Original subtitles

- Previously on "Southern Charm"...

- So outdoor furniture--

what about, like, purple for the Ravens?

- I'll move out.

- As Craig and Paige tried to hash out

their long-distance romance,

Taylor doubled down on her story.

- I will put my hand on a Bible.

Like, there's nothing going on.

- And Austen was defiant they had nothing to hide.

- I'm sick and tired of apologizing

to ----ing everyone for not doing anything wrong.

- Yeah. Nobody was dating anyone.

[upbeat music]

- But when we all got together

for Taylor's après-ski party...

- You look like the dude from "Shrek."

[laughter]

- Someone was clearly absent.

- If I hug, you know, Taylor,

is, like, Olivia gonna roll her eyes?

Like, no, ----ing forget it.

- * Scandal *

- But that didn't stop tongues from wagging.

- The alibi was that Taylor slept in the guest room.

- The last time I saw the guest room,

there wasn't a bed in there. - Wait, what?

- Taylor said, yeah, Austen and I talked

to each other's family,

like, about whether it would be a good idea or not.

I go, what?

- So when some of us ended up at Whitney's...

- Oh, baby. How you been?

- Shep finally confronted Austen.

- Let's talk about it. Let's go talk about it.

- Okay, sure.

- Shall we?

- And, well, let's just say, in vino veritas.

- Speak the ----ing truth, Austen.

- What are you asking me?

- If y'all hooked up, would you tell me?

- Define hooked up.

[dramatic music]

* *

- Kissed.

* *

- We kissed.

* *

[thunder rumbling]

* *

- This is so confusing.

Kissing turns into-- We know what kissing is.

Come on. - Shepard--

- Where is the boundary? That's my question.

Where is the boundary?

Like, wives with families, is that where we draw the line?

I mean, I'm just questioning that.

And I love women. You know how much I love women.

It gets me in trouble all the time.

I want ----ing this one, that one.

But, like, I know where a line is, man.

How does a kiss just end at a kiss?

[muffled] I just don't see it.

- I knew it. I knew they--

- That's not a hook-up. - No one stops making out.

- But, Madison-- - No one stops before...

- They were dry-humping. - Physical, like, contact.

So they probably kissed and said,

are we to do this or not?

- [muffled] Taylor and I did not hook up.

[normal voice] And I know that it's not good

in any sort of way-- - When?

Were you also kissing on Olivia?

That's the problem.

- Olivia and I...

weren't speaking.

It was never like a-- let's go home together,

or let's anything.

- But y'all ended up doing that, just that.

I mean, that's what JT was talking about.

He was like, I felt like a third wheel

and blah, blah, blah.

- No, he doesn't know sh--, dude.

- Austen, I'm questioning that.

* *

- It was in a moment, in a time of just,

like, so much confusion for both of us, and, like--

- But you didn't think about anyone else, man.

I feel like Austen wants everything.

Wants, wants, wants, take, take, take.

And everyone else be damned.

- I have maintained with Taylor that if something materialized

between us, then, yes, of course,

we tell our friends in the appropriate manner.

But if nothing did materialize,

then there was no reason to tell our friends

and to hurt their feelings,

when their feelings don't need to be hurt.

* *

Poor judgment was made, and I'm sorry for being weak.

[thunder rumbling]

- You know what?

I was broken up with her. You were a shoulder to cry on.

* *

I don't want to lose you as a friend, man.

[thunder rumbles]

- Look, man, this is gonna cause a whole bunch, like,

of ripples and tides.

And I just wanted it to stay dead and buried

because of how insignificant-- - Of course.

And if I were to lie to you to your face,

I'd feel ten times as worse.

* *

- We're gonna hopefully figure out how

to get back to a good place.

- It is hard, dude. - I know.

I'll follow you. - All right.

- All right give me some of that ----ing whiskey, Austen.

- Yes! - All right.

- I hope you have really sorted out.

- So you guys are good after whatever just happened?

- As good as we can be.

- Did you (BLEEP) Taylor or not?

- Madison, stop it. [laughter]

[thunder rumbles]

* *

[upbeat music]

* *

- Charles, come here. [snorts, laughs]

You got to figure out how to sit, buds.

Okay, okay.

Are you good?

Okay.

[cell phone ringing]

- Hello, hello, hello.

- Hello. - Hi.

Sitting on the porch drinking a little wine.

[laughs]

Oh, my God. That was too much.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, should I drink my wine or put it down?

Oh, Jesus.

* *

- Yeah, I mean, I told you.

- My issue's more so with Austen.

He lied to us. - Yeah--

- I have an issue with the bro code being breached.

I just have a problem with that.

Do you think that Shep should just forgive him

so quickly like that?

- Oh, interesting.

- No. No.

No, that's just something you don't do.

Like, that's girl code. Like...

Right.

- You can't just gloss over this.

Where's the moral line here?

- Oh, no.

* *

- Hey, how are you? - Good.

How are you? - Good.

I'm meeting a friend here. I think she's already here.

Thank you, appreciate it.

both: Hi!

- Your hat's so cute.

- I was like, I might as well dress the part.

- Hello. [laughter]

- How are you? - Good.

I already ordered. - Good.

- They, like, put us, like,

right in the middle of the restaurant.

I was like, um, not to quote JT,

but we have a lot to unpack. [laughter]

- Here is that falafel for you guys.

- Oh, thank you. - Hi. Thank you.

- How are you doing today? - It's gluten-free, right?

- Yes, it's gluten-free. - Oh, awesome.

- Would you like a drink or anything?

- I'm gonna do a mimosa. - You got it.

- So I do think there is, like, a disconnect

with Taylor and I, how--

what we think's okay and what isn't.

Like, y'all both went and talked to your families.

- Yeah.

- That family thing, like, hits hard.

- Yeah. - Like, that is a gut punch.

- And I love Taylor, but everyone's like--

Stuff keeps coming out, and--

- It's so muddy.

- Now, do you think that they did hook up?

- During that coffee conversation,

I was like, this is the time to tell me everything.

She said, nothing happened.

The thing is, if something else does come out, I know me.

I won't--I won't--

- Like, do you think it would end your friendship?

- It would end it.

Even if I was, like, I forgive you, we're fine,

let's go to brunch, like, it's not going

to feel the same for a minute.

But, like, I am making the active decision

to believe what she's telling me

and, like, work on it.

- I got some Caesar salads for you.

- Yum. Thank you.

- I can take those plates out of the way as well, too.

- Thank you.

- So I'm maybe overly optimistic,

but, like, Shep was telling me--

He brought over pheasant, I think.

You eat pheasant, right? - What's a pheasant?

- Why are they warm? - 'Cause they're fresh kill.

- [shrieks] - Like, a bird.

- It's an edible bird, right?

- I mean-- - Am I mixing this up?

What's the bird you eat? What's on menus?

- Chicken.

- Anyways, Shep wants to, like, have

a pheasant dinner tomorrow and, like, invite everyone.

- Mm-hmm. - I was like, you should still.

Like, I'm not in a place where I don't want

to be around Taylor. Like... - Mm-hmm.

- Austen, on the other hand, I could care less,

but, like, I know Taylor's heart.

Like, I miss her when I'm mad at her, you know what I mean?

- You don't think a dinner is going to feel really awkward?

- Do you think it would be awkward?

- I don't know. I don't really want to go.

[laughs] I don't know-- - You're coming.

- Am I--No.

- And you're eating this damn pigeon.

- I have plans tomorrow, and I'm not sitting

between you and Austen, like--

- I'd rather be that dead pheasant than sit next to him

at a dinner. - [laughs]

* *

- Hello! - Hello!

- Penny!

- Sic him, Penny!

- Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. - Hey!

Welcome to my humble abode. - Hey.

- Look, I brought you some Trop Hop so you

can put it in your fridge. - Yay! Thank you.

- You! - Do you want one of these or--

- No, no, no. I do not want a beer right now.

I just want you to have it in your fridge for the future.

- To share with my friends when they come over.

[can opens]

- Oh, you're drinking one. - Yeah.

- Okay, good. - Cheers to me.

- Stop it. - [laughs]

- Stop it. Cheers to you.

- Penny, chill.

- So last night was good?

- Last night was good.

Obviously, I missed having you there.

[toy squeaks] - Yeah.

- Yeah. [toy squeaks]

Well, how was last night for you?

- So Shep and Craig and Madison showed up

to, you know, Whitney's, and Shep was like,

well, let's just go talk, man. Let's just go talk.

I was like, all right.

And I told him that we did kiss.

* *

- This is not cool at all.

Olivia's reaction to this is not gonna be good.

- Okay, but, like, I think that if you say this to her--

- And I asked you. I said, should I just let her know?

- I know.

- And you're like, I don't know if this is a good time,

'cause, clearly, she's not in a good headspace.

And I was like, okay, I'll wait, I'll wait.

- I know. - And that's not fair.

Every conversation that Austen and I had,

he said stick to this script.

- Did anything happen that made you go talk to your family

about dating him? - Never.

- Like, did anything happen, drunken kiss

or hook-up or anything? - Never hooked up.

Never anything-- swear on my life.

So now my heart is quite literally in my asshole,

because I was looking into the eyes

of one of my very good friends, lying to her.

- We both decided that we weren't going to say sh--

to anyone because it was just gonna make things

more complicated.

- Now, though, it's gonna be brought into--

everyone's involved.

- I'm sorry if that hurts you.

It ----ing sucks,

but, like, I've never felt more liberated.

- [sniffles]

Okay, well, I'm glad you feel liberated.

But, like, now I feel like a piece of sh--.

* *

- Coming up...

Austen confessed that him and Taylor hooked up.

[upbeat music]

* *

[knock at door]

- Hello! - We don't accept Mormons here.

- [laughs] Shut up! - [laughs]

Hey, hon, how are you? You look all "purty."

- Thank ya.

- Come on in. I got it. Please.

You brought some champagne. - Yeah, I did.

Hey!

- Hey, there, cutie pie.

- I haven't seen you in so long, I feel like.

Well, what, two weeks? That's the longest--

- Do I see champagne? - Yes.

- Pour y'all a glass? - Are you up for a glass?

Or more, yeah.

Did you hear us downstairs last night?

Whoo!

- Look at these two mother----ers.

- We are here to party!

- I not only heard you, but the house vibrated.

[laughter]

- That must have been when I walked in.

- I couldn't go to sleep. - Yeah.

- I'm glad you got coupes.

Thank you for bringing the champagne.

- Of course.

- And I'm glad you did because all the liquor was consumed.

- You know, sh-- happens. - [laughs]

- So who all was here?

Because I was upstairs,

and all I heard was, you know, rumbling.

- Austen confessed that him and Taylor hooked up.

- Oh. Oh.

- Right, Whitney?

- My understanding is they--

Why are you looking at me like that?

- Well, and then there's the nude photograph she sent you.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- We're not talking about that.

- Whitney!

- I don't know what the hell she's talking about.

Just forget it. It was just a friendly thing.

This is not new.

- It's a friendly thing, but it's a very friendly thing.

[laughter]

Of course I asked Whitney to see the photograph.

And there was something written on the bottom

of the photograph--

"come one, come all," which implied...

Well, I don't even want to think about what it implied.

- I knew it was right after her and Shep broke up.

You know, she was just ----ing around,

maybe just to get Shep pissed off.

I didn't even bring it up to Shep,

because I just didn't think he would care or it was relevant.

I might get myself a lawyer.

[clears throat]

- Trisha and Whitney are close, but I didn't know

they were close enough to share nudes

of, you know, the chicks that are sliding in his DM.

- It was just more of a joke than anything.

- Well, if you feel like it's nothing,

I'll release my sex tape. - [laughs]

- Everything's fine. She's a sweet girl.

It's-- - Yeah.

- [laughs]

- She's talking Jesus and goodness

and then sending nude pictures,

and she's sleeping with everybody else's boyfriend.

- That's not-- - I mean...

Sweet. [laughter]

- We're going to hell.

* *

[indistinct chatter]

* *

- Hey! There he is. - Hey, buddy.

- Hey, bud. - Hey, pal.

- You look sharp. Look at this. - Thanks, buddy.

Yeah, I'm starting to layer a little bit.

- Did you get dressed? [laughter]

- This is my depression outfit.

- Yeah, well, I'll be part of your depression outfit.

- Hello. - Hi, how we doing?

- How are you? - Good.

Can I get you started with something to drink?

- Yeah. You have any NA beers?

- I do, yeah.

- Okay, I'll have that and a Diet Coke.

- Oh, are you struggling? - No, I'm just--

I'm busy. - Did you want something?

- Busy. I'll have a Tropicália.

- Okay. There are some menus for you guys.

- All right. No, I already know what I want.

- Okay. - How about the bourbon shrimp?

Is that crazy? I feel a little weird.

- It's good. - Let's do some artichoke dip.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Austen called me this morning,

and I actually got, like, pissed after the phone call.

Are you really shocked, is my question to you, Craig.

Are you shocked?

He gets himself in these situations,

and he gets mad at everyone else

for, like, calling him out on it.

- I understand. Oh, look at that.

- All right, bourbon shrimp. - Bourbon?

- All right, you guys enjoy. - All right.

But, yeah, I mean, Austen--

I do respect him for his honesty.

He manned up, as far as I can tell.

- Yeah, but it's like, he wants a prize

for manning up and telling people.

But he lied for months.

Have you ever kissed?

[dramatic music]

- No.

- I've already told him-- I was like, I forgive you.

Thank you for being honest.

- Shep's trying to push through this

and, you know, show that, like, he can't be bothered,

but I know he's bothered.

And, like, he takes brushing stuff under the rug

to an entirely new level.

I mean, are you going to go back

to, like, hanging out right away?

- Well, that's a good question

because we have this ----ing dinner with this pheasant.

[both chuckle]

- You and your ----ing pheasant.

- I killed some pheasant. I want you to eat them.

- They're just hanging in your freezer?

- No, Caleb left it in duck fat.

It's gonna be so good.

And you know what?

I'm inviting everybody I was originally going to invite,

and I don't ----ing care.

I want Austen, Olivia, and Taylor to be there.

- That's crazy.

I know you just want to be good with her.

But why are you inviting your ex-girlfriend to dinner?

It's ----ing weird.

- You know me, man.

I'm not a--I'm a "come one, come all" person.

I understand that this is a crazy situation.

- To try to force yourself into celebrating

with people that have hurt you so bad is just not healthy.

- I'm not bothered, you know.

- This is something big.

I mean, if you don't deal with this properly,

it's all going to explode.

- I want you and Paige, please,

to come to this pheasant feast.

- I'll sit at a table together over your ----ing pheasant.

- [laughs]

- Coming up...

- I wanted to talk to you this morning.

Like, I don't want to hurt you.

- Like, what twilight zone am I in right now?

[upbeat music]

* *

- Home sweet home. - That's right.

[groans] So, anyway, kissing your ex-boyfriend's friend--

- Yeah, could you imagine?

- It's, like, becoming a very incestuous circle.

- You guys are weird.

I can't believe how hot it is.

New York is awful, but at least we're consistent.

- Welcome home, baby. - Thanks.

Let's bring this right up. [door closes]

Grab me a water and then bring my suitcase up.

- Okay.

We're going to your bedroom? - My bedroom.

- All right.

* *

- [grunting]

See, I don't know about putting suitcases on beds anymore.

- I don't sleep on this bed. - Oh, that's true.

But our guests do.

- What guests?

- When we redid the whole house

and I let Paige take kind of the lead...

- I think you should put in, like, a sound system

all around the backyard,

so, like, when you have parties and stuff...

- Paige does have what she likes to call her room.

She's got a closet in there. She's got her own bathroom.

And, you know, it's small things that add up.

- I love that I have my own bedroom.

Honestly, it makes me feel so much better.

- I mean, it's okay for me to like it, too, right?

- It's okay for you to like it. Just don't ever come in here.

- Because when you're not here--

I like it, because when you're not here,

I don't have to deal with your sh--.

I meant, like-- - I'm more organized than you.

- Paige has that attitude

and energy of a Yankee, we'll say.

You know, she's feisty.

- Don't ever look in this drawer,

'cause this is where I keep my snacks.

- Wait, what?

But at the end of the day,

I don't want to be with anyone else.

Are you excited for tonight? [both chuckle]

The whole situation is just weird.

- Yeah.

- Apparently they all want to hang out

and think that it's not going to end badly.

- Yeah. I just--

- Look, just make sure you don't, like, bite down

on one of the bullets. - Okay, don't say that.

- [chuckles]

* *

- You know where we are.

[laughs] It's our friend's house.

Hello, my gracious host!

- Shepard!

- Craig, go say hi to everybody.

- [gasps] Hi!

- [barking]

- Shepard, can I get you anything to drink?

- Yes. So let's start with some red wine.

- All right. - So what's up?

- Not much, dude. We got some birds.

- He's been actually cooking all day.

- I bring all culinary acquisitions straight here.

One of the things I love about hunting

is giving it to friends,

especially friends who know how to cook.

And Caleb can cook better than almost anybody that I know.

- I'm gonna throw the mushrooms in right now.

We're doing a little-- some roasted mushrooms.

- Shrooms? - Some roasted shrooms.

- Yeah, this is cool.

- This is what my mom used to say

before we'd go to a dinner party--

now, act right. - Is that Little Craig?

- [barking] - Hi, sorry.

We're just walking in. - Hey!

- [barks] - Hi, puppy!

- Hey guys. How's it going? - How are ya?

Wow, this is gorgeous. - Yeah, it really is.

- Hi.

- He's been invited, like, ten times,

and now he's finally here. - Hi, I'm Paige.

Both: Nice to meet you.

- Hi, guys. - Hi, Craig, how are you?

- Good. Thanks for having us having us.

- Thank you. - So pheasant is--

- Let me show you the pheasant that I shot.

All right, this is me.

[gunshots]

Isn't that cool? - And does it taste like duck?

- It tastes a little bit gamier than the duck.

- Okay. - We'll order you a pizza.

[laughs]

- No, I will-- That is one thing about me.

I will try anything.

- Well, thanks for having us. This is awesome.

- Yeah, dude. Cheers. Thanks for coming.

- Yeah.

- You got to come over for some music sometime.

- Yeah, we will. Here, I'll show you my new project.

- Yeah, I want to see your pool.

- Here's my backyard right now.

- You went deep, though, which is good, smart.

- This is 3 1/2 to 6 feet and then a little sun shelf

for, like, you know, if we have kids or whatever.

* *

- Oh, my God, hi, girlfriend.

- Hello, hello, hello, hello.

- Hello.

- Thank you so much for having us.

- You're welcome.

- It's good to see you, finally.

- Oh, there's Taylor. - Hi.

- How are you? - Thank you for inviting me.

- Absolutely. - Yeah.

Why didn't you bring Craig? - He's here.

- Oh, he is? - He's outside.

- Oh, boy. - Hold on.

This is a big moment, guys.

Craig, come here!

- Hi, buddy.

Hi, buddy. Hi, buddy. - He recognizes you.

- Hi. - [snorts]

- I know, snort.

All the snorts.

Oh, my God, you've gotten so big.

You're a little chunk. You're a little chunk.

Hi. Hi, monkey. - He--he--

- Oh, my goodness.

- He gained 3 1/2 pounds, Taylor.

- 3 and 1/2? Yeah, right, look at that neck.

- He's 33 1/2 pounds. - Hi, buddy.

Okay, I know, it's so exciting. [dog snorts]

- When we were dating,

we were a little family there for a little while.

- He stinks.

- Craig, you have to smell good today.

Oh, he got us! - Craig.

- We deserve it.

I don't miss being in a relationship.

I miss the closeness

that me and Taylor and Little Craig had.

And, you know, who doesn't like a good reunion?

- [chuckles] I'll take a glass of wine.

- [sniffles] Okay.

[upbeat music]

* *

- We've already sous vide the pheasant,

so, basically, we're just gonna finish

everything on the grill.

[dog barking] - Hello.

Craig! Hey, buddy!

[dog barking] Hey, Tone.

Hey, bud.

- Did someone just get here? Oh, look who it is.

[dog barks]

- How are you? - Hi, darling, how are you?

both: Good to see you.

- It's been too long. - Welcome back to the show.

I know. - Hello, sir.

- Wow. - You like it?

- Jacket is something. - South Africa, baby.

- Hello. - Hi.

- I saw the back of your head. I was like, who is that?

- And you said, that looks ridiculous.

- Hey, darling. - Hello, hello.

- How are ya?

[dramatic music]

Hey.

I haven't been here in ages.

* *

- [sighs deeply]

- Coming up...

- You wish.

[upbeat music]

[sizzling]

- Oh, here's Tyler and Rodrigo! - Hello.

- Oh! - Hey, buddy.

- What up, Shep? - You look good.

- Man, he's so dressed up. - My snazzy leather jacket.

- How are you? Good to see you.

- I want you to come over because I want to show you

the couch I picked out for Craig.

- You look so handsome. - Hi.

- Hey, Tyler. - What's up, Craig?

How are you? - Good. Nice to see you.

- Good to see you.

- I don't think you met Paige yet, have you?

- No, I think we met just briefly

at his event last year. - Hi.

Oh, my God, yes! - At the end of the night.

- How are--yes, yes.

- I'm excited for this pheasant.

- I know. - I've never eaten pheasant.

- Me neither. - Yeah.

- Hi. Mwah. Love you. - How are you?

- Good to see ya.

- Hey, let's go outside for a second.

- Okay.

[dramatic music]

- [smacks lips] Yum, yum, yum.

Right here?

* *

Well, this is kind of impersonal.

We'll sit on the side. - [chuckles]

- I mean, I think you know...

about Austen and I's conversation.

- Yeah.

- Obviously, really bad decision on a lot of levels.

Austen told me that y'all hooked up.

And, Taylor-- - No, that we kissed.

There's a big difference there. - I know.

It's just hard for me to wrap my mind around,

in this day and age, that people even just kiss.

I mean, I feel like everybody tears their clothes--

- Okay, well, you "just kissed" the girls

that you cheated on, so... - Okay.

We all are ----ing flawed. Okay, I'll take your word.

I'll take your word that y'all just kissed.

It doesn't matter to me. - Okay.

- I do not want the image of Taylor and Austen kissing.

That's--Ah!

You don't-- - I want to say I apologize.

- You don't offer me--

- But I feel like I don't need to owe you that.

- You don't. - We're two single people

that were in a very vulnerable position.

And, like, we were not in a good place

with either one of you guys.

- Yeah. - Like, loves her.

- Well, I've been telling Taylor that for ages.

- But, like, wait. Do you love her?

[chuckles] - Would you get jealous?

- I, like, very much need her in my life

as exactly what she is, like, a very good friend.

It is not anything more than that.

And I like it like that.

* *

- I'm just doing my best, you know what I mean?

But I'm terrible at it sometimes.

But at least I'm alive, I guess.

- Well, I appreciate you having this conversation.

And, like, don't take advantage...

- I'm not gonna--

- Of my being kind to be like, oh, I'm good with Taylor.

Okay, great, I'm gonna go and go out and pick up this girl

because I'm good with Taylor. - I'm not--

- We're all good. Like, that still hurts.

I still hear it. It doesn't feel good to hear.

- No.

- I-I don't think so.

I mean, I haven't spoken to her,

which is kind of a bummer.

Like, when I sit and think about it, I'm like,

I feel great except for Olivia.

And I shouldn't even be, you know, worried

'cause Olivia doesn't even ----ing talk to me.

But, you know, perfect world, you know--

everyone acts the way that Shep does.

- Let's go in. - Okay.

- And let's be as friendly as we can.

But I won't annoy you, I swear. - [chuckles]

- The only thing that she's upset about is,

she was like, I doubled down, you know.

Olivia asked me, like, again,

and I doubled down and said no.

Yeah, I think so.

- Slap in the face? Oh, you wish.

I'm literally cutting your balls off.

- Oh, my God.

Whoo! Ha!

- I...I was--

I mean, I told her-- - She's coming, she's coming.

- I really don't want her to be in her head.

- She's coming. - I said--

- No, no, no, no, I told her, I was--

- I'm not trying to--

- This is a place of joy. She understands that.

- It is a place of joy, but I have to have

a conversation with her.

- I know. - You understand that.

- I think the best for you is to be sympathetic,

empathetic, all the "thetics."

Just be like, look, you're right, I am wrong,

and I am sorry, and leave it at that.

- Yeah.

[dramatic music]

* *

- [sighs]

Hi. Hey, you.

Hi.

* *

- Oh, good, she is here.

- Oh, my God, I hate being in charge of you two.

- What do I do? What do I do?

[upbeat music]

* *

- What? What?

Oh, my God.

I hate being in charge of you two.

- Hello. - You look beautiful.

- What the heck is going on with your jacket?

It's looks like a mocha. - Hi, good to see you.

- Just be like, look, you're right, I am wrong,

and I am sorry, and leave it at that.

- I'm gonna go say hey. I'm just gonna pull her aside.

- Wait, I kind of want to say hey to her first.

- Okay.

- Because it might be the last time I ever--

- Austen, you need to own up, you know, be like,

I did tell Taylor not to say anything.

You got to own up to at least some part of it.

- If you think for one second that I'm, like,

trying to toss you, I'm not. - No, I know you're not.

Hi. - Hello, how are you?

- I'm really glad you're here. - Thank you for having me.

- Really glad.

I don't know if you want to, like, settle in.

- I'm going to grab a glass of wine.

- Hi, babe. - How are you?

- How are you? - Good to see you.

- Do you want red? - I'll do white.

- White? Oh, wait, this is white.

- That's perfect.

This smells really good. - Mm-hmm.

- So I don't know if you want to just--

- Knock it out, sure. - I have to be honest with you.

Like, I have to be honest. - Oh, God.

- That's why I wanted to talk to you this morning

because I was like, I do not want Olivia walking in there

being the only one knowing.

This is, like, not fair to her.

Like, I wanted to just quickly stop by

and chat with you for a little second.

Short, sweet, honest.

- Okay.

The full truth is that we did kiss.

[indistinct chatter]

[dramatic music]

And I was like, okay, do I kick her while she's already down,

or do I, like, try not to hurt her?

And that's what I was trying to do

is, like, I don't want to hurt you.

* *

- What the (BLEEP)? Like...

Where did y'all kiss?

In New York? - His house.

- And then y'all just kissed, and then it was like,

never mind, we don't like each other?

- What is happening? - I don't know.

- It was a drunken kiss.

Talked about it.

That's when we had the conversation.

And I was like,

I think I'm just, like, lost in my emotions.

- I can't, I can't, I can't hear this.

No, no! - Shh!

How will I know to tell the story to other people?

- And I know that it's, like, hard

because, like, you have feelings for him,

so it's like, the second that-- - This is so awkward.

We're literally, like, in the room with everyone,

talking about this. - Yeah, sorry.

Like, what twilight zone am I in right now?

This is so ----ing weird.

- Why don't you go over to the couch?

- Why don't you go, like, somewhere private?

- Sorry.

- The bottom of the ocean maybe.

- Yeah. - What the (BLEEP)?

- Everyone's ----ing here. Austen's sitting there with--

- That's why I wanted to talk this morning.

- It's been months. You could have told me.

You could have told me.

It's not even about, like, the kiss.

It's just, like, it's been months.

I'm walking into this like a ----ing idiot.

- I know that I had months, but I'm listening to him, too.

- (BLEEP) him! Why are you still listening to him?

I don't give a (BLEEP) about him.

He is literally, like, the scum of the Earth to me.

It's like, there's so many levels of betrayal here.

Like, you lying about it when I've given you

so many opportunities to just, like, lay it all out.

JT raised questions involving you and Austen.

- Nothing is going on.

Like, and I will put my hand on a Bible.

Like, there's nothing going on.

- [voice breaking] I'm just, like, really hoping

she's gonna say something to make sense of this bullsh--.

And she's not, and she's not, and it's gonna change sh--.

It's gonna really, really change sh--.

Like, I cannot stand this. Like, I hate this.

It's such a weird situation.

- Can you see why it took me such a long time to tell you?

And, yes, I lied, and that's not a good friend.

I doubled down because I was trying to protect him.

- But it's like, why aren't you protecting me

and my feelings in this?

Like well, tell her the truth but not all the truth.

That's sh---y

If Shep told me that, I would punch him in his face.

* *

- Hey, dinner's ready if you guys want to rock it.

- Okay, dinner's ready!

- You know that we should not do dinner now, man.

We have to wait.

- Yeah, but if I squash this and just like,

guys, let's enjoy this pheasant.

- No, because it's not up to you, Shep.

- They might be both relieved that I went over there.

- I don't think Olivia's ----ing relieved

about anything right now.

- To know that, like, the friend that I genuinely

actually care about is, like, having conversations

with him on how not to tell me something,

that ----ed our friendship. - I know that.

- So it's not him. Like, (BLEEP) him.

I just care about you. I just care about you.

Like, that's it.

- Guys, girls, I understand you're talking.

But let's go eat. The food's ready.

If I'm imposing, please let me know.

- You're not imposing. It's just ----ing awkward.

- Let's go eat, and everything's okay.

- I'm having an out-of-body experience.

I feel like I'm at dinner with the Addams Family.

- All right, let's eat! [chuckling]

- I didn't even have, like, an opportunity

to not only process but react.

But, yeah, sure, let's all be happy

and sit down and eat some ----ing pheasant.

- Look at this. All right, let's eat!

- Everybody serves themselves?

- Yeah, just serve yourselves here.

It's just the easiest way to do it.

- Okay, so grab a plate and sit down.

- So there's legs and wings. - Okay.

I'm excited. - I'm excited, too.

- Does everybody have nice wine?

You have to have either red or white with this bird.

- I mean, I'm, like, pretending like I have an appetite.

- Oh, yeah, I forgot to get the rice.

- Right? - What a weird time.

- Guys and girls--

- Does everybody have a glass or something?

- Just let me say a few words.

Everybody here is a really good person,

and I really enjoy them a lot.

* *

Circumstances over the past few days,

you know, made things a little weird, but screw that.

We all know how good a person we are intrinsically.

And let's just, like, ride that wave and just be happy,

because look at this beautiful house.

Thank you so much, Lisa and Caleb.

- It doesn't matter how normal Shep tries to make this.

It's very weird and very bizarre.

- And let's be super, super thankful and appreciative

of just our life.

So that's what I want-- all: Cheers.

[laughter]

- And, like, we're eating this stupid pheasant.

- There's no fat in these things,

so, like, you have to, like, put a bunch of duck fat.

- It's bizarre.

- Hey, guys, eat the pheasant like a chicken wing.

- Oh, my God, I love it. - Yum!

This is excellent. - This is really good.

- Are we supposed to eat that part?

- Pick it up and eat it like a chicken wing.

- They're tiny bones, so be careful.

- I can tell this is the one I shot.

Yeah, there's bullets in this.

[all crunching] [laughs]

- I'm gonna use the ladies' room.

- It's down this hallway...

- Yep. - And to the right.

- It's silly that all of this is just over...

- It's-- - A kiss.

You know I'm the make-out queen.

- Kissing bandit. - Mm-hmm.

- Jesus.

* *

- The feeling right now--

everyone, they're, like, loving each other.

And then I'm, like, over here like, what?

- Well, you have to talk to her.

- I just don't know if she's gonna want to.

And, like, I hate when someone tries to, like,

you know, have their moment in life.

- It just doesn't make any sense to me

why we can't be civil and good, like, you know, they are.

- Shep and Austen, they're good now?

- They can tell you.

- I don't need them to tell me anything.

- Why not?

- I don't need to hear anything from you.

- Everyone seems to be, you know, peachy

except for, you know, you and I being able to talk.

And I just don't know why we can't.

I just don't understand. - You don't understand what?

- Everyone seems to be, you know, peachy

except for, you know, you and I being able to talk.

And I just don't know why we can't.

I just don't understand. - You don't understand what?

- Like, why are you... - Are you joking right now?

- So unhappy with everybody?

And you can't even come and speak to me.

- The fact that I don't want to talk to you

should tell you everything.

- But everyone else, totally fine.

- But those are the relationships I care about.

[silence]

- Oh, my God. - Guys, come on.

Why don't you guys step outside?

Why don't you step outside?

- I would love to, but she's saying

that she has nothing to say to me, which is so silly.

- Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

- No, no, no, let's get whatever

you need off your chest. - Please, please, please--

- Can I have my coat? - I would like to.

- Shep, stop. - (BLEEP) that!

- Come, Olivia.

- I don't know where to look.

There's, like, eight things going on.

- I feel like I'm watching a tennis match.

- Shep, just because you're okay with what happened

between Taylor and Austen doesn't mean Olivia has to be.

- If you're okay with two people yelling at each other

across a dinner table--

- When you're ready to listen, I'll tell you why.

- What are you two doing? Shut the (BLEEP) up!

Stop yelling right now! God damn it!

- Will you listen for a second? Will you listen for a second?

- That's embarrassing to me. We are not rednecks.

* *

- Where do you want to go?

Right here? Here? Here?

[indistinct chatter inside]

[sighs]

I mean, first off...

I mean, I'm sorry that I was, like--

that I'm the last person to be talking to you.

And I would have loved to have talked to you sooner.

Taylor was like, I want to talk to her,

and I thought that you were going to, you know, talk today

and not come here and have some sort of moment

that, you know, you did.

And Taylor was also, you know, very just, like, unsure

of, like, what, you know, was gonna happen.

And I'm like, I mean, sh--, I am, too.

And you just haven't spoken to me.

I just want to know,

like, what I can do for us to go back

to any sort of semblance

of, like, being, you know, normal.

- It's been--I think we can say months--

since we've, like, really chatted.

So why is it now that you decided

to have this, like, kumbaya moment

of how we can get back on track?

- I, uh--

- We're farther away from being friends now

than we've ever been.

- Olivia, I understand your frustration towards me

for it not working out

the way that we thought that it was going to.

- It's not about not working out, Austen.

I was more bummed and disappointed

at how you handled things with us as friends

than romantically.

Not only that, are we not friends,

and we're not talking to each other,

and we're dodging each other at bars,

now I'm finding out bullsh-- about you and Taylor.

- I tried to talk to you the first time that I saw you,

and you were like, boom. - Sorry, when?

- Madison's. - Madison's thing?

- And you were just like, boom. - No, no, no.

I was very ----ing polite to you.

I was talking to you about Christmas.

- At first.

- What do you need from me in this moment

to, like, enjoy the day? - Nothing in this moment.

Nothing in this moment. - Then we can...

- Okay.

- Go our separate ----ing ways.

I realized long before that you didn't give a (BLEEP)

about me as a girlfriend.

Now I know you don't give a (BLEEP) about me as a friend.

- That is so untrue.

- And now you don't care about Taylor and I's friendship.

- It's so untrue that you think that I don't care

about you in any capacity. - Prove me wrong.

- It's quite literally-- - Tell me what I'm missing.

Tell me what I'm missing here.

- The only thing that bothers me

is the fact that you and I are not able to be friends

and that I have lost you in my life.

- If you were a friend,

this wouldn't be the first ----ing time

I'm hearing about you and ----ing Taylor kissing.

Do not talk to me about being a friend.

You don't know the definition of being a friend.

- I do want you in my life, Olivia.

No matter what you say, I still won't...

believe that you and I are not meant to be friends.

[indistinct chatter inside]

- It takes a lot for me

to genuinely want nothing to do with a person, and...

that's where...

I'm at with you.

And then throw--

This ----ing Taylor sh-- is just the cherry on top.

- Right.

- I mean, it's baffling to me that she doesn't see

what kind of person you are. - Oh, my God.

- Between the two of y'all, the lies--it's unreal.

Like, it's un-----ing-real.

- Olivia, I am sorry for that. - I don't care.

Literally, talking to you makes me vomit.

Respectfully.

* *

- Next time on "Southern Charm"...

- Yeah. The cats get fatter and fatter.

- I got a phone call from the vet.

- Yeah. - Craig had 108 fever.

What the hell is going on?

- Whitney tells me Taylor sent him a nude photo.

- Wait. What? What? What?

- Taylor, what are you talking about?

- What is going on? - I'm shaking.

* *