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Tender piano music.
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The ways that
people struggle with monogamy
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are not 100 percent resolvable.
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It just feels like I'm
being fucking suppressed!
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- I want all this to myself.
- Mm-hm.
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So monogamy to me
is, yes, I want Sean.
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I went on some dates,
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I was a horrible...
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husband,
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but I also felt
incredibly powerful.
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There's always this
internal conflict between the
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need for safety
and predictability
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and the need for
newness and adventure.
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Now I'm having sex
with somebody else,
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and then it felt like,
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"Okay, well, you're
having sex with them,
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so you need to be
having sex with me."
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That is not
a resolvable conflict.
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It's a practice, it's not a
place that you arrive at.
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We came in here
thinking that this would...
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Help us?
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- It did, it did.
- Hi!
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Hi!
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Ugh, Orna, where to begin?!
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- Um...
- At the end.
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At the end, yeah,
'cause this is the end.
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Uh, we're taking turns
having our tantrums.
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Today was my day.
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I'm feeling sad,
I'm feeling jealous,
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I'm feeling angry again.
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And then lots of
other things going on,
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like Israel's
bombing Gaza again,
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so I'm going to a lot
of protests, and...
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- feelings of helplessness...
- Yeah, right,
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there's this insanity
that's going on again, yes.
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Right?
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So it's
hard for me to even, like,
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focus on healing because
I'm focusing on this other
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thing.
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And then everything going
on with Ukraine as well.
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So...
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- there's a lot of emotions...
- Mm-hm.
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A lot of tension...
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My body, like, cannot manage it!
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I don't know what
it is, and I wish...
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What do you mean you
don't know what it is?
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- I mean, I know...
- You do know what it is.
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But I've gone to therapy!
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I journal!
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I take baths!
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Millennial logic
right here, yeah.
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Okay...
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When is this gonna go away?!
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I can't live my
whole life like this!
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And...
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And, first of
all, PTSD... especially,
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you know, major PTSD of, like,
being at war that also never
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- ends...
- Yeah, yeah.
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This is not just gonna go away.
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I mean...
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It's really tiring.
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And also, even... I mean,
to address the elephant in the
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- room, our dynamic...
- Mm-hm.
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As an Israeli Jew
with a Palestinian...
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Yeah.
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In the midst of
the political, um...
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made me a little bit anxious.
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But I feel love in this space.
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I feel like there is a real
shared experience here that is
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- happening.
- Communion, yeah.
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- Yeah, a communion.
- Mm-hm.
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Do you wanna say more,
though, about that elephant?
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Like, in terms of your concerns?
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I'm scared that...
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other Palestinians might
criticize me for placing myself
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- in this position.
- Even agreeing to this.
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- Yeah.
- Yeah.
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Yeah, for agreeing to this.
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However, you know, sometimes I
think when we look at things
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from the collective level,
things that we do to bar people
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from seeing each other... like
a literal separation wall...
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Further perpetuates
the conflict...
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- Mm-hm.
- Because I have no c...
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I have no opportunity to even
see that my "enemies" are just...
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Not your enemies, yeah.
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Yeah, they're just people...
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who are also trying to live,
who come from so much trauma as
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well.
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One way to think about it
is that we are relating
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under the radar of how
we're supposed to relate...
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- Hm.
- Which is as enemies.
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- Ah.
- Mm.
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And how are you
imagining your...
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future friendship?
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Oh, I love... great question.
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I feel like this is just the
beginning for our life and for
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our relationship together, um,
as it transforms over time...
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That's my hope.
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Um...
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so it would definitely be, like,
a big loss if that didn't take
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place, but either way,
I support you.
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Yeah.
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I think... we were
laughing, actually,
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when you opened the door because
we came here thinking that this
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would help us stay together.
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And even though
this sucks, of course,
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like, when I take a
bird's-eye view of my life,
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like, I came to
Brooklyn, I shaved my head,
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I did a poly
relationship with a hottie...
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It broke my heart...
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- You know?
- Mm-hm.
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This is just, uh, another... just
another chapter in the narrative
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of our lives.
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So some goodbyes
set us free, I think.
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Mm.
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In some ways, we... and you
have also said this... how we're
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nearing the end of our nest,
and we're both
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jumping off.
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And I've learned so much
and I've grown so much...
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- from being your partner.
- Oh, same, baby.
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So thank you for
creating that space.
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- Um...
- How do you feel?
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Yeah, can we ask you? No.
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Why not? Yes!
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How do you
feel about this process?
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- Yeah, how do you feel?
- I'm really gonna miss you two.
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- Aww.
- Really.
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- You're gonna make me cry!
- Same, clearly.
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- I'm like...
- "It was!"
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It's been very moving.
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Moving to...
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see how a
relationship can morph...
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and not get kind of bound by
very particular ideas of what a
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relationship is.
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And, personally, it's been very
important for me to work with
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- the two of you...
- Mm.
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Both because of the...
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Palestinian-Israeli,
the Lebanese-Israeli...
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Mm, mm-hm.
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I mean, it's all deeply
important to create this kind
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of...
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- possibility.
- Mm-hm.
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I'm really grateful.
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Mm.
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- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
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With every cell in
my body, thank you.
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Yeah.
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'Kay.
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Mellow synth music.
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- Goodbye.
- Good luck.
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Thank you so much.
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Bye.
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It was very sad to see them go.
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Yeah, of course!
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But the thing that
I found poignant was
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when Nadine was
able to realize...
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that she wasn't
looking for polyamory;
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That was a defense.
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Yeah.
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Nadine was protecting herself.
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Mm-hm.
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But she couldn't see that.
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There's a big
difference between the type of
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honesty people
exercise with each other
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and the type of honesty
they exercise internally.
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We all are motivated by
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an endlessly-evolving and
changing unconscious.
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You never get to a point where
you're honest with yourself and
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you can just sit
there and relax.
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There's always something
new that's gonna, like,
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mess things up.
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How are you two?
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- We're great!
- Good!
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- We actually had a conversation.
- -It was kinda light...
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About, you know, his employment
and how he feels about that,
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but it was a very, you
know, extremely-vulnerable
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conversation.
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Vulnerable on both your sides?
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More so on Sean's.
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You know, he was
basically saying,
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"You know, these opportunities
are not coming as... as I assumed
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they would be."
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He admitted that to me.
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And what's changed?
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We have a lot more
patience in our communication.
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She's being honest about
her underlying issues,
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and it's the same thing with me.
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I recognize a lot of the things
that Erica triggers that are
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- left over from my mom.
- Mm-hm.
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Or left over from
my first marriage.
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Mm-hm.
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Just things that I
intentionally guard myself
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against because of my
previous experiences in life.
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Mm-hm.
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But what would you say, Erica?
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Are you noticing change?
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Yeah, I feel like
it's been a lot better.
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I think I'm being a
lot more thoughtful
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in my, uh, use of language.
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Mm-hm.
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I think when you told me that
I was speaking to him like a
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- punishment...
- Mm-hm.
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Or to influence, I...
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I just thought I was just mad.
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Mm-hm.
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And so, um, in kind of
understanding that it's not more
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so about me being mad,
it's some other resentments,
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so we talked about
those resentments,
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and...
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it's definitely a real
dialogue that's being conducted.
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That's great.
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00:09:00,448 --> 00:09:04,458
Going back to language, I heard
Sean saying something that I
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00:09:04,658 --> 00:09:06,668
resonate with in our
earlier sessions:
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00:09:06,868 --> 00:09:11,298
That you were talking
in a way that...
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I guess wasn't... you were not
using language to speak from
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really a deep place inside you.
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Mm-hm.
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00:09:18,448 --> 00:09:20,518
Can I say
something about that, Sean?
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00:09:20,718 --> 00:09:23,018
- So he was talking to his son.
- -his oldest son...
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00:09:23,218 --> 00:09:25,034
And his son called him and said,
"Hey, Dad, what do you want
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00:09:25,058 --> 00:09:25,478
for your birthday?"
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And I guess they had
been on the phone for, like,
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two hours.
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00:09:28,188 --> 00:09:30,528
And he sent me this
text and he said,
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"Is it so bad that I just wanna
say that I just wanted to be on
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00:09:32,728 --> 00:09:34,528
the phone with you
for the two hours?"
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I was like, "That's so nice!"
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00:09:36,568 --> 00:09:38,038
But he didn't say that, though.
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00:09:38,238 --> 00:09:38,748
I said, "You
should've told him that!"
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As far as a person tapping
into something, that's...
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- Mm-hm.
- Yeah!
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00:09:42,298 --> 00:09:44,378
- I mean...
- That's, like, huge for him!
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00:09:44,578 --> 00:09:47,418
I was like, "That's so nice!"
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00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:50,668
It sounds like the words that
are actually having the most
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00:09:50,868 --> 00:09:54,678
impact are when you say
something, indeed, vulnerable.
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00:09:54,878 --> 00:09:55,278
- I hear that.
- Yeah.
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That's where
you're having an impact.
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00:09:57,258 --> 00:09:57,758
Mm-hm.
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00:09:57,968 --> 00:10:01,478
Because the more you speak
from a very honest place,
240
00:10:01,678 --> 00:10:04,518
the more I can see the two of
you just immediately connecting.
241
00:10:04,718 --> 00:10:05,108
Mm-hm.
242
00:10:05,308 --> 00:10:07,568
And something
good starts happening.
243
00:10:07,768 --> 00:10:09,648
And I guess that's
what I hear, and that's...
244
00:10:09,848 --> 00:10:12,028
Yeah, and that's what
moves you into the conversation.
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00:10:12,228 --> 00:10:13,698
Correct, correct.
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00:10:13,898 --> 00:10:15,568
That's a good...
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00:10:15,768 --> 00:10:20,658
way to frame what I think
the two of you need to be...
248
00:10:20,858 --> 00:10:21,924
- pretty conscious of...
- Mm-hm.
249
00:10:21,948 --> 00:10:23,078
More conscious of.
250
00:10:23,278 --> 00:10:25,078
Are you really
saying honest things?
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00:10:25,278 --> 00:10:27,038
Or are you...
252
00:10:27,238 --> 00:10:28,498
- hurting or...
- Mm-hm.
253
00:10:28,698 --> 00:10:29,168
- Hiding or...
- Mm-hm.
254
00:10:29,368 --> 00:10:33,548
Using words to not do
what they're supposed to do?
255
00:10:33,748 --> 00:10:35,678
Absolutely.
256
00:10:35,878 --> 00:10:40,518
Bright mellow music.
257
00:10:40,718 --> 00:10:41,718
Okay, bye.
258
00:10:41,758 --> 00:10:42,178
Thank you.
259
00:10:42,378 --> 00:10:45,558
Thank you
very much for everything.
260
00:10:45,758 --> 00:10:47,558
After you, beautiful.
261
00:10:56,528 --> 00:10:59,538
I feel like the progress
with them is incredible.
262
00:10:59,738 --> 00:11:00,158
I do too, yeah.
263
00:11:00,358 --> 00:11:02,538
I think you've done
amazing work with them.
264
00:11:02,738 --> 00:11:04,038
- Mm-hm.
- Yeah.
265
00:11:04,238 --> 00:11:05,788
- The group really helped.
- Yeah.
266
00:11:05,988 --> 00:11:06,988
How did it help?
267
00:11:07,158 --> 00:11:09,088
I feel like you guys
would not let me go!
268
00:11:09,288 --> 00:11:11,548
Like, you kept... were,
like, trying to help me, like,
269
00:11:11,748 --> 00:11:13,188
empathize with
him, and I was like...
270
00:11:15,078 --> 00:11:16,128
"Leave me alone!
271
00:11:16,338 --> 00:11:17,468
Stop!"
272
00:11:17,668 --> 00:11:19,718
But I did kind of...
273
00:11:19,918 --> 00:11:22,888
submit, and I went
back and looked for him.
274
00:11:23,088 --> 00:11:24,558
- Mm-hm.
- And you found him!
275
00:11:24,758 --> 00:11:25,758
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
276
00:11:25,798 --> 00:11:27,808
Which I actually
found quite, um,
277
00:11:28,008 --> 00:11:29,148
- moving.
- Yeah.
278
00:11:29,348 --> 00:11:31,568
- Me too.
- Very moving.
279
00:11:31,768 --> 00:11:32,898
Yeah.
280
00:11:33,558 --> 00:11:38,448
It was clear that there's,
like, a lot to still do...
281
00:11:38,648 --> 00:11:43,198
Like showing up in a more
real way with each other.
282
00:11:43,408 --> 00:11:46,578
You know, I would imagine that
the next chapter for them is
283
00:11:46,778 --> 00:11:49,668
what are they really bringing
to each other when they're truly
284
00:11:49,868 --> 00:11:51,458
talking?
285
00:11:51,658 --> 00:11:56,588
Cool ethereal music.
286
00:12:14,248 --> 00:12:15,688
It's definitely
Central Park, though;
287
00:12:15,888 --> 00:12:16,528
I'm just saying.
288
00:12:16,728 --> 00:12:17,858
Just...
289
00:12:18,058 --> 00:12:19,284
You still
think it's Central Park?
290
00:12:19,308 --> 00:12:21,238
It is Central Park.
291
00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:23,868
I think this guy just ate
mad mushrooms and was like,
292
00:12:24,068 --> 00:12:26,118
- "Lemme just..."
- I'm, like, squinting...
293
00:12:26,318 --> 00:12:28,998
"Just paint it."
294
00:12:29,198 --> 00:12:31,618
- Hi!
- Hi, how are you?
295
00:12:33,748 --> 00:12:36,628
So, um, I was listening to a
podcast that I normally listen
296
00:12:36,828 --> 00:12:37,128
to.
297
00:12:37,328 --> 00:12:39,508
The actual episode
was about grief,
298
00:12:39,708 --> 00:12:42,178
and so it wasn't about just
mourning people that you've lost
299
00:12:42,378 --> 00:12:45,678
to, you know... it was
about really also mourning
300
00:12:45,878 --> 00:12:47,138
versions of yourself.
301
00:12:47,338 --> 00:12:47,888
Mm-hm.
302
00:12:48,088 --> 00:12:52,228
And I think the part that
really struck a chord with me
303
00:12:52,428 --> 00:12:57,528
was, like, I've been
pushing away the f...
304
00:12:57,728 --> 00:13:00,908
The act of grieving
my previous self.
305
00:13:01,108 --> 00:13:02,568
- Like...
- Tell me.
306
00:13:02,768 --> 00:13:03,098
Um...
307
00:13:03,298 --> 00:13:05,538
when I was, like
growing up, like,
308
00:13:05,738 --> 00:13:08,254
my family knew I was going to be
the one that was going to go to
309
00:13:08,278 --> 00:13:08,598
- school.
- Mm-hm.
310
00:13:08,798 --> 00:13:09,158
Like, they knew
I... they were like,
311
00:13:09,358 --> 00:13:11,748
"Natasha's gonna
become something awesome,"
312
00:13:11,948 --> 00:13:13,088
she's going to...
313
00:13:13,288 --> 00:13:14,708
"be a lawyer or something..."
314
00:13:14,908 --> 00:13:16,174
I... I didn't want
to be a lawyer.
315
00:13:16,198 --> 00:13:18,588
But they just had
big dreams for me,
316
00:13:18,788 --> 00:13:19,378
- right?
- Uh-huh.
317
00:13:19,578 --> 00:13:22,008
And then, you know,
I had my daughter and my plans
318
00:13:22,208 --> 00:13:23,258
- changed.
- Mm-hm.
319
00:13:23,458 --> 00:13:27,018
And so, I... I
never really, like,
320
00:13:27,218 --> 00:13:30,768
sat with the fact that, like,
I had this plan for my life
321
00:13:30,968 --> 00:13:33,688
and it went somewhere else, and,
like, while that's a blessing,
322
00:13:33,888 --> 00:13:34,398
I still...
323
00:13:34,598 --> 00:13:37,608
I felt like mourning that
previous life was somehow
324
00:13:37,808 --> 00:13:39,568
disrespecting my...
325
00:13:39,768 --> 00:13:41,608
current reality, right?
326
00:13:41,808 --> 00:13:44,568
Like you couldn't
allow yourself to go there.
327
00:13:44,778 --> 00:13:46,078
Yeah.
328
00:13:46,278 --> 00:13:49,708
I feel like I'm stopping
myself from experiencing joy...
329
00:13:49,908 --> 00:13:51,288
- Mm-hm.
- In this relationship,
330
00:13:51,488 --> 00:13:55,748
in my life... because
I feel like I'm not...
331
00:13:55,948 --> 00:13:57,708
"that girl."
332
00:13:57,908 --> 00:13:59,264
You've failed
yourself in some way.
333
00:13:59,288 --> 00:14:01,128
Some way, yeah.
334
00:14:01,328 --> 00:14:02,928
- I feel like...
- So you're waiting...
335
00:14:03,128 --> 00:14:05,718
Yeah, to experience joy,
to find that fullness...
336
00:14:05,918 --> 00:14:07,968
- You're waiting for her.
- Yeah.
337
00:14:08,168 --> 00:14:09,394
- I'm waiting to be her...
- Mm-hm.
338
00:14:09,418 --> 00:14:10,808
I'm waiting for her to show up.
339
00:14:11,008 --> 00:14:11,558
Mm-hm.
340
00:14:11,758 --> 00:14:15,728
And so I was, like, really
sitting with how it would relate
341
00:14:15,928 --> 00:14:18,938
to, like, Josh,
because it's not just...
342
00:14:19,138 --> 00:14:21,648
sex or intimacy, it's
really just, like...
343
00:14:21,848 --> 00:14:25,738
I need to feel like I
deserve those things.
344
00:14:25,938 --> 00:14:28,328
That's where I need to
be very intentional.
345
00:14:28,528 --> 00:14:28,948
Mm-hm.
346
00:14:29,148 --> 00:14:31,788
It's like, "How can I
accept myself today?"
347
00:14:31,988 --> 00:14:32,988
Mm-hm!
348
00:14:33,158 --> 00:14:33,668
Mm-hm.
349
00:14:33,868 --> 00:14:36,328
"How can I love on myself
a little bit more today?"
350
00:14:36,538 --> 00:14:38,748
Mm-hm.
351
00:14:38,948 --> 00:14:40,168
- I like that.
- Yeah.
352
00:14:40,368 --> 00:14:42,628
You love yourself
better, I become better,
353
00:14:42,828 --> 00:14:43,278
we become better.
354
00:14:43,478 --> 00:14:45,638
- We love each other better.
- There we go, yes!
355
00:14:45,838 --> 00:14:47,934
But, like, love in, like,
the raised-eyebrow way, too.
356
00:14:47,958 --> 00:14:49,438
- Like, the wink way, too.
- Oh, okay!
357
00:14:49,548 --> 00:14:50,178
- I'm down with that.
- See?
358
00:14:50,378 --> 00:14:51,378
- Look at that.
- I'm in.
359
00:14:53,968 --> 00:14:54,968
Cool.
360
00:14:55,048 --> 00:14:56,348
Uh-huh.
361
00:14:56,558 --> 00:14:58,318
How's that landing with you?
362
00:14:58,518 --> 00:15:00,318
It's unbelievable
that she's doing that work.
363
00:15:00,518 --> 00:15:02,688
That's, like, really
difficult work to do.
364
00:15:02,888 --> 00:15:05,698
It also makes me sad,
365
00:15:05,898 --> 00:15:09,368
because that's a
lot to carry around.
366
00:15:09,568 --> 00:15:12,368
To walk around with the
burden of what you should be
367
00:15:12,568 --> 00:15:14,384
means that you're constantly
walking around with the burden
368
00:15:14,408 --> 00:15:15,868
- that you're not enough.
- Mm-hm.
369
00:15:16,068 --> 00:15:17,908
You know?
370
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:18,498
Anybody else you
come in contact with...
371
00:15:18,698 --> 00:15:20,548
But maybe something about, then,
372
00:15:20,748 --> 00:15:23,048
when the two of you get
into this way that you feel
373
00:15:23,248 --> 00:15:25,678
disappointed, it sits right...
374
00:15:25,878 --> 00:15:28,048
- on that feeling.
- Absolutely, yeah.
375
00:15:28,248 --> 00:15:29,808
Yeah.
376
00:15:30,008 --> 00:15:30,308
I, um...
377
00:15:30,508 --> 00:15:32,718
I've been
thinking a lot about...
378
00:15:32,918 --> 00:15:35,808
what our relationship
looks like to our children.
379
00:15:36,008 --> 00:15:38,268
- Mm-hm.
- And...
380
00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:43,068
being a good model for a
healthy relationship to them.
381
00:15:43,268 --> 00:15:45,198
I just look at my son.
382
00:15:45,398 --> 00:15:47,358
I think about him.
383
00:15:47,558 --> 00:15:48,914
Every day, I look
at him and I think, like,
384
00:15:48,938 --> 00:15:50,828
"I wanna make sure
you're fucking good,
385
00:15:51,028 --> 00:15:52,368
as best as I can."
386
00:15:52,568 --> 00:15:55,208
But I also think, like...
387
00:15:55,408 --> 00:15:57,918
I guess I do think of
my parents; like...
388
00:15:58,118 --> 00:16:00,998
you know, I
just wanna be better.
389
00:16:02,118 --> 00:16:04,378
Aww.
390
00:16:04,578 --> 00:16:06,418
Tender heartwarming music.
391
00:16:07,438 --> 00:16:12,928
I want our children
to be the representation of
392
00:16:13,128 --> 00:16:16,428
the meticulous effort we
put into our relationship,
393
00:16:16,638 --> 00:16:18,348
and that at some
point in the future,
394
00:16:18,548 --> 00:16:21,858
they say, "Our parents really
gave a fuck about each other.
395
00:16:22,058 --> 00:16:24,358
You know, and they love each
other and they worked towards
396
00:16:24,558 --> 00:16:27,238
"this, and this was
work that they did."
397
00:17:08,018 --> 00:17:08,358
- Hey!
- Hi!
398
00:17:08,558 --> 00:17:10,238
- Hello!
- How are you?
399
00:17:10,438 --> 00:17:12,898
Hey, sweet pup!
400
00:17:16,358 --> 00:17:17,788
- Hi.
- Hi.
401
00:17:17,988 --> 00:17:19,248
Hi.
402
00:17:19,448 --> 00:17:20,828
How are you two?
403
00:17:21,028 --> 00:17:22,028
Shitty.
404
00:17:23,198 --> 00:17:25,338
- Mm-hm.
- Yeah.
405
00:17:25,538 --> 00:17:26,918
I've been worried with you.
406
00:17:27,118 --> 00:17:29,048
Yeah.
407
00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:32,208
Last session was really hard.
408
00:17:35,258 --> 00:17:37,848
We, like...
409
00:17:38,048 --> 00:17:40,098
didn't see each other
for two days after that,
410
00:17:40,298 --> 00:17:42,268
we just took space...
411
00:17:42,468 --> 00:17:44,478
barely talked.
412
00:17:44,678 --> 00:17:46,478
I felt a feeling that
I'd never felt before.
413
00:17:47,678 --> 00:17:49,188
I just, like...
414
00:17:49,388 --> 00:17:51,948
like all my skin was
being sucked in towards me...
415
00:17:52,148 --> 00:17:52,468
Mm-hm.
416
00:17:52,668 --> 00:17:53,068
Collapsing on the inside...
417
00:17:53,268 --> 00:17:55,028
- Implosion.
- Like everything was
418
00:17:55,228 --> 00:17:56,828
sucking in.
419
00:17:57,028 --> 00:18:00,908
And I just felt really
devastated and really defeated.
420
00:18:01,988 --> 00:18:04,128
How about you?
421
00:18:04,328 --> 00:18:05,838
I would say for
those couple of days,
422
00:18:06,038 --> 00:18:08,048
I felt...
423
00:18:08,248 --> 00:18:10,218
like...
424
00:18:10,418 --> 00:18:13,048
just really empty.
425
00:18:13,248 --> 00:18:16,278
Um, almost like shell shock.
426
00:18:16,478 --> 00:18:19,978
It's like this weird feeling;
Like, it's like I'm...
427
00:18:20,178 --> 00:18:21,518
It's like when
I'm with her, like,
428
00:18:21,718 --> 00:18:23,978
I'm with her but
I'm also, like...
429
00:18:24,178 --> 00:18:26,188
hesitant to,
like, take her hand.
430
00:18:26,388 --> 00:18:28,978
Like, taking her
hand is, like...
431
00:18:29,178 --> 00:18:32,238
it's not natural anymore, it's
like something that I have to
432
00:18:32,438 --> 00:18:34,028
tell my hand to do.
433
00:18:34,228 --> 00:18:35,488
- Mm-hm.
- You know?
434
00:18:35,688 --> 00:18:39,998
It's a show that I'm...
I'm here and I'm in it,
435
00:18:40,198 --> 00:18:42,908
when there's this
part of me that runs.
436
00:18:43,108 --> 00:18:43,458
And so for me, like...
437
00:18:43,658 --> 00:18:46,578
There's this part
of you that runs...?
438
00:18:46,788 --> 00:18:49,378
That runs because I...
439
00:18:49,578 --> 00:18:51,418
don't trust.
440
00:18:51,618 --> 00:18:53,338
Mm-hm.
441
00:18:53,538 --> 00:18:53,988
And for you, Kristi?
442
00:18:54,188 --> 00:18:59,098
Where were you in that
kind of implosion and...?
443
00:18:59,298 --> 00:19:02,178
I felt like...
444
00:19:02,378 --> 00:19:04,938
one of the reasons why I was
so devastated last week...
445
00:19:05,138 --> 00:19:10,068
is because
Brock handed out an ultimatum.
446
00:19:10,268 --> 00:19:12,608
And he said, "Commit
to me in this way,
447
00:19:12,808 --> 00:19:15,528
or else I won't
open my heart to you."
448
00:19:15,728 --> 00:19:19,448
And I have resisted that
ultimatum for so long
449
00:19:19,648 --> 00:19:20,948
because...
450
00:19:21,148 --> 00:19:23,038
it violates my integrity.
451
00:19:23,238 --> 00:19:25,368
So finally, I called
your bluff last week,
452
00:19:25,568 --> 00:19:28,248
and I said, "Okay,
then we're open!"
453
00:19:28,448 --> 00:19:29,568
And you were like, "Oh, no",
454
00:19:29,618 --> 00:19:31,128
but that's not what I want!"
455
00:19:33,668 --> 00:19:36,208
"Cruel" is the word.
456
00:19:36,588 --> 00:19:39,678
The cruelty is...?
457
00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:42,508
The mind games.
458
00:19:44,178 --> 00:19:48,648
Meaning trying to pressure
you to come Brock's way?
459
00:19:48,848 --> 00:19:50,648
Yeah.
460
00:19:50,848 --> 00:19:55,068
I mean, the way I understand
your... this kind of impasse that
461
00:19:55,268 --> 00:19:58,658
the two of you have
worked your way into here...
462
00:19:58,858 --> 00:20:02,238
is the two of you either...
463
00:20:02,438 --> 00:20:05,958
blowing up your marriage
because you need to do that,
464
00:20:06,158 --> 00:20:10,628
because you managed to somehow
formulate your agenda so that it
465
00:20:10,828 --> 00:20:13,298
absolutely makes it impossible
for the two of you to stay
466
00:20:13,498 --> 00:20:15,338
together...
467
00:20:15,538 --> 00:20:19,428
or you're just
polarizing and saying,
468
00:20:19,628 --> 00:20:21,008
"I don't need
that, I need this,"
469
00:20:21,208 --> 00:20:24,598
when, in fact, both
of you need both.
470
00:20:24,968 --> 00:20:27,768
I don't know which one it is.
471
00:20:28,138 --> 00:20:31,188
But I have watched you
kind of bring it to the...
472
00:20:31,388 --> 00:20:35,108
Gradually, gradually, gradually
bring it to the point of, like,
473
00:20:35,308 --> 00:20:37,398
either/or.
474
00:20:38,818 --> 00:20:42,778
Now, why would the
two of you do that?
475
00:20:43,358 --> 00:20:48,708
The last session, I said,
like, it was about power.
476
00:20:48,908 --> 00:20:50,168
Mm-hm.
477
00:20:50,368 --> 00:20:54,208
And I felt like Kristi showed me
478
00:20:54,408 --> 00:20:58,008
that she has the power
to forget about me...
479
00:20:58,208 --> 00:21:00,138
- Mm-hm.
- And do something.
480
00:21:00,338 --> 00:21:00,838
Mm-hm.
481
00:21:01,038 --> 00:21:05,308
I mean, she, like,
knowingly really hurt me.
482
00:21:05,508 --> 00:21:09,478
And so my stupid
solution to this was,
483
00:21:09,678 --> 00:21:12,188
"Oh, well, I'll just go
out and have an affair,"
484
00:21:12,388 --> 00:21:14,688
and show you that I can, like...
485
00:21:14,888 --> 00:21:16,398
"I can hurt you
like you hurt me."
486
00:21:16,598 --> 00:21:18,068
Mm-hm.
487
00:21:18,268 --> 00:21:20,148
And...
488
00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:23,408
like, I realized that, like...
489
00:21:26,068 --> 00:21:28,408
like, I... I
realized that I have the
490
00:21:28,608 --> 00:21:30,788
power...
491
00:21:32,158 --> 00:21:36,168
like, to be the
monster but, like...
492
00:21:36,368 --> 00:21:40,798
that, like, really
makes me sad that I could.
493
00:21:51,348 --> 00:21:54,638
Where are you, Kristi?
494
00:21:56,188 --> 00:21:59,108
There is so much happening.
495
00:22:04,398 --> 00:22:07,358
I just felt so alone.
496
00:22:10,578 --> 00:22:13,208
And I couldn't
talk to you about that.
497
00:22:13,408 --> 00:22:15,208
You know, you wouldn't
hear anything from me.
498
00:22:18,998 --> 00:22:20,548
It was just...
499
00:22:20,748 --> 00:22:24,168
that was the worst
time of my life.
500
00:22:25,918 --> 00:22:28,428
I'm just...
501
00:22:28,628 --> 00:22:30,808
- tired of hurting each other.
- Yeah.
502
00:22:31,008 --> 00:22:34,348
I'm just really
fucking tired of it.
503
00:22:38,398 --> 00:22:40,438
And where does that
leave the two of you?
504
00:22:40,638 --> 00:22:45,188
I mean, in my mind, that
means you have to work it out.
505
00:22:45,528 --> 00:22:46,778
Yeah.
506
00:22:46,978 --> 00:22:51,288
I don't want,
like, pure fidelity.
507
00:22:51,488 --> 00:22:54,248
Like, I don't want you to,
like, swear loyalty to me.
508
00:22:56,328 --> 00:22:58,248
It's about, like...
509
00:22:58,448 --> 00:23:01,338
when I say, "This
is the worst thing,"
510
00:23:01,538 --> 00:23:03,258
don't do it.
511
00:23:06,128 --> 00:23:10,428
So what would you say
to Brock on his...
512
00:23:11,338 --> 00:23:16,228
"Will you promise me not to
hurt me in that way again?"
513
00:23:16,428 --> 00:23:18,148
Well, as long as
my phone is here,
514
00:23:18,348 --> 00:23:19,358
I wrote something.
515
00:23:19,558 --> 00:23:20,358
Mm-hm.-
516
00:23:20,558 --> 00:23:22,728
I wanna hear it.
517
00:23:24,938 --> 00:23:27,618
I wrote this last week.
518
00:23:27,818 --> 00:23:29,868
After those hard couple of days.
519
00:23:35,288 --> 00:23:38,538
"I cannot promise you
protection from pain..."
520
00:23:38,738 --> 00:23:40,298
or the unknown,
521
00:23:40,498 --> 00:23:42,208
or even myself.
522
00:23:42,408 --> 00:23:44,798
I am unknown unto myself,
523
00:23:44,998 --> 00:23:48,178
and untold pain has a way
of waiting for everyone
524
00:23:48,378 --> 00:23:50,808
in spite of promises.
525
00:23:51,008 --> 00:23:54,228
I cannot commit to your
freedom from suffering,
526
00:23:54,428 --> 00:23:57,398
but I can commit to your care.
527
00:23:57,598 --> 00:23:59,728
I will not rid our love of fear.
528
00:23:59,928 --> 00:24:03,738
In fact, I guarantee a
love that is fearsome.
529
00:24:03,938 --> 00:24:04,738
And when you tremble,
530
00:24:04,938 --> 00:24:07,238
I will squeeze your hand...
531
00:24:07,438 --> 00:24:10,658
and you will feel my
pulse against your palm.
532
00:24:10,858 --> 00:24:13,328
And if I rupture
something between us,
533
00:24:13,528 --> 00:24:15,908
I will do the slow
work of mending...
534
00:24:16,108 --> 00:24:19,288
Every minute, every day.
535
00:24:19,578 --> 00:24:21,588
Brock, I love you.
536
00:24:21,788 --> 00:24:24,378
You will be part
of my soul forever.
537
00:24:24,578 --> 00:24:26,418
That is the one thing I
can promise without any
538
00:24:26,538 --> 00:24:28,838
"reservation."
539
00:24:32,718 --> 00:24:35,298
Thank you.
540
00:24:36,388 --> 00:24:38,968
I love you too, Kis.
541
00:24:41,718 --> 00:24:43,228
I don't have anything written.
542
00:24:43,428 --> 00:24:46,688
That's okay.
543
00:24:50,488 --> 00:24:55,318
Delicate ambient music.
544
00:25:02,918 --> 00:25:05,958
The best outcome of
couples therapy is being able to
545
00:25:06,158 --> 00:25:07,968
see one another,
546
00:25:08,168 --> 00:25:12,508
and then care for the
person you're seeing.
547
00:25:13,088 --> 00:25:17,308
Care in the sense of, like,
wanting the other person to be
548
00:25:17,508 --> 00:25:18,978
who they are,
549
00:25:19,178 --> 00:25:23,608
and to love someone
despite their...
550
00:25:23,808 --> 00:25:25,978
imperfections.
551
00:25:26,178 --> 00:25:29,608
Time breathed slower.
552
00:25:29,808 --> 00:25:33,398
When we were younger.
553
00:25:36,108 --> 00:25:40,458
And now it's racing so fast.
554
00:25:40,658 --> 00:25:42,498
It's lost its breath...
555
00:25:42,698 --> 00:25:47,458
At many junctures, it would have
been easier for them to split.
556
00:25:47,658 --> 00:25:52,338
I wonder if the dogwoods.
557
00:25:52,538 --> 00:25:56,428
From our home in Georgia.
558
00:25:56,628 --> 00:26:00,638
Still stand tall or if tornados.
559
00:26:00,838 --> 00:26:04,018
Blew them over...
560
00:26:04,218 --> 00:26:07,478
They just keep going, going,
going towards each other and
561
00:26:07,678 --> 00:26:10,488
trying to figure it out.
562
00:26:10,688 --> 00:26:13,448
It's beautiful; that's love!
563
00:26:13,648 --> 00:26:16,778
Oh, I remember how we...
564
00:26:16,978 --> 00:26:19,408
But it's hard.
565
00:26:21,738 --> 00:26:26,748
You always went silent.
566
00:26:30,498 --> 00:26:35,588
Where do you go?
567
00:26:40,008 --> 00:26:43,138
Where do you go?
568
00:26:43,468 --> 00:26:48,938
Where do you go?
569
00:26:50,518 --> 00:26:53,608
Where do you go?
570
00:26:59,618 --> 00:27:02,498
I wonder.
571
00:27:02,698 --> 00:27:07,458
Where do you go?
572
00:27:11,538 --> 00:27:14,798
Where do you go?
573
00:27:15,548 --> 00:27:20,638
Where do you go?
574
00:27:22,218 --> 00:27:25,468
Where do you go?
575
00:27:26,218 --> 00:27:34,218
Where do you go?
43389
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