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1
00:00:02,790 --> 00:00:04,540
SINGER:
*My eyes are gettin' weary*
2
00:00:04,580 --> 00:00:07,130
*My back is gettin' tight*
3
00:00:07,170 --> 00:00:08,840
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
4
00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:12,220
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
5
00:00:12,260 --> 00:00:17,510
*But I don't care'cause all I want to do*
6
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:22,060
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
7
00:00:22,930 --> 00:00:24,690
*'Cause, baby, all my life*
8
00:00:24,730 --> 00:00:29,230
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
9
00:00:33,740 --> 00:00:35,820
CARRIE: Hey, hon. Good news
about tomorrow.
10
00:00:35,860 --> 00:00:36,820
What's tomorrow?
11
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,450
Tomorrow.
My seminar.
12
00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:41,160
Okay. Gonna need
a little more.
13
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,710
The Tri-State Attorneys'
Seminar I'm coordinating?
14
00:00:43,750 --> 00:00:46,250
The thing I've been pretty
much working on constantly
15
00:00:46,290 --> 00:00:48,130
since Thanksgiving?
16
00:00:48,170 --> 00:00:49,880
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
17
00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:51,340
I remember Thanksgiving.
18
00:00:51,380 --> 00:00:52,380
Doug, come on!
19
00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:53,550
What? What about it?
20
00:00:53,590 --> 00:00:54,840
-Well--
-I like the other chicken
21
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:56,430
-you make better.
-Huh?
22
00:00:56,470 --> 00:00:58,720
I like the other kind.
This has no zip.
23
00:00:58,760 --> 00:00:59,890
Dad,
you have an ulcer.
24
00:00:59,930 --> 00:01:01,600
You're not
allowed zip, okay?
25
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,180
There's Mrs. Dash
in the cabinet. Try that.
26
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:05,520
Thanks for nothin'.
27
00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:07,650
So, what's this good news
you speak of?
28
00:01:07,690 --> 00:01:09,400
Okay, the good news is
29
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:11,320
you can come
to the seminar.
30
00:01:12,860 --> 00:01:14,780
There's a cocktail hour
tomorrow night,
31
00:01:14,820 --> 00:01:17,110
and then a big closing
luncheon on Saturday,
32
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:21,240
and Pruzan said that
I can bring you to both.
33
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,370
Shut up!
That's good news.
34
00:01:23,410 --> 00:01:25,910
-Mrs. Butterworth's?
-Dash. Dash.
35
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,500
It's not in here.
36
00:01:30,250 --> 00:01:32,750
-There you go.
-Oh!
37
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:33,920
So would you please
just come to this thing?
38
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,260
I'm gonna be
running around
39
00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:36,760
dealing with
200 drunk lawyers.
40
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,680
I could use a hug
now and then.
41
00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:39,840
Can't one of them
hug ya?
42
00:01:39,890 --> 00:01:42,510
Ha ha ha. [MUTTERS]
43
00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:43,680
Okay, Doug, you know what?
44
00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:44,930
You can be a real
jerk sometimes.
45
00:01:44,970 --> 00:01:46,480
I am asking you
to be there for me
46
00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:47,770
because I need
the support.
47
00:01:47,810 --> 00:01:49,600
That's what a marriage
is, you know.
48
00:01:49,650 --> 00:01:51,770
You sometimes make
a sacrifice for your partner
49
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,320
because you love them.
50
00:01:54,190 --> 00:01:55,530
Forget it.
51
00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:58,660
Okay, I'm sorry.
Okay, I'll be there.
52
00:01:58,700 --> 00:01:59,820
I want to be. Really.
53
00:01:59,860 --> 00:02:01,870
-Thank you.
-Onion, black pepper,
54
00:02:01,910 --> 00:02:02,950
celery seeds, cumin,
55
00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:04,540
lemon juice powder,
oregano.
56
00:02:04,580 --> 00:02:06,790
You know, we can make
this stuff ourselves.
57
00:02:06,830 --> 00:02:09,500
Or I could just buy it for $1.
58
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:11,840
Must be nice being rich.
59
00:02:13,590 --> 00:02:16,800
[EXCITED CHATTERING]
60
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,430
-What's all this?
-Hey, I just spoke to the guys
61
00:02:20,470 --> 00:02:21,800
over at the Brooklyn depot.
62
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:24,470
They want a mud bowl
rematch. It's on, baby!
63
00:02:24,510 --> 00:02:25,930
-Mud bowl? Is it raining?
-Yeah. It started raining
64
00:02:25,970 --> 00:02:27,430
about a half hour ago.
So unless you're about
65
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:28,810
to get bar mitzvahed,
ditch the tie
66
00:02:28,850 --> 00:02:30,850
and put your sweats on.
Come on.
67
00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:32,400
I can't. I gotta go
meet Carrie in the city
68
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:35,230
at a stupid reception
thing for her job.
69
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,360
What? Can't you just
blow off the reception?
70
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:40,240
Nah. No way.
Carrie will kill me.
71
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:42,320
When she does, let us know
what kind of dress
72
00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:43,830
you want to be buried in.
73
00:02:43,870 --> 00:02:46,540
Funny, man. Funny. Let me tell
you guys something--
74
00:02:46,580 --> 00:02:47,830
in a marriage,
75
00:02:47,870 --> 00:02:49,410
you sometimes
gotta make sacrifices
76
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,540
for your partner
'cause you love them,
77
00:02:51,580 --> 00:02:54,960
and you--and you
support them and--
78
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,960
and what am I,
Alan Alda?
79
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,510
Let's play
some mudball!
80
00:02:58,550 --> 00:03:00,300
-Whoo!
-Yeah!
81
00:03:07,060 --> 00:03:08,520
Carrie?
82
00:03:18,860 --> 00:03:20,650
-Aah!
-Aah!
83
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,860
Arthur!
Arthur, it's me!
84
00:03:23,910 --> 00:03:25,450
Douglas.
I thought you were
85
00:03:25,490 --> 00:03:26,870
at that seminar
with Carrie.
86
00:03:26,910 --> 00:03:28,660
Something came up.
Listen.
87
00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:30,410
I'm gonna
jump in the shower.
88
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,710
When Carrie comes in,
pretend you never saw me
89
00:03:32,750 --> 00:03:35,290
and you definitely
never saw this.
90
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:37,710
Yeah, well, what should
I say? What should I do?
91
00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:41,340
Nothing. Just stay here
and act natural. That's it.
92
00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:42,760
Ah-choo!
93
00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,590
[COUGHS]
94
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,060
-Hi, daddy.
-I'm just reading the newspaper,
95
00:03:50,100 --> 00:03:52,390
that's all!
96
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,940
Okay. Is, uh--
is Doug home?
97
00:03:54,980 --> 00:03:56,900
I have no idea.
I heard some noises.
98
00:03:56,940 --> 00:03:59,070
Must have been some animal
rummaging for food,
99
00:03:59,110 --> 00:04:02,360
perhaps
a heavyset squirrel.
100
00:04:04,660 --> 00:04:06,030
[WATER RUNNING]
101
00:04:06,070 --> 00:04:08,280
well, the shower's running.
I assume that's him.
102
00:04:08,330 --> 00:04:09,580
Your guess
is as good as mine.
103
00:04:09,620 --> 00:04:13,040
Oh, poor baby.
At the last minute,
104
00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:15,460
his boss made him
work late.
105
00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:18,420
Had to make an emergency run
to LaGuardia.
106
00:04:18,460 --> 00:04:20,590
Oh, did he, now?
107
00:04:20,630 --> 00:04:23,050
He probably put in a 15-hour day
and in this weather.
108
00:04:23,090 --> 00:04:26,340
-He's probably exhausted.
-I'm sure he is.
109
00:04:26,390 --> 00:04:27,760
Hey, how'd it go?
110
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:30,520
Ohh. Pruzan
was on my butt
111
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,350
the whole day.
112
00:04:32,390 --> 00:04:33,730
I am so stressed.
113
00:04:33,770 --> 00:04:36,730
Really? Sorry
I couldn't be there.
114
00:04:36,770 --> 00:04:38,610
Well, you had to work late.
What can you do?
115
00:04:38,650 --> 00:04:40,030
Nothin'.
I'm just saying.
116
00:04:40,070 --> 00:04:41,900
I'll tell you, I wish you had
been there, sweetie.
117
00:04:41,940 --> 00:04:45,860
I could have really,
really used some moral support.
118
00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:47,490
You know, what,
I will be there tomorrow
119
00:04:47,530 --> 00:04:49,030
with all the moral support
you can handle.
120
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,700
In fact, you'll have
extra moral support.
121
00:04:50,740 --> 00:04:52,790
You can save that
for next year's seminar.
122
00:04:52,830 --> 00:04:53,960
-Okay?
-Okay.
123
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,710
-Ah-choo!
-Oh, bless you.
124
00:04:55,750 --> 00:04:56,920
Hey, sit, sit, sit.
125
00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,920
I brought you home
some baby knishes.
126
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:00,840
Believe me,
it was not easy
127
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,050
tearing them away
from their mommy.
128
00:05:03,090 --> 00:05:05,800
-Ha ha ha!
-Very emotional.
129
00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,470
Dad, look at this floor.
130
00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:13,060
Did you track in mud
again?
131
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:14,730
I suppose I did.
132
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:17,690
I suppose
133
00:05:17,730 --> 00:05:19,690
I did.
134
00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:31,740
[COUGHS]
135
00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:35,830
Honey, come on.
It's after 9:00.
136
00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:38,500
We have to be
at the banquet room by 10:00.
137
00:05:38,540 --> 00:05:39,790
I'm getting up now.
138
00:05:39,830 --> 00:05:41,380
I laid out
all your clothes
139
00:05:41,420 --> 00:05:44,960
so all you have to do is pour
your hot little body into 'em.
140
00:05:46,590 --> 00:05:48,390
My God,
you look awful.
141
00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:49,840
Are you sick?
142
00:05:49,890 --> 00:05:51,350
No, I'm fine.
143
00:05:51,390 --> 00:05:53,850
Doug,
you're on fire!
144
00:05:53,890 --> 00:05:55,430
And sweaty.
145
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,520
No, I'm fine.
146
00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:57,980
[COUGHS]
147
00:05:58,020 --> 00:05:59,230
oh, honey, come on.
Look at you.
148
00:05:59,270 --> 00:06:02,070
You're not going
anywhere today.
149
00:06:02,110 --> 00:06:03,820
I'm sorry
I got sick, Car.
150
00:06:03,860 --> 00:06:05,110
Hey,
it's not your fault.
151
00:06:05,150 --> 00:06:07,280
You probably caught it
unloading boxes
152
00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:09,320
in the rain last night.
153
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:10,570
Uh-huh.
154
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:11,910
Oh, oh, I gotta go.
155
00:06:11,950 --> 00:06:14,410
Listen, you just
lay there, relax.
156
00:06:14,450 --> 00:06:15,410
Watch some TV,
157
00:06:15,450 --> 00:06:16,540
and I will call you
later
158
00:06:16,580 --> 00:06:17,910
and check up
on you, okay?
159
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,290
I love you, sweetie.
160
00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:27,260
[COUGH]
161
00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:28,430
Carrie asked me
to bring this to you.
162
00:06:28,470 --> 00:06:32,180
I believe it's...
tea, food,
163
00:06:32,220 --> 00:06:34,220
and...medicine.
164
00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:36,270
Oh. Thanks.
165
00:06:36,310 --> 00:06:39,190
She tells me
you're under the weather.
166
00:06:39,230 --> 00:06:42,360
Yeah. If I were you,
I wouldn't get too close.
167
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,860
In fact, that's probably
a good rule in general.
168
00:06:46,150 --> 00:06:47,940
Right-o.
169
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:49,860
Oh, and
if anyone calls,
170
00:06:49,900 --> 00:06:51,870
I'll tell them
you're...
171
00:06:51,910 --> 00:06:53,240
"sick."
172
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,080
-I am sick, Arthur.
-ARTHUR: Of course you are.
173
00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:58,080
Just like you had
to "work" last night.
174
00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:59,290
Oh, come on.
Don't start with me.
175
00:06:59,330 --> 00:07:00,920
I'm not
starting anything.
176
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:02,580
All I know is your wife
needed you last night,
177
00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:04,290
but instead you were out
enjoying yourself,
178
00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:07,920
digging up buried footballs
with your friends.
179
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,220
We were
playing football.
180
00:07:09,260 --> 00:07:10,970
Oh, save your oysters,
Eddie.
181
00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:12,640
I already have enough
of your stink on me.
182
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:16,140
Oh, would you
come off--[COUGHS]
183
00:07:16,180 --> 00:07:18,640
ARTHUR: It's called
covering your mouth.
184
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,310
[COUGH]
185
00:07:20,350 --> 00:07:22,310
-Very mature.
-Oh, come on, Arthur.
186
00:07:22,350 --> 00:07:23,440
Get off your
high horse, huh?
187
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,110
You're not
Mr. Perfect either!
188
00:07:25,150 --> 00:07:28,190
Why? Because I eavesdrop
on an occasional phone call?
189
00:07:28,230 --> 00:07:30,070
Because I sometimes
help myself
190
00:07:30,110 --> 00:07:32,280
to the change
on your night stand?
191
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:33,530
Fine.
I'm not perfect.
192
00:07:33,570 --> 00:07:36,160
But at least
I'm not a liar.
193
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,410
You broke my heart,
Douglas!
194
00:07:39,450 --> 00:07:42,500
Yeah, well, you--
you broke my heart, too!
195
00:07:42,540 --> 00:07:46,290
Okay, your little guilt trip's
not gonna work!
196
00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:49,050
I do lots of stuff
for Carrie, lots of stuff!
197
00:07:49,090 --> 00:07:50,630
ARTHUR: Tell that
to your conscience!
198
00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:53,130
My conscience is fine,
so shutty!
199
00:07:53,180 --> 00:07:55,050
ARTHUR: No! You shutty!
200
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,180
DOUG: You shutty!
201
00:07:57,220 --> 00:08:00,180
[COUGHING]
202
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:04,520
[PEOPLE CHATTERING ON TV]
203
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,490
WOMAN [OVER TV]:I havesomething to say about that...
204
00:08:15,740 --> 00:08:19,290
[THE HONEYMOONERS THEME PLAYING]
205
00:08:25,250 --> 00:08:27,210
MAN [OVER TV]:Jackie Gleason...
206
00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:31,210
the Honeymooners.
207
00:08:32,550 --> 00:08:36,090
[APPLAUSE]
208
00:08:41,470 --> 00:08:44,480
Hey, Deacon!
Come on down, pal!
209
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:52,440
Hey, Dougie boy!
210
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:55,110
[APPLAUSE]
211
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,620
well, my friend, I think
congratulations are in order.
212
00:08:57,660 --> 00:09:00,580
Why? The bus company startin'
to pay ya by the pound?
213
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:01,950
Ha ha ha!
214
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,000
Oh, you're funny, pal.
You are funny.
215
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,500
I don't know why you're wastin'
your time down at the sewer,
216
00:09:06,540 --> 00:09:08,420
'cause you should be on stage
somewhere,
217
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:10,630
'cause you are a riot.
218
00:09:10,670 --> 00:09:13,470
So, uh...what am I
congratulating you for?
219
00:09:13,510 --> 00:09:14,760
For being a genius.
220
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:16,760
I told Carrie we got
an emergency meeting
221
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,260
down at the Raccoon
Lodge tonight,
222
00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:20,260
so now I'm free
to go bowlin'.
223
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,970
Mmm...I'm good!
224
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:25,270
I gotta hand it
to ya, Doug.
225
00:09:25,310 --> 00:09:26,560
I could never lie
to Kelly.
226
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,610
No, she'd smell it
on me a mile away.
227
00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:32,150
That's the difference
between you and I, Deac.
228
00:09:32,190 --> 00:09:35,610
Unlike you, I am not a-scared
of my wife.
229
00:09:35,650 --> 00:09:37,700
I am the king
of my castle.
230
00:09:37,740 --> 00:09:39,070
The king!
231
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,200
She is just
a mere peasant!
232
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:42,660
Now, help me
think of a way
233
00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:45,500
to sneak out
my bowling shoes after supper.
234
00:09:49,460 --> 00:09:50,630
Hey!
235
00:09:50,670 --> 00:09:52,590
Why don't we use
this here and, uh...
236
00:09:52,630 --> 00:09:54,130
wrap 'em up
like a gift?
237
00:09:54,170 --> 00:09:56,680
That's usin'
your noodle, pal. Here ya go.
238
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,590
There. Put 'em in there.
How's that look?
239
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,470
I don't know. It, uh...
kinda needs something.
240
00:10:02,510 --> 00:10:03,640
What do you mean?
241
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:05,680
You got a nice ribbon
or something?
242
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:09,480
Good idea. A ribbon.
Here we go. Okay.
243
00:10:10,730 --> 00:10:12,360
There you go, pal.
244
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,030
Just wrap it up,
and hurry up.
245
00:10:14,070 --> 00:10:15,490
Carrie'll be home
any minute.
246
00:10:15,530 --> 00:10:17,360
Right-o.
247
00:10:29,210 --> 00:10:31,170
Will you come on?!
248
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,630
There it is.
It's all done.
249
00:10:40,550 --> 00:10:42,850
[APPLAUSE]
250
00:10:42,890 --> 00:10:44,760
Hiya, Doug.
Hello, Deac.
251
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:45,850
Well, hi, sweetheart.
252
00:10:45,890 --> 00:10:47,480
Whaddaya say there,
Carrie?
253
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,560
Doug, what time is
your lodge meeting tonight?
254
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,480
I told you, 8:00.
255
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,480
Really? Because I just
ran into the high exalted
256
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,480
mystic ruler's wife
at the beauty parlor,
257
00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:58,700
and she told me he's
out of town till Tuesday.
258
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:03,160
Homina, homina,
homina, homina...
259
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:04,530
well, of course he is.
260
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:06,240
That's why we're meetin'--
to plan
261
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:08,330
his surprise
birthday party.
262
00:11:08,370 --> 00:11:11,170
Oh! Is that
what this is for?
263
00:11:11,210 --> 00:11:12,380
Uh...
264
00:11:12,420 --> 00:11:15,210
no, no, it's something
I got for Kelly.
265
00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:18,300
Oh, well, that's sweet.
What'd you get her?
266
00:11:18,340 --> 00:11:19,760
Bowling shoes.
267
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,720
New bowling shoes.
Well, that's swell.
268
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:24,800
Well, I'm gonna
get cleaned up for supper.
269
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,100
All right.
All right, sweetheart.
270
00:11:27,140 --> 00:11:29,480
You take
your time now, okay?
271
00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:30,810
Bowling shoes?
272
00:11:30,850 --> 00:11:32,150
That's what you come up
with, bowling shoes?
273
00:11:32,190 --> 00:11:33,360
I--I got kinda nervous,
274
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,770
you know, bein' around
a king. Ha ha.
275
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:38,110
Get out. Get out!
276
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:44,280
[THE HONEYMOONERS THEME PLAYING]
277
00:11:50,290 --> 00:11:51,620
[CHANNEL CHANGES]
278
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:56,800
PAT SAJAK:
Okay, Arthur, 450.
279
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,380
Okay, uh...
I'd like a 4.
280
00:11:59,420 --> 00:12:01,510
We only take letters.
281
00:12:01,550 --> 00:12:02,930
Is there an "H"?
282
00:12:02,970 --> 00:12:06,300
Yeah, "H", "H" was called.
In fact, you called it.
283
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,180
-[BUZZER]
-Aah! Ga--
284
00:12:09,220 --> 00:12:11,480
Sorry, Arthur. Time's up.
Carrie, it's your turn.
285
00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:15,270
Big money, big money,
big money!
286
00:12:15,310 --> 00:12:16,860
And...600.
287
00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:18,190
Uh, actually, Pat,
288
00:12:18,230 --> 00:12:20,360
I would like
to solve the puzzle.
289
00:12:21,190 --> 00:12:24,410
Noooo!
290
00:12:24,450 --> 00:12:26,700
Pat! He's touching
the letters!
291
00:12:26,740 --> 00:12:28,700
He's touching
them!
292
00:12:28,740 --> 00:12:30,500
Make him stop!
293
00:12:30,540 --> 00:12:32,290
Wait a second.
294
00:12:32,330 --> 00:12:34,330
Did he lie to me?
295
00:12:34,370 --> 00:12:35,630
No lie--I didn't li--
296
00:12:35,670 --> 00:12:38,290
[PEOPLE CHATTERING ON TV]
297
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:51,310
-You're a liar!-Ouch!
298
00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:52,730
You're a louse.
299
00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:56,520
You're a stinker!
300
00:12:57,900 --> 00:12:58,860
But... but...
301
00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:00,440
Don't you "but" me.
302
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:02,440
Oh, boy.
303
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,490
[BIRDS CHIRP]
304
00:13:04,530 --> 00:13:06,320
I told you so.
305
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:08,370
Shutty.
306
00:13:08,410 --> 00:13:10,200
Not going so good.
307
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,250
[COUGHING]
308
00:13:34,270 --> 00:13:36,350
Hey, bro.
How you feelin'?
309
00:13:36,390 --> 00:13:38,400
Oh, man,
like old gum.
310
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:39,690
I brought
your paycheck.
311
00:13:39,730 --> 00:13:41,780
Oh, thanks a lot, guy.
312
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:43,740
So, uh...Carrie
believe your lie
313
00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:45,780
-about workin' late?
-It wasn't a lie, man.
314
00:13:45,820 --> 00:13:46,990
It was an excuse, okay?
315
00:13:47,030 --> 00:13:48,110
Besides, you guys
pressured me into it!
316
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,620
I had my tie on!
317
00:13:49,660 --> 00:13:50,910
Chill, alright?
318
00:13:50,950 --> 00:13:53,910
I'm on your side,
player. Jeez!
319
00:13:53,950 --> 00:13:55,370
[BRIAN'S SONG THEME PLAYING]
320
00:13:55,410 --> 00:13:57,370
Hey, hey,
check this out.
321
00:13:57,420 --> 00:14:00,090
-Brian's song.
-DOUG: Oh, cool.
322
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:02,130
-You wanna stay and watch?
-Nah.
323
00:14:02,170 --> 00:14:03,300
I'm supposed to be working
right now.
324
00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:06,880
All right.
Later, guy.
325
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:10,260
[BRIAN'S SONG THEME PLAYING]
326
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:14,640
Hey, Black Magic.
327
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:22,020
How you doin', Heff?
328
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:24,400
It's, uh...
329
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:26,150
fourth and 8,
330
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:28,950
and...
331
00:14:28,990 --> 00:14:30,820
they won't
let me punt.
332
00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:33,080
Go for it, then.
333
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,330
I'm tryin'.
334
00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:39,210
Jesus...God...
335
00:14:39,250 --> 00:14:42,040
I'm...tryin'.
336
00:14:52,510 --> 00:14:54,760
I brought
your paycheck.
337
00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:57,730
Thanks... Magic.
338
00:14:57,770 --> 00:14:59,440
Where do you want me
to put it?
339
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,860
Over there...
340
00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:04,690
by the deposit
slips.
341
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:07,320
I'm sorry. What?
342
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:10,780
[MUMBLES]
343
00:15:10,820 --> 00:15:14,830
Uh...
Guy, can you speak up a little?
344
00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:17,120
[MUMBLES]
345
00:15:24,380 --> 00:15:25,800
[GROANS]
346
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,470
That's good.
347
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:44,020
I love Doug Heffernan.
348
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:49,440
And I'd like all of you
to love him too.
349
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:52,780
So tonight,
when you hit your knees...
350
00:15:57,410 --> 00:15:59,410
please ask Carrie to love him.
351
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:17,970
[THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS
THEME PLAYING]
352
00:16:37,490 --> 00:16:39,490
I understand you've done
some impressive work
353
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:41,410
for Brash and Sassy.
354
00:16:41,450 --> 00:16:42,870
Thank you. But I'm sure
355
00:16:42,910 --> 00:16:45,130
you didn't call me here to
tell me that.
356
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:47,090
No, that's correct.
357
00:16:48,290 --> 00:16:49,880
Then what do you want?
358
00:16:51,630 --> 00:16:54,430
I want the formula
for the anti-aging cream.
359
00:16:54,470 --> 00:16:57,010
Well, well, well.
360
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,140
NIKKI: If it isn't
my old friend
361
00:16:59,180 --> 00:17:01,430
Arthur Spooner.
362
00:17:01,470 --> 00:17:03,440
Nikki Newman.
363
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,400
We meet again.
364
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:07,270
So sorry to eavesdrop,
365
00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:08,440
but I thought
you should know
366
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:10,400
that brash and sassy
doesn't have
367
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,150
an anti-aging cream.
368
00:17:12,190 --> 00:17:14,110
That cream is my baby,
369
00:17:14,150 --> 00:17:16,280
and it's
the exclusive property
370
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,580
of Jabot cosmetics.
371
00:17:24,290 --> 00:17:27,000
It feels so good
to hold you.
372
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,040
I miss you, Jack.
373
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:31,130
I can't believe
you have a little person
374
00:17:31,170 --> 00:17:33,090
growing inside of you,
375
00:17:33,130 --> 00:17:34,590
a little us.
376
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,300
So...
377
00:17:37,340 --> 00:17:38,970
what about Doug?
378
00:17:39,010 --> 00:17:40,640
Oh, the hell with Doug.
379
00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:43,020
He doesn't love me
like you do.
380
00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:45,310
And he lied to me.
381
00:17:45,350 --> 00:17:47,060
He lied to me!
382
00:17:48,230 --> 00:17:49,360
Bastard.
383
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,570
Oh...it's all right.
384
00:17:51,610 --> 00:17:53,400
It's all right.
385
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,070
It's you I love, Jack.
386
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,860
And I love you.
387
00:18:13,420 --> 00:18:15,340
No!
388
00:18:15,380 --> 00:18:17,010
Douglas, are you okay?
389
00:18:17,050 --> 00:18:19,220
I heard someone
screaming like a bitch.
390
00:18:20,430 --> 00:18:21,470
Ohhh.
391
00:18:21,510 --> 00:18:23,310
I gotta--
I gotta talk to Carrie.
392
00:18:23,350 --> 00:18:25,480
I gotta tell her I lied.
You were right, Arthur.
393
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,690
Of course I was right.
Now, go to her, son.
394
00:18:27,730 --> 00:18:29,150
Tell her you're sorry.
395
00:18:29,190 --> 00:18:31,190
Tell her
what she means to you!
396
00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:32,900
Go!
397
00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:35,490
-Go!
-Can I put my pants on?!
398
00:18:40,070 --> 00:18:41,620
CARRIE: Uh, excuse me, folks,
399
00:18:41,660 --> 00:18:45,540
if I can get you all to skooch
on into the ballroom.
400
00:18:45,580 --> 00:18:48,500
Uh, people, key note address
about to begin.
401
00:18:48,540 --> 00:18:50,380
Legal ethics in the new century.
402
00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:52,500
That shouldn't take too long,
huh?
403
00:18:52,540 --> 00:18:54,550
OK, come on, guys.
404
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:56,460
Doug!
405
00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:57,970
What are you
doing here?
406
00:18:58,010 --> 00:18:59,680
I had to talk to you.
It's important.
407
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,590
-Is everything okay?
-Yeah. It's just that I gotta--
408
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,100
Honey, you
are still boiling.
409
00:19:04,140 --> 00:19:05,560
Go home.
We can talk tonight.
410
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,680
No, I have to talk
to you now.
411
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:09,270
-Okay. All right.
-Let me--
412
00:19:09,310 --> 00:19:10,650
let me just go herd them
into their pen,
413
00:19:10,690 --> 00:19:12,110
and I'll be right back.
Just wait at the bar.
414
00:19:12,150 --> 00:19:13,360
Go ahead.
415
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:16,650
[PEOPLE CHATTERING ON TV]
416
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:24,660
MAN [OVER TV]:
And now we continue
417
00:19:24,700 --> 00:19:28,160
with our weekend-longhoneymooners marathon
418
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:31,460
[MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]
419
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:36,380
MAN [OVER TV]Jackie Gleason.
420
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,430
The Honeymooners.
421
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:42,180
So I lied to you,Carrie.
422
00:19:42,220 --> 00:19:45,390
The whole thing wasone big stinkin' whopper.
423
00:19:48,060 --> 00:19:50,730
Well, ain't you
gonna say nuttin'?
424
00:19:50,770 --> 00:19:53,020
Well, Doug, it's great
that you finally confessed.
425
00:19:53,060 --> 00:19:55,610
Just great. That explains
where you were last night,
426
00:19:55,650 --> 00:19:57,280
out having a ball
with your chums,
427
00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,320
but it doesn't explain something
much more important,
428
00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,360
why you didn't even think
enough of me to tell me
429
00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:03,620
the truth.
430
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:06,280
I wish you had
an explanation for that.
431
00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:09,500
Oh, how I wish you had
an explanation for that.
432
00:20:32,060 --> 00:20:34,150
I have got
an explanation for it.
433
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,480
I'm a mope.
434
00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:39,360
But I love ya,
sweetheart.
435
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:40,780
Honest I do.
436
00:20:41,860 --> 00:20:43,410
Aw, Doug!
437
00:20:43,450 --> 00:20:45,740
Baby,
you're the greatest.
438
00:20:45,780 --> 00:20:48,450
[THE HONEYMOONERS THEME PLAYS]
439
00:20:48,490 --> 00:20:51,250
Huh? What--oh, I must've--
440
00:20:51,290 --> 00:20:53,290
-I must've fell asleep.
-So what's so important?
441
00:20:53,330 --> 00:20:55,380
Why'd you come
all the way down here?
442
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:58,590
Well, because...
I need to tell you something.
443
00:20:58,630 --> 00:21:00,760
I...
444
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,260
I didn't have to
work late last night.
445
00:21:03,300 --> 00:21:05,390
I--I lied
and I told you I did
446
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,680
just so I could play
mud football.
447
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:11,060
I know you needed me here,
and I really let you down.
448
00:21:11,850 --> 00:21:14,270
I'm a mope.
449
00:21:14,310 --> 00:21:15,770
But I love you,
sweetheart.
450
00:21:15,810 --> 00:21:17,150
Honest.
451
00:21:17,190 --> 00:21:18,610
I do.
452
00:21:18,650 --> 00:21:20,440
You lied to me?
453
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,780
You make me sick.
454
00:21:27,490 --> 00:21:29,120
You're the greatest.
455
00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:34,660
NARRATOR:
Doug Heffernan lied
456
00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:36,210
at the age of 35.
457
00:21:36,250 --> 00:21:38,750
He betrayed not onlyhis father-in-law,
458
00:21:38,790 --> 00:21:39,880
but more importantly,
459
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:41,460
the woman he loves.
460
00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:42,760
But when they think of him,
461
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,670
it's not how he playedmud football
462
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:45,930
that they remember,
463
00:21:45,970 --> 00:21:47,890
but rather how he lied,
464
00:21:47,930 --> 00:21:49,930
how he did lie.
465
00:21:49,970 --> 00:21:53,480
[BRIAN'S SONG THEME PLAYING]
466
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:10,160
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
32013
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