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1
00:00:02,620 --> 00:00:05,750
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:08,210 --> 00:00:10,260
Whoa.
Where are you going?
3
00:00:10,300 --> 00:00:11,510
I have to put
a load of laundry in.
4
00:00:11,550 --> 00:00:13,880
No. No. We're
in the perfect position.
5
00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:15,550
I can see the TV.
You can breathe.
6
00:00:15,590 --> 00:00:16,430
That never happens.
7
00:00:16,470 --> 00:00:18,220
Look, Doug,
I'll do the wash,
8
00:00:18,260 --> 00:00:19,350
and then we'll get
right back
9
00:00:19,390 --> 00:00:20,680
the way we were,
I promise.
10
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,850
You're--you're dreaming.
It'll never be the same.
11
00:00:23,890 --> 00:00:25,400
I have to do this, okay?
12
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:27,020
It's the beginning
of the workweek,
13
00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:28,190
and once again,
your underpants
14
00:00:28,230 --> 00:00:30,730
have me
against the ropes.
15
00:00:33,070 --> 00:00:34,700
And I appreciate
the effort,
16
00:00:34,740 --> 00:00:37,320
but right now,
I'm comfy.
17
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,700
-Shh--shh--
-Doug!
18
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:42,370
Easy. Easy. Easy.
19
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:44,080
You see,
the more you struggle,
20
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:46,250
the more I squeeze.
I'm like an anaconda.
21
00:00:46,290 --> 00:00:48,170
Okay! All right! Okay!
22
00:00:48,210 --> 00:00:49,500
A few more minutes.
23
00:00:49,540 --> 00:00:50,750
All right.
24
00:00:55,090 --> 00:00:56,430
[MICROWAVE DINGS]
25
00:00:56,470 --> 00:00:58,010
That's my hot pocket.
It has to be rotated.
26
00:00:58,050 --> 00:00:59,600
Excuse me.
27
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:05,190
SINGER: *My eyesare gettin' weary*
28
00:01:05,230 --> 00:01:07,560
*My back is gettin' tight*
29
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:10,230
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
30
00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:12,530
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
31
00:01:12,570 --> 00:01:18,280
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
32
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:24,080
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
33
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:25,580
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
34
00:01:25,620 --> 00:01:30,630
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
35
00:01:39,510 --> 00:01:42,680
Seriously, is our mailman
a boy or a girl?
36
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:45,810
Because I'm leaning
towards boy again.
37
00:01:45,850 --> 00:01:47,480
You know what? I--I
really can't focus on that
38
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:49,100
right now, 'cause I'm
still sitting here
39
00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:51,480
with dry cocoa puffs.
40
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:53,360
My dad's not back
with the milk yet?
41
00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:54,690
The market's
3 blocks away,
42
00:01:54,730 --> 00:01:56,190
and now
we're coming up on...
43
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:57,900
an hour and a half.
44
00:01:57,950 --> 00:02:00,740
You sure you don't
want to try the skim milk?
45
00:02:04,830 --> 00:02:07,870
Just trying to think
outside the box.
46
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:09,710
-Where the hell is he?
-I don't know.
47
00:02:09,750 --> 00:02:12,210
Do you think something
could have happened to him?
48
00:02:14,550 --> 00:02:17,630
-Doug!
-No, nothing happened.
49
00:02:18,380 --> 00:02:19,630
I'm back.
50
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:21,180
All right,
well, where's the milk?
51
00:02:21,220 --> 00:02:22,510
Oh, I've
got something
52
00:02:22,550 --> 00:02:24,890
much better
than milk.
53
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,110
A ping-pong table!
54
00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:35,360
Dad, what happened?
55
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,320
Well, I was halfway
to the market
56
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:38,360
when I came upon
57
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:39,900
the betchers'
garage sale.
58
00:02:39,950 --> 00:02:42,620
Luckily, Douglas
had given me a 50,
59
00:02:42,660 --> 00:02:44,410
and this little honey
60
00:02:44,450 --> 00:02:48,040
was calling to me
like a French whore.
61
00:02:50,830 --> 00:02:52,210
Okay. You know what?
Hold his legs,
62
00:02:52,250 --> 00:02:54,130
'cause I'm
gonna milk him.
63
00:02:57,050 --> 00:02:58,970
[PING-PONG GAME]
64
00:02:59,010 --> 00:03:01,590
Oh, hey, did you hear
that Denise got promoted
65
00:03:01,630 --> 00:03:02,720
at the bowling alley?
66
00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:04,180
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.
67
00:03:04,220 --> 00:03:05,390
That's great.
68
00:03:05,430 --> 00:03:07,970
You know, with her,
uh, making more money,
69
00:03:08,020 --> 00:03:11,060
we can finally afford
to get a nice place together,
70
00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:12,560
and I can...
71
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,110
finally ask
the big question.
72
00:03:15,150 --> 00:03:17,820
What? "Can I touch 'em?"
73
00:03:17,860 --> 00:03:20,650
Anyway, I'm going to go
surprise her at work.
74
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,240
See you later--
and this was fun.
75
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:23,700
All right.
76
00:03:23,740 --> 00:03:25,580
I see the table
has quickly become
77
00:03:25,620 --> 00:03:28,450
the recreational hub
of the neighborhood.
78
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,250
It's something to do.
79
00:03:30,290 --> 00:03:31,580
So...
80
00:03:31,620 --> 00:03:33,290
you up for a game?
81
00:03:34,290 --> 00:03:36,040
You want to play me?
82
00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:37,420
I should warn you.
83
00:03:37,460 --> 00:03:39,590
Of all miniature paddle games,
84
00:03:39,630 --> 00:03:41,880
this is my forte.
85
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:43,800
I'll take my chances.
86
00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,680
Here. You can serve.
87
00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:25,300
Okay, gramps, any way
we can speed things
88
00:04:25,340 --> 00:04:26,470
up here a little bit?
89
00:04:26,510 --> 00:04:28,010
Alrighty.
90
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,190
That's 11-zip.
91
00:04:35,230 --> 00:04:37,190
You didn't even get the paddle
off your shoulder that game.
92
00:04:37,230 --> 00:04:38,980
You're not better
than me, okay?
93
00:04:39,020 --> 00:04:41,480
I just keep losing the ball
in the white of your legs.
94
00:04:41,530 --> 00:04:42,990
Oh, no. You're soft
from playing
95
00:04:43,030 --> 00:04:45,820
in your cozy, shag-carpeted
rec rooms.
96
00:04:45,860 --> 00:04:47,700
I learned ping-pong
on the streets!
97
00:04:47,740 --> 00:04:50,330
You either got good,
or you died!
98
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:52,700
Just serve.
99
00:04:55,370 --> 00:04:56,920
Wasn't ready.
100
00:04:58,540 --> 00:05:00,960
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
101
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:10,260
Okay, fellas, that's
2 bud lights and nachos,
102
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:13,430
so, that's... 9.70.
103
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,020
Out of 10.
104
00:05:15,060 --> 00:05:16,480
Keep it.
105
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:17,940
Thanks!
106
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,400
-Oh, hi!
-Hey, sweetums.
107
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,530
Um, is this
the big promotion
108
00:05:24,570 --> 00:05:26,030
you were
telling me about?
109
00:05:26,070 --> 00:05:27,360
You're a cocktail
waitress now?
110
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:29,030
Yeah. It all
happened so fast.
111
00:05:29,070 --> 00:05:31,410
It doesn't even
seem real to me.
112
00:05:32,370 --> 00:05:33,870
Hey, what's the matter?
113
00:05:33,910 --> 00:05:35,370
I don't know. I mean,
are you sure
114
00:05:35,410 --> 00:05:37,540
this is such a good idea?
115
00:05:37,580 --> 00:05:40,290
Yeah. Why not?
116
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,380
Well, I mean,
117
00:05:41,420 --> 00:05:44,050
strange men
and liquor...
118
00:05:44,090 --> 00:05:45,420
quick-draw
lotto machine.
119
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:49,180
This is a faster lifestyle
than you're used to.
120
00:05:49,220 --> 00:05:51,220
Honey, if you don't
want me to do this,
121
00:05:51,260 --> 00:05:53,930
then I won't, but the only
reason I took this job
122
00:05:53,970 --> 00:05:55,100
was so I could
make enough money
123
00:05:55,140 --> 00:05:57,730
to start
a real life with my...
124
00:05:57,770 --> 00:05:59,980
midnight swordsman.
125
00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:03,780
Hey, sweetheart,
126
00:06:03,820 --> 00:06:05,780
where are those
hot wings?
127
00:06:05,820 --> 00:06:08,360
So, what do you think?
128
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:12,450
I think you've got
some hot wings to get.
129
00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:33,140
Yeah. How do you like
that, old man?
130
00:06:33,180 --> 00:06:34,640
What? Are you
gettin' scared?
131
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:36,640
You getting scared?
132
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,270
Um... I am.
133
00:06:39,310 --> 00:06:40,310
Hey.
134
00:06:40,350 --> 00:06:41,650
What's going on, baby?
135
00:06:41,690 --> 00:06:43,230
If I could just
develop a killer serve,
136
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:44,820
he'll never have
a chance to do his slam.
137
00:06:44,860 --> 00:06:46,690
That's all the old man's
got. That's it!
138
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:47,900
That's what
this is about,
139
00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:50,070
my dad beating you
at ping-pong?
140
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,950
Yeah. It's very annoying.
How can I be beat
141
00:06:51,990 --> 00:06:53,740
by anybody who eats
soup like this?
142
00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:57,000
[SLURPS]
143
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,620
Doug, what does it matter?
144
00:06:58,660 --> 00:07:00,790
I mean, you're bigger
and smarter
145
00:07:00,830 --> 00:07:04,210
and live in the above ground
part of the house.
146
00:07:04,250 --> 00:07:06,960
Can't you just let him
have this one thing?
147
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,470
Come on,
just play with me.
148
00:07:08,510 --> 00:07:10,010
Practice. Come on.
149
00:07:13,430 --> 00:07:14,890
Fine.
150
00:07:30,570 --> 00:07:31,610
Can we stop now?
151
00:07:31,650 --> 00:07:33,530
Let's just
finish this rally.
152
00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:38,080
Okay.
153
00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:43,290
Come on!
154
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,040
Look alive!
155
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:46,840
This is really fun,
156
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,760
but I think
I should be going.
157
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:51,510
All right. Would you
at least hit one back?
158
00:07:51,550 --> 00:07:53,010
Will you stop?!
159
00:07:53,050 --> 00:07:54,470
This is just
like dodge ball
160
00:07:54,510 --> 00:07:56,390
all over again!
161
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:00,390
What's the matter
with her?
162
00:08:00,430 --> 00:08:02,980
I don't know.
She's just a mess in general.
163
00:08:03,020 --> 00:08:05,230
Hey.
How's your shoulder?
164
00:08:05,270 --> 00:08:06,520
You hit the car
pretty hard
165
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:08,440
on my last slam there.
166
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:09,690
It's fine.
167
00:08:09,730 --> 00:08:11,530
Well, just cover it up
before you go to work.
168
00:08:11,570 --> 00:08:12,700
I don't want
people to think
169
00:08:12,740 --> 00:08:13,700
I smack you around.
170
00:08:13,740 --> 00:08:16,490
[BOTH LAUGH]
171
00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:18,410
Okay.
172
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,550
-Hello, Douglas.
-Hey.
173
00:08:29,590 --> 00:08:32,380
Or should I call you
"soft serve"?
174
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:34,590
You see the double meaning?
175
00:08:34,630 --> 00:08:37,010
You clearly love
your soft ice cream,
176
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:39,010
and in ping-pong, your--
177
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,770
oh, God.
178
00:08:42,140 --> 00:08:43,640
-I'm sorry.
-I didn't realize
179
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:46,350
you were so sensitive
about me beating you.
180
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,980
It's not you.
181
00:08:48,020 --> 00:08:49,110
What do you mean?
182
00:08:49,150 --> 00:08:50,230
I'm over losing to you.
183
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,740
You? You're
a freak of nature.
184
00:08:51,780 --> 00:08:55,450
Your hands are 5 times
the size of a normal man's.
185
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,820
It's Carrie.
186
00:08:57,870 --> 00:08:59,120
Ohh.
187
00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,370
So, she's been cheating on you?
188
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:04,080
-Is it Pedro?
-No.
189
00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:08,080
She's not cheating on me,
she's beating me at ping-pong.
190
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:10,250
Ohh...
191
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,260
I'm sorry. I don't follow.
192
00:09:12,300 --> 00:09:13,630
It's just...
193
00:09:13,670 --> 00:09:15,470
I knew what I was getting
when I married Carrie.
194
00:09:15,510 --> 00:09:18,470
She's... in charge.
She runs the show...
195
00:09:18,510 --> 00:09:20,310
and I'm good with that.
It's just...
196
00:09:20,350 --> 00:09:23,310
sports has always
been my thing, you know?
197
00:09:23,350 --> 00:09:24,640
And now that she
can beat me at a game
198
00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:27,270
as stupid as ping-pong,
it's like...
199
00:09:27,310 --> 00:09:29,310
Like you might as well
pull up your testicles
200
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,610
like a venetian blind?
201
00:09:34,610 --> 00:09:36,740
Something
like that, yeah.
202
00:09:39,070 --> 00:09:41,410
I mean, how the hell'd
she get so good, anyway?
203
00:09:41,450 --> 00:09:44,040
How do you think?
I taught her.
204
00:09:44,910 --> 00:09:46,160
Then teach me.
205
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:47,370
What?
206
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,710
I want you to train me...
to beat her.
207
00:09:49,750 --> 00:09:52,710
I haven't trained
anyone in years.
208
00:09:53,380 --> 00:09:55,670
Come on. I need you.
209
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,340
Okay, but remember
this, Douglas:
210
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,180
if I train you,
211
00:10:00,220 --> 00:10:02,850
we're going to be
doing things my way.
212
00:10:02,890 --> 00:10:05,100
I know.
That's why I asked you.
213
00:10:06,270 --> 00:10:08,400
Right.
214
00:10:08,980 --> 00:10:11,770
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
215
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:15,780
DENISE: Here we go.
2 beers and...
216
00:10:15,820 --> 00:10:17,530
another vodka...
217
00:10:17,570 --> 00:10:19,660
for "Mr. Gropey."
218
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,370
okay, um,
I gotta tell you.
219
00:10:23,410 --> 00:10:25,580
I really don't
like you working here.
220
00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:27,910
Spence, I told you.
I'm doing this for us.
221
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,040
Oh, yeah. That's why
you leaned over
222
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:31,290
right in those guys' faces
223
00:10:31,330 --> 00:10:34,710
and pushed
your plumpies together.
224
00:10:34,750 --> 00:10:37,880
It's called
"the lean and squeeze."
225
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:40,180
If you were in the industry,
you'd know that.
226
00:10:40,220 --> 00:10:41,970
Wait. Wait.
So, you're not quitting.
227
00:10:42,010 --> 00:10:44,600
-Is that what I'm hearing?
-That's right.
228
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:47,020
Fair enough, but I think
I should let you know
229
00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:48,560
that if you're
going to keep letting
230
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,730
strange men
paw all over you,
231
00:10:51,770 --> 00:10:53,690
I may have to get
out there myself.
232
00:10:53,730 --> 00:10:55,480
There's a lot of women
lined up
233
00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:57,650
to ride Spence mountain.
234
00:10:58,780 --> 00:11:02,240
Well, I hope they enjoy
a short, bumpy ride.
235
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:03,830
Excuse me.
236
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,080
ARTHUR: Come on! At least
put some wood on it.
237
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,210
I'm playing with a spoon!
238
00:11:13,250 --> 00:11:14,380
Of course you are.
239
00:11:14,420 --> 00:11:15,550
If you practice
with a spoon,
240
00:11:15,590 --> 00:11:17,260
then the paddle
will seem like
241
00:11:17,300 --> 00:11:19,920
the size of Texas.
242
00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:21,470
Okay. That's it.
You know, I'm--I'm done.
243
00:11:21,510 --> 00:11:23,470
Douglas...
I'm very close
244
00:11:23,510 --> 00:11:25,930
to giving you
another 10 laps.
245
00:11:25,970 --> 00:11:28,680
No, I'm not running around
the ping-pong table anymore.
246
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:31,270
All right. Calm down.
You're hysterical.
247
00:11:31,310 --> 00:11:33,230
Let's get back
to basics.
248
00:11:33,270 --> 00:11:35,020
Just show me
your stroke.
249
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:39,530
Okay...
250
00:11:39,570 --> 00:11:41,820
that was
a train wreck.
251
00:11:42,490 --> 00:11:44,280
What's wrong with it?
252
00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:45,780
Come here.
253
00:11:47,660 --> 00:11:50,250
What are you doing?
254
00:11:50,290 --> 00:11:53,710
I'm making myself
one with you.
255
00:11:53,750 --> 00:11:56,130
Ohhhh.
256
00:11:56,170 --> 00:11:57,630
Ohhhh.
257
00:11:57,670 --> 00:12:00,170
Can you make yourself one
without gyrating?
258
00:12:03,340 --> 00:12:05,640
That's it. Nice and easy.
259
00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:08,890
Like you're spanking
an unruly child.
260
00:12:08,930 --> 00:12:12,100
You're too tense.
That's your problem.
261
00:12:13,140 --> 00:12:15,110
Release.
262
00:12:15,150 --> 00:12:16,310
Release into me!
263
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,110
Okay, that's it!
Stop it! Stop!
264
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,950
No! No! You were
just right that time.
265
00:12:22,990 --> 00:12:27,660
Now, put down the spoon
and pick up the paddle.
266
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,540
Wow. That was--
that was pretty good.
267
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,590
Maybe you know
what you're talking about.
268
00:12:39,630 --> 00:12:42,380
You bet your bippy I do.
269
00:12:42,420 --> 00:12:45,840
Now, I want you
to have a light meal,
270
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:49,180
listen to the tapes
I made you,
271
00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:51,140
in bed by 9:30,
272
00:12:51,180 --> 00:12:52,930
and obviously...
273
00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:54,640
no shimmy sham.
274
00:13:02,610 --> 00:13:04,240
-Hey, baby.
-Hi.
275
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:05,490
What are
you doing?
276
00:13:05,530 --> 00:13:07,280
Just listening
to some tunes.
277
00:13:09,660 --> 00:13:12,200
ARTHUR, ON TAPE:
Be the paddle.
278
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:15,210
Be the paddle.
279
00:13:15,250 --> 00:13:16,880
Be the paddle.
280
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:17,830
[TELEPHONE RINGS ON TAPE]
281
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,590
-Be the--
-[RING]
282
00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:22,010
Is someonegonna get that?
283
00:13:22,050 --> 00:13:25,680
I'm in the middleof something.
284
00:13:27,430 --> 00:13:30,220
Hello.
285
00:13:30,260 --> 00:13:32,930
As a matter of fact, yes, Ihave been unhappy
286
00:13:32,970 --> 00:13:34,930
with my long-distance provider.
287
00:13:37,270 --> 00:13:39,230
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
288
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:43,780
-Hey, baby.
-Hi, honey.
289
00:13:43,820 --> 00:13:45,070
What do you want
for dinner?
290
00:13:45,110 --> 00:13:46,780
Well, I don't know
about the main course,
291
00:13:46,820 --> 00:13:48,240
but for the appetizer,
292
00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,080
are you up
for a little...
293
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:53,240
ping... pong?
294
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:58,580
OK, not sure if you're talking
about sex, or the actual game.
295
00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:00,590
-Come on. Ping-pong.
-Uh...
296
00:14:00,630 --> 00:14:01,960
nah, I don't feel like it.
297
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,090
Just one game
before dinner.
298
00:14:04,130 --> 00:14:05,170
Nah.
299
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:06,420
Why not?
300
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:09,090
Because, Doug, you don't
like losing to me, okay?
301
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:12,100
And I don't want this
to become a problem between us.
302
00:14:12,140 --> 00:14:13,930
[CHUCKLES] Problem?
303
00:14:13,970 --> 00:14:16,430
I'm a 38-year-old man.
I don't get my self-worth
304
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,100
from beating a girl
at ping-pong,
305
00:14:18,140 --> 00:14:20,690
nnnkay?
306
00:14:20,730 --> 00:14:22,480
Really? Is that why
you've been training
307
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:25,070
with my dad for 2 weeks?
308
00:14:25,110 --> 00:14:27,700
I don't know what
you're talking about.
309
00:14:27,740 --> 00:14:31,910
Doug, all my wooden spoons
are gone.
310
00:14:33,490 --> 00:14:36,250
And it worked! I can
beat your ass now!
311
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,370
If we go out there
and play,
312
00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:39,750
you're just
gonna lose again,
313
00:14:39,790 --> 00:14:41,170
and then who are you going
to get to train you?
314
00:14:41,210 --> 00:14:42,380
Mr. Miyagi?
315
00:14:43,380 --> 00:14:45,170
Meet me in the garage...
316
00:14:45,210 --> 00:14:47,090
if you got the plums.
317
00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:56,180
Yeah! Oh, yeah!
318
00:14:56,220 --> 00:14:58,640
That's 20 to 12,
advantage Doug Heffernan.
319
00:14:58,690 --> 00:15:00,350
Nothing short
of a massive stroke
320
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,150
can deny him victory.
321
00:15:02,190 --> 00:15:03,860
Well, the way
you've been wheezing,
322
00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:05,280
I like my chances.
323
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:06,820
Now serve. Let's go.
324
00:15:06,860 --> 00:15:08,360
Coming right up.
325
00:15:09,990 --> 00:15:11,410
Oh! Oh!
326
00:15:11,450 --> 00:15:14,700
Oh! Oh! Oh!
327
00:15:14,740 --> 00:15:16,160
Oh--ho ho ho!
328
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,330
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
329
00:15:18,370 --> 00:15:20,960
Oh! Oh!
330
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,330
Oh! Oh!
331
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:25,300
Winner! Loser! Oh!
332
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:32,550
Glad you could take me up
on the invitation.
333
00:15:32,590 --> 00:15:35,220
Oh, I really needed
a night like this.
334
00:15:36,430 --> 00:15:38,770
Oh, um...
335
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,810
mmm--mmm.
336
00:15:45,980 --> 00:15:48,360
And how are you folks
this evening?
337
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:49,530
Uh, we're good,
338
00:15:49,570 --> 00:15:51,700
and I'll tell you what,
uh... Denise,
339
00:15:51,740 --> 00:15:54,660
my lady friend and I
are in kind of a rush,
340
00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:56,200
trying to catch a movie.
341
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,080
Oh, well,
then what can I get you?
342
00:15:58,120 --> 00:15:59,790
I'll have
a Heineken on tap,
343
00:15:59,830 --> 00:16:01,330
and, Holly,
344
00:16:01,370 --> 00:16:03,670
I peg you as
a brandy and soda girl,
345
00:16:03,710 --> 00:16:04,750
am I right?
346
00:16:04,790 --> 00:16:06,880
Well, yes,
but no soda
347
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:08,630
and make that
brandy gin.
348
00:16:08,670 --> 00:16:12,380
[LAUGHS]
You're delightful.
349
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:13,680
Okay, be back in a jiff.
350
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,100
Hmm.
351
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:19,520
Vodka on the rocks.
352
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:20,770
Thanks.
353
00:16:20,810 --> 00:16:22,390
You know, it's, um...
354
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:23,560
so warm in here tonight.
355
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,270
Um, do you mind?
356
00:16:25,310 --> 00:16:26,820
Huh?
357
00:16:27,610 --> 00:16:29,230
Oh, yeah!
358
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:30,490
Ooh!
359
00:16:30,530 --> 00:16:33,070
Oh, that's
so much better.
360
00:16:33,110 --> 00:16:34,780
Ooh!
361
00:16:35,780 --> 00:16:37,200
Thanks.
362
00:16:46,670 --> 00:16:51,300
[I LOVE ROCK 'N' ROLL
PLAYING]
363
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:06,860
SINGER: *I saw him dancingthere by the record machine*
364
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:11,940
*I knew he must have beenabout 17...*
365
00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:13,740
-What are you doing?
-What do you care?
366
00:17:13,780 --> 00:17:15,030
You're over there
with blondie!
367
00:17:15,070 --> 00:17:18,160
*Playingmy favorite song*
368
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,700
*I could tellit wouldn't be long*
369
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:21,870
*Till he was with me*
370
00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:23,500
*Yeah, me*
371
00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:25,960
*And I could tellit wouldn't be long...*
372
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,920
Uh, Spence,
what is going on here?
373
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,670
He just brought you here
to make me jealous.
374
00:17:31,710 --> 00:17:33,630
Is that true?
375
00:17:33,670 --> 00:17:35,090
Pretty much.
376
00:17:35,130 --> 00:17:36,930
And I thought you were
just being nice to me
377
00:17:36,970 --> 00:17:38,850
to try to get
in my pants.
378
00:17:38,890 --> 00:17:41,390
Well,
good night to you!
379
00:17:53,110 --> 00:17:54,650
Yeah!
380
00:17:54,690 --> 00:17:57,160
Once again...
very cute.
381
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:58,660
And, you know,
to celebrate my victory,
382
00:17:58,700 --> 00:18:00,660
I've decreed
a night of sex...
383
00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:03,750
andGeorge Foreman
on biography.
384
00:18:03,790 --> 00:18:05,290
Well, let me know
how that turns out.
385
00:18:05,330 --> 00:18:06,620
Oh.
386
00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,330
Sounds like somebody
doesn't like losing so much.
387
00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:10,170
I'm fine with it,
but just do me a favor
388
00:18:10,210 --> 00:18:13,380
and back down the obnoxious
thing a scootch, okay?
389
00:18:13,420 --> 00:18:17,300
But I have so much
to be obnoxious about.
390
00:18:17,970 --> 00:18:19,340
Not really.
391
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:21,260
-What?
-Nothing.
392
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:23,770
You said, "Not really."
what does that mean?
393
00:18:23,810 --> 00:18:25,520
It doesn't mean anything.
394
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:26,770
It's gotta mean
something.
395
00:18:26,810 --> 00:18:29,190
All right. It means
I let you win, okay?
396
00:18:29,940 --> 00:18:32,230
You let me win?
397
00:18:33,190 --> 00:18:34,860
Wow!
398
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:39,030
I just beat you like
a grand canyon mule,
399
00:18:39,070 --> 00:18:40,950
and you can't
give me my props.
400
00:18:40,990 --> 00:18:42,120
Very sad.
401
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:43,620
Okay, Doug,
whatever you say.
402
00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:45,580
You beat me.
403
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:48,250
I did.
404
00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:50,630
You did.
405
00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:55,050
I whipped your butt.
406
00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:56,670
-And I'm agreeing with you.
-I know you're agreeing with me.
407
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,840
I'm just talking. I'm allowed
to talk in my own house, okay?
408
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,340
-Yes, you are.
-I know I am. Thank you.
409
00:19:02,930 --> 00:19:05,430
One more game.
Right now.
410
00:19:05,470 --> 00:19:06,680
[SIGHS]
411
00:19:08,270 --> 00:19:11,230
Okay, 21 to 3.
That was decisive.
412
00:19:11,270 --> 00:19:13,900
I begged you
not to do this.
413
00:19:13,940 --> 00:19:15,570
I just can't
believe this. I mean...
414
00:19:15,610 --> 00:19:18,150
I--I trained for 2 weeks.
I called in sick twice.
415
00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:20,160
I'm in big trouble.
416
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,240
All right. All right.
So it's over now.
417
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:22,740
Can we
just get past it?
418
00:19:22,780 --> 00:19:24,370
I did have that one slam.
You almost didn't return that--
419
00:19:24,410 --> 00:19:25,950
That was really good.
Your game has improved.
420
00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:27,370
Yeah, I know.
It has.
421
00:19:27,410 --> 00:19:31,370
Now, I believe that you
decreed a night of...
422
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:35,000
sex and, um, something
about George Foreman.
423
00:19:35,050 --> 00:19:36,420
That's when I thought
I was champion.
424
00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:39,970
Well, I'm champion now,
so I decree it.
425
00:19:51,310 --> 00:19:52,480
Okay.
426
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:57,190
Just--
427
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:59,360
Can--can I do
something here?
428
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:00,740
What?
429
00:20:00,780 --> 00:20:02,280
I mean, you're
dominating everything!
430
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:04,070
Gosh, first it's
ping-pong. Now it's sex.
431
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:07,080
It's official!
I am the woman!
432
00:20:07,910 --> 00:20:09,620
Will you stop it?
433
00:20:09,660 --> 00:20:11,000
I can't, okay?!
434
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,620
Why is this
such a big deal to you?
435
00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:14,330
I don't know why it's
a big deal, but it is,
436
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:15,960
and it's gonna
ruin everything!
437
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,800
Okay--oh, all right.
Let me get this straight.
438
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:22,050
Some marriages, they break up
over money, or someone cheats.
439
00:20:22,090 --> 00:20:25,470
I mean, is our thing
really going to be ping-pong?
440
00:20:26,140 --> 00:20:27,810
-Looks that way.
-Oh, okay.
441
00:20:27,850 --> 00:20:29,270
Well, at least
it's a good reason.
442
00:20:29,310 --> 00:20:30,980
That'll be a fun call
to your folks.
443
00:20:31,020 --> 00:20:32,350
Believe me,
they'd understand.
444
00:20:32,390 --> 00:20:33,770
They almost got divorced
over a question
445
00:20:33,810 --> 00:20:35,980
onCard Sharks.
446
00:20:36,020 --> 00:20:37,320
Now, come on.
447
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:39,480
There's got to be
something we can do here.
448
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:42,070
There is. I have to beat
you at ping-pongfor real.
449
00:20:42,110 --> 00:20:45,200
And I love you
more than anything,
450
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:48,450
but I just don't think
that can ever happen.
451
00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:51,160
Right.
452
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,040
You got anything else?
453
00:21:07,050 --> 00:21:10,350
Yeah! Whoo!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
454
00:21:11,390 --> 00:21:13,810
It's 12-9.
Your ball.
455
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:18,060
[**]
31110
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