All language subtitles for Illegally Yours (1988) DVDRip

RICHARD: Well, I guess it all started about six and a half months ago

right here in my home town, St. Augustine, Florida.

Me, I was 500 miles away.

Didn't even hear about any of it

until just a couple of weeks ago.

But around the time I left,

Mr. Hal B. Keeler, the shipping magnate,

had moved to St. Augustine.

And everybody involved in this thing

was involved, somehow, with him.

Everybody except that poor mailman.

So anyway, on June 23, in the afternoon,

two of Keeler's chief security guys

followed Keeler's own daughter

and her girlfriend over to the beach.

Suzanne and Sharon,

now, they didn't even know they'd been followed.

The girls were driving a guy called Arnie,

who used to work for Keeler.

Arnie had been fired, you see.

Arnie was a blackmailer.

HARRY: He's got a bug on him. I thought he did.

Means he was probably buggin' us this morning.

Maybe the whole time. Son of a...

(GROANS)

RICHARD: Arnie was paying a call

on Keeler's two main assistants, Donald and Ruth.

The funny thing is Keeler himself didn't know

about any of this stuff until even after I did.

This is confusing, isn't it?

It was confusing to everybody there, too.

Now, maybe if Suzanne and Sharon hadn't been

so nervy, so damn curious,

things might have been different.

DONALD: Harry, Konrat, Keeler's daughter.

They don't like it much, either.

But there's not much they can do about it.

Hey, don't feel bad. Everybody is ripping Keeler off.

I used to work for the guy. I know.

Hey, people, it's rude to turn your back on a guest.

You're insane if you think we're gonna pay you anything.

You got nothing on us...

Hey, hey, back up. Look out!

(GUN FIRES)

(GROANS)

(SEAGULLS CAWING)

What's this?

He's taping us.

Get the tape.

What about the gun? And the...

All right, get him in the rug.

In the rug?

Roll it up.

RUTH: All right, get him out.

(CAR TIRES SCREECHING)

RICHARD: And it was just that moment Molly picked to show up.

Molly Gilbert.

The only person in the story I'd ever met before.

Some years before. That is, 19 years before.

She didn't have anything to do with Keeler,

except that Donald worked for Keeler

and Donald, the blond guy with the carpet,

had just broken up with Molly because of Ruth,

the other one with the carpet.

And Molly was pretty steamed about it.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

What are you doing here?

Getting my stuff.

RUTH: Listen, this is not the time to be here.

Would you mind coming back another day?

I'm sorry it's inconvenient.

Look, what are you doing here?

MOLLY: Getting my stuff, okay?

RUTH: Yeah, just make sure it's yours. Molly?

Look, this is not all of your stuff.

I can tell that you're being reckless.

It's my stuff.

It is not. Look at all of these.

These are my things, all right?

They are all not.

They're my tapes!

Those are not all yours!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(CAR DOOR OPENS)

(REVVING)

(GUN FIRES)

(SIREN WAILING)

RICHARD: So anyway, six months later...

Well, actually, about two weeks ago,

I was still in Winston-Salem, North Carolina,

500 miles from home.

I'd been living happily, I thought,

with a woman a little older than me.

I guess I like older women.

A sculptress named Sonja.

December 17, I had a pretty bad day myself.

Actually, it was murder.

Well, I... I mean, nobody got killed.

I mean that day was murder.

It was the afternoon, and I was coming home early

as a surprise. Some surprise.

I was bringing home some French bread

and red roses.

♪ Love is a gambler with your heart

♪ Love is a rambler from the start

♪ And the hottest fire you know

♪ Is in the flame of a lover's glow

♪ And there's a real good chance

♪ When you play with fire

♪ Sometimes you might get burned

♪ Love is a gambler, love is a gambler

♪ Lady luck is always there when the wheel is turned

♪ You can feel just like a child when you fall in love

♪ You hide and seek for dreams that might come true

♪ Like a little boy and girl

♪ Playin' games of make believe

♪ But it's gotta be a game that's meant for two

♪ Love is a gambler with your heart

♪ Love is a rambler from the start

♪ And the hottest fire you know

♪ Is in the flame of a lover's glow

♪ And there's a real good chance

♪ When you play with fire

♪ Sometimes you might get burned

♪ Love is a gambler love is a gambler

♪ Dame fortune's always there when the wheel is turned

(CRASHING)

♪ When that bright new moon is beamin' from above

♪ You can often hear

♪ The melodies of love

♪ Oh, but passion's fruits are sweet

♪ So taste them carefully

♪ And listen till you hear that harmony

♪ Love is a gambler with your heart

♪ Love is a rambler from the start

♪ And the hottest fire you know

♪ Is in the flame of a lover's glow

♪ And there's a real good chance

♪ When you play with fire

♪ Sometimes you might get burned

♪ Love is a gambler love is a gambler

♪ Lady luck is always there when the wheel is turned

♪ Love is a gambler with your heart

♪ Love is a rambler from the start

♪ And the hottest fire you know

♪ Is in the flame of a lover's glow

♪ And there's a real good chance

♪ When you play with fire

♪ Sometimes you might get burned

♪ Love is a gambler love is a gambler

♪ Lady luck is always there when the wheel is turned

♪ When the wheel turns

♪ When the wheel turns

♪ Lady luck, won't you turn that wheel for me? ♪

RICHARD: It was good being home again in Florida.

Ponce de Leon named it after Flora,

the goddess of flowers.

Guess old Ponce was a hopeless romantic, too.

That's what my mother started calling me.

A hopeless Romeo.

Maybe because it was Christmastime,

but I certainly was looking forward

to seeing her again.

And my kid brother, Andrew. Even though I told Andrew

I'd be coming home the conquering hero.

Oh, well.

My mother was always up to something screwy.

You could just never predict her.

She's also been married about seven times.

My mom always says,

"Richard, you've got to remember,

"love is a gamble.

"Most of the time you lose,

"so there's no point in being depressed too long when you do.

"That's just the way it goes with love.

"Better luck next time."

My mother's an optimist.

I guess maybe I am, too.

D.J. ON RADIO: ...yes, sir, you said a mouthful, Johnny.

That's a big hit single for The Man in Black.

And it sure is a beautiful morning here in St. Augustine.

Only eight more shopping days to Christmas

and it's over 85 in the shade.

Charles, you hear that Hal B. Keeler guy's havin'

a Christmas party to show off what he's done in the old fort?

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Had a good night's sleep?

Don't worry about a thing, mom.

I got a very good deal.

500 miles, $500. That's only a dollar a mile.

I love bargains.

You look exhausted. You want to lie down?

I'd be eternally in your debt, ma'am.

Well, come on before you fall down.

I'll pay you back. I'll pay you back for anything you do.

Well, it's the thought that counts, sweetie.

But I won't hold my breath.

But we could have vouchers.

I'll sign a voucher, they just need to mature.

That's true of a lot of things.

Hail the conquering hero.

Andrew.

How much this time?

Don't fuss about it, Andrew. Say hello to Wally.

Hi, Andrew. Huh?

Andrew the world is a strange...

How about a little room and board?

I'd be eternally in your...

You said that. Take it off the top.

Don't worry about a thing, little buddy.

Because I'm fine, Andrew. I'm kickin' ass.

A dynamo. I'm a wrecking machine.

Yeah, and I'm getting wicked deja vu here, Richard.

(EXHALES)

Name.

Richard Dice.

Dice, Richard.

Hair dark, 24, eyes blue, 5'11".

Hmm, the other son.

(GAGGING) Who are you?

Oh, Freddie Boneflecker. Uh, Police Department.

I have been going with your mother the last couple of months.

Sorry about the choke hold,

but suburban crime is out of control.

Call me Uncle Freddie.

Okay.

RICHARD: It was a little strange being in my old room again.

Sort of like bumping into the Ghost of Richard Past.

And right then, he didn't seem like a very interesting guy.

And certainly not a lucky one.

But all that was gonna change.

An old gypsy numerologist told me once,

"trust the dice."

They would guide me, she said,

on the path of life.

20. That's two. that's love.

(SIGHING) Okay, then,

no smoking today.

No smoking at all.

"Mrs. Dice's Alligator Mud."

I gather you're a businesswoman, Mrs. D.

Well, don't gather too much, honey.

We're trying to get this new facial off the ground.

We use the red clay from out back,

mixed with horse protein.

Uh-huh.

Richard wasn't in Winston-Salem

for very long, was he, Mom?

You aren't in shock about it, are you?

Not really.

What's the story with Uncle Freddie?

Freddie's not a bad guy.

You just have to get past the paranoia.

Also, he's taller.

FREDDIE: I have to go to the Keeler place.

I don't believe we've had the pleasure.

Wally, Freddie. Freddie, Wally.

And don't start frisking.

Up, up! Keep 'em up.

He does that to everybody.

Since Hal B. Keeler moved into the old fort,

you got to be careful

what with all that money around town.

Boy, draws kooks like bees to honey.

That guy Keeler may be rich, but he's an idiot.

You are speaking of one of America's

richest and most respected men, Evelyn.

Why, if he hadn't inherited every penny from his father,

he could have had the brains to...

Be a policeman?

You're a smart aleck.

And you, I don't know about you yet.

This one's clean.

Well, he is tall.

You weren't in Winston-Salem for very long,

were you, Rich?

It didn't pan out, huh, kid?

Uh, you know, I just don't think Sonja was ready

to accept the responsibility

of two people living together.

Yeah, she made him take a number.

I think I'm swearing off women for a while.

That's a bit drastic, isn't it?

So I was reading this magazine.

They said I was a love addict. Love addict?

You know, reckless, mate-happy,

crazed for attention, and my drives,

ahem, they're out of control.

I'm a hopeless romantic.

Oh, forget it, baby. Take a week off. Relax.

No, I'm gonna be out of here in a week. I'm on a roll.

I've got this rhythm going.

It's gonna be job, boom.

Career, boom. Apartment, boom.

Oh, no.

MRS. DICE: What is it? Not another warrant?

Jury duty. Today's the deadline.

I have to be there by 9:00.

Oh, well, I'll get out of it. This is an easy one.

Then it's gonna be job, boom,

career, boom, apartment, boom.

I'm gonna have to use your car.

Hey, Ma, you promised me the car for work after school.

I'll be out of this jury thing before then.

Mom, you remember that Mexican wallet

that you gave me with $100 in it?

I have the wallet. I just don't have the $100.

Cute.

Don't anybody worry about me.

I've been at square one before.

The key right now is discipline.

Some of us just have to give ourselves

a bit of a short leash.

I've heard about that leash before.

Kid's a good talker, though. Gonna go far.

Yeah, but he just might have to get towed the whole way.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Hello. Good morning.

Uh, I'm here about the jury duty.

I'm not gonna be able to do this, I'm afraid.

You're late.

SELECTION MAN: Hold it down now. Quiet!

RICHARD: Excuse me. Excuse me.

We call the names, I want you to report

to the criminal court on the second floor of this building.

(THUDDING)

(PEOPLE LAUGHING) Adder.

Abernathy. RICHARD: Excuse me.

Excuse me. Allen.

My shoe came off.

I don't mean to be a prima donna,

I just don't have two weeks to kill right now.

I'm getting this rhythm going.

Job, boom. Career, boom.

Apartment, boom. You know what I mean?

I'm just a guard, fella. Tell it to Mrs. Sobel.

Huh?

SELECTION MAN: Chester!

Mrs. Sobel? Hello. Good morning.

I'm Richard Dice.

Uh, I... I just got back into town and found this summons...

Do you have a slip? I had a slip.

I need the slip.

Don't move.

Excuse me. Uh, hello.

Uh, could you give me back that paper?

Oh, I can't.

What do you mean you can't?

Well, you're already registered.

No, no, no, wait. You don't understand.

SELECTION MAN: Dice.

Dice.

Wait a minute.

Could somebody just listen for a second?

I can't do this.

Why not?

It's absolutely crucial I devote every day to my career.

Have you got a letter from your employer?

I could get a note from my mother.

(ALL LAUGHING)

I'm just kidding around.

Look, you don't understand. I can't be on a jury.

I like juries. I believe in juries.

I believe in our whole system of American justice...

Order. Order in the court.

(ALL CHATTERING)

JUDGE: Order.

RICHARD: I like to be involved in something.

Be quiet now.

Your Honor.

Yes, Counselor?

My client's a little late.

She's dealing with an eviction notice. But I believe

we could begin the preliminary jury selection without her.

Yes. That's all right, Counselor.

But of course you know that until your client is present,

the jury can't be sworn in.

Yes, of course, Your Honor.

Um, uh, Your Honor. Ahem.

Yes.

Uh, I'm a little late, too.

This is a particularly important week for me.

And I was just wondering, could you say

this is a tough one or an easy one?

Justice is never easy, young man.

Justice is a very careful process.

Yes, I'm sure that's so true.

(DOOR BANGS) But will it take long?

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

JUDGE: Order in the court.

(GAVEL POUNDING)

JUDGE: Order.

COUNSEL: Your Honor, my client, Miss Gilbert, has arrived.

JUDGE: Apparently.

(ALL LAUGH) Gilbert? Molly? Molly Gilbert?

All right, if there are no further problems,

let the jury selection begin.

SELECTION MAN: "Abernathy, Jerome.

"Abrahmowitz, Mildred.

"Couganbacher, Henrietta.

"Kern, Lisa.

"Denagal, Tim.

"Dice, Richard.

"Horowitz, Scott."

(ALL LAUGH)

I'm terribly sorry. Excuse me.

JUDGE: Go ahead, Mr. Clerk.

(GAVEL POUNDING)

SELECTION MAN: "Howard, Stephen."

Your Honor, may I interrupt this process for a moment?

Yes.

Miss Gilbert is distressed

because the bag she carried to the house,

Exhibit C, had a number of personal effects in it.

And since the revolver

is the only relevant piece of evidence...

Look, there's...

...and these items have been impounded for six months,

we were wondering if the court might return

said evidence to my client's possession?

I see no reason to hold it.

Ms. Gilbert can pick it up

at the sheriff's office downstairs.

Prosecution will supply a receipt.

May the jury selection continue now, Ms. Morgan?

COUNSEL: Yes, of course, Your Honor. We thank you.

JUDGE: Go ahead, Mr. Clerk.

Mr. Dice, you ever served on a jury before?

No, I haven't.

Miss Gilbert is charged with a very serious offense

of attempted murder, Mr. Dice,

in which two people were injured.

Is there anything that you may have read in the press or seen on television

that might prejudice your judgment in this case?

No, I've been out of town.

One final question, Mr. Dice.

Before today, have you ever in your life

met, spoken to, or so much as seen

the defendant Molly Gilbert?

(COUGHING)

Never.

Accepted.

Accepted.

MAN: Cheskies, Abraham.

Will you render an impartial verdict

based upon the evidence presented in this courtroom?

You meant to kill him?

She did not mean that.

I didn't mean it literally.

(ALL CLAMORING)

WOMAN: She worked for Keeler.

I don't see the connection, but stick around

and it'll all come out in the court.

Excuse us, please. Bye now.

(ALL CHATTERING)

MOLLY: My mom hears about this in...

COUNSEL: Relax.

Look, I'm late.

Here, pick up your bag at this window,

don't talk to the press, and keep your chin up.

MOLLY: Hello, could I have my stuff, please?

Get your paper.

I'd like a paper.

I'm very interested in the news

about the nation. Thank you very much.

BOY: Paper!

(TYPEWRITER CLATTERING)

There she is.

I'm gonna take care of that tape.

RUTH: Good.

DONALD: Tonight.

It's one of those tapes in that bag there.

Come on, we better go get the car.

Huh?

ANDREW: Oh, hey, hey, Richard. Didn't get out, huh?

What? What happened?

Right there. See her? The one with

the rainbow-colored bag? Stunning, huh?

You said this morning you were swearing off women.

I know. This is an exception.

That's Molly Gilbert.

When I was in first grade,

she was the prettiest sixth grader in the school.

Cutest square dancer.

There were five years between us.

She didn't know I existed. I still love her.

That's first love, Andrew.

Maybe the root of my whole problem.

You were only six years old, Richard.

I know, six is piddle, not the end of life.

I looked up from the jury box and...

Those guys are looking at her funny.

She the lawyer?

The defendant. Attempted murder.

What? Jurors aren't allowed to know defendants,

much less be in love with them!

HARRY: Watch it, kid.

I don't like those guys. Let's follow them.

Richard, I don't have...

Those two guys look like they're tailing her.

This is illegal, Richard. Against the law.

The law doesn't have to know.

Wait a second. They ask every juror

under oath if they know the defendant.

They asked, I said no.

You lied. That's perjury.

(CAR STEREO PLAYING)

Did you see... Oh.

This is insane, Richard.

Let's follow them. Follow them?

Yeah, those guys make me nervous.

Richard. Don't you understand?

I could be the only guy standing

between Molly and 20 years on a bum rap.

But, Richard, I don't understand...

I remember one time at school, I brought her a flower.

On the playground. Too many kids watching.

She kind of wiped the pavement with me.

Next year, she was gone.

Look at her.

(HONKING) Get off it, Mister. I'm moving it.

She's got to be innocent.

Rich, you're playing with fire.

Relax. I'll be in a box.

We travel in a pack of 12, okay?

Rich, you're a sick person.

Therefore I'm taking the keys to the car.

Andrew!

(HONKING)

(HONKING)

(HONKING)

Are you crazy?

I'm terribly sorry. It's something of an emergency.

Are you out of your mind?

Could you follow that Plymouth?

Someone stole my car.

Yeah, okay. Is that why you're following her?

Who? The woman in the Plymouth.

No, no, I think her life's in danger.

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

Hello there.

This was all trees once and wild animals, eh?

Right.

That's my friend Sharon.

Somebody slipped her a weird mushroom

a couple of days ago in a slice of pizza.

She hasn't quite come down yet.

We'll see you in April, Ace.

See what I mean?

Uh-huh. They're turning right. Turn right!

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(BOTH GRUNT)

Are you a cop?

Uh, me? No. Biogenetic research.

You know, gene splicing, et cetera.

Oh, really? Oh, yes.

I wonder who those two goons are who where following her?

Personally, I wouldn't know. We're just students.

I want to go out and about.

Excuse me? Out and about.

Out in a boat?

No, out and about. She's from Canada.

Oh, out and about.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Oh, gosh, are you hurt? Are you okay?

I guess so. Fine. fine.

Okay, let's go.

(HONKING)

What are they...

Do you have any sunglasses or something?

Thanks. Could you wait, please?

Sure.

Hey, you. You're down a quart of oil.

Hey, you guys. Get out of there.

I was just using the ladies' room.

You're down two quarts.

Yeah, well, some other time.

Could we follow them? This looks serious.

Sure.

What exactly makes you think her life's in danger?

Didn't you see what that goon was trying to do?

She was on trial, eh? Huh?

Maybe it was blackmail.

What?

Oh, she's just mushroomed. Go to sleep, Sharon.

Wait a minute. What do you two know about this trial?

Us? Nothing. We're on a class project.

Class project? Seeing how courts work.

What's your big interest if you're some biodegradable researcher?

Biogenetic. Ahem. That woman is a biological time bomb.

That's all I can say right now.

If you two are covering up any knowledge about her,

the consequences could be very disastrous.

Uh, I have to get my hair cut.

You'll have to leave, sorry to say.

It's been nice talking with you.

And thank you for the lift.

It's been very nice talking with you, Sharon.

Before the trees, this was all lava here.

Uh, right.

Uh, what did you say your name was?

SUZANNE: Bye.

That's a nice name.

What is it with this guy?

Suzy? Just... Just a second.

MOLLY: Hello? Anybody home?

(DOG BARKING)

MOLLY: Hello.

Oh. Hi.

Hello, I'm with Galaxy...

I'm sorry, we were on the back porch.

Yeah, well, I'm with Galaxy Cable TV

and I'd like to talk to you about our fantastic...

Thank you, but we're dish. Dish?

Satellite dish. The whole street's almost 100% dish.

MOLLY: Oh, dish. I... I see. Thanks.

Thanks, anyway. Bye.

Yeah, good luck.

Bye.

I've got to talk to her. I've got to warn her.

RICHARD: Maybe I should have just talked to her.

But I couldn't. What was I supposed to say?

"Hi, I'm on your jury.

"You're in big trouble and I want to marry you"?

No. I had to do it some different way.

(DOORBELL CHIMING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

RICHARD: Anybody home?

Coming!

Oh, my god. Duck, duck.

(RICHARD MIMICKING FEMALE VOICE) Coming.

Coming.

I'll be right there.

Uh, just getting out of the shower.

Oh, no. Oh, dear.

(GRUNTS)

Oh, yeah.

Coming.

How do they do this?

Well, come on, I don't have all day and night.

Hello.

Hello. Uh, I'm with Galaxy Cable TV.

And I'm here to talk to you about our fantastic new offer.

Yes, come in. I love cable.

You're my kind of customer, lady.

Now, we offer three basic kinds of cable.

Uh, adult programming, uh, educational programs,

operas...

Yes, yes, I'm very interested.

Listen, I, I... I read cards.

Would you like to have your cards read?

I read big cards.

I see trouble and confusion.

Lots of trouble, and lots of confusion.

Wait a second, lady.

Do you want cable or not?

Yes, yes, that's very interesting.

But listen. This means an attempted murder.

And this means a trial.

And this is a warning.

(CAR HONKING) Men are chasing you, and you're innocent.

(RICHARD WHISPERING) Oh, no. The judge.

MOLLY: What?

Can't believe this.

Now look, lady, if you know anything about my trial...

No! My husband! He hates cable.

You'll have to go now!

Remember the warning of the big cards!

Sign us up for 20 years!

Geez.

Uh-oh. Suzy?

(STARTING ENGINE) Just a minute. Just a minute.

And don't you dare come back here again!

RICHARD: Oh, great. Juror caught in judge's house.

Wonderful.

Honey, are you home?

JUDGE: Hello?

(JUDGE WHISTLES)

Sweetie?

Bunny rabbit? Where's my bunny rabbit?

Ah, there's my honey bunny.

Did you know there were some hooligans

outside rummaging in the garbage?

How about a beer for the judge?

I wanna get out of these clothes.

Bunny rabbit?

(DOOR CLOSES)

Bunny rabbit.

Bunny rabbit?

What the hell is this?

RICHARD: I'll just be a second with the money.

CABBIE: Okay, man.

(EXCLAIMS)

It's just me.

I'm trying your mom's new alligator mud facial.

I gotta keep walking.

Oh, okay, yes. Oh, yeah.

Guess what? I made the jury.

I thought you were getting out of it?

Sweetie, where's your shoe?

I was. I mean, I am.

But now I'm considering law school.

Richard, we've done a lot of stupid things over the years,

but we've never been boring people.

Where's your other shoe?

Mama, I wouldn't do this unless I felt absolutely passionate about it.

Passionate about what?

Passionate about what?

Law. It's law... Uh, awesome.

Andrew, where's the phone book?

I don't know.

Where's your shoe? What is it?

Do lawyers only work with one shoe?

Huh, shoe? Oh, that shoe.

It's at the, uh, shoe fixer. Resoling.

Mom, can I borrow these few little ones?

All right. Wally, while you're walking,

would you give this to the cab driver? Yeah, sure.

You'll get it all back. With interest.

I didn't think saints charged interest.

You, more mud.

(PHONE RINGING) Oh, give me a break, Mom.

(MUMBLING)

I'll get it. I'll get it. I'll get it.

Here you go.

(EXCLAIMS)

I'm trying out Mrs. Dice's new alligator mud facial.

So I have to keep walkin'. Yeah. Yeah.

RICHARD: I felt bad about lying like that to my mother,

but I knew she'd feel a lot worse

if I told her the truth.

And there was just no way around the fact

that everything I'd seen all day

made it obvious that Molly was

in much worse trouble than she thought.

And somehow, I seemed to be the only one

who might be able to save her.

And yet, everything I was doing

was completely against the law.

Still, there were the laws of love to consider.

'cause I guess there was also no getting around the fact

that I was falling again.

There wasn't anything I could do about that.

"Gilbrath."

"Gilbert."

26. That's eight.

That's fruitfulness. That's good.

Hey, that's phone company property

you just destroyed there, Rich.

Give me a break, Andrew.

I'm in a position to save the life

of a woman I've secretly loved for 19 years. I have to get to her house.

You could go to jail for this, rich. For ripping a phone book?

Attempting to have sex with the defendant.

This isn't about sex, Andrew. The woman is a goddess.

I don't know what kind of goddess.

Good goddess, bad goddess.

Moon, sun goddess, fish goddess.

You've gone gaga, Rich. Don't you understand?

I was 6. She was 11.

There's a universe between 6 and 11.

Height, vocabulary, penmanship.

But we're adults now. five years means nothing anymore.

Still means something in Sing Sing.

You know, Ma, I know we haven't had much chance to talk.

But I just wanted to let you know how great it is to be home.

He's sucking for the car.

No car. No, no, no, don't even ask.

As far as I'm concerned, if you want to go around

without a shoe, you can do it on foot.

It's Christmas, Ma.

Key's on the hook, but don't tell Freddie.

Ma, you're the greatest mom.

Bye, Wally.

Bye, Rich. Hey, what do you think?

You're not done yet.

Okay, but I just hope I don't turn into a handbag.

Ma, can we call it a night on the mud?

Now, Andrew, tell me the truth.

What's with Richard? Is he in love again?

How did you know? I mean I don't know.

Another $10 I owe you. Huh?

(CREAKING)

(CRASHING)

(DOG BARKING)

What?

(Molly SCREAMING)

(ENGINE STARTING)

KONRAT: Come on, come on, get in.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

What's going on here?

Get in.

Oh, all right.

Go.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Now look, I don't want you following, or calling,

or trying to identify me.

As far as you are concerned,

this is not happening, and we don't exist.

We're shadows, eh?

Hi, you feeling better?

Fine. Oh, good.

My name is Richard. How about our mysterious driver?

I said no names.

You two are involved in this, aren't you?

We didn't know there'd be a murder.

She meant attempted murderer.

I meant attempted murderer.

I thought you two were on some sort of school project together.

No, no, it's my school project.

She's just visiting me for the holidays, okay?

You end up in some pretty weird places yourself, mister,

for a bio... Whatever you are.

Geneticist.

Someone has to cover this end of the industry.

Oh, please. I don't believe a word you say.

Then why do you keep picking me up?

Because... What's your big interest in this woman anyway?

Those two guys weren't after Molly.

They were after her bag.

(STAMMERING) And you two, you're after the same thing, aren't you?

No, I told you what we were doing.

Oh, right. The school project.

Okay, that's enough. Get out.

Not until you tell me what's in the bag.

You think you're so smart, don't you?

Just follow your nose.

RICHARD: I watched them as they followed

those two clowns into the Keeler fort.

I was thinking, "Those two girls

"know a lot more than they're saying."

So I did what she told me.

I followed my nose.

When Keeler bought that old fort,

no one dreamed he'd want to live there.

But he did,

and he was spending a fortune fixing it up.

He shipped in a lot of Greek statues

and Chinese pagodas.

MAN: Assistance!

It's kind of ironic now,

but as they say, little did I know then

that the statue I was hiding behind

would soon play a key role in the mystery.

Hey, Harry.

I barely noticed 'cause I was so surprised

to see one of those two clowns

putting on a security chief's uniform.

His name was Harry.

And he and this Keeler guard were talking

about a burglary that had just happened.

It was clear that they had done the burglary.

Talk about an inside job.

Well, maybe if I followed old Harry,

he'd lead me to those two girls

or Molly's bag, or something about this mess.

(EXCLAIMS)

What are you doing here?

I'm with Harry. Uh, security trainee.

Oh, okay.

Okay? Yeah.

That, uh, Harry, uh, kind of a weirdo, isn't he?

Yes. Yes, yes, he is.

See you later.

Oh, okay.

RICHARD: As I crossed the moat,

there was an eerie splashing down below.

If I'd known what it was, maybe I'd have turned around.

Maybe.

But a few seconds later,

I was almost face to face with...

Well, because of the burglary,

one of several at Keeler's,

Keeler had called the cops.

And the cops had assigned...

That's right. Uncle Freddie.

Come in. This is Boneflecker.

The Keeler suite's been hit again. They've cleaned it out.

Three of those giant TVs,

Three VCRs, five CD players, three stereos.

FREDDIE: They must have had a truck.

RICHARD: Of course, Freddie had no idea he'd just been talking

to the burglary's mastermind himself.

Poor Freddie.

Well, there I was, still following Harry

and I was just beginning to wonder

where the girls might be

when there they were, still following Harry.

(DOOR CLOSING)

RUTH: Look, Mr. Keeler wants all electrical systems

operational for the party.

He certainly won't tolerate any excuses.

So don't give me any.

I said we'd have it done.

Then have it. What's your name, kid?

Jerome, ma'am. Cute. Beat it, Jerome.

Did you get it? No.

What do you mean no? What happened to your face?

She came back early. I had to get out of there quick.

Great. Then get it tomorrow if she ever hears that, we're sunk.

What do you think I'm trying to do? You think I like walking through windows?

What's with Cairo?

I'll get him to move it tonight. Don't worry.

It's got to be out of there by Friday.

I know. Friday at 5:00.

(PHONE RINGING) We have enough time.

Later. I'll be right back.

(RUSTLING)

MAN: Mmm-mmm.

No, no, no.

No.

RICHARD: So the other clown worked for Keeler, too.

And apparently, they weren't after Molly's bag at all,

but after some tape or other.

And they also knew that the two girls

were after the same thing.

Anything? Nothing yet. Another burglary.

Probably Harry again.

When they move that statue tonight,

for god's sake, keep an eye on things.

I'm on top of it. Don't worry.

RICHARD: It turned out that Harry's pal Konrat

had overheard the girls at the fort

talking about this tape

and confirming what Harry and Konrat

had already been afraid of:

that they, too, had been incriminated.

On what exactly, I still didn't know.

HARRY: Yeah, yeah. Okay, right.

Come on, Keeler wants us to put that stuff away for a while. Let's go.

RICHARD: And why was everybody talking about some shipment?

Friday at 5:00.

(DOOR SHUTTING)

FREDDIE: Where were you at the time of the burglary?

What were you doing?

Heads up. Two walls coming through.

FREDDIE: What were you doing?

I was eating a candy bar. What kind?

GUARD: Butterfinger.

FREDDIE: How about you?

I wasn't eating anything.

I didn't ask what you were doing, where were you?

I was in the basement.

What were you doing? Fixing a light.

Where were you the night of the other crimes?

What were you doing? WORKMAN: Eating a candy bar.

Of the same kind?

I think it was a Baby Ruth.

We're getting somewhere. What about you?

MAN: I wasn't eating.

What's the matter? Don't you ever eat?

The whole thing sounds fishy to me.

I want prints on you.

(EXHALES)

SUZANNE: No.

(CLATTERING)

No.

No.

No.

No.

SHARON: Are you still on a trip?

SUZANNE: No, I told you, I'm okay now.

Look again.

We've got to find the tape and shred the thing.

If my father ever...

Sharon, we're accessories.

I always thought accessories were like power brakes.

No, they're like dead ducks.

I guess Arnie must have been blackmailing

Harry and Konrat, too.

Why else would they want that tape?

What about that guy we picked up? Where does he fit in?

I don't even know where I fit in.

But he's awfully cute.

I saw him first.

Oh, no, he's not my type. He's too cute. It's scary.

KEELER: Oh, the Moroccan room.

One of the two rooms in the fort we've actually finished.

It's Daddy. Come on.

KEELER: ...this will be for the Chinese delegation

after the official dinner.

Over here.

KEELER: A number one priority, we'll find out...

I know the Chinese think the nape of the neck is sexy.

But how they chose to settle down...

Over here.

(BOTH GASPING)

Hello.

KEELER: This is my harem room...

Hi, Daddy.

"Daddy."

Suzy, where have you been?

We've been searching high and low for you.

You are my little hostess.

You haven't seen any of the arrangements.

We were just watching the stars, Daddy.

We found the Big Dipper.

KEELER: Fine, girls, fine.

But how many times has Daddy Hal B. Keeler told you

not to play near those high, open windows?

SUZANNE: Sorry, Daddy.

Boneflecker! FREDDIE: Yes, sir.

Secure those windows!

Yes, sir.

No, I'll do it.

Boneflecker! Secure those windows! Yes, sir.

Come along, Suzy-Woozy.

KEELER: All right now, why are you people following me all over the fort?

Cover for me.

Take that out there, quick. There's a ledge.

KEELER: Come along! Come on.

My god, there's no ledge out there.

There isn't? Oh, no!

I want you and baby tiger to take protocol lessons

before you talk to Ambassador Ting.

FREDDIE: All right, men. Check the balcony.

(GRUNTS)

Ledge? Where? There's no ledge.

I'm gonna check this one out.

FREDDIE: Who's that out there? What are you doing?

(SCREAMS)

Intruder in the north moat, over.

Intruder in the north moat.

No ledge.

(SIREN WAILING)

(SCREAMING)

FREDDIE: It's an intruder!

Hold it! Catch the boy!

Catch the intruder!

Turn on the spotlights!

(GRUNTS)

DONALD: Who is it?

RUTH: "Richard Dice.

"525 Old Quarry Road."

Let me see that.

Easy, Harry.

I was a little surprised to see you in court today.

Yeah, well, look.

There's no point beating around the bush no more.

What?

We two knows what youse two are up to.

You do?

Yeah, the guy was blackmailin' us, too.

He was? Yeah.

Only we didn't kill him.

Neither did I.

I mean, uh, we.

(SIRENS WAILING)

I still don't get your major point here.

The point is

we all got a major interest in that tape.

Huh?

(MUSIC PLAYING ON TRUCK STEREO)

♪ The lady of love

♪ She's in the sun

♪ In the clouds

Good morning, Mom.

I had a little bit of an accident.

That's two cars in two days.

I know, I'm terribly sorry. I'm late for court.

My estimate in dollars for the past 48 hours is nearing $2,000.

It's only 8:15 a.m., Wednesday.

I'll pay for everything.

Not to mention the price of worry,

irritation and lack of sleep. You have to put all the facts into context.

Let's start by putting that in context.

That's not my fault. We can sue the city.

I've had some very complex legal experience

in the past 24 hours.

Sure gives me a lot of work.

You know, you haven't had any sleep in two days.

Sue the city for what?

For not putting up a sign on a dead end sleep. Street.

I haven't? I can't do it now.

I'll be right down.

Don't worry, I'm kicking ass.

I'm like a wrecking machine. I'm a dynamo.

I'm not saying a thing.

That's good.

Hey, Andrew.

ANDREW: Yeah?

Uh, would you do me a favor and go in my bookshelves,

see if you can find those old Grover Canyon yearbooks of mine?

I need the one from 1968 when I'm in the first grade.

No!

What do you mean no?

I mean no. Ixnay, forget about it.

You've got to be stopped.

This woman's gonna destroy you.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Will you find the yearbook, please?

I tell you, responsibility is one thing

this guy will never know about.

Morality, justice and love,

and never-ending peace without even...

Oh, can I borrow your Bowie tape?

RICHARD: What? I can't hear you.

Can I borrow this Bowie tape?

We don't have it in the store.

What?

I'll... I'll loan you my Springsteen.

I can't hear a word you're saying!

Oh, never mind. I'll tell you later.

What were you yelling about, Andrew?

Did you find the yearbook?

It's on your bed.

Can I borrow a couple of bucks?

Thanks, Andrew. Yeah, my wallet's in my pants.

Hey, Richard, there's no wallet here, Richard.

There isn't?

Don't tell me you lost the wallet that mom gave you.

I must have left it somewhere.

It's probably at court.

Oh, never mind. I'll just get it from mom.

Good toast. Raisins.

Hi, guys. Good morning.

When Freddie finds out about my car,

the man will call an air strike.

Where is the law this morning?

Freddie was at the Keeler place all night.

There was a break-in.

Freddie said the thief jumped into the moat,

but they found his wallet.

They found his wallet?

And there was no I.D.

There was no I.D. in what?

Nothing. It's not important.

Sounds like a pro job to me.

Pros never carry I.D.

What I.D.? What are you talking about?

Nothing. It's immaterial.

Wally, one little favor. I'm very late.

Drive you to court? Sure. No prob...

No, no more help from this house.

Mom, that would be an obstruction of justice.

See you later.

Ma, there was no I.D. In what?

Oh, sit down, Andrew.

What did I do?

(CAR ENGINE STARTING)

RICHARD: Oh, Molly, who would have thought then

you'd be in such a fix now?

That goes for you too, Rich.

There she is. Drove me nuts.

Not my type.

I remember I was just starting out the first grade.

I had to go to the bathroom.

Mrs. Walker pointed me down the hall,

but I couldn't read yet.

So I went into the girls', instead of the boys'.

Just as Molly was walking in.

I'll never forget it.

She looked down at me and she said,

"Get out of here, you little pervert."

God, she was sophisticated.

It took me years to figure out what that meant.

Sounds pretty sophisticated, all right.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right. Will you keep an eye on that for me?

Okay, good luck. See you tonight.

We're having mashed potatoes.

Why would she ransack you?

She never wanted me to have my things.

That's why she tried to run me over.

Don't worry about it. Get yourself together. You're all over the place.

Yeah, well, I didn't get any sleep last night.

Remember, I need the angel in court.

We are selling self-defense.

Yeah. If only I had a witness, I could nail her.

Just relax.

Do you solemnly swear and affirm that

the testimony you are about to give

will be the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

RUTH: I do.

CLERK: Please step up and be seated.

(BOTH WHISPERING)

PROSECUTOR: State your place of residence.

RUTH: I live at 205 Genoa, Vilano Beach, Florida.

Better view.

Miss Harrison, can you tell the jury your occupation?

I'm an executive assistant to Mr. Hal Keeler

of the Keeler Organization

and I'd like to think,

one of his most loyal associates.

Miss Harrison, you are here

purely as a witness for the state

having chosen to drop your own charges

against Molly Gilbert.

Well, I consider that matter private

and rather embarrassing.

Not worthy of a legal ordeal.

Can you tell us what you did

when Molly Gilbert forced her way into Donald Cleary's house?

Well, I asked her what she wanted.

And she said, rather heatedly,

that she'd come back to pick up a few things she'd forgotten.

Knickknacks, trinket jewelry, music tapes.

Did you know that she had a gun?

Not then.

Frankly, I couldn't imagine

any woman who would need to arm herself

with more than feminine wiles.

(WOMEN LAUGHING) And then what was your reaction?

I was afraid for my life.

I knew she was jealous and wanted revenge.

Donald had thrown her out. I'd moved in.

She was out for blood.

Out for blood?

You tried to run me down, honey.

JUDGE: Order.

Young lady, I'll not tolerate such outbursts in my court.

If you have something to say, tell it to your attorney.

Okay, okay. I'm sorry, Judge.

I don't know what we're gonna do.

He's a juror. He's probably got the tape.

(WHISPERING) How could he have?

One way or the other, he knows we're involved.

He knows we're involved, but does he know exactly what we're involved in?

He might have trouble figuring that out.

I don't know, there's something about him I trust

even though he seems to be lying all the time.

Oh, God, look. The Hardy Boys.

COUNSEL: The police report says

that there were skid marks in the driveway

that would indicate you were traveling

at more than 30 miles per hour

when your car hit the street.

Do you think that 30 miles per hour

is a safe speed to exit a residential driveway?

How would you react if one shot

had just blasted through your window

and you were looking right down the barrel of the gun?

I stepped on the gas. Wouldn't you?

No further questions for now, Your Honor.

JUDGE: You may step down.

RUTH: Thank you.

State calls U.S. Postal Worker Maurice Nada.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

CLERK: Do you solemnly swear or affirm

that the testimony you are about to give

will be the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

I do.

Please step up and be seated.

PROSECUTOR: Mr. Nada, would you recount the events

of the afternoon of...

(WHISPERING) You follow the girls,

you follow that guy on the jury.

I'll have to get another car.

What about the chick on trial?

Donald and I will take care of her.

Don't attract attention, and report to me later.

MAURICE: ...an occupational hazard in mail delivery.

PROSECUTOR: What happened then, Mr. Nada?

Well, I kept on going.

Did the Wymans and the Murrays

before the leg just gave out and I realized I'd been hit.

And the bullet went through your mailbag,

through all these letters, and into your...

Yes, into my posterior area.

And yet you went right on delivering the mail?

Yes, sir. Neither snow nor sleet nor rain...

Yes, thank you, no further questions.

COUNSEL: No questions. Please step down.

PROSECUTOR: Prosecution calls Donald Cleary.

Donald Cleary.

CLERK: Raise your right hand, please.

Do you solemnly swear or affirm

that the testimony you are about to give will be the truth,

the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

DONALD: Yes, I do.

Step up and be seated, please.

PROSECUTOR: State your name and place of residence.

DONALD: Donald Cleary. Vilano Beach, Florida.

Mr. Cleary, could you tell the jury

what caused you to end your relationship

with the defendant, Molly Gilbert?

Well, when I first met Molly,

she was very tough, a little desensitized.

Letting herself put me through travel agent school

was a big step for her.

Then I met Ruth.

You see, I'm a sensitive guy.

I don't like to wave it like a flag,

but I'm looking for someone to share the sunrise with me.

And by the time Molly had finished the funnies,

a cup of coffee, and rolled out of bed,

hey, we'd missed it. It was pathetic.

So Ruth and I started to meet at the office at the crack of dawn.

Mmm-hmm, I see. Was this a difficult time for you?

Yeah. Molly was a very difficult person...

Ask him where he was last night.

I can't put you on the stand with a chip on your shoulder.

And how did Miss Gilbert take this turn of events?

Like a rookie.

Molly developed other interests.

One day, I found her passed out in a heap on the floor

an empty bottle of wine next to her.

So I dragged her to her feet,

demanded she play a set of racquetball

and sweat it out of her system.

She bashed me over the head with the racquet, instead.

Not with the string part either, but the frame.

So it hurt like hell.

(JUDGE POUNDING GAVEL) Why, you lying son of a...

JUDGE: Order!

Young lady, one more such outburst,

and I'll find you in contempt of court.

Okay. Okay. Okay. you're right, Judge. I... I apologize.

PROSECUTOR: Now, did you hit her back, Mr. Cleary?

I did not, no.

Not because I wouldn't punch a woman

but because I wouldn't punch a person.

However, if I was the sort of person to punch a person,

I'd like to think I wouldn't hesitate to punch a woman.

Yes, I... I only wish

that that had been the last of her outbursts.

Thank you. No further questions, Your Honor.

That concludes the case for the prosecution.

No questions for the moment, Your Honor.

Please step down. The defense may begin.

The defense calls Molly Gilbert.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

CLERK: Do you solemnly swear or affirm

that the testimony you are about to give

will be the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

MOLLY: I certainly do.

Please step up and be seated.

COUNSEL: Now, Miss Gilbert...

Total exaggeration. Total exaggeration.

When I sense I'm not wanted, I'm gone.

I don't hang around bashing people with racquets.

Ah, yes, Miss Gilbert.

And yet, on the afternoon of June 23...

Look, when Donald and I split up,

I took it hard.

I'd sit home alone, bouncing off the walls.

I'd make all his favorite food and torch it.

But there's things I left behind at his place.

And one day, I realized

that I couldn't make a clean break

with chunks of myself somewhere else.

And what did you do then, Miss Gilbert?

I drove over to Donald's to sever my ties,

to wrap up the loose ends.

Why did you have a gun?

When you live in my part of town,

you need a poker face or a gun.

I can't bluff to save my life.

And had you ever fired it before?

No. I'm really amazed that I hit anything.

Uh, thank you, Miss Gilbert. Your witness.

(WHISPERING) Tell her you had a change of heart.

Tell her you'll change your testimony.

Okay, okay, I'll get it if she's got it.

All the other jokers are up to you.

Well, now, you intrigue me, Miss Gilbert.

One moment,

you're sentimental about a previous relationship,

the next moment, you disdain it.

You carry a deadly weapon,

but you insist that you're nonviolent.

Wherein lies the truth?

Is that a question

or do you want to solo for a while?

(ALL LAUGHING)

PROSECUTOR: That's very amusing, Miss Gilbert.

Obviously, you have a wonderful sense of humor.

Now maybe you wouldn't mind tellin' us

why you really went to Donald Cleary's house?

I told you. To get a few things that belonged to me.

I see. Is that why you were so violent toward Miss Harrison?

Wait a second. I never laid a hand on that woman.

I tried to leave, but she grabbed my bag.

I pushed her away and... And went out the door.

I'm confused. You say you pushed her

and you didn't lay a hand on her.

What I meant is I pushed her...

You don't seem to know what you mean.

COUNSEL: I object.

I withdraw the comment. Please continue, Miss Gilbert.

Look, I just wanted to get out of there

but she was right behind me, breathing down my neck.

But didn't you just say that Miss Harrison

went out the door and got in her car?

Yes...

And she was breathing down your neck?

Well, you must have a very long neck, Miss Gilbert.

I object.

Sustained.

I have no further questions, Your Honor.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(GAVEL POUNDING)

JUDGE: Be quiet.

Because I have to deliver a judgment

in another trial this afternoon,

we will recess until 9:00 tomorrow morning.

(ALL CHATTERING)

DONALD: Hey, don't be jumpin' on me.

I know that was a pretty weird scene in there.

I mean, talking about each other right in front of each other,

never to each other.

I'm not that into nuances.

What happened to your face?

Hey, I was making a damn fool of myself

in the living room last night.

I don't know what I was doing.

I guess I was just looking for little leftover bits of my life with you.

You know, our life together.

Why don't you just sing it?

Put it to music. It might be a hit tune.

Look, Molly, baby, I never wanted any part of this trial.

You know that.

Hell, I talked Ruth into dropping the charges,

but that damn postman wanted his day in court.

And that prosecutor wanted a little publicity, getting Keeler's name in.

What do you want, Donald?

I miss the passion, Moll.

I watched Ruth on the stand today,

I kept thinking, "What is she?"

I snuck into your place

because I wanted to dig up the old letters,

the photos, our astrology charts.

Just to get back to that side of myself.

Sounds a little like one of my moves.

It makes me wonder if we still got a chance.

Do you think I'm waiting for this, Donald?

You got a lot of nerve. No spine.

DONALD: I made a mistake.

I got nailed!

It took three years' savings to make bail.

And I'm working door-to-door

because I can't hold a full-time job.

So if you're getting depressed,

you deal with it.

How about a little dinner at your place?

Like the old times?

We don't have anything to talk about, Donald.

Molly, look, I wanna talk to my lawyer. Don't you understand?

About changing my testimony.

Maybe I'm crazy

but I keep thinkin' if I just sit down with you

and a bottle of chardonnay, a little tunes like we love,

maybe we just might pull a happy ending out of the hat.

You know, after all...

Huh?

Your place. 9:00-ish?

What the hell. I'm a jerk. Come on over.

Love you, babe.

The tape.

(CAR STEREO PLAYING)

Where's the tape? What?

The tape you took from my pocket this morning.

Here's yours. Where's mine?

Geez, Rich, take it easy.

I haven't even got a chance to listen to it yet.

Oh, thank God. Where can I listen to it?

Hey, I'm working, Rich. Come on, Andrew.

Andrew! Help me find those ZZ Top CDs.

In a second, Mr. Mortimer.

Andrew, I need a cassette deck right now.

I've got to hear this tape.

It's an emergency.

You shouldn't have taken this without asking. MR. MORTIMER: Andrew!

I did ask.

Put on another tape, will you?

Coming, Mr. Mortimer.

Oh, give it to me. I'll just play it here.

Oh, thank you very much.

MR. MORTIMER: Andrew! In a second, Mr. Mortimer.

ARNIE: How long do you think I know

that both of you were ripping Keeler off?

I just want a piece.

Harry, Konrat, Keeler's daughter.

They don't like it much, either.

But there's not much they can do about it.

Hey, don't feel bad.

Everybody is ripping Keeler off.

I used to work for the guy. I know.

Hey, people,

it's rude to turn your back on a guest.

RUTH: You're insane if you think we're gonna pay you anything.

DONALD: You got nothing on us...

Hey, hey! Back up.

Hold it right there.

RUTH: Look out!

Hey, what are you doing up there?

Andrew, call the police.

No guns! No guns!

Don't move, stay there or... Or the kid gets it.

(ANDREW EXCLAIMS)

Back! Back! Stall, they're after me.

HARRY: We're cops. We've been following the guy. Open the door, quick!

Andrew, give him the key.

I don't think they're really police.

Give them the key to the back room or you're fired.

The keys are in my jacket, Mr. Mortimer.

Go get it!

The jacket's in the back room.

You're fired! You're gone.

I didn't do anything, Mr. Mortimer.

(HONKING)

(BRAKES SCREECHING)

You girls are everywhere.

SUZANNE: Yeah, ubiquitous.

You're what?

(SIREN WAILING)

What do you think you guys are doing?

Get your hands over here.

Come on. Put them on the hood now.

They're gonna have a little explaining to do.

Turn up the next street, I know a place.

Give me that tape. Yeah, eh.

No, no, no, we're gonna listen to that now.

Do we have to? Yes.

(SEAGULLS CAWING)

(GUN FIRING ON TAPE)

(MAN GRUNTS)

DONALD: What's this?

He's taping us. Now what do we do?

RUTH: Get the tape.

(SIGHS)

Give me that.

No. Now, look, girls, this is getting pretty intense.

That sounded exactly like a murder.

That's because it was a...

Shut up, Sharon. I want that tape.

Oh, come on, Suzanne.

This is getting too heavy. Tell me the truth.

I heard him mention your name, and your father's.

Okay. Everybody was being blackmailed by Arnie. Now give it to me.

Who's Arnie? Come on, Suzanne.

The guy on the tape.

He knew that Ruth and Donald, and those two goons,

all of them, were using and stealing Daddy blind

right under his nose.

They still are.

If you knew all this, why didn't you tell your dad?

We didn't know at first.

And then we... We just couldn't, okay?

You gotta trust me, Suzanne.

We might as well, Suzy.

We couldn't do anything

because we saw the murder and we never reported it.

You saw the murder?

Yeah, he was blackmailing her, too, eh.

Tell him, Suzy.

I was away in Canada at school a year ago,

and I was busted for pot, okay?

I took care of it with Sharon's help.

No. No, I mean, she took the rap for it.

I got busted, too...

No, no, no, she saved me.

And it was all without Daddy or the press

ever finding out. But Arnie found out.

I kept paying him not to tell anybody

because he said that the publicity would kill Daddy's reputation.

So one day, I was giving him more money

and for some reason, he made us drive him to Donald's house.

I never even understood exactly why.

He was kind of impulsive.

And he drank a lot, eh.

And that's when he was killed.

But it was his own fault, really.

I mean, he pulled the gun.

Ruth just ended up with it.

That must have been rough.

What are you saying, Molly didn't even...

We don't even know who Molly is.

She just walked right into the middle of it

because of her thing with Donald.

She picked up the wrong tape.

Can I please have the original?

No, no. This is what Ruth was after.

This is gonna help me to clear Molly.

What about us?

Can we make a copy of the tape?

Yes, of course. Right now, this tape is just sounds.

The sounds are meaningless without a body. No body, no crime.

That's habeas corpus, eh?

That's right, eh. Now you got me doing it.

Look, look, we're gonna get something to eat

and we're gonna make a plan and work this thing out. Okay?

RICHARD: Well, the first part of the plan meant

getting to Molly's house before Donald.

Get there and tell her everything we'd found out.

Suzanne and Sharon could help as lookouts

and, of course, we'd all need some disguises.

Also, I was gonna need another car.

Now, uh, that was going to be a little tricky.

Hi, am I too late for dinner?

You're a dead man.

That late?

Me, I'm neutral.

Your brother lost his job because of you.

Huh? Now, I want a full explanation

of everything that's been going on, Richard,

or you're out of here.

How could they fire you?

You didn't do anything.

I covered up for you like you asked me.

Oh, I guess I owe you, Andrew. I'm sorry.

Yeah. You're running up quite a tab around here.

How could you threaten your own brother's life?

Threaten his life?

Does the phrase, "Don't move or the kid gets it" ring a bell?

That was my hand. Mom, that was just my hand in my pocket.

I'm trying to piece this all together.

I just need a little more time

and you'll get the whole story. I swear.

What about this story?

Recognize anything?

Oh, the shoe?

Oh, oh, you think this is my shoe.

Richard, if you're on a jury,

what are you doin' at the judge's house?

Ma, come on, you know how many shoes

there are like this in the world?

I mean, the statistics must be astronomical.

I know what the statistics are,

but that's your shoe.

(STAMMERING) Well, Mom,

someone must have robbed the shoe fixer,

nabbed my shoe, hit the judge's house,

and left it there. That's it.

That's the dumbest story I've ever heard.

Uh, yes.

Andrew, um, I owe you a very large apology.

Come here, I want to give it to you.

ANDREW: I haven't finished eating yet.

This is more important, Andrew. It's between brothers.

Food can wait. This is blood.

Can't it wait until I finish my mashed potatoes?

They're gonna get cold.

Seconds?

Neutrals serve themselves.

(CLEARING THROAT)

Richard, please, Richard, this is my new shoe.

Andrew.

I wanna show you... Take it easy! What?

What? What? I'm hungry.

Read this. We've got a murder on our hands. I need your help.

You're standing a little close, Rich.

Don't you see? This is a tape of that guy's murder.

Why do I believe you?

Because it reeks of murder.

(CAR HONKS) You're spooking me, Rich.

Uh-oh. Freddie's home. I want you to get his car keys, meet me out front.

Wait a second. Don't pull me into this.

Andrew! Some things are out of our control.

This is destiny.

It's not my destiny.

Don't you want to meet a girl

that might possibly have sex with you?

I'll get the keys.

RICHARD: Now all I had to do

was hide the tape somewhere safe.

Safe and lucky.

Helmet! Well, my old football helmet

had saved me a couple of times.

Maybe it could do the trick again.

Just one last check of the dice,

and we're off.

(MUMBLING)

23.

That's five. Conception, birth, life, death, resurrection.

This is getting very heavy.

Ah, I see Wally's still here.

That means there's nothing left to eat.

That's right, nothing left.

I'll fix you some eggs.

Hi, Uncle Freddie.

What about this business of yours back home? Are you bankrupt?

No, I just got a little behind in my rent.

Oh, who takes care of it for you

while you're gone so long?

I just put a "gone fishing" sign on the door.

Well, um, I got a date. Bye.

A date? Andrew?

Yeah, he did say something about a date.

Oh, hi, Freddie.

Gee, you must be exhausted

with all that action at the Keeler place.

Well, I've got to drop this wallet off

down at the lab for a print check.

Similar M.O. To the Judge Meckle break in.

That's a nice wallet. Mexican.

Just going out for a little jog.

Bye, everybody.

Cheap taste.

What do you mean, cheap?

RICHARD: He's early.

Who's early?

I thought we were meeting girls.

Shh. Let me think.

Too late now. Aren't those the girls?

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

Which is mine?

Oh, the blonde.

What do we do now? He came home early.

Who came home early?

Ssh. Be quiet.

Oh, look.

Molly-o.

Good evening, Donald. You're early.

Hey, I couldn't wait, baby. You're looking great.

Thanks. Where did you get these?

My garden?

She's got to be warned. Isn't this the guy?

That's what I thought.

She's playing with fire.

Okay. Suzy, you come with me.

Andrew, you two stay here

and keep a lookout for those goons.

What goons? Who's he?

Oh, I'm sorry. This is my kid brother, Andrew.

Andrew, Sharon, Suzanne.

I thought you told them about me.

Oh, he did. Scads. Come on.

Oh. Okay.

Love your outfit. No, really, I do.

MOLLY: Why don't you sit down, Donald?

DONALD: The photo album! Look at it.

This is in Santa Cruz.

The falafel of doom.

I remember that falafel, all right.

Oh, and these guys. Look at this.

These guys were my favorites.

I bought those this morning, honey.

Joke's on me.

I'll tell you what,

I'll fix some tapes and you, you crack the wine.

Okay, Donald. Okay.

You stay here. If Donald moves towards the kitchen

or anything, I want you to whistle like a bird.

(WHISTLING)

Just like that.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

So, um, what's Pitt Meadows?

Home town, eh.

Oh, really? Where's that?

B.C.

Huh? Before Christ?

British Columbia, Canada.

Oh, a canuck, huh?

So what do you do?

I'm in the music industry.

I work in a plastic factory.

We make ketchup squeeze bottles.

Oh, very interesting.

Sorry, I had an itch.

I'm a jogger. I just happened to be jogging by.

Jogging by the neighborhood.

Well, I can see that. What do you want?

Oh, I can't tell you a lot about that,

but I can tell you about a tape.

That's what Donald wants. That's why he's here tonight.

He's looking for a tape of a murder.

(SUZANNE WHISTLING) What?

I have to go now, that's my bird calling.

DONALD: What are you doin' in there?

Here, read this quickly.

I'll find out where the body is.

Then you can be proven innocent.

That wine ready?

What are you doing, honey?

Yeah. Yeah, sure. nothing.

Oh, let's get it in, then. I'm getting thirsty.

Can I give you a hand?

No.

Good.

MOLLY: What are you looking for? Tapes?

No. Albums. where are those albums we listened to?

I can't seem to find them.

Most of them are packed already.

I got a thing about certain memories.

I like to bury 'em away, then they don't hurt so much.

But I do have some interesting new tapes you haven't heard.

I got one, you play it the wrong speed

and it sounds just like a murder.

What are you talking about?

Why don't you take that off, sweetie?

You'll be much more comfortable.

No, wait, wait. What's that tape you're talking about?

Want another cracker, baby? No, no, I don't.

I don't know, it's one of those satanic heavy metal bands.

But it did sound exactly like a murder.

What? You won't find it there, Donald.

I've looked high and low for that tape, but I think somebody stole it.

Is that what you came back for?

Is that why you were over in my house the other night?

No, look...

Is that why Ruth tried to run me over?

She's just jealous of you.

I took something real important, didn't I, Donald?

She's good.

Maybe some key to some big-deal secret.

Look, I came here to have a nice quiet dinner with you and...

What's gotten in you?

If I make a fool of myself over somebody then I get a sixth sense about him.

Let's not pretend to weep about the old days.

You wanna have a pleasant little dinner?

Then I want to know what's behind Ruth

dropping charges and you turning to mush.

Look, I better go.

Listen, we had something once.

Now we both seem lost. You got to be completely honest with me

or neither one of us are gonna get out of this.

People know things. There was a murder. You gotta Tell me where the body is.

Look, please leave me alone.

I've gotta get out of here, okay?

Wait a minute. That's not your...

You know, you're a shrewd little bitch.

You want to play games?

You just tell me next time.

(CAR ENGINE STARTING)

Quiet, now. Where's the tape?

(GRUNTS)

Thank you.

That's okay.

Come on.

Get in the back seat, quick. Girls, in the back seat.

(CAR ENGINE STARTING)

The whole world's out of control.

Okay, Andrew, you take the car.

Let's go, girls.

We can't. They're after us.

Not you. Go. Go.

Okay, okay. Okay.

Okay, let's double back and get your car.

It's getting late. We better get home.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hi.

Son of a... Come on.

(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

All right, where is he?

I don't know, and I don't care.

He made me do it.

You've a wild breed, Mrs. D.

Well, that's it.

I didn't do anything.

He made me do everything.

I didn't do anything, I swear.

Don't you believe me?

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Young man.

Good morning, Judge Meckle.

Mr. Dice.

Go to the clerk's office and ask for a razor.

Wash and shave.

I don't like my jurors looking like derelicts.

Yes, sir.

JUROR #1: "Guilty.

"Guilty.

"Guilty.

"Guilty.

"Not guilty.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

"Guilty.

"Guilty.

"Not guilty," and "guilty."

10 guilty, two not guilty.

The evidence is so clear!

How can you two keep sayin' "not guilty"?

She's got such innocent eyes.

I can feel by my water she's innocent.

And I trust my own instinct.

The eyes and the water again.

If I hear that damn eye and water argument

one more time...

Look, lady, mister,

where I come from, we have an expression.

When 100 people tell you you're dead, lie down.

There are only 10 of you, I'm already lying down.

Yeah, but we have an expression in Holland, too.

If you lay down with the horses,

you don't get up with the goats.

JUROR #2: What are you talking about?

Maybe I translated it wrong.

RICHARD: It was looking very bad for Molly.

But then, lady luck stepped in again.

Friday? I thought it was Thursday.

Friday at 5:00.

Among the evidence

was a letter from an art dealer

confirming the purchase of a statue.

A statue with a hollow base. That was it.

No wonder Donald and Ruth

were in such a hurry to ship that statue to Cairo.

Could they have filled

that hollow bottom with something?

Like dead weight?

The body is in the base.

What? Nothing.

Friday at 5:00. They could be shipping it.

I have to get out of here.

JUROR #3: We gotta stay here till 5:00.

I can't stay here till 5:00.

She's guilty. You're right. I vote guilty.

But we agreed she had such innocent eyes. What happened?

Forget about her eyes, Mrs. Kockenbakker.

Eyes like hers are a dime a dozen.

They are right. We're wrong.

All the evidence says it.

We can't make a legal decision

based on some kind of instinct.

I mean, we've got to look at the evidence

and trust the law. She's guilty.

(PEOPLE MURMURING)

Please publish your verdict.

Would the jury please stand and hearken to your verdict?

RICHARD: I had to get out of there fast,

before that body went to Cairo.

It was risky,

but I figured Molly would be okay.

She'd be out on bail, and I'd have the whole thing wrapped up

in plenty of time to take her to a candlelit dinner for two.

CLERK: ...Molly Gilbert, defendant.

"Verdict: we the jury find the defendant

"guilty as charged.

"So say we all. Signed Robert Thompson,

"foreperson."

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

JUDGE: Order. Order.

Your Honor, pending appeal,

we'd like to make a request for bail,

but due to the expense of this case,

my client is out of funds.

She should have thought of that before.

JUDGE: Bail may be posted at $10,000.

I will pass sentence on Thursday next at 9:00 a.m.

You may take the defendant.

(GAVEL POUNDS)

(ALL CHATTERING)

No. No!

No, no, no, you can't!

What are you doing? This is a rescue.

(GAVEL POUNDING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Get back! Get back!

MAN: What is happening out there?

I'm the one that warned you.

(ALL CLAMORING)

Who are you?

What do you think this is, a western? I can't do this.

I think we've already done it.

I don't need this. I wanna have a chance for an appeal!

Without any new evidence, they will find you guilty again.

The body is the key. Let's go in here.

(RICHARD SCREAMING)

MOLLY: Hey!

Thank you.

I just don't like to watch people

getting strangled.

I did it for you. I know the real truth.

You need professional help.

I need to get back to court to explain all this.

Hey, hey. Open up.

There's no way this can end right.

Don't worry. This way.

Look, the day that you went to Donald's house,

they had just killed the guy who was blackmailing them.

Up here.

By accident, you picked up the tape

from the blackmailer's machine

which recorded the whole thing.

Ruth wanted that tape.

Give me your hand.

Let's go. Let's go.

So you mean to tell me

that's what all this is about?

Yes... Oh, good!

Get in.

Come on, get in.

What's happening?

Turn right.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Where did they go?

Thanks again for the lift, girls.

Where are we? What is this, a getaway?

Look, Molly, don't you see? I have the tape.

We find the body, we prove why Ruth tried to run you down.

Corpus delicti.

Right. Hi, Sharon.

You look handsome today. Thank you, Suzanne.

What's everybody talking about?

What kind of car is this? Who are these people?

Innocent bystanders.

She's from out of the country.

I'm a tourist. I'll explain it to you.

Wait a second.

I know what's wrong with all this.

The tape and dead body are evidence that'll prove I'm innocent.

Right? Right.

All we have to do is find 'em, right?

Wrong. Why didn't you find the evidence first

and bust me out of court last?

Instead of busting me out first, so now we have a million people chasing us

while we're looking for the evidence.

My mind's a blank right now. What?

Okay, you know how things come crashing into your consciousness

just like a thunderbolt?

ALL: No.

Something flashed, "Don't let her go to jail."

The next thing I know,

I have you in one hand,

the American flag in the other. It just happened.

That's your explanation? I think so.

What's this death?

Cut the small talk. Where are we going?

To your daddy's house.

The body's in the base.

(GUN FIRING)

W-what was that?

Daddy usually gives himself a 21-gun salute.

If you hear "ready, aim, fire," plug your ears.

Wait. Where's the statue?

It's on the back lawn.

Look what Keeler did with this place.

The man's an idiot.

That's what my mother says. How are we gonna get in?

Leave it to me. You?

Yeah, Keeler's her father.

I'm sorry I just called him an idiot.

SUZANNE: You're okay now with those tags.

I better check in with my dad.

Make yourselves at home.

SHARON: See you later, eh.

MOLLY: Make yourself at home. That's a laugh.

RICHARD: You're gonna be fine.

You're starting to believe, which is something of a breakthrough.

'cause neither one of us could do this

if we didn't believe in one another. Am I right?

I'm here at the party.

I might as well dance with the guy who brought me.

Huh? Oh.

RICHARD: Uh-oh.

There's Ruth.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Watch out, there's Donald.

Where? There.

I've got an idea. Come on, let's go.

You still haven't told me your plan.

Body, boom. Tape, boom. Mistrial, boom.

Me and you, boom.

Wait a second, junior.

You and me, no boom. Don't get any ideas.

Maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Yeah, I'll say.

You just got to believe and you gotta loosen up.

It's difficult to loosen up at a party

when you have to get up the next morning to serve a life sentence.

You find that body, you won't serve five minutes.

You're just like every guy I've ever known.

I'm not like other guys. I'm different.

Uh-oh. Police. Huh?

...at the courthouse involving a juror.

They could be armed and dangerous.

Let's phone in for details.

They'll machine-gun us down on sight.

Thank you.

The body's in the base.

The body's in the base of what?

The base of a statue we're going to see.

Okay, the body's in the base.

Where exactly is this famous tape?

The tape is taped in the nape of my football helmet.

The body's in the base. The tape's in the nape. It sounds like Mother Goose.

See, there's the statue.

Wait, that's not the statue.

The body's in the base of the other statue.

What other statue?

The statue of some Greeks.

That is a statue of Hal B. Keeler himself,

his torch hand held high to light

the plight of the Chinese alligators.

KEELER: When I heard

that the world's only other alligator species

the Chinese species, was an endangered animal...

Well, it's been a long, hard, upstream pull at the oars.

There's this mindless loathing of the reptiles.

I hate to tell you all...

(GUN FIRING)

MAN: Mr. Keeler, Wallace is missing.

He's been stolen.

What next? All right, move out.

(BLOWING WHISTLE)

Come, Suzanne!

Harry, Donald, Ruth, to the gator pens.

(WHISTLING CONTINUES)

(DIALING PHONE)

You said you had a plan.

You had a high school dare.

"Let's go where the murderers are, see if they can find us."

I've had enough of this. Richard, I'm getting out of here.

Don't go. The police are after us.

Richard, Ruth called the cops.

You've got to get out.

Jerome here can help you.

I'd do anything for Miss Suzanne.

Okay, then switch statues.

Where would they store the other one?

There's a shipping room downstairs.

Right at the bottom, at the right-hand corner.

Maybe Jerome could show us. Sure.

That'll help.

Thanks again, girls. See you later.

♪ Merry Christmas

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas

Go right on the last door on the right,

right at the back, to the right.

KEELER: (ON MEGAPHONE) Ready, aim, fire!

(GUN FIRING)

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas

♪ And a happy new year

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

I can't see a thing.

Wait a second. Wait a second.

Don't you understand?

I held out for as long as I could.

They were all against me. And then, bam, it hit me.

Not only were you innocent, but Ruth was guilty.

Huh? Wait a second.

MOLLY: Okay, all right.

Then why did you change your vote?

Oh, that. Well, I had to get out of there before 5:00.

Get out of there, but...

DONALD: Careful with that statue, boys. It's fragile.

Before 5:00?

Shh!

Look, I'll win my appeal with the help of a trained criminal lawyer.

Not some insane kid

on a on a romantic freefall through space.

"On a romantic freefall through space."

What a great way of putting it.

What are we doing?

Just a minute.

Okay, come on.

What?

What is this?

Shipping list.

Shipping list?

I want to hear and see that tape, or I'm turning myself in.

We've done it. Done what?

Found the body.

Look, they're sending it to Cairo.

You! Me?

You!

Raid in shipping! Raid in shipping!

FREDDIE: I'm gonna tell your mother on you!

"Tell your mother"? What kind of loony bin is this?

Don't worry, we're going home now.

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

There they are.

(REGGAE BAND PLAYING DECK THE HALLS)

(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

(CHATTERING ON POLICE RADIO )

Great, will you look at this mess?

Well, they're leaving.

What are you looking at?

You'll like my family.

Will you stop selling? Let's just get that tape.

Okay, we'll go the back way.

(CHATTERING CONTINUES ON POLICE RADIO)

Yes, it was quite a show today

here at the St. Augustine courthouse

when a defendant, Molly Gilbert,

and a juror, identified as Richard Dice,

fled the building in a daring escape

just seconds after Miss Gilbert was declared guilty...

You've a wild breed, Mrs. D.

Hi, everybody. This is Molly, Molly Gilbert.

The murderess.

Attempted. Pleased to meet you.

None of this was my idea.

I look at you young people, and all that wonderful energy

gone to seed and it frightens me.

Mom, I know you're upset.

I'm not upset. Are you upset?

Oh, I'm upset.

I'll take care of everything.

I gotta get some things upstairs.

Wally, I'm gonna need transportation.

WALLY: Yeah, sure.

In the old days, I used to worry about my kids

if they came home late at night.

But today, as I saw my oldest son

on the news, exposed as a common criminal,

I felt nothing.

ANDREW: You're splashed across TV screens from coast to coast.

Where's my stuff? Where's my football helmet?

A little late to turn pro, Richard.

Here's a check for $115.

That's my gift to you in your new life, Richard Dice.

I'm still wrapping up the old one.

Mom, where's my helmet?

The old one is over.

A number of your things,

including your helmet, are at Grover Canyon bazaar.

What? What?

I had a little warm-up urge.

Well, plans just hum along like clockwork.

Why Grover Canyon? I'll tell you later.

He went to school at Grover Canyon.

You went to Grover Canyon?

I'll explain it to you later.

Mom, are you crazy?

The tape was in that helmet.

That's the evidence that's gonna prove Molly's innocent.

Wally, there's a policeman outside.

Could you bring the truck around?

I'll go the back way.

See, I've cracked the case.

You're just plain cracked.

Just throw the key away.

You need some professional help.

Yeah. Like shock therapy.

You don't know what you've done, Ma.

I just hope that tape is still at Grover Canyon.

So do I. Bloodbath.

He couldn't leave without a bloodbath.

What are you doing? One of your friends?

Everybody in your crowd pack a rod?

I told you it was Ruth.

Why are you pointing that gun? What is everybody doing?

Be quiet and sit down. Hand me that phone.

Grover Canyon school, I believe?

Wait a second. So you are after that tape?

Is that good enough for everyone?

Huh? Vindication?

Hey, shut up and hand me that phone.

Or what? You going to kill four people this time?

What, did you wear out your feminine wiles?

You just put that gun away now.

I told you sit down.

In my house, I sit when I'm good and ready.

What about me?

Get back, both of you.

Do something, Richard. Go for the eyes, Mom.

Stand back.

WALLY: Okay, truck's ready.

RICHARD: Grab that other hand! Grab that other hand!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(GUN FIRING)

All right, put 'em up.

Honey, you're good. I was wrong about you.

Andrew, get a wet towel for Wally.

Richard, get the hell out of here.

You're the greatest, Mom.

Bye, now.

There's a sickness in this country.

You check the upstairs. Nobody move.

What's going on here?

(ALL CHATTERING)

Well, here it is.

Our old school, where we first met.

Look, I'm on a very thin line here, junior,

so don't expect me to wax sentimental over my old grammar school.

And as a matter of fact, I don't remember you

at school at all, Richard Dicey.

Dice, not Dicey.

Dice, I'm Richard Dice. There, now you know.

Well, whoop-de-do.

No, I'm Richard Dice of the first grade.

We weren't in first grade together.

No, no, you were in sixth.

That's the whole point.

I'm Richard Dice, the rejected flower.

No, you're Richard Dice of the insane asylum.

There he is, to the right.

6 to St. Augustine.

I've located the white tow truck

listed on the bulletin this morning.

Look, there it is.

Well, come on, then.

Don't you understand I've been in love with you

since I was 6 and you were 11.

It couldn't work then, but now it can.

That's what you think.

Oh, hi, Miss Walker. I'm Richard Dice.

Remember me?

No.

Face it, Dice. Nobody remembers you.

That's my helmet, Mrs. Walker.

My mother sent it by mistake.

Could I have it back, please?

You have to win it. Get a win ticket. Next.

Okay, I'll win it.

Let's just move it, lady. Here's $20.

We're mainly for the children, Miss. Next.

GIRL: How many win tickets for that?

No, no. We'll be back later to win it.

Why don't we just brain her and grab it?

Uh-oh.

Ruth must have gotten away and called them.

Oh, this is just great. If you hadn't seen me in the first grade,

I wouldn't be running around here today like an idiot.

I don't even remember this famous meeting.

You don't remember the rings?

You used to swing on those rings.

And one time, you fell and you hurt your knee

and I brought you a Band-Aid.

You looked up at me and you said, "thanks, kid."

And it was just like, for that one moment, we were the same age.

And I'll never forget it.

Wait a second.

You're not the little pervert from the girls' bathroom?

Yes! Yes, that's me! You remember!

Watch out.

Hey, cut that out, kid. Why did you do that?

You said he was a pervert.

Oh, we were just reminiscing. He's okay.

The cops.

Thanks a lot, kid. Don't worry.

Are you looking for the pervert?

Yeah.

He went that way.

Thanks, kid.

Isn't this the most amazing thing?

What?

It's sort of like a love dart.

Don't you understand?

She shot me,

and for the first time, you said I was okay.

It's kind of like that poem.

"Why was cupid a boy and why a boy was he?

He should have been a girl for all that I can see."

Take off your glasses.

You look quite attractive without your glasses.

Put them back on.

Oh, uh, too bad.

Thank goodness.

Uh-oh. The helmet. Some little kid just won it.

Come on, let's go.

Okay, you get the helmet. Meet me at the truck.

I'm gonna get the kid's bear and... And distract him.

Do we really have to clean out the kid completely?

We have no choice.

Sorry, kid.

Sorry, kid. Sorry, kid.

Hold it right there! Right there! Right there!

He stole my bear!

The bear!

Hey, that's my kid's bear.

Oh, no. I'm afraid they've sliced them.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

Here it is. It's for you.

Now we have to find the body.

This is where I came in.

It's always been for you.

Even when I was with other women.

I think you live in the past too much.

It's kind of hard to bask in my future right now.

Where are we running?

This is getting seriously dangerous.

(POLICE SIREN WAILING) We've got to get to the dock before 5:00.

We can't run all the way.

Here they come. Let's jump in here.

RICHARD: Quick, they've got a gift shop.

Who are we giving gifts to, the police?

No, we'll get disguises.

That's not a bad idea. I think.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

We look like idiots.

Watch out.

...must have tasted a whole lot differently back then.

They say if you can drink this,

you can live forever.

I'd settle for tonight.

We've got to get out of here.

(DUCKS QUACKING)

(SIREN WAILING)

Uncle Freddie.

Maybe we can get a cab in here.

Great. One jail to another.

Look, Richard, life's not some crazy, romantic fantasy.

You don't just fall in love with a guy... Watch out, there's...

Come on, I know a back way.

Damn! Move it.

I have an idea.

I have an attempted murder and a jail break.

I guess grand theft auto won't make a big difference.

Oh, good, there's a tour tape. That will help.

RICHARD: Hang on, folks. This is the express tour.

(WOMAN CHATTERING ON TAPE)

You really are insane.

It's temporary.

Well, hang on to this.

If they catch us, swallow it or something.

They stole a tour bus. Come on, let's move it.

(SIREN WAILING)

(CHATTERING ON TAPE CONTINUES)

Look out.

(HONKING)

(TOUR GUIDE CONTINUES CHATTERING ON TAPE)

"Cairo." Where?

There, on the big crane.

Oh, yeah.

Come on.

What's up there?

Good vantage point.

Look, Molly, I know you think I'm just a kid with a crush

and you're the troubled older woman I'll never understand.

That's just not the way I see it at all.

You got it all figured out in just under two hours, right?

And 19 years. That is a long time.

It's just yesterday to me. Hold my hand.

(GUNSHOT)

Look out, Molly!

(SCREAMING)

I never wanted to hurt anybody, Molly.

Shut up, you idiot.

Hold on.

Now hand it over, Molly, or your boyfriend gets it.

Don't do it, Molly. I'd rather die your boyfriend.

Police. Nobody move.

(GROANS)

We're almost there.

Almost where?

Come on. Don't worry, let's go.

Just how do you plan to get the body

from up here?

I don't know. Let's examine the situation.

I'm gonna throw this wrench

through that truck window

knocking the gear shift into neutral.

The truck will roll back, against the hydro pole, snapping the crane cable.

The crate will drop, breaking the base.

The body will fall out.

Oh, well, give it a shot.

(SIREN WAILING)

(BOTH EXCLAIM)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Well.

(SIGHING)

What?

All right, just stay where you are. Stay where you are.

Actually, I must say that this has been the most active first date of my life.

And really, you've been very helpful.

You think so?

Yes. I guess I even owe you a kiss.

You two are under arrest.

Well, maybe I owe you another one.

FREDDIE: You have the right to remain silent.

But if you decide to talk, anything you say...

Just a minute.

"Anything you say can and will be used against you.

"You have the right to talk to a lawyer

"right now." Do you understand?

Each of these rights I've explained to you...

RICHARD: Well, actually, we didn't go to jail.

We went to my mother's house instead,

where there was a changing of the guard.

The press from all over came, too.

And half the town.

Suzanne, you see,

finally brought her father into it.

And then it turned out that Arnie the blackmailer

had been wanted for murder in two states.

There were even rewards posted.

And Mr. Keeler also gave us each a very generous one.

But the money didn't come soon enough,

so Molly got evicted anyway.

But that was okay.

'cause we decided to do a little traveling

before we settled down.

I guess my mom and the gypsy were both right.

Love is a gamble, and it is all in the dice.

Just sometimes, you really get lucky.

♪ Love is a gambler with your heart

♪ Love is a rambler from the start

♪ And the hottest fire you know

♪ Is in the flame of a lover's glow

♪ And there's a real good chance

♪ When you play with fire

♪ Sometimes you might get burned

♪ Love is a gambler love is a gambler

♪ Lady luck is always there

♪ When the wheel is turned

♪ You can feel just like a child when you fall in love

♪ You hide and seek for dreams that might come true

♪ Like a little boy and girl

♪ Playin' games of make believe

♪ But it's gotta be a game that's meant for two

♪ Love is a rambler with your heart

♪ Love is a rambler from the start

♪ And the hottest fire you know

♪ Is in the flame of a lover's glow

♪ And there's a real good chance

♪ When you play with fire

♪ Sometimes you might get burned

♪ Love is a gambler love is a gambler

♪ Dame fortune's always there when the wheel is turned

♪ When that bright new moon is beamin' from above

♪ You can often hear the melodies of love

♪ Oh, but passion's fruits are sweet

♪ So taste them carefully

♪ And listen till you hear that harmony

♪ Love is a gambler with your heart

♪ Love is a rambler from the start

♪ And the hottest fire you know

♪ Is in the flame of a lover's glow

♪ And there's a real good chance

♪ When you play with fire

♪ Sometimes you might get burned

♪ Love is a gambler love is a gambler

♪ Lady luck is always there when the wheel is turned

♪ Love is a gambler with your heart

♪ Love is a rambler from the start

♪ And the hottest fire you know

♪ Is in the flame of a lover's glow

♪ And there's a real good chance

♪ When you play with fire

♪ Sometimes you might get burned

♪ Love is a gambler love is a gambler

♪ Lady luck is always there when the wheel is turned

♪ When the wheel turns

♪ When the wheel turns

♪ Lady luck, won't you turn that wheel for me?

♪ When the wheel turns

♪ When the wheel turns

♪ Lady luck, won't you turn that wheel for me? ♪