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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:04,750 SINGER:* My eyes are gettin' weary * 2 00:00:04,790 --> 00:00:07,340 * My back is gettin' tight * 3 00:00:07,380 --> 00:00:09,340 * I'm sittin' here in traffic * 4 00:00:09,380 --> 00:00:12,130 * On the Queensboro Bridge tonight * 5 00:00:12,170 --> 00:00:16,090 * But I don't care, 'cause all I want to do * 6 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:21,310 * Is cash my check and drive right home to you * 7 00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:25,350 * 'Cause, baby, all my life * 8 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,440 * I will be drivin' home to you * 9 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,580 Come on. How long's it take 10 00:00:38,620 --> 00:00:41,450 -to find your kid a Halloween costume? -Quit rushin' me, man. 11 00:00:41,490 --> 00:00:44,580 You're the one who took 20 minutes smelling shampoos. 12 00:00:44,620 --> 00:00:46,370 Let'sgo-o-o! 13 00:00:46,420 --> 00:00:48,630 I'm trying. He wants to be a superhero, 14 00:00:48,670 --> 00:00:51,380 and there are no black superheroes. 15 00:00:51,420 --> 00:00:53,170 How about this: 16 00:00:53,210 --> 00:00:55,800 Get him a leather coat, a turtleneck, let him go as Shaft? 17 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,640 I can't have my kid be Shaft for Halloween. 18 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:02,140 What, he can't be the black private dick 19 00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:04,270 that's a sex machine to all the chicks? 20 00:01:04,310 --> 00:01:05,810 He's 6. 21 00:01:05,850 --> 00:01:07,480 Whatever. 22 00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:14,860 How many kids are you expecting to come to your house? 23 00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:17,530 This isn't for the kids. This is for me. 24 00:01:18,740 --> 00:01:20,200 So if that's all for you, 25 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:21,580 what do your trick-or-treaters get, the finger? 26 00:01:21,620 --> 00:01:23,330 Nah. 27 00:01:23,370 --> 00:01:25,500 We usually just shut the lights out and pretend we're not home. 28 00:01:25,540 --> 00:01:28,670 Does that mean Carrie's gotta take an occasional egg to the back of the head? 29 00:01:28,710 --> 00:01:31,170 Sure, but you know what? The trade-off's worth it. 30 00:01:31,210 --> 00:01:33,250 Come on, man. My kid wants to come to your house to trick-or-treat. 31 00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:35,590 Can't you do something to make the place look a little Halloweenish? 32 00:01:35,630 --> 00:01:37,880 I mean, get a pumpkin, at least. Damn. 33 00:01:37,930 --> 00:01:40,430 Fine. You know what? If it'll shut you up, I'll get a pumpkin. 34 00:01:40,470 --> 00:01:41,550 That's all. 35 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,260 6 bucks? 36 00:01:43,310 --> 00:01:46,690 It's an orange vegetable with a dent. 37 00:01:46,730 --> 00:01:48,560 So could we go, already? 38 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:49,730 All right, all right. 39 00:01:49,770 --> 00:01:51,820 Ooh, I'll just get him Darth Vader. 40 00:01:51,860 --> 00:01:52,940 I mean, he's black, right? 41 00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:55,360 And James Earl Jones did his voice. 42 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:58,410 But, wait, when his mask finally comes off, he's a white guy. 43 00:01:58,450 --> 00:01:59,610 What do you think? 44 00:01:59,660 --> 00:02:02,580 Let'sgo-o-o-o-o! 45 00:02:09,670 --> 00:02:11,210 [WHUMP] 46 00:02:21,510 --> 00:02:23,720 Hey, how's it goin'? 47 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:24,930 What is that?! 48 00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:26,390 Oh, boy. 49 00:02:26,430 --> 00:02:28,180 It's a pumpkin. 50 00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:30,230 What is it doing in this house? 51 00:02:30,270 --> 00:02:33,190 -Dad-- -It's a Halloween thing for the kids. What are you-- 52 00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:37,740 There will be no Halloween in this house! 53 00:02:37,780 --> 00:02:40,320 You understand? It's forbidden. 54 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:41,780 Forbidden! 55 00:02:45,870 --> 00:02:47,750 What the hell was that? 56 00:02:47,790 --> 00:02:50,250 Nothing. He just hates Halloween. That's all. 57 00:02:50,290 --> 00:02:52,580 Yes, I gleaned that. 58 00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:54,840 That doesn't give him the right to smash my pumpkin, does it? 59 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,670 -Does it?! -All right! Calm down. 60 00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,380 It's a pumpkin, not your Entenmann's cake. 61 00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:03,300 We never do Halloween anyway. 62 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,890 Why do you care so much? 63 00:03:04,930 --> 00:03:07,390 I don't. I just got it 'cause Deacon's bringin' Kirby over. 64 00:03:07,430 --> 00:03:08,680 Now I gotta go get another one... 65 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,520 and maybe an Entenmann's cake. 66 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:11,810 Whoa-whoa-whoa! 67 00:03:11,850 --> 00:03:13,440 Don't get another pumpkin, Doug. 68 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,020 Why not? Just don't. 69 00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:17,860 Why? 'Cause it's forbidden by Wrinkles McGee? 70 00:03:17,900 --> 00:03:20,400 Why do you wanna upset him so much? 71 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:21,990 I mean, Kirby can see a pumpkin anywhere. 72 00:03:22,030 --> 00:03:24,280 This town is stupid with pumpkins. 73 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:27,540 That's not the point, okay? I'm sick of him and his forbidding things. 74 00:03:27,580 --> 00:03:30,500 First, we can only buy an American-made VCR-- 75 00:03:30,540 --> 00:03:33,790 Hey, the Dugan-Edwards works pretty well. 76 00:03:33,830 --> 00:03:38,550 Oh, yeah, it's great if you don't need it to "rewind" or "play." 77 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,260 Let's not forget... 78 00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:45,260 no red pens, no soft cheese, no mention of FDR's polio. 79 00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:47,260 All right, so he's got some quirks. 80 00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,890 Suddenly, this is news to you? 81 00:03:48,930 --> 00:03:50,730 I'm just sick of it, Carrie. 82 00:03:50,770 --> 00:03:52,560 At some point, someone's gotta take a stand against that lunatic, 83 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,650 and you know what? I'm takin' that stand. I'm gettin' a pumpkin. 84 00:03:54,690 --> 00:03:56,400 Oh, so that's your stand? 85 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:57,940 -Your big stand is for Halloween? -That's right. 86 00:03:57,980 --> 00:03:59,980 World hunger, no, but Halloween, 87 00:04:00,030 --> 00:04:01,740 that's your cause? 88 00:04:01,780 --> 00:04:04,990 They're both important. Right now I'm focusing on Halloween. 89 00:04:05,030 --> 00:04:07,080 Doug, honey, I am begging you. 90 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,540 You've gotta pick your battles with my father. 91 00:04:09,580 --> 00:04:11,660 This is not worth fighting for. 92 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:14,790 -Fine. -Good. 93 00:04:17,710 --> 00:04:19,550 Fun-sized Kit-Kats... 94 00:04:19,590 --> 00:04:21,880 also forbidden! 95 00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:34,060 Costume-shopping twice in one week. 96 00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:37,610 If this is a dream, donotwake me up. 97 00:04:37,650 --> 00:04:38,770 Give me a break, will ya? 98 00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:40,610 Darth Vader made him cry. 99 00:04:40,650 --> 00:04:41,940 Too scary. 100 00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,860 I hear that. 101 00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:45,780 By the way, don't bother bringin' him by the house this year. 102 00:04:45,820 --> 00:04:47,780 -Why not? -Stupid Arthur 103 00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:49,990 smashed the pumpkin all over our backyard. 104 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,370 Huge mess. 105 00:04:51,410 --> 00:04:52,660 Plus the neighborhood cats 106 00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:55,040 are takin' their sweet-ass time lickin' it up. 107 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:57,580 He smashed the pumpkin? What's that guy's problem? 108 00:04:57,630 --> 00:05:00,380 Well, apparently, he's forbidden Halloween in my house. 109 00:05:00,420 --> 00:05:02,800 Man, I've never understood how you let someone push you around 110 00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:05,090 who's just sponging off you in the first place. 111 00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:06,970 Oh, I'm gettin' pushed around? 112 00:05:07,010 --> 00:05:08,640 You're the one who's running back and forth to the drugstore 113 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,430 trying to find a costume for someone who-- 114 00:05:10,470 --> 00:05:13,480 let's face it-- is totally spongin' off of you. 115 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,020 You mean my kid? 116 00:05:15,060 --> 00:05:16,480 That's right, 117 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:17,940 cold glass of water, isn't it? 118 00:05:17,980 --> 00:05:19,980 Okay, first of all, Kirby's in grade school. 119 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,980 And, second, he actually doesn't sponge off of us. 120 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,940 He does a lot to help out around the house. 121 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:24,990 Like what? 122 00:05:25,030 --> 00:05:26,780 Cleans his room, makes his bed, 123 00:05:26,820 --> 00:05:28,530 rinses his dinner plates. 124 00:05:28,570 --> 00:05:29,620 He does? 125 00:05:29,660 --> 00:05:30,660 Yeah. 126 00:05:30,700 --> 00:05:32,120 Son of a mother! 127 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:34,410 Arthur doesn't do any of that. 128 00:05:34,450 --> 00:05:36,790 I mean, the guy contributes nothing to our house 129 00:05:36,830 --> 00:05:40,130 except the smell of Brillcream and... old. 130 00:05:40,170 --> 00:05:44,590 Man, he is wearin' me like a sombrero. 131 00:05:46,420 --> 00:05:49,550 Black Power Ranger. I guess I'll give this a shot. 132 00:05:59,850 --> 00:06:02,070 A little witchy-witch action. 133 00:06:02,110 --> 00:06:04,650 Witchy tah! 134 00:06:04,690 --> 00:06:06,900 You, my friend, can go right over here. 135 00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:10,530 Oh, 'cause we are takin' back the house tonight, Slim, huh? 136 00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:11,570 Yeah! 137 00:06:11,620 --> 00:06:14,080 [DOORBELL RINGS] 138 00:06:16,580 --> 00:06:17,710 Trick or treat. 139 00:06:17,750 --> 00:06:19,960 Hey, my first customer! 140 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,500 Who are you supposed to be, there, Kirb? 141 00:06:21,540 --> 00:06:23,420 A Powerpuff Girl. 142 00:06:24,590 --> 00:06:25,710 We, um... 143 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:29,130 fought about this for 7 straight hours. 144 00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:31,050 Which Powerpuff Girl are you, Kirb? 145 00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:32,430 Blossom. 146 00:06:33,970 --> 00:06:35,100 Blossom? 147 00:06:35,140 --> 00:06:36,770 Cool. 148 00:06:36,810 --> 00:06:38,600 All right, well, here you go, Blossom. 149 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,060 Take whatever you like. 150 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,070 A Mary Jane, Kirby? Take the Three Musketeers. 151 00:06:44,110 --> 00:06:45,110 I want a Mary Jane. 152 00:06:45,150 --> 00:06:46,820 No. He wants the Three Musketeers. 153 00:06:46,860 --> 00:06:48,570 3 men in tights? 154 00:06:48,610 --> 00:06:50,110 Feels like a lateral move, Deac. 155 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:52,240 Thanks. 156 00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:54,080 -[DOOR CLOSES] -ARTHUR: Hello?! 157 00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:55,080 It's Arthur. I gotta go. 158 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,580 -Come on, Kirby. -Bye. 159 00:06:56,620 --> 00:06:57,790 See you later. 160 00:07:00,790 --> 00:07:02,460 It's showtime. 161 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:04,960 Hey, Arthur. 162 00:07:06,210 --> 00:07:07,460 Hello, Douglas. 163 00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:08,800 Hey, look, if you've got a second, 164 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:10,550 you might want to mosey on into the living room. 165 00:07:10,590 --> 00:07:12,220 -What for? -'Cause. 166 00:07:12,260 --> 00:07:14,010 I just think there's somethin' in there that might interest ya. 167 00:07:14,050 --> 00:07:15,810 Come on. 168 00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:22,690 Aah! 169 00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:34,990 WOMAN [OVER P.A.]: Dr. Greenstein, dial 5. 170 00:07:35,030 --> 00:07:36,950 Dr. Greenstein, dial 5. 171 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,410 Hey, I like your costume. 172 00:07:39,450 --> 00:07:41,500 Huh? 173 00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:43,330 IPS driver. That's hilarious. 174 00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,250 Hey, if you really want to be convincing, 175 00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:47,090 make sure your candy gets to the kids 3 days late. 176 00:07:47,130 --> 00:07:49,260 Ha ha ha! Right. 177 00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:56,180 Doug, how's my dad? Is everything okay? 178 00:07:56,220 --> 00:07:57,470 Yeah, he's fine. He's fine, okay? 179 00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:58,970 The doctor's in there now checking him out. 180 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:02,520 He had what they called, uh, a heart ischemia. 181 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,350 A heart ischemia? 182 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,270 What the hell is that? Did he tell you? 183 00:08:06,310 --> 00:08:08,320 Yeah. He said it's not that serious. 184 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:12,030 It's just when the heart-- and the ischemia part-- 185 00:08:12,070 --> 00:08:14,030 ofthe heart-- 186 00:08:14,070 --> 00:08:17,910 it doesn't throb in the traditional-- 187 00:08:17,950 --> 00:08:19,200 I don't know. 188 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:21,960 Would you listen when the man talks to you? 189 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,040 Hi. I'm Dr. Davis. Are you Mr. Spooner's daughter? 190 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,630 Yes. Is he okay? Is everything all right? 191 00:08:26,670 --> 00:08:28,170 Yes. Your father's stable right now. 192 00:08:28,210 --> 00:08:30,170 His condition isn't life-threatening, 193 00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,420 but we are going to keep him here to run some tests tomorrow, 194 00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:35,050 just so we can find out exactly what's going on. 195 00:08:35,090 --> 00:08:37,300 Okay, do you know what could have caused this? 196 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,220 Oh, for God's sake, Carrie, there's no reason to live in the past. 197 00:08:39,260 --> 00:08:40,970 Whatever happened happened. 198 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:43,060 Just shut up. I wanna know. 199 00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,440 What could've caused it? 200 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,060 Probably salt or somethin', right? 201 00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:48,360 I mean, the man likes his pickles. 202 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:49,980 Well, these things are usually brought on 203 00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,530 by some sort of shock to the system. 204 00:08:51,570 --> 00:08:53,240 Actually, he said his son-in-law 205 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,570 tried to scare him to death. 206 00:08:55,610 --> 00:08:57,740 Anyhow, he's awake now, 207 00:08:57,780 --> 00:09:00,080 so you can head on in and say hello. 208 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:01,290 Okay. 209 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,290 Doctors... 210 00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:11,300 They think they're God. 211 00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:15,380 What'd you do, Doug? 212 00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:17,140 -Nothing. -Doug! 213 00:09:17,180 --> 00:09:19,050 I put up a few Halloween decorations. That's all. 214 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,430 Your father walked in, he saw a paper ghost, and he just dropped! 215 00:09:21,470 --> 00:09:22,560 Oh, my God. 216 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,310 Carrie, it was apaperghost. 217 00:09:24,350 --> 00:09:26,440 He might as well have been scared by an envelope. 218 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:30,070 I asked you not to push him on this Halloween thing. 219 00:09:30,110 --> 00:09:32,230 Why couldn't you just let it go? 220 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,240 Because it's my house, okay? And he doesn't respect that. 221 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,530 The man doesn't even rinse his dishes. 222 00:09:36,570 --> 00:09:37,990 Neither do you. 223 00:09:38,030 --> 00:09:39,740 I do. 224 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,280 I did that time. 225 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,120 [SCOFFS] 226 00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:47,540 Hi, Daddy. 227 00:09:47,580 --> 00:09:49,330 How you doin'? 228 00:09:50,540 --> 00:09:51,630 Been better. 229 00:09:51,670 --> 00:09:53,340 I know. 230 00:09:53,380 --> 00:09:55,010 But you're gonna be fine. 231 00:09:55,050 --> 00:09:56,800 Listen, can you do me a little favor? 232 00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:58,470 Sure. 233 00:09:58,510 --> 00:10:00,350 Could you go through my address book 234 00:10:00,390 --> 00:10:02,510 and call all my friends and my loved ones? 235 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,140 Don't alarm them. 236 00:10:04,180 --> 00:10:07,100 Just bring them up to speed on my predicament. 237 00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,600 Sure. 238 00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:09,690 Anything else? 239 00:10:09,730 --> 00:10:11,400 I'd love a pack of Sen-Sen 240 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,320 and the latest issue ofGent. 241 00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:18,740 Okay, I don't know what either of those things are, 242 00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:20,700 but I will do my best. 243 00:10:20,740 --> 00:10:22,330 Okay, get some rest. 244 00:10:22,370 --> 00:10:25,040 I love you. 245 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,410 I'm just gonna talk to him for a couple secs. 246 00:10:26,450 --> 00:10:28,710 -Be nice! -I will. 247 00:10:31,420 --> 00:10:33,630 [SIGHS] 248 00:10:38,090 --> 00:10:41,340 All right, Arthur, I get it--cold shoulder, okay? 249 00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:43,350 Look, I feel bad, all right? 250 00:10:43,390 --> 00:10:48,060 I'm sorry I made you have a heart...thing. 251 00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:50,190 I'm sorry. 252 00:10:50,230 --> 00:10:52,560 Arthur, I'm apologizing to you. 253 00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,360 You know? But you gotta admit, 254 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:57,530 you went a little insane over some Halloween decorations and-- 255 00:10:57,570 --> 00:10:59,360 All right. 256 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:00,780 You just can't keep doing things like-- 257 00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:02,870 Would you stop? Could you please stop moving? 258 00:11:02,910 --> 00:11:05,540 Arthur-- All right, forget it! Okay, forget it. 259 00:11:05,580 --> 00:11:07,540 I tried to talk to you, but you just won't listen, 260 00:11:07,580 --> 00:11:10,170 so I'm outta here, Okay? 261 00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:11,620 Douglas! 262 00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:12,750 Yeah. 263 00:11:12,790 --> 00:11:14,670 Did I ever tell you about my father? 264 00:11:17,630 --> 00:11:18,670 No. 265 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,720 The man was a rotten gambler. 266 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:24,390 Oh, sure, once in a while he'd stumble on a winner 267 00:11:24,430 --> 00:11:25,850 and toss a nickel my way. 268 00:11:25,890 --> 00:11:27,640 Before he could change his mind, 269 00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:30,640 I'd run down to Gabe's Pizzeria for some lemon ices. 270 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,900 Nothing ever tasted better. 271 00:11:33,940 --> 00:11:36,320 You ever been to Gabe's? 272 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:37,730 It's a Bronx landmark. 273 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,530 Gabe's Pizzeria? 274 00:11:39,570 --> 00:11:41,240 I--I don't think so. 275 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:42,700 They have a picture of a chimp 276 00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:44,740 with a big Italian moustache in the window. 277 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:47,490 It's hilarious. Okay. 278 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,160 All right. 279 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:52,460 You do understand chimps don't usually have moustaches? 280 00:11:53,790 --> 00:11:55,840 I get the funny. I just, uh... 281 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,340 Where are you going with this, Arthur? 282 00:11:58,380 --> 00:12:00,670 Well, as I said, my father was usually broke. 283 00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:05,600 One Halloween when I was 8, things were especially bad. 284 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,600 It looked like we might go hungry. 285 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,520 In those days, on Halloween, 286 00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:11,600 people would give out apples and cakes 287 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,650 and, sometimes, even a penny. 288 00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:19,150 My father made me go trick-or-treating till my feet were numb. 289 00:12:20,690 --> 00:12:25,160 I had to change costumes a few times so I could repeat houses. 290 00:12:26,740 --> 00:12:28,950 But the neighbors knew. 291 00:12:28,990 --> 00:12:30,660 I tell you, Douglas, 292 00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:33,670 it doesn't feel good to be pitied. 293 00:12:33,710 --> 00:12:37,420 So you'll forgive me if I don't share your love 294 00:12:37,460 --> 00:12:40,340 for a holiday called Halloween. 295 00:12:43,470 --> 00:12:45,180 I'm feelin' a little punk. 296 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,470 Good night. 297 00:13:05,820 --> 00:13:07,490 So you knew that's why he hated Halloween? 298 00:13:07,530 --> 00:13:09,240 Why didn't you tell me? 299 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,750 It's a horrible story. I didn't want to embarrass him. 300 00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:13,410 Nowyou don't want to embarrass him? 301 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:14,830 Last week you sent me down there 302 00:13:14,870 --> 00:13:17,670 to apply ointment to his inflamed...area. 303 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:21,760 This is different. 304 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,550 I didn't think I had to tell you a tragic story 305 00:13:23,590 --> 00:13:26,220 to keep you from trying to make his heart stop. 306 00:13:26,260 --> 00:13:29,510 It was a paper ghost. Here, is this scary to you? Look! 307 00:13:29,550 --> 00:13:33,350 It's wavin' at ya. "How-do?" 308 00:13:33,390 --> 00:13:35,480 Okay, well, why doesn't he "How-do" in the garbage? 309 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:38,520 Now I gotta start makin' these calls for my dad. 310 00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:39,860 I just... 311 00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:42,860 I feel so bad. I mean, all these years, 312 00:13:42,900 --> 00:13:46,910 I thought Arthur was being insane just to annoy me. 313 00:13:46,950 --> 00:13:50,620 I never thought that things in his life actually made him that way. 314 00:13:50,660 --> 00:13:52,740 Oh, God, I can't get that image out of my mind 315 00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:56,250 of little Arthur in his beanie hat running down to that Gabe's Pizzeria 316 00:13:56,290 --> 00:13:57,960 with a nickel in his hand. 317 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:01,380 [AS ARTHUR] "Lemon ices!" 318 00:14:01,420 --> 00:14:03,550 All right, he sounds like that now. 319 00:14:03,590 --> 00:14:06,470 I don't think he did when he was 8. 320 00:14:09,010 --> 00:14:10,350 Where are you goin'? 321 00:14:10,390 --> 00:14:11,760 I need some air. 322 00:14:14,310 --> 00:14:17,810 Uh, hello. Is this Dottie Greco? 323 00:14:17,850 --> 00:14:21,020 Hi. Yeah. I have some not-so-good news, um, 324 00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:23,400 about your friend Arthur Spooner. 325 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:26,650 Yeah. He's in the hospital with a minor heart problem. 326 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,320 He's not in any--Huh? 327 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:30,990 Uh, no. 328 00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:32,910 I don't know if he still has your Redd Foxx album. 329 00:14:32,950 --> 00:14:36,290 But that's not really... why I was calling. 330 00:14:36,330 --> 00:14:38,790 No, I'm not gonna go look for it now. 331 00:14:38,830 --> 00:14:41,330 I'm trying to tell you something that's imp-- 332 00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:43,500 Hello? 333 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:50,590 Okay, please tell me that was the right Gabe's Pizzeria. 334 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:54,060 Nope. The guy said he's only been in business since '83. 335 00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:56,430 FYI--Danny Aiello's had a slice there. 336 00:14:56,470 --> 00:14:58,480 All right, so where's the next Gabe's? 337 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,060 All right, the next one is... 338 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,980 "Original Gabe's, 2850 Kingsbridge Road." 339 00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:04,570 There's an Original Gabe's? 340 00:15:04,610 --> 00:15:05,860 Why the hell didn't we start with that one? 341 00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:07,400 Because there's 4 Original Gabe's. 342 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,700 Can't we just go to any of them? 343 00:15:08,740 --> 00:15:10,570 No! I gotta get him lemon ices 344 00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,870 from the same place he got 'em as a kid! I owe it to him. 345 00:15:12,910 --> 00:15:15,700 It's the least I can do for almost killin' the guy. 346 00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:17,120 A buck's worth of lemon ices? 347 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:18,830 Actually, that is the least you can do. 348 00:15:18,870 --> 00:15:21,000 You know what? You said you'd help, all right? 349 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:23,130 You don't wanna help, I'll take you home. 350 00:15:23,170 --> 00:15:25,920 I don't feel like bein' home right now anyway. 351 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:28,130 This thing with Kirby's got me kinda rattled. 352 00:15:28,170 --> 00:15:31,970 I'm afraid I'll walk in the door and he'll be wearing a girdle. 353 00:15:32,010 --> 00:15:33,970 Hey, take it easy, all right? 354 00:15:34,010 --> 00:15:36,060 Just 'cause he wants to be a girl superhero doesn't mean he's gay. 355 00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:39,680 You know, they say that most drag queens are actually straight. 356 00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:43,480 That's supposed to make me feel better? 357 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:45,900 A little. 358 00:15:45,940 --> 00:15:48,110 Arthur Spooner. 359 00:15:48,150 --> 00:15:52,660 S-P-O-O-N-E-R. 360 00:15:52,700 --> 00:15:54,370 Same name as you! 361 00:15:56,030 --> 00:15:57,120 [DOORBELL RINGS] 362 00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:59,000 Oh, now, come on, don't say that. 363 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,000 That's not nice at all. 364 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,960 KIDS: Trick or treat! 365 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,840 Oh! What great costumes! 366 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:10,840 Listen, the man might die. Then how would you feel, huh? 367 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,550 What are you, a witch? 368 00:16:12,590 --> 00:16:13,890 Scary! 369 00:16:13,930 --> 00:16:16,760 Oh, you would too give a rat's ass! 370 00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:21,980 Stuart Little, right here in my house! 371 00:16:22,020 --> 00:16:23,400 Oh, would you stop your whining! 372 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:24,810 He taught me to swim the same way, 373 00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:27,110 it's called tough love, you idiot! 374 00:16:27,150 --> 00:16:29,690 Happy Halloween. Okay, bye-bye. 375 00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:36,160 Was that it? 376 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:39,200 Nope, that was Gabe's Oriental Massage. 377 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,790 FYI, Danny Aiello's been there too. 378 00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:47,040 Okay, you know what, just send 379 00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:49,840 your ex-business partner a freakin' card, okay? 380 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,970 [DOORBELL RINGS] Get a pen. 381 00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:54,840 Never mind who this is, get a pen. 382 00:16:56,090 --> 00:16:57,930 ALL: Trick or treat! 383 00:16:57,970 --> 00:16:59,970 I'm gonna need about 15 minutes. 384 00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:14,030 I told you we'd find it. 385 00:17:14,070 --> 00:17:15,490 Feel kinda stupid now, don't ya? 386 00:17:15,530 --> 00:17:17,620 Actually, I stopped caring 5 Gabes ago. 387 00:17:17,660 --> 00:17:19,120 Hey, how you doin'? 388 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,450 A pint of lemon ices, please. 389 00:17:21,490 --> 00:17:22,950 We're closed. 390 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,290 You know what? We're headed right back out 391 00:17:24,330 --> 00:17:25,460 as soon as you hook us up with some ices. 392 00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:27,960 Lem-eon-eonee-on! 393 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,000 Buddy, do me a favor, huh? I already Z'd out the register. 394 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,590 He already Z'd out the register. 395 00:17:32,630 --> 00:17:34,380 Hey! Okay, would you, please? 396 00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:36,340 Look, here's the deal. 397 00:17:36,380 --> 00:17:39,510 There's an old man who used to come to this place when he was a kid, 398 00:17:39,550 --> 00:17:44,230 and eating these lemon ices was the one bright spot in his whole rotten childhood. 399 00:17:44,270 --> 00:17:47,980 That man is lying in a bed right now in a hospital 400 00:17:48,020 --> 00:17:50,150 with a heart ischemia. 401 00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,650 That's right, a heart ischemia. 402 00:17:53,690 --> 00:17:56,200 What do you say, friend, huh? 403 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:57,450 Come on. 404 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,120 I had a heart ischemia. 405 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,540 It ain't that bad. 406 00:18:04,290 --> 00:18:06,330 I'm beggin' ya. One cup of ices. 407 00:18:06,370 --> 00:18:09,080 I said no! Try Pathmark. 408 00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,960 Come on. Let's just go to Pathmark. 409 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,920 I need Sucrets anyway. I think I'm gettin' sick. 410 00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:16,510 All right. 411 00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:18,970 The dumpster's all the way down there. 412 00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:20,220 What are you doin'? 413 00:18:20,260 --> 00:18:21,680 I'm gettin' my father-in-law some lemon ices. 414 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,060 What the hell are you doin', man? That's stealing. 415 00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:27,140 Not if I leave him 20 bucks, it's not. 416 00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:28,900 Spot me 20? 417 00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:29,980 Fine. 418 00:18:30,020 --> 00:18:31,440 Hurry up, will ya? 419 00:18:34,070 --> 00:18:36,030 Wait a second! This is pineapple! 420 00:18:36,070 --> 00:18:38,150 So? Get him pineapple. 421 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,120 The man wants lemon! 422 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,120 This is banana! Damn it, they're all yellow! 423 00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,710 -Will you hurry up? -Well, there it is: Lemon. There's lemon. Okay. 424 00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:48,670 -Scoop! -Ooh, it's a little gooey-- 425 00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:51,000 -Scoop! -Okay! 426 00:18:54,250 --> 00:18:57,630 Hey, could I get a slice and a Coke, please? 427 00:18:57,670 --> 00:19:01,140 Uh, sorry. We're closed. 428 00:19:01,180 --> 00:19:03,970 Aw, come on, man. I just got off my shift. 429 00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:08,100 Guy, I already Z'd out the register. 430 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,610 Okay, fine. 431 00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:26,750 "Coke," you said? 432 00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:27,700 Yeah. 433 00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:28,710 Pepsi, Okay? 434 00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,620 Sure. 435 00:19:45,180 --> 00:19:47,310 You havin' a good Halloween? 436 00:19:47,350 --> 00:19:48,680 Oh, yeah, sure, you know. 437 00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,140 Got stuck in traffic comin' home, though. 438 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,360 They're havin' that big gay pride parade downtown. 439 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,360 Oh, man, that's a wild scene, I gotta tell ya. 440 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,030 My son's gay. 441 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:02,280 Oh, yeah? 442 00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:03,450 Yeah, yeah. 443 00:20:03,490 --> 00:20:05,990 -Great kid. Great kid. -Hmm... 444 00:20:06,030 --> 00:20:08,200 I love him a lot. 445 00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:10,000 Aw. 446 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:11,120 [POUNDING ON DOOR] 447 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:12,790 OWNER: Hey! Open the door! 448 00:20:12,830 --> 00:20:15,000 You know what? We gotta go. 449 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,050 [DOOR OPENS] 450 00:20:23,090 --> 00:20:25,390 [HEART MONITOR BEEPING] 451 00:20:36,690 --> 00:20:38,070 Hey... 452 00:20:38,110 --> 00:20:39,780 I got you somethin'. 453 00:20:39,820 --> 00:20:42,530 I think you're gonna like it, pal. 454 00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,370 [DOOR CLOSES] 455 00:20:52,790 --> 00:20:56,210 Aah! 456 00:21:02,380 --> 00:21:04,090 He's fine. 457 00:21:05,260 --> 00:21:07,180 He had another slight episode, 458 00:21:07,220 --> 00:21:10,310 but, thankfully, there was no additional damage to the heart. 459 00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:12,230 Oh! Thank God. 460 00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:15,190 But it might be a good idea to stop scaring him. 461 00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:16,860 Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 462 00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:18,730 Thank you, Doctor. 463 00:21:22,780 --> 00:21:25,740 It was a paper...bag! 464 00:21:36,540 --> 00:21:37,790 So, what do you think? 465 00:21:40,170 --> 00:21:41,550 Delicious, Douglas. 466 00:21:41,590 --> 00:21:42,760 Thank you. 467 00:21:45,010 --> 00:21:48,140 This really takes me back. 468 00:21:50,140 --> 00:21:52,470 [**] 469 00:22:01,230 --> 00:22:03,860 Lemon Ices! 470 00:22:06,910 --> 00:22:10,160 [**] 34051

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