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1
00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:04,171
I can't figure out an original gift
to get Harvey for Valentine's Day.
2
00:00:04,379 --> 00:00:07,465
Cologne he'll never use.
A red sweater he'll never wear.
3
00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:10,469
A teddy bear holding a sign
that says, "I heart you."
4
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:13,632
It's not easy coming up with something
masculine, romantic and red.
5
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,307
Unless it's salmon.
6
00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:18,476
Nothing says love
like things that swim upstream.
7
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,596
[TOASTER DINGS, ZELDA GASPS]
8
00:00:20,771 --> 00:00:23,939
Oh. I can't believe this finally came.
9
00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:26,600
Oh, Sabrina,
here is the perfect gift for Harvey:
10
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:30,485
A certificate for a special gondola ride
through the Milky Way.
11
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,857
Which would be harder to explain,
the flying gondola
12
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:36,035
or that I actually know a good burger
joint on that side of the galaxy?
13
00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:38,571
Oh, don't worry,
a mortal won't remember the ride
14
00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:41,666
but will be filled
with a special feeling of love.
15
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:45,625
Like he's just sated himself
on 40 pounds of coho.
16
00:00:45,838 --> 00:00:49,421
I remember when you sent for this.
You were gaga over some mortal.
17
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:52,090
Mm. Ulysses S. Grant.
18
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,711
Oh, that's right. Good old Ulie.
19
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,131
- Whatever happened to him?
- He got old and died.
20
00:00:57,933 --> 00:01:00,057
I can't believe
you waited a hundred years for this.
21
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:01,307
Nothing's worth waiting...
22
00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:03,223
Hey, it's got a coupon
for free chocolates.
23
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:09,563
I know what I'm having for dinner.
24
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:13,943
But I don't think
I'll redeem that free anvil coupon.
25
00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:15,362
[GULPING]
26
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:52,442
Harvey is gonna love
this magic gondola ride.
27
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:54,565
I just hope
he didn't get me the same thing.
28
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,442
[BIRD CHIRPING]
29
00:01:57,409 --> 00:02:00,328
Ah. The first robin of spring.
30
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:02,827
That's him. Devil bird.
31
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,452
That miserable little magpie
32
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,580
has been keeping me up all night
with his incessant chirping.
33
00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,082
He must be stopped.
34
00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,918
Oh, if only we had house cat
to rid us of this terrible blight.
35
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,296
You're right.
36
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,377
What kind of feline am I?
37
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:18,305
Bird, prepare to be Salem-ated.
38
00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:21,966
Sabrina, what if he actually catches
that poor defenceless bird?
39
00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:25,435
SALEM: Little help. Oh, boy.
- Never mind.
40
00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:28,852
[SALEM GRUNTING]
41
00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:30,567
Whew. Hoo.
42
00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:34,186
I think we should downplay
Valentine's Day around Hilda.
43
00:02:34,363 --> 00:02:36,440
I just felt so sorry for her
this morning.
44
00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:38,609
I mean, you have Harvey
and I have Willard.
45
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:41,531
If it's any consolation,
I think she feels worse for you.
46
00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:45,364
She's been so depressed ever since
she had to send Daniel Boone back.
47
00:02:45,541 --> 00:02:48,543
Now she just spends her days
moping around the attic.
48
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,625
So you really never had
an Indian friend named Mingo? Heh.
49
00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:54,212
No, ma'am, there isn't much
companionship in the wild.
50
00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:57,669
Believe me,
when a tree falls in the forest, I hear it.
51
00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,588
Well, you can stay here
as long as you like.
52
00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:02,425
I mean,
until we get bored of each other,
53
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,178
or my sister finds out.
54
00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:05,473
Look at this.
55
00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:09,773
It's just addressed, "To my valentine."
And it's not signed.
56
00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:11,940
"Dear valentine,
I wish I could express in words
57
00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:14,399
how truly special you are to me."
58
00:03:14,570 --> 00:03:15,733
Harvey can be so sweet.
59
00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,103
Sabrina.
60
00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:21,742
Clearly this was written by a worldly,
sophisticated, mature man.
61
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,536
My monkey.
62
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:26,119
Come on, this has
"lovesick adolescent" written all over it.
63
00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:27,489
[KNOCKS]
64
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,748
Good morning.
Thought I could walk you to work.
65
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,241
Thank you for my valentine.
66
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:34,713
Valentine?
I didn't send you a valentine.
67
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,875
But I did get you this stick of gum.
68
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,887
It's sugarless. And this watch.
69
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,928
Before I have to thank you
for your high-tops,
70
00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:43,509
Valentine's Day isn't
until Monday.
71
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,634
I knew that.
72
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:48,597
I can't walk you to work,
because I have to go to the mall
73
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:51,938
and get them to gift-wrap the stuff
I already got you.
74
00:03:52,149 --> 00:03:54,818
Oh, monkey,
I'm so sorry you're sick.
75
00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,065
Drink fluids.
76
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,648
I love you.
77
00:03:58,614 --> 00:04:01,734
He's got a cold and he's got no idea
it's Valentine's Day.
78
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:04,442
Well, if Harvey didn't send it
and Mr. Kraft didn't send it,
79
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:07,159
then it must have been sent
for Aunt Hilda.
80
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,618
Sabrina, you're right.
81
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,535
And it couldn't have come
at a better time.
82
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:11,914
[HILDA WHISTLING]
83
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:13,746
Do we still have
any of that venison left?
84
00:04:14,213 --> 00:04:16,586
It's a wonder
she can get up in the morning.
85
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,964
Aunt Hilda,
look what came for you in the mail.
86
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:21,300
An anonymous valentine
from some secret admirer.
87
00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:22,758
It couldn't be for me.
88
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:27,551
I'll be up in the attic
making sure our wiring is up to code.
89
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:30,847
She's breaking my heart.
90
00:04:31,355 --> 00:04:34,440
Relax, I don't want your powder pouch
or your chaw of tobacco.
91
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,151
Valentine's Day isn't until Monday.
92
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,982
Good, because I'm fixing
to make you a nice fur cap.
93
00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,982
If I could just trap
that pesky black varmint
94
00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:42,616
I see scurrying around here.
95
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:46,195
That's our family pet,
so if you're thinking of trapping him--
96
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:48,447
He loves peanut butter.
97
00:04:48,664 --> 00:04:50,159
[CHIRPING]
98
00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:51,661
Shut up, shut up, shut up.
99
00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:53,827
Why must you keep tormenting me?
100
00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:56,536
I've got bad news.
That insane voice in your head is you.
101
00:04:56,755 --> 00:05:00,207
No, it's that bird.
I know he's taunting me.
102
00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:02,294
If I could just understand
what he's saying.
103
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:06,088
BIRD: Hey, everybody,
look at this pathetic tub of fur
104
00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:08,591
who couldn't catch a bird
if his life depended on it.
105
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:11,597
Now it's personal.
106
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:14,980
One double vanilla latte with a dash
of cinnamon to kick it up a notch.
107
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:18,358
Thanks, but who needs cinnamon
when I got your smile.
108
00:05:18,569 --> 00:05:19,684
[CHUCKLES]
109
00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:21,143
[CASH REGISTER BEEPING]
110
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:25,320
The number one perk about this job,
besides the low pay and bad hours,
111
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:28,328
is getting to flirt
with every cute guy in Westbridge.
112
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,904
Hey, an anonymous valentine
showed up at our house today.
113
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:34,000
- Maybe it's from one of these guys.
- You got an anonymous valentine?
114
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:38,372
The girl with the devoted boyfriend
also gets the secret admirer?
115
00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:40,007
And they say life isn't fair.
116
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:42,884
We're out of fat-free muffins,
117
00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:45,840
so push these calcium-rich
cheese Danish.
118
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:48,428
So any big plans
for Valentine's Day?
119
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,678
A gondala-riffic night out
with Harvey. Nothing special.
120
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:56,519
Though it appears our Sabrina
may have a secret admirer.
121
00:05:56,732 --> 00:05:58,809
Oh, really? Any ideas?
122
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:01,732
Like any secret admirer,
he prefers to remain anonymous.
123
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:05,741
[HICCUPS]
124
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:08,573
You okay?
125
00:06:08,744 --> 00:06:11,746
Oh. I've gotta stop wolfing down
those pickled eggs.
126
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:16,578
Cute, and she eats like a trucker.
127
00:06:16,919 --> 00:06:18,793
Apparently,
if you're in love with someone,
128
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:22,297
even their involuntary muscle
contractions are endearing.
129
00:06:22,508 --> 00:06:24,585
There are lots of ways
of trapping a bird.
130
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,797
The simplest is the
"box and the piece of string" method.
131
00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:29,045
[SNICKERS]
132
00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:32,059
Now, what animal
would be slow enough to get caught--?
133
00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:34,552
Whoa! What happened?
134
00:06:34,770 --> 00:06:36,763
I don't understand
why you aren't more interested
135
00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:38,731
in who sent you this valentine.
136
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,901
Because for every handsome,
debonair man that might have sent it,
137
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,861
there's a guy
with a plate in his head.
138
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,948
I just wanna see you happy.
139
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,651
I couldn't be happier.
140
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,201
Now, if you'll excuse me,
141
00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,280
I'll be up in the attic.
142
00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:54,159
While you're up there, could you
grab me some buckshot, honeybee?
143
00:06:54,373 --> 00:06:56,580
I wanna show Salem here
how to load a musket.
144
00:06:56,750 --> 00:07:00,001
I think honeybee's got
some explaining to do.
145
00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,881
- What does "stay in the attic" mean?
- Don't worry.
146
00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:05,338
Your cat said he'd warn me
at the first sign of trouble.
147
00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:07,253
Watch out, here they come.
148
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,387
- Hilda, I can't believe--
- Hold on.
149
00:07:09,555 --> 00:07:11,180
You wouldn't wanna hurt
a person who...
150
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:14,635
Someone apparently
loves very much.
151
00:07:15,394 --> 00:07:16,474
HARVEY:
Hey.
152
00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:18,603
Hope you're not still mad
about Valentine's Day,
153
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:22,225
but I brought you a chocolate kiss
and a real one.
154
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,355
[HICCUPS]
155
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:27,105
Number one cure for hiccups,
a spoonful of sugar.
156
00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:30,443
Yes, but only the special sugar
we have at home. See you.
157
00:07:33,495 --> 00:07:35,204
She's still mad.
158
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:38,041
This weekend,
I'm buying myself a calendar.
159
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:40,409
Even though our paths
only crossed for an instant,
160
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,205
you'll always have a special place
in my heart.
161
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:44,955
Ditto.
162
00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:53,262
Boy, I'm really gonna miss him.
163
00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:55,390
And now I'm done.
Do you wanna get pedicures?
164
00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:58,175
You know, you should never
have broken the Other Realm rules
165
00:07:58,353 --> 00:08:00,228
and kept him up in the attic
all that time.
166
00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:02,100
The basement was mouldy.
167
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:04,108
And now you're all alone.
168
00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:06,317
Oh, you poor dear.
169
00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:09,899
Interesting. You were less irritating
when you were angry.
170
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,156
You are so brave.
171
00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:17,321
I am not gonna rest until I find out
who sent you this valentine.
172
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:20,541
How are you gonna do that?
Interview every guy I've ever dated?
173
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:21,783
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
174
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,337
ZELDA:
Excuse me.
175
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:27,332
All right, all right.
176
00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:30,000
All the A's over
by the cash register, please.
177
00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:33,553
And have your handwriting samples
out and ready for analysis.
178
00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,176
I know this isn't the point
of this exercise,
179
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:39,268
but some of these guys
owe me money too.
180
00:08:39,478 --> 00:08:42,314
It's not fair. I haven't used my magic,
I haven't done a spell.
181
00:08:42,481 --> 00:08:46,147
I haven't disobeyed my aunts, and yet
I'm hiccupping sparkly pink hearts.
182
00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:49,106
Yep, life's just one big adventure.
183
00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:50,905
And speaking of adventure,
184
00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:55,783
come with me deep into the bush
as we stalk the elusive dickey bird.
185
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:58,035
Sometimes I think you work
at being annoying.
186
00:08:58,247 --> 00:08:59,956
No, not really.
187
00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:02,910
So that was a dead end.
188
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:05,619
But I think
if we systematically retrace your steps
189
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:06,959
over the last three months--
190
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:10,086
Sometimes I think you actually work
at being annoying.
191
00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:11,718
No, not really.
192
00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:15,722
- Where have you been?
- Uh--
193
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,384
Sweaty brow, panicked expression,
194
00:09:17,599 --> 00:09:19,344
frantically looking
through the magic book.
195
00:09:19,518 --> 00:09:21,761
- Just what every parent wants.
- Look.
196
00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:23,432
[HICCUPS]
197
00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:27,559
Sabrina, this looks serious.
What's the matter with you?
198
00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:30,149
It's a very funny story. I don't know.
199
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:32,237
You put Sabrina to bed,
I'll call Cupid.
200
00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:33,528
- Cupid?
- Cupid.
201
00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:36,701
He handles all heart-related matters,
literal or figurative.
202
00:09:36,869 --> 00:09:38,779
Who gives the second opinion,
the Easter Bunny?
203
00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:43,120
What's with the getup, bwana?
204
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:45,208
I'm going big-game hunting.
205
00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:47,543
It looks like a big game
doodied on your hat.
206
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:50,756
Yeah, well,
it happened to Hemingway all the time.
207
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:52,248
[HEART BEATING]
208
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,004
SALEM:
Wow, your heart's beating louder
209
00:09:54,178 --> 00:09:56,847
than the bass
on a Deadhead's boom box.
210
00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,136
Oh, I can't imagine why.
211
00:09:58,307 --> 00:10:01,095
My anxiety level is in
"there aren't enough lifeboats" territory.
212
00:10:01,977 --> 00:10:03,306
Finally. Where's Cupid?
213
00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:05,602
Cupid's a little backed up
with Valentine's Day,
214
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,600
so he had to send his assistant.
215
00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:10,106
- Where's the patient?
- Roland?
216
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:13,185
Okay, you've scared me,
but I've still got the hiccups.
217
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:14,859
You know,
some people collect stamps.
218
00:10:15,032 --> 00:10:16,693
Other people seem to collect jobs.
219
00:10:16,909 --> 00:10:20,112
Helping people find love
is my true calling.
220
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,663
Plus, I already had the outfit.
221
00:10:21,872 --> 00:10:23,830
So, what seems to be the problem?
222
00:10:23,999 --> 00:10:26,705
Well, my heart is racing,
I'm hiccupping valentines
223
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:27,957
and you're in my bedroom.
224
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,789
How can you make
all three go away?
225
00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:31,465
Calm down.
I'm sure Roland can help.
226
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:34,417
Sorry, I meant that to sound sincere.
227
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:36,835
[CHIRPING]
228
00:10:37,012 --> 00:10:39,302
Now you mock me
in front of my family?
229
00:10:39,515 --> 00:10:40,547
Why, you...
230
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:42,507
ZELDA:
Salem, no.
231
00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:46,517
SALEM:
Yick, ack, doolt! My spleen.
232
00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:49,607
- Oh.
SALEM: I'm okay.
233
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:52,143
He's got nine lives
and I'm working on the only one I got.
234
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,277
Well, I really won't know anything
until I open her up.
235
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:57,570
Open me up?
236
00:10:57,741 --> 00:11:01,443
I may be the only one concerned here,
but he's not a doctor and I'm a bleeder.
237
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:03,490
The key to your heart.
238
00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:05,242
No, that's to the Volvo.
239
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:08,158
Here it is.
240
00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:12,500
Allow me.
241
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:15,551
What are you gonna do?
I knew I should've gotten The Club.
242
00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:18,345
ZELDA:
There's the problem.
243
00:11:18,554 --> 00:11:20,512
Your heart
is made of valentine's candy.
244
00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:25,302
Oh, good, I was afraid
it was gonna be something serious.
245
00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:31,307
Okay, so I have a heart
that's made of valentine candy
246
00:11:31,483 --> 00:11:34,271
that says, "Be mine. No, be mine."
247
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:36,853
Why is this happening to me?
I eat oat bran.
248
00:11:37,072 --> 00:11:39,694
Not a priority, you might think
about getting your hinges oiled.
249
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:42,696
Well, Roland, don't just stand there
fingering your tunic, help her.
250
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:45,320
I'll see what I can find
in the magic book.
251
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,449
I remember this
from the training manual.
252
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:49,084
Your condition is very serious.
253
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,079
You must follow
my instructions precisely.
254
00:11:51,295 --> 00:11:52,375
What do I have to do?
255
00:11:52,588 --> 00:11:54,795
- First, take my hand.
- Then what?
256
00:11:55,007 --> 00:11:56,039
Be patient.
257
00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:58,375
[HUMMING]
258
00:11:58,594 --> 00:11:59,875
Is this to make me feel better?
259
00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:01,756
I don't know about you,
but I'm in heaven.
260
00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:04,181
- Get out.
- What do you want from me?
261
00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:07,470
I'm just a temp.
These wings aren't even real.
262
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,229
ZELDA:
Here it is.
263
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,189
"Candy Heart Syndrome."
264
00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:14,270
Well,
Roland was right about one thing.
265
00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:16,021
Your condition is quite serious.
266
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,277
A witch gets it
only around Valentine's Day
267
00:12:18,447 --> 00:12:20,487
when two mortals
are vying for her heart.
268
00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:22,242
Two? What two?
269
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:24,070
Harvey's the only one
vying for my heart.
270
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,997
- At least before it was chewable.
- There must be someone else.
271
00:12:27,206 --> 00:12:29,365
Hilda, I'm so sorry,
272
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:32,460
but this means that
that valentine wasn't for you.
273
00:12:32,628 --> 00:12:33,791
It was for Sabrina.
274
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:36,330
Oh, no, I'm crushed. I can't go on.
275
00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:39,837
Smirk,
though your heart is breaking.
276
00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:42,259
Oh, yeah, Aunt Hilda's
problem's a lot more monumental
277
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:43,924
than the girl with the candy heart.
278
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:45,595
It's true. Sabrina's right.
279
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:49,183
We have to focus all of our attention
and support on her. All of it.
280
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,851
SALEM:
Help, emergency. Come quick.
281
00:12:52,064 --> 00:12:54,686
- Be right back.
- It did sound dire.
282
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:57,522
Well,
no one can say they coddle me.
283
00:12:57,736 --> 00:13:00,026
[SOBBING]
284
00:13:00,197 --> 00:13:02,321
Salem, what's the matter?
285
00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:03,986
I killed him.
286
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:06,651
I landed on him
when I fell out of the tree.
287
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:10,655
All I wanted to do was scare, humiliate
and emotionally scar him for life.
288
00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:12,328
I didn't wanna hurt him.
289
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:17,129
- He's still breathing.
- Do birdie CPR, stat.
290
00:13:17,965 --> 00:13:21,085
One, two, three, four, five.
Breathe.
291
00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:22,636
[EXHALES]
292
00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:25,556
Sorry to keep harping about this,
but it says in this book
293
00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:28,475
that my symptoms are gonna get
worse over the next couple of hours.
294
00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:29,971
How can they get any worse?
295
00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:31,431
[HEART BEATING FASTER]
296
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,469
Well, that's one way.
297
00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:37,149
Do you think anyone will believe
I have a live ferret in my bra?
298
00:13:37,359 --> 00:13:39,103
He's alive.
299
00:13:39,278 --> 00:13:40,689
Thank you, big guy.
300
00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:42,942
Okay, next crisis.
301
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,731
Sabrina,
you've got to stop one of those mortals
302
00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,191
from vying for your heart.
303
00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:49,197
If you don't,
you'll become cold and heartless
304
00:13:49,371 --> 00:13:50,783
and unable to love anyone.
305
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:52,582
- Not even Harvey.
- What?
306
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:55,324
But how can I get a complete stranger
to stop liking me?
307
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,579
I know. I gotta figure out
who sent that valentine.
308
00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:59,584
I have an idea.
309
00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:01,549
We'll check out every boy
you ever met.
310
00:14:01,717 --> 00:14:04,672
Oh, no.
We're not going through that again.
311
00:14:05,429 --> 00:14:07,387
I suppose you have a better idea.
312
00:14:07,598 --> 00:14:09,425
Yes.
I'm calling in a valentine expert.
313
00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:11,386
No.
314
00:14:12,144 --> 00:14:13,769
Did you not hear me say no?
315
00:14:13,979 --> 00:14:17,598
Well, if it isn't the girls
from Ungrateful Junction.
316
00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:19,270
Can't handle this one
without me, huh?
317
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:22,486
Is there some extra fee we could pay
for you to drop the attitude?
318
00:14:23,447 --> 00:14:24,776
Just tell me who sent this.
319
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:28,029
Give me one good reason
why I should help you do anything.
320
00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:29,323
Because if you don't,
321
00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:31,156
your wings will no longer be
on your back
322
00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:33,370
but someplace
much more uncomfortable.
323
00:14:33,582 --> 00:14:36,418
Oh, well,
I guess we have a deal, then.
324
00:14:40,839 --> 00:14:42,334
Old cherub party trick.
325
00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:48,758
Josh? Josh is my secret admirer?
326
00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:50,847
And he still only pays me
5.25 an hour?
327
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,933
Well,
there's a little matter of my fee.
328
00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:57,729
Sabrina, you have to find Josh
and get him to stop liking you.
329
00:14:57,940 --> 00:15:01,191
Unless you wanna be the person who
wears their heart on their sleeve literally.
330
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:04,777
Hey, look, it stopped.
I must be getting better.
331
00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:06,021
["LOVE IN BLOOM" PLAYING]
332
00:15:06,198 --> 00:15:09,116
I know I'm gonna regret asking this,
but what's that music?
333
00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:12,072
I think it's Jack Benny's
old theme song, "Love in Bloom."
334
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:15,368
[SINGING]
You know it isn't a dream
335
00:15:15,541 --> 00:15:16,917
It's love in bloom
336
00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:18,751
Now, cut that out.
337
00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:21,953
Okay, so the consensus
is I'm not getting better.
338
00:15:22,631 --> 00:15:23,663
["LOVE IN BLOOM" PLAYING]
339
00:15:23,841 --> 00:15:25,585
- Josh, I need to talk to you.
- Hey, you're back.
340
00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:27,426
Got that oesophagus under control?
341
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:32,265
What's with the cheesy Muzak?
I thought the stereo was busted.
342
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,473
Can I use your jacket?
I'm a little chilled.
343
00:15:34,643 --> 00:15:36,518
I'll bring it right back.
344
00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:39,179
[MUSIC STOPS]
345
00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:41,266
Okay, now its stopped.
Am I going crazy?
346
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:43,433
No, you are.
347
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:44,856
What's with the jackets?
348
00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:48,107
Uh-- Kleptomania,
one of my many obnoxious qualities.
349
00:15:48,699 --> 00:15:50,692
You don't have
any obnoxious qualities.
350
00:15:50,868 --> 00:15:52,695
Sure I do. Dozens.
351
00:15:52,870 --> 00:15:54,246
I can...
352
00:15:54,413 --> 00:15:55,576
Well, there...
353
00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:56,993
I can be so...
354
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,665
- Cute?
- Really, you think so?
355
00:15:59,835 --> 00:16:01,378
No, no, no. Never.
356
00:16:01,545 --> 00:16:03,124
I am so the opposite of cute.
357
00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:04,750
[CHUCKLES]
358
00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:08,708
Curses, done in by my own cuteness
and lack of obnoxious qualities.
359
00:16:08,886 --> 00:16:13,098
Well, if I can't get him to stop liking me,
I'll just get him to like someone else.
360
00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:15,927
Hey, Josh, have you ever noticed--?
361
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:18,267
[SINGS LOUDLY]
It's love in bloom
362
00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:21,224
Well, have you?
363
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,896
[MACHINE BEEPING]
364
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,646
SALEM:
Is there anything else I can do?
365
00:16:26,278 --> 00:16:29,114
Fluff your pillow?
Regurgitate a worm?
366
00:16:29,281 --> 00:16:30,445
[CHIRPING]
367
00:16:30,616 --> 00:16:32,775
No, no more TV for you.
368
00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:35,194
Not since you flatlined
during Popular.
369
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,488
- Do you believe in love at first sight?
- Maybe.
370
00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:40,914
Yeah, sure.
I guess I'm something of a romantic.
371
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:43,879
Great. Hey, come here.
372
00:16:44,046 --> 00:16:45,624
- Do you see love?
- No,
373
00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:47,542
but I do see
a very terrified customer.
374
00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,129
[SINGING]
Oh, no, it isn't the spring
375
00:16:50,302 --> 00:16:52,461
It's love in bloom
376
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,507
- Sabrina, are you okay?
- Yeah, fine.
377
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,556
Oh, what about her? She's cute.
378
00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:58,559
[SINGS]
It's love in bloom
379
00:16:58,769 --> 00:17:00,928
What's the matter?
Why do you keep singing that song?
380
00:17:01,146 --> 00:17:02,807
I'm a crazy, insane person.
381
00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:05,556
The person no one would ever
have a secret crush on. Agree?
382
00:17:05,734 --> 00:17:06,766
Not really.
383
00:17:06,944 --> 00:17:08,487
But you should take the day off.
384
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,356
Relax. Get some sleep.
385
00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:11,818
Learn a new song.
386
00:17:14,910 --> 00:17:17,200
The colour's coming back
to his beak.
387
00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:18,824
The insurance companies are right.
388
00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:21,750
Untrained and unqualified people
can treat the sick.
389
00:17:21,959 --> 00:17:23,370
[RINGS]
390
00:17:23,544 --> 00:17:24,825
- Hello?
SABRINA: Hey, it's me.
391
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:26,920
I wanted to let you know
the music stopped.
392
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:28,330
Oh, that's great.
393
00:17:28,507 --> 00:17:29,753
[BIRD CHIRPING]
394
00:17:29,967 --> 00:17:32,340
Oh, is that stupid
feather-butt dead yet?
395
00:17:32,511 --> 00:17:34,090
When he finally kicks it,
flush him.
396
00:17:34,263 --> 00:17:36,173
Sabrina, are you all right?
397
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,761
Hey, watch it, buddy,
not everybody likes dogs.
398
00:17:40,644 --> 00:17:43,729
I swear, the blind think
the world owes them something.
399
00:17:43,939 --> 00:17:45,897
- Something's wrong.
- Oh, you think?
400
00:17:46,567 --> 00:17:48,560
I don't have time
to keep yapping with you broads.
401
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,978
I gotta go talk to Josh.
I've been way too nice to him.
402
00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:54,489
Gotta tell the pathetic loser that
he has gotta get a grip and move on.
403
00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:56,528
Sabrina, wait.
404
00:17:56,869 --> 00:17:59,787
Oh, no,
Sabrina's becoming heartless.
405
00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:02,910
If we don't do something soon,
she'll be unable to love anyone.
406
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:05,831
We've gotta get Josh
to stop liking Sabrina.
407
00:18:06,003 --> 00:18:07,628
I think we both know
what we have to do.
408
00:18:07,838 --> 00:18:09,119
If you must, you must.
409
00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:13,921
This is really gonna cost you
this time.
410
00:18:14,428 --> 00:18:16,338
Hey, Juan Valdez, we need to talk.
411
00:18:16,847 --> 00:18:18,307
Sabrina, how's your stomach?
412
00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:20,681
I brought you another kiss.
413
00:18:20,851 --> 00:18:24,102
Well, they never said which boy
I had to make stop liking me.
414
00:18:24,313 --> 00:18:27,231
Wait, Roland, you can't go in there
dressed like that.
415
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:30,061
College place.
416
00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:31,565
I've got just the outfit.
417
00:18:33,614 --> 00:18:36,817
Oh, yeah, the wings would have
been much less noticeable.
418
00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:39,073
There's Sabrina.
419
00:18:39,244 --> 00:18:41,238
She's with Harvey.
I hope we're not too late.
420
00:18:41,455 --> 00:18:44,907
Wow, it sure is an awfully long list
of things you don't like about me.
421
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,119
Did I mention "stating the obvious"?
422
00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:49,248
There's Josh. Shoot him.
423
00:18:49,421 --> 00:18:50,964
He has to stop liking Sabrina.
424
00:18:51,173 --> 00:18:53,463
What? And clear the way
for farm boy?
425
00:18:53,634 --> 00:18:54,797
Are you kidding?
426
00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:57,460
I've been waiting for Sabrina
to tell him off for years.
427
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,720
Sabrina, what's the matter with you?
428
00:18:59,890 --> 00:19:01,800
Why are you saying all this?
Don't you love me?
429
00:19:02,017 --> 00:19:04,426
Love? Ha! What's love?
430
00:19:04,645 --> 00:19:06,804
No, everything is just fine.
431
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,808
If I can't have Sabrina, nobody can.
432
00:19:09,024 --> 00:19:11,481
I don't love. I don't love.
433
00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:13,652
If you won't do your job, then I will.
434
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:20,615
I don't love anyone but you.
435
00:19:22,663 --> 00:19:24,656
Hi, I'm Josh. Capricorn.
436
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:28,581
I enjoy long walks,
foreign films and your eyes.
437
00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:30,702
You did that on purpose.
438
00:19:30,921 --> 00:19:33,294
A frivolous rebound
is exactly what you need.
439
00:19:33,507 --> 00:19:35,963
What I need is to be an only child.
440
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:37,464
Tell me everything about you.
441
00:19:37,636 --> 00:19:39,879
Don't leave anything out.
I'm already fascinated.
442
00:19:40,097 --> 00:19:41,722
Okay, junior.
443
00:19:41,932 --> 00:19:43,012
I'm so sorry.
444
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:46,518
It must have been a weird reaction
to that special sugar at my house.
445
00:19:46,687 --> 00:19:49,309
- Can you forgive me?
- Of course.
446
00:19:49,481 --> 00:19:51,024
I knew it couldn't really be you.
447
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:54,063
You have the biggest heart
of anyone I know.
448
00:19:54,778 --> 00:19:56,487
Hey, farm boy.
449
00:19:56,697 --> 00:19:57,812
Roland?
450
00:19:57,990 --> 00:20:00,564
- What's your cousin doing here?
ROLAND: This.
451
00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:03,448
Roland. Are you okay?
452
00:20:05,998 --> 00:20:07,030
HARVEY:
Miss Spellman,
453
00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:10,746
I never realised what a devastatingly
attractive woman you are.
454
00:20:12,087 --> 00:20:14,875
Or that I'd ever use the word
"devastatingly" in a sentence.
455
00:20:15,090 --> 00:20:16,420
Happy Valentine's Day.
456
00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:19,635
And now it's time
for the Valentine's Day massacre.
457
00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:28,051
ZELDA:
Oh, aurora borealis.
458
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:31,306
Look at the stars, Harvey.
459
00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:34,733
I'd rather see them
reflected in your eyes.
460
00:20:37,029 --> 00:20:40,565
Come on, what are you,
three, four years older than me, tops?
461
00:20:40,741 --> 00:20:42,616
Try 597.
462
00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:44,529
Love can overcome that.
463
00:20:44,703 --> 00:20:46,531
Can I peel you another grape?
464
00:20:46,705 --> 00:20:48,449
Whatever.
465
00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:52,950
Well, thank you for the worst
Valentine's Day of my life.
466
00:20:53,128 --> 00:20:54,540
House calls are pricey.
467
00:20:54,713 --> 00:20:55,995
Besides, like I told you,
468
00:20:56,173 --> 00:20:58,842
everything will go back
to normal after tonight.
469
00:20:59,009 --> 00:21:00,884
Milk Dud?
470
00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:03,053
[BIRD CHIRPING]
471
00:21:03,222 --> 00:21:05,096
SALEM:
Sing us a song of love.
472
00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:08,891
ROLAND: Sabrina, to paraphrase
the great Rod McKuen:
473
00:21:09,061 --> 00:21:11,101
Love is like-- Ah-aah!
474
00:21:11,151 --> 00:21:15,701
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