All language subtitles for 30 Rock s03e10 Generalissimo.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:05,739 Ms. Lemon... 2 00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:07,007 here's the research you wanted for that White House skit. 3 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,708 Oh. Okay, thanks. 4 00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:10,642 You know it, Lady "Broseph!" 5 00:00:12,445 --> 00:00:14,514 What?! 6 00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:15,715 Those are your new interns. 7 00:00:15,715 --> 00:00:17,050 Aren't they a little old and overdressed? 8 00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:20,153 They're all former investment bankers who were 9 00:00:20,153 --> 00:00:21,287 laid off in that economic crash 10 00:00:21,287 --> 00:00:23,356 that Nancy Pelosi caused. 11 00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:25,258 They've got zero real world skills 12 00:00:25,258 --> 00:00:26,559 but, God, they work hard. 13 00:00:28,495 --> 00:00:29,696 Gentlemen... 14 00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:32,198 I need you to run out and pick up some flowers 15 00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:33,900 a collection of bath soaps 16 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:35,390 and some Spanish-language gossip magazines. 17 00:00:36,736 --> 00:00:39,272 Soap and Spanish magazines? 18 00:00:39,272 --> 00:00:42,909 What, are you expecting a visit from the, um... uh... 19 00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:44,644 Oh, Lemon, don't start it unless you've got something. 20 00:00:44,644 --> 00:00:45,879 Okay. 21 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,580 Elisa's grandmother is coming to visit. 22 00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:49,049 I don't think she likes me. 23 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,784 Te odio. 24 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,085 Yo soy Jack. 25 00:00:52,085 --> 00:00:53,620 I don't understand it. 26 00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:54,954 Well, as long as Elisa likes you 27 00:00:54,954 --> 00:00:56,222 that's all that matters, right? 28 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,091 Oh, no. I need Concepcion onboard. 29 00:00:58,091 --> 00:00:59,626 She's the matriarch of this family. 30 00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:00,894 And in Puerto Rico 31 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,862 elderly women are held in very high esteem. 32 00:01:02,862 --> 00:01:05,165 You should go there, Lemon. 33 00:01:05,165 --> 00:01:07,190 They'd love you. 34 00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:11,805 None of this is mine. I live in 3B. This is 13B. 35 00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,940 You know what? I'm going to say it. 36 00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:16,309 Women should not deliver the mail. 37 00:01:16,309 --> 00:01:18,244 Dr. Andrew Baird? Do you know this guy? 38 00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:19,579 I don't think so. 39 00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:21,948 Well, he's a pediatrician, so you know he likes kids. 40 00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:23,283 Or feet? No, no, kids. 41 00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:26,786 He has a bill from a divorce lawyer, so you know he's single. 42 00:01:26,786 --> 00:01:29,689 And he has a golf magazine, so you know he's not gay or poor. 43 00:01:29,689 --> 00:01:31,191 Jenna, come on. 44 00:01:31,191 --> 00:01:32,625 Now, let's see what kind of movies he likes. 45 00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:34,094 What are you doing? 46 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,129 That's a Federal offense, and you already have two strikes! 47 00:01:36,129 --> 00:01:37,263 Shh! 48 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,432 Yeah, I do not \support this! 49 00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:41,601 "Muppets Take Manhattan." "Caddyshack." 50 00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,603 Hmm. 51 00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:45,305 And a documentary about how pies are made. 52 00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:47,507 Hello, Dr. Baird. 53 00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:49,909 Wasn't that a treat? 54 00:01:49,909 --> 00:01:53,146 Only the special tours get to see Conan without his wig. 55 00:01:56,349 --> 00:01:57,383 Oh, I'm sorry... 56 00:01:57,383 --> 00:01:59,018 but her show is on now. 57 00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:00,553 Do you think we could... 58 00:02:00,553 --> 00:02:02,388 Uh, yes, yes. 59 00:02:02,388 --> 00:02:06,159 Jonathan, would you come and help Mrs. Padriera? 60 00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:07,193 I think your grandmother hates me. 61 00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:08,728 I don't understand it. 62 00:02:08,728 --> 00:02:11,331 She's usually a very loving person. 63 00:02:11,331 --> 00:02:12,966 Is it because I'm white? 64 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,868 No, I've had white boyfriends. 65 00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:16,569 Black, Cuban... 66 00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:19,139 Brazilian guys with German heritage... 67 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,641 I get it. You've been with other men. Congratulations. 68 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:22,675 Oh, thank you. 69 00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:24,210 What is she watching? 70 00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:26,012 "Los Amantes Clandestinos." 71 00:02:26,012 --> 00:02:27,580 It's a Mexican telenovela. 72 00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:29,082 But who is that? 73 00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:30,850 That is El Generalissimo. 74 00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:32,485 He is the villain of Los Amantes. 75 00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:33,720 Papa! 76 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,588 The name of the actor is Hector Moreda. 77 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:39,074 Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org 78 00:02:41,427 --> 00:02:43,588 He looks exactly like me. 79 00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:51,565 He does look like you. 80 00:03:22,101 --> 00:03:24,170 Oh, dude! I have to meet you. I'm Brian. 81 00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:25,572 What's up, Brian? 82 00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:27,173 We love you. 83 00:03:27,173 --> 00:03:30,043 "This honky grandma be trippin'!" 84 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,277 Hey, when I quote lines from your movies 85 00:03:31,277 --> 00:03:32,378 that's not racist, right? 86 00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:35,114 Of course not, I transcend race. 87 00:03:35,114 --> 00:03:36,382 Look, we're all going out after work 88 00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:37,750 and I know you like to party. 89 00:03:37,750 --> 00:03:39,586 We'd be honored if you'd come with. 90 00:03:39,586 --> 00:03:42,188 You shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition at. 91 00:03:42,188 --> 00:03:43,223 But, yeah... 92 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,324 I'm in. 93 00:03:45,758 --> 00:03:47,827 Oh, we'll start off at McManus-McMinnigan's. 94 00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:49,696 Have you ever drunk a yard of beer? 95 00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:53,257 A yard like a lawn? Yes, I have. 96 00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,926 Tracy Jordan! 97 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,876 He has an ice cream maker? 98 00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:05,578 Come on! 99 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,180 Don't be weird looking. Don't be weird looking. 100 00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:09,148 Ah! A girl! 101 00:04:09,148 --> 00:04:10,850 Oh, God. 102 00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:12,408 Dr. Baird, there's someone at your door. 103 00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:16,155 Oh. Thanks, Oswald. 104 00:04:16,155 --> 00:04:18,558 Oswald was just helping me hang some pictures. 105 00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:21,194 I live in the basement, so I have all the nails. 106 00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:22,929 I'm Drew. 107 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:25,365 Sorry I smell like frosting. 108 00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,162 I just... love to bake. 109 00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:34,440 I want to go to there. 110 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,309 So will I see you before Saturday? 111 00:04:36,309 --> 00:04:38,211 Jack, about this weekend... 112 00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:40,246 I don't think you should come to my cousin's 113 00:04:40,246 --> 00:04:41,881 police academy graduation... 114 00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:43,883 or my other cousin's parole party. 115 00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:46,753 Boy, I hope those two don't eventually have a showdown 116 00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:49,088 that pits family against justice. 117 00:04:49,088 --> 00:04:51,791 Uh, hang on. You mean you don't want me to come? 118 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:54,093 It's not me. Abuela thought it should just be family. 119 00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:56,462 Is this about the Generalissimo? 120 00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:58,765 Jack, as a child my grandmother worked in a silver mine 121 00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:00,767 without proper ventilation. 122 00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:03,603 Now, her mind is squishy like a hacky sack. 123 00:05:03,603 --> 00:05:06,572 But no matter what, she is still my abuelita 124 00:05:06,572 --> 00:05:08,007 even though, sometimes, she comes at me 125 00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:09,942 with a knife because of a silver frenzy. 126 00:05:09,942 --> 00:05:11,944 I'll call you tomorrow, okay? 127 00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:13,377 Okay. Good night, querida. 128 00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:22,121 Generalissimo. 129 00:05:22,121 --> 00:05:24,891 Look at Dr. Baird. 130 00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:26,726 Mmm, how did you get a picture of him? 131 00:05:26,726 --> 00:05:29,028 I told him his haircut was exactly what I've been trying 132 00:05:29,028 --> 00:05:31,097 to describe to my barber. 133 00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:33,399 Yeah, smooth, I know. I'm way out of my league here. 134 00:05:33,399 --> 00:05:34,934 Okay, don't get intimidated. 135 00:05:34,934 --> 00:05:36,336 You know he can't be perfect. 136 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,470 No, he might be. 137 00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:39,305 I got some more of his mail... 138 00:05:39,305 --> 00:05:40,740 and I opened it. 139 00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:43,142 Uh-huh, yeah. I'm the worst. 140 00:05:43,142 --> 00:05:44,577 It just proves that I don't deserve this guy. 141 00:05:44,577 --> 00:05:46,479 He went to medical school at Columbia... 142 00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:48,414 all kinds of charity baloney. 143 00:05:48,414 --> 00:05:50,249 He gets all of the movie channels, including Starz. 144 00:05:50,249 --> 00:05:54,487 And... he trains seeing eye dogs at home. 145 00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:56,489 Oh, well, that's no good for you. 146 00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:57,690 You're allergic to dogs. 147 00:05:57,690 --> 00:05:59,025 I guess I'll have to step in and... 148 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,460 Shut up! Just let me think! 149 00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:01,761 Shh! 150 00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:02,929 Please keep your voices down. 151 00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:05,022 Mr. Jordan is a little hung over. 152 00:06:06,265 --> 00:06:08,301 He pulled an "Uncle Harland Parcell" last night 153 00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,969 minus the wistful jug-blowing. 154 00:06:09,969 --> 00:06:11,537 I went out with the interns. 155 00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:14,028 Those white boys are not kidding around. 156 00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:17,276 Have you ever tasted Scotch? It's terrible! 157 00:06:17,276 --> 00:06:18,678 And this thing they call 158 00:06:18,678 --> 00:06:22,014 "box seats at the Rangers game"? It's so cold! 159 00:06:22,014 --> 00:06:23,549 And what is Rohypnol? 160 00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:25,551 Tracy, those are roofies! 161 00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,553 So, I shouldn't have taken two of them for my headache? 162 00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:28,654 There he is! 163 00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:31,557 Tonight, shooters at Blockheads, lay a base 164 00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,192 and meet up with my "bro-hams" at the Cornell Club? 165 00:06:33,192 --> 00:06:34,694 Hey, you know it, Bri-man! 166 00:06:34,694 --> 00:06:35,862 Hey! 167 00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:39,365 I have no idea what either one of us just said. 168 00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:40,633 Well, he thinks you're going out again. 169 00:06:40,633 --> 00:06:42,235 You've gotta tell him you can't. 170 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,669 I have a rep to maintain. 171 00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:46,739 If I can't keep up with a bunch of Wall Street frat boys... 172 00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:49,299 Uh-oh... here come the roofies. 173 00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:52,940 You can do whatever you want to me. 174 00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:59,752 Uno... dos... 175 00:07:01,654 --> 00:07:03,356 You wanted to see me? 176 00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:04,757 Oh, Lemon, this is Elisa. 177 00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:05,758 What? Come on. 178 00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:06,759 You're a nurse? 179 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:08,227 Yes, some of us are hot. 180 00:07:08,227 --> 00:07:09,529 Lemon, we have a problem... 181 00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:10,496 with him. 182 00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:17,370 Boy, That guy looks a lot like you. 183 00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:18,704 Precisely. 184 00:07:18,704 --> 00:07:21,007 Two hours a day, five days a week, Hector Moreda 185 00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:22,208 and the Generalissimo 186 00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:24,710 are poisoning Elisa's grandmother against me. 187 00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:26,913 Oh! He just blew up that kid! 188 00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:28,581 Elisa and I have enough obstacles... 189 00:07:28,581 --> 00:07:31,117 our work schedules, our cultures... 190 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,552 her adorably broken English. 191 00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:34,420 Metro cards are a real thing, Jack. 192 00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:36,389 You use them on the subway. 193 00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:39,192 Anyway, this morning, Telemundo, which is owned by 194 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,960 Sheinhardt-Universal 195 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,795 purchased Los Amantes, uh... 196 00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:44,163 Clandestinos. 197 00:07:44,163 --> 00:07:46,098 And now... I own it. 198 00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:47,133 Isn't that romantic? 199 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,568 Now, all I have to do 200 00:07:48,568 --> 00:07:51,337 is kill off the Generalissimo and clear a path 201 00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:52,772 to Elisa's abuela. 202 00:07:52,772 --> 00:07:54,574 Lemon, the director needs a script by this afternoon 203 00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:56,476 and Elisa here will help you with the Spanish. 204 00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,977 No, no, no, don't drag me into this. 205 00:07:57,977 --> 00:08:00,446 I have my own problems and I've never even watched that show. 206 00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:04,050 All you need to know is that El Generalissimo is pure evil. 207 00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:05,318 Look at him. 208 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:09,222 He stole that girl's love letters and opened them. 209 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:10,523 Opened her mail? 210 00:08:10,523 --> 00:08:12,391 That is just... shocking. 211 00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:15,194 He's a monster... or he has a really good reason to do it. 212 00:08:15,194 --> 00:08:18,231 Oh, no, his only reason was to trick her 213 00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:20,967 into giving up her honor to him. 214 00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:24,670 Uh-huh, and how did he use her mail to do that, exactly? 215 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:27,306 He read her most intimate secrets 216 00:08:27,306 --> 00:08:30,309 and turned himself into that which she desired. 217 00:08:30,309 --> 00:08:33,145 What she loved, he pretended to love too 218 00:08:33,145 --> 00:08:34,612 until it was too late. 219 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,513 Huh. 220 00:08:42,788 --> 00:08:44,957 My dog ran away! 221 00:08:44,957 --> 00:08:46,692 Oh, my God. Let me get my coat. 222 00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:55,167 Buster? 223 00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:57,003 Buster! Come here, boy! 224 00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:58,337 Buster! 225 00:08:58,337 --> 00:09:02,933 The funny thing is, this is what I love about him. 226 00:09:04,677 --> 00:09:08,748 Don't worry, Liz. We're going to find him. 227 00:09:08,748 --> 00:09:10,683 If we don't 228 00:09:10,683 --> 00:09:12,652 I don't think I could ever be around dogs again. 229 00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:14,520 Oh. 230 00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:16,055 You know, I'm actually on the board 231 00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:17,390 of the Pediatric Restless Leg Syndrome Association. 232 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:21,360 Oh. I forgot I even had this on. 233 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:22,995 I have so many charity t-shirts. 234 00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:24,730 We have so much in common. 235 00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,832 Well, Buster's probably dead. 236 00:09:26,832 --> 00:09:28,534 Do you want to go to the wine bar around the corner 237 00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:30,536 deal with these emotions? Get some dinner? 238 00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:33,937 Uh... I would love to, Liz. I really would. 239 00:09:35,541 --> 00:09:37,577 But I just got divorced not that long ago. 240 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,272 I'm really not ready for this kind of thing just yet. 241 00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:42,949 Plus, I have not given up on that dog. 242 00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:44,317 He's a fighter. 243 00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,252 Buster! 244 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:49,021 Yeah... Buster. 245 00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:50,990 Oh, shoot it, dog! 246 00:09:50,990 --> 00:09:53,559 I'm going to. I'm Tracy Jordan. 247 00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:57,518 Why would I be afraid of fire next to my mouth? 248 00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,238 Is she watching? 249 00:10:06,238 --> 00:10:08,074 Yes. I told her it was 250 00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:09,974 a very special episode. 251 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,376 Good-bye, General. 252 00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:27,927 Wait, wait. What did he just say? 253 00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:29,095 That wasn't in the script. 254 00:10:29,095 --> 00:10:30,630 He said, "You missed." 255 00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:35,230 He said, "You missed again." 256 00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:42,441 "And now, this potion is going to make me live forever"? 257 00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:44,610 What's happening, Jack? 258 00:10:44,610 --> 00:10:46,946 El Generalissimo was supposed to die! 259 00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:51,317 Moreda has gone "Broken Arrow." Jonathan? 260 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,952 We really should have had somebody on the set 261 00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:55,421 who speaks Spanish. 262 00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:57,823 I'll call you back. 263 00:11:01,293 --> 00:11:03,318 Moreda. 264 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,529 Moreda! 265 00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:20,579 Welcome, Jack. Cigar? Brandy? 266 00:11:20,579 --> 00:11:21,881 What happened, Hector? 267 00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:24,817 The General was supposed to die. 268 00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:27,586 Hey... do not try to out-Generalissimo me, my friend. 269 00:11:27,586 --> 00:11:29,288 This role has made me 270 00:11:29,288 --> 00:11:31,188 rich, famous, and respected. 271 00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:35,194 I get to cut the line at Disneyland if I come mid-week. 272 00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:38,197 I have a lucrative endorsement deal with Sabor de Soledad. 273 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,968 I am not going to let you take all that away from me. 274 00:11:42,968 --> 00:11:44,770 I know where you came from, Hector. 275 00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:47,273 Play ball, or you'll be back doing R-rated hypnotism 276 00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:49,475 at the bullfights so fast, you won't know what hit you. 277 00:11:49,475 --> 00:11:52,478 You come over here and say that to my face! 278 00:11:52,478 --> 00:11:54,146 No. You come over here. 279 00:11:54,146 --> 00:11:56,282 Nunca! If you refuse to be reasonable 280 00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:58,580 I must call the presidente of Telemundo! 281 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:03,889 La oficina de Jack Donaghy. 282 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,658 Hola? 283 00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:06,716 Well played, Jack. 284 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:13,399 I see that we are not so different, you and I. 285 00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,334 We laugh alike. 286 00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:16,702 We think alike. 287 00:12:16,702 --> 00:12:18,037 At times, we even drink alike. 288 00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:20,706 You could lose your mind. 289 00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:25,845 Look, you should know I'm doing this for a woman... 290 00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:28,581 this woman. 291 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,349 Wow. 292 00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:32,685 I am super gay, and I would totally switch for her. 293 00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,453 She's amazing. 294 00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:36,255 But her grandmother hates me 295 00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:38,591 because she hates the Generalissimo so he's got to go. 296 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,860 El Generalissimo does not have to die 297 00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:42,995 to clear the way to the abuela. 298 00:12:42,995 --> 00:12:45,431 Not if the abuela comes to love him. 299 00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,199 But... that's impossible. 300 00:12:47,199 --> 00:12:51,135 Seduction is never impossible for El Generalissimo. 301 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,908 I will become everything that old Hispanic women desire. 302 00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:58,110 I will make her love me. 303 00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:00,179 You really think you can pull that off? 304 00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:01,914 It will be the performance of a lifetime 305 00:13:01,914 --> 00:13:05,351 like Julie Harris in The Belle of Amherst. 306 00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:07,453 Wow. You are surprisingly gay. 307 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,789 Okay. So... 308 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,624 So, did you ever find Buster? 309 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:12,725 What did you not understand? 310 00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:14,627 That picture is from a dog food ad. 311 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:15,961 Hi. 312 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:17,963 Hi, Lemon. Here's today's script. 313 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,565 I translated it 314 00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:20,998 and took out the Star Wars references. 315 00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:23,102 Are you an actress? 316 00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:24,470 No, I'm a nurse. 317 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,038 Oh, good. 318 00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:28,407 Don't listen to anyone who says you should become an actress. 319 00:13:28,407 --> 00:13:29,775 Okay. 320 00:13:29,775 --> 00:13:33,312 Uh, I also cut the scene between the General and T'la Maria. 321 00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:34,613 They cannot be together. 322 00:13:34,613 --> 00:13:36,582 Not after what he did to Maria's daughter. 323 00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:37,817 Why? What did he do? 324 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,885 Oh, it was despicable 325 00:13:39,885 --> 00:13:42,721 even worse than his misuse of the mails. 326 00:13:42,721 --> 00:13:45,491 The Generalissimo tricked her to the villa 327 00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,059 by inviting her to a fancy party. 328 00:13:47,059 --> 00:13:51,897 But when she got there, it was just the two of them. 329 00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:55,301 He drugged her champagne and had his way with her. 330 00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:57,002 Later, she gave birth to the Devil. 331 00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:58,470 You know... sweeps week. 332 00:13:58,470 --> 00:14:00,840 That's what I could do to Drew. 333 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,107 Drug him? Liz, no. 334 00:14:02,107 --> 00:14:04,243 Having been on both sides of that, I can tell you 335 00:14:04,243 --> 00:14:05,444 it's not a good idea. 336 00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:07,913 No, I'm going to tell Drew that I'm having 337 00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:09,582 a little "Welcome to the Building" party for him. 338 00:14:09,582 --> 00:14:11,550 But there is no party. 339 00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:13,185 And then, when he shows up 340 00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:15,855 I'll laugh and say, "Oh, it's the wrong night." 341 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,356 And then, he'll laugh and say, 342 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:18,557 "Oh, well, one glass couldn't hurt." 343 00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:20,459 And then, I will put my mouth on his mouth. 344 00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:22,094 No, Lemon. Do not do this. 345 00:14:22,094 --> 00:14:24,563 The trickery, the deceit... it's a slippery slope. 346 00:14:24,563 --> 00:14:26,232 Yeah, but you haven't seen Dr. Baird. 347 00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:28,100 He looks like a cartoon pilot. 348 00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:30,369 Be very careful. 349 00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:32,471 El Generalissimo was once a good man. 350 00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:35,140 But the years of loneliness drove him insane. 351 00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:37,938 I am not the Generalissimo, Elisa. 352 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,650 Mr. Jordan, I called my Uncle Harland 353 00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,318 and I got his hangover cure. 354 00:14:46,318 --> 00:14:50,122 Mix two cups boiled possum meat with one mess-load ragweed. 355 00:14:50,122 --> 00:14:51,991 Stir in alcohol... 356 00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:53,592 Ken, these interns are wearing me out. 357 00:14:53,592 --> 00:14:54,727 It's like I said 358 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,128 in my not-hit comedy 359 00:14:56,128 --> 00:15:00,666 "Cruise Boat," "I'm getting too old for this ship." 360 00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:02,268 Well, you are getting older, sir. 361 00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:04,003 There's no reason you have to keep acting like you're 20. 362 00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:05,704 Yes, there is. 363 00:15:05,704 --> 00:15:08,540 Do you know what happens to a comedian when he gets old 364 00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:10,209 and loses his audience? 365 00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:12,711 He starts to get offered serious roles. 366 00:15:12,711 --> 00:15:15,581 And do you really want to see me play Arthur Ashe? 367 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:19,685 No... that would be terrible. You leave him alone. 368 00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:22,922 Exactly. So if I'm going to keep my hilarious reputation 369 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,557 these interns got to go. 370 00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:27,559 But where? They don't know how to do anything. 371 00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:29,161 And there are no jobs left on Wall Street. 372 00:15:29,161 --> 00:15:30,856 Then I'll find them something for them to do. 373 00:15:34,566 --> 00:15:36,101 Drew! 374 00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:38,671 Oh, uh... am I the first one here? 375 00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:41,573 What? Oh... 376 00:15:41,573 --> 00:15:43,275 No, the party is tomorrow night. 377 00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:44,710 Tonight, I'm just hanging out 378 00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:46,912 eating fondue by candlelight. 379 00:15:46,912 --> 00:15:48,580 But come in. 380 00:15:48,580 --> 00:15:50,282 I was just opening a bottle of wine to drink alone. 381 00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:52,751 Okay, I guess one glass couldn't hurt. 382 00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:54,486 I found your dog! 383 00:15:54,486 --> 00:15:55,888 What? 384 00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:58,624 He lost his collar, but I recognized him from the poster. 385 00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,626 That's not possible. 386 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:01,927 Of course it's possible. 387 00:16:01,927 --> 00:16:04,196 How could he not want to come back to this beautiful lady? 388 00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:06,565 My dog is back! 389 00:16:06,565 --> 00:16:07,733 I'll open the wine. 390 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:10,691 Just put him down. 391 00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:05,924 Uh... you need more. 392 00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,686 Buster, you wang! 393 00:17:34,686 --> 00:17:37,189 Let's get you back in your special kitchen cabinet. 394 00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:40,159 Man, that dog is giving me a headache. 395 00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:42,593 Well, I have some aspirin in my white bag there if you need any. 396 00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:50,803 Everything okay in there? 397 00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:55,001 We're just playing a little... ow! ...game where he bites me. 398 00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:59,635 Alone, at last. 399 00:18:02,314 --> 00:18:03,715 Are you okay? 400 00:18:03,715 --> 00:18:05,649 Yeah. I'm, uh... 401 00:18:10,989 --> 00:18:12,257 You've been roofied! 402 00:18:12,257 --> 00:18:15,194 You did what? 403 00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:16,395 No, no, not me! The pills! 404 00:18:16,395 --> 00:18:18,263 Is this my mail? 405 00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,032 Okay. No, you're not thinking clearly. 406 00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:22,500 Why is it all open? 407 00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:26,071 That's not your dog. 408 00:18:26,071 --> 00:18:28,006 I can explain. Just relax! 409 00:18:28,006 --> 00:18:29,132 Help! 410 00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:32,845 I am the Generalissimo. 411 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:35,143 I don't know what that means. 412 00:18:37,349 --> 00:18:39,715 Abuela made you breaded calf's brains. 413 00:18:40,719 --> 00:18:41,887 Muchas gracias. 414 00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:45,557 She really likes the changes 415 00:18:45,557 --> 00:18:47,525 you've made on Los Amantes Clandestinos. 416 00:18:53,098 --> 00:18:54,766 She's very proud that I am dating 417 00:18:54,766 --> 00:18:56,201 such an important television man. 418 00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:57,532 Oh, well... 419 00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:02,508 What are you going to do about the NBC news? 420 00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:03,998 It's too sad. 421 00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:09,341 Uh, I'll look into it, uh, abuela. 422 00:19:13,952 --> 00:19:15,254 Hi, Liz. 423 00:19:15,254 --> 00:19:18,790 Oh, hey. Again, I am so sorry about everything. 424 00:19:18,790 --> 00:19:20,526 I actually got some of your mail. 425 00:19:20,526 --> 00:19:23,629 Oh, okay. Hope you didn't open it. 426 00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:25,998 I did. Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl. 427 00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:27,933 Classic. 428 00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:29,735 Membership in the cheese-of-the-month club 429 00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,603 and the steak-of- the-month club 430 00:19:31,603 --> 00:19:33,172 and a copy of Vegetarian Times. 431 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,641 I'm a flip-flopper. 432 00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:37,543 Also, a response to your complaint about bad grammar 433 00:19:37,543 --> 00:19:38,777 in subway ads. 434 00:19:38,777 --> 00:19:40,946 The word "whom" deserves a defender. 435 00:19:40,946 --> 00:19:44,650 I'm just saying that based on your mail 436 00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:46,118 I actually would have wanted to meet 437 00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:47,686 this Elizabeth Lemon in 3B. 438 00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:48,948 Really? 439 00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:52,558 Do you want to try this again? 440 00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:55,561 I know that I lied to you and I accidentally roofied you 441 00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:56,995 but weirder things have happened, right? 442 00:19:56,995 --> 00:20:00,866 Isn't that Tracy Jordan? 443 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,834 The Lehman Brothers investment bank will reopen 444 00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:04,536 under the direction 445 00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:05,837 of comedian Tracy Jordan. 446 00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:09,374 I'm doing this so no one will know I'm getting old. 447 00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:11,176 But you just told us you're old. 448 00:20:11,176 --> 00:20:13,278 This interview is over. 449 00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:14,947 Yeah, I guess weirder things have happened. 450 00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:16,481 And now, to lighten things up 451 00:20:16,481 --> 00:20:18,217 some pictures of beautiful Latin babies 452 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,852 and the music of Tito Puente. 453 00:20:20,852 --> 00:20:22,454 Jack, this is ridiculous. 454 00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:27,159 Okay... 455 00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:28,393 it's a date. 456 00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:29,485 Okay. 457 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:33,117 Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player 458 00:20:33,167 --> 00:20:37,717 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33029

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