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Ten hut!
4
00:01:01,649 --> 00:01:02,984
At ease.
5
00:01:04,068 --> 00:01:07,071
I'm often asked, "What makes a hero?"
6
00:01:07,822 --> 00:01:10,408
Courage, selflessness, sacrifice.
7
00:01:11,867 --> 00:01:13,703
From Bunker Hill to the Alamo,
8
00:01:13,786 --> 00:01:15,246
Gettysburg to Normandy,
9
00:01:15,329 --> 00:01:18,082
Korea to Khe Sanh,
the American fighting man
10
00:01:18,624 --> 00:01:21,168
has always answered the call of duty.
11
00:01:21,836 --> 00:01:24,338
These are dangerous times, gentlemen.
12
00:01:24,589 --> 00:01:28,175
Once more, America is in need
of its best and brightest.
13
00:01:28,843 --> 00:01:31,554
One wonders if there are still heroes.
14
00:01:32,305 --> 00:01:33,973
Somebody say "hero"?
15
00:01:35,349 --> 00:01:36,350
Hi.
16
00:01:36,434 --> 00:01:38,603
Two Deadwood meatball subs
17
00:01:38,686 --> 00:01:40,062
with extra tumbleweeds.
18
00:01:41,606 --> 00:01:44,483
Ah, don't worry about that hair,
I'm using a new conditioner.
19
00:01:46,569 --> 00:01:48,070
Sugar britches!
20
00:01:49,113 --> 00:01:52,116
- Larry, we need to talk.
- Talk?
21
00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:54,619
What is that, some kind of code
for a lunchtime quickie?
22
00:01:54,827 --> 00:01:57,330
- Diaper table, ladies room.
- No, Larry...
23
00:01:57,413 --> 00:01:58,873
I'm pregnant.
24
00:02:00,249 --> 00:02:02,668
Pregnant. That's great news!
25
00:02:02,877 --> 00:02:05,963
I just got promoted!
Now we can move in together!
26
00:02:06,047 --> 00:02:08,132
- I got an idea, come here!
- No, Larry!
27
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:09,717
- Just a second...
- Let me...
28
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:11,510
I gotta do this.
29
00:02:11,594 --> 00:02:13,512
Hey, everybody? Folks,
30
00:02:13,596 --> 00:02:15,973
my name's Larry, and I'm your server.
31
00:02:16,223 --> 00:02:20,186
And this precious little lady right here
is my girlfriend, Karen.
32
00:02:20,269 --> 00:02:21,270
Hi.
33
00:02:21,354 --> 00:02:24,482
And I'm happy to say
she's having my baby.
34
00:02:24,565 --> 00:02:26,067
Oh!
35
00:02:27,443 --> 00:02:29,987
So, on this special occasion just for today,
36
00:02:30,071 --> 00:02:34,075
the salad bar will be free for an hour
with all the fixings you can handle.
37
00:02:35,201 --> 00:02:36,661
Hold on. Before you all get up there
38
00:02:36,744 --> 00:02:38,788
to get your bacon bits and your chick peas,
39
00:02:38,913 --> 00:02:40,873
there's one more thing I need to do.
40
00:02:40,956 --> 00:02:42,667
No, Larry. Larry, please.
41
00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:45,628
No, honey, I want to say this
in front of God and everybody.
42
00:02:45,711 --> 00:02:47,713
Larry, please! Larry, I...
43
00:02:47,797 --> 00:02:49,048
Karen,
44
00:02:50,424 --> 00:02:52,426
I love you with all my heart,
45
00:02:53,010 --> 00:02:56,597
and you would make me
the happiest man in the world if
46
00:02:57,181 --> 00:02:58,808
you'd be my wife.
47
00:02:59,684 --> 00:03:00,935
Oh!
48
00:03:02,770 --> 00:03:03,771
I...
49
00:03:03,854 --> 00:03:08,192
No, say it in here. I want the whole world
to share in this special moment.
50
00:03:13,823 --> 00:03:15,574
It's not your baby.
51
00:03:23,457 --> 00:03:24,542
I don't understand.
52
00:03:24,625 --> 00:03:28,045
It means she's got a bun in her oven
that ain't your recipe.
53
00:03:28,129 --> 00:03:30,798
Now, is the salad bar still free, though?
54
00:03:30,881 --> 00:03:32,216
Why would you care?
55
00:03:32,299 --> 00:03:35,886
Doesn't look like you've had a salad
in your whole life.
56
00:03:43,352 --> 00:03:46,439
I'm not telling you again. Now, get in here!
57
00:03:49,859 --> 00:03:52,903
- Die, paleface!
- You little bastards!
58
00:03:53,028 --> 00:03:56,323
Hey! Hey, now! Hey, now! Hey!
59
00:03:57,366 --> 00:03:59,869
Hey! Knock that shit off!
60
00:04:00,244 --> 00:04:02,246
Those are my good golf clubs!
61
00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:04,623
My little Rusty. He's a dickens, isn't he?
62
00:04:04,707 --> 00:04:06,834
He's got a nice backswing.
63
00:04:09,879 --> 00:04:12,006
- So, how's Connie?
- Oh, she's great.
64
00:04:12,089 --> 00:04:14,508
Damn it, Bill!
You better control these kids of yours!
65
00:04:14,592 --> 00:04:16,677
They tore up the backyard!
66
00:04:16,844 --> 00:04:19,096
Well, what do you want me to do about it?
67
00:04:19,180 --> 00:04:22,349
Turn the garden hose on them!
I'm busy out here.
68
00:04:23,809 --> 00:04:25,895
I guess this is the kind
of marital bliss I'm missing out on.
69
00:04:25,978 --> 00:04:28,773
Oh, marriage is a wonderful institution.
70
00:04:29,982 --> 00:04:33,652
Of course, 50% of all marriages
end in divorce.
71
00:04:34,862 --> 00:04:37,323
That is, if you're lucky enough
to get a divorce.
72
00:04:38,616 --> 00:04:43,120
That becomes impossible when your wife's
got incriminating photos of you
73
00:04:43,204 --> 00:04:47,708
simply having coffee with a young dancer
'cause she was a great listener.
74
00:04:48,042 --> 00:04:51,962
Now, your life is just one series
of endless humiliations.
75
00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:56,342
You lie awake and dream
of the sweet release
76
00:04:56,425 --> 00:04:58,803
a murder/suicide could bring.
77
00:05:00,679 --> 00:05:02,515
But it's good, though. Really good.
78
00:05:02,598 --> 00:05:03,974
Nice move by Orton!
79
00:05:04,683 --> 00:05:07,812
Well, normally, I don't gotta pay for it,
but life is full of sad stories.
80
00:05:12,942 --> 00:05:15,152
Oh, my God.
81
00:05:15,653 --> 00:05:17,112
Hey, Victor.
82
00:05:18,739 --> 00:05:20,241
What is this?
83
00:05:20,366 --> 00:05:22,827
When I hired you as a security guard,
84
00:05:22,910 --> 00:05:25,996
I didn't think you was going
to be living here.
85
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:29,083
This is a storage unit, not an apartment.
86
00:05:29,250 --> 00:05:31,377
As a former law enforcement officer, it...
87
00:05:31,460 --> 00:05:33,295
Law enforcement?
88
00:05:33,504 --> 00:05:36,340
You were a cop for, what, only four days
89
00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:39,176
before you drive your car
right through the beauty parlor?
90
00:05:39,260 --> 00:05:42,096
- It was a nail salon.
- What the hell's the difference?
91
00:05:42,179 --> 00:05:43,347
Just...
92
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:45,307
Clean this shit up!
93
00:05:46,267 --> 00:05:47,351
Oh,
94
00:05:47,476 --> 00:05:49,019
and keep your eyes open.
95
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,397
Some drunk has been exposing himself
96
00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:54,608
to the waitresses
at the Denny's across the street.
97
00:05:54,733 --> 00:05:58,612
The last time, the crazy bastard
was carrying a samurai sword.
98
00:06:02,616 --> 00:06:04,952
There's a lot of deviants out there,
ain't they, Victor?
99
00:06:05,035 --> 00:06:06,036
But don't you worry.
100
00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,789
I'm gonna keep a eye out
when I'm on my next patrol.
101
00:06:08,873 --> 00:06:12,042
I gotta get going.
I've got a big weekend planned.
102
00:06:12,126 --> 00:06:15,087
Look, man, you're better off
without Karen or that crummy job.
103
00:06:15,170 --> 00:06:16,338
Am I?
104
00:06:16,755 --> 00:06:20,759
Larry, listen to me, it's always darkest
right before the dawn, all right?
105
00:06:20,843 --> 00:06:22,970
Now, you remember when I had shingles?
106
00:06:23,178 --> 00:06:25,347
Did I give up? Nope.
107
00:06:25,431 --> 00:06:28,142
I put my nose to the grindstone.
All my hard work paid off.
108
00:06:28,225 --> 00:06:29,560
Hard work?
109
00:06:29,727 --> 00:06:31,478
Are you kidding me?
110
00:06:31,562 --> 00:06:33,355
You tripped at the Wal-Mart!
111
00:06:33,439 --> 00:06:36,150
And every day I thank God
for that spill on aisle 6.
112
00:06:36,692 --> 00:06:40,779
Because of that settlement,
I don't gotta work for another 11 months.
113
00:06:40,863 --> 00:06:42,406
All right, look. Here's Everett.
114
00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:44,658
Now, come on. It's our Reserve weekend.
115
00:06:44,742 --> 00:06:47,661
We're gonna have a great time.
We always do.
116
00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:51,624
Thanks for showing up, Everett.
We've only been waiting an hour.
117
00:06:51,707 --> 00:06:54,501
Anybody ever tell you that loitering
is a class D misdemeanor
118
00:06:54,585 --> 00:06:57,671
punishable by a $50 fine
and 10 hours of community service?
119
00:06:57,755 --> 00:07:01,091
Hey, what's the penalty
for vehicular homicide of a beauty parlor?
120
00:07:01,175 --> 00:07:02,927
It was a nail salon.
121
00:07:04,929 --> 00:07:08,015
Well, what a great way
to chase away the break-up blues,
122
00:07:08,098 --> 00:07:10,184
spending the weekend with two retards.
123
00:07:15,564 --> 00:07:18,359
Nice shooting! Man.
124
00:07:18,442 --> 00:07:19,485
What's next?
125
00:07:19,568 --> 00:07:21,028
That bathroom scale.
126
00:07:21,111 --> 00:07:24,156
I'm gonna blow up every nice thing
I ever got that woman.
127
00:07:25,199 --> 00:07:27,743
I got her that on Valentine's Day.
128
00:07:28,285 --> 00:07:29,787
I'm a romantic.
129
00:07:29,870 --> 00:07:31,205
Pull!
130
00:07:34,249 --> 00:07:35,501
Everett!
131
00:07:38,045 --> 00:07:40,089
What are y'all doing?
132
00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:42,216
- Shooting shit.
- Grief counseling.
133
00:07:42,383 --> 00:07:44,134
Copy that. Going on a beer run.
134
00:07:50,099 --> 00:07:51,433
Nice!
135
00:07:51,517 --> 00:07:53,852
- I know. I feel better already.
- Good.
136
00:07:53,936 --> 00:07:56,271
Kind of hungry though.
What do you say we hit the mess hall?
137
00:07:56,355 --> 00:07:58,065
Hooters?
138
00:07:58,565 --> 00:07:59,942
Left! Left!
139
00:08:00,025 --> 00:08:02,069
Left, right, left.
140
00:08:04,321 --> 00:08:07,324
Sir, we just received another
manpower request from Washington.
141
00:08:07,408 --> 00:08:09,243
There's increased fighting
outside of Fallujah.
142
00:08:09,326 --> 00:08:10,369
What?
143
00:08:10,452 --> 00:08:13,664
Don't those Pentagon pencil-pushers know
we're stretched to the limit down here?
144
00:08:13,747 --> 00:08:15,124
What about those men down
at Chattahoochee?
145
00:08:15,207 --> 00:08:17,876
I don't think they all reported in.
146
00:08:22,089 --> 00:08:25,009
They drill at the Reserve Center
down on Highway 8.
147
00:08:25,092 --> 00:08:28,512
Perhaps you should send Sergeant Kilgore
down there to see what we have.
148
00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:29,805
Kilgore?
149
00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:33,767
He scares the shit out of me.
150
00:08:34,643 --> 00:08:38,522
All I'm saying is some of them girls hadn't
ought to be wearing little shorty-shorts.
151
00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:39,565
That's all I'm saying.
152
00:08:39,648 --> 00:08:40,941
Well, what's Crystal supposed to do?
153
00:08:41,025 --> 00:08:43,861
You know Hooters
don't got a maternity leave.
154
00:08:43,944 --> 00:08:46,280
Hey. Who's the new guy?
155
00:08:46,363 --> 00:08:49,116
How you doing, GI Joe? Can I help you?
156
00:08:53,454 --> 00:08:55,289
Sergeant Kilgore.
157
00:08:55,539 --> 00:08:59,043
I'm looking for the men
that didn't mobilize with this unit.
158
00:08:59,835 --> 00:09:02,671
- I ain't seen them.
- I think they went over to...
159
00:09:02,755 --> 00:09:04,048
Who's in charge here, soldier?
160
00:09:04,131 --> 00:09:05,758
- I am.
- I am.
161
00:09:07,259 --> 00:09:08,469
This is
162
00:09:09,970 --> 00:09:11,096
quite a setup you got here.
163
00:09:11,180 --> 00:09:12,222
Oh, yeah, it's nice.
164
00:09:12,306 --> 00:09:14,058
We're like a water-head
at the theme park in here.
165
00:09:14,141 --> 00:09:15,184
It's real comfortable.
166
00:09:15,267 --> 00:09:18,103
We're about to watch the game.
You can join us if you want. Grab a chair.
167
00:09:19,146 --> 00:09:22,316
I tell you what, son. You know, I like you.
168
00:09:22,941 --> 00:09:25,152
Why don't I grab a chair,
169
00:09:26,153 --> 00:09:28,238
and shove it up your ass!
170
00:09:28,614 --> 00:09:31,283
Now, stand at attention,
you miserable pissants!
171
00:09:31,366 --> 00:09:35,162
From now on,
you will address me as Sergeant Kilgore!
172
00:09:35,245 --> 00:09:37,247
The honeymoon's over, numb nuts!
173
00:09:37,331 --> 00:09:38,916
I am a warrior,
174
00:09:38,999 --> 00:09:40,667
a killing machine,
175
00:09:40,834 --> 00:09:43,796
and your mama's not
here to wet-nurse you.
176
00:09:44,838 --> 00:09:47,925
Larry's mom passed away
about four years ago.
177
00:09:48,008 --> 00:09:49,009
Yeah, that's true.
178
00:09:49,093 --> 00:09:50,427
She went squirrel hunting
with my Uncle Lester...
179
00:09:50,511 --> 00:09:51,762
Shut up!
180
00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:54,640
I don't know what kind
of horseshit monkey business
181
00:09:54,723 --> 00:09:58,185
has been going on down here,
but that's all about to end, ladies.
182
00:09:58,268 --> 00:09:59,895
This is the Army.
183
00:10:00,562 --> 00:10:03,190
We're just state military reserves.
184
00:10:03,607 --> 00:10:04,942
Yeah. Smurfs.
185
00:10:05,025 --> 00:10:06,902
And I'm a leprechaun.
186
00:10:07,486 --> 00:10:09,238
Now, pack your gear.
187
00:10:09,863 --> 00:10:12,241
But we're just weekend warriors.
188
00:10:15,035 --> 00:10:17,162
Well, I'll tell you what, fat body,
189
00:10:17,246 --> 00:10:18,580
this weekend,
190
00:10:18,664 --> 00:10:20,207
I own your ass!
191
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:23,043
Son of a bitch.
192
00:10:25,546 --> 00:10:28,632
If there was ever a worse
excuse for a soldier,
193
00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:30,551
I'd like to meet him.
194
00:10:30,634 --> 00:10:32,010
Hey, y'all.
195
00:10:32,136 --> 00:10:35,806
I got Funyuns, beer, and Barely Legal.
Who wants what?
196
00:10:36,557 --> 00:10:39,560
Well, hey, there, Sarge.
Snap into a Slim Jim.
197
00:10:40,519 --> 00:10:44,606
Well, this looks like a little slice of heaven.
Can they do this to us?
198
00:10:44,773 --> 00:10:47,067
It's the army, man.
They can do whatever they want.
199
00:10:47,151 --> 00:10:49,611
Welcome to Fort Davis, ladies.
200
00:10:52,906 --> 00:10:55,659
I want another one! Come on! One more!
201
00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:57,828
Up, up, up! Down, up!
202
00:10:57,911 --> 00:11:00,455
All right, you're all mine now.
You ready, Freddy?
203
00:11:00,539 --> 00:11:01,748
Oh, there you go. How about that? Huh?
204
00:11:01,832 --> 00:11:03,333
You like that?
205
00:11:15,637 --> 00:11:18,640
- Get back here!
- What are you doing?
206
00:11:18,932 --> 00:11:20,726
Watch out! Watch out!
207
00:11:21,435 --> 00:11:23,103
Get up there!
208
00:11:31,987 --> 00:11:33,739
Take it like a man!
209
00:11:46,710 --> 00:11:48,253
Get out of here!
210
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:52,007
You gotta stay clear...
211
00:11:52,299 --> 00:11:54,551
- Come on, Everett. Let me hold it.
- No, no. It's mine.
212
00:11:55,385 --> 00:11:57,304
Look out!
213
00:11:58,931 --> 00:12:00,015
Yeah!
214
00:12:07,272 --> 00:12:09,566
This is a little harder than I thought.
215
00:12:09,650 --> 00:12:13,362
But I guess it's the price you pay
to be a trained government killer.
216
00:12:14,947 --> 00:12:17,783
I didn't think they could activate us.
217
00:12:17,866 --> 00:12:21,078
I mean, if I wanted to get my ass kicked,
I'd have stayed home with Connie.
218
00:12:21,161 --> 00:12:24,915
I guess it easier for
a samurai-type like myself.
219
00:12:24,998 --> 00:12:26,625
Accept the pain.
220
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:28,794
It's cleansing.
221
00:12:29,294 --> 00:12:33,507
Plus, the weekend's almost over.
One more day and we're gone.
222
00:12:39,179 --> 00:12:41,765
Besides, how much worse could it get?
223
00:12:46,436 --> 00:12:48,522
Rise and shine, ladies!
224
00:12:50,023 --> 00:12:52,484
Where the hell is that other fat turd?
225
00:12:52,567 --> 00:12:53,819
Hey, speaking of turds,
226
00:12:53,902 --> 00:12:56,405
I just left one in there
for the Guinness Book.
227
00:12:56,488 --> 00:12:58,865
Stand at attention, soldier!
228
00:13:00,284 --> 00:13:02,327
Congratulations, gentlemen.
229
00:13:02,494 --> 00:13:04,454
We just got our orders.
230
00:13:04,538 --> 00:13:06,498
We're going to paradise,
231
00:13:06,707 --> 00:13:09,167
the land of sand and sun.
232
00:13:09,251 --> 00:13:12,212
- Daytona Beach?
- Fallujah, Iraq, numb nuts!
233
00:13:12,796 --> 00:13:15,215
Sarge, excuse me.
234
00:13:16,341 --> 00:13:19,511
Far be it for me to stand in the way
of the war on terror,
235
00:13:19,594 --> 00:13:22,222
but we're supposed to go home tomorrow.
236
00:13:22,639 --> 00:13:25,767
I mean, seriously, we only do this
one weekend a month.
237
00:13:25,851 --> 00:13:29,104
- Yeah, and on Mondays, I cut the grass.
- Wrong, sunshine!
238
00:13:29,187 --> 00:13:30,814
You will be the tip of the spear
239
00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:34,151
Uncle Sam uses to shove
up some insurgent's ass!
240
00:13:34,234 --> 00:13:36,987
Sarge, now that's downright unsanitary.
241
00:13:37,070 --> 00:13:40,115
You know, I read somewhere that them
carpet-fliers don't even use toilet paper.
242
00:13:40,198 --> 00:13:41,783
Can it, dipshit!
243
00:13:42,326 --> 00:13:46,038
And don't worry,
you won't be in the rear with the gear.
244
00:13:46,121 --> 00:13:50,584
I plan on volunteering us
for every dangerous assignment there is!
245
00:13:50,876 --> 00:13:54,087
Now, I want every one of you
to look to the man on your right!
246
00:13:54,171 --> 00:13:56,673
Now, look to the man on your left,
247
00:13:57,090 --> 00:13:59,926
'cause your life is in his hands.
248
00:14:03,138 --> 00:14:04,264
Shit!
249
00:14:04,556 --> 00:14:07,726
Fallujah. No, it's not in Louisiana.
250
00:14:08,185 --> 00:14:10,354
- It's in Iraq.
- Why are they sending you to Iraq?
251
00:14:10,437 --> 00:14:12,814
- 'Cause I'm going to war!
- War?
252
00:14:12,898 --> 00:14:14,983
- Well, I can't help it.
- Who's gonna mow the grass?
253
00:14:15,067 --> 00:14:16,735
Well, I don't know who's
gonna mow the grass.
254
00:14:16,818 --> 00:14:17,861
God damn it, Bill!
255
00:14:17,944 --> 00:14:19,780
Five hundred dollars?
256
00:14:19,905 --> 00:14:22,199
Damn. Does she have four tits?
257
00:14:23,116 --> 00:14:25,827
Well, how about a military discount?
258
00:14:25,911 --> 00:14:27,579
Hello? Hello?
259
00:14:32,793 --> 00:14:35,045
- Hey, what unit you with?
- 101st Airborne.
260
00:14:35,128 --> 00:14:37,130
Screaming Eagles. You?
261
00:14:37,506 --> 00:14:40,842
37th Georgia. The Sleeping Marmots.
262
00:14:41,426 --> 00:14:44,054
What's up, y'all? How'd Connie take it?
263
00:14:44,137 --> 00:14:46,431
Let me just put it this way.
I'll be safer in Iraq.
264
00:14:46,515 --> 00:14:47,849
Ten hut!
265
00:14:49,267 --> 00:14:51,436
All right, you maggots,
266
00:14:51,812 --> 00:14:53,772
we got a long road ahead of us,
267
00:14:53,855 --> 00:14:55,649
and it won't be easy.
268
00:14:56,316 --> 00:14:59,277
But it's my job as your
sergeant to lead the way.
269
00:14:59,361 --> 00:15:00,362
Gee, thanks, Sarge.
270
00:15:00,445 --> 00:15:02,406
I know I'll feel safer standing
directly behind you
271
00:15:02,489 --> 00:15:04,199
when the bullets start flying.
272
00:15:18,088 --> 00:15:19,840
Can that shit!
273
00:15:22,175 --> 00:15:25,178
Now, Larry,
I'm appointing you acting squad leader.
274
00:15:25,262 --> 00:15:27,013
Don't get too excited.
275
00:15:27,097 --> 00:15:29,391
You beat out a mongoloid and a candy-ass.
276
00:15:29,474 --> 00:15:31,226
He called you a candy-ass.
277
00:15:31,309 --> 00:15:34,312
Gee, thanks, Sarge.
You know, I learned a lot about leadership
278
00:15:34,396 --> 00:15:37,524
when I was secretary
of the Midgeville Gun Club.
279
00:15:38,358 --> 00:15:39,609
And don't you worry about it.
280
00:15:39,693 --> 00:15:41,778
Both those shootings
were ruled accidental.
281
00:15:41,862 --> 00:15:43,572
Keep your hands to yourself!
282
00:15:43,655 --> 00:15:45,949
It's don't ask and don't tell
in this man's army.
283
00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:48,785
Now, get your candy-asses on that plane.
284
00:15:52,539 --> 00:15:55,459
Did you hear what I said?
I gave you an order.
285
00:15:55,542 --> 00:15:58,670
You said candy-asses. I'm a mongoloid, sir!
286
00:15:58,753 --> 00:16:00,922
Get your ass on that plane!
287
00:16:01,590 --> 00:16:02,924
Candy-ass.
288
00:16:11,391 --> 00:16:12,392
Oh, sure.
289
00:16:12,476 --> 00:16:14,728
Killing a man
with your bare hands is real easy.
290
00:16:14,811 --> 00:16:17,314
Aside from the assorted
choke holds and head yanks,
291
00:16:17,397 --> 00:16:19,733
you deliver a hand-spear to a man's temple,
292
00:16:19,816 --> 00:16:23,987
Adam's apple, kidneys, armpits,
solar plexus, testicles,
293
00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:26,823
or coccyx, that's the little
bone down by your back...
294
00:16:26,907 --> 00:16:28,492
That's real informative, Everett,
295
00:16:28,575 --> 00:16:30,911
but come on, I'm trying
to get some sleep here.
296
00:16:30,994 --> 00:16:34,080
Of course, all that pales in comparison
to the heart-punch.
297
00:16:34,164 --> 00:16:38,793
It's a strong man's attack,
a sharp blow delivered right to the heart.
298
00:16:38,877 --> 00:16:41,421
Chuck Norris used it once
on the set of Walker, Texas Ranger
299
00:16:41,505 --> 00:16:43,840
to kill some smart-ass intern.
300
00:16:45,258 --> 00:16:47,385
Talk about your hush-money.
301
00:16:47,469 --> 00:16:48,595
All right.
302
00:16:48,678 --> 00:16:50,805
All right. That's it.
303
00:16:54,935 --> 00:16:56,603
Let's hit it.
304
00:17:05,153 --> 00:17:07,948
I don't think the flight attendant
turned off the fasten seatbelt sign.
305
00:17:08,031 --> 00:17:11,368
Look, y'all, if I'm gonna die tomorrow,
I want to get a good night's sleep.
306
00:17:11,451 --> 00:17:15,121
My Uncle Dave died in his sleep.
That's a peaceful way to go.
307
00:17:15,205 --> 00:17:17,916
Of course, all his friends died
screaming from the back seat
308
00:17:17,999 --> 00:17:19,876
trying to wake him up.
309
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:21,461
It was a mess.
310
00:17:21,628 --> 00:17:23,213
Good night, Everett!
311
00:17:23,296 --> 00:17:26,091
- Good night, Larry.
- Good night, Larry.
312
00:17:32,097 --> 00:17:33,848
Who farted?
313
00:17:37,185 --> 00:17:39,729
Severe weather alert until 0600 hours.
314
00:17:39,813 --> 00:17:41,231
With a possible...
315
00:17:43,817 --> 00:17:45,735
I'm losing all pressure
in engines three and four!
316
00:17:45,819 --> 00:17:48,947
Hydraulic pressure down
in the rear stabilizer.
317
00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,328
Damn it!
318
00:18:14,264 --> 00:18:16,349
- Oh, this is bad.
- Losing altitude.
319
00:18:16,433 --> 00:18:19,436
We're overloaded.
Get ready to dump the gear.
320
00:18:21,354 --> 00:18:23,064
What the...
321
00:18:33,783 --> 00:18:36,369
Hey! Wait a minute!
322
00:18:38,788 --> 00:18:40,248
Come on!
323
00:18:41,041 --> 00:18:43,376
Hey! Wait a minute!
324
00:18:47,631 --> 00:18:48,673
No!
325
00:19:00,518 --> 00:19:03,855
I'm gonna kill you miserable pissants!
326
00:19:05,357 --> 00:19:07,442
Did you hear something?
327
00:19:08,109 --> 00:19:09,319
That was weird.
328
00:19:09,402 --> 00:19:11,321
For a minute there,
I thought we were goners.
329
00:19:11,404 --> 00:19:13,073
What are we gonna do
about the gear we dumped?
330
00:19:13,156 --> 00:19:16,242
You fill out the paperwork,
and then it's the Army's problem.
331
00:19:16,326 --> 00:19:19,996
Hey, you like meatloaf?
They got a killer meatloaf in Ramstein.
332
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:21,581
- Yeah?
- Oh, yeah.
333
00:19:32,092 --> 00:19:33,968
Where the hell?
334
00:19:38,223 --> 00:19:39,933
Oh, son of a bitch.
335
00:19:41,935 --> 00:19:44,229
So, this is it, Iraq,
336
00:19:46,189 --> 00:19:48,441
jewel of the Middle East,
337
00:19:48,525 --> 00:19:50,443
land of the Hammurabis.
338
00:19:50,902 --> 00:19:52,737
Iraq? Oh, damn!
339
00:19:53,113 --> 00:19:55,865
Damn! Hey, we're in... Hey!
340
00:19:55,949 --> 00:19:58,201
We're in Iraq! Damn!
341
00:19:58,284 --> 00:19:59,661
Get up! Hey!
342
00:20:01,204 --> 00:20:02,872
Bill, we're in...
343
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:08,002
What in the name of Siegfried and Roy
are you fellas doing?
344
00:20:08,086 --> 00:20:09,546
Don't ask.
345
00:20:09,629 --> 00:20:11,005
Don't tell.
346
00:20:11,464 --> 00:20:13,341
We're in Iraq!
347
00:20:13,425 --> 00:20:14,926
We're in Iraq!
348
00:20:15,427 --> 00:20:18,012
- All right, now, Larry, calm down.
- Be careful, Everett.
349
00:20:18,096 --> 00:20:19,597
There's a lot of gear scattered around.
350
00:20:19,681 --> 00:20:22,934
Now, listen to me, Larry.
Pull yourself together.
351
00:20:23,226 --> 00:20:25,228
Now, we're in a hot zone.
352
00:20:25,311 --> 00:20:27,647
It's time to take it up a notch.
353
00:20:39,075 --> 00:20:40,410
Shot.
354
00:20:41,619 --> 00:20:45,540
Leave it to Everett
to break the only working radio we got.
355
00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:48,668
They drop us in Iraq,
they don't even wake us up.
356
00:20:48,752 --> 00:20:52,255
What the hell are we supposed to do now?
I guarantee you this was Kilgore's idea.
357
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:54,549
All right, let's calm down.
358
00:20:54,924 --> 00:20:59,179
Let's just regroup while we're here.
Last thing we need to do is panic.
359
00:20:59,262 --> 00:21:01,431
Man down! Man down!
360
00:21:01,514 --> 00:21:03,975
Man down! There's a man down!
361
00:21:14,986 --> 00:21:16,154
Sarge?
362
00:21:18,364 --> 00:21:20,283
I think he's dead, y'all.
363
00:21:20,366 --> 00:21:22,535
K.I.A., man! K.I.A.!
364
00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:25,371
Oh, man.
365
00:21:26,539 --> 00:21:28,708
This is gonna be a lawsuit.
366
00:21:36,049 --> 00:21:37,634
Well,
367
00:21:37,717 --> 00:21:40,094
I guess we ought to say a few words.
368
00:21:40,178 --> 00:21:41,262
Bill?
369
00:21:41,346 --> 00:21:43,973
Me? You were closer to him than I was.
370
00:21:44,390 --> 00:21:45,558
Well,
371
00:21:45,934 --> 00:21:47,435
all right.
372
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:51,689
Lord,
373
00:21:52,232 --> 00:21:55,527
we ask that you be with Sergeant Kilgore.
374
00:21:56,319 --> 00:22:00,615
Sure, he was a mean bastard, incapable
of establishing normal relationships
375
00:22:00,698 --> 00:22:02,575
with any other human being, and...
376
00:22:02,659 --> 00:22:04,160
Larry.
377
00:22:06,496 --> 00:22:07,705
But, Lord...
378
00:22:10,208 --> 00:22:12,168
- Everett!
- Everett!
379
00:22:12,252 --> 00:22:13,211
What the hell are you doing?
380
00:22:13,294 --> 00:22:16,005
When we run out of water,
we're gonna have to drink our own urine.
381
00:22:16,089 --> 00:22:18,716
Desert warfare 101, man!
382
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:22,178
Everett, now's not the time
to be talking about bodily functions.
383
00:22:22,262 --> 00:22:25,181
We're talking to the Lord here!
384
00:22:25,974 --> 00:22:28,434
- You want to say a few words?
- Yeah.
385
00:22:30,562 --> 00:22:32,063
Dear Lord,
386
00:22:32,146 --> 00:22:34,399
I ask you to take this man,
387
00:22:34,482 --> 00:22:36,234
for richer or for poorer,
388
00:22:36,317 --> 00:22:39,988
as he walks through the valley
of the shadow of death.
389
00:22:40,071 --> 00:22:41,698
And also, dear Lord,
390
00:22:41,781 --> 00:22:43,908
the Powerball's up to 90 million.
391
00:22:43,992 --> 00:22:46,703
So, if you could help me out,
I sure would appreciate it.
392
00:22:46,786 --> 00:22:48,121
Amen!
393
00:22:48,371 --> 00:22:51,875
- That was just great, Everett.
- Yeah, real touching.
394
00:22:54,419 --> 00:22:56,129
Powerball!
395
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:38,004
Come on! Get some!
396
00:23:38,087 --> 00:23:39,339
Get some!
397
00:23:43,635 --> 00:23:45,386
All right, ladies,
398
00:23:46,512 --> 00:23:48,598
let's git-r-done.
399
00:23:50,725 --> 00:23:53,561
Operation shock and awe!
400
00:23:53,645 --> 00:23:55,229
Here we go!
401
00:23:55,313 --> 00:23:57,106
Kill, kill, kill!
402
00:24:34,519 --> 00:24:37,105
All right, y'all, let's fan out.
403
00:24:38,856 --> 00:24:43,277
I'll secure the perimeter.
That Charlie's a real sneaky bastard!
404
00:24:43,361 --> 00:24:44,362
Charlie?
405
00:24:44,445 --> 00:24:46,489
You think Everett's mom drank
during pregnancy?
406
00:24:46,572 --> 00:24:49,492
Yeah, and I'm guessing
she sniffed paint thinner, too.
407
00:24:59,419 --> 00:25:01,921
Well, what do we have here?
408
00:25:03,715 --> 00:25:05,174
Damn!
409
00:25:05,550 --> 00:25:08,511
You know who that is?
That's the Butcher of Baghdad, buddy.
410
00:25:08,594 --> 00:25:10,596
That's Saddam Hussein.
411
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:12,348
He's an ugly son of a bitch, isn't he?
412
00:25:12,432 --> 00:25:14,642
Kind of looks like that fellow
that works the register
413
00:25:14,726 --> 00:25:16,185
down there at the Circle K.
414
00:25:16,269 --> 00:25:18,187
You know, Rugburn.
415
00:25:18,271 --> 00:25:19,772
You mean Raji?
416
00:25:20,606 --> 00:25:22,900
Yeah, that little Indian fella.
417
00:25:22,984 --> 00:25:25,737
He's a red-dot Indian though,
not a tomahawk Indian.
418
00:25:25,820 --> 00:25:28,322
You're crazy.
That don't look nothing like him.
419
00:25:28,406 --> 00:25:30,742
Only an idiot would think that.
420
00:25:31,743 --> 00:25:34,620
Oh, look! It's Raji from Circle K!
421
00:25:34,704 --> 00:25:36,164
Y'all hungry?
422
00:25:41,294 --> 00:25:42,962
What's wrong with it?
Why aren't you eating?
423
00:25:43,046 --> 00:25:45,048
I got spaghetti and meat sauce.
424
00:25:45,131 --> 00:25:46,174
So?
425
00:25:46,716 --> 00:25:48,926
It gives me bad gas.
426
00:25:49,302 --> 00:25:52,430
Fine. Take my beef stew.
427
00:25:54,140 --> 00:25:56,184
Larry, what the hell is that?
428
00:25:56,267 --> 00:25:58,102
I needed a spit cup.
429
00:26:00,271 --> 00:26:01,898
Just eat around it.
430
00:26:01,981 --> 00:26:05,026
That's gross. Come on.
We gotta get on the road.
431
00:26:26,964 --> 00:26:30,176
Why don't you just admit it? We're lost!
432
00:26:30,259 --> 00:26:31,844
He thinks you're lost!
433
00:26:31,928 --> 00:26:34,722
There's a town right over this next ridge!
434
00:26:37,809 --> 00:26:38,810
Wait a minute.
435
00:26:39,352 --> 00:26:40,478
Nope.
436
00:26:41,521 --> 00:26:42,897
We're lost.
437
00:26:43,481 --> 00:26:45,691
Nothing to report from my patrols.
438
00:26:45,775 --> 00:26:48,444
Damn it, I thought
we was gonna be in the shit.
439
00:26:48,528 --> 00:26:50,029
When am I gonna get to shoot somebody?
440
00:26:50,113 --> 00:26:52,698
Everett, there are specific
rules of engagement.
441
00:26:52,782 --> 00:26:54,367
There are friendlies around.
442
00:26:54,450 --> 00:26:56,702
You can't just run around shooting people.
443
00:26:56,786 --> 00:26:58,830
You got your Geneva Convention
to think about.
444
00:26:58,913 --> 00:27:01,582
Rule is you don't fire
unless you're fired upon.
445
00:27:01,666 --> 00:27:03,709
- You understand?
- Yep.
446
00:27:13,469 --> 00:27:16,973
One shot, one kill! Get some!
447
00:27:17,056 --> 00:27:20,101
Damn it, Everett!
What the hell are you doing?
448
00:27:20,184 --> 00:27:21,477
Nice shooting!
449
00:27:21,561 --> 00:27:24,605
Down on your knees,
hands behind your head!
450
00:27:28,693 --> 00:27:31,821
Easy, man! This ain't Cops.
451
00:27:31,904 --> 00:27:35,074
- I was on Cops once. Remember?
- Who could forget?
452
00:27:35,158 --> 00:27:38,619
High speed pursuit
followed by indecent exposure.
453
00:27:38,703 --> 00:27:41,414
That was the best Thanksgiving ever.
454
00:27:42,331 --> 00:27:44,834
All right, assume the position.
455
00:27:47,336 --> 00:27:49,755
Well, congratulations, Everett!
456
00:27:49,839 --> 00:27:52,258
You just killed yourself a donkey.
457
00:27:52,466 --> 00:27:55,011
We don't even know
if they have a donkey season.
458
00:27:55,094 --> 00:27:56,220
What do we do now?
459
00:28:04,562 --> 00:28:08,441
- Come on. Let me blow them both away.
- Calm down, Everett.
460
00:28:08,941 --> 00:28:11,777
I guess since I'm squad leader,
I ought to do the interrogating.
461
00:28:11,944 --> 00:28:14,572
Besides that, everybody knows
I'm a skilled communicator.
462
00:28:16,866 --> 00:28:18,743
Who are you?
463
00:28:20,703 --> 00:28:23,164
Are you Republican Guard?
464
00:28:23,998 --> 00:28:26,042
Larry,
465
00:28:26,125 --> 00:28:28,544
they're not deaf, they're Iraqi.
466
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:33,090
What we need to do is find out
whether they're Turds or Shitites.
467
00:28:34,175 --> 00:28:36,219
I think you mean Kurds or Shiites.
468
00:28:48,231 --> 00:28:49,315
Hi.
469
00:28:49,398 --> 00:28:51,275
My name's Larry.
470
00:28:52,318 --> 00:28:54,779
We're here to liberate your people.
471
00:28:55,988 --> 00:28:58,699
We bring gifts of freedom and democracy.
472
00:29:00,493 --> 00:29:02,578
Oh, sorry about your donkey.
473
00:29:12,171 --> 00:29:14,090
Freedoms?
474
00:29:14,257 --> 00:29:17,760
Freedom. Yeah, right.
We're here to liberate you.
475
00:29:18,344 --> 00:29:20,346
- Freedoms!
- Freedoms!
476
00:29:20,429 --> 00:29:21,847
- Freedoms!
- Freedoms!
477
00:29:21,931 --> 00:29:23,349
Freedom, yeah!
478
00:29:23,432 --> 00:29:24,934
- Freedoms.
- Freedoms.
479
00:29:25,017 --> 00:29:26,811
Freedoms! Freedoms!
480
00:29:26,894 --> 00:29:28,145
Shut up!
481
00:29:29,855 --> 00:29:33,734
Your village?
Is your village named Baslamabad?
482
00:29:36,696 --> 00:29:38,239
Freedoms!
483
00:29:38,322 --> 00:29:42,076
- Yeah, freedoms.
- This is it, fellas. This is our objective.
484
00:29:42,243 --> 00:29:44,287
Get ready to be heroes.
485
00:29:44,453 --> 00:29:48,541
I wish Sarge was here right now.
He'd be so dag-gum proud of us.
486
00:29:50,668 --> 00:29:52,169
It's alive!
487
00:29:58,551 --> 00:29:59,719
Iraq,
488
00:30:00,594 --> 00:30:02,555
it's a land of miracles.
489
00:30:17,069 --> 00:30:18,863
Where the hell am I?
490
00:30:22,366 --> 00:30:24,368
You gotta be shitting me!
491
00:30:40,593 --> 00:30:44,305
Son of a bitch!
I'm gonna kill those miserable pissants!
492
00:30:51,896 --> 00:30:53,606
What do you see?
493
00:30:54,774 --> 00:30:57,860
Not much. I forgot to take off the lens caps.
494
00:30:58,277 --> 00:31:01,197
- And he's in charge.
- I know.
495
00:31:05,159 --> 00:31:06,285
Well?
496
00:31:06,660 --> 00:31:08,079
Iraqi insurgents. Four of them.
497
00:31:08,662 --> 00:31:09,997
Freedoms. Freedoms.
498
00:31:10,081 --> 00:31:12,666
Just hold on, Saddam.
499
00:31:13,667 --> 00:31:16,712
Look, this is what I think we should do.
500
00:31:16,796 --> 00:31:19,090
We just sit tight
until reinforcements get here.
501
00:31:19,173 --> 00:31:20,966
The 101st Airborne is
gonna be here any minute.
502
00:31:21,050 --> 00:31:23,886
These people are in trouble.
I think we're dealing with Fedayin.
503
00:31:23,969 --> 00:31:25,221
Damn right they're in trouble.
504
00:31:25,304 --> 00:31:28,516
I had some of that Fedayin
at the Parthenon Cafe.
505
00:31:29,183 --> 00:31:31,811
Greek food goes right through me.
506
00:31:32,895 --> 00:31:34,939
Irritable bowel syndrome.
507
00:31:40,778 --> 00:31:42,780
It looks like she needs our help.
508
00:31:42,863 --> 00:31:43,948
She?
509
00:31:45,074 --> 00:31:46,575
I mean "they."
510
00:31:49,078 --> 00:31:51,705
They appear to be C-cups.
511
00:31:52,998 --> 00:31:55,418
All right, listen. Our orders are clear.
512
00:31:55,501 --> 00:31:57,169
We have to engage the enemy.
513
00:31:57,253 --> 00:31:58,587
Gentlemen,
514
00:31:58,838 --> 00:32:01,340
you know what they say
in the Army, Semper fi.
515
00:32:01,507 --> 00:32:03,843
That would be the Marines.
516
00:32:06,053 --> 00:32:07,638
Stay here.
517
00:32:07,721 --> 00:32:10,099
Don't worry about anything.
The cavalry is on the way.
518
00:32:10,182 --> 00:32:12,268
They are? Oh, thank God.
519
00:32:13,018 --> 00:32:17,356
I thought for a second you wanted us
to go down there by ourselves.
520
00:32:21,193 --> 00:32:24,029
When this is over, I am so gonna sue you.
521
00:32:28,117 --> 00:32:31,078
What we need is some fighting music.
522
00:32:34,999 --> 00:32:36,917
What the hell's that?
523
00:32:38,127 --> 00:32:39,378
Hold on.
524
00:32:46,510 --> 00:32:48,095
Here we go.
525
00:32:48,179 --> 00:32:49,847
God bless America!
526
00:33:01,859 --> 00:33:03,819
- Should I shoot?
- Hold your fire!
527
00:33:03,903 --> 00:33:06,030
- Did you say fire?
- I said hold your fire!
528
00:33:06,113 --> 00:33:08,157
All right, I'm gonna fire!
529
00:33:08,949 --> 00:33:10,868
It's Rambo! Let's get out of here!
530
00:33:12,912 --> 00:33:14,413
I'm going in!
531
00:33:42,024 --> 00:33:43,943
On the ground, now!
532
00:33:44,026 --> 00:33:46,028
I'm a trained killing machine!
533
00:33:46,111 --> 00:33:47,613
Everett!
534
00:33:48,489 --> 00:33:50,783
I think you got her, Everett!
535
00:33:53,244 --> 00:33:54,286
Oh.
536
00:33:57,164 --> 00:33:59,041
Where the hell's Larry?
537
00:33:59,625 --> 00:34:02,044
I guess that coward run off, huh?
538
00:34:02,127 --> 00:34:04,964
Not everybody's cut out
for the rigors of combat.
539
00:34:06,799 --> 00:34:08,884
The other three got away,
but I got this guy.
540
00:34:08,968 --> 00:34:10,803
Oh, hey there, Larry.
541
00:34:11,262 --> 00:34:12,471
Thank you for the help, Everett.
542
00:34:12,555 --> 00:34:15,808
I was just telling Bill here,
what a good job you done.
543
00:34:20,396 --> 00:34:22,898
That Iraqi is a pretty language, ain't it?
544
00:34:22,982 --> 00:34:25,067
Think they're friendly?
545
00:34:25,150 --> 00:34:26,944
It's a very delicate situation
546
00:34:27,027 --> 00:34:30,072
that calls for the soft touch
of a diplomat, so...
547
00:34:30,155 --> 00:34:32,157
I am your king!
548
00:34:32,241 --> 00:34:33,993
Bow down before me!
549
00:34:39,331 --> 00:34:41,500
Everett, get down from there!
550
00:34:47,590 --> 00:34:49,550
Not just a job, it's an adventure.
551
00:34:49,633 --> 00:34:53,012
Yeah. That's the Navy,
but I know what you're saying.
552
00:35:06,525 --> 00:35:08,444
Wish the Sarge was here to see this.
553
00:35:21,832 --> 00:35:24,877
At least those idiots left me
something to eat.
554
00:35:33,093 --> 00:35:34,470
Oh, Christ!
555
00:35:39,892 --> 00:35:42,227
Oh, I'll be damned! Hey! Hey!
556
00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,356
Hey, am I glad to see you!
557
00:35:45,439 --> 00:35:46,774
Hey...
558
00:35:47,358 --> 00:35:49,735
I don't parla any Espanola,
559
00:35:49,818 --> 00:35:51,862
but either of you two amigos
habla Inglese?
560
00:35:58,118 --> 00:36:00,037
I need a ride to the next town.
561
00:36:00,871 --> 00:36:04,500
El ride-o in el car-o to el town-o.
562
00:36:07,252 --> 00:36:08,462
Hey, tequila, eh?
563
00:36:08,545 --> 00:36:10,506
Sí. Tequila!
564
00:36:10,589 --> 00:36:12,466
Hey, hey. All right. Okay.
565
00:36:16,845 --> 00:36:17,846
Yeah, well...
566
00:36:17,930 --> 00:36:19,932
You two pissants gonna give me a ride
to the next town?
567
00:36:32,611 --> 00:36:33,696
Oh, good!
568
00:36:35,447 --> 00:36:36,532
Yeah!
569
00:36:37,324 --> 00:36:39,034
You're all right, amigo!
570
00:36:39,451 --> 00:36:40,619
Right on!
571
00:36:42,538 --> 00:36:43,789
Right on!
572
00:36:50,629 --> 00:36:53,716
Hey, Everett, why don't you
go guard the prisoner?
573
00:36:53,799 --> 00:36:55,342
Oh, hell, yeah!
574
00:36:59,638 --> 00:37:02,391
Should we be worried
he's too excited about this?
575
00:37:02,474 --> 00:37:03,642
Probably.
576
00:37:04,810 --> 00:37:06,228
Hey, man,
577
00:37:06,311 --> 00:37:07,855
radio's had it.
578
00:37:08,105 --> 00:37:11,191
And I did a house to house search,
and there ain't nothing close to a phone
579
00:37:11,275 --> 00:37:13,193
in this little podunk town.
580
00:37:13,277 --> 00:37:15,404
- So, what now?
- Well,
581
00:37:16,488 --> 00:37:18,699
reckon we ought to maintain
a defensive posture,
582
00:37:18,782 --> 00:37:21,326
and then hold our position here
in case there's a counterattack.
583
00:37:21,410 --> 00:37:24,830
And then, we'll link up with
some reinforcements.
584
00:37:25,205 --> 00:37:26,582
I don't even know what that means.
585
00:37:26,665 --> 00:37:27,750
I bought it.
586
00:37:27,833 --> 00:37:29,877
You know, I gotta say,
587
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:31,336
feeling pretty good.
588
00:37:31,462 --> 00:37:32,921
A couple days ago,
589
00:37:33,005 --> 00:37:35,507
I had more problems
than a Cub Scout at the Neverland Ranch,
590
00:37:35,591 --> 00:37:37,593
but now I think I've found my true calling.
591
00:37:37,676 --> 00:37:39,428
Yeah? And what might that be?
592
00:37:39,511 --> 00:37:40,512
Well, think about it.
593
00:37:40,596 --> 00:37:41,930
We're in Iraq,
594
00:37:42,014 --> 00:37:44,433
the most dangerous place in the world,
595
00:37:44,516 --> 00:37:47,394
well, except for maybe Detroit,
596
00:37:47,478 --> 00:37:50,522
but the point is, I've been tested
in the crucible of battle,
597
00:37:50,606 --> 00:37:54,860
and my troops seized their objective
and didn't even get a scratch.
598
00:37:56,779 --> 00:38:00,532
I think I'm cut out
for this military stuff after all.
599
00:38:03,744 --> 00:38:07,122
All right, Akmed.
Don't get your burka in a wad.
600
00:38:07,206 --> 00:38:08,332
Jesus.
601
00:38:09,041 --> 00:38:11,001
I thought maybe we'd see
more turbans around here.
602
00:38:11,084 --> 00:38:12,211
Yeah.
603
00:38:15,506 --> 00:38:16,548
Hey!
604
00:38:21,678 --> 00:38:24,640
Boy, them Iraqis really know
how to throw a good party.
605
00:38:24,723 --> 00:38:25,682
How are you?
606
00:38:25,766 --> 00:38:27,518
Thank you for saving our village.
607
00:38:27,601 --> 00:38:29,228
Hold on, Abdul! You speak English?
608
00:38:29,311 --> 00:38:32,439
Of course! Many of us do!
You're country is very close to ours.
609
00:38:32,523 --> 00:38:34,274
That's right! Our people are friends
610
00:38:34,358 --> 00:38:36,235
in freedom and democracy.
611
00:38:36,318 --> 00:38:40,322
Oh, right.
We're also very close together literally.
612
00:38:41,698 --> 00:38:44,284
- Somebody ought to get this guy a map.
- Yeah.
613
00:38:44,368 --> 00:38:45,994
Hey, how are you?
614
00:38:52,292 --> 00:38:54,336
Man, that smells delicious!
615
00:38:54,753 --> 00:38:57,089
What do you call this local delicacy?
616
00:38:57,172 --> 00:38:59,341
- Tacos.
- Tacos?
617
00:38:59,424 --> 00:39:01,468
- Sí, sí. Tacos.
- You got tacos here?
618
00:39:01,552 --> 00:39:02,845
This is...
619
00:39:02,928 --> 00:39:04,304
Who would have thought
they'd have tacos here?
620
00:39:04,429 --> 00:39:08,183
Tell you what, if they got pork rinds,
I'm never leaving.
621
00:39:10,769 --> 00:39:11,728
That's delicious!
622
00:39:11,812 --> 00:39:14,231
You do realize
that's probably a camel ass taco.
623
00:39:15,357 --> 00:39:18,777
I wish my wife could
cook camel ass this good.
624
00:39:26,159 --> 00:39:28,829
Gentlemen, allow me to introduce myself.
625
00:39:28,912 --> 00:39:30,664
My name is Maria Garcia,
626
00:39:30,747 --> 00:39:34,793
and this is my father, Antonio Garcia,
the mayor of La Miranda.
627
00:39:35,252 --> 00:39:36,879
We owe you our lives.
628
00:39:36,962 --> 00:39:39,756
Thank you for freeing us
from under the thumb of these bandits.
629
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:41,174
It's been far too long.
630
00:39:41,258 --> 00:39:42,801
Oh, it's our pleasure, Mayor.
631
00:39:42,885 --> 00:39:44,636
Bill Little, U.S. Army.
632
00:39:45,804 --> 00:39:49,266
It's my honor to introduce you
to General Eisenhower.
633
00:39:49,641 --> 00:39:52,686
He's currently the ranking officer
in this theater of operations.
634
00:39:55,063 --> 00:39:57,107
You can just call me Larry.
635
00:39:58,317 --> 00:40:02,779
You answered our prayers today, General,
and you were very brave.
636
00:40:02,863 --> 00:40:05,657
Oh, shoot. It's just part of the job.
637
00:40:05,741 --> 00:40:08,577
This evening is yours.
Our town is your town.
638
00:40:08,660 --> 00:40:11,079
Please, please, enjoy yourselves.
639
00:40:20,589 --> 00:40:22,841
A general?
What the hell did you say that for?
640
00:40:22,925 --> 00:40:26,428
Well, what did you want me to say?
Hey, Maria, meet my buddy, Larry.
641
00:40:26,511 --> 00:40:28,096
He just got fired from Cowboy Franks,
642
00:40:28,180 --> 00:40:30,515
and his girlfriend is carrying
a parolee's baby.
643
00:40:30,599 --> 00:40:32,017
Funny.
644
00:40:33,352 --> 00:40:35,604
I tell you what, though, she is a looker.
645
00:40:35,687 --> 00:40:38,899
You play your cards right,
and you could end up with a war bride.
646
00:40:38,982 --> 00:40:41,193
- War bride?
- Yeah.
647
00:40:41,526 --> 00:40:45,614
It's the right of every American fighting
man to take a wife in a combat zone.
648
00:40:45,697 --> 00:40:48,825
My Uncle Charlie came home
from Korea with one.
649
00:40:48,909 --> 00:40:50,869
Boy, Aunt Rose was pissed.
650
00:40:51,370 --> 00:40:53,080
- Hey, let's have a toast.
- A toast.
651
00:40:53,163 --> 00:40:54,539
The Army...
652
00:40:55,582 --> 00:40:58,543
- Leave the driving to us.
- Good God, man.
653
00:40:58,627 --> 00:41:00,253
That's Greyhound.
654
00:41:02,005 --> 00:41:04,716
Might as well fess up, Haji,
655
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:09,680
'cause I'm gonna break you down
till I get the truth out of your ass.
656
00:41:10,013 --> 00:41:12,307
I don't know what you want.
657
00:41:12,391 --> 00:41:14,184
I'm just a poor Mexican.
658
00:41:14,267 --> 00:41:17,020
Oh. A foreign fighter, huh?
659
00:41:17,104 --> 00:41:19,648
Well, that's even worse in my book.
660
00:41:19,731 --> 00:41:23,402
I should just ship you off
to Guantanamera Bay right now.
661
00:41:25,070 --> 00:41:27,114
Don't you mean Guantanamo Bay?
662
00:41:29,700 --> 00:41:34,287
Guantanamo, Gorgonzola!
They're all hell-holes, man!
663
00:41:34,371 --> 00:41:36,999
Hey, Everett, I think we ought to...
664
00:41:37,082 --> 00:41:38,834
What the hell are you wearing?
665
00:41:38,917 --> 00:41:40,335
This is my sniper suit.
666
00:41:40,419 --> 00:41:42,796
I'm doing some serious Psyop
shit here, man.
667
00:41:42,879 --> 00:41:46,174
- We weren't issued any sniper gear.
- I brought it from home.
668
00:41:46,258 --> 00:41:48,885
Well, you look like a retard Chewbacca.
669
00:41:48,969 --> 00:41:50,303
How's it going with this guy?
670
00:41:50,387 --> 00:41:52,764
Oh, he's a tough nut to crack,
but I'm gonna bust...
671
00:41:52,848 --> 00:41:54,016
Let me handle it!
672
00:41:54,099 --> 00:41:56,101
I don't know nothing.
673
00:41:56,184 --> 00:41:58,937
Where are the weapons
of mass destruction?
674
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:04,943
Are you Republican Guard or Al-Qaeda?
675
00:42:06,403 --> 00:42:08,697
Are you a Turd or a Shitite?
676
00:42:08,780 --> 00:42:10,949
Wait a minute. What...
677
00:42:11,033 --> 00:42:13,452
Weapons of mass destruction?
678
00:42:16,538 --> 00:42:19,583
You guys actually think that you're in...
679
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:25,630
Hey, what's so funny?
680
00:42:25,756 --> 00:42:28,216
You're not in Iraq, gringo.
681
00:42:30,761 --> 00:42:31,970
Gringo.
682
00:42:32,763 --> 00:42:34,806
That's what you say in...
683
00:42:35,849 --> 00:42:37,225
Oh, my God!
684
00:42:37,350 --> 00:42:38,518
What?
685
00:42:41,063 --> 00:42:42,689
Are we in France?
686
00:42:53,909 --> 00:42:55,285
Hey, buddy!
687
00:42:55,827 --> 00:42:59,790
This is gonna sound crazy,
but we might be in Mexico!
688
00:43:07,255 --> 00:43:08,298
Oh.
689
00:43:09,049 --> 00:43:10,717
Well, this is bad.
690
00:43:11,051 --> 00:43:12,761
Really bad.
691
00:43:12,844 --> 00:43:15,472
Slow down. It's not that big a deal.
692
00:43:15,555 --> 00:43:18,016
We invaded Mexico.
693
00:43:18,183 --> 00:43:19,434
And we're AWOL.
694
00:43:19,518 --> 00:43:22,729
I mean, that alone is 10 years
in Leavenworth.
695
00:43:23,146 --> 00:43:24,731
I can't do time.
696
00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:27,109
Prison's full of chubby-chasers.
697
00:43:27,192 --> 00:43:30,445
Hope you got smokes.
Cigarettes is currency in the joint, man.
698
00:43:30,529 --> 00:43:33,573
You can't buy a prison bitch or a shank
for anything less than a carton of Kools.
699
00:43:33,657 --> 00:43:37,035
Everett, don't you have something else
to be doing?
700
00:43:37,119 --> 00:43:39,621
Yep. I'll go question the villagers.
701
00:43:39,704 --> 00:43:42,457
See if there's been
any bin Laden sightings.
702
00:43:42,541 --> 00:43:44,292
We're in Mexico!
703
00:43:44,376 --> 00:43:45,752
Roger that.
704
00:43:47,045 --> 00:43:48,672
I'm a screw-up.
705
00:43:48,755 --> 00:43:53,802
I finally found something I was good at,
and what I do, invade a friendly nation.
706
00:43:53,885 --> 00:43:56,471
We were asleep during the drop.
707
00:43:56,555 --> 00:43:58,807
Who's to say the Army
doesn't want us to be here?
708
00:43:58,890 --> 00:44:01,935
Why would they want us here?
This is Mexico.
709
00:44:02,227 --> 00:44:06,231
We committed an act of war
inside a sovereign nation.
710
00:44:06,690 --> 00:44:09,526
This is an international incident
just waiting to happen.
711
00:44:09,609 --> 00:44:12,279
One man's international incident
is another man's preemptive strike
712
00:44:12,362 --> 00:44:13,822
in the war on terror.
713
00:44:13,905 --> 00:44:16,283
Those men weren't terrorists.
714
00:44:16,992 --> 00:44:18,910
Hang on. Tell him, Everett.
715
00:44:19,661 --> 00:44:23,582
The U.S. Government defines terrorism
as the unlawful use or threatened use
716
00:44:23,665 --> 00:44:27,586
of force or violence to intimidate
or coerce governments or societies,
717
00:44:27,669 --> 00:44:30,755
often for ideological or political reasons.
718
00:44:32,465 --> 00:44:35,010
Now, I don't know about you,
719
00:44:35,927 --> 00:44:37,846
but those fellows sound
like terrorists to me.
720
00:44:37,929 --> 00:44:39,806
Hell, my wife could be a terrorist.
721
00:44:39,890 --> 00:44:42,684
Look, man, these people
think we're heroes,
722
00:44:42,767 --> 00:44:44,769
and there's nothing we can do
about it right now.
723
00:44:44,853 --> 00:44:46,938
Eventually, somebody's gonna
come get us.
724
00:44:47,022 --> 00:44:48,899
So, I say we just enjoy ourselves.
725
00:44:48,982 --> 00:44:50,525
Señor Bill?
726
00:44:50,609 --> 00:44:53,320
We have more tacos and cervezas for you.
727
00:44:53,653 --> 00:44:56,740
You see?
If we leave now, the terrorists win.
728
00:45:02,621 --> 00:45:04,497
Everett, where did you get that cannon?
729
00:45:04,581 --> 00:45:07,584
This is an 1875 Napoleon 12-pounder.
730
00:45:07,667 --> 00:45:10,462
Only an amateur like yourself
would call it a cannon.
731
00:45:10,545 --> 00:45:13,089
I found it out behind a barn.
732
00:45:13,173 --> 00:45:15,884
I thought that court order said you
wasn't supposed to be around cannons.
733
00:45:15,967 --> 00:45:17,135
Only in the state of Georgia.
734
00:45:17,219 --> 00:45:19,137
General Eisenhower,
735
00:45:19,221 --> 00:45:21,264
how come you're not at the party?
736
00:45:21,473 --> 00:45:26,102
Oh, I'm just strategizing my next
counteroffensive against the insurgents.
737
00:45:26,811 --> 00:45:28,730
Or something like that.
738
00:45:29,439 --> 00:45:31,900
So, you thought this was Iraq.
739
00:45:32,442 --> 00:45:35,070
How can that happen? This is Mexico.
740
00:45:35,153 --> 00:45:38,823
Well, we kind of confused our latitudes
with our longitudes,
741
00:45:38,907 --> 00:45:41,910
and our stalagmites with our stalactites.
742
00:45:42,494 --> 00:45:44,996
- It's a long story.
- Well, I don't care.
743
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:47,207
You saved our village from those animals.
744
00:45:47,290 --> 00:45:49,501
Yeah, who were those guys?
745
00:45:49,626 --> 00:45:51,544
They are vicious bandidos.
746
00:45:51,962 --> 00:45:56,341
Their leader is a cruel man,
nothing more than a common criminal.
747
00:45:56,508 --> 00:45:59,052
He's preyed upon our village for years,
748
00:45:59,135 --> 00:46:02,138
stealing our crops
and what little else we have.
749
00:46:02,222 --> 00:46:03,890
You think they might be back?
750
00:46:04,057 --> 00:46:06,977
No. They are cowards.
751
00:46:07,519 --> 00:46:11,439
And now we have a brave general here
to protect us.
752
00:46:12,148 --> 00:46:14,109
Well, about that, I'm...
753
00:46:14,317 --> 00:46:16,778
I'm not actually a general.
754
00:46:16,861 --> 00:46:20,907
I am a squad leader though,
and that's pretty high up there.
755
00:46:21,616 --> 00:46:25,203
One day, I hope to travel
across those mountains to the ocean.
756
00:46:25,328 --> 00:46:29,374
And I will open a cantina
on a beautiful beach far away from here.
757
00:46:29,916 --> 00:46:33,211
Well, if you need an assistant manager,
I got some experience.
758
00:46:34,879 --> 00:46:36,423
Maria!
759
00:46:37,215 --> 00:46:39,384
That's my father. I must go.
760
00:46:40,010 --> 00:46:43,722
But perhaps you will allow me the honor
to cook dinner for you some night?
761
00:46:44,889 --> 00:46:47,392
The honor would be all mine.
762
00:46:47,934 --> 00:46:50,061
- Good night.
- Good night.
763
00:46:50,353 --> 00:46:51,604
Oh...
764
00:46:52,230 --> 00:46:53,606
What was the name of that bandit leader?
765
00:46:55,942 --> 00:46:58,945
His name is one that strikes fear
766
00:46:59,029 --> 00:47:01,740
into the hearts
of decent people everywhere.
767
00:47:01,990 --> 00:47:05,785
The bastard's name is Carlos Santana.
768
00:47:18,214 --> 00:47:20,008
Let's get this party started!
769
00:47:20,091 --> 00:47:22,510
Okay, so where's the entertainment?
770
00:47:22,927 --> 00:47:24,721
Bring out the gringo!
771
00:47:25,722 --> 00:47:28,892
El Jefe, I think you're really
going to like this act, Jefe.
772
00:47:29,059 --> 00:47:31,436
We kidnapped him from a hotel in Cancún.
773
00:47:32,395 --> 00:47:35,607
So, without further ado,
por favor, please welcome
774
00:47:35,690 --> 00:47:38,401
the Amazing Ken and Rufus!
775
00:47:40,820 --> 00:47:44,574
Thank you. Quite a crowd.
What do you think, Rufus?
776
00:47:44,949 --> 00:47:47,118
Lots of Mexicans tonight.
777
00:47:47,202 --> 00:47:51,206
Feels like I'm standing
in front of the Home Depot.
778
00:47:52,749 --> 00:47:55,627
Be nice, Rufus. How about a joke?
779
00:47:55,710 --> 00:47:56,711
Okay.
780
00:47:56,795 --> 00:48:02,425
Do you know why there were only
3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
781
00:48:02,509 --> 00:48:05,553
- No. Why?
- They only had four trucks.
782
00:48:06,513 --> 00:48:07,722
Boo! Boo!
783
00:48:07,806 --> 00:48:08,973
That's not funny!
784
00:48:09,140 --> 00:48:13,311
Relax, sweetheart.
I did not know this was a gay bar.
785
00:48:14,813 --> 00:48:16,815
He's just kidding.
786
00:48:17,482 --> 00:48:19,734
What is your name, sir?
787
00:48:19,818 --> 00:48:21,611
I am Carlos Santana.
788
00:48:21,694 --> 00:48:24,155
Holy shit! The singer?
789
00:48:24,364 --> 00:48:28,118
No, not the singer!
I'm the real Carlos Santana!
790
00:48:28,201 --> 00:48:31,830
Man of courage, honor. The leader of men!
791
00:48:32,288 --> 00:48:35,083
That other guy, he is just a guitar player.
792
00:48:35,166 --> 00:48:37,585
Yeah, well, I think you both suck.
793
00:48:40,880 --> 00:48:42,590
You shot Rufus!
794
00:48:44,008 --> 00:48:46,594
I was aiming for the Amazing Ken.
795
00:48:54,561 --> 00:48:57,856
Luis, you are back.
How did the pillaging go?
796
00:48:59,691 --> 00:49:01,359
Not so good, Jefe.
797
00:49:01,443 --> 00:49:03,194
What do you mean, not so good?
798
00:49:03,278 --> 00:49:04,904
There was a problem.
799
00:49:04,988 --> 00:49:06,448
And we could not get your tribute.
800
00:49:06,531 --> 00:49:07,490
What?
801
00:49:07,574 --> 00:49:11,035
Jefe, you don't understand!
There's nothing we could do.
802
00:49:11,619 --> 00:49:13,371
The American Army show up.
803
00:49:14,831 --> 00:49:17,208
There were hundreds of them.
804
00:49:17,292 --> 00:49:21,212
They captured Ricardo.
Jefe, we barely escaped with our lives.
805
00:49:22,046 --> 00:49:24,591
Gringo soldiers in La Miranda.
806
00:49:24,883 --> 00:49:26,468
It was good you brought me this news.
807
00:49:26,551 --> 00:49:29,679
Since they shut off the cable,
I can't get CNN.
808
00:49:29,762 --> 00:49:31,014
Hard to stay current.
809
00:49:32,432 --> 00:49:35,310
I thought you were going to kill me.
810
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:37,729
Kill you?
811
00:49:37,812 --> 00:49:40,398
We have shared
many a great adventure together.
812
00:49:42,734 --> 00:49:45,904
I would never kill you.
813
00:49:49,866 --> 00:49:51,910
Paco and Hector are going to kill you.
814
00:49:53,661 --> 00:49:55,872
Jefe, please don't kill me! Jefe! Jefe, no!
815
00:49:55,955 --> 00:49:58,666
Jefe! Are we going to destroy La Miranda?
816
00:50:00,293 --> 00:50:02,837
No, I don't like to work on the weekends.
817
00:50:02,921 --> 00:50:05,590
Tonight, it's karaoke!
818
00:50:32,158 --> 00:50:34,661
What did you guys do last night?
819
00:50:34,744 --> 00:50:37,038
You missed a hell of a party.
820
00:50:37,121 --> 00:50:38,456
You were partying?
821
00:50:38,540 --> 00:50:40,625
It's part of the hero business, man.
822
00:50:41,251 --> 00:50:44,087
For us not to partake in the celebration
would have just been rude.
823
00:50:44,170 --> 00:50:45,171
Relax.
824
00:50:45,463 --> 00:50:48,800
We're goodwill ambassadors
winning over hearts and minds.
825
00:50:48,883 --> 00:50:52,387
Everett, that's exactly why
you shouldn't drink tequila.
826
00:50:52,470 --> 00:50:53,596
Damn.
827
00:50:54,305 --> 00:50:57,267
This always happens when I eat the worm.
828
00:50:57,350 --> 00:50:58,893
Where were you?
829
00:51:00,520 --> 00:51:03,481
You went and saw
that little girl, didn't you?
830
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:05,775
Did y'all do the chimichanga?
831
00:51:05,858 --> 00:51:08,319
Oh, come on, Bill. Don't be crude, man.
832
00:51:08,403 --> 00:51:10,905
Larry's a gentleman, and Maria's a lady.
833
00:51:10,989 --> 00:51:12,615
Did you bang her?
834
00:51:12,699 --> 00:51:17,412
All right, listen, I was up all night thinking
about our situation.
835
00:51:17,495 --> 00:51:20,999
We just can't be running around
a country we're not supposed to be in.
836
00:51:21,082 --> 00:51:24,502
So, I think we ought to just stay right here
and wait for the Army to pick us up.
837
00:51:24,586 --> 00:51:26,421
- So, we're staying?
- Relax.
838
00:51:26,504 --> 00:51:28,381
This ain't the infield at Talladega.
839
00:51:28,464 --> 00:51:30,049
Since we're stuck here,
840
00:51:30,133 --> 00:51:32,885
I figure we ought to do
what we're supposed to do.
841
00:51:32,969 --> 00:51:34,971
And these folks have
been pretty hospitable.
842
00:51:35,805 --> 00:51:40,018
I think it's time we return the favor.
So, come on, let's get to it.
843
00:51:42,645 --> 00:51:47,025
- You want to change there, señorita?
- Oh, I forgot I had this on.
844
00:51:47,108 --> 00:51:48,693
It really breathes.
845
00:51:49,569 --> 00:51:52,947
Iraq? You guys may want to buy a map, eh?
846
00:51:53,031 --> 00:51:55,450
But what my father means to say
847
00:51:55,533 --> 00:51:57,285
is that we are really appreciative
848
00:51:57,368 --> 00:51:59,537
for what you have done
for our poor village.
849
00:51:59,621 --> 00:52:01,372
We know we messed up,
850
00:52:02,248 --> 00:52:04,834
and kind of hoping
we can keep this our little secret.
851
00:52:05,001 --> 00:52:07,128
We'd like to stick around
and provide perimeter security
852
00:52:07,211 --> 00:52:08,504
and help restore your infrastructure.
853
00:52:08,588 --> 00:52:10,840
Infrastructure? Okay!
854
00:52:10,923 --> 00:52:13,301
First place you can start is this well.
855
00:52:13,384 --> 00:52:15,053
It's been dry for years.
856
00:52:15,136 --> 00:52:18,264
We're forced to carry water from the river.
857
00:52:18,348 --> 00:52:19,932
Yeah. No problem.
858
00:52:20,016 --> 00:52:22,310
Thank you for your generosity.
859
00:52:23,394 --> 00:52:25,021
My pleasure, ma'am.
860
00:52:25,104 --> 00:52:27,690
Here's the problem with the well.
861
00:52:29,192 --> 00:52:30,443
It's dry.
862
00:52:55,051 --> 00:52:58,096
That's right, boys! Can't hate number 8!
863
00:53:14,445 --> 00:53:15,947
They love it!
864
00:53:30,044 --> 00:53:31,379
Hey, where'd you get all those extra nails?
865
00:53:31,462 --> 00:53:34,173
I just pulled them out of that old shed.
866
00:53:38,177 --> 00:53:39,429
Everett!
867
00:53:51,774 --> 00:53:53,735
You know, we're doing a lot of good.
868
00:53:53,818 --> 00:53:55,903
They could really use
these medical supplies.
869
00:53:55,987 --> 00:53:57,488
Copy that.
870
00:54:00,658 --> 00:54:03,661
Oh, man. Guys, you gotta see this.
871
00:54:09,167 --> 00:54:11,085
What do you think happened?
872
00:54:11,169 --> 00:54:12,670
I don't know.
873
00:54:13,171 --> 00:54:15,214
Maybe some wild critters dug him up.
874
00:54:15,298 --> 00:54:17,842
I think it's a more logical explanation.
875
00:54:18,926 --> 00:54:20,261
The Chupacabra.
876
00:54:20,386 --> 00:54:22,180
- What?
- The Chupacabra.
877
00:54:22,263 --> 00:54:24,182
It's a mythical hairless dog-like creature
878
00:54:24,307 --> 00:54:26,642
that sucks the blood out
of both man and beast.
879
00:54:26,726 --> 00:54:29,312
It's been terrorizing these parts for years.
880
00:54:29,395 --> 00:54:30,646
Either that, or it's grave robbers.
881
00:54:30,730 --> 00:54:34,859
I mean, you can get top dollar
for a testicle on eBay these days.
882
00:54:35,902 --> 00:54:38,696
Poor bastard. Couldn't even rest in peace.
883
00:54:56,130 --> 00:54:58,674
I am gonna kill you deviant bastards!
884
00:55:23,032 --> 00:55:25,576
What are you doing, Señor Bill?
885
00:55:25,660 --> 00:55:30,081
Trying to get this dang radio working.
I need to talk to my superior.
886
00:55:30,164 --> 00:55:33,084
Well, why don't you just use a telephone?
887
00:55:33,668 --> 00:55:35,253
You got a phone?
888
00:55:35,336 --> 00:55:39,382
Well, not here in town,
but I can show you where.
889
00:55:42,385 --> 00:55:44,303
Now, we need to keep this
between you and I.
890
00:55:44,387 --> 00:55:47,515
See, it's a covert op, and we don't want
General Larry interfering.
891
00:55:47,598 --> 00:55:51,018
Why wouldn't you want him to know?
I thought you had to call your superior.
892
00:55:51,102 --> 00:55:53,312
I do. My wife.
893
00:55:53,771 --> 00:55:55,273
Oh, sí, Señor Bill.
894
00:55:55,857 --> 00:55:57,483
It will be our secret.
895
00:55:57,567 --> 00:55:59,110
Good. Now, where the hell is this phone?
896
00:56:03,406 --> 00:56:05,241
Shut up in there! Hello?
897
00:56:05,324 --> 00:56:07,034
Hey, sweetie! It's me!
898
00:56:07,118 --> 00:56:09,537
Why haven't you called? Are you in Iraq?
899
00:56:09,620 --> 00:56:12,373
No. No, we had a little change of plans.
900
00:56:12,456 --> 00:56:13,499
This better be good.
901
00:56:13,583 --> 00:56:15,793
Yeah, it's actually a pretty funny story.
902
00:56:15,877 --> 00:56:17,378
Quiet in there! I'm talking to your dad!
903
00:56:17,461 --> 00:56:19,088
We're in Mexico.
904
00:56:19,297 --> 00:56:21,507
Mexico? You better get
your ass right back here...
905
00:56:21,591 --> 00:56:23,593
- Señor Bill?
- Hang on a second.
906
00:56:23,676 --> 00:56:25,136
A two-way whore in a rowdy...
907
00:56:25,219 --> 00:56:27,972
No, no, no, no.
Now, you hold on a second, honey.
908
00:56:28,055 --> 00:56:31,017
It's not like that at all.
I'm not on vacation down here.
909
00:56:31,100 --> 00:56:33,394
Damn right you're not on vacation.
What are you doing down there?
910
00:56:33,477 --> 00:56:34,770
I'm working!
911
00:56:34,854 --> 00:56:37,607
Hey, this is part
of a government sanctioned incursion
912
00:56:37,690 --> 00:56:40,359
into a sovereign nation
as part of Operation Sombrero.
913
00:56:40,443 --> 00:56:41,485
You're a part of a government operation?
914
00:56:41,569 --> 00:56:44,196
Yeah. Yeah, so, tell the boys,
their daddy is a hero.
915
00:56:44,280 --> 00:56:45,907
Señor Bill?
916
00:56:45,990 --> 00:56:47,074
Hang on a second!
917
00:56:47,158 --> 00:56:48,409
Are you coming home or not?
918
00:56:48,492 --> 00:56:51,078
No. I don't know when I'm gonna be home.
919
00:56:51,162 --> 00:56:52,747
Well, I don't know. Hell.
920
00:56:52,830 --> 00:56:54,582
- Wrong!
- Hello?
921
00:56:54,665 --> 00:56:56,000
Connie?
922
00:56:56,083 --> 00:56:57,168
Hello.
923
00:56:58,336 --> 00:57:01,422
- Hey, what is...
- Oh, I'm sorry, señor.
924
00:57:01,505 --> 00:57:03,341
Did I cut you off?
925
00:57:11,182 --> 00:57:12,391
Shit.
926
00:57:12,475 --> 00:57:13,935
Okay, gringo,
927
00:57:14,018 --> 00:57:16,520
how many more men you
got back in La Miranda?
928
00:57:16,604 --> 00:57:20,107
All I gotta tell you
is my name, rank, and favorite cereal.
929
00:57:20,191 --> 00:57:22,610
And that's all you're getting.
930
00:57:24,779 --> 00:57:27,114
I think Ruben likes you.
931
00:57:28,699 --> 00:57:31,994
It just seems odd that a man of your stature
932
00:57:32,078 --> 00:57:35,289
would embrace alternative lifestyles
amongst his men.
933
00:57:35,373 --> 00:57:37,875
You can't fire someone
because they're gay!
934
00:57:37,959 --> 00:57:39,961
That's discrimination!
935
00:57:40,044 --> 00:57:41,671
You can get sued for that, eh?
936
00:57:41,754 --> 00:57:43,923
Besides, he's my nephew.
937
00:57:44,006 --> 00:57:46,300
You can't choose your familia.
938
00:57:46,884 --> 00:57:49,845
So, he's here, he's queer. Get used to it.
939
00:57:49,929 --> 00:57:53,057
I'm still not telling you anything.
940
00:57:53,140 --> 00:57:56,519
Start talking or I'll tell Ruben
he can marry you.
941
00:57:56,602 --> 00:57:58,229
He wants a wife.
942
00:57:59,438 --> 00:58:01,983
Well, there's just three of us.
943
00:58:02,066 --> 00:58:04,360
We don't have an idea what we're doing.
We thought this was Iraq.
944
00:58:04,443 --> 00:58:05,653
Can you believe that? Iraq.
945
00:58:05,736 --> 00:58:08,280
Who would make that stupid mistake?
946
00:58:09,073 --> 00:58:11,283
You and you men
have really done some good here.
947
00:58:11,409 --> 00:58:14,704
Oh, well, just goes to show you
what a little hard work
948
00:58:14,787 --> 00:58:16,580
and ingenuity can do.
949
00:58:16,747 --> 00:58:18,916
You must have learned
so much in the Army.
950
00:58:19,291 --> 00:58:22,920
Oh, shoot, yeah.
We're all highly-trained individuals.
951
00:58:23,129 --> 00:58:26,841
Hey, Larry! Help me out with this thing!
952
00:58:26,924 --> 00:58:28,884
Well, most of us, anyway.
953
00:58:28,968 --> 00:58:31,804
- I better handle this. I'll see you later.
- Okay.
954
00:58:40,938 --> 00:58:42,898
I think I got it now.
955
00:58:48,154 --> 00:58:50,156
Look out, you idiot! Not at the village!
956
00:58:50,239 --> 00:58:52,450
- Oh, yeah.
- Turn it!
957
00:58:54,869 --> 00:58:56,245
Stand back!
958
00:58:58,831 --> 00:59:01,584
Damn it! That's been happening all day!
959
00:59:01,667 --> 00:59:03,419
I don't get it.
960
00:59:05,129 --> 00:59:08,215
I'm gonna get this thing working
if it kills me.
961
00:59:10,801 --> 00:59:14,346
- Damn it. Come on, Everett!
- I'm right behind you, buddy!
962
00:59:15,306 --> 00:59:16,557
Damn!
963
00:59:25,483 --> 00:59:27,318
People of La Miranda,
964
00:59:27,860 --> 00:59:31,614
you have disobeyed your Jefe
by not paying my tribute.
965
00:59:31,697 --> 00:59:34,658
Now, come out and take your punishment!
966
00:59:35,159 --> 00:59:37,078
Hold it right there!
967
00:59:37,161 --> 00:59:40,247
You're in a lot of trouble, gringo!
This is not Iraq!
968
00:59:40,331 --> 00:59:41,665
I am the law here!
969
00:59:41,749 --> 00:59:43,876
I am Carlos Santana!
970
00:59:45,586 --> 00:59:46,921
The singer?
971
00:59:47,004 --> 00:59:49,423
Definitely not the singer.
972
00:59:51,300 --> 00:59:53,844
We caught your friend here
trying to call his wife.
973
00:59:53,928 --> 00:59:55,262
What?
974
00:59:55,346 --> 00:59:57,848
You found a phone,
and the one person you call is your wife?
975
00:59:57,932 --> 00:59:59,975
She gets moody if I don't check in.
976
01:00:00,059 --> 01:00:02,144
She sounds like a real bitch, señor.
977
01:00:02,228 --> 01:00:04,647
You have to set some boundaries.
978
01:00:06,607 --> 01:00:07,691
All right, turn him loose!
979
01:00:07,775 --> 01:00:10,528
Turn him loose?
We have you outnumbered.
980
01:00:10,611 --> 01:00:14,365
What are you gonna do,
kill us all by yourself?
981
01:00:15,449 --> 01:00:16,534
Nope.
982
01:00:18,536 --> 01:00:20,871
I'm just gonna kill you.
983
01:00:22,748 --> 01:00:23,791
Oh.
984
01:00:24,333 --> 01:00:26,168
I hadn't thought of that.
985
01:00:26,585 --> 01:00:30,464
Well, looks like we got ourselves
a Mexican standoff.
986
01:00:32,091 --> 01:00:35,302
Actually, señor,
down here, we just call it a standoff.
987
01:00:35,386 --> 01:00:36,637
Yeah, okay.
988
01:00:37,221 --> 01:00:38,764
Tell your people to stand back.
989
01:00:38,848 --> 01:00:39,974
This is my town!
990
01:00:40,057 --> 01:00:42,351
You don't give the orders here, I do!
991
01:00:45,020 --> 01:00:48,065
In just a few minutes,
the entire 101st Airborne
992
01:00:48,149 --> 01:00:49,650
is gonna come down that road.
993
01:00:50,276 --> 01:00:51,569
They are?
994
01:00:52,153 --> 01:00:54,196
Just go with me on this.
995
01:00:55,030 --> 01:00:57,241
Señor, I think you're bluffing!
996
01:01:09,587 --> 01:01:11,881
Iraq, it's a land of miracles.
997
01:01:12,673 --> 01:01:13,841
Sarge? You're alive?
998
01:01:13,924 --> 01:01:15,885
Shut up, numb nuts.
999
01:01:17,887 --> 01:01:20,264
Surprised to see me, maggots?
1000
01:01:20,472 --> 01:01:23,392
Can we sort this out later, Sarge?
1001
01:01:23,601 --> 01:01:27,354
- Little bit of a situation on our hands.
- You bet your ass we got a situation.
1002
01:01:27,438 --> 01:01:29,732
You assholes are A-W-O-L!
1003
01:01:32,026 --> 01:01:33,110
What?
1004
01:01:33,194 --> 01:01:36,780
I was just telling these armed men,
the rest of our highly-trained
1005
01:01:36,864 --> 01:01:40,701
firepower-out-the-ass 101st Airborne
was coming up right behind you.
1006
01:01:40,784 --> 01:01:42,286
Are you nuts?
1007
01:01:42,953 --> 01:01:44,205
We're not even in Iraq.
1008
01:01:44,455 --> 01:01:46,790
There's no one here! We're alone.
1009
01:01:46,874 --> 01:01:48,792
Now give me that weapon.
1010
01:01:50,794 --> 01:01:52,463
This shit-hole of a country is Mexico.
1011
01:01:52,546 --> 01:01:53,547
Hey!
1012
01:01:53,631 --> 01:01:57,051
You're not exactly a box of chocolates,
eh, sweetheart?
1013
01:01:57,134 --> 01:01:58,886
Mind your own business, Pedro.
1014
01:01:58,969 --> 01:02:02,348
Actually, señor, this is my business.
1015
01:02:06,185 --> 01:02:07,478
Oh, shit.
1016
01:02:15,527 --> 01:02:17,488
Put your hands in the air now!
1017
01:02:17,571 --> 01:02:19,073
You have the right to remain silent!
1018
01:02:19,156 --> 01:02:20,491
You have the right to an attorney!
1019
01:02:20,574 --> 01:02:22,243
What the hell is that?
1020
01:02:22,326 --> 01:02:26,330
This is a Mark 153 shoulder-launch
multipurpose assault weapon.
1021
01:02:28,332 --> 01:02:30,417
Who wants to ride the pain train?
1022
01:02:32,586 --> 01:02:37,174
Well, boys, looks like we got ourselves
a Mexican standoff.
1023
01:02:39,927 --> 01:02:42,513
Hey, Sarge. You still got your testicles?
1024
01:02:42,596 --> 01:02:44,348
Everett? Everett, hand that thing over.
1025
01:02:44,431 --> 01:02:45,432
- No, I can do it.
- Hand it over.
1026
01:02:45,516 --> 01:02:46,517
I'm a trained law enforcement officer.
1027
01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:47,643
You're gonna hurt somebody.
1028
01:02:47,726 --> 01:02:48,936
Watch and learn!
1029
01:02:49,019 --> 01:02:50,396
Everett, no!
1030
01:02:54,858 --> 01:02:56,110
Incoming!
1031
01:03:27,599 --> 01:03:28,976
Hell, yeah!
1032
01:03:42,323 --> 01:03:44,533
That's what I'm talking about!
1033
01:03:50,414 --> 01:03:55,002
Not only have you saved us again,
but you've given us the miracle of water.
1034
01:03:56,378 --> 01:03:59,006
- Nice shooting, Everett.
- I know.
1035
01:03:59,089 --> 01:04:03,218
You know what they say?
The Army, toughest job you'll ever love.
1036
01:04:03,344 --> 01:04:05,596
No, that's the Peace Corps.
1037
01:04:06,764 --> 01:04:08,223
Hey!
1038
01:04:08,307 --> 01:04:09,391
Where's Sarge?
1039
01:04:09,475 --> 01:04:10,893
God damn it, Everett!
1040
01:04:10,976 --> 01:04:13,687
I'm gonna tear off your head
and shit down your...
1041
01:04:13,771 --> 01:04:16,607
Say hello to my nephew Ruben.
1042
01:04:20,778 --> 01:04:21,862
Shit.
1043
01:04:24,782 --> 01:04:27,659
Do you really think this is a good idea?
1044
01:04:27,743 --> 01:04:29,953
I mean, we've already buried Sarge once,
1045
01:04:30,245 --> 01:04:33,582
and I don't know
if I can go through this again,
1046
01:04:33,665 --> 01:04:35,459
emotionally speaking.
1047
01:04:35,542 --> 01:04:39,088
Look, he may be an asshole,
but he's our asshole.
1048
01:04:42,132 --> 01:04:43,592
Everett, what are you doing?
1049
01:04:43,884 --> 01:04:47,429
I'm changing the terror level
from orange to red piñata.
1050
01:04:47,513 --> 01:04:49,181
Everett, get down!
1051
01:04:51,392 --> 01:04:55,020
Are you sure you must do this?
This is not your fight.
1052
01:04:55,104 --> 01:04:58,607
Look, once they messed with Sarge,
it became our fight.
1053
01:05:06,240 --> 01:05:07,908
Bin Laden, here we come!
1054
01:05:07,991 --> 01:05:10,327
Shut up, Everett.
1055
01:05:13,664 --> 01:05:14,832
Lock up the prisoner!
1056
01:05:14,915 --> 01:05:16,333
Jefe, are we going
to burn down La Miranda?
1057
01:05:17,876 --> 01:05:20,129
Tonight it's wrestling!
1058
01:05:22,714 --> 01:05:23,841
Yeah!
1059
01:05:25,008 --> 01:05:26,343
El Javalina!
1060
01:05:28,011 --> 01:05:29,721
Who's he fighting, Jefe?
1061
01:05:29,805 --> 01:05:31,807
You and Hector.
1062
01:05:31,890 --> 01:05:33,600
But, Jefe...
1063
01:05:34,726 --> 01:05:36,520
I would love to.
1064
01:05:41,859 --> 01:05:44,069
All right. Does everybody know the plan?
1065
01:05:44,153 --> 01:05:45,237
Yeah.
1066
01:05:45,696 --> 01:05:46,822
Affirmative.
1067
01:05:46,905 --> 01:05:49,158
Crack skulls and kick ass!
1068
01:05:53,745 --> 01:05:57,249
Well, we may never see him again.
1069
01:05:57,332 --> 01:06:00,252
I'm gonna miss that little mongoloid.
1070
01:06:00,335 --> 01:06:03,881
You disable the vehicles.
I'm gonna get Sarge.
1071
01:06:07,718 --> 01:06:09,678
Boy, am I glad to see a friendly face.
1072
01:06:11,346 --> 01:06:14,766
I have had the darnedest time
ever since I left the interstate.
1073
01:06:14,850 --> 01:06:18,187
I think we took a wrong
turn at buenas noches.
1074
01:06:19,354 --> 01:06:20,898
What you have to do is...
1075
01:06:20,981 --> 01:06:23,692
That's what I need to do right there.
1076
01:06:41,877 --> 01:06:44,254
I'm getting too fat for this shit.
1077
01:07:09,446 --> 01:07:11,240
Electric shock, huh?
1078
01:07:11,782 --> 01:07:13,784
Well, in the Mekong Delta,
1079
01:07:13,867 --> 01:07:17,538
the Vietcong stuck bamboo shoots
under my fingernails.
1080
01:07:17,621 --> 01:07:20,582
It'll take a lot more than that to break me.
1081
01:07:21,458 --> 01:07:23,293
What the hell is this?
1082
01:07:29,258 --> 01:07:30,634
It's a duet!
1083
01:08:02,499 --> 01:08:04,501
Hey, hey, hey!
1084
01:08:34,323 --> 01:08:37,492
Who else is man enough
to step into the ring?
1085
01:08:37,701 --> 01:08:39,494
Right here, amigo!
1086
01:08:39,703 --> 01:08:41,204
Who is this maricón?
1087
01:08:41,288 --> 01:08:42,706
I don't know,
1088
01:08:42,956 --> 01:08:44,499
but I like him.
1089
01:08:54,051 --> 01:08:55,886
He's got style!
1090
01:08:56,345 --> 01:09:00,390
Muchachos, a masked challenger
is gonna take on El Javalina.
1091
01:09:08,231 --> 01:09:10,984
Hold on, Sarge. I'm coming.
1092
01:09:16,073 --> 01:09:18,784
Come on, Tijuana! You want some?
1093
01:09:18,867 --> 01:09:20,327
You gonna get some!
1094
01:09:20,410 --> 01:09:22,496
Hey, don't you worry about anything, man.
I'm a pro.
1095
01:09:22,579 --> 01:09:23,747
I'm a card-carrying member
1096
01:09:23,830 --> 01:09:26,333
of the Georgia
Independent Wrestling Alliance.
1097
01:09:26,416 --> 01:09:29,044
Just take a lookout for my trick knee.
1098
01:09:51,483 --> 01:09:54,027
Man, look at the size of that son of a bitch.
1099
01:09:54,111 --> 01:09:56,947
- He'd have ripped you a...
- Get me loose!
1100
01:09:59,616 --> 01:10:01,076
I hate Sonny and Cher.
1101
01:10:01,159 --> 01:10:03,453
Hey, Bill's down by the gate.
I'm gonna go get Everett.
1102
01:10:03,620 --> 01:10:04,663
Okay.
1103
01:10:09,751 --> 01:10:11,211
What are you doing?
1104
01:10:11,294 --> 01:10:12,629
Hey, Sarge.
1105
01:10:13,296 --> 01:10:17,050
You're wearing the enemy's uniform.
I should have known you'd be a traitor.
1106
01:10:17,134 --> 01:10:18,677
No, I'm undercover.
1107
01:10:19,261 --> 01:10:22,305
I'm wrecking the vehicles. Here's the plan.
1108
01:10:22,472 --> 01:10:25,016
I'm putting sugar in their gas tanks.
1109
01:10:26,893 --> 01:10:28,770
I got a better idea.
1110
01:10:29,604 --> 01:10:30,647
Okay.
1111
01:10:53,503 --> 01:10:54,546
Oh!
1112
01:10:54,671 --> 01:10:57,758
I see we're playing
by Panamanian prison rules.
1113
01:11:05,974 --> 01:11:08,935
Yeah, take some of this, amigo!
1114
01:11:22,866 --> 01:11:25,827
You just bought yourself
a six pack of pain, buddy!
1115
01:11:25,911 --> 01:11:27,829
Come get some!
1116
01:11:34,544 --> 01:11:37,297
I'm the king! I'm the king!
1117
01:11:46,473 --> 01:11:49,768
Get set for the full force of the U.S. Military!
1118
01:11:49,851 --> 01:11:51,645
Get them, guys!
1119
01:11:53,939 --> 01:11:55,065
Guys?
1120
01:11:55,273 --> 01:11:56,650
I know you!
1121
01:11:56,775 --> 01:11:59,653
You're that retarded guy with the bazooka!
1122
01:11:59,736 --> 01:12:01,154
It was a rocket-launcher.
1123
01:12:01,238 --> 01:12:02,906
Kill this cabrón!
1124
01:12:05,242 --> 01:12:06,910
Hold it right there!
1125
01:12:06,993 --> 01:12:09,287
You gotta be kidding me!
1126
01:12:09,579 --> 01:12:12,415
You gringos are like
a bad case of the crabs.
1127
01:12:12,499 --> 01:12:13,875
I can't get rid of you!
1128
01:12:13,959 --> 01:12:16,002
Everett, get over here.
1129
01:12:18,296 --> 01:12:22,843
You, señor, are either very brave
or very stupid.
1130
01:12:22,926 --> 01:12:25,428
Either way, you can't kill all of us.
1131
01:12:26,012 --> 01:12:27,472
Probably not.
1132
01:12:28,265 --> 01:12:30,433
I'll just kill you.
1133
01:12:30,600 --> 01:12:33,144
Damn! I keep doing that.
1134
01:12:33,228 --> 01:12:35,105
Good job, Larry.
1135
01:12:35,188 --> 01:12:37,315
I'm out of here. You disarm them,
1136
01:12:37,399 --> 01:12:39,109
and I'll meet you back
at Checkpoint Charlie.
1137
01:12:42,028 --> 01:12:43,446
All right, come on! Let's get out of here!
1138
01:12:55,292 --> 01:12:57,210
Let's go! Shotgun!
1139
01:12:57,294 --> 01:12:59,170
Damn you, Everett!
1140
01:13:09,973 --> 01:13:11,683
They're over there!
1141
01:13:16,813 --> 01:13:19,357
Look at our cars, Jefe.
1142
01:13:19,441 --> 01:13:21,359
Who would do such a thing?
1143
01:13:21,484 --> 01:13:23,194
That's vandalism!
1144
01:13:23,278 --> 01:13:25,655
Saddle up the horses
and bring out Big Bertha!
1145
01:13:25,822 --> 01:13:27,741
Come on! Move, move, move!
1146
01:13:27,824 --> 01:13:28,950
Come on! Let's go!
1147
01:13:29,034 --> 01:13:30,243
Go! Go!
1148
01:13:30,327 --> 01:13:32,954
This is the end of La Miranda.
1149
01:13:42,839 --> 01:13:43,965
You made it back.
1150
01:13:44,049 --> 01:13:45,967
I'm so glad. I was very worried.
1151
01:13:46,051 --> 01:13:48,803
There's still a certain señorita
I gotta take out on the town.
1152
01:13:48,887 --> 01:13:51,598
Or make sweet, sweet love to her
under the stars
1153
01:13:51,681 --> 01:13:56,686
as a mariachi bands serenades you
with a song of romance and desire.
1154
01:13:56,770 --> 01:13:59,564
You saved our village
by killing Carlos Santana.
1155
01:13:59,648 --> 01:14:01,816
Well, not quite.
1156
01:14:01,900 --> 01:14:03,818
Son, make it quick. We gotta get going.
1157
01:14:03,902 --> 01:14:06,446
What? We can't leave.
1158
01:14:06,863 --> 01:14:09,199
Santana might be
on his way down here right now,
1159
01:14:09,282 --> 01:14:11,159
and this village is defenseless.
1160
01:14:11,242 --> 01:14:15,538
Son, you showed me something
by coming to save me, you really did.
1161
01:14:15,705 --> 01:14:18,375
But this is out of my hands.
We have to leave.
1162
01:14:19,042 --> 01:14:21,044
- Bill?
- This isn't Iraq.
1163
01:14:21,127 --> 01:14:22,629
It's Mexico.
1164
01:14:22,712 --> 01:14:25,548
We did what we could do,
but this isn't our fight.
1165
01:14:25,632 --> 01:14:26,967
Sorry, son.
1166
01:14:27,550 --> 01:14:28,510
I'm not leaving.
1167
01:14:28,593 --> 01:14:29,719
Oh, Larry, come on!
1168
01:14:29,803 --> 01:14:32,222
Private, I'm giving you an order.
1169
01:14:32,639 --> 01:14:35,642
I think you guys forgot what our orders are.
1170
01:14:35,725 --> 01:14:37,519
We're supposed to bring
freedom and democracy
1171
01:14:37,602 --> 01:14:39,521
to people that need it.
1172
01:14:39,938 --> 01:14:42,524
I think these people need it.
1173
01:14:43,191 --> 01:14:44,567
I'm staying.
1174
01:14:45,068 --> 01:14:48,905
I'm staying to finish the job.
I'm staying to do what's right.
1175
01:14:53,576 --> 01:14:57,622
Anybody that's with me can cross this line.
1176
01:14:59,082 --> 01:15:01,209
Oh, come on, guys!
1177
01:15:02,252 --> 01:15:06,548
Sarge, look at these people.
They're honest, hardworking.
1178
01:15:07,757 --> 01:15:10,218
They got hopes, dreams.
1179
01:15:11,177 --> 01:15:13,388
Ain't you ever had a dream?
1180
01:15:13,471 --> 01:15:14,764
Shit.
1181
01:15:15,515 --> 01:15:17,142
Hell, you got me.
1182
01:15:19,728 --> 01:15:22,647
I always wanted to be
an aerobics instructor.
1183
01:15:23,064 --> 01:15:24,107
Okay.
1184
01:15:27,777 --> 01:15:31,156
Don't look at me, man.
I got a wife and kids to think about.
1185
01:15:31,239 --> 01:15:34,701
And what would you do if Connie
and the boys lived in a town like this?
1186
01:15:34,784 --> 01:15:36,786
Would you leave them then?
1187
01:15:38,455 --> 01:15:39,497
No.
1188
01:15:40,457 --> 01:15:41,666
Damn it.
1189
01:15:43,460 --> 01:15:44,794
All right.
1190
01:15:45,128 --> 01:15:48,965
Like they say in the Army,
be all you can be.
1191
01:15:49,799 --> 01:15:51,634
You got it right!
1192
01:15:53,803 --> 01:15:55,930
Who am I kidding?
I live in a storage locker.
1193
01:15:56,014 --> 01:15:57,807
I'm not going anywhere.
1194
01:15:57,891 --> 01:16:01,352
All right, then.
We got all day to figure out a plan.
1195
01:16:01,436 --> 01:16:03,813
Come on, we're the Sleeping Marmots!
1196
01:16:03,897 --> 01:16:06,191
What else can Santana do to us?
1197
01:16:06,983 --> 01:16:10,612
Señor! Señor!
I think you better take a look at this.
1198
01:16:24,334 --> 01:16:25,919
A tank?
1199
01:16:26,002 --> 01:16:27,212
Where'd they get that?
1200
01:16:28,671 --> 01:16:31,424
That's a Sherman tank, U.S. Army surplus!
1201
01:16:31,966 --> 01:16:35,637
Back in the '80s, the Mexicans traded
15,000 cases of Chiclets for them.
1202
01:16:35,720 --> 01:16:37,305
You're kidding!
1203
01:16:37,514 --> 01:16:38,765
Incoming!
1204
01:16:41,768 --> 01:16:42,852
Down!
1205
01:16:51,528 --> 01:16:52,529
Get everybody in the church!
1206
01:16:52,612 --> 01:16:54,489
- But what about...
- Now!
1207
01:17:03,456 --> 01:17:04,749
We gotta take that tank out.
1208
01:17:04,833 --> 01:17:06,126
Get the rocket-launcher!
1209
01:17:06,209 --> 01:17:08,920
I got it, Sarge! It's in the bunkhouse!
1210
01:17:09,295 --> 01:17:10,797
Cover him.
1211
01:17:21,975 --> 01:17:24,310
If I die, Connie's gonna kill me!
1212
01:17:24,394 --> 01:17:26,312
We gotta take that tank out!
1213
01:17:26,396 --> 01:17:29,482
Don't we have anything
in this town we can use?
1214
01:17:30,733 --> 01:17:32,402
Cover me!
1215
01:17:33,444 --> 01:17:34,571
Cover me!
1216
01:17:34,654 --> 01:17:37,073
You heard the man! Cover him!
1217
01:17:39,701 --> 01:17:41,286
I said cover me!
1218
01:17:43,621 --> 01:17:45,248
Bitch!
1219
01:18:06,436 --> 01:18:07,687
Come on!
1220
01:18:09,522 --> 01:18:10,773
Come on!
1221
01:18:12,358 --> 01:18:14,611
Damn it! Come on!
1222
01:18:22,619 --> 01:18:25,246
Shit. That'll work.
1223
01:18:35,590 --> 01:18:39,719
It is time for us to stand up to Santana
once and for all!
1224
01:18:47,977 --> 01:18:49,854
Come on! Let's get them!
1225
01:18:50,271 --> 01:18:52,273
Remember the Alamo!
1226
01:18:52,357 --> 01:18:54,817
That is a sore subject around here, señor.
1227
01:19:18,216 --> 01:19:20,468
We did it. We ran them off!
1228
01:19:20,885 --> 01:19:24,764
- Where's Maria?
- Oh, General, Santana has taken her.
1229
01:19:26,641 --> 01:19:28,893
You have any more daughters?
1230
01:19:29,519 --> 01:19:30,728
Lupita.
1231
01:19:32,188 --> 01:19:33,898
I'll go find Maria.
1232
01:19:35,191 --> 01:19:36,734
Stupid gringos.
1233
01:19:37,068 --> 01:19:38,736
They may have won this battle,
1234
01:19:38,820 --> 01:19:42,282
but as usual,
Carlos Santana will win the war.
1235
01:19:42,365 --> 01:19:43,741
Far enough!
1236
01:19:44,200 --> 01:19:45,702
Now let her go!
1237
01:19:47,120 --> 01:19:49,289
What do you see in this fat redneck?
1238
01:19:49,372 --> 01:19:51,374
Fat redneck?
1239
01:19:51,457 --> 01:19:54,669
I swear, on Monday,
I'm starting a low-carb diet.
1240
01:19:55,878 --> 01:19:58,673
Now I'll have to kill both of you.
1241
01:20:02,343 --> 01:20:07,181
It will take more than one helicopter
to defeat Carlos Santana!
1242
01:20:09,851 --> 01:20:11,644
This is not good.
1243
01:20:42,467 --> 01:20:43,468
Thank you.
1244
01:20:44,927 --> 01:20:47,096
Papa! Oh, thank God!
1245
01:20:47,430 --> 01:20:49,349
Look forward and come this way, please!
1246
01:20:49,474 --> 01:20:50,725
Hey, everybody okay?
1247
01:20:50,850 --> 01:20:52,352
Oh, sure. Everybody's fine.
1248
01:20:52,518 --> 01:20:53,895
Couldn't be better.
1249
01:20:53,978 --> 01:20:55,021
Bill got shot.
1250
01:20:55,104 --> 01:20:56,939
Bill got... What?
1251
01:20:59,901 --> 01:21:02,153
Bill! You all right?
1252
01:21:02,612 --> 01:21:06,282
They got me!
I don't think I'm gonna make it.
1253
01:21:06,449 --> 01:21:07,700
Larry...
1254
01:21:08,785 --> 01:21:10,995
You tell them my story.
1255
01:21:14,624 --> 01:21:17,293
He was shot in the ass. He'll be fine.
1256
01:21:19,128 --> 01:21:21,214
- Sir.
- Colonel Dalton, Delta Force.
1257
01:21:21,297 --> 01:21:23,257
Is there a Bill Little here?
1258
01:21:23,341 --> 01:21:24,550
Yeah. That's me.
1259
01:21:24,634 --> 01:21:26,469
Your wife's a real pain in the ass.
1260
01:21:26,552 --> 01:21:29,472
When she found out you were in Mexico,
she started calling the Pentagon.
1261
01:21:29,639 --> 01:21:32,350
Wouldn't stop till the Joint Chiefs
sent us down here to get you.
1262
01:21:32,433 --> 01:21:33,810
God, I love that woman.
1263
01:21:33,893 --> 01:21:37,855
Yeah. You better mow the lawn
when you get home.
1264
01:21:37,939 --> 01:21:39,399
Yes, sir.
1265
01:21:39,816 --> 01:21:42,735
Hey, Larry, this guy wants to talk to you.
Says he's from the State Department.
1266
01:21:42,819 --> 01:21:46,739
Roger Grabowski,
undersecretary, Central American affairs.
1267
01:21:46,823 --> 01:21:50,326
You hear that? Poor bastard's a secretary.
1268
01:21:50,868 --> 01:21:53,121
Bit of a sticky situation we've got here.
1269
01:21:53,204 --> 01:21:55,706
We're in a lot of trouble, ain't we?
1270
01:21:55,790 --> 01:21:58,084
Maybe not. That is,
1271
01:21:58,167 --> 01:22:00,253
if you guys will cooperate.
1272
01:22:01,421 --> 01:22:03,256
We're all about cooperation.
1273
01:22:03,339 --> 01:22:05,758
Another victory in the war on terror
1274
01:22:05,842 --> 01:22:08,177
as the White House today
announced the success
1275
01:22:08,261 --> 01:22:10,096
of Operation Sombrero
1276
01:22:10,513 --> 01:22:13,683
with strikes against terror camps
located in northern Mexico
1277
01:22:13,766 --> 01:22:18,271
by U.S. personnel operating with
permission from the Mexican government.
1278
01:22:18,354 --> 01:22:21,983
In a shocking development,
among those captured in the attack
1279
01:22:22,066 --> 01:22:25,278
was Grammy-winning musician,
Carlos Santana,
1280
01:22:25,361 --> 01:22:27,864
known for such hits
as Black Magic Woman,
1281
01:22:27,947 --> 01:22:30,616
Evil Ways, and Oye Como Va.
1282
01:22:32,410 --> 01:22:37,206
Once more, America is in need
of its best and brightest.
1283
01:22:37,540 --> 01:22:42,670
One wonders if there are still heroes
willing to lead us
1284
01:22:42,753 --> 01:22:45,631
through the challenges we face as a nation.
1285
01:22:45,715 --> 01:22:47,675
I say the answer is yes.
1286
01:22:49,010 --> 01:22:52,138
And I am proud to be standing
here with them today
1287
01:22:52,221 --> 01:22:53,973
as we honor their sacrifice.
1288
01:22:54,056 --> 01:22:55,391
Ten hut!
1289
01:23:07,904 --> 01:23:09,363
What's my name?
1290
01:23:09,447 --> 01:23:11,282
Sergeant Kilgore, sir!
1291
01:23:11,657 --> 01:23:14,410
You will be a mean, lean fighting machine.
1292
01:23:14,619 --> 01:23:16,454
One, two, three!
1293
01:23:16,537 --> 01:23:17,997
Move it, fat buddy!
1294
01:23:18,080 --> 01:23:19,957
Oh, yeah! That's the way I like it!
1295
01:23:33,554 --> 01:23:34,805
Get some!
1296
01:23:57,286 --> 01:23:58,454
Hey!
1297
01:23:58,788 --> 01:24:00,414
Stop it! Stop it!
1298
01:24:00,665 --> 01:24:04,502
I'm a government employee!
You can't do this!
1299
01:24:05,127 --> 01:24:06,420
Here you go, honey.
1300
01:24:14,387 --> 01:24:17,390
Oh, I wish I had a thousand of them
just like you, son.
1301
01:24:18,140 --> 01:24:20,977
Any chance I can convince you
to come back to Washington?
1302
01:24:23,312 --> 01:24:25,773
Actually, General, I got other plans.
1303
01:24:51,424 --> 01:24:54,427
Mr. Chile, would you like to sing a song?
1304
01:24:54,510 --> 01:24:55,553
Yes!
1305
01:24:56,929 --> 01:25:00,349
Why don't you sing something
by Carlos Santana?
1306
01:25:00,600 --> 01:25:02,184
Okay.
1307
01:25:26,709 --> 01:25:29,211
- You sing very good.
- Thank you.
1308
01:25:29,795 --> 01:25:32,381
- What did you think of the last guy?
- I did not like the last guy.
1309
01:25:32,465 --> 01:25:33,591
- No?
- No.
1310
01:25:33,674 --> 01:25:35,259
He was squeezing my stick.
1311
01:25:35,343 --> 01:25:37,511
All right, you're gonna love this. Pull!
1312
01:25:37,595 --> 01:25:39,221
Lace thong.
1313
01:25:40,681 --> 01:25:43,017
Wait a second. Those are mine!
1314
01:25:43,100 --> 01:25:44,769
When you address me, you will address me
1315
01:25:44,852 --> 01:25:47,313
as Sergeant... What is my name? Kilgore!
1316
01:25:47,396 --> 01:25:50,274
How you doing, GI Joe. Can I help you?
1317
01:25:50,566 --> 01:25:52,068
What is my name?
1318
01:25:56,697 --> 01:25:58,908
My last movie was nominated
for two Academy Awards.
1319
01:25:58,991 --> 01:26:00,951
I would like to say that.
1320
01:26:16,258 --> 01:26:20,346
Man, who'd have thought
a woman that fat could move so quick?
1321
01:26:20,513 --> 01:26:22,390
Oh, my God, y'all!
1322
01:26:27,103 --> 01:26:28,354
Sergeant!
1323
01:26:28,437 --> 01:26:30,231
People of La Mirada...
1324
01:26:31,941 --> 01:26:33,943
People of La Miranda!
1325
01:26:34,110 --> 01:26:35,444
Tonight.
1326
01:26:35,611 --> 01:26:37,363
The end of La Mirada!
1327
01:26:37,613 --> 01:26:39,073
Shit!
1328
01:26:49,291 --> 01:26:50,668
Git-r-done!
1329
01:26:59,969 --> 01:27:03,097
Oye como va, bitches. I'm out.
92755
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