Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:04,460
SINGER: * My eyesare gettin' weary*
2
00:00:04,500 --> 00:00:07,170
* My back is gettin' tight*
3
00:00:07,210 --> 00:00:09,000
* I'm sittin' herein traffic*
4
00:00:09,050 --> 00:00:11,670
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
5
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:17,510
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
6
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:21,810
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
7
00:00:23,230 --> 00:00:25,020
* 'Cause, baby,all my life*
8
00:00:25,060 --> 00:00:30,110
* I will be drivin' hometo you*
9
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:36,320
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
10
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,200
Okay, you didn't
pause the movie.
11
00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:43,370
You didn't ask me to.
12
00:00:43,410 --> 00:00:45,460
I shouldn't
have to ask.
13
00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:47,710
If someone leaves
the room, you press pause.
14
00:00:47,750 --> 00:00:50,250
I mean,
we're not animals.
15
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,420
You only missed a minute.
16
00:00:52,460 --> 00:00:53,970
Wait a second,
they're in Egypt now.
17
00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:55,550
How the hell did they
get out of Jersey?
18
00:00:55,590 --> 00:00:58,680
All right, fine,
I will rewind it.
19
00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:01,310
Great. I just saw Nigel
get killed in reverse.
20
00:01:01,350 --> 00:01:02,430
What do you
want me to do?
21
00:01:02,470 --> 00:01:04,770
You stop
and then rewind!
22
00:01:04,810 --> 00:01:05,890
Then I'm gonna go
too far.
23
00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:07,060
That's a small price
to pay.
24
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:09,400
Okay. You know what?
New rule.
25
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:12,900
Someone leaves the room,
you press pause.
26
00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:14,780
All right.
27
00:01:14,820 --> 00:01:16,650
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
28
00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:18,660
Hello.
29
00:01:18,700 --> 00:01:20,240
Oh, hey, Lisa.
30
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:24,000
Yeah, I have it in my address
book. Hang on one second.
31
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,710
Mm-hmm.
32
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:28,120
What?
33
00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:29,250
The wedding's off?
34
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:32,460
Oh, my God.
Tell me everything.
35
00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:42,890
Okay, new rule.
36
00:01:45,350 --> 00:01:48,690
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
37
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,900
Doug, Doug, I am
trying to talk to you.
38
00:01:52,940 --> 00:01:54,110
What do you need?
39
00:01:54,150 --> 00:01:55,900
I just need more
hot sauce for my wings.
40
00:01:55,940 --> 00:01:57,530
You have plenty
right there.
41
00:01:57,570 --> 00:01:59,070
Are you kidding me?
Look at my hands.
42
00:01:59,110 --> 00:02:00,620
They're almost clean.
43
00:02:00,660 --> 00:02:03,620
They should look like
I just delivered a baby.
44
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:07,460
Anyway, as you may
or may not know,
45
00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:09,210
it's almost
Valentine's day--
46
00:02:09,250 --> 00:02:10,380
Yeah, excuse me,
could I get--
47
00:02:10,420 --> 00:02:12,960
okay, that was
intentional right there.
48
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:16,590
Doug. Please try
and focus.
49
00:02:16,630 --> 00:02:18,510
Now, Valentine's day
is coming up,
50
00:02:18,550 --> 00:02:20,140
and we've been
kind of slacking off,
51
00:02:20,180 --> 00:02:21,470
and I thought we could
do something special.
52
00:02:21,510 --> 00:02:24,470
Do you any id--
okey-dokey.
53
00:02:24,510 --> 00:02:27,100
You finished with this?
Thank you.
54
00:02:27,140 --> 00:02:28,390
Great, thank you.
55
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,230
Now I can focus. All right.
I'm all yours, baby.
56
00:02:30,270 --> 00:02:31,770
-Lay it on me.
-Okay, good.
57
00:02:31,810 --> 00:02:33,650
-So, Valentine's day.
-Actually. Hold that thought.
58
00:02:33,690 --> 00:02:36,030
I just got
to get a refill here.
59
00:02:36,070 --> 00:02:37,150
Oh, jeez.
60
00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:38,740
Danny's here.
61
00:02:38,780 --> 00:02:40,200
So?
62
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,870
Some girl dumped him,
and he's all depressed.
63
00:02:42,910 --> 00:02:43,990
Depressed and annoying.
64
00:02:44,030 --> 00:02:46,160
That's a rough combo.
65
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,290
Hey, guys.
66
00:02:47,330 --> 00:02:48,330
Hey, Danny.
67
00:02:48,370 --> 00:02:49,620
What you up to?
68
00:02:49,660 --> 00:02:50,580
Ah, you know,
69
00:02:50,620 --> 00:02:52,080
grabbing a cold one
by myself.
70
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:53,340
Ha ha.
71
00:02:53,380 --> 00:02:55,800
Don't need any lady
dragging me down.
72
00:02:56,800 --> 00:03:00,430
All alone, just
the way I like it.
73
00:03:00,470 --> 00:03:01,720
I love my alone time.
74
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,510
If you want, you know what,
take her.
75
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:04,760
Ha ha ha.
76
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:06,560
Get her outta here.
77
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,270
I'm kidding.
I'll see you tomorrow, man.
78
00:03:08,310 --> 00:03:10,100
Why don't you join us?
Come on, join us.
79
00:03:10,140 --> 00:03:11,270
Okay, thanks.
80
00:03:11,310 --> 00:03:12,770
You want to order
something to eat?
81
00:03:12,810 --> 00:03:13,980
Uh, nah.
82
00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:17,190
Just gonna drink till
they call me a cab.
83
00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:19,490
It's been working
pretty well.
84
00:03:19,530 --> 00:03:21,820
So Doug tells me you and the
girl you were dating broke up.
85
00:03:21,860 --> 00:03:25,370
God, I really thought Portia
was the one you know,
86
00:03:25,410 --> 00:03:26,830
Then I found out
she was stripping.
87
00:03:26,870 --> 00:03:27,740
Really?
88
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,330
Yeah. And not even
in a club.
89
00:03:29,370 --> 00:03:31,080
Just in general.
90
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,370
[SIGHS]
91
00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:35,380
I don't know what
I'm doing wrong, I mean.
92
00:03:35,420 --> 00:03:38,300
What was it about Doug
that attracted you?
93
00:03:38,340 --> 00:03:40,300
Actually, Danny,
very common question.
94
00:03:40,340 --> 00:03:42,050
Oh, please.
95
00:03:42,090 --> 00:03:44,180
You wanted me
from the moment you saw me
96
00:03:44,220 --> 00:03:47,010
in my mesh shirt
and white jeans.
97
00:03:48,260 --> 00:03:50,230
Yeah, you're thinking
about it right now.
98
00:03:50,270 --> 00:03:51,940
You're welcome, baby.
99
00:03:53,270 --> 00:03:54,600
Actually,
that mesh shirt
100
00:03:54,650 --> 00:03:56,940
made you look like
a bag of onions.
101
00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:02,950
Sweet onions.
102
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:06,370
That you loved to peel.
103
00:04:06,410 --> 00:04:10,290
And they wouldn't make you
cry because they, uh...
104
00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:13,250
I'm done.
105
00:04:13,290 --> 00:04:14,580
Actually, Danny, what
attracted me to Doug
106
00:04:14,620 --> 00:04:17,420
was he was, um,
he was a nice guy,
107
00:04:17,460 --> 00:04:20,050
and he made me
laugh and, um,
108
00:04:20,090 --> 00:04:21,670
he surprised me.
109
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:22,510
Really? How?
110
00:04:22,550 --> 00:04:25,050
Well, um, one night,
111
00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:26,340
when we were
first dating...
112
00:04:26,390 --> 00:04:27,800
What? It's adorable.
113
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:30,100
We were dating, and I wasn't
totally sold on him yet,
114
00:04:30,140 --> 00:04:32,350
and we were just out walking,
and he gets real silent,
115
00:04:32,390 --> 00:04:34,390
and I said,
"What's the matter?"
116
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:35,980
and he says, um...
117
00:04:36,020 --> 00:04:37,110
you tell him.
118
00:04:37,150 --> 00:04:38,270
-It's nothing!
-Come on, come on.
119
00:04:38,310 --> 00:04:40,610
All right.
I just said,
120
00:04:40,650 --> 00:04:43,400
"You didn't just
save my life, brown eyes,
121
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,360
you made my life
worth saving."
122
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:48,030
Isn't that beautiful?
123
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,450
Truck driver, poet,
124
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:52,620
somebody signed up
for the premium package.
125
00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:55,960
Yes, I did. And you know
what? That line showed me
126
00:04:56,000 --> 00:05:00,590
that Doug wasn't just this
big, goofy jock, you know?
127
00:05:00,630 --> 00:05:03,510
You see that right there?
That's what I want.
128
00:05:03,550 --> 00:05:05,550
Why can't I find
a great girl?
129
00:05:05,590 --> 00:05:07,010
I could tell you
the truth, but...
130
00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:09,100
It'd feel like
a donkey kick.
131
00:05:10,180 --> 00:05:11,510
You know what it is,
Danny?
132
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:13,480
Every girl you meet,
you say that she's it.
133
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:14,850
I know, I know.
134
00:05:14,890 --> 00:05:16,640
And relationships
aren't like that, you know.
135
00:05:16,690 --> 00:05:17,810
I mean,
sex is important,
136
00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:19,610
but you gotta be
friends first.
137
00:05:19,650 --> 00:05:22,320
You gotta connect
on an emotional level.
138
00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:24,280
-Really?
-Yeah, right, honey?
139
00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:25,780
You know what I need?
Some blue cheese.
140
00:05:25,820 --> 00:05:26,990
That's all.
141
00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,080
Buddy,
can I get another one?
142
00:05:36,330 --> 00:05:38,380
Just leave the bottle.
143
00:05:44,050 --> 00:05:45,510
Oh, hey, Danny.
144
00:05:45,550 --> 00:05:47,510
Oh. What are you
doing here?
145
00:05:47,550 --> 00:05:49,180
My apartment's
being fumigated.
146
00:05:49,220 --> 00:05:50,470
So, I have to be out
for the night.
147
00:05:50,510 --> 00:05:52,140
And I just broke up
with my boyfriend,
148
00:05:52,180 --> 00:05:54,600
so there goes
crashing in his van.
149
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:58,440
And after I just
carpeted it. Ohh!
150
00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:00,440
Well, if it makes you
feel any better,
151
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:03,070
I just broke up
with my girlfriend, too.
152
00:06:03,110 --> 00:06:05,190
I thought she
broke up with you.
153
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,990
What, is it
in the papers?
154
00:06:08,030 --> 00:06:09,200
Don't worry about it.
155
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:10,660
Relationships suck,
right, Danny?
156
00:06:10,700 --> 00:06:12,990
Nah! Tell me about it.
157
00:06:13,030 --> 00:06:15,540
I'll tell you one guy that'll
never let you down though.
158
00:06:15,580 --> 00:06:17,580
Mr. Samuel Adams.
159
00:06:17,620 --> 00:06:19,460
You know who else
is always there for you?
160
00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:21,130
Mr. Jack Daniels.
161
00:06:21,170 --> 00:06:22,920
Let's go, barkeep.
162
00:06:23,590 --> 00:06:26,920
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
163
00:06:28,550 --> 00:06:30,010
All right, this will
just take 2 seconds,
164
00:06:30,050 --> 00:06:31,850
and we'll get right
back to the office.
165
00:06:31,890 --> 00:06:33,100
Oh, no rush.
166
00:06:33,140 --> 00:06:35,810
Wednesday afternoons
my boss has his affair.
167
00:06:37,270 --> 00:06:38,520
Hi, can I help you?
168
00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:40,850
Yes. Hi. I bought a beer mug
here last week,
169
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,230
and I want to have
something engraved on it.
170
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,110
-Let me just get my pad.
-Okay.
171
00:06:45,150 --> 00:06:46,280
What are you
putting on it?
172
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:48,490
Oh, just something
Doug said to me
173
00:06:48,530 --> 00:06:49,900
when we were
first dating,
174
00:06:49,950 --> 00:06:52,070
and I was just thinking
about it yesterday.
175
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,450
What'd he say?
176
00:06:53,490 --> 00:06:56,580
We were out walking
and out of the blue he said, um,
177
00:06:56,620 --> 00:06:58,830
"You didn't just
save my life, brown eyes,
178
00:06:58,870 --> 00:07:02,080
you made my life
worth saving."
179
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:03,460
-Ohhh...
-Ohhhh...
180
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,630
-That is so sweet.
-Isn't it?
181
00:07:05,670 --> 00:07:07,460
I know, I just want to
find a cute way
182
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,470
to tell him that
I feel the same way.
183
00:07:09,510 --> 00:07:11,550
And with the amount
of beer he drinks, um,
184
00:07:11,590 --> 00:07:13,050
he'll see it a lot.
185
00:07:13,090 --> 00:07:14,300
Yeah.
186
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:15,720
Okay, what would you
like on it?
187
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:18,140
Okay, uh...right
across the front,
188
00:07:18,180 --> 00:07:19,730
I would like it to say,
189
00:07:19,770 --> 00:07:22,400
"You didn't just
save my life, brown eyes,
190
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:25,110
you made my life
worth saving."
191
00:07:25,150 --> 00:07:26,940
Ha ha ha.
192
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,030
That's excellent.
193
00:07:28,070 --> 00:07:30,530
Ha ha ha.
194
00:07:30,570 --> 00:07:32,780
What--what's so funny?
195
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,990
No, it's just
I love that movie.
196
00:07:35,030 --> 00:07:36,330
What movie?
197
00:07:36,370 --> 00:07:37,790
McCormick and Jojo.
198
00:07:37,830 --> 00:07:40,330
You're saying that line
came from a movie?
199
00:07:40,370 --> 00:07:41,960
Yeah. Erik Estrada
plays a cop,
200
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:45,040
and he says it at the end
to his partner Jojo.
201
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,590
The monkey?
202
00:07:47,630 --> 00:07:50,300
He says it to a monkey?
203
00:07:50,340 --> 00:07:51,590
We'll see you
back at the office.
204
00:07:51,630 --> 00:07:53,840
Okay, yeah, yeah.
I'll see you there.
205
00:08:01,890 --> 00:08:05,440
Danny, did you hide
my lactose pills again?
206
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:10,190
You know, I'm glad you think
my condition is so funny.
207
00:08:12,570 --> 00:08:13,990
Oh, hey, Spence.
208
00:08:14,030 --> 00:08:17,490
-Holly?
-Hi. Good morning, buddy.
209
00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:20,330
Okay...
210
00:08:20,370 --> 00:08:23,120
Hey, I just want to say
thanks again for last night.
211
00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:26,670
Oh, hey, thank you so much
for everything.
212
00:08:26,710 --> 00:08:29,210
See you guys later.
213
00:08:29,250 --> 00:08:30,710
Hey, nice pj's
there, buddy.
214
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,050
I like
the western theme.
215
00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:35,010
You got a buckin'
bronco there? Oohhh!
216
00:08:35,050 --> 00:08:37,350
I kid 'cause
I'm in love.
217
00:08:38,890 --> 00:08:40,310
Did holly
spend the night?
218
00:08:40,350 --> 00:08:41,930
No, no. She just came
here this morning
219
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:43,100
to put on her shoes.
220
00:08:43,140 --> 00:08:45,270
Yeah, she spent the night.
221
00:08:46,770 --> 00:08:48,150
Why?
222
00:08:48,190 --> 00:08:49,440
Well, her apartment's
being fumigated.
223
00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:51,280
I told her she could
crash on the couch.
224
00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,070
And then she makes up
some story
225
00:08:53,110 --> 00:08:54,900
about it having
a busted spring
226
00:08:54,950 --> 00:08:56,240
that made her
feel uncomfortable.
227
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,700
There isa busted spring.
228
00:08:58,740 --> 00:09:00,910
Anyway, point is
that, uh, you know,
229
00:09:00,950 --> 00:09:02,750
I was gentlemanly
enough to, uh,
230
00:09:02,790 --> 00:09:05,580
give her refuge
in my bedroom.
231
00:09:05,620 --> 00:09:08,170
Oh, my God. So you guys
actually slept together?
232
00:09:08,210 --> 00:09:11,960
Yup. Emphasis on slept.
233
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:18,300
-I--wait, so you guys didn't...
-No. No, we did not.
234
00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:21,100
We didn't touch
all night.
235
00:09:21,140 --> 00:09:22,470
What are you
bragging about?
236
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,560
See, relationships
aren't just about sex.
237
00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,020
You gotta be friends
with someone.
238
00:09:28,060 --> 00:09:29,610
You gotta connect
emotionally, you know.
239
00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:32,280
And the fact that
she did not sleep with me
240
00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,570
proves she's into me
as a person.
241
00:09:36,990 --> 00:09:41,330
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
242
00:09:43,540 --> 00:09:45,410
Hey. I was thinking
about what you said.
243
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,960
You wanted to do something
special for Valentine's day.
244
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:51,040
Well, what says
I love you
245
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:54,210
more than seeing
a Van Halen cover band,
246
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:58,800
followed by
a candlelit dinner
247
00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:00,970
at the restaurant
of your choosing?
248
00:10:01,010 --> 00:10:03,520
As long as they
serve chili.
249
00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:08,020
Okay. We'll see.
250
00:10:08,730 --> 00:10:10,060
What's all this?
251
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:13,020
Oh, I just got us some takeout
from Shanghai gardens,
252
00:10:13,070 --> 00:10:14,980
and I rented us
a movie to watch.
253
00:10:15,030 --> 00:10:16,990
DOUG: Oh.
254
00:10:17,030 --> 00:10:19,200
Cool! What did
you get?
255
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:21,120
Oh, just a little movie
from the eighties
256
00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:23,030
that caught my fancy.
257
00:10:24,870 --> 00:10:27,370
McCormick and Jojo.
258
00:10:27,410 --> 00:10:30,080
[MACHINE GUN FIRE
ON VIDEO]
259
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,840
ERIK ESTRADA [OVER TV]:
Hang on, Jojo. Hang on!
260
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,300
[MONKEY SQUAWKS]
261
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,300
MAN [OVER TV]: McCormick,get the hell outta there!
262
00:10:38,340 --> 00:10:39,880
ESTRADA [OVER TV]:
Jojo's here!
263
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,970
This doesn't look
like the beginning.
264
00:10:42,010 --> 00:10:43,430
No, Doug, it's more
like the end.
265
00:10:43,470 --> 00:10:45,060
ERIK ESTRADA [OVER TV]:
Don't you die on me.
266
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:47,140
Don't you leave me!
267
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,020
Let me tell yousomething.
268
00:10:49,060 --> 00:10:51,440
You didn't just savemy life, brown eyes,
269
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,650
you made my lifeworth saving.
270
00:11:11,330 --> 00:11:14,000
In case you were
wondering, Jojo makes it.
271
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,130
I can't believe you!
272
00:11:16,170 --> 00:11:17,380
Take it easy, Carrie.
273
00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:19,300
Doug, do you know
how humiliated I was?
274
00:11:19,340 --> 00:11:22,050
There I was bragging about
how romantic my husband is,
275
00:11:22,090 --> 00:11:24,220
about how beautiful
this line was.
276
00:11:24,260 --> 00:11:26,220
And the clerk in the store
tells me it was originally
277
00:11:26,260 --> 00:11:28,060
said to a monkey!
278
00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:30,230
A monkey
that knows karate.
279
00:11:30,270 --> 00:11:31,810
Oh, my God. And when I think
about all the times
280
00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:32,940
I told this story.
281
00:11:32,980 --> 00:11:34,400
People must think
I'm an idiot.
282
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,570
Carrie, hardly anyone
saw McCormick and Jojo.
283
00:11:36,610 --> 00:11:39,070
It came out the same time
as Turner and Hooch,
284
00:11:39,110 --> 00:11:41,280
and it just got
steamrolled.
285
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:43,320
Let me ask you
a question, Doug.
286
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,660
When you call me
brown eyes,
287
00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:48,290
are you thinking
about me or the monkey?
288
00:11:48,330 --> 00:11:50,580
-Almost always you.
-Okay.
289
00:11:50,620 --> 00:11:53,290
I'm kidding!
This happened 10 years ago.
290
00:11:53,330 --> 00:11:55,380
I've done tons
worse stuff since then.
291
00:11:55,420 --> 00:11:57,340
Doug, you don't
understand, okay.
292
00:11:57,380 --> 00:11:58,710
When you said
that line to me,
293
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,170
it was at a time when I
wasn't sure about us.
294
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:03,390
I didn't know if I wanted
to get serious with you.
295
00:12:03,430 --> 00:12:05,390
You know, there was a guy
that was interested in me
296
00:12:05,430 --> 00:12:07,100
who was a Med student
at Columbia
297
00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:08,470
and on the rowing team.
298
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:12,100
Today he's an orthopedic
surgeon in the city.
299
00:12:12,140 --> 00:12:15,480
But I chose you.
300
00:12:16,190 --> 00:12:17,820
That's gotta sting.
301
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,530
The point is, Doug,
I really liked you,
302
00:12:23,570 --> 00:12:26,530
but that line
put it over the top.
303
00:12:26,570 --> 00:12:27,780
I mean, when
you could reach down
304
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,950
and come up with
something so heartfelt
305
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,620
and beautiful, I mean,
306
00:12:31,660 --> 00:12:34,290
that really told me
something about you.
307
00:12:34,330 --> 00:12:36,670
But it turns out
it was just a lie.
308
00:12:36,710 --> 00:12:37,960
I stole the line,
309
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,380
but you know what, let me
tell you something.
310
00:12:39,420 --> 00:12:41,260
I've said so many other
beautiful things
311
00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:42,590
that were all me.
312
00:12:42,630 --> 00:12:44,430
Really? Like what?
313
00:12:44,470 --> 00:12:48,100
I...just last week,
at Deacon and Kelly's.
314
00:12:48,140 --> 00:12:49,430
Are you talking about
315
00:12:49,470 --> 00:12:52,350
when you said I would
make a good-looking guy?
316
00:12:53,730 --> 00:12:55,560
Yeah.
317
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,110
You throw on
a denim jacket
318
00:12:57,150 --> 00:12:58,440
and you cut
your hair short,
319
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,530
you got a nice
Ralph Macchio thing going.
320
00:13:01,570 --> 00:13:04,280
And you think
that's beautiful.
321
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:06,490
It's pretty solid.
322
00:13:06,530 --> 00:13:08,120
Carrie, we've been
married for 10 years,
323
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:09,780
and it's working.
324
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,290
You know, so I stole
a line from a movie.
325
00:13:11,330 --> 00:13:13,330
-Who cares?
-Who cares?
326
00:13:13,370 --> 00:13:14,410
That's the way
you feel?
327
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,670
I-I mean that
in a good way.
328
00:13:15,710 --> 00:13:17,000
I mean, look,
when we first met,
329
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:18,500
we had to be
at our best.
330
00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:20,500
But now it's like
I'm fat,
331
00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:23,260
you're mean,
who cares?
332
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:29,470
I care.
333
00:13:29,510 --> 00:13:31,850
Okay, I understand
what this is about now.
334
00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:33,390
All right,
I'm getting it.
335
00:13:33,430 --> 00:13:35,060
You're just--you're
gonna bust my chops
336
00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:36,440
so I come up
with another line.
337
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,020
No, Doug, I don't want
another line, okay?
338
00:13:38,060 --> 00:13:40,190
Oh, well, you know what, too bad
'cause you're getting one.
339
00:13:40,230 --> 00:13:41,360
Well, you better
get moving.
340
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,110
Blockbuster
closes at 10:00.
341
00:13:44,150 --> 00:13:45,200
I don't need blockbuster.
342
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,650
This is gonna be all me.
343
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:48,240
It's gonna be so touching
and heartfelt,
344
00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,950
you're gonna feel
like a piece of crap.
345
00:13:50,990 --> 00:13:52,910
A piece of crap!
346
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:57,710
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
347
00:14:04,550 --> 00:14:06,760
Hey, guy.
348
00:14:11,470 --> 00:14:12,970
Uh, well,
this is awkward
349
00:14:13,010 --> 00:14:15,310
'cause I didn't
get you anything.
350
00:14:15,350 --> 00:14:17,600
Funny. It's for Holly.
351
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:19,600
You got her
a Valentine's day gift?
352
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:20,810
Does she even know?
353
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,440
I have a call into her.
354
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,150
And she hasn't
called you back.
355
00:14:24,190 --> 00:14:26,740
All part of the dance.
356
00:14:26,780 --> 00:14:29,280
Is this a 2-person
dance or...
357
00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:32,530
Okay, look, you want to
see me talk to her?
358
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,290
'Cause I'll call her right now.
359
00:14:39,330 --> 00:14:43,040
Ah, phone machine.
She's probably screening.
360
00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:46,300
Hey, Hol, it's, uh, me.
Are you there? Pick up.
361
00:14:46,340 --> 00:14:49,800
If you're there,pick up, Holly. It's me.
362
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,590
Pick up, pick up,pick up, pick up--
363
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,810
[MUTES PHONE]
364
00:14:53,850 --> 00:14:57,140
I got about 70 dead
cockroaches under the bed,
365
00:14:57,180 --> 00:14:59,140
and I think you
might have rat droppings
366
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:01,480
behind the radiator.
367
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:04,860
Hey. Are your eyes blue?
368
00:15:06,610 --> 00:15:08,780
If you want them to be.
369
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:12,700
So...
370
00:15:12,740 --> 00:15:15,290
Uh, tag, you're it.
371
00:15:16,660 --> 00:15:17,950
Heh heh.
372
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:21,330
She's probably out getting
my Valentine's day gift.
373
00:15:21,370 --> 00:15:22,750
Yeah, that's probably
374
00:15:22,790 --> 00:15:25,130
what she's doing
right now.
375
00:15:25,170 --> 00:15:26,250
God.
376
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:29,800
Ohhh...okay.
377
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,300
I think I know
what's going on here.
378
00:15:32,340 --> 00:15:34,140
You're down about
my relationship with Holly
379
00:15:34,180 --> 00:15:35,640
because you don't
have anyone right now.
380
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:36,850
Danny, I--
381
00:15:36,890 --> 00:15:39,180
Oh, and here I am,
walking around, bragging,
382
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:41,940
and showing off
the fantastic bear I got her.
383
00:15:41,980 --> 00:15:43,860
Okay, you're
completely delusional.
384
00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:48,570
Oh. You are in so much pain,
buddy, aren't you?
385
00:15:48,610 --> 00:15:51,150
Don't worry.
It'll happen for you.
386
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,070
One of these days,
387
00:15:52,110 --> 00:15:55,200
you'll have exactly
what I have.
388
00:15:57,490 --> 00:16:01,830
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
389
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,000
Okay, how about this?
390
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:09,710
"Carrie, my love for you
391
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,380
"is...
392
00:16:11,420 --> 00:16:13,050
good."
393
00:16:14,550 --> 00:16:16,680
Come on, concentrate.
394
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:21,390
"If my love for you
was a season...
395
00:16:21,430 --> 00:16:23,400
"It would be fall...
396
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:26,400
"'cause I fell for you."
397
00:16:28,020 --> 00:16:31,400
"It would be autumn
'cause my love is...
398
00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:34,280
automatic."
399
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,080
Oh, my God, you sound like
a gay serial killer, man.
400
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,540
Let me help you out.
I'm a wordsmith.
401
00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:40,870
No help, okay?
402
00:16:40,910 --> 00:16:43,920
That's how I got in
trouble the first time.
403
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:45,960
My God, I got
nothing here.
404
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,590
Look at this,
I got rhymes.
405
00:16:47,630 --> 00:16:49,750
That's all I got
"love, dove."
406
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,800
"Hitler,
Bette Midler."
407
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:54,130
What the hell
am I doing?
408
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,090
Hey. Doug, do you get
any reception in here?
409
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:58,600
Oh, man, your phone's fine.
Holly's not gonna call.
410
00:16:58,640 --> 00:16:59,810
Yes, she is.
411
00:16:59,850 --> 00:17:02,180
Danny, face it.
I'm your valentine.
412
00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:05,100
Just give me the bear,
and let's end the charade.
413
00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:07,610
Guys, guys, guys, guys.
How about this?
414
00:17:07,650 --> 00:17:09,900
"You're not just
who I love,
415
00:17:09,940 --> 00:17:12,780
you're who I am."
416
00:17:12,820 --> 00:17:15,030
That's actually
pretty good.
417
00:17:15,070 --> 00:17:16,950
And you came up with
that all by yourself?
418
00:17:16,990 --> 00:17:18,870
Yeah, I did. I mean,
419
00:17:18,910 --> 00:17:20,580
"You're not just who I love,
you're who I am."
420
00:17:20,620 --> 00:17:22,160
That's it.
That's my line.
421
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:23,960
It's Holly.
Anyone home?
422
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,710
Ho ho ho ho ho.
423
00:17:25,750 --> 00:17:26,830
Well, well, well.
424
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,920
Look who finally
tracked me down.
425
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,840
Guess you can kiss
the bear good-bye.
426
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,380
-Hey, Hol.
-Oh, hey Carrie.
427
00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:35,800
I just stopped by to drop off
a Valentine day's card
428
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:36,970
and my bill
for your dad.
429
00:17:37,010 --> 00:17:38,180
CARRIE: Oh, okay thanks.
430
00:17:38,220 --> 00:17:39,800
Hey, we better
get moving.
431
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,100
I want to wash this
pesticide out of my hair
432
00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:43,270
before we
hit Bennigan's.
433
00:17:43,310 --> 00:17:45,020
HOLLY: Oh, hey, Carrie.
This is Rick.
434
00:17:45,060 --> 00:17:46,690
He's
my exterminator.
435
00:17:46,730 --> 00:17:47,980
How nice.
436
00:17:48,020 --> 00:17:50,900
So...you happy with
your current bug guy?
437
00:17:50,940 --> 00:17:52,280
He's fantastic.
438
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:53,860
I'll keep him
in mind. Thank you.
439
00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:54,990
-Hey, Hol.
-Hey, Danny.
440
00:17:55,030 --> 00:17:57,410
Aw, cute bear.
Bye.
441
00:17:57,450 --> 00:17:59,700
-Bye.
-Ho-Holly!
442
00:17:59,740 --> 00:18:01,080
Hey, Carrie, I got
something to tell you.
443
00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:04,290
DANNY: You're not just who
I love, you're who I am.
444
00:18:04,330 --> 00:18:05,790
Holly!
445
00:18:05,830 --> 00:18:08,040
Hey! You stole my line!
446
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,210
-Danny just stole my line.
-What?
447
00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:12,340
You're not just who I love,
you're who I am.
448
00:18:12,380 --> 00:18:13,510
That's my line.
449
00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:15,920
Doug, I told you,
I don't want another line.
450
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:17,800
You're just saying that
'cause Danny just said it.
451
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,510
Because if I would've said it,
it would have looked like this.
452
00:18:20,550 --> 00:18:23,810
I'm telling you, you'd be
cooking me eggs in lingerie.
453
00:18:23,850 --> 00:18:26,020
Okay, whatever you say.
454
00:18:26,060 --> 00:18:27,190
Okay, you know what?
That's it.
455
00:18:27,230 --> 00:18:28,650
Forget it.
I've had it.
456
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:30,940
I can't--I can't do this.
457
00:18:33,940 --> 00:18:35,740
There's like
50 pages here.
458
00:18:35,780 --> 00:18:36,950
Yeah, I know.
459
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:39,820
Is that the Arby's logo?
460
00:18:39,860 --> 00:18:41,700
It's part
of my process.
461
00:18:41,740 --> 00:18:44,450
"Hitler, Bette Midler"?
462
00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:46,200
I don't know what
I was doing there, okay.
463
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:48,370
All I know is I got all these
feelings inside in a safe,
464
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:49,870
and I'm trying to
get the combo out
465
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:51,250
before the thing
goes off,
466
00:18:51,290 --> 00:18:52,880
and I'm, like, duh, duh,
duh, duh, duh, duh.
467
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:54,710
Get it out 'cause the love
wants to flow.
468
00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:58,050
Doug, Doug, Doug,
Doug, honey.
469
00:18:58,090 --> 00:19:00,760
I think I got
what I needed.
470
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:03,050
I--I didn't come up
with a great line.
471
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,520
'Coz, I didn't want
another line.
472
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,560
I just wanted you to do
something from your heart,
473
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,020
and you did.
474
00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:11,270
I mean, the fact that you were
willing to work this hard,
475
00:19:11,310 --> 00:19:14,900
I mean, this means
something to me.
476
00:19:14,940 --> 00:19:16,280
Yeah, but I just--
477
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:17,740
I just wanted to come up
with a great line.
478
00:19:17,780 --> 00:19:20,740
Honey, and I bet you there's
gonna be something in here
479
00:19:20,780 --> 00:19:23,530
that knocks me
right off my feet.
480
00:19:34,790 --> 00:19:37,590
-You know, that...
-Yeah, no, no.
481
00:19:45,010 --> 00:19:47,930
-Mmm. Mm-mmm.
-No?
482
00:19:47,970 --> 00:19:49,180
-See, I thought--
-Yeah.
483
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:51,230
I don't love it,
I don't love it.
484
00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:58,570
Anything?
485
00:19:58,610 --> 00:20:01,150
You know, I'm just gonna go
with the Arby's logo.
486
00:20:06,990 --> 00:20:11,080
[BASKETBALL GAME ON TV]
487
00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:30,600
All right!
488
00:20:35,060 --> 00:20:38,070
Here. But don't tell
anybody about this.
489
00:20:38,730 --> 00:20:40,030
Happy Valentine's Day.
490
00:20:40,070 --> 00:20:41,570
Shut up.
491
00:20:43,070 --> 00:20:47,410
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
34905
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
