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1
00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:05,710
[**]
2
00:00:21,220 --> 00:00:23,350
Ah, there he is.
There's my boy.
3
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:26,440
Morning, Arthur.
Want some pancakes?
4
00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:27,690
No, no, no.
5
00:00:27,730 --> 00:00:30,320
I just want to sit here
and drink you in.
6
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:33,450
All right.
7
00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:48,380
Arthur--
Don't mind me. Eat, eat.
8
00:00:48,420 --> 00:00:50,590
I can't eat
when you're drinking me.
9
00:00:50,630 --> 00:00:53,800
I'm sorry, I'm just
so damn proud of you.
10
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:55,260
A working Joe on strike
11
00:00:55,300 --> 00:00:58,050
bringing the capitalist
bosses to their knees.
12
00:00:58,090 --> 00:00:59,850
I admire you
so much right now
13
00:00:59,890 --> 00:01:02,100
it's actually
bordering on lust.
14
00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:07,100
OK, I guess I'll be sleeping
with one eye open tonight.
15
00:01:10,860 --> 00:01:13,280
Hiya, boys. Whoa!
16
00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:15,990
What are we
serving up here?
17
00:01:16,030 --> 00:01:17,530
What we're serving,
my lady,
18
00:01:17,570 --> 00:01:19,530
is a pretty close replica
of IHOP's famous
19
00:01:19,570 --> 00:01:22,950
Rooty Tooty
Fresh and Fruity
Pancakes,
20
00:01:22,990 --> 00:01:25,080
which I made
especially for you
21
00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:27,080
and me.
22
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:31,000
Ah, that's very sweet, honey,
but I'm really not that hungry.
23
00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,170
How dare you talk
to this man like that!
24
00:01:33,210 --> 00:01:35,590
Why can't you just smile
and say, "Thank you, sir,
25
00:01:35,630 --> 00:01:39,090
"those are the best Rooty Tooty
Fresh and Fruity Pancakes
26
00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:40,600
I've ever had"?
27
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,640
Well, for one,
it's a little wordy.
28
00:01:45,770 --> 00:01:47,890
She doesn't deserve you.
29
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,610
Oh, I gotta
get to work.
30
00:01:50,650 --> 00:01:51,650
You go, girl.
31
00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:53,230
Heh! So, what are you
gonna do today?
32
00:01:53,270 --> 00:01:56,400
Well, let's see,
I got my mah-jongg
at 11:00.
33
00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:58,240
And of course,
I've got my stories.
34
00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:00,700
Doug, come on.
I'm serious.
35
00:02:00,740 --> 00:02:01,740
You gonna be OK?
36
00:02:01,780 --> 00:02:04,080
Huh! Yeah!
Why wouldn't
I be OK?
37
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,370
Well, you know,
not--
38
00:02:05,410 --> 00:02:07,210
Not being able to go
to work for so long
39
00:02:07,250 --> 00:02:08,580
is bound to,
you know,
40
00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:10,040
put you a little
off your game.
41
00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:11,500
Excuse me.
Way on my game!
42
00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:13,290
I've got a lot of things
to do today, Carrie.
43
00:02:13,340 --> 00:02:15,050
Yeah? Like what?
44
00:02:15,090 --> 00:02:17,380
Household repairs.
45
00:02:17,420 --> 00:02:18,680
Like this knob,
for instance.
46
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,140
Remember, you, uh,
you said it was loose.
47
00:02:21,180 --> 00:02:22,510
I did?
48
00:02:22,550 --> 00:02:24,600
Oh! When we were
first looking
at the house.
49
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:26,390
Right, yeah.
50
00:02:26,430 --> 00:02:27,640
Well, today
it happens--
51
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,140
that and a lot more
other stuff--
52
00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:30,400
so you just run along,
all right?
53
00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:31,810
All right, I'll see ya.
54
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:34,980
All right, giddyap!
Watcha!
55
00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:36,860
Go!
56
00:02:44,910 --> 00:02:46,750
[WHIRRING]
57
00:02:48,620 --> 00:02:50,210
[WHIRS]
58
00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:07,350
* My eyesare gettin' weary *
59
00:03:07,390 --> 00:03:09,890
* My back is gettin' tight *
60
00:03:09,930 --> 00:03:11,770
* I'm sittin' herein traffic *
61
00:03:11,810 --> 00:03:14,690
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight *
62
00:03:14,730 --> 00:03:20,400
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do *
63
00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:24,410
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you *
64
00:03:25,870 --> 00:03:27,580
* 'Cause, baby,all my life *
65
00:03:27,620 --> 00:03:31,410
* I will be drivin' hometo you *
66
00:03:40,380 --> 00:03:42,050
WOMAN [ON TV]:You know,I have never been very good
67
00:03:42,090 --> 00:03:44,590
at beinga solitary woman.
68
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:47,100
Until recently,my entire existence
69
00:03:47,140 --> 00:03:50,770
was defined by the manin my life.
70
00:03:50,810 --> 00:03:54,190
And when I wantedto bring more...
71
00:03:54,230 --> 00:03:55,520
[DOORBELL RINGS]
72
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:57,110
...into our relationshipby having another baby,
73
00:03:57,150 --> 00:04:00,780
and so thatdrove us apart--
74
00:04:00,820 --> 00:04:03,150
[DOORBELL RINGS]
75
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:11,200
Mr. Heffernan?
76
00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:12,370
That's me. Heh heh!
77
00:04:12,410 --> 00:04:13,670
Actually,
I work at IPS.
78
00:04:13,710 --> 00:04:15,000
We're on strike
at the moment,
79
00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:17,290
but I'm sure you
heard about that.
80
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,710
Right.
81
00:04:19,750 --> 00:04:20,880
Sign here, please.
82
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:24,470
Whoa! 560
Dicad Board. Sweet!
83
00:04:24,510 --> 00:04:25,970
I'm still
working off a 520.
84
00:04:26,010 --> 00:04:27,430
Can you
believe that?
85
00:04:27,470 --> 00:04:28,510
This baby must be
86
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:29,970
like greased
lightning, huh?
87
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,140
Could you just
sign it, please?
88
00:04:32,180 --> 00:04:34,480
Oh, yeah.
89
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,150
Let me give you
some advice.
90
00:04:37,190 --> 00:04:37,980
Cherish every moment
91
00:04:38,020 --> 00:04:39,520
you have
on that truck.
92
00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:40,820
'Cause believe me,
93
00:04:40,860 --> 00:04:44,150
it can all just
go away like that.
94
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,610
Guy, I got a lot
of deliveries.
95
00:04:46,660 --> 00:04:48,370
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.
96
00:04:52,540 --> 00:04:54,710
[TRUCK STARTS UP]
97
00:04:55,710 --> 00:04:59,290
[TRUCK DEPARTS]
98
00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:05,930
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
99
00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:10,970
Mr. Grossman's
office.
100
00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:14,930
MAN:Did you findthe book you wanted?
101
00:05:14,980 --> 00:05:17,270
What? Who--
Who is this?
102
00:05:17,310 --> 00:05:19,480
Look to your left.
103
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,570
Actually,
y-your right.
104
00:05:21,610 --> 00:05:22,860
Surprise!
105
00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:25,200
Hey, what are you
doing here?
106
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:26,950
Nothing. Just thought
I'd, uh, you know,
107
00:05:26,990 --> 00:05:28,530
come down, see what
you're doing for lunch.
108
00:05:28,570 --> 00:05:30,580
It's 10 a.m.
109
00:05:30,620 --> 00:05:32,120
Yeah. When they say,
"express train,"
110
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:33,870
they--they really
mean it. Heh!
111
00:05:33,910 --> 00:05:35,790
But, uh,
how about brunch?
112
00:05:35,830 --> 00:05:37,420
Oh, honey,
I would love to,
113
00:05:37,460 --> 00:05:38,580
but I have
all this extra work
114
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:39,880
I have to do
for Pruzan.
115
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:41,500
All right,
well, then, uh--
116
00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:43,880
Say hello to my heinie,
'cause I'm out of here!
117
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,720
No, no, no, no.
Honey, maybe I can, uh,
118
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:46,970
sneak away for
a quick cup of coffee.
119
00:05:47,010 --> 00:05:48,180
No. No, no, no.
Hey, look, you're busy.
120
00:05:48,220 --> 00:05:49,890
That's cool.
You do your thang,
121
00:05:49,930 --> 00:05:52,060
'cause it'll give me
a chance to do my thangs.
122
00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:55,100
Heh. All right, bye then!
A-are you sure,
honey, it's OK?
123
00:05:55,140 --> 00:05:58,980
I'm positive.
It's all good! Grr!
124
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:24,170
Hey!
Whoa!
125
00:06:24,210 --> 00:06:26,800
Doug?! What are you
doing back here?
126
00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:28,430
Look what I have.
127
00:06:28,470 --> 00:06:31,890
You came back here
to show me
a Pinkie Ball?
128
00:06:31,930 --> 00:06:34,220
And have a catch.
Come on!
129
00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:36,470
Doug, would you--
What the hell
are you doing?
130
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:38,730
Nothing! I just
thought I'd break up
a very busy day
131
00:06:38,770 --> 00:06:41,730
by visiting my wife.
Excuse me for living!
132
00:06:41,770 --> 00:06:43,150
Come here for a sec.
133
00:06:43,190 --> 00:06:45,610
Where we going?
What, we going
to the park?
134
00:06:45,650 --> 00:06:47,440
No, not the park.
135
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:50,950
Doug, you don't have
to put this act on for me.
136
00:06:50,990 --> 00:06:52,240
Act? What act?
137
00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:54,200
This whole
"I'm so happy" act.
138
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,120
Look, you've been
out of work for
a couple of weeks.
139
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:59,830
It-It's--It's normal
for you to feel
a little lost...
140
00:06:59,870 --> 00:07:01,620
powerless...
141
00:07:01,670 --> 00:07:03,460
a little
emasculated.
142
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,050
What are you
talking about?
143
00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:07,170
Well, all right.
Uh, for instance,
144
00:07:07,210 --> 00:07:08,920
what happened
last night? Ahem.
145
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,630
What happened
last night?
146
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,970
When you couldn't...
147
00:07:13,010 --> 00:07:14,720
When I couldn't...
148
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:18,930
Oh! No, I wasn't trying
todoanything!
149
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:22,440
I--I was climbing
over you for a tissue.
150
00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,860
[LAUGHING] You thought
I was--Oh, my--
151
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:27,030
That's funny!
That's funny!
152
00:07:27,070 --> 00:07:30,320
OK, look.
You don't have
to overcompensate.
153
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:32,110
Just talk to me.
154
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,320
I'm not overcompensating,
you know.
155
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,160
I'm compensating
just the right amount!
156
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:36,490
You know,
I came down here
157
00:07:36,530 --> 00:07:37,620
for a catch,
a simple catch.
158
00:07:37,660 --> 00:07:38,950
Apparently,
there's no catch.
159
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,750
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
I'll see you at home.
160
00:07:41,790 --> 00:07:43,880
Good-bye.
161
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:00,390
Walk away, Carrie.
162
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:09,820
Excuse me.
163
00:08:09,860 --> 00:08:12,110
I'm, uh, looking
for my sister...
Stephanie Heffernan.
164
00:08:12,150 --> 00:08:13,700
She-she's
a gym teacher here.
165
00:08:13,740 --> 00:08:15,120
Wh-where
would I find her?
166
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:16,780
A gym teacher?
Yeah.
167
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,410
Try the gym.
168
00:08:19,740 --> 00:08:21,080
Thanks.
169
00:08:23,290 --> 00:08:24,670
Moron.
170
00:08:25,750 --> 00:08:27,460
All right, ladies,
listen up.
171
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:29,960
Listen up.
We're gonna play
Ultimate Dodge Ball.
172
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,760
4 teams, 4 balls.
173
00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,130
OK, captains...
174
00:08:33,170 --> 00:08:36,760
Kaplan, Baylog,
Maggan, Spreckman.
175
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,220
In a minute, we're
gonna chose up sides
176
00:08:38,260 --> 00:08:39,560
and pick a quadrant
for home base.
177
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,600
Psst!
[WHISPERING] What?
178
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:42,730
Can I talk to you?
179
00:08:42,770 --> 00:08:44,190
Yeah, in a minute,
just a minute.
180
00:08:44,230 --> 00:08:45,600
Now, here's
how we play
the game, guys.
181
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:48,860
All right, uh,
now, if your team
captures a player,
182
00:08:48,900 --> 00:08:50,150
that player
then plays
for that team
183
00:08:50,190 --> 00:08:51,740
and so on
and so forth.
184
00:08:51,780 --> 00:08:53,070
Now, the game
is over
185
00:08:53,110 --> 00:08:55,030
when one team
captures
all the players
186
00:08:55,070 --> 00:08:57,990
or when somebody
gets seriously hurt.
187
00:08:58,990 --> 00:09:01,370
Kidding!
188
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:02,750
All right, now,
uh, as I said,
189
00:09:02,790 --> 00:09:04,250
no grabbing,
no pushing,
or tripping.
190
00:09:04,290 --> 00:09:05,710
If I see anybody
doing that,
191
00:09:05,750 --> 00:09:09,090
you'll be removed
from the game
immediately.
192
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:13,130
All right, ladies,
193
00:09:13,170 --> 00:09:14,590
choose your sides.
194
00:09:14,630 --> 00:09:17,430
The game begins
on my whistle.
All right?
195
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:19,800
What are you
doing here?
196
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:21,640
I just thought
I'd pop in,
197
00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:22,770
just feeling--
198
00:09:22,810 --> 00:09:25,770
Hey, somebody
has to pick Lenka!
199
00:09:25,810 --> 00:09:27,310
Sorry. What?
200
00:09:27,350 --> 00:09:28,980
Nothing. It's just
that the strike's
got me feeling--
201
00:09:29,020 --> 00:09:31,270
She is not retarded!
202
00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:34,440
Ugh! I'm sorry,
you're feeling what?
203
00:09:34,490 --> 00:09:36,990
I just--I don't--
I don't know, maybe,
204
00:09:37,030 --> 00:09:39,740
a little, uh, emasculated.
205
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:40,700
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
206
00:09:40,740 --> 00:09:42,290
Right.
207
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,330
Emasculated? Heh.
208
00:09:45,370 --> 00:09:47,290
Like, impotent?
No, shut up. No.
209
00:09:47,330 --> 00:09:48,630
Shut up.
210
00:09:48,670 --> 00:09:49,960
What? Tell me. Tell me.
211
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,380
I just--I--I guess
the strike's
212
00:09:51,420 --> 00:09:53,380
got me feeling
crappy, that's all.
213
00:09:53,420 --> 00:09:55,800
It's natural.
You're used to going
to work in the morning.
214
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:58,550
You've been
working steady
since you were what?
215
00:09:58,590 --> 00:10:00,100
29.
216
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,850
Well, why don't you get
a part-time job
or something?
217
00:10:04,890 --> 00:10:06,230
Doing what?
GIRL: Ow!
218
00:10:06,270 --> 00:10:09,940
It's OK!
Walk it off, Ferraro.
Walk it off.
219
00:10:09,980 --> 00:10:11,230
You know, they're
always looking
220
00:10:11,270 --> 00:10:12,570
for substitute
teachers here.
221
00:10:12,610 --> 00:10:14,400
Yeah, I'm gonna teach.
OK, yeah, that's good.
222
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,860
No, it's easy.
Any idiot can be
a substitute.
223
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:19,990
Don't you need, like,
a college degree
or something?
224
00:10:20,030 --> 00:10:21,490
Oh, yeah. Heh!
225
00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:23,200
You dropped out
of college, didn't you?
226
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,950
Junior college,
and yes.
227
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,250
Yeah, it's all right.
228
00:10:27,290 --> 00:10:28,500
You know, they are
so hard up here for subs,
229
00:10:28,540 --> 00:10:29,670
they never check.
230
00:10:29,710 --> 00:10:31,000
Really? I mean,
231
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,670
I--I don't know,
maybe it could work.
Right?
232
00:10:32,710 --> 00:10:34,090
I--I am good
with kids.
233
00:10:34,130 --> 00:10:35,550
You don't need to be.
234
00:10:35,590 --> 00:10:37,590
Just give them an assignment
and read the newspaper.
235
00:10:37,630 --> 00:10:39,220
I love
the newspaper!
236
00:10:39,260 --> 00:10:41,800
All right,
get me in, Steph!
This is great, yeah!
237
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,230
CARRIE: So let me
get this straight.
238
00:10:49,270 --> 00:10:51,440
Youare gonna teach
kids.
239
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,070
Yeah.
What are you
gonna teach them?
240
00:10:54,110 --> 00:10:55,440
Package delivery?
241
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:58,030
Noshing?
242
00:10:58,070 --> 00:10:59,990
[MOCK LAUGHTER]
243
00:11:00,030 --> 00:11:02,120
Shut it.
244
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,080
I can't
believe you, Carrie.
245
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,660
I mean, you're
going on and on
all week long--
246
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,160
"Ooh! Oh, Doug,
you're overcompensating!
247
00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:10,370
"You're emasculated!
248
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:11,620
"You're a limp
little Nancy boy
249
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:13,460
who can't satisfy
a woman!"
250
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:15,000
I never said that!
251
00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:18,550
A little thing
called body language.
252
00:11:18,590 --> 00:11:20,260
The point is
I--I finally
found something
253
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:21,380
that's gonna
make me feel useful,
254
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,550
a-and you crap
all over it.
255
00:11:24,510 --> 00:11:25,930
All right,
you know what?
You're right.
256
00:11:25,970 --> 00:11:28,100
I--I shouldn't have
reacted like that.
257
00:11:28,140 --> 00:11:29,480
I-I'm sorry.
258
00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:32,940
But teaching?
Yes, teaching!
259
00:11:32,980 --> 00:11:34,940
Is this because
I wouldn't have
a catch with you?
260
00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:36,320
OK, you know what?
Obviously, you don't get
261
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:38,440
what I'm
into right now.
262
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:40,400
So why don't
you go back
to your little work?
263
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:43,070
I've got
a lesson plan
to review.
264
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:50,290
Douglas,
I couldn't help
overhearing.
265
00:11:50,330 --> 00:11:52,870
You're going to mold
young minds, eh?
266
00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:54,330
Yup.
267
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,960
Joined
the teacher's union,
have you?
268
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,380
Heh! No!
269
00:11:58,420 --> 00:12:01,630
What? You
pass yourself off
as a good union man,
270
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,010
and then you turn
around and scab?
271
00:12:03,050 --> 00:12:05,100
I would slap you
right across
your face
272
00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:08,180
if I didn't think
you would, in turn,
floor me.
273
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:12,480
Arthur, I'm not taking
anybody's job.
274
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:14,060
I'm a substitute teacher.
275
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:16,480
I'm just filling in while
another teacher's out sick.
276
00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:19,110
Whatever helps you
sleep at night,
you douche.
277
00:12:21,530 --> 00:12:24,740
["WELCOME BACK, KOTTER
THEME" PLAYING]
278
00:12:34,580 --> 00:12:36,130
You have
a hall pass, boys?
279
00:12:36,170 --> 00:12:39,170
All right,
move it along.
Move it along.
280
00:12:44,050 --> 00:12:46,220
[SLURPING]
281
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,070
Morning, everyone!
Morning.
282
00:13:02,110 --> 00:13:04,240
Hi, I'm Doug
Heffernan.
283
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,360
How you doing?
I'm Doug.
284
00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:09,200
Taking over
for Mr. Briley,
teaching his class.
285
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,370
DOUG: Ahem.
286
00:13:11,410 --> 00:13:14,250
Ed-u-ca-shion!
287
00:13:15,750 --> 00:13:18,540
All right,
I guess I'll just,
uh, plunk down here
288
00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:20,750
until second period.
289
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:31,510
Hey, you mind if I--
290
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:34,770
All right. I'll bring
2 packs tomorrow.
291
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:41,270
Mm!
292
00:13:42,070 --> 00:13:44,110
That's a good smoke
right there.
293
00:13:44,150 --> 00:13:45,570
Good smoke. Whoo!
294
00:13:45,610 --> 00:13:48,870
Teaching the kids.
295
00:13:48,910 --> 00:13:50,740
Shaping their futures,
that's what we're doing.
296
00:13:50,780 --> 00:13:52,410
Really,
you think about it,
297
00:13:52,450 --> 00:13:54,290
they're--they're
the clay, you know.
298
00:13:54,330 --> 00:13:55,370
We're the sculptor.
299
00:13:55,410 --> 00:13:56,580
It's our job
to mold 'em.
300
00:13:56,620 --> 00:13:57,830
Mold 'em! Heh heh!
301
00:13:57,870 --> 00:13:58,880
Just don't
mold them too much.
302
00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:00,750
You get in trouble
for that!
303
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:03,920
Because the mind
is a terrible thing
to waste--
304
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,420
-Will you shut up?
-Yes, I will.
305
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:08,390
[BELL RINGS]
306
00:14:09,470 --> 00:14:12,310
[STUDENTS CHATTERING]
307
00:14:15,390 --> 00:14:16,640
Good morning, class.
Good morning.
308
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,770
Could everybody
please find a seat?
309
00:14:18,810 --> 00:14:20,980
Find a seat,
thank you very much.
310
00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:24,110
OK, everybody
find a seat.
311
00:14:24,150 --> 00:14:25,280
Well, good morning.
312
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:28,200
I am Mr...
313
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:34,080
Heffernan.
314
00:14:39,330 --> 00:14:41,920
OK? Alrighty.
315
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,630
So, uh, if you feel
comfortable enough with me,
316
00:14:44,670 --> 00:14:46,550
you can call me Mr. H.
317
00:14:46,590 --> 00:14:48,840
[STAPLER GOES OFF]
318
00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:51,760
OK, uh, well,
319
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,970
Mr. Briley has left
an assignment for you.
320
00:14:54,010 --> 00:14:55,640
Uh, in your
textbooks...
321
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:58,270
"America: From Colonyto Country,
322
00:14:58,310 --> 00:15:00,270
A Dream Realized."
323
00:15:00,310 --> 00:15:02,900
He wants you guys
to, uh, read chapters 3 and 4
324
00:15:02,940 --> 00:15:05,440
about the First
Continental Congress
325
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:06,570
and summarize.
326
00:15:06,610 --> 00:15:08,150
Now, if there are
no questions,
327
00:15:08,190 --> 00:15:11,360
everybody can please begin.
Heh heh!
328
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:13,530
Ahem!
329
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,290
Uh, yes,
boy raising
his hand?
330
00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:18,160
We did
that assignment
yesterday.
331
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:19,460
Y-You did?
332
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:20,500
Yeah.
333
00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:22,290
Uh...
334
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,340
Mr. Briley has it
down here for today.
335
00:15:26,380 --> 00:15:28,210
Well, we did it.
I mean, you can test us
336
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,590
on it if you want to.
337
00:15:29,630 --> 00:15:32,760
Uh, no, that, uh,
that won't be necessary.
338
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:35,350
OK. So what do we do?
339
00:15:35,390 --> 00:15:38,520
Um...OK, got it! Uh--
340
00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:40,190
Everybody break up
into pairs.
341
00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:42,770
Find a buddy.
Find a buddy, everybody.
342
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,690
And do what?
343
00:15:45,730 --> 00:15:48,530
I'm gonna need you
to raise your hand.
344
00:15:48,570 --> 00:15:51,150
Yes?
And do what?
345
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,530
Um...
346
00:15:53,570 --> 00:15:56,080
re-read chapters
chapters 3 and 4--
347
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:59,000
this time, together,
alternating.
348
00:15:59,830 --> 00:16:02,040
Are you even
a real teacher?
349
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:03,500
Hand.
350
00:16:03,540 --> 00:16:05,040
Yes?
351
00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:07,050
Are you even
a real teacher?
352
00:16:07,090 --> 00:16:10,050
Yes, I'm--
I'm Mr. Heffernan.
353
00:16:13,260 --> 00:16:14,390
Yes?
354
00:16:14,430 --> 00:16:16,010
Where did you
go to school?
355
00:16:16,050 --> 00:16:17,970
I, uh, attended, uh,
356
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:21,430
the Nassau
Community College
of Teaching Arts
357
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,190
and Substitution.
358
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,110
[COUGHS]
Fat ass!
359
00:16:30,860 --> 00:16:32,240
W-what was that?
360
00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:33,530
[COUGHS]
361
00:16:33,570 --> 00:16:34,700
O-OK, you know what, kids?
362
00:16:34,740 --> 00:16:36,120
I think we all
need a time-out.
363
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:39,870
OK, everybody,
heads on desk.
364
00:16:39,910 --> 00:16:43,210
Why don't we put
our heads on the desk?
365
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:45,880
Everybody, heads--
You know what?
366
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,250
Fine. You don't
have to do it,
367
00:16:47,290 --> 00:16:49,880
but you're only hurting
yourselves.
368
00:16:52,050 --> 00:16:55,510
I don't know.
Maybe I should change
my teaching method.
369
00:16:55,550 --> 00:16:56,680
Maybe the key is to--
370
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,100
to reach out
to these kids, you know,
371
00:16:58,140 --> 00:17:00,640
get your hands dirty,
let them know you care.
372
00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:02,350
Will you stop playing
with the cones?
373
00:17:02,390 --> 00:17:03,560
They're in intervals.
374
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,100
Oops.
375
00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:07,270
Look, Doug, relax.
You're a sub.
376
00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:09,320
Your only job
is to make sure that
nobody kills anybody,
377
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:11,860
and even if they do,
not your baggage.
378
00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:12,940
Well, you know,
I don't accept that.
379
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,950
This is my job now.
380
00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:17,030
I gotta get through
to these kids.
381
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:19,160
STEPHANIE:
Whatever!
382
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,460
[HAND BELL RINGING]
383
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:28,290
Hear ye, hear ye!
384
00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:32,300
All right. The First
Continental Congress
is now in session.
385
00:17:32,340 --> 00:17:33,840
OK...
386
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,630
Well, now that I have
your attention,
387
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,050
let's see
what we can learn
388
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:39,390
about the fathers
of our country, huh?
389
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,980
OK, you just
got yourself a zero
for the day, mister!
390
00:17:46,020 --> 00:17:47,310
You can't
give us zeros.
391
00:17:47,350 --> 00:17:48,980
Oh, no? I can't?
Well, now you got 2!
392
00:17:49,020 --> 00:17:51,610
You wanna try for 3?
'Cause I'll give you 3!
393
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:53,230
What a clown!
394
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,280
Oh, I'm a clown?
Well, laugh at this!
395
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,360
You just earned yourself
a week's suspension!
396
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,530
What?!
Good-bye!
397
00:17:58,570 --> 00:18:02,240
No, you can't--
Good day, sir!
398
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:04,750
You don't have the power
399
00:18:04,790 --> 00:18:07,120
to suspend anybody.
400
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:11,000
And you certainly
don't have the power
401
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,880
to leave anyone
back a grade.
402
00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:18,470
I now know that
for next time.
403
00:18:18,510 --> 00:18:19,590
Stephanie...
404
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,010
didn't you vouch
for his qualifications?
405
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:24,600
Yes, and I was
misled.
406
00:18:25,810 --> 00:18:27,520
I apologize.
407
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:29,560
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
408
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:31,150
Excuse me.
409
00:18:31,190 --> 00:18:32,440
You are
such an idiot.
410
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:33,480
Shut up!
411
00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:34,440
You shut up!
You shut up!
412
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,530
Ow!
Ow!
413
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,880
[IMITATES
FARTING]
414
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:54,550
[STUDENTS LAUGHING]
415
00:18:54,590 --> 00:18:56,590
Hey, later!
416
00:18:59,090 --> 00:19:00,510
At it again, darling?
417
00:19:00,550 --> 00:19:03,350
Yes, I'm doing
more research for free.
418
00:19:03,390 --> 00:19:06,020
This one's a case involving
Chinese refugees
419
00:19:06,060 --> 00:19:07,600
who are being smuggled
into the country
420
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:09,020
as prostitutes and slaves.
421
00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:11,230
Wow, they saw you comin'.
422
00:19:13,690 --> 00:19:17,030
Ah, there he is.
Mr. Chips.
423
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,150
You know what,
Arthur?
424
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,240
Last thing I need now
is a fat joke.
425
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:24,620
Mr. Chips
is a fictional
teacher.
426
00:19:24,660 --> 00:19:27,410
Your ignorance
is appalling.
427
00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:32,040
So, how was
school today?
428
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:33,960
I was expelled.
429
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,090
Oh, I'm sorry.
430
00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:36,590
Eh! On the upside,
431
00:19:36,630 --> 00:19:38,090
I know where
there's a great
make-out party
432
00:19:38,130 --> 00:19:40,590
on Saturday night.
433
00:19:40,630 --> 00:19:42,050
Damn it!
434
00:19:42,090 --> 00:19:44,180
I wish this
stupid strike
would end.
435
00:19:44,220 --> 00:19:45,720
All I wanna do
is just get up
in the morning,
436
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,770
put on my shorts,
and feel like
a man again.
437
00:19:48,810 --> 00:19:50,350
The strike will end
soon, honey.
438
00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:51,850
You just gotta
hang in there.
439
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:53,230
It's just not easy.
440
00:19:53,270 --> 00:19:54,730
I know,
but that's why
441
00:19:54,770 --> 00:19:55,940
I've been trying
to tell you, Doug,
442
00:19:55,980 --> 00:19:57,610
you have to talk
to me when you're--
443
00:19:57,650 --> 00:20:01,530
when you're
feeling bad. I mean,
I'm here for you.
444
00:20:01,570 --> 00:20:02,950
I know.
It's just--
445
00:20:02,990 --> 00:20:04,570
It's hard to talk to you
about stuff like this.
446
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:07,160
I'm your wife!
Exactly! You're my wife,
447
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,040
and I want to be
strong for you. I--
448
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:10,960
I wanna bring home
a paycheck to you.
449
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,330
I wanna open
jars for you.
450
00:20:12,370 --> 00:20:15,040
I wanna lift
a car off of you.
451
00:20:15,090 --> 00:20:17,250
All right, you had me
until the car thing.
452
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:19,130
You know what I mean.
I do. I do.
453
00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:22,470
And you are
all those things
to me, you know?
454
00:20:22,510 --> 00:20:25,760
I--I love you.
I feel so safe
with you.
455
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:26,890
You do?
456
00:20:26,930 --> 00:20:28,890
Yes! Not because
you're a big guy
457
00:20:28,930 --> 00:20:30,810
or you--you have
a job, but...
458
00:20:30,850 --> 00:20:33,440
because
of the person
you are.
459
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:35,940
You're a man.
You're a strong,
460
00:20:35,980 --> 00:20:38,070
virile man.
461
00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:40,530
What is that?
Powder?
462
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:44,280
Yes, I was--
I was wearing
a wig today.
463
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:45,990
Ah!
464
00:20:46,030 --> 00:20:48,990
As long
as we're talking,
465
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,960
I wanna tell you
that, uh...
466
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,250
the other night, I--
467
00:20:53,290 --> 00:20:56,040
I wasn't reaching
for a tissue.
468
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:57,340
I know.
469
00:20:57,380 --> 00:20:59,000
I know you know.
I just wanted
470
00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:00,880
to be a man
and own up to it.
471
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,010
Well, that's good.
472
00:21:03,050 --> 00:21:06,180
So, do you wanna--
You wanna go
upstairs
473
00:21:06,220 --> 00:21:07,890
and give it
another try?
474
00:21:07,930 --> 00:21:09,890
Y-you mean right now?
475
00:21:09,930 --> 00:21:11,810
Before the strike's over?
476
00:21:11,850 --> 00:21:14,560
Well, yeah, but only
if you want to.
477
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,100
A-all right,
all right.
478
00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:18,150
OK, let's go!
479
00:21:18,190 --> 00:21:21,280
All right!
Heh heh! Mmm!
480
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,490
But you know what?
Hold up a sec.
481
00:21:23,530 --> 00:21:25,070
What's that for?
482
00:21:25,110 --> 00:21:27,740
Plan B. Just in case
things don't work out.
483
00:21:36,710 --> 00:21:38,790
* For closing books *
484
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:44,800
* And long last looksmust end *
485
00:21:46,300 --> 00:21:50,720
* And as I leave *
486
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:54,770
* I know that I am leaving *
487
00:21:54,810 --> 00:21:58,770
* My best friend *
488
00:21:58,810 --> 00:22:05,650
* To sir, with love *
489
00:22:06,530 --> 00:22:09,700
[**]
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