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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:35,244 --> 00:00:36,954 Dear Evan Hansen, 2 00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:54,096 Today is going to be an amazing day, and here '5 wh y: 3 00:00:57,683 --> 00:01:01,771 Because z'oda y, all you have to do is jusi' be yourself 4 00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:06,400 but also confident that's important 5 00:01:06,484 --> 00:01:10,112 and interesting, easy to talk to, approachable, but mostly just be yourself 6 00:01:10,196 --> 00:01:11,836 that's number one, obviously. Be yourself 7 00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:13,783 but, like, a confident version of yourself 8 00:01:13,866 --> 00:01:16,077 like, approachable and interesting, 9 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,056 not weird or anxious or depressed, which you're not weird, anxious, depressed. 10 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:20,957 I don't even know why you're bringing it up... 11 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:24,019 You can't be scared to talk to people. You said this year would be different 12 00:01:24,043 --> 00:01:26,504 you're overthinking it. Do you like having no friends? 13 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,214 All you have to do is just be yourself 14 00:01:28,923 --> 00:01:34,971 j” I've learned to slam on the brake before I e ven turn the key j” 15 00:01:35,638 --> 00:01:37,640 j” before lmake the mistake j“ 16 00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:41,602 j” before llead with the worst of me j” 17 00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:44,397 j” give them no reason to stare j” 18 00:01:45,356 --> 00:01:48,818 j” no slippin' up if you slip away j” 19 00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:50,861 j” so I got nothing to share j” 20 00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:55,324 j” no, / got nothing to say j” 21 00:01:55,408 --> 00:01:59,996 j” step out, step out of the sun if you keep getting burned j” 22 00:02:02,373 --> 00:02:06,627 j” step out, step out of the sun because you've learned j” 23 00:02:06,711 --> 00:02:10,381 j” because you've learned j” 24 00:02:10,881 --> 00:02:13,217 j” on the outside always lookin'in j” 25 00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:16,429 j” will I ever be more than I've always been? J” 26 00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:19,682 j” cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass j” 27 00:02:20,266 --> 00:02:23,060 j” I'm waving through a window j” 28 00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:26,564 j” / try to speak, but nobody can hear j” 29 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:29,859 j” so I wait around for an answer to appear j” 30 00:02:29,942 --> 00:02:33,321 j” while I'm watch, watch watch/n ' people pass j” 31 00:02:33,404 --> 00:02:37,241 j” I'm waving through a window j” 32 00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:45,124 j” can anybody see? Is anybody wa ving back at me? J” 33 00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:58,596 So you just didn't eat last night? 34 00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,765 - I wasn't hungry. - You're a senior in high school. 35 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,808 You need to be able to order dinner for yourself. 36 00:03:02,892 --> 00:03:05,478 You can do it all online. You don't have to talk to anybody. 37 00:03:05,561 --> 00:03:08,814 Okay, well, that's not true, actually. Because the credit card's expired, 38 00:03:08,898 --> 00:03:11,400 so you have to meet the delivery person at the door, you know? 39 00:03:11,484 --> 00:03:13,920 You have to pay them with cash at the door. You have to greet them. 40 00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:17,448 You have to figure out the right... The right, um... the-the proper greeting. 41 00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:19,158 Okay. 42 00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:23,371 This is what you're supposed to be working on, sweetheart, with Dr. Sherman. 43 00:03:23,454 --> 00:03:25,790 Have you been doing those letters he wants you to do? 44 00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:27,208 "Dear Evan Hansen." 45 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:30,127 Yeah, I've definitely... I've been trying to. 46 00:03:30,211 --> 00:03:33,255 Those letters are important, honey. You have to keep working. 47 00:03:33,339 --> 00:03:36,133 We can't go back to where you were last year, right? 48 00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:37,885 You have an appointment this afternoon. 49 00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:41,847 I'm working till 6:00, so you're gonna have to take the bus. 50 00:03:41,931 --> 00:03:42,932 Hey. 51 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:46,769 I thought you could go around and ask all the other kids to sign your cast. 52 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:48,854 Perfect icebreaker, right? 53 00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:53,651 - What happened to your shirt? - There was a stain on it. 54 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,528 - But it's brand-new! - Yes, I know. 55 00:03:55,611 --> 00:03:57,822 I was... I'm so mad. 56 00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:00,366 J” we start with stars in our eyes j” 57 00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:03,994 j” we start believing that we belong j” 58 00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:07,206 j” but every sun doesn't rise j” 59 00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:11,293 j” and no one tells you where you went wrong j” 60 00:04:11,377 --> 00:04:15,631 j” step out, step out of the sun if you keep getting burned j” 61 00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:21,929 j” step out, step out of the sun because you've learned j” 62 00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:24,306 j” because you've learned j” 63 00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:27,143 j” on the outside always lookin'in j” 64 00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:30,813 j” will I ever be more than I've always been? J” 65 00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:34,108 j” cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass j” 66 00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:36,735 j” waving through a window j” 67 00:04:36,819 --> 00:04:40,197 j” / try to speak, but nobody can hear j” 68 00:04:40,281 --> 00:04:43,367 j” so I wait around for an answer to appear j” 69 00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:47,288 j” while I'm watch, watch watchin ' people pass j” 70 00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:50,833 j” waving through a window j” 71 00:04:52,126 --> 00:04:54,462 j” can anybody see? J” 72 00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:56,755 j” is anybody waving? J” 73 00:04:56,839 --> 00:05:00,259 j” when you're fallin'in a forest and there's nobody around j” 74 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:03,429 j” do you ever really crash or even make a sound? J” 75 00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:06,640 j” when you're fallin'in a forest and there's nobody around j” 76 00:05:06,724 --> 00:05:09,935 j” do you ever really crash or even make a sound? J” 77 00:05:10,019 --> 00:05:13,189 j” when you're fallin'in a forest and there's nobody around j” 78 00:05:13,272 --> 00:05:16,192 j” do you ever really crash or even make a sound? J” 79 00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:19,778 j” when you're fallin'in a forest and there's nobody around j” 80 00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:23,407 j” do you ever really crash or even make a sound? J” 81 00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:26,410 j” did / even make a sound? Did / even make a sound? J” 82 00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:29,914 j” it's like lne ver made a sound will I ever make a sound? J” 83 00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:33,792 j” on the outside always lookin'in j” 84 00:05:33,876 --> 00:05:36,962 j” will I ever be more than I've always been? J” 85 00:05:37,046 --> 00:05:40,549 j” cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass j” 86 00:05:40,633 --> 00:05:43,552 j” waving through a window j” 87 00:05:43,636 --> 00:05:47,139 j” / try to speak, but nobody can hear j” 88 00:05:47,223 --> 00:05:49,934 j” so I wait around for an answer to appear j” 89 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:53,938 j” while I'm watch, watch watchin ' people pass j” 90 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:57,608 j” waving through a window j” 91 00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:01,111 j” can anybody see? J” 92 00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:06,700 j” is anybody wa ving back at me? J” 93 00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:10,120 j” is anybody waving? J” 94 00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:13,541 j” waving, wavingj” 95 00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:16,085 j” whoa j” 96 00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:21,840 j” whoa j” 97 00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,554 Evan. 98 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:29,932 What? 99 00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:32,851 It's Zoe Murphy in that hot band shirt you love so much. 100 00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:35,042 Can you just... can you please stop? 101 00:06:35,104 --> 00:06:36,647 Well, hey, maybe she's into you too. 102 00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,774 Maybe you should talk to her, tell her how you feel. 103 00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:40,025 I've tried talking to her. 104 00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:41,110 Really? 105 00:06:41,694 --> 00:06:43,112 Yes... yeah, I... 106 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:47,241 I stayed aftennards last year, after the spring jazz band concert, 107 00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:50,452 but, um, I didn't go up to her because I was worried that my hands were sweaty. 108 00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:52,973 Which they weren't even... They weren't even that sweaty. I just... 109 00:06:52,997 --> 00:06:55,684 I was worried they were sweaty, and sometimes worrying makes them sweaty. 110 00:06:55,708 --> 00:06:58,669 So I just went to the bathroom and I put 'em under the hand dryer thing, 111 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:02,464 but then they were still sweaty. They were just... they were just also warm. 112 00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:05,259 I was kidding. 113 00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:08,929 You obviously should not talk to her. You are a literal disaster. 114 00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:18,939 Go, bobcats! 115 00:07:25,321 --> 00:07:26,530 Go, bobcats. 116 00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:30,451 So awesome. So awesome, everyone. Phenomenal, really. 117 00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:34,496 You know what's not phenomenal? Deforestation. 118 00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:36,790 So, what happened to your arm exactly? 119 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,711 I was climbing a tree and I fell. It was stupid. 120 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,088 You fell out of a tree? What are you, five? 121 00:07:43,172 --> 00:07:44,173 Well, um... 122 00:07:45,174 --> 00:07:46,884 80, actually, I worked this summer 123 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,637 as an apprentice park ranger at Ellison state park. 124 00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:54,058 It's a funny story though, because... 125 00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,981 There was this solid ten minutes, after I fell, 126 00:07:56,060 --> 00:08:00,064 where I just lay there on the ground, waiting for someone to come get me. 127 00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,940 I was like, "any second now." You know? 128 00:08:02,024 --> 00:08:04,878 I kept... I was saying to myself, "any second now. Here they come." So... 129 00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:06,111 Did they? 130 00:08:06,195 --> 00:08:10,199 No. Nobody came. That's the, um... that's what's funny. 131 00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:11,533 That's not funny. 132 00:08:11,617 --> 00:08:12,785 Model UN. 133 00:08:12,868 --> 00:08:17,373 Well, anyways, um... how was... Did you... how was camp? 134 00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:20,626 Well, I put on 13 pounds of pure muscle. 135 00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:26,256 Also, I hooked up with this Brazilian dude who is literally a supermodel. 136 00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:29,593 So, yeah, hope that answers your question. 137 00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:33,764 So let's have mother nature's back so that she'll have ours. 138 00:08:41,814 --> 00:08:43,732 Yeah! 139 00:08:43,816 --> 00:08:46,151 All right, thank you, Alana. Very inspirational. 140 00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:50,656 All right, so, let's have a great year, and... go, bobcats! 141 00:09:00,666 --> 00:09:01,667 Hey, um... 142 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:04,503 Would you wanna sign my cast? 143 00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:06,046 You could... you could be the first. 144 00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:07,840 Why would I do that? 145 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:11,927 Well, I just... I thought because we're friends, and... 146 00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:15,013 We're family friends, Evan. That's an entirely different thing. 147 00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:16,306 Please respect that. 148 00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:27,943 Freshmen suck! 149 00:09:28,694 --> 00:09:31,530 Connor, I'm loving this manicure. It's very school shooter chic. 150 00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:33,574 - You're such an idiot. - That is so not a joke. 151 00:09:44,543 --> 00:09:45,961 You think that's funny? 152 00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:48,046 What? No. Not at all. 153 00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:52,176 Then stop laughing! 154 00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:03,645 Hey. 155 00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:11,028 I'm sorry about my brother. He's a psycho. 156 00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:14,072 Evan, right? 157 00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:16,700 Evan_. 158 00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:20,537 That's your... that's your name. 159 00:10:21,038 --> 00:10:22,998 Yeah, it is. It is. Sorry. It's Evan. 160 00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:24,625 It's Evan. I'm sorry. 161 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:26,293 Why are you sorry? 162 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,254 'Cause you said Evan, and then I said it, you know? 163 00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:30,964 I just repeated it, which is, um... 164 00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:34,134 That's just really annoying when people do that, so... 165 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,554 I'm Zoe. 166 00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:47,898 It's a... I should... I think... sorry. 167 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,585 Dear Evan Hansen, 168 00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:12,256 turns out this wasn't an amazing day after all. 169 00:11:13,757 --> 00:11:18,595 This isn't gonna be an amazing week or an amazing year, because why would it be? 170 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,102 Oh, lknow. Because there's Zoe. 171 00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:29,231 Who I don't even know, and who doesn't know me, but... 172 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:34,069 Maybe if I did, maybe if I could just talk to her. 173 00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:35,779 Il/laybe things would be better. 174 00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:42,911 Maybe nothing would be difi'erent at all. 175 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,124 I wish everything was difi'erent. 176 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,418 I wish I was difi'erent. 177 00:11:50,002 --> 00:11:51,378 I wish I was part of something. 178 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:55,090 I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. 179 00:11:56,717 --> 00:11:59,303 But it doesn't, and it never did... 180 00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:03,015 And it ne ver will. 181 00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:12,316 I mean, face it, would anyone even notice if //u5t disappeared tomorrow? 182 00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:18,405 Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend, me. 183 00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:28,916 Hey. What happened to your arm? 184 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:36,673 I was climbing a tree and I fell. 185 00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:38,342 You fell out of a tree? 186 00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:43,388 That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. 187 00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:46,224 I know. 188 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:57,653 So... sorry, um, I think I accidentally printed something. 189 00:12:57,736 --> 00:12:59,196 Yeah, we're all waiting. 190 00:13:01,198 --> 00:13:02,616 Um, no one signed your cast. 191 00:13:04,368 --> 00:13:06,912 - No, I know. - I'll sign it. 192 00:13:07,913 --> 00:13:10,874 - You don't... you really don't have to... - Do you have a sharpie or... 193 00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:13,627 I don't. Shoot. 194 00:13:14,503 --> 00:13:15,504 Here's one. 195 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:19,841 Nice. 196 00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:36,733 Wow, that's great. 197 00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:39,027 Now we can both pretend we have friends. 198 00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:48,745 - "Dear Evan Hansen." Here you go. - Yeah, that's mine. 199 00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:50,205 That's mine. I can take it. Sorry. 200 00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,748 "Because there's Zoe"... 201 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,418 Is this about my sister? 202 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:57,212 What? No, no. Who's... who's your sister? 203 00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,132 - You wanted me to find this? - What? 204 00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:03,135 You saw I was here, so you started writing this, 205 00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:05,778 - and you started talking to me. - No, you started talking to me. 206 00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:09,307 So that I would read some creepy shit about my sister and freak out, right? 207 00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:12,394 - Why would I do that? - So you can tell everyone that I'm crazy. 208 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:13,812 Right? Right? 209 00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:15,897 Gentlemen! Shh. 210 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,192 No, I really... 211 00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:21,278 Look, I really need that back. 212 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,321 So, can... look, can you please just give it back? 213 00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,414 Just please don't show it to anyone. 214 00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:33,498 Connor! 215 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,595 Come on. 216 00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:49,389 Shit. Shit. 217 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,388 - Hi. - H/; Honey, I'm so sorry. 218 00:15:30,472 --> 00:15:32,641 Erica called in at the last minute with a stomach bug, 219 00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:34,893 and there's only one other nurse on tonight. 220 00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:37,020 So I volunteered to take her shift. 221 00:15:37,104 --> 00:15:38,744 I hope you weren't waiting for me to eat. 222 00:15:38,814 --> 00:15:41,399 - No, I already ate. - Um, it'smst, 223 00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:43,318 they announced more budget cuts this morning, 224 00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:46,321 so anything I can do to show that I'm a team player, you know? 225 00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:47,739 - How was your day? - Fine. 226 00:15:47,823 --> 00:15:49,282 It was... it was pretty good. 227 00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:51,910 Yeah? You know, I texted with meera this morning, 228 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:55,872 and she said that Jared was really looking foward to seeing you and reconnecting. 229 00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:57,374 I thought that was nice. 230 00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,167 Yeah, he's so nice. 231 00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:01,545 - How was Dr. Sherman? - Pretty good. 232 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,296 Any change to your meds? 233 00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,508 Um, no. 234 00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:08,802 Oh, god. Here he comes. All right, I... 235 00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:10,387 All right, love you. Bye. 236 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,013 Okay, I love you... 237 00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:13,807 Too. 238 00:16:17,269 --> 00:16:18,436 A letter to yourself 239 00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:20,873 I mean, what is that, like some kind of sex thing? 240 00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,732 No. No, it's not a sex thing. 241 00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:24,985 - It was an assignment from my therapist. - Ew. 242 00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:26,361 Why are you telling me this? 243 00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:29,531 I didn't know who else to tell. You're my only... family friend. 244 00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:30,782 That's sad. 245 00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:34,661 Look, Connor isn't here again today. That's three days in a row. 246 00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:37,424 He hasn't done anything with it yet, like put it online or whatever. 247 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,124 Because I've... I've been checking. 248 00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:42,002 So, you know, maybe he just... Maybe he forgot, right? 249 00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:43,753 Right. Right. 250 00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:47,090 Or maybe he didn't, because he's definitely gonna put it online. 251 00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:49,050 Dude, Connor Murphy is batshit. 252 00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:51,974 Don't you remember when he threw a printer at Mrs. G in the second grade 253 00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:53,847 because he couldn't be line leader? 254 00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,390 He was seven. 255 00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,601 Just imagine what he's capable of now. 256 00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,284 Evan Hansen, please report to Mr. Ho ward's ofi'ice. 257 00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:02,814 Oh, damn. 258 00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:09,404 Evan. 259 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:16,828 Connor Murphy's mother and stepfather are here to see you. 260 00:17:17,329 --> 00:17:18,538 They want to speak in private. 261 00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:46,316 Hello. 262 00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:49,527 Why don't you go ahead, honey? 263 00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:51,446 I'm going as fast as I can. 264 00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:54,199 Well, that's not what I said, is it? 265 00:17:57,327 --> 00:17:58,328 This is... 266 00:18:00,956 --> 00:18:03,833 Connor wanted you to have this. 267 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,307 We didn't know you were friends. 268 00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:23,603 Well, we didn't think Connor had any friends, frankly. 269 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:27,357 And then we see this note, and it seems to suggest pretty clearly 270 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:31,278 that you and Connor were... Or at least, for Connor... 271 00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:32,821 "Dear Evan Hansen." 272 00:18:32,904 --> 00:18:35,448 He addressed it to you. He wrote it to you. 273 00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:38,743 These are the words that he wanted to share with you. 274 00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:44,124 His last words. 275 00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:48,837 Connor took his own life. 276 00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:54,342 He what? 277 00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:57,220 This is all we found with him. 278 00:18:58,221 --> 00:19:00,849 He had it folded up in his pocket. 279 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:06,855 But this is... 280 00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:10,900 I'm sorry. Connor didn't... He didn't write this. 281 00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:12,694 Connor didn't write this. 282 00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:15,947 What... what does that mean? 283 00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:17,741 Well, he's obviously in shock. 284 00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,844 - If Connor didn't write this... - I'm so sorry. 285 00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:22,513 - Can I... I should probably go, please. - No, you don't understand. 286 00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:26,207 This is all that we have. This is the only thing that we have left. 287 00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:28,835 - Cynthia, listen to me. - No, don't... don't go. 288 00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:30,587 Okay, then you take it. Please take it. 289 00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:33,298 No. No, don't go. Don't. Please stay. Please. 290 00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:42,557 His best and most dearest friend. 291 00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:57,864 - Oh, my god. - That's... that's Connor. 292 00:19:57,947 --> 00:20:00,408 - Connor? - Connor Murphy? 293 00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:03,620 Holy shit. 294 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,080 They invited me for dinner. 295 00:20:05,163 --> 00:20:09,334 They wanna know more stuff about Connor and me, about our... friendship. 296 00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,461 - And you said yes? - I froze. 297 00:20:12,587 --> 00:20:14,047 What are you gonna tell them? 298 00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,882 I mean, the truth. 299 00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:18,259 I don't know, man. Are you really gonna tell these people 300 00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,470 that the only thing they have left of their son 301 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,639 is a sex letter that you wrote to yourself? 302 00:20:23,348 --> 00:20:26,184 Hey. I'm so sorry. 303 00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:28,436 What the hell was that? 304 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:29,646 I don't know. 305 00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:32,482 Oh, my god. They were so sad, his parents. 306 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:35,735 I mean, his mom was just... 307 00:20:37,195 --> 00:20:39,197 I've never seen anyone so sad before. 308 00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:49,207 I have to tell them. 309 00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,183 You're early. 310 00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:09,519 Oh, s... 311 00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:10,645 Sorry. 312 00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:23,491 Sit. 313 00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:31,332 I hope you're hungry. 314 00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:51,811 So... you and Connor. 315 00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:54,647 You probably spent a lot of time together, I bet. 316 00:21:56,983 --> 00:22:01,279 80... not... not really, actually. 317 00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:04,365 - The thing is that I... - We looked through his phone. 318 00:22:05,450 --> 00:22:09,996 His texts, emails. We didn't find anything from you. 319 00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:12,415 - Yeah, no, I know. I know. - He set up different accounts. 320 00:22:12,499 --> 00:22:14,167 Ones we couldn't find. 321 00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:15,710 He knew you read his emails. 322 00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:18,129 Well, somebody had to be the bad guy. 323 00:22:19,130 --> 00:22:23,051 Well, if you did have any emails or conversations 324 00:22:23,134 --> 00:22:26,888 between the two of you, we'd love to see anything. 325 00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:29,015 - Well... - Yeah, it's-it's weird. 326 00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:30,892 The only time I saw you two together 327 00:22:30,975 --> 00:22:33,895 was when he was screaming in your face at school last week. 328 00:22:33,978 --> 00:22:35,188 He was screaming at you? 329 00:22:35,271 --> 00:22:36,564 Yeah, yeah... 330 00:22:36,648 --> 00:22:38,191 Well, that wasn't very nice. 331 00:22:38,274 --> 00:22:41,277 Well, Connor wasn't very nice, so that actually makes sense. 332 00:22:44,322 --> 00:22:47,992 I think that everybody at this table can agree that Connor was, um... 333 00:22:49,827 --> 00:22:51,371 A complicated person. 334 00:22:51,454 --> 00:22:52,872 No, he was a bad person. 335 00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:55,166 Zoe, please. 336 00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:57,252 Don't pretend like you don't agree with me. 337 00:22:57,335 --> 00:22:59,837 You refuse to remember any of the good things. 338 00:22:59,921 --> 00:23:02,215 Because there were no good things. 339 00:23:04,008 --> 00:23:05,885 What were the good things? 340 00:23:05,969 --> 00:23:08,429 I'm not having this conversation in front of our guest. 341 00:23:08,513 --> 00:23:10,682 No, tell us the good things. 342 00:23:10,765 --> 00:23:13,768 What were the good things? Family day at sunny Glen? 343 00:23:13,851 --> 00:23:15,770 Zoe! This is not the time. 344 00:23:15,853 --> 00:23:18,606 - Who knew rehab could be so much fun? - There were good things! 345 00:23:20,316 --> 00:23:23,653 I'm not the only one. You remember, right? 346 00:23:27,824 --> 00:23:31,828 Right. Yeah, of course. Yes, of course there were good things. 347 00:23:32,870 --> 00:23:35,873 Tell us something. Please, Evan. 348 00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:41,004 Right, um... 349 00:23:42,422 --> 00:23:43,631 Connor and I... 350 00:23:46,134 --> 00:23:47,343 I don't know, um... 351 00:23:49,554 --> 00:23:53,391 We had a really great... We had a really great time together... 352 00:23:54,475 --> 00:23:56,227 This one day recently. 353 00:23:56,894 --> 00:24:01,316 That's something good that I remember. That day. 354 00:24:03,610 --> 00:24:05,737 Yeah, that awesome day at the... 355 00:24:06,779 --> 00:24:08,531 Um, trees. 356 00:24:10,700 --> 00:24:12,910 - Trees? - Never mind, never mind. 357 00:24:12,994 --> 00:24:14,388 I'm sorry, I don't... I don't ne... 358 00:24:14,412 --> 00:24:16,932 I shouldn't have said anything, and I knew it was stupid, so I'm... 359 00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:18,666 You don't mean the orchard, do you? 360 00:24:22,086 --> 00:24:24,464 He took you to the apple orchard? 361 00:24:24,547 --> 00:24:25,965 When? 362 00:24:26,049 --> 00:24:27,842 Once. Just... just once. That once. 363 00:24:27,925 --> 00:24:30,595 I thought that place closed years ago. 364 00:24:30,678 --> 00:24:33,306 Well, the hiking trails are still open though, aren't they? 365 00:24:33,389 --> 00:24:36,517 We used to go to the orchard all of the time. We'd do picnics there. 366 00:24:36,601 --> 00:24:38,061 Do you remember that, Zoe? 367 00:24:38,895 --> 00:24:40,313 Yeah, I do. 368 00:24:40,396 --> 00:24:43,024 And you and Connor would fly that little toy plane 369 00:24:43,107 --> 00:24:45,109 until you crashed it into the creek. 370 00:24:47,028 --> 00:24:48,363 That was an emergency landing. 371 00:24:48,446 --> 00:24:50,490 I can't believe that he took you there. 372 00:24:51,366 --> 00:24:54,827 I bet you had fun. I bet the two of you... 373 00:24:56,496 --> 00:24:58,289 I bet that was fun. 374 00:24:59,415 --> 00:25:00,416 Yeah. 375 00:25:01,834 --> 00:25:05,296 We did. We did. The whole day. 376 00:25:05,380 --> 00:25:07,757 It was just... 377 00:25:10,218 --> 00:25:17,016 J” end of ma y or early June this picture-perfect afternoon we share j” 378 00:25:18,685 --> 00:25:21,646 what was the name of that ice cream place that we loved? 379 00:25:21,729 --> 00:25:22,980 Gifford's? 380 00:25:24,065 --> 00:25:26,067 - A la mode. - That's it! 381 00:25:26,150 --> 00:25:28,861 A la mode. And they had this homemade hot fudge. 382 00:25:29,529 --> 00:25:34,826 J” drive the winding country road grab a scoop ata la ll/lode j” 383 00:25:34,909 --> 00:25:36,577 j” and then we 're there j” 384 00:25:37,245 --> 00:25:39,580 and we'd sit in that Meadow by the pine trees 385 00:25:39,664 --> 00:25:42,667 and you and your brother would look for four-leaf clovers. 386 00:25:42,750 --> 00:25:49,674 J” an open field that's framed with trees we pick a spot and shoot the breeze j” 387 00:25:49,757 --> 00:25:51,342 j” like buddies do j” 388 00:25:52,427 --> 00:25:54,554 j” ouoting songs by our favorite bands j” 389 00:25:55,221 --> 00:25:58,933 j” telling jokes no one understands except us two j” 390 00:26:00,101 --> 00:26:04,355 j” and we talk and take in the viewj” 391 00:26:07,108 --> 00:26:11,779 j” all we see is sky for fore verj” 392 00:26:11,863 --> 00:26:16,993 j” we let the world pass by for fore ver j” 393 00:26:17,827 --> 00:26:23,124 j” feels like we could go on for fore ver this way j” 394 00:26:25,042 --> 00:26:28,421 j” two friends on a perfect day j” 395 00:26:30,923 --> 00:26:33,009 I'd completely forgotten about that place. 396 00:26:33,676 --> 00:26:36,679 Well, I guess Connor didn't, did he? 397 00:26:37,805 --> 00:26:40,266 J” we walk a while and talk about j” 398 00:26:40,349 --> 00:26:44,145 j” the things we 'i/ do when we get out of school j” 399 00:26:45,730 --> 00:26:50,276 j” bike the appalachian trail or write a book or learn to sail j” 400 00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:52,069 j” wouldn't that be cool? J” 401 00:26:52,653 --> 00:26:55,072 j” there's nothing that we can't discuss j” 402 00:26:55,156 --> 00:26:59,285 j” like girls we wish would notice us but ne ver do j” 403 00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:04,916 j” he looks around and says to me ”there is no where else I 'd rather be ” j” 404 00:27:04,999 --> 00:27:06,626 j” and / say, ”ll/le too”j” 405 00:27:07,251 --> 00:27:11,005 j” and we talk and take in the viewj” 406 00:27:12,465 --> 00:27:16,594 j” we just talk and take in the view j” 407 00:27:18,304 --> 00:27:22,600 j” all we see is sky for fore verj” 408 00:27:22,683 --> 00:27:27,772 j” we let the world pass by for fore ver j” 409 00:27:27,855 --> 00:27:34,654 j” feels like we could go on for fore ver this way j” 410 00:27:34,737 --> 00:27:38,199 j” this wayj” 411 00:27:38,282 --> 00:27:43,162 j” all we see is light for forever j” 412 00:27:43,246 --> 00:27:48,125 j” cause the sun shines bright for fore ver j” 413 00:27:48,209 --> 00:27:54,799 j” like we'll be all right for fore ver this way j” 414 00:27:54,882 --> 00:28:00,263 j” two friends on a perfect day j” 415 00:28:00,346 --> 00:28:04,892 j” and there he goes racing toward the tallest tree j” 416 00:28:04,976 --> 00:28:10,022 j” from far across a yellow field I hear him calling, ”follow me ”j” 417 00:28:10,106 --> 00:28:11,899 j” there we go j” 418 00:28:11,983 --> 00:28:15,027 j” wondering how the world m/ght look from up so h/gh j” 419 00:28:15,111 --> 00:28:19,949 j” one foot after the other one branch then to anotherj” 420 00:28:20,032 --> 00:28:22,076 j” / cl/mb h/gher and higher j” 421 00:28:22,159 --> 00:28:25,746 j” / cl/mb fill the entire sun j” 422 00:28:25,830 --> 00:28:31,252 j” shines on my face j” 423 00:28:33,629 --> 00:28:39,010 j” and / suddenly feel the branch give way j” 424 00:28:43,014 --> 00:28:44,348 j” I'm on the ground j” 425 00:28:46,976 --> 00:28:48,394 j” ll/ly arm goes numb j” 426 00:28:50,521 --> 00:28:52,023 j” / look around j” 427 00:28:53,774 --> 00:28:55,568 j” and / see him come to get me j” 428 00:28:58,362 --> 00:29:00,197 he's come to get me. 429 00:29:02,575 --> 00:29:05,077 J” and everything's okayj” 430 00:29:08,247 --> 00:29:13,127 j” all we see is sky for fore verj” 431 00:29:13,210 --> 00:29:18,174 j” we let the world pass by for fore ver j” 432 00:29:20,009 --> 00:29:26,265 j” buddy, you and / for forever this way j” 433 00:29:26,349 --> 00:29:29,435 j” this wayj” 434 00:29:30,019 --> 00:29:34,899 j” all we see is lightj” 435 00:29:34,982 --> 00:29:39,779 j” cause the sun burns bright j” 436 00:29:39,862 --> 00:29:44,033 j” we could be all right for fore ver j” 437 00:29:44,116 --> 00:29:49,163 j” this wayj” 438 00:29:49,956 --> 00:29:51,165 j” two friends j” 439 00:29:53,459 --> 00:29:55,294 j” true friends j” 440 00:29:55,378 --> 00:30:02,259 j” on a perfect dayj” 441 00:30:06,681 --> 00:30:08,182 thank you, Evan. 442 00:30:09,558 --> 00:30:11,727 Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. 443 00:30:16,273 --> 00:30:18,734 I mean, they think you were lovers. You realize that, right? 444 00:30:18,818 --> 00:30:19,819 Oh, my god. 445 00:30:19,902 --> 00:30:21,546 I thought you were gonna tell them the truth. 446 00:30:21,570 --> 00:30:24,573 I tried, but then I just... I got nervous and I started talking. 447 00:30:24,657 --> 00:30:26,117 And then once I started, I just... 448 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:27,326 Couldn't stop. 449 00:30:28,327 --> 00:30:29,578 They didn't want me to stop. 450 00:30:29,662 --> 00:30:31,664 What else did you say to them? 451 00:30:31,747 --> 00:30:33,791 His mom thinks that we wrote emails to each other. 452 00:30:33,874 --> 00:30:34,917 Oh, perfect. 453 00:30:35,001 --> 00:30:37,044 She thinks he had, like, secret accounts. 454 00:30:37,128 --> 00:30:40,756 Ha, yes! Secret email accounts. That's what all the cool kids are doing. 455 00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,426 Hansen! Kalwani! Pick it up! 456 00:30:43,509 --> 00:30:45,011 No, thank you! 457 00:30:45,094 --> 00:30:48,556 - What was that? - I said thank you for the encouragement! 458 00:30:49,098 --> 00:30:50,224 Fascist. 459 00:30:50,307 --> 00:30:51,642 She wants to see the emails. 460 00:30:51,726 --> 00:30:54,979 And now you want me to make a bunch of fake emails for you. Classic. 461 00:30:55,062 --> 00:30:57,314 - You know how to do that? - It's simple coding. 462 00:30:57,398 --> 00:31:00,234 - But you failed coding. - If you consider a d-minus failing. 463 00:31:00,317 --> 00:31:02,862 Just so we're clear, I charge a minimum of two grand per email. 464 00:31:02,945 --> 00:31:04,363 And that is a floor, not a ceiling. 465 00:31:04,447 --> 00:31:06,073 - $2,000? - 500. 466 00:31:06,157 --> 00:31:09,011 - I didn't even ask for your help. - 250. Bottom line, take it or leave it. 467 00:31:09,035 --> 00:31:10,435 I could probably give you 20 bucks. 468 00:31:10,494 --> 00:31:12,538 Fine, but I'm not gonna act like I'm happy about it. 469 00:31:14,707 --> 00:31:18,627 J” dear Evan Hansen we've been way too out of touch j” 470 00:31:19,628 --> 00:31:21,255 j” things have been crazy j” 471 00:31:21,338 --> 00:31:24,091 j” and it sucks that we don't talk that much j” 472 00:31:24,675 --> 00:31:28,512 j” but / should tell you that / think of you each n/ght j” 473 00:31:29,513 --> 00:31:33,392 j” / rub my nipples and start moaning with delight j” 474 00:31:33,476 --> 00:31:34,477 why would you write that? 475 00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,062 I'm just trying to make it erotic. 476 00:31:36,145 --> 00:31:38,749 - Look, if you can't take this seriously... - Ugh, calm yourself, honey. 477 00:31:38,773 --> 00:31:40,107 I just wanna get this over with. 478 00:31:40,858 --> 00:31:44,570 J” / gotta tell you life without you has been hard j” 479 00:31:44,653 --> 00:31:45,813 - "hard"? - J” has been bad j” 480 00:31:45,863 --> 00:31:47,114 - "bad"? - Has been rough. 481 00:31:47,198 --> 00:31:48,365 - Kinky! - Please stop. 482 00:31:48,449 --> 00:31:51,994 J” and / miss talking about life and other stuff j” 483 00:31:52,078 --> 00:31:54,163 - very specific. - Shut up! 484 00:31:54,246 --> 00:31:56,332 -J” / like my parents j” -who says that? 485 00:31:56,415 --> 00:32:00,461 J” / lo ve my parents but each day's another fight j” 486 00:32:01,670 --> 00:32:05,925 j” if / stop smoking drugs then everything might be all right j” 487 00:32:06,008 --> 00:32:07,301 "smoking drugs"? 488 00:32:07,384 --> 00:32:08,928 Just fix it! 489 00:32:09,011 --> 00:32:11,388 -J” if / stop smoking crack j” - "crack"? 490 00:32:11,472 --> 00:32:16,393 J” if / stop smoking pot then everything might be all right j” 491 00:32:16,477 --> 00:32:21,357 j” I'll take your advice I'll try to be more nice j” 492 00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:26,320 j” I'll turn it around, wait and see j” 493 00:32:26,403 --> 00:32:30,699 j” cause all that it takes is a little reinvention j” 494 00:32:31,450 --> 00:32:35,871 j” it's easy to change if you give it your attention j” 495 00:32:35,955 --> 00:32:41,168 j” all you gotta do is just belie ve you can be who you want to be j” 496 00:32:41,252 --> 00:32:43,504 j” sincerely, ll/le j” 497 00:32:43,587 --> 00:32:44,630 are we done? 498 00:32:44,713 --> 00:32:46,382 I mean, I can't just show them one email. 499 00:32:46,465 --> 00:32:48,759 I wanna show that I was, like, a good friend. 500 00:32:48,843 --> 00:32:50,761 That I was trying to help him, you know. 501 00:32:51,303 --> 00:32:52,346 Oh, my god. 502 00:32:53,305 --> 00:32:57,184 J” dear Connor ll/lurph y yes, I also miss our talks j” 503 00:32:58,102 --> 00:33:01,063 j” stop doing drugs just try to take deep breaths j” 504 00:33:01,147 --> 00:33:02,982 -j” and go on walks j” -no. 505 00:33:03,065 --> 00:33:06,360 J” I'm sending pictures of the most amazing trees j” 506 00:33:07,862 --> 00:33:11,365 j” you'll be obsessed with all my forest expertise j” 507 00:33:11,448 --> 00:33:12,825 what? 508 00:33:12,908 --> 00:33:17,663 J” dude, I'm proud of you just keep pushing through j” 509 00:33:17,746 --> 00:33:19,123 j” you're turning around j” 510 00:33:19,206 --> 00:33:22,209 -j” / can see j” -j” just wait and see j” 511 00:33:22,918 --> 00:33:27,339 j” cause all that it takes is a little reinvention j” 512 00:33:27,882 --> 00:33:32,344 j” it's easy to change if you give it your attention j” 513 00:33:32,428 --> 00:33:37,558 j” all you gotta do is just belie ve you can be who you want to be j” 514 00:33:37,641 --> 00:33:40,060 j” sincerely, ll/le j” 515 00:33:40,144 --> 00:33:41,187 j” ll/ly sister's hot j” 516 00:33:41,270 --> 00:33:42,396 - what the hell? - My bad. 517 00:33:42,479 --> 00:33:46,734 J” dear Evan Hansen thanks for every note you send j” 518 00:33:47,651 --> 00:33:51,739 j” dear Connor ll/lurph y I'm just glad to be your friend j” 519 00:33:52,364 --> 00:33:57,286 j” our friendship goes beyond your a verage kind of bond j” 520 00:33:57,369 --> 00:34:00,915 j” but not because they're gay no, not because... j” 521 00:34:00,998 --> 00:34:04,793 -j” well, anyway j” -j” you're getting better every day j” 522 00:34:04,877 --> 00:34:07,004 j” I'm getting better e very day j” 523 00:34:07,087 --> 00:34:08,127 -j” keep j” -j” getting j” 524 00:34:08,172 --> 00:34:09,173 -j” betterj” -j” eveiyj” 525 00:34:09,256 --> 00:34:10,341 j” dayj” 526 00:34:10,424 --> 00:34:11,842 j” hey, hey, hey, heyj” 527 00:34:12,426 --> 00:34:16,597 j” cause all that it takes is a little reinvention j” 528 00:34:17,223 --> 00:34:19,099 j” it's easy to change if you give it j” 529 00:34:19,183 --> 00:34:21,810 -j” your attention j” -j” your attention j” 530 00:34:21,894 --> 00:34:27,024 j” all you gotta do is just belie ve you can be who you want to be j” 531 00:34:27,107 --> 00:34:29,026 j” sincerely j” 532 00:34:29,109 --> 00:34:31,487 j” miss you dear/yj” 533 00:34:32,154 --> 00:34:34,490 j” sincerely, ll/le j” 534 00:34:35,491 --> 00:34:36,992 j” sincerely, ll/le j” 535 00:34:37,952 --> 00:34:41,538 j” sincerely, ll/le j” 536 00:34:41,622 --> 00:34:43,123 j” sincerely, ll/le j” 537 00:34:47,253 --> 00:34:49,672 I can't remember the last time that I heard him laugh. 538 00:34:49,755 --> 00:34:51,632 But the two of them, if you read these... 539 00:34:51,715 --> 00:34:55,427 I think if you could take ten minutes and actually read these emails... 540 00:34:55,511 --> 00:34:57,012 I'm looking at them right now. 541 00:35:00,724 --> 00:35:02,476 Zoe. Look what Evan sent us. 542 00:35:02,559 --> 00:35:04,019 They're emails from your brother. 543 00:35:04,979 --> 00:35:06,188 I printed them out. 544 00:35:06,272 --> 00:35:08,524 Oh. Take that, trees. 545 00:35:08,607 --> 00:35:10,359 - How was school? - Terrific. 546 00:35:10,442 --> 00:35:13,862 All of a sudden, people I've never met want to be my best friends. 547 00:35:13,946 --> 00:35:15,781 I'm the dead kid's sister, didn't you know? 548 00:35:17,449 --> 00:35:18,659 I'm sure they mean well. 549 00:35:19,285 --> 00:35:20,494 I'm sure they don't. 550 00:35:28,168 --> 00:35:29,169 She needs time. 551 00:35:30,462 --> 00:35:32,881 No, Larry. She needs her parents. 552 00:35:32,965 --> 00:35:34,300 Enjoy the game. 553 00:35:42,766 --> 00:35:43,767 Can I come in? 554 00:35:47,855 --> 00:35:50,065 Oh. You don't have to stop playing. 555 00:35:51,900 --> 00:35:53,068 How was band? 556 00:35:56,613 --> 00:36:00,576 You know, he talks about you playing guitar in one of his emails. 557 00:36:00,659 --> 00:36:02,619 At the spring concert last year. 558 00:36:04,288 --> 00:36:06,165 - Really? - Yeah. 559 00:36:07,333 --> 00:36:11,837 Does he... does he talk about when he disappeared for two days? 560 00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:14,548 But then he called me and asked me to come pick him up. 561 00:36:15,299 --> 00:36:17,801 He wanted to come home, but he wasn't ready to talk to you yet, 562 00:36:17,885 --> 00:36:23,390 so I took the bus all the way downtown to get him, and guess what? 563 00:36:27,644 --> 00:36:29,229 All he really wanted was money. 564 00:36:32,358 --> 00:36:36,320 And I gave it to him because I was 12. 565 00:36:39,031 --> 00:36:40,407 He was struggling. 566 00:36:43,702 --> 00:36:45,829 How about the time he tried to punch through my door, 567 00:36:45,913 --> 00:36:49,249 screaming at the top of his lungs, saying he was gonna kill me for no reason? 568 00:36:50,376 --> 00:36:51,835 Is that email in there? 569 00:36:54,254 --> 00:36:56,256 We're all grieving in our own way. 570 00:37:03,639 --> 00:37:06,975 You might consider reading these when you're ready. 571 00:37:08,477 --> 00:37:10,270 They might help more than you think. 572 00:37:28,372 --> 00:37:31,333 J” why should / play this game of pretend j” 573 00:37:32,835 --> 00:37:36,880 j” remembering through a second-hand sorrow? J” 574 00:37:37,381 --> 00:37:40,843 j” such a great son and wonderful friend j” 575 00:37:41,552 --> 00:37:45,431 j” oh, don't the tears just pour j” 576 00:37:46,849 --> 00:37:49,768 j” / could curl up and hide in my room j” 577 00:37:51,395 --> 00:37:55,190 j” here in my bed still sobbing tomorrow j” 578 00:37:55,941 --> 00:37:59,319 j” / could give in to all of the gloom j” 579 00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:04,158 j” but tell me, tell me what for? J” 580 00:38:05,075 --> 00:38:11,081 j” why should I have a heavy heart? Why should / start to break in pieces? J” 581 00:38:11,165 --> 00:38:14,877 j” why should / go and fall apart for you? J” 582 00:38:17,129 --> 00:38:22,551 j” why should / play the grieving girl j” 583 00:38:22,634 --> 00:38:28,015 j” and lie saying that I miss you j” 584 00:38:28,098 --> 00:38:35,063 j” and that my world has gone dark without your light? J” 585 00:38:37,357 --> 00:38:40,194 j” / wrll sing no requiem j” 586 00:38:42,279 --> 00:38:43,489 j” tonightj” 587 00:38:51,663 --> 00:38:54,416 J” we gave you the world you threw it away j” 588 00:38:56,251 --> 00:38:59,963 j” leaving these broken pieces behind you j” 589 00:39:00,881 --> 00:39:03,717 j” everything wasted, nothing to say j” 590 00:39:05,010 --> 00:39:07,888 j” so I can sing no requiem j” 591 00:39:07,971 --> 00:39:11,975 j” lhear your voice and feel you nearj” 592 00:39:12,476 --> 00:39:16,688 j” within these words lfi'nally find you j” 593 00:39:17,189 --> 00:39:21,276 j” and now that / know that you are still here j” 594 00:39:21,860 --> 00:39:24,780 j” / wrll sing no requiem tonight j” 595 00:39:24,863 --> 00:39:27,658 j” why should I have a heavy heart? J” 596 00:39:27,741 --> 00:39:28,992 j” why should / sayj” 597 00:39:29,076 --> 00:39:30,678 -j” I'i/ keep you with me? J” -j” I'i/ keep you with me j” 598 00:39:30,702 --> 00:39:35,123 j” why should / go and fall apart for you? J” 599 00:39:36,416 --> 00:39:41,547 j” why should / play the grieving girl j” 600 00:39:41,630 --> 00:39:46,677 j” and lie saying that I miss you j” 601 00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:50,764 - j” and that my world has gone dark j” -J” ll/ly world has gone dark j” 602 00:39:50,847 --> 00:39:54,935 - J” without your light? J” -J” I can see your lightj” 603 00:39:55,727 --> 00:40:00,399 J” / will sing no requiem tonight j” 604 00:40:01,316 --> 00:40:05,988 j” cause when the villains fall the kingdoms never weep j” 605 00:40:06,822 --> 00:40:11,368 j” no one lights a candle to rememberj” 606 00:40:11,451 --> 00:40:17,374 j” no, no one mourns at all when they lay them down to sleep j” 607 00:40:17,874 --> 00:40:24,214 j” so don't tell me that / didn't ha ve it right j” 608 00:40:24,298 --> 00:40:29,511 j” don't tell me that it wasn't black and white j” 609 00:40:29,595 --> 00:40:35,517 j” after all you put me through don't say it wasn't true j” 610 00:40:35,601 --> 00:40:39,271 j” that you were not the monster... j” 611 00:40:47,946 --> 00:40:49,364 J” that/ knewj” 612 00:40:53,243 --> 00:40:58,874 j” cause / cannot play the grieving girl j” 613 00:40:58,957 --> 00:41:04,212 j” and lie saying that I miss you j” 614 00:41:04,296 --> 00:41:08,634 j” and that my world has gone dark j” 615 00:41:13,221 --> 00:41:16,767 j” / wrll sing no requiem j” 616 00:41:17,934 --> 00:41:21,396 j” / wrll sing no requiem j” 617 00:41:22,606 --> 00:41:25,442 j” / wrll sing no requiem j” 618 00:41:27,861 --> 00:41:29,071 j” tonightj” 619 00:41:29,655 --> 00:41:31,782 j”ohj” 620 00:41:31,865 --> 00:41:34,284 j”ohj” 621 00:41:34,368 --> 00:41:36,828 j”ohj” 622 00:41:36,912 --> 00:41:41,833 j”ohj” 623 00:41:43,543 --> 00:41:47,089 They did a whole thing about them on npr yesterday, these essay contests. 624 00:41:47,172 --> 00:41:50,801 And if you win, it doesn't count against any financial aid. 625 00:41:50,884 --> 00:41:55,806 You know, so $5,000 here, or $3,000 there. It adds up. 626 00:41:55,889 --> 00:41:58,767 And we're gonna need all the help we can get with college. 627 00:41:59,643 --> 00:42:03,855 Unless your stepmother has some trust fund for you that I don't know about, 628 00:42:03,939 --> 00:42:06,775 with all those fabulous tips she made cocktail waitressing. 629 00:42:06,858 --> 00:42:08,777 Right? 630 00:42:09,736 --> 00:42:10,737 Mmm. 631 00:42:15,325 --> 00:42:16,410 I got a... 632 00:42:16,993 --> 00:42:20,706 I got an email from your school yesterday, um, 633 00:42:20,789 --> 00:42:24,501 about that boy that killed himself? Connor Murphy? 634 00:42:25,001 --> 00:42:28,380 Yeah. I didn't really know him, so... 635 00:42:29,464 --> 00:42:32,759 You know, if you ever wanna talk about anything... 636 00:42:33,260 --> 00:42:36,680 Yeah. I mean, I know that lately it feels like I'm always working. 637 00:42:36,763 --> 00:42:38,432 - It's fine. - But I'm-I'm here. 638 00:42:38,515 --> 00:42:40,934 If I'm not here, I'm just a phone call away, 639 00:42:41,017 --> 00:42:42,018 or an email or a text. 640 00:42:42,102 --> 00:42:43,395 - You know, whatever. - I know. 641 00:42:45,856 --> 00:42:47,858 It says "Connor" on your cast. 642 00:42:50,152 --> 00:42:51,695 No, no. Yeah, um... 643 00:42:51,778 --> 00:42:54,322 - You said you didn't know him. - Sorry. I didn't. Um... 644 00:42:55,741 --> 00:42:57,951 It's in memory, so... like... 645 00:42:58,535 --> 00:43:00,704 You know, kids are, like, um... 646 00:43:00,787 --> 00:43:04,708 They're writing his name on lockers and stuff like that. 647 00:43:13,133 --> 00:43:15,135 That's lovely. You know, in memory... 648 00:43:20,348 --> 00:43:22,934 Hey. Tuesday. What are you doing? 649 00:43:24,352 --> 00:43:26,855 When's the last time we did taco Tuesday? 650 00:43:27,856 --> 00:43:29,649 - That'd be great. - Really? 651 00:43:31,193 --> 00:43:32,194 Yeah. 652 00:43:32,277 --> 00:43:34,404 So, the memorial's really just an opportunity 653 00:43:34,488 --> 00:43:36,248 for all of us to come together as a community 654 00:43:36,323 --> 00:43:39,242 and to remember Connor and celebrate who he was. 655 00:43:40,619 --> 00:43:41,995 Would you wanna speak or perform? 656 00:43:42,078 --> 00:43:43,872 I didn't really know him. I'm sorry. 657 00:43:43,955 --> 00:43:45,791 - That's okay. - Bye. 658 00:43:58,512 --> 00:44:01,431 - Want a wristband? - Oh. Yes. Yeah. Okay. 659 00:44:02,682 --> 00:44:04,017 Thank you. 660 00:44:06,186 --> 00:44:07,646 You were friends with him, right? 661 00:44:09,397 --> 00:44:13,610 I saw him sign your cast in the library, and you started arguing about something. 662 00:44:15,278 --> 00:44:16,446 Were you friends with him? 663 00:44:16,530 --> 00:44:17,614 We weren't close. 664 00:44:17,697 --> 00:44:20,367 We presented together on huck Finn in the tenth grade. 665 00:44:20,450 --> 00:44:22,577 But he probably didn't tell you that. 666 00:44:23,370 --> 00:44:25,121 No, no. I didn't know. 667 00:44:25,205 --> 00:44:27,499 I always really liked him. 668 00:44:27,582 --> 00:44:31,169 It seemed like he didn't really care what anyone else thought, and... 669 00:44:31,253 --> 00:44:32,796 I thought that was pretty remarkable. 670 00:44:36,758 --> 00:44:40,303 Well, I'm putting together a memorial for him at school on Friday. 671 00:44:41,429 --> 00:44:42,709 If you wanted to do something... 672 00:44:42,764 --> 00:44:44,307 Oh. Um... 673 00:44:45,308 --> 00:44:46,601 Sorry, I... 674 00:44:47,686 --> 00:44:50,397 I probably would rather not, if that's okay. 675 00:44:51,189 --> 00:44:52,190 Yeah, sure. 676 00:44:52,774 --> 00:44:55,986 If you change your mind... just text me. 677 00:44:59,698 --> 00:45:00,699 Okay. 678 00:45:08,540 --> 00:45:09,541 Mom. 679 00:45:48,580 --> 00:45:51,875 My mom realized we were out of ice cream, so they went to go get more. 680 00:45:53,376 --> 00:45:55,295 Did you park in the driveway? 681 00:45:55,378 --> 00:45:57,756 'Cause if you park on the street, they'll ticket you. 682 00:45:57,839 --> 00:45:59,966 The people in this neighborhood are monsters. 683 00:46:00,050 --> 00:46:02,469 No, I didn't. I didn't, um... I took the bus. 684 00:46:02,552 --> 00:46:03,970 My mom needed the car for work. 685 00:46:04,054 --> 00:46:05,055 What about your dad? 686 00:46:05,138 --> 00:46:08,850 My dad? He lives in Colorado, so... 687 00:46:08,934 --> 00:46:10,268 He left when I was seven. 688 00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:14,689 That sucks. 689 00:46:16,149 --> 00:46:20,779 Mine died when I was one, so... I sort of win. 690 00:46:22,781 --> 00:46:25,283 - Sorry. - Thanks. It's fine. 691 00:46:25,367 --> 00:46:27,702 I don't even really remember him, to be honest. 692 00:46:28,995 --> 00:46:30,705 Connor did, though. A little. 693 00:46:31,539 --> 00:46:32,666 That's terrible. 694 00:46:33,708 --> 00:46:35,126 Yeah. 695 00:46:35,210 --> 00:46:38,463 And then Larry showed up, fixed everything. 696 00:46:40,298 --> 00:46:43,218 For a while, at least. Yeah. 697 00:46:44,302 --> 00:46:47,931 Most people, with Connor, they just would've been like, "see ya." 698 00:46:48,932 --> 00:46:51,142 But he's the only dad we ever really knew, so... 699 00:46:52,978 --> 00:46:54,980 Wow. Your mom... I didn't realize. 700 00:46:55,063 --> 00:46:56,564 Yeah, well... 701 00:46:56,648 --> 00:46:58,316 She's in total denial now. 702 00:46:59,484 --> 00:47:01,987 So is Larry. I mean, he didn't even cry at the funeral. 703 00:47:02,070 --> 00:47:03,071 I'm sorry. 704 00:47:04,322 --> 00:47:06,741 Not as sorry as you're gonna be. 705 00:47:08,743 --> 00:47:10,745 - Oh, is... is that the... - Mm-hmm. 706 00:47:10,829 --> 00:47:14,124 Gluten-free apple pie? You bet. 707 00:47:14,207 --> 00:47:15,458 It-it looks... 708 00:47:17,377 --> 00:47:20,046 Inedible? It is. 709 00:47:21,756 --> 00:47:24,092 Just be glad we get to have real ice cream. 710 00:47:24,718 --> 00:47:28,388 My mom was Buddhist last year, so we couldn't have any animal products. 711 00:47:28,471 --> 00:47:30,974 She was, um, Buddhist last year but not this year? 712 00:47:31,057 --> 00:47:35,145 Yep. That's sort of what she does. She gets into a lot of different things. 713 00:47:35,854 --> 00:47:39,649 For a while it was pilates. The secret. 714 00:47:40,316 --> 00:47:42,360 Buddhism. Etcetera. 715 00:47:42,444 --> 00:47:44,564 It's cool she's interested in so much different stuff. 716 00:47:44,612 --> 00:47:45,989 Yeah. She's not though. 717 00:47:46,072 --> 00:47:49,075 That's just what happens when you're rich and you don't have a job. 718 00:47:49,159 --> 00:47:50,160 You get a little crazy. 719 00:47:50,744 --> 00:47:53,038 My mom always says it's better to be rich than poor, so... 720 00:47:53,121 --> 00:47:55,001 Well, your mom's probably never been rich, then. 721 00:47:55,040 --> 00:47:56,560 Yeah. You've probably never been poor. 722 00:47:59,335 --> 00:48:01,671 Oh, my god. I can't believe I just said that. I'm so sorry. 723 00:48:01,755 --> 00:48:02,881 Wow. 724 00:48:02,964 --> 00:48:06,718 I didn't realize you were capable of saying something that wasn't nice. 725 00:48:06,801 --> 00:48:07,927 I'm not. I'm really sorry. 726 00:48:08,511 --> 00:48:10,388 You really don't have to keep saying that. 727 00:48:11,347 --> 00:48:12,348 Okay. 728 00:48:13,516 --> 00:48:14,601 You wanna say it again. 729 00:48:14,684 --> 00:48:16,019 Yeah, very much so, I do. 730 00:48:22,942 --> 00:48:26,362 Why did he write that? In his note? 731 00:48:26,946 --> 00:48:28,907 "Because there's Zoe. 732 00:48:28,990 --> 00:48:32,494 And I don't even know her, but if I could just talk to her..." 733 00:48:35,163 --> 00:48:36,372 Honestly, I really don't know. 734 00:48:37,499 --> 00:48:40,001 What does any of that even mean? I mean... 735 00:48:40,085 --> 00:48:43,797 We weren't close at all. Not since we were kids. 736 00:48:44,839 --> 00:48:46,841 He never noticed anything about me. 737 00:48:47,509 --> 00:48:48,843 That's not true. 738 00:48:48,927 --> 00:48:51,596 That's not true. He noticed a lot of things about you. 739 00:48:51,679 --> 00:48:52,972 Like what things? 740 00:49:03,566 --> 00:49:04,567 Right. 741 00:49:04,651 --> 00:49:06,194 No, no, no. That's... 742 00:49:08,279 --> 00:49:10,073 Well... okay, okay. 743 00:49:10,865 --> 00:49:12,075 Here's something. 744 00:49:13,326 --> 00:49:17,497 Whenever you have a solo in jazz band, you just... 745 00:49:18,623 --> 00:49:20,463 You probably don't even know you're doing this, 746 00:49:20,542 --> 00:49:23,128 but you close your eyes, and you get, like... 747 00:49:23,211 --> 00:49:24,688 I don't know. It's like a half smile. 748 00:49:24,712 --> 00:49:27,316 Like you just heard the funniest thing in the world, but it's a secret, 749 00:49:27,340 --> 00:49:29,180 and you can't tell anyone about it. But then... 750 00:49:29,676 --> 00:49:31,928 The way that you smile, it's sort of like you are... 751 00:49:32,011 --> 00:49:34,848 You're letting us in on the secret too. 752 00:49:36,558 --> 00:49:40,728 J” he said there's nothing like your smile j” 753 00:49:40,812 --> 00:49:44,524 j” sort of subtle and perfect and real j” 754 00:49:46,609 --> 00:49:51,114 j” he said you never knew how wonderful j” 755 00:49:51,197 --> 00:49:54,826 j” that smile could make someone feel j” 756 00:49:56,411 --> 00:50:00,540 j” and he knew whene ver you get bored j” 757 00:50:00,623 --> 00:50:04,377 j” you scribble stars on the cufis of your jeans j” 758 00:50:06,588 --> 00:50:10,884 j” and he noticed that you still fill out the quizzes j” 759 00:50:10,967 --> 00:50:14,345 j” that they put in those teen magazines j” 760 00:50:14,846 --> 00:50:16,306 I do that ironically. 761 00:50:16,389 --> 00:50:21,060 J” but he kept it all inside his head j” 762 00:50:21,144 --> 00:50:24,939 j” what he saw he left unsaid j” 763 00:50:25,773 --> 00:50:30,153 j” and though he wanted to he couldn't talk to you j” 764 00:50:30,236 --> 00:50:33,198 j” he couldn't find a way j” 765 00:50:35,158 --> 00:50:39,037 j” but he would always say j” 766 00:50:40,663 --> 00:50:45,710 j” if / could tell her tell her everything I see j” 767 00:50:45,793 --> 00:50:50,381 j” if / could tell her how she is everything to me j” 768 00:50:51,674 --> 00:50:56,221 j” but we 're a million worlds apart j” 769 00:50:57,805 --> 00:51:00,934 j” and / don't know howl would even start j” 770 00:51:01,976 --> 00:51:06,147 j” if / could tell her j” 771 00:51:06,898 --> 00:51:12,070 j” if / could tell her j” 772 00:51:13,821 --> 00:51:15,657 did he say anything else? 773 00:51:16,199 --> 00:51:17,450 About you? 774 00:51:18,034 --> 00:51:21,037 - Never mind. I don't even care. - No, no. He said so many things. 775 00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:23,748 I'm just... I'm trying to remember the best ones, so... 776 00:51:25,250 --> 00:51:29,420 J” he thought it looked pretty cool j” 777 00:51:29,504 --> 00:51:32,840 j” when you put indigo streaks in your hair j” 778 00:51:32,924 --> 00:51:35,051 no fucking way. 779 00:51:35,134 --> 00:51:39,430 J” and he wondered how you learned to dance j” 780 00:51:39,514 --> 00:51:43,768 j” like all the rest of the world isn't there j” 781 00:51:44,769 --> 00:51:49,899 j” but he kept it all inside his head j” 782 00:51:49,983 --> 00:51:54,445 j” what he saw he left unsaid j” 783 00:51:54,529 --> 00:51:59,617 j” if / could tell her tell her everything I see j” 784 00:51:59,701 --> 00:52:04,539 j” if / could tell her how she is everything to me j” 785 00:52:05,123 --> 00:52:09,752 j” but we 're a million worlds apart j” 786 00:52:11,629 --> 00:52:15,091 j” and / don't know howl would even start j” 787 00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:20,305 j” if / could tell her j” 788 00:52:20,888 --> 00:52:23,224 j” if / could tell her j” 789 00:52:23,308 --> 00:52:28,271 j” but what do you do when there is this great divide? J” 790 00:52:28,354 --> 00:52:33,151 j” he just seemed so far away j” 791 00:52:33,234 --> 00:52:37,405 j” and what do you do when the distance is too wide? J” 792 00:52:37,488 --> 00:52:40,867 -j” it's like I don't know anything j” -j” and how do you say j” 793 00:52:40,950 --> 00:52:45,788 j” lloveyou? J” 794 00:52:45,872 --> 00:52:50,418 j” llove youj” 795 00:52:51,002 --> 00:52:55,923 j” llove youj” 796 00:52:56,007 --> 00:53:01,137 j” llove youj” 797 00:53:03,681 --> 00:53:10,271 j” but we 're a million worlds apart j” 798 00:53:13,024 --> 00:53:16,444 j” and / don't know howl would even start j” 799 00:53:18,237 --> 00:53:23,076 j” if / could tell her j” 800 00:53:24,035 --> 00:53:28,581 j”/f/could... j” 801 00:53:33,544 --> 00:53:35,755 Hello? 802 00:53:35,838 --> 00:53:36,958 - Sorry. - Uh... 803 00:53:38,925 --> 00:53:40,385 You beat us. 804 00:53:40,468 --> 00:53:42,178 - Zoe, can you help serve? - Yeah. 805 00:53:42,261 --> 00:53:44,421 - Larry, get the plates. - Can I do anything? 806 00:53:44,472 --> 00:53:46,182 No, no. You're the guest. You sit down. 807 00:53:46,265 --> 00:53:48,351 We asked if they had any soy ice cream, 808 00:53:48,434 --> 00:53:52,271 but the guy at the store said there was just no whey, so... 809 00:53:52,772 --> 00:53:55,358 - When are you gonna give up thatjoke? - I think never, actually. 810 00:53:55,441 --> 00:53:57,693 You don't have to laugh at that. Please don't. 811 00:53:58,653 --> 00:54:02,615 I am sorry, but there's no way you'd ever be able to tell 812 00:54:02,698 --> 00:54:04,909 in a million years that this was gluten-free. 813 00:54:04,992 --> 00:54:06,619 Mom, come on. Look at it. 814 00:54:06,702 --> 00:54:09,622 A million years is, uh... That's a lot of years. 815 00:54:09,705 --> 00:54:11,624 Do you see what I have to deal with? 816 00:54:13,751 --> 00:54:14,919 I'm glad you're here. 817 00:54:43,698 --> 00:54:44,907 "The Connor project." 818 00:54:44,991 --> 00:54:46,200 So, it's a student group 819 00:54:46,284 --> 00:54:49,912 dedicated to mental health awareness, outreach and education. 820 00:54:51,330 --> 00:54:52,999 Great. This is... it's great. 821 00:54:55,460 --> 00:54:56,711 You know the Murphys, right? 822 00:54:56,794 --> 00:54:57,962 Mm-hmm. 823 00:54:58,045 --> 00:55:00,840 I was wondering if you would reach out to them and get their blessing? 824 00:55:00,923 --> 00:55:03,092 Oh, well, I don't... 825 00:55:03,176 --> 00:55:05,595 - Lldont“. - You wanna help the Murphys? 826 00:55:05,678 --> 00:55:08,848 And all the other people who might need it? 827 00:55:08,931 --> 00:55:10,641 Like people like Connor. 828 00:55:10,725 --> 00:55:13,769 Or... people like us. 829 00:55:14,437 --> 00:55:15,646 "People like us"? 830 00:55:17,857 --> 00:55:20,193 Yes, right, because we have so much in common. 831 00:55:21,110 --> 00:55:22,153 What? 832 00:55:22,653 --> 00:55:26,157 Well, you're, like, the president of a million different groups at school, 833 00:55:26,240 --> 00:55:28,242 and you're part of every single activity. 834 00:55:28,326 --> 00:55:30,578 And you're, you know... and I'm... 835 00:55:31,954 --> 00:55:33,581 Um, I am not. 836 00:55:35,249 --> 00:55:36,250 What do you take? 837 00:55:40,254 --> 00:55:41,672 Okay, I'll go first. 838 00:55:42,632 --> 00:55:44,509 I'm on Lexapro, ten milligrams. 839 00:55:50,014 --> 00:55:52,099 Well, I'm on Zoloft. 840 00:55:53,476 --> 00:55:54,685 And Wellbutrin. 841 00:55:57,230 --> 00:56:00,691 And, um, ativan as needed. 842 00:56:01,817 --> 00:56:03,819 Depression? Anxiety? 843 00:56:06,489 --> 00:56:07,698 Yeah. 844 00:56:09,116 --> 00:56:10,326 Yeah. Me too. 845 00:56:12,453 --> 00:56:14,288 Some days, it's just like... 846 00:56:15,790 --> 00:56:17,041 It's like, um... 847 00:56:17,625 --> 00:56:18,626 Impossible? 848 00:56:19,210 --> 00:56:20,878 - Yeah. - Yeah. 849 00:56:23,339 --> 00:56:28,344 You know, you don't really act like a... Depressed sort of person. 850 00:56:28,928 --> 00:56:31,973 I'm just good at staying anonymous. 851 00:56:34,725 --> 00:56:35,726 Same as you. 852 00:56:38,646 --> 00:56:41,899 There are a lot of people who feel like us. 853 00:56:43,901 --> 00:56:46,070 People that you wouldn't think. 854 00:56:49,991 --> 00:56:55,371 J” you ever look at all the people who seem to know exactly how to be? J” 855 00:56:58,916 --> 00:57:04,171 j” you think, they don't need piles of prescriptions to function naturally j” 856 00:57:06,674 --> 00:57:11,721 j” well, look again and you might catch it just stay a minute more j” 857 00:57:13,097 --> 00:57:18,019 j” there's this little moment after the sunny smile j” 858 00:57:18,102 --> 00:57:21,439 j” as their eyes fall to the fioorj” 859 00:57:22,940 --> 00:57:29,697 j” the anonymous ones who never let you see the ache they carry j” 860 00:57:31,866 --> 00:57:34,660 j” all of those anonymous ones j” 861 00:57:35,286 --> 00:57:39,457 j” who never name that quiet pain they Bury j” 862 00:57:41,375 --> 00:57:46,505 j” so they keep on keepin'secrets that they think they have to hide j” 863 00:57:47,089 --> 00:57:51,302 j” but what if everybody's secret ls they ha ve that secret side? J” 864 00:57:51,385 --> 00:57:55,640 j” and to know the y're somehow not alone j” 865 00:57:55,723 --> 00:57:58,517 j” well, that's all the y're hoping forj” 866 00:57:59,060 --> 00:58:03,939 j” what if they didn't have to stay j” 867 00:58:05,524 --> 00:58:07,193 j” anonymous anymore? J” 868 00:58:15,242 --> 00:58:21,248 J” spot the girl who stays in motion she spins so fast so she won't fall j” 869 00:58:21,957 --> 00:58:26,796 j” she's built a wall with her achie vements to keep out the question j” 870 00:58:26,879 --> 00:58:30,299 j” without it is she worth anything at all? J” 871 00:58:31,425 --> 00:58:34,804 j” so nobody can know j” 872 00:58:36,055 --> 00:58:40,059 j” just what the cracks might show j” 873 00:58:40,643 --> 00:58:46,399 j” how deep and dark they go j” 874 00:58:46,482 --> 00:58:49,610 j” there are those anonymous ones j” 875 00:58:49,694 --> 00:58:53,572 j” stuck inside the perfect frame they're faking j” 876 00:58:55,449 --> 00:58:58,327 j” all of us anonymous ones j” 877 00:58:58,411 --> 00:59:02,790 j” who pick themselves apart till they start breaking j” 878 00:59:04,291 --> 00:59:09,046 j” and we keep on keepin'secrets that we think we have to hide j” 879 00:59:09,130 --> 00:59:13,634 j” but what we really need is somebody to see that secret side j” 880 00:59:13,718 --> 00:59:19,724 j” and to know we 're somehow not alone is all we 're hoping forj” 881 00:59:20,224 --> 00:59:25,855 j” and then we wouldn't have to be anonymous anymore j” 882 00:59:32,820 --> 00:59:34,989 J” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 883 00:59:35,072 --> 00:59:37,450 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 884 00:59:37,533 --> 00:59:39,994 j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 885 00:59:40,077 --> 00:59:42,413 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 886 00:59:42,496 --> 00:59:47,251 j” the anonymous one, noticed by none j” 887 00:59:49,754 --> 00:59:51,130 go, bobcats! 888 00:59:52,465 --> 00:59:55,301 J” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 889 00:59:55,384 --> 00:59:58,345 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 890 01:00:18,032 --> 01:00:19,575 "The Connor project"? 891 01:00:19,658 --> 01:00:24,246 Yeah, so it's a student group dedicated to keeping Connor's memory alive. 892 01:00:25,539 --> 01:00:28,083 Making sure people that need help have somewhere they can go. 893 01:00:28,667 --> 01:00:31,754 I didn't realize Connor meant this much to people. 894 01:00:31,837 --> 01:00:35,049 Well, I mean, it was all Alana's idea. She thought of the whole thing. 895 01:00:35,716 --> 01:00:38,219 That's the young woman who organized the memorial tomorrow. 896 01:00:38,302 --> 01:00:39,303 Mm-hmm. 897 01:00:39,386 --> 01:00:43,098 - Well, she seems like... quite a force. - Yeah, um... 898 01:00:43,182 --> 01:00:44,475 Anyways... 899 01:00:45,518 --> 01:00:47,311 We just wanted to do something. 900 01:00:47,895 --> 01:00:49,814 It's-it's really cool. 901 01:00:55,236 --> 01:00:56,654 There's something I wanna show you. 902 01:00:57,738 --> 01:00:58,739 Sure. 903 01:01:01,075 --> 01:01:02,743 Here we go. 904 01:01:04,578 --> 01:01:06,705 It's a bit of a mess, I know. 905 01:01:07,289 --> 01:01:11,502 We still haven't decided what to do with everything. 906 01:01:14,839 --> 01:01:16,173 Oh, um... 907 01:01:16,257 --> 01:01:19,051 He used to write songs. Or at least he told us he did. 908 01:01:19,134 --> 01:01:21,178 He refused to play for us, so, who knows? 909 01:01:23,681 --> 01:01:25,558 He never played any for you? 910 01:01:26,725 --> 01:01:28,310 No, he didn't. 911 01:01:29,061 --> 01:01:30,354 No. I'm sorry. 912 01:01:45,536 --> 01:01:46,745 Here it is. 913 01:01:48,455 --> 01:01:50,082 It's a... 914 01:01:51,041 --> 01:01:54,128 When Connor entered seventh grade, 915 01:01:54,211 --> 01:01:58,465 all of my girlfriends said, "here it comes, bar mitzvah season. 916 01:01:59,216 --> 01:02:01,927 He's going to have a different party every Saturday." 917 01:02:02,636 --> 01:02:04,889 And Larry was so excited to take him shopping. 918 01:02:04,972 --> 01:02:06,432 He dragged him to Brooks brothers, 919 01:02:06,515 --> 01:02:09,602 and they picked out a suit, some shirts and this tie. 920 01:02:10,269 --> 01:02:13,939 He looked just like his dad. 921 01:02:19,486 --> 01:02:21,614 He never got invited to a single party. 922 01:02:27,244 --> 01:02:29,872 He was such a sweet boy underneath it all. 923 01:02:32,750 --> 01:02:34,501 Everything just hurt too much. 924 01:02:38,756 --> 01:02:43,302 I thought that you could wear this to the memorial. For your speech. 925 01:02:46,096 --> 01:02:47,389 I'm not... I've... I... 926 01:02:48,891 --> 01:02:50,726 I wasn't... I'm not speaking. 927 01:02:51,435 --> 01:02:53,395 - Why not? - Well, I... 928 01:02:54,229 --> 01:02:55,814 I just don't think, um... 929 01:02:57,608 --> 01:03:02,613 I mean, most people think that I'm... not that cool of a person. 930 01:03:02,696 --> 01:03:04,823 So nobody wants to hear from me. 931 01:03:08,118 --> 01:03:13,332 Well, if that's what most people think... 932 01:03:14,792 --> 01:03:17,378 It sounds like most people don't know you very well. 933 01:03:19,588 --> 01:03:21,006 They didn't know Connor either. 934 01:03:21,882 --> 01:03:23,258 They never bothered. 935 01:03:25,177 --> 01:03:26,220 Hmm. 936 01:03:28,889 --> 01:03:30,975 You can tell them what they missed. 937 01:03:38,565 --> 01:03:39,984 You're so handsome. 938 01:04:17,396 --> 01:04:19,815 I'm so glad you changed your mind. 939 01:04:31,035 --> 01:04:35,205 Today is a day of remembrance and reflection. 940 01:04:35,289 --> 01:04:37,166 It sucks he isn't here to see this. 941 01:04:37,249 --> 01:04:40,294 The first person we'll hear from this morning is Evan Hansen. 942 01:04:59,521 --> 01:05:03,859 Good morning, s... 943 01:05:06,779 --> 01:05:08,864 Sorry. Sorry. 944 01:05:12,743 --> 01:05:14,578 Good morning, students and faculty. 945 01:05:15,537 --> 01:05:17,831 I would like to say a few words to you today... 946 01:05:20,793 --> 01:05:22,044 About my friend... 947 01:05:23,879 --> 01:05:26,298 My best friend, Connor Murphy. 948 01:05:27,257 --> 01:05:28,383 Holy shit. 949 01:05:29,927 --> 01:05:33,222 I would like to tell you about the day that Connor and I went hiking 950 01:05:33,305 --> 01:05:35,557 behind the old Autumn smile apple orchard. 951 01:05:36,558 --> 01:05:38,227 We found a huge oak tree. 952 01:05:38,310 --> 01:05:42,147 Connor said he wondered what the world would look like from all the way up there, 953 01:05:42,231 --> 01:05:44,191 so we decided to find out. 954 01:05:47,361 --> 01:05:48,779 We started climbing slowly, 955 01:05:49,738 --> 01:05:53,075 and then when I finally looked back, we were already 30 feet off the ground. 956 01:05:54,076 --> 01:05:55,786 Connor just looked at me... 957 01:05:57,579 --> 01:05:59,581 And smiled that way he always did. 958 01:06:00,124 --> 01:06:02,584 Um. And then... 959 01:06:13,929 --> 01:06:15,472 Sorry. Then I fell. 960 01:06:15,556 --> 01:06:17,724 I lay there on the ground, and... 961 01:06:17,808 --> 01:06:21,103 Good morning, students and... faculty. 962 01:06:23,605 --> 01:06:24,815 Sorry, that... 963 01:06:25,858 --> 01:06:26,898 Sorry, that's the wrong... 964 01:07:24,875 --> 01:07:29,087 J” have you ever felt like nobody was there? J” 965 01:07:31,673 --> 01:07:37,512 j” have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere? J” 966 01:07:39,056 --> 01:07:42,809 j” have you ever felt like you could disappear? J” 967 01:07:44,770 --> 01:07:49,524 j” like you could fall and no one would hear? J” 968 01:07:52,861 --> 01:07:55,572 but, see, the thing is, when I looked up, Connor was there. 969 01:07:58,158 --> 01:07:59,952 That's the gift he gave me. 970 01:08:01,119 --> 01:08:04,164 To show me that I wasn't alone. Nobody is. 971 01:08:04,248 --> 01:08:06,416 That's the gift that he gave all of us. 972 01:08:07,709 --> 01:08:08,877 I just wish... 973 01:08:12,005 --> 01:08:13,799 I wish we could've given that to him. 974 01:08:18,262 --> 01:08:21,640 J” let that lonely feeling wash away j” 975 01:08:23,684 --> 01:08:28,313 j” maybe there's a reason to believe you'll be okay j” 976 01:08:29,398 --> 01:08:33,527 j” cause when you don't feel strong enough to stand j” 977 01:08:34,736 --> 01:08:40,117 j” you can reach, reach out your hand j” 978 01:08:41,326 --> 01:08:46,790 j” and, oh, someone wrll come runnin'j” 979 01:08:46,873 --> 01:08:52,546 j” and / know the y'i/ take you home j” 980 01:08:55,674 --> 01:08:58,969 j” even when the dark comes crashin' through j” 981 01:08:59,052 --> 01:09:02,264 j” when you need a friend to carry you j” 982 01:09:02,848 --> 01:09:05,350 j” and when you're broken on the ground j” 983 01:09:06,351 --> 01:09:09,104 j” you will be found j” 984 01:09:09,187 --> 01:09:11,648 j” so let the sun come streamin'in j” 985 01:09:11,732 --> 01:09:14,985 j” cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again j” 986 01:09:15,068 --> 01:09:17,654 j” lift your head and look around j” 987 01:09:18,822 --> 01:09:23,785 j” you will be found j” 988 01:09:24,536 --> 01:09:29,833 j” you will be found j” 989 01:09:29,916 --> 01:09:35,255 j” you will be found j” 990 01:09:35,339 --> 01:09:39,968 j” you will be found j” 991 01:09:40,635 --> 01:09:42,554 j” you will be found j” 992 01:09:54,524 --> 01:09:56,485 Have you seen this? 993 01:09:56,568 --> 01:09:58,904 People started sharing it, and now, it's everywhere. 994 01:09:58,987 --> 01:10:01,239 This morning it only had, like, 30 views. 995 01:10:01,323 --> 01:10:04,534 - Well, how many does it have now? - 723. 996 01:10:04,618 --> 01:10:07,621 2,326 views. 997 01:10:07,704 --> 01:10:09,915 14,359. 998 01:10:10,415 --> 01:10:12,167 I don't understand what happened. 999 01:10:13,418 --> 01:10:14,628 You did. 1000 01:10:16,797 --> 01:10:20,634 J” there's a place where we don't have to feel unknown j” 1001 01:10:20,717 --> 01:10:22,803 - oh, my god. - Everybody needs to see this. 1002 01:10:22,886 --> 01:10:24,805 J” and every time that you call out j” 1003 01:10:24,888 --> 01:10:26,848 j” you're a little less alone j” 1004 01:10:26,932 --> 01:10:29,601 -I can't stop watching this video. 77years old. 1005 01:10:29,684 --> 01:10:30,977 J” if you only say the word j” 1006 01:10:31,061 --> 01:10:32,813 - take five minutes. - /t'll make your day. 1007 01:10:32,896 --> 01:10:34,523 J” from across the silence j” 1008 01:10:34,606 --> 01:10:38,402 j” your voice is heard j” 1009 01:10:38,485 --> 01:10:39,653 j”ohj” 1010 01:10:39,736 --> 01:10:41,571 - share it with the people you love. - Repost. 1011 01:10:41,655 --> 01:10:43,365 The world needs to hear this. 1012 01:10:43,448 --> 01:10:44,783 Beautiful tribute. 1013 01:10:44,866 --> 01:10:47,119 I know someone who really needed to hear this today. 1014 01:10:47,202 --> 01:10:49,788 So, thank you, Evan Hansen, for doing what you're doing. 1015 01:10:49,871 --> 01:10:50,956 Ine ver met you, Connor, 1016 01:10:51,039 --> 01:10:54,167 but coming on here, reading everyone's posts... 1017 01:10:54,251 --> 01:10:55,961 Evan is exactly right. We are not alone. 1018 01:10:56,044 --> 01:10:58,713 We are not alone. None of us. 1019 01:10:58,797 --> 01:11:00,424 - None of us are alone. - Like. Forward 1020 01:11:00,507 --> 01:11:02,968 especially now, with everything you hear on the news. 1021 01:11:03,051 --> 01:11:04,386 - Like. Share. - Repost. Forward 1022 01:11:04,469 --> 01:11:07,931 thank you, Evan Hansen, for giving us a space to remember Connor. 1023 01:11:08,014 --> 01:11:09,891 - Thanks to Evan. - Thanks for helping my mom. 1024 01:11:09,975 --> 01:11:10,976 Thank you, Evan Hansen. 1025 01:11:11,059 --> 01:11:12,185 J” to take you home j” 1026 01:11:12,269 --> 01:11:13,520 j” to take you home j” 1027 01:11:13,603 --> 01:11:15,105 just reach out. 1028 01:11:15,188 --> 01:11:17,708 -J” to take you home j” - this is about community and friendship. 1029 01:11:17,732 --> 01:11:19,276 J” to take you home j” 1030 01:11:19,359 --> 01:11:21,319 Thank you, Evan Hansen. 1031 01:11:22,028 --> 01:11:24,823 J” even when the dark comes crashin' through j” 1032 01:11:24,906 --> 01:11:27,868 j” when you need a friend to carry you j” 1033 01:11:27,951 --> 01:11:33,248 j” when you're broken on the ground you will be found j” 1034 01:11:33,331 --> 01:11:35,625 j” so let the sun come streamin'in j” 1035 01:11:35,709 --> 01:11:38,920 j” cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again j” 1036 01:11:39,004 --> 01:11:44,718 j” if you only look around you will be found j” 1037 01:11:44,801 --> 01:11:47,471 j” you will be found j” 1038 01:11:47,554 --> 01:11:50,640 -j” you will be found j” -j” you will be found j” 1039 01:11:50,724 --> 01:11:54,186 j” you will be found j” 1040 01:11:54,269 --> 01:11:59,107 j” out of the shadows the morning is breaking j” 1041 01:11:59,191 --> 01:12:04,738 j” and all is new, all is newj” 1042 01:12:04,821 --> 01:12:09,993 j” it's filling up the empty and suddenly I see j” 1043 01:12:10,076 --> 01:12:16,082 j” that all is new, all is newj” 1044 01:12:16,166 --> 01:12:18,668 j” you are not alone j” 1045 01:12:18,752 --> 01:12:20,879 j” you are not alone j” 1046 01:12:21,546 --> 01:12:24,090 j” you are not alone j” 1047 01:12:24,174 --> 01:12:26,801 j” you are not alone j” 1048 01:12:26,885 --> 01:12:29,471 -j” you are not alone j” -j” you are not alone j” 1049 01:12:29,554 --> 01:12:32,140 -j” you are not alone j” -j” you are not alone j” 1050 01:12:32,224 --> 01:12:34,851 -j” you are not alone j” -j” you are not alone j” 1051 01:12:34,935 --> 01:12:38,146 j” you are not alone j” 1052 01:12:38,230 --> 01:12:40,815 j” even when the dark comes crashin' through j” 1053 01:12:40,899 --> 01:12:43,860 j” when you need someone to carry you j” 1054 01:12:43,944 --> 01:12:46,821 j” when you're broken on the ground j” 1055 01:12:46,905 --> 01:12:49,199 j” you will be found j” 1056 01:12:49,282 --> 01:12:51,910 j” so let the sun come streamin'in j” 1057 01:12:51,993 --> 01:12:54,746 j” cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again j” 1058 01:12:55,330 --> 01:12:57,999 j” if you only look around j” 1059 01:12:58,083 --> 01:13:00,210 j” you will be found j” 1060 01:13:00,293 --> 01:13:03,421 j” even when the dark comes crashin' through j” 1061 01:13:03,505 --> 01:13:05,340 j” you will be found j” 1062 01:13:05,423 --> 01:13:08,510 j” when you need someone to carry you j” 1063 01:13:09,094 --> 01:13:14,099 j” you will be found j” 1064 01:13:14,182 --> 01:13:18,520 j” you will be found j” 1065 01:13:27,362 --> 01:13:29,573 Hey. What's wrong? 1066 01:13:32,826 --> 01:13:34,619 Everything you said in your speech. 1067 01:13:35,453 --> 01:13:37,080 Everything you've done. 1068 01:13:38,248 --> 01:13:42,919 You don't know how much you've given all of us. 1069 01:13:43,753 --> 01:13:46,172 My family. Me. 1070 01:13:48,550 --> 01:13:49,759 No, I... 1071 01:13:51,094 --> 01:13:52,971 You've given me my brother back. 1072 01:14:42,020 --> 01:14:45,690 Welcome to the first ofiicial meeting of the Connor project 1073 01:14:49,986 --> 01:14:51,321 right? 1074 01:14:53,531 --> 01:14:56,660 Now, as you all know from Evan's speech, 1075 01:14:56,743 --> 01:15:00,872 Connor's favorite place in the entire world was the Autumn smile apple orchard. 1076 01:15:00,955 --> 01:15:05,210 I am beyond excited to announce that in addition to our support groups, 1077 01:15:05,293 --> 01:15:07,671 we will be launching a kickstarter campaign 1078 01:15:07,754 --> 01:15:12,550 to raise $100,000 to reopen and redesign Autumn smile 1079 01:15:12,634 --> 01:15:14,636 as the Connor Murphy memorial orchard. 1080 01:15:18,264 --> 01:15:20,767 Soto explain what we're going to be asking of you, 1081 01:15:20,850 --> 01:15:24,604 I'm gonna turn things over to our director of global communications. 1082 01:15:25,522 --> 01:15:28,400 Thanks, Alana. 80 great. 1083 01:15:28,483 --> 01:15:30,860 Our new website is now live. 1084 01:15:30,944 --> 01:15:35,198 If you have not yet read the emails between Evan and Connor... 1085 01:15:35,990 --> 01:15:38,576 Oh, you're gonna wanna grab some tissues. 1086 01:15:43,123 --> 01:15:48,420 I swear I've got a Cal ripken here somewhere. Look at that. Hmm? 1087 01:15:49,838 --> 01:15:53,425 The entire '96 team. There's three hall of famers on there. 1088 01:15:53,508 --> 01:15:55,051 - Wow. - You get the right people, 1089 01:15:55,135 --> 01:15:59,806 baseball fans, you could raise at least a few hundred bucks for the orchard, 1090 01:15:59,889 --> 01:16:01,391 maybe a couple thousand. 1091 01:16:01,474 --> 01:16:02,684 Yeah, but... 1092 01:16:03,351 --> 01:16:06,938 I mean, you should probably keep all this stuff. 1093 01:16:07,564 --> 01:16:10,442 It's just gonna sit here gathering dust. 1094 01:16:14,237 --> 01:16:15,739 Stiff as a board, isn't it? 1095 01:16:16,322 --> 01:16:18,116 - Yeah. - Well, it's never been used. 1096 01:16:18,199 --> 01:16:24,539 Connor, he loved baseball... When he was little. 1097 01:16:25,331 --> 01:16:26,833 The first time I met him... 1098 01:16:27,584 --> 01:16:29,544 Cynthia wasn't sure how the kids would react. 1099 01:16:29,627 --> 01:16:33,673 She was terrified. And I was terrified. 1100 01:16:33,757 --> 01:16:36,760 I mean, five minutes in... 1101 01:16:39,471 --> 01:16:43,266 Connor's, like, pulling my arm... 1102 01:16:44,309 --> 01:16:46,811 "Come on. Let's go play catch." 1103 01:16:53,860 --> 01:16:56,446 I bought that, I don't know, two years ago. 1104 01:16:56,529 --> 01:16:59,574 I thought, you know, maybe we could... 1105 01:17:06,289 --> 01:17:07,373 So stupid. 1106 01:17:08,208 --> 01:17:11,002 He was really lucky to have a step... 1107 01:17:13,588 --> 01:17:15,215 To have a dad like you. 1108 01:17:17,342 --> 01:17:20,637 Your dad must feel pretty lucky to... 1109 01:17:22,096 --> 01:17:23,681 Have a son like you. 1110 01:17:26,768 --> 01:17:27,894 Yeah, he does. 1111 01:18:04,389 --> 01:18:09,269 You know, I saw the strangest thing on Facebook yesterday. 1112 01:18:09,352 --> 01:18:12,230 - Really? - Um, somebody had a video 1113 01:18:12,313 --> 01:18:13,982 of you doing a speech. 1114 01:18:15,984 --> 01:18:19,237 About that boy. Connor Murphy. 1115 01:18:20,822 --> 01:18:25,159 How the two of you climbed a tree together. At an orchard. 1116 01:18:27,745 --> 01:18:29,455 You told me that you didn't know him, 1117 01:18:29,539 --> 01:18:31,916 but in the speech you said that he was your best friend. 1118 01:18:32,000 --> 01:18:36,296 Right, well... 'Cause it wasn't true, um... 1119 01:18:40,174 --> 01:18:41,551 When I said I didn't know him. 1120 01:18:41,634 --> 01:18:42,635 Hmm. 1121 01:18:43,344 --> 01:18:46,890 I thought that you broke your arm at work. 1122 01:18:46,973 --> 01:18:49,267 Okay, well, who do you think drove me to urgent care? 1123 01:18:49,350 --> 01:18:51,978 And waited there with me? You were at work. You remember? 1124 01:18:52,061 --> 01:18:54,022 I couldn't even... You didn't answer your phone. 1125 01:18:54,105 --> 01:18:55,857 You told me that your boss took you. 1126 01:18:55,940 --> 01:18:57,233 Well, so I lied, obviously. 1127 01:18:57,317 --> 01:19:00,111 So when were you planning on telling me any of this? 1128 01:19:00,194 --> 01:19:03,031 - When would I tell you? When are you here? - I'm here now. 1129 01:19:03,114 --> 01:19:04,115 Okay. 1130 01:19:05,533 --> 01:19:09,245 I talked to Dr. Sherman, and he told me you've been skipping appointments. 1131 01:19:09,329 --> 01:19:12,040 - I missed one. - You know, those aren't free. 1132 01:19:17,712 --> 01:19:19,130 Sorry. I'm sorry. 1133 01:19:24,802 --> 01:19:27,430 I'm so happy you had a friend, sweetheart. 1134 01:19:28,973 --> 01:19:32,560 I'm sorry he's gone. I just wish I'd known. 1135 01:19:36,648 --> 01:19:38,316 That speech you gave, it... 1136 01:19:41,235 --> 01:19:43,154 I don't even know what to say. I'm... 1137 01:19:44,948 --> 01:19:46,199 I'm proud of you. 1138 01:19:49,827 --> 01:19:50,995 Thanks. 1139 01:20:09,472 --> 01:20:11,349 This is a cool surprise. 1140 01:20:13,434 --> 01:20:14,435 Um... 1141 01:20:15,311 --> 01:20:17,230 Can I get you anything? Or... 1142 01:20:17,313 --> 01:20:18,940 Just water. 1143 01:20:20,191 --> 01:20:22,402 - Just water? You're sure? - Yeah. That's perfect. 1144 01:20:23,486 --> 01:20:24,487 Coming up. 1145 01:20:29,200 --> 01:20:30,243 Where's your mom? 1146 01:20:30,952 --> 01:20:33,121 She works late on Fridays. 1147 01:20:34,622 --> 01:20:37,083 - I wanted to meet her. - Yeah, that would've been great. 1148 01:20:41,879 --> 01:20:42,880 What's this? 1149 01:20:42,964 --> 01:20:46,884 Oh. It's just... my mom is obsessed with these college scholarship essay contests. 1150 01:20:46,968 --> 01:20:49,262 I mean, I'd have to win probably, like, all of them 1151 01:20:49,345 --> 01:20:52,598 to actually pay for college, so... 1152 01:20:54,559 --> 01:20:56,644 Your parents, they can't... 1153 01:20:56,728 --> 01:20:58,021 Uh, not really. 1154 01:21:00,356 --> 01:21:01,357 I'm sorry. 1155 01:21:10,366 --> 01:21:11,701 Is your room upstairs? 1156 01:21:17,040 --> 01:21:18,374 Yeah. It's, um... 1157 01:21:21,461 --> 01:21:22,462 Yeah. 1158 01:21:30,261 --> 01:21:32,680 Yeah. So it's a pretty standard sort of room, I guess. 1159 01:21:33,264 --> 01:21:35,767 So... hey! Oh, um... 1160 01:21:36,350 --> 01:21:38,352 Actually, I meant to tell you this before. 1161 01:21:38,436 --> 01:21:40,396 So Alana and I had a really good... 1162 01:21:41,856 --> 01:21:45,151 Um, we had a really good meeting this morning, and I think... 1163 01:21:45,234 --> 01:21:48,112 You probably noticed that, you know, 1164 01:21:48,196 --> 01:21:50,656 a lot of people were giving during that first week, 1165 01:21:50,740 --> 01:21:54,660 which is definitely great, but it sort of slowed down a bit, obviously. 1166 01:21:54,744 --> 01:21:57,584 But Alana and I are really confident that it's gonna pick right back up. 1167 01:21:57,663 --> 01:21:59,832 I think it's just a matter of... 1168 01:22:00,792 --> 01:22:02,877 Can I talk to you about something? 1169 01:22:06,839 --> 01:22:07,924 Yes. 1170 01:22:12,553 --> 01:22:13,846 Uh... 1171 01:22:14,388 --> 01:22:19,685 The Connor project is awesome. It's really, really cool. 1172 01:22:22,188 --> 01:22:23,189 Thank you. 1173 01:22:23,272 --> 01:22:26,400 It's just that my whole life, everything has been about him. 1174 01:22:26,484 --> 01:22:29,487 And maybe the two of us... 1175 01:22:31,280 --> 01:22:33,866 Maybe we don't have to talk about my brother all the time. 1176 01:22:33,950 --> 01:22:35,076 Maybe we can... 1177 01:22:36,244 --> 01:22:39,497 Talk about other things. 1178 01:22:47,839 --> 01:22:49,090 I like you. 1179 01:22:51,676 --> 01:22:55,263 And it's not because you were friends with my brother, 1180 01:22:55,346 --> 01:22:57,140 or because of the Connor project. 1181 01:23:00,017 --> 01:23:01,727 I like you 'cause... 1182 01:23:02,770 --> 01:23:03,813 You. 1183 01:23:04,856 --> 01:23:08,985 J” / don't need you to sell me on reasons to want you j” 1184 01:23:11,654 --> 01:23:15,616 j” / don't need you to search for the proof that I should j” 1185 01:23:18,578 --> 01:23:21,330 j” you don't have to convince me j” 1186 01:23:22,206 --> 01:23:25,293 j” you don't have to be scared you're not enough j” 1187 01:23:26,127 --> 01:23:30,089 j” cause what we've got goin'is good j” 1188 01:23:32,300 --> 01:23:36,762 j” / don't need more reminders of all that's been broken j” 1189 01:23:39,140 --> 01:23:43,311 j” / don't need you to fix what / 'd rather forget j” 1190 01:23:45,563 --> 01:23:48,691 j” clear the slate and start overj” 1191 01:23:49,317 --> 01:23:53,196 j” try to quiet the noises in your head j” 1192 01:23:54,155 --> 01:23:56,699 j” we can't compete with all that j” 1193 01:23:59,785 --> 01:24:01,787 j” so what if it's us? J” 1194 01:24:01,871 --> 01:24:06,584 j” what if it's us and only us? J” 1195 01:24:06,667 --> 01:24:11,589 j” and what came before won't count anymore, or matter? J” 1196 01:24:11,672 --> 01:24:13,966 j” can we try that? J” 1197 01:24:14,050 --> 01:24:17,303 j” what if it's you? What if it's me? J” 1198 01:24:17,386 --> 01:24:21,224 j” and what if that's all that we need it to be? J” 1199 01:24:21,307 --> 01:24:24,602 j” and the rest of the world falls away j” 1200 01:24:26,020 --> 01:24:27,021 j” what do you say? J” 1201 01:24:27,104 --> 01:24:31,734 j” / ne ver thought there 'd be someone like you who would want me j” 1202 01:24:32,360 --> 01:24:33,361 well... 1203 01:24:33,444 --> 01:24:38,366 J” so I give you 70,000 reasons to not let me go j” 1204 01:24:41,577 --> 01:24:44,038 j” but if you really see me j” 1205 01:24:45,039 --> 01:24:48,459 j” if you like me for me and nothing else j” 1206 01:24:49,460 --> 01:24:55,258 j” well, that's all that I've wanted for longer than you could possibly know j” 1207 01:24:55,341 --> 01:24:57,301 j” so it can be us j” 1208 01:24:57,385 --> 01:25:02,390 j” it can be us and only us j” 1209 01:25:02,473 --> 01:25:07,395 j” and what came before won't count anymore, or matter j” 1210 01:25:07,478 --> 01:25:09,397 j” we can try that j” 1211 01:25:09,480 --> 01:25:13,067 j” it's not so impossible j” 1212 01:25:13,150 --> 01:25:15,945 j” nobody else but the two of us here j” 1213 01:25:16,028 --> 01:25:19,907 j” cause you're saying it's possible j” 1214 01:25:19,991 --> 01:25:23,286 j” we can just watch the whole world disappearj” 1215 01:25:23,369 --> 01:25:28,624 j” till you're the only one j” 1216 01:25:28,708 --> 01:25:34,714 j” / still know how to see j” 1217 01:25:38,843 --> 01:25:40,511 J” it's just you and me j” 1218 01:25:41,095 --> 01:25:42,930 J” it'll be us j” 1219 01:25:43,014 --> 01:25:47,435 j” it'll be us and only us j” 1220 01:25:48,019 --> 01:25:52,565 j” and what came before won't count anymore j” 1221 01:25:52,648 --> 01:25:55,693 j” we can try that j” 1222 01:25:55,776 --> 01:26:02,241 j” you and me that's all that we need it to be j” 1223 01:26:02,325 --> 01:26:05,745 j” and the rest of the world falls away j” 1224 01:26:05,828 --> 01:26:11,751 j” and the rest of the world falls away j” 1225 01:26:13,836 --> 01:26:16,672 j” the world falls away j” 1226 01:26:17,673 --> 01:26:20,760 j” the world falls away j” 1227 01:26:26,849 --> 01:26:28,642 J” the world falls away j” 1228 01:26:30,394 --> 01:26:32,980 j” the world falls away j” 1229 01:26:33,773 --> 01:26:36,567 j” the world falls away j” 1230 01:26:37,943 --> 01:26:40,446 j” the world falls away j” 1231 01:26:48,621 --> 01:26:49,830 J” the world falls away j” 1232 01:26:49,914 --> 01:26:52,291 all right, let's just start without him. 1233 01:26:52,375 --> 01:26:55,002 J” the world falls away j” 1234 01:26:55,711 --> 01:27:01,217 j” and it's only us j” 1235 01:27:19,693 --> 01:27:22,196 I've been told that many times. 1236 01:27:22,279 --> 01:27:23,739 Hi, honey. 1237 01:27:23,823 --> 01:27:25,943 Come join us. I just put dinner in the oven. 1238 01:27:29,161 --> 01:27:30,996 She made me swear to keep it a surprise. 1239 01:27:31,080 --> 01:27:32,415 I'm surprised. 1240 01:27:32,498 --> 01:27:35,251 Hi. It's so nice to finally meet you. 1241 01:27:35,334 --> 01:27:39,171 - Hi. - Oh, hi. Yeah... great. It's great. 1242 01:27:40,381 --> 01:27:41,882 Come on, Evan. Sit. 1243 01:27:44,135 --> 01:27:45,886 I thought that you were working tonight. 1244 01:27:45,970 --> 01:27:49,890 Cynthia called and invited me for dinner, so, you know, I'm playing hooky. 1245 01:27:49,974 --> 01:27:52,893 We were just discussing how sneaky you and Connor were. 1246 01:27:52,977 --> 01:27:55,163 I had no idea that he and Connor were even friends. 1247 01:27:55,187 --> 01:27:56,272 We were the same. 1248 01:27:56,355 --> 01:27:57,958 You know, boys love their secrets. 1249 01:27:57,982 --> 01:27:59,900 Something smells good. What's for dinner? 1250 01:27:59,984 --> 01:28:01,735 It's chicken milanese. Your favorite. 1251 01:28:01,819 --> 01:28:03,696 Actually his favorite 1252 01:28:03,779 --> 01:28:06,073 - is my great-grandmother's black beans. - Really? 1253 01:28:06,157 --> 01:28:08,617 Well, he's the only one that appreciates my cooking, so... 1254 01:28:08,701 --> 01:28:09,869 That's not true. 1255 01:28:09,952 --> 01:28:12,913 - Another drop? - No, no. I'm fine. Thank you. 1256 01:28:12,997 --> 01:28:15,040 Fascinating story about the wine. 1257 01:28:15,124 --> 01:28:17,793 It's from a vineyard in napa, 1258 01:28:17,877 --> 01:28:22,756 and the entire growing process from start to finish, 100% sustainable. 1259 01:28:22,840 --> 01:28:24,216 Is that right? 1260 01:28:24,300 --> 01:28:26,719 Not to mention, it tastes good too. 1261 01:28:26,802 --> 01:28:27,803 It does. 1262 01:28:27,887 --> 01:28:30,306 You know, I-I didn't realize, 1263 01:28:30,389 --> 01:28:33,350 Cynthia and Larry were telling me that you spend so much time here. 1264 01:28:33,434 --> 01:28:35,144 Yeah. You've been working a lot, so... 1265 01:28:35,227 --> 01:28:37,188 Why did I think you were at Jared's? 1266 01:28:37,271 --> 01:28:38,689 I-I don't know. 1267 01:28:38,772 --> 01:28:42,735 Evan was showing me all of those scholarship contests that you found. 1268 01:28:42,818 --> 01:28:44,403 It's really impressive. 1269 01:28:44,487 --> 01:28:47,364 Well, Evan is a great writer. 1270 01:28:47,948 --> 01:28:49,909 Well, that does not surprise me at all. 1271 01:28:51,494 --> 01:28:53,329 His English teacher last year told me 1272 01:28:53,412 --> 01:28:56,373 that he wrote one of the best papers she'd ever read on sulu. 1273 01:28:56,457 --> 01:28:57,458 Is that right? 1274 01:28:57,541 --> 01:28:59,335 - It's sula. - What? 1275 01:28:59,418 --> 01:29:01,337 You said "squ." It's sula. 1276 01:29:02,004 --> 01:29:05,341 Yeah, I believe sulu's a character on Star Trek 1277 01:29:09,220 --> 01:29:10,221 My mistake. 1278 01:29:12,014 --> 01:29:15,267 So, speaking of scholarships... 1279 01:29:16,519 --> 01:29:17,603 Oh, right, uh... 1280 01:29:18,187 --> 01:29:22,775 Yeah, well, I guess now's as good a time as any. 1281 01:29:25,611 --> 01:29:27,446 Cynthia, do you wanna... 1282 01:29:28,906 --> 01:29:29,949 Well, um... 1283 01:29:31,075 --> 01:29:34,495 Zoe happened to mention that Evan was having some difficulty 1284 01:29:34,578 --> 01:29:38,332 in terms of the financial burden of college. 1285 01:29:39,166 --> 01:29:41,752 And Larry and I started thinking, 1286 01:29:41,835 --> 01:29:45,798 and we've been fortunate enough to set some money aside for Connor. 1287 01:29:50,719 --> 01:29:52,388 - I'm good. I'm okay. - Yeah. 1288 01:29:53,013 --> 01:29:55,349 Heidi, with your blessing, we would like to give Evan 1289 01:29:55,432 --> 01:30:00,312 the money that we set aside for our son so he can fulfill his dreams. 1290 01:30:07,611 --> 01:30:08,779 Thank you so much... 1291 01:30:09,572 --> 01:30:11,031 But we're gonna be fine. 1292 01:30:11,115 --> 01:30:13,409 I don't have a lot of money, but I do have some. 1293 01:30:14,076 --> 01:30:16,745 Oh. No, no. I didn't mean to in... 1294 01:30:16,829 --> 01:30:19,290 No, no, I understand. But we do have money, 1295 01:30:19,373 --> 01:30:22,167 so I'm sorry you were under the impression that we didn't. 1296 01:30:23,002 --> 01:30:25,129 And whatever money we don't have, 1297 01:30:25,212 --> 01:30:29,466 Evan will either make up for with a job, or he'll get a scholarship. 1298 01:30:30,134 --> 01:30:31,719 I don't want my son to get the idea 1299 01:30:31,802 --> 01:30:34,221 that it's okay to rely on other people for favors. 1300 01:30:34,305 --> 01:30:36,140 - Well, it's not a favor. - No. 1301 01:30:36,223 --> 01:30:38,434 But as his mother, I need to set that example. 1302 01:30:38,517 --> 01:30:40,477 You can't expect things from strangers. 1303 01:30:40,561 --> 01:30:42,438 We're not strangers. 1304 01:30:42,521 --> 01:30:44,398 No, of course not. 1305 01:30:45,733 --> 01:30:47,526 But you're not family either. 1306 01:30:55,284 --> 01:30:56,702 Mom, just hold on. 1307 01:30:56,785 --> 01:30:59,747 No, I think I better get to work, see if I can grab a shift 1308 01:30:59,830 --> 01:31:02,541 now that I know how concerned you are about our finances. 1309 01:31:02,625 --> 01:31:04,728 - Mom, will you please come back inside? - Oh, my god. 1310 01:31:04,752 --> 01:31:07,232 - Are you kidding me? - Will you just come back inside, please? 1311 01:31:08,213 --> 01:31:10,090 They think you're their son, these people. 1312 01:31:11,133 --> 01:31:13,719 - They're not "these people." - They don't really know you. 1313 01:31:14,595 --> 01:31:17,389 Well, they like me. I know that's very hard for you to believe. 1314 01:31:17,473 --> 01:31:18,682 That they don't think I'm... 1315 01:31:18,766 --> 01:31:21,536 That there's something wrong with me, that I need to be fixed, like you do. 1316 01:31:21,560 --> 01:31:22,728 When have I ever said that? 1317 01:31:22,811 --> 01:31:25,939 Oh, my god. Mom, I have to go to therapy, right? I have to take drugs. 1318 01:31:26,023 --> 01:31:27,303 There's nothing wrong with that. 1319 01:31:27,358 --> 01:31:29,127 There's nothing wrong with needing help, honey. 1320 01:31:29,151 --> 01:31:31,046 Just stop. I know that there is and that I'm a burden. 1321 01:31:31,070 --> 01:31:33,155 I'm the worst thing that ever happened to you, 1322 01:31:33,238 --> 01:31:34,698 and I just ruined your life, okay? 1323 01:31:34,782 --> 01:31:37,618 No. You are the best thing. 1324 01:31:37,701 --> 01:31:39,912 You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. 1325 01:31:41,455 --> 01:31:43,455 I'm sorry I can't give you anything more than that. 1326 01:31:44,875 --> 01:31:46,835 It's not my fault if other people can. 1327 01:31:54,718 --> 01:31:55,886 I'll see you at home. 1328 01:32:08,315 --> 01:32:10,150 I'm so sorry. I meant to be there yesterday. 1329 01:32:10,234 --> 01:32:13,487 Okay, well, we have two days left, and we're $25,000 short. 1330 01:32:13,570 --> 01:32:15,489 Yeah, I just... everything... 1331 01:32:15,572 --> 01:32:17,157 You're right. I know. I'm sorry. 1332 01:32:17,241 --> 01:32:18,701 Things have been really busy, so... 1333 01:32:21,120 --> 01:32:22,621 I've been wondering something. 1334 01:32:25,457 --> 01:32:27,126 Were you ever actually friends with him? 1335 01:32:29,503 --> 01:32:31,088 What are you talking about? 1336 01:32:31,171 --> 01:32:33,799 Well, the thing about the emails, it's just that, like, 1337 01:32:33,882 --> 01:32:37,469 you and Connor keep talking about climbing this tree together in June. 1338 01:32:37,553 --> 01:32:40,180 - Mm-hmm. - We were in school in June. 1339 01:32:41,432 --> 01:32:43,434 You didn't have a cast until September. 1340 01:32:44,435 --> 01:32:47,146 You know what? We probably wrote down the wrong date or something. 1341 01:32:47,855 --> 01:32:49,732 It's not just the emails, Evan. 1342 01:32:50,774 --> 01:32:53,318 You've missed, like, three meetings in a row. 1343 01:32:53,402 --> 01:32:56,405 If I were his best friend, I would be doing everything I could 1344 01:32:56,488 --> 01:32:59,116 to make sure his dream of rebuilding the orchard came true. 1345 01:32:59,199 --> 01:33:00,451 Okay... 1346 01:33:00,534 --> 01:33:04,371 Look, it's terrible that people aren't giving as much money as we hoped. It is. 1347 01:33:04,455 --> 01:33:07,040 But it's not like it's him. You know what I mean? 1348 01:33:07,124 --> 01:33:09,001 It's just... it's an orchard, Alana. 1349 01:33:13,547 --> 01:33:17,676 We have people watching us, hoping... 1350 01:33:19,011 --> 01:33:22,014 Praying that we can prove Connor wrong. 1351 01:33:22,097 --> 01:33:25,309 And if the orchard is just an empty promise, 1352 01:33:25,392 --> 01:33:28,270 all of those people will know that Connor was right... 1353 01:33:30,189 --> 01:33:31,482 That no one cares. 1354 01:33:35,110 --> 01:33:36,236 Did you lie to me? 1355 01:33:41,408 --> 01:33:42,910 Did I lie to all these people? 1356 01:33:50,042 --> 01:33:51,126 Just go to your email. 1357 01:33:51,919 --> 01:33:53,545 - Another email? - It's not... 1358 01:33:54,922 --> 01:33:56,131 It's not another email. 1359 01:34:05,265 --> 01:34:06,850 "Dear Evan Hansen." 1360 01:34:09,102 --> 01:34:11,063 If we weren't friends, then he wouldn't... 1361 01:34:13,190 --> 01:34:15,234 He wouldn't have written his note to me. 1362 01:34:19,196 --> 01:34:21,532 Look, only his family have seen this, okay? 1363 01:34:21,615 --> 01:34:24,535 You can't show it to anybody else, okay? 1364 01:34:26,036 --> 01:34:27,162 Alana. 1365 01:34:27,246 --> 01:34:28,247 Okay. 1366 01:34:38,215 --> 01:34:39,424 He wasn't right. 1367 01:34:41,176 --> 01:34:42,970 You know that, don't you? 1368 01:35:03,031 --> 01:35:05,701 J” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 1369 01:35:05,784 --> 01:35:08,370 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 1370 01:35:08,453 --> 01:35:11,123 j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 1371 01:35:11,206 --> 01:35:13,792 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 1372 01:35:13,876 --> 01:35:18,964 j” the anonymous one noticed by none j” 1373 01:35:19,047 --> 01:35:21,508 j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 1374 01:35:21,592 --> 01:35:24,303 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 1375 01:35:28,849 --> 01:35:33,562 j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 1376 01:35:33,645 --> 01:35:38,108 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 1377 01:35:38,191 --> 01:35:42,863 j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 1378 01:35:42,946 --> 01:35:49,703 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 1379 01:35:59,922 --> 01:36:02,883 J” the anonymous ones j” 1380 01:36:02,966 --> 01:36:07,179 j” who might just need this moment to remind them j” 1381 01:36:09,222 --> 01:36:12,434 j” that there are more anonymous ones j” 1382 01:36:13,185 --> 01:36:17,314 j” the y're out there if you take the time to find them j” 1383 01:36:25,447 --> 01:36:29,868 J” just to know we 're somehow not alone j” 1384 01:36:30,869 --> 01:36:37,209 j” isn't that all we 're e ver really looking for? J” 1385 01:36:59,815 --> 01:37:05,028 J” maybe we, we don't have to be j” 1386 01:37:09,074 --> 01:37:11,118 j” anonymous anymore j” 1387 01:37:48,113 --> 01:37:49,239 Can you imagine? 1388 01:38:06,840 --> 01:38:08,008 Wh-what's wrong? 1389 01:38:14,056 --> 01:38:15,057 Yep. 1390 01:38:50,050 --> 01:38:52,594 - Hi. - Alana, you have to take it down, okay? 1391 01:38:52,677 --> 01:38:55,263 - The y've been through enough. - I took it down already, Evan, 1392 01:38:55,347 --> 01:38:57,307 but it doesn't matter because it's everywhere. 1393 01:39:05,565 --> 01:39:08,819 Zoe, it's me. Please call me back, okay? I'm worried about you. 1394 01:39:09,694 --> 01:39:12,781 - They have pictures of us now. - Just put it away. 1395 01:39:12,864 --> 01:39:14,699 "His parents act like they are bereft, 1396 01:39:14,783 --> 01:39:17,452 but where were they when their son was actually alive?" 1397 01:39:17,536 --> 01:39:19,496 Please stop reading them. 1398 01:39:21,998 --> 01:39:24,292 - Hey. Is Zoe here? - She went home. 1399 01:39:40,433 --> 01:39:41,726 Things really aren't good here. 1400 01:39:42,310 --> 01:39:44,187 I know. I just... I had to come. 1401 01:39:47,274 --> 01:39:48,358 I don't know. 1402 01:39:48,441 --> 01:39:51,361 Did they hack our computers? They hacked our emails? 1403 01:39:51,444 --> 01:39:53,613 These people are adults. Did you see their pictures? 1404 01:39:53,697 --> 01:39:56,199 Maybe let it ring. 1405 01:39:57,951 --> 01:39:59,035 Hello? 1406 01:39:59,119 --> 01:40:01,037 Yeah, have fun with your miserable life. 1407 01:40:01,121 --> 01:40:03,141 - What did they say? What's the number? - It's blocked. 1408 01:40:03,165 --> 01:40:05,017 - Did they threaten you? - No. It doesn't matter. 1409 01:40:05,041 --> 01:40:06,361 I'm calling the police. 1410 01:40:06,418 --> 01:40:09,546 Right now, maybe the best thing to do is to just stay calm, all right? 1411 01:40:09,629 --> 01:40:11,983 That's always your solution, isn't it? Wait and see. 1412 01:40:12,007 --> 01:40:14,152 - Wait and see, right? - What are the police going to do? 1413 01:40:14,176 --> 01:40:16,303 It's the Internet. Are they gonna arrest the Internet? 1414 01:40:16,386 --> 01:40:19,431 I had to beg you, every step of the way, for therapy, for rehab. 1415 01:40:19,514 --> 01:40:20,515 What? No, no. 1416 01:40:20,599 --> 01:40:23,518 You went lurching from one miracle cure to the next. 1417 01:40:23,602 --> 01:40:24,662 Oh, you're... really? 1418 01:40:24,686 --> 01:40:27,480 Because all he needed was another $20,000 weekend yoga retreat. 1419 01:40:27,564 --> 01:40:29,065 What was your alternative? 1420 01:40:29,149 --> 01:40:31,193 Other than picking apart everything that I did? 1421 01:40:31,276 --> 01:40:34,404 How about putting him on one program and sticking to it? 1422 01:40:34,487 --> 01:40:37,824 Remember what he said the first time that Connor tried to kill himself? 1423 01:40:37,908 --> 01:40:40,052 - "He's just looking for attention. - For Christ's sake. 1424 01:40:40,076 --> 01:40:43,330 - He just wants attention." - I'm not gonna sit here and defend myself! 1425 01:40:43,413 --> 01:40:47,834 You couldn't understand him. You never understood him because he wasn't yours. 1426 01:40:47,918 --> 01:40:49,252 Mom, what the hell? 1427 01:40:49,336 --> 01:40:51,296 I raised him from the time he was three years old. 1428 01:40:51,338 --> 01:40:54,382 He was getting better and you refused to see it. Ask Evan. 1429 01:40:54,466 --> 01:40:55,467 Tell them, Evan. 1430 01:40:55,550 --> 01:40:57,260 Evan did everything that he could. 1431 01:40:57,344 --> 01:41:00,180 Evan? Evan was in denial of what was happening. 1432 01:41:00,263 --> 01:41:02,057 Do not bring him into this. 1433 01:41:02,140 --> 01:41:04,726 Read the note, Larry. Read what he said. 1434 01:41:04,809 --> 01:41:07,437 ”I just wish that everything was different ” 1435 01:41:07,520 --> 01:41:09,707 - I tried. But he was my son! - He wanted to be better! 1436 01:41:09,731 --> 01:41:11,358 - Please. - I tried everything! 1437 01:41:11,441 --> 01:41:13,693 Stop it! Just please stop! Please stop fighting. 1438 01:41:13,777 --> 01:41:16,655 He was trying to be better. He was trying! 1439 01:41:16,738 --> 01:41:17,781 And he was failing. 1440 01:41:19,074 --> 01:41:20,367 We failed him. 1441 01:41:21,451 --> 01:41:24,037 No, you didn't. No, you didn't. You didn't fail him. 1442 01:41:26,498 --> 01:41:27,499 Read the note. 1443 01:41:29,626 --> 01:41:31,002 He didn't write it. 1444 01:41:37,217 --> 01:41:38,218 I wrote it. 1445 01:41:38,301 --> 01:41:41,388 You didn't write Connor's suicide note. 1446 01:41:42,639 --> 01:41:48,478 It was an assignment from my therapist. Write a letter to yourself. A pep talk. 1447 01:41:48,561 --> 01:41:50,522 "Dear Evan Hansen, today's going to be a good day. 1448 01:41:50,605 --> 01:41:51,999 - Here's why." - I don't think that... 1449 01:41:52,023 --> 01:41:54,234 I was supposed to bring it to my appointment with me, 1450 01:41:54,317 --> 01:41:57,487 but Connor took it, and then I guess he must've had it with him... 1451 01:42:00,448 --> 01:42:01,992 When you found him, so... 1452 01:42:07,539 --> 01:42:08,915 What are you saying? 1453 01:42:10,625 --> 01:42:12,335 We weren't friends. 1454 01:42:12,419 --> 01:42:15,046 No. No, no, no. 1455 01:42:15,672 --> 01:42:18,341 J” / never meant to make it such a mess j” 1456 01:42:19,884 --> 01:42:22,595 j” / ne ver thought that it would go this farj” 1457 01:42:22,679 --> 01:42:25,098 there were emails. You showed us emails. 1458 01:42:25,890 --> 01:42:31,521 J” so I just stand here sorry searching for something to say j” 1459 01:42:33,273 --> 01:42:34,733 j” something to say j” 1460 01:42:34,816 --> 01:42:39,195 you knew about the orchard. He took you to the orchard. 1461 01:42:39,279 --> 01:42:41,156 That's where you broke your arm. 1462 01:42:41,239 --> 01:42:42,824 I broke my arm in Ellison park. 1463 01:42:42,907 --> 01:42:44,826 Um, by myself. 1464 01:42:45,410 --> 01:42:47,037 But that day at the orchard... 1465 01:42:49,247 --> 01:42:50,999 You and Connor at the orchard. 1466 01:42:55,253 --> 01:43:00,091 J” words fail, words fail j” 1467 01:43:01,968 --> 01:43:04,596 j” there's nothing I can say j” 1468 01:43:04,679 --> 01:43:05,889 oh, god. 1469 01:43:08,099 --> 01:43:11,478 But you said that you guys would talk about me. He would... 1470 01:43:12,729 --> 01:43:13,855 How could you do this? 1471 01:43:13,938 --> 01:43:16,733 J” / guess / thought I could be part of this j” 1472 01:43:18,193 --> 01:43:20,820 j” / never had this kind of thing before j” 1473 01:43:22,530 --> 01:43:25,492 j” / ne ver had that perfect girl j” 1474 01:43:25,575 --> 01:43:30,622 j” who somehow could see the good part of me j” 1475 01:43:32,374 --> 01:43:34,709 j” lne ver had the dad who stuck it out j” 1476 01:43:36,252 --> 01:43:39,631 j” no corny jokes or baseball gloves j” 1477 01:43:40,131 --> 01:43:42,634 j” no mom who just was there j” 1478 01:43:42,717 --> 01:43:47,222 j” cause mom was all that she had to be j” 1479 01:43:48,723 --> 01:43:55,438 j” that's not a worthy explanation I know there is none j” 1480 01:43:57,023 --> 01:44:02,487 j” nothing can make sense of all these things I've done j” 1481 01:44:04,531 --> 01:44:09,327 j” words fail, words fail j” 1482 01:44:09,411 --> 01:44:12,956 j” there's nothing I can say j” 1483 01:44:13,039 --> 01:44:16,334 j” except sometimes you see everything you wanted j” 1484 01:44:16,418 --> 01:44:21,131 j” and sometimes you see everything you wish you had j” 1485 01:44:21,214 --> 01:44:26,177 j” and it's right there, right there right there j” 1486 01:44:26,261 --> 01:44:27,637 j” in front of you j” 1487 01:44:33,393 --> 01:44:36,187 J” and you want to believe it's true j” 1488 01:44:42,569 --> 01:44:45,238 J” so you make it true j” 1489 01:44:49,367 --> 01:44:50,368 j” and you think j” 1490 01:44:51,161 --> 01:44:58,126 j” ll/laybe everybody wants it j” 1491 01:45:01,004 --> 01:45:02,172 j” and needs it j” 1492 01:45:04,716 --> 01:45:07,927 j” a little bit too j” 1493 01:45:24,777 --> 01:45:25,987 Zoe. 1494 01:45:35,330 --> 01:45:38,041 I think it's time for you to go. 1495 01:46:10,281 --> 01:46:11,491 Go away, Evan. 1496 01:46:11,574 --> 01:46:13,159 It isn't fair, okay? 1497 01:46:13,243 --> 01:46:16,538 You can't... you can't let people just blame you and your parents. 1498 01:46:16,621 --> 01:46:19,082 They need to know it was me. I'm the one people should hate. 1499 01:46:19,165 --> 01:46:20,959 Yeah, well, we're not telling anyone. 1500 01:46:21,876 --> 01:46:23,002 Well, that's... I... 1501 01:46:23,503 --> 01:46:25,046 You can't... you have to. 1502 01:46:26,464 --> 01:46:29,634 It's not my decision. It's my mom's. 1503 01:46:30,718 --> 01:46:34,430 She doesn't wanna ruin your life. She's afraid you'll do something stupid. 1504 01:46:35,348 --> 01:46:36,516 Like hurt yourself. 1505 01:46:40,562 --> 01:46:42,647 She said they already lost one son. 1506 01:46:47,527 --> 01:46:48,736 Can you just... 1507 01:46:50,071 --> 01:46:52,115 Leave my family alone. Okay? 1508 01:47:20,101 --> 01:47:23,771 J” this was just a sad invention j” 1509 01:47:25,565 --> 01:47:28,067 j” /t wasn't real, / know j” 1510 01:47:30,361 --> 01:47:31,654 j” but we were happyj” 1511 01:47:33,698 --> 01:47:37,076 j” / guess / couldn't let that go j” 1512 01:47:39,203 --> 01:47:41,873 j” / guess / couldn't give that up j” 1513 01:47:43,541 --> 01:47:47,920 j” / guess / wanted to believe cause if I just belie ve j” 1514 01:47:49,130 --> 01:47:54,052 j” then / don't have to see what's really there j” 1515 01:47:56,012 --> 01:47:58,014 j” no, ID rather pretend j” 1516 01:47:58,097 --> 01:48:01,100 j” I'm something better than these broken parts j” 1517 01:48:02,101 --> 01:48:06,064 j” pretend I'm something other than this mess that I am j” 1518 01:48:06,147 --> 01:48:11,361 j” cause then / don't have to look at it and no one gets to look at it j” 1519 01:48:11,444 --> 01:48:16,324 j” no, no one can really see j” 1520 01:48:16,407 --> 01:48:20,578 j” cause I've learned to slam on the brake j” 1521 01:48:20,662 --> 01:48:25,041 j” before leven turn the keyj” 1522 01:48:25,124 --> 01:48:29,462 j” before lmake the mistake j” 1523 01:48:29,545 --> 01:48:33,383 j” before llead with the worst of me j” 1524 01:48:33,466 --> 01:48:35,593 j” / never let them see j” 1525 01:48:35,677 --> 01:48:42,642 j” the worst of me j” 1526 01:48:53,695 --> 01:48:55,530 J” cause what if everyone saw? J” 1527 01:48:59,659 --> 01:49:02,161 j” what ifeveryone knew? J” 1528 01:49:04,372 --> 01:49:06,666 j” would they like what they saw? J” 1529 01:49:08,918 --> 01:49:11,838 j” or would they hate it too? J” 1530 01:49:23,057 --> 01:49:27,437 J” will I just keep on running away j” 1531 01:49:27,520 --> 01:49:31,232 j” from what's true? J” 1532 01:49:34,569 --> 01:49:39,615 j” all / ever do is run j” 1533 01:49:43,327 --> 01:49:47,540 j” so how do I step in j” 1534 01:49:52,462 --> 01:49:59,427 j” step into the sun? J” 1535 01:50:02,346 --> 01:50:08,895 j” step into the sun j” 1536 01:50:43,638 --> 01:50:44,847 Evan? 1537 01:50:46,432 --> 01:50:47,642 Evan? 1538 01:50:55,983 --> 01:50:57,193 Evan? 1539 01:51:13,960 --> 01:51:15,419 Oh, honey. 1540 01:51:21,259 --> 01:51:23,052 "Dear Evan Hansen"... 1541 01:51:25,137 --> 01:51:27,390 You wrote this? Connor's note? 1542 01:51:29,934 --> 01:51:32,061 I didn't know. 1543 01:51:32,728 --> 01:51:34,355 No one did. 1544 01:51:34,939 --> 01:51:36,232 No, honey, that's... 1545 01:51:37,650 --> 01:51:38,860 That's not what I meant. 1546 01:51:41,571 --> 01:51:43,489 I didn't know that you were... 1547 01:51:44,782 --> 01:51:47,118 That you were hurting like that. 1548 01:51:47,201 --> 01:51:48,661 That you felt... 1549 01:51:49,579 --> 01:51:50,788 I didn't know. 1550 01:51:53,666 --> 01:51:54,750 I lied. 1551 01:51:59,255 --> 01:52:01,132 I lied about so many things. 1552 01:52:04,218 --> 01:52:05,803 Not just Connor. Um... 1553 01:52:11,100 --> 01:52:12,643 So, last summer... 1554 01:52:16,355 --> 01:52:17,523 I just... 1555 01:52:20,109 --> 01:52:21,819 I just felt so alone. 1556 01:52:26,157 --> 01:52:27,241 You can tell me. 1557 01:52:30,494 --> 01:52:31,787 The tree. 1558 01:52:35,249 --> 01:52:36,500 I didn't fall. 1559 01:52:40,463 --> 01:52:41,464 I let go. 1560 01:52:45,801 --> 01:52:47,553 - Oh, Evan. - Do you hate me now? 1561 01:52:50,389 --> 01:52:53,184 You should. You should. 1562 01:52:54,018 --> 01:52:58,314 If you knew who I am, just how, just broken I am. 1563 01:52:59,273 --> 01:53:00,691 I already know you. 1564 01:53:02,860 --> 01:53:03,945 And I love you. 1565 01:53:10,034 --> 01:53:11,786 I can promise you that... 1566 01:53:14,455 --> 01:53:15,665 Someday... 1567 01:53:17,166 --> 01:53:19,835 All of this is gonna feel like a very long time ago. 1568 01:53:27,885 --> 01:53:29,095 Your dad, um... 1569 01:53:33,015 --> 01:53:35,434 Do you remember when he drove by to get his things? 1570 01:53:40,898 --> 01:53:43,484 It was a few weeks after he moved out. 1571 01:53:45,236 --> 01:53:47,279 "Temporarily," we said. 1572 01:53:48,698 --> 01:53:51,158 J” it was a February day j” 1573 01:53:52,952 --> 01:53:57,957 j” when your dad came by before gor'n ' away j” 1574 01:53:59,333 --> 01:54:02,712 j” a u-haul truck in the drivewayj” 1575 01:54:04,505 --> 01:54:08,384 j” the day it was suddenly real j” 1576 01:54:10,594 --> 01:54:13,389 j” / told you not to some outside j” 1577 01:54:14,765 --> 01:54:19,645 j” but you saw that truck and you smiled so wide j” 1578 01:54:21,731 --> 01:54:25,860 J” a real live truck in your drivewayj” 1579 01:54:27,528 --> 01:54:30,865 j” we let you sit behind the wheel j” 1580 01:54:34,160 --> 01:54:38,664 j” goodbye, goodbye j” 1581 01:54:39,832 --> 01:54:45,880 j” now it's just me and my little guy j” 1582 01:54:48,966 --> 01:54:53,429 j” and the house felt so big j” 1583 01:54:55,431 --> 01:55:00,352 j” and / felt so small j” 1584 01:55:01,645 --> 01:55:06,067 j” the house felt so big j” 1585 01:55:07,651 --> 01:55:11,781 j” and / felt so small j” 1586 01:55:14,492 --> 01:55:17,119 j” that night / tucked you into bed j” 1587 01:55:18,370 --> 01:55:23,542 j” / wrll ne ver forget how you sat up and said j” 1588 01:55:24,210 --> 01:55:28,047 j” ”ls there another truck comin ' to our drive way? J” 1589 01:55:29,548 --> 01:55:34,136 j” a truck that will take ll/lomm y away?”j” 1590 01:55:36,764 --> 01:55:41,268 j” and the house felt so big j” 1591 01:55:43,229 --> 01:55:48,484 j” and / felt so small j” 1592 01:55:49,318 --> 01:55:53,823 j” the house felt so big j” 1593 01:55:54,740 --> 01:55:57,785 j”and/...j” 1594 01:55:57,868 --> 01:56:04,458 j” and / knew there would be ll/loments that I 'd miss j” 1595 01:56:04,542 --> 01:56:10,172 j” and / knew there would be space / couldn't fill j” 1596 01:56:10,256 --> 01:56:13,968 j” and / knew I'd come up shortj” 1597 01:56:14,051 --> 01:56:18,472 j” a million difierent ways j” 1598 01:56:18,556 --> 01:56:20,724 j” and/didj” 1599 01:56:22,852 --> 01:56:26,605 pand/doj” 1600 01:56:28,232 --> 01:56:30,651 j” and/ will j” 1601 01:56:32,945 --> 01:56:35,197 j” but like that February day j” 1602 01:56:37,241 --> 01:56:42,872 j” / will take your hand squeeze it tightly and say j” 1603 01:56:42,955 --> 01:56:46,458 j” ”there is not another truck in the drivewayj” 1604 01:56:48,127 --> 01:56:53,549 j” your mom isn't goin ' anywhere your mom is sta yin ' right here ” j” 1605 01:56:53,632 --> 01:56:59,430 j” your mom isn't goin ' anywhere your mom is sta yin ' right here j” 1606 01:57:00,598 --> 01:57:02,641 j” no matter what j” 1607 01:57:05,019 --> 01:57:09,356 j” /'ll be here j” 1608 01:57:10,357 --> 01:57:15,112 j” when it all feels so big j” 1609 01:57:16,655 --> 01:57:21,660 j” till it all feels so small j” 1610 01:57:22,661 --> 01:57:27,124 j” when it all feels so big j” 1611 01:57:28,626 --> 01:57:35,591 j” till it all feels so small j” 1612 01:57:40,346 --> 01:57:46,894 j” till it all feels so small j” 1613 01:57:47,645 --> 01:57:49,521 Oh... 1614 01:57:55,611 --> 01:57:57,613 It's gonna get better, I promise. 1615 01:58:12,753 --> 01:58:14,797 I was never friends with Connor Murphy. 1616 01:58:16,382 --> 01:58:17,591 I lied. 1617 01:58:18,676 --> 01:58:19,802 Repeatedly. 1618 01:58:20,678 --> 01:58:27,059 To his family, to Alana, to all of you. 1619 01:58:29,728 --> 01:58:32,231 I'm not asking for your forgiveness. I don't deserve it. 1620 01:58:32,314 --> 01:58:34,692 But, um, please... 1621 01:58:36,485 --> 01:58:38,696 Connor's family doesn't deserve your hatred. 1622 01:58:40,656 --> 01:58:41,865 I do. 1623 01:58:44,451 --> 01:58:45,661 I'm sorry. 1624 01:59:58,525 --> 02:00:04,490 J” spent so many seasons lost inside my mind j” 1625 02:00:04,573 --> 02:00:08,535 j” lost inside my mind j” 1626 02:00:10,079 --> 02:00:15,793 j” like a message in a bottle I thought nobody would find j” 1627 02:00:16,377 --> 02:00:20,005 j” that nobody would find j” 1628 02:00:21,840 --> 02:00:25,052 j” I've been driftinj I've been dreamin'j” 1629 02:00:25,135 --> 02:00:27,846 j” / would land upon the shore j” 1630 02:00:27,930 --> 02:00:31,183 j” to a haven, to a harborj” 1631 02:00:31,266 --> 02:00:35,562 j” that felt so far before j” 1632 02:00:37,272 --> 02:00:43,153 j” well, today, todayj” 1633 02:00:43,237 --> 02:00:48,117 j” what felt so far away feels a little closerj” 1634 02:00:49,326 --> 02:00:55,416 j” for today, todayj” 1635 02:00:55,499 --> 02:00:57,709 j” todayj” 1636 02:01:00,712 --> 02:01:04,591 j” it feels a little closer j” 1637 02:01:07,845 --> 02:01:13,642 j” how long these days of darkness at the bottom of a well j” 1638 02:01:13,725 --> 02:01:17,938 j” that old, familiar well j” 1639 02:01:19,898 --> 02:01:25,863 j” sittin ' heavy with these secrets with nobody to tell j” 1640 02:01:25,946 --> 02:01:29,658 j” nobody to tell j” 1641 02:01:31,368 --> 02:01:34,455 j” high above, a streak of sunlight j” 1642 02:01:34,538 --> 02:01:37,374 j” and a wall too tail to climb j” 1643 02:01:37,458 --> 02:01:40,544 j” all the reaching, all the wanting j” 1644 02:01:40,627 --> 02:01:44,715 j” just to tumble every time j” 1645 02:01:44,798 --> 02:01:45,942 I think we got it. 1646 02:01:45,966 --> 02:01:47,593 All right. 1647 02:01:47,676 --> 02:01:53,307 J” but today, todayj” 1648 02:01:53,390 --> 02:01:59,188 j” what felt so far away feels a little closerj” 1649 02:01:59,271 --> 02:02:05,777 j” for today, todayj” 1650 02:02:05,861 --> 02:02:08,071 j” todayj” 1651 02:02:10,866 --> 02:02:13,911 j” it feels a little closer j” 1652 02:02:23,420 --> 02:02:29,676 J” and the days carry on j” 1653 02:02:29,760 --> 02:02:33,972 j” the clouds come rollin'in and then the y're gone j” 1654 02:02:35,140 --> 02:02:41,188 j” as the days keep comin' on j” 1655 02:02:42,231 --> 02:02:46,318 j” the midnight sky turns to dawn j” 1656 02:02:56,620 --> 02:03:02,751 J” today, todayj” 1657 02:03:02,834 --> 02:03:07,923 j” what felt so far away feels a little closerj” 1658 02:03:09,299 --> 02:03:15,722 j” for today, todayj” 1659 02:03:15,806 --> 02:03:20,811 j” what felt so far away feels a little closerj” 1660 02:03:21,770 --> 02:03:27,985 j” for today, todayj” 1661 02:03:28,068 --> 02:03:30,112 j” todayj” 1662 02:03:33,448 --> 02:03:36,118 j” it feels a little closer j” 1663 02:03:36,994 --> 02:03:39,538 j” a little closerj” 1664 02:03:39,621 --> 02:03:41,915 j” it feels a little closer j” 1665 02:03:43,083 --> 02:03:45,836 j” a little closerj” 1666 02:03:48,797 --> 02:03:53,760 j” it feels a little closer j” 1667 02:04:34,843 --> 02:04:36,470 You must start school pretty soon. 1668 02:04:37,763 --> 02:04:39,014 Two more weeks. 1669 02:04:41,725 --> 02:04:43,226 When do you leave for college? 1670 02:04:44,686 --> 02:04:47,814 Um, actually, I decided to take a year off, so... 1671 02:04:48,899 --> 02:04:51,693 Just try to save some money. Get a job. 1672 02:04:54,196 --> 02:04:55,947 Take some time. 1673 02:04:56,031 --> 02:04:58,367 So, I'm taking classes at the community college. 1674 02:04:58,450 --> 02:05:01,161 I'll have credits to transfer in the fall, so... 1675 02:05:02,621 --> 02:05:04,831 - That's smart. - Yeah. We'll see. 1676 02:05:08,126 --> 02:05:11,129 I always picture you and Connor here. 1677 02:05:12,839 --> 02:05:14,091 Eventhough”. 1678 02:05:16,468 --> 02:05:18,053 This is my first time. 1679 02:05:19,763 --> 02:05:21,056 It's nice. 1680 02:05:22,683 --> 02:05:23,975 Peaceful. 1681 02:05:25,602 --> 02:05:27,396 My parents come here all the time. 1682 02:05:28,647 --> 02:05:31,900 We do picnics, like, every weekend. 1683 02:05:32,734 --> 02:05:34,903 Lots of gluten-free sandwiches. 1684 02:05:38,699 --> 02:05:40,617 It's helped them a lot, actually. 1685 02:05:42,327 --> 02:05:43,328 Having this. 1686 02:05:49,543 --> 02:05:50,669 What I did... 1687 02:05:53,046 --> 02:05:54,172 I can't even... 1688 02:05:58,885 --> 02:06:01,930 It's the worst thing anyone can do. 1689 02:06:09,271 --> 02:06:10,981 I wish we could have met now. 1690 02:06:13,108 --> 02:06:16,486 Today. For the first time. 1691 02:06:18,739 --> 02:06:19,823 Me too. 1692 02:06:25,078 --> 02:06:28,457 - I should probably... - Yeah. Yeah, of course. Of course. 1693 02:06:32,002 --> 02:06:33,378 Hey, can I just... 1694 02:06:34,588 --> 02:06:36,006 Can I just ask you... 1695 02:06:38,592 --> 02:06:40,010 Why did you want to meet here? 1696 02:06:46,391 --> 02:06:48,435 I wanted to be sure that you saw this. 1697 02:06:53,356 --> 02:06:54,816 He really loved it here. 1698 02:07:11,833 --> 02:07:13,168 Dear Evan Hansen, 1699 02:07:15,378 --> 02:07:18,632 today is gonna be a good day, and here is why. 1700 02:07:19,883 --> 02:07:23,762 Because today, no matter what else, 1701 02:07:23,845 --> 02:07:25,430 today, at least you're you. 1702 02:07:26,431 --> 02:07:31,394 No hiding, no lying. And that's... that's enough. 1703 02:07:31,978 --> 02:07:35,941 So no matter how hard it gets, e ven if it feels... 1704 02:07:36,983 --> 02:07:38,068 Impossible, 1705 02:07:38,985 --> 02:07:40,403 this time you'll know. 1706 02:07:41,780 --> 02:07:42,906 Don't let go. 1707 02:07:43,949 --> 02:07:45,617 Just hold on... 1708 02:07:46,326 --> 02:07:47,536 And keep going. 1709 02:07:49,412 --> 02:07:50,622 Just keep going. 1710 02:07:55,585 --> 02:07:59,089 J” todayj” 1711 02:08:00,048 --> 02:08:04,678 j” todayj” 1712 02:08:04,761 --> 02:08:05,971 j” todayj” 1713 02:08:10,016 --> 02:08:16,439 j” it feels a little closer j” 1714 02:09:04,362 --> 02:09:08,241 J” have you ever felt like nobody was there? J” 1715 02:09:10,285 --> 02:09:13,163 j” have you ever felt forgotten j” 1716 02:09:13,246 --> 02:09:15,749 j” in the middle of nowhere? J” 1717 02:09:16,333 --> 02:09:20,670 j” have you ever felt like you could disappear? J” 1718 02:09:21,922 --> 02:09:23,465 j” like you could fall j” 1719 02:09:24,758 --> 02:09:26,968 j” and no one would hear? J” 1720 02:09:28,553 --> 02:09:32,390 j” well, let that lonely feeling wash a way j” 1721 02:09:34,851 --> 02:09:39,606 j” maybe there's a reason to believe you'll be okay j” 1722 02:09:40,523 --> 02:09:44,736 j” cause when you don't feel strong enough to stand j” 1723 02:09:46,321 --> 02:09:48,657 j” you can reach j” 1724 02:09:48,740 --> 02:09:51,201 j” reach out your hand j” 1725 02:09:52,327 --> 02:09:55,497 j” andohj” 1726 02:09:55,580 --> 02:09:58,166 j” someone will come running j” 1727 02:09:58,249 --> 02:10:01,169 j” and / know j” 1728 02:10:01,252 --> 02:10:04,798 j” the y'll take you home j” 1729 02:10:05,465 --> 02:10:08,385 j” even when the dark comes crashing through j” 1730 02:10:08,468 --> 02:10:11,596 j” when you need a friend to carry you j” 1731 02:10:11,680 --> 02:10:14,224 j” and when you're broken on the ground j” 1732 02:10:15,183 --> 02:10:17,644 j” you will be found j” 1733 02:10:17,727 --> 02:10:20,230 j” so let the sun come streaming in j” 1734 02:10:20,313 --> 02:10:23,733 j” cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again j” 1735 02:10:23,817 --> 02:10:26,152 j” lift your head and look around j” 1736 02:10:27,195 --> 02:10:31,741 j” you will be found j” 1737 02:10:33,284 --> 02:10:37,288 j” you will be found j” 1738 02:10:40,458 --> 02:10:44,546 j” there's a place where we don't have to feel unknown j” 1739 02:10:46,923 --> 02:10:49,300 j” and every time you call out j” 1740 02:10:49,384 --> 02:10:51,761 j” you're a little less alone j” 1741 02:10:53,054 --> 02:10:57,559 j” oh, if you only say the word j” 1742 02:10:57,642 --> 02:11:01,813 j” oh, from across the srlence j” 1743 02:11:01,896 --> 02:11:06,317 j” your voice is heard j” 1744 02:11:06,985 --> 02:11:09,946 j” even when the dark comes crashing through j” 1745 02:11:10,030 --> 02:11:13,116 j” when you need a friend to carry you j” 1746 02:11:13,199 --> 02:11:16,619 j” and when you're broken on the ground j” 1747 02:11:16,703 --> 02:11:19,122 j” you will be found j” 1748 02:11:19,205 --> 02:11:21,791 j” so let the sun come streaming in j” 1749 02:11:21,875 --> 02:11:25,295 j” cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again j” 1750 02:11:25,378 --> 02:11:28,631 j” lift your head and look around j” 1751 02:11:28,715 --> 02:11:31,801 j” you will be found j” 1752 02:11:31,885 --> 02:11:34,679 j” you will be found j” 1753 02:11:34,763 --> 02:11:40,727 j” you will be found j” 1754 02:11:40,810 --> 02:11:43,772 j” you will be found j” 1755 02:11:43,855 --> 02:11:46,733 j” you will be found j” 1756 02:11:46,816 --> 02:11:51,362 j” you will be found j” 1757 02:11:52,572 --> 02:11:54,199 j” ah-ah j” 1758 02:11:54,282 --> 02:11:59,788 j” out of the shadows the morning is breaking j” 1759 02:11:59,871 --> 02:12:06,086 j” and all is new, and all is newj” 1760 02:12:06,169 --> 02:12:11,424 j” it's filling up the empty and suddenly I see j” 1761 02:12:11,508 --> 02:12:14,844 j” that all is new j” 1762 02:12:14,928 --> 02:12:18,890 j” all is newj” 1763 02:12:18,973 --> 02:12:22,268 j” even when the dark comes crashing through j” 1764 02:12:22,352 --> 02:12:25,563 j” when you need a friend to carry you j” 1765 02:12:25,647 --> 02:12:29,192 j” and when you're broken on the ground j” 1766 02:12:29,275 --> 02:12:31,861 j” you will be found j” 1767 02:12:31,945 --> 02:12:34,614 j” so let the sun come streaming in j” 1768 02:12:34,697 --> 02:12:38,284 j” cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again j” 1769 02:12:38,368 --> 02:12:40,912 j” lift your head and look around j” 1770 02:12:41,996 --> 02:12:46,459 j” you will be found j” 1771 02:13:04,060 --> 02:13:06,521 J” ever look at all the people j” 1772 02:13:06,604 --> 02:13:09,524 j” seem to know exactly how to be? J” 1773 02:13:09,607 --> 02:13:11,317 j” how to be, how to be nowj” 1774 02:13:11,401 --> 02:13:12,944 j” how to be j” 1775 02:13:13,027 --> 02:13:16,781 j” you think they don't need piles of prescnptions j” 1776 02:13:16,865 --> 02:13:19,325 j” to function naturally j” 1777 02:13:19,409 --> 02:13:22,036 j” functioning natural j” 1778 02:13:23,329 --> 02:13:26,541 j” take a look and you might just catch it j” 1779 02:13:26,624 --> 02:13:28,710 j” stay a minute more j” 1780 02:13:28,793 --> 02:13:30,545 j” ll/linute more, minute more now j” 1781 02:13:30,628 --> 02:13:32,130 j” ll/linute more j” 1782 02:13:32,213 --> 02:13:36,092 j” there's a little moment after the sunny smile j” 1783 02:13:36,176 --> 02:13:38,344 j” that eyes fall to the fioorj” 1784 02:13:38,428 --> 02:13:40,305 j” to the floor, to the floor nowj” 1785 02:13:40,388 --> 02:13:41,598 j” to the fioorj” 1786 02:13:41,681 --> 02:13:45,059 j” and then truth starts peeking through j” 1787 02:13:45,143 --> 02:13:46,436 j” peeking through j” 1788 02:13:46,519 --> 02:13:50,857 j” they don't lie like me and you j” 1789 02:13:50,940 --> 02:13:55,570 j” they can fake a smile too j” 1790 02:13:58,781 --> 02:14:01,367 j” the anonymous ones j” 1791 02:14:01,451 --> 02:14:04,662 j” ne ver let you see the hate they carry j” 1792 02:14:04,746 --> 02:14:08,041 j” they carry, they carry, they carry j” 1793 02:14:08,124 --> 02:14:10,960 j” all those anonymous ones j” 1794 02:14:11,044 --> 02:14:14,339 j” ne ver name the quiet pain they Bury j” 1795 02:14:14,422 --> 02:14:18,259 j” they Bury, they Bury, they Bury j” 1796 02:14:18,343 --> 02:14:22,513 j” keep on keeping secrets that they think they have to hide j” 1797 02:14:22,597 --> 02:14:27,268 j” what ifeverybody's secret is they ha ve that secret side? J” 1798 02:14:27,352 --> 02:14:31,272 j” and to know, to know we 're not alone j” 1799 02:14:31,356 --> 02:14:33,983 j” is all we 're hoping forj” 1800 02:14:35,235 --> 02:14:37,528 j” / don't wanna be anonymous j” 1801 02:14:37,612 --> 02:14:40,031 j” / ain't gotta be anonymous j” 1802 02:14:40,114 --> 02:14:43,201 j” / don't wanna be anonymous anymore j” 1803 02:14:51,084 --> 02:14:54,671 J” anymore j” 1804 02:15:01,636 --> 02:15:04,222 J” spot the girl who stays in motion j” 1805 02:15:04,305 --> 02:15:07,600 j” spins so fast so she won't fall j” 1806 02:15:07,684 --> 02:15:11,271 j” world is spinning so fast spinning so fast j” 1807 02:15:11,354 --> 02:15:15,316 j” she's built a wall of her achie vements to keep out the question j” 1808 02:15:15,400 --> 02:15:20,071 j” without it is she worth anything at all? J” 1809 02:15:20,154 --> 02:15:23,741 j” and truth starts peeking through j” 1810 02:15:24,742 --> 02:15:28,955 j” they don't lie like me and you j” 1811 02:15:29,539 --> 02:15:34,168 j” they can fake a smile too j” 1812 02:15:37,338 --> 02:15:39,966 j” the anonymous ones j” 1813 02:15:40,049 --> 02:15:43,136 j” ne ver let you see the hate they carry j” 1814 02:15:43,219 --> 02:15:46,431 j” they carry, they carry, they carry j” 1815 02:15:46,514 --> 02:15:49,475 j” all those anonymous ones j” 1816 02:15:49,559 --> 02:15:52,854 j” ne ver name the quiet pain they Bury j” 1817 02:15:52,937 --> 02:15:56,774 j” they Bury, they Bury, they Bury j” 1818 02:15:56,858 --> 02:15:59,152 j” / don't wanna be anonymous j” 1819 02:15:59,235 --> 02:16:01,696 j” / ain't gotta be anonymous j” 1820 02:16:01,779 --> 02:16:03,990 j” / don't wanna be anonymous anymore j” 1821 02:16:04,073 --> 02:16:06,075 j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 1822 02:16:06,159 --> 02:16:08,453 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 1823 02:16:08,536 --> 02:16:10,955 j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 1824 02:16:11,039 --> 02:16:13,291 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 1825 02:16:13,374 --> 02:16:15,710 j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j” 1826 02:16:15,793 --> 02:16:20,423 j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j” 1827 02:16:20,506 --> 02:16:22,925 j” heavyj” 1828 02:16:23,009 --> 02:16:25,470 j” the anonymous ones j” 1829 02:16:25,553 --> 02:16:28,848 j” ne ver let you see the hate they carry j” 1830 02:16:28,931 --> 02:16:32,226 j” they carry, they carry, they carry j” 1831 02:16:32,310 --> 02:16:35,063 j” all the anonymous ones j” 1832 02:16:35,146 --> 02:16:40,360 j” ne ver name the quiet pain they Bury j” 1833 02:16:42,487 --> 02:16:46,616 j” keep on keeping secrets that they think they have to hide j” 1834 02:16:46,699 --> 02:16:51,371 j” what ifeverybody's secret is they ha ve that secret side? J” 1835 02:16:51,454 --> 02:16:55,458 j” and to know, to know we 're not alone j” 1836 02:16:55,541 --> 02:16:58,044 j” is all we 're hoping forj” 1837 02:16:59,212 --> 02:17:01,547 j” / don't wanna be anonymous j” 1838 02:17:01,631 --> 02:17:04,008 j” / ain't gotta be anonymous j” 1839 02:17:04,092 --> 02:17:07,595 j” / don't wanna be anonymous anymore j” 137620