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[**]
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00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:07,590
[BEEPING]
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[BEEPING STOPS]
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[BEEPING]
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[BEEPING STOPS]
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[BEEPING]
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[BEEPING STOPS]
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[BEEPING]
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[BEEPING STOPS]
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00:00:42,620 --> 00:00:44,580
[CLOCK CLATTERS]
11
00:00:47,460 --> 00:00:49,750
Would you wake me up
in 7 minutes?
12
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:55,430
* My eyesare gettin' weary*
13
00:00:55,470 --> 00:00:58,180
* My back is gettin' tight*
14
00:00:58,220 --> 00:00:59,850
* I'm sittin' herein traffic*
15
00:00:59,890 --> 00:01:03,020
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
16
00:01:03,060 --> 00:01:08,480
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
17
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:12,400
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
18
00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:15,780
* 'Cause, baby,all my life*
19
00:01:15,820 --> 00:01:19,570
* I will be drivin' hometo you*
20
00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,170
[SIGHS]
21
00:01:33,210 --> 00:01:35,170
Ah, Douglas.
Are you going out,
22
00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:36,800
by any chance?
23
00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:40,430
Well, I'm putting on
a coat, so...
24
00:01:40,470 --> 00:01:43,640
I'm gonna let you
connect those dots.
25
00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,980
Sorry. I live
in a basement
26
00:01:46,020 --> 00:01:46,810
with no insulation.
27
00:01:46,850 --> 00:01:50,020
I put on a coat
to watch TV.
28
00:01:50,060 --> 00:01:51,770
Apology accepted.
29
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,190
Anyway,
do me a solid
30
00:01:53,230 --> 00:01:54,480
and drop me off
in the city.
31
00:01:54,530 --> 00:01:56,320
I'm gonna hang with my friends
in the village.
32
00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:57,860
[QUACKS]
33
00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:59,200
Yeah, that's not
going to happen.
34
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:00,530
[QUACKS]
35
00:02:00,570 --> 00:02:02,370
-Why not?
-Because Carrie and I
36
00:02:02,410 --> 00:02:03,660
were going to see
Deacon and Kelly,
37
00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:05,330
and it's in
the other direction.
38
00:02:05,370 --> 00:02:07,410
Darling,
can you drive me?
39
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:08,830
Dad, I'm going
with Doug.
40
00:02:08,870 --> 00:02:10,460
Won't be late.
Love you.
41
00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:11,710
Fine.
42
00:02:11,750 --> 00:02:13,130
Maybe I should
just hop a freight train,
43
00:02:13,170 --> 00:02:14,630
like a hobo?
44
00:02:14,670 --> 00:02:15,840
Make sure
you bring some beans,
45
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:17,920
so the others
will like you.
46
00:02:21,220 --> 00:02:23,140
[**]
47
00:02:25,180 --> 00:02:26,180
Here's dessert.
48
00:02:26,220 --> 00:02:28,020
Oh. Thanks.
49
00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:29,690
Here you guys go.
50
00:02:29,730 --> 00:02:32,270
Fruit?
That's it?
51
00:02:32,310 --> 00:02:33,360
That's it.
52
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,570
I gotta tell you--
53
00:02:34,610 --> 00:02:36,780
I'm pretty close
to crying.
54
00:02:37,690 --> 00:02:39,530
I am so jealous
that you guys
55
00:02:39,570 --> 00:02:41,660
-are going to Bermuda.
-And the best part?
56
00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:43,160
The resort was running
this big promotion.
57
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,200
-We got a sick deal.
-Yeah? Well, if you want
58
00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:46,490
to bring me back
a souvenir,
59
00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:49,830
this cabana boy
would be just fine.
60
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,370
Hey, Deac, can you help me
with the coffee?
61
00:02:51,420 --> 00:02:53,460
Oh, yeah.
62
00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:55,380
Oh, and by the way--
thanks again, guys,
63
00:02:55,420 --> 00:02:56,710
for taking Major
for the weekend.
64
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,760
No problem.
65
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:05,680
I'm sorry...
66
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:07,720
what did he just say?
67
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,270
Oh, I forgot to tell
you--we're watching
68
00:03:09,310 --> 00:03:11,560
Major this weekend.
69
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,940
Ow!
70
00:03:13,980 --> 00:03:15,690
When were you planning
on telling me?
71
00:03:15,730 --> 00:03:17,190
I was gonna wait till
you got in a good mood,
72
00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:19,280
but that never happens,
so I didn't--
73
00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,110
Ow!
74
00:03:21,150 --> 00:03:23,160
DOUG AND CARRIE: Hey!
75
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,870
Okay. Thank you.
76
00:03:26,910 --> 00:03:28,750
Doug, I work hard
all week.
77
00:03:28,790 --> 00:03:31,750
The weekend is mytime.
Carrie time.
78
00:03:31,790 --> 00:03:34,080
I barely want
to spend it with you!
79
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,790
Fine. You know what?
I'll watch him, okay?
80
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,130
-You won't have to do a thing.
-Oh, yeah? Really?
81
00:03:37,170 --> 00:03:38,920
That's what you said
about the turtle.
82
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:40,840
Okay. For
the last time, okay?
83
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:43,760
I didn't know he was
attached to his shell.
84
00:03:46,350 --> 00:03:47,640
-Hey.
-Hey.
85
00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:50,680
So, this deal we got--
4 day weekend, 700 bucks.
86
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:51,890
4 days?
87
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,310
Now, that is crazy.
88
00:03:53,350 --> 00:03:54,520
Heh.
89
00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:55,650
You know what's crazy?
90
00:03:55,690 --> 00:03:58,150
Calling 4 days a weekend.
91
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,950
'Cause where I come from,
that's, like, a week.
92
00:04:01,990 --> 00:04:03,990
Know what I'm saying?
That's a long time.
93
00:04:04,030 --> 00:04:05,030
-That's what I'm--
-Ahh, God!
94
00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:06,450
She still
makes me laugh.
95
00:04:06,490 --> 00:04:08,280
She makes me laugh.
96
00:04:09,830 --> 00:04:11,450
Hey, what are you doing
out of bed, little man?
97
00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:13,080
I want you to
read me a story.
98
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,710
Oh, buddy, we have
company over.
99
00:04:14,750 --> 00:04:15,790
I'll read to you
tomorrow night.
100
00:04:15,830 --> 00:04:16,880
Hey, you want
your Uncle Doug
101
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:18,840
-to read you a story?
-Yeah!
102
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,300
Doug, you don't have
to do that.
103
00:04:20,340 --> 00:04:21,670
I know
I don't have to.
104
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,430
I want to.
105
00:04:24,340 --> 00:04:25,640
Come here, buddy.
106
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,550
We really appreciate
you guys taking Major.
107
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:28,810
-Yeah.
-Oh!
108
00:04:28,850 --> 00:04:30,470
Well, good luck
getting him back.
109
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,940
[ALL LAUGHING]
110
00:04:36,060 --> 00:04:37,810
Ahh! Thank you
for the ride, Daniel.
111
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,400
Nah, no problem.
112
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:40,650
Oh, just so you know,
113
00:04:40,690 --> 00:04:41,820
since last month,
I've been going
114
00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:43,990
to the city
every Tuesday. Uh...
115
00:04:44,030 --> 00:04:48,030
I'm seeing
a--uh, therapist.
116
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,450
[SIGHS]
117
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:50,950
Yeah, well, I'm not--I'm not
crazy or anything. You know.
118
00:04:50,990 --> 00:04:53,710
I mean--heh. I just have
some issues to work out.
119
00:04:53,750 --> 00:04:55,080
You know.
But do me a favor.
120
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,500
Don't mention anything
to Doug, all right?
121
00:04:56,540 --> 00:04:57,750
I'm just--
122
00:04:57,790 --> 00:04:59,040
Not that I'm ashamed
of it, you know.
123
00:04:59,090 --> 00:05:01,340
I actually feel
really good about it.
124
00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:03,050
Really good.
125
00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:05,880
Perhaps you could have
your therapist work on
126
00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:08,390
making you less
of a dullard.
127
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,350
Wow. We are making
great time.
128
00:05:12,390 --> 00:05:14,680
We're gonna be in the city
in, like, 5 minutes.
129
00:05:14,730 --> 00:05:16,140
We are whizzing along,
aren't we?
130
00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:19,860
Yeah, thanks to you, I can
use the carpool lane.
131
00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:21,270
Ha! You know
what you should do?
132
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:22,900
You should rent yourself out
to single drivers.
133
00:05:22,940 --> 00:05:24,530
I bet you'd make
some great money.
134
00:05:24,570 --> 00:05:27,070
-Yes! I bet I could!
-[LAUGHS]
135
00:05:28,570 --> 00:05:30,700
I bet I could.
136
00:05:30,740 --> 00:05:32,910
[**]
137
00:05:34,830 --> 00:05:39,040
"But Jimmy soon learned
this was no ordinary pen.
138
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:40,840
"This was a magical pen.
139
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:44,050
"If he drew a snowman
with it, shazam!
140
00:05:44,090 --> 00:05:45,720
"There was a snowman--"
141
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:47,930
"Right in the middle
of his room."
142
00:05:47,970 --> 00:05:51,220
"Right in the middle
of his room." Yes.
143
00:05:51,260 --> 00:05:54,060
"If he drew a castle
with it, presto!"
144
00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:56,770
"There's a castle,
and he was the king!"
145
00:05:56,810 --> 00:05:59,310
You know this story
pretty well, huh?
146
00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:00,310
I know it by heart.
147
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,730
Oh, okay.
We'll see about that.
148
00:06:02,770 --> 00:06:04,230
Ahem.
149
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,150
"And best of all,
one night,
150
00:06:06,190 --> 00:06:07,820
"when Jimmy
couldn't sleep,
151
00:06:07,860 --> 00:06:09,410
the magical pen--"
152
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:13,370
"Drew big, fluffy sheets
for Jim and the clown."
153
00:06:13,410 --> 00:06:14,700
Uh, actually,
154
00:06:14,740 --> 00:06:16,830
that's not what
it says here at all.
155
00:06:16,870 --> 00:06:18,080
It says, uh...
156
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:21,290
"The magical pen
grabbed its stomach
157
00:06:21,330 --> 00:06:22,420
and threw up."
158
00:06:22,460 --> 00:06:24,460
[RETCHES]
159
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:28,470
"And he threw up a big,
giant lobster man
160
00:06:28,510 --> 00:06:31,640
"with giant claws
161
00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:34,810
but with
regular people feet."
162
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,020
"And--and then
he started getting
163
00:06:38,060 --> 00:06:39,640
"closer and closer
164
00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:41,190
"to Jimmy's bed,
and Jimmy screamed,
165
00:06:41,230 --> 00:06:42,270
"'Oh, no, no!
166
00:06:42,310 --> 00:06:44,070
"'Please, don't hurt me!
No, please!'
167
00:06:44,110 --> 00:06:45,110
"And the lobster man
said,
168
00:06:45,150 --> 00:06:47,360
"'I'm gonna
snap your neck
169
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:48,900
"'and eat you,
170
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:53,160
'and your family will
never see you again!'"
171
00:06:56,580 --> 00:06:57,790
"And--and then--
172
00:06:57,830 --> 00:07:00,370
"Everybody just
started laughing."
173
00:07:02,460 --> 00:07:03,500
No, 'cause it was all--
174
00:07:03,540 --> 00:07:04,630
it was just all
a big goof.
175
00:07:04,670 --> 00:07:06,800
It was all a goof,
you know?
176
00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:08,380
And then,
lobster man said,
177
00:07:08,420 --> 00:07:11,510
[FUNNY VOICE] "Hey, everybody,
let's dance!"
178
00:07:11,550 --> 00:07:13,510
And then--and everybody,
they all grabbed Jimmy
179
00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:14,640
and they--
180
00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,310
they threw him up
on a chair.
181
00:07:16,350 --> 00:07:20,440
You know, like at
a bat mitzvah. And--
182
00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:23,150
And he's not even Jewish,
so that shows you
183
00:07:23,190 --> 00:07:26,150
how much they like Jimmy,
you know, right there.
184
00:07:26,190 --> 00:07:28,190
The end!
185
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,070
Okay. You good?
You look good.
186
00:07:31,110 --> 00:07:32,530
All right, buddy.
187
00:07:32,570 --> 00:07:33,490
Good night.
188
00:07:33,530 --> 00:07:35,530
[**]
189
00:07:36,740 --> 00:07:39,790
No, Kelly,
I totally understand.
190
00:07:39,830 --> 00:07:42,170
I mean, you have
to do what's best.
191
00:07:42,210 --> 00:07:44,170
Oh, we would've loved
to have the little guy
192
00:07:44,210 --> 00:07:45,920
here for the weekend,
but if he doesn't want
193
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,590
to stay here,
he shouldn't.
194
00:07:50,010 --> 00:07:52,470
All right. I'll talk
to you soon, honey.
195
00:07:52,510 --> 00:07:54,260
Bye-bye.
196
00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:57,060
Give Mama
some sugar, baby.
197
00:07:58,060 --> 00:07:59,350
What are you
talking about?
198
00:07:59,390 --> 00:08:01,020
We're not getting Major
for the weekend.
199
00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:02,480
-What?
-Yep. They're dumping him
200
00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:04,190
somewhere else because you
scared the crap
201
00:08:04,230 --> 00:08:07,400
out of that kid
last night.
202
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,480
Did you--did you
do that for me, baby?
203
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,860
Because if you did, I--
204
00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:14,700
one second.
205
00:08:14,740 --> 00:08:17,240
He--he's still scared
from my story?
206
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,200
Yeah. What'd you say
to him, anyway?
207
00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:20,830
I mean, Kelly said
he made them throw out
208
00:08:20,870 --> 00:08:23,500
all their pens.
209
00:08:23,540 --> 00:08:25,210
Told a little story
about a magical pen
210
00:08:25,250 --> 00:08:26,960
that throws up
a half-man lobster
211
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:30,050
that eats little boys.
212
00:08:30,090 --> 00:08:31,260
Well, that's creepy.
213
00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:32,880
Okay, a big, bad wolf
can eat a grandma,
214
00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:34,130
-but I'm out of line?
-All right, all right.
215
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,010
Come on, calm down. Anyway,
216
00:08:36,050 --> 00:08:37,550
Kelly said Major
is doing better now.
217
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,720
-It's all fine.
-It's not fine. Okay?
218
00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,310
I terrified a child--
219
00:08:41,350 --> 00:08:43,730
my godson--
so much that he--
220
00:08:43,770 --> 00:08:45,480
he wouldn't even
set foot in my house.
221
00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:48,020
I know! Give Mama
some sugar! Come on!
222
00:08:48,060 --> 00:08:49,570
Will you stop it?!
223
00:08:49,610 --> 00:08:50,730
You don't understand.
224
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:52,740
I mean, kids like me.
You know?
225
00:08:52,780 --> 00:08:55,360
They run to me.
They climb on me.
226
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,990
You think
I stay this size for myself?
227
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:01,290
This is for the children.
228
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,460
[**]
229
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,250
This carpool lane
is marvelous, isn't it?
230
00:09:09,290 --> 00:09:11,420
Yeah, I'm glad
I saw your ad.
231
00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:12,380
By the way,
232
00:09:12,420 --> 00:09:14,760
my service
also includes chitchat.
233
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:16,130
However, if you
wanna talk politics,
234
00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:17,300
I should warn you.
235
00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:19,430
I have some
very strong opinions.
236
00:09:19,470 --> 00:09:22,890
That's okay.
I kinda like it quiet.
237
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,980
Hurtful message received.
238
00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:29,150
-[CELL PHONE RINGS]
-Excuse me.
239
00:09:29,190 --> 00:09:32,980
Shotgun Arties,
we get you there quicker.
240
00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:36,650
The airport at 3:00?
Hmm. Hold on.
241
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:37,910
I've already
got a pickup then,
242
00:09:37,950 --> 00:09:39,370
but I don't wanna miss
an airport fare.
243
00:09:39,410 --> 00:09:40,950
What should I do here,
Cal, huh?
244
00:09:40,990 --> 00:09:43,290
Um, I'm not
really sure.
245
00:09:43,330 --> 00:09:46,080
Could you put
your shoes back on?
246
00:09:48,420 --> 00:09:49,250
Don't you worry.
247
00:09:49,290 --> 00:09:51,000
Somebody will be there.
248
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:56,300
Who wants to make
some easy money? Hmm?
249
00:09:56,340 --> 00:09:58,130
[**]
250
00:10:00,550 --> 00:10:02,470
[DOORBELL RINGS]
251
00:10:05,060 --> 00:10:07,140
-Hey.
-Oh.
252
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:09,980
What's going on, man?
253
00:10:10,020 --> 00:10:11,610
Uh, I just wanted to
give you back your, uh,
254
00:10:11,650 --> 00:10:13,820
Earth, Wind & Fire CD.
255
00:10:13,860 --> 00:10:15,780
You've had it for 2 years.
256
00:10:16,820 --> 00:10:19,030
Best 2 years of my life.
257
00:10:19,950 --> 00:10:21,490
Hey, is,
uh, Major around?
258
00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:22,990
Maybe...why?
259
00:10:23,030 --> 00:10:24,450
Just wanna say hello
to the little guy,
260
00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:25,950
-that's all.
-No, you know,
261
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,000
I don't think
that's such a good idea.
262
00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:28,080
Oh, man,
I'm his godfather.
263
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:29,330
I just wanna
say hello to--
264
00:10:29,370 --> 00:10:30,670
You shouldn't have told
that damn story
265
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:32,090
about a killer lobster.
266
00:10:32,130 --> 00:10:33,750
Okay, it was
a lobster man--
267
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,090
half man,
half lobster.
268
00:10:36,130 --> 00:10:39,590
Killer lobster.
Where's your head?
269
00:10:39,630 --> 00:10:40,970
Hey, there he--hey,
270
00:10:41,010 --> 00:10:42,180
Major Deacon Expressway.
What's up?
271
00:10:42,220 --> 00:10:44,350
How you doing there,
buddy?
272
00:10:44,390 --> 00:10:45,560
Okay.
273
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:46,850
So your dad tells me,
274
00:10:46,890 --> 00:10:48,310
the story I told you
the other night
275
00:10:48,350 --> 00:10:49,810
kinda scared you
a little, huh?
276
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:52,020
Uh-huh.
277
00:10:52,060 --> 00:10:55,530
Ahem. You know, uh,
it was in the paper today
278
00:10:55,570 --> 00:10:59,200
that Lobster Man got caught
and he's in jail.
279
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:00,860
So now you can come
to Uncle Doug
280
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:01,950
and Aunt Carrie's house.
281
00:11:01,990 --> 00:11:04,200
No! Lobster Man
will get me!
282
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:07,500
Okay, gotta pay attention
here, bud, okay?
283
00:11:08,540 --> 00:11:10,370
Just said a second ago
they caught him.
284
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:12,170
He's in jail.
So he can't get you.
285
00:11:12,210 --> 00:11:13,670
I don't wanna stay
with you!
286
00:11:13,710 --> 00:11:15,710
You'll tell 'em
that stupid story again.
287
00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:18,130
Um, for
your information,
288
00:11:18,170 --> 00:11:22,010
most kids love
that stupid story. So...
289
00:11:22,050 --> 00:11:23,300
maybe the problem's
not with the story
290
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,640
-maybe it's with you.
-DEACON: All right,
291
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:26,220
you know what?
Uncle Doug's gotta go now.
292
00:11:26,260 --> 00:11:27,430
Aw, man. It's okay.
He needs to hear this.
293
00:11:27,470 --> 00:11:28,560
-No, he doesn't!
-Yes, he does!
294
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,060
-You're scary!
-I'm not scary!
295
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:32,400
-I'm your godfather, okay?
-I don't care!
296
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:34,110
Okay, well, you're gonna care
when something horrible
297
00:11:34,150 --> 00:11:35,980
happens to your parents
and I'm all you got!
298
00:11:36,020 --> 00:11:37,190
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
299
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:39,490
-Daddy!
-No, Daddy's gonna be fine.
300
00:11:39,530 --> 00:11:40,530
Get out.
301
00:11:40,570 --> 00:11:42,110
[SIGHS]
302
00:11:42,910 --> 00:11:45,370
Bye, buddy.
Love you, man!
303
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,500
Mr. Jenkins
will pick you up
304
00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:59,380
on the corner of
Northern and Third.
305
00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:02,340
Incidentally,
he sounded
306
00:12:02,380 --> 00:12:04,010
a little sketchy
on the phone,
307
00:12:04,050 --> 00:12:06,550
so keep
the door unlocked.
308
00:12:07,970 --> 00:12:09,180
Here you go, Arthur.
309
00:12:09,220 --> 00:12:11,140
This is for
the Brooklyn Run.
310
00:12:11,180 --> 00:12:13,190
Oh, thank you, Flora.
311
00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:15,900
I have a client
going to Yonkers,
312
00:12:15,940 --> 00:12:17,230
if you're interested.
313
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,780
Ooh, Yonkers.
314
00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:21,280
Oh, how delightful.
315
00:12:22,740 --> 00:12:24,200
By the by,
316
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:25,950
it wouldn't hurt business
317
00:12:25,990 --> 00:12:27,580
if you popped another button.
318
00:12:27,620 --> 00:12:28,740
[POPS MOUTH]
319
00:12:35,710 --> 00:12:37,340
And now, Major
is so freaked out
320
00:12:37,380 --> 00:12:38,960
that something could
happen to me or Deacon,
321
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,510
only one of us can leave
the apartment at a time.
322
00:12:41,550 --> 00:12:44,380
[SIGHS]
I'm so sorry.
323
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:47,300
No offense, but your
husband's an idiot.
324
00:12:49,470 --> 00:12:51,430
Believe me, if his job
didn't have dental,
325
00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:54,270
I would've been out that door
a long time ago.
326
00:12:55,270 --> 00:12:57,400
And our trip
was non-refundable.
327
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,110
We're out 700 bucks.
328
00:12:59,150 --> 00:13:00,900
Unless we can find
somebody to take it
329
00:13:00,940 --> 00:13:02,610
off our hands.
330
00:13:06,950 --> 00:13:09,330
You are on fire!
331
00:13:09,370 --> 00:13:10,620
What are you
talking about?
332
00:13:10,660 --> 00:13:13,120
You scared that kid
so bad last night
333
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,910
that Deacon
and Kelly aren't going
334
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,210
on their trip.
335
00:13:16,250 --> 00:13:17,920
But guess who is?
I'll give you a hint--
336
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:21,300
it rhymes
with shmu and shmee.
337
00:13:22,130 --> 00:13:23,380
Whoa! We're not
taking that trip.
338
00:13:23,420 --> 00:13:26,260
-I'm sorry.
-No, really?
339
00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:29,430
That's not
what these tickets say.
340
00:13:29,470 --> 00:13:30,930
Carrie, we're not going.
We're not going.
341
00:13:30,970 --> 00:13:32,850
Doug,
we have to, honey,
342
00:13:32,890 --> 00:13:34,850
for Deacon and Kelly.
343
00:13:34,890 --> 00:13:37,100
Otherwise, they're gonna
lose all this money.
344
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,270
The trip is
a prepaid thing.
345
00:13:39,310 --> 00:13:40,900
Okay. You know
what else is prepaid?
346
00:13:40,940 --> 00:13:44,030
Your ticket to hell,
'cause you're a devil woman.
347
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,400
Well, if by hell,
348
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:49,620
you mean Bermuda,
then...
349
00:13:51,740 --> 00:13:53,370
No, I gotta go over there
and make this right.
350
00:13:53,410 --> 00:13:55,580
What?
Doug, no. Stop.
351
00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:56,710
All right, look.
I'll admit,
352
00:13:56,750 --> 00:13:57,790
the more you torture
the kid,
353
00:13:57,830 --> 00:13:59,290
the better
things get for me,
354
00:13:59,330 --> 00:14:02,460
but now, I'm really
thinking of Major.
355
00:14:02,500 --> 00:14:03,840
-Yeah, right.
-I am.
356
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,510
Do you really think
going over there
357
00:14:05,550 --> 00:14:06,720
for a third time
is really gonna make
358
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,640
things better?
359
00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:09,930
I don't know.
Maybe, yeah.
360
00:14:09,970 --> 00:14:12,100
Honey, listen to me, okay?
361
00:14:12,140 --> 00:14:13,310
Major loves you.
362
00:14:13,350 --> 00:14:14,850
But he needs
a little space
363
00:14:14,890 --> 00:14:15,930
from you right now,
364
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,190
a little time
365
00:14:17,230 --> 00:14:18,600
to forget about all
the scary stuff you did
366
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,310
and remember all
the good times you guys
367
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,150
have had together.
368
00:14:22,190 --> 00:14:23,150
He never remembers those.
369
00:14:23,190 --> 00:14:24,820
I know, I know.
370
00:14:24,860 --> 00:14:26,240
I'm gonna run
some errands.
371
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:27,320
You go
to the dry cleaners.
372
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:28,490
And when you get back,
373
00:14:28,530 --> 00:14:31,240
you can have
a Scooter Pie.
374
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:32,950
-Yeah?
-I had one already,
375
00:14:32,990 --> 00:14:34,790
but I'll have another one.
376
00:14:35,870 --> 00:14:37,540
[**]
377
00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:41,790
Sir, I assure you
I had no idea
378
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,710
Joel suffered
from motion sickness
379
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:46,760
when he was hired
at Shotgun Artie's.
380
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:50,640
Fine. We'll pay
for your car to be cleaned.
381
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:53,970
Arthur? The check
you wrote me bounced.
382
00:14:54,010 --> 00:14:55,350
As did mine.
383
00:14:55,390 --> 00:14:58,140
You know he's paying us
a lousy $10
384
00:14:58,180 --> 00:15:00,150
and keeping 20
for himself?
385
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:01,860
That's an outrageous lie!
386
00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:02,810
I saw the books.
387
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:04,190
That's private,
and you're fired.
388
00:15:04,230 --> 00:15:05,530
Now, beat it.
389
00:15:05,570 --> 00:15:07,940
Arthur, you have me
going all the way
390
00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:09,280
out to Philadelphia,
391
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,320
but how am I going
to get back?
392
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,580
You have a thumb,
don't you?
393
00:15:14,370 --> 00:15:15,540
I'm a woman.
394
00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:18,040
I can't be out there
alone at night.
395
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:19,210
Trust me--
396
00:15:19,250 --> 00:15:20,920
nobody's buying
what you're selling.
397
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:22,580
Oh!
398
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:26,590
These work conditions
are terrible.
399
00:15:26,630 --> 00:15:28,210
I say we form a union.
400
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,300
ALL: Yeah!
401
00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:31,050
You should form
a union--
402
00:15:31,090 --> 00:15:33,050
a union of ingrates!
403
00:15:39,930 --> 00:15:41,060
And you know,
I didn't tell him
404
00:15:41,100 --> 00:15:42,400
his parents willdie.
405
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:44,650
I said ifthey die.
406
00:15:44,690 --> 00:15:46,020
You know, he's the one
who saw the glass
407
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,030
half empty.
408
00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:48,280
Well, you know,
stuff like that
409
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:49,490
may seem small,
but it could
410
00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:51,990
traumatize people
for years.
411
00:15:52,030 --> 00:15:53,370
For years.
You're crazy.
412
00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:54,910
Excuse me?
413
00:15:54,950 --> 00:15:56,620
I'm not crazy, okay?
414
00:15:56,660 --> 00:15:58,580
I mean, you may not like
what I have to say,
415
00:15:58,620 --> 00:16:00,910
but that doesn't
matter anymore.
416
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,040
And you know why?
417
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:05,670
Because I've learned
from my therapist
418
00:16:05,710 --> 00:16:08,710
that the only opinion
that matters is mine.
419
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,760
Yeah. All these years,
I tried pleasing
420
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:13,550
my father,
my teachers, the I.R.S.
421
00:16:13,590 --> 00:16:14,930
Well, that's over, okay?
422
00:16:14,970 --> 00:16:16,810
From now on, it's all
about me, all right?
423
00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:18,890
For the first time
in 41 years,
424
00:16:18,930 --> 00:16:22,140
Danny Heffernan is
a very happy guy.
425
00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:23,560
You seem it.
426
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,560
I'll be in the car!
427
00:16:27,650 --> 00:16:30,240
Another party tomorrow,
Mr. Bippy?
428
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,780
Yep. Kids love clowns.
429
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:44,370
Hey, babe.
430
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,170
What the...?
431
00:16:47,420 --> 00:16:49,960
[TIRES SQUEAL]
432
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,970
Oh, my God.
433
00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:55,220
[TIRES SQUEAL]
434
00:16:57,510 --> 00:16:59,390
WOMAN 1:
You have me going all
435
00:16:59,430 --> 00:17:00,810
the way to Philadelphia.
436
00:17:00,850 --> 00:17:03,020
But how will I get back?
437
00:17:03,060 --> 00:17:04,810
How will I get back?
438
00:17:04,850 --> 00:17:06,150
WOMAN 2:
Arthur, the check
439
00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:07,730
you wrote me bounced.
440
00:17:07,770 --> 00:17:09,480
MAN: I saywe form a union.
441
00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:11,650
WOMAN 2:
I say we rough him up.
442
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:14,490
Life was so much
simpler last week
443
00:17:14,530 --> 00:17:17,620
when it was just me,
a stranger...
444
00:17:17,660 --> 00:17:19,950
and the open road.
445
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,830
You going to
the expressway?
446
00:17:25,870 --> 00:17:28,080
Uh, yeah.
447
00:17:29,170 --> 00:17:31,500
[SIGHS]
448
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,130
Hey!
449
00:17:33,170 --> 00:17:34,260
Hey!
450
00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:35,340
Don't worry.
451
00:17:35,380 --> 00:17:37,840
I'm doing this one
for free.
452
00:17:39,390 --> 00:17:42,220
[**]
453
00:17:45,140 --> 00:17:46,980
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
454
00:17:48,310 --> 00:17:49,810
DEACON: Hello?
455
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,440
[IMITATES BRITISH ACCENT] Hello.
Sorry to bother you there.
456
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:52,980
I just moved
into the building
457
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:56,030
and can't seem to remember
the bloody entry code.
458
00:17:56,070 --> 00:17:57,530
DEACON: Oh! Well, welcometo the building.
459
00:17:57,570 --> 00:17:59,070
Uh, what unit are you in?
460
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,740
Oh, I'm in 3-G.
461
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:03,370
DEACON: The Randalls livein 3-G.
462
00:18:03,410 --> 00:18:05,960
I'm sorry, that's 3-E.
463
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,880
That's "E"
as in Entenmann's.
464
00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:12,210
DEACON: Doug.
465
00:18:12,250 --> 00:18:13,210
Deac, come on,
let me in!
466
00:18:13,250 --> 00:18:14,630
DEACON: Doug, go home.
467
00:18:14,670 --> 00:18:16,470
Come on, I got a cool
surprise for Major!
468
00:18:16,510 --> 00:18:19,180
DEACON: Leave my kid alone!Damn!
469
00:18:23,850 --> 00:18:27,310
[INDISTINCT MUTTERING]
470
00:18:42,030 --> 00:18:43,280
Oof!
471
00:18:54,460 --> 00:18:56,670
What the hell
are you doing?!
472
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,970
What needs to be done!
473
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,140
Listen, Ronald McDonald.
474
00:19:06,180 --> 00:19:08,600
You are not screwing up
this vacation for me,
475
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,060
so get back down here!
476
00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:12,270
No!
477
00:19:12,310 --> 00:19:14,770
[SPITTING]
478
00:19:17,610 --> 00:19:20,410
Damn these gigantic shoes!
479
00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:23,910
Doug, this
is ridiculous!
480
00:19:23,950 --> 00:19:25,330
No! I know I can
make this right.
481
00:19:25,370 --> 00:19:27,040
Doug, stop!
482
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:28,160
Stop.
483
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,830
[BOTH PANTING]
484
00:19:29,870 --> 00:19:32,790
Baby, you gotta let
this thing go.
485
00:19:32,830 --> 00:19:35,300
Not for me,
not for the trip,
486
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:37,380
but for Major.
487
00:19:39,550 --> 00:19:41,130
-Fine.
-Good, good.
488
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:44,720
Now, come on, honey.
Let's go home.
489
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,730
You are so dead!
490
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,810
[KNOCKS]
491
00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:58,860
[GIGGLES]
492
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,290
[THUMPING]
493
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:27,430
Sorry I was
startled at first.
494
00:20:27,470 --> 00:20:28,890
When you got the car,
I thought you had
495
00:20:28,930 --> 00:20:31,310
something entirely
different in mind.
496
00:20:31,350 --> 00:20:33,310
[LAUGHS]
497
00:20:33,350 --> 00:20:35,020
Oh, no, no.
498
00:20:35,060 --> 00:20:38,230
That is a service
I do not provide.
499
00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:40,400
[LAUGHING]
500
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,200
Actually, you know,
in this neighborhood,
501
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:46,370
you'd probably make
a fortune. [LAUGHS]
502
00:20:46,410 --> 00:20:48,660
Ahh. I bet I could.
503
00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:51,370
[LAUGHS]
504
00:20:51,410 --> 00:20:54,080
I bet I could.
505
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:58,420
[**]
34239
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