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1
00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:04,150
New Thai place just opened.
Do you want to try it?
2
00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:06,870
On a Thursday, Rach?
iPlayer and pizza night?
3
00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:10,870
Sort of a THING. But they've got
coconut tempura shrimp.
4
00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:13,070
Mm... Shrimps spell danger.
5
00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:15,430
They might not have taken
the little black bit out.
6
00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:17,670
How about chicken pandang?
7
00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:19,150
You like chicken.
8
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,920
I do, but define pandang?
9
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,550
Something you haven't tried before.
10
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,590
Aren't you even curious?
11
00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:30,990
Are you all right, Rach?
12
00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:33,830
Yes, I just wish you'd be a bit more
spontaneous sometimes.
13
00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:35,950
OK.
14
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,160
We'll have the Thai.
15
00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:41,670
Hey, Mom.
16
00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:44,230
Cool, er, what do you want?
17
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:47,360
Ooh, great, they do a burger.
18
00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,670
Oi, relax.
19
00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,630
You're a bloody shoo-in...
Do you think?
20
00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,670
..as long as Charles
is in a good mood.
21
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,870
SHOUTS: Yah!
22
00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:06,670
Yah, it's happened again!
23
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:09,790
No more medium-tipped gel pens!
24
00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:11,870
What in hell's piss is going on, eh?
25
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,070
Who's doing this? Who is doing this?
26
00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:15,470
Ah, hello, Ken.
27
00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:17,590
Morning, Charles.
28
00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:19,230
Is it really that difficult
29
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,960
to provide me with the requisite
finer tips?!
30
00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:25,430
Bloody Nora!
31
00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,400
Oh, go on, Ken,
in you go, in you go.
32
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,790
Well, as you know, this will be
my final year as senior partner.
33
00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,750
Oh, but, Charles, you're still
so young and dynamic.
34
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:40,110
No, no, no, Ken.
Time to give somebody else a chance.
35
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:45,550
Now, as outgoing senior partner, I'm
expected to nominate my successor.
36
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,830
Is that how it works? I can't say
I've ever thought about it.
37
00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:50,150
Of course not, Ken.
38
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,150
But, that being said,
you are the obvious choice. Oh!
39
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,990
A good lawyer, never going to
set the world alight, of course,
40
00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:59,190
but, er, a relatively safe
pair of hands. Ah.
41
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:02,110
So, what do you say.
Do you accept my nomination?
42
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,830
Charles, I would be
honoured. Excellent.
43
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:06,950
So it will either be you or Jane.
44
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,670
Jane?
45
00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,390
Jane's only been partner for a year.
46
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:13,110
She's very talented. Very popular.
47
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,430
Besides, you're the one that's
always banging on to me
48
00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:17,670
about diversity in the workplace.
49
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,910
Female black senior partner.
50
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:21,750
Could be a clever move.
51
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,990
Right, but, also remember,
52
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:28,230
diversity at the top
can cause complacency.
53
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:32,230
So, somewhat counter intuitively,
54
00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:37,430
often the best diversity candidate
is a white middle aged man.
55
00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:39,270
Well, I hear you,
56
00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:43,110
but you know what this office needs
is the modern thrust.
57
00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:45,510
There are far too many people
of our generation at the top
58
00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:48,990
who don't know our hard
drives from our floppy discs.
59
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:50,550
You say our generation.
60
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,990
I am, of course, 25 years
younger than you.
61
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:58,630
Come on, Ken, we're just a couple of
old dinosaurs. No shame in it.
62
00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,070
I'm very modern.
63
00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:03,230
I'm on Twitter.
64
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,000
I follow Holly Willoughby.
65
00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:09,950
Hello, Ken.
Looks like I'm in after you.
66
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:13,400
Ah, Jane, hope you have
a really super meeting.
67
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:21,870
This is my last chance to make
senior partner.
68
00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:24,550
If he nominates Jane
she'll be there till I retire.
69
00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,070
Is this senior partner
chief at your work, Ken?
70
00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,710
That's right.
71
00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:31,430
Good boy.
I don't know if this applies
72
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,990
but when Vashradi fought to
leave our ashram he challenged
73
00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:36,430
his opponent to swallow hot coals
to prove his divinity.
74
00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:38,150
The opponent died.
75
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,030
Wow, and Vashradi survived?
76
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:43,830
He would have but the other guy was
dead and it was getting late.
77
00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:45,990
When you think about it
I'm the obvious choice.
78
00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:48,870
I know the company inside out.
I know who the dead wood is.
79
00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:50,390
I know who needs to be moved up.
80
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,600
I would move heaven
and earth for you, Ken.
81
00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:59,430
I just need to convince Charles
that I'm the best candidate.
82
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:02,550
Do you know, he actually
accused me of not being modern!
83
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:06,750
Well, you're not, are you? Go on,
you're terrible with computers.
84
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:07,910
How dare you?
85
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,870
You use Yahoo to search for Google.
86
00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,550
I'm on Twitter.
I've got ten followers now.
87
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,870
Yeah, Mum
and everyone in the office.
88
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,350
Well, what about this video
that I forwarded everyone?
89
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,430
Oh, that's old. To be honest Ken,
even I saw that about two years ago.
90
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,800
Wait, ssh, ssh, ssh!
91
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,630
Ah!
92
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:32,630
HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY
93
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:35,560
You see.
94
00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:39,720
Not everyone's seen it.
95
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:46,350
That was great, Ken.
So worth the price.
96
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:48,720
The price?
97
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,030
Oh! Oh, God!
98
00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:54,950
Oh, my God! Stop, Dale!
99
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,430
Stop it!
100
00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:59,110
I can't, I got 15 more.
What are you doing?
101
00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:01,350
Ashram rules, 30 lashes for each
minute of internet.
102
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,870
OK, Dale, we do not have
that rule in this house.
103
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:05,950
You can watch as much
internet as you like.
104
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,430
And it won't corrupt my soul?
105
00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:10,350
Well, just don't look at Dylan's
search history.
106
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,630
That's a good point. That's true.
107
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:17,030
Oh, you liked that one, didn't you?
Yeah. Drunk babies are funny.
108
00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,750
Then you can share it
with your friends.
109
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,750
What is that?
It's Instant Messenger.
110
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,760
You type in here and it comes to me.
111
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,430
H-h-how do I do that? OK.
112
00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:31,550
Er, so you paste the link.
113
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,910
And click send.
114
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,150
And it goes straight to you?
115
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,600
Yeah, it's like a direct line.
116
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:43,680
Oh, after you're done with that,
show him LinkedIn.
117
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:49,830
Dad, you like looking at books
don't you. I call it reading, Dylan.
118
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:51,910
Fancy buying these book
tokens off me? �100?
119
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,150
Why have you got �100
worth of book tokens?
120
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,710
I won them in a poetry competition.
Dylie!
121
00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,990
YOU won a poetry competition?
122
00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:01,830
Yeah, well they said the first prize
was �100 so I thought I'd enter.
123
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,710
Only took two minutes,
was a piece of piss.
124
00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,390
For you maybe,
my talented little Dyl-Dyl.
125
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,950
Sorry, YOU won a poetry competition?
126
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:12,270
Yes, only it turned out the prize
was actually �100 in book tokens.
127
00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:14,030
Money you can only spend on books.
128
00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:17,550
It's like having a glass
you can only fill with...
129
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:18,990
shit.
130
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:21,750
Prize-winning imagery.
Such a gift for language(!)
131
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,120
Well, my clever boy.
132
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,470
Come on, Dylan, let's hear the poem.
133
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,270
Get lost. It's bad enough
I have to read it at the recital.
134
00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:36,950
There's a recital?
All right, don't wet yourself.
135
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,310
My son, a poet.
136
00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:40,990
That's probably from me.
137
00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:44,710
You know, when your dad
and I first got together,
138
00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:47,310
I used to write him
sexy little poems
139
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,760
and leave them in his briefcase for
when he got to work.
140
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:52,910
I remember one of them went...
141
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:55,400
DOOR SLAMS
142
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,030
SHE CHUCKLES
143
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,480
PHONE BUZZES
144
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,960
You saucy minx!
145
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,110
So I spent all day yesterday
146
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,190
thinking of ways to be
more spontaneous
147
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:58,030
and I was going to tell you tonight
but, in the spirit of things,
148
00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,350
I thought, sod it,
I'll tell you now.
149
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:03,350
What are you doing a week Saturday
150
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,430
next year?
151
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:06,710
I've no idea.
152
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:10,990
Well, you do now, because
I just bought us two tickets
153
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:13,320
to the Ideal Home Show!
154
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:16,710
Not good?
155
00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:19,310
Yeah, that's lovely, erm,
156
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:23,590
I suppose I was hoping
for something a bit more...
157
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,680
wild.
158
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:30,910
Against the wall! Yeah.
159
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:32,830
Sorry, I should just...
No, leave them!
160
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,030
No, it doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter.
161
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,710
Is there something you can sit on?
I thought you joined the gym.
162
00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:41,400
I did but I never have to lift
anything as heavy as you.
163
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,870
Let's just go on the floor.
164
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:49,950
Ow! Oh, sorry. Sorry.
165
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,280
Sorry. Yeah, OK.
166
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,150
Oi, is that a new mole?
167
00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,190
Ben, please, just focus.
168
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,310
Yeah, sorry, it's just the edges
look a bit frayed
169
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:03,750
and they said the sooner you get it
looked at the better.
170
00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:07,560
I think it can wait two minutes.
Two minutes? Well...
171
00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:14,440
DOOR OPENS
172
00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,120
HE GASPS
173
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:33,670
Someone there? Now?
174
00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:36,760
HE ORGASMS
175
00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:50,360
THEY LAUGH
176
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,230
Jane?
177
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,430
Ken. I didn't see you there.
178
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:07,390
Erm, my husband's running
his practice from home nowadays.
179
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:11,150
He asked me to help towards
the stationery. Right.
180
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,190
That is a lot of stuff.
181
00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:15,470
Perks of partnership, eh?
182
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:17,750
Yeah. Yeah, why not?
183
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:20,880
You go for it.
184
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:29,510
Ben.
185
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:32,150
Ken. Mate. What's up?
186
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:36,430
I wanted your advice
on a delicate matter.
187
00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:37,710
Shoot.
188
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,910
I think I may have found a way of
shoring up the senior partnership
189
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:43,630
but it's, er, not exactly ethical.
190
00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:46,030
Are we talking something
dangerous here? Not really.
191
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:49,430
It's more sort of petty and underhand
and not worthy of a real man.
192
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,470
You know what a real man does, Ken?
193
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,590
He takes what he wants.
194
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,710
Because fortune favours the brave.
195
00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:57,950
Carpe Diem.
196
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,070
All right, I'll do it. Thanks, mate.
197
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:03,640
No problem. Smell you later.
198
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:07,670
Prick.
199
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:10,000
Enter.
200
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:12,750
Oh, Ken. Hi, Charles.
201
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,950
Erm, I've managed to lay my hands
on some CCTV footage
202
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,550
from the stationery cupboard.
203
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:21,390
Righto. What sort of CCTV footage?
204
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:24,190
Is it urgent? I've got lots of
things on, you know.
205
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:29,110
Not urgent, no. Let's just say you'll
find it very, very interesting.
206
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:31,430
Right. Why?
207
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:36,640
Let's just say it'll change the way
you see things around this office.
208
00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:44,520
Let me know what you think.
209
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,870
Lorna, you kinky madam!
210
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,550
HE CHORTLES
211
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:56,870
By the way I, erm, liking
your messages, little Miss Naughty.
212
00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:01,510
I'm liking yours,
Mister...Tall Naughty.
213
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:05,440
APPLAUSE
214
00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:15,670
I've got to say I've really loved
judging this competition.
215
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:17,510
Never really been one for poetry,
216
00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:22,190
but reading these pieces by your
children, I've started to think,
217
00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:26,150
"Hey, it's not all about
fancy-pants clever-clogses
218
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,910
"rhyming you with blue."
219
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:34,550
It's...it's young people pouring
their fucking hearts out.
220
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:39,200
So, without further adoage,
let's put the emotion in motion.
221
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,670
Great.
222
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,640
APPLAUSE
223
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:52,520
My poem is called insignificant
progenitor. Progenitor means father.
224
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,550
'Insignificant progenitor.
225
00:12:56,600 --> 00:13:00,990
'Foolish balding man, short dolt,
226
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:02,910
'Mephitic midget
227
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:06,230
'Why do you cling to the dark in
your limited mindset
228
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:09,800
'Like a toad who
makes its home in shit?'
229
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,590
Brilliant. That's my daughter.
230
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,680
APPLAUSE
231
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,590
Wow, right?
232
00:13:21,640 --> 00:13:26,680
OK, guys, now you are in for
a tasty, wordy, rhyme-tastic treat.
233
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,950
Dylan Thompson, first prize.
234
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,710
APPLAUSE
235
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,560
Well done, Dylan.
236
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:40,230
Thank you.
237
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,790
"I'll be there" by Dylan Thompson.
238
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:47,510
Dylan Thompson. Even sounds like
a poet. Just wait and see.
239
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:51,230
'You're still in bed at ten,
and work began at eight.
240
00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:55,190
'You've burned your breakfast,
so far things are going great.
241
00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:58,630
'Your mother warned you
there'd be days like these
242
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:01,390
'But she didn't tell you
when the world has brought you
243
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:05,950
'down to your knees
and I'll be there for you
244
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,990
'when the rain starts to pour.
245
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:13,310
'I'll be there for you
like I've been there before
246
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:17,310
'I'll be there for you
cos you're there for me too.'
247
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:19,710
This is first prize?
248
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:23,150
OK, guys, you know, this poem
may not be your bag but,
249
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,030
just give the kid a chance, right?
Yeah.
250
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:28,070
It's not a poem.
It's the theme tune from Friends.
251
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:29,310
What?
252
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:33,390
? I'll be there for you,
when the rain starts to pour. ?
253
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,950
It is the theme tune from Friends.
I know.
254
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,910
I knew it sounded familiar.
255
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,630
It's a qualified English teacher.
Reassuring?
256
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,310
Well, shall I finish it or what?
257
00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:44,960
I think maybe just
get off the stage.
258
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,910
Look, I wrote this, all right.
259
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:51,960
You can't prove that I didn't.
260
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,480
SCATTERED APPLAUSE
261
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,990
Great, so in one night I've lost
�100 worth of book tokens
262
00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:04,830
and all pride in my family.
263
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,630
Dylan, I'm going to need that
money back. Sold as seen, mate.
264
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,750
Dylan, hand it over. Dylan!
265
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:14,510
Hey, you guys never said you made
an internet video. Internet video?
266
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:17,070
Yeah, but I didn't really get it
though. It was super grainy.
267
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,030
What were you guys doing?
Planking?
268
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:20,590
What are you talking about?
269
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:24,550
And what was with that weird balloon
animal? A balloon animal?
270
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,710
Yeah, you held it up at the end
but it was deflated and then you
271
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,390
rolled it up in tissue paper and
hid it behind the filing cabinet.
272
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:35,630
Dale, wh-where did you see
this video? Ken's e-mail.
273
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:40,280
Dad, was there a video in your
e-mail today with me and Ben in it? No.
274
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:46,270
The only video on my e-mail is CCTV
footage of Jane stealing stationery.
275
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,670
There's CCTV
in the stationery cupboard?
276
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,750
Yeah, I've sent it to Charles.
277
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:54,910
Oh, God! Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no!
278
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:58,950
Dad, I think you sent a video to
Charles of me and Ben having sex.
279
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,990
No. No, I didn't. Yes, you did.
280
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,190
When Jane came in to the stationery
cupboard today,
281
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,670
me and Ben, we were...
282
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,110
We were...
283
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,030
HE ROARS
284
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:13,670
Dad! What were you thinking?
What was I thinking? Yeah.
285
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:16,270
Maybe it would've been a good idea
to check the footage first.
286
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:19,310
It would've been a good idea not to
have sex in the stationery cupboard.
287
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,430
We were just trying to be
more spontaneous.
288
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,430
Oh, God, this is the problem with
spontaneity, it's unpredictable.
289
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:27,390
Man created routines for a reason.
290
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:30,990
To separate us
from the chaos of nature.
291
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,790
I don't want to
live like a chimpanzee, Rachel.
292
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:35,950
Well, I don't want the whole
office to see me naked.
293
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,950
These things they always get
forwarded round.
294
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,310
God, everyone's going to be
laughing at me! OK.
295
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,910
I'm going to ring Charles.
Maybe he hasn't read the e-mail yet.
296
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,000
He did say he was busy.
297
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,830
Charles, it's Ken. Yeah.
298
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:53,800
Listen have you, erm, managed to
read that e-mail from earlier yet?
299
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,110
You haven't?
300
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,510
Your laptop's at work.
301
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,870
Fantastic. Great.
302
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:05,280
Er, listen, I'd really appreciate it
if you could delete that e-mail.
303
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,960
What's on it?
304
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,110
It's very sensitive,
private and personal,
305
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,670
I've made an embarrassing mistake.
306
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:20,040
I would really appreciate it, as
a friend, if you would delete that.
307
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,680
Yeah. Completely.
308
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:26,750
Thank you.
309
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,470
Don't open it.
310
00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,560
Thank you.
311
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:34,990
Well, he's definitely going to
watch it now.
312
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:36,430
No, he said he'd delete it.
313
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,190
'Sensitive, private and personal,
An embarrassing mistake?'
314
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,670
Could you have made it sound
any more juicy
315
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,910
Oh, she's right, Dad. Oh, God.
316
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:46,430
But his laptop's in his office?
317
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,550
I am NOT hacking my boss's computer.
318
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,150
I'm up for senior partner.
319
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,760
All right, so you'd rather
he saw your daughter having sex?
320
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:08,670
OK, so we break in,
find the video, delete it
321
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,150
and it's off to Friday's
for a victory battered sausage.
322
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:13,710
Quicker the better.
The window's open, Chief Ken.
323
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:16,670
I'll bust in and then come down and
let you guys through the front door.
324
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,030
Oh, no, there's no need to...
325
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,630
Relax, I've seen a ton of
parkour videos today. I got this.
326
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,840
No, but Dale...
327
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:31,830
..I have my key card.
328
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:33,750
Aargh.
329
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,070
Oh...
330
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:37,910
Oh boy.
331
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:41,150
Dale, do you need to go home?
No, no, no. I'm A-OK.
332
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:42,590
It only hurts when I breathe.
333
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,710
Are there security
cameras in here too?
334
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,110
What if they check the tapes?
335
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:48,070
What if they find out that
we've broken in?
336
00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:51,190
No-one is breaking in.
We're just working late.
337
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,870
Solid. So what are we looking for?
A laptop.
338
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,550
There!
339
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:58,760
Huah! Huah! Huah! Huah!
340
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:04,710
Not that laptop.
341
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,630
You need to calm down.
342
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,590
Not an option, Ken.
343
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,070
Rachel's dignity is at stake
344
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:12,590
and I will not rest
until I complete my quest. OK.
345
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:15,670
That's good because I've got
a very important job for you.
346
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:19,190
I want you to stay here
and watch the door.
347
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:22,600
You stay here and watch Dale. OK.
348
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:36,830
SCREAMS
349
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:38,520
Jesus, Ken!
350
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:43,510
What are you doing here? I just came
back to collect some things.
351
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,030
This is my office.
352
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,270
Yes, I...
353
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,270
heard your computer
354
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:54,110
and I came in to give you a shock,
you know, for a joke.
355
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,520
And I did. All according to plan.
356
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,870
What are you doing back
there, Charles?
357
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:08,230
I told you, didn't I?
358
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:12,590
I left my laptop here
and came back to collect it.
359
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,710
Some very important things
that I have to look at.
360
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:16,760
What kind of things?
361
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,670
Private things.
362
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,310
Oh, this is disgusting!
363
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:27,040
Oh, yes, Ken.
364
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,390
I'm so ashamed.
365
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,190
Oh, Charles. I thought
a bit more of you than this.
366
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:35,430
I'm a sick man, Ken. Yeah.
367
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,790
I don't suppose there's any
way that we could keep this
368
00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:41,350
just between the two of us,
could we? What?
369
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:45,000
I could announce you as senior
partner tomorrow.
370
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,030
Yeah.
371
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,590
OK.
372
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,150
But you'll delete the e-mail, yes?
373
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:56,310
Well, yes, if you want me to.
374
00:20:56,360 --> 00:21:00,230
Yes, I want you to. Oh, fine.
375
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,350
There you are, all gone.
376
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,200
Poof! Right.
377
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,560
Bye. Bye.
378
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,840
Oh, Charles.
379
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:27,790
Senior partner. I'm so proud.
380
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:31,270
Thanks, love. Bit of an unorthodox
rise to power but,
381
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:35,070
guess that's just how business is
done at the sharp end. Absolutely.
382
00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:38,030
You can't expect to rise to the top
without some collateral damage.
383
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:41,720
In this case, Charles using
our daughter as a masturbation aid.
384
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:46,800
Cheers. Cheers.
385
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,350
Congratulations, Ken.
386
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,280
Congratulations, Ken. Thank you.
387
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,990
Hey, Ken, all set for the big
announcement? Yes, very much so.
388
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,150
SHE TITTERS
389
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,910
What? Nothing. Sorry.
390
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:10,200
Absolutely nothing.
391
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,630
Everywhere we go this morning
people seem to be laughing.
392
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,350
Congratulations. Just ignore it.
393
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:20,710
You did delete that e-mail, didn't
you? Of course I deleted it.
394
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,430
There's no chance anyone's seen it.
395
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:24,510
Relax, Rachel,
your dad's getting promoted
396
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,430
and we're all going
to reap the benefits.
397
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:29,510
Exactly, and there is no other
way of looking at it.
398
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:32,310
Boardroom, everyone. Boardroom.
399
00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:34,480
Something to announce.
400
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:42,830
Er, well now it's my honour to
introduce the new senior partner.
401
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,870
He's the right man for the job.
402
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:45,990
He's a good lawyer,
403
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,350
a family man with an enviable
sense of discretion.
404
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:49,950
STIFLED LAUGHTER
405
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,310
Please give a warm welcome
to Ken Thompson.
406
00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:54,190
APPLAUSE
407
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,830
Thank you.
408
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:59,870
Thank you, Charles.
Well, I'd like to welcome you all.
409
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:04,750
I know that the hours this year
have been long and hard.
410
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:08,310
STIFLED LAUGHTER
411
00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:10,950
I know you've really thrown
yourselves into it
412
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,470
so that our clients'
needs are satisfied.
413
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,110
TITTERING
414
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,310
OK, you've seen it.
415
00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:22,240
Come on. Who's seen it?
416
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,270
Pretty much all of you.
417
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,910
Well, as senior partner
I have something I'd like to say.
418
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,830
You should all be
ashamed of yourselves.
419
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,270
Don't all look
at each other innocently.
420
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:44,630
It's just a big
joke to you, isn't it?
421
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,230
It's just a young girl's feelings.
422
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,190
A father's sense of pride.
423
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,910
Go on, laugh it up! Ken.
424
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,950
Don't you "Ken" me.
I'm senior partner now, Charles,
425
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,510
and I'm not going to let you
get away with it.
426
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,670
I'm meant to say a few
words about you, aren't I?
427
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,870
OK, here they are.
You're a filthy old pervert.
428
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:05,030
GASPS
429
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:06,790
OK, fair dos,
430
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:10,230
so I accidentally sent you a video
of my daughter having sex with Ben.
431
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:11,590
GASPS
432
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:12,950
It was her idea.
433
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:14,230
But really, Charles,
434
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:17,750
masturbating over it at work
like some old tramp in an alley
435
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:19,870
and then spreading it
around the office
436
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:21,550
despite assuring me
you'd deleted it.
437
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:25,310
Expecting me to be
so thankful that you'd nominated me,
438
00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:29,430
that I would breeze on by
without even mentioning it.
439
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,870
Well, I'm sorry, Charles,
you picked the wrong patsy.
440
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:33,710
Ken. Don't try and deny it.
441
00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:36,350
But, Ken, I... It is MY turn now!
442
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:37,870
Pete's sake, Ken stop!
443
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:40,470
I think everyone's
laughing about your tweets
444
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:41,790
with your wife.
445
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:42,950
The saucy ones?
446
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,870
No-one knows anything
about this video stuff.
447
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:48,750
What? They were private messages.
448
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,670
I used the e-mail sign,
that little Miss Lorna.
449
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:53,910
That's not how it works, Ken.
450
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:56,080
They were public messages.
451
00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:59,750
I see.
452
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:01,150
And you've all seen them?
453
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,230
I think you owe Charles an apology.
454
00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,670
Well, no, because I walked
in on Charles in his office
455
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:07,350
with his trousers down and...
456
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:10,070
I thought we had an agreement, Ken.
457
00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:13,030
Oh, very well.
458
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,160
I hadn't planned to let news out
this way but, however...
459
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,270
It appears that I have developed
Parkinson's Disease.
460
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:24,790
Last night Ken barged
into my office
461
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:29,350
as I was cleaning up after
a little accident.
462
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:33,160
Appears that incontinence
is part of the disease.
463
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:38,710
And that is one of the reasons
why I'm retiring from the firm.
464
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,640
In order to fight it.
465
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:51,790
Charles Miller there.
466
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:54,440
Retiring with dignity and honour.
467
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,680
And that is all from me.
468
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,230
Thank you.
469
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:06,230
Three cheers for the new senior
partner. Hip hip.
470
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:07,710
MUTED: Hooray.
471
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:11,560
Hip hip.
MUTED: Hooray.
472
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:24,080
Erm...
473
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:54,280
OK, you sure you want to do this?
Yes, I've been practising. OK.
474
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:58,840
I'm Dale Savarsna and no object
gets in the way of parkour.
475
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:07,670
Whoa!
476
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:09,960
Dale, are you OK?
477
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:17,200
Yeah, all good. It was just
a tractor in that thing.
478
00:27:17,250 --> 00:27:21,800
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