 No. 1949 01:40:34,070 --> 01:40:37,323 Oh, I am so, so sorry. 1950 01:40:42,246 --> 01:40:44,957 - This man... - (Trudy crying) 1951 01:40:45,791 --> 01:40:49,627 This brave, brave man, whoever he was... 1952 01:40:49,627 --> 01:40:50,920 He's Santa. 1953 01:40:50,921 --> 01:40:53,171 The real Santa. He is. 1954 01:40:53,172 --> 01:40:56,260 And I still believe in him. 1955 01:40:57,094 --> 01:40:59,762 I'll always believe in you, Santa. 1956 01:41:04,393 --> 01:41:06,353 I believe in him, too. 1957 01:41:09,355 --> 01:41:12,190 He saved Trudy. 1958 01:41:12,192 --> 01:41:14,444 He saved our family. 1959 01:41:16,404 --> 01:41:18,740 What's realer than that? 1960 01:41:22,703 --> 01:41:24,496 Then maybe... 1961 01:41:26,998 --> 01:41:29,126 I believe in him, too. 1962 01:41:29,960 --> 01:41:31,502 (sighs) So do I. 1963 01:41:32,546 --> 01:41:35,881 Oh, shit. 1964 01:41:35,882 --> 01:41:38,009 I guess... 1965 01:41:38,010 --> 01:41:40,094 I guess I do, too. 1966 01:41:40,095 --> 01:41:41,929 ALVA: Fuck me. 1967 01:41:41,930 --> 01:41:43,724 I believe, too. 1968 01:41:48,854 --> 01:41:50,898 d d 1969 01:41:52,983 --> 01:41:54,149 (coughs) 1970 01:41:54,150 --> 01:41:55,693 (gasps) Oh, my God. 1971 01:41:55,694 --> 01:41:56,862 Santa! 1972 01:41:58,322 --> 01:42:00,030 (Santa grunting) 1973 01:42:00,032 --> 01:42:01,865 (panting) 1974 01:42:01,867 --> 01:42:03,409 JASON: You... 1975 01:42:05,162 --> 01:42:07,206 You were dead. 1976 01:42:07,997 --> 01:42:10,582 Christmas magic. 1977 01:42:10,583 --> 01:42:13,211 I still don't really understand... 1978 01:42:13,212 --> 01:42:15,171 how it works. 1979 01:42:16,756 --> 01:42:19,510 (Santa chuckling) 1980 01:42:20,802 --> 01:42:22,720 Thank you. 1981 01:42:22,720 --> 01:42:24,764 I don't know how we can ever repay you. 1982 01:42:24,765 --> 01:42:26,932 Well, you brought me back from the dead, 1983 01:42:26,934 --> 01:42:28,519 so we'll call it even. 1984 01:42:29,685 --> 01:42:30,895 (scoffs) Even? 1985 01:42:30,895 --> 01:42:33,564 We just burned half a million dollars. 1986 01:42:34,399 --> 01:42:36,024 - Look, Santa! - Hmm? 1987 01:42:36,025 --> 01:42:37,402 Look who came. 1988 01:42:37,403 --> 01:42:39,862 d d 1989 01:42:39,863 --> 01:42:41,907 (reindeer grunting) 1990 01:42:44,576 --> 01:42:48,121 Now you show up, huh? 1991 01:42:48,122 --> 01:42:49,579 You leave me here to die, 1992 01:42:49,581 --> 01:42:51,832 come back after all the work's done, huh? 1993 01:42:51,833 --> 01:42:54,585 You know what? I should make you guys into a stew 1994 01:42:54,586 --> 01:42:56,837 and feed you to the elves! 1995 01:42:56,838 --> 01:42:58,797 (reindeer grunting) 1996 01:42:58,798 --> 01:43:03,552 Yes, Blitzen! Yes, I'm talking to you! 1997 01:43:03,554 --> 01:43:05,680 You, too, Prancer. 1998 01:43:11,060 --> 01:43:13,104 You got my sack. 1999 01:43:13,104 --> 01:43:17,400 My spare... You went home and you got my spare sack? 2000 01:43:19,278 --> 01:43:22,029 Oh, God, I can't stay mad at you guys. 2001 01:43:22,029 --> 01:43:23,613 I... (sniffles) 2002 01:43:23,614 --> 01:43:27,993 (chuckling): Aw. I can't. I can't. 2003 01:43:27,994 --> 01:43:30,747 Aw. (chuckles) 2004 01:43:31,789 --> 01:43:33,916 Aw. 2005 01:43:33,917 --> 01:43:35,461 (sighs) 2006 01:43:38,796 --> 01:43:40,256 (chuckles) 2007 01:43:44,802 --> 01:43:46,345 Hello, beautiful. 2008 01:43:46,345 --> 01:43:48,265 Skullcrusher! 2009 01:43:55,439 --> 01:43:58,774 (takes deep breath) 2010 01:44:01,278 --> 01:44:02,944 Guess this is goodbye. 2011 01:44:02,945 --> 01:44:04,405 I got to go. 2012 01:44:05,282 --> 01:44:07,408 Do you have to? 2013 01:44:08,159 --> 01:44:10,703 (sighs) 2014 01:44:10,703 --> 01:44:12,872 It's Christmas Eve, and there's a lot of... 2015 01:44:12,872 --> 01:44:14,582 boys and girls on the nice list 2016 01:44:14,582 --> 01:44:17,002 that want their presents, you know? 2017 01:44:19,128 --> 01:44:20,796 Thank you. 2018 01:44:21,797 --> 01:44:23,381 For what? 2019 01:44:23,382 --> 01:44:25,051 For believing in me. 2020 01:44:25,051 --> 01:44:28,387 For reminding me that Christmas still matters. 2021 01:44:29,972 --> 01:44:32,432 And that I still... 2022 01:44:32,434 --> 01:44:34,810 matter. 2023 01:44:34,810 --> 01:44:36,354 (sighs) 2024 01:44:36,354 --> 01:44:38,524 You gave me my "ho, ho, ho" back. 2025 01:44:41,234 --> 01:44:43,109 (chuckling) 2026 01:44:43,110 --> 01:44:45,322 d d 2027 01:44:48,408 --> 01:44:50,743 All right. Get out of here. 2028 01:44:54,456 --> 01:44:57,376 Merry Christmas! 2029 01:44:59,920 --> 01:45:01,170 Hyah! 2030 01:45:01,171 --> 01:45:04,548 Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! 2031 01:45:04,550 --> 01:45:06,676 Now, Prancer and Vixen! 2032 01:45:06,676 --> 01:45:10,179 On, Comet! On, Cupid! 2033 01:45:10,180 --> 01:45:13,181 On, Donner and Blitzen! 2034 01:45:13,182 --> 01:45:16,769 Come on, you beautiful bastards! 2035 01:45:16,770 --> 01:45:20,146 We've got some work to do! 2036 01:45:20,148 --> 01:45:23,192 Hyah! 2037 01:45:23,193 --> 01:45:25,903 Ho, ho, ho! 2038 01:45:25,904 --> 01:45:29,114 Merry Christmas! 2039 01:45:29,115 --> 01:45:31,368 d d 2040 01:45:32,868 --> 01:45:35,831 ("Merry Christmas Everybody" by Slade playing) 2041 01:45:40,042 --> 01:45:46,007 d Are you hanging up your stocking on your wall? d 2042 01:45:47,967 --> 01:45:53,890 d It's the time that every Santa has a ball d 2043 01:45:55,641 --> 01:45:59,520 d Does he ride a red-nosed reindeer? d 2044 01:45:59,520 --> 01:46:03,064 d Does a ton-up on his sleigh? d 2045 01:46:03,065 --> 01:46:08,988 d Do the fairies keep him sober for a day? d 2046 01:46:09,780 --> 01:46:12,240 d So here it is d 2047 01:46:12,242 --> 01:46:14,243 d Merry Christmas d 2048 01:46:14,243 --> 01:46:18,747 d Everybody's having fun d 2049 01:46:18,748 --> 01:46:22,208 d Look to the future now d 2050 01:46:22,210 --> 01:46:29,216 d It's only just begun d 2051 01:46:29,216 --> 01:46:35,181 d Are you waiting for the family to arrive? d 2052 01:46:37,141 --> 01:46:39,100 d Are you sure you got d 2053 01:46:39,101 --> 01:46:42,814 d The room to spare inside? d 2054 01:46:44,524 --> 01:46:48,069 d Does your granny always tell ya d 2055 01:46:48,069 --> 01:46:51,863 d That the old songs are the best? d 2056 01:46:51,864 --> 01:46:55,076 d Then she's up and rock-and-rolling d 2057 01:46:55,077 --> 01:46:57,411 d With the rest d 2058 01:46:57,412 --> 01:46:59,579 Hey, yo! What's Gucci, squad fam? 2059 01:46:59,581 --> 01:47:02,667 It's the Bert Locker, living the dream. 2060 01:47:02,667 --> 01:47:04,752 You know what? See this guy? Dead as hell. 2061 01:47:04,752 --> 01:47:06,545 Santa's real, all right? 2062 01:47:06,546 --> 01:47:08,421 Don't end up on the naughty list. 2063 01:47:08,422 --> 01:47:09,673 Do better. 2064 01:47:09,675 --> 01:47:11,801 Bert Lightstone out. 2065 01:47:11,801 --> 01:47:13,844 d So here it is d 2066 01:47:13,845 --> 01:47:15,845 d Merry Christmas d 2067 01:47:15,846 --> 01:47:20,393 d Everybody's having fun d 2068 01:47:20,394 --> 01:47:23,688 d Look to the future now d 2069 01:47:23,689 --> 01:47:29,859 d It's only just begun d 2070 01:47:29,860 --> 01:47:32,320 d So here it is d 2071 01:47:32,322 --> 01:47:34,323 d Merry Christmas d 2072 01:47:34,323 --> 01:47:37,368 d Everybody's having fun d 2073 01:47:37,368 --> 01:47:41,956 - d It's Christmas! d - d Look to the future now d 2074 01:47:41,957 --> 01:47:49,671 d It's only just begun. d 2075 01:47:49,672 --> 01:47:51,340 (song ends) 2076 01:47:51,341 --> 01:47:53,007 ("Santa Has Had Enough of Christmas" by Dom Lewis plays) 2077 01:47:53,009 --> 01:47:54,719 d Ding dong merrily on high d 2078 01:47:54,720 --> 01:47:56,720 d Let's be good d 2079 01:47:56,721 --> 01:48:00,850 - d This coming yuletide d - d Ding dong verily the sky d 2080 01:48:00,850 --> 01:48:03,394 d Or you'll see d 2081 01:48:03,395 --> 01:48:08,481 d Kris Kringle's cruel side d 2082 01:48:08,483 --> 01:48:11,902 d Santa's getting mad, better not be bad d 2083 01:48:11,903 --> 01:48:15,029 d Gonna go to bed on time this Christmas d 2084 01:48:15,030 --> 01:48:18,033 d We don't want to be on that list d 2085 01:48:18,033 --> 01:48:21,078 - d Santa Claus is gonna get d - d Unhappy! d 2086 01:48:21,078 --> 01:48:24,622 d He's told you once, he's told you twice d 2087 01:48:24,623 --> 01:48:27,417 d Too much naughty, not enough nice d 2088 01:48:27,418 --> 01:48:32,923 d Santa Claus has had enough of Christmas d 2089 01:48:34,050 --> 01:48:37,011 d Where's the love and where's the joy? d 2090 01:48:37,011 --> 01:48:40,180 d Always cash and never a toy d 2091 01:48:40,181 --> 01:48:45,560 d Santa Claus has had enough of Christmas d 2092 01:48:45,561 --> 01:48:51,859 d Ah... d 2093 01:48:53,487 --> 01:48:55,404 d Santa's getting mad d 2094 01:48:55,404 --> 01:48:57,530 - d Don't you make Santa crazy d - d Better not be bad d 2095 01:48:57,532 --> 01:49:00,201 d Gonna go to bed on time this Christmas d -d Baby d 2096 01:49:00,202 --> 01:49:02,787 d We don't want to be on that list d 2097 01:49:02,787 --> 01:49:06,457 - d Santa Claus is gonna get d - d Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho d 2098 01:49:06,457 --> 01:49:09,627 d If you don't want d 2099 01:49:09,627 --> 01:49:12,712 d Coal this Christmas d 2100 01:49:12,713 --> 01:49:15,841 d Deck the halls with boughs of holly d 2101 01:49:15,841 --> 01:49:19,011 d Make sure you keep Santa jolly d 2102 01:49:19,011 --> 01:49:22,180 d Don't make his reindeer d 2103 01:49:22,181 --> 01:49:26,851 d Cause you some pain, dear d 2104 01:49:26,853 --> 01:49:30,021 d Santa's getting mad, better not be bad d 2105 01:49:30,023 --> 01:49:33,274 d Gonna go to bed on time this Christmas d 2106 01:49:33,275 --> 01:49:36,237 d We don't want to be on that list d 2107 01:49:36,238 --> 01:49:39,614 - d Santa Claus is gonna get d - d Ooh-ooh... d 2108 01:49:39,615 --> 01:49:42,408 d Ooh-fa-la-la, ooh-fa-la-la d 2109 01:49:42,409 --> 01:49:44,078 d Ooh-fa-la-la d 2110 01:49:44,078 --> 01:49:47,581 d Don't make him crazy d 2111 01:49:47,582 --> 01:49:48,957 d Ooh-fa-la-la d 2112 01:49:48,958 --> 01:49:52,127 d Ooh-fa-la-la, ooh-fa-la-la d 2113 01:49:52,127 --> 01:49:55,130 d Ooh-fa-la-la, ooh-fa-la-la d 2114 01:49:55,131 --> 01:49:58,384 d Ooh-fa-la-la, ooh-fa-la-la d 2115 01:49:58,385 --> 01:50:01,470 d Ooh-fa-la-la, ooh-fa-la-la d 2116 01:50:01,470 --> 01:50:03,264 d Ooh-fa-la-la d 2117 01:50:03,265 --> 01:50:06,475 d Hark, the herald angels sing d 2118 01:50:06,475 --> 01:50:09,144 d Dashing through the snow d 2119 01:50:09,145 --> 01:50:10,854 d On the first day of Christmas d 2120 01:50:10,855 --> 01:50:12,439 d My true love gave to me d 2121 01:50:12,439 --> 01:50:15,234 d Good King Wenceslas looked out d 2122 01:50:15,234 --> 01:50:18,153 d On the Feast of Stephen d 2123 01:50:18,154 --> 01:50:21,282 - d Jingle bells. d - (song ends) 2124 01:50:21,283 --> 01:50:23,326 d d 2125 01:50:44,014 --> 01:50:46,806 d Ding dong merrily on high d 2126 01:50:46,807 --> 01:50:50,144 d In heaven, the bells are ringing d 2127 01:50:50,145 --> 01:50:52,188 d d 2128 01:51:09,622 --> 01:51:17,622 d Glo-o-o-oria d 2129 01:51:17,713 --> 01:51:19,881 d Hosanna d 2130 01:51:19,882 --> 01:51:27,847 d In excelsis. d 2131 01:51:27,849 --> 01:51:35,849 (music ends) 143015