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1
00:00:05,750 --> 00:00:07,840
-Hey, hon. Wait. I--
-Hey, what do you got? What
do you got? What do you got?
2
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:09,500
-Hang on, I got my arm in there.
-What do you got? What?
3
00:00:09,550 --> 00:00:11,210
-Hang on! Would you relax?
-What do you-- All right!
4
00:00:11,260 --> 00:00:13,430
I'm sorry, I get excited
when the grocery bags arrive.
5
00:00:13,470 --> 00:00:17,640
It's like Christmas, only
I don't have to get
you anything.
6
00:00:18,510 --> 00:00:20,180
Yeah, well, there's
a box of Tide
7
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:21,770
in the car,
can you go get that?
8
00:00:21,810 --> 00:00:24,100
Not unless
it's cherry-flavored.
9
00:00:24,940 --> 00:00:26,650
Oh, here it is,
10
00:00:26,690 --> 00:00:28,860
underneath the broccoli.
11
00:00:28,900 --> 00:00:30,690
"Cool Ranch Doritos.
12
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:32,530
Now zestier."
13
00:00:32,570 --> 00:00:33,700
Glad they warned me.
14
00:00:33,740 --> 00:00:35,200
Honey, honey.
Honey, wait.
15
00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:36,700
Why don't you just try an apple?
16
00:00:36,740 --> 00:00:39,240
Oh, come on, all right,
you buy 'em, they sit there,
17
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:42,410
you throw 'em out--
let's stop the dance.
18
00:00:42,450 --> 00:00:44,540
Doug, come on, you know
how you're always telling me
19
00:00:44,580 --> 00:00:47,080
you can't breathe
and your heart feels bad?
20
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:48,790
This can help.
21
00:00:50,340 --> 00:00:52,050
All right, fine.
I don't care--
22
00:00:52,090 --> 00:00:53,510
Is that a whole salami
in there?
23
00:00:53,550 --> 00:00:55,380
-Focus, focus, Doug. Focus.
-All right, all right.
24
00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:56,300
All right.
25
00:00:56,340 --> 00:00:57,890
What's the big deal?
26
00:00:57,930 --> 00:00:59,550
It doesn't matter.
27
00:01:00,430 --> 00:01:01,970
-Not bad.
-See, what did I tell ya?
28
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:03,220
-[CLEARS THROAT]
-What's the matter?
29
00:01:03,270 --> 00:01:04,850
What's the matter?
30
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:07,730
-Oh.
-What's happening?
31
00:01:07,770 --> 00:01:09,310
I ate the sticker!
32
00:01:10,770 --> 00:01:11,940
[COUGHS]
33
00:01:11,980 --> 00:01:13,780
This is why
I don't eat apples!
34
00:01:14,990 --> 00:01:18,240
* My eyes aregettin' weary*
35
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,530
*My back is gettin' tight*
36
00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:22,410
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
37
00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:25,410
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
38
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:30,880
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
39
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:34,760
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
40
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:38,340
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
41
00:01:38,390 --> 00:01:42,310
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
42
00:01:47,730 --> 00:01:50,190
[ORGAN PLAYING WITHIN]
43
00:02:00,070 --> 00:02:02,080
What's goin' on?
44
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:09,000
...and the holy spirit.
Amen.
45
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:11,170
Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned.
46
00:02:11,210 --> 00:02:12,670
It has been...
[MUMBLING]...
47
00:02:12,710 --> 00:02:14,800
since my last confession.
48
00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:17,010
I'm sorry, how long?
49
00:02:17,970 --> 00:02:20,180
14 years.
50
00:02:20,220 --> 00:02:22,430
-Whoa.
-DOUG: Yeah.
51
00:02:22,470 --> 00:02:23,680
Yeah, yeah.
You know, I was gonna
52
00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,060
come in sooner,
but I just--
53
00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:27,810
I figured you were
a very busy guy, and...
54
00:02:27,850 --> 00:02:30,810
all I had
was repeat offenses, and...
55
00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:32,060
I just--I wanted to wait
until I had something
56
00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:34,940
that really...
would blow your collar off.
57
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:36,650
And do you?
58
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,610
Oh, yeah.
59
00:02:39,990 --> 00:02:41,410
CARRIE: You almost ready
there, chief?
60
00:02:41,450 --> 00:02:42,910
Just about.
61
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,080
Is that how you're
gonna wear your tie?
62
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:49,710
It took me, like, 30 tries.
It looks fine.
63
00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:53,040
It looks fine
if you're Oliver Hardy.
64
00:02:53,670 --> 00:02:54,960
Fix it, okay?
65
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,300
And button up your shirt
all the way.
66
00:02:57,340 --> 00:03:00,220
Have you met my neck?
67
00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:01,550
Well, listen--
68
00:03:01,590 --> 00:03:03,300
I want you to act
like a grownup tonight, okay?
69
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,430
Yeah, yeah.
70
00:03:04,470 --> 00:03:06,510
That means none of
your funny noises
71
00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:07,930
during the ceremony.
72
00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:10,350
Hey, if somebody bends over
during a quiet patch,
73
00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:12,400
it's open season.
74
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:13,560
Doug, I'm serious.
75
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,360
This wedding
is special to me.
76
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:16,570
Special. Please.
77
00:03:16,610 --> 00:03:17,900
It is!
78
00:03:17,940 --> 00:03:19,490
I set Jake and Samantha up.
79
00:03:19,530 --> 00:03:20,740
I mean, I saw
these two people,
80
00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:22,320
I knew they would be
perfect for each other,
81
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:23,620
and they were.
82
00:03:23,660 --> 00:03:24,780
They're soulmates.
83
00:03:24,820 --> 00:03:26,120
Get a hold of yourself,
would you?
84
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:27,910
I mean, you set her up
with 26 guys,
85
00:03:27,950 --> 00:03:29,410
you finally found one
who didn't try to push her
86
00:03:29,450 --> 00:03:30,960
out of his moving car.
87
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,710
-It wasn't that many guys.
-Are you kidding me?
88
00:03:32,750 --> 00:03:34,880
There was Steve,
my cousin Danny,
89
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:36,500
the guy you met online
at Waldbaum's...
90
00:03:36,540 --> 00:03:38,340
All right,
so it took a while.
91
00:03:38,380 --> 00:03:39,630
She's my friend.
92
00:03:39,670 --> 00:03:40,970
I wanted to make sure
she found somebody great.
93
00:03:41,010 --> 00:03:42,550
You always say
how annoying she is.
94
00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:44,760
Exactly.
She's my annoying friend.
95
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,810
Okay? You have a garage
full of 'em.
96
00:03:47,850 --> 00:03:49,430
Hopefully now
she'll spend less time
97
00:03:49,470 --> 00:03:50,680
being my annoying friend
98
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,270
and more time
being his annoying wife.
99
00:03:52,310 --> 00:03:53,440
Okay, how about this?
100
00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:55,190
No tie, unbuttoned
down to here
101
00:03:55,230 --> 00:03:57,150
like a Bee Gee.
102
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,610
NANCY WILSON:
*The best is yet to come*
103
00:04:00,650 --> 00:04:03,950
*And, babe,won't it be fine?*
104
00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:07,780
*The best is yet to come*
105
00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:10,910
*On the dayyou're mine*
106
00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:13,250
*Come the dayyou're mine...*
107
00:04:13,290 --> 00:04:14,460
What could be better
108
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:16,130
than dancing
with my handsome son?
109
00:04:16,170 --> 00:04:18,500
Okay. Keep the hands
10:00 and 2:00, Mom.
110
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,090
That's it.
111
00:04:20,130 --> 00:04:22,090
EMCEE: All right, folks, let's
get this party started, now.
112
00:04:22,130 --> 00:04:24,050
Who wants to shake
their groove thang?
113
00:04:24,090 --> 00:04:25,840
-[CHEERING]
-Oh, I do! I do! I do!
114
00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:30,810
[SHAKE YOUR GROOVE THING
BY PEACHES AND HERB PLAYING]
115
00:04:30,850 --> 00:04:32,770
Come on, Dougie!
116
00:04:34,810 --> 00:04:37,230
Uh...I think I left my
groove thang on the table,
117
00:04:37,270 --> 00:04:39,190
and I'm pretty sure
you don't have one,
118
00:04:39,230 --> 00:04:40,480
-so I...
-Aw, come on,
119
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:42,820
don't be such
a Negative Nellie.
120
00:04:42,860 --> 00:04:44,360
Uh, Spence, my mom
wants to dance with you.
121
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:46,320
Oh, sweet!
122
00:04:49,530 --> 00:04:50,790
Say cheese!
123
00:04:50,830 --> 00:04:53,660
-Cut it out.
-Ooh, that's a good one.
124
00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:54,960
-What's goin' on?
-They put all these
125
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,620
disposable cameras
on the tables
126
00:04:56,670 --> 00:04:57,790
for us to take pictures.
127
00:04:57,830 --> 00:04:59,590
Say, "I was dumped
by the bride."
128
00:04:59,630 --> 00:05:02,260
Shut up!
I loved her.
129
00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:04,090
Guy, you went out with her
for, like, a month.
130
00:05:04,130 --> 00:05:06,010
You don't know
what we had!
131
00:05:06,050 --> 00:05:07,930
That'sthe money shot.
132
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,310
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
Hour 4 of wedding.
133
00:05:10,350 --> 00:05:11,640
Kill me.
134
00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:12,850
Doug, help me out here
135
00:05:12,890 --> 00:05:14,310
and wing those candies
at him. Come on.
136
00:05:14,350 --> 00:05:16,060
Okay.
137
00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:20,320
CARRIE: Doug. Doug.
138
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:23,190
Why are you throwing
candy at his head?
139
00:05:23,230 --> 00:05:25,110
It's a wedding.
140
00:05:25,150 --> 00:05:27,280
SAMANTHA [SEARING VOICE]:
Hey, guys!
141
00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,280
We're married!
142
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:32,660
-Yes, you are!
-You guys having fun?
143
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,200
-Uh-huh.
-Oh, yeah.
144
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:35,830
You know what? I almost wore
that exact same dress tonight.
145
00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:38,500
How awkward
would that have been?
146
00:05:38,540 --> 00:05:39,830
Awkward or sexy.
147
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:41,840
[RAUCOUS LAUGH]
148
00:05:43,090 --> 00:05:44,550
Oh, you guys,
thank you so much
149
00:05:44,590 --> 00:05:46,170
for throwing
that brunch tomorrow.
150
00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:47,760
Oh, no problem.
151
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,640
Just my way
of sending you off
in style.
152
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:50,800
'Cause now
that you're married,
153
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,390
we're probably not
gonna talk as much--
154
00:05:52,430 --> 00:05:54,560
-Sure we will.
-No, we won't!
No, we won't.
155
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,020
But, um...
156
00:05:56,060 --> 00:05:57,890
We'll always have a bond,
157
00:05:57,940 --> 00:05:59,900
an unspoken bond.
158
00:05:59,940 --> 00:06:01,690
Oh, that's true.
159
00:06:01,730 --> 00:06:04,070
And thanks to you,
I've got my husband
160
00:06:04,110 --> 00:06:06,700
and my best friend.
161
00:06:06,740 --> 00:06:08,820
P-uke!
162
00:06:10,740 --> 00:06:11,950
You had to invite him.
163
00:06:11,990 --> 00:06:13,120
I was just trying
to be nice.
164
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,250
Okay, great.
Whatever.
165
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,000
-Excuse us.
-OK.
166
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:19,670
[SING-SONG]
Hey, guys!
167
00:06:19,710 --> 00:06:22,000
We're married!
168
00:06:23,460 --> 00:06:25,260
Okay.
They saw us,
169
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:27,340
she danced with
her clearly gay father.
170
00:06:27,380 --> 00:06:28,760
Can we leave?
171
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,890
No. We have to stay
at least another hour.
172
00:06:30,930 --> 00:06:33,430
-I have a toast to make.
-Another hour?
173
00:06:33,470 --> 00:06:36,180
Nothing good every happens
when we dress up.
174
00:06:37,310 --> 00:06:39,140
I have to go. Samantha
has to pee again
175
00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:41,810
and I'm in charge
of lifting her dress.
176
00:06:42,810 --> 00:06:45,110
Great. She gets
to have fun.
177
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:50,610
Oh, boy.
178
00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:51,910
You didn't
happen to bring
179
00:06:51,950 --> 00:06:53,030
a deck of cards
180
00:06:53,070 --> 00:06:55,540
or a television set,
did you?
181
00:06:55,580 --> 00:06:57,830
No.
182
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:01,960
Can we work with this
at all--top hat?
183
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,170
What, like, burn it
184
00:07:03,210 --> 00:07:06,170
with some Jake and Samantha
matches?
185
00:07:06,210 --> 00:07:07,460
Hey, look.
186
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:08,920
Abrathumb Lincoln.
187
00:07:11,470 --> 00:07:14,140
You know, we put these things
out at our wedding, too.
188
00:07:14,970 --> 00:07:16,100
You know what some guy did?
189
00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:17,470
He went to the bathroom
190
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,890
and took a picture
of his ass.
191
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,230
Who?
192
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:29,240
I have no idea,
193
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,570
but when we got
those pictures back,
194
00:07:31,610 --> 00:07:33,570
it was pretty damn funny.
195
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:38,290
Give me that.
196
00:07:45,710 --> 00:07:47,000
Hey.
197
00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:48,090
Hey, thanks again
198
00:07:48,130 --> 00:07:50,050
for throwing us
this brunch.
199
00:07:50,090 --> 00:07:51,590
Oh, no problem.
Are you having fun?
200
00:07:51,630 --> 00:07:53,840
So much fun.
And look at Jake.
201
00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:55,550
Isn't he adorable?
202
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,680
Yes, very adorable.
203
00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:01,230
No, seriously,
look at him.
204
00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:07,730
Okay, I'm gonna
take a break now.
205
00:08:07,770 --> 00:08:09,190
All right?
You save my spot.
206
00:08:09,230 --> 00:08:11,070
-Okay, I'll save your spot.
-All right, save it.
207
00:08:16,070 --> 00:08:17,530
-Oh.
-Oh, I'm sorry.
208
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:18,790
[CHUCKLES]
209
00:08:18,830 --> 00:08:19,870
How are you doing?
210
00:08:19,910 --> 00:08:21,790
Oh, hello.
We haven't met.
211
00:08:21,830 --> 00:08:23,330
I'm Jake's Aunt Flora.
212
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:25,580
Oh, I'm Deacon Palmer.
I know Jake from softball.
213
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:26,790
Oh, how wonderful.
214
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,130
[BOTH LAUGH]
215
00:08:28,170 --> 00:08:30,590
[BOTH STOP LAUGHING]
216
00:08:37,220 --> 00:08:40,680
Well, it's been nice
visiting with you.
217
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,390
You, too.
218
00:08:42,430 --> 00:08:44,520
So Jamaica--that's a nice
place to honeymoon.
219
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:45,650
You been?
220
00:08:45,690 --> 00:08:47,440
Me? No.
I don't leave America.
221
00:08:48,980 --> 00:08:50,400
How long's the flight?
222
00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:51,900
It's about 3 hours.
223
00:08:51,940 --> 00:08:53,490
Oh, that's not too bad.
224
00:08:53,530 --> 00:08:55,530
You watch a movie, maybe
a little mile-high club,
225
00:08:55,570 --> 00:08:57,870
next thing you know,
you're landing.
226
00:08:57,910 --> 00:08:59,910
What's a mile-high club?
227
00:08:59,950 --> 00:09:03,080
It's a...
it's a card game.
228
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:05,420
Actually, we just got
229
00:09:05,460 --> 00:09:07,080
the disposable cameras
developed,
230
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:08,880
so we'll kill a little time
going through
231
00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:10,250
all those pictures.
232
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,920
Oh, that should be fun.
233
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,170
You got 'em back already?
234
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,590
Let's look at 'em now.
235
00:09:15,630 --> 00:09:16,970
What? No. No, no, no.
236
00:09:17,010 --> 00:09:18,930
Yeah, we should. Honey!
Break out the pictures.
237
00:09:18,970 --> 00:09:20,760
No, no, that's all right.
238
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,180
They're upstairs
in my purse.
239
00:09:22,220 --> 00:09:23,520
I like cookies.
Cookies! Come on!
240
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:25,270
-Let's get some cookies.
-I'll be right back!
241
00:09:25,310 --> 00:09:27,690
My God, she's getting the
pictures. What am I gonna do?
242
00:09:27,730 --> 00:09:30,690
Relax, man. No one's gonna
know it's your behind.
243
00:09:30,730 --> 00:09:32,070
Okay, it's not my be-hind,
244
00:09:32,110 --> 00:09:34,320
it was my be-front.
245
00:09:36,030 --> 00:09:38,110
What?!
246
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,660
I went the other way.
I wanted to mix it up!
247
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:45,790
Oh, man.
248
00:09:45,830 --> 00:09:47,040
My mother's sitting
right there.
249
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:48,290
SAMANTHA: Here we go!
250
00:09:48,330 --> 00:09:50,750
DOUG: Hey, let me see.
What have we got here?
251
00:09:50,790 --> 00:09:51,960
I got, uh...
252
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,960
No, no, no, no!
Get off!
253
00:09:55,010 --> 00:09:57,300
No. Jeez.
254
00:10:04,220 --> 00:10:06,810
Oh, look at this.
255
00:10:06,850 --> 00:10:08,310
The flower girl.
256
00:10:08,350 --> 00:10:09,650
Doug, isn't she precious?
257
00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:11,520
Oh, yeah,
she's priceless.
258
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:16,610
Oh, my God!
259
00:10:17,860 --> 00:10:20,320
What is with
my hair?
260
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,660
FLORA: Oh, my!
261
00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:25,790
[GASPS]
262
00:10:25,830 --> 00:10:27,660
It's a picture
of a man's...
263
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:29,370
Oh, my.
264
00:10:32,460 --> 00:10:36,210
And it's wearing
a little top hat.
265
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,640
[MOUTHING]
266
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:46,020
Let me see that.
267
00:10:46,060 --> 00:10:48,560
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Oh, Mommy,
please, go blind now!
268
00:10:51,980 --> 00:10:54,520
This is sick.
269
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,150
It's like a car wreck.
270
00:10:56,190 --> 00:10:59,150
I can't look away.
271
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,490
Give me those.
272
00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:04,740
Who would do
something like this?
273
00:11:04,780 --> 00:11:06,120
I know who did it.
274
00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,370
-It was Danny.
-What?!
275
00:11:08,410 --> 00:11:11,040
Yeah. The picture on the roll
before this last one--
276
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:13,540
Danny. Danny. Danny.
277
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:14,920
Danny!
278
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:16,590
I didn't--
I didn't do that.
279
00:11:16,630 --> 00:11:18,050
CARRIE: Okay...coffee
280
00:11:18,090 --> 00:11:22,340
and slightly burnt
cinnamon buns are served.
281
00:11:26,260 --> 00:11:27,680
What's going on?
What happened?
282
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,430
Danny thought It'd be funny
to take a picture of--
283
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,480
I'm telling you,
it's not me!
284
00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:33,900
I told you we shouldn't
have invited him.
285
00:11:33,940 --> 00:11:35,150
Drunken idiot.
286
00:11:35,190 --> 00:11:36,900
Well, maybe
it'snothim, Jake.
287
00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:38,070
Oh, yeah,
stick up for him--
288
00:11:38,110 --> 00:11:39,740
I am not
sticking up for him!
289
00:11:39,780 --> 00:11:42,320
We'll talk about this
later.
290
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,290
Guy, that is messed up.
291
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:02,630
[**]
292
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:05,850
Doug, I've been hearing
people's sins for 20 years,
293
00:12:05,890 --> 00:12:09,470
but this one's
pretty disturbing.
294
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,440
Don't people confess
murders to you?
295
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,100
Still...
296
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,980
Well, it gets worse.
297
00:12:20,610 --> 00:12:23,660
Nice going,
you picture-taking moron.
298
00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:25,490
I just got off the phone
with Samantha.
299
00:12:25,530 --> 00:12:26,950
Her and Jake
had a huge fight.
300
00:12:26,990 --> 00:12:28,200
You know that they're not
going on their honeymoon?
301
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,000
They may break up
over this.
302
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,960
For the millionth time,
I didn't do it!
303
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,540
I would never
do something like this.
304
00:12:33,580 --> 00:12:35,000
Doug, back me up.
305
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,500
Certainly doesn't seem
like something you would do.
306
00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:38,670
Although you were pretty
307
00:12:38,710 --> 00:12:41,260
hammered and angry
at the wedding.
308
00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:42,470
Now that I think of it,
309
00:12:42,510 --> 00:12:44,430
I do remember you
grabbing a camera.
310
00:12:44,470 --> 00:12:45,720
Really?
311
00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:48,260
Yeah. You ran off
saying something like...
312
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:51,270
"I'll show them," or...
313
00:12:51,310 --> 00:12:52,850
"I'll get them."
314
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:54,940
Something like that.
315
00:12:54,980 --> 00:12:56,650
Oh, my God.
316
00:12:56,690 --> 00:12:58,110
Maybe Ididdo it.
317
00:12:58,150 --> 00:12:59,730
Oh, yeah? It's all coming back
to you now, is it?
318
00:12:59,770 --> 00:13:01,030
You know, Dan,
let me tell you something.
319
00:13:01,070 --> 00:13:02,530
When everybody
called you a loser,
320
00:13:02,570 --> 00:13:03,860
I was the only one
who stuck up for you, okay?
321
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:05,410
But do you know
what I'm realizing?
322
00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:06,700
They were right.
323
00:13:06,740 --> 00:13:08,160
Your ex-wife,
324
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:09,410
the guys at I.P.S.,
325
00:13:09,450 --> 00:13:10,700
your grandmother--
326
00:13:10,740 --> 00:13:12,750
they were right on the money.
327
00:13:14,910 --> 00:13:16,170
I gotta go.
328
00:13:16,210 --> 00:13:17,380
Oh, where you gonna go?
329
00:13:17,420 --> 00:13:19,090
You gonna go moon
a bar mitzvah?
330
00:13:20,250 --> 00:13:21,920
Idiot.
331
00:13:23,210 --> 00:13:24,550
It's amazing.
332
00:13:24,590 --> 00:13:25,970
What's that?
333
00:13:26,010 --> 00:13:29,600
How a simple photograph
can wreak such havoc.
334
00:13:38,690 --> 00:13:41,110
Will you stop
staring at that?!
335
00:13:41,150 --> 00:13:42,400
I can't help it.
336
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:43,650
Something about this
337
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:45,570
just doesn't add up.
338
00:13:45,610 --> 00:13:47,990
DOUG:
Mm. What do you mean?
339
00:13:48,030 --> 00:13:49,200
I got a gut,
340
00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:51,120
and that gut tells me
that thisschvantz
341
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:54,200
doesn't belong to the man
they think it does.
342
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:58,000
[**]
343
00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:04,130
Hey, I forgot
my deodorant.
344
00:14:04,170 --> 00:14:05,420
Can I use yours?
345
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:06,590
Afraid not.
346
00:14:06,630 --> 00:14:08,430
Fortunately, I have
just enough for me.
347
00:14:08,470 --> 00:14:10,300
[SPRAYING]
348
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,810
[STILL SPRAYING]
349
00:14:14,470 --> 00:14:15,680
What's your problem,
man?
350
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:17,440
You've been acting
pissy all day.
351
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,150
You know damn well
what my problem is.
352
00:14:19,190 --> 00:14:20,440
No, I don't.
353
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:21,560
You made me
take that picture.
354
00:14:21,610 --> 00:14:23,440
-What?!
-Yeah. I had no concept
355
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:25,150
of novelty wedding
photographs
356
00:14:25,190 --> 00:14:26,440
till you showed up.
357
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:27,780
I was just
telling the story
358
00:14:27,820 --> 00:14:29,160
to fill the dead air.
359
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:30,740
You're the one who said,
"Give me the camera."
360
00:14:30,780 --> 00:14:33,490
And that little top hat?
That was all you.
361
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:36,450
Excuse me for
classin' it up a little.
362
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:37,870
What's the big deal,
anyway?
363
00:14:37,910 --> 00:14:39,460
Danny's the one
who got blamed.
364
00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:40,790
You're off the hook.
365
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:42,340
Look, I feel guilty, okay,
366
00:14:42,380 --> 00:14:44,590
that Jake and Samantha are not
even speaking to each other,
367
00:14:44,630 --> 00:14:46,010
and everybody hates Danny.
368
00:14:46,050 --> 00:14:47,590
-So come clean, man.
-I can't.
369
00:14:47,630 --> 00:14:50,510
Then everybody
will hate me.
370
00:14:50,550 --> 00:14:51,720
SPENCE: Hey.
371
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,300
Next time you guys
leave the steam room,
372
00:14:53,350 --> 00:14:54,640
you want to let me know?
373
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:57,430
I've been talking to myself
for, like, half an hour.
374
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:58,770
Sorry.
375
00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:01,310
Oh, God. Arthur.
376
00:15:01,350 --> 00:15:02,730
What are you
doing here?
377
00:15:02,770 --> 00:15:03,980
I was right.
378
00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:06,400
It wasn't Danny
in the picture.
379
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:07,650
Yes, it was.
380
00:15:07,690 --> 00:15:08,860
He...said he did it.
381
00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:10,160
The kid's been framed.
382
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,620
Framed like a $4.00
paint-by-numbers,
383
00:15:12,660 --> 00:15:16,490
and by someone
very close to him.
384
00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:18,410
Isn't that so...
385
00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:20,250
Spence?!
386
00:15:24,630 --> 00:15:26,300
Bravo, son.
387
00:15:26,340 --> 00:15:27,550
You're exonerated...
388
00:15:27,590 --> 00:15:30,050
with flying colors.
389
00:15:34,260 --> 00:15:37,520
It's very sweet of you
to drive me to the airport.
390
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:40,850
Well, you're--
you're too old to hitch.
391
00:15:40,890 --> 00:15:42,350
So you, uh,
392
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,770
you had a good trip,
right?
393
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:45,480
How could I have
a good trip?
394
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:46,860
Your cousin ruined
the whole wedding
395
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:48,860
with that awful picture.
396
00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:51,110
You know, Danny
never had any sense.
397
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:53,110
Give him a break,
all right?
398
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,910
I'm sure he feels
really bad, you know?
399
00:15:54,950 --> 00:15:56,530
And I bet if he had
to do it over again,
400
00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:57,870
he wouldn't have done it.
401
00:15:57,910 --> 00:15:59,410
Well, it'd be great
if he could go back in time.
402
00:15:59,450 --> 00:16:00,580
Does he have
a time machine?
403
00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:02,080
-No.
-No.
404
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:05,880
He doesn't have the sense
to have a time machine.
405
00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:07,340
I tell you what the problem is.
406
00:16:07,380 --> 00:16:09,460
Every Sunday when Danny
should have been in church,
407
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:10,840
you know what he was doing?
408
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,840
He was watching
The Three Stooges
on television.
409
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,390
You don't get yourself
from the right path,
410
00:16:15,430 --> 00:16:17,930
watching grown men
poke each other in the eye.
411
00:16:17,970 --> 00:16:19,520
Could we just
drop this, Ma?
412
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:20,730
I mean, we're taking
a beautiful trip
413
00:16:20,770 --> 00:16:23,400
to the airport--
Look, Marriott.
414
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,560
I can't stop thinking
about that picture.
415
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:27,820
Ugh.
416
00:16:27,860 --> 00:16:31,110
That image is
burned into my brain.
417
00:16:31,150 --> 00:16:32,400
No.
418
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:33,990
No, no, no.
It's not burned.
419
00:16:34,030 --> 00:16:35,740
I see it
when I close my eyes.
420
00:16:35,780 --> 00:16:38,200
Don't close 'em.
You just keep them open.
421
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:41,370
I thank God that
you're a good boy, Douglas.
422
00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:43,160
I thank God.
423
00:16:46,290 --> 00:16:48,920
Anyway, so I just dropped
her off at the airport,
424
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,340
and here I am.
425
00:16:50,380 --> 00:16:51,970
Uh-huh.
426
00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:54,010
So what are
we looking at here?
427
00:16:54,050 --> 00:16:56,760
10 Hail Mary's? A dozen
Our Fathers? What you got?
428
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,850
Well, Doug, what I think
you should be doing
429
00:16:58,890 --> 00:17:00,850
is confessing
to the people you've hurt.
430
00:17:00,890 --> 00:17:02,520
That's the only way
you'll be able
431
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,020
to make peace with God.
432
00:17:05,060 --> 00:17:08,190
Right... It's just,
did you hear the part about
433
00:17:08,230 --> 00:17:11,320
the picture being burned
into my mother's brain?
434
00:17:12,860 --> 00:17:14,990
No. Nobody said
this would be easy.
435
00:17:15,030 --> 00:17:17,030
I just think that's
what you need to do.
436
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:19,200
Okay. Um, could I get
a second opinion?
437
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:22,620
Could you, like, tag out
and get Father Biskup in here?
438
00:17:22,660 --> 00:17:24,620
Doug, you can hide
439
00:17:24,660 --> 00:17:25,790
from the truth,
440
00:17:25,830 --> 00:17:28,080
but you can't hide
from God.
441
00:17:29,710 --> 00:17:31,760
How about 60 Hail Mary's? 60.
442
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:32,920
And a new pair of Nikes
for you.
443
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,380
What are you,
like an 11?
444
00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:36,510
Doug...
445
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:42,930
What are you doing?
446
00:17:42,970 --> 00:17:44,480
Just to the right
of the top hat,
447
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,310
I've discovered a small piece
of the trouser label.
448
00:17:47,350 --> 00:17:50,940
I think it may
break this case wide open!
449
00:17:50,980 --> 00:17:52,030
Give me that.
450
00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:54,110
Who are you
trying to protect?!
451
00:17:55,990 --> 00:17:57,860
Hey, I'm making a pile
for the dry cleaners.
452
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,320
You got anything?
453
00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:00,660
Uh, no.
454
00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:01,870
But I do want
to tell you--
455
00:18:01,910 --> 00:18:03,450
I can't believe
all this wedding crap
456
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:04,660
that got in your pockets.
457
00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:06,000
I mean, look at this.
458
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:07,580
Matches, mints.
459
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,920
You went a little crazy
with the yarmulkes here.
460
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:12,130
Oh, look. One of
the little top hats.
461
00:18:12,170 --> 00:18:14,130
Good evening, Governor.
462
00:18:16,050 --> 00:18:17,880
-Those hats are funny, huh?
-Yeah.
463
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,430
Kind of make you
want to do something
464
00:18:19,470 --> 00:18:20,680
wacky, you know?
465
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:23,060
They do.
466
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:24,270
That's, uh, probably
467
00:18:24,310 --> 00:18:27,310
where my head was at
when I...
468
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,060
Uh...
469
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:32,900
when I took the picture.
470
00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:34,190
What?
471
00:18:34,230 --> 00:18:35,570
The picture.
The bad picture.
472
00:18:35,610 --> 00:18:37,950
The picture everybody's
talking about. I took it.
473
00:18:37,990 --> 00:18:40,370
Wait a minute.
That was you?
474
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:43,580
What would make you
do something like that?!
475
00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:44,950
I was bored to tears, Carrie!
476
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,620
I begged you to let me
leave that wedding!
477
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:51,210
And you let Danny take all
the blame for it?
478
00:18:51,250 --> 00:18:52,710
The crowd seemed to be
going that way
479
00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:54,460
and I jumped on board.
480
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,220
Doug, you're just--
you're just evil.
481
00:18:58,260 --> 00:18:59,680
I mean, do you realize
what you did to Danny?
482
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,890
Do you realize you may have
broken up a marriage here?
483
00:19:01,930 --> 00:19:03,970
I'm aware of that, okay?
I feel bad.
484
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,020
It's just a stupid thing
that spun out of control.
485
00:19:06,060 --> 00:19:07,270
Well, you gotta tell
everybody the truth.
486
00:19:07,310 --> 00:19:09,020
-I can't!
-You have to.
487
00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:11,060
Carrie, my mother's
seen the picture, okay?
488
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:12,940
It's burnt into her brain!
489
00:19:13,770 --> 00:19:15,030
Is that the picture?
490
00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:17,280
-Yeah. You've never seen it?
-No.
491
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,870
You know what? Um...
maybe you're right.
492
00:19:22,910 --> 00:19:24,450
Maybe we should just
let this thing go.
493
00:19:24,490 --> 00:19:25,990
-Really?
-Yeah.
494
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,250
Yeah, because, you know,
495
00:19:27,290 --> 00:19:29,210
people already think
Danny's a screw-up.
496
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:31,750
One more thing ain't gonna
make or break that, right?
497
00:19:31,790 --> 00:19:33,130
And if Jake and Samantha
498
00:19:33,170 --> 00:19:35,050
could break up
over something this stupid,
499
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:37,300
then they weren't
gonna make it anyway.
You know?
500
00:19:37,340 --> 00:19:40,380
-What--what's going on here?
-Nothing.
501
00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:42,890
Just a second ago
you said I had to
tell the truth
502
00:19:42,930 --> 00:19:44,430
and that I'm evil.
503
00:19:44,470 --> 00:19:45,430
No, I mean "evil,"
504
00:19:45,470 --> 00:19:47,680
like devilish,
you know, naughty.
505
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,270
Adorable. You know?
506
00:19:50,310 --> 00:19:51,900
You're embarrassed of it.
507
00:19:51,940 --> 00:19:53,980
You don't want people
to know that's me!
508
00:19:54,020 --> 00:19:56,940
Well--well, hon,
it's not your best picture.
509
00:19:56,980 --> 00:19:58,780
You know? I don't...
510
00:19:58,820 --> 00:20:01,110
I don't know
if it was the angle
511
00:20:01,150 --> 00:20:02,780
or the lighting.
It just--
512
00:20:02,820 --> 00:20:04,700
this--this picture
does not represent
513
00:20:04,740 --> 00:20:06,950
what I know
to be the truth.
514
00:20:06,990 --> 00:20:09,660
That is a very nice
picture.
515
00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:11,160
Nice? It's a mugshot.
516
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,290
Yeah. People always wear
top hats in mugshots.
517
00:20:13,330 --> 00:20:16,290
Doug, take my word
for it, okay?
518
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,340
This picture
doesn't do you justice.
519
00:20:18,380 --> 00:20:20,840
Now, a lot of my friends
from work saw it at the brunch,
520
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,640
and I don't think we need
to advertise that this is you.
521
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,010
Oh.
522
00:20:25,050 --> 00:20:26,810
I'm telling.
I'm telling the world!
523
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:28,140
I wouldn't do that
if I were you.
524
00:20:28,180 --> 00:20:30,310
-I'm doin' it.
-Doug, okay, how about this?
525
00:20:30,350 --> 00:20:32,190
How about this?
We take a new picture, okay?
526
00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:33,940
I mean, people only saw it
for a second.
527
00:20:33,980 --> 00:20:35,310
They would never
know the difference.
528
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:38,020
We could get great lighting,
you know, good camera--
529
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,860
Give me that!
530
00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:42,360
Can we just airbrush it
a little?
531
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,030
So, anyway,
I want to apologize again
532
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,700
to Jake and Samantha.
533
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:53,080
Hopefully now that you know
the truth about this picture,
534
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:54,790
you'll get back on the road
535
00:20:54,830 --> 00:20:57,340
to a long, happy life
together.
536
00:20:57,380 --> 00:20:59,670
Sorry, also,
to my cousin Danny,
537
00:20:59,710 --> 00:21:02,420
who I "framed."
538
00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:07,680
Enjoy that new
bowling ball, buddy.
539
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:08,890
I also want to apologize
540
00:21:08,930 --> 00:21:11,180
to anybody else
I've offended...
541
00:21:11,220 --> 00:21:14,140
and to the community
at large.
542
00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:16,020
Now, back to the picture.
543
00:21:16,060 --> 00:21:18,520
Who likes what they see?
Show of hands.
544
00:21:20,230 --> 00:21:22,740
Come on.
Don't be shy.
545
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:34,620
Excuse me.
546
00:21:34,660 --> 00:21:35,750
Don't you work
with my daughter
547
00:21:35,790 --> 00:21:37,420
Carrie Heffernan
at the law firm?
548
00:21:37,460 --> 00:21:38,750
Carrie? Yes, I do.
549
00:21:38,790 --> 00:21:40,550
So you must have been
at the wedding last weekend?
550
00:21:40,590 --> 00:21:42,460
I sure was.
551
00:21:47,180 --> 00:21:48,970
You're free to go, sir.
552
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,980
[**]
38313
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