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1
00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:54,076
Oh Mr. Brown! Is this the jumble
for our school fete?
2
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,595
Yes, just a few things
my students brought in.
3
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:58,599
What are these?
4
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:01,599
Sikh underwear from Ranjit.
5
00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:06,679
We can always ask the needlework
class to stitch up the flys...
6
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,075
take a bit off the legs and put
them up as a pair of peddlepushers
7
00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:12,675
Stories of Chairman Mao
8
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:14,597
No need to ask where
that came from.
9
00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:17,597
- Danielle? - Max.
10
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:20,596
I beg your pardon!
11
00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:23,588
He says he found it in his pocket
and has no idea how it got there.
12
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:25,596
Unlikely story.
13
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,597
Well, you better bring
this along to my office later.
14
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,597
We'll lock it up with the rest
of the stuff until Saturday.
15
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:31,675
Very well.
16
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,598
- By the way, we've
got one. - One what?
17
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,073
Don't you ever
read the notice board?
18
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:37,596
Obviously not.
19
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,668
There has been a notice on the board for
the past two weeks...
20
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,075
to the effect that we are
hoping to get a celebrity...
21
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:44,673
to open our school fete.
22
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,677
Yes, I remember
now. Who have we got?
23
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:47,676
Robert Dogul.
24
00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:51,077
Remember, he used
to read the news?
25
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:54,075
I've got the art class making
stickers with his name on...
26
00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,072
to put across the posters.
27
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,589
Good evening, Mr.
Sevantis. How's your English?
28
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:04,996
Your English?
29
00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:08,073
You're English, I'm Spanish.
30
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,598
Sorry I asked.
31
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,680
- Where are the others?
- Everybody is coming, pronto.
32
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:23,078
I come first to talk, how
you say? Ambre to ambre...
33
00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,676
- Man to man. - So right.
34
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:29,076
I meet a beautiful senorita.
35
00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:31,597
I have met a beautiful girl.
36
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:34,668
Just like me. What's her name?
37
00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:38,076
I haven't met anyone. I
was merely correcting
your English.
38
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:39,594
- Spanish. - What!
39
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,076
Sorry!
40
00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:45,076
Well, I want to take
Rita, that's her name...
41
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:48,678
for a weekend holiday. But
she lives with her mother...
42
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,678
and she says maybe her mother will
not let her come away with me.
43
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,677
- What can I do? - Why
don't you ask her mother?
44
00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,075
I don't want to go away
with her mother.
45
00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:59,073
Ask Rita's mother if you can
go away with her on holiday.
46
00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,072
You think she will say yes?
47
00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:02,673
I have no idea. What
are your intentions?
48
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:03,676
About what?
49
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:07,678
I'll be blunt. Are you hoping
to get Rita into your room?
50
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,074
- No. - Good.
51
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,598
Not my room, her
room. I'll book one room.
52
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,077
In that case, I can't help you.
53
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,599
You'll just have to
make your own decision.
54
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:22,596
Excuse please.
55
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:27,069
- I'm buying you a cup of
tea. - Thank you, Ali.
56
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,077
I'm buying you a
chocolate biscuit.
57
00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:31,673
Thank you, Ranjit.
58
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:35,588
Unfortunately, while I'm coming
from the canteen, I'm eating it.
59
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,597
Never mind, it's the
thought that counts.
60
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:43,670
- This is funny. - What is it?
61
00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,074
This tea tastes like coffee.
62
00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:46,316
Excuse please.
63
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,077
The tea is tasting like coffee.
64
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,077
Oh blimy! That is explaining it.
65
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:02,675
Explaining what?
66
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,677
All the time I'm in
the canteen...
67
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:07,075
I'm thinking my coffee is
teasing like tea.
68
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,075
I don't think I'll
bother. Sit down everybody.
69
00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,597
We've still got
a lot to do tonight.
70
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:20,077
Max... would you put that
cigar out, please?
71
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:21,675
Sorry boss.
72
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:25,076
Before we go any further, I want to
talk to you about the school fete.
73
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,679
We're looking forward to it.
74
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,677
Have we got
someone famous to open it?
75
00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:32,076
- Yes. Robert Dogul.
- Never heard of him.
76
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:34,597
I have see him
on television, Masterji.
77
00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:39,076
Dogul, Florence, and Gemini.
78
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:43,075
No Jamila, that's a
doggy sort of Dogul.
79
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,675
This is Robert Dogul who used
to be a news reader.
80
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:49,076
- He's retired now.
- That's no good.
81
00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:52,598
It's better we get
someone who's in the news now.
82
00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:54,073
Like Angela Ripoff.
83
00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:58,077
- Ripon. - Excuse me.
84
00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:01,598
I am liking the other one
better, Annie Mini.
85
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:07,599
- Annie Mini? - She
reads news on ITV.
86
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:11,078
- Anna Ford? - Royal car.
87
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,077
Ms. Courtney should
have asked me.
88
00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,072
What for? You're not famous.
89
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:20,075
No, but I'm a friend of
a big man on television.
90
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,077
Another one of
your fairy's tales.
91
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:27,076
It's true. He's a big star of
Celebrity Square Eyes.
92
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,598
- He's not Pub Monkey? - No.
93
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,668
- Willy Rushington? - No.
94
00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:35,676
The Cockney man.
95
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,077
- Arthur Mala.
- Yeah, that's him.
96
00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:40,597
- You know him well?
- Like a brother.
97
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:43,076
He'd have been very happy to
come and open the fete.
98
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,077
Well, it's too late now, we've
already got Mr. Dogul.
99
00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,668
What I would really like to know is
what each one of you are doing...
100
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:50,074
to help the fete
to raise money...
101
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:51,673
as you know that whatever we
take goes to charity...
102
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:53,677
so we obviously want to
make as much money as we can.
103
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,075
What we have thought
of will make a fortune.
104
00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,595
Good. Tell me what
you are doing, Anna.
105
00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,598
Jamila and me, we'll
bring some bathroom scales...
106
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:04,075
and will charge
2p for one weigh.
107
00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,597
Excellent idea. Ali,
what are you doing?
108
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,078
Ranjit and I are
having a very good game.
109
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:13,075
We are putting empty tins
on a piece of wood.
110
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:18,077
And only for 5p, you can throw
three balls to know them down.
111
00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,077
- Are there any
prizes? - Oh yes please.
112
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:23,073
If you are knocking three
tins down...
113
00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,073
you are winning one pound.
114
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,077
You could lose money on that.
115
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,597
No, you are being mistaken.
116
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,668
Nobody is knocking
down even one tin.
117
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:33,676
Why not?
118
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,588
We are nailing the tins to
the piece of wood.
119
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,073
Very ingenuous.
120
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,076
What are you doing?
121
00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:44,075
- I make plenty money with
Danielle. - Doing what?
122
00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:47,598
- Selling kisses. -
Also, we have plenty fun.
123
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,077
How much are you selling
your kisses for?
124
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,075
5p, 10p, 15p.
125
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,472
- What's the difference?
- I'll show you.
126
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:03,078
For 5p, you kiss on one cheek.
127
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:08,078
For 10p you kiss on both cheeks.
128
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,077
And for 15p...
129
00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,597
I buy one of those 15p kisses.
130
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:22,073
I won't kiss you.
131
00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:25,598
Not you, Danielle; you
stupid Spanish pile.
132
00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:29,598
You no speak to me like
that, you macaroni face.
133
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,078
Don't fight you two. Sit
down and behave.
134
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,073
That means you too.
135
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:39,075
Max, what have you in
mind for Saturday?
136
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:41,076
I'll tell you.
137
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:45,078
- Boss asked me to tell
him. - We'll both tell him.
138
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:46,596
Okay.
139
00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:50,668
- We got a great idea.
- We got a great idea.
140
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,597
- Jam jars. - Jam jars.
141
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:54,675
Jam jars?
142
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:55,755
- That's right.
- That's right.
143
00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,598
You're beginning to
sound like an echo, Max.
144
00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,073
Do you have to
repeat everything Givani says?
145
00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:00,675
Sorry boss.
146
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,678
- First, we get the jam jars.
- First, we get the jam jars.
147
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:06,075
- Don't you
start! - Excuse me.
148
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,597
We'll put the jam
jars on the floor.
149
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:11,598
And people will try
to throw 10p into ourjar.
150
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,077
If they miss, we keep the 10p.
151
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,676
And if they get one
in, they win 5p.
152
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,678
- We can't lose. - Brain wave!
153
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,074
I don't think
you'll get many takers.
154
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,599
- Are you doing
anything? - Yes.
155
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:35,670
Mr. Brown, Ms. Courtney asked me
to remind you to take the jumble in.
156
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,597
Thank you, Sid. I'll
be here straight away.
157
00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,712
I won't be a minute. In the
meantime turn to page 130...
158
00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,070
and study the chapter on
close analysis.
159
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,075
- Max, would you clean
the board? - Okay boss.
160
00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:53,076
Oh no! How awful!
161
00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:57,075
Are you sure? Oh dear!
162
00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:01,599
Yes well, thank you very
much for telling me. Bye.
163
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,075
- Bad news? - Extremely.
164
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,668
Mr. Dogul has flu, he
is confined to bed.
165
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:11,075
Great! There goes our celebrity.
166
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,077
Now what are we going to do?
We've got no one to open the fete.
167
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:18,591
- Just a minute.
Max! - Max? The Greek?
168
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:21,599
But he's not a celebrity.
169
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,670
No, he reportedly knows Arthur Mala,
the TV chappie.
170
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,598
Oh yes, I think I know the one you mean.
Speaks a bit like Sydney.
171
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:30,675
That's him.
172
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,075
I suppose beggars can't
be choosers.
173
00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:36,075
You think Mr. Papandreos
can get this Mr. Malad?
174
00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:38,597
- Mala. - Mala, yes.
175
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,599
Max, I want a word with you.
176
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:53,598
I was telling Ms.
Courtney you now Arthur Mala.
177
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,073
Do you, or don't you?
178
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,073
Come on, speak up!
179
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:07,075
Max, how many times do I
have to tell you smoking is...
180
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:10,078
Never mind about that
now, Mr. Brown.
181
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,589
You know Mr. Mala
really well, do you?
182
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,075
We are just like that. He'll
do anything for me.
183
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,078
And you say he'll
be happy to open our fete?
184
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:18,309
Sure.
185
00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:21,591
- I think he's far too busy.
- For me, he'll drop anything.
186
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:23,675
Good.
187
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,075
Then you can ask him to
open our fete on Saturday.
188
00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:29,591
Okay, I'll ask him to... what?
189
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,073
Tell him to be
there by 12 O'clock.
190
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:33,679
We'll pay his expenses ofcourse.
191
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,075
Oh thank you, Mr.
Papandreos, you
have saved the day.
192
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,599
Now come along Mr. Brown...
193
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:46,076
Hey, what's the matter with
you? You no look very happy.
194
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,599
I'm not very happy.
195
00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:52,078
Oh blimy! I think he's
dropping clinker.
196
00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:57,676
Fairy's tales, Max?
197
00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,075
I did meet him... once.
198
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,077
- When? - Two years ago.
199
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,077
I sat next to him on a bus.
200
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:27,830
Have you got the
news? They've got Arthur Mala.
201
00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:29,873
Why, what's he done?
202
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,468
To the fete. He's
going to open the fete.
203
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,830
- Oh yeah? - I
think he's lovely.
204
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:39,478
He's going to be down the weekend
pushing down a pile of pennies.
205
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,830
Do you think I
can get his autograph?
206
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:45,478
If you think you
can speak a bit badder.
207
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:48,353
What's the matter with the way he
speaks? He speaks just like you.
208
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,355
He speaks nothing like
me. He's common.
209
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,355
- What are you going to
do, Max? - What about?
210
00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:00,356
About your great celebrity
man that you do not know.
211
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,356
- Nothing. - You've
got to do something, Max.
212
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:07,829
Don't worry, I've
fixed everything.
213
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:11,830
After the class, I go to the pub
and telephone Ms. Courtney.
214
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,834
I'll tell her I just spoke to
my good friend, Arthur...
215
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,351
and he'll be delighted to
come and open the fete.
216
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,355
Unfortunately, he's
already engaged.
217
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:22,833
Why don't you tell the truth?
218
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,356
I don't think he knows
what truth means.
219
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,831
You've all been studying
close analysis?
220
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,752
Good. Books away, please.
221
00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,351
Ali, what is an
adverbial clause?
222
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:37,830
Oh blimy!
223
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:40,230
Anybody?
224
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:42,999
Then I suggest for
your homework...
225
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,873
you all write down
the chapter on close analysis.
226
00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:49,829
It's time to go now. See you
all at the fete on Saturday.
227
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:57,478
Max, when will you
know Arthur Mala?
228
00:12:57,600 --> 00:12:59,352
I go to call him from pub now.
229
00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,478
Max, use Ms. Courtney's phone,
I'm sure she won't mind.
230
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,398
Sorry boss much better I
call him from pub.
231
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,988
Will you let Ms. Courtney know
as soon as you've spoken to him?
232
00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:11,394
- We'll be here for
a while. - Okay.
233
00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:15,834
- Fits well?
- It's very nice, Sid.
234
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:20,069
- Joining for modeling, Sid?
- No, just trying the jacket.
235
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:21,475
Ms. Courtney said everything on
the row is for $5.
236
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,989
- Very reasonable.
- Can I pay you now...
237
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,475
cause I won't be at the fete. That
day is chill out at the pub.
238
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,398
Why not? You can
have the first choice.
239
00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:30,999
Well, here's my fiver.
240
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:32,473
I'll see Ms. Courtney
gets it later.
241
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:34,397
Are you going to be
at the fete, Gladys?
242
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,353
Oh, I wouldn't miss a
Mala for anything.
243
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,830
Steady now! We don't want to
knock it down before Sunday.
244
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:43,873
You won't let me do it.
245
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,829
- Are you ready for
another pint? - Yes.
246
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,351
I'll be back in a minute, I'm
going to the wash room.
247
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,479
- What will you
have? - Half a pint.
248
00:13:57,600 --> 00:13:59,352
Two half pints, Miss.
249
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,353
And I'll have one pint.
250
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:04,999
I thought you couldn't
hear very well.
251
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:06,109
What?
252
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:08,071
He hears when he wants to.
253
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,351
Two halves, and a pint.
254
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:13,476
Hey, you better go and
phone Ms. Courtney.
255
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:16,990
Okay. Sid, you have Ms.
Courtney's number?
256
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:18,473
Yes. What do you want it for?
257
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:19,874
I've got to phone
her about Arthur Mala.
258
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:23,990
Oh him! Do I speak
like the way he does?
259
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:27,874
Yeah... hey wait a
minute! I've got an idea!
260
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,112
Yes! Come over here.
261
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,829
- Bring the drinks,
Givani. - Okay buddies.
262
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:35,476
Will you make
me a favor, Shit?
263
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:36,430
What sort of...
264
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:41,873
What sort of favour?
265
00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:43,355
It's worth a quid.
266
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,831
- Who do you want knocked
off? - Nothing like that.
267
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,470
I want you to call up Ms. Courtney
and tell her you are Arthur Mala...
268
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,477
and that you won't be able to
come to open the fete.
269
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,989
I thought you were supposed
to have fixed all that.
270
00:14:56,120 --> 00:15:00,113
He's not fixed nothing. He
doesn't even know Arthur Mala.
271
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:01,873
You spoke too much?
272
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:03,475
Will you do it?
273
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,830
For a quid, I'll do anything.
274
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,470
Hello? Ms. Courtney?
Max Papandroes here.
275
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,352
I've got Mr. Mala to
speak with you.
276
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:38,999
Good evening Mr. Mala.
277
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,873
It's kind of you to open
our fete on Saturday.
278
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,833
Yes, that's what I
was phoning you about.
279
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,830
We can't pay you a fee, but we
will pay your expenses ofcourse.
280
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,832
Say fifty pounds?
281
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:54,830
- Fifty quid! - Cash.
282
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,833
Oh, that's lovely. What time
do you want me to be there?
283
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,351
- 2:30. - 2:30?
284
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,833
Alright, I'll see you there on
Saturday at 2:30. Chill out, love.
285
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,875
- What are you
doing! - Are you crazy?
286
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,877
She offered me
fifty quid in cash.
287
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,355
Wrong. She's offered
that to Arthur Mala.
288
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:18,999
Everyone thinks
I speak like him.
289
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:20,394
All I need is
to appear in disguise.
290
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,353
And a big pair of stilts.
291
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:26,830
It's not going to
work. You are a nobody.
292
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,830
Atleast I tried. Cheers.
293
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:39,873
I got to get back.
294
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,351
I'm up the
creek without a paddle.
295
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:51,829
You are up the
creek without even a boat.
296
00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:02,354
- Santa Maria! -
What's the matter?
297
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:12,358
Without turning around, who does
the man at the bar remind you of?
298
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,351
How can I see
without turning around?
299
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,351
Just have a quick look.
300
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:25,350
No idea.
301
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,993
- Arthur Mala.
- Nothing like him.
302
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:34,873
Sure it is. I bet he
fool a lot of people.
303
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,831
Specially Ms. Courtney.
304
00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:39,873
Hey, you might be right.
305
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:41,350
Come on.
306
00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:48,353
- Excuse me. - Yes?
307
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:53,354
Has anyone ever told you,
you look like Arthur Mala?
308
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:57,834
- Arthur who? - Arthur
Mala. He's on television.
309
00:17:58,520 --> 00:17:59,999
I'm never good at television.
310
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,394
Never mind.
311
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,479
What are you
doing Saturday afternoon?
312
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:05,430
Why?
313
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,829
We want you to
impersonate Arthur Mala.
314
00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,470
- What for? - It's
just to open a fete.
315
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:15,479
- It's for a very good
cause. - Whatever!
316
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,477
- It's only for half a
hour. - And you'll be paid.
317
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,353
- How much?
- Two pounds fifty.
318
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,992
- Two pounds
fifty? - Not bad, eh?
319
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:26,838
Two pounds fifty for
only half an hour's work.
320
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:28,873
Very generous.
321
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:31,829
Is that the sort of
money this Arthur Mala gets?
322
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:35,830
Maybe he gets a bit
more. Three pounds maybe.
323
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:38,829
But you're just
impersonating him.
324
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:43,354
- You think I could do it?
- Sure. You look a bit like him.
325
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,833
- Just speak a bit
rougher. - Rougher?
326
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:51,834
- This Arthur Mala is
very rough. - Is he?
327
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:55,353
- He speaks just like
a slob. - A slob!
328
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,513
That's because he's thick.
329
00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:01,394
- What! I'll tell you
something? - What's that?
330
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:02,873
I am Arthur Mala!
331
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:05,475
That's good!
332
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,352
He's getting into the part.
333
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,357
- Leo. - Yes Arthur?
334
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,353
Tell these two
blokes who I am.
335
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:14,830
Arthur Mala.
336
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:22,873
Holy Ravioli!
337
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,468
He really is Arthur Mala.
338
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:31,832
- Slob you call me?
- sHe didn't mean it.
339
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:34,238
Now I'll show you what I mean.
340
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:39,835
You idiot, ignorant, spaghetti
eating twit!
341
00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,833
It's only my good nature that's stopping
me from punching you.
342
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,397
- Mr. Mala. - What?
343
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:51,829
Does that mean you won't be
coming to open our fete?
344
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:53,873
You must be joking.
345
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,351
Now look what you've
done. You and your big mouth!
346
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:00,831
My big mouth? What
about your big mouth?
347
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:03,829
- You started it.
- I'll tell you something?
348
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:07,830
Arthur is right. You are a
ignorant spaghetti eating twit.
349
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,833
Listen Shorty. You get up
off your knees and say that.
350
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:16,479
- Don't you speak to me like that.
- Don't you push me like that.
351
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:17,430
Push off!
352
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,831
Is it raining in
the office Mr. Brown?
353
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:28,350
No.
354
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,476
I'm just checking it. I'm
thinking of buying this.
355
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:34,478
You know that it is unlucky
to put up an umbrella indoors.
356
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,352
It's good I'm not superstitious.
357
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,834
- How's that? - Oh! Very nice.
358
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:43,832
You can take it and
hand them out.
359
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,351
I think it's time we
were all going home.
360
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,831
- Well that's
funny. - What is?
361
00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:51,873
I don't seem to be
able to find my coat.
362
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:53,873
I'll have a
look. What sort is it?
363
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,476
It's a tweed with
fur on the cuffs.
364
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,830
- And fur on the
collar. - Yes.
365
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:01,351
- Oh dear! -
What's the matter?
366
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,831
I thought everything on this
row was for the jumble sale.
367
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,829
What have you done with my coat?
368
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,831
I sold it to Gladys
for five pounds.
369
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,353
- You've done what! - Don't
worry, I'll get it back.
370
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,389
- Sid, where's
Gladys? - She's gone.
371
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:21,398
- Oh great! Where does she
live? - 29, Kulmoor Terrace.
372
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,829
Wait a minute. She'll
be in the boozer.
373
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:25,830
Finished.
374
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,398
Good. Now you be more
careful next time.
375
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:30,873
- Here are your
drinks. - Cheers.
376
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:35,873
I should have to go.
377
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,355
Tata Leo! See you. Tata boys.
378
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,353
Hello Gladys... Oh Gladys!
379
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:45,112
- Mr. Brown? - Where is it?
380
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:46,999
- Where's what?
- The coat you bought.
381
00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:48,394
I need it back. It's
Ms. Courtney's.
382
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,398
The coat? Oh
well, I've sold it.
383
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:54,830
- Sold it? To whom?
- Leo, behind the bar.
384
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:56,350
Excuse me.
385
00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,351
- Yes sir, what you
want? - A ladies coat.
386
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,991
This may come as a
shock to you, sir...
387
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:05,350
but this is a pub,
not a boutique.
388
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:09,356
No, I mean the coat Gladys
sold you. I must have it back.
389
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,353
Bit kinky are you?
390
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:13,989
Pardon?
391
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:16,998
I've heard of fellas like you
dressing in women's clothes.
392
00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:19,475
I don't wear it. It's
our school principal's.
393
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:20,874
I sold it to Gladys by mistake.
394
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:25,069
Oh... alright,
I'll go and get it.
395
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:28,829
- Hello boss. - What
are you doing here?
396
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:30,873
It's a long story.
397
00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:32,350
Here you are.
398
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,468
Thank you. And here's
your five pounds.
399
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:38,478
- Ten. - Pardon?
400
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:39,874
I bought it for ten.
401
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,991
- You want a drink, professor?
- sNo thanks, no time.
402
00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:48,394
Got to get back this
coat to Ms. Courtney.
403
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,351
Hit the tin and win a pound.
404
00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:14,833
Kiss a beautiful
girl for 5p, one kiss.
405
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,831
10p, two kiss.
406
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:19,873
15p...
407
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,877
Taking the jumble stand?
408
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:25,989
Jolly good.
409
00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:28,350
Be quick. You might sell a
few before the official opening.
410
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,355
- Hello boss. - Max!
Where's Arthur Mala?
411
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:35,356
Well, it's like this. I...
maybe he's had an accident.
412
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:36,830
Tell him, Max.
413
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,829
Down in the basement, we
have a gymnasium.
414
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:42,475
Very nice.
415
00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:46,479
Mr. Brown! This is Mr.
Brown, our English teacher.
416
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:47,350
How do you do?
417
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,389
- And you know Max,
ofcourse. - Yes.
418
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:51,873
Very good of you to come.
419
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:53,878
Well, it was for a good cause.
420
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,831
And I could not have let
Max down, could I?
421
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:00,873
I told you he was a
friend of mine.
422
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,351
Well come along now, it's
time we opened the fete.
423
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,468
Mr. Papandreos, if you
could be awfully kind...
424
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,830
to get my coat. I think it's
hanging on the rail in the office.
425
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:11,830
Oh no!
426
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:13,873
Now what's the matter?
427
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:15,353
It doesn't matter. See
you at the fete.
30508
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