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1
00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:04,750
SINGER:* My eyesare gettin' weary *
2
00:00:04,790 --> 00:00:07,340
* My back is gettin' tight *
3
00:00:07,380 --> 00:00:09,340
* I'm sittin' herein traffic *
4
00:00:09,380 --> 00:00:12,130
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight *
5
00:00:12,170 --> 00:00:16,090
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do *
6
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:21,310
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you *
7
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:25,350
* 'Cause, baby,all my life *
8
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,440
* I will be drivin' hometo you *
9
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,580
Come on.
How long's it take
10
00:00:38,620 --> 00:00:41,450
-to find your
kid a Halloween costume?
-Quit rushin' me, man.
11
00:00:41,490 --> 00:00:44,580
You're the one who took
20 minutes smelling shampoos.
12
00:00:44,620 --> 00:00:46,370
Let'sgo-o-o!
13
00:00:46,420 --> 00:00:48,630
I'm trying.
He wants to be
a superhero,
14
00:00:48,670 --> 00:00:51,380
and there are no
black superheroes.
15
00:00:51,420 --> 00:00:53,170
How about this:
16
00:00:53,210 --> 00:00:55,800
Get him a leather coat,
a turtleneck,
let him go as Shaft?
17
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,640
I can't have my kid be Shaft
for Halloween.
18
00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:02,140
What, he can't be
the black private dick
19
00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:04,270
that's a sex machine
to all the chicks?
20
00:01:04,310 --> 00:01:05,810
He's 6.
21
00:01:05,850 --> 00:01:07,480
Whatever.
22
00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:14,860
How many kids are you
expecting to come
to your house?
23
00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:17,530
This isn't for the kids.
This is for me.
24
00:01:18,740 --> 00:01:20,200
So if that's all for you,
25
00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:21,580
what do your
trick-or-treaters get,
the finger?
26
00:01:21,620 --> 00:01:23,330
Nah.
27
00:01:23,370 --> 00:01:25,500
We usually
just shut the lights out
and pretend we're not home.
28
00:01:25,540 --> 00:01:28,670
Does that mean Carrie's
gotta take an occasional egg
to the back of the head?
29
00:01:28,710 --> 00:01:31,170
Sure, but you know what?
The trade-off's worth it.
30
00:01:31,210 --> 00:01:33,250
Come on, man. My kid
wants to come to your
house to trick-or-treat.
31
00:01:33,300 --> 00:01:35,590
Can't you do something
to make the place look
a little Halloweenish?
32
00:01:35,630 --> 00:01:37,880
I mean, get a pumpkin,
at least. Damn.
33
00:01:37,930 --> 00:01:40,430
Fine. You know what?
If it'll shut you up,
I'll get a pumpkin.
34
00:01:40,470 --> 00:01:41,550
That's all.
35
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,260
6 bucks?
36
00:01:43,310 --> 00:01:46,690
It's an orange vegetable
with a dent.
37
00:01:46,730 --> 00:01:48,560
So could we go, already?
38
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:49,730
All right, all right.
39
00:01:49,770 --> 00:01:51,820
Ooh, I'll just
get him Darth Vader.
40
00:01:51,860 --> 00:01:52,940
I mean,
he's black, right?
41
00:01:52,980 --> 00:01:55,360
And James Earl Jones
did his voice.
42
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:58,410
But, wait, when his mask
finally comes off,
he's a white guy.
43
00:01:58,450 --> 00:01:59,610
What do you think?
44
00:01:59,660 --> 00:02:02,580
Let'sgo-o-o-o-o!
45
00:02:09,670 --> 00:02:11,210
[WHUMP]
46
00:02:21,510 --> 00:02:23,720
Hey, how's it goin'?
47
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:24,930
What is that?!
48
00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:26,390
Oh, boy.
49
00:02:26,430 --> 00:02:28,180
It's a pumpkin.
50
00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:30,230
What is it doing
in this house?
51
00:02:30,270 --> 00:02:33,190
-Dad--
-It's a Halloween thing for
the kids. What are you--
52
00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:37,740
There will be no Halloween
in this house!
53
00:02:37,780 --> 00:02:40,320
You understand?
It's forbidden.
54
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:41,780
Forbidden!
55
00:02:45,870 --> 00:02:47,750
What the hell was that?
56
00:02:47,790 --> 00:02:50,250
Nothing. He just
hates Halloween.
That's all.
57
00:02:50,290 --> 00:02:52,580
Yes, I gleaned that.
58
00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:54,840
That doesn't give him
the right to smash
my pumpkin, does it?
59
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,670
-Does it?!
-All right!
Calm down.
60
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,380
It's a pumpkin, not
your Entenmann's cake.
61
00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:03,300
We never
do Halloween anyway.
62
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,890
Why do you care so much?
63
00:03:04,930 --> 00:03:07,390
I don't. I just got it
'cause Deacon's
bringin' Kirby over.
64
00:03:07,430 --> 00:03:08,680
Now I gotta
go get another one...
65
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,520
and maybe
an Entenmann's cake.
66
00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:11,810
Whoa-whoa-whoa!
67
00:03:11,850 --> 00:03:13,440
Don't get another
pumpkin, Doug.
68
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,020
Why not?
Just don't.
69
00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:17,860
Why? 'Cause it's forbidden
by Wrinkles McGee?
70
00:03:17,900 --> 00:03:20,400
Why do you wanna
upset him so much?
71
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:21,990
I mean, Kirby can
see a pumpkin anywhere.
72
00:03:22,030 --> 00:03:24,280
This town is stupid
with pumpkins.
73
00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:27,540
That's not the point, okay?
I'm sick of him and his
forbidding things.
74
00:03:27,580 --> 00:03:30,500
First, we can only
buy an American-made VCR--
75
00:03:30,540 --> 00:03:33,790
Hey, the Dugan-Edwards
works pretty well.
76
00:03:33,830 --> 00:03:38,550
Oh, yeah, it's great
if you don't need it
to "rewind" or "play."
77
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,260
Let's not forget...
78
00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:45,260
no red pens, no soft cheese,
no mention of FDR's polio.
79
00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:47,260
All right,
so he's got some quirks.
80
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,890
Suddenly,
this is news to you?
81
00:03:48,930 --> 00:03:50,730
I'm just sick of it,
Carrie.
82
00:03:50,770 --> 00:03:52,560
At some point, someone's
gotta take a stand
against that lunatic,
83
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,650
and you know what?
I'm takin' that stand.
I'm gettin' a pumpkin.
84
00:03:54,690 --> 00:03:56,400
Oh, so that's
your stand?
85
00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:57,940
-Your big stand
is for Halloween?
-That's right.
86
00:03:57,980 --> 00:03:59,980
World hunger, no,
but Halloween,
87
00:04:00,030 --> 00:04:01,740
that's your cause?
88
00:04:01,780 --> 00:04:04,990
They're both important.
Right now I'm focusing
on Halloween.
89
00:04:05,030 --> 00:04:07,080
Doug, honey,
I am begging you.
90
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,540
You've gotta
pick your battles
with my father.
91
00:04:09,580 --> 00:04:11,660
This is not worth
fighting for.
92
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:14,790
-Fine.
-Good.
93
00:04:17,710 --> 00:04:19,550
Fun-sized Kit-Kats...
94
00:04:19,590 --> 00:04:21,880
also forbidden!
95
00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:34,060
Costume-shopping
twice in one week.
96
00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:37,610
If this is a dream,
donotwake me up.
97
00:04:37,650 --> 00:04:38,770
Give me a break,
will ya?
98
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:40,610
Darth Vader
made him cry.
99
00:04:40,650 --> 00:04:41,940
Too scary.
100
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,860
I hear that.
101
00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:45,780
By the way,
don't bother bringin' him
by the house this year.
102
00:04:45,820 --> 00:04:47,780
-Why not?
-Stupid Arthur
103
00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:49,990
smashed the pumpkin
all over our backyard.
104
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,370
Huge mess.
105
00:04:51,410 --> 00:04:52,660
Plus
the neighborhood cats
106
00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:55,040
are takin'
their sweet-ass time
lickin' it up.
107
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:57,580
He smashed the pumpkin?
What's that guy's problem?
108
00:04:57,630 --> 00:05:00,380
Well, apparently, he's
forbidden Halloween
in my house.
109
00:05:00,420 --> 00:05:02,800
Man, I've never understood
how you let someone
push you around
110
00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:05,090
who's just sponging
off you in the first place.
111
00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:06,970
Oh, I'm gettin'
pushed around?
112
00:05:07,010 --> 00:05:08,640
You're the one who's
running back and forth
to the drugstore
113
00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,430
trying to find a costume
for someone who--
114
00:05:10,470 --> 00:05:13,480
let's face it--
is totally spongin'
off of you.
115
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,020
You mean my kid?
116
00:05:15,060 --> 00:05:16,480
That's right,
117
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:17,940
cold glass of water, isn't it?
118
00:05:17,980 --> 00:05:19,980
Okay, first of all,
Kirby's in grade school.
119
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,980
And, second, he actually
doesn't sponge off of us.
120
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,940
He does a lot to help out
around the house.
121
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:24,990
Like what?
122
00:05:25,030 --> 00:05:26,780
Cleans his room,
makes his bed,
123
00:05:26,820 --> 00:05:28,530
rinses his dinner plates.
124
00:05:28,570 --> 00:05:29,620
He does?
125
00:05:29,660 --> 00:05:30,660
Yeah.
126
00:05:30,700 --> 00:05:32,120
Son of a mother!
127
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:34,410
Arthur doesn't
do any of that.
128
00:05:34,450 --> 00:05:36,790
I mean, the guy
contributes nothing
to our house
129
00:05:36,830 --> 00:05:40,130
except the smell
of Brillcream and... old.
130
00:05:40,170 --> 00:05:44,590
Man, he is wearin' me
like a sombrero.
131
00:05:46,420 --> 00:05:49,550
Black Power Ranger.
I guess I'll give this a shot.
132
00:05:59,850 --> 00:06:02,070
A little witchy-witch action.
133
00:06:02,110 --> 00:06:04,650
Witchy tah!
134
00:06:04,690 --> 00:06:06,900
You, my friend,
can go right over here.
135
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:10,530
Oh, 'cause we are
takin' back the house
tonight, Slim, huh?
136
00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:11,570
Yeah!
137
00:06:11,620 --> 00:06:14,080
[DOORBELL RINGS]
138
00:06:16,580 --> 00:06:17,710
Trick or treat.
139
00:06:17,750 --> 00:06:19,960
Hey,
my first customer!
140
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,500
Who are you supposed
to be, there, Kirb?
141
00:06:21,540 --> 00:06:23,420
A Powerpuff Girl.
142
00:06:24,590 --> 00:06:25,710
We, um...
143
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:29,130
fought about this
for 7 straight hours.
144
00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:31,050
Which Powerpuff
Girl are you, Kirb?
145
00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:32,430
Blossom.
146
00:06:33,970 --> 00:06:35,100
Blossom?
147
00:06:35,140 --> 00:06:36,770
Cool.
148
00:06:36,810 --> 00:06:38,600
All right, well,
here you go, Blossom.
149
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,060
Take whatever you like.
150
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,070
A Mary Jane, Kirby?
Take the Three Musketeers.
151
00:06:44,110 --> 00:06:45,110
I want a Mary Jane.
152
00:06:45,150 --> 00:06:46,820
No. He wants
the Three Musketeers.
153
00:06:46,860 --> 00:06:48,570
3 men in tights?
154
00:06:48,610 --> 00:06:50,110
Feels like
a lateral move, Deac.
155
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:52,240
Thanks.
156
00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:54,080
-[DOOR CLOSES]
-ARTHUR: Hello?!
157
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:55,080
It's Arthur.
I gotta go.
158
00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,580
-Come on, Kirby.
-Bye.
159
00:06:56,620 --> 00:06:57,790
See you later.
160
00:07:00,790 --> 00:07:02,460
It's showtime.
161
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:04,960
Hey, Arthur.
162
00:07:06,210 --> 00:07:07,460
Hello, Douglas.
163
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:08,800
Hey, look,
if you've got a second,
164
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:10,550
you might want to mosey
on into the living room.
165
00:07:10,590 --> 00:07:12,220
-What for?
-'Cause.
166
00:07:12,260 --> 00:07:14,010
I just think there's
somethin' in there
that might interest ya.
167
00:07:14,050 --> 00:07:15,810
Come on.
168
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:22,690
Aah!
169
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:34,990
WOMAN [OVER P.A.]:
Dr. Greenstein, dial 5.
170
00:07:35,030 --> 00:07:36,950
Dr. Greenstein, dial 5.
171
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,410
Hey, I like your costume.
172
00:07:39,450 --> 00:07:41,500
Huh?
173
00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:43,330
IPS driver.
That's hilarious.
174
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,250
Hey, if you really
want to be convincing,
175
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:47,090
make sure your candy gets
to the kids 3 days late.
176
00:07:47,130 --> 00:07:49,260
Ha ha ha! Right.
177
00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:56,180
Doug, how's my dad?
Is everything okay?
178
00:07:56,220 --> 00:07:57,470
Yeah, he's fine.
He's fine, okay?
179
00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:58,970
The doctor's in there now
checking him out.
180
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:02,520
He had what they called,
uh, a heart ischemia.
181
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,350
A heart ischemia?
182
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,270
What the hell is that?
Did he tell you?
183
00:08:06,310 --> 00:08:08,320
Yeah. He said
it's not that serious.
184
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:12,030
It's just when the heart--
and the ischemia part--
185
00:08:12,070 --> 00:08:14,030
ofthe heart--
186
00:08:14,070 --> 00:08:17,910
it doesn't throb
in the traditional--
187
00:08:17,950 --> 00:08:19,200
I don't know.
188
00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:21,960
Would you listen
when the man
talks to you?
189
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,040
Hi. I'm Dr. Davis.
Are you Mr. Spooner's
daughter?
190
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,630
Yes. Is he okay?
Is everything
all right?
191
00:08:26,670 --> 00:08:28,170
Yes. Your father's
stable right now.
192
00:08:28,210 --> 00:08:30,170
His condition
isn't life-threatening,
193
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,420
but we are going to
keep him here to run
some tests tomorrow,
194
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:35,050
just so we can find out
exactly what's going on.
195
00:08:35,090 --> 00:08:37,300
Okay, do you know
what could have
caused this?
196
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,220
Oh, for God's sake,
Carrie, there's no reason
to live in the past.
197
00:08:39,260 --> 00:08:40,970
Whatever happened
happened.
198
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:43,060
Just shut up.
I wanna know.
199
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,440
What could've
caused it?
200
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,060
Probably salt
or somethin', right?
201
00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:48,360
I mean, the man
likes his pickles.
202
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:49,980
Well, these things
are usually brought on
203
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,530
by some sort of shock
to the system.
204
00:08:51,570 --> 00:08:53,240
Actually,
he said his son-in-law
205
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,570
tried to scare him
to death.
206
00:08:55,610 --> 00:08:57,740
Anyhow, he's awake now,
207
00:08:57,780 --> 00:09:00,080
so you can head on in
and say hello.
208
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:01,290
Okay.
209
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,290
Doctors...
210
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:11,300
They think they're God.
211
00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:15,380
What'd you do, Doug?
212
00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:17,140
-Nothing.
-Doug!
213
00:09:17,180 --> 00:09:19,050
I put up a few
Halloween decorations.
That's all.
214
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,430
Your father walked in,
he saw a paper ghost,
and he just dropped!
215
00:09:21,470 --> 00:09:22,560
Oh, my God.
216
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,310
Carrie,
it was apaperghost.
217
00:09:24,350 --> 00:09:26,440
He might as well
have been scared
by an envelope.
218
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:30,070
I asked you
not to push him
on this Halloween thing.
219
00:09:30,110 --> 00:09:32,230
Why couldn't you
just let it go?
220
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,240
Because it's my house, okay?
And he doesn't respect that.
221
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,530
The man doesn't even
rinse his dishes.
222
00:09:36,570 --> 00:09:37,990
Neither do you.
223
00:09:38,030 --> 00:09:39,740
I do.
224
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,280
I did that time.
225
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:43,120
[SCOFFS]
226
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:47,540
Hi, Daddy.
227
00:09:47,580 --> 00:09:49,330
How you doin'?
228
00:09:50,540 --> 00:09:51,630
Been better.
229
00:09:51,670 --> 00:09:53,340
I know.
230
00:09:53,380 --> 00:09:55,010
But you're gonna be fine.
231
00:09:55,050 --> 00:09:56,800
Listen, can you do me
a little favor?
232
00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:58,470
Sure.
233
00:09:58,510 --> 00:10:00,350
Could you go through
my address book
234
00:10:00,390 --> 00:10:02,510
and call all my friends
and my loved ones?
235
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,140
Don't alarm them.
236
00:10:04,180 --> 00:10:07,100
Just bring them
up to speed
on my predicament.
237
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,600
Sure.
238
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:09,690
Anything else?
239
00:10:09,730 --> 00:10:11,400
I'd love a pack
of Sen-Sen
240
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,320
and the latest issue
ofGent.
241
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:18,740
Okay, I don't know what
either of those things are,
242
00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:20,700
but I will do my best.
243
00:10:20,740 --> 00:10:22,330
Okay, get some rest.
244
00:10:22,370 --> 00:10:25,040
I love you.
245
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,410
I'm just gonna talk to him
for a couple secs.
246
00:10:26,450 --> 00:10:28,710
-Be nice!
-I will.
247
00:10:31,420 --> 00:10:33,630
[SIGHS]
248
00:10:38,090 --> 00:10:41,340
All right, Arthur,
I get it--cold shoulder, okay?
249
00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:43,350
Look, I feel bad,
all right?
250
00:10:43,390 --> 00:10:48,060
I'm sorry I made you
have a heart...thing.
251
00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:50,190
I'm sorry.
252
00:10:50,230 --> 00:10:52,560
Arthur,
I'm apologizing to you.
253
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,360
You know?
But you gotta admit,
254
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:57,530
you went a little insane
over some Halloween
decorations and--
255
00:10:57,570 --> 00:10:59,360
All right.
256
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:00,780
You just can't keep
doing things like--
257
00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:02,870
Would you stop?
Could you please stop moving?
258
00:11:02,910 --> 00:11:05,540
Arthur--
All right, forget it!
Okay, forget it.
259
00:11:05,580 --> 00:11:07,540
I tried to talk to you,
but you just won't listen,
260
00:11:07,580 --> 00:11:10,170
so I'm outta here, Okay?
261
00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:11,620
Douglas!
262
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:12,750
Yeah.
263
00:11:12,790 --> 00:11:14,670
Did I ever tell you
about my father?
264
00:11:17,630 --> 00:11:18,670
No.
265
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,720
The man
was a rotten gambler.
266
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:24,390
Oh, sure,
once in a while he'd
stumble on a winner
267
00:11:24,430 --> 00:11:25,850
and toss a nickel
my way.
268
00:11:25,890 --> 00:11:27,640
Before he could
change his mind,
269
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:30,640
I'd run down to
Gabe's Pizzeria
for some lemon ices.
270
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,900
Nothing
ever tasted better.
271
00:11:33,940 --> 00:11:36,320
You ever been to Gabe's?
272
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:37,730
It's a Bronx landmark.
273
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,530
Gabe's Pizzeria?
274
00:11:39,570 --> 00:11:41,240
I--I don't think so.
275
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:42,700
They have a picture
of a chimp
276
00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:44,740
with a big Italian
moustache in the window.
277
00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:47,490
It's hilarious.
Okay.
278
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,160
All right.
279
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:52,460
You do understand
chimps don't usually
have moustaches?
280
00:11:53,790 --> 00:11:55,840
I get the funny.
I just, uh...
281
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,340
Where are you going
with this, Arthur?
282
00:11:58,380 --> 00:12:00,670
Well, as I said,
my father was usually broke.
283
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:05,600
One Halloween when I was 8,
things were especially bad.
284
00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,600
It looked like
we might go hungry.
285
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,520
In those days,
on Halloween,
286
00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:11,600
people would give out
apples and cakes
287
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,650
and, sometimes,
even a penny.
288
00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:19,150
My father made me
go trick-or-treating
till my feet were numb.
289
00:12:20,690 --> 00:12:25,160
I had to change costumes
a few times so I could
repeat houses.
290
00:12:26,740 --> 00:12:28,950
But the neighbors knew.
291
00:12:28,990 --> 00:12:30,660
I tell you, Douglas,
292
00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:33,670
it doesn't feel good
to be pitied.
293
00:12:33,710 --> 00:12:37,420
So you'll forgive me
if I don't share your love
294
00:12:37,460 --> 00:12:40,340
for a holiday
called Halloween.
295
00:12:43,470 --> 00:12:45,180
I'm feelin' a little punk.
296
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,470
Good night.
297
00:13:05,820 --> 00:13:07,490
So you knew that's why
he hated Halloween?
298
00:13:07,530 --> 00:13:09,240
Why didn't you tell me?
299
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,750
It's a horrible story.
I didn't want to
embarrass him.
300
00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:13,410
Nowyou don't want
to embarrass him?
301
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:14,830
Last week you
sent me down there
302
00:13:14,870 --> 00:13:17,670
to apply ointment
to his inflamed...area.
303
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:21,760
This is different.
304
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,550
I didn't think I had to
tell you a tragic story
305
00:13:23,590 --> 00:13:26,220
to keep you from trying
to make his heart stop.
306
00:13:26,260 --> 00:13:29,510
It was a paper ghost.
Here, is this scary
to you? Look!
307
00:13:29,550 --> 00:13:33,350
It's wavin' at ya.
"How-do?"
308
00:13:33,390 --> 00:13:35,480
Okay, well, why doesn't he
"How-do" in the garbage?
309
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:38,520
Now I gotta start
makin' these calls
for my dad.
310
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:39,860
I just...
311
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:42,860
I feel so bad.
I mean, all these years,
312
00:13:42,900 --> 00:13:46,910
I thought Arthur
was being insane
just to annoy me.
313
00:13:46,950 --> 00:13:50,620
I never thought
that things in his life
actually made him that way.
314
00:13:50,660 --> 00:13:52,740
Oh, God, I can't get
that image out of my mind
315
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:56,250
of little Arthur
in his beanie hat running
down to that Gabe's Pizzeria
316
00:13:56,290 --> 00:13:57,960
with a nickel
in his hand.
317
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:01,380
[AS ARTHUR]
"Lemon ices!"
318
00:14:01,420 --> 00:14:03,550
All right,
he sounds like that now.
319
00:14:03,590 --> 00:14:06,470
I don't think he did
when he was 8.
320
00:14:09,010 --> 00:14:10,350
Where are you goin'?
321
00:14:10,390 --> 00:14:11,760
I need some air.
322
00:14:14,310 --> 00:14:17,810
Uh, hello.
Is this Dottie Greco?
323
00:14:17,850 --> 00:14:21,020
Hi. Yeah. I have some
not-so-good news, um,
324
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:23,400
about your friend
Arthur Spooner.
325
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:26,650
Yeah. He's in the hospital
with a minor heart problem.
326
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,320
He's not in any--Huh?
327
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:30,990
Uh, no.
328
00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:32,910
I don't know if he still
has your Redd Foxx album.
329
00:14:32,950 --> 00:14:36,290
But that's not really...
why I was calling.
330
00:14:36,330 --> 00:14:38,790
No, I'm not gonna go
look for it now.
331
00:14:38,830 --> 00:14:41,330
I'm trying to tell you
something that's imp--
332
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:43,500
Hello?
333
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:50,590
Okay, please tell me
that was the right
Gabe's Pizzeria.
334
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:54,060
Nope. The guy said
he's only been
in business since '83.
335
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:56,430
FYI--Danny Aiello's
had a slice there.
336
00:14:56,470 --> 00:14:58,480
All right, so where's
the next Gabe's?
337
00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,060
All right,
the next one is...
338
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,980
"Original Gabe's,
2850 Kingsbridge Road."
339
00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:04,570
There's
an Original Gabe's?
340
00:15:04,610 --> 00:15:05,860
Why the hell didn't
we start with that one?
341
00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:07,400
Because there's
4 Original Gabe's.
342
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,700
Can't we just go
to any of them?
343
00:15:08,740 --> 00:15:10,570
No! I gotta
get him lemon ices
344
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,870
from the same place
he got 'em as a kid!
I owe it to him.
345
00:15:12,910 --> 00:15:15,700
It's the least
I can do for
almost killin' the guy.
346
00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:17,120
A buck's worth
of lemon ices?
347
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:18,830
Actually, that is
the least you can do.
348
00:15:18,870 --> 00:15:21,000
You know what?
You said you'd help,
all right?
349
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:23,130
You don't wanna help,
I'll take you home.
350
00:15:23,170 --> 00:15:25,920
I don't feel like
bein' home right now anyway.
351
00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:28,130
This thing with Kirby's
got me kinda rattled.
352
00:15:28,170 --> 00:15:31,970
I'm afraid
I'll walk in the door
and he'll be wearing a girdle.
353
00:15:32,010 --> 00:15:33,970
Hey, take it easy,
all right?
354
00:15:34,010 --> 00:15:36,060
Just 'cause he wants
to be a girl superhero
doesn't mean he's gay.
355
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:39,680
You know, they say
that most drag queens
are actually straight.
356
00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:43,480
That's supposed to
make me feel better?
357
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:45,900
A little.
358
00:15:45,940 --> 00:15:48,110
Arthur Spooner.
359
00:15:48,150 --> 00:15:52,660
S-P-O-O-N-E-R.
360
00:15:52,700 --> 00:15:54,370
Same name as you!
361
00:15:56,030 --> 00:15:57,120
[DOORBELL RINGS]
362
00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:59,000
Oh, now, come on,
don't say that.
363
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,000
That's not nice at all.
364
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,960
KIDS: Trick or treat!
365
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,840
Oh! What great costumes!
366
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:10,840
Listen, the man might die.
Then how would you feel, huh?
367
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,550
What are you, a witch?
368
00:16:12,590 --> 00:16:13,890
Scary!
369
00:16:13,930 --> 00:16:16,760
Oh, you would too
give a rat's ass!
370
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:21,980
Stuart Little,
right here in my house!
371
00:16:22,020 --> 00:16:23,400
Oh, would you stop your whining!
372
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:24,810
He taught me to swim
the same way,
373
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:27,110
it's called tough love,
you idiot!
374
00:16:27,150 --> 00:16:29,690
Happy Halloween.
Okay, bye-bye.
375
00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:36,160
Was that it?
376
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:39,200
Nope, that was
Gabe's Oriental Massage.
377
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,790
FYI, Danny Aiello's
been there too.
378
00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:47,040
Okay, you know what,
just send
379
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:49,840
your ex-business partner
a freakin' card, okay?
380
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,970
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Get a pen.
381
00:16:52,010 --> 00:16:54,840
Never mind who this is,
get a pen.
382
00:16:56,090 --> 00:16:57,930
ALL: Trick or treat!
383
00:16:57,970 --> 00:16:59,970
I'm gonna need about 15 minutes.
384
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:14,030
I told you
we'd find it.
385
00:17:14,070 --> 00:17:15,490
Feel kinda stupid now,
don't ya?
386
00:17:15,530 --> 00:17:17,620
Actually,
I stopped caring
5 Gabes ago.
387
00:17:17,660 --> 00:17:19,120
Hey, how you doin'?
388
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,450
A pint of lemon ices,
please.
389
00:17:21,490 --> 00:17:22,950
We're closed.
390
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,290
You know what?
We're headed
right back out
391
00:17:24,330 --> 00:17:25,460
as soon
as you hook us up
with some ices.
392
00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:27,960
Lem-eon-eonee-on!
393
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,000
Buddy, do me a favor, huh?
I already Z'd out
the register.
394
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,590
He already Z'd out
the register.
395
00:17:32,630 --> 00:17:34,380
Hey! Okay, would you, please?
396
00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:36,340
Look, here's the deal.
397
00:17:36,380 --> 00:17:39,510
There's an old man who
used to come to this place
when he was a kid,
398
00:17:39,550 --> 00:17:44,230
and eating these lemon ices
was the one bright spot
in his whole rotten childhood.
399
00:17:44,270 --> 00:17:47,980
That man is lying
in a bed right now
in a hospital
400
00:17:48,020 --> 00:17:50,150
with a heart ischemia.
401
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,650
That's right, a heart ischemia.
402
00:17:53,690 --> 00:17:56,200
What do you say,
friend, huh?
403
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:57,450
Come on.
404
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,120
I had a heart ischemia.
405
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,540
It ain't that bad.
406
00:18:04,290 --> 00:18:06,330
I'm beggin' ya.
One cup of ices.
407
00:18:06,370 --> 00:18:09,080
I said no!
Try Pathmark.
408
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,960
Come on. Let's just
go to Pathmark.
409
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,920
I need Sucrets anyway.
I think I'm gettin' sick.
410
00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:16,510
All right.
411
00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:18,970
The dumpster's
all the way down there.
412
00:18:19,010 --> 00:18:20,220
What are you doin'?
413
00:18:20,260 --> 00:18:21,680
I'm gettin'
my father-in-law
some lemon ices.
414
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,060
What the hell
are you doin', man?
That's stealing.
415
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:27,140
Not if I leave him
20 bucks, it's not.
416
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:28,900
Spot me 20?
417
00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:29,980
Fine.
418
00:18:30,020 --> 00:18:31,440
Hurry up, will ya?
419
00:18:34,070 --> 00:18:36,030
Wait a second!
This is pineapple!
420
00:18:36,070 --> 00:18:38,150
So? Get him pineapple.
421
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,120
The man wants lemon!
422
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,120
This is banana!
Damn it, they're all yellow!
423
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,710
-Will you hurry up?
-Well, there it is:
Lemon. There's lemon. Okay.
424
00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:48,670
-Scoop!
-Ooh, it's
a little gooey--
425
00:18:48,710 --> 00:18:51,000
-Scoop!
-Okay!
426
00:18:54,250 --> 00:18:57,630
Hey, could I get a slice
and a Coke, please?
427
00:18:57,670 --> 00:19:01,140
Uh, sorry.
We're closed.
428
00:19:01,180 --> 00:19:03,970
Aw, come on, man.
I just got off my shift.
429
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:08,100
Guy, I already
Z'd out the register.
430
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,610
Okay, fine.
431
00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:26,750
"Coke," you said?
432
00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:27,700
Yeah.
433
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:28,710
Pepsi, Okay?
434
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,620
Sure.
435
00:19:45,180 --> 00:19:47,310
You havin' a good Halloween?
436
00:19:47,350 --> 00:19:48,680
Oh, yeah, sure,
you know.
437
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,140
Got stuck in traffic
comin' home, though.
438
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,360
They're havin' that
big gay pride parade
downtown.
439
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,360
Oh, man,
that's a wild scene,
I gotta tell ya.
440
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,030
My son's gay.
441
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:02,280
Oh, yeah?
442
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:03,450
Yeah, yeah.
443
00:20:03,490 --> 00:20:05,990
-Great kid.
Great kid.
-Hmm...
444
00:20:06,030 --> 00:20:08,200
I love him a lot.
445
00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:10,000
Aw.
446
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:11,120
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
447
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:12,790
OWNER:
Hey! Open the door!
448
00:20:12,830 --> 00:20:15,000
You know what?
We gotta go.
449
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,050
[DOOR OPENS]
450
00:20:23,090 --> 00:20:25,390
[HEART MONITOR BEEPING]
451
00:20:36,690 --> 00:20:38,070
Hey...
452
00:20:38,110 --> 00:20:39,780
I got you somethin'.
453
00:20:39,820 --> 00:20:42,530
I think you're
gonna like it, pal.
454
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,370
[DOOR CLOSES]
455
00:20:52,790 --> 00:20:56,210
Aah!
456
00:21:02,380 --> 00:21:04,090
He's fine.
457
00:21:05,260 --> 00:21:07,180
He had another
slight episode,
458
00:21:07,220 --> 00:21:10,310
but, thankfully,
there was no additional
damage to the heart.
459
00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:12,230
Oh! Thank God.
460
00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:15,190
But it might be a good idea
to stop scaring him.
461
00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:16,860
Mm-hmm.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
462
00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:18,730
Thank you, Doctor.
463
00:21:22,780 --> 00:21:25,740
It was a paper...bag!
464
00:21:36,540 --> 00:21:37,790
So, what do you think?
465
00:21:40,170 --> 00:21:41,550
Delicious, Douglas.
466
00:21:41,590 --> 00:21:42,760
Thank you.
467
00:21:45,010 --> 00:21:48,140
This really takes me back.
468
00:21:50,140 --> 00:21:52,470
[**]
469
00:22:01,230 --> 00:22:03,860
Lemon Ices!
470
00:22:06,910 --> 00:22:10,160
[**]
34051
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