All language subtitles for The King of Queens (2002) - S05E01 - Arthur, Spooner_track3_[eng]

*My back is gettin' tight*

*I'm sittin' here
in traffic*

*On the Queensboro Bridge
tonight*

*But I don't care,
'cause all I wanna do*

*Is cash my check and drive
right home to you*

*'Cause, baby,
all my life*

*I will be drivin' home
to you*

Are you guys thirsty?
Yes, you are.

Would you like some
nice cold water?

Yes, you would.
Yes, you would.

Has the pecking order
of the pack changed?

I usually get
my water first.

Oh, I-I'm sorry.

Hey, Hol. Hey, Arthur.
How was your walk?

Well, the first
half-hour was pretty smooth,

and then came
the squirrel.

Hoo boy!

Here you go.
Um, Doug,

do you have a second
to talk about something?

I guess that chicken carcass
ain't going anywhere.

What's up?

Um, well, it's my car.

The transmission's shot,
and now it only goes

in reverse, which is...

sort of terrifying
when you're driving it,

and, um, I was wondering

if I can get an advance
on my money

for walking Arthur.

Uh, how much?

Like say $700 worth?

$700?

[SIGHS]

I gotta be honest, Hol.
I don't think he's got

$700 worth of walks
left in him.

Oh, I think he does,
and...

[WHISPERING] well,
if it turns out he doesn't,

then we can certainly talk
about some sort of refund.

You comfortable putting
that in writing?

Why don't you put this
in writing?

[MUTTERED CURSE]

CARRIE: Doug, you home?

-Yeah, I'm in here.
-Well, think about it.

I mean, let me know
as soon as you can,

'cause if I get
pulled over again,

I'm gonna have to sleep
with the cop. Bye, Carrie.

Oh, bye, Holly.

Honey, I have some
very exciting news.

You bought me
my monkey.

Okay, hon, you really gotta
let go of that dream.

-What's up?
-All right, well,

my firm has
this giant civil case,

and Mr. Kaplan
put me in charge

of getting all the documents
and depositions

organized and ready
for court.

Well, it's exciting,
but...

it's not monkey
exciting.

No, but it's big for me
'cause I'm gonna be the boss.

I'm gonna be supervising
a whole staff of people.

I'm happy.
That's great, sweetie.

-Thank you.
-Congrats.

Except there is one little
not so great thing about it.

Uh, Mr. Kaplan doesn't want
to disrupt the office.

So we're gonna kinda be
workin' late.

What do you mean?

Oh, from, uh...

8 p.m. to 6:00
in the morning.

What? Carrie,
that's all night.

Look, I know, honey, but it's
only for a couple of weeks.

But, Carrie,
by the time I get home,

you'll already be gone.
I'll never see you.

I know. It's going to be
tough on the both of us,

but I really
want to do this,

so can't you find a way
to get through it?

[SIGHS]

Can I get a blow up doll?

Sure, you can.
Hey, you can, uh,

put her in my clothes
and make her look just
like me, huh?

Yeah, that's where I was headed.

CARRIE:Hello, everyone.

Hi. Let's gather around
and introduce ourselves.

I am Carrie Heffernan,

and I will be
the project supervisor.

Just want you guys to know
that my door's always open.

Of course,
that's what happens

when you
don't have a door.

[CHUCKLES]

Good stuff.
Okay, um...

why don't we talk
a little bit about ourselves

and what we hope to accomplish
with this project.

Um, George
Barksdale?

Present.

And what
brings you to us?

Well, the firm is trying
to force me to retire,

so they stuck me here
to break my will...

but it ain't gonna work.

I hear that.

Okay, Priscilla Stasna.

That's you, I hope.
[CHUCKLES]

Yes?

And what do you...

hope to achieve with
this work experience?

Well, I'm in a pretty abusive
relationship right now, and...

I just want to be
somewhere safe at night.

Mmm, okay.

Great.

Uh, Neal Morrensy.

Yes?

Anything you'd
like to say?

I was told
I would be in charge.

Okay.

MAN [OVER TV]:
Maddux rocks and deals--

-Oh! And Piazza got a hold...
-Oh, baby, go, go, go.

MAN [OVER TV]:...fair,
this could be the ball game

-and it's out of here!
-Yeah!

MAN [OVER TV]
Final score: Mets 9.

-Yes!
-MAN [OVER TV]:Braves 8.

Ho, ho, it does not
get better than this.

No, it do not.

-Good night, New York Mets.
-[TV SHUTS OFF]

Good night,
George Foreman Grill.

Good night,
not brushing my teeth.

[THINKING]Okay.
You fall asleep now,

you still got
a nice 5 hours.

That's plenty.
Just fall asleep now.

I couldn't be
wider awake.

I don't know,
maybe I should

try that counting sheep thing,
yeah, that's what I'll do.

Okay.

I got a nice meadow.

Got my fence up.

Let the sheep start jumpin'.

One sheep, two sheep...

Sheep are cute.

* Mary had a little lamb *

[SIZZLING]

[VACUUM WHIRRING]

The paper chute
keeps jamming.

Oh, well, George,

that's because you might
be trying to put in

a wee too many papers
in here all at once,

and you kinda
got 'em going

-in all different directions.
-And is this the part

where I'm supposed to say,
"I quit"?

Well, you go back
and tell them mucky-mucks

that George Barksdale
didn't take the bait.

No. No, no, George.
You're doing a great job.

I just think you
might be more helpful

taking over sorting out
the files for Priscilla,

and, Priscilla, I'm gonna take
you off the files

and put you
on the copier.

[SNIFFS] What? Why?

-I'm working as fast as I can.
-No, no, Priscilla.

[UNDER HER BREATH] It has
nothing to do with you, okay?

-It's George.
-What about me?

CARRIE: Nothing, George.
Nothing.

Once again,
great job.

Great job.

I couldn't take
over George's job.

He's become like
a father to me.

Okay, okay, how about this?

Uh, Priscilla,
you take over for Neal.

George will do the files,
and, Neal,

I'm gonna have you
make the copies.

Make the copies?

All right. That degree
in marketing's

really paying off.

Neal, I just need you
to do this for--

Okay, look, I've made my peace

with the fact
that I'm not in charge,

but for God sakes, don't make me
crawl through the mud.

I'm not trying to make you crawl
through the mud.

I am just trying
to figure out

the best way to get
this job done.

Oh, so now you're
yelling at me?

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

Relax! Relax!

Thank you. Okay, all right,
how about this?

Everybody just keep doing
what you were doing.

-Fine.
-Thank you.

Well, that's five minutes
out of my life I won't get back.

You heading out
to work?

Yeah. I really
gotta get going.

No, you don't

'cause you, missy,
are taking a sick day

or, actually, in your case,
more of a sick night.

[LAUGHS]

See what I did there?

I got the whole
evening planned.

We're gonna
cuddle up in bed.

We're gonna watch TV

until we just
drift off to sleep.

I didn't know where your meal
clock was right now.

So I made you
oatmeal...

and a salad.

Honey, that is
so sweet...

and a little
nauseating,

but I really
gotta go.

Come on.
It's one night.

Look, I gotta
be there.

Carrie, you're the boss.
That's the whole point

of being the boss--
so you can screw off.

If I was the boss,
I'd never go to work.

Not one time. Not ever.

Well, we'll cross that bridge
when we come to it.

-Look--come on!
-Honey, look,

you don't understand.
The people working for me

are useless. You know
that guy who hangs out

in front of Arby's
with the foil helmet?

I would kill
for him right now.

But I need you.
I can't sleep without you.

Got like 2 hours
in the last 5 nights.

You're gonna be fine.
Come here.

Oh, no. Nah.

You ain't getting
any of this.

Candy shop closed.

All right. Good-bye.

Do I smell
oatmeal and salad?

Man, that really
takes me back.

[CLARK GABLE SPEAKING
ON TELEVISION]

Pass the brown sugar,
would ya?

And also
the Russian dressing.

Any chance I can get you
to take this action down

-to your own room?
-Well, I certainly would

if my own room had been
equipped with basic cable

such as you'd find
in even the cheapest motel.

Fine. You know what?
You can stay

-till the end of the movie.
-Thank you.

Blueberries
and croutons, please.

Here and here.

Okay.

[ARTHUR CHUCKLES]

You know, funny story
about Mr. Clark Gable.

Man had ears like Dumbo.

They pinned them back
with flesh-colored clamps.

His entire career, he worked
in excruciating pain.

You'll notice
inGone with the Wind

there's a scene
with Hattie McDaniel...

where he did nothing
but wince.

Holly, thank you so much
for helping me out here.

Oh, no, this job
saved my life.

I was literally about
to sleep with the mechanic

to get my car fixed.

Everyone, hi. I have
an announcement to make.

This is
Holly Shumpert...

Hi.

And she's going to be
joining the team

for the remainder
of the project.

There's a real vote
of confidence. Thank you.

What is she, some kind
of efficiency expert?

No, no, no. I'm just a friend
of Carrie's.

Oh, so now we're
hiring our friends.

No, no, no. She just
works for me at home.

She's not a friend,
not a friend at all.

My mistake.

Look, look, everyone,
you're all doing a great job.

Okay? You really are,
but we're a little behind.

We lost a lot of data
when that root beer

was spilled on the computer.

I knew I was gonna
hear about that again.

So I just thought bringing in
a little extra help,

we would pull
together as a team

and just get
this job done.

So, what do you
want me to do?

I'm gonna have to get back
to you on that.

[SIGHS]

* It's a beautiful
morning...*

-Hey, boy.
-What up, dawg?

Hey, you want
some breakfast?

In a surprising twist,
I actually made more

-than I can eat.
-Wow. Sure.

-Here ya go.
-You're in a good mood.

Yeah, I finally
got some sleep.

Oh, what?
Carrie's back?

Nope.

Douglas, I seem
to have lost a sock up

in the bedroom. I assume
it's twisted up somewhere

in the sheets.

You know what? I'll, uh--
I'll keep an eye out for it.

Hello, Deacon.

Hi.

Talk to me, Goose.

You know, we're upstairs
last night watching TV,

and the next thing
I know, it's morning,

and I slept great.

Turns out I don't
need Carrie.

I just need any warm body
laying next to me.

All right, well...

mazel tov
to the new couple.

Hey, Arthur, can I get you
some breakfast?

Why, thank you,
Douglas.

Oh, uh, by the way,

I saw that there's another
old movie on TV tonight.

So I was thinking maybe
you could shoot upstairs

and give me some
of that running commentary

you know I love so much.

Actually, I feel
like getting out tonight.

There's a mixer
at the senior center.

Oh, all right, well,
when ya get back...

pop up.

No can do.

I'll be home pretty late.

Um...

Hey, instead of going
to the senior center,

how about this?
How about this?

I take you to that seafood place
you love so much,

you get a couple Rob Roys,
throw them back,

and then have a nice,
beautiful dinner on me,

and then it's back here
for movie time.

-Well, that sounds marvelous.
-Yes, it does!

-All right.
-Yeah.

We gotta go, bud.
Come on.

So, uh, dressed
and ready by 7:00?

-Aye, aye, Captain.
-All right!

Later, Arthur.

-Not bad, huh?
-Oh, yeah.

You still got it, player.

*Getting to know you*

*Getting to know
all about you*

*Getting to like you*

*Getting to hope
you like me*

*Getting to know you*

*Putting it my way,
but nicely*

*You are precisely
my cup of tea*

*Getting to know you*

*Getting to feel
free and easy*

*When I am with you*

*Getting to know
what to say*

*Haven't you noticed*

*Suddenly I'm bright
and breezy?*

*Because of all
the beautiful and new*

*Things I'm learning
about you*

-[YAWNS]
-SINGER: *Day*

-[SNORES]
-SINGER: *By*

*Day*

Hey, you.

Hey, Arthur!

I'm home.

ARTHUR: In here.

Hey, go grab your knickers
and your cap.

You and I are gonna
play some mini-golf.

Then it's upstairs
for more boob tube.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, I'm sorry. I can't.

I have a prior engagement.

-Who's that?
-ARTHUR: It's Mickey. Uh...

we're seeing a movie.

Let's go.
I'm double-parked.

Oh, well, I guess
I just assumed

we'd be doing
something tonight.

Kinda wish you would
have checked with me

before you made
other plans.

Well, I'm sorry
about the mix-up.

Well, he's sorry.

I guess that makes
it all okay.

Did I walk into
something weird?

What are you saying, Douglas?
I'm not allowed

to have a night out
with my friends?

You know what?
You're right.

You can do
whatever you want.

As long as I'll be seeing
you later upstairs.

I don't think I like your tone.

All I'm saying is,
I think I've been
treating you pretty well,

and so I want you
upstairs.

Wait a minute.

Is this what
all this is about?

The fancy dinners,
the rides in the country...

Was that all just to get me
to sleep with you?

Oh, boy.

Oh, don't act
surprised.

You knew what you
were getting into.

-What?!
-You ordered a $50 lobster.

What, you didn't think
I was going to come knocking?

That's the way it
works, sweetheart.

I see.

And here I was thinking
we had something special.

Silly me.

-Let's go, Mickey.
-[SIGHS]

[VACUUM WHIRRING]

HOLLY [MIMICKING CARRIE]:
No, no, no, no.

I'm Carrie.
I'm the project supervisor.

You're doing it all wrong.
No, the subpoenas are

supposed to go over here,
and then you broke

the copy machine.
You're bad, and I'm good.

Blah blah blah blah...

-PRISCILLA: You have her nailed.
-She does that angry walk

when she's mad. She's like--
ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh...

-Hey, Car.
-Hey.

What you doing?

You mocking me?

No, no, no. I was just--

I was trying
to lighten the mood up.

Well, just, you know,
it's been...

it's been a little tense
here lately, so...

Oh, so, I guess imitations,
they lighten the mood?

-Sometimes!
-Yeah? Oh, okay!

'Cause I got some imitations
of my own.

"I--I thought I was supposed
to be in charge.

"Why--why is he
sharpening pencils?

That's supposed
to be my job."

"Oh, you don't want
to be my friend?

Wah wah wah wah!"

Those didn't sound
anything like us.

Oh, no?

Oh, okay. Well, here's one
I know I can do.

Okay, this is me
firing all of you,

and it goes a little
something like this.

[CLEARS THROAT]

You're all fired.

-NEAL: What?
-Yeah.

That's right.
On out.

We'll mail your coats to ya.
Yeah, oh, I think

-you had enough.
-NEAL: Unbelievable.

Yeah, OK, not so funny.

Oh, believe it,
buddy boy.

Yeah, I can do it.
Watch it happen.

Right. Get to going.
Yeah, there ya go.

Okay, you know what?
You're gone, too.

Bye-bye.
Yeah, hit it.

-No habla Inglés.
-Yeah, youhablanow,

honey, right?

[SIGHS]

-Hey, bud.
-What do you want?

Whoa, hey, look...

I just wanted
to apologize

for the way
I acted before.

Nothing to apologize for.

I understand you have
physical needs,

and I was a fool to think
it was anything more than that.

Okay.

Okay, yes, look, it started
as a physical thing,

but then...

I don't know, after a while,
it became...

much more.

We really had some
good times together.

How about our day
on the boardwalk,

playing skeeball
and...

getting stuck on top
of the Ferris wheel.

You told me that story
about how you were there

the day they demolished
Ebbets Field.

I mean,
it was great.

Yeah, it was
quite a sight,

seeing that old
ballpark go down.

I bet it was.

Well, thank you,
Douglas.

I appreciate
what you said.

-Good night--
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where ya going?

-Downstairs.
-Well, come on up.

One more time.
For old time's sake.

Oh, I don't
think so.

-Come on.
-I can't.

It's really
very late.

No, it's not late
at all. It's fine.

Well, I certainly
cannot spend the night.

-Yeah, we'll see.
-Okay.

What the...?

[WHISPERING]
Help me.

Thank you so much
for helping me out here.

I gotta tell you,
you are a life saver.

[GRUMBLES]
The paper chute
keeps jamming.

[**]