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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,711 --> 00:00:03,460 I've got homework. Who called the family meeting? 2 00:00:03,563 --> 00:00:06,998 I did. We have a problem. 3 00:00:07,133 --> 00:00:08,532 Wait, there's no push-back 4 00:00:08,601 --> 00:00:10,334 on me calling a family meeting? 5 00:00:10,403 --> 00:00:11,602 Aww. I love you guys. 6 00:00:11,671 --> 00:00:13,003 - [Indistinct chatter] - Stop! 7 00:00:13,072 --> 00:00:14,572 Down! 8 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,441 College-application time. 9 00:00:17,510 --> 00:00:18,835 JJ's not taking it seriously. 10 00:00:18,914 --> 00:00:21,512 Seniors were supposed to hand in this essay a week ago. 11 00:00:21,581 --> 00:00:24,215 Why haven't you done it? It's really important. 12 00:00:24,283 --> 00:00:25,716 "It is. 13 00:00:25,785 --> 00:00:28,385 But there's so much good TV these days." 14 00:00:28,454 --> 00:00:31,489 Living in the golden age of content is no excuse, JJ. 15 00:00:31,557 --> 00:00:32,556 Your father and I will support 16 00:00:32,625 --> 00:00:33,591 whatever hopes you have for college, 17 00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:35,059 but you got to take the lead. 18 00:00:35,128 --> 00:00:35,993 Let's talk essay. 19 00:00:36,062 --> 00:00:37,928 What is your passion? 20 00:00:40,399 --> 00:00:42,700 P-O-O... 21 00:00:42,768 --> 00:00:44,568 No, JJ, not buying it. 22 00:00:44,637 --> 00:00:46,504 Pretending you have to poop has gotten you out of enough jams. 23 00:00:46,572 --> 00:00:48,472 You have passions. 24 00:00:48,541 --> 00:00:50,407 Let's put our heads together. We got this. 25 00:00:50,476 --> 00:00:51,742 ? 26 00:00:51,811 --> 00:00:53,177 I've got it! 27 00:00:53,246 --> 00:00:54,545 What's your passion? 28 00:00:54,614 --> 00:00:57,014 "Short essays." Done. Eh? 29 00:00:57,083 --> 00:01:00,351 We all hate it when you try and think outside the box. 30 00:01:00,419 --> 00:01:02,019 Yeah. 31 00:01:02,088 --> 00:01:04,021 Oh, I know! Giving back to society. 32 00:01:04,090 --> 00:01:05,723 When has he ever? 33 00:01:05,791 --> 00:01:07,224 Never. He'll start. Type. 34 00:01:07,293 --> 00:01:09,426 - [Keyboard clacking] - "...and make our world 35 00:01:09,495 --> 00:01:12,663 a better place for us all." 36 00:01:12,732 --> 00:01:15,166 Perfect. JJ? 37 00:01:15,234 --> 00:01:17,735 ? 38 00:01:17,803 --> 00:01:19,403 That is not what you just said to him. 39 00:01:19,472 --> 00:01:21,105 I told him what he needed to hear. 40 00:01:21,174 --> 00:01:24,909 [Sighs] Oh, you can't be mad, though, can you? TV's too bloody good. 41 00:01:24,977 --> 00:01:28,846 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 42 00:01:28,915 --> 00:01:30,314 Mom, Dad? 43 00:01:30,383 --> 00:01:31,515 I don't ask for much. 44 00:01:31,584 --> 00:01:33,083 I don't drive a fancy car 45 00:01:33,152 --> 00:01:35,419 or wear the latest fashions from Milan. 46 00:01:37,117 --> 00:01:38,522 Can I have a pet snake? 47 00:01:38,591 --> 00:01:40,090 - Don't be ridiculous! - Not on your life. 48 00:01:40,159 --> 00:01:41,258 I understand. 49 00:01:41,327 --> 00:01:44,895 ? 50 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,019 [Snake hissing] 51 00:01:46,044 --> 00:01:49,466 So, you're gonna be a secret snake. 52 00:01:49,535 --> 00:01:51,001 Sssssss! 53 00:01:52,405 --> 00:01:54,004 What is it, darling? 54 00:01:54,073 --> 00:01:55,539 Danton College? 55 00:01:55,608 --> 00:01:57,074 That's six hours away. 56 00:01:57,143 --> 00:01:59,076 "But it's good for"... 57 00:01:59,145 --> 00:02:00,744 E-N... "engineering. 58 00:02:00,813 --> 00:02:01,946 It's my passion." 59 00:02:02,014 --> 00:02:03,047 Really? 60 00:02:03,115 --> 00:02:04,248 Buddy, you do know that an engineer 61 00:02:04,317 --> 00:02:06,984 isn't the guy who drives the train, right? 62 00:02:07,053 --> 00:02:10,521 He also has to inspect and maintain the train. 63 00:02:10,590 --> 00:02:13,591 "I want to make things. 64 00:02:13,659 --> 00:02:15,559 My life is a "... P-U... " puzzle. 65 00:02:15,628 --> 00:02:20,364 I want to find solutions and help people." 66 00:02:20,433 --> 00:02:21,765 Well, that is beautiful. 67 00:02:21,834 --> 00:02:23,500 I told you we were good parents! 68 00:02:23,569 --> 00:02:24,568 Agree to disagree. 69 00:02:24,637 --> 00:02:26,604 JJ, engineering is your passion? 70 00:02:26,672 --> 00:02:27,838 You've never mentioned it. 71 00:02:27,907 --> 00:02:29,940 "I didn't think it was"... 72 00:02:30,009 --> 00:02:33,477 P-O... "possible until now." 73 00:02:33,546 --> 00:02:35,646 Oh, they've got a tour this weekend. 74 00:02:35,715 --> 00:02:37,214 "Can we go? 75 00:02:37,283 --> 00:02:39,750 It would be a"... D-R... "dream." 76 00:02:41,921 --> 00:02:43,854 [Sighs] Look at his face. 77 00:02:43,923 --> 00:02:45,656 It's six hours away. It's not practical. 78 00:02:45,725 --> 00:02:47,491 I think we have to have a hard conversation. 79 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:50,160 Let me take this one? 80 00:02:50,229 --> 00:02:52,529 Buddy, we believe in you, 81 00:02:52,598 --> 00:02:55,799 but you going to a college that far away... 82 00:02:55,868 --> 00:02:56,800 Overruled! 83 00:02:56,869 --> 00:02:57,935 How dare you limit our son?! 84 00:02:58,004 --> 00:03:00,004 JJ, go and pack. 85 00:03:00,072 --> 00:03:01,605 Did you know we were going to do that? 86 00:03:01,674 --> 00:03:05,042 You know what, don't tell me. Ruins the magic. 87 00:03:05,111 --> 00:03:07,945 Gents. Parents are away for the weekend. 88 00:03:08,014 --> 00:03:09,413 Throwing a little get-together. 89 00:03:09,482 --> 00:03:11,815 You guys are invited. 90 00:03:11,884 --> 00:03:13,284 "A night of fantasy gaming. 91 00:03:13,352 --> 00:03:14,285 When the parents are away, 92 00:03:14,353 --> 00:03:17,054 the kids shall... roleplay?" 93 00:03:17,123 --> 00:03:18,589 Uh... 94 00:03:18,658 --> 00:03:20,724 [Chuckles] Yeah, we'll see. 95 00:03:22,061 --> 00:03:24,728 All right, seven yeses. 96 00:03:26,132 --> 00:03:28,832 Ray, buddy, no one's gonna go to this. 97 00:03:28,901 --> 00:03:30,701 Those kids want to go to parties. 98 00:03:30,770 --> 00:03:31,902 Oh, no, this high school 99 00:03:31,971 --> 00:03:33,404 doesn't actually have parties. 100 00:03:33,472 --> 00:03:35,739 That stuff's just a myth created by Hollywood elites. 101 00:03:35,808 --> 00:03:36,707 [Sighs] 102 00:03:38,744 --> 00:03:40,711 Oh, Ray... 103 00:03:40,780 --> 00:03:42,179 This high school has parties? 104 00:03:42,248 --> 00:03:43,380 Mm-hmm. 105 00:03:43,449 --> 00:03:45,449 All right, new plan... I'm throwing a real party. 106 00:03:45,518 --> 00:03:46,984 And as the coolest guy I know, 107 00:03:47,053 --> 00:03:49,186 I want you to handle the guest list. 108 00:03:49,255 --> 00:03:50,220 Oh, invite your brother! 109 00:03:50,289 --> 00:03:52,356 You for real? My brother's crazy. 110 00:03:52,425 --> 00:03:55,059 I want him... and his friends. 111 00:03:55,127 --> 00:03:57,161 And tell him to bring... 112 00:03:57,229 --> 00:03:58,462 [Whispers] ...liquid refreshments. 113 00:03:58,531 --> 00:03:59,563 [Scoffs] It's your party. 114 00:03:59,632 --> 00:04:02,099 Also, remind me, do parties at this school 115 00:04:02,168 --> 00:04:04,101 usually have, like, themes? 116 00:04:04,170 --> 00:04:05,402 What? No. 117 00:04:05,471 --> 00:04:07,905 I was just kidding, Justin. 118 00:04:07,973 --> 00:04:09,873 Comedy. 119 00:04:09,942 --> 00:04:14,445 ? 120 00:04:14,513 --> 00:04:17,147 Maya: Come on, Dylan! Let's get on the road! 121 00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:18,949 Coming! [Sighs] 122 00:04:19,018 --> 00:04:21,051 Off to college, Dylan Junior. 123 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,820 I'll miss... you. 124 00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:25,656 Snakes can escape?! 125 00:04:27,793 --> 00:04:28,926 What were you doing back there? 126 00:04:28,994 --> 00:04:31,628 I'm... restoring an antique piano. 127 00:04:31,697 --> 00:04:32,730 Oh, okay. 128 00:04:32,798 --> 00:04:34,431 Have a good weekend, guys. Ta-ta. 129 00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:36,166 Wait. Ray's staying here? 130 00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:38,569 Yeah, we weren't sure about leaving a teenager alone for the weekend, 131 00:04:38,637 --> 00:04:41,405 but, I mean, the guy just said, "Ta-ta." 132 00:04:43,843 --> 00:04:47,978 Let's just hope this isn't the big... ta-ta. 133 00:04:51,384 --> 00:04:54,385 Finally! A little love around here. 134 00:04:58,124 --> 00:05:00,691 [Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock And Roll" playing] 135 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:01,625 Aah! 136 00:05:01,694 --> 00:05:03,827 Ohh! Ohh, that's a nail! 137 00:05:03,896 --> 00:05:05,262 [Grunts] That's a nail! 138 00:05:05,331 --> 00:05:07,464 Ohh! Ohh! Mommy, come home! 139 00:05:07,533 --> 00:05:09,767 [Knock on door] 140 00:05:09,835 --> 00:05:10,834 [Music stops] 141 00:05:10,903 --> 00:05:14,338 'Sup, Ray? Party's in here, boys. 142 00:05:14,407 --> 00:05:16,640 What is this? Who are all these kids? 143 00:05:16,709 --> 00:05:18,642 You said to invite my brother and his friends. 144 00:05:18,711 --> 00:05:20,611 I meant your cool older brother. 145 00:05:20,679 --> 00:05:22,112 Why would he come to your party? 146 00:05:22,181 --> 00:05:23,414 The dude's got a moustache. 147 00:05:23,482 --> 00:05:25,015 Thanks, Justin. I owe you. 148 00:05:25,084 --> 00:05:27,184 [Scoffs] I'm gonna hold you to that, Karen. 149 00:05:27,253 --> 00:05:28,285 [Laughs] 150 00:05:28,354 --> 00:05:29,586 What the hell is happening?! 151 00:05:29,655 --> 00:05:31,989 Babysitting ring, bro. I make mad coin. 152 00:05:32,057 --> 00:05:33,924 And, uh, the moms ain't that bad, either. 153 00:05:33,993 --> 00:05:35,092 Have a fun party, Ray. 154 00:05:35,161 --> 00:05:36,293 You're not even staying? 155 00:05:36,362 --> 00:05:38,228 Oh, heads up. If Trevor has peanuts, he'll die. 156 00:05:38,297 --> 00:05:40,497 Don't let him trick you. Dude loves peanuts. 157 00:05:40,566 --> 00:05:42,099 ? 158 00:05:42,168 --> 00:05:43,600 Sucks for Trevor. 159 00:05:43,669 --> 00:05:47,137 Hey, can I have some peanuts? My name's Chase. 160 00:05:47,206 --> 00:05:50,507 This place is gorgeous. Look at this quad. 161 00:05:50,576 --> 00:05:53,377 Quad? At these prices, it should be a quint! 162 00:05:53,446 --> 00:05:55,879 - [Women scoff] - Laughing at great jokes is un-PC now, huh? 163 00:05:55,948 --> 00:05:57,014 Snowflakes. 164 00:05:57,082 --> 00:05:58,382 What do you think of this place, JJ? 165 00:05:58,451 --> 00:06:00,851 "It's perfect." 166 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:02,586 Should we go find that tour? 167 00:06:02,655 --> 00:06:03,654 Dylan: "There's a"... 168 00:06:03,722 --> 00:06:07,791 S-T... "student-only tour I want to take." 169 00:06:07,860 --> 00:06:10,694 So independent. All right, go forth, son. 170 00:06:10,763 --> 00:06:12,029 Come back with dreadlocks 171 00:06:12,097 --> 00:06:13,697 and tell me how everything I know is incorrect. 172 00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:16,633 We are gonna break his heart. 173 00:06:16,702 --> 00:06:18,669 Set aside the fact that this place is six hours away, 174 00:06:18,737 --> 00:06:20,571 we're never gonna be able to afford this tuition. 175 00:06:20,639 --> 00:06:22,606 Oh, come on. Of course... 176 00:06:22,675 --> 00:06:24,808 [Gasps] Good God! 177 00:06:24,877 --> 00:06:26,777 That's just for JJ? 178 00:06:26,846 --> 00:06:28,579 Why do we have so many children? 179 00:06:28,647 --> 00:06:29,880 Uh, look, you know what, 180 00:06:29,949 --> 00:06:32,082 we'll go by the financial-aid office and have a talk. 181 00:06:32,151 --> 00:06:34,117 You just couldn't keep your bloody hands off me, could you? 182 00:06:34,186 --> 00:06:35,419 [Chuckles] 183 00:06:35,488 --> 00:06:37,120 JJ, where are you going? 184 00:06:37,189 --> 00:06:39,790 You said the tour was meeting back there. 185 00:06:39,859 --> 00:06:43,427 "We're not here for the tour." 186 00:06:43,496 --> 00:06:45,262 ? 187 00:06:45,331 --> 00:06:46,997 Are they filming a movie? 188 00:06:47,066 --> 00:06:48,565 JJ? 189 00:06:48,634 --> 00:06:49,633 JJ DiMeo's here! 190 00:06:49,702 --> 00:06:52,336 Wait! JJ, you're in this? 191 00:06:52,404 --> 00:06:54,204 We didn't come here so you could tour the college, 192 00:06:54,273 --> 00:06:56,340 we came here so you could be in some movie? 193 00:06:56,408 --> 00:06:58,108 This isn't "some movie." 194 00:06:58,177 --> 00:07:01,612 This is "Bikini University 3: Horny Homecoming." 195 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:05,482 ? 196 00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:08,418 "I'm sorry, I'm gross." 197 00:07:08,487 --> 00:07:10,923 No, it's what you should have said. 198 00:07:12,369 --> 00:07:14,143 JJ! 199 00:07:14,276 --> 00:07:16,410 I'm Frank Dante, the director. 200 00:07:16,479 --> 00:07:18,445 So glad you answered our ad. 201 00:07:18,514 --> 00:07:19,480 Dylan: "It's an honor. 202 00:07:19,548 --> 00:07:22,182 I loved 'Bikini University 2: 203 00:07:22,251 --> 00:07:23,484 - The Dean's"... - Ahh! 204 00:07:23,552 --> 00:07:24,985 R-E... "Revenge.'" 205 00:07:25,054 --> 00:07:26,787 Kid, you don't know how happy that makes me. 206 00:07:26,856 --> 00:07:28,055 People say that today's teens 207 00:07:28,123 --> 00:07:30,190 don't want raunchy comedies like "Bikini U." 208 00:07:30,259 --> 00:07:35,362 "I do. Gimme. Gimme. Gimme." 209 00:07:36,732 --> 00:07:37,831 "Gimme." 210 00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:39,466 I like this kid! 211 00:07:39,535 --> 00:07:41,602 JJ! Mom and Dad are gonna kill you 212 00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:44,505 when I tell them why we're really here. 213 00:07:44,573 --> 00:07:48,642 "If you do, I'll tell them about your S..." 214 00:07:48,711 --> 00:07:50,611 You know about my snake?! 215 00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:53,480 How? We've been so careful when I haven't lost him. 216 00:07:53,549 --> 00:07:55,949 Hi! We're gonna be working together! 217 00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:59,086 I'm Ally, but my character's name is Bikini Boobs. 218 00:07:59,154 --> 00:08:00,921 - [Laughs] - "I'm JJ. 219 00:08:00,990 --> 00:08:04,691 My character is Bikini Boobs... 220 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:08,962 In Face... Wheelchair Boy." 221 00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:12,733 [Sighs] You suck. Like, a lot. 222 00:08:12,801 --> 00:08:14,902 We have many financial-aid packages available. 223 00:08:14,970 --> 00:08:16,703 Take a look. 224 00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:20,607 [Clicks tongue] Pauline, do you know, 225 00:08:20,676 --> 00:08:22,442 I've never said this to a woman before. 226 00:08:22,511 --> 00:08:24,344 But I want to make you fall in love with me, 227 00:08:24,413 --> 00:08:27,314 give myself to you... once... then break your heart. 228 00:08:27,383 --> 00:08:28,882 And when you ask me why, 229 00:08:28,951 --> 00:08:31,318 I'm gonna say, "'Cause of that chart." 230 00:08:31,387 --> 00:08:33,754 That was fun. Uh, wait, this looks interesting. 231 00:08:33,822 --> 00:08:35,355 Uh, 80% off tuition? 232 00:08:35,424 --> 00:08:37,124 Uh, that's for kids of Danton employees. 233 00:08:37,192 --> 00:08:38,292 Oh, we can do that. 234 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:39,660 I'll move up here and I'll get a job. 235 00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:40,761 But what would you do? 236 00:08:40,829 --> 00:08:41,962 Clerical work, be an assistant. 237 00:08:42,031 --> 00:08:43,196 You know, I'll start at the bottom. 238 00:08:43,265 --> 00:08:44,865 [Snickers] 239 00:08:44,934 --> 00:08:45,799 Why are you laughing? 240 00:08:45,868 --> 00:08:47,367 You, starting at the bottom. 241 00:08:47,436 --> 00:08:49,436 Answering to someone, taking orders... 242 00:08:49,505 --> 00:08:50,823 You know what? Actually, could you get me that pen? 243 00:08:50,847 --> 00:08:52,102 - Get it yourself. - Yeah, that was a test. 244 00:08:52,127 --> 00:08:55,142 - You want to know how you did? - [Sighs] So I'm a natural alpha. 245 00:08:55,210 --> 00:08:56,343 Sue me. 246 00:08:56,412 --> 00:08:58,412 Look, if I've got to slum it to help my son, 247 00:08:58,480 --> 00:08:59,513 then that's what I'll do. 248 00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:01,911 Don't believe me? Look, I'll show you. 249 00:09:02,651 --> 00:09:04,751 - Your pen. - That's actually my pen. 250 00:09:04,820 --> 00:09:07,220 Lady, I've had it up to here with you! 251 00:09:07,289 --> 00:09:09,923 [Children yelling] 252 00:09:09,992 --> 00:09:11,592 Oh, it's so loud. 253 00:09:11,660 --> 00:09:13,126 Just be quiet! 254 00:09:13,195 --> 00:09:15,696 - [Yelling stops] - [Ball bouncing] 255 00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:19,266 Ugh. Don't do that. Now it's just eerie. 256 00:09:19,335 --> 00:09:20,734 [Door closes] 257 00:09:20,803 --> 00:09:22,235 - [Children laughing] - Ray! 258 00:09:22,304 --> 00:09:24,938 You got me out of a hot tub with a Shakira look-alike 259 00:09:25,007 --> 00:09:27,107 to show me you started a daycare center? 260 00:09:27,176 --> 00:09:29,443 I tried to throw a party with the coolest kids from school, 261 00:09:29,511 --> 00:09:31,311 and this is who showed up. 262 00:09:31,380 --> 00:09:33,647 I'm a total loser. 263 00:09:33,716 --> 00:09:35,515 Hey, Ray, come on. 264 00:09:35,584 --> 00:09:36,984 This could be a good thing. 265 00:09:37,052 --> 00:09:38,652 You want to be cool? 266 00:09:38,721 --> 00:09:41,188 Start with an easy crowd first. 267 00:09:41,256 --> 00:09:42,756 Kevin Hart did open mics 268 00:09:42,825 --> 00:09:44,625 before he could fill stadiums. 269 00:09:44,693 --> 00:09:46,293 Baseball players start in the minors 270 00:09:46,362 --> 00:09:47,728 before they hit the big leagues. 271 00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:51,565 Or rock stars. There's a lot of examples. 272 00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:53,767 I guess it's a very basic concept. 273 00:09:53,836 --> 00:09:56,169 How do I even impress 10-year-olds? 274 00:09:56,238 --> 00:09:57,270 [Chuckles] Well, it's easy. 275 00:09:57,339 --> 00:09:58,905 Hey, yo! Listen up! 276 00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:00,574 This guy right here... 277 00:10:00,643 --> 00:10:01,608 [Laughs] 278 00:10:01,677 --> 00:10:03,410 ...he just said the "A" word. 279 00:10:03,479 --> 00:10:06,680 [Admiring exclamations] 280 00:10:06,749 --> 00:10:08,448 Yeah, no, I'm not above this. 281 00:10:08,517 --> 00:10:11,018 Okay, so, Dean Dinkins does his line... 282 00:10:11,086 --> 00:10:13,286 "Shut this party down before you ruin everything! 283 00:10:13,355 --> 00:10:14,621 I'm trying to sell this college, 284 00:10:14,690 --> 00:10:15,856 and I won't have you blow it!" 285 00:10:15,924 --> 00:10:19,493 Then I say to JJ, "Your nose looks cold." 286 00:10:19,561 --> 00:10:23,030 And then I stick my chest in your face... 287 00:10:23,098 --> 00:10:24,131 Then the dean talks. 288 00:10:24,199 --> 00:10:26,667 "Shouldn't we rehearse that part?" 289 00:10:26,735 --> 00:10:28,969 Oh, no. That part's easy. 290 00:10:29,038 --> 00:10:31,338 JJ, why is your nose even cold? 291 00:10:31,407 --> 00:10:33,974 Oh, because the frat guys locked him in a freezer. 292 00:10:34,043 --> 00:10:35,042 But then I come and warm him up. 293 00:10:35,110 --> 00:10:36,309 [Giggles] 294 00:10:36,378 --> 00:10:38,645 "What might that look like?" 295 00:10:38,714 --> 00:10:41,148 Ugh, I'm really struggling with my character. 296 00:10:41,216 --> 00:10:42,249 Hopefully, I'll just be amazing 297 00:10:42,317 --> 00:10:43,350 when we shoot it, for some reason. 298 00:10:43,419 --> 00:10:45,852 "One"... S-U... "suggestion. 299 00:10:45,921 --> 00:10:50,057 Say your line as you're walking out." 300 00:10:50,125 --> 00:10:52,959 ? 301 00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:54,995 I like it. Do you direct? 302 00:10:55,064 --> 00:10:58,265 "No, I just watch lots of movies." 303 00:10:58,333 --> 00:11:00,300 Thanks, Boobs in Face Wheelchair Boy. 304 00:11:00,369 --> 00:11:01,334 [Sighs] 305 00:11:01,403 --> 00:11:02,636 [Knock on door] 306 00:11:02,705 --> 00:11:05,372 Hello. I have the groceries you ordered. 307 00:11:05,441 --> 00:11:06,740 You're the person the app sent? 308 00:11:06,809 --> 00:11:08,175 I know I don't look the part, 309 00:11:08,243 --> 00:11:09,376 but I'm using this app 310 00:11:09,445 --> 00:11:10,944 to prove I can take orders and hold a job 311 00:11:11,013 --> 00:11:12,746 so my son can attend the school of his dreams. 312 00:11:12,815 --> 00:11:13,847 No, I was just confused. 313 00:11:13,916 --> 00:11:16,183 It says here you're a man named Mayo. 314 00:11:16,251 --> 00:11:20,520 A thousand apologies, oh, great Dave G. 315 00:11:20,589 --> 00:11:22,255 [Sighs] This was the best grapefruit? 316 00:11:22,324 --> 00:11:24,825 Well, you asked for the "dankest grapefruit," 317 00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,193 which seemed subjective. 318 00:11:26,261 --> 00:11:27,461 And I asked for Advil. 319 00:11:27,529 --> 00:11:28,628 Oh, I got you the generic brand. 320 00:11:28,697 --> 00:11:30,230 It's the same thing. I saved you 3 bucks. 321 00:11:30,299 --> 00:11:32,299 You should've gotten me Advil. This stuff sucks. 322 00:11:32,367 --> 00:11:33,767 It's literally the same thing. 323 00:11:33,836 --> 00:11:34,835 Are you arguing with me? 324 00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:37,637 No! I'm being correct near an idiot. 325 00:11:37,706 --> 00:11:38,839 ? 326 00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:41,041 [Upbeat funk music playing] 327 00:11:41,110 --> 00:11:44,010 Hey, Ray, we wanted to play some Minecraft. 328 00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:45,445 What are your rules on screen time? 329 00:11:45,514 --> 00:11:46,980 It's a party, man. 330 00:11:47,049 --> 00:11:49,116 Unlimited... within reason. 331 00:11:49,184 --> 00:11:50,083 - Yes! - Yes! 332 00:11:50,152 --> 00:11:52,486 Dude, I saw this kit in the store. 333 00:11:52,554 --> 00:11:54,087 The box says 16 and older. 334 00:11:54,156 --> 00:11:56,590 Wish I'd known that when I built it. 335 00:11:56,658 --> 00:11:58,525 When I was 13. 336 00:11:58,594 --> 00:11:59,459 Whoa. 337 00:11:59,528 --> 00:12:01,328 Juice box me. 338 00:12:03,465 --> 00:12:04,731 It's all good. 339 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,000 I know what "doing it" is. 340 00:12:07,069 --> 00:12:09,770 He gave you one star, and the comment is, 341 00:12:09,838 --> 00:12:11,338 "Why can't I give zero stars?" 342 00:12:11,406 --> 00:12:12,372 Oh, for God's sake! 343 00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:14,374 I had no idea how hard it was 344 00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:15,842 to let people walk all over you. 345 00:12:15,911 --> 00:12:17,177 What can I say, some of us just have 346 00:12:17,246 --> 00:12:19,412 a flair for being emasculated. 347 00:12:19,481 --> 00:12:20,947 Look, this place is crazy expensive. 348 00:12:21,016 --> 00:12:22,482 I-I don't think it's meant to be. 349 00:12:22,551 --> 00:12:25,519 - We'll talk to JJ, and it'll be okay. - Okay. 350 00:12:25,587 --> 00:12:28,155 This grapefruit is not dank! 351 00:12:28,223 --> 00:12:31,158 Well, feed it to your three "Scarface" posters, jackass! 352 00:12:31,226 --> 00:12:32,893 You would not believe 353 00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:34,628 how often people come up to me and say, 354 00:12:34,696 --> 00:12:38,131 "Frank, I love the 'Bikini University' movies, 355 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,467 and I'm a woman." 356 00:12:40,536 --> 00:12:41,735 ? 357 00:12:41,804 --> 00:12:43,136 [Cellphone chimes] 358 00:12:43,205 --> 00:12:45,472 Uh-oh. Mom and Dad. 359 00:12:45,541 --> 00:12:47,574 "Where's JJ? We need to talk." 360 00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:49,609 It's almost time for your big scene, JJ. 361 00:12:50,879 --> 00:12:52,312 Wait. What's wrong? 362 00:12:52,381 --> 00:12:55,615 ? 363 00:12:55,684 --> 00:12:58,185 "Want to do some real acting?" 364 00:12:58,253 --> 00:12:59,953 ? 365 00:13:00,022 --> 00:13:01,588 Hey. 366 00:13:01,657 --> 00:13:02,823 We thought you guys were on the tour. 367 00:13:02,891 --> 00:13:05,325 We're sorry, but it's not a realistic option. 368 00:13:05,394 --> 00:13:08,161 Can we start heading back and talk about it in the car? 369 00:13:08,230 --> 00:13:10,764 JJ, there you are! I brought someone. 370 00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:13,233 Dean Dinkins, this is JJ DiMeo. 371 00:13:13,302 --> 00:13:15,569 JJ, I hear you're looking to join our engineering department. 372 00:13:15,637 --> 00:13:17,838 Son, you seem like Danton material 373 00:13:17,906 --> 00:13:19,139 through and through. 374 00:13:19,208 --> 00:13:21,675 You're the dean? You're very young. 375 00:13:21,743 --> 00:13:22,776 And... hot. 376 00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:24,744 [Chuckles] I get that a lot. 377 00:13:24,813 --> 00:13:27,214 Working with quality young people like JJ here 378 00:13:27,282 --> 00:13:28,782 is my own fountain of youth. 379 00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:31,017 Yeah, JJ is awesome. 380 00:13:31,086 --> 00:13:32,185 Well, he made a friend. 381 00:13:32,254 --> 00:13:35,155 And she's hot. She's like Dean Dinkins hot. 382 00:13:35,224 --> 00:13:36,389 JJ, let's get back. 383 00:13:36,458 --> 00:13:38,825 That math equation isn't gonna solve itself. 384 00:13:38,894 --> 00:13:40,660 - May I borrow him? - For math. 385 00:13:40,729 --> 00:13:43,897 ? 386 00:13:43,966 --> 00:13:46,166 Well, we can't quit, 'cause it's his dream, isn't it? 387 00:13:46,235 --> 00:13:47,601 Go on, open that app again. 388 00:13:47,669 --> 00:13:49,803 - [Upbeat pop music playing] - Ah, look at you. 389 00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:51,004 Feeling confident, huh? 390 00:13:51,073 --> 00:13:53,373 My man, I own this crowd. 391 00:13:53,442 --> 00:13:55,675 I've got them wrapped around my finger. 392 00:13:55,744 --> 00:13:57,611 And once they see my magic act... 393 00:13:57,679 --> 00:13:59,579 Oh, no. No, no, no. Too confident. 394 00:13:59,648 --> 00:14:01,948 - Too confident! - Too confident my "A." 395 00:14:02,017 --> 00:14:03,850 Kids, pop a squat. 396 00:14:03,919 --> 00:14:04,885 I can't watch this. 397 00:14:04,953 --> 00:14:06,253 I'm calling weird-eye Shakira 398 00:14:06,321 --> 00:14:07,821 to tell her to fire the tub back up. 399 00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:09,823 ? 400 00:14:09,892 --> 00:14:11,358 [Dramatic rock music playing] 401 00:14:11,426 --> 00:14:16,196 We perceive our world through our five senses. 402 00:14:16,265 --> 00:14:17,664 Or do we? 403 00:14:17,733 --> 00:14:18,765 [Children gasping] 404 00:14:18,834 --> 00:14:20,634 Oh, you ain't seen nothin' yet. 405 00:14:20,702 --> 00:14:23,536 - [Snake hissing] - Now I will remove my thumb. 406 00:14:23,605 --> 00:14:25,338 [Admiring exclamations] 407 00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:26,907 I know, right? 408 00:14:26,975 --> 00:14:29,075 Awesome! 409 00:14:29,144 --> 00:14:32,212 [Hissing continues] 410 00:14:32,281 --> 00:14:34,281 - [High-pitched scream] - [Laughter] 411 00:14:34,349 --> 00:14:36,616 Uh, grab some of that equipment and follow me. 412 00:14:36,685 --> 00:14:38,618 Oh, with pleasure. Is there anything else I can do for you? 413 00:14:38,687 --> 00:14:40,353 Don't hold back. Treat me like garbage. 414 00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:41,888 - I am your peon. - No, just that. 415 00:14:41,957 --> 00:14:45,692 So this is for a movie? What are you filming? 416 00:14:45,761 --> 00:14:46,893 Okay, everyone, come in quick. 417 00:14:46,962 --> 00:14:48,295 We'll hide from the snake in here. 418 00:14:48,363 --> 00:14:50,063 Come on. Come on. Come on. 419 00:14:50,132 --> 00:14:51,398 ? 420 00:14:51,466 --> 00:14:53,700 No one else is afraid of the snake? 421 00:14:53,769 --> 00:14:56,970 [Children chanting]: Babies! 422 00:14:57,039 --> 00:14:59,506 I've got bad news for you, Austin. 423 00:14:59,574 --> 00:15:01,274 Those babies are us. 424 00:15:01,343 --> 00:15:03,977 Frank, we are way behind. We gotta do this. 425 00:15:04,046 --> 00:15:06,313 Fine, but I need a rehearsal. Where's Bikini Boobs? 426 00:15:06,381 --> 00:15:07,414 Still in makeup. 427 00:15:07,482 --> 00:15:10,617 Well, just get me a stand-in. Anybody! 428 00:15:10,686 --> 00:15:13,553 Hey, you, app lady. Come with me. 429 00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:14,955 Stand right here. 430 00:15:15,023 --> 00:15:16,323 Face this way. 431 00:15:16,391 --> 00:15:19,125 I mean, for five stars, I really would stand in a volcano. 432 00:15:19,194 --> 00:15:21,528 Where's our horny wheelchair kid? 433 00:15:21,596 --> 00:15:22,729 [Wheels screech] 434 00:15:22,798 --> 00:15:24,898 ? 435 00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:27,300 That's my horny wheelchair kid. 436 00:15:27,369 --> 00:15:31,404 JJ, I've lost sight of Dad and... Mom. 437 00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:34,174 I'm just gonna come clean. I have a snake. 438 00:15:35,026 --> 00:15:37,877 So that's why we're here? We drove six hours, 439 00:15:37,947 --> 00:15:39,926 we agonized over how to pay for it. 440 00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:41,450 I was gonna get a job up here, and for what? 441 00:15:41,493 --> 00:15:42,859 So you could roll around a movie set 442 00:15:42,912 --> 00:15:44,344 and nuzzle some girl's chest puppies? 443 00:15:44,403 --> 00:15:46,803 You made your mother say "chest puppies." 444 00:15:46,872 --> 00:15:49,206 "In the movie's defense, 445 00:15:49,275 --> 00:15:53,110 they cast an actual wheelchair user for the part." 446 00:15:53,178 --> 00:15:54,816 Yeah, that is actually laudable. Credit where credit's due. 447 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:56,722 - Sure. - Doesn't change anything. 448 00:15:56,777 --> 00:15:58,248 You lied! 449 00:15:58,317 --> 00:15:59,783 You lied. 450 00:15:59,852 --> 00:16:03,453 We were so happy that you'd found a passion. 451 00:16:03,522 --> 00:16:05,656 "You're"...D-R... "dreaming 452 00:16:05,724 --> 00:16:08,025 if you think I could go"... 453 00:16:08,093 --> 00:16:11,261 S-O... "someplace like this." 454 00:16:11,330 --> 00:16:13,230 I'm not buying your excuses anymore. 455 00:16:13,299 --> 00:16:15,532 We take you seriously. It's time you did, too. 456 00:16:15,601 --> 00:16:16,700 Congratulations, JJ. 457 00:16:16,769 --> 00:16:20,170 You've been accepted to college... with honors. 458 00:16:20,239 --> 00:16:23,307 Dean Dinkins, I'm gonna make you fall in love with me, 459 00:16:23,375 --> 00:16:25,542 - then I'm gon... - Okay, you... Just go. 460 00:16:25,611 --> 00:16:26,710 Time to say goodbye to your friends. 461 00:16:29,782 --> 00:16:32,015 "I'm sorry. I have to leave." 462 00:16:32,084 --> 00:16:33,483 Eh, scene's a wreck, anyway. 463 00:16:33,552 --> 00:16:35,886 There's no good way to shoot the party. 464 00:16:35,955 --> 00:16:36,887 Bye, kid. 465 00:16:36,956 --> 00:16:39,723 ? 466 00:16:39,792 --> 00:16:40,657 Jimmy: "Dad"... 467 00:16:40,726 --> 00:16:43,160 U-N... "unscrew my board." 468 00:16:44,863 --> 00:16:46,830 Together: Ray and Austin are chickens! 469 00:16:46,899 --> 00:16:48,532 Ray and Austin are chickens! 470 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:49,800 Ray: Oh, I'm a chicken? 471 00:16:49,868 --> 00:16:51,535 - [Children chanting "Chicken!"] - So I provide 35% 472 00:16:51,603 --> 00:16:53,270 of the protein America consumes? 473 00:16:53,339 --> 00:16:54,905 Real good insult. 474 00:16:54,974 --> 00:16:56,840 Hey! All right. All right. All right. 475 00:16:56,909 --> 00:16:59,943 We've had our fun. Help me find that snake. 476 00:17:00,012 --> 00:17:01,378 Let's go. 477 00:17:01,447 --> 00:17:03,380 My dad would've found it already. 478 00:17:03,449 --> 00:17:05,882 He kills snakes all the time. 479 00:17:05,951 --> 00:17:07,184 My dad invented Pok�mon. 480 00:17:07,252 --> 00:17:11,788 Oh, really? Your dad is Satoshi Tajiri? 481 00:17:11,857 --> 00:17:13,724 Yeah, that's what I thought. 482 00:17:13,792 --> 00:17:15,092 [Snake hissing] 483 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,160 ? 484 00:17:17,229 --> 00:17:17,961 Ray? 485 00:17:18,030 --> 00:17:20,364 ? 486 00:17:20,432 --> 00:17:21,498 Dear God! 487 00:17:21,567 --> 00:17:23,467 What kind of snake highway's up there?! 488 00:17:23,535 --> 00:17:24,401 - [Thud] - [Both scream] 489 00:17:24,470 --> 00:17:26,036 [Hissing continues] 490 00:17:26,105 --> 00:17:28,472 Okay, you got this, Ray. 491 00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:29,506 You g... You got this. 492 00:17:29,575 --> 00:17:31,041 All right. 493 00:17:31,110 --> 00:17:35,212 ? 494 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,647 Yes! 495 00:17:37,716 --> 00:17:39,683 Oh, no venom glands. It's harmless. 496 00:17:39,752 --> 00:17:41,918 I'm gonna go show everyone I caught it. 497 00:17:41,987 --> 00:17:45,322 And I'm never gonna show my face again. 498 00:17:45,391 --> 00:17:48,792 ? 499 00:17:48,861 --> 00:17:50,794 [Indistinct conversations] 500 00:17:50,863 --> 00:17:52,596 You ready? 501 00:17:52,664 --> 00:17:54,531 And action! 502 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:58,268 ? She's a straight-talking, street-walking, top-shelf ? 503 00:17:58,337 --> 00:18:00,370 ? Leather-lining limousine ? 504 00:18:00,439 --> 00:18:02,239 [Crowd cheering] 505 00:18:02,307 --> 00:18:06,009 ? She's a car-stopping, ball-dropping firework ? 506 00:18:06,078 --> 00:18:09,446 ? A single-handed party scene ? 507 00:18:09,515 --> 00:18:13,617 ? Don't stop, don't drop for anyone ? 508 00:18:13,685 --> 00:18:17,721 ? Won't shake, won't break, she's having fun ? 509 00:18:17,790 --> 00:18:21,024 Oh, your nose looks cold! 510 00:18:21,093 --> 00:18:22,559 And cut! 511 00:18:22,628 --> 00:18:23,560 We got it! 512 00:18:23,629 --> 00:18:24,628 [Cheers and applause] 513 00:18:24,696 --> 00:18:26,797 Awesome. [Laughs] 514 00:18:26,865 --> 00:18:29,099 Gosh! Look at that smile. 515 00:18:29,168 --> 00:18:31,401 Never seen you so happy. 516 00:18:31,470 --> 00:18:33,670 "I've never been so happy." 517 00:18:33,739 --> 00:18:36,606 Hmm. And how much of that would you say is breast-related? 518 00:18:36,675 --> 00:18:39,443 "Five"...P-E... "percent." 519 00:18:39,511 --> 00:18:41,211 "Per breast." Well... 520 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:42,879 That's a lot left for movies. 521 00:18:42,948 --> 00:18:44,381 Am I detecting a passion? 522 00:18:44,450 --> 00:18:47,284 ? 523 00:18:47,352 --> 00:18:50,454 "I'm"...S-O... "sorry I lied. 524 00:18:50,522 --> 00:18:51,755 But thank you." 525 00:18:51,824 --> 00:18:54,624 Oh, it's all right. It's exciting, isn't it? 526 00:18:54,693 --> 00:18:58,128 Now, do I have to have seen "Bikini University" 1 and 2 527 00:18:58,197 --> 00:19:00,630 in order to understand your role in "Bikini University 3"? 528 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,233 Come on out, snake. 529 00:19:03,302 --> 00:19:05,202 [Indistinct conversations] 530 00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:06,236 [Gasps] 531 00:19:06,305 --> 00:19:07,204 No way! 532 00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:08,138 [Children gasp] 533 00:19:08,207 --> 00:19:10,407 Austin found the snake! 534 00:19:10,476 --> 00:19:13,844 Yeah, it tried eating us both, but Austin wasn't scared. 535 00:19:13,912 --> 00:19:14,911 Right, Austin? 536 00:19:14,980 --> 00:19:17,681 Yeah. I made this snake my "B." 537 00:19:17,749 --> 00:19:21,184 All: Whoa! 538 00:19:21,253 --> 00:19:22,953 Ray pooped his pants. 539 00:19:23,021 --> 00:19:23,954 [Laughter] 540 00:19:24,022 --> 00:19:26,423 Really, man? You had the win. 541 00:19:26,492 --> 00:19:29,292 [Scattered "goodbye" s] 542 00:19:29,361 --> 00:19:31,094 Justin Chang's older brother! 543 00:19:31,163 --> 00:19:32,162 Dustin: Heard what you did. 544 00:19:32,231 --> 00:19:33,230 Catching a snake 545 00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:35,232 but letting Austin Chang take credit? 546 00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:37,234 That's huge. 547 00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:38,802 Come on, little bro. 548 00:19:38,871 --> 00:19:41,538 Dustin Chang rates you... 549 00:19:41,607 --> 00:19:42,839 one to watch. 550 00:19:42,908 --> 00:19:46,243 ? 551 00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:49,412 Dude, you had a pretty good day. [Laughs] 552 00:19:49,481 --> 00:19:51,715 But not as good as Dustin Chang's. 553 00:19:51,783 --> 00:19:54,718 Dude is straight making out with one of the moms. 554 00:19:54,786 --> 00:19:57,687 ? 555 00:19:57,756 --> 00:19:59,956 [Sighs] It's all happening so fast. 556 00:20:00,025 --> 00:20:02,259 It was just yesterday I was bringing my baby home. 557 00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:05,595 Now my baby's going to college? Babies can't go to college. 558 00:20:05,664 --> 00:20:07,297 It'll be such a big change for him. 559 00:20:07,366 --> 00:20:09,266 It's exciting. 560 00:20:10,702 --> 00:20:12,002 Look at him back there. 561 00:20:12,070 --> 00:20:14,304 Our little director. 562 00:20:14,373 --> 00:20:17,340 Dreaming of cameras and shots. 563 00:20:20,145 --> 00:20:22,812 Yeah, that's what he's burying his face in... 564 00:20:22,881 --> 00:20:25,448 a giant pair of cameras. 565 00:20:26,574 --> 00:20:29,308 - Hey, Dylan, your friend's here. - It's time to get that hideous thing 566 00:20:29,348 --> 00:20:30,580 out of this house, once and for all. 567 00:20:30,649 --> 00:20:33,377 Please? He only escaped because he was hungry. 568 00:20:33,424 --> 00:20:35,057 Now I know snakes need food. 569 00:20:35,126 --> 00:20:36,725 - Say goodbye, Dylan. - [Sternly] Now. 570 00:20:36,794 --> 00:20:38,194 [Sighs] 571 00:20:38,262 --> 00:20:41,897 You were a good snake. But it's for the best. 572 00:20:41,966 --> 00:20:44,948 Most of the fun was you being a secret, anyway. 573 00:20:45,136 --> 00:20:46,682 Goodbye. 574 00:20:49,323 --> 00:20:51,323 ? 575 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:53,844 Hmm. Fair trade. Deal. 576 00:20:53,915 --> 00:20:55,351 See the one that just left? 577 00:20:55,414 --> 00:20:58,226 That's what happens to snakes who doesn't stay secret. 578 00:20:58,276 --> 00:21:02,826 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 39986

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