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1
00:00:19,660 --> 00:00:21,730
- 'Hey, Dylan.'
- Why've you got your coat on?
2
00:00:21,780 --> 00:00:23,090
Are you naked underneath?
3
00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:24,490
'Look, we need to talk.'
4
00:00:24,540 --> 00:00:26,850
Oh, yeah, we're going to talk all right.
5
00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:30,090
'Dylan, this isn't going
to be easy to say.
6
00:00:30,140 --> 00:00:31,770
- 'You're dumped.'
- What?!
7
00:00:31,820 --> 00:00:34,250
- 'I've met someone else.'
- Who?!
8
00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:36,610
'A guy at uni. You'd like him, actually.'
9
00:00:36,660 --> 00:00:38,330
Well, I fucking doubt it!
10
00:00:38,380 --> 00:00:39,930
Why are you doing this?
11
00:00:39,980 --> 00:00:42,170
'I don't know, maybe he's
just better than you'.
12
00:00:42,220 --> 00:00:45,970
- What, you mean, sex-wise?
- 'Well, yeah. But also generally.'
13
00:00:46,020 --> 00:00:48,610
This is the worst wank ever.
14
00:00:48,660 --> 00:00:50,290
- 'Ready, babe?
- 'Yeah, almost done.'
15
00:00:50,340 --> 00:00:52,010
He's there?! In the room with you?
16
00:00:52,060 --> 00:00:53,930
That is it!
17
00:00:53,980 --> 00:00:55,490
Right, Zoe, I'm going to go out tonight
18
00:00:55,540 --> 00:00:59,440
and I'm going to pull so many
girls and I'm going to bang...
19
00:01:08,140 --> 00:01:11,690
Work weekend. I hope it's not
bloody paintballing again.
20
00:01:11,740 --> 00:01:14,010
Bryony from head office
has got it in for me
21
00:01:14,060 --> 00:01:15,970
and those pellets really smart.
22
00:01:16,020 --> 00:01:19,170
Dylan, you have only been
there for three weeks.
23
00:01:19,220 --> 00:01:20,970
No, I don't think it's
been a good innings.
24
00:01:21,020 --> 00:01:23,690
And don't use cricketing
terminology to try and get round me.
25
00:01:23,740 --> 00:01:28,650
- Look, just don't do anything stupid.
I'll call you back. - What's happened?
26
00:01:28,700 --> 00:01:31,130
It's Dylan. He wants to
drop out of university.
27
00:01:31,180 --> 00:01:32,170
What?!
28
00:01:32,220 --> 00:01:33,490
He's only been there a month.
29
00:01:33,540 --> 00:01:35,730
I know. And what a lovely month it's been.
30
00:01:35,780 --> 00:01:36,930
Oh, well.
31
00:01:36,980 --> 00:01:40,610
If he doesn't like it. He's never
been at home in academia, Ken.
32
00:01:40,660 --> 00:01:44,090
He's not in academia, Lorna.
He's doing media studies.
33
00:01:44,140 --> 00:01:46,970
And besides, university
is about more than that.
34
00:01:47,020 --> 00:01:49,330
It's about Dylan discovering
himself as a person,
35
00:01:49,380 --> 00:01:50,650
whilst not living in MY house.
36
00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:53,330
It's not the end of the world,
Dad. I never went to uni.
37
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:56,980
- Yeah, look what happened here.
- Oh, what DID happen?
38
00:01:57,580 --> 00:02:01,130
You became a lovely, rounded young lady,
39
00:02:01,180 --> 00:02:03,570
with a worthy job in charity.
40
00:02:03,620 --> 00:02:06,930
Hoo-hoo! Great run, Dale! Morning, guys.
41
00:02:06,980 --> 00:02:08,970
Dylan's not like you.
Someone's going to have to go
42
00:02:09,020 --> 00:02:10,370
and talk the toerag into staying.
43
00:02:10,420 --> 00:02:12,290
Well, you'll have to go
down to the university.
44
00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:16,090
I'm busy team building with some
people I've known for over ten years.
45
00:02:16,140 --> 00:02:17,490
Oh, very well -- once again,
46
00:02:17,540 --> 00:02:20,410
- I will shoulder the burden of
responsible parenting. - Good.
47
00:02:20,460 --> 00:02:23,090
I'm just going to go and say
goodbye to my little Siddle-diddle.
48
00:02:23,140 --> 00:02:26,650
Wait. You're going to visit Dylan
at university? I want to come.
49
00:02:26,700 --> 00:02:29,450
Well, you can't. It's going
to be tricky situation, so...
50
00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:32,410
- Well, I'll help out. And I
won't take no as an answer! - No?
51
00:02:32,460 --> 00:02:35,130
- What if it's a really firm no?
- Won't take it!
52
00:02:35,180 --> 00:02:39,740
- I might try anyway, see how I get on. No.
- I'm still coming!
53
00:02:45,660 --> 00:02:49,290
- Hi. - Hi. - I've always
wanted to see a university.
54
00:02:49,340 --> 00:02:51,610
- What do people usually wear?
- Are you sure you want to go?
55
00:02:51,660 --> 00:02:54,490
I'm looking after Baby Sid on
my own today. Quite a handful.
56
00:02:54,540 --> 00:02:56,490
Which Frisbee should I
bring, red or yellow?
57
00:02:56,540 --> 00:03:00,330
- I mean, you could stay and help me out.
- And miss out on university?
58
00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:01,410
No thanks!
59
00:03:01,460 --> 00:03:04,410
Because otherwise it's
just going to be me...
60
00:03:04,460 --> 00:03:06,090
on my own...
61
00:03:06,140 --> 00:03:08,450
in the house.
62
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:10,490
Could get pretty boring.
63
00:03:10,540 --> 00:03:12,770
Well, then, I'll definitely
go with Chief Ken!
64
00:03:12,820 --> 00:03:14,890
OK, fine, suit yourself.
65
00:03:14,940 --> 00:03:19,250
Oh -- students wear ties, hats
and blazers, but only on Fridays.
66
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:22,300
- Today's Friday.
- Yes, it is. - Oh, thanks!
67
00:03:30,180 --> 00:03:32,050
Did you go to university, Chief Ken?
68
00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:35,130
Yes, I did. And back in the
days when it meant something.
69
00:03:35,180 --> 00:03:38,090
Not like these days, when
kids leave with a 30 grand debt
70
00:03:38,140 --> 00:03:41,890
- and a degree in golf course management.
- They have golf courses?!
71
00:03:41,940 --> 00:03:45,770
- That's amazing. - Had some of the
best days of my life at university.
72
00:03:45,820 --> 00:03:47,810
Getting drunk with pretty girls,
73
00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:51,290
banging on about the miners' strike
and how much I hated Thatcher.
74
00:03:51,340 --> 00:03:54,260
- Thatcher? Who's he?
- Never mind.
75
00:03:55,660 --> 00:03:58,170
You're so smart.
76
00:03:58,220 --> 00:03:59,850
Which is weird, cos if Dylan drops out,
77
00:03:59,900 --> 00:04:01,890
then none of your kids will
have gone to university.
78
00:04:01,940 --> 00:04:02,970
Oh, God!
79
00:04:03,020 --> 00:04:05,050
- Except for Sid, of course.
- Ah.
80
00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:07,890
By the time he's old enough, who
knows if you'll even be alive?
81
00:04:07,940 --> 00:04:10,210
Yeah, all right. Can you
take those clothes off now?
82
00:04:10,260 --> 00:04:11,930
You look like Jimmy Krankie.
83
00:04:11,980 --> 00:04:13,920
- Is that bad?
- Yes.
84
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,720
- Worse than Thatcher?
- Er...
85
00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:20,660
No.
86
00:04:24,340 --> 00:04:26,770
Oh!
87
00:04:26,820 --> 00:04:30,010
Oh, come on, you bastard. Oh! Come on!
88
00:04:34,860 --> 00:04:38,370
- Guten Morgen, meine Rachel!
- Ben! I was just heading out.
89
00:04:38,420 --> 00:04:40,330
I was just dropping
this round for your dad.
90
00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:44,130
- I have had a letter published in
the Solicitors Journal. - Well done.
91
00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:45,450
Well, it's nothing really,
92
00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:47,610
just a few lines about
a minor factual error.
93
00:04:47,660 --> 00:04:50,450
Page 17, if you're interested.
I've marked it with a yellow tab
94
00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:53,090
- and, er, circled it in red.
- Oh, great, thanks.
95
00:04:53,140 --> 00:04:55,370
You don't know anything
about pushchairs, do you?
96
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:58,410
- This one's jammed.
- Well, let me have a look.
97
00:04:58,460 --> 00:05:01,450
Ah, the Dual Cotterill. Good unit.
98
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:02,970
I used to browse round Mothercare
99
00:05:03,020 --> 00:05:05,690
back when I thought you and I might...
100
00:05:06,020 --> 00:05:08,850
Never mind. There is a safety catch here.
101
00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:12,450
And then it just... clicks out.
102
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:14,370
Oh, brilliant!
103
00:05:14,420 --> 00:05:17,930
Now I've just got to push him round
Tesco's and get loads of stuff.
104
00:05:17,980 --> 00:05:20,890
Mum's gone away, Dad and
Dale are off to see Dylan
105
00:05:20,940 --> 00:05:22,810
and I'm left on my own.
106
00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:24,730
Er, incredible idea alert.
107
00:05:24,780 --> 00:05:27,730
Why don't you stay here
and I go do the shopping?
108
00:05:27,780 --> 00:05:30,250
- Oh, bit of a hassle.
- Not for Bestie Ben!
109
00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:31,450
I'll get everything you need
110
00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:33,410
and maybe pick us up
something nice for dinner.
111
00:05:33,460 --> 00:05:37,410
- Oh, Ben, you're amazing.
- Yes, I am.
112
00:05:37,460 --> 00:05:40,960
- OK. Bye-bye, Sid! - "Bye-bye,
Ben!" - See you later.
113
00:05:41,780 --> 00:05:46,580
Oh, that was nice of Uncle
Ben, wasn't it? Come on, Sid.
114
00:05:55,580 --> 00:05:59,930
- OK. When we find Dylan, let me
do the talking, all right? - Why?
115
00:05:59,980 --> 00:06:01,090
I'm super persuasive.
116
00:06:01,140 --> 00:06:04,010
Yes. We're not going to kidnap him
or cut his thumbs off, are we, Dale?
117
00:06:04,060 --> 00:06:05,530
As much as he probably deserves it.
118
00:06:05,580 --> 00:06:07,450
OK. Maybe just slap him a little.
119
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:10,540
No! We're going to be
firm but fair, all right?
120
00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:12,820
Oh...
121
00:06:16,380 --> 00:06:17,770
Please can you move your car?
122
00:06:17,820 --> 00:06:22,060
- Sorry, what? - I said, can you
move your car? - Can I move my car?
123
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:26,650
- Well, there's plenty of spaces.
- That space is for electric vehicles.
124
00:06:26,700 --> 00:06:29,610
- Sorry, it's for what?
- Electric vehicles!
125
00:06:29,660 --> 00:06:31,370
Electric vehicles?
126
00:06:31,420 --> 00:06:33,690
It's not very clearly marked.
127
00:06:37,660 --> 00:06:39,210
Maybe I'll leave my car where it is.
128
00:06:39,260 --> 00:06:41,650
Well, maybe I'll call the clamping firm.
129
00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:46,010
- Is this a university or a prison?
- Thatcher! - Well said, Dale.
130
00:06:46,060 --> 00:06:49,360
- Jimmy Krankie!
- Not as relevant, but still good.
131
00:06:50,820 --> 00:06:52,820
Fine. I'll move.
132
00:07:05,820 --> 00:07:08,250
Dylan, I know you're in there.
133
00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:10,770
I can hear your music!
134
00:07:10,820 --> 00:07:13,050
Ah.
135
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,840
Sneaky AND stupid. Terrible combination.
136
00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:21,640
Do you have a credit card?
137
00:07:21,980 --> 00:07:25,680
I learned this lock-picking
technique when I was in jail.
138
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:28,140
All right.
139
00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:33,370
- That'll work.
- Yeah.
140
00:07:35,940 --> 00:07:39,640
- What the fuck?!
- I can never remember what THAT's for.
141
00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:41,930
Right, young man, we need to talk.
142
00:07:41,980 --> 00:07:44,010
Leave me alone. I know
what you're going to say,
143
00:07:44,060 --> 00:07:45,210
but you don't understand.
144
00:07:45,260 --> 00:07:48,260
- I hate it here.
- Should I slap him? - No!
145
00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:52,180
Dylan...
146
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:57,410
University is a really important
time in a young person's life.
147
00:07:57,460 --> 00:07:59,890
- I just don't want you to miss out.
- God, you're such a dick!
148
00:07:59,940 --> 00:08:01,570
- Dale, slap him.
- Face or neck?
149
00:08:01,620 --> 00:08:05,320
Fine, then, I'll get the train
home, but leave me alone!
150
00:08:06,060 --> 00:08:09,530
Are you...? Are you crying?!
151
00:08:09,580 --> 00:08:13,570
- Oh, is it because of the door?
- No, you twat, it's because of Zoe!
152
00:08:13,620 --> 00:08:15,690
She dumped me and now she's
seeing this other guy.
153
00:08:15,740 --> 00:08:18,530
- Oh. - I know it sounds lame,
but I really love the bitch.
154
00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:20,210
Oh, God, I'm so depressed!
155
00:08:20,260 --> 00:08:22,450
Listen, love. The thing is...
156
00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,540
Hey... I got this.
157
00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:28,100
Hey, Dilly. Look here.
158
00:08:29,580 --> 00:08:33,050
Zoe is with another guy now.
159
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:36,530
And they did just get together,
so you have two understand
160
00:08:36,580 --> 00:08:39,810
that at this moment, they're
pretty busy intercoursing often.
161
00:08:39,860 --> 00:08:41,890
Oh, God!
162
00:08:41,940 --> 00:08:45,010
Dale, maybe go and explore
the campus for a bit.
163
00:08:45,060 --> 00:08:47,850
- Maybe find that golf course?
- Maybe find that golf course.
164
00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:50,130
I'm going to find it!
165
00:08:50,180 --> 00:08:52,890
Look, Dad, it's not just
Zoe, OK? It's everything --
166
00:08:52,940 --> 00:08:55,450
this place, the people, the courses.
167
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:57,490
I've tried, Dad, I've
tried so hard, I promise.
168
00:08:57,540 --> 00:08:59,210
But, I mean...
169
00:08:59,260 --> 00:09:02,220
it's like you said, media studies is shit.
170
00:09:04,940 --> 00:09:08,420
All right. But you're getting
a job and you're paying rent.
171
00:09:09,660 --> 00:09:10,860
Deal.
172
00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:16,530
University's such a rip-off.
173
00:09:16,580 --> 00:09:19,580
I mean, you pay nine
grand and you get this.
174
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:22,850
(Nine grand. Shit!)
175
00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:25,170
But, um, thanks for putting me first, Dad.
176
00:09:25,220 --> 00:09:27,970
Hey. Come on, you're my son.
177
00:09:28,020 --> 00:09:30,620
Nothing is more important than that.
178
00:09:30,740 --> 00:09:33,940
Just out of interest, who
does look after the money here?
179
00:09:35,860 --> 00:09:38,450
I'm so sorry about that little
misunderstanding earlier.
180
00:09:38,500 --> 00:09:40,930
I was very tired after a long drive.
181
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:43,780
(Although it was rather... inconvenient.)
182
00:09:44,060 --> 00:09:46,970
OK. I just wanted to clarify something.
183
00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:50,370
My son, Dylan Thompson, he's
going to be dropping out.
184
00:09:50,420 --> 00:09:52,970
(I'm sorry to hear that. We'll miss him.)
185
00:09:53,020 --> 00:09:56,140
I'm sorry, do you mind if I move a
bit closer? I'm struggling to...
186
00:09:57,860 --> 00:10:00,250
So it's just the small
matter of the tuition fees
187
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:01,650
and when they would be refunded.
188
00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:04,660
(Oh. Let's have a look.)
189
00:10:08,420 --> 00:10:10,170
Hm.
190
00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:11,850
- Never.
- What?!
191
00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:13,730
They're non-refundable.
192
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:17,570
He's been here for one
month and I paid �9,000, so
193
00:10:17,620 --> 00:10:19,930
give me 8,500 and we'll call it quits.
194
00:10:19,980 --> 00:10:22,610
Non-refundable. And non-negotiable.
195
00:10:22,660 --> 00:10:25,000
But I've told him he can leave.
196
00:10:25,820 --> 00:10:28,420
All right, eight grand. Final offer.
197
00:10:29,020 --> 00:10:32,300
Thank you. You're printing me a receipt.
198
00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:37,010
Clause 17 on the fees
contract. Zero refunds.
199
00:10:37,060 --> 00:10:39,010
Dylan is a bright boy
200
00:10:39,060 --> 00:10:43,010
and this university has failed
to stimulate his keen mind.
201
00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:46,500
- According to our files, he hasn't
been to a single lecture. - What?!
202
00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:53,300
OK...
203
00:10:58,780 --> 00:11:00,380
I'm a lawyer.
204
00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:05,130
And I'm going to tell
you something just once.
205
00:11:05,180 --> 00:11:09,370
If I walk out of that door
without the tuition fees,
206
00:11:09,420 --> 00:11:13,370
there will be... serious consequences.
207
00:11:13,420 --> 00:11:15,220
(Mm-hm?)
208
00:11:16,180 --> 00:11:17,520
Mm-hm...
209
00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:23,440
OK.
210
00:11:31,140 --> 00:11:33,010
Very well.
211
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:35,060
You leave me no choice.
212
00:11:38,940 --> 00:11:41,300
7,500 grand, final offer.
213
00:11:46,380 --> 00:11:47,850
There you are!
214
00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:52,970
Here's dinner, and until then I
have an array of Iberian hams...
215
00:11:53,020 --> 00:11:56,970
- Ooh... - .. and some dip-worthy
snacks. - Oh, Ben, this is amazing.
216
00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:59,450
- Let me go and get you some money.
- No, no, it's on me.
217
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:01,450
I thought, "Hey, we're stuck indoors,
218
00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:03,370
"might as well make the
best of it." You know --
219
00:12:03,420 --> 00:12:07,450
two besties, some wine and a
boxset. Be like old times, eh?
220
00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:10,610
- Did you get changed? - Yeah, I bought
a couple of things while I was out.
221
00:12:10,660 --> 00:12:12,930
- Shirt and some shoes.
- And aftershave?
222
00:12:12,980 --> 00:12:16,300
- Yeah. Do you like it? - It's
quite strong, isn't it? - I know!
223
00:12:19,620 --> 00:12:21,580
Oh, I loved that.
224
00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:26,170
- Look at Sid. He's
still bouncing. - Mm.
225
00:12:26,220 --> 00:12:28,290
Have you been going to the gym?
226
00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:31,930
You know -- single man,
got standards to keep up.
227
00:12:31,980 --> 00:12:34,450
Actually, what HAS been happening
with your romantic life?
228
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:37,130
Because you've kept your cards
very close to your chest.
229
00:12:37,180 --> 00:12:38,610
Oh, er, OK.
230
00:12:38,660 --> 00:12:43,050
- Well, there's been a variety of
girls... - Mm. - .. all really smoking.
231
00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:47,090
I'm just not sure I'm... ready to
get into a relationship, you know?
232
00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:49,170
However much they plead.
233
00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:51,850
Whoever you'll choose,
they'll be a very lucky girl.
234
00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:54,490
- Think we should have that food, then.
- Hell, yeah!
235
00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:56,850
- I'll pop it in the microwave.
- OK.
236
00:12:56,900 --> 00:13:00,170
Oh -- Mum gave me 40
quid for the shopping.
237
00:13:00,220 --> 00:13:02,570
- Please take it.
- No way, best-ay!
238
00:13:02,620 --> 00:13:05,650
OK, well, I'm putting the money in
your wallet, is it in your coat?
239
00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:09,050
- Do not go near my coat!
- Oh, what's that?
240
00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:10,700
Don't open it.
241
00:13:11,820 --> 00:13:13,490
Oh, the engagement ring.
242
00:13:13,540 --> 00:13:15,300
It's, erm...
243
00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:21,210
I keep it on me when I
see you, just in case.
244
00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:25,140
So I mean, when you said we were
past all that old stuff, you...
245
00:13:27,380 --> 00:13:30,330
Oh, listen. Sid's fine. Erm...
246
00:13:30,380 --> 00:13:34,060
And thanks for getting all the
dinner and everything. It's lovely.
247
00:13:36,060 --> 00:13:38,380
Yeah. OK.
248
00:13:39,420 --> 00:13:40,970
Oh, the ready meal.
249
00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:43,930
Don't forget to pierce the film
before you put it in the microwave.
250
00:13:43,980 --> 00:13:47,340
- OK. - Can I have my ring
back, please? - Oh, yeah.
251
00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:50,170
Erm...
252
00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:52,010
- Oh, shit.
- What?
253
00:13:52,060 --> 00:13:54,770
- Well, I can't see the ring.
- Well, what do you mean?
254
00:13:54,820 --> 00:13:57,130
Oh, God, it must have fallen onto him.
255
00:13:57,180 --> 00:14:00,370
- Oh...! OK. I think Sid might
have swallowed it. - Oh, God!
256
00:14:00,420 --> 00:14:02,970
Oh... Ben, what do we do?
257
00:14:03,020 --> 00:14:05,850
I don't know. I mean, I could try
and claim on the contents insurance
258
00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:08,370
- but there'd be a hell of
an excess to pay. - What?!
259
00:14:08,420 --> 00:14:12,330
- Oh, God, and now I have a nosebleed. Argh!
- Come on, Siddie...
260
00:14:12,380 --> 00:14:14,060
Oh, God.
261
00:14:17,740 --> 00:14:20,650
OK. Slight change of plan.
262
00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:23,610
Instead of leaving university,
you are in fact now staying.
263
00:14:23,660 --> 00:14:25,010
What?! Why?
264
00:14:25,060 --> 00:14:27,530
Look, Dylan. I...
265
00:14:27,580 --> 00:14:30,090
I just hate for you to throw
away a perfectly good career
266
00:14:30,140 --> 00:14:32,450
- in media studies.
- You didn't get your money back, did you?
267
00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:34,610
Look, I don't want to get all
draconian about it, right,
268
00:14:34,660 --> 00:14:36,570
but I pay nine grand for you to be here,
269
00:14:36,620 --> 00:14:39,050
so I essentially own you
for at least one year.
270
00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:42,890
- Well, that's slavery.
- Yes. Well, maybe slavery isn't that bad.
271
00:14:42,940 --> 00:14:45,410
Think of all the music it gave us.
272
00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:48,730
Come on, Dylan. Give this
place another chance.
273
00:14:48,780 --> 00:14:51,490
Only came to uni to have a
laugh. It's just so lame here.
274
00:14:51,540 --> 00:14:54,050
It's full of sad twats and
international students.
275
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:57,860
All they have is a library, a shit
bar and... and a pond full of geese.
276
00:14:58,860 --> 00:15:01,610
- They're ducks, mate.
- Oh, God, you're always criticising me.
277
00:15:01,660 --> 00:15:05,530
Look, Dylan! University's amazing.
278
00:15:05,580 --> 00:15:10,050
Think of all the parties,
and the protest marches...
279
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:12,890
Yeah, OK, forget the protest marches.
280
00:15:12,940 --> 00:15:16,010
- There'll be someone here for you
to have a laugh with. - Hey, guys!
281
00:15:16,060 --> 00:15:19,010
Want to come and play Frisbee
with us? Heads up, Nathan!
282
00:15:19,060 --> 00:15:20,490
Oh! You OK?
283
00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:22,610
Look, Dad, I'm telling you,
this is the lamest place ever.
284
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:24,450
Don't be a quitter.
285
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:27,610
Hey. Let's go and have a pint
in the student union bar.
286
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:30,130
That's where all the laughs start.
287
00:15:35,260 --> 00:15:38,930
See? This place isn't too bad.
288
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,530
I'm sure it'll pick up later.
289
00:15:40,580 --> 00:15:43,380
No, it won't. This is as good as it gets.
290
00:15:44,580 --> 00:15:46,490
Where's the band posters?
291
00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:48,410
Where's the guy selling
the Socialist Worker?
292
00:15:48,460 --> 00:15:50,570
Where's the 10p-a-pint signs?
293
00:15:50,620 --> 00:15:52,970
Last week they actually had a
talk about alcohol awareness.
294
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:54,660
Unbelievable!
295
00:15:55,660 --> 00:15:57,860
Is that kid doing an essay?
296
00:15:58,620 --> 00:16:01,770
- There's not even any
graffiti in the bogs. - What?
297
00:16:01,820 --> 00:16:04,930
- There's got to be an anarchy sign
or a badly drawn cock and balls? - No.
298
00:16:04,980 --> 00:16:06,530
Well, this place is a disgrace.
299
00:16:06,580 --> 00:16:08,210
Woo-hoo!
300
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:11,930
I love university! I've
made so many friends.
301
00:16:11,980 --> 00:16:15,450
- See?
- Guys, this is Charlie.
302
00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:18,090
Nathan and I were playing
Frisbee and Charlie joined in...
303
00:16:18,140 --> 00:16:20,050
- uh, what's that word again?
- Ironically.
304
00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:23,050
.. Ironically. So we played
ironic Frisbee together.
305
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:26,010
Right! Good. Would you sit
down, Charlie, join us?
306
00:16:26,060 --> 00:16:27,410
No-one really drinks in here.
307
00:16:27,460 --> 00:16:30,810
No-one that I know anyway. I'm
going to a party at Ottley House.
308
00:16:30,860 --> 00:16:33,410
- Oh, where's that?
- You haven't heard of Ottley House?
309
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:35,970
Oh, no. No, yeah. I've
heard of it, obviously.
310
00:16:36,020 --> 00:16:37,690
I was, um... I was being ironic.
311
00:16:37,740 --> 00:16:39,690
She loves that!
312
00:16:40,820 --> 00:16:43,490
Well, the party's going to be
pretty messed up, you should come.
313
00:16:43,540 --> 00:16:45,540
Bring your grandad too.
314
00:16:47,260 --> 00:16:49,930
Did you eat something naughty?
315
00:16:49,980 --> 00:16:53,930
Did your bad, bad sister
feed you something naughty?
316
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:57,050
- I didn't strictly feed it to him.
- Of course not!
317
00:16:57,100 --> 00:17:01,050
But in future you should know
feeding babies metal jewellery
318
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:02,850
is considered bad parenting.
319
00:17:02,900 --> 00:17:05,210
- Yeah. I knew.
- "Knew".
320
00:17:05,260 --> 00:17:08,210
Well, not to worry. He'll
poo it out in a few hours.
321
00:17:08,260 --> 00:17:10,690
- You'll soon have your
engagement ring back. - Great!
322
00:17:10,740 --> 00:17:14,450
- But it's not actually my engagement ring.
- Well, it sort of is.
323
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:18,170
- We were engaged and... it was the ring.
- We weren't, I said no.
324
00:17:18,220 --> 00:17:21,490
Well, you said yes first. Ten
seconds, it still counts.
325
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:23,370
OK!
326
00:17:23,420 --> 00:17:26,730
Well -- as this isn't a medical
issue, I have no comment.
327
00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:30,250
- Unless... How old are you?
- 24.
328
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:33,610
Because statistically, if you
haven't met your husband by 25
329
00:17:33,660 --> 00:17:36,210
you won't marry till 29,
and childbirth after 30
330
00:17:36,260 --> 00:17:38,490
puts a massive strain on the NHS.
331
00:17:38,540 --> 00:17:41,050
So if I DID have to
advise you medically...
332
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:43,040
Have a think about it.
333
00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:47,810
"Should your sister have
said yes? Should she?
334
00:17:47,860 --> 00:17:51,900
"He looks nice enough. Handsome.
335
00:17:52,860 --> 00:17:54,410
"Should she be more realistic?"
336
00:17:54,460 --> 00:17:56,860
- OK...
- "I think she should."
337
00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:12,810
- Hey. - Hey! Have you guys got
any booze? We're running low.
338
00:18:12,860 --> 00:18:15,130
In luck! Old guy does.
339
00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:17,770
Now, this is more like it.
340
00:18:17,820 --> 00:18:20,020
Hey, guys. We've got booze!
341
00:18:21,860 --> 00:18:23,460
I got Frisbee!
342
00:18:29,140 --> 00:18:33,610
- That's what a credit card's for.
- I'm learning so much at university!
343
00:18:33,660 --> 00:18:35,610
We're going to leave you to it.
344
00:18:35,660 --> 00:18:37,330
Yeah, nice one.
345
00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:40,530
Hey, Dad.
346
00:18:40,580 --> 00:18:42,650
I thought you were going to
be a right dick about today,
347
00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:46,370
but you were only half as much
of a dick as I thought you'd be.
348
00:18:46,420 --> 00:18:49,500
- Thank you, Dylan.
- Stay for a beer if you like.
349
00:18:50,940 --> 00:18:54,500
No. You don't want me hanging
around cramping your style.
350
00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:13,770
Again!
351
00:19:25,820 --> 00:19:29,140
OK, Siddie, let's have
a little look at you.
352
00:19:30,540 --> 00:19:33,370
No. Still no joy.
353
00:19:33,420 --> 00:19:35,610
All right, then. All right.
354
00:19:35,660 --> 00:19:38,300
Oh... Let's warm you up some milk.
355
00:19:50,020 --> 00:19:51,690
You OK?
356
00:19:51,740 --> 00:19:53,700
Yeah.
357
00:19:54,740 --> 00:19:57,810
Ben, I worry, being friends with me
358
00:19:57,860 --> 00:20:02,370
maybe... it's not the best
thing for you at the moment.
359
00:20:02,420 --> 00:20:05,540
- No, no, it IS the best thing.
- Will you be honest for a sec?
360
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:08,650
It's just so ridiculous.
361
00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:12,290
Dale's in love with this... Ling
woman, you're in love with Dale
362
00:20:12,340 --> 00:20:14,020
and I'm in...
363
00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:17,850
Oh, God.
364
00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:19,500
You're right.
365
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:25,690
Maybe we should all... have
a fresh start and move on.
366
00:20:25,740 --> 00:20:29,730
The trouble with moving on is... you
don't know what's round the corner.
367
00:20:29,780 --> 00:20:34,780
There could be a hairpin bend. Or a
new boyfriend who REALLY hurts you.
368
00:20:35,820 --> 00:20:39,330
Sometimes, when you're moving on,
you've got to go into reverse
369
00:20:39,380 --> 00:20:40,850
and back up a little.
370
00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:42,490
And as you're backing up,
371
00:20:42,540 --> 00:20:46,370
you might be worried you're
going over old ground, but
372
00:20:46,420 --> 00:20:49,530
actually it's the best thing
you could possibly do.
373
00:20:49,580 --> 00:20:51,650
Because the old ground
374
00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:53,840
is safe... and reliable...
375
00:20:54,780 --> 00:20:56,570
.. thinks you're beautiful.
376
00:20:56,620 --> 00:20:58,370
Ben...
377
00:20:58,420 --> 00:21:02,220
The old ground will never...
hurt you or leave you.
378
00:21:03,180 --> 00:21:05,850
It'll just be glad that
you're, you know...
379
00:21:05,900 --> 00:21:08,380
driving over it again.
380
00:21:13,820 --> 00:21:16,570
- Ooh, gosh, can you smell that?
- Yeah, I think I can.
381
00:21:16,620 --> 00:21:18,330
Ooh!
382
00:21:18,380 --> 00:21:23,050
- I think we have success, baby Sid.
- Yeah! - Oh...! - A bit too much.
383
00:21:23,100 --> 00:21:24,090
- Eurgh.
- Eurgh.
384
00:21:24,140 --> 00:21:26,610
- Maggie, Maggie, Maggie!
- Out, out, out!
385
00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:29,490
- Maggie, Maggie, Maggie!
- Out, out, out!
386
00:21:29,540 --> 00:21:30,690
- Maggie!
- Out!
387
00:21:30,740 --> 00:21:31,770
- Maggie!
- Out!
388
00:21:31,820 --> 00:21:34,410
- Maggie, Maggie, Maggie!
- Out, out, out!
389
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:38,490
- Your dad is wicked.
- Mm-hm.
390
00:21:38,540 --> 00:21:41,650
Folks, seriously... I've got
another one for you guys,
391
00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:42,970
see if you can join along.
392
00:21:43,020 --> 00:21:45,050
This is a little number...
393
00:21:45,100 --> 00:21:47,130
by a Mr Billy Bragg.
394
00:21:47,180 --> 00:21:49,650
Come in with me when you're ready.
395
00:21:51,140 --> 00:21:54,210
? I was a miner
396
00:21:54,260 --> 00:21:57,570
? I was a docker
397
00:21:57,620 --> 00:22:02,450
? I was a railway man
Between the wars... ?
398
00:22:02,500 --> 00:22:03,530
Let's go.
399
00:22:03,580 --> 00:22:05,690
? I was a miner... ?
400
00:22:05,740 --> 00:22:07,170
He was a miner!
401
00:22:07,220 --> 00:22:10,050
- ? I was a docker... ?
- Docker!
402
00:22:10,100 --> 00:22:13,650
? .. a railway man Between the wars... ?
403
00:22:13,700 --> 00:22:16,370
- Mother-frickin' wars!
- Let's go...
404
00:22:19,100 --> 00:22:21,730
- Maggie, Maggie, Maggie!
- Out, out, out!
405
00:22:21,780 --> 00:22:24,330
- Maggie, Maggie, Maggie!
- Out, out, out!
406
00:22:24,380 --> 00:22:25,690
- Maggie!
- Out!
407
00:22:25,740 --> 00:22:27,450
- You can't be in
here... - Maggie! - Out!
408
00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:29,890
- Maggie, Maggie, Maggie!
- Out, out, out!
409
00:22:29,940 --> 00:22:32,810
- Maggie, Maggie, Maggie!
- Out, out, out!
410
00:22:33,900 --> 00:22:38,610
You... can't be in here.
This room is a fire risk,
411
00:22:38,660 --> 00:22:41,890
- you must all leave immediately.
- Oh, come on,
412
00:22:41,940 --> 00:22:45,730
- they're just trying to have a bit of fun.
- The party's over.
413
00:22:45,780 --> 00:22:48,050
Everyone, please leave.
414
00:22:48,100 --> 00:22:49,810
You square.
415
00:22:49,860 --> 00:22:51,970
- Thatcher!
- Yes, Dale.
416
00:22:52,020 --> 00:22:55,090
Aren't you... a bit old
for this kind of thing?
417
00:22:55,140 --> 00:22:59,890
I am not going to take a
lecture... from the likes of you.
418
00:22:59,940 --> 00:23:01,850
(Bollocks.)
419
00:23:01,900 --> 00:23:04,640
Well, I can see where he gets THAT from.
420
00:23:06,700 --> 00:23:08,900
Guys...? Guys, wait!
421
00:23:09,940 --> 00:23:11,170
I can see you all want to go,
422
00:23:11,220 --> 00:23:13,850
and you think the party's over...
423
00:23:13,900 --> 00:23:17,050
but before you do I want
to say a couple things.
424
00:23:17,100 --> 00:23:18,300
OK?
425
00:23:19,380 --> 00:23:25,490
All it takes for evil to flourish is
for a few good men to say nothing.
426
00:23:25,540 --> 00:23:29,770
We have to show that supercilious bell-end
427
00:23:29,820 --> 00:23:32,650
that we will NOT be
pushed around by the Man.
428
00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:34,930
All right?
429
00:23:34,980 --> 00:23:37,490
We must fight... the
might... of the system!
430
00:23:37,540 --> 00:23:39,370
WHO'S WITH HIM?!
431
00:23:39,420 --> 00:23:41,090
WHO'S WITH ME?!
432
00:23:42,700 --> 00:23:44,410
OK.
433
00:23:44,460 --> 00:23:46,010
I'll be honest...
434
00:23:46,060 --> 00:23:48,860
I'm a little disappointed by the turnout.
435
00:23:49,620 --> 00:23:50,690
OK, Dad, what's the plan?
436
00:23:50,740 --> 00:23:53,530
The plan... is we're going
to teach that smug little twat
437
00:23:53,580 --> 00:23:55,650
a lesson he won't forget.
438
00:23:56,580 --> 00:24:00,930
- The old classic. We're going to turn
his car on its roof. - No, Dad, stop.
439
00:24:00,980 --> 00:24:06,170
- Dylan...! - What if we pick it
up, and... move it over there?
440
00:24:06,220 --> 00:24:07,960
Onto the island.
441
00:24:09,540 --> 00:24:12,450
You are a chip off the
old block! OK, boys,
442
00:24:12,500 --> 00:24:15,370
let's put this prick's car on the island!
443
00:24:15,420 --> 00:24:18,210
Wait, Chief Ken... This is
all allowed at university?
444
00:24:18,260 --> 00:24:20,370
It's totally fine.
445
00:24:20,420 --> 00:24:21,730
Dad, come on!
446
00:24:21,780 --> 00:24:24,570
OK, boys. Three, two, one.
447
00:24:24,620 --> 00:24:26,500
Heave!
448
00:24:27,940 --> 00:24:31,180
- Oh, he's going to shit when
he sees this! - Hi, Mr Duck!
449
00:24:32,660 --> 00:24:36,220
We can do this, guys, come on...
450
00:24:37,100 --> 00:24:39,170
Onto the island she goes!
451
00:24:41,220 --> 00:24:42,570
Yes!
452
00:24:42,620 --> 00:24:48,220
OK, boys. One last
heave. One, two, three...
453
00:24:49,220 --> 00:24:52,170
Yes, Dad! I am DEFINTELY
staying at university!
454
00:24:52,220 --> 00:24:54,160
So proud of you, son.
455
00:25:05,740 --> 00:25:08,380
Oh, no! Oh...!
456
00:25:12,660 --> 00:25:14,900
Final offer -- five grand.
457
00:25:18,100 --> 00:25:21,210
I can't believe they kicked me
out. Why did you make me do that?
458
00:25:21,260 --> 00:25:22,890
You're an adult now, Dylan,
459
00:25:22,940 --> 00:25:25,490
and as an adult, we take
responsibility for our own actions.
460
00:25:25,540 --> 00:25:27,570
That said -- don't tell your mother.
461
00:25:27,620 --> 00:25:29,330
I can still smell burning duck.
462
00:25:29,380 --> 00:25:31,890
Yeah. It'll take me a while
till I have a Chinese.
463
00:25:31,940 --> 00:25:34,730
Still, university was great, wasn't it?
464
00:25:34,780 --> 00:25:36,650
Can we go back EVERY weekend?
465
00:25:36,700 --> 00:25:39,650
- You are such a fucktard.
- Dylan. That's enough.
466
00:25:39,700 --> 00:25:42,490
No, it's OK, Chief Ken.
He was just being ironic.
467
00:25:42,540 --> 00:25:46,370
Like me saying, "It's NOT going to
be great to have you home again, bro!"
468
00:25:46,420 --> 00:25:49,570
Oh, yeah -- I'm not getting a job,
by the way. I'm going travelling.
469
00:25:49,620 --> 00:25:51,570
Oh, yeah? And who's going
to be paying for that?
470
00:25:51,620 --> 00:25:53,730
Well -- you are, or I'll tell Mum.
471
00:25:53,780 --> 00:25:55,290
- Dale?
- On it.
472
00:25:55,340 --> 00:25:56,860
Ow!
473
00:26:00,420 --> 00:26:02,220
Welcome home, son.
474
00:26:03,660 --> 00:26:05,730
OK, here we go, Chief Ken!
475
00:26:05,780 --> 00:26:07,970
- ? I was a miner... ?
- Woo!
476
00:26:08,020 --> 00:26:10,210
- ? I was a docker... ?
- Docker!
477
00:26:10,260 --> 00:26:14,130
? I was a railway man
Between the wars... ?
478
00:26:14,180 --> 00:26:15,290
Your go, Mr Bragg!
479
00:26:15,340 --> 00:26:19,650
? I raised a family In time of austerity
480
00:26:19,700 --> 00:26:23,450
? With sweat at the
foundry Between the wars
481
00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:25,570
? Between the wars These
mother-freakin' wars
482
00:26:25,620 --> 00:26:29,170
? What are we killing for? Just got
to love some more, Chief Ken. ?
483
00:26:29,220 --> 00:26:32,740
- Was that somebody bloody rapping?!
- Oh, I'm so sorry, Billy.
484
00:26:32,790 --> 00:26:37,340
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