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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,710 --> 00:00:08,159
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,183 --> 00:00:11,799
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,823 --> 00:00:14,805
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,829 --> 00:00:18,245
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:21,451
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
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00:00:21,475 --> 00:00:23,155
♪ All the things that make us ♪
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00:00:23,179 --> 00:00:24,458
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:30,827
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:36,807 --> 00:00:37,985
Boy, everybody's here.
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00:00:38,009 --> 00:00:39,454
Why do you think
we're gathering?
12
00:00:39,478 --> 00:00:41,993
This isn't about the soiled
pants in the toilet, right?
13
00:00:42,017 --> 00:00:43,262
'Cause I hadn't heard
about that.
14
00:00:43,286 --> 00:00:44,832
Good morning, employees.
15
00:00:44,856 --> 00:00:46,837
As some of you can tell
by my face,
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00:00:46,861 --> 00:00:48,272
I have some exciting news.
17
00:00:48,296 --> 00:00:50,978
But first, a pair of husky-size
green pants were found
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00:00:51,002 --> 00:00:53,483
in the men's room,
positively destroyed.
19
00:00:53,507 --> 00:00:55,219
That's what
I hadn't heard about.
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00:00:55,243 --> 00:00:56,823
Now the exciting news.
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00:00:56,847 --> 00:00:59,194
The brewery is transitioning
to an open floor plan
22
00:00:59,218 --> 00:01:01,834
and will be called
the Pawtucket Patriot campus.
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00:01:01,858 --> 00:01:04,772
To help explain the transition
to our futuristic workplace,
24
00:01:04,796 --> 00:01:06,743
I'd like to share a video
from our investor,
25
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:09,950
the confusingly charismatic
WeWork lunatic.
26
00:01:09,974 --> 00:01:12,320
Hey, I'm the guy from WeWork.
27
00:01:12,344 --> 00:01:14,191
My foremost goal is
to facilitate
28
00:01:14,215 --> 00:01:16,896
an experiential bandwidth
of synergy.
29
00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,000
Hammock desks,
scooter desks,
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00:01:19,024 --> 00:01:21,372
and the world's first desk-desk.
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00:01:21,396 --> 00:01:24,311
The only desk that
functions as a working desk.
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00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:27,351
I have been the WeWork lunatic,
please don't google me.
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00:01:27,375 --> 00:01:29,689
Our new office will also have
34
00:01:29,713 --> 00:01:31,693
a lady chef
who only makes vegan food,
35
00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:34,230
pinball machines,
and nursing pods.
36
00:01:34,254 --> 00:01:37,203
Lastly, as we transition
to our new open floor plan,
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00:01:37,227 --> 00:01:38,640
the brewery will be closed
38
00:01:38,664 --> 00:01:40,544
for the next two months
for construction.
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00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:41,512
Yes, Griffin?
40
00:01:41,536 --> 00:01:45,910
Are the nursing pods,
l-like, for anyone?
41
00:01:49,319 --> 00:01:51,198
If I ordered
a whole Cornish game hen,
42
00:01:51,222 --> 00:01:52,434
would anyone have any?
43
00:01:52,458 --> 00:01:54,404
I'm in for a wing.
What's the occasion?
44
00:01:54,428 --> 00:01:56,342
I just found out
the brewery's closing
45
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:58,012
so they can turn it into
the kind of workplace
46
00:01:58,036 --> 00:01:59,916
you only see on TV shows.
47
00:01:59,940 --> 00:02:01,653
Work's been crazy for me, too.
48
00:02:01,677 --> 00:02:03,724
We have this case--
guy died on his birthday,
49
00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:05,595
and-- get this--
his family had gotten him
50
00:02:05,619 --> 00:02:06,596
an ice cream cake.
51
00:02:06,620 --> 00:02:08,601
You know, the kind
with ice cream inside
52
00:02:08,625 --> 00:02:10,293
as the cake part?
53
00:02:11,597 --> 00:02:14,277
Wild stuff.
So I'm at the scene...
54
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:16,249
This story is already
too complicated and boring.
55
00:02:16,273 --> 00:02:17,384
Peter, take over.
56
00:02:17,408 --> 00:02:19,154
My Amazon guy
once delivered batteries
57
00:02:19,178 --> 00:02:21,359
-to Pat Sajak.
-No way!
58
00:02:21,383 --> 00:02:23,697
How did he know there were
batteries in the box?
59
00:02:23,721 --> 00:02:24,866
You know,
whenever they ship a battery,
60
00:02:24,890 --> 00:02:27,136
they got to put that little
warning label on the box?
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00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:28,506
That's how.
62
00:02:28,530 --> 00:02:30,677
It could've just been something
with a battery in it.
63
00:02:30,701 --> 00:02:32,548
No, he said
he shook it real hard.
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00:02:32,572 --> 00:02:34,619
I-I think
the focus of this story is
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00:02:34,643 --> 00:02:36,690
more Pat Sajak than
the battery part.
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00:02:36,714 --> 00:02:41,021
Hold on. There's no way
that story was better than mine.
67
00:02:42,559 --> 00:02:44,639
Hey, Brian. What's all this?
68
00:02:44,663 --> 00:02:46,543
Oh, just following
in the rich tradition
69
00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:48,145
of Hemingway and Faulkner
70
00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:49,883
and putting a little damage
on the old liver.
71
00:02:49,907 --> 00:02:51,318
Another rosé, Brian?
72
00:02:51,342 --> 00:02:52,555
Put a spritz on it.
73
00:02:52,579 --> 00:02:56,395
So, is, uh, watching TikToks
of underage girls
74
00:02:56,419 --> 00:02:58,500
also part of
your writing process?
75
00:02:58,524 --> 00:03:01,773
The best writing happens when
you're not actually writing.
76
00:03:01,797 --> 00:03:03,810
I just wish
my muse would speak to me.
77
00:03:03,834 --> 00:03:06,716
I'm having a tough time finding
an idea for my next novel.
78
00:03:06,740 --> 00:03:10,156
Well, I'd tell you about
one of my murder cases,
79
00:03:10,180 --> 00:03:12,561
but apparently
I'm a bad storyteller.
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00:03:12,585 --> 00:03:15,601
-Murder case?
-Oh, yeah, we had one last year.
81
00:03:15,625 --> 00:03:17,805
All signs pointed
to the husband.
82
00:03:17,829 --> 00:03:19,576
-What happened?
-It was the husband.
83
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,114
You know, we have
a whole file of cases in Quahog
84
00:03:22,138 --> 00:03:24,151
that would make great stories.
85
00:03:24,175 --> 00:03:26,556
A lot of murdered women
out there, Bri.
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00:03:26,580 --> 00:03:28,760
Half of them named Britney,
half of them named Lacey.
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00:03:28,784 --> 00:03:31,332
That's one piece of advice
I always give young parents:
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00:03:31,356 --> 00:03:33,102
don't name them
Britney or Lacey.
89
00:03:33,126 --> 00:03:34,371
Yeah, sad stuff.
90
00:03:34,395 --> 00:03:36,275
You know, true crime is huge
right now.
91
00:03:36,299 --> 00:03:37,679
You could be
sitting on a gold mine.
92
00:03:37,703 --> 00:03:38,947
A gold mine, huh?
93
00:03:38,971 --> 00:03:42,977
And this whole day I thought
it was just a smushed dook.
94
00:03:45,083 --> 00:03:47,363
We now return to
Curb Your Enthusiasm,
95
00:03:47,387 --> 00:03:50,871
where Jeff Garlin just repeats
everything Larry says.
96
00:03:50,895 --> 00:03:52,841
So, I put on the shirt.
97
00:03:52,865 --> 00:03:54,679
You put on the shirt!
98
00:03:54,703 --> 00:03:56,048
I paid for it.
99
00:03:56,072 --> 00:03:57,785
You paid for it!
100
00:03:57,809 --> 00:04:00,190
I'm starting to think
you're, uh,
101
00:04:00,214 --> 00:04:02,127
the weakest link in the cast.
102
00:04:02,151 --> 00:04:04,733
Easily the weakest link!
103
00:04:04,757 --> 00:04:07,505
Peter, the bank called
to say we're overdrawn,
104
00:04:07,529 --> 00:04:09,509
and the credit card company
sent us a letter
105
00:04:09,533 --> 00:04:11,746
that just says:
"Bitch better have my money."
106
00:04:11,770 --> 00:04:13,015
Visa sent that?
107
00:04:13,039 --> 00:04:14,652
God, they can do
whatever they want in Delaware.
108
00:04:14,676 --> 00:04:16,756
Thanks for nothing, Sleepy Joe.
109
00:04:16,780 --> 00:04:19,496
I wonder if this has anything
to do with me not getting paid
110
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,264
during the brewery renovations.
111
00:04:21,288 --> 00:04:23,369
Wh-What do you mean
"not getting paid"?
112
00:04:23,393 --> 00:04:25,339
Well, Preston said
we're all transitioning
113
00:04:25,363 --> 00:04:27,010
to being
independent contractors.
114
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,114
The downside is we're losing
our health insurance,
115
00:04:29,138 --> 00:04:32,087
but there's gonna be a pinball
machine in the break room.
116
00:04:32,111 --> 00:04:33,957
Peter, we can't afford
to go two months
117
00:04:33,981 --> 00:04:35,426
without your paycheck.
118
00:04:35,450 --> 00:04:37,865
You're gonna have to
find a job in the meantime.
119
00:04:37,889 --> 00:04:41,295
Lois, don't worry.
I got it all figured out.
120
00:04:51,850 --> 00:04:54,297
"Dear Mr. Griffin,
we regret to inform you
121
00:04:54,321 --> 00:04:57,093
that we cannot offer you
a space."
122
00:04:57,461 --> 00:05:00,544
Another big
dance check in the mail.
123
00:05:00,568 --> 00:05:04,975
I was just five years away
from three figures a month.
124
00:05:12,057 --> 00:05:13,403
Joe, this stuff is great.
125
00:05:13,427 --> 00:05:15,674
Yep, one man's murdered,
estranged wife
126
00:05:15,698 --> 00:05:16,943
is another man's treasure.
127
00:05:16,967 --> 00:05:20,416
Brian, I'm gonna have to ask you
to put down the severed limb.
128
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:22,154
I brought this from home.
129
00:05:22,178 --> 00:05:24,057
Drop it. Drop it!
130
00:05:24,081 --> 00:05:27,297
Ah, damn it, you said "drop it,"
so now I got to drop it.
131
00:05:27,321 --> 00:05:30,202
You know, we should team up
and write a true crime novel.
132
00:05:30,226 --> 00:05:31,405
You don't happen to have
any cases
133
00:05:31,429 --> 00:05:33,342
featuring pretty blonde women,
do you?
134
00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:34,879
No, those get solved
pretty quickly.
135
00:05:34,903 --> 00:05:38,052
This victim was brunette
and a little heavy.
136
00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:39,589
Okay, getting warmer.
137
00:05:39,613 --> 00:05:42,426
We'll just change a few
key details so people care.
138
00:05:42,450 --> 00:05:44,431
Gutierrez?
Nope, Gordon.
139
00:05:44,455 --> 00:05:46,401
Murdered on
an Indian reservation?
140
00:05:46,425 --> 00:05:47,871
Let's try Beverly Hills.
141
00:05:47,895 --> 00:05:50,644
I'm thinking we go novel,
podcast, docuseries,
142
00:05:50,668 --> 00:05:52,547
then full-blown blockbuster.
143
00:05:52,571 --> 00:05:55,353
But we'd also be doing this
for the families, right?
144
00:05:55,377 --> 00:05:56,823
Is that a new
streaming platform?
145
00:05:56,847 --> 00:05:58,893
No, like, the families
of the victims?
146
00:05:58,917 --> 00:05:59,995
Oh, right. Yeah, sure.
147
00:06:00,019 --> 00:06:02,535
In fact, we'll give them
a sliver of the proceeds.
148
00:06:02,559 --> 00:06:04,572
And I'll give
the fictional version
149
00:06:04,596 --> 00:06:06,208
of their daughter bigger boobs.
150
00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:07,811
Like-like real heavy naturals.
151
00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:11,541
Oh, yeah, that sounds
like a good compromise.
152
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,763
Your special cart, Mrs. G.
153
00:06:16,787 --> 00:06:19,400
Just gave the wheels
a fresh coat of WD-40.
154
00:06:19,424 --> 00:06:22,463
Why, thank you, James.
155
00:06:22,899 --> 00:06:26,081
Oh, Roberto, if you weren't
missing half an arm,
156
00:06:26,105 --> 00:06:27,585
I'd definitely consider it.
157
00:06:27,609 --> 00:06:30,156
Oh, how's the 6029s today, hmm?
158
00:06:30,180 --> 00:06:32,595
Oh, Mrs. Lois, very fresh.
159
00:06:32,619 --> 00:06:34,397
What's she talking about, Mommy?
160
00:06:34,421 --> 00:06:36,201
Kale, dear.
161
00:06:36,225 --> 00:06:39,264
It's insider speak for kale.
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00:06:44,441 --> 00:06:46,255
That can't possibly be a thing.
163
00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:49,384
Let me just find someone
to make sure.
164
00:06:51,222 --> 00:06:54,572
Oh, looks like someone
got pulled from the night shift
165
00:06:54,596 --> 00:06:58,001
'cause I've never seen
this free sample.
166
00:06:58,737 --> 00:07:01,252
- Peter?!
- Ladies and gentlemen,
167
00:07:01,276 --> 00:07:02,989
we have a plot twist
on aisle four.
168
00:07:03,013 --> 00:07:05,728
I'm the assistant manager
who thinks work should be fun,
169
00:07:05,752 --> 00:07:07,965
and definitely not
a corporate spy
170
00:07:07,989 --> 00:07:09,669
here to keep unions
from forming.
171
00:07:09,693 --> 00:07:11,338
But now that
we're talking about it,
172
00:07:11,362 --> 00:07:12,942
can you imagine
if you had a grievance
173
00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:14,945
and couldn't talk to me
directly?
174
00:07:14,969 --> 00:07:16,415
Anyway, I'm Elliot,
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00:07:16,439 --> 00:07:17,885
and I'm paying close attention
176
00:07:17,909 --> 00:07:20,646
to who posts what
on the break room cork board.
177
00:07:26,125 --> 00:07:27,838
Peter, what are you doing here?
178
00:07:27,862 --> 00:07:29,575
You told me to get a job,
and they were hiring.
179
00:07:29,599 --> 00:07:30,711
I love it here!
180
00:07:30,735 --> 00:07:31,613
Plus, they let me joke around
181
00:07:31,637 --> 00:07:33,950
with the Wells Fargo guys
who work here.
182
00:07:33,974 --> 00:07:36,789
Yes, I'd like to make
a deposit, please.
183
00:07:36,813 --> 00:07:39,696
Is it another 100 Grand
chocolate bar?
184
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,632
Okay, so I've had you before.
185
00:07:41,656 --> 00:07:44,605
Peter, the grocery store is
kind of my domain.
186
00:07:44,629 --> 00:07:46,441
While I'm glad you got a job,
187
00:07:46,465 --> 00:07:48,379
I don't love
that you got one here.
188
00:07:48,403 --> 00:07:49,882
Don't worry.
You won't even know I'm here.
189
00:07:49,906 --> 00:07:51,418
Unless you're
near the front door,
190
00:07:51,442 --> 00:07:53,222
which I can open
with the Force.
191
00:07:53,246 --> 00:07:55,392
Excuse me,
where are the peanuts?
192
00:07:55,416 --> 00:07:56,863
Aisle seven.
193
00:07:56,887 --> 00:07:58,833
Peter, peanuts are on aisle two.
194
00:07:58,857 --> 00:08:00,169
Eh, I just tell 'em
whatever number,
195
00:08:00,193 --> 00:08:03,165
and then I disappear
into the produce mist.
196
00:08:04,434 --> 00:08:06,014
Peter? Peter?
197
00:08:06,038 --> 00:08:11,381
There was never Peter,
only loose carrots.
198
00:08:13,688 --> 00:08:16,769
The body was discovered
around 9:00 p.m.
199
00:08:16,793 --> 00:08:19,541
Unfortunately, I couldn't
make it down to the crime scene
200
00:08:19,565 --> 00:08:21,244
because there were no ramps.
201
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:22,682
Okay, I'm gonna write:
202
00:08:22,706 --> 00:08:24,652
"Tonight,
all the streets in this town
203
00:08:24,676 --> 00:08:26,121
were a dead end."
204
00:08:26,145 --> 00:08:27,558
I never saw the body.
205
00:08:27,582 --> 00:08:29,862
It was cold,
so they sent me on a coffee run.
206
00:08:29,886 --> 00:08:31,866
My lap can
accommodate two trays,
207
00:08:31,890 --> 00:08:33,603
and I can't feel the spills.
208
00:08:33,627 --> 00:08:36,676
"She was found in a creek,
her bosoms frozen solid."
209
00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:40,216
She was a heavyset 60-something
in welder's coveralls.
210
00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:42,889
"No one from Beverly Hills
had ever been strangled
211
00:08:42,913 --> 00:08:45,583
by their own cheerleader skirt
before."
212
00:08:46,352 --> 00:08:49,267
Wow, I can't believe I'm seeing
how the sausage is made.
213
00:08:49,291 --> 00:08:52,741
Hey, so when you open a book
and you see "Random House,"
214
00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:54,845
is that something
we come up with?
215
00:08:54,869 --> 00:08:57,651
Uh, no, that's-that's
the publisher's name.
216
00:08:57,675 --> 00:08:59,822
I see.
Just drinking it all in.
217
00:08:59,846 --> 00:09:01,960
And what about the list of
cities you see under that name?
218
00:09:01,984 --> 00:09:05,266
Because I was thinking we should
put New York, Paris, Kokomo.
219
00:09:05,290 --> 00:09:07,838
Those are just the cities
where the publisher has offices.
220
00:09:07,862 --> 00:09:09,776
And Kokomo isn't
a real city, Joe.
221
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,746
Try telling The Beach Boys that.
222
00:09:11,770 --> 00:09:14,251
I don't know what our title
should be yet, but beneath it,
223
00:09:14,275 --> 00:09:17,090
it should say: "Soon to be
a major motion picture."
224
00:09:17,114 --> 00:09:19,495
I always buy the book
when I see that.
225
00:09:19,519 --> 00:09:20,964
Why don't we just focus
on the writing?
226
00:09:20,988 --> 00:09:22,467
Oh, hey, you ever see books
227
00:09:22,491 --> 00:09:24,539
where the edges
of the pages are gold?
228
00:09:24,563 --> 00:09:27,466
-Yeah?
-So cool.
229
00:09:32,244 --> 00:09:33,723
What is going on in here?
230
00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:35,760
Who put price tags
on all the cans?
231
00:09:35,784 --> 00:09:37,898
And why is everything
labeled 69 cents?
232
00:09:37,922 --> 00:09:41,438
Griffin Family Grocery is
currently under renovation.
233
00:09:41,462 --> 00:09:43,509
Please excuse our dust.
234
00:09:43,533 --> 00:09:45,213
Peter? Where are you?
235
00:09:45,237 --> 00:09:47,551
Staring at butts
from behind a one-way mirror.
236
00:09:47,575 --> 00:09:49,454
And why'd you
rearrange everything?
237
00:09:49,478 --> 00:09:51,125
I just want to find my vitamins.
238
00:09:51,149 --> 00:09:53,630
Cupboard four.
No, that's cupboard seven.
239
00:09:53,654 --> 00:09:55,433
No, wrong way.
240
00:09:55,457 --> 00:09:57,638
I'm not...
Is it warmer or colder?
241
00:09:57,662 --> 00:10:00,265
Cupboard four.
Cupboard four.
242
00:10:02,170 --> 00:10:04,752
Ma'am, don't worry,
this happens all the time.
243
00:10:04,776 --> 00:10:06,455
I'm sure you have your receipt.
244
00:10:06,479 --> 00:10:08,258
What? No,
I don't have a receipt.
245
00:10:08,282 --> 00:10:10,597
Okay, then, we're just gonna
go to the office,
246
00:10:10,621 --> 00:10:14,394
call your parents,
and send you on your way.
247
00:10:15,129 --> 00:10:17,644
-Daddy, I just...
-There are gonna be
some changes around here.
248
00:10:17,668 --> 00:10:19,649
First off, no more lipstick.
249
00:10:19,673 --> 00:10:22,910
That's how
all this trouble started.
250
00:10:26,653 --> 00:10:27,898
Okay,
so we just need the ending.
251
00:10:27,922 --> 00:10:29,134
Who was the murderer?
252
00:10:29,158 --> 00:10:31,906
Oh, I have no idea.
It's a cold case.
253
00:10:31,930 --> 00:10:34,411
That's what makes 'em cold--
no one knows how to solve 'em.
254
00:10:34,435 --> 00:10:35,614
Well, how do we finish our novel
255
00:10:35,638 --> 00:10:38,152
if we don't know what happened
in real life?
256
00:10:38,176 --> 00:10:39,655
-Ghost cop.
-No.
257
00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:40,824
Do you know what this means?
258
00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:42,795
We're gonna put on
our Sherlock Holmes hats
259
00:10:42,819 --> 00:10:44,965
and solve the murder ourselves?
260
00:10:44,989 --> 00:10:47,437
Deerstalker hats, Joe.
But yes.
261
00:10:47,461 --> 00:10:50,599
Stupid nonwriter!
262
00:10:52,905 --> 00:10:54,852
Okay, Brian, now,
when you're visiting
263
00:10:54,876 --> 00:10:56,489
the family of a deceased victim,
264
00:10:56,513 --> 00:10:58,159
you need to hold a hat
over your chest.
265
00:10:58,183 --> 00:10:59,294
It shows you care.
266
00:10:59,318 --> 00:11:01,565
All I have is this crown
from our Burger King lunch.
267
00:11:01,589 --> 00:11:03,392
Hat's a hat.
268
00:11:03,994 --> 00:11:07,076
How can I help you,
Officer and Your Highness?
269
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:10,851
Hi, yes. We're here with many
questions about your daughter.
270
00:11:10,875 --> 00:11:12,654
You know, the dead one?
You-you remember her?
271
00:11:12,678 --> 00:11:14,357
We'd love any details.
272
00:11:14,381 --> 00:11:16,496
Is this some sort of sick joke?
273
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:17,831
I assure you it's not, ma'am.
274
00:11:17,855 --> 00:11:19,602
We're writing
a future hit novel
275
00:11:19,626 --> 00:11:20,904
based on your daughter's murder.
276
00:11:20,928 --> 00:11:22,206
We just need to know who did it.
277
00:11:22,230 --> 00:11:24,979
And, between us, it'd be great
if one of you did.
278
00:11:25,003 --> 00:11:26,716
What is this?
What do you want?
279
00:11:26,740 --> 00:11:28,587
Did you know
JonBenét Ramsey's dad
280
00:11:28,611 --> 00:11:31,224
dated Natalee Holloway's mom?
281
00:11:31,248 --> 00:11:32,761
What does that have to do
with our case?
282
00:11:32,785 --> 00:11:34,765
Well, nothing,
it's just kind of weird, right?
283
00:11:34,789 --> 00:11:37,804
Do you happen to have
any grainy video footage
284
00:11:37,828 --> 00:11:40,778
of her singing an emotional song
at a talent show?
285
00:11:40,802 --> 00:11:42,413
Maybe Green Day's
"Time of Your Life"?
286
00:11:42,437 --> 00:11:45,453
That would really bust
this project wide open for us.
287
00:11:45,477 --> 00:11:47,947
You're both unwell.
288
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,396
Well, that was a bust.
289
00:11:50,420 --> 00:11:52,868
Sorry, I've been holding this in
since Burger King.
290
00:11:52,892 --> 00:11:55,072
Oh, seriously? You're just
gonna leave that there?
291
00:11:55,096 --> 00:11:57,844
These people have suffered
a terrible loss.
292
00:11:57,868 --> 00:12:00,182
At least cover it with leaves
or something.
293
00:12:00,206 --> 00:12:02,009
Ugh, fine.
294
00:12:05,083 --> 00:12:07,554
Joe, look.
I found something.
295
00:12:07,855 --> 00:12:10,303
-It's a key to a storage unit.
-How do you know that?
296
00:12:10,327 --> 00:12:12,874
Yeah, me and Bonnie have been
doing a fun role-play thing
297
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,912
where she dresses up
like a sexy maid
298
00:12:14,936 --> 00:12:18,118
and then locks me in a storage
unit while guys come over.
299
00:12:18,142 --> 00:12:20,088
-Oh.
-Yeah, it's pretty kinky.
300
00:12:20,112 --> 00:12:23,361
I, uh, I play the role of
a sexy armoire,
301
00:12:23,385 --> 00:12:24,732
waiting in another room.
302
00:12:24,756 --> 00:12:27,638
Sounds like she just wants you
out of the house for a while.
303
00:12:27,662 --> 00:12:30,499
Nah. No.
304
00:12:35,009 --> 00:12:37,156
It's okay, Lois.
It's a big store.
305
00:12:37,180 --> 00:12:38,860
You may not even run into Peter.
306
00:12:38,884 --> 00:12:41,799
Good morning.
How much are the mussels?
307
00:12:41,823 --> 00:12:44,137
$34 a month
at Bally's Total Fitness.
308
00:12:44,161 --> 00:12:45,640
Peter?
309
00:12:45,664 --> 00:12:47,243
Why are you
behind the fish counter?
310
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:50,449
I got a promotion,
emphasis on the "otion."
311
00:12:50,473 --> 00:12:51,819
Fine.
312
00:12:51,843 --> 00:12:53,589
What do you got that's fresh?
313
00:12:53,613 --> 00:12:55,058
Well, I got
a teenage son at home.
314
00:12:55,082 --> 00:12:56,996
What a mouth on that kid.
315
00:12:57,020 --> 00:12:59,902
That's it! You have
ruined groceries for me!
316
00:12:59,926 --> 00:13:02,239
Get the hell out of my store,
you imbecile!
317
00:13:02,263 --> 00:13:05,379
Um, excuse me, miss, did you
just yell at this employee?
318
00:13:05,403 --> 00:13:06,849
You're damn right I did.
319
00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:08,987
He has no business being here.
320
00:13:09,011 --> 00:13:11,659
This man is a member
of the Stop 'n Shop family.
321
00:13:11,683 --> 00:13:13,830
He has every business
being here.
322
00:13:13,854 --> 00:13:16,034
You, on the other hand,
will have to go.
323
00:13:16,058 --> 00:13:17,270
You're banned from the store.
324
00:13:17,294 --> 00:13:19,040
What? No.
325
00:13:19,064 --> 00:13:20,309
Y-You can't do this.
326
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,213
I have shopped here
my whole life.
327
00:13:22,237 --> 00:13:24,250
Yes, we know.
If it's any consolation,
328
00:13:24,274 --> 00:13:26,054
you'll be in
the "In Memoriam" section
329
00:13:26,078 --> 00:13:28,415
of the Grocery Store Oscars.
330
00:13:29,886 --> 00:13:36,465
♪ I will remember you ♪
331
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:42,543
♪ Will you remember me? ♪
332
00:13:43,179 --> 00:13:46,528
♪ Don't let your life... ♪
333
00:13:46,552 --> 00:13:49,467
No! No, no, no. You can't
put me after Betty White.
334
00:13:49,491 --> 00:13:51,872
Didn't Brenda Vaccaro die
or something?
335
00:13:51,896 --> 00:13:53,442
No.
336
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:57,206
I live here in aisle four
with the Kotex tampons.
337
00:13:58,944 --> 00:14:01,248
Still more absorbent
than the leading brand.
338
00:14:08,162 --> 00:14:10,142
The worst part is,
I can't even go back
339
00:14:10,166 --> 00:14:12,013
to my favorite grocery store.
340
00:14:12,037 --> 00:14:14,651
I personally think
you should give Peter a taste
341
00:14:14,675 --> 00:14:18,092
of his own medicine and
get a job at his special place.
342
00:14:18,116 --> 00:14:20,062
The men's room at Logan Airport?
343
00:14:20,086 --> 00:14:21,899
No, the Drunken Clam.
344
00:14:21,923 --> 00:14:24,237
Oh, okay, 'cause he had
this one experience there
345
00:14:24,261 --> 00:14:25,974
that he still talks about
to this day,
346
00:14:25,998 --> 00:14:28,713
but that is an intriguing idea,
Bonnie.
347
00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:30,182
I'm glad you think so.
348
00:14:30,206 --> 00:14:32,821
Well, as white women
in conversation,
349
00:14:32,845 --> 00:14:34,892
we're now obligated
to spend five minutes
350
00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:36,829
talking about Sedona, Arizona.
351
00:14:36,853 --> 00:14:38,600
-Oh, I'd love to go.
-I know.
352
00:14:38,624 --> 00:14:42,073
My friend Linda got a massage
there after her divorce.
353
00:14:42,097 --> 00:14:44,110
And my friend Trish
bought a painting there.
354
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:47,039
-Oh, we got to go.
-We got to go.
355
00:14:50,312 --> 00:14:53,228
Hey, you two haven't
seen Peter, have you?
356
00:14:53,252 --> 00:14:55,365
Asking as a waitress
trying to teach him a lesson
357
00:14:55,389 --> 00:14:57,971
by working at his favorite
place, not as his wife.
358
00:14:57,995 --> 00:15:01,010
Whoa, check out the turd-cutter
on the new chick.
359
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:03,015
That's right.
I work here now.
360
00:15:03,039 --> 00:15:05,086
I'm gonna be here all the time.
361
00:15:05,110 --> 00:15:07,123
Oh, how does it feel
to have someone invade
362
00:15:07,147 --> 00:15:08,827
your special space?
363
00:15:08,851 --> 00:15:10,028
It feels great!
364
00:15:10,052 --> 00:15:11,833
Speaking of
invading special places,
365
00:15:11,857 --> 00:15:13,001
how about this?
366
00:15:13,025 --> 00:15:14,805
Hey, sweetie,
when do you get off work?
367
00:15:14,829 --> 00:15:17,376
Me and my wife are more friends
at this point than anything.
368
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:18,947
Don't get me wrong,
she's a great gal,
369
00:15:18,971 --> 00:15:20,883
raised my children,
but time takes its toll,
370
00:15:20,907 --> 00:15:22,019
you know what I mean?
371
00:15:22,043 --> 00:15:23,689
What? My wife and I have
an arrangement,
372
00:15:23,713 --> 00:15:26,261
so I'm not doing anything
wrong here, technically.
373
00:15:26,285 --> 00:15:28,399
Ah, well, this isn't working.
374
00:15:28,423 --> 00:15:30,603
If you want to meet me
in my car later,
375
00:15:30,627 --> 00:15:33,242
it's the one with
the "Blue Lives Matter" sticker.
376
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:36,871
But, like, not for cops,
it's for, it's for Grover.
377
00:15:40,614 --> 00:15:42,159
Who's going in first?
378
00:15:42,183 --> 00:15:44,531
Kind of feels like you should
since you're a dog.
379
00:15:44,555 --> 00:15:45,801
Are you scared, Joe?
380
00:15:45,825 --> 00:15:47,837
Would a scared person do this?
381
00:15:47,861 --> 00:15:51,201
Not so fast.
382
00:15:53,005 --> 00:15:54,450
Who is that?
383
00:15:54,474 --> 00:15:56,555
I'm guessing
it's the lady from Serial.
384
00:15:56,579 --> 00:16:00,262
Oh, I certainly wouldn't
recognize a podcaster visually.
385
00:16:00,286 --> 00:16:02,868
-I'm Sarah Koenig.
-Big fan of your work.
386
00:16:02,892 --> 00:16:05,640
No one turns another person's
suffering into profit better.
387
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:08,846
Listen up, I want this case
for my podcast,
388
00:16:08,870 --> 00:16:10,182
so you need to drop it.
389
00:16:10,206 --> 00:16:12,855
And if you don't,
I could make you disappear.
390
00:16:12,879 --> 00:16:15,158
We're sponsored
by Casper mattresses.
391
00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:17,631
That wasn't a threat.
I have a code if you want it.
392
00:16:17,655 --> 00:16:19,902
Stand down, Sarah.
393
00:16:19,926 --> 00:16:21,806
I'm Keith Morrison,
394
00:16:21,830 --> 00:16:24,343
and I want this case
for Dateline.
395
00:16:24,367 --> 00:16:27,817
There are only a few hundred
unsolved murders left,
396
00:16:27,841 --> 00:16:31,726
and there's a million
true crime content creators.
397
00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:34,330
My grandson taught me that term.
398
00:16:34,354 --> 00:16:37,826
Who's "okay, boomer" now?
399
00:16:38,429 --> 00:16:41,344
We're NPR's team
of women with lisps
400
00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:43,448
and names nobody's ever had,
401
00:16:43,472 --> 00:16:47,390
like Sylvia Delgado-Smith,
and Audie Takahashi O'Shea.
402
00:16:47,414 --> 00:16:49,494
I'm Chris Hansen
from To Catch a Predator,
403
00:16:49,518 --> 00:16:51,599
and I'm just here
in case any of you
404
00:16:51,623 --> 00:16:52,901
turn out to be pedophiles.
405
00:16:52,925 --> 00:16:55,272
Warm chocolate chip cookie,
anyone?
406
00:16:55,296 --> 00:16:57,944
No! I claimed this cold case
for Serial.
407
00:16:57,968 --> 00:17:01,974
Not if I record a Dateline
first.
408
00:17:28,028 --> 00:17:31,411
Please...
rate and review my life.
409
00:17:31,435 --> 00:17:33,615
And someone take care of my dog
410
00:17:33,639 --> 00:17:37,246
you could usually hear
in the background of my podcast.
411
00:17:41,155 --> 00:17:44,203
A foggy night
at a storage unit in Quahog.
412
00:17:44,227 --> 00:17:47,143
The sleepy little town of Quahog
413
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:51,408
is usually all tucked in
by 10:00 p.m.
414
00:17:53,078 --> 00:17:55,058
You know what?
We're no better than them.
415
00:17:55,082 --> 00:17:56,896
We've been exploiting
the victim's life
416
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:58,431
for our own personal gain.
417
00:17:58,455 --> 00:18:00,904
I-I think it's time for us
to abandon writing this book.
418
00:18:00,928 --> 00:18:05,212
Or... maybe we set it to rap
lyrics and take it to Broadway?
419
00:18:05,236 --> 00:18:07,673
I think we're done here.
420
00:18:08,275 --> 00:18:10,155
You know, Joe,
even though it didn't work out,
421
00:18:10,179 --> 00:18:11,959
it was nice to spend
some time with someone
422
00:18:11,983 --> 00:18:13,530
who actually believed
in my writing.
423
00:18:13,554 --> 00:18:17,860
Well, as someone who's never
read a book, I absolutely do.
424
00:18:21,001 --> 00:18:24,150
The waitress from the Clam!
Holy crap, has Lois seen you?!
425
00:18:24,174 --> 00:18:25,318
We really don't have
an arrangement.
426
00:18:25,342 --> 00:18:26,321
You got to get out of here!
427
00:18:26,345 --> 00:18:27,857
Oh, Peter, enough.
428
00:18:27,881 --> 00:18:30,095
-What's the matter?
-You wouldn't understand.
429
00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:32,923
Okay.
430
00:18:33,793 --> 00:18:36,364
I'd get back in there, chief.
431
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:39,447
Chris made me come back.
432
00:18:39,471 --> 00:18:41,886
Oh, honey,
the grocery store isn't just
433
00:18:41,910 --> 00:18:44,023
where I buy food for the family.
434
00:18:44,047 --> 00:18:45,359
It's my escape.
435
00:18:45,383 --> 00:18:47,429
My refuge
from being pestered
436
00:18:47,453 --> 00:18:49,133
with dumb questions
from the kids,
437
00:18:49,157 --> 00:18:50,870
or having to clean up
your messes.
438
00:18:50,894 --> 00:18:54,210
Sometimes, just a stroll
down the ethnic food aisle
439
00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:56,749
makes me feel like
I'm in a North African bazaar.
440
00:18:56,773 --> 00:18:58,819
Yeah, I don't like the smells
on that aisle.
441
00:18:58,843 --> 00:19:02,059
-And I don't know,
it's hard to explain, but...
-There's more?!
442
00:19:02,083 --> 00:19:04,764
It's not just
a grocery store to me.
443
00:19:04,788 --> 00:19:06,935
There's a whole
community of people there
444
00:19:06,959 --> 00:19:08,438
who feel like family.
445
00:19:08,462 --> 00:19:10,910
And now,
now I have nothing.
446
00:19:10,934 --> 00:19:15,119
Aw, Lois, I'm so sorry
for ruining your happy place.
447
00:19:15,143 --> 00:19:16,789
And I'm gonna take care of it.
448
00:19:16,813 --> 00:19:19,460
Just like I've been taking care
of that egg since high school.
449
00:19:19,484 --> 00:19:22,956
Oh, my God, I forgot to pick
him up from soccer practice!
450
00:19:23,191 --> 00:19:26,764
Hey, do you need me
to call your yolks?
451
00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:30,683
Look, you got to let Lois
come back.
452
00:19:30,707 --> 00:19:33,355
Please remove the ban.
She loves this place.
453
00:19:33,379 --> 00:19:34,357
I'm sorry, but I can't do that.
454
00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:36,795
She yelled at
a mentally-challenged person,
455
00:19:36,819 --> 00:19:38,031
and that's unforgivable.
456
00:19:38,055 --> 00:19:39,501
What?
I'm not mentally challenged.
457
00:19:39,525 --> 00:19:41,404
You're not?
But that's literally
458
00:19:41,428 --> 00:19:43,341
the only reason we hired you.
459
00:19:43,365 --> 00:19:47,339
Would a mentally challenged
person be able to do this?
460
00:19:51,047 --> 00:19:53,261
Your name tag says "Big Petey."
461
00:19:53,285 --> 00:19:55,567
Why do you think
we all gather round
462
00:19:55,591 --> 00:19:57,102
and applaud you while you ride
463
00:19:57,126 --> 00:19:58,906
the coin-operated horse
out front?
464
00:19:58,930 --> 00:20:00,276
'Cause I'm good at horses?
465
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,681
Wow.
I really thought...
466
00:20:02,705 --> 00:20:04,985
You know, we don't let
all our employees insist
467
00:20:05,009 --> 00:20:07,857
the customers feel their muscles
after bagging their order.
468
00:20:07,881 --> 00:20:09,159
Right?
469
00:20:09,183 --> 00:20:10,362
Okay, fine.
470
00:20:10,386 --> 00:20:12,299
Lois can come back,
but you're fired.
471
00:20:12,323 --> 00:20:14,237
I need you to turn in
your gun and badge.
472
00:20:14,261 --> 00:20:16,775
Well, I guess
my work here is done.
473
00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,968
To the Mickey-Copter!
474
00:20:21,141 --> 00:20:22,319
See, Disney?
475
00:20:22,343 --> 00:20:24,947
Nothing here
but respectful synergy.
476
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,613
What happened to
the open floor plan?
477
00:20:35,637 --> 00:20:38,519
Long story. The WeWork guy
took our entire budget
478
00:20:38,543 --> 00:20:40,824
for the project
as a holiday bonus.
479
00:20:40,848 --> 00:20:42,961
But he has long hair
and speaks confidently
480
00:20:42,985 --> 00:20:44,163
about the Internet,
481
00:20:44,187 --> 00:20:46,167
so he will get about
eight more chances.
482
00:20:46,191 --> 00:20:48,840
Ah, yes, the WeWork guy.
483
00:20:48,864 --> 00:20:53,314
They thought he had created
a $47 billion unicorn.
484
00:20:53,338 --> 00:20:56,755
Turns out it was only
a two-bit donkey.
485
00:20:56,779 --> 00:20:59,216
That's wet paint,
by the way.
486
00:20:59,685 --> 00:21:01,487
Ah, son of a...37310
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