Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:04,330
[**]
2
00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:14,510
Oh, my God!
3
00:00:14,550 --> 00:00:15,760
Hi, Carr.
Hi, Kelly.
4
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,640
Is my husband
floating around
here somewhere?
5
00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:20,020
Yeah, he's in
the garage with Doug.
Come here, come here.
6
00:00:20,060 --> 00:00:21,730
Look at this.
7
00:00:21,770 --> 00:00:23,480
Can you believe this?
8
00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,940
OK, it's an application
for a Greenbaum
Smart Shopper Card.
9
00:00:25,980 --> 00:00:27,360
No, not that. Look.
10
00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:30,030
You have to check a box
for your age.
11
00:00:30,070 --> 00:00:32,690
The first group, right?
17 to 29. OK.
12
00:00:32,740 --> 00:00:35,030
Next group: 30...
13
00:00:35,070 --> 00:00:37,120
to 54.
14
00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:39,530
Do you know
what that means?
15
00:00:39,580 --> 00:00:43,460
In 2 days, I'm going
to be 54 years old.
16
00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:46,460
Shut up.
You're not going to be 54.
You're going to be 30.
17
00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:48,920
Well, as far
as Greenbaum's
is concerned,
18
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,880
there's
no difference.
19
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,460
Hi, darling.
20
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,050
I got a situation
downstairs.
21
00:00:54,090 --> 00:00:55,720
I need some bleach,
22
00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:56,970
a popsicle stick,
23
00:00:57,010 --> 00:00:59,430
and several boxes
of matches.
24
00:01:00,470 --> 00:01:04,730
Oh, Kelly. What
a delightful surprise.
25
00:01:04,770 --> 00:01:06,980
[SEDUCTIVELY]
Hey, Big Daddy.
How are ya?
26
00:01:07,020 --> 00:01:09,650
Fine, now
that I've seen you.
27
00:01:09,690 --> 00:01:12,690
Nothing like a cup
of brown sugar
to sweeten my day.
28
00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,530
Hey, all this
sexual tension
29
00:01:16,570 --> 00:01:18,740
is making me
a little uncomfortable.
30
00:01:18,780 --> 00:01:20,370
What's the matter
with you?
31
00:01:20,410 --> 00:01:22,160
Oh, she's just bummed out
'cause it's her birthday.
32
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,580
She thinks
she's getting old.
33
00:01:23,620 --> 00:01:24,750
What?
34
00:01:24,790 --> 00:01:26,330
Aww...that's crazy.
35
00:01:26,370 --> 00:01:27,330
Is it?
36
00:01:27,370 --> 00:01:30,380
Sure. What, are you
turning 24...25?
37
00:01:30,420 --> 00:01:31,170
30.
38
00:01:31,210 --> 00:01:33,590
Whoa! Ye God...
39
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:39,090
DOUG:
I'm tellin' you, you're wrong.
40
00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:41,760
I'm not wrong.
It's his real name.
41
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:46,390
Have you even in your life
met anyone named Boyardee?
42
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:53,900
Hey, Doug, did you remember
to order
43
00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:56,110
the Ultimate Fighting
Championship for Friday night?
44
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,820
My friend, I am a Platinum
Package subscriber.
45
00:01:58,860 --> 00:02:01,530
If it takes place
in a cage or a pit, I get it.
46
00:02:01,570 --> 00:02:03,540
That's my man.
You're taping it for me, right?
47
00:02:03,580 --> 00:02:04,620
Yep.
48
00:02:04,660 --> 00:02:06,120
What, you're not
gonna watch it with us?
49
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:08,120
Naw, my mom's comin' in
from St. Louis.
50
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:09,620
I got to pick her up
from the airport that night.
51
00:02:09,670 --> 00:02:13,210
So, she can watch
ultimate fighting with us.
52
00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:16,170
How it matters,
she could be in it.
53
00:02:17,050 --> 00:02:18,470
What?!
54
00:02:19,430 --> 00:02:21,590
Hey, hey, that was not
a mother joke.
55
00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:23,470
Yes, it was a mother joke,
and I'd be careful,
56
00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:25,350
'cause she could take you down.
57
00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:29,730
Man, this is going
to be sweet, huh?
58
00:02:29,770 --> 00:02:33,190
"AaronThe PythonYuspovich
goes for revenge
59
00:02:33,230 --> 00:02:37,030
in his rematch against
JuanEl CobraLopez,
60
00:02:37,070 --> 00:02:39,110
this Friday the 19th
61
00:02:39,150 --> 00:02:41,530
on pay-per-view."
62
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,580
"This Friday the 19th"?
63
00:02:45,700 --> 00:02:47,330
Oh, my God...
64
00:02:47,370 --> 00:02:48,370
What's the matter?
65
00:02:48,410 --> 00:02:50,210
I can't see
the fight.
66
00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:52,710
The 19th is
Carrie's birthday!
67
00:02:52,750 --> 00:02:54,040
So what?
68
00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:55,880
You already made plans
to take her out somewhere?
69
00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:57,170
No, no,
but I got to...
70
00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:59,380
do something
with her.
71
00:03:00,630 --> 00:03:02,840
Can't you just explain
that we got the fight?
72
00:03:02,890 --> 00:03:04,800
That it's already paid for?
73
00:03:05,930 --> 00:03:08,930
And you wonder why
your marriage didn't work out.
74
00:03:25,410 --> 00:03:26,740
What are you doing?
75
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:29,700
Checking out how slow
my skin bounces back
76
00:03:29,750 --> 00:03:31,620
when I pull it.
77
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,210
Compared to what?
78
00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:36,540
Compared to
how fast it used
to bounce back.
79
00:03:36,590 --> 00:03:38,130
Did you ever
do it before?
80
00:03:38,170 --> 00:03:39,880
No.
81
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,220
Well, how do you know how fast
it bounced back before?
82
00:03:42,260 --> 00:03:43,640
You know what?
You're right.
83
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:45,760
I should keep a log
or something.
84
00:03:46,850 --> 00:03:48,010
What has gotten into you?
85
00:03:48,060 --> 00:03:49,770
My birthday.
What about it?
86
00:03:49,810 --> 00:03:52,890
What about it?
I'm going to be
30 years old.
87
00:03:52,940 --> 00:03:55,440
That's, like,
the girl-woman
dividing line.
88
00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:58,070
Up till now,
it's been, "Oh,
yeah, Carrie,
89
00:03:58,110 --> 00:04:00,280
she's a pistol!"
90
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:03,070
Now it's going
to be, "Oh, right,
Mrs. Heffernan.
91
00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:04,660
She's
a handsome woman."
92
00:04:05,700 --> 00:04:08,990
Who do you know who uses
the term "pistol"?
93
00:04:10,290 --> 00:04:11,250
You know what I mean.
94
00:04:11,290 --> 00:04:13,460
Come on. Mmm.
95
00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:16,250
Doug, did you
already make plans
96
00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:18,250
for us to go out
that night?
97
00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:20,210
Tch!
Your birthday?
98
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,420
What, I'm not going
to make plans?
99
00:04:24,010 --> 00:04:25,590
Why do you ask?
100
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,100
I just don't know
how much I feel
like celebrating.
101
00:04:28,140 --> 00:04:29,720
I mean, I'd almost
rather...
102
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,980
you know,
just stay home,
read a book,
103
00:04:32,020 --> 00:04:33,980
take a bath.
104
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:38,650
Really?
105
00:04:38,690 --> 00:04:40,780
Am I--Am I being
stupid? Just tell me
106
00:04:40,820 --> 00:04:43,610
I'm being stupid
about this whole
getting-older business,
107
00:04:43,650 --> 00:04:45,700
and we will go out
Friday night.
108
00:04:50,830 --> 00:04:52,040
Doug?
109
00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:53,370
Yeah, yeah,
of course you are.
110
00:04:53,410 --> 00:04:55,790
I mean, this
is crazy talk,
you know?
111
00:04:55,830 --> 00:04:57,830
30 is nothing.
112
00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:00,170
Although it is
halfway to 60.
113
00:05:00,210 --> 00:05:02,010
Oh, my God, it is!
114
00:05:02,050 --> 00:05:03,300
I know exactly
how you feel.
115
00:05:03,340 --> 00:05:06,010
I mean, remember
my 30th birthday?
116
00:05:06,050 --> 00:05:07,300
I was so depressed,
117
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,050
all I wanted to do
was stay home
118
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:11,010
and be alone
with my thoughts.
119
00:05:12,310 --> 00:05:14,560
Didn't we go to that bar
where you got drunk,
120
00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:16,850
and you jumped
against a Velcro wall?
121
00:05:17,730 --> 00:05:20,610
Outside was happy.
Inside...
122
00:05:20,650 --> 00:05:22,530
sorrow.
123
00:05:23,650 --> 00:05:25,280
I think you should
just stay home.
124
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:26,740
You know,
bathe, read,
125
00:05:26,780 --> 00:05:30,530
listen to
a little of that
Lilith Fair stuff.
126
00:05:31,700 --> 00:05:34,160
Thank you, honey.
You're very sweet.
Sure.
127
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,460
So it's no problem
canceling the plans
you already made?
128
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:38,380
No problem.
I mean...
129
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:40,380
the dinner
reservations,
they're...
130
00:05:40,420 --> 00:05:42,000
easily cancelable.
131
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:43,920
Same with the limo.
132
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:46,720
The other couple,
I'm sure they'll
understand.
133
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:49,010
Oh, you already
did all that?
134
00:05:49,050 --> 00:05:51,220
That is so sweet.
135
00:05:51,260 --> 00:05:52,260
What restaurant?
136
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:53,680
Hmm?
137
00:05:54,850 --> 00:05:56,980
A very nice place.
Very nice place.
138
00:05:57,020 --> 00:06:00,690
That new place I told you
about, Marino's, right?
139
00:06:00,730 --> 00:06:02,070
Yeah.
140
00:06:04,230 --> 00:06:06,030
And--And
who's the couple...
141
00:06:06,070 --> 00:06:07,400
Deacon and Kelly?
142
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:10,570
Yes. We were going
to Deacon-and-Kelly
it up. Whoo!
143
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:12,200
But, uh,
we can do that all
some other time,
144
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:13,950
you know, when
you don't have this
30th-birthday cloud,
145
00:06:13,990 --> 00:06:16,330
you know, hanging
over your head, OK?
146
00:06:16,370 --> 00:06:19,250
OK. I'll just stay home.
147
00:06:19,290 --> 00:06:21,580
Listen to some Jewel.
148
00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:39,060
You suck!
149
00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:42,440
Not me. You.
150
00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:44,070
I'm not the one
who just screwed
151
00:06:44,110 --> 00:06:45,280
with my wife's feelings.
152
00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:46,990
Oh, I shouldn't have...
153
00:06:47,030 --> 00:06:49,820
It was that stupid
Ultimate Fighting Championship.
154
00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:52,280
It was
a selfish thing to do.
155
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,200
You are a selfish bastard!
156
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,160
Not me. You.
157
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:57,410
You stop that!
158
00:06:57,450 --> 00:06:58,410
Make me.
159
00:06:58,460 --> 00:06:59,580
Shut up!
You shut up!
160
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,170
No, you shut up!
You shut up!
161
00:07:01,210 --> 00:07:02,750
You shut up...
162
00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:04,000
fatty!
163
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:07,340
OK, it's me, yeah,
I'm the fat one, OK.
164
00:07:07,380 --> 00:07:09,630
Hey, you are young
and--and beautiful,
165
00:07:09,670 --> 00:07:11,630
and damn it, we're
going out Friday night.
166
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:13,390
We're going to do
everything I said
we're going to do,
167
00:07:13,430 --> 00:07:16,260
and you're going to
have the best birthday
of your life.
168
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:19,930
And you have
the springiest skin
I've ever seen!
169
00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:24,770
What did you do in there?
170
00:07:30,820 --> 00:07:33,160
DOUG: Oh, come on. You can't
be totally booked up.
171
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,490
Not one table anywhere?
172
00:07:35,530 --> 00:07:37,370
You know what?
Perhaps my friend, uh...
173
00:07:37,410 --> 00:07:42,040
Mr. Jackson
could convince you
to take another look.
174
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:46,090
You can't speak
to him. He's the guy
on the $20 bill.
175
00:07:46,130 --> 00:07:48,170
Honey?
Yeah, can you
hold on a second?
176
00:07:48,210 --> 00:07:49,380
Yeah?
177
00:07:49,420 --> 00:07:50,720
For tomorrow night.
What do you think?
178
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:51,720
I like
the slutty one.
179
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:54,180
Yeah, me, too.
OK.
180
00:07:54,220 --> 00:07:55,680
It's going
to be great!
181
00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:58,220
Come on, it's
my wife's birthday.
182
00:07:58,260 --> 00:07:59,850
You got to
have a table.
183
00:07:59,890 --> 00:08:01,020
Please!
184
00:08:01,060 --> 00:08:02,690
Yes, that's fine.
185
00:08:02,730 --> 00:08:04,690
Oh, OK. Thank you.
The name's Heffernan.
186
00:08:04,730 --> 00:08:05,860
Yup, I'll see you
tomorrow night.
187
00:08:05,900 --> 00:08:07,690
All right,
this is good. OK...
188
00:08:07,730 --> 00:08:10,690
"Table at Marino's,"
check.
189
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,280
"Limo," check.
190
00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:13,700
"Gift," got it,
191
00:08:13,740 --> 00:08:16,530
"Card." Got to get
that today. OK...
192
00:08:16,570 --> 00:08:18,580
Hey, man, ready to go?
Yeah, yeah. Listen.
193
00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:20,580
I need you and Kelly
to come out with us
194
00:08:20,620 --> 00:08:22,080
for Carrie's birthday
tomorrow night.
195
00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:23,920
Can't do it.
I already told you.
My mom's flying in.
196
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,040
Look, I know,
but I promised Carrie
a big birthday night
197
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:28,000
when I thought
she wouldn't want
to do it,
198
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,630
and then I felt so bad
I shimmied her back into going,
199
00:08:30,670 --> 00:08:32,590
and now if I
don't come through,
200
00:08:32,630 --> 00:08:34,590
I'll never be able
to live with myself.
201
00:08:35,930 --> 00:08:38,010
No idea what you're
talking about,
202
00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:39,560
but...I got
my mother. Come on,
we're late.
203
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:40,720
Please, come on--
Hey, come on!
204
00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:42,560
It's 3 hours
of your life!
205
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:43,730
Hmm...
206
00:08:43,770 --> 00:08:45,100
You still want me
to tape that, uh...
207
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:46,650
ultimate fighting
for you, don't you?
208
00:08:46,690 --> 00:08:48,730
Yeah. You said
you would.
209
00:08:48,770 --> 00:08:50,900
Oh, I'll tape it.
Sure.
210
00:08:50,940 --> 00:08:53,570
Just be a shame
if that tape
had a little...
211
00:08:53,610 --> 00:08:56,820
accident before
I could get it to you.
212
00:09:15,470 --> 00:09:17,470
So, this is great.
213
00:09:17,510 --> 00:09:20,510
We're all here for
Carrie's birthday.
214
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,850
Just feels right.
215
00:09:25,810 --> 00:09:28,730
We're really glad
you can join us tonight,
Mrs. Palmer.
216
00:09:28,770 --> 00:09:30,730
It's not
like I had a choice.
217
00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:32,110
You snatch me
fresh off the plane,
218
00:09:32,150 --> 00:09:34,030
don't even give a woman
a chance to clean up.
219
00:09:34,070 --> 00:09:36,400
Why didn't you tell me
we were going out
to a fancy dinner?
220
00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:37,530
I said I'm sorry.
221
00:09:37,570 --> 00:09:39,820
You should've
told her, Deac.
222
00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:42,700
It's not like we haven't
had these plans for weeks.
223
00:09:42,740 --> 00:09:44,660
I guess I just forgot.
224
00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:48,210
I got one word
for you, buddy: date book.
225
00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:53,800
[CLEARS THROAT]
226
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:54,960
So, honey,
you, uh...
227
00:09:55,010 --> 00:09:56,680
You want to open
my present now?
228
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,430
No, no, no.
229
00:09:58,470 --> 00:09:59,930
I'm enjoying
the limo ride too much.
230
00:09:59,970 --> 00:10:02,220
Anyway, it's too dark
in here to read the card.
231
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,020
Card, yeah.
232
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:16,530
Unh...
233
00:10:16,570 --> 00:10:18,610
What you got going
there, hon?
234
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,070
I got something
caught in my teeth.
235
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,080
I tell you,
if I don't get
some floss,
236
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:23,660
it's going to
bother me all night.
237
00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:26,040
Do you guys mind
if we pull over
at a drugstore?
238
00:10:27,540 --> 00:10:30,670
Oh, man, this is
the worst selection
239
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:32,040
of cards I've ever seen.
240
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:34,380
While you're here, why don't
you buy me a date book?
241
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:37,380
Let it go.
242
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,680
Come on, I'm dyin' here,
these cards,
243
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:41,850
they're actually dusty.
244
00:10:41,890 --> 00:10:43,140
Well, what about this one?
245
00:10:43,180 --> 00:10:45,180
It's a chimp
sitting on a toilet?
246
00:10:45,220 --> 00:10:46,350
It's funny.
247
00:10:46,390 --> 00:10:48,180
What message is that
supposed to communicate?
248
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,600
I don't know.
249
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:52,360
Ah.
Ah.
250
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:53,900
Yeah, still, it's not
right though, come on.
251
00:10:53,940 --> 00:10:55,230
Oh, will you hurry up?
252
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,570
My mom and Kelly
in a confined space together.
253
00:10:57,610 --> 00:10:59,860
Somebody's going down.
254
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:01,990
Wait a second.
What's this?
255
00:11:02,030 --> 00:11:04,450
This is very nice.
Very nice.
256
00:11:04,490 --> 00:11:06,200
OK, let's go.
257
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:07,450
Just this. Heh.
258
00:11:08,660 --> 00:11:09,830
$1.08.
259
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,880
OK, there you go.
260
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:15,710
Uh-oh. I-I can't
change this.
261
00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:17,760
Haven't you got
something smaller
than a 20?
262
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,010
Uh, no.
Sorry.
263
00:11:20,050 --> 00:11:21,050
A ten?
264
00:11:21,090 --> 00:11:23,220
Still no.
265
00:11:23,260 --> 00:11:24,220
Sorry.
266
00:11:24,260 --> 00:11:25,720
Look, you got
any smaller bills?
267
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,060
Kelly holds
my wallet.
268
00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:29,020
Man, you got
some woman issues, huh?
269
00:11:29,060 --> 00:11:32,060
OK, all right, look,
I'll just--I'll buy
something else. Uh...
270
00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:34,690
Know what? Uh,
give me a comb,
271
00:11:34,730 --> 00:11:37,230
um, the Oh Henry! bar
there,
272
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,150
uh...
273
00:11:38,190 --> 00:11:39,570
throw in
the nail clippers,
274
00:11:39,610 --> 00:11:41,780
and give me
a water pistol.
275
00:11:41,820 --> 00:11:43,660
What color?
276
00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:45,910
Uh, you got blue?
No.
277
00:11:45,950 --> 00:11:48,750
I don't care then.
Whatever.
278
00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:50,580
OK, what does
all that come to?
279
00:11:50,620 --> 00:11:52,370
4.26.
280
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:54,960
That's all?
281
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,500
Get some
of these pretzels.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
282
00:11:56,540 --> 00:11:58,000
Give me $16 worth
of pretzels.
283
00:11:58,050 --> 00:11:59,550
Oh, those are free.
284
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,380
You're killin' me.
285
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:16,230
So, Mrs. Palmer,
286
00:12:16,270 --> 00:12:20,110
you must be so excited
to see Deacon and Kelly.
287
00:12:20,150 --> 00:12:23,570
And little baby Kirby.
He is so cute!
288
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:27,280
Who ever heard of
naming a boy after
a vacuum cleaner?
289
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:29,870
Some people have
no sense. Am I right?
290
00:12:29,910 --> 00:12:32,660
Yeah. I...
I know just what you mean.
291
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:35,540
How many little ones
do you have,
darling?
292
00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:37,130
Oh, me? Uh, none.
293
00:12:37,170 --> 00:12:38,380
Barren.
294
00:12:38,420 --> 00:12:40,010
Oh, my God.
295
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:42,170
No, no, no.
Not barren.
296
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:45,300
Not that I...
not that I know of.
Ha ha!
297
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:49,220
It's just that
for the time being,
I'm going to...
298
00:12:49,260 --> 00:12:51,430
I want to focus
on my career.
299
00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:52,810
Mm-hmm.
300
00:12:52,850 --> 00:12:53,810
What do you do?
301
00:12:53,850 --> 00:12:56,600
I'm a...secretary.
302
00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:59,150
Legal secretary.
303
00:12:59,190 --> 00:13:01,070
So you think
it's more important
304
00:13:01,110 --> 00:13:03,070
to type
and answer phones
305
00:13:03,110 --> 00:13:04,530
than to share
your love
306
00:13:04,570 --> 00:13:07,450
with a sweet baby
that's growing
inside you?
307
00:13:07,490 --> 00:13:08,870
Well, I also arrange
308
00:13:08,910 --> 00:13:12,410
for the muffins
at the morning staff meetings.
309
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:25,340
Hurry up!
310
00:13:25,380 --> 00:13:27,510
Stop pressuring me.
311
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:30,180
Uh-oh.
312
00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:31,310
What?
313
00:13:31,350 --> 00:13:33,020
I--I just wrote myself
into a corner here!
314
00:13:33,060 --> 00:13:34,850
Just read me
what you have.
315
00:13:34,890 --> 00:13:36,270
"Dear Carrie,
316
00:13:36,310 --> 00:13:39,230
you are nothing less
to me than a big..."
317
00:13:42,730 --> 00:13:43,990
Where were you going
with that?
318
00:13:44,030 --> 00:13:45,820
I don't know!
I'm getting wired
319
00:13:45,860 --> 00:13:46,910
from chewing
all this Nicorette!
320
00:13:46,950 --> 00:13:48,070
All right,
all right.
321
00:13:48,110 --> 00:13:49,780
Just work with
what you got.
Come on.
322
00:13:49,820 --> 00:13:51,160
OK.
323
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,790
"You are nothing less
to me than a big...
324
00:13:53,830 --> 00:13:55,790
pile of...
325
00:13:55,830 --> 00:13:57,420
love meat."
326
00:13:58,580 --> 00:13:59,920
Oh, man,
I am blanking!
327
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:01,290
All right,
don't panic.
328
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:03,510
Maybe we can play
with the letters here.
Okay.
329
00:14:03,550 --> 00:14:05,510
All right, what
if you turned
the "B"...
330
00:14:05,550 --> 00:14:06,510
Yeah?
331
00:14:06,550 --> 00:14:08,640
...into an "8"?
332
00:14:11,140 --> 00:14:13,810
Where does that
get me?
333
00:14:13,850 --> 00:14:17,730
Wait a second, what
if I change the "i"...
334
00:14:17,770 --> 00:14:19,310
into an "l"...
335
00:14:19,350 --> 00:14:21,060
and then
I squeeze the "i"...
336
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,820
before the "l"?
337
00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:23,820
No, why don't you
just keep the "i"
338
00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:25,650
and draw in
the "l," man?
339
00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:27,530
Oh, hey, hey,
yeah, yeah!
340
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,950
Oh, wait a second.
That's "bilge"!
341
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,330
Oh, my God,
what have I done?
342
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:43,130
[LOUDLY EXHALES]
343
00:14:43,170 --> 00:14:46,130
All right!
This place is nice.
344
00:14:46,170 --> 00:14:49,130
What are we
sitting outside for?
It's freezing!
345
00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:50,510
I just thought for
Carrie's birthday,
346
00:14:50,550 --> 00:14:52,720
it would be nice to
spread out a little.
347
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,260
Got the whole patio
to ourselves,
348
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:57,310
so we can
Par-tee!
349
00:14:57,350 --> 00:14:59,020
[HUMMING]
350
00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:04,820
[SLURRING SLIGHTLY]
That's sweet, honey.
351
00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:06,320
You're a sweetie pie.
352
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:07,820
You're OK?
You're not too cold?
353
00:15:07,860 --> 00:15:08,900
Nope.
354
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,410
Well, I am.
355
00:15:10,450 --> 00:15:12,200
Just take
my jacket, Mom.
356
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,530
And be seen in
that wrinkled thing?
I'd rather freeze.
357
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:15,540
Mom, take it.
358
00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:18,250
She wants to freeze,
let her freeze.
359
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,500
All right.
I'll take the jacket.
360
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,380
This place looks
great, you know?
361
00:15:25,420 --> 00:15:27,170
And certainly
no shortage of forks.
362
00:15:27,210 --> 00:15:28,670
If I would've known
there were this many forks,
363
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:32,050
I wouldn't have brought
my own. Ha ha!
364
00:15:33,930 --> 00:15:36,350
It's a lot of
forks. Yeah.
365
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,390
You all right,
honey?
366
00:15:39,430 --> 00:15:40,690
Fine.
367
00:15:40,730 --> 00:15:41,940
You're
shivering.
368
00:15:41,980 --> 00:15:43,690
I'm fine.
369
00:15:45,230 --> 00:15:46,900
I want the ultimate
fighting tape
370
00:15:46,940 --> 00:15:49,240
tomorrow morning.
371
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:55,080
I--I got--I got
to floss again,
you know.
372
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,620
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
373
00:15:59,450 --> 00:16:01,120
[RING]
374
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:03,420
Hello.
375
00:16:03,460 --> 00:16:06,500
Arthur, look, I need you
to tape something for me
on the VCR, OK?
376
00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:08,340
It's starting in a minute,
so we have to hurry.
377
00:16:08,380 --> 00:16:10,090
First, set the TVto channel 3.
378
00:16:10,130 --> 00:16:12,720
Then put a blank tape
in the VCR and set it
to channel 82.
379
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:14,050
You got that?
380
00:16:14,090 --> 00:16:16,390
Who is this?
381
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,770
You know what
I'm in the mood for?
382
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,610
A drink.
383
00:16:29,610 --> 00:16:31,280
Where's our waiter?
384
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,200
Why are they all inside?
385
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,280
Because it's warm
and there are no pigeons.
386
00:16:38,370 --> 00:16:41,500
Oh, my goodness.
It's snowing.
387
00:16:42,790 --> 00:16:45,130
Oh! Oh! Snow! Snow!
388
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:50,920
Deacon, I am quite
ready to leave!
389
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,470
Well, we're not.
We are celebrating
our friend's birthday.
390
00:16:53,510 --> 00:16:54,590
Deacon?
391
00:16:54,630 --> 00:16:55,800
Honey?
392
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,810
I hate Doug!
393
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:01,100
Well, I am leaving.
394
00:17:01,140 --> 00:17:02,930
I'll just grab my luggage
out of the limo
395
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,600
and take the bus.
396
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:05,770
See you at home.
397
00:17:06,730 --> 00:17:08,690
Mom...
398
00:17:08,730 --> 00:17:10,820
Kelly, please?
399
00:17:10,860 --> 00:17:12,190
Carrie, you mind?
400
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,900
Deacon's head's
about to explode.
401
00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:16,200
No, you go ahead.
402
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:18,320
I'm going to make
a nice snow angel.
403
00:17:20,370 --> 00:17:24,160
Now, put the tape in
and press the red button.
404
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,630
The one that says
"record"?
405
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:30,420
Yeah, sure, whatever.
406
00:17:30,460 --> 00:17:33,010
Now, double check.
Is the VCR on channel 82?
407
00:17:33,050 --> 00:17:34,840
I don't know.
It's not plugged in.
408
00:17:35,970 --> 00:17:38,600
And why isn't it plugged in?
409
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:39,800
Fire hazard.
410
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:42,270
I unplug everything
when you're not home.
411
00:17:43,350 --> 00:17:44,390
Well, plug it in!
412
00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:46,850
All right.Here it goes.
413
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:51,480
Are you there?
414
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,150
Yeah. Did you plug it in?
415
00:17:53,190 --> 00:17:54,690
Yeah.
Didn't quite fit,
416
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:57,610
but I jammed it in
there pretty good.
417
00:18:08,750 --> 00:18:12,590
Whew! I am so sorry
I took so long.
418
00:18:12,630 --> 00:18:16,050
The food was really,
uh, wedged down
in my gum, you know?
419
00:18:16,090 --> 00:18:20,220
I think I need to see
a gum...dentist.
420
00:18:20,260 --> 00:18:22,390
Hey, where is, uh,
where is everyone?
421
00:18:22,430 --> 00:18:25,180
They left because
it was snowing.
422
00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:27,440
Oh, so it's, uh...
423
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,020
just you and me,
huh?
424
00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:31,020
Yes, indeedly-doo.
Okay...
425
00:18:31,060 --> 00:18:32,320
Now, give me my present.
426
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,780
Give me,
give me, give me!
427
00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:38,280
Sure. Here you go.
428
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:40,200
Hey, Happy Birthday!
429
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:42,830
Ahh!
430
00:18:42,870 --> 00:18:44,410
Uh...oh!
431
00:18:44,450 --> 00:18:46,000
Think it's a card.
Ha ha!
432
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:47,790
Yes.
433
00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,380
"Dear Carrie,
434
00:18:51,420 --> 00:18:54,710
you are nothing
less to me than a...
435
00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:56,380
bilgistic...
436
00:18:56,420 --> 00:18:59,300
pile of love meat."
437
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:05,390
[SIGHS]
438
00:19:05,430 --> 00:19:09,640
Doug, that
is so beautiful!
439
00:19:10,770 --> 00:19:12,400
It is?
440
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,610
OK, I think
you've had
enough to drink.
441
00:19:14,650 --> 00:19:16,360
OK.
442
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,740
I love you.
443
00:19:18,780 --> 00:19:19,570
Come on.
444
00:19:19,610 --> 00:19:21,780
Let's make a baby
right now.
445
00:19:21,820 --> 00:19:23,200
What?
446
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,580
Don't worry.
We won't name him
after a vacuum cleaner.
447
00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:29,960
Although Hoover
is kind of cute!
448
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,460
Hoover Heffernan.
449
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:33,380
[JOYFULLY CHUCKLES]
450
00:19:33,420 --> 00:19:34,630
All right, come on, baby,
take off your pants.
451
00:19:34,670 --> 00:19:36,760
Hey, Carrie,
come on, come on!
452
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,420
There's people!
453
00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:41,720
You don't want to have
a baby with me!
454
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:43,090
I do! Just...
455
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:45,430
not before my salad.
456
00:19:45,470 --> 00:19:47,020
What's wrong
with you tonight?
457
00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:48,850
What's wrong with me
458
00:19:48,890 --> 00:19:51,440
is that I'm a big...
459
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:54,150
fat selfish
person!
460
00:19:54,190 --> 00:19:55,900
Deacon's mother
was right.
461
00:19:55,940 --> 00:19:58,280
Oh, she got you going
on this? Oh, God...
462
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,950
It's all been
about me.
463
00:20:00,990 --> 00:20:03,740
My life, my job,
464
00:20:03,780 --> 00:20:04,740
my mai-tai.
465
00:20:04,780 --> 00:20:07,410
Carrie, would you stop?
Please stop.
466
00:20:07,450 --> 00:20:08,750
Look, you're not
a selfish person.
467
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:10,500
You're
a wonderful person...
468
00:20:10,540 --> 00:20:13,380
who's had
12 umbrella drinks.
469
00:20:13,420 --> 00:20:14,960
So I'm being
ridiculous?
470
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,290
Yes.
471
00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:18,170
Ohh...
472
00:20:18,210 --> 00:20:19,550
God!
473
00:20:19,590 --> 00:20:21,300
Look at me, drunk...
474
00:20:21,340 --> 00:20:22,970
pitying myself,
475
00:20:23,010 --> 00:20:24,890
I ruined
this beautiful night
476
00:20:24,930 --> 00:20:28,810
you worked so hard
to plan. I'm not
bilgistic at all, honey,
477
00:20:28,850 --> 00:20:29,810
you are.
478
00:20:29,850 --> 00:20:32,810
No, trust me, I'm not.
No. You are.
479
00:20:32,850 --> 00:20:34,940
Carrie,
would you stop
and listen to me?
480
00:20:34,980 --> 00:20:37,400
The other night when
you said you didn't
want to go out
481
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:40,860
and I told you
I made all these
great plans...
482
00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:42,610
I--I was lying.
483
00:20:42,650 --> 00:20:44,660
OK? I didn't make any.
484
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:48,950
I was so worried
about seeing my stupid
ultimate fighting,
485
00:20:48,990 --> 00:20:53,080
I slapped this
whole night together
last minute.
486
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:54,620
Really?
487
00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:57,000
That wasn't
very bilgistic
of you--
488
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:58,670
That's not even a word!
489
00:20:58,710 --> 00:21:01,340
I made it up when
I was writing your card
490
00:21:01,380 --> 00:21:02,880
in the drugstore.
491
00:21:03,970 --> 00:21:07,010
I mean, God,
everything wrong
with this night
492
00:21:07,050 --> 00:21:08,890
is my fault! Me!
493
00:21:11,180 --> 00:21:13,020
Listen, Carrie,
494
00:21:13,060 --> 00:21:16,100
I'm so sorry
for tonight.
495
00:21:18,060 --> 00:21:20,070
And I love you.
496
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,190
I love you, too.
497
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,530
Happy Birthday.
498
00:21:25,570 --> 00:21:30,080
Happy Birthday
to you, too.
499
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:38,710
Come on, let's go.
500
00:21:39,630 --> 00:21:41,090
Can we moon people
out of the limo?
501
00:21:41,130 --> 00:21:43,130
Of course.
OK!
502
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:56,350
Oh, bring on
the ultimate fighting!
503
00:21:56,390 --> 00:21:58,650
[WOMAN ON TV
SPEAKING CHINESE]
504
00:22:06,110 --> 00:22:08,070
Arthur!
505
00:22:09,410 --> 00:22:12,370
[**]
506
00:22:13,790 --> 00:22:16,500
[**]
34550
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
