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1
00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:04,210
[**]
2
00:00:05,540 --> 00:00:06,960
Morning, Dad.
3
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,170
Morning.
4
00:00:08,210 --> 00:00:10,260
Where'd you get the
Wall Street Journal?
5
00:00:10,300 --> 00:00:11,260
Huh?
6
00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:13,010
Oh, from the...
what do you call it?
7
00:00:13,050 --> 00:00:15,550
The neighbor's porch?
8
00:00:15,590 --> 00:00:17,140
Right.
9
00:00:17,180 --> 00:00:19,060
You stole
their newspaper?
10
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:20,350
I did not steal it.
11
00:00:20,390 --> 00:00:22,140
It is a well-known
principle of common law
12
00:00:22,180 --> 00:00:25,520
that any newspaper not
taken inside by 7:30 a.m.
13
00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:27,270
Is free game.
14
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,280
It's, um, 7:15.
15
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,740
Ah, they're dead asleep.
I checked.
16
00:00:37,410 --> 00:00:39,660
[**]
17
00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:55,010
Oh, man, where is Sara?
We're going to be so late.
18
00:00:55,050 --> 00:00:56,300
Where you guys, uh,
headed tonight?
19
00:00:56,340 --> 00:00:58,300
Rhonda Levine's
bachelorette party.
20
00:00:58,350 --> 00:01:00,180
I thought you went
to that a couple
of weeks ago.
21
00:01:00,220 --> 00:01:01,770
No, no, that was
her engagement party,
22
00:01:01,810 --> 00:01:04,140
and then next week, I'm
throwing her a bridal shower,
23
00:01:04,180 --> 00:01:05,640
and then a week from Saturday's
the rehearsal dinner,
24
00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:07,190
and then I'm a bridesmaid
in her wedding,
25
00:01:07,230 --> 00:01:08,480
and then,
with any luck at all,
26
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,940
I'll never have to see
her again.
27
00:01:10,980 --> 00:01:15,530
So what kind of
bachelorette party is
this gonna be tonight, huh?
28
00:01:15,570 --> 00:01:17,700
Rowdy? Lot of drinking?
29
00:01:17,740 --> 00:01:19,870
Well, I certainly hope so.
30
00:01:19,910 --> 00:01:20,990
A stripper?
31
00:01:21,030 --> 00:01:22,790
God willing.
32
00:01:22,830 --> 00:01:27,080
Hey, do yourself a favor
and don't judge his body
based on mine, 'cause...
33
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,040
it's not fair to him.
Right.
34
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,340
By the way, honey, do
you have a few singles?
35
00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:33,210
That's very funny, yeah.
36
00:01:33,250 --> 00:01:34,510
Hi. Oh, no, no, no.
37
00:01:34,550 --> 00:01:36,050
Carrie, Carrie,
don't get him
worked up.
38
00:01:36,090 --> 00:01:37,340
You're gonna
make us late.
39
00:01:37,380 --> 00:01:39,760
Me? You know how late
we are because of you?
40
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,310
OK, so you had the
bigger room growing
up. Get over it.
41
00:01:42,350 --> 00:01:44,520
All right,
let's just go. Come on.
I'm parked out front.
42
00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:46,640
Honey, what are you going
to do tonight?
43
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,940
I'm, uh, just going to
Cooper's with the guys.
Shoot some pool.
44
00:01:48,980 --> 00:01:50,150
OK, well, have fun.
45
00:01:50,190 --> 00:01:51,150
SARA: OK, bye-bye.
46
00:01:51,190 --> 00:01:53,530
Hoo! Thank God
it's Friday!
47
00:01:53,570 --> 00:01:56,530
I thought the weekend
would never get here.
48
00:01:56,570 --> 00:01:58,860
So where we off
to tonight, kids?
49
00:01:58,910 --> 00:02:00,320
Jazz at the Cotton Club?
50
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:03,580
Prizefight
at the Yankee Stadium?
51
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:09,540
It is Friday, right?
52
00:02:09,580 --> 00:02:13,380
Yeah, just not in
the year that you think.
53
00:02:13,420 --> 00:02:15,550
Oh, well, whatever you
kids are into is fine,
54
00:02:15,590 --> 00:02:17,130
just as long
as we have some fun.
55
00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:20,260
So how 'bout it--
let's 23 skidoo!
56
00:02:22,390 --> 00:02:25,220
Actually, Dad, Sara
and I are going to
a bachelorette party,
57
00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:27,930
and Doug's going to hang out
with some of his friends.
58
00:02:27,980 --> 00:02:29,560
Oh. Uh-huh.
59
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:32,560
We didn't know you were
expecting to go out tonight.
60
00:02:32,610 --> 00:02:35,320
Well, just a lifetime
of habit, I suppose.
61
00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,690
Friday night, big night.
62
00:02:39,110 --> 00:02:42,240
Well, anyway,
you kids have fun.
63
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:43,910
I'm going
to head back down
64
00:02:43,950 --> 00:02:45,990
and see if I can't
get that heater
to stop leaking...
65
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:49,370
methane gas
once and for all.
66
00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:53,920
Oh, God, you guys,
I feel so bad.
67
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,130
He's been so lonely
since Tessie died.
68
00:02:56,170 --> 00:03:00,260
I know. And he put on
Canoe and everything.
69
00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:02,260
SARA: I'm going to go
wait in the car.
70
00:03:05,470 --> 00:03:08,730
Doug, you don't suppose
that you could take him--
71
00:03:08,770 --> 00:03:11,390
Carrie, it's my one
night out with the guys.
72
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,400
You're right, you're right.
I'm sorry.
73
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:15,570
He'll-- He'll be fine.
74
00:03:15,610 --> 00:03:18,780
I know, I know.
OK, have a good time.
75
00:03:18,820 --> 00:03:20,240
Bye.
Have fun.
76
00:03:28,910 --> 00:03:30,370
Argh!
77
00:03:31,830 --> 00:03:33,380
Arthur!
78
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:36,460
[LAUGHTER]
79
00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:38,250
DOUG: So I tell her,
I said, "Look, lady,
80
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:40,090
"I just need you to sign
for the package, right?
81
00:03:40,130 --> 00:03:41,800
I'm not allowed
to come inside."
82
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:44,090
And then,
I swear to God,
83
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:45,930
her robe just opens...
84
00:03:45,970 --> 00:03:47,560
DEACON:
Get outta here.
85
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,270
I'm telling you,
she pulls the sash,
the thing opens, boom!
86
00:03:50,310 --> 00:03:53,190
I'm staring right
at Simon and Garfunkle.
87
00:03:54,230 --> 00:03:55,980
Look, man, I would
have gone for it.
88
00:03:56,020 --> 00:03:57,570
Yeah, you would have
run away screaming.
89
00:03:57,610 --> 00:03:59,440
Hey, I get hit on
a lot at work, OK?
90
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:01,400
What, when they're
buyin' subway tokens
91
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,780
they fondle your hand
through the little slot?
92
00:04:03,820 --> 00:04:05,950
Yeah, your mother does.
93
00:04:05,990 --> 00:04:08,490
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
94
00:04:08,540 --> 00:04:10,500
Let me finish my story,
please, huh?
95
00:04:10,540 --> 00:04:12,080
So anyway, I'm trying
to look like I'm
not rattled, you know--
96
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:15,170
Hey, Doug,
where's the old man?
97
00:04:15,210 --> 00:04:18,210
DOUG: Oh, there he is.
Let me-- let me go
wrangle him, huh?
98
00:04:20,130 --> 00:04:21,300
DOUG: Arthur?
99
00:04:21,340 --> 00:04:23,170
Come on. Let's go.
We, uh, we got a booth.
100
00:04:23,220 --> 00:04:24,840
What kind of a joint
is this anyway?
101
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,680
One of those
private, uh...
102
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,640
after-hour clubs?
103
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:30,520
It's just a place
we hang out.
104
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:34,350
Cops ever come in
and bust it up?
105
00:04:34,390 --> 00:04:35,980
It's a restaurant.
Come on.
106
00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:39,020
That's my marker,
gentlemen!
107
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,570
OK.
108
00:04:40,610 --> 00:04:43,150
You go have a seat,
huh? You can have
a nice meal.
109
00:04:43,190 --> 00:04:45,660
Get you a stiff drink,
we're gonna be fine.
110
00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:48,780
Here you go,
you can sit right there, so...
111
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:50,950
These the same fellas
who were in the car
with us?
112
00:04:50,990 --> 00:04:51,950
Same ones.
113
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,580
DOUG: OK, where was I?
114
00:04:53,620 --> 00:04:56,210
Anyway, her robe's
open, right, and now
she's got my pen.
115
00:04:56,250 --> 00:04:58,000
She won't give me
the pen, so I'm lookin'
at her, like,
116
00:04:58,040 --> 00:04:59,710
"Look, lady,
if you don't sign
for the package,
117
00:04:59,750 --> 00:05:01,210
I'm going to have
to call my supervisor,
right?"
118
00:05:01,250 --> 00:05:02,710
You gonna
call O'Boyle.
119
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:05,010
He would have been
there in 5 minutes
with his pants down.
120
00:05:05,050 --> 00:05:06,840
O'Boyle?
Who's O'Boyle?
121
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,470
He's our boss at work.
122
00:05:08,510 --> 00:05:11,220
So, anyway, her robe's open,
completely open, she's got
the pen--
123
00:05:11,260 --> 00:05:13,180
An Irishman?
Who?
124
00:05:13,220 --> 00:05:15,560
O'Boyle.
Is he an Irishman?
125
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:17,650
Yeah, I guess so.
So-- so what?
It doesn't matter.
126
00:05:17,690 --> 00:05:20,020
ARTHUR: I fought in
the Battle of the Bulge
with an Irishman.
127
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:22,480
His name was O'Shannon.
128
00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:25,450
Saw him get his nose
shot right off his face.
129
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:29,410
Choked to death
on his own blood,
130
00:05:29,450 --> 00:05:31,240
screaming for his mother.
131
00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:34,700
Oh, but we saved
your precious Europe!
132
00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:41,000
I think your
pool table's open.
133
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,460
Is it?
Yeah.
134
00:05:43,300 --> 00:05:45,300
This one's
for O'Shannon!
135
00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:48,430
I'm uh, sorry about him...
Nah, it's fine.
136
00:05:48,470 --> 00:05:49,930
Don't worry about it.
137
00:05:49,970 --> 00:05:52,260
Yeah, it's not like
he lives in your house
or anything...
138
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:53,810
Oops.
139
00:05:53,850 --> 00:05:56,310
DOUG: Funny.
It ain't funny, right?
140
00:05:56,350 --> 00:05:57,440
Shut up. I got, like,
a 2-minute window here
141
00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:58,810
I can tell you this,
all right?
142
00:05:58,850 --> 00:06:01,360
I had a marker down.
This is my table now.
143
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,320
What marker? What are
you talking about?
144
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:04,940
Right here.
145
00:06:04,980 --> 00:06:06,440
Ha. That's a nickel.
146
00:06:06,490 --> 00:06:08,570
It's 4 quarters
to play the table.
147
00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:11,070
Excuse me.
148
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:19,960
Looks like you missed.
149
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:24,000
Now get off my table,
unless you feel like
dancing with the snowman!
150
00:06:25,670 --> 00:06:28,680
Oh, I'm not going
to get to finish
this story, am I?
151
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,100
* What a man, what a man,what a man *
152
00:06:37,140 --> 00:06:39,770
* What a mighty good man *
153
00:06:40,190 --> 00:06:41,560
Whoo!
154
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,690
I thought that guy
really had us, Douglas,
155
00:06:43,730 --> 00:06:45,820
but you lost him with
that nifty driving of yours.
156
00:06:45,860 --> 00:06:48,150
What do you call
that maneuver, anyway?
157
00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:49,990
A right turn.
158
00:06:50,740 --> 00:06:51,990
ARTHUR: Whoo!
159
00:06:52,030 --> 00:06:55,200
What a night we had,
Carrie! Bar fight,
car chase,
160
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:57,080
topped off by a fine
dinner at...
161
00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:58,330
What was that place,
Douglas?
162
00:06:58,370 --> 00:07:00,000
White Castle.
163
00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:04,710
Well, I'm glad
you had fun, Dad.
164
00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:05,880
Listen,
it's pretty late.
165
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:07,340
Why don't you head
on down to bed?
166
00:07:07,380 --> 00:07:08,470
Well, I'm pretty wired,
but...
167
00:07:08,510 --> 00:07:10,380
that's what the pills
are for.
168
00:07:12,260 --> 00:07:14,510
Douglas,
you're a good boy.
169
00:07:17,390 --> 00:07:19,890
Ohh, you took him anyway.
170
00:07:19,930 --> 00:07:21,850
That was so sweet.
171
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,020
Yeah, yeah.
172
00:07:23,060 --> 00:07:24,520
Was it terrible?
173
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,650
Well, he's--
he's quite a cupcake.
174
00:07:27,820 --> 00:07:33,280
Well, thank you. Thank you
very, very, very much.
175
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,330
I love you, I love you,
I love you.
176
00:07:36,370 --> 00:07:38,040
Had a couple of drinks,
did you?
177
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,080
Mm-hmm.
178
00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:42,710
Tell ya, I don't know
what gets into your father
sometimes, you know?
179
00:07:42,750 --> 00:07:45,460
He's like a boxer that
doesn't hear the bell.
180
00:07:47,210 --> 00:07:49,920
Ooh, you hit something
there.
181
00:07:50,420 --> 00:07:51,970
Uh-huh.
182
00:07:52,630 --> 00:07:56,430
Sha-- shay. Wow.
183
00:07:56,930 --> 00:07:58,770
You've learned me.
184
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:00,680
Uh-huh.
185
00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:02,190
Where we going,
upstairs?
186
00:08:02,230 --> 00:08:03,140
Uh-huh.
187
00:08:03,190 --> 00:08:04,770
Be gentle.
188
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,660
Yeah.
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
189
00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:15,410
Hey.
190
00:08:15,450 --> 00:08:16,870
What's up, Deke?
191
00:08:16,910 --> 00:08:19,330
I got your jacket. You left
it at Cooper's last night.
192
00:08:19,370 --> 00:08:21,080
Thank you.
193
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:24,460
Hmm. You're awfully chipper
for a guy who was chased
out of a bar
194
00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:26,790
making girly noises.
195
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,920
Pancake? Waffle?
How 'bout a
pancake-waffle combo?
196
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,260
Huh? What do you say?
Like a paffle?
197
00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:33,930
Yeah, any of that's fine.
198
00:08:33,970 --> 00:08:37,220
So seriously, man,
what's this good mood
all about?
199
00:08:37,260 --> 00:08:38,390
[SIGHS]
200
00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:42,060
Oh, nothing special.
201
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:43,810
Now, come on. What?
202
00:08:43,850 --> 00:08:46,350
Well, Carrie saw that
I had taken Arthur out
with us last night,
203
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,320
she was,
how shall I say...
204
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:51,480
appreciative.
205
00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:53,320
You had sex.
206
00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:57,490
Sort of. It certainly
was in the sex family.
207
00:08:58,950 --> 00:08:59,950
What do you mean?
208
00:08:59,990 --> 00:09:01,950
Let's just say that
last night...
209
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,750
was Doug time.
210
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:06,330
Oh, you mean--
211
00:09:06,370 --> 00:09:08,960
That's right, my friend.
212
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:12,380
Mazeltov.
213
00:09:12,420 --> 00:09:15,840
I guess it goes to show
you that it pays to be nice
to your wife's father. Uh?
214
00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:17,470
Yeah, maybe I'll try that.
215
00:09:17,510 --> 00:09:21,140
I know begging and crying
haven't worked.
216
00:09:21,180 --> 00:09:25,060
Dad, could you grab me
the blue package
in the back seat?
217
00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:27,230
No, the blue one.
218
00:09:27,270 --> 00:09:28,810
That's not the blue one.
219
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:31,610
Oh, that's
not the back seat.
220
00:09:31,650 --> 00:09:33,230
OK, that's not our car.
221
00:09:34,570 --> 00:09:37,660
Fine,
just bring me that.
222
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,490
Hey, Deke. Hey, honey.
223
00:09:39,530 --> 00:09:41,080
Is all this stuff
for the bridal shower?
224
00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:42,950
Yes, and I still have
to pick up the cake
and the wine,
225
00:09:42,990 --> 00:09:45,160
and bring Dad to the
eye doctor by 11:00.
226
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,830
I should have never
agreed to throw
this stupid party.
227
00:09:47,870 --> 00:09:50,130
Well, Carrie,
you know what?
228
00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:53,590
If-- If you want,
I could take your father
to the eye doctor.
229
00:09:55,050 --> 00:09:58,010
If it's something you might...
appreciate.
230
00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:00,890
That's great, hon.
Thanks.
231
00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:03,850
It didn't land, did it?
232
00:10:03,890 --> 00:10:05,060
Nope.
233
00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:08,520
How do these figure
into the bridal shower?
234
00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:10,270
Give me that.
Thank you.
235
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,770
Look, Dad, I have
to run back out.
236
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,650
Doug's going
to take you to
the eye doctor, OK?
237
00:10:13,690 --> 00:10:15,240
I'll see you later.
Bye, hon. Thanks.
238
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:16,240
Carrie!
239
00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:17,950
What?
240
00:10:17,990 --> 00:10:19,860
I might-- I might take
your father out for
ice cream, too.
241
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:21,240
Yes!
242
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,580
OK, great. Bye.
243
00:10:24,620 --> 00:10:27,620
Y-y-you know what?
Maybe we'll do dinner,
244
00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:30,040
and I'll take him to
a show, just him and me.
245
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:33,210
It'll inconvenience me,
but I'm gonna do it!
246
00:10:35,170 --> 00:10:37,220
Honey?
247
00:10:37,260 --> 00:10:39,720
We're gonna have
some good times, you and me.
248
00:10:42,010 --> 00:10:46,100
[LOUIS ARMSTRONG'S
"WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD"]
249
00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:51,690
* I see trees of green *
250
00:10:51,730 --> 00:10:54,770
* Red roses, too *
251
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:58,280
* I see them bloom *
252
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,780
* For me and you *
253
00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:05,740
* And I think to myself *
254
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:09,710
* What a wonderful world *
255
00:11:13,670 --> 00:11:18,300
* I see skies of blue *
256
00:11:18,340 --> 00:11:21,430
* And clouds of white *
257
00:11:21,470 --> 00:11:24,680
* The bright blessed day *
258
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:27,810
* The dark sacred night *
259
00:11:27,850 --> 00:11:32,560
* And I think to myself *
260
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:36,110
* What a wonderful world *
261
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:45,780
* Oh, yes *
262
00:11:55,460 --> 00:11:56,920
[WHISPERS]
2 bucks.
263
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,420
[WHISPERS]
Too rich for my blood.
264
00:11:58,460 --> 00:12:00,130
[WHISPERS]
I'm out, too.
265
00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:04,590
Call. Aces up.
266
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,760
Read 'em and weep.
Trip 3s.
267
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:08,060
[LOUDLY]
Oh, man!
268
00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:09,560
[WHISPERS] Shut up!
Arthur will hear us.
269
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:10,850
Who cares?
270
00:12:10,890 --> 00:12:12,640
I care, OK.
I haven't been able to
271
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:14,190
shake the guy all week.
272
00:12:14,230 --> 00:12:17,190
He came with me
to the dentist,
motor vehicle bureau.
273
00:12:17,230 --> 00:12:21,280
He even came up with
nicknames we're supposed
to call each other.
274
00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,160
I'm "Scooter," he's "Beans."
275
00:12:25,450 --> 00:12:26,660
I'm going crazy!
276
00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:29,080
Take it easy.
You brought
this on yourself.
277
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,450
You know what
I'm talkin' about.
278
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:34,580
You hit the jackpot
one night, and
you got greedy.
279
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:36,290
You tried
to play God.
280
00:12:36,330 --> 00:12:37,790
I know!
281
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,670
Just drop it, all right?
282
00:12:39,710 --> 00:12:42,630
I just want to have
one evening that doesn't
include eating a baked apple
283
00:12:42,670 --> 00:12:45,010
and watching
Murder, She Wrote.
284
00:12:45,050 --> 00:12:47,510
Oh, you see the one last night?
285
00:12:47,550 --> 00:12:49,350
I was so stumped.
286
00:12:49,390 --> 00:12:50,720
[RUSTLING AT THE DOOR]
287
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,730
What's that?
Someone's at the door.
288
00:12:52,770 --> 00:12:55,020
That could be him.
Blow out the candles!
289
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:57,610
Nobody move.
290
00:12:57,650 --> 00:12:59,940
DOUG: God! Oh, God!
291
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:02,070
I feel like Anne Frank.
292
00:13:02,110 --> 00:13:04,360
[DOOR OPENS]
293
00:13:05,860 --> 00:13:07,660
[GREETINGS]
294
00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:09,330
Hey, Scooter,
what's going on?
295
00:13:09,370 --> 00:13:10,370
Hey, Arthur.
296
00:13:10,410 --> 00:13:11,830
Tut-tut-tut-tut-tut.
297
00:13:11,870 --> 00:13:14,410
Sorry. Hey, Beans.
298
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,080
Why are you playing
cards in the dark?
299
00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:20,380
Wow!
What a difference
that makes!
300
00:13:20,420 --> 00:13:21,840
That's better.
301
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,050
All right, fellas,
the game is called
Kick the Dog.
302
00:13:24,090 --> 00:13:26,970
3s, 6s, 9s,
one-eyed jacks,
303
00:13:27,010 --> 00:13:28,640
suicide kings are wild.
304
00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:31,930
Say what, Arthur,
why don't you just
tell us what's not wild?
305
00:13:31,970 --> 00:13:35,350
That's Fondle the Mailman,
and we're playing that next.
306
00:13:38,310 --> 00:13:41,860
I got 5 aces, and I
don't even have an ace.
307
00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:43,230
No one drop out.
308
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,990
In this game,
mostly everyone winds up
with 5 aces.
309
00:13:46,820 --> 00:13:48,200
Ooh, it's almost 10:00.
310
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,740
I should call Mom,
tell her I'm going to be late.
311
00:13:49,780 --> 00:13:51,030
You're gonna be
very late.
312
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,700
You're the only one
who's winning.
313
00:13:52,740 --> 00:13:54,000
You live with your mother?
314
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:57,420
Yeah, it's a pain, but
she doesn't drive, so...
315
00:13:57,460 --> 00:13:59,040
So what if
she doesn't drive?
316
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:01,090
The woman
can't take a bus?
317
00:14:01,130 --> 00:14:02,960
No. No.
318
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,680
Theoretically yes,
but she's...
used to my car.
319
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:08,890
All right, let's bet.
I go a quarter.
Who's in?
320
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:10,260
A quarter, it is.
321
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:11,140
Yeah,
up a quarter.
322
00:14:11,180 --> 00:14:12,600
OK, let me
get this straight.
323
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:13,600
If you live
with your mother--
324
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:14,970
Arthur, it's to you.
325
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:17,520
I'm very curious. If you
live with your mother,
326
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:21,150
what do you do when you
have a girl spend the night?
327
00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:26,900
OK, what do you do when you
have a guy spend the night?
328
00:14:29,570 --> 00:14:30,870
It's got to be one
or the other!
329
00:14:30,910 --> 00:14:32,780
A girl! It-- It
would be a girl!
330
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,200
All right,
who hasn't bet?
331
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:35,830
Look, for your information,
I want to move out,
332
00:14:35,870 --> 00:14:37,210
but apartments
are very expensive.
333
00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:40,170
As it is, we pay 750
for a one bedroom.
334
00:14:40,210 --> 00:14:41,330
A one bedroom?
335
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:43,090
I say, who hasn't bet?
336
00:14:43,130 --> 00:14:45,260
So, uh, where
do you sleep?
337
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:46,840
Arthur...
338
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,840
The living room sofa
pulls out, that it?
339
00:14:55,390 --> 00:14:58,060
You share a bedroom
with your mother?
340
00:14:58,100 --> 00:15:00,400
Twin beds!
It's twin beds!
341
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:02,440
There's an entire
night table between us!
342
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:05,900
Easy, easy. I was just
making conversation!
343
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:09,990
All right,
who's not in?
344
00:15:10,030 --> 00:15:12,120
You know, I think
I better be going.
345
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:13,740
I have something in my eye.
Would you cash me in--
346
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,990
Come on, Spence--
Cash me in, Scooter!
347
00:15:17,540 --> 00:15:19,000
Take it easy.
348
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,880
I hope his eye's OK.
349
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,630
Well, this game is over.
I'm outta here.
350
00:15:28,670 --> 00:15:29,970
Yeah, me, too.
351
00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:32,640
You know, I haven't
seen much of my wife
this week.
352
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:34,510
[DOOR OPENS]
353
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:37,470
Want to go
to a strip club?
354
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:38,850
Sure.
355
00:15:39,890 --> 00:15:42,520
OK, the game is called
Spank Your Sister.
356
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:47,190
Oh,
what is this?
357
00:15:47,230 --> 00:15:48,820
[RHONDA GASPS]
358
00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:52,070
Oh, my God, a wig!
359
00:15:52,110 --> 00:15:54,620
OK, how much
do I love this?
360
00:15:54,660 --> 00:15:57,370
Isn't it great? You know,
you can use it to spice
things up.
361
00:15:57,410 --> 00:15:59,660
I used to wear one all
the time when I was a slut.
362
00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:01,080
Ooh, yeah?
363
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:02,830
Here, here, open mine.
364
00:16:02,870 --> 00:16:05,040
Oh, my God!
365
00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:08,250
How much
do I love this?
366
00:16:14,090 --> 00:16:16,640
What's up, hon? The poker
game over already?
367
00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,260
It is now.
Your Dad ruined it.
368
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:19,350
What'd he do?
369
00:16:19,390 --> 00:16:21,980
He got on Spence about
his personal life.
370
00:16:22,020 --> 00:16:24,150
Oh, the virgin thing?
371
00:16:25,230 --> 00:16:27,360
The living
with his mother thing.
372
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:31,150
I got to say, hon,
they're not completely
separate issues.
373
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,410
God! What
is he doing to me?
374
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:34,910
Why can't
he just leave me alone?
375
00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:36,490
What are
you talking about?
376
00:16:36,530 --> 00:16:39,120
You're the one who
invited him to be
your sidekick all week,
377
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,580
taking him to the movies,
and the petting zoo...
378
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:44,710
It's your fault
I did that.
379
00:16:44,750 --> 00:16:47,630
Oh, my fault?
How is it my fault?
380
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:50,380
Well... the first night,
381
00:16:50,420 --> 00:16:52,880
when I took him out
just to be nice...
382
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:53,880
you know,
you were so...
383
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,680
So...?
384
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:57,300
Appreciative.
385
00:16:59,510 --> 00:17:01,470
Appreciative?
386
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,270
Appreciative.
387
00:17:06,730 --> 00:17:09,070
Oh...
388
00:17:09,110 --> 00:17:12,150
So that's-- Because...
389
00:17:12,190 --> 00:17:14,570
What are you,
a rottweiler?
390
00:17:16,110 --> 00:17:17,700
What do you want
from me?
391
00:17:17,740 --> 00:17:19,080
You're so pathetic.
392
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:22,450
Not pathetic. Weak. OK?
There's a difference.
393
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,750
I gotta say, hon,
you might be both.
394
00:17:24,790 --> 00:17:26,330
You know what?
So maybe I'm both,
395
00:17:26,370 --> 00:17:28,290
but I still don't
deserve what's
happened to me.
396
00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:31,420
All right, so just tell him
to back off and give you
some space.
397
00:17:31,460 --> 00:17:35,380
I can't. He
likes me so much now,
it would just kill him.
398
00:17:36,380 --> 00:17:38,220
You tell him.
399
00:17:38,260 --> 00:17:39,760
Me? Why should I kill him?
400
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:43,560
You're his daughter.
He's used to you
causing him pain.
401
00:17:45,350 --> 00:17:47,190
[GROANS]
402
00:17:47,230 --> 00:17:49,480
OK, I will talk to him,
with you.
403
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,440
You understand,
I am there to help.
404
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:52,440
Oh, I owe you.
405
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:53,610
Don't worry about it.
406
00:17:53,650 --> 00:17:55,070
No, really,
thank you.
407
00:17:55,110 --> 00:17:56,400
You know what?
408
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:58,950
Maybe later on,
I'll take you, uh...
409
00:17:58,990 --> 00:18:00,910
upstairs and I'll...
410
00:18:00,950 --> 00:18:02,490
appreciate you.
411
00:18:04,290 --> 00:18:05,460
Uh, you know what, hon?
412
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:07,620
We're going to have
to talk about that.
413
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:17,590
Dad, can we talk to you
for a minute?
414
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:19,340
Sure, sure.
Come on down.
415
00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:23,520
Ah, nobody squeals
like Ned Beatty.
416
00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:26,770
Scoots, I'm glad
you're here.
417
00:18:26,810 --> 00:18:28,350
I got 3 words for you--
418
00:18:28,980 --> 00:18:30,980
working dude ranch.
419
00:18:31,020 --> 00:18:34,730
Get back to me
with some dates--
I cleared out August.
420
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:36,900
Right...
421
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,610
Uh, actually, Dad,
that's...
422
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:41,160
That's kind of what
we wanted to talk
to you about.
423
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:42,700
What? What do you mean?
424
00:18:42,740 --> 00:18:45,200
Well, you've been
spending a lot of time
with Doug lately.
425
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:48,040
Great time, by the way.
Lot of fun.
426
00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:53,250
And we were thinking,
you know,
427
00:18:53,290 --> 00:18:56,920
maybe you could do
some other things
with your time.
428
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,340
Like what?
429
00:18:58,380 --> 00:19:00,680
I don't know.
Things that don't
involve, uh...
430
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:01,970
Doug.
431
00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:03,890
W-what is this about?
432
00:19:03,930 --> 00:19:05,810
Doug, what does she mean?
433
00:19:05,850 --> 00:19:07,350
I'm not quite sure.
434
00:19:07,390 --> 00:19:09,390
Where are you headed
with this, honey?
435
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:13,610
Uh, listen to me, Dad.
436
00:19:13,650 --> 00:19:16,280
Doug doesn't want you
to spend so much time
with him.
437
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,280
Do you understand?
438
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:19,570
Oh, I know what this is.
439
00:19:19,610 --> 00:19:22,160
You're trying to drive
a wedge between us.
440
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,490
You're threatened
by Doug's love for me.
441
00:19:26,370 --> 00:19:28,960
Nope, nope.
Not really.
442
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,210
Then I don't get it.
443
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:33,380
You're the one
who courted me.
444
00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:36,380
He's the one
who courted me!
445
00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:38,210
Why did you invite
me everywhere
446
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,180
if you didn't want
me around?
447
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:42,090
Tell the man,
Doug.
448
00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:45,470
Yeah, tell me.
Why?
449
00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:53,400
All right, the game is
San Diego Scooby Doo.
450
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:54,900
3 decks,
451
00:19:54,940 --> 00:19:56,190
we use all the jokers
452
00:19:56,230 --> 00:19:58,280
and instruction cards.
453
00:20:00,110 --> 00:20:01,650
So, Richie...
454
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:04,700
Scooter says you're
not the brightest bulb
on the tree.
455
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,250
I would have gotten
my own place a long time ago,
456
00:20:14,290 --> 00:20:16,130
but what with Dad gone,
and, uh,
457
00:20:16,170 --> 00:20:19,170
Mom unable to drive,
458
00:20:19,210 --> 00:20:20,970
I pretty much
have to live with her.
459
00:20:21,010 --> 00:20:23,720
I mean, what's
the alternative, right?
460
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:25,510
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
461
00:20:27,390 --> 00:20:28,850
Well, you could get
your own place
462
00:20:28,890 --> 00:20:31,600
and she could use taxis
and public transportation?
463
00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:37,400
I-- I'm gonna
go inside now. OK?
464
00:20:41,110 --> 00:20:44,660
[**]
465
00:21:01,670 --> 00:21:03,090
MAN:Good night.
33275
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