All language subtitles for The Detour s01e02 The Hotel.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt-PT Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,047 --> 00:00:03,839 Okay, you were going to a work conference 2 00:00:03,864 --> 00:00:05,563 and you were tacking on a family vacation. 3 00:00:05,565 --> 00:00:07,065 - Yeah. - But then you got fired, 4 00:00:07,067 --> 00:00:08,566 so your company canceled your plane tickets, 5 00:00:08,568 --> 00:00:10,635 and you and your wife decided to drive 6 00:00:10,637 --> 00:00:12,070 down to Fort Lauderdale. 7 00:00:12,072 --> 00:00:13,318 We didn't actually decide that together 8 00:00:13,319 --> 00:00:15,461 because I didn't tell my wife I got fired. 9 00:00:15,486 --> 00:00:16,985 Huh. That seems odd. Why not? 10 00:00:16,987 --> 00:00:19,896 She is the kind of person who craves stability. 11 00:00:19,897 --> 00:00:20,817 It's... it's important to her. 12 00:00:20,818 --> 00:00:22,893 Oh, sure. Is that why she let your 11-year-old son 13 00:00:22,894 --> 00:00:24,327 drive your minivan into a ditch 14 00:00:24,330 --> 00:00:26,011 and left you stranded here in rural Pennsylvania? 15 00:00:26,012 --> 00:00:27,810 - That was my idea. - Yeah? How 'bout this? 16 00:00:27,812 --> 00:00:30,682 How'd you get fired? I messed up pretty bad, 17 00:00:30,713 --> 00:00:32,863 which is another reason I didn't tell my wife. 18 00:00:32,864 --> 00:00:35,031 Great. Tell me. 19 00:00:35,033 --> 00:00:38,034 20 00:00:38,036 --> 00:00:39,235 [Chuckles] 21 00:00:39,237 --> 00:00:40,736 Mmm. 22 00:00:40,738 --> 00:00:43,239 So I got these for the Fort Liquor-Dale trip. 23 00:00:43,241 --> 00:00:45,074 They're the good ones. Korean. 24 00:00:45,076 --> 00:00:47,243 Yeah, I hear they have really good batteries. 25 00:00:47,245 --> 00:00:49,600 Oh, konnichiwa! Ay! 26 00:00:49,601 --> 00:00:51,914 [Imitating Japanese accent] Me vapor you rong time. 27 00:00:51,916 --> 00:00:54,083 [Normal voice] Hey. 28 00:00:54,085 --> 00:00:56,586 Supposed to laugh. Otherwise, it sounds racist. 29 00:00:56,588 --> 00:01:00,099 - [Forced laughter] - Gene. Mean Gene. 30 00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:01,838 - Mm. - I know what you did. [Door closes] 31 00:01:01,839 --> 00:01:03,239 - Oh, you do, do ya? - Mm-hmm. 32 00:01:03,241 --> 00:01:05,921 Well, keep it quiet 'cause she's married. 33 00:01:05,922 --> 00:01:07,520 Christ, I thought I fired you already. 34 00:01:07,522 --> 00:01:09,826 Yeah, he fired me because I dared to care 35 00:01:09,851 --> 00:01:12,149 - about this company. - No, I fired him because he's 36 00:01:12,151 --> 00:01:14,188 a reactionary knee-jerk hot head. 37 00:01:14,189 --> 00:01:16,107 - Crudit?? - Shut up, Paul. 38 00:01:16,139 --> 00:01:17,324 Oh, shit. Nate! 39 00:01:17,657 --> 00:01:19,123 You were a project manager, 40 00:01:19,125 --> 00:01:21,203 but this product is way above your pay grade. 41 00:01:21,204 --> 00:01:23,824 Yeah, I have done the research, and that product is dangerous. 42 00:01:23,825 --> 00:01:26,010 Why are you so concerned about a bunch of door knobs? 43 00:01:26,011 --> 00:01:27,900 Oh, that's what we call our customers now? 44 00:01:27,901 --> 00:01:29,364 Yeah, 'cause that's what they are. 45 00:01:29,365 --> 00:01:31,078 No! They are human beings! 46 00:01:31,079 --> 00:01:32,492 They are children. All right? 47 00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:34,158 They are fathers. They are mothers. 48 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:35,593 I lost my son. 49 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:37,161 Oh, Christ. I'm sorry. 50 00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:39,964 - Is that why you're always crying? - Is it... [Whimpers] 51 00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:42,268 - You are such a dipshit. - No, it was one of those things 52 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,535 where it got too late to ask, you know? 53 00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,270 Yeah. I think I signed the card. 54 00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,205 - It was Kevin, right? - [Crying] Bruce. 55 00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:48,774 Bruce. I'm sorry. 56 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:49,529 - Please, Gene... - [Blows nose] 57 00:01:49,530 --> 00:01:50,797 If you take this product public, 58 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:52,737 it will destroy the company, okay? 59 00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:54,237 And I know you guys don't care, 60 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,593 sitting up here with your golden parachutes. 61 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:59,585 But for the rest of us, the regular people out there, 62 00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:01,163 we need this, Gene, okay? 63 00:02:01,164 --> 00:02:02,795 This is all we have. 64 00:02:02,797 --> 00:02:04,797 - Are you gonna cry? - What? 65 00:02:04,799 --> 00:02:06,866 Are you gonna pull a Shelly? 66 00:02:06,868 --> 00:02:09,702 [Crying] Crying can be very healthy. 67 00:02:09,704 --> 00:02:11,137 Mm-hmm. 68 00:02:11,139 --> 00:02:14,073 - You are so totally gonna cry. - I don't cry. 69 00:02:15,810 --> 00:02:17,643 [Gunshot] Young male voice: Mama? 70 00:02:17,645 --> 00:02:20,818 Male voice: Your mother can't be with you anymore, Scambi. 71 00:02:20,820 --> 00:02:23,863 Are you cryin'? If you're gonna feel sad about something, 72 00:02:23,888 --> 00:02:25,239 feel sad for that hunter. 73 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:28,108 It's winter! He's still gotta field dress the carcass. 74 00:02:28,109 --> 00:02:30,573 Hands are freezing, making that breastplate 75 00:02:30,574 --> 00:02:33,208 to anus incision all jagged. 76 00:02:33,209 --> 00:02:34,886 He's gonna ruin perfectly good meat. 77 00:02:34,887 --> 00:02:36,620 So quit cryin'. 78 00:02:36,622 --> 00:02:39,356 - Mama! - [Gunshot] 79 00:02:39,358 --> 00:02:41,092 [Mock crying] Now I gotta call my family 80 00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:45,096 and tell them they can't go to the beach. 81 00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:48,432 - [Mock crying] - [Scattered laughs] 82 00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:49,533 [Exhales] 83 00:02:49,535 --> 00:02:51,268 You're fired, Nate. 84 00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:54,772 [Mock crying] 85 00:02:54,774 --> 00:02:56,207 What an ass hickey. 86 00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:59,610 [Loud hissing] Whoa! 87 00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:01,683 Son of bitch! 88 00:03:01,684 --> 00:03:03,884 It's electronic, you dipshit. 89 00:03:03,886 --> 00:03:05,619 [Hissing resumes] [Grunts] 90 00:03:05,621 --> 00:03:07,021 Damn! 91 00:03:07,023 --> 00:03:09,523 Man: somewhere behind the mountains 92 00:03:09,525 --> 00:03:12,493 There is a place I figured out... 93 00:03:12,495 --> 00:03:14,895 [Music warps, rewinds] 94 00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:18,243 - Synced and corrected by hawken45 - - www.addic7ed.com - 95 00:03:19,257 --> 00:03:21,357 Robin: Okay, listen, here we go. Nate: All right. 96 00:03:21,359 --> 00:03:23,003 This is happening. It... it... 97 00:03:23,004 --> 00:03:23,786 I... w-we put this off too long. 98 00:03:23,863 --> 00:03:25,300 Okay, we can put it off a little longer. 99 00:03:25,301 --> 00:03:27,150 I'm not sure this is the best place for this conversation. 100 00:03:27,181 --> 00:03:27,656 Ugh. 101 00:03:27,659 --> 00:03:30,417 She has an egg. He has a seed. 102 00:03:30,418 --> 00:03:33,615 Seed fertilizes the egg. Nine months later... baby. 103 00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:35,953 How does the seed get into the egg? 104 00:03:35,954 --> 00:03:37,559 I don't know. Mom? 105 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:39,260 You didn't tell her the most important part? 106 00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:41,027 You neglected to tell him anything? 107 00:03:41,029 --> 00:03:43,100 - Because Toddy told him. - Come on. 108 00:03:43,101 --> 00:03:45,523 Driver's ed ain't just telling 'em not to crash. 109 00:03:45,524 --> 00:03:47,943 It's teaching them to steer into the skid, 110 00:03:47,944 --> 00:03:50,009 - if you know what I mean. - I don't... At all. 111 00:03:50,034 --> 00:03:52,902 I'd already know this if you'd just unlock my phone. 112 00:03:52,904 --> 00:03:54,661 It's for your protection. I told you that. 113 00:03:54,662 --> 00:03:56,662 Okay. Guys, here's the deal. 114 00:03:56,664 --> 00:03:57,697 [Groans] 115 00:03:57,699 --> 00:04:00,199 So... When a man and a woman decide 116 00:04:00,201 --> 00:04:01,867 they wanna make a baby, 117 00:04:01,869 --> 00:04:03,497 the couple kiss and hug, 118 00:04:03,498 --> 00:04:05,031 and there's lots of good feelings. 119 00:04:05,033 --> 00:04:06,666 And the man gets very excited... 120 00:04:06,668 --> 00:04:07,598 well, women get excited, too. 121 00:04:07,599 --> 00:04:09,331 - Of course, the... yes. But the... - very excited. 122 00:04:09,334 --> 00:04:11,609 But the man gets physically aroused and he becomes erect. 123 00:04:11,634 --> 00:04:13,434 - What's that mean? - We're talking about 124 00:04:13,435 --> 00:04:16,059 - getting your daddy's pistons pumpin'. - We're talking about it. 125 00:04:16,060 --> 00:04:17,660 Over here. Our family. 126 00:04:18,226 --> 00:04:20,812 When men get aroused, their, um... 127 00:04:20,813 --> 00:04:21,441 Ding dongs? 128 00:04:21,442 --> 00:04:24,216 No. If we're gonna do this, let's use correct terms, okay? 129 00:04:24,217 --> 00:04:27,423 Their penis. It... Grows bigger. 130 00:04:27,424 --> 00:04:28,957 How big? Tell me when to stop. 131 00:04:28,959 --> 00:04:30,558 Nate: No. Stop. 132 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,727 - That's huge! - Well, it's not that big. 133 00:04:32,729 --> 00:04:33,644 Yeah, thanks. 134 00:04:33,645 --> 00:04:35,544 - So what do you do with it? - Well... [sighs] 135 00:04:35,784 --> 00:04:38,151 Mm. Uh, the man gently 136 00:04:38,176 --> 00:04:41,287 inserts his penis into the woman's vagina. 137 00:04:41,311 --> 00:04:42,500 [High-pitched voice] Did he do that to you? 138 00:04:42,501 --> 00:04:44,468 - No, no, no, don't get upset. - Oh, it's... it's okay. 139 00:04:44,470 --> 00:04:46,470 She wanted it done to her. It's a very nice feeling. 140 00:04:46,472 --> 00:04:48,183 - Sometimes. - No... What? No. All the time. 141 00:04:48,184 --> 00:04:48,759 No... 142 00:04:48,814 --> 00:04:50,380 It's... when a woman first tries it 143 00:04:50,382 --> 00:04:52,783 when she's much, much older, it hurts a little bit. 144 00:04:52,785 --> 00:04:55,452 - Does it hurt for guys? - No. Never. Always feels great. 145 00:04:55,454 --> 00:04:58,090 But once she gets used to it, it's lovely. 146 00:04:58,091 --> 00:05:01,660 It's just a gentle fusion of... of two bodies. 147 00:05:01,685 --> 00:05:04,980 Slow, tender moves. Up and down and around. 148 00:05:04,981 --> 00:05:06,281 - Not around. - It's... what? 149 00:05:06,283 --> 00:05:07,733 - Not around. - Around's a great move. 150 00:05:07,758 --> 00:05:09,973 - It's not necessary, though. - It's very necessary to stimulate the... 151 00:05:09,998 --> 00:05:11,334 what does the girl do with her jumbos? 152 00:05:11,335 --> 00:05:12,700 Hey, come on. Breasts. 153 00:05:12,702 --> 00:05:15,536 They just... they... 154 00:05:15,971 --> 00:05:17,271 s-stay put. 155 00:05:17,296 --> 00:05:19,062 There are some things that you can do 156 00:05:19,064 --> 00:05:21,064 that don't involve completely ignoring them. 157 00:05:21,066 --> 00:05:22,112 Like what? 158 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:25,045 Anyway, after about two, three minutes... 159 00:05:25,046 --> 00:05:26,879 Of... Of really good feelings... 160 00:05:26,881 --> 00:05:28,848 - it's a lot longer than that. - When the man is ready, 161 00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:30,404 or sometimes ready a little too early... 162 00:05:30,405 --> 00:05:33,038 - Oh, come on. Twice. It happened twice. - The woman accepts 163 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,007 the daddy's seed, called semen. 164 00:05:36,009 --> 00:05:37,409 - It's sperm. - Sperm. 165 00:05:37,411 --> 00:05:40,378 - What's that look like? - Like a white map of Hawaii. 166 00:05:40,543 --> 00:05:43,711 - It's what Toddy says. - No. It's like... 167 00:05:43,736 --> 00:05:46,237 - Mm. Um... [clicks tongue] - Like shampoo. 168 00:05:46,239 --> 00:05:48,921 No, it's less thick. It's like tahini sauce. 169 00:05:48,922 --> 00:05:51,856 Sure. Sure. It's saltier, but yeah. 170 00:05:51,858 --> 00:05:54,154 Wait. How do you know what it tastes like? 171 00:05:54,155 --> 00:05:55,777 You don't eat it. Do you? 172 00:05:55,778 --> 00:05:57,878 I do. Some... on special occasions. 173 00:05:57,880 --> 00:05:59,413 - Birthdays. - Do you eat hers? 174 00:05:59,415 --> 00:06:00,748 No, no. Women don't have semen. 175 00:06:00,750 --> 00:06:01,961 But rest assured, if they did, 176 00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:03,253 your father would go nowhere near it. 177 00:06:03,254 --> 00:06:04,988 Well, thanks to a 3-week menstrual cycle... 178 00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:06,956 oh, looks like your starter motor 179 00:06:06,958 --> 00:06:08,724 ain't gauging on the flywheel. 180 00:06:08,928 --> 00:06:12,351 Sh... guy! What is your deal with the car-based metaphors 181 00:06:12,352 --> 00:06:14,828 about how I can't sexually satisfy my wife? 182 00:06:14,829 --> 00:06:17,223 But I bet you could, huh, with your big old pipe wrench? 183 00:06:17,224 --> 00:06:19,139 Well, was just saying your starter motor 184 00:06:19,140 --> 00:06:20,929 cut the teeth off your flywheel. 185 00:06:20,954 --> 00:06:23,008 - Huh. - That's why your Van won't start. 186 00:06:23,055 --> 00:06:24,410 - Mm-hmm. - I could probably fix it, 187 00:06:24,411 --> 00:06:26,241 but it won't be ready till the mornin'. 188 00:06:26,242 --> 00:06:28,341 - Okay. - And I apologize if you thought 189 00:06:28,343 --> 00:06:31,071 I was being suggestive towards your wife, 190 00:06:31,072 --> 00:06:33,171 but, uh, I get off on the dipstick, 191 00:06:33,172 --> 00:06:34,671 if you know what I mean. 192 00:06:34,673 --> 00:06:36,737 Are you sure you don't want to unlock this phone? 193 00:06:36,738 --> 00:06:38,905 'Cause I got a whole new set of questions. 194 00:06:38,907 --> 00:06:41,107 [Exhales slowly] 195 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,510 [Crickets chirping] 196 00:06:43,512 --> 00:06:45,278 - Why did you choose this place? - [Muzak playing] 197 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,117 Because know what I'm getting... 198 00:06:47,118 --> 00:06:49,606 clean room, pool, business center. 199 00:06:49,607 --> 00:06:51,230 Well, the breakfast is terrible. 200 00:06:51,231 --> 00:06:52,900 The breakfast is free, so it's great. 201 00:06:52,901 --> 00:06:54,913 Okay, how many keys would you like, Mr. Parkerjar? 202 00:06:55,337 --> 00:06:57,765 Uh, just one's fine. Sorry, what'd you call me? 203 00:06:57,766 --> 00:06:59,343 Uh, Mr. Parkerjar? 204 00:06:59,344 --> 00:07:00,349 It's just Parker. 205 00:07:00,432 --> 00:07:03,287 Oh. Well, your license says, "Parker j-r." 206 00:07:03,545 --> 00:07:05,211 [Chuckles] [Gasps] 207 00:07:05,213 --> 00:07:07,333 I'm sorry. It's been a long day. 208 00:07:07,334 --> 00:07:09,023 - Oh, not as long as ours. - Okay, well... 209 00:07:09,024 --> 00:07:11,125 [Key cards clatter] You're all set to go for one night 210 00:07:11,126 --> 00:07:14,194 in a non-smoking, deluxe garden view junior suite, 211 00:07:14,196 --> 00:07:15,829 Mr. Parkerjer. 212 00:07:15,831 --> 00:07:19,132 Well, can't wait to enjoy my "Jer suite." 213 00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:22,402 Oh, no, it's junior suite, Mr. Parkerjer. 214 00:07:23,632 --> 00:07:26,500 - [Crickets chirping loudly] - What the hell is that? 215 00:07:26,525 --> 00:07:27,250 [Gasps] 216 00:07:27,251 --> 00:07:29,719 My god, forgot about these weed gummies. 217 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,320 - Aren't you glad we didn't fly now? - Still no, 218 00:07:31,322 --> 00:07:33,389 but we should totally get high and do it. 219 00:07:33,391 --> 00:07:34,579 I think it's crickets. 220 00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:36,442 [Singsongy] It's a hotel room. 221 00:07:36,467 --> 00:07:38,486 I know you love doing it in hotel rooms. 222 00:07:38,487 --> 00:07:39,613 - No, they're in the room. - [Chirping continues] 223 00:07:39,638 --> 00:07:41,255 Sweetie? Honey? 224 00:07:41,364 --> 00:07:43,030 - We're gonna get high. - [Groans] 225 00:07:43,308 --> 00:07:45,425 - It's the best combo. - It's so loud. 226 00:07:45,426 --> 00:07:47,412 Got my butt in your face. They... 227 00:07:47,413 --> 00:07:49,228 I'm presenting myself to you, honey. 228 00:07:49,253 --> 00:07:51,186 - [Chirping continues] - [Sighs] 229 00:07:51,188 --> 00:07:53,989 - Come on. - [Mutters indistinctly] 230 00:07:53,991 --> 00:07:55,324 - [Chirping loudly] - Both: Aah! 231 00:07:55,326 --> 00:07:57,259 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh-ho! 232 00:07:57,261 --> 00:07:59,328 - Whoa. Okay. - I told you it was crickets. 233 00:07:59,330 --> 00:08:01,296 I'm really sorry for the inconvenience, sir. 234 00:08:01,407 --> 00:08:02,808 It was a bed full of crickets. 235 00:08:02,833 --> 00:08:04,254 It's a little more than inconvenient. 236 00:08:04,255 --> 00:08:06,408 Well, you did ask for the garden suite, sir. 237 00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:09,468 - [Swipes card, lock buzzes] - [Whispers] Come on. 238 00:08:09,493 --> 00:08:10,321 This key doesn't work. 239 00:08:10,346 --> 00:08:12,427 Well, you probably put it next to your cellphone. 240 00:08:12,429 --> 00:08:15,096 - It demagnetizes. - I don't have my cellphone. 241 00:08:15,098 --> 00:08:18,933 Jared: Help me, Mom! Help me! I'm going into the lava! 242 00:08:18,935 --> 00:08:21,736 Perish! [Laughs] No! 243 00:08:21,738 --> 00:08:23,905 Are these your able-bodied kids? 244 00:08:23,907 --> 00:08:25,507 Yeah. Sorry. 245 00:08:25,509 --> 00:08:27,509 - Oh, my god! Oh, sorry. Sorry. - [Woman screams] 246 00:08:27,511 --> 00:08:29,444 Someone else was in my room. 247 00:08:29,446 --> 00:08:31,579 Oh, well, that must have not been your room then. 248 00:08:31,581 --> 00:08:34,716 No. It was the couple having sex. 249 00:08:34,718 --> 00:08:36,217 Kids, get off. 250 00:08:36,219 --> 00:08:40,088 [Children screaming indistinctly] 251 00:08:40,090 --> 00:08:41,456 Delilah: And you shall die! 252 00:08:41,458 --> 00:08:44,759 Man: Get away from the door! Go away! 253 00:08:44,761 --> 00:08:46,528 [Metal clangs] 254 00:08:51,635 --> 00:08:55,837 [Loud thud, glass shatters] 255 00:08:57,981 --> 00:08:59,848 [Crickets chirping] 256 00:09:01,578 --> 00:09:03,445 Well, this place sucks, huh? 257 00:09:03,447 --> 00:09:07,119 Tell me about it. Only Lucky gets to use the ride. 258 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:08,777 - [Chair whirring] - Why did you say that? 259 00:09:08,778 --> 00:09:10,460 - I am so sorry. - I am Lucky. 260 00:09:10,461 --> 00:09:12,126 I survived a panther attack. 261 00:09:12,128 --> 00:09:15,229 - Oh. Well, good. That's... lucky. - [Water splashing] 262 00:09:16,450 --> 00:09:18,941 You guys are stupid. This place is great. 263 00:09:20,061 --> 00:09:22,899 I am officially on vacation with this jet. 264 00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:25,434 - Yeah. - Oh, hey, hey, farmer! 265 00:09:25,435 --> 00:09:27,936 How's the zucchini coming right now? 266 00:09:27,938 --> 00:09:29,387 - It's... - Yeah, that's a, uh... 267 00:09:29,388 --> 00:09:30,704 Ooh, that's an impressive harvest. 268 00:09:30,705 --> 00:09:31,605 - Yeah. - Yeah. 269 00:09:31,606 --> 00:09:32,349 You should be impressed, 270 00:09:32,350 --> 00:09:34,721 'cause most farmers my age need to genetically modify 271 00:09:34,722 --> 00:09:37,986 - their zucchinis. - Oh, you just made it yucky. 272 00:09:37,987 --> 00:09:39,287 Did you get high without me? 273 00:09:39,289 --> 00:09:40,285 [Giggles] Little bit. Little bit. 274 00:09:40,286 --> 00:09:41,685 - Yeah, a lot bit. - A little bit. 275 00:09:41,687 --> 00:09:43,588 - [Giggles] - [Giggling] 276 00:09:43,613 --> 00:09:45,120 - Where's mine? - Oh. 277 00:09:45,261 --> 00:09:47,797 I ate both of them because they were old. 278 00:09:47,798 --> 00:09:49,674 - That's not how drugs work. - I'm pretty sure it is. 279 00:09:49,675 --> 00:09:51,727 No, you took enough for four people. 280 00:09:51,728 --> 00:09:53,361 Well, drugs are for people. 281 00:09:53,363 --> 00:09:57,432 For horny farmer's daughter's people. 282 00:09:57,434 --> 00:09:58,766 - That's what I am. - Yeah. Yeah, you know what? 283 00:09:58,768 --> 00:10:00,268 - You know what? - Nope. Yeah, get on top of this. 284 00:10:00,347 --> 00:10:01,746 - No? - Nope, 'cause I'm the farmer. Mnh-mnh. 285 00:10:01,771 --> 00:10:04,372 You don't like that? Oh, hey, kids! 286 00:10:04,374 --> 00:10:06,396 Did we discuss finding the clitoris? 287 00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:07,830 No! No! 288 00:10:07,832 --> 00:10:09,498 - Did I tell you about Mike Muldoon? - You didn't. 289 00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:13,764 Uh, well, he educated me my Jer year. 290 00:10:13,765 --> 00:10:15,759 - Mm-hmm. - And I thank him every day for it. 291 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,823 - Really? You thank him every day? - Every day. 292 00:10:17,824 --> 00:10:19,324 He had a doctorate in clitoriture. 293 00:10:19,325 --> 00:10:20,135 - He did? - Yeah. 294 00:10:20,136 --> 00:10:21,101 - Did he go to school for that? - He did. 295 00:10:21,102 --> 00:10:22,617 - He... [Stifles laugh] - Baby, you know what? 296 00:10:22,618 --> 00:10:24,284 - You don't like these shorts. - What? These shorts are great. 297 00:10:24,285 --> 00:10:25,670 Yeah, but look at that big rip. Let's just rip 'em. 298 00:10:25,671 --> 00:10:27,238 - Hey. Come on. No, no, no. - Let's just... let's just... 299 00:10:27,239 --> 00:10:29,985 - No. Easy. No, come on. Easy, easy. - Oh! [Laughs] 300 00:10:31,207 --> 00:10:34,128 Hell. Whoops! 301 00:10:34,129 --> 00:10:36,093 I gotta go pee. I'll be right back. 302 00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:37,173 Yeah... hold that thought. 303 00:10:37,175 --> 00:10:39,374 - No. My thought is, give me a towel. - Okay. 304 00:10:39,376 --> 00:10:42,218 Um, I don't see any towels. I'll just go get you one. 305 00:10:42,219 --> 00:10:43,708 Well, at least give me the shorts back! 306 00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:45,174 Relax. It's just... 307 00:10:45,176 --> 00:10:47,510 - [Children shouting] - Be right back. 308 00:10:47,512 --> 00:10:49,979 This is not relaxing. [Jared shouts indistinctly] 309 00:10:49,981 --> 00:10:51,381 [Inhales deeply] 310 00:10:51,383 --> 00:10:53,149 [Sighs contentedly] 311 00:10:53,151 --> 00:10:54,118 There's nothing like 312 00:10:54,119 --> 00:10:57,019 a hot fresh towel out of the dryer, right? 313 00:10:57,021 --> 00:11:00,022 Thank you so much for this. 314 00:11:00,024 --> 00:11:01,890 Ew, that's gross. 315 00:11:01,892 --> 00:11:03,458 [Dryer buzzes] 316 00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:09,564 [Muzak playing light samba jazz] 317 00:11:20,677 --> 00:11:23,945 318 00:11:29,420 --> 00:11:30,719 [Flip flops thud] 319 00:11:30,721 --> 00:11:32,673 - Can we get out of here? - Yes, please. 320 00:11:32,674 --> 00:11:33,772 Can you guys get me a towel? 321 00:11:33,773 --> 00:11:35,504 This place is called Swift Stay Suites? 322 00:11:35,506 --> 00:11:38,249 Swift stay suites. That's really hard to stay. 323 00:11:38,312 --> 00:11:39,678 You said "stay." 324 00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:42,648 It is hard to stay... And say. 325 00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:44,253 - You say it. - Swift stay suites. 326 00:11:44,254 --> 00:11:46,614 - Three times fast. - Swift stay suites. Swift sway suites. 327 00:11:46,615 --> 00:11:48,782 - Swift sway suites. - You said "swift sway" two times. 328 00:11:48,784 --> 00:11:50,450 - You said... - Get me a towel! 329 00:11:50,452 --> 00:11:53,420 - All right. Relax. - Jeez. 330 00:11:53,422 --> 00:11:55,222 I want some of that. I want some of... [mutters] 331 00:11:55,224 --> 00:11:57,991 [Gasps loudly] Oh! 332 00:11:57,993 --> 00:12:01,202 I want this inside me right now. 333 00:12:01,203 --> 00:12:02,518 I told you, we're only open for breakfast. 334 00:12:02,519 --> 00:12:03,578 No! 335 00:12:03,579 --> 00:12:05,912 No, wanna taste this, Barney. 336 00:12:05,914 --> 00:12:08,404 You can make this happen for me. Please? 337 00:12:08,405 --> 00:12:10,805 I want this so bad. I want it so bad. 338 00:12:11,089 --> 00:12:13,150 I suppose I could, uh, whip up a few items for you. 339 00:12:13,151 --> 00:12:14,884 [Whispers] Great. I love you so much. 340 00:12:14,885 --> 00:12:17,471 All right, now so what can I get on my Belgian waffles? 341 00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:18,911 There's some fresh fruit. 342 00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:21,646 No. How 'bout some ice cream and French fries? 343 00:12:21,648 --> 00:12:24,081 Yeah? Great. Okay. Yeah. 344 00:12:24,106 --> 00:12:26,206 [Lowered voice] Meet me in my room. 345 00:12:26,550 --> 00:12:28,185 [Muzak continues playing] 346 00:12:28,187 --> 00:12:31,522 [Water bubbling] 347 00:12:37,697 --> 00:12:41,032 [Muzak continues playing] 348 00:12:42,268 --> 00:12:46,871 [Door creaking] 349 00:12:46,873 --> 00:12:48,839 [Man speaks indistinctly in distance] 350 00:12:48,841 --> 00:12:51,876 351 00:12:53,887 --> 00:12:55,620 [Muzak playing] 352 00:12:55,764 --> 00:12:58,493 - I've got another question for you. - Of course you do. You're kids. 353 00:12:58,494 --> 00:13:01,828 You're curious about the world. You have questions... 354 00:13:01,830 --> 00:13:04,580 And I wanna answer them for you. 355 00:13:04,612 --> 00:13:05,292 [Swipes card, lock beeps] 356 00:13:05,317 --> 00:13:07,757 Behold the Swift Stay Suites business center. 357 00:13:07,782 --> 00:13:10,153 [Door creaks] You know what you're gonna get in here? 358 00:13:10,155 --> 00:13:12,658 You're gonna get computers that your dad hasn't taught 359 00:13:12,683 --> 00:13:14,224 to lie to you yet. 360 00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:17,660 - [Giggles] This is awesome! - Thanks, Mom! 361 00:13:17,662 --> 00:13:19,896 - Whoo! - [Whispers] Oh, my god. 362 00:13:19,898 --> 00:13:23,199 [Muzak continues playing] 363 00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:26,736 [Grunts] 364 00:13:28,595 --> 00:13:29,713 Man: That's it. That's it right there. 365 00:13:29,714 --> 00:13:31,212 Yeah, right there, baby. 366 00:13:31,214 --> 00:13:32,507 [Grunts] 367 00:13:32,508 --> 00:13:34,077 - Oh, yeah, I like that. - Open this door. 368 00:13:34,078 --> 00:13:35,396 [Doorknob rattles] 369 00:13:35,728 --> 00:13:38,402 [Knocks on window] Open the door. Come on! 370 00:13:38,427 --> 00:13:40,861 - What's the matter with you? - Why are you naked? 371 00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:41,782 Give me your shirt. [Door closes] 372 00:13:41,783 --> 00:13:43,429 - What? Wait... - Take it off! 373 00:13:43,455 --> 00:13:45,622 Quickly, please. [Tapping] 374 00:13:45,624 --> 00:13:48,391 Don't look at me! 375 00:13:48,393 --> 00:13:49,726 Why didn't you bring me a towel? 376 00:13:49,728 --> 00:13:52,224 I'm coming. I'm coming. [Sighs] 377 00:13:52,309 --> 00:13:52,913 What are you guys watching? 378 00:13:52,938 --> 00:13:55,162 - Nothing. - I'm coming! Right there. I'm coming. 379 00:13:55,187 --> 00:13:57,254 - Come on, guys, this is why I've... - I'm coming! 380 00:13:57,256 --> 00:13:59,775 Oh, but I gotta deal with this big castle right here first. 381 00:13:59,776 --> 00:14:02,075 When you lock the computers, we can't watch this stuff. 382 00:14:02,077 --> 00:14:03,944 Yeah, and I didn't know a reaper can actually spawn 383 00:14:03,946 --> 00:14:05,879 with a shadow level of 9 or less. 384 00:14:05,881 --> 00:14:07,414 I'm gonna get you, big reaper! 385 00:14:07,416 --> 00:14:09,349 Okay. Well... 386 00:14:09,351 --> 00:14:11,752 Let's get out of here before I get arrested, okay? 387 00:14:11,754 --> 00:14:13,453 [Knocking on door rapidly] 388 00:14:13,455 --> 00:14:14,583 [Latch clicks] 389 00:14:14,584 --> 00:14:17,182 - Where were you? - Oh, just smoking doobies, dude. 390 00:14:17,183 --> 00:14:18,783 - [Chuckles] No, you weren't. - Delilah: Is this our room? 391 00:14:18,785 --> 00:14:20,118 Yeah, go. [Chuckles] 392 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,854 Jared: Oh, this is awesome! This is amazing! 393 00:14:22,856 --> 00:14:25,089 Hey. Thanks for stranding me. 394 00:14:25,091 --> 00:14:26,791 Those are great shorts. I love the new shorts. 395 00:14:26,793 --> 00:14:28,526 - Yeah, your child's T-shirt? - Yeah. They're sexy. 396 00:14:28,528 --> 00:14:29,961 - They're not. - Yeah. 397 00:14:29,963 --> 00:14:31,429 - Mnh-mnh. - Mmm. [Kisses] 398 00:14:31,431 --> 00:14:32,640 Mm. It's got an access hole. 399 00:14:32,641 --> 00:14:33,431 Yeah, look at that. 400 00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:34,820 - That's easy access. - Look at that. Look at that. 401 00:14:34,845 --> 00:14:37,188 Honey, what... what's this? Yeah. Let's do this. 402 00:14:37,213 --> 00:14:38,279 - You wanna do this now? - Yeah. 403 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:39,478 You don't wanna wait till they go to sleep? 404 00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:40,481 No, no, no. No, come on. Let's do this now. 405 00:14:40,482 --> 00:14:41,613 - Come here. Come here. - What, what, what, what? 406 00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:44,172 - Up here. - I was going to get to them. 407 00:14:44,197 --> 00:14:46,264 I know. Okay. All right. Get in there. 408 00:14:46,289 --> 00:14:47,864 - Yeah, pull that to the side. - Mmm. 409 00:14:47,889 --> 00:14:49,255 - Ow. Ow. It doesn't bend that way. - What? 410 00:14:49,257 --> 00:14:50,856 Doesn't bend that way. Why do you even do yoga? 411 00:14:50,858 --> 00:14:52,121 - Well... [sighs] - [Knock on door] 412 00:14:52,122 --> 00:14:53,536 Delilah: You guys have to come see this room! 413 00:14:53,561 --> 00:14:54,089 In a minute! 414 00:14:54,091 --> 00:14:55,146 Let's go to the bed. Let's go to the bed. 415 00:14:55,171 --> 00:14:55,824 No, let's do it here. 416 00:14:55,826 --> 00:14:57,326 No, it's gonna... it's not gonna last long enough. 417 00:14:57,328 --> 00:14:58,931 - Jared: Are you coming? - No, not yet. 418 00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:00,740 Your dad needs a minute. Exactly. 419 00:15:00,741 --> 00:15:01,825 - I last longer than that. - [Knock on door] 420 00:15:01,826 --> 00:15:04,344 - Barney: Food's here! - What? Your ordered food? 421 00:15:04,369 --> 00:15:07,003 I'm so hungry! 422 00:15:07,005 --> 00:15:09,372 - [Gasps] - [Cart rattling] 423 00:15:09,373 --> 00:15:11,173 You're in for a treat, Miss Parkerjar. 424 00:15:11,175 --> 00:15:14,042 I whipped up some... Oh. 425 00:15:14,044 --> 00:15:15,911 Didn't realize there was a Mr. Parkerjar. 426 00:15:15,913 --> 00:15:18,427 - There's not. - Oh, great. 427 00:15:18,428 --> 00:15:19,295 Where would you like it then, Miss Parkerjar? 428 00:15:19,296 --> 00:15:20,794 Oh, just, you know, everywhere. 429 00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:22,493 But she only likes it on the bed, actually. 430 00:15:22,494 --> 00:15:23,178 Great. 431 00:15:23,181 --> 00:15:24,381 Yeah. 432 00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:27,042 Definitely don't put it on the counter. 433 00:15:27,043 --> 00:15:29,209 Okay, we have... 434 00:15:29,211 --> 00:15:32,279 Order of cheesy eggs for you, Miss Parkerjar. 435 00:15:32,281 --> 00:15:34,614 We have an omelet, hold the fruit, Miss Parkerjar. 436 00:15:34,616 --> 00:15:37,184 Order of bacon, Miss Parkerjar. 437 00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:38,966 Sausage and links, Miss Parkerjar. 438 00:15:38,967 --> 00:15:41,433 Sausage patties, Miss Parkerjar. 439 00:15:41,435 --> 00:15:44,770 - Belgian waffle with ice cream. - [Gasps] 440 00:15:45,060 --> 00:15:46,825 Now I couldn't make any fries, 441 00:15:46,850 --> 00:15:47,938 so I did find some home fries 442 00:15:47,939 --> 00:15:49,639 and put them on top for you, Miss Parkerjar. 443 00:15:49,641 --> 00:15:52,075 We have some ketchup 444 00:15:52,077 --> 00:15:52,846 for the home fries, Miss Parkerjar. 445 00:15:52,847 --> 00:15:54,747 Okay, we don't need to run through the condiments. 446 00:15:54,772 --> 00:15:58,024 - Nate, listen to yourself, come on. - And we keep the cups upside down 447 00:15:58,025 --> 00:15:59,591 so you don't get dust in them, Miss Parkerjar. 448 00:15:59,594 --> 00:16:00,470 All you have to do is give them a flip. 449 00:16:00,471 --> 00:16:02,912 Listen to him. He's telling you how cups work. 450 00:16:02,937 --> 00:16:05,437 Why are you so angry? That's not like you. 451 00:16:05,439 --> 00:16:06,504 No, don't make this about me. 452 00:16:06,505 --> 00:16:09,295 Babe, know that I may seem a little bit "high" 453 00:16:09,296 --> 00:16:10,308 to you right now. 454 00:16:10,309 --> 00:16:12,208 - "Yes." - But I see it, okay? 455 00:16:12,210 --> 00:16:14,644 Throughout this day and this night, 456 00:16:15,423 --> 00:16:18,991 - and the fact that you own it and that you're... - [Speaks indistinctly] 457 00:16:18,993 --> 00:16:20,194 That you're holding on to it, 458 00:16:20,195 --> 00:16:22,896 it makes it so much better now than what it was then. 459 00:16:22,897 --> 00:16:24,797 - That made no sense. - [Speaking indistinctly] 460 00:16:24,799 --> 00:16:27,261 You're carrying this thing around, and it's so heavy. 461 00:16:27,262 --> 00:16:29,146 And you don't have to do this alone, Nate. 462 00:16:29,171 --> 00:16:30,345 Put a little bit of butter on that. 463 00:16:30,346 --> 00:16:32,550 And we have some really, really amazing toast. 464 00:16:32,576 --> 00:16:33,592 I don't know where it comes from. 465 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,686 Don't be an island, Nate. Just swim to us. 466 00:16:35,687 --> 00:16:39,002 We are so lucky to have you, and you are such a good dad. 467 00:16:39,127 --> 00:16:41,622 But you gotta purge this thing that you're carrying around, 468 00:16:41,623 --> 00:16:43,014 or else it's gonna calcify in your chest, 469 00:16:43,015 --> 00:16:44,446 and it's gonna make it impossible 470 00:16:44,448 --> 00:16:46,411 for you to love us back, babe. 471 00:16:46,436 --> 00:16:48,831 [Barney speaks indistinctly] 472 00:16:50,206 --> 00:16:52,707 That's it. Just cry! 473 00:16:52,709 --> 00:16:55,967 Just cry, Nate. Go ahead. I'm not your mom. 474 00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:59,099 That's what you need. You just need a good cry. 475 00:16:59,100 --> 00:16:59,879 [Crying] I'm not crying. 476 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:02,013 - Well, you are. - I don't cry. 477 00:17:02,015 --> 00:17:04,583 - Tissues, Mr. Parkerjar? - I said I don't cry! 478 00:17:04,585 --> 00:17:06,218 - Hey, honey... - [Sniffles] 479 00:17:06,220 --> 00:17:09,054 Why do you... why do you think it is that you needed to cry? 480 00:17:09,056 --> 00:17:11,866 - [Inhales shakily] - Honey? Honey. 481 00:17:11,945 --> 00:17:12,798 [Sniffles] 482 00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:14,431 Spill it. No, it's... 483 00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:15,632 No, honey, it's okay. 484 00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:18,902 - Come on. Just let it out. - [Sniffles] 485 00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:20,304 I got fired. 486 00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:23,962 I was gonna tell you, and then it just... 487 00:17:23,964 --> 00:17:25,697 it was never the right time. But... 488 00:17:25,699 --> 00:17:27,413 I just wanted to give the kids a good vacation. 489 00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:30,582 And you and... [Sniffles, inhales deeply] 490 00:17:30,584 --> 00:17:32,050 But it's okay. 491 00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:35,420 I got a plan. I'm gonna talk to my C.E.O. At the conference. 492 00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:38,723 He's gonna make it right. [Sniffles] I got this. 493 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,158 Okay? It's all under control. 494 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,294 [Continues crying] 495 00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:48,230 That was beautiful. It was. 496 00:17:49,146 --> 00:17:51,835 I just watched a single tear zigzag down your face 497 00:17:51,836 --> 00:17:53,568 like a waffle iron, which is really 498 00:17:53,570 --> 00:17:57,372 just a frying pan that hasn't been ironed yet. [Chuckles] 499 00:17:57,374 --> 00:17:58,505 You're so high. 500 00:17:58,506 --> 00:18:01,674 Our entire connection, sweetie, 501 00:18:01,676 --> 00:18:03,309 is in that tear. 502 00:18:03,311 --> 00:18:05,387 But... [Sighs] 503 00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:07,088 I'm gonna need you to repeat the words you said 504 00:18:07,089 --> 00:18:09,723 - 'cause I didn't hear 'em. - What? 505 00:18:10,955 --> 00:18:12,205 Like... like... 506 00:18:12,728 --> 00:18:14,161 All of them? 507 00:18:14,163 --> 00:18:17,631 [Sniffles] Like, every one I said? 508 00:18:17,633 --> 00:18:19,633 Babe? 509 00:18:19,635 --> 00:18:22,069 Babe? 510 00:18:22,071 --> 00:18:23,236 Babe? 511 00:18:23,238 --> 00:18:25,739 So... I just wanna double-check... 512 00:18:25,741 --> 00:18:28,141 I'm not getting laid tonight? 513 00:18:29,584 --> 00:18:31,446 Get the [Bleep] out of my room, Barney. 514 00:18:31,447 --> 00:18:34,881 515 00:18:39,822 --> 00:18:42,823 [Crunches] 516 00:18:42,825 --> 00:18:45,359 517 00:18:45,737 --> 00:18:48,117 I want you guys to know, if you ever have any questions 518 00:18:48,118 --> 00:18:50,181 about anything, you can come to your mom and I, right? 519 00:18:50,182 --> 00:18:51,419 - We're gonna tell you. - Both: Mm-hmm. 520 00:18:51,420 --> 00:18:53,253 But there's a lot of things we don't know, 521 00:18:53,255 --> 00:18:55,990 and you guys deserve to know if you're curious about them. 522 00:18:55,992 --> 00:18:58,592 Mm-hmm. - So with that said... 523 00:18:59,979 --> 00:19:01,296 Did you unlock our phones? 524 00:19:01,297 --> 00:19:02,663 - Yeah. - Awesome! 525 00:19:02,665 --> 00:19:05,099 I'm not sure the Internet's the best place to find out, 526 00:19:05,101 --> 00:19:07,468 - but I trust you guys. - [Touchscreen clicking] 527 00:19:07,470 --> 00:19:09,336 Thanks. 528 00:19:09,338 --> 00:19:10,804 [Clicking continues] 529 00:19:10,806 --> 00:19:12,242 Our kids are the best. 530 00:19:12,243 --> 00:19:14,542 Yeah. 531 00:19:14,544 --> 00:19:16,544 532 00:19:16,546 --> 00:19:18,312 [Man and woman moaning] 533 00:19:18,314 --> 00:19:20,481 Man: I'm close! I'm close! Turn over. Turn over. 534 00:19:20,483 --> 00:19:24,565 [Both grunting and groaning] 535 00:19:24,590 --> 00:19:27,457 There is no way that puddle is getting to the egg 536 00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:30,694 from her back tattoo. [Man moans loudly] 537 00:19:33,632 --> 00:19:35,932 Excuse me? Ma'am, excuse me? 538 00:19:35,934 --> 00:19:38,134 Uh, forgot my toothbrush. Do you guys have an extra one? 539 00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:39,836 [Muzak playing] 540 00:19:39,838 --> 00:19:43,173 Oh, you do? Great. Can I, uh, can I get one? 541 00:19:43,175 --> 00:19:45,108 Like... Now? 542 00:19:45,110 --> 00:19:47,110 [Exhales] Oh, my god. 543 00:19:47,112 --> 00:19:49,793 I'm so sorry. It's marijuana. 544 00:19:49,794 --> 00:19:51,660 - I can smell. - It's just, I've had a stressful day. 545 00:19:51,662 --> 00:19:54,012 I know. Got a glaucoma problem, and Barney's driving me... 546 00:19:54,037 --> 00:19:55,670 Relax. All right? This actually explains a lot 547 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,895 now that I know you were just high. 548 00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,697 Oh. 549 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,473 Well, you probably thought I was stupid, huh? 550 00:20:01,474 --> 00:20:03,007 [Laughs] 551 00:20:03,009 --> 00:20:04,709 I know your name, 552 00:20:04,711 --> 00:20:06,711 Mr. Parkerjer Jr. 553 00:20:06,713 --> 00:20:08,246 [Both laughing] 554 00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:10,815 [Coughs] You still don't. 555 00:20:10,817 --> 00:20:11,869 You know, Tammy... [Exhales] 556 00:20:11,870 --> 00:20:14,635 Some people just can't handle... 557 00:20:15,191 --> 00:20:16,424 [Puffs] Real drugs. 558 00:20:16,589 --> 00:20:18,589 [Coughing] 559 00:20:18,591 --> 00:20:20,090 I am so goddamn high. 560 00:20:20,092 --> 00:20:22,626 New pot is so much higher than old pot. 561 00:20:22,628 --> 00:20:24,928 I should call my mom. You know what I mean? 562 00:20:24,953 --> 00:20:27,654 - [Telephone rings, machine beeps] - [Groans] 563 00:20:27,656 --> 00:20:30,456 Nate: Hey, Mom. Hey, it's me. Can you pick up? 564 00:20:30,458 --> 00:20:33,393 - I know you're there, please. Mother. - Oh, shit. 565 00:20:33,395 --> 00:20:35,234 I've got something very important 566 00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,666 I want to tell you, okay? 567 00:20:36,668 --> 00:20:37,469 [Machine beeps, lighter clicks] 568 00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:39,949 I had an emotional breakthrough tonight, okay? 569 00:20:39,950 --> 00:20:42,926 I-I can be an emotional wreck, and that's okay, you know? 570 00:20:42,927 --> 00:20:44,530 It... it's not a judgment on my manhood. 571 00:20:44,531 --> 00:20:47,158 - [Machine beeps] - You know what? I got fired today. 572 00:20:47,205 --> 00:20:48,766 And I actually told Robin, 573 00:20:48,768 --> 00:20:50,968 and she was fine with it. 574 00:20:50,970 --> 00:20:52,959 Granted, she didn't hear most of it. 575 00:20:52,984 --> 00:20:55,112 But I'm gonna tell her again. And you know what? 576 00:20:55,114 --> 00:20:57,648 - She's gonna love me even more for it. - [Machine beeps] 577 00:20:57,650 --> 00:21:00,284 I lied to my wife, okay? 578 00:21:00,286 --> 00:21:03,555 I lied to her! Do you know why, Mother? 579 00:21:03,556 --> 00:21:05,123 Because of you. 580 00:21:05,125 --> 00:21:09,866 Every single terrible behavioral trait I have... 581 00:21:09,867 --> 00:21:11,327 [Glasses clink] ... Is because of you. 582 00:21:11,328 --> 00:21:13,228 - [Beep] - I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't tell her. 583 00:21:13,229 --> 00:21:14,846 I mean, you always say men are supposed to be 584 00:21:14,847 --> 00:21:15,582 the providers. [Exhaling slowly] 585 00:21:15,583 --> 00:21:17,262 You know, like Barney. Guy's a provider. 586 00:21:17,263 --> 00:21:19,256 And I got a plan to get my job back. 587 00:21:19,257 --> 00:21:22,632 So it's not like I ever even had lost it, you know? 588 00:21:22,633 --> 00:21:23,504 So why tell her? 589 00:21:23,505 --> 00:21:25,466 [Beep] You're right. She doesn't need to know. 590 00:21:25,467 --> 00:21:26,972 I-I'm just gonna fix it. 591 00:21:26,973 --> 00:21:28,311 - I-I love you, Mom. - [Exhales slowly] 592 00:21:28,312 --> 00:21:31,180 I think this has been our best talk in years. 593 00:21:31,182 --> 00:21:32,681 Bye. I love you. 594 00:21:32,683 --> 00:21:34,249 [Touchscreen clicks] 595 00:21:34,820 --> 00:21:39,866 - Synced and corrected by hawken45 - - www.addic7ed.com - 596 00:21:39,916 --> 00:21:44,466 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 45080

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.