All language subtitles for Detroiters s01e03 Sam the Man.eng

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French Download
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,746 --> 00:00:04,747 [upbeat music] 2 00:00:04,749 --> 00:00:11,688 3 00:00:14,993 --> 00:00:16,286 Oh, shit! 4 00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:18,050 [laughing] 5 00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:19,852 Ow, ow. 6 00:00:19,854 --> 00:00:22,054 - Are you okay? - Here, can you give me a hand? 7 00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:23,952 - Yeah. - Okay. Oh, gosh. 8 00:00:23,977 --> 00:00:25,425 Ow, okay. 9 00:00:25,427 --> 00:00:26,927 [slow bluesy rock music] 10 00:00:27,204 --> 00:00:28,195 Hi. 11 00:00:28,197 --> 00:00:29,362 [both laugh] 12 00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:30,996 - I'm Sam. - I'm Samantha. 13 00:00:30,999 --> 00:00:32,699 My friends call me Sam, so... 14 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:33,933 What a coincidence. 15 00:00:33,936 --> 00:00:35,202 My friends call me Samantha. 16 00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:36,268 Oh! 17 00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:38,895 Sam. Sam! 18 00:00:39,241 --> 00:00:40,707 Tim's stomach is upset, 19 00:00:40,709 --> 00:00:42,342 and he wants you to come rub his belly. 20 00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:45,010 - Why don't you do it? - He wants you. 21 00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:47,780 Tell him to bring the Vernors. My guts are going nuts. 22 00:00:47,782 --> 00:00:49,415 And he wants you to bring the Vernors. 23 00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:52,218 - Yeah, I heard him. - My guts are going nuts! 24 00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:55,187 I've, uh... I've got to go. 25 00:00:55,190 --> 00:00:57,290 My friend can't poop unless I rub his belly. 26 00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:01,026 I'll be right back if you... 27 00:01:01,028 --> 00:01:03,062 - I think I'm gonna go. - Okay. 28 00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:05,097 It's probably a no-go, okay. 29 00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:07,733 - Okay. - Ooh, you're with a lady. 30 00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:09,869 Shut up, Tim. 31 00:01:09,871 --> 00:01:10,936 Next time 32 00:01:10,939 --> 00:01:12,105 When they ask you 33 00:01:12,107 --> 00:01:14,407 Where you're from 34 00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:16,175 You gon' say Detroit city 35 00:01:16,178 --> 00:01:20,313 When we get back on our feet, yeah 36 00:01:20,315 --> 00:01:21,882 Yeah 37 00:01:21,884 --> 00:01:24,885 [bluesy rock music playing] 38 00:01:24,887 --> 00:01:27,220 39 00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:30,122 So WebMD says I have colitis. 40 00:01:30,125 --> 00:01:31,424 Turns out when I lost all that weight, 41 00:01:31,426 --> 00:01:32,759 I thought I was getting healthier. 42 00:01:32,761 --> 00:01:34,394 I was actually getting sick. 43 00:01:34,396 --> 00:01:38,598 So now I can't have milk, ice cream, cheese. 44 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:39,766 Can't have yogurt. 45 00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,467 - Dairy. - Yeah, exactly. Dairy. 46 00:01:41,470 --> 00:01:43,803 Can't have it, so Chrissy made me 47 00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:45,971 a dairy-free dinner last night. 48 00:01:45,974 --> 00:01:47,974 It was actually pretty good. 49 00:01:47,976 --> 00:01:49,109 God, I love her. 50 00:01:49,111 --> 00:01:50,510 Honestly, every day I wake up, 51 00:01:50,512 --> 00:01:52,312 I'm so thankful to have her. 52 00:01:52,314 --> 00:01:54,314 When are you gonna settle down, man? 53 00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:57,183 - Can you help us settle a bet? - Sure. 54 00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:58,651 Excuse me! 55 00:01:58,654 --> 00:02:00,153 We're talking! 56 00:02:00,155 --> 00:02:01,777 Move it along. 57 00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:04,304 Thanks. 58 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:07,928 Seriously, man, when are you gonna settle down? 59 00:02:07,930 --> 00:02:09,162 It's amazing. 60 00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:11,463 Yeah, Tim, I do want to meet somebody. 61 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,365 Then what is stopping you? 62 00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:14,633 Hey, I like your shirt. 63 00:02:14,636 --> 00:02:16,136 That color looks great on you. 64 00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:18,204 Oh, so you just interrupt people? 65 00:02:18,207 --> 00:02:21,074 Is that your whole gig, you interrupt folks? 66 00:02:21,076 --> 00:02:23,801 We don't know who you are. 67 00:02:24,713 --> 00:02:26,046 Later, dude. 68 00:02:28,483 --> 00:02:31,218 Seriously, why are you not settling down? 69 00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:32,618 Because of you, Tim! 70 00:02:32,621 --> 00:02:35,055 It's impossible to meet girls around you. 71 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,456 Okay, that's insane. 72 00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:40,797 Oh, yeah, sure. Okay, I'm insane, then. 73 00:02:40,822 --> 00:02:43,401 Suit yourself, man. Giving you advice. 74 00:02:46,602 --> 00:02:48,164 What if he's right? 75 00:02:49,245 --> 00:02:50,537 What if he is insane 76 00:02:50,539 --> 00:02:52,881 and I'm just a figment of his imagination? 77 00:02:53,642 --> 00:02:55,742 [chuckles] Oh, man. 78 00:02:55,744 --> 00:02:57,077 [stomach growls] 79 00:02:57,079 --> 00:02:58,682 [groans] 80 00:02:59,214 --> 00:03:01,715 Oh, no. 81 00:03:01,717 --> 00:03:03,331 Oh, crap. 82 00:03:03,852 --> 00:03:05,752 Tell Sam the Vernors kicked in. 83 00:03:05,754 --> 00:03:06,920 [yells] 84 00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:16,862 Tim said to tell you the Vernors started working. 85 00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:18,430 Ah, that means he had to go home and dump. 86 00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:20,032 Everybody knows what that means. 87 00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:22,234 Yeah, grown man can only poop at home. 88 00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:24,336 I can poop anywhere, anytime. 89 00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:26,839 - Okay. - Yzerman Drive was bananas. 90 00:03:26,841 --> 00:03:28,540 Yeah, well, it's Hockeytown, babe. 91 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:29,708 Sandy, get me a pop. 92 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,076 Make that two pops, 93 00:03:31,079 --> 00:03:33,179 and I'll take some apps and ranch. 94 00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:34,187 Excuse us. 95 00:03:34,212 --> 00:03:35,882 Can we use your stool for our jackets? 96 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,249 Yeah, go nuts. 97 00:03:37,251 --> 00:03:38,550 Oh, remind me. 98 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:39,685 We got to stop at Meijer's 99 00:03:39,688 --> 00:03:41,521 for some crackers and pop. 100 00:03:41,523 --> 00:03:44,557 [The Spinners' "Could it Be I'm Falling In Love?"] 101 00:03:44,559 --> 00:03:47,560 [smooth R&B music] 102 00:03:47,562 --> 00:03:54,501 103 00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:59,538 Since I met you 104 00:03:59,541 --> 00:04:04,144 I've begun to feel so strange 105 00:04:04,146 --> 00:04:07,647 Every time I speak your name 106 00:04:07,649 --> 00:04:08,982 That's funny 107 00:04:08,984 --> 00:04:11,084 You say that you 108 00:04:11,086 --> 00:04:13,420 Are so helpless too 109 00:04:13,422 --> 00:04:17,257 That you don't know what to do 110 00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:18,957 Hoo 111 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,660 Each night I pray 112 00:04:20,662 --> 00:04:24,764 There will never come a day 113 00:04:24,766 --> 00:04:29,602 When you up and take your love away 114 00:04:29,604 --> 00:04:32,238 Say you feel the same way too 115 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:33,973 And I wonder what 116 00:04:33,975 --> 00:04:35,241 [music stops abruptly] 117 00:04:35,243 --> 00:04:38,244 [elegant piano music playing] 118 00:04:38,246 --> 00:04:41,948 119 00:04:41,950 --> 00:04:44,384 [both smooching] 120 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:50,189 What the... 121 00:04:50,191 --> 00:04:52,257 [smooching and moaning] 122 00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:53,992 You can't do that. 123 00:04:53,995 --> 00:05:00,900 124 00:05:14,883 --> 00:05:16,716 [chuckles softly] 125 00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:18,550 [whispering] I'd like to order him a martini. 126 00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:19,818 Absolutely. 127 00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,555 I didn't order that, and I'm not paying for that. 128 00:05:23,558 --> 00:05:24,958 It's a freaking scam, dude. 129 00:05:24,959 --> 00:05:27,170 Compliments of Councilwoman Gwinnett. 130 00:05:28,764 --> 00:05:29,895 Oh! 131 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,633 Ah. 132 00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:35,401 - Hi there. - Hey. 133 00:05:35,404 --> 00:05:36,803 [both chuckle] 134 00:05:36,805 --> 00:05:38,405 Uh, thanks for the drink. 135 00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:39,827 Oh, sure. 136 00:05:40,815 --> 00:05:42,114 Are you alone? 137 00:05:42,139 --> 00:05:44,437 Well, not anymore. 138 00:05:45,882 --> 00:05:47,987 I'm looking for a good time. 139 00:05:48,383 --> 00:05:50,916 Well... you found one. 140 00:05:51,052 --> 00:05:52,474 [chuckles] 141 00:05:59,094 --> 00:06:02,095 [upbeat music] 142 00:06:02,097 --> 00:06:03,396 143 00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:08,467 Cock-a-doodle-doo! 144 00:06:11,339 --> 00:06:12,872 [birds chirping] 145 00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:17,443 Hey. 146 00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:20,379 - That was good. - Yeah. 147 00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:23,182 So... until the next time. 148 00:06:23,185 --> 00:06:26,186 [funky music] 149 00:06:29,871 --> 00:06:31,170 I mean, well, there's got to be 150 00:06:31,172 --> 00:06:32,338 a lot of reasons why she'd leave $300 151 00:06:32,340 --> 00:06:33,639 on my nightstand. 152 00:06:33,641 --> 00:06:35,007 Sure, maybe she broke something 153 00:06:35,009 --> 00:06:36,408 and she wanted to pay for it. 154 00:06:36,707 --> 00:06:38,410 Morning hot dogs for Sam 155 00:06:38,412 --> 00:06:41,747 and hot dogs benedict for my lady. 156 00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:43,249 Thank you, babe. 157 00:06:43,251 --> 00:06:44,750 Well, she did rip my Superman underwear 158 00:06:44,752 --> 00:06:45,751 when she took them off. 159 00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:46,752 Well, there you go. 160 00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:47,786 But if that's true, 161 00:06:47,788 --> 00:06:49,855 she wildly overvalued them. 162 00:06:49,857 --> 00:06:51,857 Not if you account for sentimental value. 163 00:06:51,859 --> 00:06:53,592 - You loved those. - I did love those. 164 00:06:53,594 --> 00:06:54,960 - You did. - Well, that's it. 165 00:06:54,962 --> 00:06:56,662 Both: That's it. We figured it out. 166 00:06:56,664 --> 00:06:57,930 That's easy. That's actually pretty easy. 167 00:06:57,932 --> 00:06:59,265 That's one of our best mysteries. 168 00:06:59,267 --> 00:07:01,534 No. Sam, she thinks you're a whore. 169 00:07:01,536 --> 00:07:03,169 Chrissy! 170 00:07:03,989 --> 00:07:05,503 Why would she need a prostitute? 171 00:07:05,528 --> 00:07:06,594 She's amazing. 172 00:07:06,596 --> 00:07:07,728 Hold on. 173 00:07:07,730 --> 00:07:09,463 Eliot Spitzer was amazing. 174 00:07:09,465 --> 00:07:11,187 - Is. - Is. 175 00:07:11,601 --> 00:07:14,435 He looks like Skeletor with the skin on. 176 00:07:14,437 --> 00:07:16,971 Mm-mm-mm! 177 00:07:16,973 --> 00:07:19,006 And he used prostitutes, Sam. 178 00:07:19,008 --> 00:07:20,107 Mm-hmm. 179 00:07:20,109 --> 00:07:21,275 [funky rock music] 180 00:07:21,277 --> 00:07:25,012 If you want to know 181 00:07:25,014 --> 00:07:26,113 [wolf whistle] 182 00:07:26,115 --> 00:07:27,982 Where it all belongs 183 00:07:27,984 --> 00:07:29,016 Ow! 184 00:07:29,018 --> 00:07:29,984 It's magic 185 00:07:29,986 --> 00:07:32,353 Aw, suki, suki! 186 00:07:32,355 --> 00:07:34,788 Oh 187 00:07:34,790 --> 00:07:36,857 188 00:07:36,859 --> 00:07:40,628 If you ever go 189 00:07:40,630 --> 00:07:42,963 Don't be scared 190 00:07:42,965 --> 00:07:45,366 'Cause you know 191 00:07:45,368 --> 00:07:48,769 There's magic 192 00:07:48,771 --> 00:07:52,373 Na-ah, na, na-na 193 00:07:52,375 --> 00:07:54,174 Na-na, na, na 194 00:07:54,176 --> 00:07:56,911 Na-na, na, na, na-na-na 195 00:07:56,913 --> 00:07:58,279 Na, na 196 00:07:58,281 --> 00:08:00,047 Na, na, na 197 00:08:00,049 --> 00:08:02,583 Na, na, na, na 198 00:08:02,585 --> 00:08:04,885 Na-na, na, na, na na-na 199 00:08:04,887 --> 00:08:06,287 Na, na 200 00:08:06,289 --> 00:08:08,188 Na, na, na 201 00:08:08,190 --> 00:08:10,124 Na, na, na, na 202 00:08:10,126 --> 00:08:14,428 Na-na, na, na, na-na-na, na 203 00:08:16,565 --> 00:08:19,300 Oh, my God, you're a full-on prostitute now. 204 00:08:19,302 --> 00:08:20,601 No, I'm not. 205 00:08:20,603 --> 00:08:22,670 My lady just likes her baby looking fine, 206 00:08:22,672 --> 00:08:24,271 so she gives me monetary gifts 207 00:08:24,273 --> 00:08:25,506 so I can buy nice things. 208 00:08:25,508 --> 00:08:26,874 Now, where's the remote? 209 00:08:26,876 --> 00:08:28,609 Rachel's giving a press conference, 210 00:08:28,611 --> 00:08:30,711 and she said she's gonna work my name into her speech. 211 00:08:30,713 --> 00:08:33,013 I would like to assure the people of Detroit 212 00:08:33,015 --> 00:08:35,082 that I have done no wrong. 213 00:08:35,084 --> 00:08:37,011 And at the Sam time... 214 00:08:37,887 --> 00:08:39,019 Psh, barely. 215 00:08:39,021 --> 00:08:40,791 I'm sorry, at the same time, 216 00:08:40,816 --> 00:08:44,058 I would also like to apologize to Speaker Roberts 217 00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:46,575 for... calling him a minion. 218 00:08:48,731 --> 00:08:49,964 - [laughter] - Any questions? 219 00:08:49,966 --> 00:08:51,865 Look at him. 220 00:08:51,867 --> 00:08:54,401 [reporters clamoring] Over here. 221 00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:55,903 Right here, right here, right here. 222 00:08:55,905 --> 00:08:57,438 Councilwoman, I have a question for you. 223 00:08:59,709 --> 00:09:01,175 - Hey. - Hey, babe. How are you? 224 00:09:01,177 --> 00:09:02,509 I'm good. 225 00:09:02,511 --> 00:09:04,745 How was your day? Anything happen? 226 00:09:04,747 --> 00:09:06,714 You know Cheryl who works on the line next to me? 227 00:09:06,716 --> 00:09:08,004 Of course. 228 00:09:08,029 --> 00:09:10,152 Turns out she was an undercover boss. 229 00:09:10,598 --> 00:09:11,752 No shit. 230 00:09:11,754 --> 00:09:14,521 Yeah, fake hair, fake nose, everything. 231 00:09:14,523 --> 00:09:16,357 She's, like, the CEO of Chrysler. 232 00:09:16,359 --> 00:09:18,759 - Wow. - Yeah. How was your day? 233 00:09:18,761 --> 00:09:20,694 Sam's a full-on prostitute now. 234 00:09:20,696 --> 00:09:23,797 Yeah, monochrome suit, earring, the whole nine yards. 235 00:09:23,799 --> 00:09:25,599 What an idiot. 236 00:09:25,601 --> 00:09:28,369 Such an idiot, getting all dressed up, 237 00:09:28,371 --> 00:09:31,071 having drinks at fancy hotels. 238 00:09:31,073 --> 00:09:33,874 Then going upstairs for dirty, meaningless sex 239 00:09:33,876 --> 00:09:35,743 with no strings attached. 240 00:09:35,745 --> 00:09:38,445 Monochrome suits, earring, the whole nine yards. 241 00:09:38,447 --> 00:09:41,509 No names, just sweat and bodies. 242 00:09:42,051 --> 00:09:43,951 - Monochrome suit. - [scoffs] 243 00:09:43,953 --> 00:09:45,185 What do you want for dinner? 244 00:09:45,187 --> 00:09:46,442 Milk and cheese, please. 245 00:09:46,467 --> 00:09:49,122 - You can't have dairy. - Pizza. 246 00:09:49,147 --> 00:09:50,657 [both laughing] 247 00:09:50,659 --> 00:09:52,455 [both sigh] 248 00:09:52,795 --> 00:09:54,395 I got you something. 249 00:09:56,332 --> 00:09:58,275 It's a Pandora bracelet. 250 00:09:59,168 --> 00:10:00,567 'Cause, you know, 251 00:10:00,569 --> 00:10:02,136 that's the nature of our relationship. 252 00:10:02,138 --> 00:10:03,934 We both give each other things, you know. 253 00:10:04,774 --> 00:10:09,243 Yup, this one's a heart, you know, for obvious reasons. 254 00:10:09,245 --> 00:10:12,312 This one's an owl because you finished college. 255 00:10:12,314 --> 00:10:15,326 And this one's a soccer ball because it's rad. 256 00:10:16,285 --> 00:10:17,384 I'm sorry. 257 00:10:17,386 --> 00:10:19,653 Sam, did I misinterpret something? 258 00:10:19,655 --> 00:10:21,043 What do you mean? 259 00:10:22,491 --> 00:10:24,458 [mumbling] Are you a prostitute? 260 00:10:24,460 --> 00:10:25,674 What? 261 00:10:26,062 --> 00:10:27,861 [mumbling] Are you a prostitute? 262 00:10:27,863 --> 00:10:29,140 I'm sorry, one more time. 263 00:10:30,466 --> 00:10:33,100 [whispering] Are you sure you're a prostitute? 264 00:10:33,102 --> 00:10:34,058 M-me? 265 00:10:36,005 --> 00:10:39,373 Of course I'm a prostitute, all right? 266 00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:40,974 Just checking. 267 00:10:40,976 --> 00:10:42,076 Good. 268 00:10:42,078 --> 00:10:43,544 Good night, Sam, 269 00:10:43,546 --> 00:10:45,883 or whatever your real name is. 270 00:10:46,549 --> 00:10:48,071 It's Sam. 271 00:10:52,855 --> 00:10:54,088 From the lady. 272 00:10:57,526 --> 00:10:59,222 I don't want it. 273 00:11:01,797 --> 00:11:03,263 Hey, wait... 274 00:11:05,568 --> 00:11:07,734 I'm a fricking whore. 275 00:11:09,173 --> 00:11:12,174 [dance music] 276 00:11:12,341 --> 00:11:14,942 277 00:11:14,944 --> 00:11:16,014 Sam. 278 00:11:17,046 --> 00:11:19,179 What is the meaning of this? 279 00:11:19,181 --> 00:11:22,182 "Get satisfied today by Sam 'The Man' Duvet"? 280 00:11:22,184 --> 00:11:23,984 Tim, she pressed me about really being 281 00:11:23,986 --> 00:11:25,619 a prostitute; I freaked out. 282 00:11:25,621 --> 00:11:27,488 You know, I thought I got to create a paper trail. 283 00:11:27,490 --> 00:11:28,618 This is offensive. 284 00:11:28,618 --> 00:11:30,949 Tim, I'm not actually a prostitute. 285 00:11:31,528 --> 00:11:34,956 No, I'm offended you didn't come to me to produce this ad. 286 00:11:34,958 --> 00:11:36,991 I could have done so much with you. 287 00:11:36,993 --> 00:11:38,626 Can't even see your nipples. 288 00:11:38,995 --> 00:11:40,328 How's it doing? 289 00:11:40,329 --> 00:11:41,595 Not bad. 290 00:11:41,597 --> 00:11:43,330 A lot of texts, mostly wang pics. 291 00:11:43,333 --> 00:11:45,032 The real mistake was using my actual phone number. 292 00:11:45,033 --> 00:11:47,234 - Oh, sure, yeah. - [cell phone chimes] 293 00:11:47,236 --> 00:11:48,802 Oh, come on. 294 00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:51,299 Oh! 295 00:11:52,908 --> 00:11:55,542 Tim, you think this is all worth it? 296 00:11:55,545 --> 00:11:57,011 Do you think she really likes me? 297 00:11:57,012 --> 00:11:58,262 No, man. 298 00:11:58,262 --> 00:12:00,262 I think she thinks you're a fricking prostitute. 299 00:12:00,264 --> 00:12:03,532 Yeah, but I really, really like her, 300 00:12:03,534 --> 00:12:05,801 and, you know, maybe if I keep this up long enough, 301 00:12:05,803 --> 00:12:08,170 she'll discover that she really, really likes me too. 302 00:12:08,172 --> 00:12:09,373 [chuckles] 303 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:11,674 Like in "She's All That"? 304 00:12:11,676 --> 00:12:13,609 Exactly like in "She's All That." 305 00:12:15,313 --> 00:12:17,179 I have a delivery from Councilwoman Gwinnett 306 00:12:17,181 --> 00:12:18,881 for Sam Duvet? 307 00:12:18,883 --> 00:12:20,482 Councilwoman Gwinnett would like to see you 308 00:12:20,484 --> 00:12:21,684 at the charity event tonight 309 00:12:21,686 --> 00:12:23,218 at the Detroit Institute of Arts. 310 00:12:23,220 --> 00:12:24,453 She'd like you to wear this. 311 00:12:24,455 --> 00:12:27,489 [soft guitar music] 312 00:12:27,491 --> 00:12:29,058 313 00:12:29,060 --> 00:12:31,393 Tim, a tuxedo, 314 00:12:31,395 --> 00:12:33,762 a charity event, a museum? 315 00:12:33,764 --> 00:12:35,030 Mm. 316 00:12:35,032 --> 00:12:36,701 Tim, tonight might be the night. 317 00:12:37,401 --> 00:12:39,168 You did it. 318 00:12:39,170 --> 00:12:40,703 You "She's All That'd" her. 319 00:12:40,705 --> 00:12:41,637 I sure did. 320 00:12:45,619 --> 00:12:48,620 [lounge music playing] 321 00:12:48,622 --> 00:12:54,860 322 00:12:54,862 --> 00:12:57,095 [indistinct chatter] 323 00:13:06,006 --> 00:13:07,472 Change in plans. 324 00:13:07,474 --> 00:13:08,974 I need you to get out of here. 325 00:13:08,976 --> 00:13:09,942 - Get out of here? - Yes. 326 00:13:09,944 --> 00:13:11,076 And who is that? 327 00:13:11,078 --> 00:13:12,711 Is that another pro? 328 00:13:12,713 --> 00:13:14,346 Does he have an ad in the paper? 329 00:13:14,348 --> 00:13:15,580 Because I do. 330 00:13:15,582 --> 00:13:17,616 That's my husband. 331 00:13:17,618 --> 00:13:18,917 - Husband? - Yes. 332 00:13:18,919 --> 00:13:20,282 You're married? 333 00:13:20,721 --> 00:13:22,527 Sam, would you keep your voice down? 334 00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,823 I will not keep my voice down! 335 00:13:24,825 --> 00:13:26,625 Okay, Sam, you need to pull it together. 336 00:13:26,627 --> 00:13:27,926 I mean, what am I to you? 337 00:13:27,928 --> 00:13:29,861 A man that I pay for sex. 338 00:13:29,863 --> 00:13:31,463 Yeah, but when we met, 339 00:13:31,465 --> 00:13:32,844 didn't you feel a connection? 340 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,000 No, not really. 341 00:13:35,002 --> 00:13:36,635 You were at the Jefferson Hotel. 342 00:13:36,637 --> 00:13:38,003 You were holding a single rose. 343 00:13:38,005 --> 00:13:39,371 That's the signal for a honey boy 344 00:13:39,373 --> 00:13:40,739 open for business. 345 00:13:40,741 --> 00:13:42,941 So that's all I am to you, huh? 346 00:13:42,943 --> 00:13:44,843 Just some honey boy, huh? 347 00:13:44,845 --> 00:13:46,244 [loudly, voice echoing] That's all I am, 348 00:13:46,246 --> 00:13:49,047 just some big dick for money, huh? 349 00:13:49,049 --> 00:13:50,248 Is that it? 350 00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:53,485 Just a veiny wang with a knot at the end 351 00:13:53,487 --> 00:13:55,620 and two huge, pendulum balls? 352 00:13:55,622 --> 00:13:57,723 Is that all I am, huh? 353 00:13:57,725 --> 00:14:00,759 Yeah, just a guy with a Joe Louis fist in his pants 354 00:14:00,761 --> 00:14:03,628 and a freshly bleached butthole you could eat off of? 355 00:14:03,630 --> 00:14:04,963 Mwah! Mama mia. 356 00:14:04,965 --> 00:14:06,365 Is that it? 357 00:14:06,367 --> 00:14:08,100 Well, Rachel, this huge, 358 00:14:08,102 --> 00:14:10,702 honking pecker is attached to a body, 359 00:14:10,704 --> 00:14:12,738 and that body has a heart 360 00:14:12,740 --> 00:14:15,923 and a soul and a brain 361 00:14:16,710 --> 00:14:22,314 and arms, feet, neck, 362 00:14:22,316 --> 00:14:23,815 and... and... and... and... and... 363 00:14:23,817 --> 00:14:24,916 - Sam. - Yeah, I know. 364 00:14:24,918 --> 00:14:26,785 I lost the thread there. 365 00:14:26,787 --> 00:14:28,053 What was I s... 366 00:14:28,055 --> 00:14:30,088 And just a huge pecker! 367 00:14:30,090 --> 00:14:33,058 [slow R&B music playing] 368 00:14:33,060 --> 00:14:39,331 369 00:14:39,333 --> 00:14:40,866 From the lady. 370 00:14:42,403 --> 00:14:49,341 371 00:14:53,981 --> 00:14:55,721 Thanks for the drink. 372 00:14:56,150 --> 00:14:58,226 I'm looking for a date tonight. 373 00:14:58,652 --> 00:14:59,951 That's gonna cost you. 374 00:14:59,953 --> 00:15:01,486 [chuckles] 375 00:15:01,488 --> 00:15:03,126 How much? 376 00:15:04,992 --> 00:15:07,357 $1 million. 377 00:15:07,928 --> 00:15:09,861 A million dollars? 378 00:15:10,081 --> 00:15:11,799 Worth every penny. 379 00:15:12,666 --> 00:15:14,032 No, thanks. 380 00:15:14,034 --> 00:15:15,967 What do you mean, "No, thanks"? 381 00:15:15,969 --> 00:15:17,602 We're pretending. What's it matter? 382 00:15:17,604 --> 00:15:18,870 A million dollars? 383 00:15:18,872 --> 00:15:20,038 It's pretend money. 384 00:15:23,143 --> 00:15:24,210 Okay, 385 00:15:25,179 --> 00:15:27,325 what does a million dollars get me? 386 00:15:27,350 --> 00:15:29,091 [chuckles] 387 00:15:30,984 --> 00:15:34,019 Salad tossing, to completion. 388 00:15:34,733 --> 00:15:36,688 [laughs] 389 00:15:36,690 --> 00:15:38,356 $500,000. 390 00:15:38,358 --> 00:15:39,413 Ooh! 391 00:15:40,327 --> 00:15:43,146 Fine, I'll do it, 392 00:15:43,530 --> 00:15:45,879 but my pimp's gonna kill me. 393 00:15:46,667 --> 00:15:48,233 Say, pretty boy, 394 00:15:48,235 --> 00:15:49,787 what's your name? 395 00:15:52,506 --> 00:15:54,579 Sam Duvet. 396 00:15:55,175 --> 00:15:57,742 Ugh, Tim, that's nasty. 397 00:15:57,744 --> 00:15:59,010 You could pick any name in the world, 398 00:15:59,012 --> 00:16:00,879 and you pick my brother's? 399 00:16:00,881 --> 00:16:02,270 My name is... 400 00:16:03,283 --> 00:16:05,495 Chrissy Cramblin. 401 00:16:06,086 --> 00:16:07,853 That's my name. 402 00:16:07,855 --> 00:16:09,863 I'm not good at making up names. 403 00:16:10,557 --> 00:16:12,724 - Just come on. - My name? 404 00:16:12,726 --> 00:16:14,593 Bubba Sparxxx. 405 00:16:14,595 --> 00:16:17,596 [slow rock music playing] 406 00:16:17,598 --> 00:16:24,536 407 00:16:28,942 --> 00:16:32,110 Hey, pal. You all right? 408 00:16:32,112 --> 00:16:33,411 I don't want to talk about it. 409 00:16:33,413 --> 00:16:34,880 Scandal rocks local government 410 00:16:34,882 --> 00:16:36,848 as Councilwoman Rachel Gwinnett 411 00:16:36,850 --> 00:16:38,583 was caught using city funds 412 00:16:38,585 --> 00:16:41,820 to buy the services of a local male prostitute. 413 00:16:41,822 --> 00:16:43,889 Oh, no. My parents are gonna see this. 414 00:16:43,891 --> 00:16:45,590 Don't worry. They won't know it's you. 415 00:16:45,592 --> 00:16:48,126 The honey boy in question, Sam "The Man" Duvet, 416 00:16:48,128 --> 00:16:50,095 was confirmed to be a prostitute 417 00:16:50,097 --> 00:16:52,882 thanks to the following unreleased ad. 418 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,699 Are you a party girl? 419 00:16:54,701 --> 00:16:56,001 I can dance all night, baby. 420 00:16:56,003 --> 00:16:57,102 [dance music] 421 00:16:57,104 --> 00:16:59,070 Touching. 422 00:16:59,072 --> 00:17:00,772 Licking. 423 00:17:00,774 --> 00:17:02,240 Butts. 424 00:17:02,242 --> 00:17:03,942 [yells] 425 00:17:03,944 --> 00:17:06,257 426 00:17:06,282 --> 00:17:08,057 Orgasmic. 427 00:17:09,216 --> 00:17:10,910 Well, how'd they get that? 428 00:17:11,818 --> 00:17:13,418 I sent it in. 429 00:17:13,420 --> 00:17:15,220 It's the best thing we've ever done, Sam. 430 00:17:15,222 --> 00:17:16,988 We now go live 431 00:17:16,990 --> 00:17:19,057 to Councilwoman Gwinnett's press conference. 432 00:17:19,059 --> 00:17:23,461 Once again, I apologize to the city of Detroit. 433 00:17:23,463 --> 00:17:24,996 I've let you down. 434 00:17:24,998 --> 00:17:26,431 I should have never consorted 435 00:17:26,433 --> 00:17:28,300 with that bimbo. 436 00:17:28,302 --> 00:17:31,069 And the worst thing is, he wasn't all that good. 437 00:17:31,071 --> 00:17:32,771 Oh, well, she's lying about that. 438 00:17:32,773 --> 00:17:34,606 - Sure, I know. - He wasn't all that good. 439 00:17:34,608 --> 00:17:37,503 And he had an aggressively medium wang. 440 00:17:37,878 --> 00:17:40,612 She's lying! She's a liar. 441 00:17:40,614 --> 00:17:42,180 Next up, Red Wings fans 442 00:17:42,182 --> 00:17:44,282 have something to cheer about, 443 00:17:44,284 --> 00:17:46,618 as they recover two frozen bodies from the ice. 444 00:17:48,158 --> 00:17:50,291 See those girls playing pool? 445 00:17:50,293 --> 00:17:52,394 One of them was looking at you. 446 00:17:52,396 --> 00:17:54,662 Come on, I'll introduce you. 447 00:17:54,664 --> 00:17:57,132 - No way. - Oh, don't be nervous. 448 00:17:57,134 --> 00:18:00,216 I'm not nervous, Tim. You're just a terrible wingman. 449 00:18:00,835 --> 00:18:03,014 Fine, I'll just stay here. 450 00:18:03,039 --> 00:18:04,372 You go on over there. 451 00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:06,841 I'm just some guy at the bar 452 00:18:06,843 --> 00:18:10,278 who doesn't even know you, doesn't love you. 453 00:18:11,148 --> 00:18:12,180 Go on, buddy. 454 00:18:12,182 --> 00:18:14,449 - Thanks, buddy. - Yeah. 455 00:18:14,451 --> 00:18:17,385 [slow bluesy rock music] 456 00:18:17,941 --> 00:18:19,254 I got next. 457 00:18:19,256 --> 00:18:21,156 Well, that means you'll be playing me. 458 00:18:21,158 --> 00:18:23,143 - Oh, does it? - Mm-hmm. 459 00:18:23,168 --> 00:18:25,126 - I'm Sam. - Vickie. Nice to meet you. 460 00:18:25,128 --> 00:18:27,147 - Nice to meet you. - Sorry, ladies. 461 00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:30,275 - Don't. - I don't know this guy. 462 00:18:30,509 --> 00:18:31,566 But I want to say... 463 00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:32,700 Why would you touch me? 464 00:18:32,702 --> 00:18:34,402 He seems like a great guy, 465 00:18:34,404 --> 00:18:35,670 the kind of guy you'd be proud 466 00:18:35,672 --> 00:18:37,457 to bring home to your parents. 467 00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:40,642 Just thought I'd drop by and say that. 468 00:18:41,292 --> 00:18:42,410 I'll get out of your way. 469 00:18:44,481 --> 00:18:45,580 470 00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:46,815 [both laugh] 471 00:18:46,817 --> 00:18:48,894 - That was weird. - Right? 472 00:18:49,203 --> 00:18:50,418 Well, he's not wrong. 473 00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:52,020 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 474 00:18:52,022 --> 00:18:53,021 Mm! 475 00:18:53,023 --> 00:18:54,622 So you playing eight ball? 476 00:18:54,624 --> 00:18:56,542 - Yeah. - I'm sorry. 477 00:18:56,659 --> 00:18:58,159 I just realized that last interaction 478 00:18:58,161 --> 00:19:00,639 may have come across a little weird. 479 00:19:00,972 --> 00:19:02,964 That's because I forgot to introduce myself. 480 00:19:02,966 --> 00:19:05,567 My name's Mike Cyclops. I work for NASA. 481 00:19:05,569 --> 00:19:07,602 - NASA? - And let me just tell you, 482 00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:10,405 there is a lot they're not telling you, man. 483 00:19:10,407 --> 00:19:11,840 Trust me. 484 00:19:12,282 --> 00:19:15,016 I worked security at Area 51. 485 00:19:15,041 --> 00:19:17,946 Got kicked out for banging one of the aliens. 486 00:19:18,322 --> 00:19:20,042 She was hot too. 487 00:19:20,795 --> 00:19:24,886 She, he, it... It had everything, 488 00:19:25,241 --> 00:19:27,021 and I love that. 489 00:19:27,023 --> 00:19:30,725 Oh, God, I miss her. I really do. 490 00:19:32,362 --> 00:19:35,530 491 00:19:35,532 --> 00:19:38,766 Uh... [laughs] 492 00:19:39,330 --> 00:19:40,769 Uh, so what... 493 00:19:40,770 --> 00:19:43,134 - I'm sorry. - Oh, for [bleep]... 494 00:19:43,197 --> 00:19:45,166 I lied. I do know him. 495 00:19:45,166 --> 00:19:47,580 I was his Uber driver. 496 00:19:48,035 --> 00:19:50,236 I just wanted to come over here 497 00:19:50,238 --> 00:19:51,971 and tell you that, in case you felt 498 00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:54,974 that there was an undeniable preexisting chemistry. 499 00:19:54,976 --> 00:19:56,842 Yeah, I'm an Uber driver. 500 00:19:56,844 --> 00:19:58,911 It's actually pretty fun. It can be fun. 501 00:19:58,912 --> 00:20:02,080 Yeah, all right. Yeah, great. 502 00:20:02,083 --> 00:20:04,950 503 00:20:04,951 --> 00:20:07,619 - So... - Two fricking stars? 504 00:20:07,622 --> 00:20:08,954 Are you kidding me? 505 00:20:08,956 --> 00:20:10,923 After you farted in my car? 506 00:20:10,924 --> 00:20:12,323 Tim! 507 00:20:12,325 --> 00:20:13,691 Didn't even roll down the window. 508 00:20:13,693 --> 00:20:15,460 - Ew! - Tim, why are you doing this? 509 00:20:15,462 --> 00:20:16,461 I don't know. 510 00:20:16,464 --> 00:20:17,630 I think, deep down, 511 00:20:17,632 --> 00:20:19,198 I want to sabotage your relationships 512 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,300 so I can have you all to myself. 513 00:20:21,302 --> 00:20:22,935 He's a piece of shit. 514 00:20:25,639 --> 00:20:27,100 Uh... 515 00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:30,276 So, uh, Veronica... 516 00:20:30,277 --> 00:20:31,376 - Vickie. - Vickie. 517 00:20:31,378 --> 00:20:33,444 - Whatever. - Vickie, yeah. 518 00:20:33,447 --> 00:20:36,315 I couldn't help but notice you were watching me, 519 00:20:36,317 --> 00:20:38,450 checking me out from over at the bar. 520 00:20:38,451 --> 00:20:41,370 Yeah, you're that prostitute from the news, right? 521 00:20:41,402 --> 00:20:45,837 [laughing] 522 00:20:49,743 --> 00:20:51,543 I was never really a prostitute. 523 00:20:51,545 --> 00:20:52,878 Let's make that clear. 524 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,414 She just paid me for sex. 525 00:20:55,416 --> 00:20:57,349 [yells] 526 00:20:57,373 --> 00:21:00,085 Synced and corrected by louvette www.addic7ed.com 527 00:21:00,135 --> 00:21:04,685 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34850

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.