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1
00:00:01,047 --> 00:00:03,839
Okay, you were going
to a work conference
2
00:00:03,864 --> 00:00:05,563
and you were tacking
on a family vacation.
3
00:00:05,565 --> 00:00:07,065
- Yeah.
- But then you got fired,
4
00:00:07,067 --> 00:00:08,566
so your company canceled
your plane tickets,
5
00:00:08,568 --> 00:00:10,635
and you and your wife decided to drive
6
00:00:10,637 --> 00:00:12,070
down to Fort Lauderdale.
7
00:00:12,072 --> 00:00:13,318
We didn't actually decide that together
8
00:00:13,319 --> 00:00:15,461
because I didn't tell
my wife I got fired.
9
00:00:15,486 --> 00:00:16,985
Huh. That seems odd. Why not?
10
00:00:16,987 --> 00:00:19,896
She is the kind of person
who craves stability.
11
00:00:19,897 --> 00:00:20,817
It's... it's important to her.
12
00:00:20,818 --> 00:00:22,893
Oh, sure. Is that why she
let your 11-year-old son
13
00:00:22,894 --> 00:00:24,327
drive your minivan into a ditch
14
00:00:24,330 --> 00:00:26,011
and left you stranded
here in rural Pennsylvania?
15
00:00:26,012 --> 00:00:27,810
- That was my idea.
- Yeah? How 'bout this?
16
00:00:27,812 --> 00:00:30,682
How'd you get fired?
I messed up pretty bad,
17
00:00:30,713 --> 00:00:32,863
which is another reason
I didn't tell my wife.
18
00:00:32,864 --> 00:00:35,031
Great. Tell me.
19
00:00:35,033 --> 00:00:38,034
20
00:00:38,036 --> 00:00:39,235
[Chuckles]
21
00:00:39,237 --> 00:00:40,736
Mmm.
22
00:00:40,738 --> 00:00:43,239
So I got these for the
Fort Liquor-Dale trip.
23
00:00:43,241 --> 00:00:45,074
They're the good ones. Korean.
24
00:00:45,076 --> 00:00:47,243
Yeah, I hear they have
really good batteries.
25
00:00:47,245 --> 00:00:49,600
Oh, konnichiwa! Ay!
26
00:00:49,601 --> 00:00:51,914
[Imitating Japanese accent]
Me vapor you rong time.
27
00:00:51,916 --> 00:00:54,083
[Normal voice] Hey.
28
00:00:54,085 --> 00:00:56,586
Supposed to laugh.
Otherwise, it sounds racist.
29
00:00:56,588 --> 00:01:00,099
- [Forced laughter]
- Gene. Mean Gene.
30
00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:01,838
- Mm.
- I know what you did. [Door closes]
31
00:01:01,839 --> 00:01:03,239
- Oh, you do, do ya?
- Mm-hmm.
32
00:01:03,241 --> 00:01:05,921
Well, keep it quiet
'cause she's married.
33
00:01:05,922 --> 00:01:07,520
Christ, I thought I fired you already.
34
00:01:07,522 --> 00:01:09,826
Yeah, he fired me
because I dared to care
35
00:01:09,851 --> 00:01:12,149
- about this company.
- No, I fired him because he's
36
00:01:12,151 --> 00:01:14,188
a reactionary knee-jerk hot head.
37
00:01:14,189 --> 00:01:16,107
- Crudit??
- Shut up, Paul.
38
00:01:16,139 --> 00:01:17,324
Oh, shit. Nate!
39
00:01:17,657 --> 00:01:19,123
You were a project manager,
40
00:01:19,125 --> 00:01:21,203
but this product is way
above your pay grade.
41
00:01:21,204 --> 00:01:23,824
Yeah, I have done the research,
and that product is dangerous.
42
00:01:23,825 --> 00:01:26,010
Why are you so concerned
about a bunch of door knobs?
43
00:01:26,011 --> 00:01:27,900
Oh, that's what we
call our customers now?
44
00:01:27,901 --> 00:01:29,364
Yeah, 'cause that's what they are.
45
00:01:29,365 --> 00:01:31,078
No! They are human beings!
46
00:01:31,079 --> 00:01:32,492
They are children. All right?
47
00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:34,158
They are fathers. They are mothers.
48
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:35,593
I lost my son.
49
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:37,161
Oh, Christ. I'm sorry.
50
00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:39,964
- Is that why you're always crying?
- Is it... [Whimpers]
51
00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:42,268
- You are such a dipshit.
- No, it was one of those things
52
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,535
where it got too late to ask, you know?
53
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,270
Yeah. I think I signed the card.
54
00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,205
- It was Kevin, right?
- [Crying] Bruce.
55
00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:48,774
Bruce. I'm sorry.
56
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:49,529
- Please, Gene...
- [Blows nose]
57
00:01:49,530 --> 00:01:50,797
If you take this product public,
58
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,737
it will destroy the company, okay?
59
00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:54,237
And I know you guys don't care,
60
00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,593
sitting up here with
your golden parachutes.
61
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:59,585
But for the rest of us, the
regular people out there,
62
00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:01,163
we need this, Gene, okay?
63
00:02:01,164 --> 00:02:02,795
This is all we have.
64
00:02:02,797 --> 00:02:04,797
- Are you gonna cry?
- What?
65
00:02:04,799 --> 00:02:06,866
Are you gonna pull a Shelly?
66
00:02:06,868 --> 00:02:09,702
[Crying] Crying can be very healthy.
67
00:02:09,704 --> 00:02:11,137
Mm-hmm.
68
00:02:11,139 --> 00:02:14,073
- You are so totally gonna cry.
- I don't cry.
69
00:02:15,810 --> 00:02:17,643
[Gunshot] Young male voice: Mama?
70
00:02:17,645 --> 00:02:20,818
Male voice: Your mother can't
be with you anymore, Scambi.
71
00:02:20,820 --> 00:02:23,863
Are you cryin'? If you're
gonna feel sad about something,
72
00:02:23,888 --> 00:02:25,239
feel sad for that hunter.
73
00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:28,108
It's winter! He's still
gotta field dress the carcass.
74
00:02:28,109 --> 00:02:30,573
Hands are freezing,
making that breastplate
75
00:02:30,574 --> 00:02:33,208
to anus incision all jagged.
76
00:02:33,209 --> 00:02:34,886
He's gonna ruin perfectly good meat.
77
00:02:34,887 --> 00:02:36,620
So quit cryin'.
78
00:02:36,622 --> 00:02:39,356
- Mama!
- [Gunshot]
79
00:02:39,358 --> 00:02:41,092
[Mock crying] Now I gotta call my family
80
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:45,096
and tell them they
can't go to the beach.
81
00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:48,432
- [Mock crying]
- [Scattered laughs]
82
00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:49,533
[Exhales]
83
00:02:49,535 --> 00:02:51,268
You're fired, Nate.
84
00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:54,772
[Mock crying]
85
00:02:54,774 --> 00:02:56,207
What an ass hickey.
86
00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:59,610
[Loud hissing] Whoa!
87
00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:01,683
Son of bitch!
88
00:03:01,684 --> 00:03:03,884
It's electronic, you dipshit.
89
00:03:03,886 --> 00:03:05,619
[Hissing resumes] [Grunts]
90
00:03:05,621 --> 00:03:07,021
Damn!
91
00:03:07,023 --> 00:03:09,523
Man:
somewhere
behind the mountains
92
00:03:09,525 --> 00:03:12,493
There is a place
I figured out...
93
00:03:12,495 --> 00:03:14,895
[Music warps, rewinds]
94
00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:18,243
- Synced and corrected by hawken45 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
95
00:03:19,257 --> 00:03:21,357
Robin: Okay, listen, here
we go. Nate: All right.
96
00:03:21,359 --> 00:03:23,003
This is happening. It... it...
97
00:03:23,004 --> 00:03:23,786
I... w-we put this off too long.
98
00:03:23,863 --> 00:03:25,300
Okay, we can put it off a little longer.
99
00:03:25,301 --> 00:03:27,150
I'm not sure this is the best
place for this conversation.
100
00:03:27,181 --> 00:03:27,656
Ugh.
101
00:03:27,659 --> 00:03:30,417
She has an egg. He has a seed.
102
00:03:30,418 --> 00:03:33,615
Seed fertilizes the egg.
Nine months later... baby.
103
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:35,953
How does the seed get into the egg?
104
00:03:35,954 --> 00:03:37,559
I don't know. Mom?
105
00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:39,260
You didn't tell her
the most important part?
106
00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:41,027
You neglected to tell him anything?
107
00:03:41,029 --> 00:03:43,100
- Because Toddy told him.
- Come on.
108
00:03:43,101 --> 00:03:45,523
Driver's ed ain't just
telling 'em not to crash.
109
00:03:45,524 --> 00:03:47,943
It's teaching them to
steer into the skid,
110
00:03:47,944 --> 00:03:50,009
- if you know what I mean.
- I don't... At all.
111
00:03:50,034 --> 00:03:52,902
I'd already know this if
you'd just unlock my phone.
112
00:03:52,904 --> 00:03:54,661
It's for your protection.
I told you that.
113
00:03:54,662 --> 00:03:56,662
Okay. Guys, here's the deal.
114
00:03:56,664 --> 00:03:57,697
[Groans]
115
00:03:57,699 --> 00:04:00,199
So... When a man and a woman decide
116
00:04:00,201 --> 00:04:01,867
they wanna make a baby,
117
00:04:01,869 --> 00:04:03,497
the couple kiss and hug,
118
00:04:03,498 --> 00:04:05,031
and there's lots of good feelings.
119
00:04:05,033 --> 00:04:06,666
And the man gets very excited...
120
00:04:06,668 --> 00:04:07,598
well, women get excited, too.
121
00:04:07,599 --> 00:04:09,331
- Of course, the... yes. But the...
- very excited.
122
00:04:09,334 --> 00:04:11,609
But the man gets physically
aroused and he becomes erect.
123
00:04:11,634 --> 00:04:13,434
- What's that mean?
- We're talking about
124
00:04:13,435 --> 00:04:16,059
- getting your daddy's pistons pumpin'.
- We're talking about it.
125
00:04:16,060 --> 00:04:17,660
Over here. Our family.
126
00:04:18,226 --> 00:04:20,812
When men get aroused, their, um...
127
00:04:20,813 --> 00:04:21,441
Ding dongs?
128
00:04:21,442 --> 00:04:24,216
No. If we're gonna do this,
let's use correct terms, okay?
129
00:04:24,217 --> 00:04:27,423
Their penis. It... Grows bigger.
130
00:04:27,424 --> 00:04:28,957
How big? Tell me when to stop.
131
00:04:28,959 --> 00:04:30,558
Nate: No. Stop.
132
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,727
- That's huge!
- Well, it's not that big.
133
00:04:32,729 --> 00:04:33,644
Yeah, thanks.
134
00:04:33,645 --> 00:04:35,544
- So what do you do with it?
- Well... [sighs]
135
00:04:35,784 --> 00:04:38,151
Mm. Uh, the man gently
136
00:04:38,176 --> 00:04:41,287
inserts his penis into
the woman's vagina.
137
00:04:41,311 --> 00:04:42,500
[High-pitched voice]
Did he do that to you?
138
00:04:42,501 --> 00:04:44,468
- No, no, no, don't get upset.
- Oh, it's... it's okay.
139
00:04:44,470 --> 00:04:46,470
She wanted it done to her.
It's a very nice feeling.
140
00:04:46,472 --> 00:04:48,183
- Sometimes.
- No... What? No. All the time.
141
00:04:48,184 --> 00:04:48,759
No...
142
00:04:48,814 --> 00:04:50,380
It's... when a woman first tries it
143
00:04:50,382 --> 00:04:52,783
when she's much, much
older, it hurts a little bit.
144
00:04:52,785 --> 00:04:55,452
- Does it hurt for guys?
- No. Never. Always feels great.
145
00:04:55,454 --> 00:04:58,090
But once she gets used
to it, it's lovely.
146
00:04:58,091 --> 00:05:01,660
It's just a gentle fusion
of... of two bodies.
147
00:05:01,685 --> 00:05:04,980
Slow, tender moves.
Up and down and around.
148
00:05:04,981 --> 00:05:06,281
- Not around.
- It's... what?
149
00:05:06,283 --> 00:05:07,733
- Not around.
- Around's a great move.
150
00:05:07,758 --> 00:05:09,973
- It's not necessary, though.
- It's very necessary to stimulate the...
151
00:05:09,998 --> 00:05:11,334
what does the girl do with her jumbos?
152
00:05:11,335 --> 00:05:12,700
Hey, come on. Breasts.
153
00:05:12,702 --> 00:05:15,536
They just... they...
154
00:05:15,971 --> 00:05:17,271
s-stay put.
155
00:05:17,296 --> 00:05:19,062
There are some things that you can do
156
00:05:19,064 --> 00:05:21,064
that don't involve
completely ignoring them.
157
00:05:21,066 --> 00:05:22,112
Like what?
158
00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:25,045
Anyway, after about
two, three minutes...
159
00:05:25,046 --> 00:05:26,879
Of... Of really good feelings...
160
00:05:26,881 --> 00:05:28,848
- it's a lot longer than that.
- When the man is ready,
161
00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:30,404
or sometimes ready a little too early...
162
00:05:30,405 --> 00:05:33,038
- Oh, come on. Twice. It happened twice.
- The woman accepts
163
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,007
the daddy's seed, called semen.
164
00:05:36,009 --> 00:05:37,409
- It's sperm.
- Sperm.
165
00:05:37,411 --> 00:05:40,378
- What's that look like?
- Like a white map of Hawaii.
166
00:05:40,543 --> 00:05:43,711
- It's what Toddy says.
- No. It's like...
167
00:05:43,736 --> 00:05:46,237
- Mm. Um... [clicks tongue]
- Like shampoo.
168
00:05:46,239 --> 00:05:48,921
No, it's less thick.
It's like tahini sauce.
169
00:05:48,922 --> 00:05:51,856
Sure. Sure. It's saltier, but yeah.
170
00:05:51,858 --> 00:05:54,154
Wait. How do you know
what it tastes like?
171
00:05:54,155 --> 00:05:55,777
You don't eat it. Do you?
172
00:05:55,778 --> 00:05:57,878
I do. Some... on special occasions.
173
00:05:57,880 --> 00:05:59,413
- Birthdays.
- Do you eat hers?
174
00:05:59,415 --> 00:06:00,748
No, no. Women don't have semen.
175
00:06:00,750 --> 00:06:01,961
But rest assured, if they did,
176
00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:03,253
your father would go nowhere near it.
177
00:06:03,254 --> 00:06:04,988
Well, thanks to a
3-week menstrual cycle...
178
00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:06,956
oh, looks like your starter motor
179
00:06:06,958 --> 00:06:08,724
ain't gauging on the flywheel.
180
00:06:08,928 --> 00:06:12,351
Sh... guy! What is your deal
with the car-based metaphors
181
00:06:12,352 --> 00:06:14,828
about how I can't
sexually satisfy my wife?
182
00:06:14,829 --> 00:06:17,223
But I bet you could, huh,
with your big old pipe wrench?
183
00:06:17,224 --> 00:06:19,139
Well, was just saying your starter motor
184
00:06:19,140 --> 00:06:20,929
cut the teeth off your flywheel.
185
00:06:20,954 --> 00:06:23,008
- Huh.
- That's why your Van won't start.
186
00:06:23,055 --> 00:06:24,410
- Mm-hmm.
- I could probably fix it,
187
00:06:24,411 --> 00:06:26,241
but it won't be ready till the mornin'.
188
00:06:26,242 --> 00:06:28,341
- Okay.
- And I apologize if you thought
189
00:06:28,343 --> 00:06:31,071
I was being suggestive
towards your wife,
190
00:06:31,072 --> 00:06:33,171
but, uh, I get off on the dipstick,
191
00:06:33,172 --> 00:06:34,671
if you know what I mean.
192
00:06:34,673 --> 00:06:36,737
Are you sure you don't
want to unlock this phone?
193
00:06:36,738 --> 00:06:38,905
'Cause I got a whole
new set of questions.
194
00:06:38,907 --> 00:06:41,107
[Exhales slowly]
195
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,510
[Crickets chirping]
196
00:06:43,512 --> 00:06:45,278
- Why did you choose this place?
- [Muzak playing]
197
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,117
Because know what I'm getting...
198
00:06:47,118 --> 00:06:49,606
clean room, pool, business center.
199
00:06:49,607 --> 00:06:51,230
Well, the breakfast is terrible.
200
00:06:51,231 --> 00:06:52,900
The breakfast is free, so it's great.
201
00:06:52,901 --> 00:06:54,913
Okay, how many keys would
you like, Mr. Parkerjar?
202
00:06:55,337 --> 00:06:57,765
Uh, just one's fine.
Sorry, what'd you call me?
203
00:06:57,766 --> 00:06:59,343
Uh, Mr. Parkerjar?
204
00:06:59,344 --> 00:07:00,349
It's just Parker.
205
00:07:00,432 --> 00:07:03,287
Oh. Well, your license
says, "Parker j-r."
206
00:07:03,545 --> 00:07:05,211
[Chuckles] [Gasps]
207
00:07:05,213 --> 00:07:07,333
I'm sorry. It's been a long day.
208
00:07:07,334 --> 00:07:09,023
- Oh, not as long as ours.
- Okay, well...
209
00:07:09,024 --> 00:07:11,125
[Key cards clatter] You're
all set to go for one night
210
00:07:11,126 --> 00:07:14,194
in a non-smoking, deluxe
garden view junior suite,
211
00:07:14,196 --> 00:07:15,829
Mr. Parkerjer.
212
00:07:15,831 --> 00:07:19,132
Well, can't wait to
enjoy my "Jer suite."
213
00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:22,402
Oh, no, it's junior suite, Mr. Parkerjer.
214
00:07:23,632 --> 00:07:26,500
- [Crickets chirping loudly]
- What the hell is that?
215
00:07:26,525 --> 00:07:27,250
[Gasps]
216
00:07:27,251 --> 00:07:29,719
My god, forgot about these weed gummies.
217
00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,320
- Aren't you glad we didn't fly now?
- Still no,
218
00:07:31,322 --> 00:07:33,389
but we should totally
get high and do it.
219
00:07:33,391 --> 00:07:34,579
I think it's crickets.
220
00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:36,442
[Singsongy] It's a hotel room.
221
00:07:36,467 --> 00:07:38,486
I know you love doing it in hotel rooms.
222
00:07:38,487 --> 00:07:39,613
- No, they're in the room.
- [Chirping continues]
223
00:07:39,638 --> 00:07:41,255
Sweetie? Honey?
224
00:07:41,364 --> 00:07:43,030
- We're gonna get high.
- [Groans]
225
00:07:43,308 --> 00:07:45,425
- It's the best combo.
- It's so loud.
226
00:07:45,426 --> 00:07:47,412
Got my butt in your face. They...
227
00:07:47,413 --> 00:07:49,228
I'm presenting myself to you, honey.
228
00:07:49,253 --> 00:07:51,186
- [Chirping continues]
- [Sighs]
229
00:07:51,188 --> 00:07:53,989
- Come on.
- [Mutters indistinctly]
230
00:07:53,991 --> 00:07:55,324
- [Chirping loudly]
- Both: Aah!
231
00:07:55,326 --> 00:07:57,259
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh-ho!
232
00:07:57,261 --> 00:07:59,328
- Whoa. Okay.
- I told you it was crickets.
233
00:07:59,330 --> 00:08:01,296
I'm really sorry for
the inconvenience, sir.
234
00:08:01,407 --> 00:08:02,808
It was a bed full of crickets.
235
00:08:02,833 --> 00:08:04,254
It's a little more than inconvenient.
236
00:08:04,255 --> 00:08:06,408
Well, you did ask for
the garden suite, sir.
237
00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:09,468
- [Swipes card, lock buzzes]
- [Whispers] Come on.
238
00:08:09,493 --> 00:08:10,321
This key doesn't work.
239
00:08:10,346 --> 00:08:12,427
Well, you probably put
it next to your cellphone.
240
00:08:12,429 --> 00:08:15,096
- It demagnetizes.
- I don't have my cellphone.
241
00:08:15,098 --> 00:08:18,933
Jared: Help me, Mom! Help
me! I'm going into the lava!
242
00:08:18,935 --> 00:08:21,736
Perish! [Laughs] No!
243
00:08:21,738 --> 00:08:23,905
Are these your able-bodied kids?
244
00:08:23,907 --> 00:08:25,507
Yeah. Sorry.
245
00:08:25,509 --> 00:08:27,509
- Oh, my god! Oh, sorry. Sorry.
- [Woman screams]
246
00:08:27,511 --> 00:08:29,444
Someone else was in my room.
247
00:08:29,446 --> 00:08:31,579
Oh, well, that must have
not been your room then.
248
00:08:31,581 --> 00:08:34,716
No. It was the couple having sex.
249
00:08:34,718 --> 00:08:36,217
Kids, get off.
250
00:08:36,219 --> 00:08:40,088
[Children screaming indistinctly]
251
00:08:40,090 --> 00:08:41,456
Delilah: And you shall die!
252
00:08:41,458 --> 00:08:44,759
Man: Get away from the door! Go away!
253
00:08:44,761 --> 00:08:46,528
[Metal clangs]
254
00:08:51,635 --> 00:08:55,837
[Loud thud, glass shatters]
255
00:08:57,981 --> 00:08:59,848
[Crickets chirping]
256
00:09:01,578 --> 00:09:03,445
Well, this place sucks, huh?
257
00:09:03,447 --> 00:09:07,119
Tell me about it. Only Lucky
gets to use the ride.
258
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:08,777
- [Chair whirring]
- Why did you say that?
259
00:09:08,778 --> 00:09:10,460
- I am so sorry.
- I am Lucky.
260
00:09:10,461 --> 00:09:12,126
I survived a panther attack.
261
00:09:12,128 --> 00:09:15,229
- Oh. Well, good. That's... lucky.
- [Water splashing]
262
00:09:16,450 --> 00:09:18,941
You guys are stupid.
This place is great.
263
00:09:20,061 --> 00:09:22,899
I am officially on vacation
with this jet.
264
00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:25,434
- Yeah.
- Oh, hey, hey, farmer!
265
00:09:25,435 --> 00:09:27,936
How's the zucchini coming right now?
266
00:09:27,938 --> 00:09:29,387
- It's...
- Yeah, that's a, uh...
267
00:09:29,388 --> 00:09:30,704
Ooh, that's an impressive harvest.
268
00:09:30,705 --> 00:09:31,605
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
269
00:09:31,606 --> 00:09:32,349
You should be impressed,
270
00:09:32,350 --> 00:09:34,721
'cause most farmers my age
need to genetically modify
271
00:09:34,722 --> 00:09:37,986
- their zucchinis.
- Oh, you just made it yucky.
272
00:09:37,987 --> 00:09:39,287
Did you get high without me?
273
00:09:39,289 --> 00:09:40,285
[Giggles] Little bit. Little bit.
274
00:09:40,286 --> 00:09:41,685
- Yeah, a lot bit.
- A little bit.
275
00:09:41,687 --> 00:09:43,588
- [Giggles]
- [Giggling]
276
00:09:43,613 --> 00:09:45,120
- Where's mine?
- Oh.
277
00:09:45,261 --> 00:09:47,797
I ate both of them
because they were old.
278
00:09:47,798 --> 00:09:49,674
- That's not how drugs work.
- I'm pretty sure it is.
279
00:09:49,675 --> 00:09:51,727
No, you took enough for four people.
280
00:09:51,728 --> 00:09:53,361
Well, drugs are for people.
281
00:09:53,363 --> 00:09:57,432
For horny farmer's daughter's people.
282
00:09:57,434 --> 00:09:58,766
- That's what I am.
- Yeah. Yeah, you know what?
283
00:09:58,768 --> 00:10:00,268
- You know what?
- Nope. Yeah, get on top of this.
284
00:10:00,347 --> 00:10:01,746
- No?
- Nope, 'cause I'm the farmer. Mnh-mnh.
285
00:10:01,771 --> 00:10:04,372
You don't like that? Oh, hey, kids!
286
00:10:04,374 --> 00:10:06,396
Did we discuss finding the clitoris?
287
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:07,830
No! No!
288
00:10:07,832 --> 00:10:09,498
- Did I tell you about Mike Muldoon?
- You didn't.
289
00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:13,764
Uh, well, he educated me my Jer year.
290
00:10:13,765 --> 00:10:15,759
- Mm-hmm.
- And I thank him every day for it.
291
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,823
- Really? You thank him every day?
- Every day.
292
00:10:17,824 --> 00:10:19,324
He had a doctorate in clitoriture.
293
00:10:19,325 --> 00:10:20,135
- He did?
- Yeah.
294
00:10:20,136 --> 00:10:21,101
- Did he go to school for that?
- He did.
295
00:10:21,102 --> 00:10:22,617
- He... [Stifles laugh]
- Baby, you know what?
296
00:10:22,618 --> 00:10:24,284
- You don't like these shorts.
- What? These shorts are great.
297
00:10:24,285 --> 00:10:25,670
Yeah, but look at that big
rip. Let's just rip 'em.
298
00:10:25,671 --> 00:10:27,238
- Hey. Come on. No, no, no.
- Let's just... let's just...
299
00:10:27,239 --> 00:10:29,985
- No. Easy. No, come on. Easy, easy.
- Oh! [Laughs]
300
00:10:31,207 --> 00:10:34,128
Hell. Whoops!
301
00:10:34,129 --> 00:10:36,093
I gotta go pee. I'll be right back.
302
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:37,173
Yeah... hold that thought.
303
00:10:37,175 --> 00:10:39,374
- No. My thought is, give me a towel.
- Okay.
304
00:10:39,376 --> 00:10:42,218
Um, I don't see any towels.
I'll just go get you one.
305
00:10:42,219 --> 00:10:43,708
Well, at least give me the shorts back!
306
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:45,174
Relax. It's just...
307
00:10:45,176 --> 00:10:47,510
- [Children shouting]
- Be right back.
308
00:10:47,512 --> 00:10:49,979
This is not relaxing.
[Jared shouts indistinctly]
309
00:10:49,981 --> 00:10:51,381
[Inhales deeply]
310
00:10:51,383 --> 00:10:53,149
[Sighs contentedly]
311
00:10:53,151 --> 00:10:54,118
There's nothing like
312
00:10:54,119 --> 00:10:57,019
a hot fresh towel out
of the dryer, right?
313
00:10:57,021 --> 00:11:00,022
Thank you so much for this.
314
00:11:00,024 --> 00:11:01,890
Ew, that's gross.
315
00:11:01,892 --> 00:11:03,458
[Dryer buzzes]
316
00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:09,564
[Muzak playing light samba jazz]
317
00:11:20,677 --> 00:11:23,945
318
00:11:29,420 --> 00:11:30,719
[Flip flops thud]
319
00:11:30,721 --> 00:11:32,673
- Can we get out of here?
- Yes, please.
320
00:11:32,674 --> 00:11:33,772
Can you guys get me a towel?
321
00:11:33,773 --> 00:11:35,504
This place is called Swift Stay Suites?
322
00:11:35,506 --> 00:11:38,249
Swift stay suites. That's
really hard to stay.
323
00:11:38,312 --> 00:11:39,678
You said "stay."
324
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:42,648
It is hard to stay... And say.
325
00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:44,253
- You say it.
- Swift stay suites.
326
00:11:44,254 --> 00:11:46,614
- Three times fast.
- Swift stay suites. Swift sway suites.
327
00:11:46,615 --> 00:11:48,782
- Swift sway suites.
- You said "swift sway" two times.
328
00:11:48,784 --> 00:11:50,450
- You said...
- Get me a towel!
329
00:11:50,452 --> 00:11:53,420
- All right. Relax.
- Jeez.
330
00:11:53,422 --> 00:11:55,222
I want some of that. I
want some of... [mutters]
331
00:11:55,224 --> 00:11:57,991
[Gasps loudly] Oh!
332
00:11:57,993 --> 00:12:01,202
I want this inside me right now.
333
00:12:01,203 --> 00:12:02,518
I told you, we're only
open for breakfast.
334
00:12:02,519 --> 00:12:03,578
No!
335
00:12:03,579 --> 00:12:05,912
No, wanna taste this, Barney.
336
00:12:05,914 --> 00:12:08,404
You can make this happen for me. Please?
337
00:12:08,405 --> 00:12:10,805
I want this so bad. I want it so bad.
338
00:12:11,089 --> 00:12:13,150
I suppose I could, uh,
whip up a few items for you.
339
00:12:13,151 --> 00:12:14,884
[Whispers] Great. I love you so much.
340
00:12:14,885 --> 00:12:17,471
All right, now so what can
I get on my Belgian waffles?
341
00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:18,911
There's some fresh fruit.
342
00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:21,646
No. How 'bout some
ice cream and French fries?
343
00:12:21,648 --> 00:12:24,081
Yeah? Great. Okay. Yeah.
344
00:12:24,106 --> 00:12:26,206
[Lowered voice] Meet me in my room.
345
00:12:26,550 --> 00:12:28,185
[Muzak continues playing]
346
00:12:28,187 --> 00:12:31,522
[Water bubbling]
347
00:12:37,697 --> 00:12:41,032
[Muzak continues playing]
348
00:12:42,268 --> 00:12:46,871
[Door creaking]
349
00:12:46,873 --> 00:12:48,839
[Man speaks indistinctly in distance]
350
00:12:48,841 --> 00:12:51,876
351
00:12:53,887 --> 00:12:55,620
[Muzak playing]
352
00:12:55,764 --> 00:12:58,493
- I've got another question for you.
- Of course you do. You're kids.
353
00:12:58,494 --> 00:13:01,828
You're curious about the
world. You have questions...
354
00:13:01,830 --> 00:13:04,580
And I wanna answer them for you.
355
00:13:04,612 --> 00:13:05,292
[Swipes card, lock beeps]
356
00:13:05,317 --> 00:13:07,757
Behold the Swift Stay
Suites business center.
357
00:13:07,782 --> 00:13:10,153
[Door creaks] You know what
you're gonna get in here?
358
00:13:10,155 --> 00:13:12,658
You're gonna get computers
that your dad hasn't taught
359
00:13:12,683 --> 00:13:14,224
to lie to you yet.
360
00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:17,660
- [Giggles] This is awesome!
- Thanks, Mom!
361
00:13:17,662 --> 00:13:19,896
- Whoo!
- [Whispers] Oh, my god.
362
00:13:19,898 --> 00:13:23,199
[Muzak continues playing]
363
00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:26,736
[Grunts]
364
00:13:28,595 --> 00:13:29,713
Man: That's it. That's it right there.
365
00:13:29,714 --> 00:13:31,212
Yeah, right there, baby.
366
00:13:31,214 --> 00:13:32,507
[Grunts]
367
00:13:32,508 --> 00:13:34,077
- Oh, yeah, I like that.
- Open this door.
368
00:13:34,078 --> 00:13:35,396
[Doorknob rattles]
369
00:13:35,728 --> 00:13:38,402
[Knocks on window]
Open the door. Come on!
370
00:13:38,427 --> 00:13:40,861
- What's the matter with you?
- Why are you naked?
371
00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:41,782
Give me your shirt. [Door closes]
372
00:13:41,783 --> 00:13:43,429
- What? Wait...
- Take it off!
373
00:13:43,455 --> 00:13:45,622
Quickly, please. [Tapping]
374
00:13:45,624 --> 00:13:48,391
Don't look at me!
375
00:13:48,393 --> 00:13:49,726
Why didn't you bring me a towel?
376
00:13:49,728 --> 00:13:52,224
I'm coming. I'm coming. [Sighs]
377
00:13:52,309 --> 00:13:52,913
What are you guys watching?
378
00:13:52,938 --> 00:13:55,162
- Nothing.
- I'm coming! Right there. I'm coming.
379
00:13:55,187 --> 00:13:57,254
- Come on, guys, this is why I've...
- I'm coming!
380
00:13:57,256 --> 00:13:59,775
Oh, but I gotta deal with this
big castle right here first.
381
00:13:59,776 --> 00:14:02,075
When you lock the computers,
we can't watch this stuff.
382
00:14:02,077 --> 00:14:03,944
Yeah, and I didn't know a
reaper can actually spawn
383
00:14:03,946 --> 00:14:05,879
with a shadow level of 9 or less.
384
00:14:05,881 --> 00:14:07,414
I'm gonna get you, big reaper!
385
00:14:07,416 --> 00:14:09,349
Okay. Well...
386
00:14:09,351 --> 00:14:11,752
Let's get out of here
before I get arrested, okay?
387
00:14:11,754 --> 00:14:13,453
[Knocking on door rapidly]
388
00:14:13,455 --> 00:14:14,583
[Latch clicks]
389
00:14:14,584 --> 00:14:17,182
- Where were you?
- Oh, just smoking doobies, dude.
390
00:14:17,183 --> 00:14:18,783
- [Chuckles] No, you weren't.
- Delilah: Is this our room?
391
00:14:18,785 --> 00:14:20,118
Yeah, go. [Chuckles]
392
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,854
Jared: Oh, this is
awesome! This is amazing!
393
00:14:22,856 --> 00:14:25,089
Hey. Thanks for stranding me.
394
00:14:25,091 --> 00:14:26,791
Those are great shorts.
I love the new shorts.
395
00:14:26,793 --> 00:14:28,526
- Yeah, your child's T-shirt?
- Yeah. They're sexy.
396
00:14:28,528 --> 00:14:29,961
- They're not.
- Yeah.
397
00:14:29,963 --> 00:14:31,429
- Mnh-mnh.
- Mmm. [Kisses]
398
00:14:31,431 --> 00:14:32,640
Mm. It's got an access hole.
399
00:14:32,641 --> 00:14:33,431
Yeah, look at that.
400
00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:34,820
- That's easy access.
- Look at that. Look at that.
401
00:14:34,845 --> 00:14:37,188
Honey, what... what's
this? Yeah. Let's do this.
402
00:14:37,213 --> 00:14:38,279
- You wanna do this now?
- Yeah.
403
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:39,478
You don't wanna wait
till they go to sleep?
404
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:40,481
No, no, no. No, come
on. Let's do this now.
405
00:14:40,482 --> 00:14:41,613
- Come here. Come here.
- What, what, what, what?
406
00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:44,172
- Up here.
- I was going to get to them.
407
00:14:44,197 --> 00:14:46,264
I know. Okay. All right. Get in there.
408
00:14:46,289 --> 00:14:47,864
- Yeah, pull that to the side.
- Mmm.
409
00:14:47,889 --> 00:14:49,255
- Ow. Ow. It doesn't bend that way.
- What?
410
00:14:49,257 --> 00:14:50,856
Doesn't bend that way.
Why do you even do yoga?
411
00:14:50,858 --> 00:14:52,121
- Well... [sighs]
- [Knock on door]
412
00:14:52,122 --> 00:14:53,536
Delilah: You guys have
to come see this room!
413
00:14:53,561 --> 00:14:54,089
In a minute!
414
00:14:54,091 --> 00:14:55,146
Let's go to the bed.
Let's go to the bed.
415
00:14:55,171 --> 00:14:55,824
No, let's do it here.
416
00:14:55,826 --> 00:14:57,326
No, it's gonna... it's
not gonna last long enough.
417
00:14:57,328 --> 00:14:58,931
- Jared: Are you coming?
- No, not yet.
418
00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:00,740
Your dad needs a minute. Exactly.
419
00:15:00,741 --> 00:15:01,825
- I last longer than that.
- [Knock on door]
420
00:15:01,826 --> 00:15:04,344
- Barney: Food's here!
- What? Your ordered food?
421
00:15:04,369 --> 00:15:07,003
I'm so hungry!
422
00:15:07,005 --> 00:15:09,372
- [Gasps]
- [Cart rattling]
423
00:15:09,373 --> 00:15:11,173
You're in for a treat, Miss Parkerjar.
424
00:15:11,175 --> 00:15:14,042
I whipped up some... Oh.
425
00:15:14,044 --> 00:15:15,911
Didn't realize there was
a Mr. Parkerjar.
426
00:15:15,913 --> 00:15:18,427
- There's not.
- Oh, great.
427
00:15:18,428 --> 00:15:19,295
Where would you like
it then, Miss Parkerjar?
428
00:15:19,296 --> 00:15:20,794
Oh, just, you know, everywhere.
429
00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:22,493
But she only likes it
on the bed, actually.
430
00:15:22,494 --> 00:15:23,178
Great.
431
00:15:23,181 --> 00:15:24,381
Yeah.
432
00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:27,042
Definitely don't put it on the counter.
433
00:15:27,043 --> 00:15:29,209
Okay, we have...
434
00:15:29,211 --> 00:15:32,279
Order of cheesy eggs
for you, Miss Parkerjar.
435
00:15:32,281 --> 00:15:34,614
We have an omelet, hold
the fruit, Miss Parkerjar.
436
00:15:34,616 --> 00:15:37,184
Order of bacon, Miss Parkerjar.
437
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:38,966
Sausage and links, Miss Parkerjar.
438
00:15:38,967 --> 00:15:41,433
Sausage patties, Miss Parkerjar.
439
00:15:41,435 --> 00:15:44,770
- Belgian waffle with ice cream.
- [Gasps]
440
00:15:45,060 --> 00:15:46,825
Now I couldn't make any fries,
441
00:15:46,850 --> 00:15:47,938
so I did find some home fries
442
00:15:47,939 --> 00:15:49,639
and put them on top
for you, Miss Parkerjar.
443
00:15:49,641 --> 00:15:52,075
We have some ketchup
444
00:15:52,077 --> 00:15:52,846
for the home fries, Miss Parkerjar.
445
00:15:52,847 --> 00:15:54,747
Okay, we don't need to
run through the condiments.
446
00:15:54,772 --> 00:15:58,024
- Nate, listen to yourself, come on.
- And we keep the cups upside down
447
00:15:58,025 --> 00:15:59,591
so you don't get dust
in them, Miss Parkerjar.
448
00:15:59,594 --> 00:16:00,470
All you have to do is give them a flip.
449
00:16:00,471 --> 00:16:02,912
Listen to him. He's
telling you how cups work.
450
00:16:02,937 --> 00:16:05,437
Why are you so angry?
That's not like you.
451
00:16:05,439 --> 00:16:06,504
No, don't make this about me.
452
00:16:06,505 --> 00:16:09,295
Babe, know that I may
seem a little bit "high"
453
00:16:09,296 --> 00:16:10,308
to you right now.
454
00:16:10,309 --> 00:16:12,208
- "Yes."
- But I see it, okay?
455
00:16:12,210 --> 00:16:14,644
Throughout this day and this night,
456
00:16:15,423 --> 00:16:18,991
- and the fact that you own it and that you're...
- [Speaks indistinctly]
457
00:16:18,993 --> 00:16:20,194
That you're holding on to it,
458
00:16:20,195 --> 00:16:22,896
it makes it so much better
now than what it was then.
459
00:16:22,897 --> 00:16:24,797
- That made no sense.
- [Speaking indistinctly]
460
00:16:24,799 --> 00:16:27,261
You're carrying this thing
around, and it's so heavy.
461
00:16:27,262 --> 00:16:29,146
And you don't have to
do this alone, Nate.
462
00:16:29,171 --> 00:16:30,345
Put a little bit of butter on that.
463
00:16:30,346 --> 00:16:32,550
And we have some really,
really amazing toast.
464
00:16:32,576 --> 00:16:33,592
I don't know where it comes from.
465
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,686
Don't be an island,
Nate. Just swim to us.
466
00:16:35,687 --> 00:16:39,002
We are so lucky to have you,
and you are such a good dad.
467
00:16:39,127 --> 00:16:41,622
But you gotta purge this thing
that you're carrying around,
468
00:16:41,623 --> 00:16:43,014
or else it's gonna
calcify in your chest,
469
00:16:43,015 --> 00:16:44,446
and it's gonna make it impossible
470
00:16:44,448 --> 00:16:46,411
for you to love us back, babe.
471
00:16:46,436 --> 00:16:48,831
[Barney speaks indistinctly]
472
00:16:50,206 --> 00:16:52,707
That's it. Just cry!
473
00:16:52,709 --> 00:16:55,967
Just cry, Nate. Go
ahead. I'm not your mom.
474
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:59,099
That's what you need.
You just need a good cry.
475
00:16:59,100 --> 00:16:59,879
[Crying] I'm not crying.
476
00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:02,013
- Well, you are.
- I don't cry.
477
00:17:02,015 --> 00:17:04,583
- Tissues, Mr. Parkerjar?
- I said I don't cry!
478
00:17:04,585 --> 00:17:06,218
- Hey, honey...
- [Sniffles]
479
00:17:06,220 --> 00:17:09,054
Why do you... why do you think
it is that you needed to cry?
480
00:17:09,056 --> 00:17:11,866
- [Inhales shakily]
- Honey? Honey.
481
00:17:11,945 --> 00:17:12,798
[Sniffles]
482
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:14,431
Spill it. No, it's...
483
00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:15,632
No, honey, it's okay.
484
00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:18,902
- Come on. Just let it out.
- [Sniffles]
485
00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:20,304
I got fired.
486
00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:23,962
I was gonna tell you,
and then it just...
487
00:17:23,964 --> 00:17:25,697
it was never the right time. But...
488
00:17:25,699 --> 00:17:27,413
I just wanted to give
the kids a good vacation.
489
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:30,582
And you and...
[Sniffles, inhales deeply]
490
00:17:30,584 --> 00:17:32,050
But it's okay.
491
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:35,420
I got a plan. I'm gonna talk
to my C.E.O. At the conference.
492
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:38,723
He's gonna make it right.
[Sniffles] I got this.
493
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,158
Okay? It's all under control.
494
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,294
[Continues crying]
495
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:48,230
That was beautiful. It was.
496
00:17:49,146 --> 00:17:51,835
I just watched a single
tear zigzag down your face
497
00:17:51,836 --> 00:17:53,568
like a waffle iron, which is really
498
00:17:53,570 --> 00:17:57,372
just a frying pan that hasn't
been ironed yet. [Chuckles]
499
00:17:57,374 --> 00:17:58,505
You're so high.
500
00:17:58,506 --> 00:18:01,674
Our entire connection, sweetie,
501
00:18:01,676 --> 00:18:03,309
is in that tear.
502
00:18:03,311 --> 00:18:05,387
But... [Sighs]
503
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:07,088
I'm gonna need you to
repeat the words you said
504
00:18:07,089 --> 00:18:09,723
- 'cause I didn't hear 'em.
- What?
505
00:18:10,955 --> 00:18:12,205
Like... like...
506
00:18:12,728 --> 00:18:14,161
All of them?
507
00:18:14,163 --> 00:18:17,631
[Sniffles] Like, every one I said?
508
00:18:17,633 --> 00:18:19,633
Babe?
509
00:18:19,635 --> 00:18:22,069
Babe?
510
00:18:22,071 --> 00:18:23,236
Babe?
511
00:18:23,238 --> 00:18:25,739
So... I just wanna double-check...
512
00:18:25,741 --> 00:18:28,141
I'm not getting laid tonight?
513
00:18:29,584 --> 00:18:31,446
Get the [Bleep] out of my room, Barney.
514
00:18:31,447 --> 00:18:34,881
515
00:18:39,822 --> 00:18:42,823
[Crunches]
516
00:18:42,825 --> 00:18:45,359
517
00:18:45,737 --> 00:18:48,117
I want you guys to know, if
you ever have any questions
518
00:18:48,118 --> 00:18:50,181
about anything, you can come
to your mom and I, right?
519
00:18:50,182 --> 00:18:51,419
- We're gonna tell
you. - Both: Mm-hmm.
520
00:18:51,420 --> 00:18:53,253
But there's a lot of
things we don't know,
521
00:18:53,255 --> 00:18:55,990
and you guys deserve to know
if you're curious about them.
522
00:18:55,992 --> 00:18:58,592
Mm-hmm. - So
with that said...
523
00:18:59,979 --> 00:19:01,296
Did you unlock our phones?
524
00:19:01,297 --> 00:19:02,663
- Yeah.
- Awesome!
525
00:19:02,665 --> 00:19:05,099
I'm not sure the Internet's
the best place to find out,
526
00:19:05,101 --> 00:19:07,468
- but I trust you guys.
- [Touchscreen clicking]
527
00:19:07,470 --> 00:19:09,336
Thanks.
528
00:19:09,338 --> 00:19:10,804
[Clicking continues]
529
00:19:10,806 --> 00:19:12,242
Our kids are the best.
530
00:19:12,243 --> 00:19:14,542
Yeah.
531
00:19:14,544 --> 00:19:16,544
532
00:19:16,546 --> 00:19:18,312
[Man and woman moaning]
533
00:19:18,314 --> 00:19:20,481
Man: I'm close! I'm close!
Turn over. Turn over.
534
00:19:20,483 --> 00:19:24,565
[Both grunting and groaning]
535
00:19:24,590 --> 00:19:27,457
There is no way that
puddle is getting to the egg
536
00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:30,694
from her back tattoo.
[Man moans loudly]
537
00:19:33,632 --> 00:19:35,932
Excuse me? Ma'am, excuse me?
538
00:19:35,934 --> 00:19:38,134
Uh, forgot my toothbrush. Do
you guys have an extra one?
539
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:39,836
[Muzak playing]
540
00:19:39,838 --> 00:19:43,173
Oh, you do? Great. Can
I, uh, can I get one?
541
00:19:43,175 --> 00:19:45,108
Like... Now?
542
00:19:45,110 --> 00:19:47,110
[Exhales] Oh, my god.
543
00:19:47,112 --> 00:19:49,793
I'm so sorry. It's marijuana.
544
00:19:49,794 --> 00:19:51,660
- I can smell.
- It's just, I've had a stressful day.
545
00:19:51,662 --> 00:19:54,012
I know. Got a glaucoma problem,
and Barney's driving me...
546
00:19:54,037 --> 00:19:55,670
Relax. All right? This
actually explains a lot
547
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,895
now that I know you were just high.
548
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,697
Oh.
549
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,473
Well, you probably
thought I was stupid, huh?
550
00:20:01,474 --> 00:20:03,007
[Laughs]
551
00:20:03,009 --> 00:20:04,709
I know your name,
552
00:20:04,711 --> 00:20:06,711
Mr. Parkerjer Jr.
553
00:20:06,713 --> 00:20:08,246
[Both laughing]
554
00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:10,815
[Coughs] You still don't.
555
00:20:10,817 --> 00:20:11,869
You know, Tammy... [Exhales]
556
00:20:11,870 --> 00:20:14,635
Some people just can't handle...
557
00:20:15,191 --> 00:20:16,424
[Puffs] Real drugs.
558
00:20:16,589 --> 00:20:18,589
[Coughing]
559
00:20:18,591 --> 00:20:20,090
I am so goddamn high.
560
00:20:20,092 --> 00:20:22,626
New pot is so much higher than old pot.
561
00:20:22,628 --> 00:20:24,928
I should call my mom.
You know what I mean?
562
00:20:24,953 --> 00:20:27,654
- [Telephone rings, machine beeps]
- [Groans]
563
00:20:27,656 --> 00:20:30,456
Nate: Hey, Mom. Hey,
it's me. Can you pick up?
564
00:20:30,458 --> 00:20:33,393
- I know you're there, please. Mother.
- Oh, shit.
565
00:20:33,395 --> 00:20:35,234
I've got something very important
566
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,666
I want to tell you, okay?
567
00:20:36,668 --> 00:20:37,469
[Machine beeps, lighter clicks]
568
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:39,949
I had an emotional
breakthrough tonight, okay?
569
00:20:39,950 --> 00:20:42,926
I-I can be an emotional wreck,
and that's okay, you know?
570
00:20:42,927 --> 00:20:44,530
It... it's not a judgment on my manhood.
571
00:20:44,531 --> 00:20:47,158
- [Machine beeps]
- You know what? I got fired today.
572
00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:48,766
And I actually told Robin,
573
00:20:48,768 --> 00:20:50,968
and she was fine with it.
574
00:20:50,970 --> 00:20:52,959
Granted, she didn't hear most of it.
575
00:20:52,984 --> 00:20:55,112
But I'm gonna tell her
again. And you know what?
576
00:20:55,114 --> 00:20:57,648
- She's gonna love me even more for it.
- [Machine beeps]
577
00:20:57,650 --> 00:21:00,284
I lied to my wife, okay?
578
00:21:00,286 --> 00:21:03,555
I lied to her! Do you know why, Mother?
579
00:21:03,556 --> 00:21:05,123
Because of you.
580
00:21:05,125 --> 00:21:09,866
Every single terrible
behavioral trait I have...
581
00:21:09,867 --> 00:21:11,327
[Glasses clink] ... Is because of you.
582
00:21:11,328 --> 00:21:13,228
- [Beep]
- I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't tell her.
583
00:21:13,229 --> 00:21:14,846
I mean, you always say
men are supposed to be
584
00:21:14,847 --> 00:21:15,582
the providers. [Exhaling slowly]
585
00:21:15,583 --> 00:21:17,262
You know, like Barney. Guy's a provider.
586
00:21:17,263 --> 00:21:19,256
And I got a plan to get my job back.
587
00:21:19,257 --> 00:21:22,632
So it's not like I ever
even had lost it, you know?
588
00:21:22,633 --> 00:21:23,504
So why tell her?
589
00:21:23,505 --> 00:21:25,466
[Beep] You're right.
She doesn't need to know.
590
00:21:25,467 --> 00:21:26,972
I-I'm just gonna fix it.
591
00:21:26,973 --> 00:21:28,311
- I-I love you, Mom.
- [Exhales slowly]
592
00:21:28,312 --> 00:21:31,180
I think this has been
our best talk in years.
593
00:21:31,182 --> 00:21:32,681
Bye. I love you.
594
00:21:32,683 --> 00:21:34,249
[Touchscreen clicks]
595
00:21:34,820 --> 00:21:39,866
- Synced and corrected by hawken45 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
596
00:21:39,916 --> 00:21:44,466
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