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1
00:00:02,688 --> 00:00:04,351
Hola, gringas.
2
00:00:04,342 --> 00:00:05,712
The bitch is back.
3
00:00:05,705 --> 00:00:08,383
I have returned from my journey
of self re-discovery
4
00:00:08,368 --> 00:00:10,088
in the Lone Star state.
5
00:00:10,079 --> 00:00:11,287
And you know what?
6
00:00:11,281 --> 00:00:12,450
I think I'm gonna
start saying "y'all."
7
00:00:12,444 --> 00:00:14,313
And I'll definitely be spitting.
8
00:00:14,303 --> 00:00:16,332
- Join the club.
- Oh, before I forget...
9
00:00:16,321 --> 00:00:19,300
I got you guys all
authentically Texas gifts.
10
00:00:19,284 --> 00:00:20,283
[cheering]
11
00:00:20,278 --> 00:00:21,769
- Beverly, neck pillow.
- Ooh.
12
00:00:21,761 --> 00:00:23,418
Oh, my God.
13
00:00:23,410 --> 00:00:26,269
Jeremy, a real Texas treat...
"The Lovely Bones."
14
00:00:26,253 --> 00:00:28,282
I do suspect that you bought
all these gifts
15
00:00:28,271 --> 00:00:29,601
at the Austin airport.
16
00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:30,382
That's not true.
17
00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:32,267
I got some of them
on the airplane.
18
00:00:32,257 --> 00:00:34,156
- For you, my friend.
- "Takeoff" magazine?
19
00:00:34,146 --> 00:00:36,175
Harry Connick Jr.'s New Orleans?
20
00:00:36,164 --> 00:00:37,333
Look at this.
[hums]
21
00:00:37,327 --> 00:00:39,376
I already did the crossword
puzzle, so don't try to.
22
00:00:39,365 --> 00:00:42,701
- Okay.
- Hey, um, is Jody here?
23
00:00:42,683 --> 00:00:43,909
Courtney made brownies,
everybody!
24
00:00:43,903 --> 00:00:44,734
Oh!
25
00:00:44,730 --> 00:00:46,557
Dig in.
26
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,256
Courtney.
Who Courtney?
27
00:00:48,247 --> 00:00:49,602
Dr. K's new girlfriend.
28
00:00:49,595 --> 00:00:52,408
Finally, a couple
we can all root for.
29
00:00:52,392 --> 00:00:54,606
You have a girlfriend?
30
00:00:54,594 --> 00:00:55,807
I've only been gone a week.
31
00:00:55,801 --> 00:00:57,938
Usually, you move so slow.
32
00:00:57,927 --> 00:01:00,736
When you tell a story, I have to
take, like, five pee breaks.
33
00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:02,742
Oh, my God, Dr. K,
tell how you two met.
34
00:01:02,731 --> 00:01:05,016
I love it, and not just
'cause I'm up for a raise.
35
00:01:05,004 --> 00:01:06,023
I was at the gym.
36
00:01:06,018 --> 00:01:07,558
I had just gotten off
the treadmill,
37
00:01:07,550 --> 00:01:09,765
and she said,
"Are you done using that?"
38
00:01:09,753 --> 00:01:11,308
And I said, "Yes."
39
00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:13,146
Well, let's just say, uh,
she never got on that treadmill.
40
00:01:13,136 --> 00:01:15,831
- [laughter]
- Oh!
41
00:01:15,816 --> 00:01:17,989
Why can't something like
that happen to me at ballet barre?
42
00:01:17,977 --> 00:01:19,330
That's it?
That's the whole story?
43
00:01:19,323 --> 00:01:21,800
It's nice having an adult
relationship for a change.
44
00:01:21,787 --> 00:01:23,291
Why, on Sunday morning,
we actually went out
45
00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:24,875
for a breakfast lunch.
46
00:01:24,867 --> 00:01:25,986
I had eggs, she had a burger.
47
00:01:25,980 --> 00:01:27,849
The same meal...
can you imagine?
48
00:01:27,839 --> 00:01:29,948
Well, you seem really happy.
Good for you.
49
00:01:29,937 --> 00:01:31,168
Thank you, Mindy.
50
00:01:31,161 --> 00:01:32,457
Hey, what's that?
51
00:01:32,451 --> 00:01:34,072
Oh, nothing.
52
00:01:34,063 --> 00:01:36,242
Dr. L, Princeton student
affairs called for you,
53
00:01:36,231 --> 00:01:37,257
they need you to call them back.
54
00:01:37,252 --> 00:01:39,194
Oh, no.
I know what this is about.
55
00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:41,821
They figured out that I was
the streaker at reunion.
56
00:01:41,807 --> 00:01:43,776
I'm toast, Tamra.
I'm toast!
57
00:01:43,765 --> 00:01:46,160
[hip-hop music]
58
00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:48,351
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
59
00:01:51,106 --> 00:01:53,659
Guys, I have some huge news.
60
00:01:53,645 --> 00:01:55,766
I just got off the phone
with Princeton University,
61
00:01:55,754 --> 00:01:56,793
my alma mater...
62
00:01:56,788 --> 00:01:59,321
All right, braggy,
we get it, you have a phone.
63
00:01:59,307 --> 00:02:01,276
And they have invited us
to do a "Later, Baby"
64
00:02:01,266 --> 00:02:03,015
presentation on campus.
65
00:02:03,005 --> 00:02:05,650
Oh, our first Ivy.
Hot damn.
66
00:02:05,636 --> 00:02:07,416
They are the perfect demo
for the egg freezing.
67
00:02:07,406 --> 00:02:09,784
Smart, careerist girls
who consider science
68
00:02:09,771 --> 00:02:11,405
their boyfriend.
69
00:02:11,397 --> 00:02:12,611
So this Saturday,
the three of us
70
00:02:12,605 --> 00:02:14,854
are making my triumphant
return to Princeton.
71
00:02:14,842 --> 00:02:17,781
Oh, did you say this Saturday?
72
00:02:17,764 --> 00:02:19,767
If that's the case, I can't go.
73
00:02:19,757 --> 00:02:20,672
What? You can't come?
74
00:02:20,667 --> 00:02:22,596
How many derbies are there,
for God's sake?
75
00:02:22,586 --> 00:02:23,665
No, it's not that.
76
00:02:23,659 --> 00:02:25,628
Courtney made an appointment
with an allergist
77
00:02:25,618 --> 00:02:27,607
in central New York,
and we were gonna
78
00:02:27,596 --> 00:02:28,655
make a weekend of it, you know.
79
00:02:28,650 --> 00:02:29,669
Hey, man, you have to come.
80
00:02:29,664 --> 00:02:31,533
We're gonna get
more patients from this
81
00:02:31,523 --> 00:02:33,452
than that time that we did
that radio jingle.
82
00:02:33,442 --> 00:02:34,857
You know, where you
were playing the frozen egg?
83
00:02:34,849 --> 00:02:36,562
- "I'm chill, baby."
- Ugh.
84
00:02:36,553 --> 00:02:38,652
This is gonna be our first
weekend getaway.
85
00:02:38,641 --> 00:02:41,666
I've been practicing ukulele
for the rowboat ride.
86
00:02:41,649 --> 00:02:43,502
Hey, man, we all have to
break plans sometimes.
87
00:02:43,492 --> 00:02:44,631
You know, when I went
to your school,
88
00:02:44,626 --> 00:02:47,375
it actually sped up the demise
of my relationship
89
00:02:47,359 --> 00:02:48,837
with the father of my son, so...
90
00:02:48,830 --> 00:02:50,480
Exactly, I wouldn't want
something like that
91
00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:51,470
to happen again.
92
00:02:51,465 --> 00:02:53,239
- So, I'm sorry.
- What?
93
00:02:53,230 --> 00:02:54,894
- Are you...?
- Actually, I can't go, either.
94
00:02:54,885 --> 00:02:56,293
Because I'm gonna meet
my biological father...
95
00:02:56,286 --> 00:02:57,596
You have to come.
96
00:02:57,589 --> 00:02:59,348
I'm in.
97
00:02:59,339 --> 00:03:01,288
I cannot believe Jody.
98
00:03:01,277 --> 00:03:02,753
Just because you get
a girlfriend,
99
00:03:02,746 --> 00:03:04,368
doesn't mean that you
completely bail on all your
100
00:03:04,359 --> 00:03:05,818
professional responsibilities.
101
00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,085
No, you don't.
102
00:03:07,078 --> 00:03:09,312
You know, when I dated Tamra,
I didn't skip out on work.
103
00:03:09,300 --> 00:03:10,299
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
104
00:03:10,294 --> 00:03:11,433
We would have sex in the office.
105
00:03:11,427 --> 00:03:12,670
The kitchen.
106
00:03:12,664 --> 00:03:14,486
- Your office.
- What?
107
00:03:14,476 --> 00:03:17,283
Uh, Jody's... that's
inappropriate, Jody.
108
00:03:17,268 --> 00:03:19,322
And you know what? I don't even think
Jody knows what he wants.
109
00:03:19,311 --> 00:03:21,061
- Mm-mm.
- Can I tell you a secret?
110
00:03:21,052 --> 00:03:21,839
Yeah.
111
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,395
Before I went to Texas...
112
00:03:23,387 --> 00:03:25,988
Jody and I had a weird
moment on my couch.
113
00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:27,350
- Hmm.
- I think I have to show you.
114
00:03:27,343 --> 00:03:28,592
- Okay.
- Okay, come sit here.
115
00:03:28,586 --> 00:03:31,087
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
116
00:03:31,073 --> 00:03:32,350
All right.
117
00:03:32,344 --> 00:03:36,183
You be me, and I'm Jody.
118
00:03:36,161 --> 00:03:38,310
- I fell asleep.
- Oh.
119
00:03:38,299 --> 00:03:39,308
[snores]
120
00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:40,332
Exactly.
121
00:03:40,327 --> 00:03:42,336
Then Jody took a blanket
and he laid it on me.
122
00:03:42,325 --> 00:03:44,224
Mm, I don't know
why this is weird.
123
00:03:44,214 --> 00:03:46,293
- This is just, like, nice.
- Okay, but then he did this.
124
00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:54,227
[gasps]
125
00:03:54,211 --> 00:03:55,377
Do you think it meant anything?
126
00:03:55,371 --> 00:03:56,197
[gasps]
127
00:03:56,193 --> 00:03:58,172
I mean, isn't that really
emotional and weird?
128
00:03:58,161 --> 00:04:00,339
Nope.
No, it doesn't mean anything.
129
00:04:00,328 --> 00:04:02,448
I don't know,
it felt kind of romantic.
130
00:04:02,436 --> 00:04:03,420
It's not romantic.
131
00:04:03,415 --> 00:04:04,320
There's nothing
romantic about it.
132
00:04:04,316 --> 00:04:06,599
God, you're such a narcissist.
Don't even worry about it.
133
00:04:06,587 --> 00:04:07,901
- [whimpers]
- Okay, can we just...
134
00:04:07,894 --> 00:04:09,595
No, stop it, don't touch it!
Don't touch it.
135
00:04:09,586 --> 00:04:10,903
- I have to go to the bathroom.
- What?
136
00:04:10,896 --> 00:04:12,895
And I might need
to borrow some pants.
137
00:04:12,884 --> 00:04:13,953
- Can I have my blanket back?
- No!
138
00:04:13,948 --> 00:04:14,967
It's my blanket now.
139
00:04:14,962 --> 00:04:16,121
So you don't think
it meant anything?
140
00:04:16,115 --> 00:04:17,974
Nope!
141
00:04:19,913 --> 00:04:22,407
Mindy, I wanted to talk to you
about this weekend.
142
00:04:22,393 --> 00:04:23,606
Whatever.
143
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:25,688
Go have a fun bang-cation
with Courtney.
144
00:04:25,677 --> 00:04:27,265
I'm excited to present alone,
because this way,
145
00:04:27,257 --> 00:04:29,009
you can't stop me from
doing my parody song,
146
00:04:28,999 --> 00:04:30,768
"Ain't too Proud to Egg."
147
00:04:30,759 --> 00:04:32,307
Actually, Courtney
and I were discussing it
148
00:04:32,299 --> 00:04:34,025
last night, post-coitally...
149
00:04:34,016 --> 00:04:34,909
Why add that?
150
00:04:34,904 --> 00:04:37,137
And she thinks it would be
best if I go to Princeton.
151
00:04:37,125 --> 00:04:38,780
Oh, my God, that's so great.
152
00:04:38,772 --> 00:04:39,781
Tell Courtney thank you.
153
00:04:39,776 --> 00:04:40,835
Well, tell her yourself.
154
00:04:40,829 --> 00:04:42,728
She's postponed
her allergy appointment
155
00:04:42,718 --> 00:04:44,687
and she's coming with us.
156
00:04:44,677 --> 00:04:46,332
Oh.
She is?
157
00:04:46,323 --> 00:04:47,910
I'm so excited
for you two to meet.
158
00:04:47,902 --> 00:04:49,739
You have so much in common.
You're both women.
159
00:04:49,729 --> 00:04:52,103
You can talk about dresses
and matinee idols
160
00:04:52,090 --> 00:04:53,218
and sewing.
161
00:04:53,212 --> 00:04:54,645
Okay, sure, yeah.
162
00:04:54,638 --> 00:04:56,138
I'm just happy
that you're coming.
163
00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:57,618
I've never been to New Jersey.
164
00:04:57,610 --> 00:04:59,679
It'll bring me one step closer
to visiting all 50 states.
165
00:04:59,668 --> 00:05:01,577
And having sex in all of them.
166
00:05:04,366 --> 00:05:05,649
Let's put on some tunes.
167
00:05:05,643 --> 00:05:07,187
Oh, is there a Weird Al station?
168
00:05:07,179 --> 00:05:08,533
No, no, please don't
touch the radio.
169
00:05:08,526 --> 00:05:10,494
It's a voice-activated,
and it's very nice.
170
00:05:10,483 --> 00:05:12,111
Don't touch anything!
Please.
171
00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:13,674
If you could just hover above
your seat, that would be best.
172
00:05:13,665 --> 00:05:15,604
I put down butcher paper
like you asked me to!
173
00:05:15,594 --> 00:05:16,763
- [sneezes]
- Oh, my God!
174
00:05:16,757 --> 00:05:18,756
- What was that?
- Oh, it's her sneeze.
175
00:05:18,745 --> 00:05:20,524
Isn't it cute?
176
00:05:20,515 --> 00:05:22,734
I'm sorry, I have just
really bad allergies.
177
00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:24,641
Oh, poor baby.
178
00:05:24,631 --> 00:05:26,440
Isn't she brave?
179
00:05:26,430 --> 00:05:28,449
Canceling her allergist
appointment to come with us
180
00:05:28,438 --> 00:05:29,517
for moral support.
181
00:05:29,512 --> 00:05:30,326
- [sneezes]
- Oh, my...!
182
00:05:30,322 --> 00:05:31,546
Hey, are you drunk right now?
183
00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:34,186
That sneeze was like a gunshot,
so I swerved a little bit.
184
00:05:34,171 --> 00:05:35,433
It's not about the sneeze.
185
00:05:35,427 --> 00:05:37,792
- It's about how you handle it.
- You're fine.
186
00:05:37,779 --> 00:05:39,442
Wow, that's quite a sneeze,
Courtney.
187
00:05:39,433 --> 00:05:41,352
And it has to be
that loud, right?
188
00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:43,057
Better out than in, as they say.
189
00:05:43,048 --> 00:05:45,046
Mindy, did you know Courtney
also grew up in Boston?
190
00:05:45,035 --> 00:05:46,429
What?
Oh, my God.
191
00:05:46,422 --> 00:05:49,828
Nomar! Yankees suck!
"Spotlight"!
192
00:05:49,809 --> 00:05:51,799
Racism!
193
00:05:51,788 --> 00:05:52,529
Sorry, I'm sorry.
194
00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:54,295
What part of town are you from?
195
00:05:54,286 --> 00:05:55,122
Uh, Winchendon.
196
00:05:55,118 --> 00:05:56,831
Oh.
197
00:05:56,822 --> 00:05:59,040
Do you not know that part of
town or something, Mindy?
198
00:05:59,028 --> 00:06:01,267
No, Winchendon isn't
exactly Boston.
199
00:06:01,254 --> 00:06:02,353
It's basically in New Hampshire.
200
00:06:02,348 --> 00:06:04,500
Well, Winchendon is
in Massachusetts.
201
00:06:04,488 --> 00:06:05,737
- Technically it is.
- Yeah.
202
00:06:05,731 --> 00:06:08,040
The way that Brad Pitt is
technically an Oscar winner.
203
00:06:08,027 --> 00:06:09,627
- As a producer.
- Mm-mm, doesn't count.
204
00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:11,128
What do you do for a living?
205
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:12,605
Oh, I'm currently on a lawsuit.
206
00:06:12,597 --> 00:06:13,594
Oh, you're a lawyer?
207
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:17,261
No, I'm suing my former
employer for sexual harassment.
208
00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,753
So waiting for
a settlement is your job?
209
00:06:19,739 --> 00:06:21,104
I would love to
get on that train,
210
00:06:21,097 --> 00:06:23,216
because I am constantly sexually
harassed by my employers,
211
00:06:23,205 --> 00:06:24,334
and I am made to
feel like a piece of...
212
00:06:24,328 --> 00:06:25,099
[sneezes]
213
00:06:25,096 --> 00:06:26,353
[tires squealing] Oh, God!
214
00:06:26,346 --> 00:06:28,663
Okay, you know what?
Pull over.
215
00:06:28,651 --> 00:06:30,062
I don't want to die, I'm sorry.
I'm not dying in this car.
216
00:06:30,054 --> 00:06:31,143
What? Dying in this car
with me would be better
217
00:06:31,138 --> 00:06:32,938
than your current life.
218
00:06:32,928 --> 00:06:35,046
I never thought I'd say this,
but a woman of Asian heritage
219
00:06:35,035 --> 00:06:36,084
is a bad driver.
220
00:06:36,079 --> 00:06:38,148
I agree with that in theory,
but not me.
221
00:06:38,137 --> 00:06:39,862
- I am the exception.
- Pull over, please.
222
00:06:39,852 --> 00:06:41,357
That's it.
I'm jumping out.
223
00:06:45,006 --> 00:06:48,250
Wow.
Guys, I cannot believe this.
224
00:06:48,232 --> 00:06:49,371
The last time
I was on this stage,
225
00:06:49,365 --> 00:06:51,518
it was senior week,
and a hypnotist made me think
226
00:06:51,507 --> 00:06:52,977
I was a chicken
and I took my clothes off.
227
00:06:52,969 --> 00:06:54,209
He didn't ask me to.
228
00:06:54,203 --> 00:06:55,921
I always knew
I'd end up in the Ivys.
229
00:06:55,912 --> 00:06:57,911
I thought it would be
as some kind of study cadaver,
230
00:06:57,900 --> 00:06:58,909
but this is good, too.
231
00:06:58,904 --> 00:07:00,396
It is excellent work, Mindy.
232
00:07:00,388 --> 00:07:01,924
Now that we've gotten
into Princeton,
233
00:07:01,916 --> 00:07:03,875
all the other Ivys
are gonna be lining up
234
00:07:03,865 --> 00:07:05,094
like city councilmen
at a cathouse.
235
00:07:05,087 --> 00:07:07,116
- [laughs]
- Hey.
236
00:07:07,106 --> 00:07:08,875
What're you guys doing in here?
237
00:07:08,865 --> 00:07:11,014
Only returning to
my alma mater triumphantly
238
00:07:11,002 --> 00:07:12,911
to change the lives
of young women.
239
00:07:12,901 --> 00:07:15,060
And I saw a sign for auditions
for "Spring Awakening."
240
00:07:15,049 --> 00:07:16,888
- And I might try out.
- That's great.
241
00:07:16,878 --> 00:07:19,503
We have this room today for
a football recruiting session.
242
00:07:19,488 --> 00:07:21,791
- Uh, football recruiting?
- Huh?
243
00:07:21,779 --> 00:07:23,848
I didn't know that Princeton
recruited for football.
244
00:07:23,837 --> 00:07:25,766
I thought they just accepted
whatever nerds
245
00:07:25,755 --> 00:07:27,804
wandered onto the field
with their heads in a math book.
246
00:07:27,793 --> 00:07:29,802
- Oh!
- Excuse me!
247
00:07:29,792 --> 00:07:32,741
This is a Division One
football team, little lady.
248
00:07:32,724 --> 00:07:34,893
We only allow athletes that can
run a ten minute mile,
249
00:07:34,881 --> 00:07:37,078
or whose parents
donate a building.
250
00:07:37,067 --> 00:07:39,808
Uh, sir, if I may,
I think I understand.
251
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,347
I, too, am a man of sport.
252
00:07:41,339 --> 00:07:43,822
I was captain of my high school
line dancing team.
253
00:07:43,809 --> 00:07:45,858
But I'm afraid we have
this auditorium reserved today.
254
00:07:45,847 --> 00:07:47,636
Yeah.
255
00:07:47,626 --> 00:07:49,675
But you might want to check
your confirmation email.
256
00:07:49,664 --> 00:07:50,753
Relax, guys, these jockstraps
257
00:07:50,748 --> 00:07:52,747
obviously don't know
how to read a calendar.
258
00:07:52,736 --> 00:07:54,834
So...
oh, there it is.
259
00:07:54,823 --> 00:07:57,673
Confirmation:
Richardson Auditorium, May 2.
260
00:07:57,657 --> 00:08:00,616
- 2017.
- Wait, what?
261
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,729
Oh, look at that,
you did reserve this auditorium
262
00:08:02,717 --> 00:08:03,766
for the right day.
263
00:08:03,761 --> 00:08:05,560
Right day next year.
264
00:08:05,550 --> 00:08:06,649
[laughs nervously]
265
00:08:06,644 --> 00:08:07,683
I can't stay here for a year.
266
00:08:07,678 --> 00:08:10,076
I only brought enough clothes
for six months.
267
00:08:10,063 --> 00:08:11,626
Oh, shit.
268
00:08:15,098 --> 00:08:16,683
Guys, I'm really sorry.
269
00:08:16,675 --> 00:08:18,504
I think what happened,
was that I got too excited,
270
00:08:18,494 --> 00:08:19,332
and I forgot to double-check...
271
00:08:19,328 --> 00:08:20,528
No excuses.
272
00:08:20,522 --> 00:08:22,391
Not only is this
very unprofessional,
273
00:08:22,381 --> 00:08:24,420
but I had to cancel
my romantic getaway with Courtney.
274
00:08:24,409 --> 00:08:26,418
We were gonna unwind,
and now I am as wound
275
00:08:26,407 --> 00:08:27,486
- as I have ever been.
- I'm so sorry.
276
00:08:27,481 --> 00:08:29,600
Okay, you're being
very disrespectful of my time.
277
00:08:29,588 --> 00:08:32,397
I could have just stayed home
and do what I do every weekend...
278
00:08:32,382 --> 00:08:34,371
stare at the wall
and wait for Monday.
279
00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:35,830
I'm gonna fix this.
280
00:08:35,823 --> 00:08:37,491
I'm gonna fix this, okay?
281
00:08:37,482 --> 00:08:39,152
Hey.
282
00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:40,648
- Hi, there.
- Yes?
283
00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:43,266
My name is Dr. Mindy Lahiri.
284
00:08:43,252 --> 00:08:44,507
Head Coach Drew Schakowsky.
285
00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:47,409
I am here for a critical
women's health issue.
286
00:08:47,393 --> 00:08:49,452
And I think we can both agree
that's way more important
287
00:08:49,441 --> 00:08:51,420
than a bunch of fat guys
playing grab-ass.
288
00:08:51,410 --> 00:08:53,269
This is
Ivy League football, okay?
289
00:08:53,259 --> 00:08:55,238
If I don't get those players
to sign a commitment
290
00:08:55,227 --> 00:08:57,992
to the team now, I could
lose them to the Quiz Bowl
291
00:08:57,977 --> 00:08:59,320
or Gilbert and Sullivan Society.
292
00:08:59,313 --> 00:09:00,442
Okay, you're a jock.
293
00:09:00,436 --> 00:09:03,175
I know what you want.
294
00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:06,199
I will let you touch them
for five seconds.
295
00:09:06,182 --> 00:09:07,181
- One...
- Wait, I know you.
296
00:09:07,176 --> 00:09:08,195
Two.
Hmm?
297
00:09:08,190 --> 00:09:09,971
Did we go to
school here together?
298
00:09:09,962 --> 00:09:12,045
Oh, that's not possible.
I'm much younger than you.
299
00:09:12,034 --> 00:09:13,891
You used to do work study
at Butler dining hall.
300
00:09:13,881 --> 00:09:15,446
You're the one who used to
eat all the French fries
301
00:09:15,438 --> 00:09:17,630
off of people's plates
before you'd serve them.
302
00:09:17,618 --> 00:09:19,244
Sorry I swiped a couple fries
off of a rich kid's plate.
303
00:09:19,235 --> 00:09:21,274
I was on so much financial aid,
I got paid to get shocked
304
00:09:21,263 --> 00:09:23,072
by the psych department.
305
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,032
- That's why I'm like this!
- Hey, listen, I get it.
306
00:09:25,021 --> 00:09:26,836
I had some crazy
financial aid myself.
307
00:09:26,826 --> 00:09:28,289
I mean, the whole time I was
on the football team,
308
00:09:28,282 --> 00:09:29,991
I had to be the mascot, too.
309
00:09:29,982 --> 00:09:32,031
- You were the tiger?
- Yeah.
310
00:09:32,020 --> 00:09:33,259
I think I dry-humped you
once on a dare.
311
00:09:33,252 --> 00:09:35,081
See? I knew you looked familiar.
312
00:09:35,072 --> 00:09:36,151
- [laughs]
- Hello?
313
00:09:36,145 --> 00:09:37,974
Are we any closer to
booking a venue,
314
00:09:37,965 --> 00:09:39,974
or are we just gonna stroll down
memory lane all day?
315
00:09:39,963 --> 00:09:40,992
[laughs]
316
00:09:40,987 --> 00:09:42,166
[whispering]
Guys, I am mesmerizing him
317
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:43,159
with my sexy charm.
318
00:09:43,154 --> 00:09:44,913
Just give me a second, okay?
319
00:09:44,904 --> 00:09:46,033
Okay, well, we're gonna
keep packing.
320
00:09:46,027 --> 00:09:48,036
Shut up!
321
00:09:48,025 --> 00:09:49,954
[thudding]
322
00:09:51,912 --> 00:09:53,061
Sweetie, I'm so sorry.
323
00:09:53,055 --> 00:09:54,924
But if we leave now,
we can still salvage
324
00:09:54,914 --> 00:09:55,963
our romantic weekend.
325
00:09:55,958 --> 00:09:57,987
We'll pretend my apartment's
the B&B.
326
00:09:57,976 --> 00:10:00,015
I'll have some Germans who'll
have breakfast with us.
327
00:10:00,004 --> 00:10:01,973
Okay.
I guess.
328
00:10:01,963 --> 00:10:03,852
Hey, guys.
I am really sorry.
329
00:10:03,842 --> 00:10:05,851
This was the most embarrassing
thing to happen to me
330
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:07,434
on this campus,
and my underwear fell off
331
00:10:07,426 --> 00:10:08,698
at commencement.
332
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:10,011
Look, what's done is done.
333
00:10:10,004 --> 00:10:11,604
Let's just...
let's get out of here.
334
00:10:11,596 --> 00:10:13,236
Maybe on the way back,
we can stop on the Pizza Hut
335
00:10:13,227 --> 00:10:14,151
side of the rest stop?
336
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:15,098
- Doesn't that sound good?
- Mindy.
337
00:10:15,093 --> 00:10:16,631
I know,
let me take care of this.
338
00:10:16,623 --> 00:10:18,371
Okay, yes.
I did it, all right?
339
00:10:18,362 --> 00:10:21,234
I intentionally sat on one of
your footballs and destroyed it.
340
00:10:21,218 --> 00:10:22,215
What? No.
341
00:10:22,210 --> 00:10:24,198
I was just talking
with the guys,
342
00:10:24,188 --> 00:10:26,007
and we decided,
since it's such a nice day out,
343
00:10:25,997 --> 00:10:28,007
we'll just take the recruiting
session out to the stadium.
344
00:10:27,996 --> 00:10:30,196
I thought you needed the auditorium
to show your highlights reel?
345
00:10:30,184 --> 00:10:32,543
Oh, no, no. I mean, it's better
if we don't, anyway.
346
00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:33,926
The only team we beat
was Columbia last year,
347
00:10:33,919 --> 00:10:35,346
and that was only because
half their team
348
00:10:35,339 --> 00:10:36,828
was off for the high holidays.
349
00:10:36,820 --> 00:10:37,736
You're gonna give us
the auditorium
350
00:10:37,732 --> 00:10:38,731
to do our presentation?
351
00:10:38,726 --> 00:10:40,520
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
352
00:10:40,510 --> 00:10:42,654
I'm already back
in road trip mode.
353
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:44,702
So we should probably just go.
354
00:10:44,691 --> 00:10:46,550
We'll do...
we'll do the presentation.
355
00:10:46,540 --> 00:10:47,815
- Thank you so much!
- Oh, hey.
356
00:10:47,808 --> 00:10:49,102
Well, that's all well and good,
357
00:10:49,095 --> 00:10:51,031
but we still have a problem.
358
00:10:51,021 --> 00:10:53,137
The school still thinks
the event's happening a year from now.
359
00:10:53,126 --> 00:10:54,192
Who's even gonna come?
360
00:10:54,186 --> 00:10:55,743
Well, we'll just
do what he did, right?
361
00:10:55,735 --> 00:10:57,664
We'll recruit people
who seem like they'd be
362
00:10:57,654 --> 00:10:59,493
good candidates
for "Later, Baby."
363
00:10:59,483 --> 00:11:00,459
Oh, sure,
where we gonna find them?
364
00:11:00,454 --> 00:11:03,466
- Yeah.
- We'll get nerds.
365
00:11:03,450 --> 00:11:05,448
I mean, I was a nerd
in college for three years,
366
00:11:05,437 --> 00:11:06,806
till I discovered vodka crayons.
367
00:11:06,799 --> 00:11:08,429
Like crayons you draw with?
368
00:11:08,420 --> 00:11:11,459
Hey, does your ID get you into
every building on this campus?
369
00:11:11,443 --> 00:11:13,432
- Yeah.
- I have an idea.
370
00:11:13,421 --> 00:11:14,650
Give me the fliers.
371
00:11:14,644 --> 00:11:16,403
Thank you.
Come on, let's go.
372
00:11:16,393 --> 00:11:17,482
Set up the presentation!
373
00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:19,346
Text me if you're sure,
'cause I just...
374
00:11:19,336 --> 00:11:21,151
- Set it up!
- I just packed it.
375
00:11:21,141 --> 00:11:22,353
I'm sure!
Unpack it!
376
00:11:22,347 --> 00:11:24,537
[stammering] Ugh, okay.
377
00:11:24,525 --> 00:11:27,334
Oh, the Lewis Science Library.
378
00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:29,428
Drew, I've got a lot of
happy memories of this place.
379
00:11:29,416 --> 00:11:31,365
Oh, right.
380
00:11:31,355 --> 00:11:33,464
The Loser Science Library.
381
00:11:33,453 --> 00:11:35,169
I've never even been in here.
382
00:11:35,159 --> 00:11:36,782
Ugh, that's right.
You're a jock.
383
00:11:36,774 --> 00:11:39,232
What'd you major in, gym?
384
00:11:39,218 --> 00:11:41,397
French literature.
385
00:11:41,386 --> 00:11:44,405
[speaking French]
386
00:11:44,388 --> 00:11:47,367
Oh! Voulez-vous coucher
avec moi ce soir?
387
00:11:47,350 --> 00:11:49,419
Oui!
388
00:11:49,408 --> 00:11:51,792
You have no idea
what you're saying.
389
00:11:51,779 --> 00:11:53,143
No.
None whatsoever.
390
00:11:53,136 --> 00:11:55,145
Ah, here we are.
391
00:11:55,134 --> 00:11:56,763
Oh, Drew, isn't is beautiful?
392
00:11:56,755 --> 00:11:59,479
Nerdius Americanus
in their natural habitat.
393
00:11:59,464 --> 00:12:01,148
So how're you gonna find out
who's interested?
394
00:12:01,139 --> 00:12:02,348
Well, first we'll
start with the Koreans,
395
00:12:02,342 --> 00:12:04,151
whose immigrant parents
will make them wait
396
00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:05,220
until they get
a graduate school degree
397
00:12:05,215 --> 00:12:07,074
before they can
go on a first date.
398
00:12:07,064 --> 00:12:08,323
- Oh, boy.
- Um...
399
00:12:08,317 --> 00:12:13,056
Janet, Eunice, Grace, Priscilla!
400
00:12:13,029 --> 00:12:14,278
- How do you know their names?
- I guessed.
401
00:12:14,271 --> 00:12:16,150
And now, the Indian girls.
402
00:12:16,140 --> 00:12:18,139
They're not gonna finish
their neuro residencies
403
00:12:18,129 --> 00:12:19,238
for another 12 years.
404
00:12:19,232 --> 00:12:22,151
Anila, Dia, Priya!
405
00:12:22,135 --> 00:12:24,096
And finally, the Jewish girls.
406
00:12:24,086 --> 00:12:25,904
They want to marry Jewish guys,
but all the Jewish guys
407
00:12:25,894 --> 00:12:28,102
are dating Asian girls,
and they have to wait.
408
00:12:28,090 --> 00:12:31,109
- Hey, where my Jewesses at?
- No, no, no, no, no.
409
00:12:31,092 --> 00:12:34,811
I am uncomfortable with all
the racial talk at a university.
410
00:12:34,790 --> 00:12:35,539
Okay.
411
00:12:35,536 --> 00:12:38,015
Shira, Rachel, Tamar!
412
00:12:38,001 --> 00:12:39,880
- Shabbat shalom.
- It's not shabbat.
413
00:12:39,870 --> 00:12:40,959
I know what you're thinking:
414
00:12:40,954 --> 00:12:43,668
who is this pedo,
how'd they break into my library,
415
00:12:43,653 --> 00:12:45,158
why are they wasting my time?
416
00:12:45,150 --> 00:12:46,398
I have a Lexus.
417
00:12:46,392 --> 00:12:49,146
It's a lease, but that's
a pretty big deal, okay?
418
00:12:49,131 --> 00:12:51,674
I'm just a really cool,
pretty, sexy,
419
00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:53,487
full-bodied Manhattan doctor
420
00:12:53,477 --> 00:12:55,879
who decided to
have children in her 30s.
421
00:12:55,866 --> 00:12:57,945
Yeah.
Didn't work out with the dad.
422
00:12:57,934 --> 00:13:00,548
But it's for the best.
Do miss the sex, though.
423
00:13:00,533 --> 00:13:03,777
The point is, I am here
to help you take control
424
00:13:03,759 --> 00:13:04,758
of your own fertility.
425
00:13:04,753 --> 00:13:05,892
No, oh...
426
00:13:05,887 --> 00:13:09,906
All this to say, if you give
me a mere hour of your time,
427
00:13:09,883 --> 00:13:13,315
I can teach you the secret of
how you, too, can have it all.
428
00:13:13,296 --> 00:13:16,781
And now, this handsome guy
and I are gonna make it rain...
429
00:13:16,761 --> 00:13:18,257
information.
430
00:13:18,250 --> 00:13:19,663
Fliers for a talk
I'm about to give
431
00:13:19,655 --> 00:13:21,174
in about an hour and a half.
432
00:13:21,166 --> 00:13:23,057
Eat it up, ladies!
[paper crumpling]
433
00:13:23,047 --> 00:13:24,794
Okay, guys,
meet at the front entrance.
434
00:13:24,785 --> 00:13:26,456
We'll lead you over.
435
00:13:26,447 --> 00:13:28,584
And that is how you recruit.
436
00:13:28,573 --> 00:13:30,855
My football players don't even
listen to me like that.
437
00:13:30,842 --> 00:13:31,838
Maybe I should talk to them?
438
00:13:31,833 --> 00:13:33,662
I can come to their locker room.
439
00:13:33,653 --> 00:13:34,762
Or their showers.
440
00:13:34,756 --> 00:13:37,775
- When do they shower?
- No.
441
00:13:37,758 --> 00:13:40,607
I could be on a romantic
getaway in the country.
442
00:13:40,592 --> 00:13:42,611
Making love on the grass
of a battle site
443
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,509
where hundreds of
young men died.
444
00:13:44,499 --> 00:13:46,538
But no, thanks to Mindy,
I'm getting ready
445
00:13:46,527 --> 00:13:48,496
for a presentation
no one knows is happening.
446
00:13:48,485 --> 00:13:50,554
- Ah!
- Stop blaming Dr. L, okay?
447
00:13:50,543 --> 00:13:52,602
You are the one
undermining the practice!
448
00:13:52,591 --> 00:13:54,474
I didn't know microwaving fish
449
00:13:54,464 --> 00:13:56,157
would make the whole
office smell.
450
00:13:56,148 --> 00:13:57,169
I'm talking about the incident
451
00:13:57,164 --> 00:13:58,547
in her apartment
the other night.
452
00:13:58,540 --> 00:13:59,415
What incident?
453
00:13:59,411 --> 00:14:00,590
When you brushed
her hair out of her head
454
00:14:00,584 --> 00:14:02,473
while she was asleep.
455
00:14:02,463 --> 00:14:03,512
Come on, man.
456
00:14:03,506 --> 00:14:05,615
What... uh, what's the big deal?
457
00:14:05,604 --> 00:14:08,732
Uh, there was a little bit of
mayonnaise on her forehead.
458
00:14:09,902 --> 00:14:11,528
Okay, well,
that's very plausible,
459
00:14:11,519 --> 00:14:13,806
but still, she thought
it was romantic, okay?
460
00:14:13,794 --> 00:14:15,585
There was nothing
romantic about it.
461
00:14:15,575 --> 00:14:18,364
All I did was this.
462
00:14:18,349 --> 00:14:20,647
[swoons]
463
00:14:22,589 --> 00:14:25,293
I-I know
that that is not romantic,
464
00:14:25,278 --> 00:14:26,694
but still, you got a girlfriend.
465
00:14:26,686 --> 00:14:29,957
Stop sending Dr. Lahiri
mixed signals.
466
00:14:29,939 --> 00:14:31,219
- Right, right.
- And, also, me.
467
00:14:31,213 --> 00:14:32,694
Let's just pretend
that never happened.
468
00:14:32,686 --> 00:14:33,855
Yes, it never happened.
469
00:14:33,849 --> 00:14:35,306
I have to go to the bathroom.
470
00:14:38,341 --> 00:14:40,055
Once you stop
worrying about fertility,
471
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,628
you can start worrying about
what's really important.
472
00:14:42,613 --> 00:14:44,528
Like getting through
a lecture hungover.
473
00:14:44,518 --> 00:14:46,283
I recommend Pedialyte
through a Twizzler.
474
00:14:46,274 --> 00:14:47,333
[laughter]
475
00:14:47,328 --> 00:14:49,107
Ow!
Ow...
476
00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:51,256
- Ow, ow.
- You got to be careful.
477
00:14:51,244 --> 00:14:53,133
I'm part of the presentation.
478
00:14:53,123 --> 00:14:54,252
The first round
of people to sign up
479
00:14:54,247 --> 00:14:56,106
will get a free "Hamilton"...
480
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,095
[crowd gasps]
481
00:14:58,084 --> 00:14:59,323
CDs, not tickets.
482
00:14:59,317 --> 00:15:00,326
What do you think we are?
483
00:15:00,321 --> 00:15:02,180
- We can't afford that.
- Yeah.
484
00:15:02,170 --> 00:15:04,049
Thanks so much
for coming out, you guys.
485
00:15:04,039 --> 00:15:05,068
Yeah!
486
00:15:05,063 --> 00:15:08,122
[cheers and applause]
487
00:15:08,105 --> 00:15:10,984
Oh, man, I used to
love this place.
488
00:15:10,968 --> 00:15:12,967
One time, I tried to
dance on the bar...
489
00:15:12,956 --> 00:15:14,995
But I didn't have the upper body
strength to climb up,
490
00:15:14,984 --> 00:15:16,943
so I danced by the bar.
491
00:15:16,933 --> 00:15:17,932
- And...
- Shut up.
492
00:15:17,927 --> 00:15:19,469
Is that the coach from before?
493
00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:20,917
Oh, my God.
494
00:15:20,909 --> 00:15:23,908
- More like Vince Lomhottie.
- Oh, it is.
495
00:15:23,892 --> 00:15:25,011
- Hey, man.
- Hey!
496
00:15:25,005 --> 00:15:26,154
Hey.
What's going on?
497
00:15:26,148 --> 00:15:27,887
How'd the presentation go?
498
00:15:27,878 --> 00:15:28,967
It went really well.
499
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,971
We signed up 16 new patients,
so it was cool.
500
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,849
Hey, join us.
Sit down.
501
00:15:32,839 --> 00:15:34,858
Oh, five people in a booth,
I don't know if that's safe.
502
00:15:34,847 --> 00:15:35,906
- Yeah.
- Move over.
503
00:15:35,901 --> 00:15:36,900
- Come on, move over.
- There's plenty of room.
504
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,034
I can go one butt cheek
for this guy.
505
00:15:38,028 --> 00:15:39,827
- All right, all right.
- Move over, you animals.
506
00:15:40,871 --> 00:15:42,490
- It's comfortable.
- Aw, thanks.
507
00:15:42,482 --> 00:15:43,861
So how was your day?
508
00:15:43,854 --> 00:15:45,216
My recruitment went well.
509
00:15:45,209 --> 00:15:47,841
I found a fullback who only
has light asthma, so...
510
00:15:47,826 --> 00:15:48,839
Well, if you're
okay with asthma,
511
00:15:48,834 --> 00:15:49,999
I can be your Tom Brady.
512
00:15:49,993 --> 00:15:51,112
Oh I don't know about that.
513
00:15:51,107 --> 00:15:52,820
I think you might be
a distraction to the team.
514
00:15:52,811 --> 00:15:55,730
Or if you're looking for
someone with sleep apnea...
515
00:15:55,714 --> 00:15:56,963
- [snorts]
- Stop it, stop it.
516
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,002
No, I sleep like an angel.
517
00:15:58,991 --> 00:15:59,913
- [sneezes]
- Oh!
518
00:15:59,909 --> 00:16:01,918
Are you okay, sweetie?
519
00:16:01,907 --> 00:16:03,846
It's nothing, it's nothing.
520
00:16:03,836 --> 00:16:05,927
It's just, now that we moved,
521
00:16:05,915 --> 00:16:08,852
I'm directly under a vent,
and it's very chilly.
522
00:16:08,836 --> 00:16:10,625
Oh, you poor thing.
523
00:16:10,616 --> 00:16:12,635
Well, maybe we should all leave
and go someplace else
524
00:16:12,624 --> 00:16:14,010
that's not quite so drafty?
525
00:16:14,003 --> 00:16:15,655
No, we just got our drinks.
We're having fun.
526
00:16:15,646 --> 00:16:17,869
Well, some of us are having
fun, some of us are freezing.
527
00:16:17,857 --> 00:16:18,832
You know, you guys work it out.
528
00:16:18,827 --> 00:16:21,576
I'm just gonna see if
the bartender can warm up
529
00:16:21,561 --> 00:16:22,560
this white wine.
[sneezes]
530
00:16:22,555 --> 00:16:23,574
- Ah!
- Okay.
531
00:16:23,569 --> 00:16:25,608
So how long
you guys in town for?
532
00:16:25,597 --> 00:16:26,666
We leave tomorrow,
6:00 a.m. sharp.
533
00:16:26,661 --> 00:16:27,780
Well, I'm glad
I caught you, then,
534
00:16:27,774 --> 00:16:29,613
because this place
has 10 cent wings.
535
00:16:29,604 --> 00:16:30,864
Both: What?
536
00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:32,563
Mindy, Courtney gave up
our weekend together.
537
00:16:32,554 --> 00:16:33,997
The least we could do
is go someplace
538
00:16:33,990 --> 00:16:35,276
where she wouldn't be suffering.
539
00:16:35,269 --> 00:16:36,292
Okay, well, good luck with that,
540
00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:37,756
'cause she suffers everywhere.
541
00:16:37,748 --> 00:16:38,524
Should I go?
542
00:16:38,521 --> 00:16:40,084
Mindy, you owe Courtney
and I an apology.
543
00:16:40,076 --> 00:16:42,201
For what? For scoring us
a dozen new patients?
544
00:16:42,189 --> 00:16:43,668
Yeah, and I got a callback
for "Spring Awakening."
545
00:16:43,661 --> 00:16:45,590
- Yeah, man.
- You have been rude to us.
546
00:16:45,579 --> 00:16:48,640
And, to quote Tim Gunn,
"That is not a good look."
547
00:16:48,623 --> 00:16:49,590
Okay, if Tim Gunn was here,
he would say,
548
00:16:49,586 --> 00:16:50,605
"That's a lot of look."
549
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:53,241
[as Tim Gunn]
"That's a lot of look!"
550
00:16:53,226 --> 00:16:54,453
You know what?
I am sorry.
551
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:56,906
I am so sorry
that I had to spend a weekend
552
00:16:56,892 --> 00:16:59,401
making conversation with a woman
who cannot tolerate
553
00:16:59,388 --> 00:17:00,457
Earth's atmosphere.
554
00:17:00,451 --> 00:17:01,510
- Yeah, you know, I'm gonna go.
- No!
555
00:17:01,505 --> 00:17:02,534
- No!
- Don't... ugh.
556
00:17:02,529 --> 00:17:03,538
- Son of a bitch.
- Bye-bye.
557
00:17:03,533 --> 00:17:05,382
Hey, man, what is your problem?
558
00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:06,458
You haven't even given
Courtney a chance.
559
00:17:06,453 --> 00:17:08,445
You've been rude to her
this whole trip.
560
00:17:08,434 --> 00:17:10,473
Well, I don't understand why
it's so important to you
561
00:17:10,462 --> 00:17:11,531
that I like your girlfriend.
562
00:17:11,526 --> 00:17:14,255
We are coworkers.
We do not need to socialize.
563
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,379
In fact, maybe you should leave.
564
00:17:15,373 --> 00:17:17,352
- Well, maybe I should.
- No, no, don't go.
565
00:17:17,342 --> 00:17:19,311
- Bye-bye.
- No, no, no, don't, Dr. K.
566
00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:20,329
Sure, no.
567
00:17:20,324 --> 00:17:22,473
No, we're not
taking your money, man.
568
00:17:22,461 --> 00:17:23,470
[sighs]
569
00:17:23,465 --> 00:17:25,344
You chased everyone away.
Are you happy?
570
00:17:25,334 --> 00:17:26,600
No.
571
00:17:31,349 --> 00:17:32,907
I mean, can you believe Jody?
572
00:17:32,899 --> 00:17:35,189
Acting like it's my job
to treat his pushy,
573
00:17:35,176 --> 00:17:37,175
sneeze-monster girlfriend
like she's my sister?
574
00:17:37,165 --> 00:17:39,925
Hey, I am the only sister
you're ever gonna need.
575
00:17:39,909 --> 00:17:41,455
Hey, Morgan.
576
00:17:41,447 --> 00:17:43,108
I love that you've
kept me company,
577
00:17:43,099 --> 00:17:46,098
but I-I really don't need,
nor want, you to stay
578
00:17:46,082 --> 00:17:47,384
for the rest of the night.
579
00:17:47,377 --> 00:17:48,323
You can't be alone
after that fight.
580
00:17:48,319 --> 00:17:51,058
Also, the hotel was out of rooms
581
00:17:51,043 --> 00:17:53,142
that didn't cost anything, so...
582
00:17:53,130 --> 00:17:54,179
You can sleep on the floor.
583
00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:56,123
Can we just watch some
Pay-Per-View, please?
584
00:17:56,113 --> 00:17:57,282
No porn!
585
00:17:57,276 --> 00:18:00,005
Because I checked earlier,
and I've seen them all.
586
00:17:59,990 --> 00:18:01,089
[sneezes]
587
00:18:01,083 --> 00:18:03,202
Okay, I turned the heat
up to 90.
588
00:18:03,191 --> 00:18:04,220
Oh.
589
00:18:04,215 --> 00:18:06,074
Are you sure
it's not too warm in here?
590
00:18:06,064 --> 00:18:07,213
No, the hotel has heat.
591
00:18:07,207 --> 00:18:09,156
We'd be fools not to
take advantage.
592
00:18:09,146 --> 00:18:11,975
I think I'm gonna put on
another pair of socks.
593
00:18:11,959 --> 00:18:13,667
Oh, that's a good idea.
594
00:18:13,658 --> 00:18:15,958
Oh, you left your belt
buckle in the car.
595
00:18:15,946 --> 00:18:17,045
I grabbed it.
596
00:18:17,039 --> 00:18:18,148
- Belt buckle?
- Yeah.
597
00:18:18,143 --> 00:18:20,912
It's almost too heavy
for me to carry.
598
00:18:20,896 --> 00:18:21,935
Where'd you get it?
599
00:18:21,930 --> 00:18:24,910
Uh...
600
00:18:26,006 --> 00:18:29,015
Texas.
601
00:18:28,998 --> 00:18:31,007
Will you excuse me, honey?
I, uh...
602
00:18:30,997 --> 00:18:32,056
I'm gonna go down to the lobby,
603
00:18:32,050 --> 00:18:35,035
get you a nice cup
of boiling hot tea.
604
00:18:35,019 --> 00:18:37,166
See, I gave everyone
backrubs in prison.
605
00:18:37,154 --> 00:18:38,716
My friend Choocho loved it.
606
00:18:38,708 --> 00:18:39,796
Murdered his whole family.
607
00:18:39,791 --> 00:18:40,829
[knocking]
608
00:18:40,824 --> 00:18:41,848
Oh, my God,
I didn't tell my parole officer
609
00:18:41,843 --> 00:18:42,932
I was leaving the state.
610
00:18:42,926 --> 00:18:44,785
If it's a man named Jamar,
I'm not here.
611
00:18:45,988 --> 00:18:48,727
Good evening, Mindy.
612
00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:49,731
Oh, uh...
613
00:18:49,726 --> 00:18:50,725
may I have a word with you?
614
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:52,849
Okay.
615
00:18:52,838 --> 00:18:55,677
I just wanted to apologize
about how harsh I was
616
00:18:55,661 --> 00:18:57,818
at that college tavern tonight.
617
00:18:57,806 --> 00:18:59,216
You've really
embarrassed me in front of
618
00:18:59,209 --> 00:19:00,649
a room filled with strangers.
619
00:19:00,642 --> 00:19:03,271
Afterwards, sure,
I embarrassed myself even worse
620
00:19:03,256 --> 00:19:05,207
by throwing up while
doing karaoke, but still.
621
00:19:05,197 --> 00:19:07,664
I wasn't supportive enough
of you or our business,
622
00:19:07,650 --> 00:19:09,943
and I'm...
I am sorry for that.
623
00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:11,918
And I am sorry
that I was rude to Courtney.
624
00:19:11,907 --> 00:19:13,164
Eh.
625
00:19:13,158 --> 00:19:14,707
It's just, she's so, like,
annoying and, like,
626
00:19:14,699 --> 00:19:17,758
her stories suck, and she's,
like, not really from Boston.
627
00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:19,830
Kind of an apology...
628
00:19:19,818 --> 00:19:21,163
But you seem to really like her,
629
00:19:21,156 --> 00:19:22,599
so she must be worth liking.
630
00:19:22,592 --> 00:19:24,571
I can find some good in her.
631
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,334
- Like, she always has gum.
- Mm-hmm.
632
00:19:26,325 --> 00:19:27,599
- Okay?
- Mm-hmm.
633
00:19:27,592 --> 00:19:28,711
And she's pretty.
634
00:19:28,706 --> 00:19:31,585
And she's probably smart.
635
00:19:31,569 --> 00:19:34,152
And she seems to make you happy.
636
00:19:34,138 --> 00:19:36,979
I just wanted to clarify
something, though, with you.
637
00:19:36,963 --> 00:19:38,564
- I found this...
- Hey.
638
00:19:38,556 --> 00:19:40,031
- Hello.
- How are ya?
639
00:19:40,023 --> 00:19:40,732
Well.
640
00:19:40,729 --> 00:19:42,394
You guys doing, like,
official work stuff?
641
00:19:42,385 --> 00:19:43,384
Because if you are, I should be
included in the conversation.
642
00:19:43,379 --> 00:19:44,418
No, I was going...
643
00:19:44,413 --> 00:19:45,522
We're having
a private conversation.
644
00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:46,616
Like, about patients and stuff?
645
00:19:46,610 --> 00:19:49,075
It's not... it's like
a regular hangout...?
646
00:19:49,062 --> 00:19:50,610
You know what, we were
actually in the middle
647
00:19:50,601 --> 00:19:51,783
of doing our hangout.
648
00:19:51,778 --> 00:19:54,001
All right, well, I'll just...
I'll let you get back to your evening.
649
00:19:53,988 --> 00:19:55,142
Did you want to tell me...?
Okay.
650
00:19:55,137 --> 00:19:56,922
And I'll, uh, make sure
Courtney's staying warm.
651
00:19:56,912 --> 00:19:58,428
See you for breakfast.
652
00:19:58,420 --> 00:20:00,359
Okay.
653
00:20:00,349 --> 00:20:02,448
[door slamming]
654
00:20:02,437 --> 00:20:03,926
Now this is your night.
655
00:20:03,918 --> 00:20:05,264
You're gonna sit on the bed,
656
00:20:05,257 --> 00:20:06,319
and you're gonna
look at my toenail
657
00:20:06,314 --> 00:20:08,293
and you're gonna tell me
what the hell is going on.
658
00:20:08,282 --> 00:20:09,819
- Oh, God!
- Is that scales?
659
00:20:09,811 --> 00:20:11,212
It smells so bad.
660
00:20:11,205 --> 00:20:12,716
I've tried sprays...
I dumped a whole thing of
661
00:20:12,708 --> 00:20:14,587
Puff Daddy cologne on here.
662
00:20:14,577 --> 00:20:15,304
- [cell phone buzzing]
- Hold on.
663
00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:17,380
Oh, God, I have
a kernel of corn in here.
664
00:20:17,368 --> 00:20:19,018
You want to get a bite to eat?
665
00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:21,228
Pizza emoji.
Burrito emoji.
666
00:20:21,216 --> 00:20:23,990
I have, like, a nail
growing on top of this nail.
667
00:20:24,987 --> 00:20:27,777
Yeah, and then we can poop emoji...
668
00:20:27,762 --> 00:20:29,565
[giggles]
669
00:20:29,555 --> 00:20:32,816
Oops, I meant party emoji.
They're both in my frequently used.
670
00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:34,938
Oh, I cut my finger
on my own toenail!
671
00:20:36,138 --> 00:20:38,940
Oh, man.
Butler dining hall.
672
00:20:38,924 --> 00:20:40,243
- Mm.
- Damn.
673
00:20:40,236 --> 00:20:41,152
I have missed
these cheesesteaks.
674
00:20:41,148 --> 00:20:42,584
I used to have,
like, four a night.
675
00:20:42,577 --> 00:20:44,209
Well, that's the perks of
working at a college.
676
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,303
Almost makes up for
all the hacky sack.
677
00:20:46,292 --> 00:20:48,027
Does your girlfriend
hate hacky sack, too?
678
00:20:48,017 --> 00:20:49,534
[laughs]
679
00:20:49,527 --> 00:20:51,088
What?
680
00:20:51,079 --> 00:20:53,554
I'm sorry,
that was just so subtle.
681
00:20:53,541 --> 00:20:54,964
Um, I almost didn't catch it.
682
00:20:54,956 --> 00:20:56,489
No.
No, no girlfriend.
683
00:20:56,481 --> 00:20:58,458
Do you ever go up to Manhattan?
684
00:20:58,448 --> 00:20:59,555
Well, it's funny you should ask,
685
00:20:59,549 --> 00:21:01,443
because I'm actually going up
to watch spring practice
686
00:21:01,433 --> 00:21:03,131
at the Dalton School next week.
687
00:21:03,122 --> 00:21:05,127
- All punters.
- Mm.
688
00:21:05,116 --> 00:21:06,509
You want to come?
689
00:21:06,502 --> 00:21:07,551
Mm, no.
690
00:21:07,546 --> 00:21:09,495
I hate sports.
I'd rather die.
691
00:21:09,485 --> 00:21:13,534
Hey, dummy, I was just trying
to ask you out on a date.
692
00:21:13,511 --> 00:21:15,480
Oh, my God, um...
693
00:21:15,469 --> 00:21:17,388
Yes, I would love to.
694
00:21:17,378 --> 00:21:19,754
Wow, I'm really excited
to see you next week.
695
00:21:20,103 --> 00:21:22,816
Aren't we just gonna go to
my place and have sex right now?
696
00:21:23,204 --> 00:21:25,173
- Damn, dude.
- Too soon?
697
00:21:25,162 --> 00:21:27,351
Super hot.
698
00:21:27,339 --> 00:21:29,268
Um, I do have really
thin walls, though,
699
00:21:29,258 --> 00:21:30,387
so you're gonna have to
keep it down.
700
00:21:30,381 --> 00:21:31,380
Oh, my God.
701
00:21:31,375 --> 00:21:32,374
I live in Manhattan.
702
00:21:32,369 --> 00:21:33,378
I'm all about thin walls.
703
00:21:33,374 --> 00:21:34,952
I'll just shove a sock
in my mouth.
704
00:21:34,943 --> 00:21:36,387
Let's go.
705
00:21:37,824 --> 00:21:40,156
Hey, guys, I'm sorry I was
a little late this morning.
706
00:21:40,144 --> 00:21:41,263
Courtney, are you okay
with the AC?
707
00:21:41,257 --> 00:21:43,086
Oh, I'm great.
708
00:21:43,076 --> 00:21:45,155
I've got one of those silver
blankets ambulances give out.
709
00:21:45,144 --> 00:21:46,105
But thanks.
710
00:21:46,100 --> 00:21:48,307
Hey, you shouldn't have
abandoned me last night, okay?
711
00:21:48,295 --> 00:21:50,224
I tossed and turned so much,
I fell off the bed
712
00:21:50,214 --> 00:21:51,066
and I hurt myself.
713
00:21:51,062 --> 00:21:52,466
I'm sorry, Morgan.
714
00:21:52,459 --> 00:21:54,803
Wait, you didn't make it
home last night?
715
00:21:54,790 --> 00:21:57,166
Was it that football guy
from the bar?
716
00:21:57,153 --> 00:21:58,152
Maybe.
717
00:21:58,147 --> 00:22:00,216
Oh, you go, girl!
718
00:22:00,205 --> 00:22:03,200
That guy was hot
and had a strong jawline.
719
00:22:03,184 --> 00:22:04,037
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
720
00:22:04,032 --> 00:22:06,021
And he sure used
that jawline last night.
721
00:22:06,011 --> 00:22:08,180
- Oh!
- What?
722
00:22:08,168 --> 00:22:10,047
Please, Mindy,
there's a lady present.
723
00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:12,235
Wasn't a lady present
last night.
724
00:22:12,223 --> 00:22:14,508
- Oh!
- Yes!
725
00:22:14,496 --> 00:22:16,130
All right, let's pay
attention to the road.
726
00:22:16,121 --> 00:22:18,010
I know someone
who got rode last night.
727
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,858
- It was the coach!
- Morgan!
728
00:22:19,908 --> 00:22:24,458
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