All language subtitles for auntie.lees.meat.pies.1992.proper.1080p.bluray.x264-yamg

♪ I saw your mommy and your mommy's dead ♪

♪ I saw her lying in a pool of red ♪

♪ I think it's the greatest
thing I'll ever see ♪

♪ Your dead mommy lying in front of me ♪

♪ I'll always remember her
lying dead on the floor ♪

♪ I hope she dies 20 times more ♪

♪ I saw your mommy and your mommy's dead ♪

♪ I saw your mommy and your mommy's dead ♪

- And no fucking spare.

You fucking shit for brains!

Fuckin' tires!

♪ Lord, I'm heaven bound ♪

♪ No, he never leaves our sight ♪

♪ The wrong is never right ♪

♪ Now praise the Lord, praise the Lord ♪

♪ I'm heaven bound ♪

- You want a lift?

- Right, padre,
let's get it in gear.

- Okay.

You could of got killed.

You're lucky I stopped,

jumping out in front of me like that.

That's why we've all gotta be
prepared to meet our maker.

- Nobody was stopping.

I was getting desperate.

- What happened to your car?

- Tire blew.

Nobody takes care of their stuff anymore.

- What?

- Now this,

this is a real cream puff.

Yeah, this is definitely
more like what I need.

None of the Jap crap for me anymore.

Yeah, this'll do just fine.

Pull over to the side of the road, padre.

- Son, I, I know that God
put me on the road today

to redirect your path of life,

to raise you up from the
dregs of illicit sin,

to show you the wickedness
of your past life,

to make Jesus Christ your savior.

Praise, praise the Lord.

- Shit if you don't sound
just like my old man did

when I was a little kid,
just minding my own business.

Every time he got stinkin' drunk

he'd beat the fear of Jesus into me!

I can still smell his foul breath!

♪ I know he'll always shepherd me ♪

- Yes, thou I walk through
the valley of shadow of death,

I will fear no evil for
the Lord is my shepherd.

I shall not walk.

♪ I could end the wicked band ♪

♪ Yes, praise the Lord, praise the Lord ♪

♪ I'm heaven bound ♪

♪ Every day is brighter still ♪

♪ In the light of God's goodwill ♪

♪ Yes, praise the Lord, praise the Lord ♪

♪ I'm heaven bound ♪

♪ When I call to him ♪

♪ I say please set me free ♪

♪ His love I know will
always shepherd me ♪

♪ Take the word of one who's tried ♪

♪ You'll be happier inside ♪

♪ If you trust the Lord,
if you trust the Lord ♪

♪ You're heaven bound ♪

♪ If you trust the Lord,
if you trust the Lord ♪

♪ You're heaven bound ♪

- Oh, no.

- That's not a very hospitable way

to act toward a man of the cloth!

- Ow.

- I guess I'll just have to punish you

for all your sinful
thoughts, acts and deeds.

- God, no, please don't, don't.

I'll do anything just don't, not the gun.

- Maybe you can be saved.

Maybe with a little lip service.

Pull down that road over by those trees.

Perfect spot for a little
open air services.

Fucking bitch!

Oh.

Ooh.

Well, Lordy, looks like I've
done finally made a convert.

Too bad I don't need any converts.

- Mighty fine car you got here.

Yeah, your oil's all right here, sir.

Just a minute, I gotta go tend to Missy.

Magnolia, can I give ya hand here?

- No, thanks, Chuck.

- You sure?

- I kinda enjoy doing it myself.

- Well, what about your windows?

You got some bug splatter on 'em.

- Thank you.

I promised Larry, it's his favorite.

- Oh.

- Maybe next time.

- Next time, next time?

Well, I'll let you fill it up.

I gotta take care of
that stranger over there.

- Thank you.

- I'll put it on the tab.

She sure is something, ain't she?

- She certainly does enjoy self-service.

- Boy, oh, boy.

Oh, you should of been here last week

when she did the lube job
to herself, boy, oh, boy,

but you're okay here.

Good for another 10,000 miles.

- Magnolia, just look at you.

Is that a bruise I see on your cheek?

Are your nylons run?

I cannot believe my eyes.

Missy, how many times
do I have to tell you

not to let men take
advantage of you like that.

It's just not normal.

- Auntie Lee, it just happened.

I swear I tried to get away

but it was too late, he
was too big, too strong.

- Oh, it's just that damn
Italian blood in you.

I never could get your mother

to stay away from those
puny little greaseballs

and their elevator shoes.

- I couldn't stop him.

I mean he must of weighed
at least 250 pounds.

What could I do?

- Well, you.... 250 pounds?

You go on inside now and clean up.

Larry, come on over here now
and take care of the car.

The backseat needs to be emptied.

- Right away, Auntie Lee.

Larry does it right away.

- You're very sweet, Mr. Pasquale.

- Um, I always look forward
to your return, Fawn.

- I know, I've seen you watching.

- Let me help you with those, eh.

- Why thank you, Mr. Pasquale.

- She's uh, my pleasure.

- Fawn, how nice to see your meat pies.

- Your meat pies have certainly

caught on with our customers.

They're in constant demand.

- It's our secret blend
of herbs and spices.

- I know.

If, if only I had the
franchise for Penance.

- Now, Mr. Pasquale,
you know we'd love to,

but with our overhead we need
as many outlets as possible.

It doesn't hurt to ask.

I'll see you next week, Fawn.

Wednesday.

- With bells on.

- If you ask me tassels
would be more appropriate.

- Mrs. Pasquale.

- Bye-bye.

- Hussy.

- Want a lift?

- Thanks a lot,
I really appreciate it.

- Huh.

- My name's Fawn, Fawn Lee.

- Bob, Bob Evans, Ms. Lee.

- Fawn.

- Fawn.

- So how far are you going, Bob?

- All the way if I can.

- Huh?

- I mean to San Francisco.

- Hmm.

Are you expected in San Francisco?

- Nah, actually I'm
just following the wind.

- Come on, a handsome fella like you,

no pretty girl's waiting for you, no ties.

- The only ties I ever
had I donated to Goodwill.

Whoa!
- Hello there, Fawn.

Just watch that speed now, honey, okay?

- Okay.

So I take it you're
running from the police.

- Actually walking until you came along.

- Was it rape?

- Uh, would you believe
Carmen's Coffee Shop

for the breakfast tab?

I bailed out their bathroom window.

- I'm surprised Chief Koal
hasn't set up roadblocks yet.

- Say is he always that friendly?

- Uh-uh, I think he's in love with me.

So I bet being on the lamb

really works up a healthy appetite.

Would you like some lunch?

- I'd love it, but I'm a vegetarian, Fawn,

and Auntie Lee's meat pies
aren't really my thing.

- Hey, whatever turns you on.

But don't worry, I'm sure
I can whip up something

that even a vegetarian would
like to get his hands on.

- I can believe that.

- So here it is, be it ever so humble.

- Whoa, man!

Now this is a nice little
spread you got here.

- Well, it's half house and half bakery.

Sometimes it feels like all bakery.

How's Baby feeling, Larry?

- She's still got rash.

- It'll pass.

Dr. Killian changed her formula.

He said, "There's just too
much protein in her diet."

Larry, put the truck in the barn.

Come on.

- Is there someplace a little
more off the beaten track

that we can go to, maybe
a bit more private?

- Yeah, my room, but first let
me see where Auntie Lee is.

You are lean.

Wait just a minute.

Auntie's probably in the basement

processing today's
shipment of beef.

- That sounds great,

but whatever you do don't invite her up.

- Auntie's really not
the menage a trois type.

She says it's so-
- Oh!

- Degrading.

- Hurry back.

Ew.

- Auntie's chopping away.

The coast is clear.

- Whoo, it's time to party.

Where are the glasses?

- In the pantry, first door back there.

- Ah-ha, here it is.

Glasses, glasses.

Damn, it's dark in here.

Oh, here we go.

Hmm, let's see.

Beef stew, soda pop.

- Hi, Chief, I'm really
glad you happened along.

- To serve and protect,
that's my motto, Coral.

What's your problem here?

- Well, I got a flat tire,

and gosh, there's seems
to be no air in my spare.

- Bummer, jump on in, I'll take you home.

- Look at that, Larry, it's filthy.

- I, I'm sorry, Ms. Fawn.

I forgot.

- Larry, I want it cleaned now!

- Yeah, yes, Ms. Fawn.

Right away.

Larry stupid.

Larry stupid.

Larry stupid.

Larry stupid.

Larry stupid.

Larry stupid.

- Why, Chief
Koal, how nice to see you.

- Thank you, ma'am.

Coral here had a little
bit of car trouble,

and I figured you just
wouldn't appreciate her

maybe getting picked up
by a convict out there

on a work release program.

- Auntie, see I was hitching,
just getting nowhere,

and suddenly Chief Koal's car appeared.

- Coral, how many times have I told you

about the dangers of hitchhiking?

- Pretty young lady like you

could get into a whole
bunch of trouble out there.

- Auntie, it was an emergency.

- We'll talk about this later, young lady.

You go and tell Larry where
your car is so he can fix it.

Oh, good gracious, what are
we standing out here for?

Come on in.

I just made some nice fresh meat pies,

and you're welcome to as much of them

as your little heart desires.

- I'd like that, but I'm afraid
I must head back into town.

- Oh, please.

- Well, maybe town could
wait for a couple minutes

while we have some lunch.

Mmm, mmm.

Mmm, mmm.

Auntie Lee, I swear you
make the best meat pies

I've ever tasted, mmm.

Ain't no wonder that you sell 'em like,

like crazy to all them fancy restaurants.

Thank you.

You know someday, you mark my word now,

someday people are gonna
be buying, and selling,

and eating Auntie Lee's
meat pies all across

this country coast to coast.

- I do declare, Chief,
you are a flatterer.

- Mmm.

Well, it's the truth.

You have created a taste treat here

that ain't nobody in the whole
wide world gonna duplicate.

- Have another slice.

- Oh, no, mmm, I couldn't, Auntie Lee.

Right now I'm as stuffed
as a Christmas goose.

- Well put.

Coral, please go and get
some vegetables in a basket

so that the Chief can take
'em home to his purdy wife.

- Yes, Auntie.

- I bet them veggies come right

out of your fantastic little garden, huh.

- Of course.

- I don't know what kind
of fertilizer you use

but it sure does get
the job done.

- Well, let's just say
that's my little secret.

But someday, Chief,

maybe we can let you in on it.

- I would love that, Auntie Lee.

I would really love it.

- Hmm.

Well, I best be getting on now.

I got to go do me some law
and order stuff, you know.

Thank you, Auntie Lee.

Girls.

- Chief.

- Just remember anytime
you're in the area now, Chief,

you are always welcome here.

- Thank you, thank you, Auntie.

- Bye, Chief.
- Bye, girls.

- Toodaloo.

- Bye.

- I love these carrots.

- Sky, why must you be
so forward with men?

It's as if you've had no upbringing.

Sometimes you embarrass me to no end.

- You should talk, Coral.

- What do you mean I should talk?

I'm not the one who
raped that boy yesterday.

- What are you talking about, Coral?

What boy?

- The blonde boy, Sky.

The one whose pants you were in.

- You're jealous of me, Coral, aren't you?

You're jealous of my body, aren't you?

And the men it attracts.

- I'm jealous? You slut!

- Coral, behave!

Why are my two favorite
nieces always fightin'?

I've got your favorite tea
here, and some nice cookies.

Coral, nice cookies for dessert.

You girls be nice, all right?

- What the hell happened to you?

- I don't know.

- Don't blow in it.

- I forget.

Oh, yes, I don't forget now.

I punished myself for
not cleaning her hubcaps.

- Punish?

Hubcaps?

- The dirty ones.

- The dirty ones.

- Ms. Fawn's.

- Oh, Ms. Fawn's.

Well, you shouldn't be so
hard on yourself, Larry.

You know where you're going?

- To Coral's car.

- Very good.

- She told me, "To fix her tire."

- Oh, well, jump on in,
I'll drive you there.

- Can you turn the red lights on?

- For you, Larry, red,
white, and blue lights.

- Girls, we don't have enough
fixins to fill these orders.

- You mean us?

- What about Larry?

- Yeah, what about Larry?

He's strong and besides that's men's work.

- Well, Coral, Larry's
busy fixing your car,

and besides he's gotta
straighten up after you

like he always does.

- But Auntie, I need to take a bath.

- And my hair, it'll take hours.

- Now girls, this is a family business,

and we all have to do
our share, you know that.

- Uh.

- You do-
- Auntie.

- As you are told.

Go and get your stuff together,

and you get started right away.

Hurry on now.

Hurry on.

- Uh, Chief.

- Yeah.

- Uh, I was wondering.

- Yeah.

- Can I become a policeman?

- A policeman?

Larry, Penance is a little town,

a little town doesn't
need but one policeman.

Especially one that's trying
to give up cigarettes.

Look maybe I could make
you a volunteer deputy.

Would you like that?

- Could ya?

Could ya?

I could make criminals
pay for their crimes.

I could be a good policeman.

- I'm going back to town, do my duties.

I got to do my duties, Larry.

- Where's my badge?

- Your badge?

Go buy you one, send me the bill.

Deputy, get on this girl's tire.

- Right away, Chief Koal.

Right away.

Badge, whew.

- Sky, stop that.

Auntie'll see you and
think we like doing this

and the next time she'll
send somebody else.

- You're right, Coral,

I just kinda lost control for a second.

It's just kinda hard having
fun and not showing it.

- Missed you at Sunday services, Magnolia.

- I'm sorry, Auntie.

It was such a beautiful day
and the lake was so inviting,

I just couldn't resist.

- Well, you know normally
I accept temptation

as an excuse but not
with the Sunday services.

It is most important
that this family partake

in his worship, you know that.

- I know, Auntie.

It won't happen again, I promise.

- Good.

Well, going to have a busy night,

Coral and Sky are having
guests for dinner.

I want you to really behave.

- I will, Auntie.

I promise.

- Good.

So now while I'm cooking up
nice, rich chicken gravy,

I'd like you'd to run into town

and pick up some odds and ends.

- I will, Auntie.

- And come right back home,

and don't you talk to strangers.

You hear me?

- I promise, Auntie.

- Well, at least the swelling's gone down.

- It's nothing really.

I kinda like it.

- Please don't talk like that, Magnolia.

I get so upset when you talk like that.

- I'm sorry, Auntie, I don't mean to.

- Well, I guess it's hard
to change a person's nature.

Here chick, chick, chick,
chick, chick, chick, Chicky.

Come to Auntie.

I won't hurt you.

- Yeah, Mr. Evans.

Yeah, I'm still on the trail.

Yeah, it looks like he's
headed for San Francisco.

Where?

I'm in the local sheriff's office.

In a little desert town named Penance.

You never heard of it?

Yeah, neither did I until this morning.

Yeah, now Mr. Evans don't worry so much.

Yeah.

Well, you know it's not the first time

he's taking off chasing after moonbeams.

Yeah, I'm getting really close now.

Matter of fact I had to pay
for his breakfast this morning

at Carmen's Coffee Shop.

Seems he cut out when
they weren't watching.

Yeah, really, it's just a matter of time.

The money?

Oh, yeah, about the money.

Uh, well, I'm nearly flat,
I just broke the last C-note

getting a blown water hose replaced.

Uh, yeah, well, yes, Mr.
Evans, it is expensive.

Uh, paying the uh, the bills

that your son's skipping out on,

well, all that adds up real fast.

Yes, I remember the agreement.

Well, it's up to you, Mr. Evans.

Do you want me to watch
expenses or find your son?

Uh, Mr. Evans, can you
hold on a moment please?

I am billing this call on
my credit card, honest.

- Get out of my chair.

- Uh, Mr. Evans, I gotta go now.

Uh, good, I think that's a wise decision.

Don't worry, I'll be in touch.

- Out.

- Hey, chill out, Chief.

I'm not the kinda guy
you wanna push around,

I'm from New York.

- You and every other asshole I know.

- Hey, who pissed in
your Corn Flakes, huh?

I'm a private investigator, licensed.

I'm investigating a disappearance.

- Disappearance?

- Well, we don't suspect
any foul play yet.

One doesn't always know
does one, Chief, uh.

- Koal, K-O-A-L, sir, S-I-R.

- Well, uh, Chief, uh, Koal, sir,

I traced this young man to your town.

His name's Bob Evans.

His father's a rather
important New York figure.

As far as I can tell
Bob never left Penance.

At least I can't locate
anyone who saw him.

- How do you know?

- Know what?

- How do you know he ain't left town?

- I don't know.

- Good.

I'll take over from here, son.

- That won't be necessary, Chief.

- You're in my territory, son.

- Okay, Chief, you're the boss.

I'll be staying at the uh, Hotel Penance.

Name's Harold Ivars

from Dillard, Cremshaw, and
Sutherland, New York Firm.

- Dillard, Crenshaw, hmm.

- Where'd you get this?

- Iwo Jima.

- You in the Marines?

- On the other side.

Sayonara.

- Damn you!

You always get me in trouble
with Auntie and the girls!

I hate you!

I hate you!

Are you listening?

You're against me!

Yeah, you!

I'm talking to you.

I'm gonna get even with you, sweetheart.

Wanna show you who's
boss of this here outfit!

I'll show you.

You hear!

You hear!

- I see one, I see one.

- Uh-oh.

It's California.

Bird watch, bird watch.

- You've caused enough trouble.

I'm not fooling around anymore.

You hear me?

I'm talking to you, mister!

- I see one.

It's Utah, how about Utah, Coral?

Huh, Coral, huh?

- Auntie'd never forgive us.

Utah's Mormon country.

Auntie says, "Mormon's been
inbreeding with each other

for such a long time, their
brains are like salty mush."

- Ugh!

- Oh, good morning, good
morning, good morning.

- Good morning, Billie Bob.

Thank you.

- I love you.

- Silly.

- I've loved you from the
first moment I saw you.

- And when was that?

- When you put that nozzle in your tank.

- When I what?

- The gas station this morning.

- Oh, a voyeur.

- Well, I just happened to be-

- Silly.

- Thank you.

- Here you go, Billie Bob.

- Good, this makes together

which is by today's exchange rate um,

$12.76, Ms. Magnolia.

- Oh, what a beautiful name.

- Put it on Auntie Lee's tab, Billie Bob.

- Thank you.

- Here.

- By the way my name's Harold Ivars.

- Okay, Mister, time to get out of here,

and this time let's show a little respect.

- Did you happen to see
this fellow around town?

- No, but he's kinda cute.

Why do you ask?

- I've been in pursuit of
him for the past three weeks.

- You fuzz?

- Private.

- You talk like big city.

- New York.

- You like to make love?

- Didn't I tell you I'm
a professional dick?

- Then come on, hop on my cloud.

- Oh, boy.

You're making it really hard on me

in more ways than one.

I wish I could, I really do,

it's just first I gotta turn up something

on this Evans kid.

I mean how could someone
disappear in a town

as small as Penance.

- And here I thought
you wanted to tail me.

See ya.

♪ She's a little girl down on the street ♪

♪ Just the type of victim I want to eat ♪

♪ We get together, we have fun ♪

♪ For all that caring ♪

♪ She's raising my son ♪

♪ Young, fresh, tight, sweet stuff ♪

♪ Young, fresh, tight, sweet stuff ♪

♪ Young, fresh, tight, sweet stuff ♪

♪ Young, fresh, tight ♪

- Hey, hold it down, hold it down.

I just saw something flicker
on the road up ahead.

- Wow, a flicker on the road to oblivion.

Hey, Doc, that is like full of symbolism.

- Well, well, if it isn't
apple dumpling time.

This is it, this is it.

- God, oh man.

Oh!
- Jesus Christ.

- Talk about bad karma, guys.

This is it right here.

- Oh, wow, what a rush.

- Jeez, Doc, looks like
you handle the driving

about as well as you handle our band.

- Off my back guys, huh.

- Total chaos.

Now that is what I love

because you see out of
chaos comes insanity.

And out of insanity, boys, comes music.

- That may very well be okay.

But you see we have two flat tires

and we only got one spare.

So uh, Dr. Fix It, what
are we gonna do now, huh?

- Just get me to a phone,

we'll be back on the
road in 10 minutes, huh.

- Craig, you wanna give Doc
the phone there, would ya?

- I don't got the phone man.

Phil had it last.

- Oh, yeah, I had the phone last.

I guess we forgot to
rip it out of the wall

before we left the motel.

- Thanks for the dump, guys.

- Hi, boys.

- Hi.

- You can use our phone.

I'm Coral, and this is my cousin, Sky.

- Hi, boys.

- Hi.

- We live at Auntie Lee's
just right over there.

- That's mighty gracious of you.

We've been stranded here
for god knows how long.

- We know.

- Well, uh, if you two will lead the way

we'll follow your little behind.

- Hey, come on guys, save
it for the groupies, huh.

- Chucky, this is Auntie Lee.

Well, seems that we have some
handsome stranded men out here

at my place with two flat tires.

Hold on, I'll ask.

Do you think there's any hope
for these tires of any kind?

- No way, they're history.

Front end's probably gonna
need realignment, shock,

here let me talk to him.

- Oh, no, he'd make a
terrible deal with you.

He just hates outsiders.

- Just kick back, Doc.

All right, you know let the
little lady do her thing.

- It's best.

- Whatever.

- Oh, Chucky, no, no hope
at all for those tires.

And the front end might,
oh, you already know.

You're so good.

I miss you too, Chucky.

Oh, oh, that soon, uh-huh.

Oh, I see, really.

Oh, really.

Well, I know you would if you could.

All right, well, if you could
any sooner for little old me.

Bye.

- So how soon till

we get to see little ol' Chucky tow boy?

- First thing tomorrow morning.

- Tomorrow morning?

Geez Louise, guys.

- I mean how come?

I thought he was all hot to see you?

- Button your lip.

Well, it seems there's a
accident on Interstate 5.

- Oh.
- And all the tow trucks

are under supervision from the Sheriff

to clear that up first.

Just try to remember you are not in L.A.

- No.

- Please take don't take offense, Auntie.

The boys sometimes say things

without first letting it
pass through their brains.

We'll just wait in our car

till a tow truck arrives in the morning.

We'll be fine.

- Auntie, we can't let them do that.

They could all get gobbled up
in the middle of the night.

- That little fox can gobble
me up anytime she wants.

- Muy bueno, bro.

- And we've got all those extra rooms,

it'd be a crime I do declare.

- Uh-huh.

- Well, all right, all right.

You can all stay the night.

And dinner is served in about an hour,

so there's plenty of time
for you to take a bath,

maybe two.

We like all our guests
to be squeaky clean.

- Damn, I was afraid of this.

And everything was going so well.

It looks like one of the
strays Fawn picked up

has a private detective on his heels.

She's supposed to be the smart one.

- Are you sure of this, Magnolia?

- He's questioning everybody in town.

- Fawn is careful.

I'm sure there must be no problem.

- I hope so.

I hope you're right.

And where's Larry?

Shouldn't he be back by now?

- Hey, Larry.

This should be okay here now.

Looks like a bone or
something in your flat.

Well, you tell Auntie
Lee and Missy, I said hi.

- Chief Koal, you surprised Larry.

- I didn't mean to.

Here let me give you had with this, Larry.

You know there's a real technique

to organizing a trunk like this.

Sort of like real life, you
know you gotta have a plan.

- I got my deputy badge.

- Good.

- See, Chief Koal.

- Just like police issue there too.

- Really thinks so?

- Yeah.

- I brought you the bill
just like you said I should.

- Oh, good.

Looks like you're saving some
trash here too, ain't you?

Whew, what you got in this bag?

- No, that's my secret stuff!

No!

- Fawn, pass this around
for me, won't you?

- Look like uh.
- Those look good.

- That looks like cottage cheese.

- I don't believe that.

Well, how did you get the name Doc?

- Guess.

- You're a meteorologist?

A veterinarian?

- Try a gynecologist.

Just kidding.

Actually my last name is Dockerdin,

so Doc just kinda happened naturally.

- Oh.

- So how'd you like that meat?

- Uh, pretty tasty.

- Joining the band was the
most important decision

in my life.

You know dealing with the fame, okay,

that was kinda hard at
first until I matured.

I got this deep inner strength.

- I can feel it, Craig.

I can feel the vibes from
your body as they radiate.

I mean it's like you're signaling power.

- Try some meat cubes, Craig.

Oh, not that one.

That one there.

That's a heart of a brave
and magnificent animal.

You know they say if you eat
the heart of courageous animal

it adds to your own prowess.

- Yeah, I can feel that.

You know I can feel it's like
becoming at one with my karma.

- Do you like kidneys, Phil.

- Uh, uh, no.

- Oh, go on try one.

I know you'll love the seasoning.

- Boy, Auntie, your
secret herbs and spices

really make the difference.

- Don't say herbs and
spices, say herbs and spices.

Herb is a person, herb is a seasoning.

- Howdy.

- Jesus Christ, the
only people that ever say howdy

are assholes from New York City.

- I was wondering if
you ever saw my brother.

College kid, clean-cut, around 20.

Probably hitching.

- He ain't your brother.

- Okay, I'm a private investigator

hired by the father of this boy.

- I don't much cotton to liars,

but inasmuch as I'm a
pappy, yes, I seen him.

- You have?

- And he's not in much
good company either.

- What makes you say that?

- Auntie Lee and her nieces

nothing but a pack of
whores if you ask me.

Ah, that poor boy's gonna
end up in the hospital

with one of them sociable diseases.

- Where can I uh, find
this Auntie Lee person?

- Your car's pointed
in the right direction,

take it with ya.

Down the road a bit.

Big sign, can't miss it,
Auntie Lee's Meat Pies.

- Hey, thanks a million.

- Stick that and stuff that howdy crap.

- Time for prayer.

That means everyone.

Everyone.

Bless us, oh, Lord of darkness.

And bless these thy gifts,

which we are about to
receive to thy bounty.

Sow thy evil seed throughout the firmament

and reap the black wind.

Thy will be and done on
earth as it is in Hell.

Oh, Lucifer,

creator of the universe, giver of life,

the power of darkness.

- Amen.

- Hey, talk about heavy
metal prayers, man.

- How come there are so many candles?

- Well, four of them are
for you and your friends,

and all the rest are for
previous guests now departed.

- Departed?

- Departed, no.

I meant parted as in gone on their way.

Magnolia, don't you think
this would be a glorious time

to bring Baby downstairs.

- I'm sure she'd love to come down

and meet all of our new guests

now that she's feeling better.

Excuse me, folks, I'll be right back.

- Check her out.

- No.

- Baby, it's Magnolia.

We've invited some
friends over for dinner.

Auntie Lee would like
you to come downstairs

and visit with us.

- Ah.

Oh, don't cry.

Auntie Lee loves you, yeah.

- What the hell on earth
do you have here, Larry?

- They were against me.

- Who were against you?

- People.

They tried to make fun of me.

- Who were these people?

- They said, "I should be put away."

I, I didn't like that, Chief Koal.

- Larry, did you kill Bob Evans?

- I don't know their names.

- Yeah, you like that, huh?

Good girl.

Come on, oh, Baby.

Have some more.

Come on, come on.

Well, I think we've had
enough now, haven't we?

Doc, will you help me bring
baby back to her room?

- Yeah, sure, Magnolia.

- Come on, Baby.

- Hey, Baby.

- Oh, God.

- What's so funny, John?

- Not only does Auntie
Lee cook the best meal

I've ever eaten but
she got the best entertainment

I've seen since we've been
on the road, you know.

- What entertainment?

- You know the gag about baby.

Oh, shit it brought tears to my eyes, man.

- Hey, John, you think
that's a put-on, man?

- Of course, it's a joke, Craig.

I mean what the hell
else could it be, right?

- I don't know, man, I
sorta believe it, you know.

- I think that's quite enough, John.

It's no gag, I'm serious.

- You owe the family an apology.

- Hey, Sky, I'm sorry, all right.

Look, Coral, I, I had no idea.

Look, I didn't mean to
get everyone so upset.

I, I just didn't realize, I.

- Well, now you do!

- Smooth, John, real smooth.

- I suggest you go after Sky, talk to her.

She likes you, you know.

- All I can say is, is
I apologize all right.

- What are the chains for, Magnolia?

- To keep Baby secure.

When she get upset she sorta gets violent.

- You know I have a thing for chains.

Being shackled.

Being restrained.

It's quite stimulating you know.

- Would you like it now?

- Yes.

Very much.

Ah.

Ooh.

Ah, it's been too long.

Most women just don't understand.

- How pain can bring happiness?

Yes, torture has always fascinated mankind.

These are the same stirrings

that thrills at the sight
of a bloody accident

with its intricate weave
of metal and body parts

as the would-be mourners
craning their necks

for a better view slowly filed passed.

- Damn, that's beautiful.

That was truly beautiful.

Magnolia!

Help me!

Please!

- Sky, I'm sorry.

It was totally thoughtless of me.

I, I don't know what to say.

I must of been a real airhead, huh?

- John, it just hurts so

to hear you making fun of Baby like that.

- I just, uh, I just misunderstood.

- You won't do it again?

- I cross my heart, hope to die.

- Fair enough.

We better get back before
they send out a search party.

- Yeah.

- I'm glad you understand.

- Oh, yeah, just the average
ordinary nuclear family.

I like you, Sky.

I like you a lot.

- You know uh, John, I was just thinking

maybe before we rejoin the others again

you might wanna see the
food preparation area

in the basement.

- Ah, sounds sweet.

- But you'll have to be quiet,

Auntie doesn't like
outsiders in the basement.

She's afraid they'll
steal her secret recipes.

- Oh, you don't have to
worry about me, uh-uh.

These lips are sealed.

- I, I know I can trust you.

- That's where we went on our world tour.

What's happening?

- It's just Auntie, she's
closing the shutters.

- Auntie's got a terrible
fear of burglars and rapists.

She worries so about us.

- The shutters sound
like they're strong enough

to withstand an atomic blast.

- Well, at least no one's
gonna break into the house.

- Hey, it make sense.

There's a lot of burglars

like to get their hands on your meat pies.

- But John, I thought you wanted

to see our food preparation area?

- Oh, I do, I do.

- You silly goose.

- All right, hold
on to your shorts, ladies,

here we go.

♪ Men are superior ♪

♪ Women are inferior ♪

♪ Come on baby, I ain't no square ♪

♪ Look at me I got really long hair ♪

- You guys are fab.

- That was really wonderful.

- Well ladies, I gotta tell
you, you're truly discerning.

- You think it's possible
we could find someplace,

get a little privacy?

- Well, we could go to
my room if you like.

- I like.

I like.

♪ Here and there and a pinch of spice ♪

♪ Grind it once and grind it twice ♪

♪ Auntie Lee's meat pies ♪

♪ Always juicy and nice ♪

♪ Always juicy and nice ♪

♪ All juicy and nice ♪

♪ Always juicy and nice ♪

- Wow.

Wow.

- I'm going to take a shower.

It'll be just a minute.

- Huh?

Ooh, yeah.

What?

Oh, ooh.

Huh?

Ooh, all right, yeah.

Ah, ooh.

- What would your momma
say if she saw you now?

- My momma only told me to
stay away from wild women.

You a wild woman?

- You be the judge.

Maybe you should of
listened to your momma.

- I'm afraid it's a little
late for that now, Fawn.

Ah.

- You know I'm probably different

than most of the girls that you've known,

in that I don't have to
know a man to love him.

I just have to love a man to kill him.

- Care for a little doobage?

- What?

- It relaxes frayed nerves.

- Auntie's taught us to just say no.

She doesn't approve of
controlled substances.

It dulls our instincts.

- Whatever.

So what about the cook's tour, huh?

- Sure.

- I don't know, I, I kinda expected

to see a slab of beef or two.

- Auntie likes to get 'em processed

as soon as we get 'em in.

That way we're able to fill all
of our orders lickety-split.

- Care for a little
Wiener schnitzel.

- John, that's not at all funny.

Besides it's not very hygienic.

- Hygienic?

I mean just cook it, no one's
gonna know the difference.

- That's not the point.

Would you wanna eat a unsanitary meat pie?

- To be honest wouldn't be the first time.

Oh, what the fuck?

- Sweet death the final act
of eroticism.

- Music comes to me in the night.

In the black heart of my dreams,

and it's, it's like real loud.

Like a herd of buffalo
thundering through my brain.

Sometimes it's so loud that
I wake up with a start.

Perspiration is dripping from every pore.

I'm temporarily deaf.

Sometimes it lasts till noon.

- Oh, Craig, you're so mystical.

- So where is everyone?

- Why?

Are you afraid to be alone with me?

- It's not fear, it's anticipation.

Hey, listen what if
Auntie Lee pops in, huh?

- Yeah, I guess you're right.

She might get the wrong idea.

Hey, would like to see my boudoir?

- I thought you'd never ask.

- Ah, I can't wait to feel you inside me.

Come on, my room's down the hall.

Right this way.

- So whose room is this?

- That's Baby's.

- Hey, you think Doc and
Magnolia are still in there?

- Oh, come on, Craig,
it's none of our business.

- You're absolutely right.

But it's still fun to watch.

- Craig.

Craig.

- Hey, Doc, you in there?

- Craig, let me introduce you to Simone.

- What another niece?

- No.

She's a close friend.

- The more the merrier, lead on.

I uh, I take it that's Simone.

- Isn't she beautiful?

- I prefer hamsters to be honest.

- So does Simone.

Would you like to watch her eat?

- Uh, not, not really, no.

- You must I insist.

- Okay, what have I got to lose?

- Just your inhibitions.

Oh, Craig, isn't she beautiful?

- Hey, I wonder what happened
to this little piggy.

- Don't play with the food.

Lot of work to be done before the morning.

- Okay.

- Who could that be this time of night?

- I don't know.

- I'll go look.

- Hmm.

- Evening.

- Well, if it isn't Harold
my favorite private dick.

So how'd you find me?

- I didn't.

I mean I was looking for Bob Evans and uh.

- And you weren't looking for me.

Oh, you pierce my heart.

- I did wanna see you again.

I mean uh.

- Why?

To hurt me physically besides mentally?

To inflict pain?

- That's the last thing I'd ever do.

- And what's the first
thing you'd ever do?

Slap me around a couple of times?

Tear off my clothes?

Throw my naked body to the floor?

Rape me till I'm unconscious?

Is that your idea of having a good time?

Well, is it?

- No.

Never, I swear.

- That's a shame.

I thought we might of had a good thing.

Would you care for a little red wine?

- Sounds great.

- How about getting the glasses?

- Uh, my pleasure.

Where are they hiding?

- Uh, they're in the pantry.

Uh-oh.

Oh, no, no, no.

That's right, Auntie Lee put
the glasses in this cabinet.

- Well, here let me help you.

- It's no problem.

Thanks anyway.

So tell me why were you

ringing my bells

if not to harass me?

- Well, uh, like I said,

I'm still on the trail of Bob Evans,

and uh, well, I stopped
down the road a ways

to talk to a farmer.

Seems he saw Bob being
picked up by a truck

with the Auntie Lee logo on its side.

Have any idea who it might of been?

- Had to be Fawn.

She handles all the
pickups and deliveries.

She's the oldest.

- If she's at home I'd
like to talk to her.

- Sure, she's in the pool
doing her nightly laps.

She likes to keep fit being older and all.

The pool's this way.

Oh, you better slip off your shoes.

They scuff up the pool deck.
- Huh?

Oh, sure.

- I'll wait inside while you pump Fawn

for information that is.

- Where'd you come from?

- I didn't mean to surprise you.

Magnolia let me in.

Name's Harold, Harold Ivars.

She said, "You might of given

this fella a ride around noon time."

- If you would of asked

I could of loaned you some swim trunks.

I'm sorry, you just look kinda comical.

- Did you uh?

- Mmm, yeah, I did him.

Like I'm doing you.

- And?

- And where is he now?

All I know is that he left
us with a smile on his face.

- Hello again.

- Hi, Magnolia.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my god, ow, ow, ow, ow!

- May the blessings

of Lucifer

be upon you.

The Devil's circle is now complete.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

- Whose cars are those up there?

- I don't know.

Maybe bird watch.

Larry always cleans up after the girls.

That's my badge.

- Hi, Chief Koal.

What are you doing up so early?

- Morning, Fawn.

Could you get Auntie Lee for us please?

I'm afraid I got some bad news for her.

It's about Larry here.

- What's Larry done now?

I hope it's not too serious.

- It's serious.

Come on.

- Auntie's in the kitchen.

- Larry, you sit down over
there and be a good boy.

- What's wrong, Chief?

- Auntie, I want you
to try and take it easy

and not get too excited

'cause I'm gonna really
lay one on you now.

Larry here's uh, well, he's
been acting mighty weird lately.

He's been going around killing people,

and keeping their bones in Coral's car.

Now let's go sit down.

Right here, just take it easy.

There we go.

That's fine.

- You sure, Chief?

- Ain't no doubt about it.

Larry here's confessed
to me everything himself.

- Oh, is that true, Larry?

- Yes, Auntie Lee.

But they made fun of me.

- What are you gonna do
with Larry, Chief Koal?

- Well, that's why I come here
to talk to you first, Auntie.

I mean before I have to turn everything

over to the state police.

Uh, an incident like this uh,

is not gonna do your sales
any good across the state.

I mean if there's anyway at
all I could keep your name

out of the headlines I'd do that

but the state police is
a whole nother matter.

- Well, thank you for
your consideration, Chief.

- I only thought it was right.

- Couldn't you forget
about this, Chief Koal,

and just let Larry go?

We promise to take care of him.

We'd make sure he never left the grounds.

It is his first offense.

- We're talking serial murder here, Fawn.

It's not like this is some
little ol' traffic violation.

It's impossible, just impossible.

- But Larry didn't mean any harm.

He, he's a puppy dog.

He just doesn't know any better.

- I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry,

but it's for Larry's own good.

- Oh, I guess you know best.

- Yeah, I know best.

- Coffee?

- Sure.

Thank you, black please.

- Oh, Chief Koal, would you
please give me a hand with this?

- Why sure.

What seems to be the problem?

- It's the darn garbage disposal,

it keeps clogging up on us.

I guess we just use it too
much for the business and all.

- Yeah.

Well, you just move your pretty self over,

and let old Chief Koal get a hold of this.

An old hand at this.

- I guess I need
your strong hands, Chief.

I can't turn the blade,
it's stuck somehow.

- Yeah.

Wow, that's really tough in there.

I think I almost got it.

- Nobody's ever gonna
take my brother from me!

- Auntie, that was
too close for comfort.

- Yes, indeed.

For a while there I was thinking

we were gonna have to pack up and leave.

- That might not be a bad idea.

You know you always said,

"You wanted to open up a
steakhouse in New York City."

We'd never run out of beef.

- Well, I'll think on it.

Meanwhile, I got this here
kitchen to straighten up.

Larry, you go out front
and get rid of those cars.

Just put 'em around back
with all the others.

- Oh, do I have to
get rid of the police car too?

I'm a deputy now,

you know I really should
have a police car.

Pretty please.

- Now Larry,
you do as you are told.

- Yes, Auntie Lee.

- And no
more saving those bones.

- Yes, Auntie Lie.