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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:07,259 Morning, Chief Ken. 2 00:00:07,260 --> 00:00:08,539 Fuck's sake, Dale! 3 00:00:08,540 --> 00:00:10,899 Chief Steve called at 2am. 4 00:00:10,900 --> 00:00:13,579 He said he wants me to install a sprinkler system at the bar, 5 00:00:13,580 --> 00:00:16,459 so at closing time, it can rain coconut milk! 6 00:00:16,460 --> 00:00:18,179 I LOVE it! 7 00:00:18,180 --> 00:00:20,619 I just hope it's not one of his drunk ideas! 8 00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:22,379 Don't call Steve "Chief Steve". 9 00:00:22,380 --> 00:00:23,779 Why, Chief Ken? 10 00:00:23,780 --> 00:00:25,259 I just think it's inappropriate. 11 00:00:25,260 --> 00:00:26,579 Morning, Dale. 12 00:00:26,580 --> 00:00:28,620 - Morning, love! - Morning, love! 13 00:00:29,660 --> 00:00:32,539 - In your suit? - Yes! No rest for the wicked. 14 00:00:32,540 --> 00:00:35,859 9am with Peter, then a strategy meeting, then... 15 00:00:35,860 --> 00:00:37,220 But it's Saturday. 16 00:00:38,900 --> 00:00:42,140 Yes... Strategy Saturday. 17 00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:44,899 Strate-day. 18 00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:47,299 It's a new scheme of Jane's. I told you, no? 19 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:50,903 Saturday becomes Monday, and Monday, now that's Thursday. 20 00:00:50,904 --> 00:00:52,379 So... 21 00:00:52,380 --> 00:00:55,019 Hm! Such a fiendishly clever idea. 22 00:00:55,020 --> 00:00:59,059 Monday, Thursday, I'm not even sure I understand it! 23 00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:00,659 It's only for this week. 24 00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:02,219 I don't think it'll stick. 25 00:01:02,220 --> 00:01:03,739 Oh, well, that's a shame. 26 00:01:03,740 --> 00:01:05,539 Everybody's out today. 27 00:01:05,540 --> 00:01:09,099 I thought we could get a bit of Ken and Lorna time. 28 00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:10,659 Really? 29 00:01:10,660 --> 00:01:11,903 - Yeah. - Oh... ! 30 00:01:11,904 --> 00:01:13,739 Well, obviously, I can't. 31 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:16,460 Because I've got work, so... 32 00:01:26,860 --> 00:01:28,140 Bollocks! 33 00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:40,899 Least I can do when you've been toiling away all day. 34 00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:42,499 Yeah, I have. 35 00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:46,099 Dale's really putting in the effort with this new bar, isn't he? 36 00:01:46,100 --> 00:01:48,019 - Good on him. - Yes. 37 00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:50,259 Although he should change the name, and the location, 38 00:01:50,260 --> 00:01:52,659 and probably think about killing his business partner. 39 00:01:52,660 --> 00:01:53,899 But apart from that... ! 40 00:01:53,900 --> 00:01:58,659 Hey, these are a lot less expensive than I thought. 41 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,899 What would you think if I got a Vespa? 42 00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:03,379 I would think - and everybody would think - 43 00:02:03,380 --> 00:02:05,299 you were having a mid-life crisis. 44 00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:09,179 Or that I was born to ride through the streets of Lichfield like 45 00:02:09,180 --> 00:02:12,100 the hot-blooded Mediterranean daredevil I am? 46 00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:15,499 LOUD RAP MUSIC 47 00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:17,140 Who's that?! 48 00:02:23,700 --> 00:02:26,819 It's 11.30, on a Saturday night! 49 00:02:26,820 --> 00:02:28,499 It's the new neighbours, isn't it? 50 00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:31,460 I think we can let it go just this once, Ken. Night, love. 51 00:02:38,540 --> 00:02:41,340 LOUD MUSIC: Golden Skans by Klaxons 52 00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:51,259 It's 12.45. 53 00:02:51,260 --> 00:02:52,859 They're going to wake Sid up. 54 00:02:52,860 --> 00:02:54,579 Sid sleeps through anything. 55 00:02:54,580 --> 00:02:56,299 Yes, but nobody told THEM that. 56 00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:58,579 I'm going to the garden centre tomorrow. 57 00:02:58,580 --> 00:03:01,340 If I'm tired, it will affect my decision-making. 58 00:03:02,620 --> 00:03:04,339 - Where's my phone? - No, Ken. 59 00:03:04,340 --> 00:03:06,539 - Ken! No! Don't! Don't! - Uh-uh! 60 00:03:06,540 --> 00:03:08,420 LORNA SIGHS 61 00:03:11,140 --> 00:03:14,700 Police? Yes, hello, I'd like to report a rowdy house party. 62 00:03:15,908 --> 00:03:17,620 2 Barker Road. 63 00:03:18,780 --> 00:03:20,878 How loud is it?! Hang on a minute, 64 00:03:20,879 --> 00:03:22,660 I'll just get my portable decibel meter. 65 00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:24,499 HE MOUTHS 66 00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:26,579 Oh, apparently it's really loud! 67 00:03:26,580 --> 00:03:28,819 You MIGHT send someone over? 68 00:03:28,820 --> 00:03:31,100 SARCASTICALLY: Oh, thank you so much. 69 00:03:34,180 --> 00:03:36,299 I'm going round. 70 00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:37,539 Wait! I'm coming too. 71 00:03:37,540 --> 00:03:39,099 Their house is the same plan as ours. 72 00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:41,299 I want to see what they've done with their kitchen. 73 00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:44,179 Lorna, we're going round to complain, not to get design tips. 74 00:03:44,180 --> 00:03:45,539 I only want a peek. 75 00:03:45,540 --> 00:03:48,450 - Give me 20 minutes while I put something nice on. - What? No! 76 00:03:48,468 --> 00:03:50,619 I'm going to throw a dressing gown on and go around. 77 00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:53,419 You are not! Put that nice Marks & Spencer's shirt on. 78 00:03:53,420 --> 00:03:56,259 Make a good impression before you ruin their party. 79 00:03:56,260 --> 00:03:57,300 Oh, God. 80 00:03:58,540 --> 00:04:02,020 MUSIC: Get Lucky by Daft Punk featuring Pharrell Williams 81 00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:10,259 Hey! I recognise you two! You're from next door! 82 00:04:10,260 --> 00:04:11,299 Yes! 83 00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:13,019 I saw you on your drive earlier. 84 00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:14,899 I hope we haven't been making too much noise. 85 00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:17,059 No! It's fine, no! No trouble at all! 86 00:04:17,060 --> 00:04:18,819 Well, come in! Have a drink! 87 00:04:18,820 --> 00:04:20,019 I insist. 88 00:04:20,020 --> 00:04:21,859 I'm Lloyd, it's my birthday! 89 00:04:21,860 --> 00:04:24,020 Oh, happy birthday! I'm Lorna. 90 00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:34,060 45! Old man's birthday. 91 00:04:35,180 --> 00:04:37,019 Got myself a new Vespa, though. 92 00:04:37,020 --> 00:04:38,899 Nice! Brand-new? 93 00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:40,100 I'll show you. 94 00:04:41,140 --> 00:04:43,739 Treated myself to the GTS 300. 95 00:04:43,740 --> 00:04:45,419 Because I'm worth it! 96 00:04:45,420 --> 00:04:46,819 Yeah, girl! 97 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:48,259 Whoa! Look at this guy! 98 00:04:48,260 --> 00:04:50,339 He's even older than you, Lloyd! 99 00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,700 I thought ages stopped at you! 100 00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:57,059 - Rude! - This is my girlfriend, Maggie. 101 00:04:57,060 --> 00:04:59,779 These are mostly her friends, much younger crowd. 102 00:04:59,780 --> 00:05:01,860 But fun, though! Right, drinks! 103 00:05:04,380 --> 00:05:09,100 ? Down in New Orleans! ? ? In New York City! ? 104 00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:14,859 ? All we need is music, sweet music ? 105 00:05:14,860 --> 00:05:18,139 ? There'll be music everywhere! ? 106 00:05:18,140 --> 00:05:20,179 These people are so fun! 107 00:05:20,180 --> 00:05:23,420 I know! People I actually like! This has never happened! 108 00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:29,339 ? Whoa! It doesn't matter what you wear... ? 109 00:05:29,340 --> 00:05:30,899 MUSIC SLOWS AND STOPS 110 00:05:30,900 --> 00:05:32,859 The strippers are here! Woooooo! 111 00:05:32,860 --> 00:05:35,700 All right, calm down, please. Thank you, stop. 112 00:05:36,740 --> 00:05:39,699 We're having fun here, OK? Don't be such a fascist! 113 00:05:39,700 --> 00:05:41,419 I'm not a fascist actually, ma'am. 114 00:05:41,420 --> 00:05:43,619 In fact, in the last election, I voted Green. 115 00:05:43,620 --> 00:05:46,459 Erm, you're being very noisy, your neighbours have complained. 116 00:05:46,460 --> 00:05:48,899 Oh, hi, Ken! Do you remember me! The, er... 117 00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:50,907 No. Oh. 118 00:05:50,908 --> 00:05:53,819 Who complained? Which neighbour? Come on, tell us! 119 00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:55,970 Actually, I'm a lawyer, and I don't think we should question 120 00:05:55,975 --> 00:05:58,539 the police officer about his sources. That might get you in trouble. 121 00:05:58,540 --> 00:06:00,779 - I don't take the calls, I just respond to them. - I see. 122 00:06:00,780 --> 00:06:04,139 Fine! Fine! No more music. Party's over, everyone! 123 00:06:04,140 --> 00:06:05,779 No way! This is our house. 124 00:06:05,780 --> 00:06:08,699 Come on, everybody, the party is not over! 125 00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:11,859 ALL: The party is not over! The party is not over! 126 00:06:11,860 --> 00:06:13,659 The party is not over! 127 00:06:13,660 --> 00:06:15,299 The party is not over! 128 00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:17,579 Calm down, thank you, madam, we're just... 129 00:06:17,580 --> 00:06:19,899 In my own house, I'll do what I want. 130 00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:22,179 Maybe I want to rip my clothes off. 131 00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:23,903 Hey, no, Mags... 132 00:06:23,904 --> 00:06:26,459 Who's going to stop me in my own bloody home? 133 00:06:26,460 --> 00:06:28,100 THEY CHEER 134 00:06:31,380 --> 00:06:34,019 Erm, I think you're going to have to accompany me to the station. 135 00:06:34,020 --> 00:06:37,020 Please. Please. Officer, you don't need to do this! 136 00:06:38,860 --> 00:06:40,499 Party's over, everyone! 137 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:42,539 Ken, I am so sorry. 138 00:06:42,540 --> 00:06:44,460 It was really nice to meet you. 139 00:06:52,908 --> 00:06:56,659 Oh, and I love this new beach theme for All Steve's Pals! 140 00:06:56,660 --> 00:07:00,379 I'm actually headed off to buy four tonnes of genuine Hawaiian sand. 141 00:07:00,380 --> 00:07:02,903 Expensive, but you notice the difference. 142 00:07:02,904 --> 00:07:07,859 Hey, Chief Ken! Oh, and remember: cocktail tasting later! 143 00:07:07,860 --> 00:07:09,019 Looking forward to it, Dale! 144 00:07:09,020 --> 00:07:11,139 - Yeah, let's get fucked out of our brains! - Dylan! 145 00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:13,420 - But, yes. - OK! Ha-ha, see ya! 146 00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:16,619 Lloyd still hasn't texted back. 147 00:07:16,620 --> 00:07:18,739 Well, you did get his girlfriend arrested. 148 00:07:18,740 --> 00:07:20,903 - What's this? - Lloyd next door. 149 00:07:20,904 --> 00:07:23,499 Your dad's developed an intense man-crush. 150 00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:25,540 I have not! Here, check this text. 151 00:07:26,740 --> 00:07:29,699 "Hey mate. Great party last night. See you round." 152 00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:31,899 Think I overdid it? Came on too strong? 153 00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:33,339 I think you kept your cool. 154 00:07:33,340 --> 00:07:35,820 - Good. - You're right, Mum, he's got it bad. 155 00:07:36,780 --> 00:07:39,459 Shut up! I have not got a man-crush. 156 00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,215 Lloyd is just a really, really cool 157 00:07:41,216 --> 00:07:42,539 and amazing guy who lives next door. 158 00:07:42,540 --> 00:07:44,225 - Whatevs. - Careful, Mum, 159 00:07:44,226 --> 00:07:45,740 I think Dad might run off and marry him! 160 00:07:45,740 --> 00:07:48,099 - That would be modern. - Right. 161 00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:50,059 I have a very important meeting this morning. 162 00:07:50,060 --> 00:07:51,380 I'm just a bit pushed for time. 163 00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:53,859 Arseholes. 164 00:07:53,860 --> 00:07:55,220 Bye, big boy! 165 00:08:05,780 --> 00:08:08,260 SPORTS COMMENTARY THROUGH HEADPHONES 166 00:08:12,020 --> 00:08:16,500 MUSIC: Have You Seen Her? by The Chi-Lites 167 00:08:27,780 --> 00:08:29,579 - Ken! - Lloyd! 168 00:08:29,580 --> 00:08:31,379 Shouldn't you be at work? 169 00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:33,539 Oh, yeah, I was going to go in but, erm... 170 00:08:33,540 --> 00:08:35,419 How was your head Saturday morning, champ?! 171 00:08:35,420 --> 00:08:38,139 Wow! That hangover! 172 00:08:38,140 --> 00:08:41,379 I was like... 173 00:08:41,380 --> 00:08:43,059 Did you get my text? 174 00:08:43,060 --> 00:08:44,605 I think one of Maggie's young party friends 175 00:08:44,606 --> 00:08:46,060 made off with my smartphone. 176 00:08:46,060 --> 00:08:48,339 - Ah. - To be honest, I feel free without it! 177 00:08:48,340 --> 00:08:49,903 I know what you mean, bruv. 178 00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:53,899 Modern technology is so annoying, isn't it? Call waiting, 179 00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:55,820 when stuff is slow to load... 180 00:08:57,380 --> 00:08:59,690 Yeah. I'm taking the new Vespa into Birmingham, 181 00:08:59,691 --> 00:09:00,691 needs some fine tuning. 182 00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:02,059 - Can't stop. - Don't stop. 183 00:09:02,060 --> 00:09:04,299 I don't want you to stop. 184 00:09:04,300 --> 00:09:06,903 Unless, of course, crazy thought... 185 00:09:06,904 --> 00:09:09,739 we could scoot back and pick up the old bike and you could come with! 186 00:09:09,740 --> 00:09:11,579 Come with? 187 00:09:11,580 --> 00:09:14,099 Yeah, of course! 188 00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:15,619 I love coming with. 189 00:09:15,620 --> 00:09:17,419 What am I asking? You can't take the day off. 190 00:09:17,420 --> 00:09:20,379 I can, I can, I can! I would love to! 191 00:09:20,380 --> 00:09:21,904 Well, grab your stuff. 192 00:09:32,340 --> 00:09:33,499 Chief Ken! 193 00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:34,779 Dale! 194 00:09:34,780 --> 00:09:36,819 Just checking out the competition! 195 00:09:36,820 --> 00:09:40,259 All Steve's Pals are planning on serving a 24-hour breakfast. 196 00:09:40,260 --> 00:09:43,050 And, well, this place has mastered perpetual breakfasts. 197 00:09:43,060 --> 00:09:46,859 - Yeah. - Wait, why aren't you at work? 198 00:09:46,860 --> 00:09:48,379 Oh, I was, um... 199 00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:50,819 I was feeling a bit woozy this morning, 200 00:09:50,820 --> 00:09:54,059 so I went to the doctor and his advice was I should have 201 00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:56,619 a full English breakfast immediately, you know. 202 00:09:56,620 --> 00:09:58,419 So here I am. 203 00:09:58,420 --> 00:09:59,460 Oh. 204 00:10:01,180 --> 00:10:03,099 Yeah! Well, that makes complete sense! 205 00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:05,500 OK! I'll go now. 206 00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:08,580 - Bye. - Bye. 207 00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:19,700 MUSIC: Mary France by Jean-Jacques Perrey 208 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:34,780 Whoa! 209 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,860 HE ROARS 210 00:10:46,460 --> 00:10:48,380 Woohoo! 211 00:10:52,020 --> 00:10:54,179 - Lloyd, I love you! - What? 212 00:10:54,180 --> 00:10:55,380 Nothing! 213 00:10:57,540 --> 00:10:59,900 ROCK GUITAR RIFFS 214 00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:05,340 HE COPIES 215 00:11:19,740 --> 00:11:22,900 Yes, Lloyd! You rock! 216 00:11:24,340 --> 00:11:26,499 How's, erm, how's Maggie? 217 00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:28,219 Oh, she got off with a caution. 218 00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:30,059 Tell you what gets me, though, Ken. 219 00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:33,899 That neighbour, calling the police over one tiny birthday party. 220 00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:37,659 Yeah, although, I mean, it was after midnight. 221 00:11:37,660 --> 00:11:39,539 And in a residential area, but... 222 00:11:39,540 --> 00:11:42,219 Yeah, but you go round, explain the problem like a man, 223 00:11:42,220 --> 00:11:44,699 not crawl to the police like some worm. 224 00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:46,179 Yeah. 225 00:11:46,180 --> 00:11:49,659 Still, we have no way of knowing who it was, so... 226 00:11:49,660 --> 00:11:50,740 Ken... 227 00:11:52,660 --> 00:11:54,820 I know exactly who it was. 228 00:11:56,740 --> 00:11:58,020 Do you? 229 00:12:02,260 --> 00:12:04,299 Steve Chance. 230 00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:07,339 From over the road. You know him? 231 00:12:07,340 --> 00:12:09,659 Not really. I mean, I've met him. 232 00:12:09,660 --> 00:12:10,859 Day we moved in, 233 00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:13,903 I caught him looking in our bathroom window with binoculars. 234 00:12:13,904 --> 00:12:15,580 He said he was looking for owls. 235 00:12:16,740 --> 00:12:18,619 It was noon. 236 00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:19,859 Weird guy. 237 00:12:19,860 --> 00:12:21,179 Yeah. 238 00:12:21,180 --> 00:12:23,699 Still, you can't be sure it was him, so... 239 00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:25,419 Can't I? 240 00:12:25,420 --> 00:12:28,539 Ken, if there's one thing you learn from leaving your wife and kids, 241 00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:31,179 quitting your job and living off your savings, 242 00:12:31,180 --> 00:12:32,907 it's trust your instincts. 243 00:12:32,908 --> 00:12:34,659 Steve Chance is the grass, 244 00:12:34,660 --> 00:12:38,059 and grasses get grassed on... 245 00:12:38,060 --> 00:12:40,580 know what I mean? 246 00:12:43,740 --> 00:12:45,020 Not really. 247 00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:50,019 Hey, you want a beer? 248 00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:52,459 Now, I would love a beer! 249 00:12:52,460 --> 00:12:53,659 DOORBELL RINGS 250 00:12:53,660 --> 00:12:55,900 - Get that for us, would you, mate? - Yeah. 251 00:12:59,540 --> 00:13:02,899 Chief Ken! What are you doing at Lloyd's house? 252 00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:06,379 Oh, it's... did I not tell you? I'm, um... 253 00:13:06,380 --> 00:13:09,500 It's a team-building exercise at work. 254 00:13:11,020 --> 00:13:13,659 You just go round to a neighbour's house, 255 00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:15,619 and you compose some guitar music. 256 00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:19,420 Then, at the end of the week, there's a competition. 257 00:13:20,660 --> 00:13:23,699 - What do you win? - Just some, erm... 258 00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:25,300 ... law stuff. 259 00:13:29,904 --> 00:13:34,539 Gotcha! Got to say, Jane really is shaking up things at your work. 260 00:13:34,540 --> 00:13:36,499 She is! 261 00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:38,615 I was just going door-to-door doing some market research 262 00:13:38,616 --> 00:13:40,019 - for All Steve's Pals. - OK. 263 00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:43,339 But I won't interrupt you guys! Let the music flow, maestro! 264 00:13:43,340 --> 00:13:45,907 Oh, I will, I can promise you that! 265 00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,100 Woo! 266 00:13:48,220 --> 00:13:49,740 - Bye! - Bye! 267 00:13:57,740 --> 00:14:00,579 Beering it up with a mate at 4pm on a weekday. 268 00:14:00,580 --> 00:14:03,179 I have not done this for time, bruv. 269 00:14:03,180 --> 00:14:06,139 While every other sucker's chained to their desk! 270 00:14:06,140 --> 00:14:07,420 Yeah, suckers! 271 00:14:09,180 --> 00:14:11,019 Ahhhh, beer. 272 00:14:11,020 --> 00:14:12,379 I love it! 273 00:14:12,380 --> 00:14:14,740 You know, I like you, Ken. 274 00:14:16,220 --> 00:14:17,820 I like you too, mate. 275 00:14:18,904 --> 00:14:21,419 - What you up to there? - Just putting this baby up on Instagram. 276 00:14:21,420 --> 00:14:22,620 Don't do that! 277 00:14:24,540 --> 00:14:26,419 Sorry, listen... 278 00:14:26,420 --> 00:14:28,830 It's a little bit sensitive, 279 00:14:28,831 --> 00:14:31,907 but I didn't have to get the day off from work today. 280 00:14:31,908 --> 00:14:36,099 You see, a couple of weeks back, I was suspended. 281 00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:37,419 Ken! 282 00:14:37,420 --> 00:14:40,200 Only for a month. I haven't told Lorna, 283 00:14:40,201 --> 00:14:41,859 I didn't want to worry her, you know? 284 00:14:41,860 --> 00:14:44,059 Totally! Get yourself some Ken time. 285 00:14:44,060 --> 00:14:45,339 Yeah. 286 00:14:45,340 --> 00:14:48,819 Yeah! It's a relief to tell someone, to be honest. 287 00:14:48,820 --> 00:14:50,699 It's been a nightmare at home. 288 00:14:50,700 --> 00:14:52,907 Imagine having to keep it from your whole family 289 00:14:52,908 --> 00:14:54,819 you've been suspended from work. 290 00:14:54,820 --> 00:14:57,179 Chief Ken? - What the fuck, Dale?! 291 00:14:57,180 --> 00:14:59,660 Jiminy Cricket! You've been suspended from work!? 292 00:15:04,300 --> 00:15:06,779 You're not to let on about ANY of this. Do you understand? 293 00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,899 Yes. Your secret is safe with me. 294 00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:10,903 Though I can't promise not to tell Rachel and Lorna. 295 00:15:10,904 --> 00:15:14,059 What?! Those are the exact people you're not allowed to tell! 296 00:15:14,060 --> 00:15:15,539 You're going to have to lie, Dale. 297 00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:16,779 No, Chief Ken. 298 00:15:16,780 --> 00:15:18,499 Lying is like my third-worst thing, 299 00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:20,179 after remembering and Scrabble. 300 00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:22,739 As soon as I lie, I can feel people looking at me, 301 00:15:22,740 --> 00:15:25,379 and I just know they can see the evil in my face. 302 00:15:25,380 --> 00:15:27,819 I guess I could just never look at anybody ever again. 303 00:15:27,820 --> 00:15:29,619 Well, you're going to have to find a solution. 304 00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:33,259 Because if you tell Lorna, I won't be your friend any more. 305 00:15:33,260 --> 00:15:34,907 - I would hate that. - Well, it's an option. 306 00:15:34,908 --> 00:15:37,180 I've got a new friend now, so you're expendable. 307 00:15:38,260 --> 00:15:40,460 I am watching you. 308 00:15:56,420 --> 00:15:58,139 Oh, hiya, love! 309 00:15:58,140 --> 00:16:02,019 Lorna! My beautiful wife! 310 00:16:02,020 --> 00:16:03,903 What a tiring day at work. 311 00:16:03,904 --> 00:16:05,659 I'll cook dinner later, though. 312 00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:10,259 No need! It's Dale's cocktails over at All Steve's Pals. 313 00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:11,899 - What's he doing with you? - Oh! 314 00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:15,019 Oh, I bumped into him on my way back from work. 315 00:16:15,020 --> 00:16:18,459 I was walking along the road, and there he was. 316 00:16:18,460 --> 00:16:20,899 Oh, right. What were you up to, Dale? 317 00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:21,904 Mm... 318 00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:24,460 Hmm? 319 00:16:26,220 --> 00:16:27,700 He was gathering stones. 320 00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:30,904 Oh, did you get any nice ones? 321 00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:34,820 I made him throw them away. 322 00:16:35,820 --> 00:16:37,140 - Yeah. - Dale? 323 00:16:38,740 --> 00:16:39,859 Yes. 324 00:16:39,860 --> 00:16:42,139 Stones. I lost my lovely stones. 325 00:16:42,140 --> 00:16:43,179 Lovely stones. 326 00:16:43,180 --> 00:16:45,500 - Oh, OK, I'm going to go for a jog! - Yeah. 327 00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:49,099 He seems under the weather, doesn't he? 328 00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,380 It's not worth analysing. It's probably meaningless. 329 00:16:55,260 --> 00:16:58,179 When she looks me in the eyes, I just want to tell her everything! 330 00:16:58,180 --> 00:17:01,380 Find a way! 331 00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:19,099 Et voila! Bespoke cocktails. 332 00:17:19,100 --> 00:17:21,619 The Lorna: short and sweet... 333 00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:25,619 The Rachel: fruity, with a spicy kick. 334 00:17:25,620 --> 00:17:28,339 And the Ken: it's plain, 335 00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:30,379 no-nonsense, with a high fat content. 336 00:17:30,380 --> 00:17:31,907 Yes, thank you, Dale. 337 00:17:31,908 --> 00:17:33,299 Mmmm! 338 00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:35,499 Oh, I really like mine, Dale! 339 00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:38,659 So, now probably explain the weird mask. 340 00:17:38,660 --> 00:17:42,219 This? Oh, it's just something I threw on! 341 00:17:42,220 --> 00:17:44,459 From here on out, I'll constantly wear it. 342 00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:47,099 Quite right too. It's a nice mask. Suits him. 343 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,659 Yeah, a totally normal boyfriend. 344 00:17:48,660 --> 00:17:50,180 - Well done, Rach! - Tut! 345 00:17:51,460 --> 00:17:52,539 DOOR CLOSES 346 00:17:52,540 --> 00:17:57,099 Give me a double Ken. Just got back from mine. I am in shock. 347 00:17:57,100 --> 00:17:58,659 Are you OK, Steve? 348 00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:00,259 An abomination, Lorna! 349 00:18:00,260 --> 00:18:03,179 I, Steve Chance, have on this day in the year of our Lord 2018, 350 00:18:03,180 --> 00:18:05,259 been cressed! 351 00:18:05,260 --> 00:18:07,299 Cressed? What do you mean "cressed"? 352 00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:09,499 Oh, some lowlife put cress seeds through my letterbox. 353 00:18:09,500 --> 00:18:10,779 They've grown there. 354 00:18:10,780 --> 00:18:12,339 Grass all over the doormat. 355 00:18:12,340 --> 00:18:14,419 Connie and I used to make love on that mat. 356 00:18:14,420 --> 00:18:15,903 It was uncomfortable for her, 357 00:18:15,904 --> 00:18:18,579 - but it protected the carpet. - Oh, Steve. 358 00:18:18,580 --> 00:18:21,459 Only one kind of seed should be on that carpet, Lorna. 359 00:18:21,460 --> 00:18:23,299 I refer, of course, to mine. 360 00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:24,659 Yes, thank you, Steve. 361 00:18:24,660 --> 00:18:26,700 I'm sure we're all very upset for you. 362 00:18:29,260 --> 00:18:30,903 - Cheers! - A Lorna, Steve? 363 00:18:30,904 --> 00:18:33,020 Don't mind if I do. Cheers. 364 00:18:35,060 --> 00:18:39,139 Ken and Lorna mingling in my tummy. 365 00:18:39,140 --> 00:18:40,620 Ah, fucking hell. 366 00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:45,459 This Civil War history walk goes all the way to Worcester. 367 00:18:45,460 --> 00:18:47,899 We could get the girls, make a weekend of it! 368 00:18:47,900 --> 00:18:49,820 Yes! Now, that is a great idea! 369 00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:57,379 Hey, Lloyd, I hope you don't mind me asking. 370 00:18:57,380 --> 00:19:00,379 It seems that Steve Chance has been cressed. 371 00:19:00,380 --> 00:19:03,903 I couldn't help but draw a connection, what with what you said, 372 00:19:03,904 --> 00:19:06,699 about the grasses getting grassed and all that. 373 00:19:06,700 --> 00:19:07,820 Yeah? 374 00:19:11,660 --> 00:19:13,579 Bet that got to him, right?! 375 00:19:13,580 --> 00:19:14,819 It seems so, yes. 376 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:17,619 And it doesn't stop there, I've got loads of ideas - 377 00:19:17,620 --> 00:19:18,699 poison his garden, 378 00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:21,379 maybe throw a burning newspaper through his window. 379 00:19:21,380 --> 00:19:24,179 All good ideas. 380 00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:26,779 Or maybe just leave it. 381 00:19:26,780 --> 00:19:29,907 I mean, you can't be sure it was Steve that made the phone call. 382 00:19:29,908 --> 00:19:31,579 Well, who did, then? 383 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,299 Well, it's probably Steve. 384 00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:39,059 But, what it is is... now you've pranked him back, 385 00:19:39,060 --> 00:19:40,780 probably just call it quits. 386 00:19:41,860 --> 00:19:43,700 Ken... 387 00:19:45,180 --> 00:19:48,180 ... if a man wrongs me, I crush him. 388 00:19:49,340 --> 00:19:50,739 I can't stand sneaks. 389 00:19:50,740 --> 00:19:52,579 And I can't stand liars. 390 00:19:52,580 --> 00:19:54,780 It's got me into trouble before. 391 00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:58,903 Pork scratchings? 392 00:19:58,904 --> 00:20:00,140 Yes, lovely. 393 00:20:04,100 --> 00:20:06,459 No, you're right, I'm too impetuous. 394 00:20:06,460 --> 00:20:09,139 For your sake, Ken, I will not hurt Steve Chance. 395 00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:10,259 Oh, phew! 396 00:20:10,260 --> 00:20:11,459 That is a relief. 397 00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:12,903 I was worried, actually. 398 00:20:12,904 --> 00:20:15,907 I'm just sensitive when it comes to Maggie. 399 00:20:15,908 --> 00:20:18,499 Before she came along, I was on the edge, Ken. 400 00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:21,859 I'd left my wife, didn't know where I was. 401 00:20:21,860 --> 00:20:23,579 Even thought of ending it. 402 00:20:23,580 --> 00:20:25,339 She's my rock. 403 00:20:25,340 --> 00:20:27,059 My reason. 404 00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:28,299 Yeah. 405 00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:30,499 You can't do this! You can't take me away! 406 00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:32,219 What the hell is going on?! 407 00:20:32,220 --> 00:20:35,179 Ah! Lloyd Evans? Your girlfriend's been in the country illegally. 408 00:20:35,180 --> 00:20:37,739 She came up last week on the system with a drugs charge. 409 00:20:37,740 --> 00:20:40,219 - We thought she'd left months ago. - NO! You touched my tit! 410 00:20:40,220 --> 00:20:42,779 That's sexual harassment and I'm going to get you for that. 411 00:20:42,780 --> 00:20:44,859 Look, Officer, I'm a lawyer, I think maybe... 412 00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:48,179 Look, honestly and sympathetically, I take no joy in this. 413 00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:52,019 Right, let's load her up and get this rodeo rolling! 414 00:20:52,020 --> 00:20:53,819 Please don't do this. 415 00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:54,907 No choice, I'm afraid. 416 00:20:54,908 --> 00:20:57,379 I'm stuck in here with a lesbian! Help! 417 00:20:57,380 --> 00:20:59,419 It's ironic, isn't it? None of this would have happened 418 00:20:59,420 --> 00:21:01,419 if your neighbour hadn't made that noise complaint. 419 00:21:01,420 --> 00:21:03,779 Ha! Right, let's go! 420 00:21:03,780 --> 00:21:07,219 - BABY! - Maggie! Maggie! 421 00:21:07,220 --> 00:21:10,059 Don't go! Maggie, I love you! 422 00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:12,340 DON'T LEAVE ME! 423 00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:22,699 I miss my baby! I miss my baby! 424 00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:25,699 I know... I know you do, love. 425 00:21:25,700 --> 00:21:27,140 Here you go. 426 00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:30,539 Maggie! 427 00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:33,579 Right, well, thank you, yeah, you've been amazingly helpful. 428 00:21:33,580 --> 00:21:34,859 Great. Thanks! 429 00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:37,379 Well, that was Immigration. 430 00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:39,259 She's totally fucked. 431 00:21:39,260 --> 00:21:40,860 He's not taking it well. 432 00:21:43,820 --> 00:21:45,179 Funny, isn't it? 433 00:21:45,180 --> 00:21:49,099 I mean, you basically got his girlfriend deported. 434 00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:51,419 Lorna. Just because you cause something, 435 00:21:51,420 --> 00:21:53,539 it doesn't necessarily mean it's your fault. 436 00:21:53,540 --> 00:21:55,499 Isn't that exactly what it means? 437 00:21:55,500 --> 00:21:58,779 Look, she's a bit vapid anyway, isn't she, Maggie? 438 00:21:58,780 --> 00:22:00,779 And too young for him. 439 00:22:00,780 --> 00:22:03,179 I actually think this could be good for Lloyd. 440 00:22:03,180 --> 00:22:06,379 These lies have a way of spiralling out of control. 441 00:22:06,380 --> 00:22:10,019 Lorna, I promise you, everything's going to be absolutely fine. 442 00:22:10,020 --> 00:22:11,739 LOUD CRASH 443 00:22:11,740 --> 00:22:13,380 WESTERN STYLE MUSIC 444 00:22:14,460 --> 00:22:16,779 Ken! Scotch! 445 00:22:16,780 --> 00:22:18,259 You'll join me in a dram? 446 00:22:18,260 --> 00:22:20,659 No, no, you're all right, thanks, mate. 447 00:22:20,660 --> 00:22:22,219 Mind if I use this, then? 448 00:22:22,220 --> 00:22:23,619 Whoa. 449 00:22:23,620 --> 00:22:24,819 Hey presto! 450 00:22:24,820 --> 00:22:27,499 Lloyd, Lloyd, everything's going to be fine. 451 00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:31,139 Just calm down! You have to do something. 452 00:22:31,140 --> 00:22:32,819 Those oven gloves are Cath Kidston. 453 00:22:32,820 --> 00:22:34,460 They are not to be used for murder. 454 00:22:37,900 --> 00:22:41,179 Ken, mate, I'm going to finish this glove, then me and you 455 00:22:41,180 --> 00:22:44,419 go over to Steve's and give him a couple of fork punches. 456 00:22:44,420 --> 00:22:45,739 Tell him it wasn't Steve. 457 00:22:45,740 --> 00:22:48,779 Maybe at a later date, when he's not got knives on his hands. 458 00:22:48,780 --> 00:22:50,180 Hello! 459 00:22:52,060 --> 00:22:53,819 What's going on? 460 00:22:53,820 --> 00:22:55,619 Who's Edward Cutleryhands? 461 00:22:55,620 --> 00:22:58,539 Lloyd. He's just had a bit of bad news. 462 00:22:58,540 --> 00:23:01,339 So we all need to work on keeping him relaxed. 463 00:23:01,340 --> 00:23:03,579 There, there, fella. 464 00:23:03,580 --> 00:23:05,579 Hey, let's get you to bed, eh? 465 00:23:05,580 --> 00:23:07,539 Things will seem brighter in the morning. 466 00:23:07,540 --> 00:23:09,299 - That's true, she's right. - They always do! 467 00:23:09,300 --> 00:23:10,339 But we're drinking! 468 00:23:10,340 --> 00:23:12,099 Yeah, but maybe we stop drinking? 469 00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:14,903 I am drinking until I can drink no longer! 470 00:23:14,904 --> 00:23:17,859 Oh. Actually, that might work too. 471 00:23:17,860 --> 00:23:19,739 - I'll check the drinks cabinet. - OK. 472 00:23:19,740 --> 00:23:21,779 And then, I'm going to fuck Steve up. 473 00:23:21,780 --> 00:23:24,299 Great idea. Let's keep that on the table. 474 00:23:24,300 --> 00:23:26,459 But maybe we could play a drinking game. 475 00:23:26,460 --> 00:23:30,903 Yeah? Where you drink more and more and more until you have a lovely 476 00:23:30,904 --> 00:23:33,619 sleep and you DON'T murder Steve. 477 00:23:33,620 --> 00:23:35,139 How would that be? 478 00:23:35,140 --> 00:23:36,701 He's probably not over there anyway, 479 00:23:36,702 --> 00:23:38,060 he's probably still out in his Uber. 480 00:23:38,060 --> 00:23:40,900 Oh, actually he just got home, I saw him drive in. 481 00:23:42,260 --> 00:23:44,180 LLOYD ROARS 482 00:23:46,060 --> 00:23:49,060 Dale! What have you done?! 483 00:23:52,904 --> 00:23:55,379 Steve Chance! 484 00:23:55,380 --> 00:23:58,019 Come on out here and face the music! 485 00:23:58,020 --> 00:24:03,907 If you're a man, come on out here and fight me like a man! 486 00:24:03,908 --> 00:24:05,500 Oh, Jesus! 487 00:24:07,140 --> 00:24:11,219 Oh, Lloyd, Lloyd! Calm down! 488 00:24:11,220 --> 00:24:14,339 Lloyd! It'll be all right. 489 00:24:14,340 --> 00:24:18,180 Steve Chance took my Maggie! 490 00:24:19,904 --> 00:24:21,779 Aaargh! 491 00:24:21,780 --> 00:24:24,908 A shit for a shit. 492 00:24:27,620 --> 00:24:29,380 Oh, fuck it, fuck it! 493 00:24:35,540 --> 00:24:37,579 Damn it, it's not coming, it's not coming. 494 00:24:37,580 --> 00:24:39,539 Someone's shitting on my lawn! 495 00:24:39,540 --> 00:24:41,859 Here he is! The coward. 496 00:24:41,860 --> 00:24:44,099 You destroyed my life! 497 00:24:44,100 --> 00:24:45,299 What are you talking about? 498 00:24:45,300 --> 00:24:46,739 No more games, Chance. 499 00:24:46,740 --> 00:24:49,139 You grassed on me, and I grassed on you. 500 00:24:49,140 --> 00:24:53,380 But now the shit is about to get real. 501 00:24:54,700 --> 00:24:57,099 Nobody shits on my lawn. If it's a fight you want, 502 00:24:57,100 --> 00:25:00,539 then, by Odin, it's a fight you shall receive. 503 00:25:00,540 --> 00:25:01,907 18th century duelling pistol. 504 00:25:01,908 --> 00:25:04,019 They don't make them like this any more. 505 00:25:04,020 --> 00:25:05,500 Don't think I won't use it. 506 00:25:09,100 --> 00:25:10,620 Jesus! 507 00:25:13,580 --> 00:25:14,900 Oh! 508 00:25:20,540 --> 00:25:22,180 It's pathetic. 509 00:25:24,100 --> 00:25:26,180 - Idiots. - Bloody hell. 510 00:25:28,340 --> 00:25:29,660 Yes, Dale! 511 00:25:34,100 --> 00:25:37,139 That's it, Dale. Hold him still while I blast away his gonads. 512 00:25:37,140 --> 00:25:38,660 Give me that, you idiot. 513 00:25:40,300 --> 00:25:41,699 Right. 514 00:25:41,700 --> 00:25:43,620 This stops here. 515 00:25:44,860 --> 00:25:45,900 Lloyd... 516 00:25:47,180 --> 00:25:49,259 ... it was me that made the phone call to the police. 517 00:25:49,260 --> 00:25:50,907 You? 518 00:25:50,908 --> 00:25:52,059 Yeah. 519 00:25:52,060 --> 00:25:53,859 It wasn't Steve's fault that Maggie got deported. 520 00:25:53,860 --> 00:25:55,459 It was mine. 521 00:25:55,460 --> 00:25:57,903 I didn't tell you because I was enjoying hanging out too much. 522 00:25:57,904 --> 00:25:59,259 No. 523 00:25:59,260 --> 00:26:01,619 No, no, you're just saying this to save Steve's neck. 524 00:26:01,620 --> 00:26:05,580 I'm not, honestly. Dale, tell him the truth. 525 00:26:06,740 --> 00:26:08,379 The real truth, Chief Ken? 526 00:26:08,380 --> 00:26:10,419 Yes, Dale. The truth. 527 00:26:10,420 --> 00:26:11,859 Go on, Dale. 528 00:26:11,860 --> 00:26:15,580 OK, erm... everyone... 529 00:26:16,900 --> 00:26:18,699 Chief Ken has been suspended from work 530 00:26:18,700 --> 00:26:20,903 and he's been hiding it from Lorna this whole time. 531 00:26:20,904 --> 00:26:23,179 Not THAT truth, for fuck's sake! 532 00:26:23,180 --> 00:26:25,659 What?! KEN! 533 00:26:25,660 --> 00:26:28,379 He's also been spending most of his days drinking. 534 00:26:28,380 --> 00:26:31,019 I'm sorry, Chief Ken, she's staring me right in the eyes. 535 00:26:31,020 --> 00:26:34,859 You're suspended from work? Why the hell don't I know about this? 536 00:26:34,860 --> 00:26:36,659 Oh, Dad! This is kind of a low. 537 00:26:36,660 --> 00:26:38,579 It was only for a month! So I just... 538 00:26:38,580 --> 00:26:40,739 Kind of makes you question the whole relationship, I bet. 539 00:26:40,740 --> 00:26:43,499 Shut up, Dale! Lorna, I can explain. 540 00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:46,099 Explain to ME! You destroyed my life! 541 00:26:46,100 --> 00:26:49,139 Oh, leave it out! It was Maggie that had the drugs. 542 00:26:49,140 --> 00:26:51,819 And it was you who decided to go all Mr Crazy Glove. 543 00:26:51,820 --> 00:26:53,859 I personally have done nothing whatsoever to... 544 00:26:53,860 --> 00:26:55,219 GUNSHOT 545 00:26:55,220 --> 00:26:56,619 Oooh! 546 00:26:56,620 --> 00:27:00,059 My baby! No, no, no, no, no! 547 00:27:00,060 --> 00:27:02,539 Call the engine! Call a fire engine! 548 00:27:02,540 --> 00:27:05,099 - Lorn... - Ken, I can't even look at you. 549 00:27:05,100 --> 00:27:07,699 Find somewhere else to spend the night. 550 00:27:07,700 --> 00:27:09,020 Bloody hell, Dad. 551 00:27:11,180 --> 00:27:13,899 Wow, Chief Ken. Homeless! 552 00:27:13,900 --> 00:27:16,819 I would offer you shelter, but I sort of stay at your place, 553 00:27:16,820 --> 00:27:18,860 so, you know... 554 00:27:23,460 --> 00:27:25,899 It's OK, Ken, you've got me. 555 00:27:25,900 --> 00:27:27,540 You'll always have me. 556 00:27:29,740 --> 00:27:32,139 My baby! My baby! 557 00:27:32,140 --> 00:27:34,660 Hold on! Hold on, Daddy's here! 558 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:46,000 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 559 00:27:46,050 --> 00:27:50,600 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 40775

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