All language subtitles for Malcolm in the Middle (2000) - S04E01 - Zoo (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 Silence)-eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,406 --> 00:00:07,508 LOIS: Malcolm! Reese! 2 00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:09,677 No playing ball in the house! 3 00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:16,584 LOIS: No playing ball on the house! 4 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,690 LOIS: No playing ball through the house! 5 00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:26,760 This isn't even fun. 6 00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:29,863 That stopped being the point a long time ago. 7 00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:33,234 ♪ Yes, no, maybe 8 00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:35,769 ♪ I don't know 9 00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:39,039 ♪ Can you repeat the question? 10 00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:41,275 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 11 00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:43,711 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 12 00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:46,114 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 13 00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:48,216 ♪ And you're not so big 14 00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:50,718 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 15 00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,720 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 16 00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:55,256 ♪ You're not the boss of me now ♪ 17 00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:58,058 ♪ And you're not so big 18 00:00:58,092 --> 00:01:01,629 ♪ Life is unfair. 19 00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:11,272 Oh, for God's sake, Malcolm. 20 00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:14,575 This is the last time I'm going to tell you. 21 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,144 Get up right now! 22 00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:18,979 I'll get up when the world stops being a cruel joke, 23 00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:21,115 which is never! 24 00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:22,283 Malcolm, 25 00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:23,717 you smell like a locker room. 26 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,219 This has got to stop. 27 00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:26,620 You've wasted your entire summer 28 00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:28,389 lying in bed feeling sorry for yourself. 29 00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,291 Your father thinks we sent you away to camp. 30 00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:32,160 You're right. I'm a pathetic loser. 31 00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:34,228 : Honey... 32 00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:36,664 this is just a phase. 33 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,599 Every teenager goes through it. 34 00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:40,234 I did, your father did. 35 00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:42,470 Francis cried in the shower every day for six months. 36 00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:44,572 Reese wouldn't get out of the dryer. 37 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,274 It's awkward and it's painful 38 00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:48,476 and you think it's never going to end. 39 00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,511 Now get out of bed! We're going to the zoo. 40 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:51,912 Why are we going to go stare 41 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,681 at a bunch of pathetic, caged animals 42 00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:56,417 and fat, suburban yahoos pointing and laughing at them? 43 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,253 Because I have a coupon. 44 00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:01,855 Is the zoo one of the places where you have 45 00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,491 to be this tall to do the good stuff? 46 00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:04,825 I don't know. 47 00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:06,527 I've never been there when it's open. 48 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,429 This is going to be so much fun. 49 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,030 I'm so glad I ran into Matt. 50 00:02:10,062 --> 00:02:12,032 Yeah, that was quite a lucky break. 51 00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:13,801 Good old, good old Matt. 52 00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:16,504 It has been 20 years since I was dating the both of you. 53 00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:18,439 I can't believe you're still jealous. 54 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,441 I am not jealous. 55 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,210 I'm not even the jealous type. 56 00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:24,445 I was just trying to read the meter! 57 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,214 Not in those shorts, Tarzan! 58 00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:30,117 Why don't you just marry Tom Cruise?! 59 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:33,487 Okay, that's enough. Break it up. 60 00:02:35,856 --> 00:02:36,890 Hello. 61 00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:37,958 FRANCIS: Hi, Dad. 62 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:38,992 Francis! 63 00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:40,060 How's it going? 64 00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:41,729 Couldn't be going better, Dad. 65 00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:44,632 We're seeing the country, meeting great people. 66 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,934 This is the best time of our lives. 67 00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:50,638 Well... 68 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,706 I guess your mom and I were really wrong 69 00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:54,408 about your cross-country plan. 70 00:02:54,442 --> 00:02:56,244 We thought it would be a disaster. 71 00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,078 I'm not going to rub your face in it, Dad. 72 00:02:58,111 --> 00:02:59,380 We're having too much fun! 73 00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,581 No, thanks, Joe, 74 00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:01,782 I couldn't take another bite of pie. 75 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:04,918 This trip has been so good for us. 76 00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,487 We have seen so many things. 77 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,223 Majestic mountains, quiet little towns, 78 00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:12,593 emergency opportunities for charitable giving... 79 00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,194 That's great. 80 00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:15,829 It sounds like you are really making it out there. 81 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,098 Yeah, so, about these charitable... 82 00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:19,867 Listen, we're on our way to the zoo right now, 83 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,335 but you call us back next week, okay? 84 00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:22,636 Love to Piama. 85 00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:26,274 Oh, look how nice this is. 86 00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:29,009 And it's such a beautiful day. 87 00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:33,514 You have to stop making that noise. 88 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,948 Fine, Mom, I won't breathe. 89 00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:36,850 You know, son, I hate to see you like this. 90 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:39,353 I tell you what. Why don't we get you a wax crocodile? 91 00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:40,521 DEWEY: Can we see the tigers? 92 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,290 I'm going to go hit the monkeys. 93 00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:44,292 I mean, go see the monkeys. 94 00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:46,460 Look, Matt's Animals of the Rain Forest show 95 00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:47,595 starts in 20 minutes. 96 00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:48,762 Gee, don't want to miss that. 97 00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:50,531 Can I just go wait in the car? 98 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,533 I mean, it's technically at the zoo. 99 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,968 No. And since you're so committed to being miserable, 100 00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,637 you can be in charge of your little brother for the day. 101 00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,105 No. Great. Let's look 102 00:03:58,138 --> 00:03:59,573 at every animal first, 103 00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:02,075 then decide which ones we want to go back to. 104 00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:03,644 Meet back here at 5:00! 105 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,813 Let go of me. I don't want to be your baby-sitter. 106 00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:07,114 I just want to be by myself. 107 00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:08,115 Are you mad? 108 00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:09,082 I'm not mad. 109 00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:10,150 You sound mad. 110 00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,319 Fine, I'm mad! 111 00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:12,820 Who are you mad at? 112 00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:13,921 I'm not mad! 113 00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:16,255 Look, you wouldn't understand. 114 00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:17,991 Yes, I would. No, you wouldn't. 115 00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:20,728 You're still living in your kiddie dream world. 116 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:21,995 You don't realize you're nothing 117 00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:23,831 but an insignificant speck of dust 118 00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:26,500 lost in an uncaring universe full of random tragedy. 119 00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:28,936 What's a lemur? 120 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,774 Oh, look, there's Matt. Hi, Matt! 121 00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,309 Lo-lo! 122 00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:37,345 Hi! 123 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,516 Hey, Matt. 124 00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:43,984 Quite a zoo you got here. 125 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,285 I got to tell you, 126 00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:46,987 this is an exciting day for us. 127 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:48,956 We don't often get a chance to spend time with the family. 128 00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:50,591 You know how it is-- work, work, work! 129 00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,626 But to tell you the truth, it's mostly my boss. 130 00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:53,927 He gets off on cracking the whip. 131 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,329 You know, he's a real bastard. 132 00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:56,597 But I got a feeling 133 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,931 that he's about to get the axe. 134 00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,568 At least that's what Jimbo in marketing says. 135 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,872 So good to see you, Matt. Yeah. 136 00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,540 I knew you'd end up doing something like this. 137 00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:08,509 You always had all those cute animals. 138 00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,611 Well, you didn't think Monty was so cute. 139 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:11,979 I hated that snake! 140 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,681 Remember the time I found him in the shower? 141 00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:19,653 Hey, are your kids here? 142 00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:20,821 I'd love to meet them. 143 00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:22,055 Oh, yeah, yeah, they're around. 144 00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:23,290 You'll recognize them. 145 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,758 They all look like me. 146 00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:27,795 So, who's this little guy, huh? 147 00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:36,370 Do you want this? 148 00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:39,707 Too slow. 149 00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:44,044 Hey, watch where you're going. 150 00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:52,853 Big mistake, pal! 151 00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:55,222 You want to go? We'll go. 152 00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:57,357 Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing? 153 00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,592 He started it. 154 00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:00,694 Goats don't start it. 155 00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:01,962 Get out. 156 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,633 Guess what I get to do. 157 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,536 Leave. 158 00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:11,505 If we push the car till we find a mechanic, 159 00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:13,206 we can pay with aluminum cans... 160 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,109 Francis, we've been pushing the car for two days. 161 00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:17,778 I'm tired and I'm hungry. 162 00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,880 I'm going to buy something to eat. 163 00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:21,515 No, no, no! Get lottery tickets. 164 00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:23,183 This is exactly the kind of time 165 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,718 when these things pay off. 166 00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:26,787 Honey, we're not spending our last five dollars 167 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,722 on lottery tickets. That's crazy. 168 00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:33,026 Now I'm going in there and I'm buying food. Food. 169 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,227 Like adults eat. 170 00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:41,134 No wonder you were $3,000 under blue book. 171 00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:45,372 : Cadillac? Yeah. 1974? 172 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,874 If you say so. 173 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:49,577 She is a beauty! 174 00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:50,811 I love your American cars. 175 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:53,614 BMW could learn a thing or two 176 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:57,918 but no, everything has to be about perfect engineering. 177 00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:00,888 Otto, what are you doing? 178 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,156 Who is this handsome boy? 179 00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:04,558 Hi, I'm Francis. 180 00:07:04,592 --> 00:07:07,394 I am talking cars with my new American friend. 181 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,329 And yes, he is very handsome. 182 00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:11,965 So, Francis, you also come to the Circle K 183 00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:13,467 for the wonderful hot dogs? 184 00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:15,736 Actually, we were just sort of passing through 185 00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:16,804 and our car broke down. 186 00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,839 This is so lucky for you. 187 00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:21,108 This is a wonderful place. 188 00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:22,643 We own a dude ranch just nearby 189 00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:27,247 with cows and horses and people. 190 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,016 We don't own the people. 191 00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,250 We call it "The Grotto." 192 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,319 She is Gretchen, I am Otto-- Grotto. 193 00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:34,254 You should come and visit, eh? 194 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,756 Oh, thanks, but 195 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,225 I'm out of work and we're kind of broke right now. 196 00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:40,861 Wait! 197 00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:43,731 I am having a thought! 198 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,535 Eh, it's gone. 199 00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:49,870 He could work for us at the ranch. 200 00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:52,205 That was my thought! 201 00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:54,341 We need a ranch foreman. 202 00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:56,810 Wait. I don't know the first thing about ranching. 203 00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:57,845 Ah, you will learn. 204 00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:59,446 I can tell you are clever. 205 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,313 Really, I've never... 206 00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:02,716 Look me in the eye. 207 00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:07,120 Yeah, I can tell. It is the job for you. 208 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:10,524 Pays $200 a week plus free room and board. 209 00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:12,125 Done. 210 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:13,193 I have one question. 211 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:14,127 Yeah? 212 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,328 This isn't going to end up 213 00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:16,697 with me cut up into little pieces 214 00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,298 and buried in a secret basement, is it? 215 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,232 Nope. 216 00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:20,333 You got a deal. 217 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,236 Okay, I got lottery tickets. 218 00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:25,505 We don't need 'em. 219 00:08:39,251 --> 00:08:40,587 Go away! 220 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,756 Get out of here! 221 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,694 I'm warning you. 222 00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:49,262 I'm not falling for your goat mind games. 223 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,939 If nothing I do ever has any meaning, 224 00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,540 then I can't care about anything, 225 00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:02,175 which makes me feel even worse. 226 00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:04,878 How am I supposed to ever feel happy? 227 00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:06,346 Kid, I'm a zoo clown. 228 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,616 Now buy a giraffe or go to hell. 229 00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:11,451 See, Dewey, there's a guy who understands. 230 00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,220 Malcolm, you're at the zoo. 231 00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:14,521 You have a Popsicle. 232 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,757 How can you be unhappy? 233 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:19,326 I wanted grape. 234 00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,561 Tigers! 235 00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,699 Where are they? They're not here. 236 00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:26,600 What a gyp! 237 00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:28,101 See, that's what I mean. 238 00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:30,804 The one thing you were excited about, closed. 239 00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:32,272 Maybe they're down here. 240 00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:33,641 Or maybe there never were any tigers 241 00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:34,908 and they just put up the signs 242 00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,209 to build a sense of disappointment... 243 00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:38,812 Dewey! 244 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,316 I'm okay. 245 00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:44,451 You idiot, 246 00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:46,519 what the hell's wrong with you? 247 00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,490 Come on. 248 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,495 Let's get out of here before we get caught. 249 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,746 Okay, Cookie, it's payday. 250 00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,951 Oh, that must happen a lot in the rain forest. 251 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:20,353 Okay, if I could have another volunteer. 252 00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,923 He was pointing at me. 253 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,125 Oh, uh... okay. 254 00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,493 Uh... 255 00:10:26,526 --> 00:10:28,328 Could you tell everyone your name, sir? 256 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:30,597 I'm Hal. Lois's husband. 257 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,432 Well, Hal, are you feeling adventurous? 258 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,202 Would you like to meet another friend from the rain forest? 259 00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:36,469 HAL: Ooh, I don't know. 260 00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:38,772 Animals that can withstand rain... 261 00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:41,541 Well, we better hurry, because the needless destruction 262 00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:44,211 of the rain forest is going on at an alarming rate. 263 00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:47,547 It's threatening thousands of helpless species each year 264 00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:50,650 like... the beautiful and gentle 265 00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,452 bird-eating tarantula. 266 00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:57,357 Now I know Victor looks dangerous, 267 00:10:57,390 --> 00:11:00,227 but the tarantula is actually a very gentle 268 00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:01,729 and timid creature. 269 00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:07,300 I am so sorry. 270 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,970 Victor's never done anything like that before. 271 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:13,440 Once the swelling goes down, the fangs should fall out. 272 00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:41,334 This is where you will stay. 273 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,903 It's a guest cabin, 274 00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:46,239 but you can do whatever you want to make it feel homey. 275 00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:47,407 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 276 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,743 Move your furniture, put up pictures. 277 00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:52,212 If you want to hammer a sandwich to the wall, 278 00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:53,280 you can do it. 279 00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:54,948 So, Francis, tell me, 280 00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:56,683 you like horses? 281 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,351 I honestly have no idea. 282 00:11:58,385 --> 00:11:59,953 I love horses. 283 00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:02,589 Their bodies are so big and their feet are so tiny, 284 00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:03,791 they make me laugh. 285 00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,425 This is just 286 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:06,593 so generous and nice of you. 287 00:12:06,626 --> 00:12:07,928 This place is so beautiful. 288 00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:10,297 I never want to leave. 289 00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,465 Oh, this is what happened to Otto. 290 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:15,035 We were on vacation and Otto was so happy 291 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,603 to be away from 292 00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:18,705 the stress of running the factory. 293 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:19,807 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 294 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:23,076 25 heart-lung machines per day, 295 00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:25,745 and if you make one teeny little mistake, 296 00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:28,481 boy, do you hear about it. 297 00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:31,251 Don't move, don't move, don't move... 298 00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:33,486 You've been saying that for 20 minutes. 299 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:34,487 I still mean it. 300 00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:35,956 Do you think he's mad? 301 00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:36,990 I don't know. 302 00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:38,425 I don't think it matters. 303 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:41,128 Just stay quiet and try not to look like meat. 304 00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:42,629 Hey, I don't think you kids 305 00:12:42,662 --> 00:12:44,164 are supposed to be messing around down there. 306 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:45,398 Yeah, thank you. 307 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,134 Would you mind going to tell somebody 308 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,635 that we're down here, please? 309 00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:50,237 Oh, for the love of God. 310 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:53,073 I don't think those kids are supposed to be down there. 311 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:54,407 Get us out of here! 312 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:55,575 Okay, okay... 313 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:56,776 calm down. 314 00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:58,245 We train for situations like this, 315 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,181 and there are standard procedures we follow. 316 00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,850 What's the limit on our liability? 317 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:05,685 No, the press release has to sound sympathetic to the boys. 318 00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:07,254 But make it clear it's their fault. 319 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:10,190 No, I gave you back the key to the rifle closet. 320 00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:12,225 Oh, yes I did! 321 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:17,130 Hey, you folks see the koalas? 322 00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,665 Okay, let's take a look. 323 00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:21,201 How is it? 324 00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:23,837 It's much better. 325 00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:25,372 It stopped weeping. 326 00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:27,107 Someone wants to say he's sorry. 327 00:13:28,075 --> 00:13:29,642 Apology accepted. 328 00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,611 Okay, I'm going to go take another look for the boys. 329 00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,013 Why don't you just rest? 330 00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:36,483 Hal, I don't know what to say. 331 00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,518 I just feel awful about what happened. 332 00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:39,552 Do you really? 333 00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:40,787 Of course I do. 334 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,189 Come on, man, I think we both know 335 00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:43,957 that you've been holding a grudge 336 00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:45,558 because Lois chose me over you. 337 00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:46,693 Lois chose... 338 00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:47,727 Wait a minute. 339 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,162 Is that what you think? 340 00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,864 I just hope this makes us even, 341 00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:53,300 because I can't feel my feet and you're kind of upside-down. 342 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,801 Hal, you've got it all wrong. 343 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,336 I wasn't angry at you. 344 00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:58,371 The whole situation was just too much for me, 345 00:13:58,405 --> 00:13:59,572 so I backed off. 346 00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:00,807 What? 347 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,309 I mean, Lois is great, 348 00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,911 but I wanted to be exclusive and she didn't. 349 00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:05,512 On any given weekend, 350 00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:08,148 I didn't know if she was with you or me or Dennis... 351 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,517 Dennis? Who's Dennis? 352 00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,021 No one. 353 00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:17,757 I got to go. 354 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,697 20 minutes ago, I was worried about which one of us 355 00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:26,433 was going to be eaten by a tiger. 356 00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:27,968 Now I can relax. 357 00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:37,610 Okay, kids, the tigers didn't go for the steaks we threw down. 358 00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:39,112 The problem is 359 00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:42,015 they're attracted to you because you're alive, 360 00:14:42,049 --> 00:14:43,616 like their natural prey. 361 00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:45,685 There's a "but" coming, right? 362 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,554 Well, no. 363 00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:50,057 But we have things under control. 364 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:53,961 We're going to fire tranquilizer darts at the tigers. 365 00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:55,362 How long do they take to work? 366 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,696 Less than two minutes. 367 00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:57,931 So, the plan is 368 00:14:57,965 --> 00:14:59,366 to piss them off and keep them awake 369 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,134 just long enough so they can take it out on us? 370 00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:04,637 Hold on a sec. 371 00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,474 Okay, these people are idiots. 372 00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:08,775 Malcolm, it'll be okay. 373 00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:10,743 Yeah, Dewey, I hope so, too, but... 374 00:15:10,777 --> 00:15:11,744 I'm not hoping. 375 00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,080 I know it'll be fine. 376 00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,047 You can't know that. 377 00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,148 Yes, I can. 378 00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:16,616 No, you can't. 379 00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:17,717 Yes, I can. 380 00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,453 I do. I know we'll be fine. 381 00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:22,489 Okay, just sit tight a few more minutes. 382 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:25,258 Apparently they had a similar situation in D.C., 383 00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:27,961 and we're trying to find out exactly what went wrong there. 384 00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:31,498 But the main thing is everything's going to be okay. 385 00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:33,833 See? 386 00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,102 Sorry. Excuse me. 387 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,469 Excuse me, I need to get through. 388 00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:37,670 I'm looking for my kids. 389 00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:40,140 There's no kids here, that's for sure. 390 00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:41,841 Lois? Hal? 391 00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,676 What are you doing here? You should be lying down. 392 00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:46,613 Yes, I should, but then I had a conversation with Matt 393 00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:49,282 who informed me that there was another guy you were dating 394 00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:50,517 while you were dating us. 395 00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:52,852 Oh, my God. 396 00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:55,255 Oh, my God... Hal... 397 00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,323 Hal, I'm sorry. 398 00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:57,590 I... I meant to tell you. 399 00:15:57,624 --> 00:15:58,958 I-I should have told you. 400 00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:01,094 I just-- I could never find the right time, 401 00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:03,496 and I was never that serious about Larry anyway. 402 00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:04,764 Who the hell is Larry? 403 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,199 I'm talking about Dennis! 404 00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:09,602 Dennis, right, that's who I meant. 405 00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,838 Oh, my God, who are you? 406 00:16:11,871 --> 00:16:13,706 Hal, please... can we discuss this tonight? 407 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,108 Well, I don't know, Lois. 408 00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:16,843 Maybe you have a date. 409 00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:18,945 Okay, in the first place, this was all over 20 years ago. 410 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,282 And second, it doesn't matter because I love you. 411 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:26,019 And third, you were the one dating that slut manicurist! 412 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:30,690 Here is where we put the houses for the horses. 413 00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:32,725 And here will be your office. 414 00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:36,329 You have pens in one drawer and paper in the other. 415 00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:38,565 First, I put them in the same drawer together, 416 00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,168 but no, that did not work. 417 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:45,238 But if you want to try it that way, you're the boss, huh? 418 00:16:45,272 --> 00:16:46,406 Ah, here is Zeke. 419 00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:47,874 Zeke, meet Francis. 420 00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:49,142 Howdy. How y'all doing? 421 00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:51,211 He is the new ranch foreman. 422 00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:53,146 He will be in charge of the livestock, 423 00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,914 of the feeding schedules, 424 00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:56,649 of the equipment rental... 425 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,485 well, everything. 426 00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,987 I must go and set up the buffet. 427 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:05,925 I'm sure you have lots of cowboy things to talk about, huh? 428 00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:10,597 All right, look, I might as well tell you now, 429 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:13,165 'cause you're going to find out in about 30 seconds anyway. 430 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,434 I'm not a real cowboy. 431 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,536 My name isn't even Zeke, it's Murray, 432 00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:20,006 and I have no idea what in the hell I'm doing around here. 433 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,241 You have no idea? 434 00:17:21,273 --> 00:17:22,942 I've never worked on a ranch in my life. 435 00:17:22,974 --> 00:17:24,577 Really? Yeah. I've never even been 436 00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:26,213 near a horse you don't put quarters in. 437 00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,115 Oh, that's great. 438 00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:30,417 Listen, you know, you stepped into a gold mine here. 439 00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:32,852 I mean, the people who run this place are absolute idiots. 440 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,621 Oh, I don't know. They seem really nice. 441 00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:35,955 "Nice" isn't the word for it. 442 00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:37,357 I mean, you don't have to do a lick of work 443 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:38,458 and they'll still pay you. 444 00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:40,293 You're kidding? I'm telling you, 445 00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:41,928 all we got to do is watch each other's backs 446 00:17:41,961 --> 00:17:44,063 and we can milk these people for all they're worth. 447 00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:45,132 What do you think? 448 00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:48,935 I think you're fired. 449 00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:51,804 Now, if you'll excuse me, 450 00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:55,475 I'm going to find out if this is for me or the horse. 451 00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:57,877 HAL: You broke our agreement! 452 00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:58,911 What agreement?! 453 00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:00,046 We never had an agreement! 454 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,282 It was a mutual understanding! 455 00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:03,716 At least on my end! 456 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:04,984 You are overreacting. 457 00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,753 So, I was dating a few guys when we met-- 458 00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:08,221 what difference does it make? 459 00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:09,956 A few? Well, how many were there, Lois? 460 00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:12,459 Don't you get it? It doesn't matter. 461 00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:14,727 You won! It's history. It's over. 462 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:18,231 Your engagement ring is not a family heirloom. 463 00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:19,166 What? 464 00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:20,767 I lied to you. I bought it. 465 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,435 So you bought it. 466 00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:24,737 For someone else. 467 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:27,006 Someone else? 468 00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:28,408 I'm sorry. 469 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,009 I have kept that secret for so many years. 470 00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:31,010 It's haunted me. 471 00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:32,579 Look, I always knew 472 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,014 that I had to tell you, but I didn't know how. 473 00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,749 Who was it? 474 00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:39,586 Farrah Fawcett. 475 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,454 I was 15. 476 00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:43,356 I knew there were a lot of guys after her, 477 00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:45,692 but I thought that if I had an actual ring to give her 478 00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:48,461 that I would stand apart from those other idiots. 479 00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:52,265 I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before now. 480 00:18:52,299 --> 00:18:56,403 Well, why don't we just call it even. 481 00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:00,307 : Hey, Randy, it's Bill. 482 00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:02,309 Are those two kids still trapped in the tiger den? 483 00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:03,676 Okay, everybody, calm down. 484 00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:05,144 Calm down. 485 00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:07,347 I'm obviously just picking up a transmission 486 00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:09,849 from the zoo down the road. 487 00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:10,983 Reese and Malcolm? 488 00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:12,118 Malcolm and Dewey. 489 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,221 Reese wouldn't last 30 seconds. 490 00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:18,558 I think Stanley's getting angry. 491 00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:19,959 You named them? 492 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,060 That's Stanley. 493 00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:22,495 That's French Fry. 494 00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:25,632 Dewey, I want to tell you something. 495 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:26,499 I love you. 496 00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:27,967 Don't say that! 497 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,001 It's true. 498 00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:29,902 I love you so much. 499 00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:31,170 You're just saying that 500 00:19:31,204 --> 00:19:32,672 'cause you think we're going to die. 501 00:19:32,705 --> 00:19:34,341 This is all part of your hating life thing. 502 00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:36,142 You're wrong. I love life. 503 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,344 I realize that now. 504 00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:39,379 It's imperfect, but I love that, too. 505 00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:41,348 And I love Mom and Dad and Francis 506 00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:42,882 and even Reese. I love you all. 507 00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:44,851 Stop it. We're going to be fine. 508 00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:46,219 Why don't you stop it, Dewey? 509 00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:47,887 Why don't you stop pretending everything's great 510 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:49,088 and tell me you love me, okay? 511 00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:50,757 We're not going to die! 512 00:19:50,790 --> 00:19:52,359 Yes, we are! We're going to die! 513 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,761 This is the ultimate proof that I was right all along! 514 00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:56,663 And I don't need some stupid little kid 515 00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:57,930 giving me fake reassurances! 516 00:19:57,964 --> 00:20:00,267 Well, I don't need some crybaby brother 517 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:03,270 taking all the fun out of being at the zoo! 518 00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:05,037 Oh, my God! 519 00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:07,106 You're just in a bad mood. 520 00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:08,241 We'll get out of this. 521 00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:09,942 No, we won't. Give it up, Dewey. 522 00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:12,245 Superman isn't going to fly in here and save us. 523 00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:19,686 In your face, goat! Who's laughing... 524 00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:26,959 Open up, open up! 525 00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:32,131 Ever since the zoo, I've had a new lease on life. 526 00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:33,933 It's amazing how something as simple 527 00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:36,936 as almost being eaten by tigers can put things in perspective. 528 00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:39,272 It just feels so good to be happy again. 529 00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:42,809 Of course, why do I 530 00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:44,977 always have to learn my lessons the hard way? 531 00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:46,746 No one else does. 532 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,048 I mean, why does the universe think it has to almost kill me 533 00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:50,617 to get a point across? 534 00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:52,385 My life sucks. 535 00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:53,886 I'm going to bed. 536 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:55,555 No, Francis, everything turned out fine. 537 00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:56,989 We agreed not to sue them, 538 00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:58,958 and they agreed not to throw Reese in jail. 539 00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:01,294 Enough about that. Tell me about your new job. 540 00:21:01,328 --> 00:21:02,395 Oh, it's great. 541 00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:03,630 I've learned so much already. 542 00:21:03,663 --> 00:21:05,398 Say, while you were at the zoo, 543 00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:08,234 you didn't happen to see any animals giving birth, did you? 544 00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:09,235 No. Why? 545 00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,269 Just curious. 546 00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:11,438 Never mind. 547 00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:16,343 Almost there, sweetie. Just one more push. 38339

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