All language subtitles for MYL Season 3 Episode 7-The School Fete

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:54,076 Oh Mr. Brown! Is this the jumble for our school fete? 2 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,595 Yes, just a few things my students brought in. 3 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:58,599 What are these? 4 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:01,599 Sikh underwear from Ranjit. 5 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:06,679 We can always ask the needlework class to stitch up the flys... 6 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,075 take a bit off the legs and put them up as a pair of peddlepushers 7 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:12,675 Stories of Chairman Mao 8 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:14,597 No need to ask where that came from. 9 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:17,597 - Danielle? - Max. 10 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:20,596 I beg your pardon! 11 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:23,588 He says he found it in his pocket and has no idea how it got there. 12 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:25,596 Unlikely story. 13 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,597 Well, you better bring this along to my office later. 14 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,597 We'll lock it up with the rest of the stuff until Saturday. 15 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:31,675 Very well. 16 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,598 - By the way, we've got one. - One what? 17 00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:36,073 Don't you ever read the notice board? 18 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:37,596 Obviously not. 19 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,668 There has been a notice on the board for the past two weeks... 20 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,075 to the effect that we are hoping to get a celebrity... 21 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:44,673 to open our school fete. 22 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,677 Yes, I remember now. Who have we got? 23 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:47,676 Robert Dogul. 24 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:51,077 Remember, he used to read the news? 25 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:54,075 I've got the art class making stickers with his name on... 26 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,072 to put across the posters. 27 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,589 Good evening, Mr. Sevantis. How's your English? 28 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:04,996 Your English? 29 00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:08,073 You're English, I'm Spanish. 30 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,598 Sorry I asked. 31 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,680 - Where are the others? - Everybody is coming, pronto. 32 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:23,078 I come first to talk, how you say? Ambre to ambre... 33 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,676 - Man to man. - So right. 34 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:29,076 I meet a beautiful senorita. 35 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:31,597 I have met a beautiful girl. 36 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:34,668 Just like me. What's her name? 37 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:38,076 I haven't met anyone. I was merely correcting your English. 38 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:39,594 - Spanish. - What! 39 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,076 Sorry! 40 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:45,076 Well, I want to take Rita, that's her name... 41 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:48,678 for a weekend holiday. But she lives with her mother... 42 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,678 and she says maybe her mother will not let her come away with me. 43 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,677 - What can I do? - Why don't you ask her mother? 44 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,075 I don't want to go away with her mother. 45 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:59,073 Ask Rita's mother if you can go away with her on holiday. 46 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,072 You think she will say yes? 47 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:02,673 I have no idea. What are your intentions? 48 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:03,676 About what? 49 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:07,678 I'll be blunt. Are you hoping to get Rita into your room? 50 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,074 - No. - Good. 51 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,598 Not my room, her room. I'll book one room. 52 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,077 In that case, I can't help you. 53 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,599 You'll just have to make your own decision. 54 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:22,596 Excuse please. 55 00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:27,069 - I'm buying you a cup of tea. - Thank you, Ali. 56 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,077 I'm buying you a chocolate biscuit. 57 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:31,673 Thank you, Ranjit. 58 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:35,588 Unfortunately, while I'm coming from the canteen, I'm eating it. 59 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,597 Never mind, it's the thought that counts. 60 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:43,670 - This is funny. - What is it? 61 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,074 This tea tastes like coffee. 62 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:46,316 Excuse please. 63 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,077 The tea is tasting like coffee. 64 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,077 Oh blimy! That is explaining it. 65 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:02,675 Explaining what? 66 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,677 All the time I'm in the canteen... 67 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:07,075 I'm thinking my coffee is teasing like tea. 68 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,075 I don't think I'll bother. Sit down everybody. 69 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,597 We've still got a lot to do tonight. 70 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:20,077 Max... would you put that cigar out, please? 71 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:21,675 Sorry boss. 72 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:25,076 Before we go any further, I want to talk to you about the school fete. 73 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,679 We're looking forward to it. 74 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,677 Have we got someone famous to open it? 75 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:32,076 - Yes. Robert Dogul. - Never heard of him. 76 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:34,597 I have see him on television, Masterji. 77 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:39,076 Dogul, Florence, and Gemini. 78 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:43,075 No Jamila, that's a doggy sort of Dogul. 79 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,675 This is Robert Dogul who used to be a news reader. 80 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:49,076 - He's retired now. - That's no good. 81 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:52,598 It's better we get someone who's in the news now. 82 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:54,073 Like Angela Ripoff. 83 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:58,077 - Ripon. - Excuse me. 84 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:01,598 I am liking the other one better, Annie Mini. 85 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:07,599 - Annie Mini? - She reads news on ITV. 86 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:11,078 - Anna Ford? - Royal car. 87 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,077 Ms. Courtney should have asked me. 88 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,072 What for? You're not famous. 89 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:20,075 No, but I'm a friend of a big man on television. 90 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,077 Another one of your fairy's tales. 91 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:27,076 It's true. He's a big star of Celebrity Square Eyes. 92 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,598 - He's not Pub Monkey? - No. 93 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,668 - Willy Rushington? - No. 94 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:35,676 The Cockney man. 95 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,077 - Arthur Mala. - Yeah, that's him. 96 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:40,597 - You know him well? - Like a brother. 97 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:43,076 He'd have been very happy to come and open the fete. 98 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,077 Well, it's too late now, we've already got Mr. Dogul. 99 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,668 What I would really like to know is what each one of you are doing... 100 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:50,074 to help the fete to raise money... 101 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:51,673 as you know that whatever we take goes to charity... 102 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:53,677 so we obviously want to make as much money as we can. 103 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,075 What we have thought of will make a fortune. 104 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,595 Good. Tell me what you are doing, Anna. 105 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,598 Jamila and me, we'll bring some bathroom scales... 106 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:04,075 and will charge 2p for one weigh. 107 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,597 Excellent idea. Ali, what are you doing? 108 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,078 Ranjit and I are having a very good game. 109 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:13,075 We are putting empty tins on a piece of wood. 110 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:18,077 And only for 5p, you can throw three balls to know them down. 111 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,077 - Are there any prizes? - Oh yes please. 112 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:23,073 If you are knocking three tins down... 113 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,073 you are winning one pound. 114 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,077 You could lose money on that. 115 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,597 No, you are being mistaken. 116 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,668 Nobody is knocking down even one tin. 117 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:33,676 Why not? 118 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,588 We are nailing the tins to the piece of wood. 119 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,073 Very ingenuous. 120 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,076 What are you doing? 121 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:44,075 - I make plenty money with Danielle. - Doing what? 122 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:47,598 - Selling kisses. - Also, we have plenty fun. 123 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,077 How much are you selling your kisses for? 124 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,075 5p, 10p, 15p. 125 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,472 - What's the difference? - I'll show you. 126 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:03,078 For 5p, you kiss on one cheek. 127 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:08,078 For 10p you kiss on both cheeks. 128 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,077 And for 15p... 129 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,597 I buy one of those 15p kisses. 130 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:22,073 I won't kiss you. 131 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:25,598 Not you, Danielle; you stupid Spanish pile. 132 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:29,598 You no speak to me like that, you macaroni face. 133 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,078 Don't fight you two. Sit down and behave. 134 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,073 That means you too. 135 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:39,075 Max, what have you in mind for Saturday? 136 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:41,076 I'll tell you. 137 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:45,078 - Boss asked me to tell him. - We'll both tell him. 138 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:46,596 Okay. 139 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:50,668 - We got a great idea. - We got a great idea. 140 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,597 - Jam jars. - Jam jars. 141 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:54,675 Jam jars? 142 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:55,755 - That's right. - That's right. 143 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,598 You're beginning to sound like an echo, Max. 144 00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,073 Do you have to repeat everything Givani says? 145 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:00,675 Sorry boss. 146 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,678 - First, we get the jam jars. - First, we get the jam jars. 147 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:06,075 - Don't you start! - Excuse me. 148 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,597 We'll put the jam jars on the floor. 149 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:11,598 And people will try to throw 10p into ourjar. 150 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,077 If they miss, we keep the 10p. 151 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,676 And if they get one in, they win 5p. 152 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,678 - We can't lose. - Brain wave! 153 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,074 I don't think you'll get many takers. 154 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,599 - Are you doing anything? - Yes. 155 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:35,670 Mr. Brown, Ms. Courtney asked me to remind you to take the jumble in. 156 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,597 Thank you, Sid. I'll be here straight away. 157 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,712 I won't be a minute. In the meantime turn to page 130... 158 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,070 and study the chapter on close analysis. 159 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,075 - Max, would you clean the board? - Okay boss. 160 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:53,076 Oh no! How awful! 161 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:57,075 Are you sure? Oh dear! 162 00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:01,599 Yes well, thank you very much for telling me. Bye. 163 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,075 - Bad news? - Extremely. 164 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,668 Mr. Dogul has flu, he is confined to bed. 165 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:11,075 Great! There goes our celebrity. 166 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:13,077 Now what are we going to do? We've got no one to open the fete. 167 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:18,591 - Just a minute. Max! - Max? The Greek? 168 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:21,599 But he's not a celebrity. 169 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,670 No, he reportedly knows Arthur Mala, the TV chappie. 170 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,598 Oh yes, I think I know the one you mean. Speaks a bit like Sydney. 171 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:30,675 That's him. 172 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,075 I suppose beggars can't be choosers. 173 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:36,075 You think Mr. Papandreos can get this Mr. Malad? 174 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:38,597 - Mala. - Mala, yes. 175 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,599 Max, I want a word with you. 176 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:53,598 I was telling Ms. Courtney you now Arthur Mala. 177 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,073 Do you, or don't you? 178 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,073 Come on, speak up! 179 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:07,075 Max, how many times do I have to tell you smoking is... 180 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:10,078 Never mind about that now, Mr. Brown. 181 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,589 You know Mr. Mala really well, do you? 182 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,075 We are just like that. He'll do anything for me. 183 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,078 And you say he'll be happy to open our fete? 184 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:18,309 Sure. 185 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:21,591 - I think he's far too busy. - For me, he'll drop anything. 186 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:23,675 Good. 187 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,075 Then you can ask him to open our fete on Saturday. 188 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:29,591 Okay, I'll ask him to... what? 189 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,073 Tell him to be there by 12 O'clock. 190 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:33,679 We'll pay his expenses ofcourse. 191 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,075 Oh thank you, Mr. Papandreos, you have saved the day. 192 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,599 Now come along Mr. Brown... 193 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:46,076 Hey, what's the matter with you? You no look very happy. 194 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,599 I'm not very happy. 195 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:52,078 Oh blimy! I think he's dropping clinker. 196 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:57,676 Fairy's tales, Max? 197 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,075 I did meet him... once. 198 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,077 - When? - Two years ago. 199 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,077 I sat next to him on a bus. 200 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:27,830 Have you got the news? They've got Arthur Mala. 201 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:29,873 Why, what's he done? 202 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,468 To the fete. He's going to open the fete. 203 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,830 - Oh yeah? - I think he's lovely. 204 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:39,478 He's going to be down the weekend pushing down a pile of pennies. 205 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,830 Do you think I can get his autograph? 206 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:45,478 If you think you can speak a bit badder. 207 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:48,353 What's the matter with the way he speaks? He speaks just like you. 208 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,355 He speaks nothing like me. He's common. 209 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,355 - What are you going to do, Max? - What about? 210 00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:00,356 About your great celebrity man that you do not know. 211 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,356 - Nothing. - You've got to do something, Max. 212 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:07,829 Don't worry, I've fixed everything. 213 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:11,830 After the class, I go to the pub and telephone Ms. Courtney. 214 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,834 I'll tell her I just spoke to my good friend, Arthur... 215 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,351 and he'll be delighted to come and open the fete. 216 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,355 Unfortunately, he's already engaged. 217 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:22,833 Why don't you tell the truth? 218 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,356 I don't think he knows what truth means. 219 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,831 You've all been studying close analysis? 220 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,752 Good. Books away, please. 221 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,351 Ali, what is an adverbial clause? 222 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:37,830 Oh blimy! 223 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:40,230 Anybody? 224 00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:42,999 Then I suggest for your homework... 225 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,873 you all write down the chapter on close analysis. 226 00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:49,829 It's time to go now. See you all at the fete on Saturday. 227 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:57,478 Max, when will you know Arthur Mala? 228 00:12:57,600 --> 00:12:59,352 I go to call him from pub now. 229 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,478 Max, use Ms. Courtney's phone, I'm sure she won't mind. 230 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,398 Sorry boss much better I call him from pub. 231 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,988 Will you let Ms. Courtney know as soon as you've spoken to him? 232 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:11,394 - We'll be here for a while. - Okay. 233 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:15,834 - Fits well? - It's very nice, Sid. 234 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:20,069 - Joining for modeling, Sid? - No, just trying the jacket. 235 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:21,475 Ms. Courtney said everything on the row is for $5. 236 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,989 - Very reasonable. - Can I pay you now... 237 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,475 cause I won't be at the fete. That day is chill out at the pub. 238 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,398 Why not? You can have the first choice. 239 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:30,999 Well, here's my fiver. 240 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:32,473 I'll see Ms. Courtney gets it later. 241 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:34,397 Are you going to be at the fete, Gladys? 242 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:37,353 Oh, I wouldn't miss a Mala for anything. 243 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,830 Steady now! We don't want to knock it down before Sunday. 244 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:43,873 You won't let me do it. 245 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,829 - Are you ready for another pint? - Yes. 246 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,351 I'll be back in a minute, I'm going to the wash room. 247 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,479 - What will you have? - Half a pint. 248 00:13:57,600 --> 00:13:59,352 Two half pints, Miss. 249 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,353 And I'll have one pint. 250 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:04,999 I thought you couldn't hear very well. 251 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:06,109 What? 252 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:08,071 He hears when he wants to. 253 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,351 Two halves, and a pint. 254 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:13,476 Hey, you better go and phone Ms. Courtney. 255 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:16,990 Okay. Sid, you have Ms. Courtney's number? 256 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:18,473 Yes. What do you want it for? 257 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:19,874 I've got to phone her about Arthur Mala. 258 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:23,990 Oh him! Do I speak like the way he does? 259 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:27,874 Yeah... hey wait a minute! I've got an idea! 260 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,112 Yes! Come over here. 261 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,829 - Bring the drinks, Givani. - Okay buddies. 262 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:35,476 Will you make me a favor, Shit? 263 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:36,430 What sort of... 264 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:41,873 What sort of favour? 265 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:43,355 It's worth a quid. 266 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,831 - Who do you want knocked off? - Nothing like that. 267 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,470 I want you to call up Ms. Courtney and tell her you are Arthur Mala... 268 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,477 and that you won't be able to come to open the fete. 269 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,989 I thought you were supposed to have fixed all that. 270 00:14:56,120 --> 00:15:00,113 He's not fixed nothing. He doesn't even know Arthur Mala. 271 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:01,873 You spoke too much? 272 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:03,475 Will you do it? 273 00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:05,830 For a quid, I'll do anything. 274 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,470 Hello? Ms. Courtney? Max Papandroes here. 275 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,352 I've got Mr. Mala to speak with you. 276 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:38,999 Good evening Mr. Mala. 277 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,873 It's kind of you to open our fete on Saturday. 278 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,833 Yes, that's what I was phoning you about. 279 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,830 We can't pay you a fee, but we will pay your expenses ofcourse. 280 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,832 Say fifty pounds? 281 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:54,830 - Fifty quid! - Cash. 282 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,833 Oh, that's lovely. What time do you want me to be there? 283 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,351 - 2:30. - 2:30? 284 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,833 Alright, I'll see you there on Saturday at 2:30. Chill out, love. 285 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,875 - What are you doing! - Are you crazy? 286 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,877 She offered me fifty quid in cash. 287 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,355 Wrong. She's offered that to Arthur Mala. 288 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:18,999 Everyone thinks I speak like him. 289 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:20,394 All I need is to appear in disguise. 290 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,353 And a big pair of stilts. 291 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:26,830 It's not going to work. You are a nobody. 292 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,830 Atleast I tried. Cheers. 293 00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:39,873 I got to get back. 294 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,351 I'm up the creek without a paddle. 295 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:51,829 You are up the creek without even a boat. 296 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:02,354 - Santa Maria! - What's the matter? 297 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:12,358 Without turning around, who does the man at the bar remind you of? 298 00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,351 How can I see without turning around? 299 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,351 Just have a quick look. 300 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:25,350 No idea. 301 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,993 - Arthur Mala. - Nothing like him. 302 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:34,873 Sure it is. I bet he fool a lot of people. 303 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,831 Specially Ms. Courtney. 304 00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:39,873 Hey, you might be right. 305 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:41,350 Come on. 306 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:48,353 - Excuse me. - Yes? 307 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:53,354 Has anyone ever told you, you look like Arthur Mala? 308 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:57,834 - Arthur who? - Arthur Mala. He's on television. 309 00:17:58,520 --> 00:17:59,999 I'm never good at television. 310 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:01,394 Never mind. 311 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:04,479 What are you doing Saturday afternoon? 312 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:05,430 Why? 313 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,829 We want you to impersonate Arthur Mala. 314 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,470 - What for? - It's just to open a fete. 315 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:15,479 - It's for a very good cause. - Whatever! 316 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,477 - It's only for half a hour. - And you'll be paid. 317 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,353 - How much? - Two pounds fifty. 318 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,992 - Two pounds fifty? - Not bad, eh? 319 00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:26,838 Two pounds fifty for only half an hour's work. 320 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:28,873 Very generous. 321 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:31,829 Is that the sort of money this Arthur Mala gets? 322 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:35,830 Maybe he gets a bit more. Three pounds maybe. 323 00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:38,829 But you're just impersonating him. 324 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:43,354 - You think I could do it? - Sure. You look a bit like him. 325 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,833 - Just speak a bit rougher. - Rougher? 326 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:51,834 - This Arthur Mala is very rough. - Is he? 327 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:55,353 - He speaks just like a slob. - A slob! 328 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,513 That's because he's thick. 329 00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:01,394 - What! I'll tell you something? - What's that? 330 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:02,873 I am Arthur Mala! 331 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:05,475 That's good! 332 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,352 He's getting into the part. 333 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,357 - Leo. - Yes Arthur? 334 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,353 Tell these two blokes who I am. 335 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:14,830 Arthur Mala. 336 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:22,873 Holy Ravioli! 337 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,468 He really is Arthur Mala. 338 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:31,832 - Slob you call me? - sHe didn't mean it. 339 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:34,238 Now I'll show you what I mean. 340 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:39,835 You idiot, ignorant, spaghetti eating twit! 341 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,833 It's only my good nature that's stopping me from punching you. 342 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,397 - Mr. Mala. - What? 343 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:51,829 Does that mean you won't be coming to open our fete? 344 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:53,873 You must be joking. 345 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:58,351 Now look what you've done. You and your big mouth! 346 00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:00,831 My big mouth? What about your big mouth? 347 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:03,829 - You started it. - I'll tell you something? 348 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:07,830 Arthur is right. You are a ignorant spaghetti eating twit. 349 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,833 Listen Shorty. You get up off your knees and say that. 350 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:16,479 - Don't you speak to me like that. - Don't you push me like that. 351 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:17,430 Push off! 352 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,831 Is it raining in the office Mr. Brown? 353 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:28,350 No. 354 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,476 I'm just checking it. I'm thinking of buying this. 355 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:34,478 You know that it is unlucky to put up an umbrella indoors. 356 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,352 It's good I'm not superstitious. 357 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,834 - How's that? - Oh! Very nice. 358 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:43,832 You can take it and hand them out. 359 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,351 I think it's time we were all going home. 360 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,831 - Well that's funny. - What is? 361 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:51,873 I don't seem to be able to find my coat. 362 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:53,873 I'll have a look. What sort is it? 363 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,476 It's a tweed with fur on the cuffs. 364 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,830 - And fur on the collar. - Yes. 365 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:01,351 - Oh dear! - What's the matter? 366 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,831 I thought everything on this row was for the jumble sale. 367 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,829 What have you done with my coat? 368 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,831 I sold it to Gladys for five pounds. 369 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,353 - You've done what! - Don't worry, I'll get it back. 370 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,389 - Sid, where's Gladys? - She's gone. 371 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:21,398 - Oh great! Where does she live? - 29, Kulmoor Terrace. 372 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,829 Wait a minute. She'll be in the boozer. 373 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:25,830 Finished. 374 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,398 Good. Now you be more careful next time. 375 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:30,873 - Here are your drinks. - Cheers. 376 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:35,873 I should have to go. 377 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,355 Tata Leo! See you. Tata boys. 378 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,353 Hello Gladys... Oh Gladys! 379 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:45,112 - Mr. Brown? - Where is it? 380 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:46,999 - Where's what? - The coat you bought. 381 00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:48,394 I need it back. It's Ms. Courtney's. 382 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,398 The coat? Oh well, I've sold it. 383 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:54,830 - Sold it? To whom? - Leo, behind the bar. 384 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:56,350 Excuse me. 385 00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,351 - Yes sir, what you want? - A ladies coat. 386 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,991 This may come as a shock to you, sir... 387 00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:05,350 but this is a pub, not a boutique. 388 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:09,356 No, I mean the coat Gladys sold you. I must have it back. 389 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,353 Bit kinky are you? 390 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:13,989 Pardon? 391 00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:16,998 I've heard of fellas like you dressing in women's clothes. 392 00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:19,475 I don't wear it. It's our school principal's. 393 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:20,874 I sold it to Gladys by mistake. 394 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:25,069 Oh... alright, I'll go and get it. 395 00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:28,829 - Hello boss. - What are you doing here? 396 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:30,873 It's a long story. 397 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:32,350 Here you are. 398 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,468 Thank you. And here's your five pounds. 399 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:38,478 - Ten. - Pardon? 400 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:39,874 I bought it for ten. 401 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,991 - You want a drink, professor? - sNo thanks, no time. 402 00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:48,394 Got to get back this coat to Ms. Courtney. 403 00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,351 Hit the tin and win a pound. 404 00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:14,833 Kiss a beautiful girl for 5p, one kiss. 405 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,831 10p, two kiss. 406 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:19,873 15p... 407 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,877 Taking the jumble stand? 408 00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:25,989 Jolly good. 409 00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:28,350 Be quick. You might sell a few before the official opening. 410 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,355 - Hello boss. - Max! Where's Arthur Mala? 411 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:35,356 Well, it's like this. I... maybe he's had an accident. 412 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:36,830 Tell him, Max. 413 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,829 Down in the basement, we have a gymnasium. 414 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:42,475 Very nice. 415 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:46,479 Mr. Brown! This is Mr. Brown, our English teacher. 416 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:47,350 How do you do? 417 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,389 - And you know Max, ofcourse. - Yes. 418 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:51,873 Very good of you to come. 419 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:53,878 Well, it was for a good cause. 420 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:55,831 And I could not have let Max down, could I? 421 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:00,873 I told you he was a friend of mine. 422 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,351 Well come along now, it's time we opened the fete. 423 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,468 Mr. Papandreos, if you could be awfully kind... 424 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,830 to get my coat. I think it's hanging on the rail in the office. 425 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:11,830 Oh no! 426 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:13,873 Now what's the matter? 427 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:15,353 It doesn't matter. See you at the fete. 30508

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