All language subtitles for E.B.C.S01E14.Teaching a First Timer in the Bathhouse

- Hello everyone, welcome
back to Erotic Book Club,

the book club where we read erotic books.

I am your host, Jess Ross.

Back with us,

- You know the moves,

you know the noise.

- It's me.

- It's Rekha.

- I'm so happy to be back.

- I'm so happy you're back.

- It's been a really dry few weeks, Jess.

- I know.

It just hasn't been the same without you.

We haven't gotten as wet
without you here either,

a little drier on our end too.

- Wow, that's really touching.

- That's friendship

Thank you guys so much for being here.

Whether you are listening to
us wherever you get podcasts,

If you're catching up
with us a week behind

on CH2, on our YouTube channel,

or our favorite way, if you
are subscribed to Dropout,

and you are seeing it first there.

we're so happy to have you here

and part of our book club.

The best part about being on Dropout,

for us at least, is
that you guys get to be

on the Discord and really feel like

you're a part of the book club with us.

As always I have some
of my favorite comments

from the Discord, are you my dad said,

"Andy has the funniest nonspeaking ever,

just watching his facial reactions."

So Andy was our guest on

- Oh Andy Bustillos?

- Yes, yes yes.

- He's a freak, I know him from New York,

he's a total freak.

- I don't know if you listened to that one

or watched that one

but I truly embarrassed
myself in front of him.

Which was also a great
goosh or gush debate.

I misread goosh, oh wait, gush as goosh,

and then I showed it to him

and he went that says gush.

So that got talked about
a lot on the Discord.

Ian Adam said that he loved Janie,

- We do too Ian!

- We love having her on as
our cohost, she's a great gal.

Kirby said "You read a bear book.

Yeah, you read bear book
erotica and it wasn't gay."

And that's so true.

- It's true.

- That would be, you would think something

with a bear in it would be gay.

We've had a couple with bears now.

- Sorry, I wasn't here for that book,

was that a literal
bear, or was it like the

- That was a bear-shifter.

He could shift into a bear and then

- And you still mean the animal right?

- Yes, a straight up bear.

But they never made
love when he was a bear.

He would just kind of,
when they'd make love

she would see like his
bear power behind his eyes

and know what an animal he was.

But then sometimes he
would straight up be a bear

and just like go eat salmon and

- He could dip his face in honey.

I's like a Winnie the Pooh.

- Yeah, yeah, he wore just a T-shirt.

- Just a T-shirt, ass hanging out, yeah.

- And then, the cutest comment

that was from artificerellie who said

that they just were catching
up on Erotic Book Club

for the first time while
they were gardening.

- Aw.

- And they were loving listening to it.

- We love that.

- It's the cutest little image.

- You're watering your plants
while you get yourself wet.

- Hell yeah.

- We love it.

I also really love,
someone posted a picture

of Gritty at the Pride Parade.

- Yes.

- We love that here at Erotic Book Club.

What a beautiful.

- Yeah, we love Gritty,
we love Philadelphia,

unbeknownst to us,

and this is a good segue
into the next book,

Philadelphia played a
major role yet again.

- It was a character.

- Yeah, the fifth character of the show.

- Yeah the fifth, as if
there were even four.

- Philly played a part as
well as many other things.

The book was "Teaching a First
Timer in the Bath House",

by Tyrone Myler.

And as I mentioned it was in Philadelphia.

So of course we have a
Philadelphia expert with us today.

Our guest Connie is here.

- Wooh!

- Connie, thank you so
much for being here.

Could, now, have you
lived in Philadelphia?

- No.

- Oh interesting.

Have you ever been.

- No but I've read about it.

- Oh.

- And see, sometimes you
get the most expertise

when you're not like stuck inside it.

Like we probably don't
see the Philadelphia

that everybody else sees
'cause we're from there.

I'm too in it.

You're too attached.

You don't--

- You're from it so you don't
really know it that well.

- Exactly.

If you're in the Matrix,
you can't observe it.

- Yeah.

- What's one of your
favorite Philly facts?

- Did you know that they
have a Hershey factory?

- Oh!

- Oh!

- Oh!

- Oh my god!

A whole factory?

- I actually did, I went and
played the flute there once

with my band.

- At Hershey?

- At Hershey.

Christmas at Hershey.

??The sweetest place on Earth??

- That's what you make us say.

- We can't sing that.

- I think that's all
of it though, so maybe

- It doesn't really matter.

And we're pro-Hershey, or not pro it,

whatever we have to be.

- The whole park smells like chocolate,

I'm so pro-it, they're gonna
love that I mentioned it,

because it's an incredible park.

- I found something at
the Hershey lodge once.

- Ooh.

- And everything, like, all the doors,

the numbers that are written on it

look like chocolate bars and stuff,

and it's all like brown
and chocolatey looking.

Oh god.

- I love it there.

- Also.

- A famous erotic city.

- Yeah.

- It is.

- It's definitely

- The city of brotherly love.

- Exactly.

- Yeah. Benjamin Franklin, and

- What?

- Benjamin Franklin

- Benjamin Franklin, a very erotic man.

- I think some of the
founding fathers are hot.

I guess they're all bad though.

- I know he did this
thing called air baths.

- What's that?

- Where you just sit naked for an hour.

- Oh.

- Oh.

- Seems like you don't get clean.

- Oh, and we call that an air bath?

- You don't call that summer in New York?

- I call it a lazy bitch

- You used to call that lazy bitch?

- Just lying around naked!

You're house just like, I'm
being a lazy bitch today.

- Well.

- Are you thinking a bathtub?

- No.

- Oh.

- But speaking of bathtubs.

- Oh it's his turn now.

- We have another expert here,

We have a regular old
bathhouse expert, Jesse.

- Yes, hi, thank you so
much for having me Jess.

- Jesse, can you explain why
you're a bathhouse expert?

- I worked at a hotel in Hollywood,

and when I first started
there, my boss was like,

"This used to be a bathhouse".

- And I said "Oh, okay."

and then he said "It's no
longer a bathhouse, obviously,

but people will probably
come in expecting it

to be a bathhouse", and he was right.

I had a lot of people coming in asking

if it was a bathhouse,

and I had to say no, it's
just a regular hotel,

and they were very disappointed.

- How often would that happen?
Like how many times a week?

- Most nights.

- Wow.

- Most nights when I first started,

because they had just converted maybe

a couple of years afterwards.

- Oh, okay.

- So a lot of people, I'm not gonna

disparage anyone by
saying they were on drugs,

but you know, that energy, of just like,

is this still like how it was?

You know and I had to be
like, I'm so sorry, it's not,

it's just like a hotel,
I can get you a room.

- You can still have sex here.

- Yeah.

You can jerk yourself off here.

- Yeah.

- He was like, are there kids?

- If you rent a room you can
jerk yourself off anywhere.

- Yeah. They'd be like,
"is there women here"?

And I'd be like, unfortunately yes.

- Is there women here?

- I wish there weren't
any as well, but um.

- A hotel that doesn't allow women?

- That's a bathhouse!

- Whoa, cool.

- Can you stay overnight in a bathhouse?

- Yeah, 'cause he rented
a room in this book.

- Mmhmm.

- Oh, I thought that was like,

a private locker room type thing.

- There with a bed.

- Because remember, he, well,

I won't get ahead of myself.

- He didn't sleep there.

Spoiler alert.

- He passed out there.

- Oh.

- Yeah, you can, I don't know,

at least the one that I worked at,

I believe that you could,

because they were hotel rooms.

You can stay overnight.

- That makes sense to me,
like, because, if you're

covered, with like, you know,

and you need to shower,
and stuff like that.

- There's a shower.

- Or if you want to
actually have sex, like,

Like a sex weekend.

- You know, a sex weekend,
or a good night's sleep,

or something.

Private breakfast,

or lazy bitch time.

- Here's a continental
breakfast at the bathhouse.

- Ooh, wouldn't do that.

- Ew.

- Anyway.

Well we can jump into it.

- Yeah.

- So, we usually say what
characters are in the book,

but the, it's really
just from the perspective

of the main protagonist,
and we never get his name.

- And I think that's interesting.

- Just like a real bathhouse.

- I think that that adds
to the anonymity of it.

of like, random hookups,

like yeah, you don't know their names.

- Yeah.

- You know, so it's interesting.

- And it also puts us in his shoes,

we can all be this young man.

- Yes.

- Yeah.

- I'd give my name in
a bathhouse, probably.

- You would?

- You know, like, follow me on Instagram.

Oh my gosh.

- Follow me on Instagram?

- Anything for the followers.

- This guy didn't even see
his people's faces, though.

I know.

- Which is scary.

- But you can still whisper their name.

- I wonder if for some
people that is kinda hot.

Oh yeah, for sure.

- I think we were talking,

I think for me not so much,

but I'm sure there is something
to like, anonymous sex.

- Mmhmm.

- That's really hot, or
anonymous group sex like that,

that's really hot.

- Yeah.

- See that scared me,

because the first time
that happened, and he said

that he didn't see the
face the whole time,

I was so scared he was gonna
hear a voice and be like,

Dad?

- Oh god.

- I wasn't expecting that.

Interesting.

- That would have been a shocker.

- That would've been crazy.

- What a twist.

- My son?

- Teaching a first timer.

Father and son.

- Teaching an old timer.

- Oh my god.

- Now we'll hold on, that's kind of.

- I might have thrown
up if that'd happened.

- That would be horrifying.

- Well, we'll get to those sections later,

let's start at the top.

- Okay.

- So we meet our protagonist.

He recently graduated, or
he started college in Texas,

He describes kind of how
it's a staunch, conservative,

family, and community,
that he has to pretend

to be into girls with his friends.

He doesn't date a lot,

and they just think it's
because he's a nerd,

which is a typ- I mean

- Been there done that.

Been there done that.

He's too busy to date, they said.

He's too focused on his career.

What career?

That's what I said.

- Working at the hotel that
used to be a bathhouse.

- Focusing on that
career, too busy to date.

- And then he's going to a convention

in Philadelphia, and when he,

so that's when I found out that the book

happened to be taking
place in Philadelphia,

and he describes, like,

kind of like a getting off the bus moment,

and there's like rainbows everywhere,

and I know exactly where in
Philly he's talking about,

it's the gaybourhood, and the streets are

lined with rainbows, and there's
rainbow flags everywhere,

and it's like the cutest

- That's cute.

- Prettiest part of the city.

- Yeah.

- I wonder why he set it,
maybe he's from Philly,

because I would set it in
like, San Francisco, you know,

or like West Hollywood.

- Or New Orleans.

- He was at a starting college convention.

he had to go.

- They never say what the convention was.

- It's like, why is a kid.

- I kept forgetting his age,

because they said he went to a convention,

I was like, oh he's an older man,

and then they kept describing
his, like, teenage asshole,

and I was like.

- Oh he lets you know, he lets you know.

- I think he kept forgetting his age,

because he kept referring to himself

with his teenage asshole.

I know, I would
never call my asshole,

my 29-year-old asshole.

- My maturing 32-year-old asshole.

- My middle aged asshole.

- My mid-life asshole.

So, when he's there, he
kind of gets right to it,

he looks at the local scene,
and he finds a bathhouse,

and he, I thought this
part was interesting,

he was like, not sure
what a bathhouse was,

Yep.

- And he was like, when I
think of it, I think of like,

Roman swimming pools.

With older guys.

- That's kind of what I went to too,

when I thought of a bathhouse.

- Me too.
Me too.

- And it's funny because the
bathhouse that he looks up,

when I picked this book,

I was like, oh, the only thing I know

about bathhouse is that Samson Street one

that used to be right next
to the Philly improv theater.

- Mmhmm.

- In Philadelphia that I perform at,

and that is the one that he goes to.

- Wow.

- Yeah, I guess I assumed
it was like, Grecian.

There were like, like, I
had aqueducts in my mind,

or something, and lots of water.

- Yeah.

- Are there swimming pools?

- In bathhouses?

- Yeah.

- They're supposed to be with

Mine had one.

- Saunas.

There was a sauna in this one.

- Mmhmm.

Yeah, my hotel had one.

It had a swimming pool?

- Mmhmm.

- That's nice.

Whoa.

I guess to like, cool off.

I don't know.

- Yeah, I mean, sexy times in pools.

- Sexy times in pools.

- Like a naked pool,
like that's fun, right.

- Yeah.

- That can get things going.

- I guess it depends how
much chlorine's in it.

You gotta keep it clean.

- A lot.

- The thing is all chlorine.

- Just a pool of chlorine.

- Everyone's skin is burning.

- So he goes in.

The old man who's at the front desk

hands him a locker key
and a towel and a condom.

Mmhmm.

Yeah.

- Which was nice, as well.

- One condom though.

- Mmhmm.

- Which he never opens.

- Never uses.

- Never uses.

- Never uses.

- Condoms aren't used in this one.

- Mmhmm.

- If you reveal a condom in the first act,

you have to use it.

- Chekhov's Condom!

- You have to use it in the third act.

- I'm surprised he didn't like,

just chuck it right out the plot.

- Yeah, you know, like,
literary significance

to him not using the condom.

- Yeah.

- It almost seems like the author forgot.

- Mm.

- Yeah, or the guy forgot
to, and never used it.

- Yeah.

- Yeah. I guess I was like but if,

because then it mentions
that he kind of, like,

puts on a towel, they get
undressed, and put on a towel,

but where would you put the condom?

Or like, kind of it seems like

- That's true.

- Somebody could just
come out of anywhere,

- There should just be condoms.

- you start getting at it.

- Yeah.
Everywhere.

- I think they should be kind of around.

- Kind of like, a, like,

- It made me think of when
I'm training my puppy,

and you have to have treats everywhere,

'cause you never know when.

- Dear God.

- Maybe you're just supposed to

just be wearing it the whole time.

- Would it,

it's been a while since,

I've had a penis,

does it stay on if it's flaccid?

- Not well.

- I don't think, no, not super well.

- It would probably fall off.

- So you'd just have to be
erect the whole time too.

- I mean, you can be.

- You could be.

- You're on meth.

- Is it easy to walk when you're erect?

- Yeah.

- It's not easy to run,
but it's easy to walk.

- He can't be like, doing
Olympian tasks, or anything.

- I don't think he's
doing lunges in there.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I don't remember the lunge.

- There's a gym.

- I feel like, when he
gave him the condom,

the tone was like, oh, what is this,

you know, like he's very innocent,

which is great 'cause I
thought, I truly thought

this was gonna be like,
a love story, you know.

That he was gonna find
love in this bathhouse.

So, I was very disappointed
when it wasn't,

like a love story.

- Yeah?

There was no plot.

Yeah.

- It was just straight up sex.

It was a little
bit of a diary entry,

this whole book.

I kind of liked that about it.

I thought he was an, and
we'll get more into it, too,

but, like, even he says,
he is kind of awkward

in this first scene.

- And like, going around and there's like,

things that excite him,

like, he sees the glory holes,
and he instantly knows, like

like he's drawn to them and
he knows he wants to do it,

but he's too scared.

Yes.

- And I was like, that is
probably how you'd feel.

Yeah.

- Like this excited but nervous,

Yes.

- if you haven't done it,

but you know, like, just
as soon as you see it,

you connect with it.

- Yes.

- And I thought there was something really

sweet and real about that.

- I agree, and he got a little,

he, the glory hole room that he goes to,

because he passes the mirror
room, with the sex swings

And he's like, oh, I'm
a little intimidated.

- Yeah.

- And then he goes to the glory hole room,

and he gets right to it,

and there's a

the first guy he,

he's like, giving a blowjob to.

Yeah.

- Has a reasonably undersized
package, is what I wrote down.

- Oh.

He did describe
everyone's penis size.

Yes.

- More so than anything else about them.

Yes.

- And some he's not very kind about.

- Yeah, I'm like, it doesn't matter.

But, I don't know what
"reasonably undersized" is.

That's an interesting,

- That probably means average.

- Yeah, right.

- Can't you just say average?

That's such a neg.

You can just say average.

- Yeah.

- It was kind of a bitchy way
to describe someone's penis.

- Yeah.

- She has reasonably undersized breasts.

- Yeah.

- One guy at the very end,

I feel so bad for.

It's like one of the last
guys that he's hitting up,

- Yes.

- And he's just like,
this like, old sad man,

with like a little

- Chode, yeah.

- I was like, oh god.

- Yeah.

- You don't have to have sex with him.

- I know, if you're like
so judgey, whatever.

- He was probably like 35.

- What is an old man?

- Old, old, old man.

- Decrepit, only a six-pack man.

- Yeah.

- But I mean honestly, though,

that's pretty old.

- Oh god, I'm 34.

Grateful to you.

- I was thinking, what's the etiquette,

because, as it progresses, there are like

a lot of people joining in on this act.

What is the etiquette, if you don't want

to have sex with somebody?

- Yeah.

- Like if there's a whole
group of people there,

and everybody's kind of like,

- And there's one person you're not into?

- Is it just like, if you enter,

you're up for having
sex with everyone there?

- I feel like that's wrong.

That's like when you go to a TV set,

and it's like, if you enter
this bar, we're filming.

Oh yeah.

- And you can set them,
you know, whatever.

- That doesn't feel
applicable to, like, sex.

I think all sex,

Does anyone know the rules?

- Needs to be, like.

- Maybe there's a sticker you can wear,

like a not-scary form, where you don't

wanna get scared.

- Or maybe like a safe, not a safe word,

but like a, yeah, I don't know.

- I think you could just be
like, no, not you, old man.

You know?

- That would be so mean.

- Or something polite, like, no, never.

- Everyone but you.

- I think something like ew, ew, ew!,

something, like, nice like that.

- Yeah, get it away from me!

- Oh god don't!

- Your chode.

- No chodes.

- I think if you scream
just directly into his face.

- I don't know, if you're in a group sex,

and someone yells no, not you, like,

- Yeah, that's horrible.

- Like, you're gonna go home
and kill yourself, right?

- I feel so bad too.

It's like the kid who
gets picked last for,

like, dodge ball, or something.

It's sad, it's like, I've
paid ten bucks to be here,

and nobody wants to fuck me.

- You're standing there naked, and like,

- A little bitty condom.

- Oh, Does anyone, you know, want?

Oh, I think our team's full.

Oh, really?

- And that person will
have a stigma on them

the whole day, the whole night, you know.

Like, no ones gonna want to fuck them now.

They're gonna be like,
oh, you're the guy that,

that one guy who was letting
everyone fuck him said no to.

- Aw.

- So we're not gonna let you do anything.

Just go home.

- That's really sad.

- But it didn't happen, it didn't happen.

- The saddest man.

- He let him fuck him.

- Well, kind of hopping
back to this first part.

- Yes.

- He does blow the guy
with the average penis.

And then the guy
suddenly, like, stands up,

and is, like, uncomfortable
or something, and walks away.

And then, our protagonist feels bad.

That feels true.

Yeah.

- You have one of your
first sexual encounters,

and you're like oh no,
did I do something wrong?

Especially if you don't
know the person really well.

And you're like, I can't
ask them, or something.

Yeah.

- This moment I like, but
it was sort of a weird,

step to, like, if this, then, I do this,

because he's like, ah, I
must go to Victoria's Secret

and buy a thong, and a miniskirt.

- Yeah, it was his inciting incident.

- Yes.

- Which is good, literarily.

- This guy is following structure, he read

- But.

- Damn, yeah.

- Like a writing book.

- This book was worth 2.99.

- Holy fuck.

- I guess that to me,

maybe this is my own ignorance,

that did not strike me as like,

the next logical move.

- Yeah.

- I thought it would just
be more like, him exploring.

- Truly, I think, I feel like,

I read this as a superhero book, you know.

And that was the moment where he was like,

- He got bit by the radioactive spider.

- Yes!

And he was like, I'm going
to become a superhero

and fucking take as many
dicks as I can in that time.

He sucked the
radioactive pre-come.

- Yeah, and he goes whoa, ah, ah, ah, ah.

And then an ancient pre-come ghost comes,

and says, "Tyler,

You have been bitten."

- And the panties, and the skirt,

are his costume.

- Yes.

- Like his superhero costume.

- That's really cool.

- Yeah, that's how, and
we'll get to it later,

but he uses his superpowers

- Yes.

- Later in the book.

- I love that.

- That's actually, that really
does change things for me.

- Yeah.

- I really like that a lot.

- Because he leaves, yeah,
he goes home, he showers,

- Yes.

- He even wrote down, so that ended,

and as he was home, he was like,

"thankfully for the sake of the story,

things didn't end there."

- For the sake of selling a book.

- I didn't just kind of
suck somebody off and leave.

- Yeah.

- And then go leave convention.

- And then you've gotta go back to Texas,

after my freshman year
convention in Philadelphia.

- So he's thinking about it,

he goes to Victoria's Secret,

and I like the little, run
of shopping too, because

- Yes.
- everywhere he goes,

- He's stared at.

- He's stared at.

- That felt really sad.

- And everyone's looking at him oddly,

- Grow up.

- It's like we're at the sex shop.

- Yes, he said he got weird stares

specifically from women,

which is like, grow up ladies.

- Because he hates women.

- Right.

Because also I'm sure,

if these people are being judgey as hell,

like why are you a man, and
went to Victoria's Secret?

Shut the fuck up.

- I don't think that
that would be that odd,

if a man was buying underwear either.

- It wouldn't be, but I can imagine.

- This was written by
a man who hates women.

- Yeah, maybe.

I can imagine there being instances where

someone who's not traditionally catered to

at Victoria's Secret
getting like, lots of weird

- Yeah.

- Especially since, Victoria's Secret,

the people who work there,

are sometimes a little judgey.

- Sometimes, at bra stores
in general, they are judgey.

I love every bra store.

- Okay, no liable.

- They can just be judgey about, like,

what you know about your own body,

and what you, like,
think you could fit into.

- Do they always want to measure you?

- Literally yes.

- Really?

- They're always like, you're
wearing the wrong bra size.

And you're like, it's not.

- Like they can tell if you're
wearing like, a trench coat,

and they can tell?

- Every person that has
worked at a bra store,

will always be like,

I can tell by looking at
you what bra size you wear.

- They're always wrong.

- And they're always, no,
you're always wrong, Connie.

You're always wrong.

- You don't know your boobs.

- You don't know anything about yourself.

- No, no, this bitch tried to measure me,

and be like, you're a C-cup,

I'm like, oh no no no.

I should have bet her money.

- Yeah, I bet you $10,000 I'm not a C-cup.

- Do you think they get,

- I had a terrible experience once.

I went to a store where it
was supposed to be, like,

it's like your second skin, the bras,

but because my boobs are very, like, flat,

and my chest is wide.

It certainly was not, and
they didn't cater to my size,

so it was a huge gap,

and when she came back,
she was like oh well,

you can just put some socks in there.

And I was like, why the fuck am I buying

- Why do you have a job?

- Fit to my skin bra, for
like 40 bucks, that I,

- That you stick a bunch of gym socks in.

- Idiots.

- It was insane!

- Are you wearing it now?

- And.

- Oh my god.

Oh my god, they smell horrible.

- Are your socks going
missing in the wash?

- Jess's boobs smell horrible,

but what a great,

- Straight from my feet to my titties.

Oh my god.

Anyway.

- At the sex shop.

- Yes, yes.

- This is an important little tidbit,

he buys a butt plug.

Mmhmm.

Mmhmm.

- And some lube.

Yes.

- And, what else?

Yeah.

And also a micro skirt.

Yes yes yes.

- A micro skirt, medium
flesh-cock butt plug,

Yes.

and a bottle of KY jelly.

Yes.

And then I guess he goes
back to the bathhouse.

- He calls his parents.

- He goes back to

- He has a little awkward conversation.

- Oh does he?

- Yes.

- I forgot about that part.

- Yes.

- They don't get into a discussion,

he's like, and then I
awkwardly call my parents,

which is so funny.

Any time I do something bad in college,

I would like, like if I was
like drunk or something,

then I would call and
just be like oh, hey hi.

- Oh my god.

- I'm okay, like just kind of,

like, telling on yourself, but not.

- Yeah.

So, he does that, and
then he starts to, like,

kind of loosen up his
asshole a little bit.

He like, puts in the
jelly, and the butt plug.

What I appreciated, this like detail,

'cause I do feel like I don't read a lot

about that kind of like,
prep stuff with sex.

- Now this is, in the superhero movie,

this is him suiting up.

- Perfect.

This is the telephone booth.

- Yes, where he's like,
taking off his shirt.

- Telephone booth, and
he's putting it up his ass.

- Yeah, or just like, putting
a butt plug up his asshole,

and he's ready to conquer the world.

- And he takes off his glasses.

- Yeah.

And he's finally handsome.

- Actually, honestly Jesse, I
really love this description.

Yeah.

- I really love that framing device.

- Yeah.

- One thing I did not like is

that he calls his stuffed little teen ass.

I was like, because even when he said

he was, like, a freshman in college,

- Yeah.

- I was like, oh, I don't
really wanna read about like,

teenagers doing this kind of stuff.

- Yeah.

And I'm like, I wanna assume you're 18,

but even then that doesn't make it like,

oh, this is hot.

I'm just like, you're just legal.

Yeah.

- I would rather you be like, 25.

Yeah.

- And regardless of your
age, I absolutely don't

need to preface your
asshole with your age.

- I guess I didn't

- Like a wine.

- Mind it as much in this one,

'cause there were so many just like

cute little awkward nervous moments.

- Right.

- Where I was like, I remember
being and feeling like that.

- Yeah.

- It was like a nice little glimpse

into somebody else's life.

- I think the only reason I didn't like it

is because if a teen wrote this,

I would be okay with it.

- If an older person wrote this,

- Yeah.

- There's something that
feels gross about it.

- An older person wrote this.

- Yeah.

- And I think you're right Connie,

and that's what feels a little gross.

Like, like, I don't know.

- I said this before the thing,

but I thought this was like,

this, young man had this
experience and wrote it down,

and everyone told me I was wrong.

- Well, Jess, by the end
of it you have to be wrong.

- Yeah.

- 'cause this man is
split open, somewhere,

in the middle of Philadelphia,

- Or, he's a superhero

- Or he's a superhero.

Oh, Philly's own.

- Red alert, Philly has an excess of cum.

We need someone to absorb all of it.

- Oh and you know he would.

- Or the city will explode.

- You know he would.

- Yeah.

Oh my god, the cum-signal.

- And you know what,

and the invisible, like,
you know the invisible jet

that Wonder Woman has,
like, that's his swing.

- Is it pre-cum?

Yeah, yeah.

- His swing is that vehicle,
it's the Bat mobile.

It's the swing.

We'll get into the swing later.

- Yes.

Oh.

- But, it's, blowing my mind.

He puts on his
panties, he looks up a new club,

he uses the directions on
his phone to walk there,

- Yeah.

- which I also like.

Such a cute little detail.

- The thing that struck me is he's walking

with his butt plug in his ass.

- Is that not realistic?

- I was going to ask, how's that work?

- I've never done it.

- Yeah.

- Never walked with one.

- Never walked with a butt
plug in my butt, you know.

- I imagined it was a very like,

John Travolta, like kinda sashaying

down the street type moment.

- Yeah.

- you can tell by the way...

- We know...

- Think we're all on the same page.

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Yes. I think I get it, it's a third-

- And he even says, his
cheeks are sticking together.

- Yeah.

- Because of the KY jelly.

- Yeah.

- Because would it be like,

a stilted walk, kind of like,

I'm trying to think, almost
like trying to hold something,

in there.

- No, it would be in there, you know.

- Oh.

- So I think it would
just be like, you know.

- Yeah it would just hurt with every...

- Maybe not hurt, maybe
hurt good, you know?

- I was wondering that too, yeah.

- I couldn't...

- I'm gonna sing...

- I couldn't picture it, I couldn't

picture me doing that.

- Yeah.

- That's a lot.

- So maybe that's not a realistic detail.

- I can picture me walking
period, that's a long walk.

- Yeah.

- So he gets to Club
Philadelphia, there's videos,

playing around of porn.

- I like how it's- I
screen shotted this part,

it's like 'by the way, did
I mention there's gay porn,

playing everywhere?'

- Yeah.

- He specifically says,

'a young man getting stretched and mounted

by military men.'

Mmhmm.

- Which, thank you for your service.

- Baby. He saw one man
jerking off to the video,

a solid seven inches.

- He could just, that's
his superhero power.

He can tell how big dicks
are just by looking.

- Like an iPhone app that can
measure your cat or whatever.

- He should go to a carnival, and like,

'Guess The Weight', of the...

- Yeah, I can't guess your age but

I can guess your dick size.

- Mmhmm.

- 'Step right up, step right up!'

- Accurate measurements!

'I'm not a day over seven!'

- Uh, he goes to his room,
he slides out the butt plug,

he applies more lube, puts it back in,

he's got a skirt on, his
ass cheeks are hanging out,

and he says he's feeling sexy, and dirty,

and he's loving it.

- He's loving it.

- I'm loving this new him.

- I was liking this a lot.

- Yeah, I'm so happy for him.

He walks around, he
sees the group showers,

and then he's so excited
to see the glory hole.

- He does, I will say that he does pass by

something called the Slurp Ramp-

- Yes.

- Which was not...

It was like, sort of
explained, but I guess.

I had to look it up.

- I did too.

And I do have the definition.

- Oh you do, there is a definition.

- A raised platform with holes,

allows men to give and receive fellatio.

- This is-

- These are word for word the same.

- Well done.

- Hey, who knows how to Google, huh.

- But I feel like, yeah,

he was disappointed because he was like,

oh, that takes away from
being on your knees.

- He likes the knees part.

- He likes being on your knees.

- I liked a lot of these little micro,

like, preferences,

because that does feel like,

there are some things that like,

maybe seem like they're better

that some people are just like,

'actually, I like it this other way'.

- Yeah.

- And you know, that's part of his power,

his like super strong knees.

- Yes.

- I have bad knees, so
I would have loved this.

- 'Oh my god, finally,
a break for my knees'

It's not sexy being-

- I'm heading up to the Slurp Ramp.

- And they're like,
'oh, let me get up now'.

You just feel like oh...

- 'With the Slurp Ramp, make everything

in your life easier'.

- Yes.

- There's also a large
wooden X with straps,

which I imagine was like,

what they put Theon on,

on Game of Thrones.

- Like Ramsey puts them on.

Which made that whole thing, like,

maybe that was supposed
to be a little sexy too.

- Yeah.

- I'm sure Ramsey got off on that.

- Yeah.

- There's a steam room.

- Yes.

- Couple going at it, they don't
seem to mind the attention.

- Yes.

- Somebody watching.

- And then we get back
to these glory holes.

- Yes.

- I thought that this scene was hot.

I liked the glory hole stuff.

- I like when he describes,

he looks through the hole,

and he tugs on the guy's towel,

and it falls,

I was... That's nice erotica.

- Yeah.

- It's not even like they give a little,

- One logistics question I had was,

how big is the hole?

- I think it must be big enough

for him to get his hand in.

- Because in Indian
culture you wear bangles.

- Uh huh.

- They're very tight,

and even sometimes if
they look like they fit,

this part of your hand is so wide,

sometimes it's like a big squeeze,

so I was like, 'how big is this hole?'.

- It was probably the
size of a Pringle can.

- A Pringle can?

- Yeah, if you wanna
comfortably get your hand in-

- Yeah.

- And out, while holding something.

Okay, interesting.

- So if you guys can
imagine, a Pringle can.

Put that into your mind.

- You guys, every time
you reach your hand-

- A Pringle can.

- A new can of Pringles,

imagine that you're pulling on a dick.

- We all know the slogan for Pringles.

- Okay.

- So he's jerking him off-

- Slurpies

- Through the hole.

I did write down, he describes-

The Pringles slogan is slurp!

- With that guy winking.

- New pizza flavored Pringles, slurp!

- I see it.

- Oh my god.

- I'm like, sweating...

It's so nasty.

- He does describe his,

as he's jerking him off, and his penis

is getting bigger,

he describes the man's penis as

a thick salami.

- Hanging semi-erect.

- And then he starts to suck him off.

Uh huh.

- He's moaning.

- Yes.

- There's saliva going down his chin.

Yes, a lot of pre-come.

- He's gagging.

- Yes.

- That felt realistic too,

I appreciated that detail a lot,

because I don't think I see that as much.

He even coughs,

which I'm like that feels real.

Yeah!

- I think it felt too real,

because then it came out of his nose.

- It was.

That was gross.

- And I thought that was upsetting.

- I kind of appreciated it.

This guys keeps it real.

- He keeps it fucking real,
he's not here to glorify.

- I've never had it
come out my nose though.

- Oh, you didn't try hard enough Jess.

Also you weren't a superhero.

- Clearly the person
wasn't pre-coming enough.

- Oh damn.

- Someone fact-check me on this,

can anyone pre-come this much?

- I would say yes.

- Really?

- I think so.

- Okay.

- There are some-

- Maybe I'm not doing anything right,

because this seems like a lot of pre-come.

This seems like eight ounce glass of-.

It is a lot of pre-come.

- That's, I can't, I don't
wanna, think about that.

- Getting your three
glasses of pre-come a day.

- That is the level of
pre-come we're talking about.

- It's not a small amount, it's like tall.

- You know, truly, a lot of uncut guys,

who are not circumcised,
pre-come a lot more.

- Really.

- Mmhmm.

- Really, circumcision plays into that?

- I believe so, I might
just be making this up,

but from my experience.

- Don't fact-check this,
don't fact-check this.

- I believe it's true that a lot of guys

that are uncircumcised
pre-come a lot more.

- Interesting.

Is it because there's something-

- Wrong with them?

- Is it because they're nasty freaks?

- Because God hates them?

- Is it because God hates them?

- It's something to do with
their foreskin I think.

- Interesting.

- I was with one guy
who wasn't circumcised,

and I don't remember
more pre-come than usual.

I do remember,

the first time I saw it, it was erect,

so it just looked like all
the other ones I had seen.

And then it wasn't until it went down,

and I was like oh.

Which was interesting.

And he was from France,

and that's apparently a French thing.

- This is the second international

little boy I've heard you-

- I wouldn't say little.

- Little boy.

- I didn't mean to say little.

- You don't need a rod baby.

I had a good time.

- Woo.

- Okay, saliva going down the chin,

coming out the nose.

- Yeah yeah yeah.

- Oh, another interesting
part which I didn't

realize this was a thing,

was that after all of that had happened,

then he turned around and
put his but thole into the,

- I didn't know you could do that.

- I traditionally only knew
a glory hole to be like-

- Me too.

- Sucking off.

- But I like that.

- That's common.

- Dual purpose.

- I've seen it, not live,
but I've seen it in videos.

- The concert on video.

- The live, The Eagles Live.

- But yeah I've seen that before.

- And he goes seriously
from zero to 100 so quick,

and I think it's the super-

- Yeah.

- That's his superpower moment,

and he's just like
Hulking out a little bit.

- Oh.

- And just like going for it all.

- Yeah, he's got so much going on,

because he's also
tending to the butt plug.

- He's double- skewering.

In a few short moments.

- Like, going from the first night,

where he barely sucked a
dick and felt self-conscious,

to now.

- Yes.

- Is wild.

- Wasn't this all within
maybe less than 24 hours?

- Yes, I would say so
- Interesting.

- Crystal meth.

That's his-

- It could be.

- Okay wait.

So he's being skewered at this point,

because he has his but thole in one hole,

and then he's leaning against
a wall on the opposite side,

and there's a glory hole on that side too.

- That's called being skewered?

- That's what this book
called it, I don't know.

- I would have called
it being double-towered.

- Oh, okay.

- I prefer the Chinese Finger Trap.

- Oh, interesting.

- Oh, yeah.

- It's so beautiful, every culture

has a dumpling, every
culture has a doughnut.

- Yeah.

- Every culture has a name for like-

- I don't know if it's cultural,
that's just what I call it.

- Skewering ranges across the world,

like hands across America.

- That's really beautiful.

- So beautiful.

- But, during this,

one of my favorite lines of the book,

he goes 'suddenly, one of
the newcomers realized',

because a lot of people are watching.

- Suddenly one of the newcomers realized

'I was wedged between a
cock and a hard place'.

- At that point I-

- And in my mind, I was like,

this book, that sentence was written,

and then this book was
written around that sentence.

- 100%.

- Yeah, that line jumped out at me too,

it kind of took me out of it.

- Because it was too punny?

- It was too punny.

- Yeah, he looks to camera and he says it,

while he's got a dick in his
mouth and in his asshole.

- Maybe that was like a publisher's note,

maybe it was a rock and a hard place.

- We need a pithy,

the movie poster tagline.

- The publisher, that's their only note.

- What about-

- I don't mind typos, but...

- It was a bunch of fucking typos.

- Don't fix all these typos,
but if you can make it

a cock and a hard place, I'm on board.

- Let me get this on Amazon baby.

- Click.

- Speaking of the wall of
observers, I did write down

the line;

'a wall of observers,
all furiously pumping

their hard hats'

- It reminds of the
Titanic, the lower-decks,

with the coal,

- Which is a furious
steam-like assembly line.

- And there's the violinist
that keeps playing,

while the ship goes down.

- And they're just loving it.

- Oh my god.

- So yeah, once

these two join in,

and then everyone starts
to hear how much fun

they're having.

And really everyone
starts to jump on board.

- Which is beautiful.

- I've also 'beat
mercilessly on my prostate'.

- Yes.

- It's so funny, because I know,

that that is anatomically
what is happening,

to me, mentions of the
prostate take me out.

- It's a little clinical for me.

- It didn't feel very sexy,
do other people like it?

Just that we don't get it.

- Yeah, I think you don't get it,

because for me it was like,

oh okay cool, good for him.

- Does that mean it's
really getting in there?

- Yeah.

- To me, that evokes prostate checks,

and prostate cancer,

and older men.

- It is more clinical.

- Well, what would you like instead?

- Beat the pussy up?

- Lil bean.

- Little bean?

- I meant...

- For my clit?

- Prostate.

- Because from...

- Oh, okay, beats the prostate.

- Bush's barbecue baby.

- Roll that low bean footage.

- Okay so no, no, prostate's sexier.

- What would you call it Connie?

- Yeah, prostate beats little bean.

- I didn't mind prostate actually.

- Okay, yeah.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Maybe I've just heard it

so much in like, in a
medical, in commercials,

for men's health checks and stuff.

- I have too, but I didn't mind it.

- That's great.

- See, this is-

- Yeah.

- What's beautiful about erotica.

This is beautiful.

- I love it.

Here's something I found strange.

He calls one of them a wild animal.

I think, animal.

He bleeps out the N I M A.

And it all fits.

I wrote it down.

Animal fits, and I can only
imagine that's what it was.

You have said some pretty raunchy stuff-

- Yeah.

- Are you like, Peter,

like why are you not saying-

- Well, also he mentions
dicks in the form of horses.

- Yes.

- So he really describes
their horse-dicks.

- Yes.

- Dress me like a horse.

- Yes, that part was intense,

because it also tells you about

how you could almost see the penis,

in the throat.

I was like-

- Like a snake eating a deer.

- I would say an egg.

- An egg?

- I've seen snakes eat eggs before.

- Is this the one you were talking about?

- Like chickens eggs and stuff.

- Chicken?

- Yeah.

- Snakes and eggs.

- What do you think snakes eat?

- Everything, well eggs are included-

- We're saying it's that look of-

- You could see the thing inside.

- That's why I said deer.

- You didn't know snakes ate-?

- I mean, it would rip it open.

- Snakes eat deer?

- It would rip-

I saw a video of a really big snake

eating a crocodile-

- Like an anaconda.

- And both of them died.

Oh.

- I think I saw that video.

That's a metaphor for-

- I think one of the first videos I saw

was on Windows, they have

the encyclopedia floppy disk,

and it was just the snake eating an egg.

- I'm imagining scrambled.

- No no no, just like full egg.

- Yeah, first he gets his little hands,

and he puts it on a skillet.

- Ah, they browned, ah well.

Oh, I wanted them over easy.

- Salt, pepper.

- But it was like, fine, Rekha,

it was like a snake eating a deer.

- Thank you.

- That's what it looked like.

- Thank you, yeah, yeah, yes.

- The dude comes,

he calls him a Philly fucker in his mouth.

That's the Philly special.

- The Philly fucker.

It's wiz, baby.

And then he gets a few
more in, and then...

- There's one point he has
three cocks in his face at once.

Yes.

- So after that happens, I think,

especially if it were my first time,

I would need like, okay I need a shower.

I'm going to go to my room, I need a nap.

Not for him.

- I need a snack, he has three,

and then he takes them all on at once,

one in the mouth, and two in both hands.

- That's a-

a one in the hand is
worth two in the bush.

- Well I don't know if
I can say this movie,

but it's a movie, and there's
a famous hallway fight scene.

- Are you gonna say John Wick?

Because I wrote John Wick in my notes.

- Old boy, okay, Old boy,

where he fights people with the hammer

down a hallway,

and that's what reminded me of this.

Because so many people were coming at him.

- It's like Neo in the Matrix.

- Yeah.

- All the Mr Smiths, and he's-

- Little dicks coming out.

- Yeah, but he's just,

instead of hitting them
he's sucking them off.

And he's just tearing through this

whole bathhouse.

- I think thought of John Wick because

he goes into detail of
walking into the place.

- And you see each room,

and you're like, I know he's going to go

and come back, and fuck
shit up in this room.

Where John Wick walks through the

glass room for the first time.

The mirror room.

- And like, oh this is
going down in this room.

- He walks by the lobby,

I'm like someone is
going in that locker pit.

- In the movie version of this,

he's going to walk by
a room full of plugs.

- Yeah.

- And everybody's like-

- Also, in this scene,
another quote that really

stuck with me,

is, 'someone put hot gravy into my

greedy ass just like the
slut I knew I had become'.

What do you all think of
'hot gravy in my greedy ass'.

- Well that's disgusting, I think.

Just the color, just the color.

- Gravy.

- Some gravy's white.

- Oh you're right.

- Biscuits and gravy.

- Chili's has-

- Chili's!

- Which day, which day Connie?

- Sorry, sorry,

uh there's a chain restaurant

famous for-

- No, you can talk about Chili's.

- Mashed potatoes, with a white gravy,

that's quite tasty you guys.

They put the potato skins in there.

- Okay, when you're reading this,

we want you to think of two things.

One, we want you to think of Pringles.

Two, Chili's white gravy.

Think of that going in
your greedy little ass

at an early bird special.

- I think brown, brown
gravy, traditional gravy.

Thanksgiving dinner.

- And that sounds disgusting
coming out of a penis.

- But, if you think about
it as Chili's gravy.

- Then it's hot.

- What if he'd said chowder.

- That's even more gross because
there's chunks in chowder.

And that's just a whole other thing.

- I think gravy tastes
better than come, so.

- Condensed milk.

- Condensed milk is good.

- A Thai ice tea.

- Oh my god.

- Nanjing Thai iced tea,

I would be sucking their dicks nonstop.

- No boba.

- Okay.

- Kate, bye.

Thai iced tea here I come.

- Not after 6pm, too much caffeine.

- Unlimited refills of Thai ice tea.

- Warm Cinnabon icing,
that's what would get me.

- Yeah, yeah.

I think Cinnabon icing.

- I know that it don't taste like that.

- I know, but-

- But it could.

- If I don't-

- If I had one note for the author,

I'd be like, just change
that to hot Cinnabon icing.

- If you were the publisher.

- If I were the publisher.

- When you get the can of
Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls,

and then the icing comes
in the separate tube.

- Uh huh, yeah.

- Oh my god.

- Or the little Domino's Cinna-Sticks,

and you just get that...

- He was definitely having a manic moment.

That I think people have,

the second after they come,

all of a sudden they're gonna sober up,

and be like I need to get out of here.

Yes, totally.

- So he is with all these guys,

and then everybody comes,

and he's covered in come,

and he's like, I've
gotta go take a shower.

But the shower is through the mirror room.

- Yes, this is the John Wick moment,

where he has to get to the shower,

but in order to get there he
has to go through so much.

- Yeah, I feel like a video
game John Wick moment.

So he gets in there,

and then just instantly, they see him,

and they're like 'you',

and they hoist him up-

- Yes.

- On the swing, or on
the X, I couldn't tell?

- On the swing.

- It's the swing.

- He also describes himself as like,

a sight, an unusual sight to see,

unique sight for even there.

I stood skinny and
toned with the firm ass.

I was like, you can get over
yourself just a little bit.

There's a lot of ageism
shit happening in this book

that I did not like.

Yeah, you're a teenager,
and congratufuckinglations,

chill the fuck out.

- Yeah.

- I can see both sides,

because he was so down on himself,

and everybody else was kind of down,

like he felt so insecure, that I was like,

if this is your moment,
and for the first time

it felt like you were
coming into your own.

- Yes.

- And you are in like, your glory moment.

- Is it because he has green hair?

- Does he have green hair?

- Did you see the cover of the book?

- Oh.
- Oh.

- Oh.

- Which, if that's what he looks like,

the cover of that book,

you have no, you are not allowed

to feel self-conscious.

- He looks like Cowboy
Bebop but with green hair.

- When your friend, who's like
a supermodel looking person,

is like 'I'm so ugly, I'm shy',

I'm like, shut the fuck up.

- Well, the cover,

if you guys show the cover,

it's an anime-looking guy with green hair,

so the whole time while
I was reading this,

I was imagining a guy with green hair

getting fucked in a bathhouse.

- Oh.

- So maybe that's why he
was getting those stares.

- Oh because he has green hair?

- Yeah.
- Oh, maybe.

- He's like Cosmo from
the Fairly Odd Parents.

- He's like.

- He's just like that, the
famous anime character.

- But here's the thing
that kind of took me

you know out of it, he said no, didn't he?

When they were hoisting
him up on the chair,

and the swing.

Oh did he?

I don't remember that.

- I feel like he was like
'no no I don't want to'.

That sucks,
I don't remember that.

- I thought he recognized
the guy from earlier-

- He did, because-

- Salami dick guy-

- He met thick salami
dick through more than

just the glory hole.

- Which is full-circle.

- I could instantly tell.

- Maybe I read it wrong,
I did read it last night,

so it was late.

- Here's something I didn't like.

So this whole time,

because the covers cannot
necessarily be trusted,

with some of these books,

we've encountered this in the past.

I was like, okay, it's
kind of cool that you have

no description for this guy.

He could be anyone, he could be you,

he could be me, whatever.

At this moment, he goes,

'and then a black guy came in',

I was like, he's white.

- Everyone's fucking white.

And then he calls his
penis a long charcoal rod,

I literally wrote 'no thank you'.

- You've never seen a black dick.

- You've never met a black
person and I hate you.

- You've never seen a black dick if you

call it a charcoal rod.

- You're disgusting, shut up.

- The author's name is Tyrone.

- He's a white guy named Tyrone.

- Or, he's a white guy named Michael,

who's like I'm gonna,
'whats my fantasy name?'

Tyrone Myler.

- Yeah, which is like, maybe an anagram,

like a fucking a palindrome.

Oh, and then, I wrote, someone was quickly

'jack hammering his teenage boy pussy',

forcing his ass, hot sticky salt spray.

- Hot sticky salt spray!

- I didn't like that one.

- That sounds like something
you put in your hair

to give it a little mist.

- To give it weight.
- To give it texture.

- Hot sticky salt spray.

- So if we are tracking this,
in terms of storytelling,

this is the, the...

The final battle?

- The final battle, this
is the final battle,

with him in that swing.

Yeah.

- And this is him just him taking

every fucking person he can get.

Yeah.

- Even that old man with the chode,

and he's just trying to get through it.

- It felt like reading, if someone,

if you were watching a really
heated basketball game,

it felt like reading a description.

It was so fast,

I couldn't keep track of all the players.

- So many dicks.

- So when you have a sex
swing, do you just lie there,

or are you actually
pushed, like a swing-swing?

- I imagine you're
gonna be rotated around-

- Oh I see.

- That's why you need to be in the swing.

- Okay, that makes sense.

So it's very much like a-

- I feel like I'd get nauseous.

- I mean, he's already full of come.

Yeah.

- What's he gonna do, puke?

Yeah, he's already like gagging.

- Vomiting.

There's saliva everywhere.

Gravy's not sitting well either.

- He needs some potatoes.

- I loved this part when he was getting

fucked on the swing, that
three dudes watching,

all like blew their load at once,

it reminded me of like,
fireworks or something.

- Cannons, shoot the cannons!

- How long do you think
he was at the bathhouse?

- 20 minutes.

- I was going to say, like,
11 whole minutes later.

- That would be crazy,
if all of this happened

in like 11 minutes.

- A comedy sitcom without commercials.

- This could be on Adult Swim, like

as one of those late-night...

- Imagine that, you're binging something,

this is one episode,

then what do you do?

- When he's walking out, the
guy that gave him the condoms

is like, 'well, you were
there for a record long time'.

- Oh, this was the sad one.

A nerdy, so this was the,

it was like everybody
fucked him, and then this

sad little nerdy dude came up,

and he said 'a nerdy looking fellow

slid his five inches into my mouth,

which I swallowed easily,

grunting like a hog'.

Wew.

- But at least he took it, right.

- How was the guy nerdy?

- He had glasses.
- He had glasses.

- Glasses.

- They were in the steam
room, they got all steamed up.

- I imagine the author got really excited

writing this part,

because there were a particularly high

amount of typos,

so one of them I wrote down was

'my mouth was filled and overflows,

my eyes were drench'.

Anyway.

- Are you sure that's not a Haiku?

- Oh my god, wow it is.

It's a perfect Haiku.

Anyway, at this point he leaves.

He goes back home.

- He goes back home, covered in come.

He never takes that shower,
which really bothers me.

- No.

- It really bothers me.

- He brushed his teeth.

- Yeah, it said that he
had come in his hair.

- He had come in his hair, it was

dripping down his chin as he walked,

and like turned his head.

- And like, that shit
doesn't dry properly.

Like, you are gonna look like a cobweb.

- I was gonna say, he's gonna

look like a candle in a few minutes.

- He's gonna look like Lumiere.

- He's gonna look like a melted candle.

- Ew.

Yeah, he just passes out in the bed,

having only brushed his teeth

and used some mouthwash.

- He's gonna wake up, he's
gonna definitely have pink-eye.

- That's one of those.

- And then I woke up,

and both of my eyes had pink-eye.

- That's one of those things,

where like, if you're like tipsy at night,

and you're like, 'I don't
wanna take my makeup off',

you're just like, you have to,

because you're gonna be so mad at yourself

that you didn't, the next morning.

Yeah.

- You have to.

- It's gonna be stuck to the bed.

- Yeah, if you're covered
in this much come,

I'm sorry buddy, you
have to take a shower.

- And you gotta put
those clothes in a bag.

- Yeah.

It might feel hot at the
moment, but I'm telling you,

when you wake up-

- You're gonna feel so much better.

- You're not gonna be
able to open those eyes.

You know.

- Your eyelashes are gonna rip off.

- I was trying to think of what my

ideal version of a bathhouse would be,

and I think it would have to
be a room where it's like,

you get together with the group,

and you all just get
to like chat for a bit,

and like have some snacks and wine,

and like, get to know each other.

Yeah, I agree.

- And then, you walk through

the shower room,

so it's the hangout room,

the lounge, then the shower room,

then the sex room.

You guys all have sex, and have fun,

and it's all consenting,

and you all know that
you wanna be together,

and then you all go and take a shower.

Yes.

- And then if you wanna go
back you can do it again,

but we shower in between every session.

- You know what this sounds like?

It sounds like A Viking's Peace.

- Oh, you know, I'm such a Viking.

- I know.

- And then he throws all in the-

- I know! And you're all drinking juice.

- I'm definitely a Viking-

- Yes.
- For sure.

- But, the kind of sum-up was,

he passed out and slept,

he can only hope he gets

the chance to go back to Philly one day.

- What a sweet little ending,

for this like little paradise day he got,

before his...
- Convention.

- Now I think I was saying this before-

- Math convention.

- I'm like, could it
be that that first day,

he did just go home?

And then this was all just a dream,

like a Wizard of Oz situation.

I mean, I love that too.

- That would be really sad.

How does that
go into the superhero?

- Oh, these are just different theories.

Different fan theories.

- I think it's really funny that he thinks

he has to go to Philly
for all of this to happen.

- We were talking about that too.

- I know Texas is super conservative,

but there's gotta be clustered-

- There's Austin.

- Yeah, go to Austin.

Great guacamole, and
probably better bathhouses.

- Beyonc�'s from Houston, I'm sure

there's a bunch of gays there.

- And you're close to Mexico,

I mean why are you going all
the way to fucking Philly.

- He might not have a passport.

- Well if anyone would know Connie,

wouldn't it be you?

Our Philly expert.

- Uh, I do, but-

- Why would one travel to Philly for a-

- Uh, the Hershey factory.

- This is a different meaning.

- Hi factory!

- I could be make love
at the Hershey factory,

oh my god.

- Just the smell of
chocolate on the conveyor-

- On the conveyor belt, yeah.

Where they take out the nuggets, yeah.

- Do you think this
would have been better,

if it took place at the Hershey factory?

- Oh, yes.

- I mean, I think there
would have been weird puns

on Hershey factory because of poop.

- Stuck between chocolate
and a hard place.

- If there was some type of

hot chocolate hot tub,

and then you could lick the hot chocolate

off of each other.

- But this dude wouldn't
have taken a shower,

he's gonna go home in bed and roll around

chocolate in his sheet.

- That's an issue for sure.

- It'll probably dry,

he'll be like an Easter bunny.

- Oh my god, full of jelly beans.

- It's like hotel rooms,

if you go into the hot chocolate hot tub,

you have to shower before
and after, is the rule.

- There needs to be a bit
more cleanliness rules,

for me.

- I agree.

- At the uh-

- Especially as it's
all anonymous and stuff.

- I love that they can just
go there and have a blast.

It sounds fun.

- I thought it was a cute
little way to wrap this up.

- Yeah, I thought so too.
- Yeah.

- So guys, we normally, rank these books,

on a scale of one to five.

One being, dry as a desert,

you were dry as hell when you read this,

five being, you slid off your chair.

- If you had to rank this
book, how would you rank it?

- I would say four.

- Oh god, is that not true?

I would say four.
- That's a high rating.

- Yeah, the descriptions were very,

you know, very specific,
and I was like, okay, okay.

Now there were some times
it took me out of it,

like between the cock and a hard place,

and that black man with his charcoal rod,

and also the horse references,

maybe I'm going down to a three, but-

- You can also do
point, three point five.

- Yeah, three point five,
seven five, whatever.

- Okay, you know what,
because of those last reasons,

I would say three point five.

- Okay.

- Cool.

- Yeah.

- I was going to say a four point eight.

- Wow.

- Honey.

- It was pretty hot, but
it had so many typos.

My eyes drench.

- It was legit, insanity, and-

- Nothing sexier than good grammar.

- And also logistics, of
just like, what convention

did you go to, you teenage boy?

Why did you go from Houston to Philly

when you're starting college?

This is insane.

Yeah.

- And it's just, uh...

Things like that irk me-

- Yeah.

- And they'll take me out of it.

- But it was a hot, hot piece.

- Philly also isn't this
like, liberal Mecca,

there's certainly very
liberal people there,

but there's also,

we have the Mummers Parade,

we got a lot of issues.

- I was going to say, it's
also a very angry city.

- Don't you have the Klan, in Philly?

- Yes, we have it.

- But they can still be gay, right?

- I mean, it's just when
you think of hot gay sex,

I mean, 'let's go to Philadelphia'.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- I mean, that's where
I've had some of my best,

I will say.

- Yeah, but not in a bathhouse.

- Not in a bathhouse, at my house,

that has a bath.

- In the Chase bakery.

- In the Chase bakery!

- In the cafe lounge at the Chase bakery.

- Oh my god.

- Yeah, what would I give it?

I think I'm in like a
three point seven five.

- Okay wow, these are pretty good.

- I liked having a glimpse in something

truly, like, how he,

it was almost like I felt
a little bit like him,

I didn't know,

I knew bathhouses were a thing,

but was pretty ignorant as to
what exactly went on in them,

or what it was, was it like a gym,

like I thought maybe there's
sports equipment there,

and you like work out,

but then there's also
a pool where sometimes

people have sex.

So I didn't realize they
had so many facilities there

that were specifically for

just all kind of getting together,

and having this experience,

which I just, I liked learning about that.

And yeah, the book had some issues,

but overall, I thought,

I loved his journey from
being really awkward and shy,

to really blossoming, you know,

from a little caterpillar to a butterfly.

- Covered in come.

- A come-covered butterfly.

- It can barely fly, so weighed down.

- I would give this book,

I'm torn between a two point
seven five and a three.

Maybe a three, maybe a three.

Because I really appreciated

the same things you said Jess,

like the details about
stuff I am ignorant about,

I similarly have the Roman
kind of thing in mind,

when I thought of bathhouses,

so I really appreciated
the details in this book,

I love that little towel scene, I wrote

that that was very hot,

some of the descriptions were really hot,

the things that took me out,

I mean, that black guy thing at the end,

and I was like,

y'all know me by now,

I'm like, 'where are the people of color

in any of these books?',

and I was like-

- It was so long, too!

It was like, wow, what a refreshing book

that had colors and descriptions,

besides penises weren't
really even brought into it.

- Exactly.

- We're just here, it could be anyone.

- He could have been any race,

I could be him,

and it was like,

okay, you're all white, great, perfect,

thank you.

- The default.

- In Philadelphia, those, okay, okay.

So I hated that.

But I thought it was
a cute little wrap-up,

even though I also thought that this maybe

would be a love story,

I actually kinda liked that it was just

a hookup story, that's
like, you know what,

I just found myself one
weekend, and had a good time.

- Yeah.

- And that's step one of my journey.

- He fell in love with himself.

- Oh, okay.

- He taught himself, he was the one

teaching the first timer.

- The student has become the master.

- Literally Sex and the City.

- Pretty much Sex and the City.

Well, that is it everybody,

thank you so much for
listening, and watching.

Our next assignment, if you read along,

I think you guys will be excited.

- Drum roll.

- We have part two of our Alfie story.

So we are going to be
reading chapters five to ten-

- Or six through ten.

- Or six through ten, sorry.

So originally we read one to five,

and now we're reading six to ten.

- And we know that the
author is adding more stuff,

we will try to keep up,

it's just easier to do
it in chunks like this.

- Yeah, we're super excited,

because we know everyone,
you guys had all mentioned

how it really picks up
after that fifth chapter,

so I'm excited to see.

I did check on the site,

there is a super cool
picture of Alfie with this

really hot chick,

as like the newest
thing that had happened.

So I was like damn, I'm
excited to get into this.

- I gotta know what happens
with Lydia, the woman of color.

- Oh yeah.

- I hope she does well.

- I hope she does well.

- Thank you so much for listening,

have a sexy week everybody.

Thank you to our guests.

- Thank you Jesse, thank you Connie.

- Thank you for having us.

- Bye.

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