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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,340 But, Dad, if Paul Crap was a real player, why would anyone sign him? 2 00:00:04,340 --> 00:00:05,720 He was signed by Awful FC, 3 00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:07,920 but that's when they were managed by Barry Rubbish. 4 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:11,280 How rubbish is Barry Rubbish? Plays a 2-4-3 system. 5 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:15,840 But that doesn't add up to ten. That's how rubbish he is. 6 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:18,080 They were 2-0 down once, after no minutes. 7 00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:20,280 Do you think they'd have been better off if they hadn't signed 8 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:25,400 Geoff Always Stuck In The Toilet? Absolutely. One, two, three, woo! 9 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:30,240 Right, let's go swimming. 10 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:33,280 This programme contains some strong language. 11 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:37,840 You ready to get wet? Are you ready to get wet? You ready to get wet? Come on, darling. 12 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:41,080 We're going to go swimming. Swimming! 13 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,320 Come on, Rosie. ROSIE WHINES 14 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:45,840 Mummy and Daddy are wet. 15 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:47,360 Come on, we're all wet now. 16 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:48,840 ROSIE WHINES 17 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,240 Rosie, you love swimming, come on. 18 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,200 Come on. Time to have fun, come on. 19 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,400 Let's just get our feet wet, look. 20 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:02,240 One foot, one foot, one foot. Come on, just one foot. That's it. 21 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:04,120 OK. Wahey! 22 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:07,880 That's it. Come on, darling. Let's have some splashy fun. 23 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:11,040 There's a good girl. You love that, don't you? 24 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,760 It's great, isn't it? You love swimming, don't you? 25 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:19,040 Maybe we should sing the Dingle Dangle Scarecrow Song. 26 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:21,680 Ow, ow. Rosie, don't bite Mummy. 27 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:23,200 Don't bite Mummy. 28 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:26,400 ROSIE GROANS No, no snargling. Come on. 29 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:29,800 Ah! Shall we just go? 30 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:31,200 No, she loves swimming. 31 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,720 We're going to stay here until she has some swimming fun. 32 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,520 No! Rosie. Rosie. 33 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:38,840 Start enjoying yourself, do you understand? 34 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,040 ROSIE GROANS 35 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:45,160 Excuse me, but Max was playing with that. 36 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,640 We shouldn't really be snatching. 37 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:51,000 What's wrong with some people? What's wrong? How long have you got? 38 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:52,320 ROSIE GROANS 39 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:53,640 AIR HISSES 40 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:54,680 Oh. Er... 41 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:59,480 I'm really sorry. It's OK, darling. 42 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:02,400 The little girl just didn't realise that Sharky was yours. 43 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,400 ROSIE SQUEALS 44 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,800 I think we should go. Ben, we're going to go. 45 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,960 Well done, Rosie. You had to ruin it again. 46 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,160 I don't know what you're pointing at, Rosie. 47 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:27,880 No, Rosie, come on, come on. 48 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:28,920 ROSIE WHINES 49 00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,720 Is everything OK? Yeah, it's fine, yeah. 50 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,440 We brought her here for a treat. 51 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:36,480 ROSIE WHINES 52 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,240 If you just hold her up. I am. 53 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,400 You know the mistake we made? 54 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:43,960 We thought that the swimming pool was Rosie's favourite place. 55 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:46,880 It turns out, it's the place she absolutely hates most in the world. 56 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:49,440 All right. Just keep your arms down, darling. I don't understand. 57 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:51,920 Do you think her brain is going through the terrible twos... 58 00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:55,600 ..only with a body of an eighth-level barbarian? 59 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:58,080 Strength, constitution, dexterity, all 18. 60 00:02:58,080 --> 00:02:59,400 And intelligence, three. 61 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:03,480 Yeah, but charisma, 18, and definitely alignment, chaotic good. 62 00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:05,840 You've actually thought about this, haven't you? 63 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,320 You've probably worked out what Dungeons & Dragons characters 64 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:11,640 we'd all be. Yeah, of course. Am I an elf warlock? Well, yeah. 65 00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:15,520 And is Dad something stupid like a druid? Yeah, orc druid. 66 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,400 Oh, you're such a sad little dork. 67 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,680 So lucky that I found you and took you in. 68 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,320 Cast a druid spell, you mean, 69 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:25,040 so Mum wouldn't be put off by your ugliness. A charm of unvomiting. 70 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:27,320 Well, she's definitely not intelligence, three. 71 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:29,320 I mean, yeah, she's never going to win The Chase, 72 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:33,040 but her cognition is way beyond her communication. Really? 73 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,880 Yeah, you saw when she was pointing. It's not that she hated swimming, 74 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:38,880 it's that she just wanted to go somewhere else. So we're all idiots. 75 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,680 Yeah, I just think we need to find better ways of problem solving 76 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,560 to find out what Rosie wants. What Rosie wants. 77 00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:48,000 I think most psychologists would go for Mini Cheddars. 78 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,600 No, don't kick it. 79 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:52,360 Come on, come on. Head through. 80 00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:56,520 And the noise he makes when he's eating at his desk. 81 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,720 How do you slurp a dry biscuit? 82 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:01,640 It sounds like he's going down on a Hobnob. 83 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:06,040 Oh! And that scent he wears. Honestly, it's like Lynx Estonia. 84 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:09,000 I'm worried the plants in the office might die. Mm. 85 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,960 Genuinely, he uses so much, I think he might have buried a body 86 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,000 and needs to mask the smell. 87 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,880 I need you to come back soon, mate. 88 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:23,640 Any ideas how much more maternity leave you're taking? Ohh. 89 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,200 I don't know, I don't know. 90 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:29,080 I don't know if I CAN come back. 91 00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:52,440 SHE SIGHS HEAVILY 92 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:11,400 What a clever boy. 93 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:12,720 RINGING TONE 94 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:14,800 I'll come and play with you in a minute. 95 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:16,520 Hi, hon. 96 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,040 Why haven't you been answering? 97 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,160 Rubbish reception, sorry. What was it? 98 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:22,200 The health visitor wants to come on Thursday. 99 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:25,360 It's print day Friday, we're really up against it. 100 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:26,840 What if it's first thing? 101 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:29,440 I'm not good at those sort of meetings, some po-faced 102 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:32,200 do-gooder going through the recycling bin, counting bottles. 103 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,120 She wants to come check on Rosie. 104 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,720 I don't think I'm free. 105 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:39,720 Well, can you come to the hospital appointment on the 22nd? 106 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,080 What was that one? 107 00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:43,800 It's the geneticist. 108 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:47,320 You have to be there because they need a DNA sample from all of us. 109 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:50,560 Well, in that case, I'll just need a cubicle and a Wi-Fi password. 110 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:53,200 It's a blood sample. It was a joke. 111 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,400 I could see if I can move some stuff around. 112 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,040 It's for Rosie. Just do it. 113 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,520 OK. Bye. Bye-bye. 114 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:11,680 HE SIGHS 115 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:13,680 You know those solicitors that phone you up asking 116 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:15,760 if you've had an accident that wasn't your fault? 117 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:17,840 Do you think Rosie counts? 118 00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:19,840 I could get some money. 119 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:23,480 They could put a health and safety warning sign up by Emily's vagina. 120 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:24,840 All fun back at the ranch? 121 00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:26,840 Och, you know. 122 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:28,760 It's like two co-workers who don't get on 123 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:31,480 running a nursery Ofsted rate as poor. 124 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:35,880 Co-workers? And you do...what? 125 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:37,760 Well, yeah, she does most of the work, 126 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:40,320 but I'm more a mood merchant. You're head of vibes. 127 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:45,360 No. It's just all so fucking serious all the time! 128 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,400 I think parenting is supposed to be. 129 00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:51,480 What about...going away? 130 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:54,200 Like a country-hotel dirty weekend? 131 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:56,680 I'm flattered, Hels, but I don't think it would feel right 132 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:58,360 between us. You're Ben's godmother. 133 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:00,520 Hilarious misunderstanding, Si! 134 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:01,880 Hang on. 135 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,880 Why aren't I Rosie's godmother? 136 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:05,560 God had nothing to do with that. 137 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:10,040 Seriously, take Emily away somewhere. 138 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:12,520 If you're going to sit in tetchy silence, 139 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:16,680 you might as well do it somewhere with a nice bar. 140 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:19,080 Speaking of which, I had an insane date on Tuesday. 141 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,520 Guess where he suggested we meet. 142 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:22,960 A million guesses. 143 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,320 HMS Belfast! 144 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:26,600 Genuinely. 145 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,160 So we met at 6.30... 146 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,720 If we went away, she'd insist on bringing the kids. 147 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:34,080 Sorry, Si. 148 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:36,200 Forgot we're only allowed to talk about you. 149 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,400 ROSIE MOANING 150 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,400 All right, OK. We've stopped swimming now, Rosie. 151 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,200 We've stopped going swimming. 152 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:46,440 What did you WANT to do? What did you want to do, darling? 153 00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:49,000 Did you want to go swimming or to the park? 154 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,080 Did you want to go swimming or to the park? 155 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,160 Good girl! Good girl. 156 00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:01,880 Rosie, would you rather go to the park or eat a bucket of sick? 157 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:11,400 Rosie, who do you love more - Daddy or the Poo-Poo Monster? 158 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,080 She may have actually understood that one. 159 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,600 There must be a way of finding out what Rosie wants to do. 160 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:20,760 At school, they've got a board with pictures, 161 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:24,600 like the playground and the gym, sensory room. 162 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,440 Maybe we could do that. Maybe we could, you know, 163 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:29,240 find pictures of the swimming pool, 164 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:33,200 the library, the snakes' playground, the paddling pool, 165 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,000 Forest of Tees. 166 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,880 Why don't I go and take those pictures now? 167 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,440 I can use my new phone. 168 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:42,560 Yeah, then I can take the kids back and give them lunch! 169 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,720 Well, you know I can't drive, I'm being helpful. 170 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,840 Yeah, no. I can see that. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. 171 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,600 See you later, kids. 172 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:05,320 Si, I think we can just print them out and staple them in a booklet. 173 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,920 I don't think we're going to exhibit them anywhere. 174 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,200 SHUTTER CLICKS 175 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:17,400 Didn't realise there was homework. 176 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:18,560 What? 177 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:25,160 Whatever the doctor is about to tell me 178 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:27,840 will only make me love you even more. 179 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:37,240 Hello. I'm Dr Pritchard, one of the genetics doctors here. 180 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,160 Hello. Emily. So you're like Professor Xavier? 181 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,000 From The X-Men. 182 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,800 Please take a seat. 183 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,600 And... 184 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:50,640 ..let's have a look at...Rosie, is it? 185 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:56,880 Rosie, if we went out again later, where would you want to go? 186 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,600 What does Rosie want? 187 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:03,120 COMPUTER VOICE: I want... 188 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,080 One. 189 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:20,400 Two. 190 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:22,800 Man. 191 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,480 One, two, man. 192 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,680 One, two, man. 193 00:10:26,680 --> 00:10:29,960 One, two, man? What does that mean, Rosie? 194 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,880 One, two, man. 195 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,720 Come on. Eat your fish finger, hon. 196 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,760 It's full of Omega juice, it's good for the brain. 197 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:40,800 ROSIE WHINES 198 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:44,000 One, two, man. Is that songs? 199 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,280 # One, two, three, four, five 200 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,400 # Once I caught a fish alive... # 201 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:53,560 Oh, you can't just eat chips, Rosie. 202 00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:56,080 Is "one, two, man" a different song? 203 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,200 Is it the rollover song? 204 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,320 # There were ten in the bed and the little one said 205 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,640 # "Roll over, roll over!" 206 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,600 # So, they all rolled over and one fell out... # 207 00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,120 ROSIE WHINES 208 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:09,840 # There were nine in the bed and the... 209 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,240 Mum, I really don't think 210 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,320 it's the one about people falling out the bed. 211 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:14,840 Yeah, but YOU love that song, right? 212 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,200 I mean, I'm partially singing it for you. 213 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,240 PHONE ALERT 214 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,560 Hi. All OK? 215 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:42,640 Yeah, she keeps writing, "One, two, man" on the AAC. 216 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:46,080 Has she done that with you? Er... No, what does that mean? 217 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,200 I don't know. I thought it was maybe songs - 218 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,080 One, Two, Buckle My Shoe - but she doesn't seem terribly bothered. 219 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,560 "One, two, man." Maybe it IS songs. 220 00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:56,200 Maybe she wants that guy that runs the group at the library. 221 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,920 The one that will sell his soul to be on kids' telly. Yes! 222 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:00,680 That makes sense. 223 00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:02,280 Ah! Not just a pretty face. 224 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:05,960 I'm not saying I can read minds, but I think I can read hearts. 225 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:09,280 All right, Deanna - as in Troi, not Princess of Hearts. 226 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:11,760 Where are you? Just in the Forest of Tees. 227 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,440 May as well get some more of these pictures. I'm on a roll. 228 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,400 All right, then. See you in a bit. 229 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:17,720 OK. Bye. Bye-bye. 230 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:20,960 Ben... 231 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,720 See if you can get the library up on Street View. 232 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,280 ROSIE LAUGHS 233 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,440 It's Grandad Gandalf. Is he One, Two Man? 234 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,280 Oh, right. Um... 235 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,480 Find Albert Street Library. 236 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:41,960 Is it the library? 237 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:45,360 Mm. OK. 238 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:48,440 Put in Mark Cross - Sing-along Song Time. 239 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:52,080 That's him. 240 00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:54,960 ROSIE MOANS 241 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,240 Fair enough. No, I suppose Daddy was wrong. 242 00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:59,400 Have a look at her search history. 243 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:00,880 Let's have a look. 244 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:04,880 Oh, my God! 245 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:06,880 Maybe we shouldn't let her go on the iPad so much. 246 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:10,000 I get an hour a day! Well, you've got homework. 247 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,000 I think Rosie could do with it more than me. I know, sweetie. 248 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,080 I know life is hard. 249 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,600 Gosh! How does she find all this? 250 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:21,360 What's the most recent stuff she's been watching? 251 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,360 Alphabet songs. Mm. Anything else? 252 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,680 Hippo doing a poo. Mm. 253 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,160 Videos of sweetcorn. 254 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,040 More letter songs. 255 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:32,360 People at the gym. 256 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,080 Russian newsreaders. 257 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,240 More videos of sweetcorn. 258 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:41,200 Peppa Pig blog. SHE SIGHS 259 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:44,040 Anything with numbers? Yeah, number songs. 260 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,480 OK. Is it this? 261 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:47,960 Is it a number song? 262 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,200 ROSIE MOANS 263 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,040 Hm. 264 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:54,400 So, she's in the ninth percentile for weight and the second percentile 265 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,200 for height, but all her head measurements 266 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,200 are below the second percentile. 267 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,240 Yes. I think I can agree there's pronounced microcephaly. 268 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:05,480 I think there are potential indications 269 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,600 of dysmorphia. 270 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,200 Does she have circulatory issues? 271 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,840 Yeah, she gets cold peripheries. 272 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:14,360 OK. Thank you, Rosie. 273 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:18,920 So, the next step will be to find the cause of the microcephaly. 274 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:23,640 Now, it's standard to get the parents to complete a questionnaire. 275 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:26,360 The questions are routine - were there any infections 276 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:29,720 during the pregnancy? Any alcohol misuse? 277 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:31,200 Is that me or her? 278 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,760 We'd be more concerned with your wife, in that case. 279 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:37,000 We'll also do an MRI scan of your daughter's brain. 280 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:40,440 Is that to check to see if there are any structural abnormalities? 281 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:45,680 Yes. There can be rare causes, such as prenatal stroke, 282 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,440 that we need to rule out. 283 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:50,240 However, a genetic cause is more likely. 284 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:53,920 Now, there are no genetically inherited conditions 285 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,440 in your history, so... 286 00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:59,760 ..a random event, such as micro-deletion 287 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:02,840 or micro-duplication is more likely. 288 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,680 There may be a part of a chromosome missing, 289 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:08,840 or one with an extra bit of material, 290 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:10,680 or something out of sequence. 291 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:12,280 So, SHE might be an X-Man. 292 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,480 I don't think she's got any superpowers, though. 293 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,880 Unless you count really massive bowel movements. 294 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:19,600 Does she have unusual bowel movements? 295 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:22,120 No, I was just ki... I'm joking. 296 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:24,560 Sorry. 297 00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:25,720 Um... 298 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:29,160 So, what would this genetic testing involve? 299 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:31,560 Let me just get some consent forms. 300 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,760 Don't apologise for me. 301 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,000 I'm trying to concentrate on what he's saying. 302 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:42,640 Now, what I would say is, there are literally billions 303 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:45,200 of potential genetic complications. 304 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:49,160 It's unlikely that these tests will provide any quick, 305 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:50,480 easy answers. 306 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:53,280 Now, our greatest diagnostic tool 307 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:56,960 when it comes to developmental delay is time. 308 00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:02,160 Your daughter may just be slow or may have an abnormal condition. 309 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:07,600 If she consistently fails to meet milestones over a period of time, 310 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,720 then we might start getting excited. 311 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:12,520 Sorry... 312 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,440 Did you just say excited? 313 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:18,600 OK. Well, these are the forms. I'll need your signatures. 314 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,000 Hello. 315 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,480 Hiya. 316 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:02,720 Erm... 317 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:04,840 My daughter's mentally disabled. 318 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,320 Oh, no, she's not here. She's at home. 319 00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:10,320 So, why are you taking pictures of these children? 320 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,680 I'm not. I mean... 321 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:14,160 I am, but... 322 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:17,360 It's because I need a picture of a paddling pool. 323 00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:19,160 I'm making a book, erm... 324 00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,400 I can pixelate their faces. Which ones are yours? 325 00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:26,720 Do you want me to delete them? 326 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,920 I don't look creepy, do I? 327 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,640 God, I can't believe I'm married to you. 328 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,960 Come on, this is hardly the face of a sex monster. 329 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,880 Oh, I think having an iPhone full of pictures of graves and semi-naked 330 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,120 children doesn't help. 331 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:53,880 They are tasteful. 332 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,920 Inconceivable, anyone could think that of me. 333 00:17:57,920 --> 00:17:59,080 Of any parent. 334 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:01,320 I mean, once you have them in bed and asleep, 335 00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:03,560 the last thing anyone wants to do is wake them up. 336 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:04,800 Hmm. 337 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:09,880 Do you want to sign up for this 100,000 Genome Project? 338 00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:11,280 What is it? 339 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:14,440 It's the new national programme for rare genetic conditions. 340 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,040 I mean, all we can hope for from the doctors, 341 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,920 really, is that they keep testing and testing and testing and then, 342 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,960 maybe one day, they'll be able to say for certain 343 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:24,680 that it's all your fault. 344 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:27,000 Mmm. Yes. 345 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,920 And it's so... so not my fault. 346 00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:33,400 Well... I feel bad. But it really isn't. 347 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,720 It's far more likely that it's one of your, 348 00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:38,440 you know, little, weedy little... I know. 349 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,960 ..crappy little sperms that somehow just, 350 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:45,440 you know, through sheer effort, somehow managed to win the race. 351 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,440 They were a bit like the underdog, a bit like the underdog of sperm, 352 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:49,840 like the Leicester City of sperm. 353 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:56,680 It would be good to get some answers, though, wouldn't it? 354 00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:58,600 Sure. 355 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,560 Yeah? I'll make an appointment? 356 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,200 I mean, all the... 357 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:05,920 The recent tests, you know, the Rubinstein-Taybi, 358 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,600 Angelman, are just guesswork. 359 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:13,040 What they need to do is kind of work out what lack of chromosome means 360 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:16,760 you're obsessed with videos of women on treadmills, 361 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:20,640 Croatian clips on how pasta is made and... 362 00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,000 ..songs about X-rays. 363 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,800 Hmm. 364 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:27,160 One, two, man. 365 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,720 She just, she keeps typing it. 366 00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,080 It's not the library. 367 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,520 OK. Are you going to obsess about this all night? 368 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,280 Yeah, probably. Yeah. 369 00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:39,920 Do you think it's the snakes' playground? 370 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,920 The snakes have got numbers on them, look. 371 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,400 Look. 372 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:49,200 Why "man"? Don't know. Maybe because there's no button for snake. 373 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,240 Do you think that's it? 374 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,440 Will it mean I can listen to the match analysis? 375 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:55,000 Yeah, could be the snakes' playground. 376 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,640 Yeah, could be, couldn't it? 377 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:58,560 You're such an adorable dork. 378 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:10,760 "Excited"? What does he mean, excited? 379 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,840 What, he's going to sell her to a Victorian freak show? 380 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,640 Like she's his Elephant Man? 381 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:16,960 No, he's just a geneticist. 382 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,600 He thinks he's going to get a syndrome named after him. 383 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,200 Well, I think there's probably already a Prichard's syndrome. 384 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,440 Well, boo-hoo, he's going to have to have Prichard II syndrome, 385 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:28,000 like when you're too late to get an e-mail account. 386 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,200 She's not some specimen to be probed and prodded. 387 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:34,040 She's our daughter. Seriously, does it, does it even matter what she's got? Well, yes. 388 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:35,920 She's just our Rosie, that's all. 389 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,320 Her condition might be linked to other problems, 390 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,000 cardiac, renal, neurological. 391 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,600 So we'll deal with it if it happens. 392 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,720 As long as we love her. 393 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:46,720 Don't need some dork trying to solve her like a sudoku. 394 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,560 Well, I do! 395 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,080 You know, all the touchy-feely bullshit, that's brilliant, 396 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,600 but if there's some little Rain Man somewhere who wants 397 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,600 to spend his time shifting through Rosie's DNA to get his 398 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,480 eureka moment, then, great. 399 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,080 So you're fine with him getting excited? 400 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:04,520 Yes, I am. 401 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:06,680 I am fine with it because I want to get excited. 402 00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:08,920 I want him to solve it because I want to solve it. 403 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:10,920 Uh-hm. 404 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:12,600 So is that all this is about, 405 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:15,000 all these tables and graphs and lists? 406 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:18,520 Because it looks like you're revising for an exam. It's what I do. 407 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:22,000 I find answers, and right now, I don't even know what the fucking 408 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,440 questions are. 409 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:26,520 So is that all Rosie is to you, just a problem to solve? 410 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:30,480 No, I just want to know that one day, there will be something 411 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:32,360 that I CAN solve. 412 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:39,760 Well, I can't deal with this. 413 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:41,600 I just... 414 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,280 ..can't deal with it. 415 00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:52,720 ROSIE WAILS You all right, Rosie? 416 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,280 Mmm. 417 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,080 TV PLAYS 418 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,880 Do you want to go out? 419 00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,920 Uhh. What? 420 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,000 Daddy's just watching this. Mum and Ben will be home in a bit. 421 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:05,560 We'll go out then, OK? 422 00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:11,880 Ugh. 423 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:13,880 No, Rosie! 424 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:17,080 Naughty Rosie! Ugh! What's one of the rules? 425 00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:20,160 Never hurt the telly. Telly's our friend. 426 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:21,800 The telly is like a parent. 427 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,960 You do not throw shoes at the telly. 428 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,080 SHE GRUNTS 429 00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:33,720 Ahh! All right, all right, all right. All right, we'll go out. 430 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,960 Come on. Where do you want to go? 431 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:39,640 Is it one, two, man? 432 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,680 Is it the snakes' playground? 433 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:45,360 Hm? Shall we try the snakes' playground? 434 00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:48,040 One, two, three. Mmm. 435 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,640 One, two, three. Ugh. 436 00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:52,680 Yeah? Mmm. 437 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:55,520 I've literally no idea what you want, Honey Bunny. 438 00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:57,360 No biting, no, no, no, come on. Ugh! 439 00:22:57,360 --> 00:22:58,720 No. 440 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,600 Hey. Hi, mate. 441 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:03,680 Hey. 442 00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:06,880 All right, you just stay there till you figure out what you want. 443 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,760 Muggins again, looking after the munchkins. 444 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:15,840 Yeah, Emily's dragged Ben out shopping for school shoes. 445 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:20,200 I just packed Claire off for a spa day. Right. 446 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:23,920 Yeah. Yeah, just grabbing some fresh air before the match starts. 447 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,640 Oh, right, yeah. 448 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,480 You know, I hear they're going to drop Farrell, bring George Ford in. 449 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,600 They've got to sort out that scrum-half situation 450 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,800 before the Tri-Nations, it's ridiculous. 451 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,440 Oh, right, no, I was talking about Liverpool v West Brom, 452 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:36,800 the 12.30 kick-off, the... 453 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,680 Oh, soccer! Yeah. 454 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,280 It's just, I'm more of an oval-ball man myself. 455 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:43,680 Right. 456 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:47,040 Yeah. 457 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:51,600 Right, I'd... 458 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:54,600 ..better make sure she's not getting up to even more mischief. Yeah. 459 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:57,400 See you later. Yeah. Yeah. 460 00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,040 Oh, oh, it's all right. 461 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,200 No, it's all right. 462 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:04,320 I'll take her. This your daddy, yeah? 463 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:07,160 Yeah, I'm her dad. She can't talk. 464 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,760 Erm... Seriously, I'm her, I'm her dad. 465 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:11,720 I'm not a child snatcher. If I was, 466 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:14,160 I wouldn't start with her. She's a nightmare. 467 00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:17,200 Ugh. It's all right, it's just a stupid joke. 468 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:20,200 Rosie, hi, are you OK? Have you hurt yourself? 469 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,440 Yeah, she's just had a little bump. 470 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:24,440 Sorry, I just didn't know. 471 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:26,920 No, no, no, no, it's fine. Best to check. It's just, she's mentally 472 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,120 disabled, so... I mean, mentally handicapped. 473 00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:30,840 Learning-handicapped. 474 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:33,400 Which one is it? Learning-disabled. 475 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,840 Oh, oh. 476 00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:40,800 DOOR OPENS 477 00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:45,320 You stink of fags. How's it going, Buffy? 478 00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:46,560 What? 479 00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:48,760 Buffy The Vampire Slayer. 480 00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:51,360 You know, with the weight of the world on your shoulders, 481 00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:55,240 apparently. Yeah, well, that's how it seems. 482 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:58,240 It's a joke, Em. I just tried a little joke. 483 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,080 Whatever. 484 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,800 Oh, lighten up, just... 485 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:04,440 ..lighten up! 486 00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:12,360 Let's go away. 487 00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:14,680 Country hotel or something. 488 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:17,440 A couple of days, just us. I can't. You know I can't. 489 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:19,440 I have to look after Rosie. What about your mum? 490 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,960 A couple of days. A couple of days? 491 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:26,400 You have no idea what it takes to deal with her. 492 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,600 I deal with her. You don't. 493 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:31,720 You CAN'T deal with her. I can deal with Rosie. 494 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:33,200 I can't fucking deal with you. 495 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,240 Can you not swear in front of my children? 496 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:37,280 Your children? Oh, they're YOUR children now. 497 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,360 Yeah. Yeah, I deal with them. 498 00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:42,000 They're MY children. 499 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,760 What I can't deal with, I can't deal with all the data 500 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:47,840 and the lists. 501 00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:50,040 Oh, Jesus Christ, these lists. 502 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,880 You are so fucking boring, Emily. 503 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:56,080 Yeah, yeah, I'm really boring. I'm really boring. Yeah. 504 00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,560 I hate being boring, but, you know... 505 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:02,280 I have to do the boring stuff, Si, because you don't. 506 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:04,520 Oh, yeah, I'm useless. Fine, fine. 507 00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,440 If I'm, if I'm so useless, why don't you leave? 508 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:07,640 Oh, I will. 509 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,640 No, I WILL, Si, 510 00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:13,280 just not top of my list. 511 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:18,480 It's ON my list, though. 512 00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:25,280 Seriously, do I look dodgy? 513 00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:28,600 Do I need to start carrying around a CRB certificate? 514 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,560 Wear it on my arm, like bouncers do? 515 00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:33,400 Oh, darling. 516 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,920 Yeah, if the dark vigilantes of justice come to the door, 517 00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:39,400 we'll protect you, won't we? I won't. Help, help! 518 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:41,600 He's keeping us prisoner! I want my real dad! 519 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:44,200 You shut up or I'll send you out shoe shopping again. 520 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:47,280 Don't even joke about that. One, two, man. 521 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:50,200 Well, one, two, man hasn't got anything to do with the snakes' 522 00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:52,800 playground, so you got that wrong. 523 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:54,640 One, two, man. 524 00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:57,400 One, two, man. 525 00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:59,600 I don't think that it's one, two, man. 526 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,240 I think... 527 00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:04,640 The T goes with the one, and the woo goes with the man. 528 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:08,000 So it's like, "want woman, want woman". 529 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:09,600 Rosie, do you want woman? 530 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:10,840 ROSIE COOS 531 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:15,400 So, like, want woman? Woman. 532 00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,800 Want woman. Want woman? 533 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:22,440 So... Oh, Rosie, do you want woman on the treadmill? 534 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:24,400 Eeee... 535 00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:27,600 That's like proper cognitive thinking! 536 00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:31,680 How did she get to that? You solved the problem, you clever, clever boy. 537 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,360 Want woman. Rosie, you clever girl! 538 00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:37,360 You clever, clever, clever girl! Aren't you? 539 00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,400 She's mentally disabled! 540 00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,440 Oh, I mean learning-disabled! 541 00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:01,120 She has a thing about watching women on treadmills! 542 00:28:01,120 --> 00:28:04,360 She's loads of videos of them on her iPad. 543 00:28:04,360 --> 00:28:09,080 MUSIC: Between The Devil And The Deep Blue Sea by George Harrison 544 00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:12,160 # I don't want you 545 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:16,200 # But I hate to lose you 546 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:19,600 # You got me in-between 547 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,360 # The devil and the deep blue sea 548 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:27,240 # I should hate you 549 00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:31,200 # But I guess I love you 550 00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:35,040 # You got me in-between 551 00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:38,520 # The devil and the deep blue sea 552 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,520 # You got me in-between 553 00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:48,600 # The devil and the deep blue sea. # 42083

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