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ARTHUR:Previously on
The King of Queens...
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00:00:05,630 --> 00:00:07,210
I don't feel well.
3
00:00:08,130 --> 00:00:09,300
Well-- what's the matter?
4
00:00:09,340 --> 00:00:11,210
I don't know.
My, my stomach's weird.
5
00:00:14,260 --> 00:00:15,760
[SIGHS]
6
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,850
Carrie, what the hell
is going on?
He won't tell me anything.
7
00:00:17,890 --> 00:00:21,100
Um, I'm pregnant,
and I'm terrified
we're gonna be broke,
8
00:00:21,140 --> 00:00:22,640
and I love you,
and we'll talk at home.
9
00:00:25,770 --> 00:00:28,520
Until the moment he is born...
10
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:30,820
all the burden is on me.
11
00:00:30,860 --> 00:00:34,400
-What do I do?
-You just think
happy thoughts and,
12
00:00:34,450 --> 00:00:36,660
and grow a baby.
That's your only job.
13
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:40,740
Not counting your regular job.
We need that.
14
00:00:48,630 --> 00:00:51,500
Oh, man, that is so great.
Okay, you know, I owe you.
15
00:00:51,550 --> 00:00:54,130
-All right, bye. Yeah!
-What?
16
00:00:54,170 --> 00:00:55,930
Your old hubby
just got a night job
17
00:00:55,970 --> 00:00:57,680
doing what he does best.
18
00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:00,850
I know what you're thinking.
Underwear model.
19
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:06,020
Actually, what I do
second best... driving.
20
00:01:06,060 --> 00:01:08,860
Oh, the Limo thing
came through? Yay!
21
00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:11,820
Yep, five nights a week,
I'm going to be
playing motor host
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00:01:11,860 --> 00:01:14,530
to New York's
glamorous social elite.
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00:01:14,570 --> 00:01:17,950
And probably
some drunk prom kids.
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00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:20,120
Five nights.
Honey, that's so much.
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00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:25,000
Money! Cash! You know what
I'm talking about?
Co-co-cold cash.
26
00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:27,120
-All right.
-I'm telling you, Carr,
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00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:31,090
our kid's gonna have
the best of everything...
best food, best babysitters,
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00:01:31,130 --> 00:01:32,800
solid-gold pacifier.
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00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:34,710
All right. Not sure if it's good
for a kid to suck on gold.
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00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:37,260
Fine. Then lead, whatever.
The point is...
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00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:40,600
we're gonna have the money
to do what we want.
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00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,640
Well, let me at least help out.
How about I do some
overtime work?
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00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,560
No, no, no overtime work.
That counts as burden.
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00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:48,520
You work 40 hours a week max.
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00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:51,060
And even then,
I want a lot of slacking off.
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00:01:51,110 --> 00:01:54,110
You know, they put Solitaire
on the computer for a reason.
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00:01:54,150 --> 00:01:57,990
All right, well, maybe
I'll go on-line, you know,
read up baby-type stuff.
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00:01:58,030 --> 00:02:00,620
Yes. See, there you go.
Now we're vibing, huh?
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00:02:00,660 --> 00:02:03,790
It's gonna be okay, my little...
[GIBBERISH]
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00:02:03,830 --> 00:02:05,950
My little yummy, yummy, yummy...
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00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:09,830
All right, all right.
If that continues, I will
beat you with the blender.
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00:02:09,870 --> 00:02:12,590
Whoa. There are the hormones.
Okay, killer.
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00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:23,260
Sorry about that, kids.
Just trying to shut off
the right circuit breaker.
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00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:24,680
I don't know that
these old bones
45
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,600
can handle
a third electrocution.
46
00:02:27,890 --> 00:02:31,150
He's near our wires.
Why is he near our wires?
47
00:02:31,190 --> 00:02:32,610
Uh, dad, what are you doing?
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00:02:32,650 --> 00:02:34,690
Pitching in.
With the baby coming,
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00:02:34,730 --> 00:02:37,650
I realize the contractor's
too expensive to keep on,
50
00:02:37,690 --> 00:02:39,070
but we still own the materials,
51
00:02:39,110 --> 00:02:42,240
so I figured why not just
finish up the job myself?
52
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:45,910
Um, maybe because
you know absolutely nothing
about construction?
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00:02:45,950 --> 00:02:49,790
Is that so?
Well, for your information,
darling,
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00:02:49,830 --> 00:02:52,750
I spent several months
working as a rivet boy
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00:02:52,790 --> 00:02:54,290
on the Empire State Building.
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00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:56,710
In addition to
doling out hot rivets,
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00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,300
I would also delight
and amuse the workers
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00:02:59,340 --> 00:03:03,390
by dancing a lively jig
during break time.
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00:03:03,430 --> 00:03:06,260
You know what? There's no rivets
or dancing involved here,
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00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:07,720
so give it up, okay?
61
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,810
Don't worry, Douglas,
I'm not on my own here.
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00:03:09,850 --> 00:03:11,640
I have a step-by-step book
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00:03:11,690 --> 00:03:14,190
that will guide me
through the process.
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00:03:14,230 --> 00:03:19,030
Okay, this isHow to Buildan Outdoor Barbecue Pit.
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00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,070
Granted, there'll be
some extrapolating.
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00:03:22,110 --> 00:03:24,910
Dad, please be rational here.
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00:03:24,950 --> 00:03:26,240
You can't do this.
68
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:27,240
Yes, I can.
69
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:28,910
No, you can't.
For God's sakes,
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00:03:28,950 --> 00:03:31,670
you get reduced to tears
when you try to make popcorn.
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00:03:31,710 --> 00:03:34,170
Now come on, just
forget about this now.
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00:03:35,380 --> 00:03:36,750
I'm sorry, darling.
I know you're right.
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00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,710
It's just so hard to accept.
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00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,840
I was so close to
having my own bathroom...
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00:03:42,970 --> 00:03:44,300
I could taste it.
76
00:03:49,140 --> 00:03:53,140
You know what, Arthur?
I'll... I'll finish it up
for you, okay?
77
00:03:53,190 --> 00:03:54,690
Don't be silly, Douglas.
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00:03:54,730 --> 00:03:56,310
You got way too much
on your plate already.
79
00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:57,940
Believe me, I want to.
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00:03:57,980 --> 00:04:00,650
In fact, I'll pick up the toilet
on my way home, okay?
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00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:02,740
God bless you.
82
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:06,200
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
83
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,330
[DOOR OPENS]
84
00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:11,660
What up, little man?
85
00:04:12,830 --> 00:04:14,120
Not much.
86
00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:16,170
Listen, I'm gonna
grab a shower, but, um...
87
00:04:16,210 --> 00:04:19,130
if one of your famous
grilled-cheese sandwiches
met me with a towel,
88
00:04:19,170 --> 00:04:21,260
I wouldn't hate it,
you know what I'm saying?
89
00:04:23,220 --> 00:04:24,380
What's the matter?
90
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:28,890
We need to talk.
Come, sit.
91
00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:31,020
Okay.
92
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,440
Uh... what's up?
93
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:40,320
[SIGHS] I, uh...
oh, this is hard.
94
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,070
Come on.
What is it?
95
00:04:42,110 --> 00:04:45,410
[SIGHS] Okay, I just don't think
this is working out for me.
96
00:04:45,450 --> 00:04:46,910
What isn't?
97
00:04:46,950 --> 00:04:49,830
This, this. This thing
that we're doing.
98
00:04:49,870 --> 00:04:53,370
Bro, I'm just crashing
on your couch
until Kelly lets me back.
99
00:04:54,370 --> 00:04:56,120
Exactly.
And in the meantime,
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00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:58,340
I'm nothing more
than your servant.
101
00:04:58,380 --> 00:04:59,750
I mean, I'm your doormat.
102
00:04:59,790 --> 00:05:00,960
You're Mr. Belvedere.
103
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,210
Is this about the other night?
104
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,010
I, I called to tell you
I wasn't coming home.
105
00:05:04,050 --> 00:05:07,340
I know, and thank you,
but I just...
106
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:11,060
I feel like I've got to get off
this emotional roller coaster.
107
00:05:13,020 --> 00:05:14,100
You want me to move out?
108
00:05:14,140 --> 00:05:15,850
I think it would be best
109
00:05:15,890 --> 00:05:18,440
if you got all of your stuff
out tomorrow,
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00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:22,070
and, and I'll make sure
to be out the whole day.
111
00:05:22,110 --> 00:05:25,530
I only have one suitcase,
and I never even unpacked it.
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00:05:25,570 --> 00:05:27,780
I don't think
you have to be out at all.
113
00:05:27,820 --> 00:05:31,160
Well, I have to be out anyways
because of work.
114
00:05:32,990 --> 00:05:35,160
Well, all right.
115
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,080
Why don't I just get started...
116
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,380
[CHOKED UP] on that
grilled cheese sandwich?
117
00:05:52,260 --> 00:05:53,260
Can I help you?
118
00:05:53,310 --> 00:05:55,100
Uh, yeah, I guess.
119
00:05:55,140 --> 00:05:56,560
I mean, I am pregnant, so--
120
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,900
Pregnant?
Oh, how wonderful!
121
00:05:59,940 --> 00:06:04,280
What a delightful,
wonderful miracle that is.
122
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,780
Oh, I'm just a few weeks along.
123
00:06:06,820 --> 00:06:08,820
I was getting some coffee
on my way home,
124
00:06:08,860 --> 00:06:10,820
and I saw this place
and I thought,
125
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:12,950
why not stick a toe
in the water, right?
126
00:06:12,990 --> 00:06:15,950
Yeah. Well, the first thing
you're gonna want to do
with that toe
127
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,290
is have it talk the other toes
128
00:06:17,330 --> 00:06:20,130
into kicking caffeine
right out of your life.
129
00:06:20,170 --> 00:06:21,420
Oh, no, no.
You don't understand.
130
00:06:21,460 --> 00:06:23,000
My coffee's
the only thing that...
131
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,170
that keeps me from jumping
in front of the "E" train.
132
00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:27,090
[CHUCKLES] I do understand,
133
00:06:27,130 --> 00:06:30,300
but that nasty old caffeine
gets into your tummy
134
00:06:30,340 --> 00:06:32,260
and then up the umbilical cord,
and, well,
135
00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:34,260
the next thing you know,
you've got a hyperactive child
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00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:35,970
who's tugging
on your dress screaming,
137
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:38,140
"Mommy, mommy! Look at me!
Mommy! Mommy! Look! Look!"
138
00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:40,520
Got it. Okay.
No more coffee.
139
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:41,810
-Great.
-Okay.
140
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,440
We've got some great books here
141
00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:45,070
on nutrition
for expectant mothers
142
00:06:45,110 --> 00:06:47,030
that are an absolute must-have.
143
00:06:47,070 --> 00:06:49,490
Now, I assume
you're taking folic acid?
144
00:06:49,530 --> 00:06:52,820
Well, I took some
at a Metallica concert once.
145
00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:54,950
Woke up the next day
in the parking lot
of a Waldbaum's.
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00:06:54,990 --> 00:06:56,580
[LAUGHS]
147
00:06:57,410 --> 00:06:58,960
I'm kidding.
148
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,500
I mean, that did happen, but...
149
00:07:01,540 --> 00:07:04,250
I know that's
not what you meant.
150
00:07:04,290 --> 00:07:08,170
Anyway, I have an appointment
with my OB/GYN next week,
151
00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:10,340
and I'm sure he'll clue me in.
152
00:07:10,380 --> 00:07:12,260
Right, but in the meantime
you want to get
a little checklist going, huh?
153
00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:14,100
See what this cute little
money pit's gonna run ya?
154
00:07:14,140 --> 00:07:15,470
Exactly.
155
00:07:15,510 --> 00:07:17,560
Great. Where should we start?
Changing tables.
156
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,270
Oh, you know what,
actually, um, I don't think
I need one of those.
157
00:07:20,310 --> 00:07:23,150
We have this old berow in attic,
I think I'm just gonna use that.
158
00:07:23,190 --> 00:07:25,190
Does it have a lip on it?
159
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,070
[STUTTERING] I don't know.
Is that important?
160
00:07:29,110 --> 00:07:31,360
Oh, gosh! I don't know,
let's see.
161
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:35,490
Here I am, changing my baby
on the no-lip berow
162
00:07:35,530 --> 00:07:37,990
I saved all $600 on.
163
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:41,540
What's that, the phone?
I better get it. [LAUGHS]
164
00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:44,330
Well, hello there, husband.
165
00:07:44,380 --> 00:07:46,960
No, I'm just changing
little Wynona. We're--
166
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,170
Oh, God! Wynona, no!
167
00:07:49,210 --> 00:07:50,970
[SOBBING] No, no!
168
00:07:51,010 --> 00:07:53,340
What happened?
What happened to little Wynona?
169
00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:56,050
She rolled off the edge
cause there was no lip.
170
00:07:57,220 --> 00:08:01,180
Now she has to go
to special classes.
171
00:08:01,230 --> 00:08:03,980
Got it. Get a changing table.
Okay.
172
00:08:04,020 --> 00:08:07,270
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
173
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,480
So what brings you to Gotham?
174
00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:10,110
You here on business?
175
00:08:11,490 --> 00:08:14,030
-Yes.
-Oh. What do you do?
176
00:08:15,070 --> 00:08:16,530
I run CBS.
177
00:08:16,570 --> 00:08:18,990
Ah, CVS, nice.
178
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:20,500
My wife shops there.
179
00:08:20,540 --> 00:08:22,910
In fact, she just picked up
a couple of 12-packs of Charmin.
180
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,460
Saved a bundle.
181
00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:26,380
Good feeling, though,
when you're all set with T.P.
182
00:08:26,420 --> 00:08:28,000
for a few weeks, am I right?
183
00:08:28,630 --> 00:08:32,050
Not CVS.CBS.
184
00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:34,510
Oh, CBS.
185
00:08:34,550 --> 00:08:36,510
Hey, is that guy
onBeckerreally blind?
186
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:37,930
What's the deal?
187
00:08:38,510 --> 00:08:40,220
Gotcha. No problem.
188
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:43,180
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
189
00:08:43,230 --> 00:08:44,560
-Hello.
-Hi, hon, it's me.
190
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,400
Hey, babe.
How you feeling?
191
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,940
Um, fine.
Well, I threw up this morning,
but that's normal.
192
00:08:48,980 --> 00:08:51,280
Hey, you had fruit loops.
That must have been
quite a show.
193
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:54,030
Okay, well,
I'm at the baby store...
194
00:08:54,070 --> 00:08:55,450
Fantastic.
195
00:08:55,490 --> 00:08:57,320
There's this
great changing table.
196
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,280
I know you don't know
what that is,
but we're gonna need it.
197
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:01,410
[WHISPERING] Tell him it has
a decorative lip.
198
00:09:01,450 --> 00:09:03,080
It has a decorative lip.
199
00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:04,500
Anyway, it's a display model
200
00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:06,000
and we can getit for 1/3 off.
201
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,080
Well, if you think
that it's a good deal--
202
00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:09,750
Hey! What are you doing?
203
00:09:09,790 --> 00:09:11,420
You passed my building.
204
00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:12,760
Uh, oops. Okay.
205
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:14,340
No problem.
I'll just swing around.
206
00:09:14,380 --> 00:09:15,590
Sorry about that.
207
00:09:15,630 --> 00:09:16,970
All right, order it
if you want, okay?
208
00:09:17,010 --> 00:09:19,100
It's fine. I gotta go.
209
00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:20,350
Douglas, got a moment to chat?
210
00:09:20,390 --> 00:09:21,970
Hold-- hold on one sec, okay?
211
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:26,100
-[SHOUTING]
-What did I say?
Heads inside!
212
00:09:26,140 --> 00:09:27,600
What-- what is it, Arthur?
213
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:30,480
I'm a bit concerned
about the lack of progress
214
00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,110
vis-a-vis the toilet.
215
00:09:32,150 --> 00:09:33,440
You know what?
I can't hear you.
216
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:34,610
You're gotta say it again.
217
00:09:34,650 --> 00:09:37,200
The toilet!
The thing I don't have!
218
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:38,450
Hold on one sec.
219
00:09:38,490 --> 00:09:40,660
Pants on!
220
00:09:44,410 --> 00:09:46,540
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
221
00:09:47,830 --> 00:09:49,210
Yeah, hello?
222
00:09:49,250 --> 00:09:50,540
Are you married
to the decorative lip?
223
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,300
No, no, no, no, not at all.
224
00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:54,010
CARRIE:Okay, good, bye.
225
00:09:54,670 --> 00:09:57,130
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
226
00:09:57,840 --> 00:09:59,430
-Yeah?
-You left another
227
00:09:59,470 --> 00:10:00,720
pallet of two day's, man.
228
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:03,260
Crap.
All-- all right, thanks.
229
00:10:05,180 --> 00:10:07,770
-[CELL PHONE RINGING]
-[CHUCKLES]
230
00:10:07,810 --> 00:10:11,020
-What?
-So I guess the toilet is here
231
00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:12,270
and I'm just missing it.
232
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,400
Listen, I said I would get it.
233
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,360
Now, stop calling me,
234
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:19,200
or the toilet
will be your new fedora.
235
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:24,620
Anger.
236
00:10:26,580 --> 00:10:28,330
Young man, wake up.
237
00:10:28,370 --> 00:10:31,500
-[SNORES]
-We can't get out.
The doors are locked.
238
00:10:31,540 --> 00:10:34,090
[KNOCKING] Wake up.
Start the engine.
239
00:10:34,130 --> 00:10:37,220
Oh, Herman, I'm frightened.
240
00:10:45,220 --> 00:10:47,890
Oh, coffee.
241
00:10:47,930 --> 00:10:49,810
Coffee. Need coffee.
242
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:52,060
Oh, sweet wakey juice.
243
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:54,980
Oh, oh, yeah.
244
00:11:01,490 --> 00:11:04,160
Oh, it's cold... [EXHALES]
245
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,950
and decaf.
246
00:11:05,990 --> 00:11:08,000
Okay, that was a miss-miss.
247
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,750
ARTHUR:
Douglas, is that you?
248
00:11:10,790 --> 00:11:12,210
[SIGHS] Yeah.
249
00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:15,000
Would you kindly step down here
for a moment.
250
00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:17,050
[SIGHING]
251
00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:20,630
Yeah, Arthur, what-- oh, God!
252
00:11:21,630 --> 00:11:23,220
Hello, Douglas.
253
00:11:23,260 --> 00:11:27,680
You, uh, you do understand
that's not connected, right?
254
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,640
Yes, but as you can see,
255
00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:32,230
there aren't a great many
seating options
available down here.
256
00:11:32,270 --> 00:11:35,690
Sorry, I've been busy,
but I did bring the toilet in,
right?
257
00:11:35,730 --> 00:11:37,780
Yes, you did, which I'm now
beginning to assume
258
00:11:37,820 --> 00:11:39,190
was just to taunt me.
259
00:11:40,650 --> 00:11:41,910
It wasn't to taunt you.
260
00:11:41,950 --> 00:11:43,660
Well, then can you
hook it up tonight?
261
00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:46,030
I can't tonight.
I gotta drive
Insane Clown Posse
262
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,910
to the VH-1 Awards.
263
00:11:47,950 --> 00:11:50,000
Look, I don't understand
your street jargon,
264
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:51,920
but I do understand
there's a toilet here
265
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:54,830
with no conduit to the ocean.
266
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,670
Arthur, I have a half an hour
before I have to leave for work.
267
00:11:57,710 --> 00:12:00,010
If I don't lie down, I'm gonna
break in a scary way.
268
00:12:00,050 --> 00:12:01,050
CARRIE: Doug, you home?
269
00:12:01,090 --> 00:12:02,680
-Yeah. Coming!
-Wait!
270
00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,180
Where you going?
I'm on the brink of Utopia.
271
00:12:05,220 --> 00:12:06,640
Help me!
272
00:12:08,850 --> 00:12:09,970
DOUG: Where are you?
273
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:11,730
In my office.
Come on up.
274
00:12:14,020 --> 00:12:16,820
Huh? Huh?
What do you think?
275
00:12:16,860 --> 00:12:18,980
What's... what's all this?
276
00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:20,190
Our baby's room.
277
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,860
I want to see how the furniture
would fit,
278
00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:23,990
so I got a bunch of empty boxes
from the supermarket.
279
00:12:24,030 --> 00:12:26,160
Oh! Shamaniqua says
congratulations
280
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,990
and sends a shout-out to ya.
281
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,200
Oh, we got to go, honey.
Come on.
282
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,660
Wait. Wait.
Where we going?
283
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:32,870
My obstetrician appointment.
284
00:12:32,910 --> 00:12:34,620
You said you wanted
to come with me, right?
285
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:36,040
Yeow.
286
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,340
[LAUGHS]
Hey, check it out, honey.
287
00:12:39,380 --> 00:12:40,960
It's like the Zamboni
at the Ranger Game.
288
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,840
-[IMITATES ZAMBONI]
-All right, Doug--
289
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,050
* Dunh-dunh-dunh-dunhdunh dunh *
290
00:12:45,090 --> 00:12:47,100
-Stop it!
-Yeah!
291
00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:48,680
All right.
292
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,180
All right--
293
00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:52,730
Blue,
395. Blue. Blue.
294
00:12:52,770 --> 00:12:54,270
Would you stop it?
Doug--
295
00:12:54,310 --> 00:12:56,860
-Hut!
-Stop it.
296
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:58,980
How much coffee have you had?
297
00:12:59,020 --> 00:13:01,860
Just this one...
and the other two.
298
00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:03,030
All right,
you know what, sweetie?
299
00:13:03,070 --> 00:13:04,700
I love you for bringing me here,
300
00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:06,240
but why don't you
head out to work, okay?
301
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,950
You're making me nervous.
302
00:13:07,990 --> 00:13:09,700
Besides,
you don't want to be late.
303
00:13:09,740 --> 00:13:13,040
No sense in upsetting
an already Insane Clown Posse.
304
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:14,830
All right, sorry for the wait.
305
00:13:14,870 --> 00:13:17,040
Oh, that's okay, Dr. Lindhardt.
This is my husband, Doug.
306
00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:19,090
Doug, hello.
307
00:13:19,130 --> 00:13:20,880
It would seem congratulations
are in order.
308
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:22,340
Well, thanks, and to you.
309
00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:24,880
Took me two whole dates
to get where you're about to go.
310
00:13:25,340 --> 00:13:26,800
I kid. I kid.
311
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,180
Okay, bye-bye, now.
312
00:13:28,220 --> 00:13:30,180
All right, I gotta go.
I'm going. I'm going.
313
00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:32,060
Hey, you guys want
the door open or closed?
314
00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:33,930
Again, I kid. I kid.
315
00:13:35,020 --> 00:13:37,230
-Ah!
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
316
00:13:39,940 --> 00:13:42,070
Oh, keys.
317
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,360
I just forgot--
318
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,240
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
319
00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:53,240
Honey?
320
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:55,290
[DRY GULPS] What happened?
321
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:57,750
Do we have the baby?
322
00:13:59,790 --> 00:14:01,420
No. You passed out.
323
00:14:01,460 --> 00:14:02,750
I did?
324
00:14:03,380 --> 00:14:04,760
Huh.
325
00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:06,720
Oh, well. Gotta go.
326
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,050
-Doug!
-What?
327
00:14:09,090 --> 00:14:10,260
-Where are you going?
-To work.
328
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:11,720
-To work?
-Yeah.
329
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:12,930
You just collapsed!
330
00:14:12,970 --> 00:14:14,850
I didn't collapse.
That was a catnap.
331
00:14:14,890 --> 00:14:16,690
Did me a world of good, too.
I'll see you tonight.
332
00:14:19,730 --> 00:14:20,940
[DOUG COLLAPSES]
333
00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:25,780
Doug? Honey?
334
00:14:25,820 --> 00:14:27,110
What happened?
335
00:14:27,150 --> 00:14:28,990
You passed out again.
336
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,370
Why am I in these?
337
00:14:35,290 --> 00:14:36,910
Well, the doctor thought
it would be better
338
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,920
if you had your feet
elevated this time,
339
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,290
but you know what?
Take 'em down.
340
00:14:40,330 --> 00:14:42,130
It's starting to creep me out
a little bit.
341
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:46,050
All righty, well, once again,
I'll see you tonight, okay?
342
00:14:46,090 --> 00:14:47,300
-Doug!
-What?
343
00:14:47,340 --> 00:14:49,090
Stop leaving.
344
00:14:49,130 --> 00:14:51,050
I have work. I've got to pick up
a car in Astoria.
345
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:53,140
Doug, you are passing out
every third step.
346
00:14:53,180 --> 00:14:55,970
Astoria is
a little ambitious, okay?
347
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:58,890
Now, just tell me
what is going on with you?
348
00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:01,150
I don't know!
349
00:15:01,190 --> 00:15:02,940
Everything's changing, Carrie.
350
00:15:02,980 --> 00:15:05,820
You know, two weeks ago
you were my beautiful,
sexy wife.
351
00:15:05,860 --> 00:15:08,990
Now I walk in here, and you're--
you're not her anymore.
352
00:15:09,030 --> 00:15:12,870
[PANTING]
You're-- you're that...
353
00:15:12,910 --> 00:15:15,120
and I'm Mr. That.
354
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:16,830
[PANTING] You know,
we're sitting out there.
355
00:15:16,870 --> 00:15:18,370
We're filling out forms
"Name of mother?
Name of father?"
356
00:15:18,410 --> 00:15:19,960
I'm not even Doug anymore.
357
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,000
You realize that?
I'm "Name of father."
358
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,420
I thought
you were Mr. That.
359
00:15:24,460 --> 00:15:26,250
Okay, Carrie. Glad you're
having fun with this.
360
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,800
Well, Doug,
what do you want me to say?
361
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,130
Everything's changing, yes.
362
00:15:29,170 --> 00:15:30,800
Why is it all
dawning on you now?
363
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:33,050
Because I never had time
for it to dawn on me before!
364
00:15:33,090 --> 00:15:35,260
I was too busy trying to
shoulder you into a good place.
365
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,140
Well, you made me
give you all the burden.
366
00:15:37,180 --> 00:15:38,980
I know, but because of that,
I never had a moment,
367
00:15:39,020 --> 00:15:40,190
not one moment,
368
00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:42,230
to say, "Holy crap!
What's happening to us?"
369
00:15:42,270 --> 00:15:44,860
You know what?
I'm saying it now.
370
00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:47,400
Holy crap!
What's happening to us?
371
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,490
We're having a baby...
372
00:15:55,410 --> 00:15:56,910
and it's gonna be okay.
373
00:15:56,950 --> 00:15:58,120
Oh, shut up.
374
00:16:01,540 --> 00:16:04,290
I'm serious. It is.
375
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:06,040
Yeah, well.
Why are you so sure now?
376
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,250
Because of you.
377
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,260
-Me?
-Mm-hmm.
378
00:16:12,010 --> 00:16:15,010
Watching you
these last couple of weeks,
379
00:16:15,050 --> 00:16:18,810
and seeing
what you're willing...
to put yourself through
380
00:16:18,850 --> 00:16:20,100
for me, for...
381
00:16:21,430 --> 00:16:22,520
our family...
382
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:28,270
I just realized, you know,
because we have you, we're...
383
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,240
-we're gonna be okay.
-[EXHALES]
384
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,160
I am pretty amazing, huh?
385
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:41,080
Hey, I let you
get me pregnant, right?
386
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,160
Only seven or eight guys
can say that.
387
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:48,840
So you really-- really think
we can pull this off?
388
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:51,090
I do...
389
00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:54,930
but you know what?
You have to...
390
00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:57,010
you have to give me
some of the burden back.
391
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,140
No. No. It's-- I don't--
it's in the car.
392
00:16:59,180 --> 00:17:00,890
-I don't believe it is.
-No. I don't have it.
393
00:17:00,930 --> 00:17:02,390
-I think you have it on you.
-I don't have it on me.
394
00:17:02,430 --> 00:17:04,100
You give it to me!
Give it to me.
Give it to me.
395
00:17:04,140 --> 00:17:05,900
Stop it!
Leave me alone.
396
00:17:05,940 --> 00:17:07,810
Give me the burden.
Give me the burden.
Come on, baby.
397
00:17:11,150 --> 00:17:12,490
I'll come back.
398
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:16,280
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
399
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,450
[DOORBELL RINGS]
400
00:17:18,490 --> 00:17:20,450
Huh. You, uh,
you expecting someone?
401
00:17:20,490 --> 00:17:23,290
No, I canceled both my lovers
when I let you move back in.
402
00:17:23,330 --> 00:17:24,910
[LAUGHS] Good one.
403
00:17:30,170 --> 00:17:32,510
-Oh! Hey, man.
-Hey, Deac. Hey, Kel.
404
00:17:32,550 --> 00:17:33,970
Hey, Spence.
405
00:17:34,010 --> 00:17:36,590
It's a-- it's a little late.
What's up?
406
00:17:36,630 --> 00:17:40,180
Oh, well, you had some T-shirts
in the wash when you left.
407
00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:41,470
I thought you might need 'em.
408
00:17:41,510 --> 00:17:43,390
Um, I'm all out of snuggle,
409
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:46,230
-so those might be a little
rougher than you're used to.
-[LAUGHS]
410
00:17:46,270 --> 00:17:48,100
Thanks, man, you didn't have
to do this, though.
411
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:51,860
Oh, well, I felt kinda bad
with the way we left things.
412
00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:53,530
No, no. Don't be silly, man.
Your kicking me out
413
00:17:53,570 --> 00:17:54,940
was the best thing
that could have happened.
414
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:57,280
Kelly and I are doing great now.
415
00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:58,870
-Are you?
-Yeah.
416
00:17:58,910 --> 00:18:00,950
Well, that's good.
417
00:18:02,580 --> 00:18:04,250
Anything else, or...
418
00:18:04,290 --> 00:18:07,170
Oh... No, I just dropped by
with the T-shirts and a how-do.
419
00:18:07,210 --> 00:18:09,080
All right, well, I guess I'll
catch you at Coopers, all right?
420
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,670
-You got it.
-All right, good night, man.
421
00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:12,050
Goodnight.
422
00:18:23,260 --> 00:18:24,430
DOUG:Carrie!
423
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:26,890
Wife?
424
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,360
Wife! Wifey!
425
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:35,400
[AS JERRY LEWIS] Wifey-lady
person-thingie, hello!
426
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:37,570
Here you are.
Check this out.
427
00:18:37,610 --> 00:18:39,660
It's called a receiving blanket,
428
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:42,530
and apparently,
it's perfect for...
429
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:45,000
swaddling our precious new baby.
430
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,080
Now all we have to do
is learn how to swaddle.
431
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:49,250
[CLEARS THROAT]
432
00:18:50,290 --> 00:18:51,420
What's the matter?
433
00:18:52,380 --> 00:18:53,920
We're not gonna be needing that.
434
00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:56,510
What are you--
435
00:18:56,550 --> 00:18:59,220
I felt weird,
so I went back to the doctor.
436
00:18:59,260 --> 00:19:00,390
I...
437
00:19:02,180 --> 00:19:04,140
I, uh, I lost it.
438
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:19,700
Oh.
439
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,330
[SIGHS]
440
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:29,290
So, are...
441
00:19:30,790 --> 00:19:32,080
are you okay?
442
00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:38,380
It's funny, you know,
the other day at the doctor
443
00:19:38,420 --> 00:19:42,180
we were both in a good place
about this for the first time.
444
00:19:42,220 --> 00:19:45,180
And... and now...
445
00:19:51,270 --> 00:19:52,650
[CRYING]
446
00:20:04,490 --> 00:20:05,990
[HAMMERS]
447
00:20:06,030 --> 00:20:06,990
Oh, that's it, Artie.
448
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,240
The dream has become a reality.
449
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:10,290
Never thought
I'd live to see it.
450
00:20:10,330 --> 00:20:13,290
Thank you, Douglas.
You did a wonderful job.
451
00:20:13,330 --> 00:20:14,790
Yeah. Looks good, right?
452
00:20:14,830 --> 00:20:17,800
And I want to apologize
once again
for the cement incident.
453
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:20,130
Ah, look, hey, we caught it
before anybody ate any.
454
00:20:20,170 --> 00:20:21,720
That's the main thing.
455
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,680
So, uh, how's Carrie doing?
456
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:27,100
She's-- she's doing all right,
you know.
457
00:20:27,140 --> 00:20:29,270
I guess the good thing
that came of all this is
458
00:20:29,310 --> 00:20:30,730
we now know that we really
do want to have a baby,
459
00:20:30,770 --> 00:20:32,310
so we're gonna keep trying.
460
00:20:32,350 --> 00:20:33,520
That's the spirit.
461
00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:35,480
Don't let the bastards
get you down.
462
00:20:41,820 --> 00:20:44,070
I'm not sure
what bastards you mean,
463
00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:46,320
but thank you.
464
00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:48,580
CARRIE: Doug,
everyone's here. Come on!
465
00:20:48,620 --> 00:20:50,330
Hey, we're going
to the movies, Arthur.
466
00:20:50,370 --> 00:20:52,290
-You want to come with us?
-No, thanks, Douglas.
467
00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:54,710
I think I'll stay home tonight.
468
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,460
Think I'll stay home.
469
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,510
Enjoy.
470
00:21:03,550 --> 00:21:07,180
Okay, people, let's go eat
a dangerous amount of milk duds.
471
00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:11,350
Sweetie, you should
have brought a jacket.
472
00:21:11,390 --> 00:21:13,350
You're gonna get cold.
473
00:21:13,390 --> 00:21:14,690
-I'll be all right.
-You always say that,
and you wind up being chilly.
474
00:21:14,730 --> 00:21:16,520
-Honey, I'll be fine.
-All right.
475
00:21:17,730 --> 00:21:21,440
[CLEARS THROAT]
I'll keep the couch free.
476
00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:43,300
[TOILET FLUSHING]
477
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,590
ARTHUR: Now, that's livin'!
478
00:21:53,060 --> 00:21:56,140
[FOLK MUSIC PLAYING]
479
00:22:09,660 --> 00:22:11,700
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
35287
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