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1
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I... I don't get it.
2
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You thought this was gonna be
3
00:00:41,365 --> 00:00:43,615
the flea circus from
Coraline, didn't you?
4
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I'm cursed with optimism.
5
00:00:50,707 --> 00:00:52,624
Oh, yous got a good eye.
6
00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:55,052
That there's a "little
Ms. Wedgewood" set.
7
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♪ This is my handle, this is my spout ♪
8
00:01:00,770 --> 00:01:02,728
Well, all the parts seem
to be in the right places.
9
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I'll take it.
10
00:01:05,953 --> 00:01:08,568
Holy crap, a vintage Mr. Potato Head
11
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from the good old days
when potatoes were men
12
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and had penises.
13
00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:13,379
Peter, they never had penises.
14
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Well, you could put a nose down
there and it kind of worked.
15
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The nostrils were balls, and...
16
00:01:18,065 --> 00:01:19,138
and so forth.
17
00:01:19,149 --> 00:01:21,441
That's the very potato
I used in medical school
18
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to learn anatomy. I
could let it go for 600.
19
00:01:24,366 --> 00:01:26,282
What are we thinking, Lois? Yes?
20
00:01:26,293 --> 00:01:28,126
No, we don't have that kind of money.
21
00:01:28,137 --> 00:01:30,596
Fine, I'll buy it with my magic beans.
22
00:01:30,660 --> 00:01:32,160
Those are skittles.
23
00:01:32,308 --> 00:01:35,726
There's no room in this
world for dreamers anymore.
24
00:01:39,649 --> 00:01:41,190
Everything okay, Dad?
25
00:01:41,275 --> 00:01:43,442
Just adult stuff, buddy.
26
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Mom wouldn't let me buy a toy I wanted.
27
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Do you own a home, but can't afford
28
00:01:50,442 --> 00:01:53,259
the things you need to make
your life more comfortable?
29
00:01:53,270 --> 00:01:55,270
Yes. Wait, is that...
30
00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:56,822
Hi, I'm Tom Selleck.
31
00:01:57,105 --> 00:02:00,325
Ask your nurse to turn down your
breathing machine for a minute
32
00:02:00,475 --> 00:02:02,452
so I can tell you how a reverse mortgage
33
00:02:02,463 --> 00:02:04,713
from "Hey, alright. Reverse Mortgages,"
34
00:02:04,799 --> 00:02:06,340
or "harm," can help you.
35
00:02:06,541 --> 00:02:07,916
This seems like a trick.
36
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:12,042
I know this seems like a
trick, but it's not a trick.
37
00:02:12,053 --> 00:02:13,178
Oh, that's nice to hear.
38
00:02:13,203 --> 00:02:14,661
But is this his first rodeo?
39
00:02:14,883 --> 00:02:17,384
Look, this isn't my first rodeo.
40
00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,465
And I wouldn't be here if I thought
41
00:02:19,476 --> 00:02:21,643
Reverse Mortgages would hurt anyone.
42
00:02:21,813 --> 00:02:23,807
Well, I certainly believe Magnum P.I.,
43
00:02:23,818 --> 00:02:26,244
but it's easy to say this
stuff fully standing up.
44
00:02:26,255 --> 00:02:29,340
I wonder if he can half-lean
on a fence post and say it?
45
00:02:30,490 --> 00:02:33,358
Do you really want your adult kids
46
00:02:33,369 --> 00:02:35,828
fighting over your
money after you're gone?
47
00:02:36,021 --> 00:02:37,895
Isn't it better to spend it all now
48
00:02:37,906 --> 00:02:39,958
so they don't have that option?
49
00:02:39,969 --> 00:02:42,636
He's making good points.
I'll just run this by Lois.
50
00:02:42,647 --> 00:02:45,370
Men, please don't run
things by your wives.
51
00:02:45,814 --> 00:02:49,175
Just go to "www... " I'm kidding.
52
00:02:49,186 --> 00:02:51,520
Here's a phone number
as big as we can put it.
53
00:02:51,914 --> 00:02:54,164
I'm getting my Mr. Potato Head.
54
00:02:54,312 --> 00:02:56,173
But that is a lot of numbers to dial.
55
00:02:56,345 --> 00:02:58,417
If that's too many numbers to dial,
56
00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:01,001
just say, "Siri, I'm old."
57
00:03:01,012 --> 00:03:02,381
Siri, I'm old.
58
00:03:02,392 --> 00:03:04,767
Dialing Reverse Mortgage company.
59
00:03:09,461 --> 00:03:11,419
Stewie? What is all this stuff?
60
00:03:11,430 --> 00:03:14,956
It turns out Rupert only likes
"Peppa Pig" branded tea sets,
61
00:03:14,967 --> 00:03:16,175
which honestly, I get.
62
00:03:16,186 --> 00:03:18,853
So I sold my tea set
at twice what I paid,
63
00:03:18,864 --> 00:03:20,449
then I bought more stuff to sell.
64
00:03:20,460 --> 00:03:22,339
Really? Was it worth that much?
65
00:03:22,350 --> 00:03:25,316
Oh, sweetie, people have no
clue what antiques are worth,
66
00:03:25,327 --> 00:03:26,860
so you just act like you know.
67
00:03:26,871 --> 00:03:29,497
I actually got a booth at
the flea market next weekend.
68
00:03:29,537 --> 00:03:31,328
I have to say, I'm weirdly impressed.
69
00:03:31,497 --> 00:03:33,668
Yes, who would've thought
a strange little guy like me
70
00:03:34,078 --> 00:03:37,321
could get super into tiny
details of old furniture.
71
00:03:37,332 --> 00:03:38,790
Well, if you need any help, I'm in.
72
00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:40,050
All right.
73
00:03:40,061 --> 00:03:41,814
- Is that...
- Yes, most antiques
74
00:03:41,825 --> 00:03:45,035
are just racist old packaging
from iconic companies.
75
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:46,900
Well, mostly syrup companies.
76
00:03:46,911 --> 00:03:48,576
Wow, that's very racist.
77
00:03:48,587 --> 00:03:51,070
Yep. Whole-blurry-shelf racist.
78
00:03:55,811 --> 00:03:57,880
I'm Mr. Kiki, the swim teacher
79
00:03:57,891 --> 00:04:00,920
who doesn't have a
pool and drives very far
80
00:04:00,931 --> 00:04:03,848
to other people's pools for lessons.
81
00:04:05,116 --> 00:04:09,384
After this lesson, I sit at Panera
Bread until traffic dies down.
82
00:04:09,395 --> 00:04:10,413
Panera Bread.
83
00:04:10,424 --> 00:04:13,782
Where swim teachers from
other towns wait out traffic.
84
00:04:13,793 --> 00:04:16,405
Oh, my god, is that the
expensive Mr. Potato Head
85
00:04:16,416 --> 00:04:17,653
from the flea market?
86
00:04:17,664 --> 00:04:19,580
I told you we couldn't afford that.
87
00:04:19,772 --> 00:04:21,229
Don't worry, I got a ton of money.
88
00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:23,281
I even bought a jet ski in Lake Havasu
89
00:04:23,292 --> 00:04:24,607
in case I ever get out there.
90
00:04:25,824 --> 00:04:28,593
♪ Spend all your time waiting... ♪
91
00:04:28,604 --> 00:04:31,728
Every year, over 9,000 people
92
00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:35,532
buy jet skis and then
leave them at Lake Havasu.
93
00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:39,545
Last year, over 700
jet skis were rescued
94
00:04:39,556 --> 00:04:42,348
and sent to some of the
trashier Wisconsin lakes
95
00:04:42,868 --> 00:04:46,411
where tiny-teeth families
gave them new lives.
96
00:04:46,802 --> 00:04:50,555
For hundreds of others,
help came too late.
97
00:04:50,568 --> 00:04:52,443
Where did you get all this money?
98
00:04:52,454 --> 00:04:54,413
It was easy. I took
out a reverse mortgage,
99
00:04:54,614 --> 00:04:56,822
which is that thing where your
house gives you free money.
100
00:04:57,057 --> 00:04:59,557
Peter, how could you be so stupid?
101
00:04:59,568 --> 00:05:02,160
Reverse Mortgages are a total scam.
102
00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:04,296
You need to call the bank right away.
103
00:05:04,307 --> 00:05:06,307
And take that Mr. Potato Head back.
104
00:05:06,318 --> 00:05:09,527
I can't. I wrote "Best Spuds
4 Life" all over the box.
105
00:05:09,995 --> 00:05:12,746
I almost love the box
as much as the guy now.
106
00:05:12,773 --> 00:05:14,773
Peter, we could lose our house!
107
00:05:14,884 --> 00:05:17,843
Relax, Lois. Tom Selleck
made a whole video about that
108
00:05:17,854 --> 00:05:20,354
for the wives, wearing
his signature short shorts.
109
00:05:20,515 --> 00:05:22,855
- Hello, wives. I'm...
- Sold.
110
00:05:26,208 --> 00:05:28,595
Now the bank is saying
we could lose the house.
111
00:05:28,606 --> 00:05:30,773
I can't believe I got
duped by Tom Selleck.
112
00:05:30,933 --> 00:05:32,358
Tom Selleck?
113
00:05:32,369 --> 00:05:34,786
Well, there's a name I
haven't heard in years.
114
00:05:34,971 --> 00:05:37,708
Mayor Wild West, you know Tom Selleck?
115
00:05:37,719 --> 00:05:41,452
- Oh, I used to. Many moons ago.
- How many?
116
00:05:41,463 --> 00:05:43,443
- Many.
- Wow.
117
00:05:43,550 --> 00:05:46,301
If you fellas would allow
me to jaw at you a minute,
118
00:05:46,332 --> 00:05:47,873
I'll spin you a yarn.
119
00:05:48,344 --> 00:05:50,784
Back when we grew
younger men's mustaches,
120
00:05:50,795 --> 00:05:53,045
me and Tom carved ourselves out a niche
121
00:05:53,056 --> 00:05:57,558
as a hippie country duo
called "Cold Hard 'Stache."
122
00:05:58,303 --> 00:06:00,544
♪ See a penny, pick it up ♪
123
00:06:00,555 --> 00:06:02,471
♪ All the day you'll have to look ♪
124
00:06:02,859 --> 00:06:05,632
♪ For its rightful owner ♪
125
00:06:05,643 --> 00:06:07,268
♪ That's an honorable day ♪
126
00:06:07,395 --> 00:06:11,814
♪ Looking for its rightful owner. ♪
127
00:06:16,612 --> 00:06:19,488
Yeah, we were the talk
of one corner of town.
128
00:06:19,532 --> 00:06:22,450
But as is often the case in these tales,
129
00:06:22,723 --> 00:06:24,517
drugs entered the picture,
130
00:06:24,528 --> 00:06:26,330
And when that trouble arrived,
131
00:06:26,341 --> 00:06:28,405
well, let's just say ol' Tom
132
00:06:28,416 --> 00:06:30,291
offered it a place to set down.
133
00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:33,325
You're playing with fire, kemosabe.
134
00:06:40,982 --> 00:06:44,254
The next day he wrote a
song called "Walk This Way
135
00:06:49,821 --> 00:06:51,261
And that's when I knew,
136
00:06:51,272 --> 00:06:53,564
the one-a-day demon had got him.
137
00:06:54,198 --> 00:06:57,591
In the end, one-a-day
was merely a suggestion.
138
00:06:57,602 --> 00:07:00,645
Nearest I can reckon, he
was up to nine or ten a week.
139
00:07:00,925 --> 00:07:04,191
Anyhow, hearing he's
peddling reverse mortgages now
140
00:07:04,202 --> 00:07:05,862
sounds about right.
141
00:07:05,873 --> 00:07:07,643
Do you know what a reverse mortgage is?
142
00:07:07,654 --> 00:07:09,654
Nearest I can figure, it's a loan
143
00:07:09,665 --> 00:07:11,123
that enables the borrower
144
00:07:11,209 --> 00:07:14,376
to access the unencumbered
value of their property.
145
00:07:14,687 --> 00:07:16,578
That sounds kind of slick.
146
00:07:16,589 --> 00:07:19,298
Well, the rub is if
you can't pay it back,
147
00:07:19,541 --> 00:07:21,583
they can snatch your abode.
148
00:07:21,594 --> 00:07:23,641
That strikes me as predatory.
149
00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,244
Why would tom do this?
150
00:07:25,255 --> 00:07:26,546
He should know better.
151
00:07:26,557 --> 00:07:29,266
You see, having a
mustache is a sacred oath.
152
00:07:29,434 --> 00:07:30,863
I have a mustache.
153
00:07:30,874 --> 00:07:32,185
I'm proud of you.
154
00:07:32,196 --> 00:07:33,762
He can't do this to people.
155
00:07:33,773 --> 00:07:36,065
I am gonna track him down
and get the money back.
156
00:07:36,241 --> 00:07:37,924
Mr. Mayor, you're coming with me.
157
00:07:37,935 --> 00:07:40,644
Oh, I'm afraid those days are behind me.
158
00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:43,355
But I wish you the best of luck.
159
00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,105
That's fine, I'll go it alone,
160
00:07:45,116 --> 00:07:47,442
just like Meghan
Markle and Prince Harry.
161
00:07:48,308 --> 00:07:50,287
Sir, your millions from Netflix
162
00:07:50,373 --> 00:07:52,164
for no one knows what.
163
00:07:52,408 --> 00:07:54,875
Put it with the rest of them.
164
00:07:54,886 --> 00:07:57,178
Babe, time to do our daily
165
00:07:57,189 --> 00:08:00,816
$250,000 sponsored Instagram post
166
00:08:01,167 --> 00:08:02,791
for Del Taco.
167
00:08:03,282 --> 00:08:06,127
Oh, I shouldn't have
left the made-up nonsense.
168
00:08:09,449 --> 00:08:11,076
Well, I'm off to New York City
169
00:08:11,087 --> 00:08:13,176
to find Tom Selleck
and get our money back.
170
00:08:13,187 --> 00:08:14,978
How do you even know he's in New York?
171
00:08:15,090 --> 00:08:17,212
'Cause he's on CBS's loudest show,
172
00:08:17,223 --> 00:08:18,757
Blue Bloods, and they film there.
173
00:08:18,768 --> 00:08:20,809
No, Peter, you're not going anywhere.
174
00:08:20,820 --> 00:08:23,070
Even for you, this is an absurd plan.
175
00:08:23,081 --> 00:08:24,998
Ain't nothin' absurd about this.
176
00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:27,374
- Ma'am.
- Sold.
177
00:08:27,385 --> 00:08:29,385
Mr. Mayor. You came.
178
00:08:29,412 --> 00:08:31,537
That's right. The only
thing that can stop
179
00:08:31,622 --> 00:08:34,790
a bad guy with a mustache is
a good guy with a mustache.
180
00:08:35,217 --> 00:08:38,260
So hop on up, we're taking a trip.
181
00:08:41,946 --> 00:08:44,155
I can't believe we're
going to New York City.
182
00:08:44,166 --> 00:08:46,251
I've always wanted to
see the Twin Towers.
183
00:08:48,227 --> 00:08:50,212
When?
184
00:08:59,299 --> 00:09:00,757
Look, it's Billy Joel.
185
00:09:00,768 --> 00:09:03,435
Uhp, no, it's just a drywall
guy dressed up for church.
186
00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:07,204
So, is that whole retail
establishment just M&M's?
187
00:09:07,215 --> 00:09:08,717
Yes, and bad jackets.
188
00:09:08,728 --> 00:09:10,817
Like, so bad that Sinbad
wouldn't even wear them.
189
00:09:11,096 --> 00:09:13,778
Not sure I quite
understand New York City.
190
00:09:14,010 --> 00:09:15,947
Oh, well, this is just TV New York.
191
00:09:15,958 --> 00:09:19,322
You can tell 'cause all the cab
drivers are impossibly white.
192
00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:21,076
I call this place "The Big City,"
193
00:09:21,087 --> 00:09:23,250
so you know I've been here a while.
194
00:09:24,946 --> 00:09:29,136
Mr. Mayor, allow me to
show you my New York.
195
00:09:30,088 --> 00:09:32,919
Your New York is an ESPN Zone?
196
00:09:32,930 --> 00:09:35,598
I-I don't know, I like all the screens.
197
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:37,617
Peter, look at this.
198
00:09:39,465 --> 00:09:40,756
Black hair dye.
199
00:09:43,705 --> 00:09:45,830
We follow this trail, we find Selleck,
200
00:09:46,023 --> 00:09:49,066
or possibly Papa John or Rudy Giuliani,
201
00:09:49,397 --> 00:09:51,880
but that's a risk we're
gonna have to take.
202
00:09:58,013 --> 00:10:00,305
Brian, time to teach you my techniques.
203
00:10:00,316 --> 00:10:01,978
Watch and learn.
204
00:10:01,989 --> 00:10:03,145
You have a good eye.
205
00:10:03,156 --> 00:10:05,557
I just sold a piece by
the same artist for 40.
206
00:10:05,568 --> 00:10:08,004
- Lie.
- That's a little out of my budget.
207
00:10:08,015 --> 00:10:10,952
Well, I'd like 30, but I'd take 25.
208
00:10:10,963 --> 00:10:13,841
Lowest I could let it go for is 20.
209
00:10:13,852 --> 00:10:16,823
- Would you take 11?
- Well the frame alone is worth 30.
210
00:10:16,834 --> 00:10:19,427
- Highest I can do is 12.
- Okay, but you got to pay me
211
00:10:19,438 --> 00:10:21,188
before my wife gets
back from the bathroom.
212
00:10:21,315 --> 00:10:23,107
She's gonna kill me over this price.
213
00:10:25,074 --> 00:10:27,866
That's the dance. Give it a try.
214
00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:30,544
Hi, there, uh, how much for this vase?
215
00:10:30,555 --> 00:10:31,645
Five.
216
00:10:32,430 --> 00:10:35,023
What the hell was that?
That's not the dance, man.
217
00:10:35,070 --> 00:10:37,219
You got to put your hands
up higher, move around a bit.
218
00:10:37,230 --> 00:10:40,369
My dance is the tango. You
got to find yours. Go ahead.
219
00:10:40,380 --> 00:10:42,492
- Stewie, I'm not doing thi...
- Find your dance!
220
00:10:42,596 --> 00:10:44,338
A bolero man.
221
00:10:44,349 --> 00:10:46,865
Little dirty, but nobody's gonna bleed.
222
00:10:46,876 --> 00:10:49,373
You feel that? That's the bluff.
223
00:10:49,384 --> 00:10:51,510
- I thought it was "the dance."
- Right, but at some point,
224
00:10:51,922 --> 00:10:53,714
the dance becomes the bluff.
225
00:10:53,803 --> 00:10:55,633
Are you just making
all this up as you go?
226
00:10:55,644 --> 00:10:57,269
That's the dance, Bri.
227
00:10:59,143 --> 00:11:00,745
All right, Brian, follow my lead.
228
00:11:00,756 --> 00:11:02,518
"Van Blunder" time.
229
00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:04,871
- Ooh, how much for this?
- You're gonna hate me.
230
00:11:04,882 --> 00:11:06,381
So, everything you see here
231
00:11:06,392 --> 00:11:08,587
is for sale, except that.
232
00:11:08,598 --> 00:11:09,806
I don't even know how it got out here,
233
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:11,337
it's supposed to be in the van.
234
00:11:11,348 --> 00:11:13,181
Well, I really like it.
235
00:11:13,414 --> 00:11:15,123
Brian, what did you do?
236
00:11:15,134 --> 00:11:17,718
Oh, boy. That was a blunder on my part.
237
00:11:17,729 --> 00:11:20,271
That's a... That's a...
That's a pretty big blunder.
238
00:11:20,348 --> 00:11:22,276
But look how much she loves it.
239
00:11:22,287 --> 00:11:25,970
- Do you love it?
- I do. I can give you $10.
240
00:11:26,309 --> 00:11:28,810
Well, I do want it to go
to someone who loves it.
241
00:11:28,987 --> 00:11:31,685
I'll tell you what, give
me 11, and it's a deal.
242
00:11:31,919 --> 00:11:33,544
What a blunder.
243
00:11:33,586 --> 00:11:36,555
This is awkward, but y'alls
horning in on my turf.
244
00:11:36,992 --> 00:11:40,403
See, "Grandma's little loft"
is the king of knick-knacks.
245
00:11:40,414 --> 00:11:41,797
Now yous selling 'em.
246
00:11:41,808 --> 00:11:43,058
Ha. That's a laugh.
247
00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:44,443
We'd never sell knick-knacks.
248
00:11:44,590 --> 00:11:45,840
We're tchotchke guys.
249
00:11:45,979 --> 00:11:48,563
If yous calling that
vintage chatillon dial-face
250
00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:50,199
hanging merchant's scale a tchotchke,
251
00:11:50,326 --> 00:11:51,903
y'alls sicker than I thought.
252
00:11:51,914 --> 00:11:53,676
Says the guy who has his what's-its
253
00:11:53,687 --> 00:11:55,229
mixed in with his who's-its.
254
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:56,997
That's potpourri.
255
00:11:57,008 --> 00:11:59,866
Yous out of your league.
That's what's happening here.
256
00:11:59,909 --> 00:12:01,326
You hearing footsteps, gramps?
257
00:12:01,411 --> 00:12:03,078
Hows about a little contest?
258
00:12:03,304 --> 00:12:05,664
Whoever sells the most
by end of day tomorrow
259
00:12:05,675 --> 00:12:07,091
Is the flea market champ.
260
00:12:07,773 --> 00:12:11,053
The loser gets out
of the game. For good.
261
00:12:11,288 --> 00:12:12,704
Fine, you're on.
262
00:12:12,715 --> 00:12:15,766
And by the way, there was a dead
cricket in the teapot you sold me.
263
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:18,653
- Oh, no.
- I know.
264
00:12:21,719 --> 00:12:24,386
The hair dye trail ends right here.
265
00:12:28,099 --> 00:12:30,564
Wait, only one guy would accept delivery
266
00:12:30,575 --> 00:12:32,825
of so many Hawaiian shirts.
267
00:12:38,949 --> 00:12:41,074
What is it, boy?
268
00:12:42,321 --> 00:12:45,245
Man, I love being paid
for reverse mortgages
269
00:12:45,256 --> 00:12:46,964
in Hawaiian shirts.
270
00:12:47,082 --> 00:12:49,082
So, it looks like there's a few more
271
00:12:49,093 --> 00:12:51,052
disgruntled customers down there.
272
00:12:53,936 --> 00:12:56,256
Well, that's a 'stache from the past.
273
00:12:56,399 --> 00:12:58,399
This can't be good. Get in.
274
00:13:00,020 --> 00:13:01,586
Hey, NYPD?
275
00:13:01,597 --> 00:13:04,431
Yeah, it's chief whatever-
my-character's-name-is
276
00:13:04,442 --> 00:13:05,557
From Blue Bloods.
277
00:13:05,568 --> 00:13:07,109
There's a couple of trespassers
278
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,889
outside my house.
279
00:13:12,311 --> 00:13:14,147
You guys are under arrest.
280
00:13:14,158 --> 00:13:16,810
- Is this 'cause I rubbed on a lady in the subway?
- No.
281
00:13:16,821 --> 00:13:18,779
- 'Cause I rubbed on a lady on the bus?
- No.
282
00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:20,740
Do you do a lot of rubbing on people?
283
00:13:21,110 --> 00:13:23,736
Hey, eight million people,
we all got to fit somewhere.
284
00:13:32,573 --> 00:13:35,001
I'm sorry for dragging
you into this, Mr. Mayor.
285
00:13:35,012 --> 00:13:37,554
Lois was right, this was a stupid plan.
286
00:13:37,565 --> 00:13:39,282
Don't beat yourself up, hoss.
287
00:13:39,293 --> 00:13:40,625
When your cause is just,
288
00:13:40,636 --> 00:13:42,677
any action you take is honorable.
289
00:13:42,848 --> 00:13:46,559
Besides, fate has a funny
way of takin' care of folks.
290
00:13:53,193 --> 00:13:57,907
I'd be much obliged if you'd
go ahead and open up for me.
291
00:13:59,102 --> 00:14:00,131
How did you do that?
292
00:14:00,142 --> 00:14:01,558
Well, this ain't the first schlage
293
00:14:01,569 --> 00:14:03,427
to which I've pitched woo.
294
00:14:07,068 --> 00:14:08,328
Oh, Brian, look,
295
00:14:08,339 --> 00:14:10,137
it's this antique's last day
296
00:14:10,148 --> 00:14:13,551
- selling antiques.
- You alls can eat my dust.
297
00:14:15,464 --> 00:14:17,680
Oh, we got quite a showdown here today
298
00:14:17,765 --> 00:14:19,613
at flea market regionals, Jim.
299
00:14:19,624 --> 00:14:21,871
"Grandma's little loft"
has the experience,
300
00:14:21,882 --> 00:14:25,023
but don't count out “the Brian,
the Bitch, and the Wardrobe.”
301
00:14:25,034 --> 00:14:27,713
And the question we've
been hearing the most today:
302
00:14:27,724 --> 00:14:29,975
Why does a flea market have announcers?
303
00:14:30,092 --> 00:14:31,883
Well, sometimes major network announcers
304
00:14:32,062 --> 00:14:34,146
have one too many at a golf tournament
305
00:14:34,157 --> 00:14:37,032
and hit a guy in their car and
then have to work their way back.
306
00:14:37,565 --> 00:14:40,566
Hi, do you have any vintage
southwestern lifestyle stuff?
307
00:14:40,577 --> 00:14:42,163
Bro, it's 7:30 A.M.
308
00:14:42,290 --> 00:14:43,956
That stuff is long gone by 5:15.
309
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,720
I's about to open a storage container
310
00:14:46,731 --> 00:14:49,141
fresh from tempe. Come on by.
311
00:14:49,152 --> 00:14:50,650
- What?
- How is that possible?
312
00:14:50,661 --> 00:14:53,633
And in crunch
time, the game just slows down
313
00:14:53,644 --> 00:14:55,959
for a veteran booth like
"grandma's little loft."
314
00:14:55,970 --> 00:14:57,988
A large, native American-looking teen
315
00:14:57,999 --> 00:15:00,155
has grumpily plopped
down on a camp chair
316
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:02,208
with an iPad at Bruce's booth.
317
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:04,070
This guy's on another level.
318
00:15:04,121 --> 00:15:05,927
There's no way we can catch him.
319
00:15:06,522 --> 00:15:08,371
This could be the nail in the coffin
320
00:15:08,382 --> 00:15:10,458
as other booths have started shaking
321
00:15:10,469 --> 00:15:12,919
their mis-prescribed opiates in salute.
322
00:15:12,930 --> 00:15:14,679
They call that the "battle rattle,"
323
00:15:14,690 --> 00:15:17,524
and it's the ultimate flea
market show of respect.
324
00:15:17,535 --> 00:15:19,493
This one's all but over.
325
00:15:22,868 --> 00:15:24,910
Welcome back to flea market regionals,
326
00:15:24,923 --> 00:15:26,531
brought to you by warm coke.
327
00:15:26,542 --> 00:15:29,310
Sometimes they're just warm.
328
00:15:29,586 --> 00:15:30,937
"Grandma's little loft"
329
00:15:30,948 --> 00:15:33,699
Is putting the finishing
touches on a dominant win.
330
00:15:34,075 --> 00:15:35,257
Hey, we got lots of great
331
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,694
one-of-a-kind stuff here. Please.
332
00:15:37,705 --> 00:15:40,539
And, of course, the
old guy who last-minute decides
333
00:15:40,550 --> 00:15:43,732
he wants to keep his stuff has
never really been a factor.
334
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:45,618
For him, it's more about telling people
335
00:15:45,629 --> 00:15:47,129
where he got the stuff.
336
00:15:47,641 --> 00:15:49,664
Well, we gave it a good shot,
337
00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:51,423
but we're not gonna catch Bruce.
338
00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:53,430
I guess we should go tell him he won.
339
00:15:53,597 --> 00:15:55,420
Hold the phone. Looks like we got a guy
340
00:15:55,431 --> 00:15:58,637
bringing his home trash to
the flea market garbage can.
341
00:15:58,648 --> 00:16:00,425
And this is where the lone garbage can
342
00:16:00,552 --> 00:16:02,958
Being right by "grandma's little loft"
343
00:16:02,969 --> 00:16:04,389
could come into play.
344
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:05,549
Sure looks like a bag
345
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,182
of mostly full diapers
and half-eaten burritos.
346
00:16:08,193 --> 00:16:11,045
And that's just a bee's dream bag.
347
00:16:11,056 --> 00:16:13,034
Hey, we just wanted to say, you wo...
348
00:16:21,632 --> 00:16:24,374
And once that money belt is zipped...
349
00:16:24,699 --> 00:16:27,749
It's official. "The Brian,
the Bitch, and the Wardrobe"
350
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,575
win flea market
regionals. What a comeback.
351
00:16:30,586 --> 00:16:33,200
Boy, you said it. I told ESPN I'd quit
352
00:16:33,211 --> 00:16:35,331
The Gathering" tournament,
353
00:16:35,342 --> 00:16:37,503
but this time, I'm serious.
354
00:16:37,699 --> 00:16:39,908
Well, yous won fair and square.
355
00:16:39,967 --> 00:16:42,467
Y'alls the best flea market weirdos.
356
00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:45,628
I sure am gonna miss this place.
357
00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:47,168
Sorry about the bees.
358
00:16:47,179 --> 00:16:49,947
Part of the game. Hey, before I go...
359
00:16:49,958 --> 00:16:53,634
would y'all be willing to sell your
whole inventory for nine dollars?
360
00:16:53,645 --> 00:16:55,268
- Would you do 11?
- No.
361
00:16:55,279 --> 00:16:57,984
You got yourself a deal. I
never want to come back here.
362
00:16:57,995 --> 00:17:00,831
Everyone, you're all
within 500 feet of a school.
363
00:17:02,448 --> 00:17:05,246
Over 200 arrests were made that day.
364
00:17:05,257 --> 00:17:09,026
It's still known in flea market
lore as "extinction Sunday."
365
00:17:09,037 --> 00:17:11,454
I'm Chris Griffin, and
my brother and my dog
366
00:17:11,465 --> 00:17:13,669
left me in a very hot car.
367
00:17:17,885 --> 00:17:19,420
Hi, Shannon, the line producer,
368
00:17:19,431 --> 00:17:21,513
said I could have
another plate of lasagna.
369
00:17:21,524 --> 00:17:23,600
That's not Shannon's call.
370
00:17:24,512 --> 00:17:26,719
You were right. Becoming
extras on his show
371
00:17:26,730 --> 00:17:28,693
was the only way to get close to Tom.
372
00:17:28,704 --> 00:17:31,733
Once the cameras start
rolling, we'll make our move.
373
00:17:32,216 --> 00:17:34,099
Blue Bloods, episode a million,
374
00:17:34,110 --> 00:17:35,985
season blabbity-blah. Hollywood, go.
375
00:17:36,292 --> 00:17:38,188
These guys are pros.
376
00:17:38,199 --> 00:17:39,415
Action.
377
00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:41,984
Chief whatever-your-character's-
name-is from Blue Bloods,
378
00:17:42,069 --> 00:17:43,861
do you recognize this man?
379
00:17:43,872 --> 00:17:46,843
I do. He owns the bodega on 56...
380
00:17:46,854 --> 00:17:47,857
Blue Bloods.
381
00:17:47,868 --> 00:17:49,928
- Cut.
- Who is this guy?
382
00:17:49,939 --> 00:17:51,511
My name is Peter Griffin,
383
00:17:51,522 --> 00:17:53,147
and I'm here 'cause you screwed me over
384
00:17:53,182 --> 00:17:54,848
with your trick reverse mortgage.
385
00:17:54,859 --> 00:17:56,123
It's not a trick.
386
00:17:56,735 --> 00:17:57,854
Overruled.
387
00:17:57,865 --> 00:17:59,719
What are you... You're an actor.
388
00:18:00,082 --> 00:18:02,248
Time to acknowledge the corn, Tom.
389
00:18:02,579 --> 00:18:06,081
Wild West? I had you arrested.
390
00:18:06,092 --> 00:18:08,104
When you got hooked on multis
391
00:18:08,115 --> 00:18:10,666
and started singing
mean-spirited songs,
392
00:18:10,677 --> 00:18:13,384
I figured you were
young, it was a phase.
393
00:18:13,395 --> 00:18:15,967
But now you went and got mixed
up with reverse mortgages,
394
00:18:15,978 --> 00:18:18,938
and that, partner,
violates the mustache code.
395
00:18:19,361 --> 00:18:21,607
Yeah. And besides, you're Magnum P.I.
396
00:18:21,891 --> 00:18:23,464
You're like my TV boss.
397
00:18:23,475 --> 00:18:25,677
Regular guys like me trust you.
398
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:27,905
I didn't make you do anything.
399
00:18:29,069 --> 00:18:32,112
Only one thing left to try.
400
00:18:33,992 --> 00:18:36,115
♪ See a penny, pick it up ♪
401
00:18:36,126 --> 00:18:38,168
♪ All the day you'll have to look ♪
402
00:18:38,392 --> 00:18:41,226
♪ For its rightful owner ♪
403
00:18:41,237 --> 00:18:42,987
♪ That's an honorable day ♪
404
00:18:42,998 --> 00:18:48,126
♪ Looking for its rightful owner ♪
405
00:18:49,004 --> 00:18:51,380
I-I'm not gonna sing.
406
00:18:51,625 --> 00:18:54,000
- Your honor?
- I'll allow it.
407
00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:56,257
♪ A penny saved is a penny earned ♪
408
00:18:56,618 --> 00:18:58,775
♪ But if it ain't yours, I've learned ♪
409
00:18:58,786 --> 00:19:04,874
♪ To find its rightful owner. ♪
410
00:19:07,641 --> 00:19:11,694
This court finds that the world
could use more songs like that.
411
00:19:11,705 --> 00:19:14,623
Peter, I think you and
I might just have to
412
00:19:14,634 --> 00:19:16,467
agree to disagree when it comes to
413
00:19:16,478 --> 00:19:19,688
the financial propriety
of reverse mortgages.
414
00:19:19,740 --> 00:19:21,990
That said, I certainly never meant
415
00:19:22,001 --> 00:19:23,542
to cause you any distress.
416
00:19:23,854 --> 00:19:25,987
And wild, back in the day,
417
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,101
I turned my back on you,
418
00:19:28,112 --> 00:19:30,738
and I turned my back on my mustache.
419
00:19:31,370 --> 00:19:33,392
Think you can forgive me?
420
00:19:33,403 --> 00:19:36,154
Eh, nothin' a firm,
two-handed handshake
421
00:19:36,165 --> 00:19:38,457
with eye contact can't solve.
422
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:44,673
And Peter, I don't want
there to be any hard feelings,
423
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,619
so I'm gonna write you a check
424
00:19:46,630 --> 00:19:49,582
for a little bit of the
lot of money I've made
425
00:19:49,593 --> 00:19:51,968
selling legitimate reverse mortgages
426
00:19:51,979 --> 00:19:53,979
to people who, to the
best of my knowledge,
427
00:19:53,990 --> 00:19:56,282
understand fully what
they're entering into.
428
00:19:56,425 --> 00:19:57,966
How are you 78?
429
00:19:58,131 --> 00:19:59,505
This ought to take care of it.
430
00:19:59,697 --> 00:20:02,031
And hey, just to make sure we're good,
431
00:20:02,310 --> 00:20:04,852
how'd you like a line on the show?
432
00:20:04,863 --> 00:20:06,029
Blue Bloods.
433
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,749
It might not be just saying the show.
434
00:20:08,810 --> 00:20:11,032
I understand. Tom, would it be possible
435
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,025
for me to get another plate of lasagna?
436
00:20:13,036 --> 00:20:15,495
That's not my call, Peter.
That's Shannon's call.
437
00:20:16,052 --> 00:20:17,843
It's not Shannon's call.
438
00:20:25,339 --> 00:20:26,797
Follow that car.
439
00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:28,307
First time in the Big City?
440
00:20:28,430 --> 00:20:29,638
Blue Bloods.
441
00:20:29,649 --> 00:20:31,357
That last line was improvised.
442
00:20:31,368 --> 00:20:34,410
Oh, look out, Ryan stiles, huh?
443
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,316
Oh, you know, I'm just glad
444
00:20:36,327 --> 00:20:38,577
we don't have to worry about
losing our house anymore.
445
00:20:38,755 --> 00:20:40,546
Me, too. I guess I learned
446
00:20:40,557 --> 00:20:42,266
celebrities always do the right thing
447
00:20:42,277 --> 00:20:44,652
once you publicly guilt them into it.
448
00:20:47,994 --> 00:20:52,994
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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