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1
00:00:00,418 --> 00:00:01,404
2
00:00:01,595 --> 00:00:04,023
Oh, man, I'm fucking starving.
3
00:00:04,024 --> 00:00:06,093
Ugh, I know, man. Orgies
always make me ravenous.
4
00:00:06,118 --> 00:00:07,247
Oh, shit, that's right. How'd that go?
5
00:00:07,248 --> 00:00:09,257
It was, uh...
6
00:00:09,258 --> 00:00:11,217
- it would've been good.
- Oh.
7
00:00:11,218 --> 00:00:13,217
- No, no, no!
- What the fuck?
8
00:00:13,218 --> 00:00:16,057
Take care with that, you peons!
9
00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:18,087
That's a priceless family heirloom!
10
00:00:18,088 --> 00:00:20,107
[chuckles]
11
00:00:20,108 --> 00:00:21,556
You there.
12
00:00:21,656 --> 00:00:23,191
You can see me, can't you?
13
00:00:23,192 --> 00:00:25,191
14
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:27,217
- Hey, what's up?
- Huh?
15
00:00:27,218 --> 00:00:29,147
Sir? Sir!
16
00:00:29,172 --> 00:00:30,341
If you have to take a shit so bad,
17
00:00:30,342 --> 00:00:32,272
why didn't you just use
the Starbucks back there?
18
00:00:32,372 --> 00:00:33,743
Ah, they got cold seats.
I don't like it.
19
00:00:33,768 --> 00:00:35,335
You could've used the Sbarro,
20
00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,143
but they have that weird
token system, right?
21
00:00:37,144 --> 00:00:39,163
Please, sir, I demand that you halt!
22
00:00:39,189 --> 00:00:41,168
Let's just hurry up. Come on.
23
00:00:41,169 --> 00:00:43,168
- The lines are always long.
- I have a meaty
24
00:00:43,169 --> 00:00:45,259
proposition for you.
25
00:00:49,309 --> 00:00:52,189
26
00:00:53,811 --> 00:00:57,144
- Synced and corrected by hawken45 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
27
00:01:21,795 --> 00:01:22,984
Oh, man!
28
00:01:23,819 --> 00:01:25,774
This burger is so fucking delicious.
29
00:01:25,775 --> 00:01:27,189
My mouth is watering
while I'm eating it.
30
00:01:27,214 --> 00:01:28,627
I didn't know that was possible.
31
00:01:28,628 --> 00:01:30,704
- Why aren't you eating?!
- I don't know.
32
00:01:30,729 --> 00:01:32,608
I want to so bad.
33
00:01:32,609 --> 00:01:33,512
[chuckles]
I know why.
34
00:01:33,611 --> 00:01:37,500
Because you're in the
presence of Beatrix II,
35
00:01:37,501 --> 00:01:39,550
Duchess of Stoubridge.
36
00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:42,087
So the only thing you're hungry for...
37
00:01:42,944 --> 00:01:45,500
- No.
- are my sweet juices.
38
00:01:46,021 --> 00:01:47,980
Oh, God. Okay, Clyde,
a ghost followed us home.
39
00:01:48,057 --> 00:01:49,446
I'm sorry. I've been
hiding it from you.
40
00:01:49,521 --> 00:01:51,245
I had been trying to ignore her
like Danny Poker would,
41
00:01:51,345 --> 00:01:52,407
but she's fully naked
42
00:01:52,408 --> 00:01:55,536
and it is very, very hard to look away.
43
00:01:56,588 --> 00:01:58,627
There's a naked ghost
in this apartment right now?
44
00:01:58,628 --> 00:02:00,146
Yeah.
45
00:02:00,147 --> 00:02:03,106
- How naked is she?
- She's the kind of naked
46
00:02:03,107 --> 00:02:05,176
that leaves absolutely
nothing to the imagination,
47
00:02:05,177 --> 00:02:07,046
but you kind of wish
that some parts were covered
48
00:02:07,047 --> 00:02:08,126
so you could imagine them instead.
49
00:02:08,127 --> 00:02:09,236
That's so fucking hot.
50
00:02:09,237 --> 00:02:13,156
Mm, you're so round and pale.
51
00:02:13,157 --> 00:02:14,196
That's very nice.
52
00:02:14,197 --> 00:02:15,221
Um, would you mind getting up
53
00:02:15,321 --> 00:02:17,312
because, uh, you're smothering my fries
54
00:02:17,313 --> 00:02:18,949
- with your royal buttress.
- Oh! No!
55
00:02:18,950 --> 00:02:21,028
- Uh, please stay there!
- Don't. Clyde.
56
00:02:21,029 --> 00:02:23,058
- No, Clyde, don't! Ugh.
- [giggling]
57
00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:24,948
No, Clyde! Oh, don't...
58
00:02:24,949 --> 00:02:26,709
did you just rub it in her puss?
59
00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:28,807
It definitely adds something...
60
00:02:28,935 --> 00:02:30,292
- different.
- Oh, my God, Clyde.
61
00:02:30,293 --> 00:02:31,865
You're making this so much
harder than it has to be.
62
00:02:31,841 --> 00:02:33,486
Okay, you know what?
Why don't you just tell me
63
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,686
- what it is you want?
- Mm, I like a lord
64
00:02:35,711 --> 00:02:37,700
- who really gets down to it.
- Great.
65
00:02:37,701 --> 00:02:40,069
Well, you see, I was
having my portrait done
66
00:02:40,094 --> 00:02:41,583
by a very fine painter.
67
00:02:41,584 --> 00:02:44,131
But when he showed it to
me, it was so dreadful!
68
00:02:44,156 --> 00:02:46,195
- It looked nothing like me!
- Mm-hmm.
69
00:02:46,196 --> 00:02:48,225
I was so taken aback that I choked
70
00:02:48,226 --> 00:02:50,185
on the handful of figs I was eating.
71
00:02:50,186 --> 00:02:52,075
- Did you?
- I need someone
72
00:02:52,076 --> 00:02:53,205
to fix this monstrosity
73
00:02:53,206 --> 00:02:55,085
before anyone else lays eyes on it.
74
00:02:55,086 --> 00:02:56,205
Mm-hmm, okay, great.
75
00:02:56,206 --> 00:02:58,215
Do you have any idea
where this painting is?
76
00:02:58,216 --> 00:03:01,065
Smotherbee's. It's being
auctioned off today.
77
00:03:01,066 --> 00:03:03,185
55 and 60.
78
00:03:03,186 --> 00:03:04,205
Anyone, 60?
79
00:03:04,206 --> 00:03:06,135
60.
80
00:03:06,136 --> 00:03:07,195
I have 60.
81
00:03:07,196 --> 00:03:10,105
And sold to the gentleman
82
00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:12,046
with the off-putting facial hair.
83
00:03:13,166 --> 00:03:14,245
[clears throat]
84
00:03:14,246 --> 00:03:17,165
Next up, the Duchess of Stoubridge,
85
00:03:17,166 --> 00:03:19,145
a 16th-century portrait...
86
00:03:19,146 --> 00:03:21,105
Wait till you see this monstrosity.
87
00:03:21,106 --> 00:03:22,145
It's appalling.
88
00:03:22,146 --> 00:03:24,135
No resemblance whatsoever.
89
00:03:24,136 --> 00:03:27,115
With this portrait that
upon her first viewing
90
00:03:27,116 --> 00:03:29,155
she choked to death
on a handful of figs.
91
00:03:29,156 --> 00:03:30,648
Are you serious?
92
00:03:30,649 --> 00:03:31,778
You must be jesting.
93
00:03:32,373 --> 00:03:33,442
It's a nightmare!
94
00:03:33,819 --> 00:03:35,246
Look under my face!
95
00:03:35,247 --> 00:03:38,286
I gotta say, it's, uh...
it's pretty spot-on.
96
00:03:38,812 --> 00:03:40,148
- One chin?
- Yeah.
97
00:03:40,149 --> 00:03:42,700
One chin? What am I,
a fucking peasant?!
98
00:03:42,725 --> 00:03:44,663
Okay. All right, shut up. I'll fix it.
99
00:03:45,046 --> 00:03:46,447
- Is that her?
- Yeah.
100
00:03:47,071 --> 00:03:49,100
Now can you see why I have
a hard time eating around her?
101
00:03:49,101 --> 00:03:53,100
Yeah. It's hard to eat
with a diamond-hard boner.
102
00:03:53,101 --> 00:03:56,080
And we'll start the bidding at 50,000.
103
00:03:56,603 --> 00:03:57,770
I have 50,000.
104
00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,440
- Do I hear 60?
- Fuck me.
105
00:03:59,465 --> 00:04:01,982
- 65?
- As you wish, my lord.
106
00:04:01,983 --> 00:04:03,989
- No.
- Ride me hard
107
00:04:03,990 --> 00:04:05,989
and put me away wet.
108
00:04:06,014 --> 00:04:07,133
You're such a pervert! No!
109
00:04:07,134 --> 00:04:09,073
I meant how the fuck
am I gonna pay for that?
110
00:04:09,074 --> 00:04:11,023
Are you not royalty?
111
00:04:11,024 --> 00:04:13,133
Well, I have the bank account of a...
112
00:04:13,134 --> 00:04:16,033
somebody from your time
who ate garbage probably.
113
00:04:16,034 --> 00:04:18,093
I have 75. Do I hear 80?
114
00:04:18,094 --> 00:04:21,063
I have 80 from one foot in the grave.
115
00:04:21,397 --> 00:04:22,756
Do I hear 90?
116
00:04:22,781 --> 00:04:25,063
I have 90 from the gentleman...
117
00:04:25,731 --> 00:04:28,193
Uh... fashionably late
to the argyle party.
118
00:04:28,194 --> 00:04:31,053
100 from one foot in the grave.
119
00:04:31,054 --> 00:04:32,461
- Do I hear 110?
- What... I don't...
120
00:04:32,486 --> 00:04:35,455
Going once, going twice,
121
00:04:35,456 --> 00:04:37,847
- and sold for 100,000...
- Shit!
122
00:04:37,848 --> 00:04:39,837
To a man who will barely enjoy it
123
00:04:39,838 --> 00:04:40,967
before he dies.
124
00:04:40,968 --> 00:04:42,867
Great, what the fuck am I gonna do now?
125
00:04:42,868 --> 00:04:43,927
Here.
126
00:04:43,928 --> 00:04:48,433
Let me get your creative juices flowing.
127
00:04:48,458 --> 00:04:50,418
No. Ugh.
128
00:04:51,738 --> 00:04:54,046
- Mm.
- Oh, shit, stop.
129
00:04:54,071 --> 00:04:56,090
Does that give you any big ideas?
130
00:04:56,091 --> 00:04:58,160
No, just nausea.
131
00:04:58,161 --> 00:05:00,040
- Really?
- Yeah.
132
00:05:00,041 --> 00:05:01,090
That's odd.
133
00:05:01,091 --> 00:05:02,613
In my experience,
134
00:05:02,614 --> 00:05:05,683
there's nothing a face
full of fruit can't solve.
135
00:05:06,985 --> 00:05:08,955
[knocking on door]
136
00:05:12,374 --> 00:05:13,685
Hey, how you doing, sir?
137
00:05:13,686 --> 00:05:15,727
I'm Jack Slenderson with Smotherbee's.
138
00:05:15,728 --> 00:05:17,655
We just want to congratulate you
139
00:05:17,656 --> 00:05:19,248
on your winning bid this afternoon,
140
00:05:19,273 --> 00:05:21,252
and as a token of our appreciation,
141
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:24,792
wanted you to have this extremely
large edible arrangement.
142
00:05:24,793 --> 00:05:26,871
- Well, thank you.
- Does the foyer work?
143
00:05:26,872 --> 00:05:27,931
Yeah.
144
00:05:27,932 --> 00:05:29,792
145
00:06:09,942 --> 00:06:11,901
[exhales]
146
00:06:11,902 --> 00:06:13,851
Ah.
[inhales]
147
00:06:13,852 --> 00:06:15,812
Mm.
148
00:06:20,621 --> 00:06:22,571
[door closes]
149
00:06:27,962 --> 00:06:29,892
What the fuck?
150
00:06:34,792 --> 00:06:37,801
Holy shit, a cat burglar.
151
00:06:37,802 --> 00:06:39,286
Oh, fuck this shit.
152
00:06:41,752 --> 00:06:42,861
Damn it!
153
00:06:43,373 --> 00:06:44,520
It's the fruit. It was the fruit!
154
00:06:44,521 --> 00:06:45,871
I was aiming at your face.
155
00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:47,771
What is that? What are you...
156
00:06:47,772 --> 00:06:49,761
Whoa, what's that?
157
00:06:50,287 --> 00:06:51,386
All right, you done?
158
00:06:51,387 --> 00:06:52,655
Listen to me, buddy. Hey!
159
00:06:52,656 --> 00:06:54,665
There's only one exit out
of here and it's behind me.
160
00:06:54,666 --> 00:06:56,205
So I'm gonna give you
to the count of three
161
00:06:56,206 --> 00:06:57,748
to give me that fucking painting back,
162
00:06:57,749 --> 00:06:58,757
you piece of shit.
163
00:06:58,759 --> 00:06:59,968
One,
164
00:06:59,969 --> 00:07:01,858
two...
165
00:07:02,307 --> 00:07:03,396
I can't tell your ethnicity.
166
00:07:03,397 --> 00:07:04,998
Maybe you need me to count in Spanish.
167
00:07:04,999 --> 00:07:06,136
Uno,
168
00:07:06,137 --> 00:07:08,016
dos...
169
00:07:08,017 --> 00:07:10,106
170
00:07:10,107 --> 00:07:13,076
[coughing]
171
00:07:13,077 --> 00:07:15,076
Whoa.
172
00:07:15,077 --> 00:07:16,997
Disappear without a tres.
173
00:07:20,017 --> 00:07:22,046
- Mm!
- Hey, how'd it go?
174
00:07:22,047 --> 00:07:23,166
Really bad.
175
00:07:23,648 --> 00:07:25,422
I got into a dogfight
with a cat burglar.
176
00:07:25,423 --> 00:07:27,001
And, what, he ate all the
fruit off your body?
177
00:07:27,002 --> 00:07:29,080
No, Clyde, I'm telling
you I got robbed.
178
00:07:29,392 --> 00:07:31,448
You just let a guy steal the painting
179
00:07:31,473 --> 00:07:33,352
like a bitch? Like, there was
no scuffle or anything?
180
00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:34,066
Did you just call me a bitch?
181
00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:35,895
I didn't fucking hand
it over like a bitch.
182
00:07:35,896 --> 00:07:36,955
There was a big scuffle.
183
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:38,286
I threw some shit at him really hard.
184
00:07:38,311 --> 00:07:39,360
- Nice.
- Yeah!
185
00:07:39,361 --> 00:07:41,220
Dirtied up his shoe real good.
186
00:07:42,074 --> 00:07:43,245
- Oh.
- Yeah, he was pretty pissed
187
00:07:43,246 --> 00:07:44,274
while he was wiping off his shoe
188
00:07:44,275 --> 00:07:46,244
with that stupid gargoyle hanky.
189
00:07:46,245 --> 00:07:48,368
- What's a gargoyle hanky?
- It's a gargoyle... a hanky.
190
00:07:48,393 --> 00:07:49,260
You know, you pull it
out of your pocket,
191
00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:50,470
blow your nose in it,
fold over a corner,
192
00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:51,571
- put it back in.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
193
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:52,621
but it had a winged demon on it or...?
194
00:07:52,622 --> 00:07:54,441
No, it's got...
195
00:07:54,964 --> 00:07:55,852
what's that pattern called
196
00:07:55,853 --> 00:07:57,118
where it makes me horny and dizzy?
197
00:07:57,143 --> 00:07:58,683
- Argyle.
- Gargyle, Gargyle!
198
00:07:58,684 --> 00:08:00,468
- Gargyle.
- No, no, an argyle handkerchief
199
00:08:00,493 --> 00:08:02,382
is what you're talking about.
Oh! Like the guy
200
00:08:02,408 --> 00:08:04,397
- from the auction.
- You're talking about
201
00:08:04,398 --> 00:08:05,507
- the hat tipper?
- Yeah.
202
00:08:05,508 --> 00:08:06,696
Holy shit, do you think he was mad
203
00:08:06,697 --> 00:08:07,726
'cause he didn't win the auction?
204
00:08:07,727 --> 00:08:09,335
- Maybe.
- Fuck.
205
00:08:09,629 --> 00:08:11,716
Or maybe he never wanted to win.
206
00:08:11,717 --> 00:08:13,746
What are we having for dinner?
207
00:08:13,747 --> 00:08:15,726
Fuck.
208
00:08:16,285 --> 00:08:18,304
Maybe he was bumping up the bid
209
00:08:18,305 --> 00:08:20,374
to increase the market
value of the painting
210
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,394
- before he stole it.
- Shit.
211
00:08:22,395 --> 00:08:24,294
That sounds pretty smart.
212
00:08:24,295 --> 00:08:26,384
It also explains why
he felt so confident
213
00:08:26,385 --> 00:08:28,334
doing that gay hat tip.
214
00:08:28,335 --> 00:08:30,384
Okay, so...
215
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:32,265
how do we catch an art thief?
216
00:08:33,355 --> 00:08:35,304
We just need the right kind of bait.
217
00:08:35,305 --> 00:08:37,328
- [clears throat]
- And sold
218
00:08:37,329 --> 00:08:38,882
the couple who have not
219
00:08:39,248 --> 00:08:41,307
gone down on each other in a decade...
220
00:08:41,308 --> 00:08:43,177
Beg pardon. Beg pardon.
221
00:08:43,178 --> 00:08:45,237
Beg pardon. Beg pardon.
[clears throat]
222
00:08:45,238 --> 00:08:47,307
- Oh, what a magnificent jacket.
- Good day, ma'am.
223
00:08:47,308 --> 00:08:49,287
Wow, is that retriever?
224
00:08:49,288 --> 00:08:51,307
May I caress it again?
225
00:08:51,308 --> 00:08:52,690
Again.
226
00:08:52,691 --> 00:08:54,926
Remember, we don't bid until he does.
227
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:56,070
- Okay?
- Yeah.
228
00:08:56,071 --> 00:08:59,110
And we'll open the bidding at 150,000.
229
00:08:59,111 --> 00:09:01,170
I have 150. Do I hear 200?
230
00:09:01,171 --> 00:09:04,090
I have 200. Can I get 225?
231
00:09:04,091 --> 00:09:06,110
Present! Ahem, present!
232
00:09:06,111 --> 00:09:08,000
I have 225
233
00:09:08,001 --> 00:09:09,980
for the penguin brothers.
234
00:09:09,981 --> 00:09:11,950
Can I get 250? 250!
235
00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:13,980
300?
236
00:09:13,981 --> 00:09:15,060
350?
237
00:09:15,061 --> 00:09:17,030
400.
238
00:09:17,031 --> 00:09:19,160
450. 500.
239
00:09:19,161 --> 00:09:21,030
500 to you, sir.
240
00:09:21,031 --> 00:09:24,050
No? Sir, you're bidding
against yourself.
241
00:09:24,051 --> 00:09:25,980
500.
242
00:09:25,981 --> 00:09:28,681
Going once, going twice, and sold
243
00:09:28,682 --> 00:09:32,127
to the gentlemen who
appear to be in disguise.
244
00:09:32,128 --> 00:09:32,891
- Oh.
- Who?
245
00:09:32,892 --> 00:09:34,911
[guffawing]
246
00:09:43,842 --> 00:09:47,760
So with tax, your total
comes to $670,000.
247
00:09:47,761 --> 00:09:48,860
Cash or credit?
248
00:09:48,861 --> 00:09:50,780
[clears throat]
249
00:09:51,011 --> 00:09:53,419
Well, the dilemma I'm
coming up against is, uh,
250
00:09:53,444 --> 00:09:54,407
I only seem to have
251
00:09:54,408 --> 00:09:56,019
a couple hundred thousand
on me in my wallet.
252
00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:58,212
- Do you take credit?
- Of course.
253
00:09:58,213 --> 00:10:00,272
- If I could just get that card.
- Indubitably.
254
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,202
- No!
- [machine beeps]
255
00:10:05,242 --> 00:10:06,690
- [beeps]
- Our system seems
256
00:10:06,691 --> 00:10:07,849
to be down at the moment.
257
00:10:07,850 --> 00:10:09,749
Well, if that's not a kick
in the undercarriage,
258
00:10:09,750 --> 00:10:11,739
- I don't know what is.
- Do you take checks?
259
00:10:12,538 --> 00:10:14,527
Oh, we're not supposed to take checks.
260
00:10:14,528 --> 00:10:15,653
Oh, biscuits!
261
00:10:15,654 --> 00:10:17,226
We're supposed to be
on the yacht by 4:00!
262
00:10:17,227 --> 00:10:18,636
Yeah, yeah, you see,
263
00:10:18,637 --> 00:10:21,013
we're vacationing somewhere
very, very wealthy,
264
00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:23,017
very exotic over the next few days.
265
00:10:23,018 --> 00:10:24,987
Oh, sounds lovely.
266
00:10:24,988 --> 00:10:28,937
- Where?
- Uh, the Chiquita Islands.
267
00:10:28,938 --> 00:10:30,987
[gasps] Mm!
268
00:10:30,988 --> 00:10:33,047
- Beautiful.
- All right.
269
00:10:33,048 --> 00:10:34,301
I'll tell you what.
270
00:10:34,302 --> 00:10:36,113
I'm going to make
an exception for you guys
271
00:10:36,114 --> 00:10:38,012
because you're clearly the real deal.
272
00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:38,867
- Clearly.
- Wonderful.
273
00:10:38,868 --> 00:10:40,471
- Thank you.
- Thank you very much, very much.
274
00:10:40,496 --> 00:10:42,809
- Check, one, two.
- [walkie-talkie beeps]
275
00:10:43,047 --> 00:10:45,443
Check, check. That is affirmative.
Go for Pac.
276
00:10:45,469 --> 00:10:47,418
- [walkie-talkie beeps]
- Copy that.
277
00:10:47,419 --> 00:10:50,398
Should we double-check?
I think we should double-check.
278
00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:54,348
All right. All set
for the double check.
279
00:10:54,349 --> 00:10:56,328
Check, check, check.
Check one. Check two.
280
00:10:56,329 --> 00:10:57,468
Check, check one.
281
00:10:57,469 --> 00:10:59,418
- Check... Pac, can you hear...
- [overlapping dialogue]
282
00:10:59,419 --> 00:11:01,328
Take your finger off the button,
'cause if you've got
283
00:11:01,329 --> 00:11:02,478
your finger on the button,
I can't hear you.
284
00:11:02,479 --> 00:11:04,409
Here he comes.
285
00:11:17,449 --> 00:11:19,454
We got you now, dipshit!
286
00:11:19,455 --> 00:11:20,878
287
00:11:20,879 --> 00:11:22,686
Oh, do you?
288
00:11:22,687 --> 00:11:24,586
Don't let him get away!
289
00:11:24,587 --> 00:11:26,586
- Don't let him get away!
- [grunts, coughing]
290
00:11:26,587 --> 00:11:28,466
Wait, wait!
291
00:11:28,851 --> 00:11:30,920
Damn it! I've been fighting
you the whole time?
292
00:11:30,945 --> 00:11:32,924
Oh, shit! How the fuck did he get away?
293
00:11:32,925 --> 00:11:35,331
- Can't breathe!
- Holy shit, we got him.
294
00:11:35,470 --> 00:11:37,315
[groans]
295
00:11:40,015 --> 00:11:41,994
Mm, well...
296
00:11:41,995 --> 00:11:43,974
297
00:11:43,975 --> 00:11:45,064
[chuckles]
298
00:11:45,517 --> 00:11:47,416
Why don't we pull back the layers here
299
00:11:47,417 --> 00:11:48,455
and see what we're dealing with?
300
00:11:48,456 --> 00:11:49,985
Pac, it's the hat tip guy.
301
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:51,690
What the... Clyde, what
the fuck are you doing?
302
00:11:51,715 --> 00:11:52,814
Why... why did you...
you ruined the reveal.
303
00:11:52,815 --> 00:11:53,847
We're pretty sure we know who it is.
304
00:11:53,823 --> 00:11:55,540
It doesn't matter!
It was gonna be cool, man.
305
00:11:55,541 --> 00:11:56,550
I was gonna rip the thing.
We were gonna both be like,
306
00:11:56,551 --> 00:11:58,174
"It's the hat tipper."
307
00:11:58,539 --> 00:12:00,218
- Go ahead.
- Oh, you want me to do it now?
308
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:01,585
If it means that much to you, go ahead!
309
00:12:01,610 --> 00:12:03,202
- Here we go, look.
- [grunting]
310
00:12:03,203 --> 00:12:04,252
Oh, it's the hat tipper guy.
311
00:12:04,253 --> 00:12:05,624
Big anticlimactic moment now.
312
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:06,644
Thank you very much, Clyde.
313
00:12:06,645 --> 00:12:08,604
We literally had one suspect.
314
00:12:08,605 --> 00:12:10,752
It doesn't matter! It was
gonna be like a big, you know!
315
00:12:10,777 --> 00:12:11,936
- It was!
- I don't wanna...
316
00:12:11,937 --> 00:12:13,471
I don't wanna do this right
now, not in front of him.
317
00:12:13,479 --> 00:12:14,111
- Fine.
- You're embarrassing me
318
00:12:14,112 --> 00:12:15,596
in front of the burglar.
319
00:12:15,597 --> 00:12:16,656
Let's just figure out who he is.
320
00:12:17,666 --> 00:12:19,765
Who the fuck are you, fuck face?
321
00:12:19,766 --> 00:12:21,725
The name is Janus.
322
00:12:21,726 --> 00:12:23,685
Hugh Janus.
323
00:12:23,686 --> 00:12:26,755
[snickering]
324
00:12:26,756 --> 00:12:28,595
What's so funny?
325
00:12:28,596 --> 00:12:30,208
Your name is Huge Anus?
326
00:12:30,209 --> 00:12:31,148
Huge Anus?
327
00:12:31,149 --> 00:12:33,926
It's a very popular name in England.
328
00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:35,735
There's practically a Hugh
Janus on every block.
329
00:12:37,927 --> 00:12:39,442
I've been in positions worse than this
330
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:40,986
a thousand times over
331
00:12:40,987 --> 00:12:42,127
and I've always lived to tell the tale.
332
00:12:42,152 --> 00:12:43,436
Oh, have you, Huge Anus?
333
00:12:43,461 --> 00:12:44,884
[laughs]
334
00:12:44,885 --> 00:12:46,004
- Oh!
- Listen,
335
00:12:46,579 --> 00:12:47,521
you need to tell us
336
00:12:47,522 --> 00:12:49,272
exactly where the painting
of that duchess is
337
00:12:49,297 --> 00:12:51,177
- or else...
- Or else what?
338
00:12:52,585 --> 00:12:54,807
- Huh?
- Did you hear how he asked me,
339
00:12:54,832 --> 00:12:55,832
- "Or else what?"
- Yeah, I did.
340
00:12:55,857 --> 00:12:56,965
So how should I respond?
341
00:12:56,990 --> 00:12:58,079
What were you gonna say
before he cut you off?
342
00:12:58,303 --> 00:12:59,773
I actually had no plan. I don't know.
343
00:12:59,774 --> 00:13:00,803
You didn't go with another plan?
344
00:13:00,805 --> 00:13:01,470
It was a threat.
345
00:13:01,471 --> 00:13:03,358
Yeah, but you can't
make an empty threat
346
00:13:03,359 --> 00:13:04,478
- to a burglar.
- It's something people say.
347
00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:06,358
I didn't expect that I
was actually gonna...
348
00:13:06,359 --> 00:13:07,418
I understand, but this
is a dangerous man...
349
00:13:07,419 --> 00:13:09,478
- Oh!
- Oh, shit, Clyde! Oh!
350
00:13:09,479 --> 00:13:11,368
Fucking nice try, buddy.
351
00:13:11,369 --> 00:13:12,498
You're gonna kick someone in the nuts,
352
00:13:12,499 --> 00:13:14,358
you better make sure it...
f... oh, there it is.
353
00:13:14,359 --> 00:13:16,458
- [grunting]
- Oh, it was on a delay!
354
00:13:16,459 --> 00:13:18,308
[groaning]
355
00:13:18,309 --> 00:13:19,389
Oh, God.
356
00:13:20,419 --> 00:13:21,498
[canvas rips]
357
00:13:22,942 --> 00:13:24,881
Ah, bollocks!
358
00:13:24,882 --> 00:13:26,490
[whimpers] Ah!
359
00:13:26,491 --> 00:13:27,795
Oh, it's okay. I can fix this.
360
00:13:27,796 --> 00:13:28,965
All I need is some... some glue
361
00:13:28,966 --> 00:13:30,796
and a new painting.
362
00:13:32,936 --> 00:13:34,845
Canvas King?
363
00:13:34,846 --> 00:13:35,925
I can't believe it.
364
00:13:36,404 --> 00:13:38,433
Yeah, the deals at Framing Captain
365
00:13:38,434 --> 00:13:40,973
- are way better.
- No, you moron!
366
00:13:40,974 --> 00:13:42,903
- It's a fake!
- No, it's not.
367
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:44,884
- I can see it right here.
- It's a beautiful piece.
368
00:13:44,885 --> 00:13:46,035
- I think it...
- Yeah, it's nice.
369
00:13:48,065 --> 00:13:49,955
Another fake.
370
00:13:52,115 --> 00:13:54,074
Fake,
371
00:13:54,075 --> 00:13:56,024
fake,
372
00:13:56,025 --> 00:13:58,934
fake. They're all fakes!
373
00:13:58,935 --> 00:14:00,014
[panting]
374
00:14:00,015 --> 00:14:01,914
I'm gonna hyperventilate.
375
00:14:01,915 --> 00:14:03,104
- I'm hyperventilating.
- No, no, no, wait.
376
00:14:03,105 --> 00:14:04,984
Here, here, here, breathe through this.
377
00:14:04,985 --> 00:14:06,074
Oh, yeah, yeah.
378
00:14:06,075 --> 00:14:08,094
Take it slow and deep.
379
00:14:08,095 --> 00:14:09,984
Huh.
380
00:14:09,985 --> 00:14:11,884
Oh, sorry.
381
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:12,984
That must've been a huffer's bag.
382
00:14:12,985 --> 00:14:14,620
Holy shit. That means we have no idea
383
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,179
where the real painting is.
384
00:14:16,214 --> 00:14:18,233
Oh, my God. My blood sugar
is dangerously low.
385
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:20,277
- They're gonna kill me.
- The huffers?
386
00:14:20,278 --> 00:14:21,718
No, no, no, they left the bag.
387
00:14:21,719 --> 00:14:23,417
- That's on them.
- The sheik.
388
00:14:23,442 --> 00:14:25,391
Are... are you saying sheet?
389
00:14:25,392 --> 00:14:27,351
- Sheik!
- Sheet?
390
00:14:27,352 --> 00:14:28,674
The Saudi sheik!
391
00:14:28,675 --> 00:14:31,021
I've already sold him
all these paintings.
392
00:14:32,235 --> 00:14:34,694
He's sending his henchman
tomorrow to pick them up.
393
00:14:35,388 --> 00:14:36,537
I'm gonna get killed
394
00:14:36,538 --> 00:14:38,558
because the auction house
is selling fake art.
395
00:14:38,559 --> 00:14:40,718
No. No, the art at
Smotherbee's is real.
396
00:14:40,743 --> 00:14:42,652
The ghost wouldn't haunt
a fake painting.
397
00:14:42,653 --> 00:14:44,732
Which one of us just huffed paint?
398
00:14:44,733 --> 00:14:46,419
Oh, no, no, no. He can talk to ghosts.
399
00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:48,329
- Did we not cover that? Yeah.
- We have a whole business
400
00:14:48,330 --> 00:14:49,449
and a website and everything.
You should check it out.
401
00:14:49,450 --> 00:14:51,768
- We got some deals.
- Daily specials.
402
00:14:51,769 --> 00:14:53,917
There must be a swap happening
403
00:14:53,918 --> 00:14:55,797
at the auction house.
404
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:57,458
Listen up,
405
00:14:57,459 --> 00:14:59,296
- we'll need to...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
406
00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:00,387
- What do you mean "we'll"?
- Yeah.
407
00:15:00,388 --> 00:15:01,848
You just Beckhamed
my balls in there, man.
408
00:15:01,849 --> 00:15:02,928
Yeah, why would we work with you?
409
00:15:02,929 --> 00:15:04,783
Look, trust me,
410
00:15:04,784 --> 00:15:06,371
I don't wanna work
with you inbreds either.
411
00:15:06,396 --> 00:15:08,325
- Pfft.
- Unfortunately,
412
00:15:08,326 --> 00:15:11,021
this is a job that requires
more than one set of eyes.
413
00:15:11,022 --> 00:15:12,991
Ugh, fuck it, man. I don't know.
414
00:15:12,992 --> 00:15:14,941
I don't know. I don't know.
415
00:15:14,942 --> 00:15:16,141
I make bad decisions
on an empty stomach.
416
00:15:16,142 --> 00:15:18,991
- Is that a granola bar?
- Yeah.
417
00:15:18,992 --> 00:15:21,022
Can I have this? Ha!
418
00:15:23,132 --> 00:15:28,072
Save some hunger to munch
the royal box, my savior.
419
00:15:29,132 --> 00:15:30,982
Yeah, I'm all in.
420
00:15:32,816 --> 00:15:34,814
Let me walk you through this
nice and slow.
421
00:15:34,815 --> 00:15:37,723
I'll be surveying the auction
from the back row,
422
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:40,336
waiting for something
valuable to go up for bid.
423
00:15:40,361 --> 00:15:42,380
Now lot number 195.
424
00:15:42,381 --> 00:15:44,390
And we'll start the bidding at 400,000.
425
00:15:44,391 --> 00:15:46,370
$400. I have 400.
426
00:15:46,371 --> 00:15:47,859
- 425?
- You two will be stationed
427
00:15:47,860 --> 00:15:50,291
outside, posing as illiterate plumbers.
428
00:15:50,292 --> 00:15:54,231
If the art goes out the
back, you guys tail it.
429
00:15:54,232 --> 00:15:55,351
And sold
430
00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:58,205
to the woman with the real fur
431
00:15:58,206 --> 00:15:59,325
and the fake cheekbones.
432
00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:01,255
Normally, I follow the buyer,
433
00:16:01,256 --> 00:16:03,235
but this time, I'll follow the art.
434
00:16:03,236 --> 00:16:05,245
435
00:16:05,246 --> 00:16:07,304
If we can keep an eye
on the original artwork,
436
00:16:07,305 --> 00:16:08,588
it should lead us directly
437
00:16:08,589 --> 00:16:10,518
to where the other originals
are being stored.
438
00:16:10,519 --> 00:16:11,699
439
00:16:37,834 --> 00:16:40,356
[walkie-talkie feedback]
Check, check, check.
440
00:16:40,381 --> 00:16:41,854
I wanna do a double
check on the walkies.
441
00:16:41,855 --> 00:16:43,864
- Go.
- Stop doing walkie checks.
442
00:16:43,865 --> 00:16:45,358
The walkies work fucking fine.
443
00:16:45,383 --> 00:16:49,322
Uh, that's because
we do walkie checks, Hugh.
444
00:16:49,323 --> 00:16:51,348
Ooh, walkie burn.
445
00:16:51,349 --> 00:16:53,569
Gents, there are now
two pieces of artwork
446
00:16:53,594 --> 00:16:54,789
coming your way.
447
00:16:54,790 --> 00:16:55,879
Well, which one's real?
448
00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:57,859
I don't know.
449
00:16:58,325 --> 00:16:59,444
Wow, you really shit the bed
450
00:16:59,445 --> 00:17:01,424
on that one, huh, Huge Anus?
451
00:17:01,425 --> 00:17:02,586
[laughing]
452
00:17:02,587 --> 00:17:04,626
Just shut the fuck up
and follow them both.
453
00:17:04,627 --> 00:17:05,617
It doesn't get old.
454
00:17:06,737 --> 00:17:08,686
Oh. Shit!
455
00:17:08,687 --> 00:17:10,616
They're getting in two separate vans.
456
00:17:10,617 --> 00:17:12,596
You thinking what I'm thinking?
457
00:17:12,597 --> 00:17:14,607
458
00:17:17,567 --> 00:17:19,596
A, B, C
459
00:17:19,597 --> 00:17:21,616
A, B, C
460
00:17:21,617 --> 00:17:23,616
-
Yeah
-
A, B, C
461
00:17:23,617 --> 00:17:25,606
- [singing in Chinese]
-
A, B, C
462
00:17:25,607 --> 00:17:28,512
- [singing in Chinese]
-
A, B, C
463
00:17:28,735 --> 00:17:29,507
Oh, shit!
464
00:17:29,508 --> 00:17:31,846
No, that's not what I
was thinking at all.
465
00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:33,156
All right. Fuck it, let's go.
466
00:17:33,157 --> 00:17:33,759
Ha!
467
00:17:35,081 --> 00:17:37,110
A, B, C
468
00:17:37,111 --> 00:17:38,240
- [singing in Chinese]
-
A, B, C
469
00:17:38,241 --> 00:17:41,280
- [singing in Chinese]
-
A, B.
470
00:17:51,191 --> 00:17:53,090
Are you chaps following those vans?
471
00:17:53,091 --> 00:17:55,464
Oh, shit. I think mine's going to JFK.
472
00:17:55,489 --> 00:17:57,140
You're headed for the airport?
473
00:17:57,141 --> 00:17:58,220
That must be the one.
474
00:17:58,221 --> 00:18:00,220
Overseas black market, I imagine.
475
00:18:00,221 --> 00:18:01,484
Be careful.
476
00:18:01,509 --> 00:18:03,558
Your life depends on your stealth.
477
00:18:03,888 --> 00:18:04,967
You're dealing with people
478
00:18:04,992 --> 00:18:06,682
who might just rip off your penis
479
00:18:06,683 --> 00:18:08,692
- to prove a point.
- Nope, scratch that.
480
00:18:08,868 --> 00:18:10,736
Pulling into an Olive Patches.
481
00:18:10,966 --> 00:18:11,867
What is that?
482
00:18:11,868 --> 00:18:13,187
It's a delicious Italian experience
483
00:18:13,212 --> 00:18:14,212
for the whole family.
484
00:18:14,237 --> 00:18:15,285
Oh, good news.
485
00:18:15,286 --> 00:18:16,345
Your dick is probably fine.
486
00:18:16,346 --> 00:18:18,365
Clyde, your dick
487
00:18:18,366 --> 00:18:20,295
is now the one that needs
to be worried about.
488
00:18:20,296 --> 00:18:23,225
Whatever you do, don't let
them out of your sight.
489
00:18:23,226 --> 00:18:25,806
My dick is magnificent. I got this.
490
00:18:25,807 --> 00:18:28,866
- You never showed up for drop.
- Clyde?
491
00:18:28,867 --> 00:18:30,292
Clyde, come in.
Are you there?
492
00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:31,885
- Yeah, Pac, what is it?
- Hey!
493
00:18:31,887 --> 00:18:33,936
Hey, do I like pesto?
494
00:18:34,126 --> 00:18:36,811
No. You're more of
a red sauce kind of guy.
495
00:18:37,264 --> 00:18:38,886
I thought so. Thank you.
496
00:18:39,374 --> 00:18:40,856
Oh, shit! I think I've been spotted!
497
00:18:40,857 --> 00:18:41,976
- He's starting to speed up.
- Shit.
498
00:18:41,977 --> 00:18:44,460
What should I do?
Hugh, are you there?
499
00:18:45,143 --> 00:18:46,631
Give me a second, Clyde.
500
00:18:46,724 --> 00:18:48,713
- Fucking Hugh.
- Fuck, dude!
501
00:18:48,738 --> 00:18:50,065
He definitely spotted me.
502
00:18:50,066 --> 00:18:51,995
He's starting to drive
really close to the guardrail.
503
00:18:51,996 --> 00:18:53,075
Fuck.
504
00:18:53,076 --> 00:18:54,965
- Pac, are you hearing me?
- Hey, man.
505
00:18:54,966 --> 00:18:56,985
Would you like to hear our specials?
506
00:18:56,986 --> 00:18:58,095
I...
507
00:18:58,096 --> 00:19:01,035
I would fucking love
to hear the specials.
508
00:19:01,036 --> 00:19:03,055
Perfect. We have a delicious
509
00:19:03,056 --> 00:19:04,759
ham ravioli in cheese sauce.
510
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,503
Our soup of the day
is bacon fat and onion.
511
00:19:07,528 --> 00:19:08,808
- That sounds good.
- Oh, good.
512
00:19:08,809 --> 00:19:10,748
And then we have this
incredible deep-fried noodle
513
00:19:10,749 --> 00:19:11,838
dipped in sugar for dessert.
514
00:19:11,839 --> 00:19:13,513
Oh, what? Oh.
515
00:19:13,696 --> 00:19:14,973
Fuck this. I have no choice.
516
00:19:14,974 --> 00:19:16,044
I'm gonna go under the van.
517
00:19:17,984 --> 00:19:21,053
Okay, I think I've found the fuel line.
518
00:19:21,054 --> 00:19:23,441
I'm starting to think I should
put the walkie down.
519
00:19:23,466 --> 00:19:26,305
Whoa! Holy shit, he's really
trying to shake me!
520
00:19:26,306 --> 00:19:28,325
- [tires screech]
- All right, I got my knife out.
521
00:19:28,326 --> 00:19:31,021
All right, I'm slicing
through the fuel line.
522
00:19:31,022 --> 00:19:33,011
Oh, shit! That looks like
a pretty sharp turn ahead!
523
00:19:33,013 --> 00:19:34,032
- [tires screech]
- [screams]
524
00:19:34,033 --> 00:19:35,993
[static crackles]
525
00:19:38,083 --> 00:19:40,072
[buttons beeping]
526
00:19:40,073 --> 00:19:42,062
I'm, uh...
527
00:19:43,005 --> 00:19:43,992
I'm sure he's fine.
528
00:19:43,993 --> 00:19:45,938
He's probably just out
of walkie-talkie range.
529
00:19:45,939 --> 00:19:46,612
So what did you say
530
00:19:46,613 --> 00:19:48,461
the cheese-to-noodle ratio
was on the lasagna?
531
00:19:48,462 --> 00:19:50,502
- Or did you not say?
- [steam hisses]
532
00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:03,502
Holy shit!
533
00:20:05,394 --> 00:20:07,671
Hey, Pac. My van has the fake painting.
534
00:20:07,696 --> 00:20:09,685
- [munching]
- Are you there?
535
00:20:10,067 --> 00:20:11,472
All right, let me know
536
00:20:11,497 --> 00:20:13,337
when you turn your walkie back on.
537
00:20:16,826 --> 00:20:18,735
The fuck?
538
00:20:18,736 --> 00:20:20,695
Beautiful, aren't they?
539
00:20:22,010 --> 00:20:23,018
You.
540
00:20:24,416 --> 00:20:26,505
- Why?
- People who attend auctions
541
00:20:26,506 --> 00:20:30,345
are... assholes
542
00:20:30,346 --> 00:20:32,515
hoarding beauty.
543
00:20:32,516 --> 00:20:36,495
I can't think of anything
more gluttonous.
544
00:20:37,258 --> 00:20:39,996
This is where true art belongs.
545
00:20:39,997 --> 00:20:42,056
Hanging above the velveteen baguettes?
546
00:20:42,057 --> 00:20:44,056
- With the masses.
- Oh.
547
00:20:44,057 --> 00:20:46,176
Art is not a privilege.
548
00:20:46,739 --> 00:20:48,427
It is a God-given right.
549
00:20:48,428 --> 00:20:51,126
Just like endless soup
and bottomless breadsticks.
550
00:20:51,127 --> 00:20:54,055
- Well, sort of.
- No, I think that's bang-on.
551
00:20:54,057 --> 00:20:58,106
Oh, what a wondrous place this is,
552
00:20:58,107 --> 00:21:01,236
filled with so many wealthy
553
00:21:01,237 --> 00:21:03,276
and attractive people.
554
00:21:03,277 --> 00:21:06,166
I can think of no better venue
555
00:21:06,167 --> 00:21:08,885
for my likeness to
hang for all eternity.
556
00:21:08,886 --> 00:21:09,973
[clears throat] Okay, dude,
557
00:21:09,974 --> 00:21:11,943
your little secret
will stay safe with me,
558
00:21:11,944 --> 00:21:13,893
but you need to do me
one favor in return.
559
00:21:13,894 --> 00:21:14,993
Nothing sex-related.
560
00:21:14,994 --> 00:21:16,943
I... I just... What... what? No!
561
00:21:16,944 --> 00:21:18,923
I don't... no, I just...
562
00:21:18,924 --> 00:21:20,903
I need to make one
teeny, tiny alteration
563
00:21:20,904 --> 00:21:22,054
to that painting right there.
564
00:21:23,994 --> 00:21:26,984
- Sold.
- To that man there. Okay.
565
00:21:34,505 --> 00:21:35,705
Excuse me.
566
00:21:43,944 --> 00:21:45,913
Yeah.
567
00:21:45,914 --> 00:21:47,063
That's the jam.
568
00:21:47,064 --> 00:21:48,934
Oh!
569
00:21:50,864 --> 00:21:52,833
I'm gorgeous.
570
00:21:52,834 --> 00:21:55,003
You sure are.
571
00:21:55,302 --> 00:21:58,231
One last treat for you.
572
00:21:58,256 --> 00:21:59,305
Huh?
573
00:21:59,306 --> 00:22:02,225
No. Ah...
574
00:22:02,226 --> 00:22:05,226
That... not necessary. Thank you.
575
00:22:07,256 --> 00:22:08,355
[clears throat]
576
00:22:08,356 --> 00:22:10,236
Farewell.
577
00:22:15,810 --> 00:22:17,729
One more celebratory plate
of lasagna, methinks.
578
00:22:17,730 --> 00:22:18,700
[snaps fingers]
579
00:22:20,285 --> 00:22:22,407
Yoo-hoo, Huge Anus.
Check, check, check.
580
00:22:22,432 --> 00:22:23,995
- This is Pac.
- And Clyde.
581
00:22:23,996 --> 00:22:25,956
And Clyde, obviously.
582
00:22:28,046 --> 00:22:29,965
Hugh, you there? You okay, bud?
583
00:22:29,966 --> 00:22:31,175
Ask him if he smokes weed.
584
00:22:31,176 --> 00:22:33,946
Hugh, do you smoke weed?
585
00:22:36,046 --> 00:22:38,076
Hugh, do you smoke-a the weed?
586
00:22:40,126 --> 00:22:43,075
- You think he's okay?
- Yeah, totally.
587
00:22:43,076 --> 00:22:44,946
Maybe he's dead.
588
00:22:46,026 --> 00:22:48,045
- [groans]
- Hugh, are you dead?
589
00:22:48,046 --> 00:22:50,085
[laughing]
590
00:22:50,086 --> 00:22:52,065
Are you laying in a pool
of your own blood right now?
591
00:22:52,066 --> 00:22:54,106
[laughing]
592
00:22:57,026 --> 00:22:58,155
Hugh!
593
00:22:58,156 --> 00:23:00,985
Huuugh!
594
00:23:00,986 --> 00:23:02,051
Hope he's okay.
595
00:23:02,052 --> 00:23:03,563
Oh, yeah, I'm sure he's fine.
596
00:23:03,564 --> 00:23:04,663
Probably just got his
finger on the button.
597
00:23:05,172 --> 00:23:06,641
Rookie. [chuckles]
598
00:23:10,429 --> 00:23:15,429
- Synced and corrected by hawken45 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
599
00:23:15,479 --> 00:23:20,029
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