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1
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Previously on
"The Mindy Project"...
2
00:00:03,093 --> 00:00:04,627
You know you're
right for someone
3
00:00:04,628 --> 00:00:07,563
when they force you to be
the best version of yourself.
4
00:00:07,564 --> 00:00:08,631
I love you.
5
00:00:08,632 --> 00:00:10,366
I think I'm ready to move in.
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00:00:10,367 --> 00:00:12,568
This one is positive.
I am really pregnant.
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00:00:12,569 --> 00:00:14,503
We're a family.
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00:00:14,504 --> 00:00:15,804
I have started my own business,
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00:00:15,805 --> 00:00:17,373
the Lahiri Fertility Center.
10
00:00:17,374 --> 00:00:19,275
It's not weird to
want your boyfriend
11
00:00:19,276 --> 00:00:20,843
to get down on one knee
12
00:00:20,844 --> 00:00:23,145
and to meet your parents
and to get you a ring.
13
00:00:23,146 --> 00:00:24,547
I've done it. I've been married,
14
00:00:24,548 --> 00:00:26,549
and it didn't go so well.
It means... it just...
15
00:00:26,550 --> 00:00:27,583
Marriage means nothing.
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00:00:27,584 --> 00:00:29,285
It means something to me.
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00:00:29,286 --> 00:00:30,619
[phone rings] Yes?
18
00:00:30,620 --> 00:00:31,720
You don't come to the wedding,
19
00:00:31,721 --> 00:00:33,188
and then Dr. Castellano
doesn't come...
20
00:00:33,189 --> 00:00:35,524
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Danny's not at the wedding?
21
00:00:35,525 --> 00:00:37,526
[pop music]
22
00:00:37,527 --> 00:00:40,296
For the things
that I believe
23
00:00:40,297 --> 00:00:42,232
24
00:00:43,567 --> 00:00:44,801
[knock at door]
25
00:00:46,903 --> 00:00:48,637
I'm Danny Castellano,
26
00:00:48,638 --> 00:00:50,573
and I'm in love
with your daughter.
27
00:00:50,574 --> 00:00:51,774
I'm the father of her baby,
28
00:00:51,775 --> 00:00:53,375
and I need you to know
that I will love them
29
00:00:53,376 --> 00:00:56,078
and take care of them
until the day I die.
30
00:00:56,079 --> 00:00:57,313
But I don't believe in marriage,
31
00:00:57,314 --> 00:01:00,950
due to some personal
experiences I've had,
32
00:01:00,951 --> 00:01:02,718
which I won't get into now.
33
00:01:02,719 --> 00:01:04,186
[sighs]
34
00:01:04,187 --> 00:01:06,555
My father ran out on us
and my wife cheated on me.
35
00:01:06,556 --> 00:01:09,291
Father Mike says it's because
I didn't pray enough as a kid,
36
00:01:09,292 --> 00:01:11,460
and I was too busy
applying the handbrake,
37
00:01:11,461 --> 00:01:13,395
if that translates.
38
00:01:13,396 --> 00:01:15,764
So, if we're good, Mr. Lahiri,
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00:01:15,765 --> 00:01:17,466
I'm gonna head back to New York.
40
00:01:17,467 --> 00:01:19,268
I don't think India
really agrees with me.
41
00:01:19,269 --> 00:01:22,104
I am servant. No English.
42
00:01:22,105 --> 00:01:24,373
- What?
- Is there a problem?
43
00:01:24,374 --> 00:01:26,575
I'm Tarun Lahiri.
44
00:01:26,576 --> 00:01:28,210
No. There's no problem.
45
00:01:28,211 --> 00:01:30,913
I, um... I'm...
46
00:01:30,914 --> 00:01:33,048
Mindy's coworker.
47
00:01:33,049 --> 00:01:36,585
And I'm here just sightseeing.
48
00:01:36,586 --> 00:01:40,556
You know, Taj Mahal,
Temple of Doom, greatest hits.
49
00:01:40,557 --> 00:01:43,425
Are you Morgan? At last we meet!
50
00:01:43,426 --> 00:01:45,327
Uh... No, no, sir.
51
00:01:45,328 --> 00:01:46,996
Share this mango with me.
52
00:01:46,997 --> 00:01:49,565
No, I'm... I'm not Morgan.
I'm Dr. Danny Castellano.
53
00:01:49,566 --> 00:01:52,434
Morgan has never once
forgotten my birthday.
54
00:01:52,435 --> 00:01:55,738
Last year he sent me
a poster of the Rat Pack.
55
00:01:55,739 --> 00:01:57,940
Where are you staying,
Dr. Castellano?
56
00:01:57,941 --> 00:02:01,076
I'm, uh, st... just, uh,
just staying, you know,
57
00:02:01,077 --> 00:02:02,645
just walking the street,
just walking around.
58
00:02:02,646 --> 00:02:04,580
Nonsense.
You will come and stay with us.
59
00:02:04,581 --> 00:02:06,215
Oh, no, Mr. Lahiri,
I couldn't...
60
00:02:06,216 --> 00:02:08,517
Is our home beneath you?
61
00:02:08,518 --> 00:02:10,519
Absolutely not.
62
00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:12,021
Come in. Leave your bag.
63
00:02:12,022 --> 00:02:14,457
[speaking native language]
64
00:02:17,260 --> 00:02:19,061
Morgan, if Danny isn't
at Peter's wedding,
65
00:02:19,062 --> 00:02:20,996
then where is he?
66
00:02:20,997 --> 00:02:22,631
Oh, God!
67
00:02:22,632 --> 00:02:23,999
Hold on. Hold on!
68
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,468
[Velcro tearing]
Just relax, okay?
69
00:02:26,469 --> 00:02:27,703
Don't jump to conclusions.
70
00:02:27,704 --> 00:02:29,705
Yeah, you're right,
you're right.
71
00:02:29,706 --> 00:02:31,840
What's the worst thing
that could happen?
72
00:02:31,841 --> 00:02:33,842
Dr. C met another woman
and fell in love with her,
73
00:02:33,843 --> 00:02:35,077
and he's with her now.
74
00:02:35,078 --> 00:02:36,979
[sobs] Oh, God!
[phone beeps and clatters]
75
00:02:36,980 --> 00:02:38,415
Oh.
76
00:02:47,424 --> 00:02:48,558
[phone chimes]
77
00:02:50,126 --> 00:02:51,994
Why would Danny run away?
78
00:02:51,995 --> 00:02:53,662
Just because I wanted
to get married?
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00:02:53,663 --> 00:02:56,065
I mean,
I'm pregnant with his child.
80
00:02:56,066 --> 00:02:57,833
And for what?
This stupid apartment
81
00:02:57,834 --> 00:02:59,935
that looks like it was
decorated by Teddy Roosevelt?
82
00:02:59,936 --> 00:03:02,604
And don't get me started
on this ugly piano.
83
00:03:02,605 --> 00:03:03,972
It takes up so much space.
84
00:03:03,973 --> 00:03:06,175
Meanwhile my beloved
South Park pinball machine
85
00:03:06,176 --> 00:03:07,409
rots in storage.
86
00:03:07,410 --> 00:03:09,245
[discordant notes]
87
00:03:12,015 --> 00:03:14,383
[sighs] My life would
be so much better
88
00:03:14,384 --> 00:03:17,320
if I'd just fallen in
love with someone else.
89
00:03:31,835 --> 00:03:34,770
[thunder rumbling]
90
00:03:34,771 --> 00:03:37,773
[anticipatory music]
91
00:03:37,774 --> 00:03:41,774
92
00:03:44,714 --> 00:03:46,215
Where am I?
93
00:03:46,216 --> 00:03:47,883
Oh, no, did I break into
Mariah Carey's penthouse
94
00:03:47,884 --> 00:03:49,619
and fall asleep again?
95
00:03:51,254 --> 00:03:52,788
- Aah! Aah!
- Aah! Aah!
96
00:03:52,789 --> 00:03:54,189
- What? What?
- Oh, my God, oh, my God!
97
00:03:54,190 --> 00:03:55,824
Are you a hot home invader?
Please don't kill me.
98
00:03:55,825 --> 00:03:57,726
Babe, it's... it's me.
99
00:03:57,727 --> 00:03:59,361
It's Matt.
100
00:03:59,362 --> 00:04:01,396
Your husband.
101
00:04:01,397 --> 00:04:03,298
Ex-squeeze me?
102
00:04:03,299 --> 00:04:06,301
[hip hop music]
103
00:04:06,302 --> 00:04:10,302
104
00:04:20,850 --> 00:04:22,317
Uh, I think there has
been a misunderstanding.
105
00:04:22,318 --> 00:04:25,687
You're not my husband,
because I am not...
106
00:04:25,688 --> 00:04:29,258
Oh, my God. This ring is huge.
107
00:04:29,259 --> 00:04:31,860
Yeah, you said if I didn't
get you a big enough ring,
108
00:04:31,861 --> 00:04:35,697
I could get used to S'ing
my own D for the rest of my L.
109
00:04:35,698 --> 00:04:38,734
- That does sound like me.
- Yes, it does.
110
00:04:38,735 --> 00:04:40,035
Morning, babe. Mwah.
111
00:04:40,036 --> 00:04:43,305
- Hungry?
- Yes, always.
112
00:04:43,306 --> 00:04:46,041
Last night I wished I had never
gotten together with Danny,
113
00:04:46,042 --> 00:04:48,410
and this morning,
my wish came true.
114
00:04:48,411 --> 00:04:51,380
It's like "13 Going on 30,"
except I'm still the same age.
115
00:04:51,381 --> 00:04:53,182
26.
116
00:04:53,183 --> 00:04:56,485
Is that Gramercy Park?
I live on Gramercy Park?
117
00:04:56,486 --> 00:04:58,253
That's Jon Stewart
eating a hot dog!
118
00:04:58,254 --> 00:05:01,123
And we are married...
and he's not wearing a yarmulke?
119
00:05:01,124 --> 00:05:03,126
Then how are we so rich?
120
00:05:04,527 --> 00:05:07,162
And what's with this guy?
Smoking hot,
121
00:05:07,163 --> 00:05:08,597
lives in a soap opera set,
122
00:05:08,598 --> 00:05:10,599
and he wanted to
marry my fat ass?
123
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:12,501
What, am I blackmailing him?
124
00:05:12,502 --> 00:05:14,670
Okay, Detective Mindy,
just need to focus,
125
00:05:14,671 --> 00:05:17,840
be cool,
and ask him normal questions.
126
00:05:17,841 --> 00:05:19,975
Hey, honey, can I see
your birth certificate?
127
00:05:19,976 --> 00:05:23,512
- What?
- Never mind.
128
00:05:23,513 --> 00:05:25,814
Do you know what I thought
would be kind of a fun game?
129
00:05:25,815 --> 00:05:27,783
You and I playing Truth or Dare.
130
00:05:27,784 --> 00:05:28,884
- Okay.
- Right?
131
00:05:28,885 --> 00:05:30,819
I'll pick... dare.
132
00:05:30,820 --> 00:05:33,322
God damn it.
133
00:05:33,323 --> 00:05:35,457
I... dare you
134
00:05:35,458 --> 00:05:38,527
to tell me the truth
about how we first met.
135
00:05:38,528 --> 00:05:39,928
That's kind of a weird dare.
136
00:05:39,929 --> 00:05:42,231
No, it's good. It's good.
137
00:05:42,232 --> 00:05:45,367
But okay,
so the first time I ever saw you
138
00:05:45,368 --> 00:05:48,203
was on that flight from L.A.,
right?
139
00:05:48,204 --> 00:05:49,805
It's, like,
two years ago or something,
140
00:05:49,806 --> 00:05:53,175
and I came out of the lavatory
and there you were.
141
00:05:53,176 --> 00:05:56,178
Judging by your build
and your denim jacket,
142
00:05:56,179 --> 00:05:58,881
I just assumed you were
an old Native American man.
143
00:05:58,882 --> 00:06:00,582
Excuse me, sir.
144
00:06:00,583 --> 00:06:01,917
"Sir"?
145
00:06:01,918 --> 00:06:03,886
I'm obviously
a beautiful woman, dude.
146
00:06:03,887 --> 00:06:06,889
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
Can we just start over?
147
00:06:06,890 --> 00:06:08,357
I'm Matt Sherman.
148
00:06:08,358 --> 00:06:09,758
Matt Sherman.
149
00:06:09,759 --> 00:06:11,693
Why does that sound so familiar?
150
00:06:11,694 --> 00:06:14,129
Oh, were you on the jury for
my public urination trial?
151
00:06:14,130 --> 00:06:15,197
Thanks for nothing, by the way.
152
00:06:15,198 --> 00:06:18,033
No, sadly that...
that wasn't me.
153
00:06:18,034 --> 00:06:20,569
But you might recognize
my name from the credits.
154
00:06:20,570 --> 00:06:24,673
I'm a producer, actually, on
"The Real Housewives" on Bravo.
155
00:06:24,674 --> 00:06:25,741
[bottles clattering]
156
00:06:25,742 --> 00:06:27,075
"Real Housewives"?
157
00:06:27,076 --> 00:06:28,777
That's my favorite
franchise of shows.
158
00:06:28,778 --> 00:06:30,078
- Really? Thanks.
- Yeah.
159
00:06:30,079 --> 00:06:32,547
That's incredible.
Do you know Andy Cohen?
160
00:06:32,548 --> 00:06:34,650
[laughs] Do I know Andy Cohen?
161
00:06:34,651 --> 00:06:37,519
Yeah, yeah, that guy's,
like, my best friend.
162
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:39,054
I tell him all my girl problems.
163
00:06:39,055 --> 00:06:40,889
Oh.
164
00:06:40,890 --> 00:06:42,591
Do you have a lot
of girl problems?
165
00:06:42,592 --> 00:06:43,892
I'm about to.
166
00:06:43,893 --> 00:06:45,160
[bottles clattering]
167
00:06:45,161 --> 00:06:47,362
Then we had sex in the bathroom,
168
00:06:47,363 --> 00:06:48,931
and we've been
together ever since.
169
00:06:48,932 --> 00:06:52,234
That's the most romantic story
I've ever heard in my life.
170
00:06:52,235 --> 00:06:55,837
So, Dr. Lahiri, are you
happy to be back in India?
171
00:06:55,838 --> 00:06:57,606
No, I miss Boston.
172
00:06:57,607 --> 00:07:00,142
The Red Sox, Freedom Trail,
173
00:07:00,143 --> 00:07:02,911
Dunkin' Donut" free
small coffee for seniors.
174
00:07:02,912 --> 00:07:06,348
Yeah, Boston, great town.
Love it.
175
00:07:06,349 --> 00:07:08,417
I just wish my daughter
had stayed there.
176
00:07:08,418 --> 00:07:09,618
How is Mindy doing?
177
00:07:09,619 --> 00:07:11,253
Her mother
and I have been concerned.
178
00:07:11,254 --> 00:07:13,622
Any idea
who the father might be?
179
00:07:13,623 --> 00:07:15,090
Actually, I'm glad you asked...
180
00:07:15,091 --> 00:07:17,259
Because if I ever saw the man
181
00:07:17,260 --> 00:07:19,861
who left my daughter in
a vulnerable situation,
182
00:07:19,862 --> 00:07:21,163
I would break all his bones.
183
00:07:21,164 --> 00:07:22,164
Yes!
184
00:07:22,165 --> 00:07:24,266
He deserves a stern talking to
185
00:07:24,267 --> 00:07:25,300
that ends in forgiveness.
186
00:07:25,301 --> 00:07:28,103
Strangers in the night
187
00:07:28,104 --> 00:07:30,973
Hello. I'm Sonu Lahiri.
188
00:07:30,974 --> 00:07:32,307
Welcome.
189
00:07:32,308 --> 00:07:33,675
Exchanging glances
190
00:07:33,676 --> 00:07:35,043
Sonu, please.
191
00:07:35,044 --> 00:07:37,245
This is Mindy's coworker, Danny.
192
00:07:37,246 --> 00:07:39,081
Wonderful to meet you, Danny.
193
00:07:39,082 --> 00:07:41,616
- Mrs. Lahiri.
- So how was your flight from
194
00:07:41,617 --> 00:07:45,354
Start spreading the news
195
00:07:45,355 --> 00:07:47,956
Sonu, my tinnitus.
196
00:07:47,957 --> 00:07:48,991
How was your audition?
197
00:07:48,992 --> 00:07:50,659
I decided the part
was too small,
198
00:07:50,660 --> 00:07:52,627
and I didn't get it.
What a relief.
199
00:07:52,628 --> 00:07:53,929
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart.
200
00:07:53,930 --> 00:07:57,332
It's so hard being
the new kid on the block.
201
00:07:57,333 --> 00:07:58,433
Everyone knew me
202
00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:00,102
from the Massachusetts
regional theater scene.
203
00:08:00,103 --> 00:08:02,037
I played every part from gypsy
204
00:08:02,038 --> 00:08:03,271
to fortune teller.
205
00:08:03,272 --> 00:08:05,640
And here, here I can't
even get a callback for
206
00:08:05,641 --> 00:08:07,909
"old woman who can't believe
that yogurt is fat-free."
207
00:08:07,910 --> 00:08:10,545
Well, show business is all
about who you know, right?
208
00:08:10,546 --> 00:08:13,415
Finally, someone who gets it.
209
00:08:13,416 --> 00:08:15,217
You know what, Tarun?
210
00:08:15,218 --> 00:08:17,552
Maybe Danny can help us
with our special project.
211
00:08:17,553 --> 00:08:19,154
You want me to build
something for you?
212
00:08:19,155 --> 00:08:20,355
A spice rack?
213
00:08:20,356 --> 00:08:22,124
I'm sure you go through
a lot of those out here.
214
00:08:22,125 --> 00:08:25,894
No, you can help us select
a suitable boy for our daughter.
215
00:08:25,895 --> 00:08:28,864
We are arranging
a marriage for Mindy.
216
00:08:28,865 --> 00:08:30,599
You're what?
217
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,367
Hmm. Even though I'm rich,
218
00:08:32,368 --> 00:08:34,369
I'm still slumming it
with these nobodies.
219
00:08:34,370 --> 00:08:35,971
How noble.
220
00:08:35,972 --> 00:08:38,507
So in this reality,
I have the same job,
221
00:08:38,508 --> 00:08:40,709
the same giant cans,
222
00:08:40,710 --> 00:08:42,711
but if I'm married to Matt,
223
00:08:42,712 --> 00:08:45,047
what's going on with...
224
00:08:45,048 --> 00:08:46,081
Get out of my office.
225
00:08:46,082 --> 00:08:48,717
That's pretty rude.
226
00:08:48,718 --> 00:08:50,652
I need to talk to you.
227
00:08:50,653 --> 00:08:53,055
And it's important.
228
00:08:53,056 --> 00:08:56,858
Something incredibly strange
is happening to me and...
229
00:08:56,859 --> 00:08:58,293
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
230
00:08:58,294 --> 00:08:59,795
Go back on that side
of the desk, okay?
231
00:08:59,796 --> 00:09:01,763
This is a very intimate space.
232
00:09:01,764 --> 00:09:04,866
Duh, I spend half my life
kneeling on this floor.
233
00:09:04,867 --> 00:09:07,235
- What?
- Fine, fine.
234
00:09:07,236 --> 00:09:10,006
I'll go sit over there.
235
00:09:12,175 --> 00:09:13,408
Hey...
236
00:09:13,409 --> 00:09:15,410
How would you describe
our relationship?
237
00:09:15,411 --> 00:09:17,045
Bad.
238
00:09:17,046 --> 00:09:19,648
Yeah, frosty, hostile, not good.
239
00:09:19,649 --> 00:09:21,450
- Did I say "bad"?
- Why?
240
00:09:21,451 --> 00:09:22,584
Because I have to work with you
241
00:09:22,585 --> 00:09:23,585
and I don't think
you're a good person.
242
00:09:23,586 --> 00:09:24,853
What are you talking about?
243
00:09:24,854 --> 00:09:26,488
I'm a great person.
244
00:09:26,489 --> 00:09:28,156
I go to church with
you every single week.
245
00:09:28,157 --> 00:09:29,825
I'm not even Catholic.
It's boring as hell
246
00:09:29,826 --> 00:09:31,960
to wait in a long line
for one stupid chip.
247
00:09:31,961 --> 00:09:33,061
What are you talking about?
248
00:09:33,062 --> 00:09:34,496
We haven't talked in,
like, two years.
249
00:09:34,497 --> 00:09:36,098
You didn't even invite
me to your wedding.
250
00:09:36,099 --> 00:09:37,599
I didn't invite
you to my wedding?
251
00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:38,600
Not that I'd invite you to mine.
252
00:09:38,601 --> 00:09:39,734
Wait, are you getting married?
253
00:09:39,735 --> 00:09:41,470
No, never.
254
00:09:41,471 --> 00:09:43,505
I would never make
that mistake again.
255
00:09:43,506 --> 00:09:47,142
Ah, yes,
there is the Danny I know.
256
00:09:47,143 --> 00:09:49,011
Sorry I wasted your time.
257
00:09:52,381 --> 00:09:54,850
Okay, universe,
I guess the lesson here is that,
258
00:09:54,851 --> 00:09:58,220
without me, Danny Castellano
is a miserable meatball.
259
00:09:58,221 --> 00:10:00,388
But without him,
my life is much better.
260
00:10:00,389 --> 00:10:02,224
Might as well enjoy it.
261
00:10:02,225 --> 00:10:03,892
Morgan! Get me my lunch.
262
00:10:03,893 --> 00:10:07,028
I'm not pregnant,
so sushi and a 40 please.
263
00:10:07,029 --> 00:10:08,930
So just your regular lunch?
264
00:10:08,931 --> 00:10:12,067
Morgan... What happened to you?
265
00:10:12,068 --> 00:10:13,668
Why are you in a wheelchair?
266
00:10:13,669 --> 00:10:14,803
[sighs]
267
00:10:14,804 --> 00:10:16,738
I was walking down
the street with Dr. C.
268
00:10:16,739 --> 00:10:19,708
There was a lot of traffic,
and it was raining a little.
269
00:10:19,709 --> 00:10:21,409
[crying]
270
00:10:21,410 --> 00:10:23,011
And I stepped on the curb,
271
00:10:23,012 --> 00:10:25,180
and Dr. C turned to me and said,
272
00:10:25,181 --> 00:10:26,448
"Your shoes are too squeaky.
273
00:10:26,449 --> 00:10:29,085
I want you to spend the rest
of the day in a wheelchair."
274
00:10:31,287 --> 00:10:33,188
- What?
- I'm so embarrassed.
275
00:10:33,189 --> 00:10:34,956
I feel like such a fool.
276
00:10:34,957 --> 00:10:35,924
[shoes squeaking]
277
00:10:35,925 --> 00:10:37,659
Actually,
I found them in a field.
278
00:10:37,660 --> 00:10:40,762
It's like a high-pitched...
279
00:10:40,763 --> 00:10:42,397
- Get off!
- Ooh, ahh, ahh.
280
00:10:42,398 --> 00:10:44,633
Does Mindy know you're
finding her a husband?
281
00:10:44,634 --> 00:10:46,902
No, but since the father
won't step up to the plate,
282
00:10:46,903 --> 00:10:48,069
like Manny Ramirez,
283
00:10:48,070 --> 00:10:49,604
we have to take the ball
and run with it,
284
00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:50,906
like Rob Gronkowski.
285
00:10:50,907 --> 00:10:53,475
Come on, an arranged marriage?
286
00:10:53,476 --> 00:10:57,245
That's so... that's so medieval.
287
00:10:57,246 --> 00:11:00,015
We were an arranged marriage.
288
00:11:00,016 --> 00:11:02,150
You were?
289
00:11:02,151 --> 00:11:03,818
But you... you...
you must have known each other
290
00:11:03,819 --> 00:11:05,287
a little bit before, right?
291
00:11:05,288 --> 00:11:07,189
Like seen each other
at the festivals?
292
00:11:07,190 --> 00:11:10,659
You know, when you push the...
the lantern in the water.
293
00:11:10,660 --> 00:11:12,794
- That's Japan.
- That's Japan.
294
00:11:12,795 --> 00:11:14,896
The first time I saw her
295
00:11:14,897 --> 00:11:18,533
was when I lifted her
veil on our wedding day.
296
00:11:18,534 --> 00:11:21,036
It was the happiest
day of our lives.
297
00:11:21,037 --> 00:11:22,704
[inhales deeply]
298
00:11:22,705 --> 00:11:23,972
All right.
299
00:11:23,973 --> 00:11:26,041
All right,
let's take a look at these guys.
300
00:11:26,042 --> 00:11:27,577
Yay, let's do it.
301
00:11:32,548 --> 00:11:33,748
[tap at door]
302
00:11:33,749 --> 00:11:35,383
Hello, Mindy. You look happy.
303
00:11:35,384 --> 00:11:37,018
Let me guess,
304
00:11:37,019 --> 00:11:39,854
there's a new pop song
out celebrating butt size.
305
00:11:39,855 --> 00:11:41,656
Jason Derulo's
"Big Ol' Cheekies"
306
00:11:41,657 --> 00:11:43,258
is the jam of the season,
307
00:11:43,259 --> 00:11:47,195
and I am happy because
my life is so great.
308
00:11:47,196 --> 00:11:48,196
What do you want?
309
00:11:48,197 --> 00:11:50,098
Oh, nothing, I was just...
310
00:11:50,099 --> 00:11:51,666
missing the smell of
your dandruff shampoo.
311
00:11:51,667 --> 00:11:53,301
Oh, my God!
312
00:11:53,302 --> 00:11:55,136
Don't sniff me, you pedo.
313
00:11:55,137 --> 00:11:57,205
You did not call me
a pedo on Thursday.
314
00:11:57,206 --> 00:11:59,307
Well, actually you did,
315
00:11:59,308 --> 00:12:01,376
but it was in a fun
role-playing context.
316
00:12:01,377 --> 00:12:03,778
Role-playing...
317
00:12:03,779 --> 00:12:05,513
Oh, my God.
318
00:12:05,514 --> 00:12:07,950
Are we sleeping together?
319
00:12:12,355 --> 00:12:13,355
I'm not sleeping with you.
320
00:12:13,356 --> 00:12:14,422
I would never cheat on Danny.
321
00:12:14,423 --> 00:12:17,125
I mean, my husband Mitt.
322
00:12:17,126 --> 00:12:18,660
Matt. Whoever... this person...
323
00:12:18,661 --> 00:12:19,894
Damn it.
324
00:12:19,895 --> 00:12:20,929
I thought this
reality was better.
325
00:12:20,930 --> 00:12:22,230
Well, Mindy, I like to think
326
00:12:22,231 --> 00:12:24,266
that I exist in multiple
realities as well.
327
00:12:24,267 --> 00:12:26,801
However, in this one, I can tell
we are not going to have sex,
328
00:12:26,802 --> 00:12:30,338
so... I'm gonna go.
329
00:12:30,339 --> 00:12:32,707
What's going on with me?
I'm not a cheater.
330
00:12:32,708 --> 00:12:34,876
The only thing I've ever
cheated on was my vision test,
331
00:12:34,877 --> 00:12:36,511
and that was a victimless crime.
332
00:12:36,512 --> 00:12:38,246
[thud] Ow!
333
00:12:38,247 --> 00:12:39,314
Damn it.
334
00:12:39,315 --> 00:12:40,615
Why is there a chair here?
335
00:12:40,616 --> 00:12:42,584
There's like a million
chairs in this room!
336
00:12:42,585 --> 00:12:44,252
Danny can't be right about me.
337
00:12:44,253 --> 00:12:47,188
I have to confess to Matt,
because I'm a good person.
338
00:12:47,189 --> 00:12:48,790
And if he wants to
break up with me,
339
00:12:48,791 --> 00:12:50,726
I'll cash out with
half his money.
340
00:12:52,028 --> 00:12:53,662
Ooh, a dentist.
341
00:12:53,663 --> 00:12:55,063
They can talk about
being doctors.
342
00:12:55,064 --> 00:12:56,064
Fake doctor.
343
00:12:56,065 --> 00:12:57,599
What do you think, Danny?
344
00:12:57,600 --> 00:12:59,868
He is a decent man.
Will Mindy like him?
345
00:12:59,869 --> 00:13:02,304
Makes a mid five figures,
doesn't drink,
346
00:13:02,305 --> 00:13:04,172
listens to jazz.
I hope he likes the outdoors,
347
00:13:04,173 --> 00:13:05,807
'cause Mindy's gonna push
him right off a bridge.
348
00:13:05,808 --> 00:13:07,542
Next.
349
00:13:07,543 --> 00:13:08,943
Danny,
you haven't seemed to like
350
00:13:08,944 --> 00:13:10,045
any of these gentlemen.
351
00:13:10,046 --> 00:13:11,613
This is Mindy we're
talking about.
352
00:13:11,614 --> 00:13:13,648
Is there a binder of
white NBA players?
353
00:13:13,649 --> 00:13:15,817
Our daughter is
a 35-year-old pregnant woman
354
00:13:15,818 --> 00:13:17,152
with a Bart Simpson tattoo.
355
00:13:17,153 --> 00:13:18,820
If one of these
men will marry her,
356
00:13:18,821 --> 00:13:19,921
who are we to say no?
357
00:13:19,922 --> 00:13:21,723
Oh, maybe Danny's right.
358
00:13:21,724 --> 00:13:23,258
Maybe this is a bad idea,
359
00:13:23,259 --> 00:13:25,660
like Boston hosting
the Olympics.
360
00:13:25,661 --> 00:13:27,729
Mindy is too particular
for arranged marriage.
361
00:13:27,730 --> 00:13:29,831
Which raises the question...
362
00:13:29,832 --> 00:13:33,535
maybe, just maybe,
the fault isn't with Mindy,
363
00:13:33,536 --> 00:13:36,471
but with the institution
of marriage itself.
364
00:13:36,472 --> 00:13:38,674
Get out of my way!
English, English!
365
00:13:40,176 --> 00:13:42,811
I am Morgan of House Tookers.
366
00:13:42,812 --> 00:13:44,546
Both: Morgan!
367
00:13:44,547 --> 00:13:46,348
Finally we are together,
368
00:13:46,349 --> 00:13:48,249
like Peter Lawford
and Joey Bishop.
369
00:13:48,250 --> 00:13:49,317
You framed it.
370
00:13:49,318 --> 00:13:50,485
Morgan, what are you doing here?
371
00:13:50,486 --> 00:13:51,619
Thank God you're here.
372
00:13:51,620 --> 00:13:52,854
I've been looking
all over for you.
373
00:13:52,855 --> 00:13:55,457
I went to Pakistan first.
Big mistake.
374
00:13:55,458 --> 00:13:56,858
The Taliban tried
to recruit me...
375
00:13:56,859 --> 00:13:58,660
Hey, it's great to see you.
Can I talk to you?
376
00:13:58,661 --> 00:14:00,428
No one's ever said
that to me before.
377
00:14:00,429 --> 00:14:01,896
- Okay.
- Ah, what'd they say?
378
00:14:01,897 --> 00:14:03,565
Did you ask them yet?
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
379
00:14:03,566 --> 00:14:05,834
- Shh, keep your voice down.
- [whispers] Ow!
380
00:14:05,835 --> 00:14:07,669
Hey, man, how 'bout a hello?
381
00:14:07,670 --> 00:14:09,037
[whispering] How
the hell did you find me?
382
00:14:09,038 --> 00:14:11,239
Cousin Lou used
to be a detective.
383
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:12,240
In a porno.
384
00:14:12,241 --> 00:14:13,375
Right now, they're trying
385
00:14:13,376 --> 00:14:15,577
to push Mindy into
an arranged marriage.
386
00:14:15,578 --> 00:14:16,745
In there?
387
00:14:16,746 --> 00:14:18,813
They got a whole
binder full of losers.
388
00:14:18,814 --> 00:14:21,049
Oh, is it "The Big Book
of American Losers"?
389
00:14:21,050 --> 00:14:23,051
I'm on page 275.
390
00:14:23,052 --> 00:14:25,687
Did you ask for Dr. L's hand?
What did they say?
391
00:14:25,688 --> 00:14:26,988
No, I'm not doing that, okay?
392
00:14:26,989 --> 00:14:29,557
I came here to tell
them I love her,
393
00:14:29,558 --> 00:14:30,959
but I'm not built for marriage.
394
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,160
Okay, no, no, I'm sorry,
395
00:14:32,161 --> 00:14:34,662
I did not use all of
Dr. L's Marlboro points
396
00:14:34,663 --> 00:14:36,364
to fly halfway across the globe,
397
00:14:36,365 --> 00:14:39,000
tell the Taliban
I would "think about it,"
398
00:14:39,001 --> 00:14:41,035
only to have you say yet again
399
00:14:41,036 --> 00:14:44,406
you are not gonna propose to
the woman that you knocked up.
400
00:14:44,407 --> 00:14:47,942
"Oh, my feelings! My qualms!
401
00:14:47,943 --> 00:14:49,612
I have all these qualms."
402
00:14:51,514 --> 00:14:53,982
Hey, babe, I have to tell
you something very important,
403
00:14:53,983 --> 00:14:56,251
and it's been bothering
me the whole day...
404
00:14:56,252 --> 00:14:58,086
Ugh! These chips are terrible.
405
00:14:58,087 --> 00:14:59,654
Whoa, babe,
that's a bowl of seashells.
406
00:14:59,655 --> 00:15:01,356
Oh.
407
00:15:01,357 --> 00:15:02,991
Ooh, this reminds me.
408
00:15:02,992 --> 00:15:04,459
I spoke to Andy,
409
00:15:04,460 --> 00:15:06,394
and he is so pleased
with my work on
410
00:15:06,395 --> 00:15:08,163
"Real Housewives: Black vs.
White,"
411
00:15:08,164 --> 00:15:10,231
he wants to move
forward with our show.
412
00:15:10,232 --> 00:15:13,401
- Our show?
- Yeah, our reality show.
413
00:15:13,402 --> 00:15:15,336
About you and me
and our real lives,
414
00:15:15,337 --> 00:15:18,473
our stresses and struggles,
as you start your own business.
415
00:15:18,474 --> 00:15:20,408
Wait, my fertility practice?
416
00:15:20,409 --> 00:15:22,110
I don't know what that is.
No, your company!
417
00:15:22,111 --> 00:15:23,912
Delectable Desires.
418
00:15:23,913 --> 00:15:26,948
Slutty girdles for
the sexually active obese.
419
00:15:26,949 --> 00:15:28,650
That's my company?
420
00:15:28,651 --> 00:15:31,519
Okay, I'm sure my parents are
gonna be very proud about that.
421
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:33,054
No, no, just...
please, Matt, stop.
422
00:15:33,055 --> 00:15:34,856
- I have to tell you something.
- Of course.
423
00:15:34,857 --> 00:15:36,558
Babe, if you can
confess to me that
424
00:15:36,559 --> 00:15:38,393
you wrote a love
letter to Mel Gibson,
425
00:15:38,394 --> 00:15:41,029
you can tell me anything.
426
00:15:41,030 --> 00:15:42,363
I slept with someone else.
427
00:15:42,364 --> 00:15:43,898
And I don't know why I did it,
428
00:15:43,899 --> 00:15:46,568
but I promise,
I'm not that kind of person.
429
00:15:46,569 --> 00:15:49,370
Oh, that's it?
That's the confession?
430
00:15:49,371 --> 00:15:51,005
Yeah.
431
00:15:51,006 --> 00:15:53,741
Well, babe, I mean... so do I.
432
00:15:53,742 --> 00:15:55,710
I sleep with other
people all the time.
433
00:15:55,711 --> 00:15:57,912
We have an open relationship.
434
00:15:57,913 --> 00:15:59,447
Ex-squeeze me?
435
00:15:59,448 --> 00:16:02,717
Danny, this is the best
Italian food I've ever eaten.
436
00:16:02,718 --> 00:16:06,120
Tarun, thank you
so much for the sweatshirt.
437
00:16:06,121 --> 00:16:07,155
I love wearing it.
I love the Sox.
438
00:16:07,156 --> 00:16:08,490
You're most welcome.
439
00:16:08,491 --> 00:16:10,458
Morgan, I can't believe
you're not eating.
440
00:16:10,459 --> 00:16:13,127
Honestly, it just... it looks
really disgusting to me.
441
00:16:13,128 --> 00:16:16,297
Like it was made with...
ulterior motives.
442
00:16:16,298 --> 00:16:18,199
I'm just gonna stick
to my PB and naan.
443
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:19,467
I love it.
444
00:16:19,468 --> 00:16:22,337
You know, I only cook like
this for people I love.
445
00:16:22,338 --> 00:16:24,706
That is so sweet, Danny.
446
00:16:24,707 --> 00:16:26,608
Why can't our Mindy
find someone like you?
447
00:16:26,609 --> 00:16:29,310
Instead she gets taken
advantage of by some creep.
448
00:16:29,311 --> 00:16:30,545
Let me tell you
something about the guy
449
00:16:30,546 --> 00:16:32,180
who knocked up your daughter.
450
00:16:32,181 --> 00:16:35,216
He's literally the worst person
I've ever met in my life,
451
00:16:35,217 --> 00:16:37,652
and I was in a forced triple
cell with the Menendez brothers.
452
00:16:37,653 --> 00:16:39,387
Really?
Didn't he float you 5 grand
453
00:16:39,388 --> 00:16:41,489
so you could go to nurse
practitioner's school?
454
00:16:41,490 --> 00:16:43,791
Yeah, but did he come
to my graduation party?
455
00:16:43,792 --> 00:16:47,095
Nope! It was just me by myself
at the Rainforest Caf?.
456
00:16:47,096 --> 00:16:48,530
A parrot laughed at me.
457
00:16:48,531 --> 00:16:49,998
The waiter kept saying,
"Sir..." [doorbell rings]
458
00:16:49,999 --> 00:16:51,833
That's odd.
We weren't expecting anyone.
459
00:16:51,834 --> 00:16:53,268
Yeah, well, I was.
460
00:16:53,269 --> 00:16:55,303
- Who do you know in India?
- Who do I know in India?
461
00:16:55,304 --> 00:16:58,606
Uh, well, for one,
the dogs that stole my luggage.
462
00:16:58,607 --> 00:17:00,275
And for two...
463
00:17:00,276 --> 00:17:02,544
Dr. L's future husband.
464
00:17:02,545 --> 00:17:04,445
I went through this binder
and I found a real winner.
465
00:17:04,446 --> 00:17:06,382
- Oh, you did?
- And there he is, right there.
466
00:17:09,151 --> 00:17:11,286
We're in an open relationship?
467
00:17:11,287 --> 00:17:12,520
Are you out of your mind?
468
00:17:12,521 --> 00:17:14,322
You only check "open
relationship" on Facebook
469
00:17:14,323 --> 00:17:17,325
as a joke, like, "I'm in an open
relationship with chili fries."
470
00:17:17,326 --> 00:17:18,927
This was your idea, okay?
471
00:17:18,928 --> 00:17:21,462
We saw that Michael
Fassbender movie.
472
00:17:21,463 --> 00:17:23,298
You were like, "I'd love to
have a three-way with that guy,"
473
00:17:23,299 --> 00:17:24,666
and I was like, "I agree."
474
00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:26,000
Yeah, but you're not
supposed to agree
475
00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:27,802
with every stupid thing I say.
Danny would've been like,
476
00:17:27,803 --> 00:17:29,203
[as Danny] "Stop
being a pervert.
477
00:17:29,204 --> 00:17:30,705
Take a walk around the block.
Cool your loins."
478
00:17:30,706 --> 00:17:31,940
Oh, Danny.
479
00:17:31,941 --> 00:17:34,342
Danny, your coworker
who treats you like an idiot.
480
00:17:34,343 --> 00:17:36,678
You know what?
Sometimes I am an idiot.
481
00:17:36,679 --> 00:17:37,745
How are we supposed to explain
482
00:17:37,746 --> 00:17:39,581
our open relationship
to our kids?
483
00:17:39,582 --> 00:17:42,216
Our ki... we're not having kids!
484
00:17:42,217 --> 00:17:45,019
You said you'd rather
have a recording studio
485
00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:46,754
and a South Park
pinball machine!
486
00:17:46,755 --> 00:17:48,856
You know, I just can't believe
you're doing this tonight.
487
00:17:48,857 --> 00:17:50,224
Of all nights!
488
00:17:50,225 --> 00:17:52,293
The one night my college
roommate is in town.
489
00:17:52,294 --> 00:17:53,561
I'm sorry, okay?
490
00:17:53,562 --> 00:17:55,296
[sighs]
491
00:17:55,297 --> 00:17:57,865
Wait, we weren't meeting
him for group sex, were we?
492
00:17:57,866 --> 00:18:01,866
No, we were meeting him for
a nice dinner and to reminisce.
493
00:18:02,037 --> 00:18:03,605
Yes, we were gonna have
a three-way with him!
494
00:18:03,606 --> 00:18:05,507
I don't even know you anymore!
495
00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:09,978
They killed Kenny!
[electronic music]
496
00:18:09,979 --> 00:18:11,746
I get it. I have to find Danny.
497
00:18:11,747 --> 00:18:13,748
Now, Sendhil, it says here
498
00:18:13,749 --> 00:18:15,216
you love to dance.
499
00:18:15,217 --> 00:18:17,986
I myself couldn't
walk until I was 12.
500
00:18:17,987 --> 00:18:18,987
Can you speak to that?
501
00:18:18,988 --> 00:18:21,522
Hip hop was my entire 20s.
502
00:18:21,523 --> 00:18:24,425
I'd say a highlight was
touring with Michael Jackson
503
00:18:24,426 --> 00:18:25,760
and meeting the Queen.
504
00:18:25,761 --> 00:18:27,428
Oh!
505
00:18:27,429 --> 00:18:29,330
[impressed chuckles]
Mm.
506
00:18:29,331 --> 00:18:31,866
I'm a fairly
accomplished dancer.
507
00:18:31,867 --> 00:18:34,135
It's not exactly
the most lucrative career.
508
00:18:34,136 --> 00:18:36,638
How do you plan to
support a family on that?
509
00:18:36,639 --> 00:18:38,373
Oh, no, I run a hedge fund.
510
00:18:38,374 --> 00:18:41,409
Yeah, when a man over 30 dances,
he only looks foolish.
511
00:18:41,410 --> 00:18:43,277
Amen, brother.
512
00:18:43,278 --> 00:18:44,879
Sendhil, you are such a catch.
513
00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:48,082
May I ask,
why aren't you married?
514
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:50,218
- Well, I was married.
- Ooh.
515
00:18:50,219 --> 00:18:51,653
- You're divorced?
- [imitating buzzer]
516
00:18:51,654 --> 00:18:53,855
Thanks for playing, Sendhil.
Too bad.
517
00:18:53,856 --> 00:18:55,223
Really thought you were the one.
I'll walk you out.
518
00:18:55,224 --> 00:18:56,190
[imitating buzzer]
519
00:18:56,191 --> 00:18:57,625
You were divorced, right, Dr. C?
520
00:18:57,626 --> 00:18:59,494
Uh, no, I was... I was annulled.
521
00:18:59,495 --> 00:19:01,129
- It's totally different.
- The same thing, I think.
522
00:19:01,130 --> 00:19:03,564
I wish I was annulled.
523
00:19:03,565 --> 00:19:05,900
Actually, I'm a widower.
524
00:19:05,901 --> 00:19:08,703
My wife was swept
away in a wave.
525
00:19:08,704 --> 00:19:10,872
[groaning and gasping]
526
00:19:10,873 --> 00:19:13,274
[laughing]
527
00:19:13,275 --> 00:19:15,243
I think we got
a winner right here,
528
00:19:15,244 --> 00:19:17,412
Dr. L's new husband
and my new best friend.
529
00:19:17,413 --> 00:19:19,414
- My main man.
- No, no, no.
530
00:19:19,415 --> 00:19:20,848
He's not the husband,
he's not the best friend.
531
00:19:20,849 --> 00:19:22,650
What's wrong with him?
Is it the way he's dressed?
532
00:19:22,651 --> 00:19:24,018
Or the fact that he's rich
533
00:19:24,019 --> 00:19:26,988
or has this frigging
beautiful caramel skin?
534
00:19:26,989 --> 00:19:30,792
Or is it that he wants to marry
the old girl, sight unseen,
535
00:19:30,793 --> 00:19:32,593
unlike some people
that I know...
536
00:19:32,594 --> 00:19:35,129
Okay, Morgan, stop, right now.
Okay, just stop?
537
00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:37,331
Danny, we know you
have high standards,
538
00:19:37,332 --> 00:19:40,334
but Sendhil is far and away
the best option Mindy has.
539
00:19:40,335 --> 00:19:41,803
No. No, he isn't.
540
00:19:41,804 --> 00:19:43,004
If not him, then who?
541
00:19:43,005 --> 00:19:46,607
Yeah, Danny.
If not him, then who?
542
00:19:46,608 --> 00:19:49,177
Me.
543
00:19:49,178 --> 00:19:51,412
I'm the father of Mindy's baby.
544
00:19:51,413 --> 00:19:54,482
And you've come to
ask for her hand?
545
00:19:54,483 --> 00:19:56,050
Not exactly.
546
00:19:56,051 --> 00:19:56,985
Come again?
547
00:20:01,724 --> 00:20:03,858
How could you lie to us?
I played Sudoku with you.
548
00:20:03,859 --> 00:20:06,327
We talked about the Red
Sox middle relief problems!
549
00:20:06,328 --> 00:20:07,895
Guess what?
He hates the Red Sox.
550
00:20:07,896 --> 00:20:08,896
He hates Tom Brady too.
551
00:20:08,897 --> 00:20:09,997
I don't hate him.
552
00:20:09,998 --> 00:20:11,132
I just think he's
an ugly cheater.
553
00:20:11,133 --> 00:20:12,767
Hold on. She's pregnant?
554
00:20:12,768 --> 00:20:13,768
You didn't tell me that.
555
00:20:13,769 --> 00:20:15,369
Okay, she's
a very sexually active
556
00:20:15,370 --> 00:20:18,172
35-year-old woman who doesn't
like the way condoms feel.
557
00:20:18,173 --> 00:20:20,408
- What do you expect?
- 35 and pregnant?
558
00:20:20,409 --> 00:20:22,176
You were trying to
sell me a lemon.
559
00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:24,679
- Hey!
- Ex-squeeze me, sir?
560
00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:27,515
Did you just call my daughter
a piece of sour fruit?
561
00:20:27,516 --> 00:20:29,417
How dare you?
562
00:20:29,418 --> 00:20:31,652
Our daughter is a sweet angel
563
00:20:31,653 --> 00:20:33,855
that any man would
be lucky to be with.
564
00:20:33,856 --> 00:20:35,256
Of course you'd say that.
565
00:20:35,257 --> 00:20:37,258
You're the people who taught
her these loose morals.
566
00:20:37,259 --> 00:20:39,193
- [gasps]
- You don't insult my family!
567
00:20:39,194 --> 00:20:40,895
It is the greatest
family in the world.
568
00:20:40,896 --> 00:20:44,532
My daughter is a ray of light
because this is her mother,
569
00:20:44,533 --> 00:20:48,002
the premiere undiscovered
Bollywood character actress
570
00:20:48,003 --> 00:20:49,704
in the greater Boston area.
571
00:20:49,705 --> 00:20:51,205
And Mindy is a brilliant doctor
572
00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:52,740
because she takes
after this man,
573
00:20:52,741 --> 00:20:54,375
the best chemistry professor
574
00:20:54,376 --> 00:20:56,077
to walk the halls
of Lesley College.
575
00:20:56,078 --> 00:20:58,045
His office hours
are poorly attended
576
00:20:58,046 --> 00:21:00,715
because he teaches it
right the first time.
577
00:21:00,716 --> 00:21:02,517
Wh... If she's so great,
578
00:21:02,518 --> 00:21:04,685
how come you won't marry her?
579
00:21:04,686 --> 00:21:06,187
Those are my own stupid issues.
580
00:21:06,188 --> 00:21:08,790
If I grew up seeing
a marriage like this one,
581
00:21:08,791 --> 00:21:11,592
I don't know,
maybe I wouldn't have them.
582
00:21:11,593 --> 00:21:12,860
Mindy is amazing.
583
00:21:12,861 --> 00:21:14,529
Yes, she is.
584
00:21:14,530 --> 00:21:18,232
And for the record, people
would kill to be a Lahiri.
585
00:21:18,233 --> 00:21:20,001
I'd kill a whole
busload of people.
586
00:21:20,002 --> 00:21:21,135
You hear that?
587
00:21:21,136 --> 00:21:22,737
[inhales] Whew, I'm sorry,
588
00:21:22,738 --> 00:21:24,372
that's the Taliban talking.
589
00:21:24,373 --> 00:21:26,574
Now get out!
[speaking native language]
590
00:21:26,575 --> 00:21:29,610
Hey, how come you needed
my credit card information?
591
00:21:29,611 --> 00:21:31,547
[speaking foreign language]
592
00:21:32,614 --> 00:21:34,550
Now. Get out.
593
00:21:44,526 --> 00:21:47,428
[suspenseful music]
594
00:21:47,429 --> 00:21:50,898
595
00:21:50,899 --> 00:21:54,035
Danny, Danny, oh,
thank God I found you.
596
00:21:54,036 --> 00:21:55,837
I need to talk to you.
It's very important.
597
00:21:55,838 --> 00:21:57,105
[sighs]
598
00:21:58,907 --> 00:22:01,475
- Are you on a date right now?
- Yes, I am.
599
00:22:01,476 --> 00:22:02,677
What are you doing here?
600
00:22:02,678 --> 00:22:05,213
I am in a sliding doors
for one freaking day,
601
00:22:05,214 --> 00:22:06,414
and you are wining, dining,
602
00:22:06,415 --> 00:22:08,717
and potentially sixty-nining
with this rando...
603
00:22:11,019 --> 00:22:13,321
- Oh, my God.
- Sorry.
604
00:22:13,322 --> 00:22:16,023
- Are you Freida Pinto?
- Yes.
605
00:22:16,024 --> 00:22:19,393
You know, people tell me
that we look so much alike.
606
00:22:19,394 --> 00:22:20,595
You must hear that too, right?
607
00:22:20,596 --> 00:22:21,762
I don't think so.
608
00:22:21,763 --> 00:22:23,030
I don't see
the resemblance really.
609
00:22:23,031 --> 00:22:25,399
Wait, were you ever
featured in "Cosmo"
610
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:26,634
in their "Fashion
Fails" section?
611
00:22:26,635 --> 00:22:27,802
You look so familiar.
612
00:22:27,803 --> 00:22:30,137
I was. I was actually.
613
00:22:30,138 --> 00:22:31,939
I had a camel toe
in corduroy shorts.
614
00:22:31,940 --> 00:22:34,709
So she's not the only
famous Indian woman here.
615
00:22:34,710 --> 00:22:35,710
How do you two know each other?
616
00:22:35,711 --> 00:22:37,845
Oh, I met Danny in spin class.
617
00:22:37,846 --> 00:22:40,748
- One day our quads touched...
- Oh, yes.
618
00:22:40,749 --> 00:22:42,416
On a very steep climb.
619
00:22:42,417 --> 00:22:44,385
What a romantic story.
Hey, you know what'd be great,
620
00:22:44,386 --> 00:22:45,620
if I could just
talk to this guy,
621
00:22:45,621 --> 00:22:46,787
and you could get
the hell out of here.
622
00:22:46,788 --> 00:22:48,055
Yeah, you should leave.
623
00:22:48,056 --> 00:22:49,323
Yeah, it's weird
that you're still here.
624
00:22:49,324 --> 00:22:50,358
I'm talking to you, Mindy.
625
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:51,993
No, I will not leave.
626
00:22:51,994 --> 00:22:53,995
Okay, you know what,
I have to talk to you,
627
00:22:53,996 --> 00:22:55,429
- so if you're not gonna move...
- [gasps]
628
00:22:55,430 --> 00:22:56,631
I'm just gonna seat myself.
629
00:22:56,632 --> 00:22:58,232
Help, Danny, she's killing me.
630
00:22:58,233 --> 00:22:59,233
Okay, cut the theatrics, Pinto.
631
00:22:59,234 --> 00:23:00,468
Oh, she's so heavy, Danny!
632
00:23:00,469 --> 00:23:03,170
- No, I am not so heavy!
- You're crushing her.
633
00:23:03,171 --> 00:23:04,972
If you ate more,
this wouldn't hurt so much.
634
00:23:04,973 --> 00:23:06,707
You know what? You are rude,
635
00:23:06,708 --> 00:23:08,643
you're a jerk,
and I'm not going anywhere.
636
00:23:08,644 --> 00:23:09,977
You know why?
637
00:23:09,978 --> 00:23:11,379
'Cause I am pregnant
with this man's baby.
638
00:23:11,380 --> 00:23:12,847
[diners gasping]
What?
639
00:23:12,848 --> 00:23:14,482
I know you're very angry,
640
00:23:14,483 --> 00:23:17,084
but I'm prepared to
make things right.
641
00:23:17,085 --> 00:23:18,786
Now, how do you settle
things in this country?
642
00:23:18,787 --> 00:23:20,087
I'm going to have to
cut off your hand.
643
00:23:20,088 --> 00:23:21,289
Oh, God, I knew it! I knew it!
644
00:23:21,290 --> 00:23:22,390
You knew it was a risk!
You knew it was a risk!
645
00:23:22,391 --> 00:23:24,125
No, you idiot.
646
00:23:24,126 --> 00:23:26,928
Have you not read
a single book in your life?
647
00:23:26,929 --> 00:23:30,929
Look, I... I'm sorry I insulted
your arranged marriage.
648
00:23:31,166 --> 00:23:34,435
I mean, you two have
a very special relationship.
649
00:23:34,436 --> 00:23:36,570
- Looking back on my life...
- Stop.
650
00:23:36,571 --> 00:23:38,306
As my son Rishi would say,
651
00:23:38,307 --> 00:23:39,674
get a grip, dude.
652
00:23:39,675 --> 00:23:43,110
If you had put as much
time into your relationship
653
00:23:43,111 --> 00:23:44,545
as you do worrying about it,
654
00:23:44,546 --> 00:23:45,980
I'd have six
grandchildren by now.
655
00:23:45,981 --> 00:23:47,682
Yes, go and take
care of our daughter.
656
00:23:47,683 --> 00:23:50,885
You can call it
whatever you like.
657
00:23:50,886 --> 00:23:53,521
Okay. Uh...
658
00:23:53,522 --> 00:23:54,556
Thank you.
659
00:23:56,425 --> 00:23:59,360
Probably see you guys
during Brahmadon?
660
00:23:59,361 --> 00:24:00,828
That's not anything.
661
00:24:00,829 --> 00:24:02,330
Now you are not getting
a farewell song.
662
00:24:02,331 --> 00:24:03,564
- Come on!
- No, no.
663
00:24:03,565 --> 00:24:04,565
- I didn't do it... it was him!
- It was me.
664
00:24:04,566 --> 00:24:05,566
- Both go.
- Tarun?
665
00:24:05,567 --> 00:24:06,934
- Out, out.
- Out.
666
00:24:06,935 --> 00:24:08,602
Are you out of your mind?
667
00:24:08,603 --> 00:24:10,638
Danny, I thought "Be
careful what you wish for"
668
00:24:10,639 --> 00:24:12,673
was something that people
said in books I've never read.
669
00:24:12,674 --> 00:24:13,975
But it's happening to me!
670
00:24:13,976 --> 00:24:15,576
I'm not supposed to
be with handsome Matt!
671
00:24:15,577 --> 00:24:16,577
This life is wrong.
672
00:24:16,578 --> 00:24:18,579
There is no other life.
This is it.
673
00:24:18,580 --> 00:24:20,848
That's not true. I lived it!
674
00:24:20,849 --> 00:24:23,484
Okay, when we were on that plane
coming back from L.A.,
675
00:24:23,485 --> 00:24:26,053
you were supposed to follow
me to the back and kiss me.
676
00:24:26,054 --> 00:24:27,990
But you didn't.
677
00:24:31,059 --> 00:24:33,060
Why didn't you kiss me?
678
00:24:33,061 --> 00:24:36,397
[tense music]
679
00:24:36,398 --> 00:24:37,665
I know you don't believe me,
680
00:24:37,666 --> 00:24:40,535
but that's what was
meant to happen.
681
00:24:42,037 --> 00:24:44,472
You know I'm right!
You know I'm right!
682
00:24:44,473 --> 00:24:45,706
Why didn't you kiss me?
683
00:24:45,707 --> 00:24:48,309
Then what? Huh? What?
684
00:24:48,310 --> 00:24:51,479
We date and you cheat on me
like you cheat on your husband?
685
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:54,582
I would never cheat on you,
Danny.
686
00:24:54,583 --> 00:24:57,853
'Cause you're the one
I'm supposed to be with.
687
00:25:00,355 --> 00:25:02,357
Hey, don't do that.
688
00:25:09,264 --> 00:25:10,931
No, no, no, no, this is crazy.
689
00:25:10,932 --> 00:25:13,367
This is crazy. Uh...
690
00:25:13,368 --> 00:25:15,803
Take a walk around the block
and go cool your loins, okay?
691
00:25:15,804 --> 00:25:17,405
See? That's why I need you.
692
00:25:17,406 --> 00:25:19,306
Because you say annoying
stuff like that, Danny.
693
00:25:19,307 --> 00:25:21,709
You make me a better person,
and I make you a better person.
694
00:25:21,710 --> 00:25:22,877
No, no, no, no, no, no,
695
00:25:22,878 --> 00:25:23,878
you don't know what
you're talking about.
696
00:25:23,879 --> 00:25:25,780
Okay, Mindy? Just do me a favor.
697
00:25:25,781 --> 00:25:27,982
Go home. Go home.
698
00:25:27,983 --> 00:25:29,183
You have a husband.
699
00:25:29,184 --> 00:25:31,152
I don't want a husband.
I want you!
700
00:25:31,153 --> 00:25:32,153
[thud]
701
00:25:32,154 --> 00:25:33,988
[hyperventilating]
702
00:25:33,989 --> 00:25:35,056
- Oh, God. Oh, God.
- Hey.
703
00:25:35,057 --> 00:25:36,957
- Hey, hey, you're okay.
- Oh, God.
704
00:25:36,958 --> 00:25:38,125
You're just having
a bad dream, babe.
705
00:25:38,126 --> 00:25:40,961
It was so awful, my God.
706
00:25:40,962 --> 00:25:42,329
It was like "It's
A Wonderful Life,"
707
00:25:42,330 --> 00:25:46,200
except it was in color
and it wasn't boring.
708
00:25:46,201 --> 00:25:47,868
You hated me.
709
00:25:47,869 --> 00:25:49,970
You were dating Freida Pinto.
She was such a bitch.
710
00:25:49,971 --> 00:25:51,205
What?
711
00:25:51,206 --> 00:25:54,141
I don't care if
we're not married.
712
00:25:54,142 --> 00:25:56,578
I just want to be
with you, okay?
713
00:25:58,146 --> 00:26:00,082
Me too.
714
00:26:04,953 --> 00:26:06,854
[groans]
What the hell, man?
715
00:26:06,855 --> 00:26:09,123
I was so worried and mad!
Where have you been?
716
00:26:09,124 --> 00:26:11,892
I was in India.
717
00:26:11,893 --> 00:26:13,561
I was with your parents.
718
00:26:13,562 --> 00:26:16,030
Oh, no. Did my mom sing?
719
00:26:16,031 --> 00:26:18,532
- A little bit, yeah.
- I'm so sorry.
720
00:26:18,533 --> 00:26:22,236
I told them that I love you,
but I don't believe in marriage.
721
00:26:22,237 --> 00:26:23,537
I know.
722
00:26:23,538 --> 00:26:26,407
But when two strangers can
meet on their wedding day
723
00:26:26,408 --> 00:26:28,242
and still be in
love 40 years later,
724
00:26:28,243 --> 00:26:30,177
maybe I'm wrong.
725
00:26:30,178 --> 00:26:33,547
I'd like to be wrong.
726
00:26:33,548 --> 00:26:35,984
Mindy Lahiri...
727
00:26:41,356 --> 00:26:45,259
Will you marry me?
728
00:26:45,260 --> 00:26:47,061
[laughing] Yes.
729
00:26:47,062 --> 00:26:49,163
Yes, yes.
730
00:26:49,164 --> 00:26:52,167
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
731
00:26:52,217 --> 00:26:56,767
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