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Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome your host
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00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:11,640
and founder, Mrs Ivy Mittelfart!
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00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:14,640
Well, howdy, y'all!
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00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:21,599
May I say how wonderful it is
to be here among so many old,
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00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:23,319
old friends.
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00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:26,319
And what do all these old
friends have in common?
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00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,559
Well, here's a hint,
it's green, it folds
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00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:32,959
and it rhymes with truck roads of honey!
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Seriously, give generously...!
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00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,240
Oh, hey, over here.
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00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:45,759
Well...?
12
00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:47,559
We found him.
13
00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:49,039
Ken Thompson.
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00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:51,879
He's an attorney, lives
in Litchfield, England.
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00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,799
My, my! Ken Thompson.
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00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:56,279
Wife, Lorna,
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00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:58,000
kids, Rachel, Dylan, Sid.
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00:00:58,001 --> 00:00:59,281
Funny story.
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00:00:59,282 --> 00:01:03,079
Seven years ago, Rachel, the
daughter, married this eccentric
20
00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:05,319
hippie, a guy named Cuckoo.
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00:01:05,320 --> 00:01:07,098
- They...
- How long does this story last?
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00:01:07,099 --> 00:01:08,535
It's fairly convoluted.
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00:01:08,536 --> 00:01:11,120
Just give me the file, I'll
catch up on the plane.
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00:01:13,038 --> 00:01:14,997
My, my.
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00:01:14,998 --> 00:01:16,559
I have a brother.
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00:01:16,982 --> 00:01:22,982
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
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00:01:23,766 --> 00:01:25,925
So, tell us about your trip, love.
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00:01:25,926 --> 00:01:29,279
Sierra Leone was so
intense, it made me realise
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00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:30,799
I need to get my shit together.
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00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:34,519
Start working for what I believe in,
otherwise, the world is forever
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00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:37,652
going to be run by boring,
white, middle-aged men.
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00:01:37,653 --> 00:01:40,919
- Sorry, Dad.
- No, I'm sorry for all injustice ever.
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Point is, I'm an independent woman.
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The world needs to feel my power.
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00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:46,439
You still staying with us?
36
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,839
- Yeah, is that all right?
- Where's Dale?
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00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:51,532
Yeah, I'm sorry, Sid, er...
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00:01:51,533 --> 00:01:52,613
He's gone.
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00:01:52,614 --> 00:01:54,439
Did you make him leave?
40
00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:56,973
(PHONE RINGS)
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00:01:56,974 --> 00:01:59,799
- Speak.
- Hi, am I speaking with Ken Thompson?
42
00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,079
- Yep.
- Great.
43
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:03,808
- Ken, how's it going today?
- Yes, it's great, thank you.
44
00:02:03,809 --> 00:02:05,315
So great that it's going great.
45
00:02:05,316 --> 00:02:07,668
I'm just reaching out about your
meeting with Ivy Mittelfart
46
00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,359
- next week. She's super-excited.
- Never heard of her.
47
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:11,926
So you're saying you're not
going to meet with her when
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00:02:11,927 --> 00:02:13,300
she comes to the UK next Wednesday?
49
00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:16,639
Yes, as I've already said. Look,
can you go through my secretary?
50
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,088
It's the weekend over here
51
00:02:18,089 --> 00:02:20,199
and in England we have this
thing called not working.
52
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:23,279
OK, I'll talk to your assistant
and we can arrange another time
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00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:25,097
for you and your sister to meet.
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00:02:25,098 --> 00:02:26,679
Sorry?
55
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,040
My sister?
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00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:31,039
A sister!
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00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,159
I've got a sister and
she coming to see us!
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00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:34,839
It's exciting!
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00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,292
I always felt sorry for
you, Ken, an only child,
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00:02:38,293 --> 00:02:40,119
huge and isolated.
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00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:44,229
So your biological dad, Big Jack,
had another kid in America.
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00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:46,011
Yeah, before he had his
fling with my mum.
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00:02:46,012 --> 00:02:47,759
I don't know why she's
coming to see us now,
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00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:49,119
she obviously wants something.
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00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,559
I'd say that's unlikely.
"The Mittelfart Foundation
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is a charitable endeavour dedicated
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00:02:53,305 --> 00:02:54,999
to the improvement of human life,
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00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,940
founded by billionaire Ron
Mittelfart and wife Ivy."
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00:02:59,997 --> 00:03:02,076
Sorry, did you say billionaire?
70
00:03:02,077 --> 00:03:03,078
Yeah!
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00:03:03,079 --> 00:03:05,332
Bloody hell, we should probably tidy up.
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00:03:06,137 --> 00:03:07,778
He's a financier.
73
00:03:07,779 --> 00:03:10,079
Yeah, that's the sort that
prey on developing economies.
74
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,151
- Ehhh.
- She's probably got a blinking yacht!
75
00:03:12,152 --> 00:03:14,138
- Mum!
- Oh, my God.
76
00:03:14,139 --> 00:03:16,939
She probably knows Barack
Obama. We'd get on, me and him.
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00:03:16,940 --> 00:03:18,619
Yeah, he'd like me, Barack.
78
00:03:18,620 --> 00:03:20,817
Not so worried about having
a sister now, are you?
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00:03:20,818 --> 00:03:22,900
I'm getting used to it gradually!
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00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:28,499
Tonight, we shall be
eating a la gourmand!
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00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:31,019
To start, your guilty
pleasure, scallops.
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00:03:31,020 --> 00:03:32,899
Ooh, and a bacon cream!
83
00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:35,619
I love that stuff. Like pork toothpaste!
84
00:03:35,620 --> 00:03:39,859
What a fantastic summer evening!
85
00:03:39,860 --> 00:03:42,259
God, Mum, I like this outfit!
86
00:03:42,260 --> 00:03:43,442
Aw, thanks, Dyl!
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00:03:43,443 --> 00:03:45,819
(HE SNIFFS) Smells glorious, big guy,
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00:03:45,820 --> 00:03:49,059
and I have got the perfect Malbec,
89
00:03:49,060 --> 00:03:51,677
High Country, stuffed
with blackcurrants.
90
00:03:51,678 --> 00:03:55,568
It's like Ribena grew
up and got naughty.
91
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:58,699
Wow, I have always wanted a child
from the shit bit of the '80s.
92
00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:00,579
So, what time's this aunt arriving?
93
00:04:00,580 --> 00:04:02,739
I'm struggling to shift
that converted windmill out
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00:04:02,740 --> 00:04:04,209
by Fradley, need a high-worth purchaser.
95
00:04:04,210 --> 00:04:05,499
Er...
96
00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:07,739
- Rachel, you're back!
- Dylan!
97
00:04:07,740 --> 00:04:10,299
Yeah, I'd heard you'd become
an estate agent, no surprise.
98
00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:12,019
Yeah, well, it's a job, isn't it?
99
00:04:12,020 --> 00:04:15,019
Beats being the kind of loser
that's 27 and still living at home
100
00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:16,179
with their paren...
101
00:04:16,180 --> 00:04:18,219
Oh, that's exactly your
situation, isn't it?
102
00:04:18,220 --> 00:04:19,459
- Funny.
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
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00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:20,539
OK, all right.
104
00:04:20,540 --> 00:04:23,779
Now, remember, my sister is
a pretty classy customer,
105
00:04:23,780 --> 00:04:26,940
so, everyone, just pretend to be
better than you actually are.
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00:04:30,380 --> 00:04:32,219
I'll met by moonlight, proud Ken.
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00:04:32,220 --> 00:04:33,499
Oh, God.
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00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:36,259
Saw candles in the kitchen,
looked like a party.
109
00:04:36,260 --> 00:04:37,779
So, flagon of home-brew
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00:04:37,780 --> 00:04:40,829
and a brace of pheasant I
clipped on the morning drive.
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00:04:40,830 --> 00:04:43,139
The tyre tracks will wash off.
112
00:04:43,140 --> 00:04:45,099
It's a family dinner, Steve.
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Really? Ain't no room for Uncle Steve?
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You and I are not related.
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Now, beat it, you creepy fraggle!
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(CAR HORN BEEPS)
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She's here!
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Oh, bajambas. Sweet bajambas,
do I like that coconut!
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00:05:14,340 --> 00:05:16,939
Oh, Ken!
120
00:05:16,940 --> 00:05:19,954
The image, the image of Daddy!
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00:05:19,955 --> 00:05:22,859
It's like he's been born
again, brought up in England
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00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:24,299
and strapped on a belly!
123
00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:25,859
Oh!
124
00:05:25,860 --> 00:05:29,009
Ken, brother, can we hug?
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I don't see why not?
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- Aww.
- Aww.
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Well, this is my family.
128
00:05:36,140 --> 00:05:37,819
- This is my wife, Lorna.
- Hello.
129
00:05:37,820 --> 00:05:39,619
- My daughter, Rachel.
- Hello.
130
00:05:39,620 --> 00:05:41,940
Look at you, tiny, tiny girls!
131
00:05:43,140 --> 00:05:47,059
And your son, mmm, quite the young stud!
132
00:05:47,060 --> 00:05:48,540
Oh, no, he's only four.
133
00:05:50,340 --> 00:05:51,620
Oh, no, that's Dylan.
134
00:05:53,740 --> 00:05:56,619
This is Steve, he is not
a member of the family.
135
00:05:56,620 --> 00:05:58,459
Steve Chance.
136
00:05:58,460 --> 00:06:01,779
Uber driver, unlicensed
medic, aspirant warlock.
137
00:06:01,780 --> 00:06:03,579
I have many girlfriends.
138
00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:04,899
OK.
139
00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:06,100
My turn!
140
00:06:07,580 --> 00:06:10,899
This is Tigran, my PA.
141
00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:12,499
Oh!
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00:06:12,500 --> 00:06:14,379
And this...
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00:06:14,380 --> 00:06:15,819
is Miss Tigglytopps.
144
00:06:15,820 --> 00:06:16,899
(THEY GASP AND LAUGH)
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Massive!
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We are best friends!
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Aren't we, precious?
148
00:06:21,660 --> 00:06:23,819
Well, look, let's, erm...
149
00:06:23,820 --> 00:06:25,259
Let's all go inside.
150
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:27,419
Well, I do have a few bags.
151
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:28,876
Oh, not a problem. We'll help, won't we?
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00:06:28,877 --> 00:06:30,299
Absolutely!
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00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:31,459
Thank you!
154
00:06:31,460 --> 00:06:33,699
- Ahh.
- Aww.
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00:06:33,700 --> 00:06:36,060
Sweet, sweet bajambas!
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Here you are.
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00:06:41,260 --> 00:06:42,619
Welcome, sis.
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00:06:42,620 --> 00:06:44,299
Oh, wow!
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00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:46,179
Would you look at this?
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00:06:46,180 --> 00:06:47,699
Modest!
161
00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:51,059
But I bet to you guys
it feels like a palace,
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00:06:51,060 --> 00:06:52,579
am I right?
163
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:55,659
Yes, I'm right!
164
00:06:55,660 --> 00:06:57,500
Munchkinland!
165
00:07:03,380 --> 00:07:04,979
When I was 18,
166
00:07:04,980 --> 00:07:08,379
I dreamed of doing something
really good for the world.
167
00:07:08,380 --> 00:07:10,699
But then I realised I was
extremely good-looking,
168
00:07:10,700 --> 00:07:12,319
so I decided to model.
169
00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:15,259
Modelling! Ooh, I bet that was exciting.
170
00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:17,819
Oh, Lorna, modelling is so superficial.
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00:07:17,820 --> 00:07:20,459
But you do meet a lot of rich men.
172
00:07:20,460 --> 00:07:23,459
I remember the day that I
met Ron, then I found out
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00:07:23,460 --> 00:07:25,939
he was a billionaire, it was love!
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00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:26,979
- Oh.
- Mm!
175
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:29,619
Two weeks later, Whitney Houston
was singing at our wedding
176
00:07:29,620 --> 00:07:30,859
for crack money!
177
00:07:30,860 --> 00:07:31,899
Oh!
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00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:35,019
But enough about me, tell me about you.
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00:07:35,020 --> 00:07:37,299
Oh! OK, well,
180
00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:41,739
I grew up around here and I
head up a law firm round here.
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00:07:41,740 --> 00:07:44,259
Erm, then I changed job,
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00:07:44,260 --> 00:07:46,940
and now I'm at a new place round here.
183
00:07:48,220 --> 00:07:49,419
Doing law.
184
00:07:49,420 --> 00:07:51,045
Erm, yeah.
185
00:07:51,900 --> 00:07:53,819
Isn't it fascinating?
186
00:07:53,820 --> 00:07:57,219
Here, my life has been so
extraordinary, and you,
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00:07:57,220 --> 00:08:00,739
with half the same
genes, are so ordinary!
188
00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:02,620
I find that sort of beautiful!
189
00:08:03,860 --> 00:08:05,140
Ah, yes!
190
00:08:07,180 --> 00:08:10,499
Yeah, I suppose it is, it's
sort of beautiful, isn't it?
191
00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:12,499
- Yeah!
- (DOG BARKS)
192
00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:15,579
Don't worry, I'll get her down,
she just gets very upset
193
00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:17,980
when we fly. I'll give her some Xanax.
194
00:08:20,580 --> 00:08:22,059
She's all right, isn't she?
195
00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:23,140
She seems nice.
196
00:08:25,740 --> 00:08:27,299
(DOG WHIMPERS)
197
00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:28,539
Yes, gorgeous.
198
00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:31,939
I know Ron hasn't called us.
199
00:08:31,940 --> 00:08:35,299
But trust me, honey, he would
not abandon us like this.
200
00:08:35,300 --> 00:08:37,219
Now, what about your mindfulness?
201
00:08:37,220 --> 00:08:39,939
Close your eyes, feel your breath.
202
00:08:39,940 --> 00:08:41,259
Deep breath in...
203
00:08:41,260 --> 00:08:42,379
(DOG GRUMBLES)
204
00:08:42,380 --> 00:08:43,659
Deep breath out.
205
00:08:43,660 --> 00:08:45,339
That's right!
206
00:08:45,340 --> 00:08:47,459
Just notice your breath.
207
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:48,899
Rachel!
208
00:08:48,900 --> 00:08:50,539
Talking to your dog there?
209
00:08:50,540 --> 00:08:52,099
Oh, yes.
210
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:55,259
We talk all the time, but
usually not in public
211
00:08:55,260 --> 00:08:59,179
because when you tell people that
your dog is your best friend
212
00:08:59,180 --> 00:09:03,340
and most trusted adviser, they
think you're kind of crazy!
213
00:09:04,580 --> 00:09:06,899
Would you look at you?!
214
00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:10,419
You know, I think you have a touch
of the family's good looks.
215
00:09:10,420 --> 00:09:11,859
Just a touch,
216
00:09:11,860 --> 00:09:13,180
but it's there.
217
00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:18,940
Oh, honey, come on in and tell
Aunt Ivy all about the boys.
218
00:09:22,860 --> 00:09:26,459
Erm, well, I'm just focusing
on my career at the moment.
219
00:09:26,460 --> 00:09:28,219
I work in charity.
220
00:09:28,220 --> 00:09:30,259
- Oh, I've done charity all my life.
- Yeah?
221
00:09:30,260 --> 00:09:32,539
You know, sometimes
it's not the system...
222
00:09:32,540 --> 00:09:35,060
SHE WHISPERS: ...sometimes
they are just lazy.
223
00:09:36,540 --> 00:09:38,139
Are they?
224
00:09:38,140 --> 00:09:40,299
Now, you may think this sounds shallow,
225
00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:44,179
but it seems to me that you
are trying to sell this,
226
00:09:44,180 --> 00:09:46,459
when you should be selling THIS!
227
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:50,779
Because this seems like
a Grade C commodity,
228
00:09:50,780 --> 00:09:53,340
while this, wooh! Solid B.
229
00:09:54,580 --> 00:09:56,020
Great chat, Aunt Ivy.
230
00:09:57,100 --> 00:09:58,780
I'm just going to...
231
00:10:00,860 --> 00:10:03,219
Come on, Miss Tigglytopps,
let's snuggle!
232
00:10:03,220 --> 00:10:04,900
Yes, you're a snuggle bunny!
233
00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:11,860
- To us.
- To us.
234
00:10:15,860 --> 00:10:17,540
I must say, it is...
235
00:10:19,140 --> 00:10:21,219
...pretty cool to have a sister!
236
00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:23,019
I know, look at us!
237
00:10:23,020 --> 00:10:25,139
To Daddy.
238
00:10:25,140 --> 00:10:26,539
To Big Jack.
239
00:10:26,540 --> 00:10:29,299
May he be in heaven playing his harp,
240
00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:31,660
impregnating all the angels.
241
00:10:32,940 --> 00:10:34,380
You're funny!
242
00:10:35,820 --> 00:10:37,979
We should probably get down to business.
243
00:10:37,980 --> 00:10:39,499
Oh, absolutely!
244
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:40,739
What business?
245
00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:43,379
You must be wondering why I'm here.
246
00:10:43,380 --> 00:10:44,420
Well...
247
00:10:45,420 --> 00:10:47,899
...you came to see me, I presumed.
248
00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:50,619
Of course, that, mostly that!
249
00:10:50,620 --> 00:10:54,219
There is another thing, a little
proposition I have for you.
250
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:56,499
Oh! OK.
251
00:10:56,500 --> 00:10:58,059
I'm listening.
252
00:10:58,060 --> 00:11:00,420
Ken, how do you feel about death?
253
00:11:01,980 --> 00:11:04,139
I would say...
254
00:11:04,140 --> 00:11:05,699
...I'm not a fan!
255
00:11:05,700 --> 00:11:06,779
Me, too.
256
00:11:06,780 --> 00:11:08,379
Life good, death bad.
257
00:11:08,380 --> 00:11:10,339
- That is my unique take on it.
- Right.
258
00:11:10,340 --> 00:11:14,259
So, what if I were to tell
you, you don't have to die?
259
00:11:14,260 --> 00:11:15,379
Well, I'd say,
260
00:11:15,380 --> 00:11:18,859
"Someone get this woman away
from me, she's insane! Ha-ha!"
261
00:11:18,860 --> 00:11:22,899
Ken, I'm serious. Mine and Ron's
foundation studies genes in ageing.
262
00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:26,339
Now, our shared father possessed
a fascinating genotype.
263
00:11:26,340 --> 00:11:29,139
Our scientists discovered that
for people with his genes,
264
00:11:29,140 --> 00:11:32,179
there is a chance in time
they could wholly eliminate
265
00:11:32,180 --> 00:11:33,939
the effects of ageing.
266
00:11:33,940 --> 00:11:34,980
What?
267
00:11:36,140 --> 00:11:38,259
So we could live forever?
268
00:11:38,260 --> 00:11:40,379
No! You've got me all wrong.
269
00:11:40,380 --> 00:11:41,419
Oh, well, good!
270
00:11:41,420 --> 00:11:42,859
I, could live forever.
271
00:11:42,860 --> 00:11:44,779
Me, Ivy Mittelfart.
272
00:11:44,780 --> 00:11:48,659
I could be young and
beautiful and alive forever.
273
00:11:48,660 --> 00:11:52,179
All I need from my brand-new brother
is the chance to do research
274
00:11:52,180 --> 00:11:53,420
on his dead body.
275
00:11:54,540 --> 00:11:55,659
But I'm not dead!
276
00:11:55,660 --> 00:11:56,979
Not yet!
277
00:11:56,980 --> 00:12:00,299
But I'm saying, I give you
a fat load of cash now,
278
00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:02,899
and then when you croak, my
foundation gets in there
279
00:12:02,900 --> 00:12:05,379
and does experiments on your corpse.
280
00:12:05,380 --> 00:12:06,420
Simple!
281
00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:10,499
I'm sorry, are you...?
282
00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:14,139
Are you offering to pay
to acquire my flesh?
283
00:12:14,140 --> 00:12:16,659
When you're dead. Jeez!
284
00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:18,979
You're making it sound so strange!
285
00:12:18,980 --> 00:12:22,579
It IS strange, it's very strange!
286
00:12:22,580 --> 00:12:24,739
Anyway, who says I'm going to die first?
287
00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:25,779
Oof...
288
00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:27,139
Oh.
289
00:12:27,140 --> 00:12:31,540
Now, what figure would
you put on your corpse?
290
00:12:32,580 --> 00:12:35,259
And don't try to stiff me,
I'm not paying by the pound.
291
00:12:35,260 --> 00:12:38,259
Wow, you are cold!
292
00:12:38,260 --> 00:12:41,459
I'm going to make you an offer, we'll
go by the bank in the morning.
293
00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:44,699
I'll pay you in gold,
that'll be fun, won't it?
294
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:47,100
Plus, it's good for me, no paper trail.
295
00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:51,859
Well, you don't have to
worry about a paper trail,
296
00:12:51,860 --> 00:12:54,300
because my answer is no!
297
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:59,260
Ken Thompson's cadaver is not for sale.
298
00:13:11,580 --> 00:13:12,620
Jesus!
299
00:13:13,740 --> 00:13:14,899
How much?
300
00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:16,539
200 grand!
301
00:13:16,540 --> 00:13:17,899
And...
302
00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:19,139
Run it by me again, you said...
303
00:13:19,140 --> 00:13:22,019
It's an insult, thinking she can
just turn up here and buy me.
304
00:13:22,020 --> 00:13:23,500
Absolutely, it's terrible.
305
00:13:25,820 --> 00:13:27,339
I mean,
306
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,539
you would be dead.
307
00:13:28,540 --> 00:13:30,219
I thought I was going to have a sister,
308
00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:31,899
I thought we'd have a relationship.
309
00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:34,219
Well, do you still want a relationship?
310
00:13:34,220 --> 00:13:35,339
Not after this!
311
00:13:35,340 --> 00:13:37,819
So what's the difference? We'd
just have to burn you anyway.
312
00:13:37,820 --> 00:13:40,699
I'm sorry, I hadn't stopped
to consider how inconvenient
313
00:13:40,700 --> 00:13:42,939
not selling my corpse would be for you.
314
00:13:42,940 --> 00:13:44,979
Ken, think what we could do!
315
00:13:44,980 --> 00:13:48,459
We could take a year off, travel,
316
00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:49,860
build that conservatory.
317
00:13:50,980 --> 00:13:53,100
You would sell my body
for a conservatory?
318
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:56,019
Well...
319
00:13:56,020 --> 00:13:57,060
Really, Lorn.
320
00:14:00,180 --> 00:14:01,780
You could get a barge.
321
00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:06,620
A barge...
322
00:14:09,340 --> 00:14:11,619
So glad you saw sense.
323
00:14:11,620 --> 00:14:14,379
Well, you help me out, I help you out,
324
00:14:14,380 --> 00:14:16,699
it's just families helping
each other out, isn't it?
325
00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:19,019
Just admit it, you're
greedy for the cash.
326
00:14:19,020 --> 00:14:21,299
Free money, you love it, don't you?
327
00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:23,660
No, I just know a good
deal when I see one.
328
00:14:25,220 --> 00:14:27,939
I bet I could get you to do anything.
329
00:14:27,940 --> 00:14:30,820
I'll give you ?100 if
you howl like a wolf.
330
00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:35,539
Well, that shows how much you know.
331
00:14:35,540 --> 00:14:36,820
Keep it.
332
00:14:38,980 --> 00:14:40,020
200.
333
00:14:41,260 --> 00:14:43,259
I'm fine, thanks.
334
00:14:43,260 --> 00:14:44,299
300.
335
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,619
(HE WHISPERS): No, thank you.
336
00:14:46,620 --> 00:14:48,219
400.
337
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:53,619
And that is my final offer, and
it better be one hell of a howl.
338
00:14:53,620 --> 00:14:54,660
Heh.
339
00:15:00,580 --> 00:15:04,139
AWOOOOOOO!
340
00:15:04,140 --> 00:15:05,299
Hello.
341
00:15:05,300 --> 00:15:09,299
Mrs Mittelfart, I have 400,000, in gold,
342
00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:11,059
that's two each, I believe.
343
00:15:11,060 --> 00:15:12,139
(PHONE RINGS)
344
00:15:12,140 --> 00:15:14,619
Ah, I'm sorry, I should just get this.
345
00:15:14,620 --> 00:15:16,499
(PHONE RINGS)
346
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,099
Go on, touch it.
347
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:19,940
Touch your lovely gold.
348
00:15:24,780 --> 00:15:26,499
(HE WHISPERS): So shiny.
349
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:29,780
So, I'll fetch the paperwork, you
make yourselves comfortable.
350
00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:34,699
So, where are you headed to next?
351
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:36,019
I don't know.
352
00:15:36,020 --> 00:15:38,579
Miami, Monaco, Dubai...
353
00:15:38,580 --> 00:15:40,019
All of the places for twats.
354
00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:41,099
Oh, please.
355
00:15:41,100 --> 00:15:43,300
- (PHONE VIBRATES)
- I don't need your approval.
356
00:15:44,660 --> 00:15:45,699
Hello?
357
00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:47,019
Hi, David!
358
00:15:47,020 --> 00:15:48,859
Right.
359
00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:50,139
Got it.
360
00:15:50,140 --> 00:15:51,899
I'm going.
361
00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:53,619
- Grab the gold.
- What?
362
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,100
Grab the gold, man, and hurry!
363
00:15:57,460 --> 00:15:58,579
Um...
364
00:15:58,580 --> 00:16:01,100
(MUSIC: OH YEAH BY YELLO)
365
00:16:05,180 --> 00:16:06,539
What the hell is going on?
366
00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:07,699
Nothing's going on,
367
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:10,499
it's just that that room was
a little claustrophobic.
368
00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:11,700
Get in there.
369
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:17,133
(HE WHISPERS): What are you doing?
370
00:16:17,134 --> 00:16:19,939
OK, just don't overreact.
371
00:16:19,940 --> 00:16:21,344
That was our attorney on the phone,
372
00:16:21,345 --> 00:16:23,539
and Ron's been arrested for fraud.
373
00:16:23,540 --> 00:16:25,419
Fraud? What kind of fraud?
374
00:16:25,420 --> 00:16:27,739
Some kind of bond scheme
he's been running for years
375
00:16:27,740 --> 00:16:30,219
involving certain
Ponzi-like accumulators.
376
00:16:30,220 --> 00:16:32,419
I just found out about
it for the first time.
377
00:16:32,420 --> 00:16:34,539
It was not that long a phone call.
378
00:16:34,540 --> 00:16:38,259
Quiet! They've frozen my
assets and I need that cash.
379
00:16:38,260 --> 00:16:40,859
You walk out with the
gold, I'll distract them.
380
00:16:40,860 --> 00:16:42,739
Absolutely not! That's theft!
381
00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:43,899
No, it's not.
382
00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:46,979
As far as they know, we think
the gold's still mine.
383
00:16:46,980 --> 00:16:49,939
And until they now we know
it's not, it's all innocent.
384
00:16:49,940 --> 00:16:52,619
I am not walking out of the bank.
They've got metal detectors.
385
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:54,259
Didn't you take chemistry?
386
00:16:54,260 --> 00:16:56,459
SHE WHISPERS: Gold is
a non-magnetic metal.
387
00:16:56,460 --> 00:16:58,379
They can detect it!
388
00:16:58,380 --> 00:16:59,859
Really?
389
00:16:59,860 --> 00:17:02,259
Yeah. Yeah, I think I do remember that.
390
00:17:02,260 --> 00:17:04,180
Just think of the moolah, brother.
391
00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:13,419
Oh, hi, guys!
392
00:17:13,420 --> 00:17:14,779
What's up?
393
00:17:14,780 --> 00:17:18,379
You were gone so long, I thought
I would just take a look around!
394
00:17:18,380 --> 00:17:21,699
Mrs Mittelfart, there's
been an... irregularity.
395
00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:23,899
Might we step back into my office?
396
00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:25,780
It would be my pleasure, sir.
397
00:17:48,020 --> 00:17:50,259
(HE BREATHES HEAVILY)
398
00:17:50,260 --> 00:17:51,940
(MUSAK PLAYS)
399
00:17:56,180 --> 00:17:57,220
I, erm...
400
00:17:58,420 --> 00:18:00,899
I was just thinking one day, I'd, erm,
401
00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:03,459
I'd really like to go and
look for some metal.
402
00:18:03,460 --> 00:18:05,780
You know, with one of
those metal detectors?
403
00:18:05,781 --> 00:18:07,717
- Yeah.
- Sounds fun.
404
00:18:07,718 --> 00:18:09,099
- Yeah.
- Like searching for riches.
405
00:18:09,100 --> 00:18:11,219
Yeah, yeah, like buried treasure, yeah.
406
00:18:11,220 --> 00:18:12,419
Nice.
407
00:18:12,420 --> 00:18:13,619
But then...
408
00:18:13,620 --> 00:18:17,459
...there'd be no point looking
for gold, would there? Cos...
409
00:18:17,460 --> 00:18:19,339
...it's not magnetic, is it?
410
00:18:19,340 --> 00:18:21,259
No.
411
00:18:21,260 --> 00:18:24,259
If it's not magnetic,
no... That makes sense.
412
00:18:24,260 --> 00:18:26,779
OK, so I'd be wasting my time
looking for gold, wouldn't I?
413
00:18:26,780 --> 00:18:28,700
Oh, God, yeah, wasting your time.
414
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:36,259
Although, right, they must have
found a way of detecting gold.
415
00:18:36,260 --> 00:18:37,580
Do you think?
416
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:39,700
Yeah.
417
00:18:41,900 --> 00:18:44,659
This has been a wonderful conversation.
418
00:18:44,660 --> 00:18:46,539
We should talk again. I'd like that.
419
00:18:46,540 --> 00:18:48,579
Oh, no, no, thanks.
420
00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:49,780
- Just...
- No, thanks.
421
00:18:52,980 --> 00:18:55,860
(MUSIC: OH YEAH BY YELLO)
422
00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:06,419
Leave any bags here, sir?
423
00:19:06,420 --> 00:19:08,219
No, thank you, no bags.
424
00:19:08,220 --> 00:19:09,260
No bags.
425
00:19:11,580 --> 00:19:12,620
Thank you.
426
00:19:19,220 --> 00:19:20,699
Wh-what's going on?
427
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:22,219
- (LOUD SPLATTING)
- AHH!
428
00:19:22,220 --> 00:19:23,779
OH, GOD! NO!
429
00:19:23,780 --> 00:19:24,820
HELP!
430
00:19:27,460 --> 00:19:30,140
I thought gold couldn't be
detected by these things.
431
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:32,939
With it...
432
00:19:32,940 --> 00:19:34,340
...not being magnetic.
433
00:19:35,460 --> 00:19:36,659
Right.
434
00:19:36,660 --> 00:19:39,179
Well, the machines detect gold.
435
00:19:39,180 --> 00:19:40,219
Right.
436
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:41,859
Because we're a bank.
437
00:19:41,860 --> 00:19:43,499
With loads of gold in.
438
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:44,860
No, that does make sense.
439
00:19:47,380 --> 00:19:48,899
I wasn't stealing, though.
440
00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:52,259
I genuinely, genuinely
thought it was mine.
441
00:19:52,260 --> 00:19:53,820
Genuinely.
442
00:19:57,137 --> 00:19:58,339
For some reason, my brother
443
00:19:58,340 --> 00:20:01,339
tried to walk out of the
bank with some gold.
444
00:20:01,340 --> 00:20:03,184
Yeah, they let him go.
445
00:20:03,185 --> 00:20:05,300
Well, what the hell am I supposed to do?
446
00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:07,340
Ah...!
447
00:20:09,460 --> 00:20:10,979
What am I going to do?
448
00:20:10,980 --> 00:20:12,619
I have no money.
449
00:20:12,620 --> 00:20:16,060
I have NO MONEY!
450
00:20:18,380 --> 00:20:20,619
Oh, my God.
451
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:23,539
I am going to have to be ordinary.
452
00:20:23,540 --> 00:20:25,499
Like you.
453
00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:28,499
Waking up in the morning,
making breakfast,
454
00:20:28,500 --> 00:20:30,219
listening to radio DJs,
455
00:20:30,220 --> 00:20:33,900
smiling like it's not the
worst thing in the world.
456
00:20:37,580 --> 00:20:39,780
Ken, brother...
457
00:20:41,260 --> 00:20:43,859
...do you think I could stay
with you for a few months,
458
00:20:43,860 --> 00:20:46,219
just till I get back on my feet?
459
00:20:46,220 --> 00:20:49,419
Yeah, that's tempting
because, on one hand,
460
00:20:49,420 --> 00:20:51,939
you're a vain, fraudulent, rude woman
461
00:20:51,940 --> 00:20:55,699
with no interest in me or my
family beyond what you can buy,
462
00:20:55,700 --> 00:20:58,739
and on the other hand, I
find you really annoying.
463
00:20:58,740 --> 00:21:00,019
Oh!
464
00:21:00,020 --> 00:21:02,139
No, that is the same hand, isn't it?
465
00:21:02,140 --> 00:21:03,939
You could just say no.
466
00:21:03,940 --> 00:21:05,219
No.
467
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:06,459
Fine.
468
00:21:06,460 --> 00:21:07,500
Tigran?
469
00:21:09,340 --> 00:21:10,380
Shit.
470
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,910
I was never sure about
that conservatory anyway.
471
00:21:17,911 --> 00:21:20,859
No? You were sure enough
to sell my body for it.
472
00:21:20,860 --> 00:21:22,539
Don't be like that.
473
00:21:22,540 --> 00:21:25,979
Just, if I ever DID lose you,
474
00:21:25,980 --> 00:21:28,220
it would be nice to
have somewhere to sit.
475
00:21:31,140 --> 00:21:32,259
I'm ready.
476
00:21:32,260 --> 00:21:33,340
Ah.
477
00:21:35,900 --> 00:21:38,220
I called the Uber, like you said.
478
00:21:39,540 --> 00:21:41,379
So this is goodbye.
479
00:21:41,380 --> 00:21:43,459
OK, toodle-oo.
480
00:21:43,460 --> 00:21:47,060
The FBI will be waiting
for me at JFK, so...
481
00:21:48,660 --> 00:21:49,819
...that'll be nice.
482
00:21:49,820 --> 00:21:53,179
Well, enjoy the interrogation,
good luck with the waterboarding,
483
00:21:53,180 --> 00:21:54,499
it's meant to be horrible.
484
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:55,620
Just so you know...
485
00:21:57,900 --> 00:22:00,979
...I really did like meeting you all,
486
00:22:00,980 --> 00:22:03,579
even though it was for only one night.
487
00:22:03,580 --> 00:22:06,620
Aww, and that ploy failed entirely.
488
00:22:17,100 --> 00:22:19,500
Hey there. Airport, please.
489
00:22:20,740 --> 00:22:23,260
The airport it is, Ms Mittelfart.
490
00:22:27,140 --> 00:22:30,699
If you're thirsty, there's my
self-bottled spring water.
491
00:22:30,700 --> 00:22:34,299
Anything else I can offer, please ask.
492
00:22:34,300 --> 00:22:35,539
And I mean...
493
00:22:35,540 --> 00:22:36,580
...anything.
494
00:22:40,220 --> 00:22:41,259
Well, there she goes.
495
00:22:41,260 --> 00:22:43,379
Hey, I'm glad to see the
back of her, frankly.
496
00:22:43,380 --> 00:22:45,579
The last thing we need is
another eccentric American
497
00:22:45,580 --> 00:22:47,060
creating havoc in our lives.
498
00:22:48,140 --> 00:22:50,179
Come on.
499
00:22:50,180 --> 00:22:51,779
(CAR HORN BEEPS)
500
00:22:51,780 --> 00:22:52,860
Huh?
501
00:23:07,620 --> 00:23:08,939
Of course.
502
00:23:08,940 --> 00:23:09,980
Kill me.
503
00:23:10,417 --> 00:23:16,417
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
504
00:23:16,467 --> 00:23:21,017
Repair and Synchronization by
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