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1
00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:08,040
[**]
2
00:00:15,390 --> 00:00:17,510
Seasons Greetings!
3
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:19,470
Hey.
4
00:00:19,510 --> 00:00:20,720
Oh, God.
Yeah.
5
00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:22,520
The reindeer sweater?
6
00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:23,730
That's right.
7
00:00:23,770 --> 00:00:25,400
Look at it.
Don't look away.
8
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:29,570
I can't help it.
It frightens me.
9
00:00:29,610 --> 00:00:30,780
Hey, come on, I've had it
since the 11th grade.
10
00:00:30,820 --> 00:00:32,240
What's wrong with it?
11
00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:34,280
Have you looked
in a mirror?
12
00:00:35,490 --> 00:00:36,820
It's OK, I know the rules,
all right:
13
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,410
Don't wear it out of the house,
14
00:00:38,450 --> 00:00:40,450
don't wear it
to any holiday parties,
15
00:00:40,490 --> 00:00:43,080
and if anybody comes over,
I have to run upstairs.
16
00:00:44,620 --> 00:00:46,540
What's that
on the back of your arm?
17
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:47,750
Hmm?
18
00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:52,550
Oh! What do you know?
19
00:00:52,590 --> 00:00:54,630
A candy cane.
20
00:00:54,670 --> 00:00:57,470
A little gift
from some Christmas past.
21
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:01,560
You're not actually
gonna eat that, are you?
22
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,770
Have I made a decision?
No.
23
00:01:03,810 --> 00:01:07,400
Am I intrigued?
Certainly.
24
00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:08,770
Give me that.
25
00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:12,570
That's all right,
26
00:01:12,610 --> 00:01:14,280
there might be others.
27
00:01:16,950 --> 00:01:19,910
MALE SINGER: *My eyesare gettin' weary*
28
00:01:19,950 --> 00:01:22,540
*My back is gettin' tight*
29
00:01:22,580 --> 00:01:24,410
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
30
00:01:24,450 --> 00:01:27,420
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
31
00:01:27,460 --> 00:01:31,130
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
32
00:01:32,630 --> 00:01:36,550
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
33
00:01:38,470 --> 00:01:40,260
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
34
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,600
* I will be drivin' hometo you*
35
00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:55,650
I can't believe this!
36
00:01:55,690 --> 00:01:58,150
Can't believe what?
What happened?
37
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,570
Those fancy-shmancy neighbors
across the street
38
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,030
are what happened!
39
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:03,870
I'm so angry I could spit!
40
00:02:03,910 --> 00:02:05,200
Okay, mission accomplished.
41
00:02:06,330 --> 00:02:07,290
Dad, now just calm down
42
00:02:07,330 --> 00:02:09,790
and tell me what
happened.
43
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,750
I put a wreath on
our front door last night,
44
00:02:11,790 --> 00:02:14,210
and now I come home to find
one twice the size of ours
45
00:02:14,250 --> 00:02:16,170
hanging on
the Rinaldi's door.
46
00:02:16,210 --> 00:02:17,260
So?
47
00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:19,220
So? It's a snub!
48
00:02:19,260 --> 00:02:21,800
It's their way of saying,
"Look at us, world,
49
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:24,890
we're richer than those
schnooks across the street!"
50
00:02:24,930 --> 00:02:28,600
How dare they flaunt
their wealth at us. Ugh!
51
00:02:30,230 --> 00:02:32,940
Wealth? Dad, Mr. Rinaldi
drives a cab,
52
00:02:32,980 --> 00:02:34,940
and his wife works
for Easterseals.
53
00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:36,690
Yeah, and they're
gonna make sure
54
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:38,700
everyone in the
neighborhood knows it.
55
00:02:38,740 --> 00:02:41,030
Well, honey, the Rinaldis
are about to look directly
56
00:02:41,070 --> 00:02:42,870
into the mouth of hell!
57
00:02:42,910 --> 00:02:44,990
Dad, Dad, can't you
just take a white pill
58
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,160
and a blue pill
and leave this alone?
59
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,250
Oh, I will
take those pills,
60
00:02:49,290 --> 00:02:51,290
but I will not
leave this alone.
61
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,630
-Hi.
-Hey.
62
00:02:57,670 --> 00:02:59,260
Want to help me wrap
a little bit?
63
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,260
Uh, sure. But, uh...
64
00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:04,260
I think we need to have
a little talk first.
65
00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:06,680
What? What happened?
Is everything okay?
66
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,100
Oh, it's just that
today, uh,
67
00:03:09,140 --> 00:03:10,850
at work,
out of the blue,
68
00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:13,900
I get called into Supervisor
O'Boyle's office and, uh...
69
00:03:13,940 --> 00:03:15,900
And--and what?
70
00:03:15,940 --> 00:03:17,110
Uh, he just handed me
71
00:03:17,150 --> 00:03:20,150
this $3,000
Christmas bonus!
72
00:03:21,860 --> 00:03:24,990
$3,000!
I can't believe it!
73
00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:26,740
And see what I did there?
I made you think it was bad,
74
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:29,080
when actually it was good.
75
00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:30,290
Yeah, you're
a comedic genius.
76
00:03:30,330 --> 00:03:32,040
Let me see this.
Ohh!
77
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:35,130
Holy crap! 3,000 bucks!
78
00:03:35,170 --> 00:03:37,170
And all I got was
a donation made in my name
79
00:03:37,210 --> 00:03:39,300
to some disease charity.
80
00:03:39,340 --> 00:03:41,340
Yeah, thank ya!
81
00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:42,590
So what do you want
to do with it?
82
00:03:42,630 --> 00:03:45,720
Well, I'm thinkin',
and go with me here--ahem--
83
00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:47,390
double-d
breast implants.
84
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:56,190
Why? The ones you have now
are so cute and perky.
85
00:03:59,150 --> 00:04:01,650
Way to turn it
around on me.
86
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,450
Look, I'm serious. What do
you want to do with it?
87
00:04:03,490 --> 00:04:04,990
I don't know. I guess we should
throw it in the bank quick
88
00:04:05,030 --> 00:04:07,830
before they realize what
a mediocre employee I really am.
89
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,830
Really?
Put it in the bank?
90
00:04:10,870 --> 00:04:13,000
Why, you got
another idea? Hmm?
91
00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:15,040
Solid gold bathtub?
92
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:16,170
Should we have
our teeth drilled
93
00:04:16,210 --> 00:04:17,210
and little rubies put in?
94
00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:18,670
[IMITATES BUGS BUNNY]
Hey, what's up?
95
00:04:20,340 --> 00:04:22,670
No. I was thinking
96
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,430
that all these lawyers
at my firm
97
00:04:24,470 --> 00:04:26,470
have been investing in all
these internet stocks,
98
00:04:26,510 --> 00:04:29,470
and they have been making
some stupid money.
99
00:04:29,510 --> 00:04:30,850
You want to put the money
in the stock market?
100
00:04:30,890 --> 00:04:33,140
Doug, these web stocks
are exploding.
101
00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:35,810
You remember that lawyer
from my firm, Harry Sternin?
102
00:04:35,850 --> 00:04:37,020
No.
103
00:04:37,060 --> 00:04:40,070
The one you said looks
like a fat Phil Collins?
104
00:04:40,110 --> 00:04:41,320
Heh. Oh, yeah.
105
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:42,990
Anyway, he--he bought
this stock called
106
00:04:43,030 --> 00:04:44,780
shominy dot something,
107
00:04:44,820 --> 00:04:48,780
and he tripled his money
in the last 4 days.
108
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:50,330
"Shominy"?
What do they even do?
109
00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:51,830
I don't know.
They make shominies.
110
00:04:51,870 --> 00:04:53,330
Who--who cares?
111
00:04:53,370 --> 00:04:55,080
The point is...
112
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:57,250
the stock was at $2.00
on Monday
113
00:04:57,290 --> 00:04:59,960
and now it's at 6.00!
What do you think?
114
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:03,010
I don't know. I kinda like
my "put it in the bank" idea.
115
00:05:03,050 --> 00:05:04,170
Come on, Dougie,
116
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:06,220
the gravy train
is pullin' out.
117
00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:07,970
Why can't we jump on
the gravy train?
118
00:05:08,010 --> 00:05:10,010
Because sometimes
gravy trains derail.
119
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,180
Then there's blood
and gravy everywhere.
120
00:05:14,180 --> 00:05:16,020
All right, whatever.
I tried.
121
00:05:16,060 --> 00:05:17,270
[DOOR OPENS]
122
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:19,980
Put it back!
123
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:49,010
[BELCHES]
124
00:05:55,060 --> 00:05:56,560
Doug! Doug,
come here!
125
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:57,640
What?
126
00:05:57,690 --> 00:05:59,270
Advanced digital
business to business
127
00:05:59,310 --> 00:06:01,770
e-commerce networking
solutions.
128
00:06:03,860 --> 00:06:05,860
Shominy dot com. You wanted
to know what they did,
129
00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:07,820
so I looked it up.
Now you know.
130
00:06:07,860 --> 00:06:09,070
Thanks.
I'll be in the shower.
131
00:06:09,110 --> 00:06:10,410
Doug, come on!
132
00:06:10,450 --> 00:06:11,950
This is a great stock.
133
00:06:11,990 --> 00:06:14,410
4 analysts made it
their top pick.
134
00:06:14,450 --> 00:06:16,250
Come on, Carrie. All
this stuff is just so risky.
135
00:06:16,290 --> 00:06:18,120
So you take a risk
once in a while.
136
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:19,370
Why do I
have to take a risk?
137
00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:20,460
Look, honey,
138
00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:22,090
if we put the money
in the bank,
139
00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:23,590
it'll grow in
little dribs and drabs,
140
00:06:23,630 --> 00:06:26,260
but if we buy the stock,
we--we have a chance
141
00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:27,590
to finally
make some real money.
142
00:06:27,630 --> 00:06:31,220
We--we can go someplace,
like Europe.
143
00:06:31,260 --> 00:06:33,220
What's in Europe?
144
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:36,430
We don't have to go there.
We can go anywhere.
145
00:06:36,470 --> 00:06:38,140
Busch Gardens?
146
00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:40,560
We can go to
Busch Gardens anytime.
147
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,190
-Want to go this weekend?
-Okay.
148
00:06:44,020 --> 00:06:46,320
You are really
missing the point.
149
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:50,110
Look, honey, I am
happy with our life.
150
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,160
I really am.
151
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:52,280
We love each other,
152
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,580
we have good friends,
good jobs.
153
00:06:55,620 --> 00:06:58,250
Now if we just had all
that plus, you know...
154
00:06:58,290 --> 00:06:59,870
money...
155
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,380
better yet, huh?
156
00:07:04,170 --> 00:07:05,130
You really want
to do this, huh?
157
00:07:05,170 --> 00:07:06,340
Yes.
158
00:07:06,380 --> 00:07:07,880
All right,
I'm your guy. I'm in.
159
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:09,340
Yay! Mwah.
160
00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:12,510
[**]
161
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:17,850
Oh, here you are.
162
00:07:17,890 --> 00:07:18,980
Yes, here I am.
163
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:20,390
-How ya doin'?
-Good.
164
00:07:26,020 --> 00:07:27,480
What'd you do?
What's the matter?
165
00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:33,160
Nothin', just feel like
gettin' a little action.
166
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,450
Before dinner?
167
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,290
Are you drinkin'?
168
00:07:39,370 --> 00:07:42,960
No, but maybe these
stock reports I'm holding
169
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,290
might have something
to do with it.
170
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:48,210
Dougie, Shominy dot com
just doubled today!
171
00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:49,300
-No!
-Yes.
172
00:07:49,340 --> 00:07:50,880
-No!
-Yes.
173
00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:52,880
-No!
-Yes!
174
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:55,260
Let me see! Let me see!
175
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:58,060
Oh, sweet Shominy!
176
00:07:58,100 --> 00:07:59,600
6 grand! 6 grand!
177
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,350
I know. I wish we had
the cash right now.
178
00:08:01,390 --> 00:08:03,350
We could throw it on the
bed and have sex on it.
179
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,060
Want to do it
on the stock report?
180
00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:07,900
No. I think it has
to be money, don't you?
181
00:08:07,940 --> 00:08:10,400
Uh, don't go by me. I'd have
sex with you on an angry bear.
182
00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:20,370
[IMITATES THURSTON HOWELL]
Hello, lovey!
183
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,370
Oh, hey.
184
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:24,580
What you--
what you doin'?
185
00:08:24,620 --> 00:08:27,210
Oh, nothin'.
Just surfin' the web.
186
00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:28,420
Why is
your voice so high?
187
00:08:28,460 --> 00:08:30,380
[IN HIGH VOICE]
Psh, it's not!
188
00:08:31,340 --> 00:08:33,050
What's going on?
189
00:08:33,090 --> 00:08:34,510
The stock is down
a little.
190
00:08:34,550 --> 00:08:35,550
A little?
W-what's a little?
191
00:08:35,590 --> 00:08:36,550
All right, before
I tell you,
192
00:08:36,590 --> 00:08:38,470
you have
to agree not to panic.
193
00:08:38,510 --> 00:08:40,390
Okay, you see, by saying that,
you make me panic.
194
00:08:40,430 --> 00:08:42,430
Now tell me quickly
before I pass out from fear.
195
00:08:43,310 --> 00:08:45,150
Okay, it's at 4.
196
00:08:45,190 --> 00:08:46,600
Carrie, no!
We bought it at 6!
197
00:08:46,650 --> 00:08:48,980
-We bought it at 6!
-I know.
198
00:08:49,020 --> 00:08:49,940
But 4 is less than 6.
199
00:08:49,980 --> 00:08:51,740
I know!
I went to first grade.
200
00:08:51,780 --> 00:08:53,320
Now just calm down.
201
00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,530
I can't calm down,
Carrie. It's at 4!
202
00:08:55,570 --> 00:08:58,200
Look, Harry Sternin said
that--that--that it's normal
203
00:08:58,240 --> 00:08:59,240
for the stock to dip
a little.
204
00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:01,750
Well, you know what?
Then marry him!
205
00:09:01,790 --> 00:09:04,620
I gotta think, I gotta think,
I gotta think, I gotta think!
206
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:08,630
Well, what do we do?
207
00:09:08,670 --> 00:09:11,300
We hold onto the stock.
It'll come back up.
208
00:09:11,340 --> 00:09:13,090
-You think so?
-It has to.
209
00:09:13,130 --> 00:09:14,670
Now--now look...
get a grip!
210
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:18,180
Remember, we are
long-term investors.
211
00:09:18,220 --> 00:09:20,350
We're in this
for 3 to 4 weeks.
212
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,140
All right,
now just calm down
213
00:09:23,180 --> 00:09:24,980
and we'll
ride it out, okay?
214
00:09:26,140 --> 00:09:27,310
Okay.
215
00:09:33,110 --> 00:09:37,280
[MUMBLING]
216
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,500
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
217
00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:47,120
[BEEP]
218
00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:48,540
[BEEP]
219
00:09:48,580 --> 00:09:50,340
What are you doing?
220
00:09:50,380 --> 00:09:52,170
I want to see
where the stock is at.
221
00:09:52,210 --> 00:09:53,130
Here,
help me get online.
222
00:09:53,170 --> 00:09:55,420
No, no, sweetie.
223
00:09:56,420 --> 00:09:58,090
You can't watch it
every minute.
224
00:09:58,130 --> 00:09:59,550
You'll drive yourself
crazy.
225
00:09:59,590 --> 00:10:01,640
Look, I don't care. I want
to know where it's at.
226
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:04,020
-Fine. Do it yourself.
-Look, I need your help.
227
00:10:04,060 --> 00:10:05,640
I'm stuck in Solitaire.
228
00:10:10,270 --> 00:10:12,730
Okay, one look
and that's it.
229
00:10:12,770 --> 00:10:14,730
One's fine.
One--one's great.
230
00:10:15,860 --> 00:10:17,610
Okay, you're signed on.
231
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:19,160
It'll just take a second.
232
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:26,790
Hi.
233
00:10:26,830 --> 00:10:28,210
Hello.
234
00:10:30,250 --> 00:10:34,050
Okay, we're in. Now we just
type in the symbol and...
235
00:10:35,590 --> 00:10:37,170
Ohh.
236
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,220
Ohh? What--what's ohh?
Where you lookin'?
237
00:10:39,260 --> 00:10:40,340
It says, uh...
238
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,430
it's at 3.
239
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:44,560
3?! Oh, my God!
It's at 3?!
240
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:45,640
Come on, let's sell.
Let's sell--
241
00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:47,060
No, no, no.
Look, look, look here.
242
00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:49,230
It says the dip in the stock
was because the FTC approval
243
00:10:49,270 --> 00:10:51,310
of their technology
was delayed.
244
00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:52,650
Of course it was delayed,
'cause no one can figure out
245
00:10:52,690 --> 00:10:54,270
what the hell they make!
246
00:10:55,730 --> 00:10:59,240
They--they make advanced
commerce...something!
247
00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:00,450
Whatever it is,
it's good.
248
00:11:00,490 --> 00:11:01,740
Oh, yeah? Can I buy one?
Where do I go?
249
00:11:01,780 --> 00:11:03,660
Where? Waldbaum's, huh?
Sam Goody?
250
00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:05,240
Has Goody got it?!
251
00:11:06,410 --> 00:11:07,700
Okay, Doug, could you
just calm down,
252
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,540
because you're
starting to panic me.
253
00:11:09,580 --> 00:11:11,330
Yeah, 'cause you know
I'm right. Oh, my God!
254
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:12,540
We're gonna lose
the whole 3 grand!
255
00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:14,130
It's going
to go down to zero!
256
00:11:14,170 --> 00:11:15,210
Oh, God! Dry heaves.
257
00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:16,500
Ewww!
258
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:21,630
Carrie, look,
I am begging you.
259
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,470
Please,
let's just sell, okay?
260
00:11:23,510 --> 00:11:24,720
Let's sell while
we still have enough
261
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:26,100
to go to Busch Gardens.
262
00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:27,140
I don't--I don't know.
263
00:11:27,180 --> 00:11:28,520
I mean,
Harry's not selling.
264
00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:30,230
Harry's a millionaire,
all right?
265
00:11:30,270 --> 00:11:31,440
He buys and sells people
for sport.
266
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,310
He'd kill you
as soon as look at you.
267
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,440
Look...
268
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,440
Carrie, I'm not wired
for this kind of stuff.
269
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:41,280
You know, I'm--I'm jittery,
I-I'm nervous.
270
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:43,570
Look, my eye is twitching.
Look, you see it?
271
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,120
No.
272
00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:47,450
Well, it's not now,
but it was.
273
00:11:47,490 --> 00:11:49,370
We gotta sell. Come on!
274
00:11:49,410 --> 00:11:50,830
I don't care if it goes up
to 100 tomorrow.
275
00:11:50,870 --> 00:11:52,710
Let's just get out of it
and be done with it.
276
00:11:52,750 --> 00:11:54,330
[SCOFFS]
277
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,250
Fine! If it's gonna
make you this crazy,
278
00:11:56,290 --> 00:11:57,710
then we'll sell it.
279
00:11:57,750 --> 00:11:59,760
Good.
280
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:00,800
Thank you.
281
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:04,220
I can't tell you how good
it feels to be done
282
00:12:04,260 --> 00:12:05,800
with this madness.
283
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:13,810
It's back up. Hmm?
284
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:32,960
Oh, darling, just in time.
285
00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:36,540
What, are you
having a party?
286
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:39,880
No, no, I'm getting
into the Christmas spirit
287
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:41,720
and putting together
an outdoor display
288
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:44,930
that will make the Rinaldis
feel poor and ashamed.
289
00:12:46,010 --> 00:12:48,100
So, what do you think?
290
00:12:48,140 --> 00:12:49,220
What is it?
291
00:12:49,260 --> 00:12:51,640
It's a Nativity scene.
292
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:54,310
-Not so much.
-Sure it is.
293
00:12:54,350 --> 00:12:55,730
You got your
Wise Men here,
294
00:12:55,770 --> 00:12:58,570
there's Joseph, Mary,
and the Baby Jesus.
295
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:00,900
CARRIE: He's huge.
296
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:05,660
So?
297
00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:06,660
So he looks like
he could crush
298
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:08,160
all the Wise Men
to death.
299
00:13:09,740 --> 00:13:12,250
But he wouldn't do that.
He's gentle.
300
00:13:12,290 --> 00:13:13,750
He's Baby Jesus.
301
00:13:16,250 --> 00:13:17,920
And what about
the wooden Indian?
302
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:18,880
Who's he supposed
to be?
303
00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:20,880
No one.
I just like it.
304
00:13:22,090 --> 00:13:23,920
And who's to say
he wasn't there?
305
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,800
Dad, I love you
so much,
306
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:31,060
but there's no way
in hell this is
307
00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:33,770
going in front
of our house.
308
00:13:33,810 --> 00:13:34,890
WOMAN [ON TV]:And it wasthe fourth record day
309
00:13:34,930 --> 00:13:36,980
in a row for the NASDAQas tech stocks
310
00:13:37,020 --> 00:13:38,770
continue to fire the market.
311
00:13:38,810 --> 00:13:41,230
Leading the charge isnew issue Shominy dot com,
312
00:13:41,270 --> 00:13:45,070
up over 200% on news thatit received FTC approval
313
00:13:45,110 --> 00:13:47,240
of its highly anticipatedadvanced digital
314
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:49,030
business to businesse-commerce
315
00:13:49,070 --> 00:13:51,660
networking solutiontechnology.
316
00:13:55,790 --> 00:13:57,960
Approval.
They got approval.
317
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,130
Good for them.
318
00:14:00,210 --> 00:14:02,050
Yes...
319
00:14:02,090 --> 00:14:03,380
good for them.
320
00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:13,060
You're hating me
right now, aren't you?
321
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:14,890
Nooo!
322
00:14:16,850 --> 00:14:18,770
Yes, you are. Come on,
you can say it, huh?
323
00:14:18,810 --> 00:14:21,400
"Chunky made us sell.
Chunky cost us money."
324
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:22,650
That's what
you're thinkin'.
325
00:14:22,690 --> 00:14:24,190
That is not
what I'm thinking.
326
00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:25,740
You have to be
thinking that, Carrie.
327
00:14:25,780 --> 00:14:27,320
If it wasn't for me,
we'd be up like...
328
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:29,110
like 4,000 bucks.
329
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,280
Closer to 5.
330
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,280
But it is not your fault.
331
00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:36,960
I'm the one who let
your non-stop bitching
332
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,420
and whimpering
wear me down.
333
00:14:39,460 --> 00:14:41,880
And for that,
I am very, very sorry.
334
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,170
-So we're cool?
-Oy.
335
00:14:46,210 --> 00:14:48,170
I'm sorry, all right?
I feel guilty.
336
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,390
You know, I--I acted
like a little...
337
00:14:50,430 --> 00:14:52,890
sissy investor girl.
338
00:14:52,930 --> 00:14:54,180
Here, make this part
of my body.
339
00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:55,930
Just make it
part of my body.
340
00:14:57,310 --> 00:14:59,850
Doug, would you
just forget it? Come on!
341
00:14:59,890 --> 00:15:01,940
We--we sold the stock.
It's over with.
342
00:15:01,980 --> 00:15:05,150
Could we just get on
with our lives?
343
00:15:05,190 --> 00:15:06,360
Okay?
344
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,860
-Okay.
-Okay.
345
00:15:15,370 --> 00:15:16,910
Let's buy back in.
346
00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:18,910
What?!
347
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,790
Come on. It's
on its way back up.
348
00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:22,420
OK. That settles it.
You need lithium.
349
00:15:22,460 --> 00:15:25,340
No. Think about it.
We only sold 'cause we--
350
00:15:25,380 --> 00:15:27,420
we didn't have
any approval, you know?
351
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:28,760
Now we have something
to sink our teeth into.
352
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,930
We got the--grr grr--
the approval.
353
00:15:35,850 --> 00:15:38,850
God, Doug, you are
driving me crazy!
354
00:15:38,890 --> 00:15:40,390
But the stock
is so high now!
355
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,850
High and
only goin' higher.
356
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,360
I know it, Carrie.
I feel it, I swear.
357
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,860
It's a gut feeling.
358
00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:46,730
This does not lie.
359
00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:51,200
All right,
we buy back in.
360
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:54,280
B-b-but this time,
we buy the stock
361
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:58,870
and we leave it alone
for one full week, OK?
362
00:15:58,910 --> 00:16:01,460
We do not obsess,
we do not panic.
363
00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:03,170
We just go on with our lives
364
00:16:03,210 --> 00:16:05,040
and let the stock do
whatever it's gonna do.
365
00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:06,920
Hey, what stock?
366
00:16:11,380 --> 00:16:12,880
It's all right there.
367
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:14,340
Take your time crossin'.
368
00:16:15,470 --> 00:16:17,260
And have a nice day.
369
00:16:19,930 --> 00:16:21,480
Yeah, there's a new
invention.
370
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:22,770
It's called a turn signal.
Why don't you use it,
371
00:16:22,810 --> 00:16:24,100
you moron?
372
00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:27,860
Hey, got enough dogs
there, guy?
373
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:31,360
That's crazy,
walking all those dogs.
374
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,410
*Go on, now go*
375
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:35,240
*Walk out the door*
376
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,950
*Just turn around now*
377
00:16:37,990 --> 00:16:40,830
Those wheels are on
your chair for a reason...
378
00:16:40,870 --> 00:16:42,290
use 'em!
379
00:16:46,460 --> 00:16:48,800
[CAR HORNS HONKING]
380
00:16:58,560 --> 00:16:59,560
BOB CRATCHETT [ON TV]:
We've never had any quarrel
381
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,350
that I've ever beenparty to.
382
00:17:01,390 --> 00:17:02,730
I ask nothing of you.
383
00:17:02,770 --> 00:17:03,770
I came here in the spiritof bright good will
384
00:17:03,810 --> 00:17:05,560
and I won't let youdampen it.
385
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,440
So a Merry Christmasto you anyway, Uncle.
386
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,190
Good evening.
387
00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:11,610
SCROOGE [ON TV]:
Humbug!
388
00:17:11,650 --> 00:17:14,450
O-okay, why are you
doing that?
389
00:17:14,490 --> 00:17:15,570
What?
390
00:17:15,610 --> 00:17:16,610
Mouthing.
391
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:18,200
What are you talking about?
392
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:21,540
You're mouthing
along to the movie.
393
00:17:21,580 --> 00:17:23,200
So? I've seen
the movie 100 times.
394
00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:24,290
I know all the words.
395
00:17:24,330 --> 00:17:26,290
I understand that.
396
00:17:26,330 --> 00:17:27,830
But it's annoying.
397
00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:31,130
So then don't watch me.
398
00:17:31,170 --> 00:17:34,300
I wasn't
watching you, okay?
399
00:17:34,340 --> 00:17:36,340
But I can see it in
my periphinal vision
400
00:17:36,380 --> 00:17:38,010
and it's
distracting.
401
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:41,560
It's peripheral.
402
00:17:43,180 --> 00:17:44,270
What did I say?
403
00:17:44,310 --> 00:17:46,060
You said, "periphinal."
404
00:17:47,350 --> 00:17:48,650
No, I didn't.
405
00:17:48,690 --> 00:17:50,150
Okay, fine, you didn't.
406
00:17:50,190 --> 00:17:52,110
-Can I watch the movie now?
-Oh, go ahead.
407
00:17:52,150 --> 00:17:53,320
SCROOGE [ON TV]:That'sa poor excuse for picking
408
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:55,610
a man's pocket every 25thof December.
409
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:57,610
I said "peripheral."
410
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,370
CRATCHETT [ON TV]:
It's the family more than me.
411
00:18:01,410 --> 00:18:03,500
For God sakes,
wash your feet.
412
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,370
They stink!
413
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,040
Okay, it's not my feet.
It's my socks.
414
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:11,920
Well, burn 'em.
415
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,090
Funny, you didn't have
a problem with my feet
416
00:18:14,130 --> 00:18:15,630
when the stock
was at 12.
417
00:18:15,670 --> 00:18:18,010
Okay, here we go.
418
00:18:18,050 --> 00:18:19,970
Look, stinky, you're
the one who begged me
419
00:18:20,010 --> 00:18:23,890
to buy back in just in time
to ride the plummet.
420
00:18:23,930 --> 00:18:27,480
They got
the approval!
421
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:30,940
Right. The approval.
422
00:18:30,980 --> 00:18:32,900
Oh, I could sink my teeth
into the approval.
423
00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:34,610
You know what? Why don't
you sink your teeth into my ass?
424
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,200
That's nice. That's nice.
That's very ladylike.
425
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:40,910
What a delicate little
flower I married, hmm?
426
00:18:43,030 --> 00:18:45,200
Well, Doug, at least
I know not to buy high
427
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:47,540
and sell low, okay?
So here's a tip.
428
00:18:47,580 --> 00:18:49,500
Why don't you buy yourself
some instinct?
429
00:18:49,540 --> 00:18:51,040
You know what? That's
a real good idea.
430
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:52,250
I'll--I'll go down to
the bank and I'll take out
431
00:18:52,290 --> 00:18:53,500
a little bit
of my Christmas bonus--
432
00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:56,050
Oops, it
never made it there!
433
00:19:00,010 --> 00:19:01,590
You know what?
You could pin this on me
434
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,560
if you want to, Doug,
435
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,270
but remember,
you're the one who sold,
436
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:07,350
you're the one
who panicked.
437
00:19:07,390 --> 00:19:08,600
Oh, here it comes.
438
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,100
Okay, go ahead,
say it, say it.
439
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:11,350
Chunky cost us money.
440
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,520
Come on. Come on,
say it. It doesn't matter.
441
00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:15,940
Well, Chunky
did cost us money.
442
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:18,950
I can't believe you
just called me Chunky.
443
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:23,370
Hey, kids, come here.
I want to show you something.
444
00:19:23,410 --> 00:19:25,660
-Okay.
-[INSTRUMENTAL "SILENT NIGHT"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
445
00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:27,620
Come on, double-time.
446
00:19:27,660 --> 00:19:29,460
Come on, let's go.
Quick. Quick, quick.
447
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:31,540
What's up?
448
00:19:31,580 --> 00:19:33,040
I, uh, scrapped
all the other junk
449
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,090
and I went out
and I got this.
450
00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:36,590
So what do you think?
451
00:19:36,630 --> 00:19:39,170
["SILENT NIGHT"
CONTINUES PLAYING]
452
00:19:42,470 --> 00:19:43,600
You know, I shouldn't
have told you
453
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,060
about my Christmas bonus
in the first place.
454
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:46,310
That's it.
455
00:19:46,350 --> 00:19:48,680
Oh, sure, why don't
we just sell the stock, hmm?
456
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,270
It's just about
low enough.
457
00:19:51,310 --> 00:19:52,480
Fine, sell!
458
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:53,520
Good. Then when it goes
back up on Monday,
459
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,730
you'll be all,
"Ooh, Chunky sorry."
460
00:19:55,770 --> 00:19:57,230
-Again? Again with the Chunky?
-Yes, yes.
461
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,650
-You back it down.
-Both of you stop it!
462
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,450
How sad this is.
463
00:20:03,490 --> 00:20:05,080
It's Christmas Eve
and all you two can do
464
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,700
is argue about a couple
of nickels and dimes?
465
00:20:09,580 --> 00:20:11,500
Let me tell you
something.
466
00:20:11,540 --> 00:20:13,170
The best Christmas
I ever had
467
00:20:13,210 --> 00:20:15,130
was with your mother
in our first house,
468
00:20:15,170 --> 00:20:17,090
the one in Flatbush.
469
00:20:17,130 --> 00:20:19,590
We were broke. We had
no heat, no hot water,
470
00:20:19,630 --> 00:20:21,510
and a leaky roof.
471
00:20:21,550 --> 00:20:24,720
But we loved it!
You know why?
472
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:28,260
'Cause you had each other.
473
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,680
'Cause we had vodka!
474
00:20:31,770 --> 00:20:33,730
So come in and
let's have some shots.
475
00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,610
Um...
476
00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:45,620
I'm sorry.
477
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:48,240
I'm sorry, too.
478
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,370
Let's just sell
the stock.
479
00:20:51,410 --> 00:20:52,620
-Yes.
-I mean, who cares
480
00:20:52,660 --> 00:20:53,710
how much we lose?
481
00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:55,170
At least we'll be
done with it, right?
482
00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:56,250
Let's just dump it
483
00:20:56,290 --> 00:20:58,670
and be happy
with the life we have.
484
00:20:58,710 --> 00:21:00,170
Yeah.
485
00:21:00,210 --> 00:21:01,590
-Hmm, yes.
-Okay.
486
00:21:01,630 --> 00:21:03,130
Merry Christmas,
baby.
487
00:21:03,170 --> 00:21:04,550
Hmm, Merry Christmas.
488
00:21:05,510 --> 00:21:06,720
Mmm.
489
00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:16,690
Although it really
can't go any lower, can it?
490
00:21:16,730 --> 00:21:19,650
I was just thinking
the same thing.
491
00:21:21,190 --> 00:21:22,240
Maybe
we should keep it.
492
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,150
Maybe we
should buy more.
493
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,820
You know,
Harry bought more.
494
00:21:25,860 --> 00:21:29,330
DOUG: Harry knows. He's
a very, very smart man.
495
00:21:29,370 --> 00:21:30,620
CARRIE:
So we'll buy some more?
496
00:21:30,660 --> 00:21:31,700
DOUG: Well, how
we gonna get the money?
497
00:21:31,750 --> 00:21:33,290
CARRIE:
I don't know. Uh...
498
00:21:33,330 --> 00:21:34,660
second mortgage?
499
00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:36,670
DOUG: Better yet. Cash advance
on our credit cards.
500
00:21:36,710 --> 00:21:38,460
CARRIE: Yeah, 'cause
we get the miles!
501
00:21:38,500 --> 00:21:39,790
[DOUG GIDDILY LAUGHS]
502
00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:51,220
WOMAN [ON TV]:
And in financial news,
503
00:21:51,260 --> 00:21:53,640
Shominy dot com,this week's darling
504
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:54,680
on Wall Street,
505
00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:56,770
plummeted on newsthat its CEO
506
00:21:56,810 --> 00:22:00,020
has 11 prior convictionsfor stock fraud.
507
00:22:07,740 --> 00:22:10,990
[**]
35813
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