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1
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:07,259
Morning, Chief Ken.
2
00:00:07,260 --> 00:00:08,539
Fuck's sake, Dale!
3
00:00:08,540 --> 00:00:10,899
Chief Steve called at 2am.
4
00:00:10,900 --> 00:00:13,579
He said he wants me to install
a sprinkler system at the bar,
5
00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:16,459
so at closing time, it
can rain coconut milk!
6
00:00:16,460 --> 00:00:18,179
I LOVE it!
7
00:00:18,180 --> 00:00:20,619
I just hope it's not
one of his drunk ideas!
8
00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:22,379
Don't call Steve "Chief Steve".
9
00:00:22,380 --> 00:00:23,779
Why, Chief Ken?
10
00:00:23,780 --> 00:00:25,259
I just think it's inappropriate.
11
00:00:25,260 --> 00:00:26,579
Morning, Dale.
12
00:00:26,580 --> 00:00:28,620
- Morning, love!
- Morning, love!
13
00:00:29,660 --> 00:00:32,539
- In your suit?
- Yes! No rest for the wicked.
14
00:00:32,540 --> 00:00:35,859
9am with Peter, then a
strategy meeting, then...
15
00:00:35,860 --> 00:00:37,220
But it's Saturday.
16
00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:42,140
Yes... Strategy Saturday.
17
00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:44,899
Strate-day.
18
00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:47,299
It's a new scheme of
Jane's. I told you, no?
19
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:50,903
Saturday becomes Monday, and
Monday, now that's Thursday.
20
00:00:50,904 --> 00:00:52,379
So...
21
00:00:52,380 --> 00:00:55,019
Hm! Such a fiendishly clever idea.
22
00:00:55,020 --> 00:00:59,059
Monday, Thursday, I'm not
even sure I understand it!
23
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:00,659
It's only for this week.
24
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:02,219
I don't think it'll stick.
25
00:01:02,220 --> 00:01:03,739
Oh, well, that's a shame.
26
00:01:03,740 --> 00:01:05,539
Everybody's out today.
27
00:01:05,540 --> 00:01:09,099
I thought we could get a
bit of Ken and Lorna time.
28
00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:10,659
Really?
29
00:01:10,660 --> 00:01:11,903
- Yeah.
- Oh... !
30
00:01:11,904 --> 00:01:13,739
Well, obviously, I can't.
31
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:16,460
Because I've got work, so...
32
00:01:26,860 --> 00:01:28,140
Bollocks!
33
00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:40,899
Least I can do when you've
been toiling away all day.
34
00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:42,499
Yeah, I have.
35
00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:46,099
Dale's really putting in the
effort with this new bar, isn't he?
36
00:01:46,100 --> 00:01:48,019
- Good on him.
- Yes.
37
00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:50,259
Although he should change
the name, and the location,
38
00:01:50,260 --> 00:01:52,659
and probably think about
killing his business partner.
39
00:01:52,660 --> 00:01:53,899
But apart from that... !
40
00:01:53,900 --> 00:01:58,659
Hey, these are a lot less
expensive than I thought.
41
00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,899
What would you think if I got a Vespa?
42
00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:03,379
I would think - and
everybody would think -
43
00:02:03,380 --> 00:02:05,299
you were having a mid-life crisis.
44
00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:09,179
Or that I was born to ride through
the streets of Lichfield like
45
00:02:09,180 --> 00:02:12,100
the hot-blooded
Mediterranean daredevil I am?
46
00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:15,499
LOUD RAP MUSIC
47
00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:17,140
Who's that?!
48
00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:26,819
It's 11.30, on a Saturday night!
49
00:02:26,820 --> 00:02:28,499
It's the new neighbours, isn't it?
50
00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:31,460
I think we can let it go just
this once, Ken. Night, love.
51
00:02:38,540 --> 00:02:41,340
LOUD MUSIC: Golden Skans by Klaxons
52
00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:51,259
It's 12.45.
53
00:02:51,260 --> 00:02:52,859
They're going to wake Sid up.
54
00:02:52,860 --> 00:02:54,579
Sid sleeps through anything.
55
00:02:54,580 --> 00:02:56,299
Yes, but nobody told THEM that.
56
00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:58,579
I'm going to the garden centre tomorrow.
57
00:02:58,580 --> 00:03:01,340
If I'm tired, it will
affect my decision-making.
58
00:03:02,620 --> 00:03:04,339
- Where's my phone?
- No, Ken.
59
00:03:04,340 --> 00:03:06,539
- Ken! No! Don't! Don't!
- Uh-uh!
60
00:03:06,540 --> 00:03:08,420
LORNA SIGHS
61
00:03:11,140 --> 00:03:14,700
Police? Yes, hello, I'd like
to report a rowdy house party.
62
00:03:15,908 --> 00:03:17,620
2 Barker Road.
63
00:03:18,780 --> 00:03:20,878
How loud is it?! Hang on a minute,
64
00:03:20,879 --> 00:03:22,660
I'll just get my portable decibel meter.
65
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:24,499
HE MOUTHS
66
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:26,579
Oh, apparently it's really loud!
67
00:03:26,580 --> 00:03:28,819
You MIGHT send someone over?
68
00:03:28,820 --> 00:03:31,100
SARCASTICALLY: Oh, thank you so much.
69
00:03:34,180 --> 00:03:36,299
I'm going round.
70
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:37,539
Wait! I'm coming too.
71
00:03:37,540 --> 00:03:39,099
Their house is the same plan as ours.
72
00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:41,299
I want to see what they've
done with their kitchen.
73
00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:44,179
Lorna, we're going round to
complain, not to get design tips.
74
00:03:44,180 --> 00:03:45,539
I only want a peek.
75
00:03:45,540 --> 00:03:48,450
- Give me 20 minutes while I put something nice on.
- What? No!
76
00:03:48,468 --> 00:03:50,619
I'm going to throw a dressing
gown on and go around.
77
00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:53,419
You are not! Put that nice
Marks & Spencer's shirt on.
78
00:03:53,420 --> 00:03:56,259
Make a good impression
before you ruin their party.
79
00:03:56,260 --> 00:03:57,300
Oh, God.
80
00:03:58,540 --> 00:04:02,020
MUSIC: Get Lucky by Daft Punk
featuring Pharrell Williams
81
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:10,259
Hey! I recognise you two!
You're from next door!
82
00:04:10,260 --> 00:04:11,299
Yes!
83
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:13,019
I saw you on your drive earlier.
84
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:14,899
I hope we haven't been
making too much noise.
85
00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:17,059
No! It's fine, no! No trouble at all!
86
00:04:17,060 --> 00:04:18,819
Well, come in! Have a drink!
87
00:04:18,820 --> 00:04:20,019
I insist.
88
00:04:20,020 --> 00:04:21,859
I'm Lloyd, it's my birthday!
89
00:04:21,860 --> 00:04:24,020
Oh, happy birthday! I'm Lorna.
90
00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:34,060
45! Old man's birthday.
91
00:04:35,180 --> 00:04:37,019
Got myself a new Vespa, though.
92
00:04:37,020 --> 00:04:38,899
Nice! Brand-new?
93
00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:40,100
I'll show you.
94
00:04:41,140 --> 00:04:43,739
Treated myself to the GTS 300.
95
00:04:43,740 --> 00:04:45,419
Because I'm worth it!
96
00:04:45,420 --> 00:04:46,819
Yeah, girl!
97
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:48,259
Whoa! Look at this guy!
98
00:04:48,260 --> 00:04:50,339
He's even older than you, Lloyd!
99
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,700
I thought ages stopped at you!
100
00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:57,059
- Rude!
- This is my girlfriend, Maggie.
101
00:04:57,060 --> 00:04:59,779
These are mostly her
friends, much younger crowd.
102
00:04:59,780 --> 00:05:01,860
But fun, though! Right, drinks!
103
00:05:04,380 --> 00:05:09,100
? Down in New Orleans! ?
? In New York City! ?
104
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:14,859
? All we need is music, sweet music ?
105
00:05:14,860 --> 00:05:18,139
? There'll be music everywhere! ?
106
00:05:18,140 --> 00:05:20,179
These people are so fun!
107
00:05:20,180 --> 00:05:23,420
I know! People I actually
like! This has never happened!
108
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:29,339
? Whoa! It doesn't
matter what you wear... ?
109
00:05:29,340 --> 00:05:30,899
MUSIC SLOWS AND STOPS
110
00:05:30,900 --> 00:05:32,859
The strippers are here! Woooooo!
111
00:05:32,860 --> 00:05:35,700
All right, calm down,
please. Thank you, stop.
112
00:05:36,740 --> 00:05:39,699
We're having fun here, OK?
Don't be such a fascist!
113
00:05:39,700 --> 00:05:41,419
I'm not a fascist actually, ma'am.
114
00:05:41,420 --> 00:05:43,619
In fact, in the last
election, I voted Green.
115
00:05:43,620 --> 00:05:46,459
Erm, you're being very noisy,
your neighbours have complained.
116
00:05:46,460 --> 00:05:48,899
Oh, hi, Ken! Do you
remember me! The, er...
117
00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:50,907
No. Oh.
118
00:05:50,908 --> 00:05:53,819
Who complained? Which
neighbour? Come on, tell us!
119
00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:55,970
Actually, I'm a lawyer, and I
don't think we should question
120
00:05:55,975 --> 00:05:58,539
the police officer about his sources.
That might get you in trouble.
121
00:05:58,540 --> 00:06:00,779
- I don't take the calls, I just respond to them.
- I see.
122
00:06:00,780 --> 00:06:04,139
Fine! Fine! No more music.
Party's over, everyone!
123
00:06:04,140 --> 00:06:05,779
No way! This is our house.
124
00:06:05,780 --> 00:06:08,699
Come on, everybody,
the party is not over!
125
00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:11,859
ALL: The party is not
over! The party is not over!
126
00:06:11,860 --> 00:06:13,659
The party is not over!
127
00:06:13,660 --> 00:06:15,299
The party is not over!
128
00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:17,579
Calm down, thank you,
madam, we're just...
129
00:06:17,580 --> 00:06:19,899
In my own house, I'll do what I want.
130
00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:22,179
Maybe I want to rip my clothes off.
131
00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:23,903
Hey, no, Mags...
132
00:06:23,904 --> 00:06:26,459
Who's going to stop me
in my own bloody home?
133
00:06:26,460 --> 00:06:28,100
THEY CHEER
134
00:06:31,380 --> 00:06:34,019
Erm, I think you're going to have
to accompany me to the station.
135
00:06:34,020 --> 00:06:37,020
Please. Please. Officer,
you don't need to do this!
136
00:06:38,860 --> 00:06:40,499
Party's over, everyone!
137
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,539
Ken, I am so sorry.
138
00:06:42,540 --> 00:06:44,460
It was really nice to meet you.
139
00:06:52,908 --> 00:06:56,659
Oh, and I love this new beach
theme for All Steve's Pals!
140
00:06:56,660 --> 00:07:00,379
I'm actually headed off to buy four
tonnes of genuine Hawaiian sand.
141
00:07:00,380 --> 00:07:02,903
Expensive, but you
notice the difference.
142
00:07:02,904 --> 00:07:07,859
Hey, Chief Ken! Oh, and
remember: cocktail tasting later!
143
00:07:07,860 --> 00:07:09,019
Looking forward to it, Dale!
144
00:07:09,020 --> 00:07:11,139
- Yeah, let's get fucked out of our brains!
- Dylan!
145
00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:13,420
- But, yes.
- OK! Ha-ha, see ya!
146
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:16,619
Lloyd still hasn't texted back.
147
00:07:16,620 --> 00:07:18,739
Well, you did get his
girlfriend arrested.
148
00:07:18,740 --> 00:07:20,903
- What's this?
- Lloyd next door.
149
00:07:20,904 --> 00:07:23,499
Your dad's developed
an intense man-crush.
150
00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:25,540
I have not! Here, check this text.
151
00:07:26,740 --> 00:07:29,699
"Hey mate. Great party
last night. See you round."
152
00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:31,899
Think I overdid it? Came on too strong?
153
00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:33,339
I think you kept your cool.
154
00:07:33,340 --> 00:07:35,820
- Good.
- You're right, Mum, he's got it bad.
155
00:07:36,780 --> 00:07:39,459
Shut up! I have not got a man-crush.
156
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,215
Lloyd is just a really, really cool
157
00:07:41,216 --> 00:07:42,539
and amazing guy who lives next door.
158
00:07:42,540 --> 00:07:44,225
- Whatevs.
- Careful, Mum,
159
00:07:44,226 --> 00:07:45,740
I think Dad might run off and marry him!
160
00:07:45,740 --> 00:07:48,099
- That would be modern.
- Right.
161
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:50,059
I have a very important
meeting this morning.
162
00:07:50,060 --> 00:07:51,380
I'm just a bit pushed for time.
163
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:53,859
Arseholes.
164
00:07:53,860 --> 00:07:55,220
Bye, big boy!
165
00:08:05,780 --> 00:08:08,260
SPORTS COMMENTARY THROUGH HEADPHONES
166
00:08:12,020 --> 00:08:16,500
MUSIC: Have You Seen
Her? by The Chi-Lites
167
00:08:27,780 --> 00:08:29,579
- Ken!
- Lloyd!
168
00:08:29,580 --> 00:08:31,379
Shouldn't you be at work?
169
00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:33,539
Oh, yeah, I was going
to go in but, erm...
170
00:08:33,540 --> 00:08:35,419
How was your head
Saturday morning, champ?!
171
00:08:35,420 --> 00:08:38,139
Wow! That hangover!
172
00:08:38,140 --> 00:08:41,379
I was like...
173
00:08:41,380 --> 00:08:43,059
Did you get my text?
174
00:08:43,060 --> 00:08:44,605
I think one of Maggie's
young party friends
175
00:08:44,606 --> 00:08:46,060
made off with my smartphone.
176
00:08:46,060 --> 00:08:48,339
- Ah.
- To be honest, I feel free without it!
177
00:08:48,340 --> 00:08:49,903
I know what you mean, bruv.
178
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:53,899
Modern technology is so
annoying, isn't it? Call waiting,
179
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:55,820
when stuff is slow to load...
180
00:08:57,380 --> 00:08:59,690
Yeah. I'm taking the new
Vespa into Birmingham,
181
00:08:59,691 --> 00:09:00,691
needs some fine tuning.
182
00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:02,059
- Can't stop.
- Don't stop.
183
00:09:02,060 --> 00:09:04,299
I don't want you to stop.
184
00:09:04,300 --> 00:09:06,903
Unless, of course, crazy thought...
185
00:09:06,904 --> 00:09:09,739
we could scoot back and pick up the
old bike and you could come with!
186
00:09:09,740 --> 00:09:11,579
Come with?
187
00:09:11,580 --> 00:09:14,099
Yeah, of course!
188
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:15,619
I love coming with.
189
00:09:15,620 --> 00:09:17,419
What am I asking? You
can't take the day off.
190
00:09:17,420 --> 00:09:20,379
I can, I can, I can! I would love to!
191
00:09:20,380 --> 00:09:21,904
Well, grab your stuff.
192
00:09:32,340 --> 00:09:33,499
Chief Ken!
193
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:34,779
Dale!
194
00:09:34,780 --> 00:09:36,819
Just checking out the competition!
195
00:09:36,820 --> 00:09:40,259
All Steve's Pals are planning
on serving a 24-hour breakfast.
196
00:09:40,260 --> 00:09:43,050
And, well, this place has
mastered perpetual breakfasts.
197
00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:46,859
- Yeah.
- Wait, why aren't you at work?
198
00:09:46,860 --> 00:09:48,379
Oh, I was, um...
199
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:50,819
I was feeling a bit woozy this morning,
200
00:09:50,820 --> 00:09:54,059
so I went to the doctor and
his advice was I should have
201
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:56,619
a full English breakfast
immediately, you know.
202
00:09:56,620 --> 00:09:58,419
So here I am.
203
00:09:58,420 --> 00:09:59,460
Oh.
204
00:10:01,180 --> 00:10:03,099
Yeah! Well, that makes complete sense!
205
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:05,500
OK! I'll go now.
206
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:08,580
- Bye.
- Bye.
207
00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:19,700
MUSIC: Mary France
by Jean-Jacques Perrey
208
00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:34,780
Whoa!
209
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,860
HE ROARS
210
00:10:46,460 --> 00:10:48,380
Woohoo!
211
00:10:52,020 --> 00:10:54,179
- Lloyd, I love you!
- What?
212
00:10:54,180 --> 00:10:55,380
Nothing!
213
00:10:57,540 --> 00:10:59,900
ROCK GUITAR RIFFS
214
00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:05,340
HE COPIES
215
00:11:19,740 --> 00:11:22,900
Yes, Lloyd! You rock!
216
00:11:24,340 --> 00:11:26,499
How's, erm, how's Maggie?
217
00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:28,219
Oh, she got off with a caution.
218
00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:30,059
Tell you what gets me, though, Ken.
219
00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:33,899
That neighbour, calling the police
over one tiny birthday party.
220
00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:37,659
Yeah, although, I mean,
it was after midnight.
221
00:11:37,660 --> 00:11:39,539
And in a residential area, but...
222
00:11:39,540 --> 00:11:42,219
Yeah, but you go round,
explain the problem like a man,
223
00:11:42,220 --> 00:11:44,699
not crawl to the police like some worm.
224
00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:46,179
Yeah.
225
00:11:46,180 --> 00:11:49,659
Still, we have no way of
knowing who it was, so...
226
00:11:49,660 --> 00:11:50,740
Ken...
227
00:11:52,660 --> 00:11:54,820
I know exactly who it was.
228
00:11:56,740 --> 00:11:58,020
Do you?
229
00:12:02,260 --> 00:12:04,299
Steve Chance.
230
00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:07,339
From over the road. You know him?
231
00:12:07,340 --> 00:12:09,659
Not really. I mean, I've met him.
232
00:12:09,660 --> 00:12:10,859
Day we moved in,
233
00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:13,903
I caught him looking in our
bathroom window with binoculars.
234
00:12:13,904 --> 00:12:15,580
He said he was looking for owls.
235
00:12:16,740 --> 00:12:18,619
It was noon.
236
00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:19,859
Weird guy.
237
00:12:19,860 --> 00:12:21,179
Yeah.
238
00:12:21,180 --> 00:12:23,699
Still, you can't be
sure it was him, so...
239
00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:25,419
Can't I?
240
00:12:25,420 --> 00:12:28,539
Ken, if there's one thing you learn
from leaving your wife and kids,
241
00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:31,179
quitting your job and
living off your savings,
242
00:12:31,180 --> 00:12:32,907
it's trust your instincts.
243
00:12:32,908 --> 00:12:34,659
Steve Chance is the grass,
244
00:12:34,660 --> 00:12:38,059
and grasses get grassed on...
245
00:12:38,060 --> 00:12:40,580
know what I mean?
246
00:12:43,740 --> 00:12:45,020
Not really.
247
00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:50,019
Hey, you want a beer?
248
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:52,459
Now, I would love a beer!
249
00:12:52,460 --> 00:12:53,659
DOORBELL RINGS
250
00:12:53,660 --> 00:12:55,900
- Get that for us, would you, mate?
- Yeah.
251
00:12:59,540 --> 00:13:02,899
Chief Ken! What are you
doing at Lloyd's house?
252
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:06,379
Oh, it's... did I not
tell you? I'm, um...
253
00:13:06,380 --> 00:13:09,500
It's a team-building exercise at work.
254
00:13:11,020 --> 00:13:13,659
You just go round to
a neighbour's house,
255
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:15,619
and you compose some guitar music.
256
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:19,420
Then, at the end of the
week, there's a competition.
257
00:13:20,660 --> 00:13:23,699
- What do you win?
- Just some, erm...
258
00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:25,300
... law stuff.
259
00:13:29,904 --> 00:13:34,539
Gotcha! Got to say, Jane really
is shaking up things at your work.
260
00:13:34,540 --> 00:13:36,499
She is!
261
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:38,615
I was just going door-to-door
doing some market research
262
00:13:38,616 --> 00:13:40,019
- for All Steve's Pals.
- OK.
263
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:43,339
But I won't interrupt you guys!
Let the music flow, maestro!
264
00:13:43,340 --> 00:13:45,907
Oh, I will, I can promise you that!
265
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,100
Woo!
266
00:13:48,220 --> 00:13:49,740
- Bye!
- Bye!
267
00:13:57,740 --> 00:14:00,579
Beering it up with a
mate at 4pm on a weekday.
268
00:14:00,580 --> 00:14:03,179
I have not done this for time, bruv.
269
00:14:03,180 --> 00:14:06,139
While every other sucker's
chained to their desk!
270
00:14:06,140 --> 00:14:07,420
Yeah, suckers!
271
00:14:09,180 --> 00:14:11,019
Ahhhh, beer.
272
00:14:11,020 --> 00:14:12,379
I love it!
273
00:14:12,380 --> 00:14:14,740
You know, I like you, Ken.
274
00:14:16,220 --> 00:14:17,820
I like you too, mate.
275
00:14:18,904 --> 00:14:21,419
- What you up to there?
- Just putting this baby up on Instagram.
276
00:14:21,420 --> 00:14:22,620
Don't do that!
277
00:14:24,540 --> 00:14:26,419
Sorry, listen...
278
00:14:26,420 --> 00:14:28,830
It's a little bit sensitive,
279
00:14:28,831 --> 00:14:31,907
but I didn't have to get
the day off from work today.
280
00:14:31,908 --> 00:14:36,099
You see, a couple of weeks
back, I was suspended.
281
00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:37,419
Ken!
282
00:14:37,420 --> 00:14:40,200
Only for a month. I haven't told Lorna,
283
00:14:40,201 --> 00:14:41,859
I didn't want to worry her, you know?
284
00:14:41,860 --> 00:14:44,059
Totally! Get yourself some Ken time.
285
00:14:44,060 --> 00:14:45,339
Yeah.
286
00:14:45,340 --> 00:14:48,819
Yeah! It's a relief to
tell someone, to be honest.
287
00:14:48,820 --> 00:14:50,699
It's been a nightmare at home.
288
00:14:50,700 --> 00:14:52,907
Imagine having to keep
it from your whole family
289
00:14:52,908 --> 00:14:54,819
you've been suspended from work.
290
00:14:54,820 --> 00:14:57,179
Chief Ken?
- What the fuck, Dale?!
291
00:14:57,180 --> 00:14:59,660
Jiminy Cricket! You've
been suspended from work!?
292
00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:06,779
You're not to let on about
ANY of this. Do you understand?
293
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,899
Yes. Your secret is safe with me.
294
00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:10,903
Though I can't promise not
to tell Rachel and Lorna.
295
00:15:10,904 --> 00:15:14,059
What?! Those are the exact
people you're not allowed to tell!
296
00:15:14,060 --> 00:15:15,539
You're going to have to lie, Dale.
297
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:16,779
No, Chief Ken.
298
00:15:16,780 --> 00:15:18,499
Lying is like my third-worst thing,
299
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:20,179
after remembering and Scrabble.
300
00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:22,739
As soon as I lie, I can
feel people looking at me,
301
00:15:22,740 --> 00:15:25,379
and I just know they can
see the evil in my face.
302
00:15:25,380 --> 00:15:27,819
I guess I could just never
look at anybody ever again.
303
00:15:27,820 --> 00:15:29,619
Well, you're going to
have to find a solution.
304
00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:33,259
Because if you tell Lorna, I
won't be your friend any more.
305
00:15:33,260 --> 00:15:34,907
- I would hate that.
- Well, it's an option.
306
00:15:34,908 --> 00:15:37,180
I've got a new friend
now, so you're expendable.
307
00:15:38,260 --> 00:15:40,460
I am watching you.
308
00:15:56,420 --> 00:15:58,139
Oh, hiya, love!
309
00:15:58,140 --> 00:16:02,019
Lorna! My beautiful wife!
310
00:16:02,020 --> 00:16:03,903
What a tiring day at work.
311
00:16:03,904 --> 00:16:05,659
I'll cook dinner later, though.
312
00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:10,259
No need! It's Dale's cocktails
over at All Steve's Pals.
313
00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:11,899
- What's he doing with you?
- Oh!
314
00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:15,019
Oh, I bumped into him
on my way back from work.
315
00:16:15,020 --> 00:16:18,459
I was walking along the
road, and there he was.
316
00:16:18,460 --> 00:16:20,899
Oh, right. What were you up to, Dale?
317
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:21,904
Mm...
318
00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:24,460
Hmm?
319
00:16:26,220 --> 00:16:27,700
He was gathering stones.
320
00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:30,904
Oh, did you get any nice ones?
321
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:34,820
I made him throw them away.
322
00:16:35,820 --> 00:16:37,140
- Yeah.
- Dale?
323
00:16:38,740 --> 00:16:39,859
Yes.
324
00:16:39,860 --> 00:16:42,139
Stones. I lost my lovely stones.
325
00:16:42,140 --> 00:16:43,179
Lovely stones.
326
00:16:43,180 --> 00:16:45,500
- Oh, OK, I'm going to go for a jog!
- Yeah.
327
00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:49,099
He seems under the weather, doesn't he?
328
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,380
It's not worth analysing.
It's probably meaningless.
329
00:16:55,260 --> 00:16:58,179
When she looks me in the eyes, I
just want to tell her everything!
330
00:16:58,180 --> 00:17:01,380
Find a way!
331
00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:19,099
Et voila! Bespoke cocktails.
332
00:17:19,100 --> 00:17:21,619
The Lorna: short and sweet...
333
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:25,619
The Rachel: fruity, with a spicy kick.
334
00:17:25,620 --> 00:17:28,339
And the Ken: it's plain,
335
00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:30,379
no-nonsense, with a high fat content.
336
00:17:30,380 --> 00:17:31,907
Yes, thank you, Dale.
337
00:17:31,908 --> 00:17:33,299
Mmmm!
338
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:35,499
Oh, I really like mine, Dale!
339
00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:38,659
So, now probably explain the weird mask.
340
00:17:38,660 --> 00:17:42,219
This? Oh, it's just
something I threw on!
341
00:17:42,220 --> 00:17:44,459
From here on out, I'll
constantly wear it.
342
00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:47,099
Quite right too. It's
a nice mask. Suits him.
343
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,659
Yeah, a totally normal boyfriend.
344
00:17:48,660 --> 00:17:50,180
- Well done, Rach!
- Tut!
345
00:17:51,460 --> 00:17:52,539
DOOR CLOSES
346
00:17:52,540 --> 00:17:57,099
Give me a double Ken. Just got
back from mine. I am in shock.
347
00:17:57,100 --> 00:17:58,659
Are you OK, Steve?
348
00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:00,259
An abomination, Lorna!
349
00:18:00,260 --> 00:18:03,179
I, Steve Chance, have on this
day in the year of our Lord 2018,
350
00:18:03,180 --> 00:18:05,259
been cressed!
351
00:18:05,260 --> 00:18:07,299
Cressed? What do you mean "cressed"?
352
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:09,499
Oh, some lowlife put cress
seeds through my letterbox.
353
00:18:09,500 --> 00:18:10,779
They've grown there.
354
00:18:10,780 --> 00:18:12,339
Grass all over the doormat.
355
00:18:12,340 --> 00:18:14,419
Connie and I used to
make love on that mat.
356
00:18:14,420 --> 00:18:15,903
It was uncomfortable for her,
357
00:18:15,904 --> 00:18:18,579
- but it protected the carpet.
- Oh, Steve.
358
00:18:18,580 --> 00:18:21,459
Only one kind of seed should
be on that carpet, Lorna.
359
00:18:21,460 --> 00:18:23,299
I refer, of course, to mine.
360
00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:24,659
Yes, thank you, Steve.
361
00:18:24,660 --> 00:18:26,700
I'm sure we're all very upset for you.
362
00:18:29,260 --> 00:18:30,903
- Cheers!
- A Lorna, Steve?
363
00:18:30,904 --> 00:18:33,020
Don't mind if I do. Cheers.
364
00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:39,139
Ken and Lorna mingling in my tummy.
365
00:18:39,140 --> 00:18:40,620
Ah, fucking hell.
366
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:45,459
This Civil War history walk
goes all the way to Worcester.
367
00:18:45,460 --> 00:18:47,899
We could get the girls,
make a weekend of it!
368
00:18:47,900 --> 00:18:49,820
Yes! Now, that is a great idea!
369
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:57,379
Hey, Lloyd, I hope you
don't mind me asking.
370
00:18:57,380 --> 00:19:00,379
It seems that Steve
Chance has been cressed.
371
00:19:00,380 --> 00:19:03,903
I couldn't help but draw a
connection, what with what you said,
372
00:19:03,904 --> 00:19:06,699
about the grasses getting
grassed and all that.
373
00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:07,820
Yeah?
374
00:19:11,660 --> 00:19:13,579
Bet that got to him, right?!
375
00:19:13,580 --> 00:19:14,819
It seems so, yes.
376
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:17,619
And it doesn't stop there,
I've got loads of ideas -
377
00:19:17,620 --> 00:19:18,699
poison his garden,
378
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:21,379
maybe throw a burning
newspaper through his window.
379
00:19:21,380 --> 00:19:24,179
All good ideas.
380
00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:26,779
Or maybe just leave it.
381
00:19:26,780 --> 00:19:29,907
I mean, you can't be sure it was
Steve that made the phone call.
382
00:19:29,908 --> 00:19:31,579
Well, who did, then?
383
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,299
Well, it's probably Steve.
384
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:39,059
But, what it is is... now
you've pranked him back,
385
00:19:39,060 --> 00:19:40,780
probably just call it quits.
386
00:19:41,860 --> 00:19:43,700
Ken...
387
00:19:45,180 --> 00:19:48,180
... if a man wrongs me, I crush him.
388
00:19:49,340 --> 00:19:50,739
I can't stand sneaks.
389
00:19:50,740 --> 00:19:52,579
And I can't stand liars.
390
00:19:52,580 --> 00:19:54,780
It's got me into trouble before.
391
00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:58,903
Pork scratchings?
392
00:19:58,904 --> 00:20:00,140
Yes, lovely.
393
00:20:04,100 --> 00:20:06,459
No, you're right, I'm too impetuous.
394
00:20:06,460 --> 00:20:09,139
For your sake, Ken, I
will not hurt Steve Chance.
395
00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:10,259
Oh, phew!
396
00:20:10,260 --> 00:20:11,459
That is a relief.
397
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:12,903
I was worried, actually.
398
00:20:12,904 --> 00:20:15,907
I'm just sensitive
when it comes to Maggie.
399
00:20:15,908 --> 00:20:18,499
Before she came along,
I was on the edge, Ken.
400
00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:21,859
I'd left my wife,
didn't know where I was.
401
00:20:21,860 --> 00:20:23,579
Even thought of ending it.
402
00:20:23,580 --> 00:20:25,339
She's my rock.
403
00:20:25,340 --> 00:20:27,059
My reason.
404
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:28,299
Yeah.
405
00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:30,499
You can't do this!
You can't take me away!
406
00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:32,219
What the hell is going on?!
407
00:20:32,220 --> 00:20:35,179
Ah! Lloyd Evans? Your girlfriend's
been in the country illegally.
408
00:20:35,180 --> 00:20:37,739
She came up last week on the
system with a drugs charge.
409
00:20:37,740 --> 00:20:40,219
- We thought she'd left months ago.
- NO! You touched my tit!
410
00:20:40,220 --> 00:20:42,779
That's sexual harassment and
I'm going to get you for that.
411
00:20:42,780 --> 00:20:44,859
Look, Officer, I'm a
lawyer, I think maybe...
412
00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:48,179
Look, honestly and sympathetically,
I take no joy in this.
413
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:52,019
Right, let's load her up
and get this rodeo rolling!
414
00:20:52,020 --> 00:20:53,819
Please don't do this.
415
00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:54,907
No choice, I'm afraid.
416
00:20:54,908 --> 00:20:57,379
I'm stuck in here with a lesbian! Help!
417
00:20:57,380 --> 00:20:59,419
It's ironic, isn't it? None
of this would have happened
418
00:20:59,420 --> 00:21:01,419
if your neighbour hadn't
made that noise complaint.
419
00:21:01,420 --> 00:21:03,779
Ha! Right, let's go!
420
00:21:03,780 --> 00:21:07,219
- BABY!
- Maggie! Maggie!
421
00:21:07,220 --> 00:21:10,059
Don't go! Maggie, I love you!
422
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:12,340
DON'T LEAVE ME!
423
00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:22,699
I miss my baby! I miss my baby!
424
00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:25,699
I know... I know you do, love.
425
00:21:25,700 --> 00:21:27,140
Here you go.
426
00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:30,539
Maggie!
427
00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:33,579
Right, well, thank you, yeah,
you've been amazingly helpful.
428
00:21:33,580 --> 00:21:34,859
Great. Thanks!
429
00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:37,379
Well, that was Immigration.
430
00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:39,259
She's totally fucked.
431
00:21:39,260 --> 00:21:40,860
He's not taking it well.
432
00:21:43,820 --> 00:21:45,179
Funny, isn't it?
433
00:21:45,180 --> 00:21:49,099
I mean, you basically got
his girlfriend deported.
434
00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:51,419
Lorna. Just because you cause something,
435
00:21:51,420 --> 00:21:53,539
it doesn't necessarily
mean it's your fault.
436
00:21:53,540 --> 00:21:55,499
Isn't that exactly what it means?
437
00:21:55,500 --> 00:21:58,779
Look, she's a bit vapid
anyway, isn't she, Maggie?
438
00:21:58,780 --> 00:22:00,779
And too young for him.
439
00:22:00,780 --> 00:22:03,179
I actually think this
could be good for Lloyd.
440
00:22:03,180 --> 00:22:06,379
These lies have a way of
spiralling out of control.
441
00:22:06,380 --> 00:22:10,019
Lorna, I promise you, everything's
going to be absolutely fine.
442
00:22:10,020 --> 00:22:11,739
LOUD CRASH
443
00:22:11,740 --> 00:22:13,380
WESTERN STYLE MUSIC
444
00:22:14,460 --> 00:22:16,779
Ken! Scotch!
445
00:22:16,780 --> 00:22:18,259
You'll join me in a dram?
446
00:22:18,260 --> 00:22:20,659
No, no, you're all right, thanks, mate.
447
00:22:20,660 --> 00:22:22,219
Mind if I use this, then?
448
00:22:22,220 --> 00:22:23,619
Whoa.
449
00:22:23,620 --> 00:22:24,819
Hey presto!
450
00:22:24,820 --> 00:22:27,499
Lloyd, Lloyd, everything's
going to be fine.
451
00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:31,139
Just calm down! You
have to do something.
452
00:22:31,140 --> 00:22:32,819
Those oven gloves are Cath Kidston.
453
00:22:32,820 --> 00:22:34,460
They are not to be used for murder.
454
00:22:37,900 --> 00:22:41,179
Ken, mate, I'm going to finish
this glove, then me and you
455
00:22:41,180 --> 00:22:44,419
go over to Steve's and give
him a couple of fork punches.
456
00:22:44,420 --> 00:22:45,739
Tell him it wasn't Steve.
457
00:22:45,740 --> 00:22:48,779
Maybe at a later date, when
he's not got knives on his hands.
458
00:22:48,780 --> 00:22:50,180
Hello!
459
00:22:52,060 --> 00:22:53,819
What's going on?
460
00:22:53,820 --> 00:22:55,619
Who's Edward Cutleryhands?
461
00:22:55,620 --> 00:22:58,539
Lloyd. He's just had a bit of bad news.
462
00:22:58,540 --> 00:23:01,339
So we all need to work
on keeping him relaxed.
463
00:23:01,340 --> 00:23:03,579
There, there, fella.
464
00:23:03,580 --> 00:23:05,579
Hey, let's get you to bed, eh?
465
00:23:05,580 --> 00:23:07,539
Things will seem
brighter in the morning.
466
00:23:07,540 --> 00:23:09,299
- That's true, she's right.
- They always do!
467
00:23:09,300 --> 00:23:10,339
But we're drinking!
468
00:23:10,340 --> 00:23:12,099
Yeah, but maybe we stop drinking?
469
00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:14,903
I am drinking until
I can drink no longer!
470
00:23:14,904 --> 00:23:17,859
Oh. Actually, that might work too.
471
00:23:17,860 --> 00:23:19,739
- I'll check the drinks cabinet.
- OK.
472
00:23:19,740 --> 00:23:21,779
And then, I'm going to fuck Steve up.
473
00:23:21,780 --> 00:23:24,299
Great idea. Let's
keep that on the table.
474
00:23:24,300 --> 00:23:26,459
But maybe we could play a drinking game.
475
00:23:26,460 --> 00:23:30,903
Yeah? Where you drink more and more
and more until you have a lovely
476
00:23:30,904 --> 00:23:33,619
sleep and you DON'T murder Steve.
477
00:23:33,620 --> 00:23:35,139
How would that be?
478
00:23:35,140 --> 00:23:36,701
He's probably not over there anyway,
479
00:23:36,702 --> 00:23:38,060
he's probably still out in his Uber.
480
00:23:38,060 --> 00:23:40,900
Oh, actually he just got
home, I saw him drive in.
481
00:23:42,260 --> 00:23:44,180
LLOYD ROARS
482
00:23:46,060 --> 00:23:49,060
Dale! What have you done?!
483
00:23:52,904 --> 00:23:55,379
Steve Chance!
484
00:23:55,380 --> 00:23:58,019
Come on out here and face the music!
485
00:23:58,020 --> 00:24:03,907
If you're a man, come on out
here and fight me like a man!
486
00:24:03,908 --> 00:24:05,500
Oh, Jesus!
487
00:24:07,140 --> 00:24:11,219
Oh, Lloyd, Lloyd! Calm down!
488
00:24:11,220 --> 00:24:14,339
Lloyd! It'll be all right.
489
00:24:14,340 --> 00:24:18,180
Steve Chance took my Maggie!
490
00:24:19,904 --> 00:24:21,779
Aaargh!
491
00:24:21,780 --> 00:24:24,908
A shit for a shit.
492
00:24:27,620 --> 00:24:29,380
Oh, fuck it, fuck it!
493
00:24:35,540 --> 00:24:37,579
Damn it, it's not
coming, it's not coming.
494
00:24:37,580 --> 00:24:39,539
Someone's shitting on my lawn!
495
00:24:39,540 --> 00:24:41,859
Here he is! The coward.
496
00:24:41,860 --> 00:24:44,099
You destroyed my life!
497
00:24:44,100 --> 00:24:45,299
What are you talking about?
498
00:24:45,300 --> 00:24:46,739
No more games, Chance.
499
00:24:46,740 --> 00:24:49,139
You grassed on me, and I grassed on you.
500
00:24:49,140 --> 00:24:53,380
But now the shit is about to get real.
501
00:24:54,700 --> 00:24:57,099
Nobody shits on my lawn.
If it's a fight you want,
502
00:24:57,100 --> 00:25:00,539
then, by Odin, it's a
fight you shall receive.
503
00:25:00,540 --> 00:25:01,907
18th century duelling pistol.
504
00:25:01,908 --> 00:25:04,019
They don't make them like this any more.
505
00:25:04,020 --> 00:25:05,500
Don't think I won't use it.
506
00:25:09,100 --> 00:25:10,620
Jesus!
507
00:25:13,580 --> 00:25:14,900
Oh!
508
00:25:20,540 --> 00:25:22,180
It's pathetic.
509
00:25:24,100 --> 00:25:26,180
- Idiots.
- Bloody hell.
510
00:25:28,340 --> 00:25:29,660
Yes, Dale!
511
00:25:34,100 --> 00:25:37,139
That's it, Dale. Hold him still
while I blast away his gonads.
512
00:25:37,140 --> 00:25:38,660
Give me that, you idiot.
513
00:25:40,300 --> 00:25:41,699
Right.
514
00:25:41,700 --> 00:25:43,620
This stops here.
515
00:25:44,860 --> 00:25:45,900
Lloyd...
516
00:25:47,180 --> 00:25:49,259
... it was me that made the
phone call to the police.
517
00:25:49,260 --> 00:25:50,907
You?
518
00:25:50,908 --> 00:25:52,059
Yeah.
519
00:25:52,060 --> 00:25:53,859
It wasn't Steve's fault
that Maggie got deported.
520
00:25:53,860 --> 00:25:55,459
It was mine.
521
00:25:55,460 --> 00:25:57,903
I didn't tell you because I was
enjoying hanging out too much.
522
00:25:57,904 --> 00:25:59,259
No.
523
00:25:59,260 --> 00:26:01,619
No, no, you're just saying
this to save Steve's neck.
524
00:26:01,620 --> 00:26:05,580
I'm not, honestly.
Dale, tell him the truth.
525
00:26:06,740 --> 00:26:08,379
The real truth, Chief Ken?
526
00:26:08,380 --> 00:26:10,419
Yes, Dale. The truth.
527
00:26:10,420 --> 00:26:11,859
Go on, Dale.
528
00:26:11,860 --> 00:26:15,580
OK, erm... everyone...
529
00:26:16,900 --> 00:26:18,699
Chief Ken has been suspended from work
530
00:26:18,700 --> 00:26:20,903
and he's been hiding it
from Lorna this whole time.
531
00:26:20,904 --> 00:26:23,179
Not THAT truth, for fuck's sake!
532
00:26:23,180 --> 00:26:25,659
What?! KEN!
533
00:26:25,660 --> 00:26:28,379
He's also been spending
most of his days drinking.
534
00:26:28,380 --> 00:26:31,019
I'm sorry, Chief Ken, she's
staring me right in the eyes.
535
00:26:31,020 --> 00:26:34,859
You're suspended from work? Why
the hell don't I know about this?
536
00:26:34,860 --> 00:26:36,659
Oh, Dad! This is kind of a low.
537
00:26:36,660 --> 00:26:38,579
It was only for a month! So I just...
538
00:26:38,580 --> 00:26:40,739
Kind of makes you question
the whole relationship, I bet.
539
00:26:40,740 --> 00:26:43,499
Shut up, Dale! Lorna, I can explain.
540
00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:46,099
Explain to ME! You destroyed my life!
541
00:26:46,100 --> 00:26:49,139
Oh, leave it out! It was
Maggie that had the drugs.
542
00:26:49,140 --> 00:26:51,819
And it was you who decided
to go all Mr Crazy Glove.
543
00:26:51,820 --> 00:26:53,859
I personally have done
nothing whatsoever to...
544
00:26:53,860 --> 00:26:55,219
GUNSHOT
545
00:26:55,220 --> 00:26:56,619
Oooh!
546
00:26:56,620 --> 00:27:00,059
My baby! No, no, no, no, no!
547
00:27:00,060 --> 00:27:02,539
Call the engine! Call a fire engine!
548
00:27:02,540 --> 00:27:05,099
- Lorn...
- Ken, I can't even look at you.
549
00:27:05,100 --> 00:27:07,699
Find somewhere else to spend the night.
550
00:27:07,700 --> 00:27:09,020
Bloody hell, Dad.
551
00:27:11,180 --> 00:27:13,899
Wow, Chief Ken. Homeless!
552
00:27:13,900 --> 00:27:16,819
I would offer you shelter, but
I sort of stay at your place,
553
00:27:16,820 --> 00:27:18,860
so, you know...
554
00:27:23,460 --> 00:27:25,899
It's OK, Ken, you've got me.
555
00:27:25,900 --> 00:27:27,540
You'll always have me.
556
00:27:29,740 --> 00:27:32,139
My baby! My baby!
557
00:27:32,140 --> 00:27:34,660
Hold on! Hold on, Daddy's here!
558
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:46,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
559
00:27:46,050 --> 00:27:50,600
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