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1
00:00:00,924 --> 00:00:02,710
(Mindy) I think that was
the best wedding I've ever been to.
2
00:00:02,711 --> 00:00:05,012
The bride was older than me
and she weighed more than me.
3
00:00:05,013 --> 00:00:06,147
Did you notice that?
4
00:00:06,148 --> 00:00:07,148
I still don't think
we should've brought
5
00:00:07,149 --> 00:00:08,416
a gift to a second wedding.
6
00:00:08,417 --> 00:00:09,717
You know?
It's rewarding failure.
7
00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:11,586
[Police sirens]
8
00:00:11,587 --> 00:00:12,720
Oh, no.
9
00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:14,322
Oh, for Pete's sake.
10
00:00:14,323 --> 00:00:15,756
(Danny) This is why
I should've driven.
11
00:00:15,757 --> 00:00:16,791
(Mindy) You had four drinks.
12
00:00:16,792 --> 00:00:19,227
Yeah, but drunk me
is safer than sober you.
13
00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:20,928
Relax. I've been
pulled over a hundred times,
14
00:00:20,929 --> 00:00:23,064
and I've never once gotten a ticket.
How?
15
00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:24,565
The way I get out
of everything...
16
00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:25,566
Lying and crying.
17
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,969
Okay, fine.
18
00:00:27,970 --> 00:00:29,437
Officer, the reason
we were speeding
19
00:00:29,438 --> 00:00:30,905
is because we were rushing away
20
00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:32,907
from this devastating funeral
21
00:00:32,908 --> 00:00:35,143
of a very close friend
of ours who died.
22
00:00:35,144 --> 00:00:36,844
And the funeral had
a photo booth...
23
00:00:36,845 --> 00:00:38,179
With prop moustaches?
24
00:00:38,180 --> 00:00:40,381
[Fake sobbing]
25
00:00:40,382 --> 00:00:42,350
You know what?
26
00:00:42,351 --> 00:00:44,719
Just give me a ticket.
27
00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:45,853
I can't have a baby!
28
00:00:45,854 --> 00:00:47,655
Calm down!
Look, look, look!
29
00:00:47,656 --> 00:00:49,090
Calm down, I'll cut you a break.
30
00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:50,558
I'll cut you a break.
Really?
31
00:00:50,559 --> 00:00:53,161
You remind me of the demented
aunt that raised me.
32
00:00:53,162 --> 00:00:55,263
That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
33
00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:56,497
Drive safe.
34
00:00:56,498 --> 00:00:59,867
[Crying] Thank you.
You're such a good guy.
35
00:01:02,037 --> 00:01:03,504
And that is how it's done.
36
00:01:03,505 --> 00:01:04,564
You're going to hell.
37
00:01:04,573 --> 00:01:05,707
For that little performance,
38
00:01:05,708 --> 00:01:08,409
don't you think
I deserve a reward?
39
00:01:08,410 --> 00:01:09,544
(Mindy) Oh, my God.
40
00:01:09,545 --> 00:01:10,978
Whoa, Nelly.
41
00:01:10,979 --> 00:01:13,381
Ma'am, you've been parked in
the turnpike for 15 minutes.
42
00:01:13,382 --> 00:01:15,383
Sir, what's that
around your neck?
43
00:01:15,384 --> 00:01:18,386
[Upbeat music]
44
00:01:18,387 --> 00:01:24,386
45
00:01:26,515 --> 00:01:29,594
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
46
00:01:30,149 --> 00:01:32,083
(Mindy) I gotta learn.
47
00:01:32,117 --> 00:01:33,618
My frat buddy, pube, is dead.
48
00:01:33,619 --> 00:01:35,019
Both: What?
He's dead to me.
49
00:01:35,020 --> 00:01:36,521
Because his dad is dead.
50
00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:37,755
And he's gotta go
to the funeral,
51
00:01:37,756 --> 00:01:39,290
making him unavailable
to be my partner
52
00:01:39,324 --> 00:01:40,992
at the Dartmouth alumni
beer-pong tournament.
53
00:01:40,993 --> 00:01:42,026
I could be your partner.
54
00:01:42,027 --> 00:01:43,494
I'm basically a frat guy.
55
00:01:43,495 --> 00:01:45,463
You know why?
'Cause I love drinking,
56
00:01:45,464 --> 00:01:46,964
and I hate nerds.
Bop!
57
00:01:46,965 --> 00:01:48,333
I'm cool.
No, he's cool.
58
00:01:48,334 --> 00:01:50,335
It was funny 'cause like
it's so not true.
59
00:01:50,369 --> 00:01:51,869
Thank you, but there's
no chicks allowed.
60
00:01:51,904 --> 00:01:53,638
Plus, I need a partner
that's really good
61
00:01:53,639 --> 00:01:54,639
to beat last year's champion...
62
00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,441
Shonda rhimes, class of '91.
63
00:01:56,475 --> 00:01:58,509
Wait, I thought you just said
that no chicks were allowed.
64
00:01:58,510 --> 00:01:59,777
Yeah, but she's
successful like a man.
65
00:01:59,778 --> 00:02:02,013
[Phones chime, vibrate]
66
00:02:02,014 --> 00:02:03,848
Jeremy: "Where are you all?
67
00:02:03,849 --> 00:02:05,483
I'm really panicked,
if you can't tell."
68
00:02:05,517 --> 00:02:06,751
Oh no, we're supposed
to be meeting
69
00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:08,920
the new department chief
at the hospital right now.
70
00:02:08,954 --> 00:02:10,688
I told Jeremy
if he ever wants me
71
00:02:10,689 --> 00:02:12,657
to go anywhere,
he has to trick me
72
00:02:12,658 --> 00:02:14,525
into believing that Pharrell
is doing a meet-and-greet.
73
00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:15,893
[Phones chime, vibrate]
74
00:02:15,894 --> 00:02:17,095
Jeremy:
"You're not going to believe this,
75
00:02:17,096 --> 00:02:18,329
but Pharrell just showed up."
Holy moly.
76
00:02:18,364 --> 00:02:20,231
Come on, let's go, babe!
Peter!
77
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:23,868
Now that I've described
my vision for the hospital,
78
00:02:23,902 --> 00:02:25,303
a little about me.
79
00:02:25,337 --> 00:02:28,439
Dr. Jean fishman,
formerly of mass general,
80
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,342
where I ran a very tight ship.
81
00:02:31,343 --> 00:02:32,644
But I'm not here
to make friends...
82
00:02:32,645 --> 00:02:34,078
Oh, no, no, no.
83
00:02:34,079 --> 00:02:35,847
[Whispering]
I am here to make babies.
84
00:02:35,848 --> 00:02:37,215
[Thud]
85
00:02:37,216 --> 00:02:38,483
[Whispers] Sorry.
86
00:02:39,718 --> 00:02:41,219
So glad you guys could make it.
87
00:02:41,253 --> 00:02:42,620
I hope it wasn't
too much trouble.
88
00:02:42,621 --> 00:02:44,322
Oh, relax, we're like
the first people here.
89
00:02:44,323 --> 00:02:46,457
Mm...
Almost 16 minutes late.
90
00:02:46,492 --> 00:02:49,127
You're lucky I don't know
what practice you're from.
91
00:02:49,161 --> 00:02:50,795
Oh, we work
at Shulman & Associates.
92
00:02:50,829 --> 00:02:53,631
Established in 2003.
A safe place for women.
93
00:02:53,666 --> 00:02:55,066
May I continue?
94
00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:57,268
Of course. It's weird
I'm talking at all.
95
00:02:57,269 --> 00:02:58,470
Shut up.
Ow!
96
00:02:58,504 --> 00:03:03,041
As I was saying,
there are certain reforms
97
00:03:03,042 --> 00:03:04,809
that I wanna put
in place immediately...
98
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,111
[Ringtone: Iggy azalea's
fancy plays]
99
00:03:07,146 --> 00:03:08,413
What the hell is that?
100
00:03:08,447 --> 00:03:09,714
I'm in the fast lane
101
00:03:09,715 --> 00:03:11,316
from L.A. to Tokyo
102
00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:12,650
It's my... it's my phone.
103
00:03:12,685 --> 00:03:14,485
I'm just gonna...
I'm gonna turn it off.
104
00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:15,653
Just hold this, please.
105
00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,255
Good thing it's
a good song though, right?
106
00:03:17,289 --> 00:03:18,556
[Shulman associates murmuring]
107
00:03:18,590 --> 00:03:20,692
[Song continues]
Okay, I'm just, I'm just...
108
00:03:20,693 --> 00:03:22,126
There's just too much in here.
109
00:03:22,127 --> 00:03:23,361
There's too much in here,
so I think the best thing
110
00:03:23,362 --> 00:03:25,330
is just probably
just let it run its course.
111
00:03:25,331 --> 00:03:26,497
Please continue.
112
00:03:26,532 --> 00:03:31,002
[Iggy azalea's fancy continues]
113
00:03:31,036 --> 00:03:32,971
(Jeremy) Kudos, Mindy.
114
00:03:33,005 --> 00:03:34,305
You've really done it this time.
115
00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:36,007
I just received
the new hospital schedule,
116
00:03:36,041 --> 00:03:37,241
and Dr. Fishman has given us
117
00:03:37,242 --> 00:03:39,043
the graveyard slot
for all of our procedures.
118
00:03:39,044 --> 00:03:41,779
Oh, no, I can't do a c-section
at 11:00 P.M. on a Sunday.
119
00:03:41,780 --> 00:03:43,348
With a gut full of ma's lasagn?
120
00:03:43,382 --> 00:03:44,849
(Jeremy) We need to fix this,
partners.
121
00:03:44,883 --> 00:03:46,317
Ideas, please, come on.
[Snapping]
122
00:03:46,352 --> 00:03:47,885
I have an idea.
123
00:03:47,886 --> 00:03:50,221
A sincere apology
and a promise to do better.
124
00:03:50,222 --> 00:03:52,657
I'm sorry, what're...
What're you doing here, buddy?
125
00:03:52,691 --> 00:03:54,292
Oh, he's shadowing me.
It's legit.
126
00:03:54,326 --> 00:03:55,660
It's legit, like how?
127
00:03:55,661 --> 00:03:58,029
Look, I can't help
but feel partly responsible
128
00:03:58,030 --> 00:03:59,330
for this.
[Loudly] Because it's your...
129
00:03:59,365 --> 00:04:00,965
[Lowers voice]
Because it's your fault.
130
00:04:00,966 --> 00:04:01,965
That's probably why.
131
00:04:01,967 --> 00:04:04,268
It's 100% on your shoulders.
132
00:04:04,303 --> 00:04:05,970
Okay, you don't all
have to gang up against me.
133
00:04:05,971 --> 00:04:07,205
All right?
That's actually against the law.
134
00:04:07,206 --> 00:04:08,706
Leave her alone.
Thank you.
135
00:04:08,741 --> 00:04:09,774
Okay, so what are we gonna do?
136
00:04:09,808 --> 00:04:11,542
I think I have
a pretty great idea.
137
00:04:11,577 --> 00:04:12,710
I'm gonna take Dr. Fishman out
138
00:04:12,745 --> 00:04:14,212
for a night on the town.
What?
139
00:04:14,246 --> 00:04:16,014
You know, girls love me!
We'll gab, we'll hang out
140
00:04:16,015 --> 00:04:17,615
at the spa,
I'll tell her she's hot.
141
00:04:17,616 --> 00:04:18,683
She'll tell me I'm hotter.
142
00:04:18,684 --> 00:04:20,785
Boom-shacka-lacka...
We're best friends.
143
00:04:20,786 --> 00:04:22,053
It's not a bad idea.
144
00:04:22,087 --> 00:04:23,488
It's a good idea.
145
00:04:23,489 --> 00:04:25,290
[Fancy ringtone plays]
Both: Mindy!
146
00:04:25,324 --> 00:04:27,692
You already know
(Jeremy) Have you learned nothing?
147
00:04:27,693 --> 00:04:29,661
Oh, my God, that is me.
148
00:04:30,996 --> 00:04:32,397
[Knock at door]
149
00:04:32,398 --> 00:04:33,631
Hey!
150
00:04:33,632 --> 00:04:34,699
Dr. Fishman!
151
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:35,733
I didn't say come in.
152
00:04:35,768 --> 00:04:37,235
It's... it's cool.
153
00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:38,636
This is a great office!
154
00:04:38,671 --> 00:04:39,804
What do you want?
155
00:04:39,805 --> 00:04:42,240
I brought you this
apology cactus.
156
00:04:42,274 --> 00:04:43,941
Because you think I'm prickly?
157
00:04:43,976 --> 00:04:46,444
No! Cactuses might seem prickly,
158
00:04:46,445 --> 00:04:49,514
but really, deep down,
they're little gentle creatures...
159
00:04:49,515 --> 00:04:51,349
Ow... stupid bitch!
160
00:04:51,350 --> 00:04:52,350
Oh, God.
161
00:04:52,351 --> 00:04:55,119
Ugh. Um, do you have
like a band-aid?
162
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:57,155
Listen, if you think that cactus
163
00:04:57,156 --> 00:05:01,059
is going to get you a
better schedule, forget it.
164
00:05:01,060 --> 00:05:03,161
Okay, look, I know we got off
165
00:05:03,162 --> 00:05:05,196
on the wrong foot,
and that's a real shame.
166
00:05:05,197 --> 00:05:07,465
'Cause you and I?
We're just two cool women
167
00:05:07,466 --> 00:05:10,501
trying to make our way
in this female-dominated industry.
168
00:05:10,536 --> 00:05:11,736
What do you want from me,
169
00:05:11,737 --> 00:05:14,939
other than what you
obviously want from me?
170
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,040
I don't know.
171
00:05:16,041 --> 00:05:17,875
I just wanna get
to know you better.
172
00:05:17,876 --> 00:05:19,210
You seem cool,
you're new to town,
173
00:05:19,211 --> 00:05:21,913
and I was named
"New York's it-girl"
174
00:05:21,914 --> 00:05:24,115
by a magazine that I made
at the carnival.
175
00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:27,885
Hmm, well, it's true, I don't
know New York that well.
176
00:05:27,886 --> 00:05:29,253
I've been spending every night
177
00:05:29,254 --> 00:05:31,689
at the Statue of Liberty
because I assume
178
00:05:31,690 --> 00:05:33,558
that's what people do.
179
00:05:33,559 --> 00:05:35,193
What'd you have in mind?
180
00:05:35,227 --> 00:05:36,761
I have no idea,
because I did not think
181
00:05:36,762 --> 00:05:38,329
I would get this far.
182
00:05:38,330 --> 00:05:39,697
But it is gonna blow your mind.
183
00:05:39,698 --> 00:05:41,599
It's gonna be like
a thousand times better
184
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:42,867
than this cactus.
185
00:05:42,868 --> 00:05:44,435
Just wear comfy clothes
and don't bring any cash,
186
00:05:44,436 --> 00:05:46,270
'cause I got you covered.
187
00:05:46,271 --> 00:05:48,072
And, uh, yeah,
it's gonna be awesome.
188
00:05:48,073 --> 00:05:49,974
Love you... I mean...
189
00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:51,576
I will grow to love you,
190
00:05:51,577 --> 00:05:53,811
and you will grow to love me.
191
00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,382
Okay, we're gonna start
nice and easy.
192
00:05:57,383 --> 00:05:58,850
Lemons in a bucket.
193
00:05:58,851 --> 00:06:00,418
It's all about touch.
194
00:06:00,452 --> 00:06:01,519
Whoo!
See?
195
00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:02,720
Got it.
Watch this.
196
00:06:02,755 --> 00:06:05,223
It's all about touch.
197
00:06:05,224 --> 00:06:06,424
(Peter) See,
that was like a lot of touch.
198
00:06:06,425 --> 00:06:07,992
Have you ever
thrown anything before?
199
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,727
Yeah, man.
200
00:06:09,728 --> 00:06:11,996
I mean, I've dropped stuff.
201
00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:13,464
Peter, I know
we've had our fair share
202
00:06:13,465 --> 00:06:16,567
of ups-and-downs
since I started dating Lauren,
203
00:06:16,568 --> 00:06:20,038
but... I could be
your beer-pong partner.
204
00:06:20,039 --> 00:06:21,406
[Laughs mockingly]
205
00:06:21,407 --> 00:06:23,041
I actually have amazing aim.
206
00:06:23,042 --> 00:06:26,144
As a child, it was my job to
put ice in father's drink.
207
00:06:26,145 --> 00:06:28,980
And if I got too close,
he would swat at me.
208
00:06:28,981 --> 00:06:31,449
Okay, Oliver,
these stories are getting so...
209
00:06:33,619 --> 00:06:35,720
Okay, you know,
it's not about making it.
210
00:06:35,721 --> 00:06:37,121
It's about technique.
211
00:06:39,658 --> 00:06:41,659
All right, already!
212
00:06:41,694 --> 00:06:42,794
Clearly, you have an affinity
213
00:06:42,795 --> 00:06:45,129
for throwing small objects
into small glasses.
214
00:06:45,164 --> 00:06:48,099
Peter, we used to be
such good chums.
215
00:06:48,133 --> 00:06:50,868
We did used to share
a work toothbrush.
216
00:06:50,903 --> 00:06:52,870
We did?
Yeah, we all did!
217
00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:54,172
We did?
218
00:06:54,173 --> 00:06:55,440
Okay, okay, okay, watch this.
219
00:06:55,441 --> 00:06:57,241
I sink this... muah...
220
00:06:57,242 --> 00:06:58,241
You and I are partners.
221
00:06:58,243 --> 00:07:00,111
Hah...
222
00:07:00,145 --> 00:07:02,847
So I guess we're partnered up.
223
00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:05,516
Great, another activity
I'm excluded from.
224
00:07:08,587 --> 00:07:10,521
Well, this is me.
225
00:07:10,556 --> 00:07:12,390
Whoa!
Swank.
226
00:07:12,391 --> 00:07:14,125
I can't believe I'm saying this,
227
00:07:14,126 --> 00:07:15,893
but I really had a good time.
228
00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:19,731
Even when you tried to dance
with those kids on the subway.
229
00:07:19,765 --> 00:07:20,932
Yeah, they really hated it.
230
00:07:20,933 --> 00:07:21,933
They hated it.
231
00:07:21,934 --> 00:07:23,267
It hurt my feelings, actually.
232
00:07:23,268 --> 00:07:25,069
We gotta do this again
soon though.
233
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:27,105
Cool.
234
00:07:27,106 --> 00:07:28,782
Oh...
235
00:07:30,943 --> 00:07:32,118
Hmm, a beetle.
236
00:07:32,144 --> 00:07:34,512
Oh, thanks.
237
00:07:34,546 --> 00:07:35,713
That means good luck!
238
00:07:35,714 --> 00:07:38,249
[Both chuckle awkwardly]
239
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,194
Mindy, amazing news.
240
00:07:52,195 --> 00:07:54,129
Jean has taken us
off the graveyard shift.
241
00:07:54,164 --> 00:07:55,164
Thank you so much.
242
00:07:55,165 --> 00:07:57,099
I'm so happy that it worked out.
243
00:07:57,100 --> 00:07:59,602
In other news: I think I'm gay.
What?
244
00:07:59,603 --> 00:08:02,271
Well, of course he's gay.
He's dating Dr. C.
245
00:08:02,305 --> 00:08:03,772
Mindy, you're not gay.
246
00:08:03,773 --> 00:08:06,575
You asked me to help you mail
yourself to Chris hemsworth.
247
00:08:06,610 --> 00:08:10,412
Yeah, well, last night Dr. Fishman
kissed me on the mouth.
248
00:08:10,447 --> 00:08:12,014
Wait... what?
249
00:08:12,048 --> 00:08:13,716
Danny, I'm so sorry.
It didn't mean anything.
250
00:08:13,750 --> 00:08:15,117
[Whispers] Did you like it?
251
00:08:15,151 --> 00:08:16,285
Danny Castellano!
252
00:08:16,286 --> 00:08:17,286
[Whispers] It's okay if you did.
253
00:08:17,287 --> 00:08:18,487
No, you perv!
254
00:08:18,488 --> 00:08:19,755
So what?
So you had a gay experience.
255
00:08:19,756 --> 00:08:20,923
We all have gay experiences.
256
00:08:20,957 --> 00:08:22,558
Yeah, I once kissed
my cousin sheena
257
00:08:22,559 --> 00:08:24,426
to get invited onto
air force two.
258
00:08:24,427 --> 00:08:27,363
Sure, and if I run across
one of Richie's meat Mags,
259
00:08:27,364 --> 00:08:29,798
I flip through it,
check out the competition.
260
00:08:29,799 --> 00:08:31,333
Is that... normal to do?
261
00:08:31,368 --> 00:08:33,936
Yeah, you always wanna make
sure that you're stacking up.
262
00:08:33,937 --> 00:08:35,104
All right, what did Jean say
263
00:08:35,105 --> 00:08:37,072
when you told her
you were straight?
264
00:08:37,073 --> 00:08:38,207
I didn't tell her.
265
00:08:38,208 --> 00:08:40,643
And now, Jean has a case of
Mindy fever, and we all know
266
00:08:40,644 --> 00:08:41,944
there ain't no cure for that.
267
00:08:41,945 --> 00:08:43,189
Wait a minute,
you didn't tell her the truth?
268
00:08:43,213 --> 00:08:44,480
And she won't tell her.
Okay?
269
00:08:44,481 --> 00:08:46,148
I can't go back to
3:00 A.M. deliveries.
270
00:08:46,183 --> 00:08:47,449
Mindy, can't you continue
being a lesbian
271
00:08:47,484 --> 00:08:48,784
for the good of the group?
272
00:08:48,818 --> 00:08:50,152
I could just be her friend
platonically
273
00:08:50,153 --> 00:08:51,320
until she gets sick of me...
274
00:08:51,321 --> 00:08:52,588
That usually happens really fast.
Mm-hmm.
275
00:08:52,622 --> 00:08:54,490
Okay, you're all over the place.
276
00:08:54,491 --> 00:08:56,025
[Ringtone: Divinyls' I Touch Myself
plays] Oh, my God, that's her.
277
00:08:56,026 --> 00:08:57,193
Take care of this.
278
00:08:57,227 --> 00:08:59,161
That's the ringtone you gave her?
Yeah.
279
00:08:59,162 --> 00:09:00,763
Oh, hello, Jean.
280
00:09:00,764 --> 00:09:01,764
Dinner tonight?
281
00:09:01,765 --> 00:09:02,765
[Whispering] No. No. Yes!
282
00:09:02,766 --> 00:09:04,333
Yes!
Absolutely not!
283
00:09:04,367 --> 00:09:07,203
I can't, because
I have plans to stay home
284
00:09:07,237 --> 00:09:10,172
and catch up on my shaving.
285
00:09:10,173 --> 00:09:11,674
Why don't you come over?
286
00:09:11,708 --> 00:09:12,808
[Whispering] Don't... Yes!
287
00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:16,212
Um, uh, I guess
you could come over.
288
00:09:16,213 --> 00:09:17,390
And I don't know like,
bring a bottle of wine
289
00:09:17,414 --> 00:09:19,348
and we can like
curl up by the fire.
290
00:09:19,382 --> 00:09:20,950
Bye!
She's done this before.
291
00:09:20,984 --> 00:09:22,184
Did you just say,
"curl up by the fire"?
292
00:09:22,185 --> 00:09:23,519
That snowballed rather quickly.
293
00:09:28,542 --> 00:09:30,543
Well, what do you think?
294
00:09:30,544 --> 00:09:32,511
Do I look like
a beer-pong champion?
295
00:09:32,512 --> 00:09:34,613
First off, never twirl again.
296
00:09:34,614 --> 00:09:35,614
Right.
297
00:09:35,615 --> 00:09:36,615
Secondly, I kinda like it.
298
00:09:36,616 --> 00:09:37,817
You look normal.
299
00:09:37,818 --> 00:09:38,918
Thank you.
300
00:09:38,919 --> 00:09:41,020
I even "pre-gamed"
as you recommended.
301
00:09:41,021 --> 00:09:42,755
A very subtle Pinot Grigio.
302
00:09:42,789 --> 00:09:43,789
Oh, that reminds me!
303
00:09:43,790 --> 00:09:45,691
You need a whole new
personality.
304
00:09:45,692 --> 00:09:47,093
And a nickname.
305
00:09:47,094 --> 00:09:48,546
I played Ophelia
in boarding school.
306
00:09:48,562 --> 00:09:51,007
Barf.
Your name is Barf.
307
00:09:52,866 --> 00:09:54,834
(Peter) This is sloppy seconds.
308
00:09:54,868 --> 00:09:56,068
This is Al Bundy.
309
00:09:56,069 --> 00:09:57,503
That's Ted Bundy.
310
00:09:57,504 --> 00:09:58,871
That's my friend, mlk.
311
00:09:58,872 --> 00:10:00,306
Hey, what's up, Lefty?
312
00:10:00,307 --> 00:10:01,674
Yo, crotch rot, look who's here.
313
00:10:01,675 --> 00:10:02,875
(Crotch rot) Hey Lefty,
what's happenin'?
314
00:10:02,876 --> 00:10:03,943
How are ya?
315
00:10:03,977 --> 00:10:05,077
Why's your nickname Lefty?
316
00:10:05,078 --> 00:10:07,313
Um, I sprained
my wrist as a freshman
317
00:10:07,314 --> 00:10:09,915
when I was yankin' it,
and that story kinda went viral
318
00:10:09,916 --> 00:10:11,584
through campus, so it's like...
319
00:10:11,585 --> 00:10:13,686
Hey, Lefty, remember me?
320
00:10:13,687 --> 00:10:15,454
Andrew Freeman, class of '97?
321
00:10:15,455 --> 00:10:17,700
Ceo of sploderz
pornographic website.
322
00:10:17,724 --> 00:10:18,758
That's right, these are the guys
323
00:10:18,759 --> 00:10:20,393
that put Mindy's sex tape
online.
324
00:10:20,394 --> 00:10:21,660
How's everything
at my dream job?
325
00:10:21,661 --> 00:10:22,661
Never better.
326
00:10:22,662 --> 00:10:23,696
In fact, the profits
are allowing us
327
00:10:23,697 --> 00:10:24,830
to give back through our charity
328
00:10:24,831 --> 00:10:26,632
that parachutes porn
into north Korea.
329
00:10:26,633 --> 00:10:28,868
Operation: Pee-ong bang.
330
00:10:28,869 --> 00:10:30,046
[Laughter]
331
00:10:30,070 --> 00:10:31,570
Zachary Freeman.
332
00:10:31,571 --> 00:10:32,905
I don't believe we have met.
333
00:10:32,939 --> 00:10:34,006
You here for the tournament?
334
00:10:34,007 --> 00:10:36,008
Oh, uh, um, my buddy doesn't...
335
00:10:36,009 --> 00:10:37,009
He's kind of quiet.
336
00:10:37,010 --> 00:10:38,277
[American accent] Hey, dudes.
337
00:10:38,278 --> 00:10:40,746
Barf's the name.
Beer-pong's my game.
338
00:10:40,781 --> 00:10:42,048
Okay, bro, I love that!
339
00:10:42,049 --> 00:10:43,082
What frat?
340
00:10:43,083 --> 00:10:45,061
Please, is there more than one?
341
00:10:45,085 --> 00:10:46,085
Sigma nu?
342
00:10:46,086 --> 00:10:47,086
Yeah.
343
00:10:47,087 --> 00:10:48,087
Yeah, that is the one.
344
00:10:48,088 --> 00:10:49,321
That is the one, me too.
345
00:10:49,322 --> 00:10:51,524
Don't think
I remember you though, bro.
346
00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:53,426
Oh, um...
347
00:10:53,427 --> 00:10:54,894
I had to take three years off.
348
00:10:54,895 --> 00:10:56,406
Sexual harassment thing.
349
00:10:56,430 --> 00:10:59,200
Yeah...
350
00:10:59,232 --> 00:11:01,667
I think I was at a fundraiser
351
00:11:01,668 --> 00:11:02,768
for your defense.
352
00:11:02,769 --> 00:11:04,704
It was the booze cruise
that capsized.
353
00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:05,938
Ah, that was a great party.
354
00:11:05,939 --> 00:11:08,040
Wah-hoo-wah!
355
00:11:08,075 --> 00:11:09,460
Both: Wah-hoo-wah!
356
00:11:09,476 --> 00:11:10,476
All: Yeah!
357
00:11:10,477 --> 00:11:12,545
Andrew: All right, Lefty,
Barf, great to see you guys.
358
00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:13,546
Good luck in the tournament.
359
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:14,591
Thanks, bros.
360
00:11:14,614 --> 00:11:15,648
We'll see you bros on the ice.
361
00:11:15,649 --> 00:11:16,816
Yeah.
362
00:11:16,817 --> 00:11:18,417
Hey, Lefty, grab me a brewksi.
363
00:11:18,418 --> 00:11:20,453
I gotta hit the can.
364
00:11:23,924 --> 00:11:25,424
(Mindy) Danny,
I am having trouble finding a dress
365
00:11:25,425 --> 00:11:26,859
that I don't look tempting in.
366
00:11:26,893 --> 00:11:28,527
Hey.
Whoa.
367
00:11:28,528 --> 00:11:30,396
Okay, you're flirting
with your reflection again.
368
00:11:30,397 --> 00:11:31,664
Cut it out.
369
00:11:31,665 --> 00:11:33,766
I don't think you should
hang out with Jean tonight.
370
00:11:33,767 --> 00:11:36,102
You have to face
the consequences now, okay?
371
00:11:36,103 --> 00:11:38,137
It's better to do that
than to keep up this lie.
372
00:11:38,138 --> 00:11:39,205
Look what happened with Cliff.
373
00:11:39,239 --> 00:11:41,207
Danny, I hate
facing consequences.
374
00:11:41,208 --> 00:11:43,342
That's why I haven't opened
my mail in like two years.
375
00:11:43,343 --> 00:11:44,744
Yeah, I know you love
your little white lies.
376
00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:46,512
But it's one thing to hole-punch
377
00:11:46,513 --> 00:11:47,847
your own frequent yogurt card.
378
00:11:47,848 --> 00:11:50,282
It's another thing to mess
with someone's heart.
379
00:11:50,283 --> 00:11:52,018
Fine.
I will tell the truth.
380
00:11:52,019 --> 00:11:54,380
But I'm never coming clean
about my looting during Sandy.
381
00:11:54,388 --> 00:11:55,588
Good. Now get out of that dress
382
00:11:55,589 --> 00:11:58,791
and put on that ugly sweat
suit I keep throwing out.
383
00:11:58,792 --> 00:11:59,825
Let's go set
the record straight.
384
00:11:59,826 --> 00:12:00,826
Fine.
385
00:12:02,062 --> 00:12:03,562
(Announcer)
If Lefty sinks this shot
386
00:12:03,563 --> 00:12:05,665
he'll unseat reigning champ,
shonda rhimes
387
00:12:05,666 --> 00:12:07,166
and move into the finals.
388
00:12:07,167 --> 00:12:09,602
Sink it dude!
Sink it for America.
389
00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:10,936
For the troops.
For freedom!
390
00:12:10,937 --> 00:12:12,405
I got it.
391
00:12:16,276 --> 00:12:19,578
[Cheering]
392
00:12:19,579 --> 00:12:21,414
Woo-hoo-hoo!
Oh, yeah!
393
00:12:21,415 --> 00:12:23,115
What's up, shonda?
394
00:12:23,116 --> 00:12:26,319
Am I the new mayor
of shonda-land?
395
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:28,287
Great game, Lefty.
You still got it.
396
00:12:28,288 --> 00:12:29,522
[British accent]
Oh, my God, shonda rhimes,
397
00:12:29,523 --> 00:12:30,957
I am obsessed with...
Dude.
398
00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:33,492
What's up? I'm Barf.
Scandal's my jam.
399
00:12:33,493 --> 00:12:35,594
Thanks. You know,
writing's how I pay the bills,
400
00:12:35,595 --> 00:12:36,862
but my passion is beer-pong.
401
00:12:36,897 --> 00:12:37,965
Naturally.
402
00:12:37,998 --> 00:12:39,565
Lefty, I heard your good news.
403
00:12:39,566 --> 00:12:40,566
You're dating
that brain surgeon?
404
00:12:40,567 --> 00:12:42,768
Oh, uh, pfft, Lauren?
405
00:12:42,769 --> 00:12:44,555
We're not actually
together anymore.
406
00:12:44,571 --> 00:12:46,105
But it's okay, I mean,
407
00:12:46,139 --> 00:12:47,773
I hardly even cry
about her in the tub.
408
00:12:47,774 --> 00:12:50,943
She left your hairy ass,
didn't she, Lefty?
409
00:12:50,978 --> 00:12:53,145
Oh, it happened again?
410
00:12:53,146 --> 00:12:55,281
You know, this time,
we broke up mutually, so...
411
00:12:55,282 --> 00:12:57,151
Oh, man!
I called it!
412
00:12:57,184 --> 00:12:58,653
Classic Lefty!
413
00:12:58,685 --> 00:13:01,520
Ha ha!
Lefty! Lefty!
414
00:13:01,521 --> 00:13:04,156
[All chanting: "Lefty!"]
415
00:13:04,157 --> 00:13:05,156
Classic Lefty!
416
00:13:05,158 --> 00:13:06,292
Shonda.
417
00:13:06,293 --> 00:13:08,828
Lefty, Lefty, Lefty, Lefty!
418
00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:10,463
You know, I wrote a TV pilot
about him once.
419
00:13:10,497 --> 00:13:13,876
Network said it was too sad.
420
00:13:13,900 --> 00:13:15,336
(Mindy) Hey Jean.
421
00:13:15,369 --> 00:13:16,736
I need to talk to you
about last night.
422
00:13:16,737 --> 00:13:18,971
I'm kind of busy.
Can we talk about it later?
423
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:21,607
No, no. Actually, I need
to get this off of my chest.
424
00:13:21,608 --> 00:13:23,342
Look, you're an amazing kisser.
425
00:13:23,343 --> 00:13:26,879
You have the softness of a woman
but the strength of a man.
426
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:30,783
I was actually thinking about
it later in the bath and I...
427
00:13:30,784 --> 00:13:33,586
The problem is I'm straight.
428
00:13:33,587 --> 00:13:35,621
And I'm sorry if I led you on.
429
00:13:35,622 --> 00:13:36,622
Wow.
430
00:13:36,623 --> 00:13:37,857
In retrospect, I could see how
431
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:40,993
our nude couples massage
would've confused you.
432
00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:42,995
Or when I asked you
to check my breasts
433
00:13:42,996 --> 00:13:45,398
to make sure
that they were symmetrical. What?
434
00:13:45,399 --> 00:13:47,618
But mostly,
I regret that I let you kiss me.
435
00:13:47,634 --> 00:13:49,936
What?
You kissed her?
436
00:13:49,937 --> 00:13:51,437
Excuse me, sir,
we're in the middle
437
00:13:51,438 --> 00:13:52,707
of something,
so give us a second.
438
00:13:52,739 --> 00:13:55,775
Oh, excuse me. I'm a
woman, and that's my wife.
439
00:13:57,955 --> 00:13:59,456
Deborah!
Deb-Deb, calm down.
440
00:13:59,457 --> 00:14:00,657
Ladies, ladies.
I can't believe
441
00:14:00,658 --> 00:14:02,259
that you've been keeping
this little butch
442
00:14:02,260 --> 00:14:03,994
and her girlfriend on the side!
Excuse me?
443
00:14:04,028 --> 00:14:06,096
I am not butch.
I'm a lipstick lesbian.
444
00:14:06,097 --> 00:14:07,998
I mean, I'm a straight woman.
She's straight.
445
00:14:07,999 --> 00:14:09,199
Here's the deal, okay?
What?
446
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:10,300
I'm a masculine woman,
447
00:14:10,301 --> 00:14:11,701
and this is an effeminate man.
What?
448
00:14:11,702 --> 00:14:13,837
The lips, the lashes...
It's a little much, I know.
449
00:14:13,871 --> 00:14:15,605
But he's a man.
I'm a man!
450
00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:17,140
I'm a man,
and that's my girlfriend!
451
00:14:17,141 --> 00:14:18,508
Let's all just relax here, okay?
452
00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:19,810
She is definitely straight.
453
00:14:19,811 --> 00:14:21,078
She doesn't do all the things
454
00:14:21,079 --> 00:14:22,312
that straight girls do,
but she's straight.
455
00:14:22,313 --> 00:14:23,513
Okay, you're very
well taken care of.
456
00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:24,981
I'm sorry, Deborah,
that this happened.
457
00:14:24,982 --> 00:14:26,783
Deb-Deb,
if she had mentioned you
458
00:14:26,784 --> 00:14:28,485
but once in our five-hour date,
459
00:14:28,519 --> 00:14:30,620
I wouldn't have let her kiss me.
460
00:14:31,995 --> 00:14:34,091
Deb-Deb!
461
00:14:34,125 --> 00:14:35,625
I am going to re-do
that schedule
462
00:14:35,626 --> 00:14:38,261
and you will never
see the sun again!
463
00:14:39,430 --> 00:14:41,098
That is why telling
the truth sucks!
464
00:14:41,132 --> 00:14:43,333
(Jeremy) Oh, there you are.
465
00:14:43,334 --> 00:14:44,668
Would you burp me?
466
00:14:44,702 --> 00:14:47,537
Can you please leave
Beth and I alone?
467
00:14:47,572 --> 00:14:49,306
Is this about the Lefty thing?
468
00:14:49,340 --> 00:14:51,341
It's just a nickname, buddy.
469
00:14:51,342 --> 00:14:53,443
Like when father calls me
"not-mine."
470
00:14:53,444 --> 00:14:55,445
Who knows what it means?
471
00:14:55,446 --> 00:14:58,148
Do you know why
they call me Lefty?
472
00:14:58,182 --> 00:15:00,250
Because every girl I love
always leaves me,
473
00:15:00,251 --> 00:15:02,119
and they always leave me
for one of my friends.
474
00:15:02,153 --> 00:15:05,288
Does that sound
familiar to you, Dr. Reed?
475
00:15:05,323 --> 00:15:07,224
Well, why did you
invite me then?
476
00:15:07,225 --> 00:15:08,725
Because I want to win.
477
00:15:08,726 --> 00:15:12,395
I don't want to be known
as just a dumped chump.
478
00:15:12,396 --> 00:15:16,066
Maybe it's time
you stopped the pity party...
479
00:15:16,067 --> 00:15:18,835
[American accent]
And started the Peter party.
480
00:15:18,836 --> 00:15:20,537
I do love alliteration.
481
00:15:20,538 --> 00:15:23,840
Okay, it's time for you
to lead us to victory.
482
00:15:23,841 --> 00:15:24,875
Let's go.
483
00:15:24,876 --> 00:15:26,276
All right, let's do it!
484
00:15:26,310 --> 00:15:27,477
[Burps] Ooh. Thank you.
[Slap]
485
00:15:27,478 --> 00:15:28,612
I saw that burp.
486
00:15:28,613 --> 00:15:30,054
It's still...
I just walked through it.
487
00:15:30,081 --> 00:15:33,083
[Dj snake's turn down for what
plays]
488
00:15:33,084 --> 00:15:36,394
489
00:15:36,420 --> 00:15:37,687
Turn down for what?
490
00:15:37,688 --> 00:15:40,857
All: Oh!
491
00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:42,426
Turn down for what?
492
00:15:42,427 --> 00:15:45,736
493
00:15:45,763 --> 00:15:47,197
Turn down for what?
494
00:15:47,198 --> 00:15:50,400
[Cheering]
495
00:15:50,401 --> 00:15:52,102
Turn down for what?
496
00:15:52,103 --> 00:15:55,806
497
00:15:55,807 --> 00:15:57,073
Fire up the load
498
00:15:57,074 --> 00:15:59,242
Another round of
shot shot shot shot
499
00:15:59,243 --> 00:16:00,844
(Announcer) Silence, please.
500
00:16:00,845 --> 00:16:02,679
The cup that can make
or break a dream.
501
00:16:02,713 --> 00:16:05,816
If he sinks this, it's all over.
502
00:16:05,817 --> 00:16:08,018
[Cheering]
503
00:16:08,052 --> 00:16:10,687
What's up?
What's up?
504
00:16:12,223 --> 00:16:14,057
(Danny) What a mess.
505
00:16:14,058 --> 00:16:15,792
Danny, this is your fault.
506
00:16:15,793 --> 00:16:17,260
You were the one
that told me to tell the truth.
507
00:16:17,295 --> 00:16:20,797
Well, you shouldn't have lied
in the first place.
508
00:16:20,798 --> 00:16:22,432
That's true.
509
00:16:24,902 --> 00:16:27,204
Okay, you know what?
I'm gonna call her.
510
00:16:29,807 --> 00:16:30,841
Hello, Jean.
It's Mindy.
511
00:16:30,842 --> 00:16:32,042
What do you want?
512
00:16:32,076 --> 00:16:34,177
I just wanted to say
that I am sorry.
513
00:16:34,178 --> 00:16:35,846
And this is all my fault.
You can punish me,
514
00:16:35,847 --> 00:16:37,288
but just don't punish
the others.
515
00:16:37,315 --> 00:16:38,415
Don't tell me what to do.
516
00:16:38,416 --> 00:16:39,983
I will punish whoever I want.
517
00:16:39,984 --> 00:16:41,542
Deborah is furious.
518
00:16:41,552 --> 00:16:43,377
She is so angry...
[Dogs barking]
519
00:16:43,387 --> 00:16:45,489
She's turned the dogs
against me.
520
00:16:45,523 --> 00:16:46,823
(Jean) Shoo!
521
00:16:46,824 --> 00:16:49,393
Well, you know, Danny
is not thrilled with me either.
522
00:16:49,394 --> 00:16:52,496
Don't you dare compare
our situations.
523
00:16:52,497 --> 00:16:55,014
My Deb-Deb is thinking
about leaving me.
524
00:16:55,032 --> 00:16:56,099
(Jean) And it's all your fault.
525
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:57,892
Oh, she is?
Okay, well,
526
00:16:57,902 --> 00:16:59,685
Danny is so upset, as well.
527
00:16:59,704 --> 00:17:02,104
Very upset.
He said he might kill himself.
528
00:17:02,106 --> 00:17:03,564
[Whispers] What!
What?
529
00:17:03,574 --> 00:17:06,743
It is... really, he's going
crazy, he's ranting.
530
00:17:06,744 --> 00:17:08,478
I mean, I don't even know
what I'm gonna do.
531
00:17:08,479 --> 00:17:10,514
So, you think
that we're even then?
532
00:17:10,515 --> 00:17:12,416
(Jean) You stay calm,
you keep him calm,
533
00:17:12,417 --> 00:17:14,050
and we will be right there.
534
00:17:14,051 --> 00:17:15,419
(Mindy)
You're coming over? Oh...
535
00:17:17,188 --> 00:17:18,755
Mindy?
536
00:17:18,756 --> 00:17:21,792
Hey, I need to be completely
honest with you right now.
537
00:17:21,793 --> 00:17:24,394
I need you to lie for me.
Big time.
538
00:17:26,862 --> 00:17:28,129
Why would you tell Jean that?
I would never kill myself.
539
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,633
In catholicism, that's almost
as bad as masturbating.
540
00:17:30,666 --> 00:17:33,268
Danny, can't you just pretend?
541
00:17:33,269 --> 00:17:34,502
Okay?
It's just a little drama.
542
00:17:34,503 --> 00:17:35,570
Act like I do when I find out
543
00:17:35,571 --> 00:17:37,272
that a celebrity
is younger than me.
544
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,706
No.
545
00:17:38,741 --> 00:17:39,807
Danny, everything that I've done
546
00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:41,442
has made this worse.
I need your help.
547
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:42,744
I'm not doing it, okay?
548
00:17:42,745 --> 00:17:44,145
I'm not doing it.
I'm not like you.
549
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:45,546
I don't do drama.
I can't lie.
550
00:17:45,547 --> 00:17:46,547
Just tell them the truth.
551
00:17:46,548 --> 00:17:47,548
That's all you have to...
552
00:17:47,549 --> 00:17:48,516
[Knocking at door] Please?
553
00:17:48,550 --> 00:17:50,051
Go do it.
554
00:17:50,052 --> 00:17:51,152
[Knocking continues]
555
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,887
Okay.
I'm coming.
556
00:17:52,888 --> 00:17:54,522
Where is he?
557
00:17:54,523 --> 00:17:55,990
Oh, my God!
We're too late.
558
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,158
No, no, no.
That was me.
559
00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:58,459
I just threw a dirty dish
out the window
560
00:17:58,460 --> 00:17:59,961
'cause I didn't wanna
deal with it.
561
00:17:59,995 --> 00:18:01,195
Danny's in his bedroom.
562
00:18:01,230 --> 00:18:02,630
He's fine
563
00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:03,631
whoa, whoa, whoa.
Danny is fine?
564
00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:04,832
What is going on here?
565
00:18:04,867 --> 00:18:07,802
Mindy, if you made this up,
you and your entire practice
566
00:18:07,803 --> 00:18:09,470
will need to find
a new hospital.
567
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,372
Oh, God.
568
00:18:11,407 --> 00:18:12,807
I have to come clean to you.
569
00:18:12,808 --> 00:18:14,175
But you have to promise me
570
00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:15,243
that you will not take this out
571
00:18:15,244 --> 00:18:16,711
on the people that I love.
572
00:18:16,745 --> 00:18:18,379
I should have done
this a long time ago.
573
00:18:18,380 --> 00:18:21,316
The truth is that Danny...
Danny's over here.
574
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:22,550
Danny?
575
00:18:22,585 --> 00:18:24,586
Oh, how dare you, Mindy.
576
00:18:24,587 --> 00:18:26,220
Mindy Lahiri.
577
00:18:26,255 --> 00:18:29,857
How dare you bring her
to this house.
578
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:32,227
To our... to our house.
579
00:18:32,261 --> 00:18:34,195
I see.
Oh, the three of you?
580
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:35,763
Don't let me stop you, okay?
581
00:18:35,798 --> 00:18:37,131
Go right in there,
there's a bed right in there.
582
00:18:37,132 --> 00:18:40,235
Get your biscuit.
Nobody wants a biscuit.
583
00:18:40,236 --> 00:18:41,869
Nobody wants it?
584
00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:44,405
[Mindy mouthing words]
585
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,775
Every night, I wait for her
to come home.
586
00:18:47,810 --> 00:18:49,711
And I just cry.
587
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:51,079
I cry myself to sleep.
588
00:18:51,113 --> 00:18:52,981
Why, God?
589
00:18:53,015 --> 00:18:55,550
Why have you done this to me?
590
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:58,653
I go to church.
591
00:18:58,687 --> 00:19:05,560
And I... I take my
cufflinks off, and I...
592
00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:10,365
I will go
to the Statue of Liberty and...
593
00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:12,109
I don't... I don't
even understand.
594
00:19:12,134 --> 00:19:13,277
I don't... do it better.
595
00:19:13,302 --> 00:19:14,836
Be a better person, he means.
596
00:19:14,837 --> 00:19:15,870
Like, be a better person.
597
00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,281
[Deep voice] I got Mindy fever.
598
00:19:17,306 --> 00:19:18,840
You got it too, right?
599
00:19:18,841 --> 00:19:20,542
And we all know
there ain't no cure for that!
600
00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:21,709
You know what?
601
00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:23,065
I gave my virginity
to this woman.
602
00:19:23,078 --> 00:19:24,679
Danny!
What?
603
00:19:24,713 --> 00:19:25,847
It was just a kiss,
604
00:19:25,881 --> 00:19:28,416
hardly worth ending
a relationship over.
605
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:29,450
Just a kiss?
606
00:19:29,451 --> 00:19:30,685
Exqueeze me?
607
00:19:30,686 --> 00:19:31,796
Exqueeze me?
608
00:19:31,820 --> 00:19:33,655
Oh!
609
00:19:35,224 --> 00:19:37,176
I can't have a baby!
610
00:19:40,062 --> 00:19:44,766
Gentlemen and shonda rhimes,
your 2014 Dartmouth alumni
611
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:48,536
beer-pong champions:
Barf and Lefty!
612
00:19:48,537 --> 00:19:49,537
Yeah!
613
00:19:49,538 --> 00:19:51,072
Lefty!
Lefty!
614
00:19:51,073 --> 00:19:54,843
All: Lefty, Lefty, Lefty,
Lefty, Lefty, Lefty!
615
00:19:54,844 --> 00:19:57,345
All right, dudes, bros.
616
00:19:57,346 --> 00:19:59,914
Now, doesn't this man deserve
a better name than Lefty?
617
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:01,282
I'm begging you
don't do this, man.
618
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:04,552
Okay, he has so many other
qualities worthy of a nickname.
619
00:20:04,587 --> 00:20:06,888
He's a doctor, "doc."
620
00:20:06,922 --> 00:20:08,089
We're at Dartmouth.
There are a lot of people
621
00:20:08,090 --> 00:20:09,424
who are doctors here.
No? You know...
622
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:11,860
He's uncircumcised...
[Crowd murmurs]
623
00:20:11,894 --> 00:20:12,961
"Turtleneck."
624
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,195
Same thing.
We're at Dartmouth.
625
00:20:14,196 --> 00:20:16,064
And now, he's a straight up
beer-pong champion!
626
00:20:16,098 --> 00:20:17,131
[Crowd cheering]
627
00:20:17,166 --> 00:20:20,535
So what do you say we let
Lefty choose a new name?
628
00:20:20,536 --> 00:20:22,770
What's your name, Lefty?
629
00:20:24,006 --> 00:20:30,411
Um... Diarrhea? Wait no...
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
630
00:20:30,446 --> 00:20:33,815
Diarrhea!
Diarrhea!
631
00:20:33,816 --> 00:20:36,918
Diarrhea! Diarrhea!
632
00:20:36,952 --> 00:20:40,455
Danny, it's important
to forgive.
633
00:20:40,456 --> 00:20:41,490
I'm gonna forgive Jean.
634
00:20:41,524 --> 00:20:42,524
Deb-Deb.
635
00:20:42,525 --> 00:20:43,725
I am.
Even though she gave in
636
00:20:43,726 --> 00:20:46,704
to Mindy's gross,
predatorial advances.
637
00:20:46,729 --> 00:20:49,264
Okay, I'm fine.
Deb, I'm also gonna join you
638
00:20:49,265 --> 00:20:52,700
on this forgiveness train,
and I'm gonna forgive Mindy.
639
00:20:52,701 --> 00:20:54,135
Under the following conditions.
Oh.
640
00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:57,071
What now? She has to help me
build my adirondack chairs.
641
00:20:57,072 --> 00:21:00,074
And she also has to cook me
a nice dinner
642
00:21:00,075 --> 00:21:01,876
every night for a month.
643
00:21:01,911 --> 00:21:03,378
Okay, now I'm suicidal.
644
00:21:03,412 --> 00:21:05,346
And every once in a while,
she's gotta wake me up with a...
645
00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:07,549
[Clicks tongue]
Okay, in your dreams, bozo.
646
00:21:07,583 --> 00:21:10,018
Come on, that's reasonable.
647
00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:11,019
Well...
[Clicking tongue]
648
00:21:11,020 --> 00:21:13,221
Okay, yes.
649
00:21:13,222 --> 00:21:15,123
I will do the thing
I hate the most to you.
650
00:21:15,157 --> 00:21:16,958
That's good. That's love.
That's love.
651
00:21:16,992 --> 00:21:18,992
I think we should go.
Thanks for stopping by, guys.
652
00:21:18,994 --> 00:21:20,462
Yeah, thanks.
All right.
653
00:21:20,463 --> 00:21:22,664
All right, okay.
What a great night.
654
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:27,101
Bye, Danny.
Bye-bye now.
655
00:21:29,338 --> 00:21:32,173
That is how it's done.
656
00:21:32,684 --> 00:21:34,993
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
657
00:21:35,043 --> 00:21:39,593
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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