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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,000
(registers dinging)
2
00:00:06,518 --> 00:00:08,609
- [Lift Girl] Ground floor
perfumery, stationery,
3
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,412
and leather goods, wigs and haberdashery
4
00:00:10,412 --> 00:00:12,455
kitchenware and food, going up.
5
00:00:12,455 --> 00:00:15,038
(upbeat music)
6
00:00:17,782 --> 00:00:20,690
First floor telephones,
gents ready-made suits,
7
00:00:20,690 --> 00:00:24,105
shirts, socks, ties, hats,
underwear and shoes, going up.
8
00:00:24,105 --> 00:00:26,688
(upbeat music)
9
00:00:29,508 --> 00:00:32,264
Second floor carpets,
travel goods and bedding,
10
00:00:32,264 --> 00:00:35,014
material, soft furnishings,
restaurant and teas.
11
00:00:35,014 --> 00:00:35,896
Going down!
12
00:00:35,896 --> 00:00:38,479
(upbeat music)
13
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:47,750
- If Mr. Rumbold doesn't
come to this meeting soon
14
00:00:47,750 --> 00:00:49,485
I'm going home.
15
00:00:49,485 --> 00:00:51,573
- What's this meeting about anyway?
16
00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:54,693
- All he said was it
would be to our advantage.
17
00:00:54,693 --> 00:00:56,263
But I have my doubts.
18
00:00:56,263 --> 00:00:57,297
- But where's Mr. Humphries?
19
00:00:57,297 --> 00:00:58,586
Has he gone home?
20
00:00:58,586 --> 00:01:00,273
- He's still getting changed.
21
00:01:00,273 --> 00:01:02,898
- He's taking a long time
to put on a hat and coat.
22
00:01:02,898 --> 00:01:06,866
I bet he's nipped off
down the back stairs.
23
00:01:06,866 --> 00:01:09,699
(audience laughs)
24
00:01:13,068 --> 00:01:17,235
- Have you ever known me to
nip off and miss a meeting?
25
00:01:24,011 --> 00:01:25,965
- I think it would be a
little bit more discreet
26
00:01:25,965 --> 00:01:28,253
if you did that outside the building.
27
00:01:28,253 --> 00:01:30,465
- Don't be ridiculous, the
wind'd blow my wig off.
28
00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:32,185
(audience laughs)
29
00:01:32,185 --> 00:01:34,484
- You're not going home like that are you?
30
00:01:34,484 --> 00:01:36,457
- No, I meeting me mother at the cinema.
31
00:01:36,457 --> 00:01:37,604
(audience laughs)
32
00:01:37,604 --> 00:01:39,089
- What, dressed like that?
33
00:01:39,089 --> 00:01:40,531
- She's a part time usherette
34
00:01:40,531 --> 00:01:42,060
at a cinema near here, you see,
35
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,501
and she can't make every night,
36
00:01:43,501 --> 00:01:45,438
so I stand in for her every now and again.
37
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:47,166
Can't tell the difference in the dark.
38
00:01:47,166 --> 00:01:48,530
(audience laughs)
39
00:01:48,530 --> 00:01:49,896
- What do you have to do?
40
00:01:49,896 --> 00:01:52,231
- Well I wave me big torch about
41
00:01:52,231 --> 00:01:54,644
and show them to their seats.
42
00:01:54,644 --> 00:01:55,801
Then I sit on the back row
43
00:01:55,801 --> 00:01:57,313
and I flash it every now and again.
44
00:01:57,313 --> 00:01:58,621
(audience laughs)
45
00:01:58,621 --> 00:02:00,303
Stop 'em tripping up when they go home.
46
00:02:00,303 --> 00:02:02,343
- Remarkable explanation indeed.
47
00:02:02,343 --> 00:02:04,191
- If you don't believe
me why don't you come
48
00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:07,445
and have a look at Something
from Out of Space at 7:30?
49
00:02:07,445 --> 00:02:08,810
- I'm already looking at it.
50
00:02:08,810 --> 00:02:10,483
(audience laughs)
51
00:02:10,483 --> 00:02:11,513
(gasps)
52
00:02:11,513 --> 00:02:14,832
- I forgot to tell Tiddles
I was going to be late.
53
00:02:14,832 --> 00:02:16,595
She'll be ever so upset.
54
00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:19,383
I better go and phone her.
55
00:02:19,383 --> 00:02:21,752
- You don't mean to tell
me you can communicate
56
00:02:21,752 --> 00:02:23,721
with that cat of yours?
57
00:02:23,721 --> 00:02:24,554
- Well, why not?
58
00:02:24,554 --> 00:02:25,857
They do it with monkeys.
59
00:02:25,857 --> 00:02:27,490
They show 'em things like
pictures of vegetables
60
00:02:27,490 --> 00:02:29,212
and numbers and the monkeys point at 'em
61
00:02:29,212 --> 00:02:30,640
and make up a sentence.
62
00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:32,282
- How do you know that?
63
00:02:32,282 --> 00:02:34,281
- I watch nature programs on the telly.
64
00:02:34,281 --> 00:02:35,799
I've learned quite a lot.
65
00:02:35,799 --> 00:02:36,632
- Oh?
66
00:02:36,632 --> 00:02:39,442
And when do you take your
exam to go in the zoo?
67
00:02:39,442 --> 00:02:40,591
(audience laughs)
68
00:02:40,591 --> 00:02:42,037
- Look, will you all mind being quiet?
69
00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:45,654
I must concentrate, 'cause
I haven't got me glasses on.
70
00:02:45,654 --> 00:02:47,577
- Do you seriously believe
that that cat of yours
71
00:02:47,577 --> 00:02:49,885
can understand what you say?
72
00:02:49,885 --> 00:02:50,718
- Well yes.
73
00:02:50,718 --> 00:02:53,134
You see, I've trained
her to knock the receiver
74
00:02:53,134 --> 00:02:55,314
off the cradle and put her head near it
75
00:02:55,314 --> 00:02:57,824
after it's rung about five times.
76
00:02:57,824 --> 00:02:59,339
She's answered.
77
00:02:59,339 --> 00:03:00,256
Hello, pet.
78
00:03:01,636 --> 00:03:04,334
It's your mistress speaking.
79
00:03:04,334 --> 00:03:07,841
Now listen, I'm going to
be later than I thought,
80
00:03:07,841 --> 00:03:10,422
so why don't you go and
lie down on that nice,
81
00:03:10,422 --> 00:03:13,376
big, comfy bed and wait for me?
82
00:03:13,376 --> 00:03:18,158
And when I come I'll
tickle your tummy all over.
83
00:03:18,158 --> 00:03:19,705
Oh, I'm so sorry Mr. Ahkbar.
84
00:03:19,705 --> 00:03:22,765
(audience laughs)
85
00:03:22,765 --> 00:03:24,937
I must've misdialed.
86
00:03:24,937 --> 00:03:28,455
It's your neighbor, Mrs. Slocombe.
87
00:03:28,455 --> 00:03:31,045
What do you mean you leave
your key under the mat?
88
00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:32,400
(audience laughs)
89
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:35,714
Look, I'm trying to get
my pussy on the phone.
90
00:03:35,714 --> 00:03:38,007
(audience laughs)
91
00:03:38,007 --> 00:03:41,520
Mr. Ahkbar, I don't wish
to discuss that with you.
92
00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:43,773
Look, all I want to do is redial,
93
00:03:43,773 --> 00:03:45,855
so will you please hang up?
94
00:03:45,855 --> 00:03:48,897
(phone dings)
95
00:03:48,897 --> 00:03:50,741
- Come along, Mrs. Slocombe,
I'm ready for the meeting,
96
00:03:50,741 --> 00:03:51,929
and we haven't much time.
97
00:03:51,929 --> 00:03:54,144
- Yes, but I've dialed again.
98
00:03:54,144 --> 00:03:55,854
I'll just make it brief.
99
00:03:55,854 --> 00:03:57,731
It's ringing.
100
00:03:57,731 --> 00:03:59,231
Three, four, five,
101
00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:02,200
six,
102
00:04:03,134 --> 00:04:04,364
seven.
103
00:04:04,364 --> 00:04:06,869
Oh drat, she's not answering.
104
00:04:06,869 --> 00:04:08,667
- Mrs. Slocombe, leave
the phone off the hook
105
00:04:08,667 --> 00:04:09,810
and come here.
106
00:04:09,810 --> 00:04:11,892
I don't want to be
interrupted by any calls.
107
00:04:11,892 --> 00:04:13,142
- Oh very well.
108
00:04:14,191 --> 00:04:16,935
She must've gone to be a
good girl in the garden.
109
00:04:16,935 --> 00:04:18,534
(audience laughs)
110
00:04:18,534 --> 00:04:20,167
- If we'd known you were going
to be so long, Mr. Rumbold,
111
00:04:20,167 --> 00:04:22,209
we could've popped out for a sandwich.
112
00:04:22,209 --> 00:04:24,088
- Not dressed like that, I trust?
113
00:04:24,088 --> 00:04:26,177
- I'm meeting my mother at the cinema.
114
00:04:26,177 --> 00:04:27,363
- I don't even want to know.
115
00:04:27,363 --> 00:04:29,730
Now I asked Miss Belfridge
to go an get some food
116
00:04:29,730 --> 00:04:31,615
and charge it to the department.
117
00:04:31,615 --> 00:04:32,848
Ah, here she comes now.
118
00:04:32,848 --> 00:04:34,889
Bring it over here, Miss Belfridge.
119
00:04:34,889 --> 00:04:36,197
- I'm sorry I was so long,
120
00:04:36,197 --> 00:04:39,015
but I didn't know what everyone wanted.
121
00:04:39,015 --> 00:04:40,486
- I think the pub knows by now
122
00:04:40,486 --> 00:04:43,840
that six stale ham sandwiches
is the usual order.
123
00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:45,737
- I don't like going in that pub,
124
00:04:45,737 --> 00:04:48,759
the men in their all pinch my bottom.
125
00:04:48,759 --> 00:04:50,155
(audience laughs)
126
00:04:50,155 --> 00:04:51,419
- That's disgraceful.
127
00:04:51,419 --> 00:04:53,474
Is that in the public
bar or in the saloon?
128
00:04:53,474 --> 00:04:54,307
- The saloon.
129
00:04:54,307 --> 00:04:56,428
- I shall make a note of that.
130
00:04:56,428 --> 00:04:57,409
- So will I.
131
00:04:57,409 --> 00:04:59,330
(audience laughs)
132
00:04:59,330 --> 00:05:02,362
- This smells like smoked salmon.
133
00:05:02,362 --> 00:05:03,660
- It is smoked salmon.
134
00:05:03,660 --> 00:05:05,543
- I got them at the hotel on the corner.
135
00:05:05,543 --> 00:05:06,481
- The hotel?
136
00:05:06,481 --> 00:05:08,977
- And there's seven Irish coffees.
137
00:05:08,977 --> 00:05:11,061
- But the firm's paying for this.
138
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:13,068
- I know, they're sending the bill to you.
139
00:05:13,068 --> 00:05:15,273
Here's a copy of it.
140
00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:16,417
- 20 pounds?
141
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:19,486
Mr. Grace won't sanction that.
142
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:21,669
- Quick, eat it all
before he sends 'em back.
143
00:05:21,669 --> 00:05:22,853
(audience laughs)
144
00:05:22,853 --> 00:05:25,017
- That's the last time I
send you out, Miss Belfridge.
145
00:05:25,017 --> 00:05:27,060
- Well, in that case we
better make the most of it.
146
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,477
Have you got any lemon there?
147
00:05:31,523 --> 00:05:33,036
(groans)
148
00:05:33,036 --> 00:05:33,869
(audience laughs)
149
00:05:33,869 --> 00:05:36,513
This is the most civilized
meeting we've ever had.
150
00:05:36,513 --> 00:05:39,086
- It cost more than the last half dozen.
151
00:05:39,086 --> 00:05:40,762
- Shall I go home?
152
00:05:40,762 --> 00:05:43,576
- No, no, just sit down and take notes.
153
00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:44,637
Pencil and pad ready?
154
00:05:44,637 --> 00:05:45,818
- Yes, sir.
155
00:05:45,818 --> 00:05:48,227
- Now, the first one's to Accounts.
156
00:05:48,227 --> 00:05:52,068
Due to a clerical error I
find we are 20 pounds adrift
157
00:05:52,068 --> 00:05:53,832
in this month's takings.
158
00:05:53,832 --> 00:05:57,190
Investigation is underway,
and I will advise accordingly.
159
00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:00,786
Copy to Mr. Grace, et
cetera, signed C. Rumbold.
160
00:06:00,786 --> 00:06:02,458
- One learns something every day.
161
00:06:02,458 --> 00:06:05,236
- What happens when it's not put back?
162
00:06:05,236 --> 00:06:07,382
- I think that the
fruits of this discussion
163
00:06:07,382 --> 00:06:10,321
will provide more than enough
money to make 20 pounds
164
00:06:10,321 --> 00:06:12,942
seem a very unsubstantial sum.
165
00:06:12,942 --> 00:06:14,132
- How so?
166
00:06:14,132 --> 00:06:16,456
- Could you take that wig off?
167
00:06:16,456 --> 00:06:18,790
I find it hard to concentrate.
168
00:06:18,790 --> 00:06:20,179
- A lot of people have said that.
169
00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:22,098
(audience laughs)
170
00:06:22,098 --> 00:06:24,146
- Now, Mr. Grace has decided to allow us
171
00:06:24,146 --> 00:06:25,950
to use this valuable floor space at night
172
00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:30,319
for whatever money making
program we would like.
173
00:06:30,319 --> 00:06:34,241
In return for which, he will
take 10% of the profits.
174
00:06:34,241 --> 00:06:35,709
- What had you in mind?
175
00:06:35,709 --> 00:06:36,856
- Well, that's why we're here,
176
00:06:36,856 --> 00:06:38,750
to see what ideas we've got.
177
00:06:38,750 --> 00:06:40,172
- Which means you don't have any.
178
00:06:40,172 --> 00:06:41,320
(audience laughs)
179
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:44,016
- Well, actually, I
thought a choral evening.
180
00:06:44,016 --> 00:06:45,322
We can all sing old favorites,
181
00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:47,160
like All Things Bright and Beautiful,
182
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:51,210
serve tea and cakes, charge an
entrance fee of say, a pound.
183
00:06:51,210 --> 00:06:54,443
I think it could be a
very civilized evening.
184
00:06:54,443 --> 00:06:56,123
- Not to mention a disaster.
185
00:06:56,123 --> 00:06:57,104
(audience laughs)
186
00:06:57,104 --> 00:07:00,091
- People want a change
from sex and violence.
187
00:07:00,091 --> 00:07:01,611
- How 'bout a roller disco?
188
00:07:01,611 --> 00:07:03,906
- On no, no, that could damage the floor.
189
00:07:03,906 --> 00:07:05,129
- Bowls.
190
00:07:05,129 --> 00:07:07,294
- I beg your pardon, Mr. Spooner?
191
00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:09,012
- Bowls, you know, with skittles.
192
00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,363
Bowls, you can play bowls.
193
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:12,692
- No, no, no, we want something
much less violent than that.
194
00:07:12,692 --> 00:07:14,535
I mean, something we
can all participate in
195
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:16,649
and something for which
we can charge money.
196
00:07:16,649 --> 00:07:17,957
- Without being arrested?
197
00:07:17,957 --> 00:07:19,303
(audience laughs)
198
00:07:19,303 --> 00:07:21,469
- What about a snack bar?
199
00:07:21,469 --> 00:07:22,864
- Judging by these sandwiches
200
00:07:22,864 --> 00:07:24,909
there's certainly money in food.
201
00:07:24,909 --> 00:07:28,192
One needs to offer them
that little bit extra.
202
00:07:28,192 --> 00:07:30,197
- We could have music
playing in the background,
203
00:07:30,197 --> 00:07:31,510
give it atmosphere.
204
00:07:31,510 --> 00:07:33,225
- Oh yes, we could charge more for that.
205
00:07:33,225 --> 00:07:35,477
I could play a little
background on the piano.
206
00:07:35,477 --> 00:07:37,601
- Like a night club, with the sort of name
207
00:07:37,601 --> 00:07:41,479
that suggests that it's
upmarket and discreet.
208
00:07:41,479 --> 00:07:42,312
- Exactly.
209
00:07:43,238 --> 00:07:46,144
- The sort of name that
apropos to good food
210
00:07:46,144 --> 00:07:48,337
and attractive female staff.
211
00:07:48,337 --> 00:07:50,094
That always brings the men.
212
00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:51,074
- I've got it.
213
00:07:51,074 --> 00:07:52,471
What about the Crumpet Club?
214
00:07:52,471 --> 00:07:54,326
(audience laughs)
215
00:07:54,326 --> 00:07:55,924
- Don't make a suggestion, Spooner,
216
00:07:55,924 --> 00:07:57,559
unless you're sure it's a good one.
217
00:07:57,559 --> 00:07:58,949
Let's stick to the food.
218
00:07:58,949 --> 00:08:01,158
What sort of dishes could we have?
219
00:08:01,158 --> 00:08:02,344
- Well, my mother makes a very good
220
00:08:02,344 --> 00:08:03,856
steak and kidney pudding.
221
00:08:03,856 --> 00:08:05,409
- In that case what
about the Pudding Club.
222
00:08:05,409 --> 00:08:06,714
(audience laughs)
223
00:08:06,714 --> 00:08:08,034
- Ignore him.
224
00:08:08,034 --> 00:08:11,147
- We mustn't mislead people
by calling it a club, anyhow.
225
00:08:11,147 --> 00:08:13,680
We don't know if we've
actually got a drinks license.
226
00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:17,277
It's just soft drinks, you
know, tea, coffee, cocoa.
227
00:08:17,277 --> 00:08:20,561
- Tea and cocoa, well, that
sounds very sophisticated.
228
00:08:20,561 --> 00:08:22,936
- Yes, but, how are we
going to get them to come in
229
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:24,451
in the first place?
230
00:08:24,451 --> 00:08:26,489
- We could advertise at the local cinema.
231
00:08:26,489 --> 00:08:28,205
- Oh, we couldn't possibly afford that.
232
00:08:28,205 --> 00:08:29,145
- It'll be very cheap.
233
00:08:29,145 --> 00:08:30,580
The manager's a very good friend of mine,
234
00:08:30,580 --> 00:08:33,111
being as how me mother's a
part time usherette there
235
00:08:33,111 --> 00:08:35,483
and I help out from time to time.
236
00:08:35,483 --> 00:08:36,316
- Well, that would, of course,
237
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:37,453
make a great deal of difference.
238
00:08:37,453 --> 00:08:39,086
- It's as good as done.
239
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:42,158
- Well, I'll put all my
suggestions in front of Mr. Grace
240
00:08:42,158 --> 00:08:43,302
first thing in the morning.
241
00:08:43,302 --> 00:08:44,649
I'm sure he'll like 'em.
242
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:45,963
- I must just phone the manager,
243
00:08:45,963 --> 00:08:48,307
tell him I'm going to be a bit late.
244
00:08:48,307 --> 00:08:51,140
(audience laughs)
245
00:08:53,704 --> 00:08:54,807
Mrs. Slocombe.
246
00:08:54,807 --> 00:08:56,160
- Yes, what is it?
247
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,799
- I can hear heavy breathing.
248
00:08:57,799 --> 00:08:59,434
- Oh no!
249
00:08:59,434 --> 00:09:01,735
You know that last time I rang Tiddles?
250
00:09:01,735 --> 00:09:03,695
I bet she answered the phone
251
00:09:03,695 --> 00:09:06,188
and she's been hanging on all this time.
252
00:09:06,188 --> 00:09:09,421
Now, there's a faithful animal for you.
253
00:09:09,421 --> 00:09:10,688
Here, give it to me.
254
00:09:10,688 --> 00:09:13,834
Oh my little pet, I'm ever so sorry
255
00:09:13,834 --> 00:09:17,520
but I'll make it up to
you as soon as I get home.
256
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:20,100
Why don't you open your little flap
257
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:21,941
and play with your ball?
258
00:09:21,941 --> 00:09:24,562
(audience laughs)
259
00:09:24,562 --> 00:09:26,321
Mr. Ahkbar, how dare you!
260
00:09:26,321 --> 00:09:28,327
(audience laughs)
261
00:09:28,327 --> 00:09:31,327
(registers dinging)
262
00:09:34,023 --> 00:09:36,268
Do you know, I was talking
to Mrs. Axelby last night
263
00:09:36,268 --> 00:09:39,096
and she can't wait to get into the club?
264
00:09:39,096 --> 00:09:40,532
- I thought this club was gonna be
265
00:09:40,532 --> 00:09:42,627
for sophisticated people.
266
00:09:42,627 --> 00:09:46,583
- Mrs. Axelby can be very
sophisticated when she puts it on.
267
00:09:46,583 --> 00:09:47,849
- I thought you said she was the one
268
00:09:47,849 --> 00:09:49,810
that was banned from the
pub for standing on her head
269
00:09:49,810 --> 00:09:51,895
and singing On a Clear
Day You Can See Forever.
270
00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:54,552
(audience laughs)
271
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:55,385
Where you been?
272
00:09:55,385 --> 00:09:56,225
Coffee's nearly over.
273
00:09:56,225 --> 00:09:57,995
- I've been down to the
Photography department.
274
00:09:57,995 --> 00:09:59,260
Lend me your ballpoint.
275
00:09:59,260 --> 00:10:00,093
- What for?
276
00:10:00,093 --> 00:10:02,243
- Well this coffee melts
the lead in me pencil.
277
00:10:02,243 --> 00:10:04,009
(audience laughs)
278
00:10:04,009 --> 00:10:06,052
- What was you doing in Photographics?
279
00:10:06,052 --> 00:10:07,733
- Well, my friend, the cinema manager,
280
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,693
says we can have a free advert.
281
00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:12,926
So it occurred to me, why
don't we make our own?
282
00:10:12,926 --> 00:10:14,889
- Because it costs money.
283
00:10:14,889 --> 00:10:16,250
- Ah ha, well, I've just been down
284
00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:17,269
to the Photography department
285
00:10:17,269 --> 00:10:19,317
and I've borrowed a home movie camera.
286
00:10:19,317 --> 00:10:22,060
I thought we could make our
own film commercial, you see?
287
00:10:22,060 --> 00:10:23,858
It gives people a better idea
288
00:10:23,858 --> 00:10:25,533
of what's going on in the club.
289
00:10:25,533 --> 00:10:27,330
I think I've got it all in me head.
290
00:10:27,330 --> 00:10:31,019
We could start off with Captain
Peacock playing the piano,
291
00:10:31,019 --> 00:10:33,592
and then I could introduce
everybody to the club,
292
00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:36,211
which, by the way, we've
still got to find a name for.
293
00:10:36,211 --> 00:10:38,867
- I thought Club Rendezvous.
294
00:10:38,867 --> 00:10:40,172
- Oh, I like that.
295
00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:44,211
- Yes but, there's a Cafe
Rendezvous on the North Circular
296
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:48,296
and, well, a lot of rough
truck drivers go there.
297
00:10:48,296 --> 00:10:51,945
- Is that the one just before
the roundabout on the bend?
298
00:10:51,945 --> 00:10:53,210
- That's the one.
299
00:10:53,210 --> 00:10:55,786
And people might get the two confused.
300
00:10:55,786 --> 00:10:56,853
- I doubt it.
301
00:10:56,853 --> 00:10:58,773
We could show customers
handing their coats
302
00:10:58,773 --> 00:10:59,960
to the cloak room attendant.
303
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:02,448
You know, just to
establish the atmosphere.
304
00:11:02,448 --> 00:11:04,458
- You could be that.
305
00:11:04,458 --> 00:11:06,382
- I'm not being a cloak room attendant.
306
00:11:06,382 --> 00:11:09,153
I've seen some of them and
they're all dead common.
307
00:11:09,153 --> 00:11:10,670
No, I wouldn't be right for it.
308
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,917
(audience laughs)
309
00:11:12,917 --> 00:11:16,517
- More coffee you lot before
I scrub out the percolator?
310
00:11:16,517 --> 00:11:18,117
- Perfect casting.
311
00:11:18,117 --> 00:11:19,635
(audience laughs)
312
00:11:19,635 --> 00:11:21,364
- How would you like a
nice job in the evenings
313
00:11:21,364 --> 00:11:23,739
in a rather smart,
sophisticated restaurant
314
00:11:23,739 --> 00:11:25,494
that we're going to open
on the fourth floor?
315
00:11:25,494 --> 00:11:26,597
- I heard a rumor about that.
316
00:11:26,597 --> 00:11:27,700
So it's all on then?
317
00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:30,927
- Oh yes, we're discussing
the cinema commercial now.
318
00:11:30,927 --> 00:11:32,642
- Well, I like the sound of that.
319
00:11:32,642 --> 00:11:35,461
- Well, it's going to be
rather upmarket, you know?
320
00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:37,755
- Don't worry, I can put the
old dog on when I want to.
321
00:11:37,755 --> 00:11:39,183
Good evening, sir.
322
00:11:39,183 --> 00:11:40,016
Madam.
323
00:11:40,016 --> 00:11:41,514
May I take your order.
324
00:11:41,514 --> 00:11:43,677
I think you'll find the
food well up to Cordon Bleu
325
00:11:43,677 --> 00:11:46,596
and above, have a nice nosh.
326
00:11:46,596 --> 00:11:49,168
- Well, actually, we're thinking
of you as the receptionist
327
00:11:49,168 --> 00:11:50,721
that takes the coats.
328
00:11:50,721 --> 00:11:53,504
- I wouldn't even consider
such a menial position.
329
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:55,628
Remember I am the manageress here.
330
00:11:55,628 --> 00:11:57,713
- When a receptionist
takes a hat or a coat
331
00:11:57,713 --> 00:12:01,274
the customer has to give
a tip to get it back.
332
00:12:01,274 --> 00:12:03,076
- The receptionist can just sit there
333
00:12:03,076 --> 00:12:06,345
and take twice as much as
anybody else on a good night.
334
00:12:06,345 --> 00:12:08,883
- You never told me that
when you offered me the job.
335
00:12:08,883 --> 00:12:09,742
(audience laughs)
336
00:12:09,742 --> 00:12:12,519
- But I'm your superior,
I have first crack.
337
00:12:12,519 --> 00:12:14,891
- Too late, I've accepted.
338
00:12:14,891 --> 00:12:15,874
- We're only discussing it.
339
00:12:15,874 --> 00:12:16,948
Nothing's been decided yet.
340
00:12:16,948 --> 00:12:18,748
You'll just wait until you're booked.
341
00:12:18,748 --> 00:12:19,693
- Yes, quite right.
342
00:12:19,693 --> 00:12:21,699
(audience laughs)
343
00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:22,763
- Where I come from in Peckham,
344
00:12:22,763 --> 00:12:24,851
a verbal agreement is good enough.
345
00:12:24,851 --> 00:12:26,079
And if you change your mind, remember,
346
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,323
I've got a boyfriend built
like brick chicken house,
347
00:12:28,323 --> 00:12:29,752
he'll change it for ya.
348
00:12:29,752 --> 00:12:30,585
Savvy?
349
00:12:31,596 --> 00:12:33,036
- I think we've got a receptionist.
350
00:12:33,036 --> 00:12:34,099
(audience laughs)
351
00:12:34,099 --> 00:12:35,349
- That's right.
352
00:12:36,348 --> 00:12:37,284
- On second thought,
353
00:12:37,284 --> 00:12:39,089
I don't think it's the sort of club
354
00:12:39,089 --> 00:12:41,424
Mrs. Axelby would want to belong to.
355
00:12:41,424 --> 00:12:42,609
(audience laughs)
356
00:12:42,609 --> 00:12:45,392
(registers dinging)
357
00:12:45,392 --> 00:12:48,392
(audience laughing)
358
00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:51,877
- There you are.
359
00:12:51,877 --> 00:12:54,375
Now, let's try it one more time.
360
00:12:54,375 --> 00:12:55,208
- Good evening.
361
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:56,675
May I have your 'at and coat?
362
00:12:56,675 --> 00:12:58,932
- No, no, no, no, not your 'at and coat.
363
00:12:58,932 --> 00:13:00,851
Your hat and coat.
364
00:13:00,851 --> 00:13:02,568
- What if they're wearing gloves?
365
00:13:02,568 --> 00:13:05,040
- When then you ask 'em for
their 'at and coat and...
366
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:06,898
(speech drowned out by laughter)
367
00:13:06,898 --> 00:13:08,719
- Well, where do I put 'em when I got 'em?
368
00:13:08,719 --> 00:13:11,105
- You obviously cannot handle dialog.
369
00:13:11,105 --> 00:13:14,090
Look, just get changed and
stand at the back somewhere.
370
00:13:14,090 --> 00:13:18,691
Now, where's Mr. Harman and
Seymour with that equipment?
371
00:13:18,691 --> 00:13:20,185
(audience laughs)
372
00:13:20,185 --> 00:13:21,882
- Just coming up on the goods lift.
373
00:13:21,882 --> 00:13:23,462
- What are you dressed like that for?
374
00:13:23,462 --> 00:13:25,402
- Well, you said that me and
Seymour and the Lift Girls
375
00:13:25,402 --> 00:13:26,591
could be customers.
376
00:13:26,591 --> 00:13:28,105
I borrowed these out of stock.
377
00:13:28,105 --> 00:13:29,456
- Well, get rid of those top hats
378
00:13:29,456 --> 00:13:31,375
and change those jackets.
379
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:33,868
You're supposed to look normal.
380
00:13:33,868 --> 00:13:35,605
- You don't look normal.
381
00:13:35,605 --> 00:13:37,116
(audience laughs)
382
00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:40,876
- I am Pierre from Paris and
surprising though it may seem,
383
00:13:40,876 --> 00:13:42,347
this is the way he dresses.
384
00:13:42,347 --> 00:13:44,405
You're supposed to be
ordinary businessmen.
385
00:13:44,405 --> 00:13:45,238
- Right.
386
00:13:45,238 --> 00:13:46,455
Oh, by the way, this is a camera,
387
00:13:46,455 --> 00:13:48,672
it comes with sound in
a separate box here,
388
00:13:48,672 --> 00:13:52,565
press the switch and the microphone's on.
389
00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:54,270
- Is this alright?
390
00:13:54,270 --> 00:13:55,897
- Very much over the top.
391
00:13:55,897 --> 00:13:57,492
(audience laughs)
392
00:13:57,492 --> 00:14:01,339
But not quite as much over
the top as Miss Belfridge.
393
00:14:01,339 --> 00:14:02,565
- Well, I thought it would set the tone
394
00:14:02,565 --> 00:14:04,893
for the sort of people
we're hoping to attract.
395
00:14:04,893 --> 00:14:06,450
- Well, sit down at the tables here.
396
00:14:06,450 --> 00:14:08,488
We haven't got all the staff together yet.
397
00:14:08,488 --> 00:14:11,270
Now, where's Miss Brahms
and Mrs. Slocombe?
398
00:14:11,270 --> 00:14:14,415
(audience laughs)
399
00:14:14,415 --> 00:14:17,128
- Do you think these earrings are too big?
400
00:14:17,128 --> 00:14:18,559
(audience laughs)
401
00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:20,235
- I think everything's too big.
402
00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:21,222
(audience laughs)
403
00:14:21,222 --> 00:14:23,230
I thought you said you were
going to wear something simple.
404
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:25,281
- Well, I was, but I tried everything
405
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:28,193
and this was the only thing
that really fitted me.
406
00:14:28,193 --> 00:14:31,026
(audience laughs)
407
00:14:32,248 --> 00:14:35,123
(lively circus music)
408
00:14:35,123 --> 00:14:37,956
(audience laughs)
409
00:14:43,225 --> 00:14:45,227
- What's the point of having a real bottle
410
00:14:45,227 --> 00:14:47,194
when we're not sure of the license?
411
00:14:47,194 --> 00:14:49,119
- We're going to shoot
the commercial twice.
412
00:14:49,119 --> 00:14:50,550
You see, if we get the license,
413
00:14:50,550 --> 00:14:51,738
we'll use the one with the bottle,
414
00:14:51,738 --> 00:14:52,679
and if we don't get the license,
415
00:14:52,679 --> 00:14:54,855
we'll use the one with the cocoa.
416
00:14:54,855 --> 00:14:56,930
- Oh, well, we might as
well have a drink of this.
417
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,565
(cork popping)
418
00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,677
- We were going to use that
pop sound for the film.
419
00:15:01,677 --> 00:15:03,964
- Haven't you got
special effects for that?
420
00:15:03,964 --> 00:15:05,969
- We're not 20th Century Fox, you know?
421
00:15:05,969 --> 00:15:06,987
(audience laughs)
422
00:15:06,987 --> 00:15:09,317
- This stuff goes straight to my head.
423
00:15:09,317 --> 00:15:10,903
- There's plenty of room for it.
424
00:15:10,903 --> 00:15:14,007
(audience laughs)
425
00:15:14,007 --> 00:15:16,908
- Mr. Humphries I've
brought a selection with me.
426
00:15:16,908 --> 00:15:20,908
I thought something like
this might be suitable.
427
00:15:22,780 --> 00:15:26,790
♫ Night and day you are the one
428
00:15:26,790 --> 00:15:30,098
♫ Only you 'neath the
moon or under the sun
429
00:15:30,098 --> 00:15:33,533
- No, those are the wrong chords for that.
430
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:35,532
- They are the chords I always play.
431
00:15:35,532 --> 00:15:36,928
- I quite liked it.
432
00:15:36,928 --> 00:15:38,361
- So did I.
433
00:15:38,361 --> 00:15:40,579
- No, no, these are much better chords.
434
00:15:40,579 --> 00:15:43,496
(fast piano music)
435
00:15:47,652 --> 00:15:49,171
- Are these togs alright?
436
00:15:49,171 --> 00:15:51,022
- Shh, I'm just checking the music)
437
00:15:51,022 --> 00:15:52,369
- If you think you're so much better,
438
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:54,412
perhaps you better play.
439
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:55,412
- Very well.
440
00:15:58,998 --> 00:16:03,980
♫ A cigarette that
bears a lipsticks traces
441
00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:08,147
♫ An airline ticket to romantic places
442
00:16:09,548 --> 00:16:10,610
- Mr. Rumbold!
443
00:16:10,610 --> 00:16:12,604
♫ Oh, how the ghost of you clings
444
00:16:12,604 --> 00:16:13,994
- Mr. Rumbold!
445
00:16:13,994 --> 00:16:15,053
(audience laughs)
446
00:16:15,053 --> 00:16:16,893
Captain Peacock's dressed for the piano.
447
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:19,380
- My attire is perfectly suitable.
448
00:16:19,380 --> 00:16:21,018
If anything, moreso.
449
00:16:21,018 --> 00:16:22,790
- Let me put it another way,
450
00:16:22,790 --> 00:16:24,694
you're not good enough.
451
00:16:24,694 --> 00:16:25,527
- What do you mean?
452
00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:26,552
I've got perfect pitch.
453
00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:28,489
- So has Wembley Stadium,
but you're not playing there.
454
00:16:28,489 --> 00:16:29,554
(audience laughs)
455
00:16:29,554 --> 00:16:31,233
- Well, I shall find it
very difficult to enjoy
456
00:16:31,233 --> 00:16:33,521
my dinner listening to those chords.
457
00:16:33,521 --> 00:16:36,174
- All you've got to do is
pretend to enjoy your dinner.
458
00:16:36,174 --> 00:16:38,338
Now, come on, sit back at your table.
459
00:16:38,338 --> 00:16:39,765
I must think to meself now
460
00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:42,142
whether singing's a good idea or not.
461
00:16:42,142 --> 00:16:44,225
- Look, why don't I sing it with him?
462
00:16:44,225 --> 00:16:46,513
You know, in between times.
463
00:16:46,513 --> 00:16:49,046
- I didn't know you could sing.
464
00:16:49,046 --> 00:16:51,168
♫ Whatever Lola wants
465
00:16:51,168 --> 00:16:52,559
(audience laughs)
466
00:16:52,559 --> 00:16:54,449
♫ Lola gets
467
00:16:54,449 --> 00:16:58,579
♫ And little man, little Lola wants you
468
00:16:58,579 --> 00:17:00,545
(audience laughs)
469
00:17:00,545 --> 00:17:03,686
- Mrs. Slocombe I don't
think Lola's what we want.
470
00:17:03,686 --> 00:17:05,033
- Yeah, but if I give a bit of that
471
00:17:05,033 --> 00:17:06,944
then I can ask them if
they're having a good time.
472
00:17:06,944 --> 00:17:08,426
- (laughs) If you give them a bit of that
473
00:17:08,426 --> 00:17:09,711
they wouldn't be, would they?
474
00:17:09,711 --> 00:17:11,433
Now, where's Miss Brahms?
475
00:17:11,433 --> 00:17:14,626
- These shoes was too big so
I had to stuff 'em with paper.
476
00:17:14,626 --> 00:17:17,449
- And then I couldn't decide
what sort of a waitress I was
477
00:17:17,449 --> 00:17:19,825
so I've been trying different looks.
478
00:17:19,825 --> 00:17:21,254
- I think that looks very nice.
479
00:17:21,254 --> 00:17:24,400
- I think it's a bit old fashioned.
480
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,493
What do you think, Mr. Rumbold?
481
00:17:26,493 --> 00:17:28,209
- Well, it's very country tea room.
482
00:17:28,209 --> 00:17:31,694
- Well, anyway, here's the alternative.
483
00:17:31,694 --> 00:17:33,777
(audience laughs)
484
00:17:33,777 --> 00:17:35,579
- Blimey, that's more like it.
485
00:17:35,579 --> 00:17:37,948
What do you think, Seymour?
486
00:17:37,948 --> 00:17:40,527
(audience laughs)
487
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:42,493
(fingers snapping)
488
00:17:42,493 --> 00:17:44,215
Seymour likes it.
489
00:17:44,215 --> 00:17:45,811
- Mr. Brahms put that skirt back,
490
00:17:45,811 --> 00:17:48,020
that's not the image we're looking for.
491
00:17:48,020 --> 00:17:50,071
- Right, I'm ready, where are the punters?
492
00:17:50,071 --> 00:17:51,458
(audience laughs)
493
00:17:51,458 --> 00:17:53,053
- Nevermind.
494
00:17:53,053 --> 00:17:54,859
Just go back and stand over there.
495
00:17:54,859 --> 00:17:56,375
And try not to multiply.
496
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:59,649
(audience laughs)
497
00:17:59,649 --> 00:18:02,346
I'm going to have to edit all these bits.
498
00:18:02,346 --> 00:18:04,875
Now, where's the door to
the club from display?
499
00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:08,191
- Over by the good's lift,
we'll get it, come on.
500
00:18:08,191 --> 00:18:10,727
- Got to get this
intimate atmosphere going.
501
00:18:10,727 --> 00:18:13,700
♫ Night and day you are the one
502
00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:14,533
- Not yet.
503
00:18:17,299 --> 00:18:19,176
- Miss Belfridge, this bottle is empty.
504
00:18:19,176 --> 00:18:20,891
What's happened to all the champagne?
505
00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:22,894
(giggles)
506
00:18:22,894 --> 00:18:24,655
(audience laughs)
507
00:18:24,655 --> 00:18:26,779
- Falling her head on the table.
508
00:18:26,779 --> 00:18:28,657
Why don't you prop her up a bit?
509
00:18:28,657 --> 00:18:29,637
- There we go.
510
00:18:29,637 --> 00:18:30,554
Here we go.
511
00:18:32,293 --> 00:18:36,017
(Beverley singing)
512
00:18:36,017 --> 00:18:37,600
- Ooh, that's nice.
513
00:18:39,004 --> 00:18:40,610
- Maintenance is very proud of it.
514
00:18:40,610 --> 00:18:42,781
Of course, they want a
discount if they eat here.
515
00:18:42,781 --> 00:18:44,004
- Well, I shall have to think about that.
516
00:18:44,004 --> 00:18:45,671
Where's the doorman?
517
00:18:46,539 --> 00:18:47,569
- Welcome to the Club Rendezvous.
518
00:18:47,569 --> 00:18:48,683
It's all happenin' here.
519
00:18:48,683 --> 00:18:49,516
How's that?
520
00:18:49,516 --> 00:18:50,349
- Not yet, not yet.
521
00:18:50,349 --> 00:18:52,819
I haven't got the camera sorted out.
522
00:18:52,819 --> 00:18:55,146
Now, where's the trolley
with all the dishes on them?
523
00:18:55,146 --> 00:18:56,826
- Coming up, Seymour.
524
00:18:56,826 --> 00:18:58,871
- Now pay attention everybody, please.
525
00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:00,305
You know the sort of thing I want.
526
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:02,639
Just keep it nice and relaxed.
527
00:19:02,639 --> 00:19:04,150
- When do I say my lines?
528
00:19:04,150 --> 00:19:07,996
- Well, hopefully at the same
time as when we rehearse them.
529
00:19:07,996 --> 00:19:10,121
Right, now Mr. Harman and
his party standing by.
530
00:19:10,121 --> 00:19:11,719
- [Beverley] Right.
531
00:19:11,719 --> 00:19:13,638
- Good, now it's running.
532
00:19:13,638 --> 00:19:14,702
Okay.
533
00:19:14,702 --> 00:19:15,810
Action.
534
00:19:15,810 --> 00:19:17,724
♫ Night and day
535
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:18,595
- Not yet!
536
00:19:18,595 --> 00:19:20,800
(audience laughs)
537
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:24,565
Wait 'til Mr. Harman gets
to the door and opens it.
538
00:19:24,565 --> 00:19:25,732
Right, action!
539
00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:30,120
(audience laughs)
540
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:32,338
Get that door open, I've
got the camera running.
541
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:34,905
(door banging)
542
00:19:34,905 --> 00:19:36,049
- It's stuck.
543
00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:38,632
(door banging)
544
00:19:40,228 --> 00:19:43,228
(Beverley groaning)
545
00:19:44,281 --> 00:19:46,487
- Welcome to the Club Rendezvous,
it's all happenin' here.
546
00:19:46,487 --> 00:19:48,044
♫ Night and day
547
00:19:48,044 --> 00:19:49,034
- Cut!
548
00:19:49,034 --> 00:19:50,832
(audience laughs)
549
00:19:50,832 --> 00:19:52,686
Miss Brahms, what are you doing there?
550
00:19:52,686 --> 00:19:54,487
- My safety pin broke
551
00:19:54,487 --> 00:19:56,472
and I just didn't have time to get ready.
552
00:19:56,472 --> 00:19:59,329
- Get rid of that thing, we can't use it.
553
00:19:59,329 --> 00:20:02,246
- [Beverley] Here we go then, pull.
554
00:20:04,087 --> 00:20:05,274
- What about my bit?
555
00:20:05,274 --> 00:20:06,715
How can I welcome people to the club
556
00:20:06,715 --> 00:20:08,308
if I've got no door?
557
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:11,326
- You can't, now come here and
take charge of this camera.
558
00:20:11,326 --> 00:20:13,491
Try and get everybody in.
559
00:20:13,491 --> 00:20:15,131
How's Miss Belfridge?
560
00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:17,059
- I think it's worn off a bit.
561
00:20:17,059 --> 00:20:18,226
- I feel fine.
562
00:20:19,395 --> 00:20:20,709
(glasses tinkling)
563
00:20:20,709 --> 00:20:21,566
(audience laughs)
564
00:20:21,566 --> 00:20:23,410
- I shall have to do your table last.
565
00:20:23,410 --> 00:20:25,913
I think I'll do my bit
now as Pierre, the chef.
566
00:20:25,913 --> 00:20:28,430
Mr. Harman, you and your
party, you'll sit here.
567
00:20:28,430 --> 00:20:29,625
- [Beverley] Right, yeah.
568
00:20:29,625 --> 00:20:31,996
- Now, Mr. Spooner, make
sure that camera's running,
569
00:20:31,996 --> 00:20:34,284
Captain Peacock, standby
on the self pedal.
570
00:20:34,284 --> 00:20:35,117
Action.
571
00:20:36,999 --> 00:20:38,034
Good evening.
572
00:20:38,034 --> 00:20:39,514
(audience laughs)
573
00:20:39,514 --> 00:20:41,395
I am Pierre, from Paris.
574
00:20:41,395 --> 00:20:43,857
Welcome to the Club Rendezvous.
575
00:20:43,857 --> 00:20:48,329
May I introduce our charming
hostess for the evening, Betty.
576
00:20:48,329 --> 00:20:49,799
- Bonsoir.
577
00:20:49,799 --> 00:20:52,425
- And helping her is the lovely Shirley.
578
00:20:52,425 --> 00:20:53,739
- Hello.
579
00:20:53,739 --> 00:20:57,706
I'll take everything down
when you decide what you want.
580
00:20:57,706 --> 00:21:00,500
- Although what we have
to offer is limited,
581
00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:02,347
I'm sure you will enjoy it.
582
00:21:02,347 --> 00:21:04,967
Now, sir, what would
you like for starters?
583
00:21:04,967 --> 00:21:05,950
- What have you got?
584
00:21:05,950 --> 00:21:09,845
- Well, to start with, Meat Patty Avocado.
585
00:21:09,845 --> 00:21:11,484
- That's a nice looking pear.
586
00:21:11,484 --> 00:21:12,887
Can I have a feel?
587
00:21:12,887 --> 00:21:14,939
- Help yourself.
588
00:21:14,939 --> 00:21:16,667
- My word, that'll do nicely.
589
00:21:16,667 --> 00:21:18,722
- With or without dressing?
590
00:21:18,722 --> 00:21:20,489
- Without, if you please.
591
00:21:20,489 --> 00:21:24,656
- Betty, our charming hostess
will show you our speciality.
592
00:21:26,555 --> 00:21:27,829
Betty,
593
00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:30,951
show the gentleman what
you've got under there.
594
00:21:30,951 --> 00:21:32,267
- Viola!
595
00:21:32,267 --> 00:21:33,873
- Blimey, what a whopper.
596
00:21:33,873 --> 00:21:35,735
That bird's big enough
for the whole table.
597
00:21:35,735 --> 00:21:37,095
- I had it plucked and stuffed
598
00:21:37,095 --> 00:21:39,149
the minute it came from Norfolk.
599
00:21:39,149 --> 00:21:41,109
- Turkeys come from Norfolk, not chickens.
600
00:21:41,109 --> 00:21:41,942
- Cut!
601
00:21:41,942 --> 00:21:43,421
(audience laughs)
602
00:21:43,421 --> 00:21:45,524
I'm talking to myself over there.
603
00:21:45,524 --> 00:21:47,092
I'm going to have to edit all this.
604
00:21:47,092 --> 00:21:48,569
Look, I'll tell you what, just,
605
00:21:48,569 --> 00:21:50,862
let's do the bit we agreed to.
606
00:21:50,862 --> 00:21:52,385
- You're not forgetting to mention
607
00:21:52,385 --> 00:21:53,746
that I'm on the piano, are you?
608
00:21:53,746 --> 00:21:55,673
- Don't worry, you'll get a mention.
609
00:21:55,673 --> 00:21:57,382
- What am I actually supposed to be doing
610
00:21:57,382 --> 00:21:58,938
during this scene?
611
00:21:58,938 --> 00:22:00,046
- You're supposed to be having
612
00:22:00,046 --> 00:22:02,748
a sophisticated conversation
with your partner.
613
00:22:02,748 --> 00:22:05,323
(glasses tinkling)
(audience laughs)
614
00:22:05,323 --> 00:22:06,906
- Not an easy task.
615
00:22:07,783 --> 00:22:09,353
- Mr. Spooner, get that microphone
616
00:22:09,353 --> 00:22:11,340
and tie it onto the end
of a pole or something
617
00:22:11,340 --> 00:22:13,219
and dangle it over me.
618
00:22:13,219 --> 00:22:15,885
I think some of these
words are going missing.
619
00:22:15,885 --> 00:22:18,339
Right, now then, don't
forget to switch the motor on
620
00:22:18,339 --> 00:22:19,992
as soon as I wave my hand.
621
00:22:19,992 --> 00:22:22,242
We'll take it from Norfolk.
622
00:22:23,675 --> 00:22:27,876
- Would the gentleman prefer
the leg or the breast?
623
00:22:27,876 --> 00:22:28,979
- I'd like a bit of both,
624
00:22:28,979 --> 00:22:32,583
but my friend prefers the parson's nose.
625
00:22:32,583 --> 00:22:35,824
- I shall be performing
Night and Day on the piano.
626
00:22:35,824 --> 00:22:38,624
By the way, my name is Stephen Peacock.
627
00:22:38,624 --> 00:22:39,934
- Of course.
628
00:22:39,934 --> 00:22:42,034
And where is all this happening?
629
00:22:42,034 --> 00:22:45,772
It as at Grace Brothers
in the High Street,
630
00:22:45,772 --> 00:22:49,522
on the fourth floor,
from 7:30 'til midnight.
631
00:22:50,677 --> 00:22:51,868
Cut!
632
00:22:51,868 --> 00:22:52,899
- Well, what about this table?
633
00:22:52,899 --> 00:22:54,042
You haven't done us yet.
634
00:22:54,042 --> 00:22:55,267
- Haven't got time for that.
635
00:22:55,267 --> 00:22:57,394
The whole thing's only
going to last 30 seconds.
636
00:22:57,394 --> 00:22:59,039
- Do we get to eat this chicken now?
637
00:22:59,039 --> 00:22:59,872
I'm starved.
638
00:22:59,872 --> 00:23:02,872
- Yes, come on, pull up your chairs.
639
00:23:03,912 --> 00:23:05,779
- Did your mother cook this, Humphries?
640
00:23:05,779 --> 00:23:07,504
- I got it from the
hotel around the corner.
641
00:23:07,504 --> 00:23:09,590
- Aren't they generous?
642
00:23:09,590 --> 00:23:10,773
- I sent the bill to you.
643
00:23:10,773 --> 00:23:11,837
(audience laughs)
644
00:23:11,837 --> 00:23:12,670
- I hope this works.
645
00:23:12,670 --> 00:23:13,767
I don't think I could account
646
00:23:13,767 --> 00:23:15,904
for another 20 quid going astray.
647
00:23:15,904 --> 00:23:17,953
- Now, who's for the parson's nose?
648
00:23:17,953 --> 00:23:19,960
(audience laughs)
649
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,435
(glasses tinkling)
650
00:23:21,435 --> 00:23:24,298
(registers dinging)
651
00:23:24,298 --> 00:23:26,312
- We'll miss our commercial.
652
00:23:26,312 --> 00:23:28,622
- This cinema wasn't easy to find.
653
00:23:28,622 --> 00:23:30,064
- I tried to see what was showing,
654
00:23:30,064 --> 00:23:33,228
but someone's put stickers
all over the posters.
655
00:23:33,228 --> 00:23:37,395
- Well, I expect they get a
lot of vandals 'round here.
656
00:23:38,618 --> 00:23:40,708
- It's alright, I've got their tickets.
657
00:23:40,708 --> 00:23:41,851
Quick.
658
00:23:41,851 --> 00:23:43,360
- What's showing?
659
00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:45,503
- Last week it was Mrs. Miniver.
660
00:23:45,503 --> 00:23:48,539
I cried so much all me mascara ran.
661
00:23:48,539 --> 00:23:49,605
- What is it this week?
662
00:23:49,605 --> 00:23:50,438
- I don't know.
663
00:23:50,438 --> 00:23:51,456
It's something in French.
664
00:23:51,456 --> 00:23:52,892
Anyway the big picture's nearly finished
665
00:23:52,892 --> 00:23:53,994
and the manager says he's going to
666
00:23:53,994 --> 00:23:55,728
put our commercial on first.
667
00:23:55,728 --> 00:23:57,311
Come on, follow me.
668
00:23:59,085 --> 00:24:02,752
(dramatic orchestral music)
669
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:08,977
- [Mrs. Slocombe] I'm
looking for what to eat.
670
00:24:08,977 --> 00:24:10,163
- Do you mean it hasn't been on yet?
671
00:24:10,163 --> 00:24:11,799
- No, they had a bit of
trouble with their equipment
672
00:24:11,799 --> 00:24:15,466
they lost the picture,
but it's alright now.
673
00:24:28,134 --> 00:24:29,771
(hand slaps)
674
00:24:29,771 --> 00:24:32,604
(audience laughs)
675
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:51,087
(film speaking in foreign language)
676
00:24:54,476 --> 00:24:56,190
- Have they just got married?
677
00:24:56,190 --> 00:25:00,357
- Just met by a lake, I
think he's been in prison.
678
00:25:01,416 --> 00:25:03,220
- For quite a long time.
679
00:25:03,220 --> 00:25:06,053
(audience laughs)
680
00:25:07,510 --> 00:25:10,283
- They're taking their clothes off!
681
00:25:10,283 --> 00:25:12,859
- Well, it looks a bit cold for a swim.
682
00:25:12,859 --> 00:25:15,267
- I don't think he's going in for a swim.
683
00:25:15,267 --> 00:25:17,934
- No, they haven't got costumes.
684
00:25:19,808 --> 00:25:21,806
- Mrs. Slocombe, how
would you and Miss Brahms
685
00:25:21,806 --> 00:25:23,189
like to pop out for some sweets?
686
00:25:23,189 --> 00:25:25,315
Be quite a time before this finishes.
687
00:25:25,315 --> 00:25:27,152
- I don't want any sweets.
688
00:25:27,152 --> 00:25:29,735
(film moaning)
689
00:25:40,527 --> 00:25:43,360
(audience laughs)
690
00:25:46,079 --> 00:25:48,921
- I said they wasn't going swimming.
691
00:25:48,921 --> 00:25:50,512
(audience laughs)
692
00:25:50,512 --> 00:25:51,540
- You sure this is the sort of cinema
693
00:25:51,540 --> 00:25:53,126
we should advertise in?
694
00:25:53,126 --> 00:25:55,538
- Of course it is, they
show everything here.
695
00:25:55,538 --> 00:25:57,674
- You can say that again.
696
00:25:57,674 --> 00:26:00,084
- Next week, it's Bambi.
697
00:26:00,084 --> 00:26:01,644
- [Announcer] The next film will continue
698
00:26:01,644 --> 00:26:03,646
after the commercial.
699
00:26:03,646 --> 00:26:07,037
- That's the manager, I'm on now.
700
00:26:07,037 --> 00:26:08,468
- Where's the picture?
701
00:26:08,468 --> 00:26:09,899
Where's the picture?
702
00:26:09,899 --> 00:26:11,414
- [Announcer] Due to a technical fault,
703
00:26:11,414 --> 00:26:15,867
we have no picture but we
are trying to rectify this.
704
00:26:15,867 --> 00:26:18,074
- I realize now that a glee club singing
705
00:26:18,074 --> 00:26:19,387
All Things Bright and Beautiful
706
00:26:19,387 --> 00:26:21,144
would have been by far the best.
707
00:26:21,144 --> 00:26:22,394
- [Patron] Shh!
708
00:26:23,629 --> 00:26:27,467
- [Pierre] Good evening and
welcome to Club Rendezvous.
709
00:26:27,467 --> 00:26:30,692
I am Pierre from Paris, and this is Betty,
710
00:26:30,692 --> 00:26:33,758
our glamorous hostess for the evening.
711
00:26:33,758 --> 00:26:35,516
- [Betty] Bonsoir.
712
00:26:35,516 --> 00:26:39,110
- [Pierre] Helping her
is the lovely Shirley.
713
00:26:39,110 --> 00:26:40,255
- [Shirley] Hello.
714
00:26:40,255 --> 00:26:44,215
I'll take everything down
when you decide what you want.
715
00:26:44,215 --> 00:26:45,048
- Here!
716
00:26:45,048 --> 00:26:46,339
Get that picture back!
717
00:26:46,339 --> 00:26:48,098
We wanna have a look.
718
00:26:48,098 --> 00:26:50,592
- [Pierre] Although what
we have to offer is limited
719
00:26:50,592 --> 00:26:52,833
we're sure you will enjoy it.
720
00:26:52,833 --> 00:26:55,285
Now sir, what would
you like to start with?
721
00:26:55,285 --> 00:26:57,119
- [Beverley] What have you got?
722
00:26:57,119 --> 00:27:00,661
- Well, for starters Meat Patty Avocado.
723
00:27:00,661 --> 00:27:01,971
- Patty Avocado?
724
00:27:01,971 --> 00:27:03,767
South American crumpet!
725
00:27:03,767 --> 00:27:07,083
- Here, sounds the kinda club we'd like.
726
00:27:07,083 --> 00:27:08,600
- [Beverley] That's a nice big pear.
727
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:10,191
Can I have a feel?
728
00:27:10,191 --> 00:27:12,358
- [Shirley] Help yourself.
729
00:27:13,490 --> 00:27:15,984
- [Beverley] My word, that'll do nicely.
730
00:27:15,984 --> 00:27:18,689
- [Betty] With or without dressing?
731
00:27:18,689 --> 00:27:20,080
- [Beverley] Without, please.
732
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:22,075
- Naughty boy.
733
00:27:22,075 --> 00:27:23,384
- [Pierre] Betty, our hostess,
734
00:27:23,384 --> 00:27:27,255
would like to show you her speciality.
735
00:27:27,255 --> 00:27:31,422
Please show the gentlemen
what you've got under there.
736
00:27:32,383 --> 00:27:33,813
- [Beverley] What a whopper.
737
00:27:33,813 --> 00:27:36,704
That bird's big enough
for the whole table.
738
00:27:36,704 --> 00:27:40,285
- [Betty] Would the gentleman
like the leg or the breast?
739
00:27:40,285 --> 00:27:42,406
(audience laughs)
740
00:27:42,406 --> 00:27:43,838
- [Beverley] I'd like a bit of both.
741
00:27:43,838 --> 00:27:45,647
But my friend prefers the parson's nose.
742
00:27:45,647 --> 00:27:46,871
(audience laughs)
743
00:27:46,871 --> 00:27:48,747
- Here, where is this place?
744
00:27:48,747 --> 00:27:50,020
I gotta go.
745
00:27:50,020 --> 00:27:53,414
- Me too, I'd like to know
what else goes on there.
746
00:27:53,414 --> 00:27:54,270
- I shall be performing
747
00:27:54,270 --> 00:27:55,900
Night and Day on the piano.
748
00:27:55,900 --> 00:27:56,799
(audience laughs)
749
00:27:56,799 --> 00:27:58,552
By the way my name is Stephen Peacock.
750
00:27:58,552 --> 00:27:59,385
Oh my god.
751
00:28:00,380 --> 00:28:03,319
- [Pierre] Where is all this happening?
752
00:28:03,319 --> 00:28:06,270
Make a note of this address.
753
00:28:06,270 --> 00:28:09,301
♫ All things bright and beautiful
754
00:28:09,301 --> 00:28:12,118
♫ All creatures great and small
755
00:28:12,118 --> 00:28:14,863
♫ All things wise and wonderful
756
00:28:14,863 --> 00:28:17,156
(audience applauds)
757
00:28:17,156 --> 00:28:18,827
- [Lift Girl] Ground floor
perfumery, stationery
758
00:28:18,827 --> 00:28:20,785
and leather goods, wigs and haberdashery
759
00:28:20,785 --> 00:28:23,077
kitchenware and food, going up.
760
00:28:23,077 --> 00:28:25,660
(upbeat music)
761
00:28:28,262 --> 00:28:31,126
First floor telephones,
gents ready-made suits,
762
00:28:31,126 --> 00:28:34,627
shirts, socks, ties, hats,
underwear and shoes, going up.
763
00:28:34,627 --> 00:28:37,210
(upbeat music)
764
00:28:39,935 --> 00:28:42,645
Second floor carpets,
travel goods and bedding,
765
00:28:42,645 --> 00:28:45,536
material, soft furnishings,
restaurant and teas.
766
00:28:45,536 --> 00:28:46,369
Going down!
767
00:28:46,369 --> 00:28:48,952
(upbeat music)
768
00:28:51,408 --> 00:28:54,313
First floor telephones,
gents ready-made suits,
769
00:28:54,313 --> 00:28:57,696
shirts, socks, ties, hats,
underwear and shoes, going up.
770
00:28:57,696 --> 00:29:00,279
(upbeat music)
771
00:29:03,209 --> 00:29:05,871
Ground floor perfumery,
stationery and leather goods,
772
00:29:05,871 --> 00:29:08,868
wigs and haberdashery
kitchenware and food, going up.
773
00:29:08,868 --> 00:29:11,451
(upbeat music)
55578
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