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1
00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:17,095
My dad has always
told me, like,
2
00:00:17,095 --> 00:00:18,345
you make sure
you're happy,
3
00:00:18,345 --> 00:00:19,220
because...
4
00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:20,679
you're ultimately
in charge of that,
5
00:00:20,679 --> 00:00:21,220
you know what
I'm saying?
6
00:00:21,220 --> 00:00:22,720
Like...
[sniffs]
7
00:00:23,053 --> 00:00:24,679
-Meaning --
-Don't depend on anyone.
8
00:00:25,553 --> 00:00:26,345
You know...
9
00:00:26,804 --> 00:00:29,011
goin' back to when we
got married, like...
10
00:00:29,387 --> 00:00:30,929
the day before,
11
00:00:30,929 --> 00:00:32,470
he was supposed
to come out,
12
00:00:32,470 --> 00:00:34,470
like, he just said
he's not coming'...
13
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:37,887
'cause he just --
14
00:00:37,887 --> 00:00:39,053
he didn't
believe that
15
00:00:39,053 --> 00:00:40,387
I was doing
the right thing.
16
00:00:41,512 --> 00:00:42,679
Wow.
17
00:00:45,887 --> 00:00:47,553
That's sabotage.
18
00:00:50,345 --> 00:00:51,261
He...
19
00:00:51,512 --> 00:00:52,470
had a girlfriend.
20
00:00:52,470 --> 00:00:54,053
Like, you
know, like...
21
00:00:54,762 --> 00:00:57,178
I guess my mom
had called him
22
00:00:57,178 --> 00:00:58,387
for something
and, like,
23
00:00:58,387 --> 00:00:59,637
she picked up
the phone and --
24
00:01:00,095 --> 00:01:00,929
I don't -- I don't
know what h--
25
00:01:00,929 --> 00:01:02,261
something transpired,
and --
26
00:01:02,261 --> 00:01:03,220
Mm-hm.
27
00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:04,762
[voice breaking] You
know, it's just, like,
28
00:01:04,762 --> 00:01:05,720
my dad --
29
00:01:11,387 --> 00:01:12,512
[whispers]
It's okay.
30
00:01:12,929 --> 00:01:13,762
No, I don't even
know why
31
00:01:13,762 --> 00:01:15,053
I'm getting
upset. [laughs]
32
00:01:15,053 --> 00:01:16,637
-Well, keep going.
-[clears throat] Um...
33
00:01:17,053 --> 00:01:18,595
no, my dad always
told me that --
34
00:01:18,595 --> 00:01:19,720
he said --
he's like,
35
00:01:20,053 --> 00:01:22,261
"You taught me a lot --
[clears throat]
36
00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:27,553
You taught me a lot
about relationships,
37
00:01:27,553 --> 00:01:28,345
like...
38
00:01:28,762 --> 00:01:30,095
how much you love."
39
00:01:31,261 --> 00:01:32,762
[crying] You know, my
parents had split up...
40
00:01:33,011 --> 00:01:35,261
shortly thereafter,
so it's just --
41
00:01:36,553 --> 00:01:38,136
[stifles cries]
[sniffs]
42
00:01:39,178 --> 00:01:41,178
it's just like, I
don't understand.
43
00:01:41,178 --> 00:01:42,095
[Orna] Yeah.
44
00:01:46,303 --> 00:01:48,553
I think it just ties
into everything...
45
00:01:49,470 --> 00:01:51,136
that we --
46
00:01:51,136 --> 00:01:52,804
like the mistrust
and stuff like that,
47
00:01:52,804 --> 00:01:53,470
and...
48
00:01:54,178 --> 00:01:55,136
as much as...
49
00:01:56,512 --> 00:01:58,845
I may put myself in a
position where it looks...
50
00:01:59,136 --> 00:02:00,637
like I'm doing
something, like, I--
51
00:02:00,637 --> 00:02:02,220
that's -- I would
never do that.
52
00:02:02,220 --> 00:02:02,970
Mm-hm.
53
00:02:02,970 --> 00:02:04,887
If I cheat on
you or if --
54
00:02:05,136 --> 00:02:06,637
there's no turning
back from that.
55
00:02:07,095 --> 00:02:08,095
[sniffs]
56
00:02:10,929 --> 00:02:14,136
♪slow airy
music♪
57
00:02:30,845 --> 00:02:33,261
[Orna] So you
were away, or...
58
00:02:33,261 --> 00:02:34,011
-remind me?
-I was.
59
00:02:34,011 --> 00:02:35,720
-I was away.
-What were you --
60
00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,804
I went on a father-son
trip with my dad.
61
00:02:37,804 --> 00:02:39,011
-Oh.
-Yeah.
62
00:02:39,011 --> 00:02:40,011
So who went?
63
00:02:40,011 --> 00:02:41,011
Just me and
my dad.
64
00:02:41,011 --> 00:02:42,512
Wow, that's
extraordinary.
65
00:02:42,512 --> 00:02:43,178
Yeah.
66
00:02:47,387 --> 00:02:49,929
[Orna] And how are
you two as a couple?
67
00:02:53,053 --> 00:02:54,387
-We're --
-[laughs]
68
00:02:54,387 --> 00:02:55,303
I think we're
okay.
69
00:02:55,303 --> 00:02:56,345
Yeah, we're okay.
70
00:02:57,261 --> 00:02:59,178
We just weren't on the
best terms when I left.
71
00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:00,178
Yeah.
72
00:03:01,553 --> 00:03:02,387
What happened?
73
00:03:03,845 --> 00:03:04,887
He was with
his dad.
74
00:03:04,887 --> 00:03:06,553
He gave me a call,
and he was like,
75
00:03:06,553 --> 00:03:08,178
"I'm on my way home
with my dad."
76
00:03:09,261 --> 00:03:11,095
So I head home --
[clears throat]
77
00:03:11,095 --> 00:03:13,220
and...no one
was home...
78
00:03:14,053 --> 00:03:15,970
so I thought
that was weird.
79
00:03:16,762 --> 00:03:19,261
Maybe...they went out
to eat or something,
80
00:03:19,261 --> 00:03:20,387
which... again,
81
00:03:20,387 --> 00:03:21,428
I thought that
that was strange
82
00:03:21,428 --> 00:03:23,970
that he wouldn't even
have called me t--
83
00:03:24,220 --> 00:03:25,595
to invite me
or anything.
84
00:03:25,595 --> 00:03:26,011
So...
85
00:03:26,303 --> 00:03:27,720
I went ahead
and I...
86
00:03:28,095 --> 00:03:30,220
ate by myself
at home...
87
00:03:31,220 --> 00:03:33,470
and then he ends
up coming home...
88
00:03:33,470 --> 00:03:35,178
and he's like,
"Where's my dad?"
89
00:03:35,804 --> 00:03:37,387
And I was like, "Wait you
weren't with your dad?"
90
00:03:37,387 --> 00:03:39,720
And he's like, "No,
I, like, went-"
91
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,095
I went to take care of
something with the car
92
00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:42,095
before I left.
93
00:03:42,095 --> 00:03:43,929
He kind of, like...
brushed it off.
94
00:03:43,929 --> 00:03:45,970
He was like, "Oh, I went
to the mechanic."
95
00:03:46,261 --> 00:03:47,970
I knew that he had
been drinking,
96
00:03:47,970 --> 00:03:49,887
'cause I could smell it when
he sat down next to me
97
00:03:49,887 --> 00:03:51,011
on the couch.
98
00:03:52,095 --> 00:03:53,136
He said what
he said, like,
99
00:03:53,136 --> 00:03:54,512
"Oh, I -- I went
there to, like,
100
00:03:54,512 --> 00:03:56,887
get my mom's tires
rotated, and...
101
00:03:57,261 --> 00:03:59,178
you know, I just stayed
there to hang out."
102
00:03:59,178 --> 00:04:00,303
Like, this and that.
103
00:04:00,303 --> 00:04:02,762
And I honestly didn't
really believe it,
104
00:04:02,762 --> 00:04:03,679
because...
105
00:04:04,804 --> 00:04:05,679
why should I?
106
00:04:07,178 --> 00:04:08,637
It comes across...
107
00:04:08,970 --> 00:04:09,970
like...
108
00:04:10,428 --> 00:04:12,261
you're hiding
something.
109
00:04:14,261 --> 00:04:16,011
[voice cracking] I just feel
like the lack of effort
110
00:04:16,011 --> 00:04:19,095
just really shows me how
he feels about me,
111
00:04:19,095 --> 00:04:21,261
and it's not --
it's not good.
112
00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:23,804
[Orna] Mm-hm.
113
00:04:28,178 --> 00:04:29,887
And I guess I have
to see that,
114
00:04:29,887 --> 00:04:30,970
'cause that's
really --
115
00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:32,804
that's really who
he is, you know?
116
00:04:33,261 --> 00:04:34,387
Mm-hm.
117
00:04:34,387 --> 00:04:35,178
[sighs]
118
00:04:35,553 --> 00:04:37,720
So while he was
away, I felt...
119
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:38,970
almost like --
like a --
120
00:04:38,970 --> 00:04:40,720
almost like
a relief...
121
00:04:43,136 --> 00:04:43,887
because I feel
like I didn't have
122
00:04:43,887 --> 00:04:45,929
to worry about
anything.
123
00:04:49,136 --> 00:04:51,679
What -- your face
is saying a lot.
124
00:04:51,679 --> 00:04:53,470
Wh-- what are
you feeling...
125
00:04:54,303 --> 00:04:55,637
when you're
hearing Evelyn?
126
00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:01,428
It's just,
like, I--
127
00:05:02,679 --> 00:05:04,345
I feel like it's
an overreaction.
128
00:05:05,428 --> 00:05:06,679
It's my buddy's
shop,
129
00:05:06,679 --> 00:05:08,178
I went there...
130
00:05:08,178 --> 00:05:09,553
he was doin'
me a favor.
131
00:05:10,011 --> 00:05:11,845
They had beers
in the fridge.
132
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:12,887
He knew I wasn't
gonna be here
133
00:05:12,887 --> 00:05:13,762
for my birthday
134
00:05:14,637 --> 00:05:15,929
He just said, "Oh,
you know,
135
00:05:15,929 --> 00:05:17,136
like, hang out
for a little bit."
136
00:05:17,136 --> 00:05:18,887
He was an old f--
it was nothing...
137
00:05:18,887 --> 00:05:20,178
nothing, but...
138
00:05:20,178 --> 00:05:21,512
I get home
and it's just...
139
00:05:22,470 --> 00:05:23,762
immediate attitude.
140
00:05:24,595 --> 00:05:25,595
And then he --
141
00:05:25,595 --> 00:05:27,929
listening to her tell
you, it's just like,
142
00:05:28,345 --> 00:05:29,178
"Oh, I don't know
what he's doing,
143
00:05:29,178 --> 00:05:30,095
I don't know
what he's doing."
144
00:05:30,095 --> 00:05:30,970
Like...
145
00:05:32,220 --> 00:05:34,011
why do you
automatically assume
146
00:05:34,011 --> 00:05:35,428
that I'm doing
something...
147
00:05:35,428 --> 00:05:36,303
to you?
148
00:05:37,220 --> 00:05:38,720
She didn't call me,
first of all.
149
00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:39,637
Mm-hm.
150
00:05:39,887 --> 00:05:41,637
You know, sh- she
could've been like,
151
00:05:41,637 --> 00:05:42,637
"Hey, um...
152
00:05:43,011 --> 00:05:44,345
I- I didn't know
where you were,"
153
00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:46,053
or like, "I didn't know
what was going on.
154
00:05:46,053 --> 00:05:46,804
Like...
155
00:05:47,095 --> 00:05:48,887
I had this...plan,
156
00:05:48,887 --> 00:05:50,387
like, we were gonna do
something for dinner.
157
00:05:50,387 --> 00:05:52,095
Like, I didn't know
what we were doing."
158
00:05:52,095 --> 00:05:53,220
Like, there's
no plan.
159
00:05:54,345 --> 00:05:55,970
And then I- I would've
apol- it's a-
160
00:05:55,970 --> 00:05:57,804
it's a
miscommunication.
161
00:05:57,804 --> 00:05:59,387
Why didn't
you each call?
162
00:05:59,387 --> 00:06:01,387
Why didn't you call and
why didn't you call?
163
00:06:03,136 --> 00:06:04,136
[sighs]
164
00:06:05,303 --> 00:06:06,345
I just wasn't...
165
00:06:06,345 --> 00:06:07,053
thinking.
166
00:06:07,053 --> 00:06:08,345
I r- really, like,
167
00:06:08,345 --> 00:06:10,637
didn't expect to be
there as long as I was.
168
00:06:11,011 --> 00:06:13,387
But I'm just curious,
why didn't you call?
169
00:06:13,387 --> 00:06:14,887
[Alan] I just-
I just didn't.
170
00:06:14,887 --> 00:06:16,220
-It was a bad-
-But say-
171
00:06:16,220 --> 00:06:17,428
try to- try to
think about
172
00:06:17,428 --> 00:06:19,220
what was going
on inside you.
173
00:06:21,011 --> 00:06:22,387
I didn't think I was
gone for that long,
174
00:06:22,387 --> 00:06:23,637
or that I
needed to.
175
00:06:23,637 --> 00:06:24,303
[Orna] Mm-hm.
176
00:06:24,762 --> 00:06:26,220
What are you
thinking, Evelyn?
177
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,053
Why not call
or text?
178
00:06:31,136 --> 00:06:32,220
I guess
because I...
179
00:06:32,220 --> 00:06:33,470
thought he would've
been home,
180
00:06:33,470 --> 00:06:35,261
and then the fact
that he wasn't...
181
00:06:36,053 --> 00:06:37,095
and didn't say
anything,
182
00:06:37,095 --> 00:06:38,720
and I thought that
he was with his dad.
183
00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:39,553
I was like,
184
00:06:39,553 --> 00:06:41,428
"Okay, they either
went out to eat
185
00:06:41,428 --> 00:06:43,428
and they...didn't
invite me [laughs]
186
00:06:43,428 --> 00:06:45,387
so I'm just gonna
do my own thing...
187
00:06:45,845 --> 00:06:47,095
-and I'll let them-"
-So you started-
188
00:06:47,095 --> 00:06:48,470
but you started
to go down
189
00:06:48,470 --> 00:06:50,929
a certain path of
feeling insulted?
190
00:06:53,553 --> 00:06:54,804
Yeah, I guess.
191
00:06:54,804 --> 00:06:55,512
Yeah.
192
00:06:55,512 --> 00:06:56,345
I'm sorry to
interject,
193
00:06:56,345 --> 00:06:57,261
but like,
you see?
194
00:06:57,261 --> 00:06:58,095
Like, all these
things when
195
00:06:58,095 --> 00:06:59,053
you could've
just asked me.
196
00:06:59,053 --> 00:07:00,220
You could've
just called.
197
00:07:00,679 --> 00:07:03,887
Like, I don't
like to be...
198
00:07:03,887 --> 00:07:05,303
looking for you.
199
00:07:05,303 --> 00:07:06,428
Like, I don't
want to be,
200
00:07:06,428 --> 00:07:07,845
"Oh, well, if you-
201
00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:10,303
if you were interested,
or if you couldn't-"
202
00:07:10,303 --> 00:07:11,303
You know, "If you
were concerned,
203
00:07:11,303 --> 00:07:13,303
then why didn't
you just call me?"
204
00:07:14,136 --> 00:07:16,679
W- why do I have to
be looking for you?
205
00:07:16,679 --> 00:07:17,470
-Did it-
-I'm an adult.
206
00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:18,303
If I'm gone for
two hours,
207
00:07:18,303 --> 00:07:20,261
it doesn't mean
I'm off...
208
00:07:20,553 --> 00:07:22,261
-cheating on her.
-Mm-hm.
209
00:07:22,512 --> 00:07:23,095
And that's-
210
00:07:23,929 --> 00:07:25,136
that's the vibe
that she gives me.
211
00:07:25,136 --> 00:07:27,178
Like I'm being
dishonest or deceitful.
212
00:07:27,178 --> 00:07:27,929
[Orna] Mm-hm.
213
00:07:28,303 --> 00:07:29,970
A- and it-
frankly, it just-
214
00:07:29,970 --> 00:07:31,345
it pushes
me away.
215
00:07:31,345 --> 00:07:32,345
And it's not, like,
216
00:07:32,345 --> 00:07:33,345
even though
we've been...
217
00:07:33,345 --> 00:07:35,053
doing this
and, like-
218
00:07:35,804 --> 00:07:37,512
I don't feel like
anything is changing.
219
00:07:37,512 --> 00:07:38,178
[Orma] Mm-hm.
220
00:07:39,220 --> 00:07:40,345
[Evelyn] I feel like things
were getting better.
221
00:07:40,345 --> 00:07:42,512
Do you feel like
you...
222
00:07:42,512 --> 00:07:43,303
telling me...
223
00:07:43,303 --> 00:07:44,845
and communicating
with me --
224
00:07:44,845 --> 00:07:47,136
'cause I feel like we were
doing well for a while.
225
00:07:47,136 --> 00:07:48,261
Do you feel like...
226
00:07:48,261 --> 00:07:50,387
that was not
working for you?
227
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:53,053
[voice cracking] Was that
that difficult for you?
228
00:07:53,053 --> 00:07:54,178
Well, let's...
229
00:07:54,178 --> 00:07:55,637
hear what Alan
has to say.
230
00:07:56,178 --> 00:07:57,845
I did not have a
problem with it,
231
00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,970
but it's like, the
one time I don't,
232
00:08:00,303 --> 00:08:01,512
it's like the end
of the world.
233
00:08:01,512 --> 00:08:02,845
-Mm-hm.
-[sniffs]
234
00:08:03,845 --> 00:08:06,553
But knowing that that's
what's gonna happen,
235
00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:09,178
I mean, we- we can
all predict it already,
236
00:08:09,178 --> 00:08:10,512
that that's
the dynamic...
237
00:08:12,136 --> 00:08:13,679
why go there?
238
00:08:15,345 --> 00:08:16,804
You mean go down
that route?
239
00:08:16,804 --> 00:08:17,679
Yeah.
240
00:08:19,387 --> 00:08:20,929
Uh, I don't
know.
241
00:08:23,178 --> 00:08:25,136
♪soft
piano♪
242
00:08:25,679 --> 00:08:26,637
[sigh]
243
00:08:30,345 --> 00:08:31,220
[Alan] Have a good
night, Orna.
244
00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:31,929
-You too.
-Good night.
245
00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:34,720
[Orna] They were supposedly
getting better.
246
00:08:35,428 --> 00:08:36,470
He was being
more up-front,
247
00:08:36,470 --> 00:08:38,553
she was feeling
less suspicious...
248
00:08:38,553 --> 00:08:40,845
and then there's,
like, a backslide...
249
00:08:41,303 --> 00:08:43,553
and they're both feeling
kind of hopeless.
250
00:08:45,053 --> 00:08:46,720
They each described...
251
00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:50,178
not feeling up
for the effort...
252
00:08:51,261 --> 00:08:53,679
a-- almost like there's
not enough love, or...
253
00:08:54,303 --> 00:08:55,095
But...
254
00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:57,512
they were getting
rewards for the effort,
255
00:08:57,804 --> 00:08:58,428
week by week.
256
00:08:58,428 --> 00:08:59,970
It was a lot
of effort
257
00:08:59,970 --> 00:09:01,720
and they got
their rewards.
258
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:02,261
[Orna] Yeah.
259
00:09:03,136 --> 00:09:04,595
So some- there's
something else in here.
260
00:09:05,053 --> 00:09:06,720
Could it be the cruise?
261
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,387
It's like, it's a very
big thing to do-
262
00:09:08,387 --> 00:09:10,428
He can't really be
in this relationship
263
00:09:10,428 --> 00:09:11,720
because of his
identification
264
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,345
-with his father.
-And his father did not,
265
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:15,095
um...
266
00:09:15,095 --> 00:09:15,929
anoint them.
267
00:09:15,929 --> 00:09:16,720
Yeah.
268
00:09:17,595 --> 00:09:19,512
I mean, that is the
most astounding thing.
269
00:09:19,512 --> 00:09:20,428
[Orna] Mm-hm.
270
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:25,428
♪funky
music♪
271
00:10:04,095 --> 00:10:04,804
[meow]
272
00:10:06,011 --> 00:10:06,804
[meow]
273
00:10:22,845 --> 00:10:24,720
I go through phases
where I'm just, like,
274
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:25,804
I don't wanna
have sex,
275
00:10:25,804 --> 00:10:27,512
and, like, not
interested.
276
00:10:27,512 --> 00:10:28,470
I can be
persuaded,
277
00:10:28,470 --> 00:10:29,720
but like,
ennh, no.
278
00:10:29,970 --> 00:10:31,804
And then I go through
phases where I'm like,
279
00:10:31,804 --> 00:10:33,929
"Oh, my God, I can't
get sex off my mind.
280
00:10:33,929 --> 00:10:35,303
Please, Lord,
give me...
281
00:10:35,303 --> 00:10:36,595
-sex right now."
-Mm-hm.
282
00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:39,178
There's been a lot
of that lately...
283
00:10:40,053 --> 00:10:41,553
-and-
-A lot of "give me"?
284
00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:42,970
-A lot of me being like-
-Mh-hm.
285
00:10:42,970 --> 00:10:45,053
"Oh my God,"
like, revved up.
286
00:10:45,053 --> 00:10:45,845
Mm-hm.
287
00:10:45,845 --> 00:10:47,136
And...
288
00:10:47,136 --> 00:10:49,345
Lauren being like...
289
00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:51,387
"Yeah, sure,
let's do it."
290
00:10:51,387 --> 00:10:52,470
Where I'm like,
291
00:10:52,470 --> 00:10:54,512
"Mm, you're not
into this."
292
00:10:55,095 --> 00:10:56,887
I'm just not...
293
00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:59,178
feeling just very...
294
00:10:59,178 --> 00:10:59,845
sexual...
295
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:02,845
right now.
296
00:11:02,845 --> 00:11:04,970
Sarah has been in
a period of, like,
297
00:11:04,970 --> 00:11:06,679
extreme...
298
00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:08,428
-like, wanting to have sex.
-Mm-hm.
299
00:11:08,428 --> 00:11:09,387
And...
300
00:11:09,387 --> 00:11:11,095
she'll say...
301
00:11:12,345 --> 00:11:13,929
"I'd like to have
sex this evening."
302
00:11:13,929 --> 00:11:15,220
-Mm-hm.
-I say...
303
00:11:15,220 --> 00:11:15,970
"Great!"
304
00:11:15,970 --> 00:11:17,345
-Like, "I'm in."
-Mm-hm.
305
00:11:17,345 --> 00:11:18,970
Like, I- I'll- I'll
absolutely have sex.
306
00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:20,470
Like, I might
not be...
307
00:11:20,470 --> 00:11:22,929
wanting, like,
in that moment
308
00:11:22,929 --> 00:11:24,095
-to have sex-
-Mm-hm.
309
00:11:24,095 --> 00:11:24,762
but...
310
00:11:25,595 --> 00:11:26,804
the fact that she
wants to have sex,
311
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:28,762
like, yeah, I can
certainly be into that.
312
00:11:28,762 --> 00:11:29,595
[Orna] Mm-hm.
313
00:11:29,595 --> 00:11:30,345
And...
314
00:11:31,011 --> 00:11:32,428
then nothing
will happen,
315
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,387
and then I feel like I
continually get blamed.
316
00:11:35,387 --> 00:11:37,428
And what's
your wish?
317
00:11:37,804 --> 00:11:39,428
That she would,
like,
318
00:11:39,428 --> 00:11:40,553
want to have
sex, or, like,
319
00:11:40,553 --> 00:11:41,512
at least bring
it up-
320
00:11:41,512 --> 00:11:42,553
That she would
want it,
321
00:11:42,553 --> 00:11:43,679
or that she would initiate?
322
00:11:45,261 --> 00:11:46,512
I guess
323
00:11:46,762 --> 00:11:47,887
initiate...
324
00:11:48,303 --> 00:11:49,303
because...
325
00:11:49,303 --> 00:11:51,887
I feel like I'm
always initiating.
326
00:11:53,095 --> 00:11:54,845
Lauren really
hardly ever...
327
00:11:55,553 --> 00:11:57,011
I mean, I don't-
328
00:11:57,011 --> 00:11:58,720
like, percentage-wise,
maybe...
329
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:02,345
30 percent?
330
00:12:02,345 --> 00:12:03,553
Does that
feel fair?
331
00:12:04,095 --> 00:12:05,637
-What are you asking?
-Initiates?
332
00:12:05,637 --> 00:12:07,512
Yeah, I'd say
that's a generous.
333
00:12:07,762 --> 00:12:09,011
I would say it's
generous too,
334
00:12:09,011 --> 00:12:10,929
but I was trying to
be kind. [laughs]
335
00:12:10,929 --> 00:12:12,595
No, that's very
generous.
336
00:12:12,595 --> 00:12:14,720
-Um-
-So you initiate more...
337
00:12:15,553 --> 00:12:17,095
and that
bothers you?
338
00:12:18,095 --> 00:12:20,261
I think I...
339
00:12:21,387 --> 00:12:23,762
want to feel wanted.
340
00:12:24,929 --> 00:12:26,970
Part of it is most
likely tied...
341
00:12:27,220 --> 00:12:28,261
to...
342
00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:29,762
um...
343
00:12:31,095 --> 00:12:32,428
I had my surgery...
344
00:12:32,428 --> 00:12:34,178
uh, my bottom
surgery-
345
00:12:34,178 --> 00:12:35,095
-Mm-hm.
-Six months into
346
00:12:35,095 --> 00:12:36,261
our relationship.
347
00:12:36,261 --> 00:12:37,595
Theres a, uh...
348
00:12:37,595 --> 00:12:41,095
a complication
that I have that...
349
00:12:41,095 --> 00:12:43,178
uh, makes, um-
350
00:12:43,178 --> 00:12:45,470
-it's incredibly painful.
-Yeah.
351
00:12:45,470 --> 00:12:46,804
It kind of, like...
352
00:12:47,637 --> 00:12:49,720
shuts me down,
uh, pretty good.
353
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:50,845
-Mm-hm.
-Um...
354
00:12:50,845 --> 00:12:52,637
Which is fine, we've like
worked around that,
355
00:12:52,637 --> 00:12:54,428
-but it was...
-Yeah, it's not uncommon,
356
00:12:54,428 --> 00:12:55,970
-right?
- No.
357
00:12:55,970 --> 00:12:58,428
Yeah, it's- I have
a stricture,
358
00:12:58,428 --> 00:12:59,804
-which is, um-
-Mm-hm.
359
00:13:00,762 --> 00:13:03,637
Yeah, just feels
like jagged glass...
360
00:13:04,804 --> 00:13:06,762
and I have a lot
of shame...
361
00:13:08,136 --> 00:13:09,261
around it...
362
00:13:09,261 --> 00:13:10,303
um...
363
00:13:10,762 --> 00:13:11,804
What, uh-
364
00:13:12,428 --> 00:13:14,136
what's the shame?
365
00:13:14,136 --> 00:13:15,303
Help me...
366
00:13:15,303 --> 00:13:16,470
understand,
get there.
367
00:13:16,470 --> 00:13:18,303
I feel like I did
something wrong.
368
00:13:18,804 --> 00:13:20,762
I think she feels
like it's her fault...
369
00:13:21,261 --> 00:13:22,136
that...
370
00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:24,804
her vagina causes
her pain.
371
00:13:25,637 --> 00:13:27,804
I-- i-- i--
is that it?
372
00:13:29,095 --> 00:13:31,303
I just- I feel kind
of incomplete,
373
00:13:31,303 --> 00:13:32,345
and kind of...
374
00:13:33,136 --> 00:13:34,261
um...
375
00:13:37,804 --> 00:13:38,470
[sighs]
376
00:13:39,011 --> 00:13:40,595
I j-- I feel very
ashamed.
377
00:13:40,595 --> 00:13:42,428
It's just kind of, like,
where I'm at, like...
378
00:13:42,845 --> 00:13:44,679
down there,
and it just...
379
00:13:46,345 --> 00:13:47,011
makes me-
380
00:13:47,011 --> 00:13:48,095
I think, uh,
I'm angry.
381
00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:49,804
-I think I'm angry.
-Mm-hm.
382
00:13:50,845 --> 00:13:52,845
Still, I feel like
the shame is...
383
00:13:55,887 --> 00:13:58,470
there's some--
something hidden in that.
384
00:13:58,762 --> 00:13:59,345
[Sarah] Hm.
385
00:14:00,220 --> 00:14:01,845
Like, wh-- what is
this shame about?
386
00:14:01,845 --> 00:14:03,470
Like something
is getting...
387
00:14:03,762 --> 00:14:04,845
passed around...
388
00:14:06,095 --> 00:14:07,053
through the shame...
389
00:14:08,220 --> 00:14:10,011
and I-- I wanna go back
to how it affects
390
00:14:10,011 --> 00:14:11,011
the two of you.
391
00:14:11,512 --> 00:14:13,387
W-- how has it affected
your sex life,
392
00:14:13,387 --> 00:14:16,303
-your erotic life, your-
-Yeah.
393
00:14:18,095 --> 00:14:20,720
I feel like we got into little
grooves here and there
394
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:22,136
where...things
would click,
395
00:14:22,136 --> 00:14:24,261
and we'd...make
something work,
396
00:14:24,845 --> 00:14:26,470
and then we'd
fall out of it...
397
00:14:26,470 --> 00:14:29,053
and then it was just really
hard to start back up.
398
00:14:29,053 --> 00:14:31,011
Like, I think at
some point...
399
00:14:31,345 --> 00:14:32,804
probably right before
we got married,
400
00:14:32,804 --> 00:14:34,136
it was like...
401
00:14:34,136 --> 00:14:36,261
we were going, like,
a month or two...
402
00:14:36,762 --> 00:14:38,095
without having sex.
403
00:14:38,095 --> 00:14:39,804
-I think two months.
-Without any kind of sex?
404
00:14:39,804 --> 00:14:41,637
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
405
00:14:41,637 --> 00:14:44,261
And then when
we got married,
406
00:14:44,261 --> 00:14:46,053
like, I think I
started panicking
407
00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:49,011
right before we got
married, of just being like,
408
00:14:49,011 --> 00:14:50,011
"Oh no.
409
00:14:50,011 --> 00:14:51,887
Like, there's part of
me that's dying."
410
00:14:52,553 --> 00:14:54,637
Meaning if you give
up on your sex life,
411
00:14:54,637 --> 00:14:56,762
-the two of you.
-Yeah.
412
00:14:56,762 --> 00:14:58,220
I remember, that was
my only hesitation
413
00:14:58,220 --> 00:14:59,804
was being, like,
"Our sex life,
414
00:14:59,804 --> 00:15:00,970
I don't know if
this is right."
415
00:15:00,970 --> 00:15:02,929
Did you talk
about it then?
416
00:15:02,929 --> 00:15:04,136
We tried talking
about it.
417
00:15:04,136 --> 00:15:06,095
I feel like every time
we talked about it, it-
418
00:15:06,095 --> 00:15:07,095
it got heated,
419
00:15:07,095 --> 00:15:08,136
and like...
420
00:15:08,136 --> 00:15:10,053
I think that
Lauren got-
421
00:15:10,053 --> 00:15:12,011
felt...defensive
422
00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:13,887
and like I was
attacking.
423
00:15:15,762 --> 00:15:18,512
But then after
we got married,
424
00:15:18,512 --> 00:15:21,011
we opened up
our relationship...
425
00:15:21,011 --> 00:15:22,095
and...
426
00:15:22,095 --> 00:15:23,428
that, like...
427
00:15:23,428 --> 00:15:24,762
it was like...
428
00:15:26,387 --> 00:15:29,095
-a- a pressure relief valve.
-Mm-hm.
429
00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:32,804
Just the conversation
of being able
430
00:15:32,804 --> 00:15:34,637
to have sex with
other people
431
00:15:34,637 --> 00:15:36,095
took a lot of
pressure off.
432
00:15:36,095 --> 00:15:36,804
[Lauren]
It did.
433
00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:38,470
That suddenly she
wasn't on the defense,
434
00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:39,470
she was like,
435
00:15:39,470 --> 00:15:41,345
"Oh, you
have needs-
436
00:15:41,345 --> 00:15:42,345
Mm-hm.
437
00:15:42,345 --> 00:15:43,095
Cool.
438
00:15:43,095 --> 00:15:44,637
And here's a
solution, like,
439
00:15:44,637 --> 00:15:46,345
where maybe you can
get your needs met."
440
00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:47,303
Mm-hm.
441
00:15:47,303 --> 00:15:48,970
And then she was
kind of thinking, like,
442
00:15:48,970 --> 00:15:52,053
"Well, shit, maybe
I wanna date men.
443
00:15:52,053 --> 00:15:52,762
Yeah.
444
00:15:52,762 --> 00:15:55,011
And then we
got to...
445
00:15:55,011 --> 00:15:57,178
-explore all of that-
-Mm-hm.
446
00:15:57,178 --> 00:15:59,970
together, and
that was...
447
00:16:00,637 --> 00:16:01,595
just...
448
00:16:02,512 --> 00:16:03,303
magic.
449
00:16:03,303 --> 00:16:04,637
That was like a-
450
00:16:04,637 --> 00:16:06,637
such a turning point
for our relationship.
451
00:16:06,637 --> 00:16:07,637
-It was pretty cool.
-Mm-hm.
452
00:16:07,637 --> 00:16:09,762
And then suddenly,
like, we were, like,
453
00:16:09,762 --> 00:16:11,679
having sex with
other people...
454
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,011
separately, together,
455
00:16:13,011 --> 00:16:13,845
and then
it was like
456
00:16:13,845 --> 00:16:15,804
encouraging us
to have sex,
457
00:16:15,804 --> 00:16:17,387
-like more sex together.
-Yeah.
458
00:16:17,387 --> 00:16:18,178
Amazing.
459
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:20,887
And it really just
sort of, like,
460
00:16:20,887 --> 00:16:23,095
changed our
whole world.
461
00:16:23,095 --> 00:16:24,178
Mm-hm.
462
00:16:24,887 --> 00:16:26,679
And now that I say
this, I'm like,
463
00:16:26,679 --> 00:16:29,512
we haven't dated
anybody externally
464
00:16:29,512 --> 00:16:31,303
-in about a year.
-Mm-hm.
465
00:16:31,637 --> 00:16:34,679
And I have, like, a massive
crush on someone.
466
00:16:34,679 --> 00:16:35,970
-[laughs]
-Mm-hm.
467
00:16:35,970 --> 00:16:37,345
And so, like, I am
super revved up,
468
00:16:37,345 --> 00:16:38,929
like, I know that's
why I'm revved up.
469
00:16:38,929 --> 00:16:40,011
-Mm-hm.
-Yeah.
470
00:16:40,679 --> 00:16:41,887
And...
471
00:16:41,887 --> 00:16:42,845
it's been really
fun to, like,
472
00:16:42,845 --> 00:16:44,178
share my fantasy
with Lauren,
473
00:16:44,178 --> 00:16:45,887
and like tell her every
step of the way,
474
00:16:45,887 --> 00:16:46,845
and be like, "This
happened today,
475
00:16:46,845 --> 00:16:48,345
this happened today."
You know?
476
00:16:48,595 --> 00:16:50,220
-Like, crushes happen.
-Mm-hm.
477
00:16:50,220 --> 00:16:53,178
And it's been great, but
I'm not getting the, like-
478
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:54,845
like-
479
00:16:54,845 --> 00:16:57,136
like I wanna bring
that energy to her
480
00:16:57,136 --> 00:16:58,220
and be like,
"Let's t--"
481
00:16:58,220 --> 00:16:59,720
'cause nothing
is happening.
482
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:01,720
But like, let's
do this. [laughs]
483
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:02,720
-Like, let's-
-Mm-hm.
484
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:04,095
Let's roll with
this energy,
485
00:17:04,095 --> 00:17:05,512
and she's not...
486
00:17:05,887 --> 00:17:07,804
especially, like...
yeah.
487
00:17:07,804 --> 00:17:10,136
I-- she's not in a place
where she can, like...
488
00:17:10,804 --> 00:17:12,011
-roll with me.
-Come along.
489
00:17:12,011 --> 00:17:12,595
Yeah.
490
00:17:12,845 --> 00:17:14,595
I just- I think
that's-
491
00:17:14,595 --> 00:17:15,553
I don't-
492
00:17:16,512 --> 00:17:18,637
what do you want
my response to be?
493
00:17:19,095 --> 00:17:20,887
I just wish that
you were, like,
494
00:17:20,887 --> 00:17:22,387
as excited to have
sex with me
495
00:17:22,387 --> 00:17:23,428
as I am...
496
00:17:23,679 --> 00:17:25,053
to have sex
with you.
497
00:17:26,387 --> 00:17:29,220
♪soft
music♪
498
00:17:48,595 --> 00:17:52,595
♪♪♪
499
00:18:33,804 --> 00:18:35,387
I don't want to
fight with you.
500
00:18:35,387 --> 00:18:37,762
I really, really would
be so happy
501
00:18:37,762 --> 00:18:39,095
if we could just
stay calm.
502
00:18:39,512 --> 00:18:41,220
Remember the-
our safe word, okay?
503
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:42,887
-It's Mamie.
-Mamie.
504
00:18:42,887 --> 00:18:44,095
[laughs]
505
00:18:45,053 --> 00:18:45,679
-Hi.
-Hi.
506
00:18:45,679 --> 00:18:46,261
Hey.
507
00:18:46,845 --> 00:18:47,970
[Orna]
Hmm.
508
00:18:49,345 --> 00:18:51,470
One of the things that
we didn't get to
509
00:18:51,470 --> 00:18:53,178
is that...
510
00:18:53,178 --> 00:18:55,261
Mau, you know...
511
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:57,595
he left home
at 15.
512
00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:59,512
He left for an
older woman,
513
00:18:59,512 --> 00:19:02,679
because this
college-aged woman...
514
00:19:03,804 --> 00:19:05,178
picked him up...
515
00:19:05,595 --> 00:19:06,553
and...
516
00:19:07,011 --> 00:19:09,095
bed-bound him for
a couple of days.
517
00:19:09,095 --> 00:19:10,845
His family didn't
know where he was...
518
00:19:11,178 --> 00:19:14,345
and it was, like,
his sexual awakening,
519
00:19:14,345 --> 00:19:15,512
slash...
520
00:19:15,512 --> 00:19:16,303
like, that
was it.
521
00:19:16,303 --> 00:19:17,679
Childhood was over.
522
00:19:18,178 --> 00:19:19,845
And he was with
this woman
523
00:19:19,845 --> 00:19:21,804
and...he really
never went home.
524
00:19:22,053 --> 00:19:23,261
Mm-hm.
525
00:19:23,261 --> 00:19:25,345
This was the
first person
526
00:19:25,887 --> 00:19:27,136
that ever said
to him,
527
00:19:27,428 --> 00:19:28,887
"You're great
at something,
528
00:19:28,887 --> 00:19:30,178
you're great
at this."
529
00:19:30,178 --> 00:19:31,303
You know, she-
it happened to be
530
00:19:31,303 --> 00:19:33,637
that she was treating
you as this, like...
531
00:19:34,011 --> 00:19:37,136
you know, sexual
powerhouse...
532
00:19:37,637 --> 00:19:38,929
child.
533
00:19:38,929 --> 00:19:39,595
But...
534
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:40,512
that experience,
535
00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:42,720
that foundational
experience,
536
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,011
then informs...
537
00:19:45,387 --> 00:19:47,053
so much that
we fight --
538
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,845
that we have
fought about.
539
00:19:50,261 --> 00:19:52,845
Okay, I- I need
to hear more...
540
00:19:52,845 --> 00:19:54,387
just to know how
to understand
541
00:19:54,387 --> 00:19:56,303
-this piece of history.
-Okay.
542
00:19:56,303 --> 00:19:57,428
[Orna]
How old were you
543
00:19:57,428 --> 00:19:59,387
when your parents
separated, finally?
544
00:19:59,387 --> 00:20:00,261
Um...
545
00:20:00,261 --> 00:20:02,428
I think probably
like 11 or 12.
546
00:20:02,845 --> 00:20:04,762
And- and who
did you go with?
547
00:20:04,762 --> 00:20:05,637
[Mau] My mother.
548
00:20:06,845 --> 00:20:08,053
She didn't so mu--
549
00:20:08,053 --> 00:20:10,053
I don't think she, like,
really took care of us.
550
00:20:10,053 --> 00:20:11,428
I mean, we
were there ,
551
00:20:11,428 --> 00:20:12,512
and so we
were safe,
552
00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:14,053
because she
was not...
553
00:20:14,053 --> 00:20:15,929
violent the way
my- my dad was.
554
00:20:15,929 --> 00:20:16,970
[Orna]
Mm-hm.
555
00:20:16,970 --> 00:20:18,220
-Um-
-So you were safe physically.
556
00:20:18,220 --> 00:20:20,053
Yeah, we were safe
physically, um-
557
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:22,261
But what kind of
mother was she?
558
00:20:23,595 --> 00:20:25,178
I mean, I'm a big fan
of my mother's.
559
00:20:25,178 --> 00:20:26,178
Uh, you know,
560
00:20:26,178 --> 00:20:27,470
my mother is...
561
00:20:27,929 --> 00:20:30,345
uh, she's like
incredibly warm.
562
00:20:30,345 --> 00:20:32,512
-[Orna] Mm-hm.
-And- and-
563
00:20:32,804 --> 00:20:33,970
and sweet and...
564
00:20:33,970 --> 00:20:35,261
vain and
thoughtless.
565
00:20:35,261 --> 00:20:36,887
-You know, uh-
-Mm-hm.
566
00:20:36,887 --> 00:20:37,887
I mean, to
this day,
567
00:20:37,887 --> 00:20:39,929
I think if you were to
ask any of my siblings,
568
00:20:39,929 --> 00:20:41,512
we'd all agree that
we're still waiting
569
00:20:41,512 --> 00:20:43,720
for her to take
us to the pool
570
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:44,762
35 years ago.
571
00:20:44,762 --> 00:20:45,637
I mean, she-
572
00:20:45,637 --> 00:20:47,053
she never once
successfully
573
00:20:47,053 --> 00:20:48,970
accomplished,
like, any, like...
574
00:20:48,970 --> 00:20:49,970
you know, you-
575
00:20:49,970 --> 00:20:50,929
"We're gonna
do a thing."
576
00:20:50,929 --> 00:20:51,929
Like, it never
happened.
577
00:20:51,929 --> 00:20:53,095
You mean pack
up a bag
578
00:20:53,095 --> 00:20:54,136
and go to
the pool and-
579
00:20:54,136 --> 00:20:55,053
Anything, like
there's no-
580
00:20:55,053 --> 00:20:56,261
there's nothing
that ever-
581
00:20:56,261 --> 00:20:58,261
a-- and, uh, you know,
maybe that's unfair.
582
00:20:58,261 --> 00:21:00,261
You know, the truth is
she had a bunch of kids...
583
00:21:00,887 --> 00:21:02,095
she was overwhelmed.
584
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:04,178
By the time
you were 15,
585
00:21:04,178 --> 00:21:06,470
what was going
on a-- at home?
586
00:21:07,595 --> 00:21:08,345
I mean, our-
587
00:21:08,345 --> 00:21:09,970
You were going
to school still?
588
00:21:09,970 --> 00:21:11,428
Tha- that's-
I dropped out.
589
00:21:11,804 --> 00:21:14,637
But you dropped out
around this relationship?
590
00:21:14,637 --> 00:21:15,804
Um...
591
00:21:15,804 --> 00:21:17,512
it wa-- no, it wasn't
about the relationship.
592
00:21:17,512 --> 00:21:18,970
-Although-
-Was it around the same time?
593
00:21:18,970 --> 00:21:20,637
It was around the
same time, yeah.
594
00:21:20,637 --> 00:21:23,804
So what was going on
at home around then?
595
00:21:23,804 --> 00:21:26,095
Uh, I think it was just sort
of more of the same.
596
00:21:26,095 --> 00:21:27,804
It was like m--
our house was
597
00:21:27,804 --> 00:21:29,387
unsupervised.
598
00:21:29,679 --> 00:21:31,136
When I disappeared,
like, I mean,
599
00:21:31,136 --> 00:21:32,887
I-- I hooked up
with this girl,
600
00:21:32,887 --> 00:21:34,595
and I just went
with her, and...
601
00:21:34,970 --> 00:21:36,470
it never dawned
on me to-
602
00:21:36,470 --> 00:21:38,720
to communicate
with anybody, uh-
603
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:40,178
I-- I never
had before.
604
00:21:40,178 --> 00:21:41,553
About this
love affair.
605
00:21:41,553 --> 00:21:42,220
No, no, no.
606
00:21:42,220 --> 00:21:43,136
-About-
-About being-
607
00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:44,303
not coming home
for dinner
608
00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:45,720
and then not
coming home.
609
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,095
Right, but we didn't
have dinner.
610
00:21:47,095 --> 00:21:48,220
That's what I'm
saying, though,
611
00:21:48,220 --> 00:21:49,178
-I'm trying to just-
-Yeah.
612
00:21:49,178 --> 00:21:50,178
[Orna]
I see.
613
00:21:50,178 --> 00:21:51,845
He just didn't come
home one day.
614
00:21:51,845 --> 00:21:54,470
Like, the thought of one of
my kids doing that. [laughs]
615
00:21:54,470 --> 00:21:56,970
-[laughs] No, no, I-
-It's, like, unthinkable.
616
00:21:56,970 --> 00:21:58,512
When I did show
back up,
617
00:21:58,512 --> 00:22:00,804
my y-- younger
brother, Reg,
618
00:22:00,804 --> 00:22:01,345
he was like...
619
00:22:02,178 --> 00:22:03,929
"Yo, where've
you been?"
620
00:22:03,929 --> 00:22:05,470
And I'm like, "Oh,
I was just-
621
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:07,178
I met this girl,
I was with her."
622
00:22:07,178 --> 00:22:08,512
He's like,
"Oh, okay."
623
00:22:08,512 --> 00:22:09,553
-[laughs]
-That was it.
624
00:22:09,553 --> 00:22:11,261
That was the extent
of the conversation,
625
00:22:11,261 --> 00:22:13,553
-o- of-
-Right, no parent questioning.
626
00:22:13,553 --> 00:22:14,512
-No.
-No older brother,
627
00:22:14,512 --> 00:22:15,762
-nobody noticing.
-I mean, I h--
628
00:22:15,762 --> 00:22:17,804
[laughs] I don't know
if my mother is aware
629
00:22:17,804 --> 00:22:19,136
-I wasn't there.
-To this day, yeah.
630
00:22:19,136 --> 00:22:20,929
I mean, she- she
may not have known.
631
00:22:21,345 --> 00:22:22,220
That's upsetting.
632
00:22:22,220 --> 00:22:23,011
Come on, I mean, you-
633
00:22:23,011 --> 00:22:25,845
we can't joke...
that far.
634
00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:26,261
Hold on.
635
00:22:26,637 --> 00:22:28,470
I-- I appreciate
that.
636
00:22:28,470 --> 00:22:29,762
It isn't upsetting
to me.
637
00:22:29,762 --> 00:22:30,470
I, uh-
638
00:22:30,470 --> 00:22:32,220
having kids
of my own...
639
00:22:32,553 --> 00:22:33,637
I-
640
00:22:33,637 --> 00:22:35,053
I would be very
upset and-
641
00:22:35,053 --> 00:22:36,261
And just thinking-
642
00:22:36,261 --> 00:22:37,345
you would be upset
as a parent,
643
00:22:37,345 --> 00:22:39,345
but just thinking
about the kid...
644
00:22:41,512 --> 00:22:43,261
Yeah, I mean-
645
00:22:43,261 --> 00:22:44,470
No one worrying
where you are
646
00:22:44,470 --> 00:22:46,053
at 15, that's
upsetting.
647
00:22:46,053 --> 00:22:47,178
Or before, that's
upsetting,
648
00:22:47,178 --> 00:22:48,929
and that's
non-negotiable.
649
00:22:48,929 --> 00:22:50,178
Okay.
650
00:22:50,178 --> 00:22:52,220
I-- I don't have a
sense that, like,
651
00:22:52,220 --> 00:22:53,053
things were
terrible.
652
00:22:53,053 --> 00:22:54,470
I mean, I can
understand...
653
00:22:54,762 --> 00:22:58,220
that I didn't have sort of
a typical or- or...
654
00:22:58,220 --> 00:23:00,053
it was not a path
that would...
655
00:23:00,053 --> 00:23:02,845
genuinely lead
to success.
656
00:23:02,845 --> 00:23:03,595
-Yeah.
-I mean...
657
00:23:03,595 --> 00:23:04,762
we never had
enough food.
658
00:23:04,762 --> 00:23:06,387
I never- I mean, the first
new clothes I ever wore
659
00:23:06,387 --> 00:23:08,136
were clothes I bought
for myself.
660
00:23:08,428 --> 00:23:10,595
You know, the-
that was...
661
00:23:10,595 --> 00:23:12,261
my experience, but
because that was my exper--
662
00:23:12,261 --> 00:23:14,053
I mean, I could
re-write it...
663
00:23:14,553 --> 00:23:16,387
but I don't know what
the point would be.
664
00:23:18,303 --> 00:23:20,929
♪soft
music♪
665
00:23:23,470 --> 00:23:25,136
[Orna] He is
self-educated,
666
00:23:25,136 --> 00:23:27,595
he didn't go to school
beyond ninth grade.
667
00:23:29,845 --> 00:23:31,428
Very poor...
668
00:23:31,428 --> 00:23:35,595
um, no one really
taking care of him.
669
00:23:35,595 --> 00:23:38,762
-Yeah, so-
-Extreme neglect.
670
00:23:39,428 --> 00:23:41,220
Bu- neglect
on her side,
671
00:23:41,220 --> 00:23:43,220
but I've got "abused"
here because
672
00:23:43,220 --> 00:23:44,220
-the dad was actually--
-The dad was
673
00:23:44,220 --> 00:23:46,011
-physically abusive.
-Yeah.
674
00:23:46,804 --> 00:23:48,595
[Orna] He says, "We're-
we're still waiting
675
00:23:48,595 --> 00:23:51,345
for her to take us to
the pool 35 years ago."
676
00:23:51,345 --> 00:23:52,011
Mm.
677
00:23:52,845 --> 00:23:55,053
He's illustrating her
incompetence,
678
00:23:55,053 --> 00:23:57,136
but if we just shift
our attention,
679
00:23:57,136 --> 00:23:59,136
there is the child...
680
00:23:59,136 --> 00:24:01,970
still waiting
35 years later
681
00:24:01,970 --> 00:24:03,303
for their mother
682
00:24:03,303 --> 00:24:04,762
they are in
love with...
683
00:24:05,303 --> 00:24:07,428
who is right
over there...
684
00:24:08,053 --> 00:24:09,637
-and doesn't even-
-Oh my God,
685
00:24:09,637 --> 00:24:10,970
that is the
birthday thing.
686
00:24:10,970 --> 00:24:12,136
Yeah, exactly.
687
00:24:12,136 --> 00:24:13,470
And that's the
birthday thing.
688
00:24:13,470 --> 00:24:15,220
-[laughs]
-There you have it, right.
689
00:24:16,679 --> 00:24:19,095
Right, still waiting.
690
00:24:19,095 --> 00:24:22,679
So a foundational
strand of his identity
691
00:24:23,136 --> 00:24:25,053
-is "I do it alone.
-Mm-hm.
692
00:24:25,053 --> 00:24:27,345
-No one helps me.
-Yeah.
693
00:24:27,345 --> 00:24:28,762
No one believes
in me,
694
00:24:28,762 --> 00:24:30,428
but I will
succeed...
695
00:24:30,762 --> 00:24:32,470
doing it my
way."
696
00:24:32,470 --> 00:24:34,512
[Orna] Right, which is
what he does with her.
697
00:24:34,512 --> 00:24:35,470
Yes.
698
00:24:35,887 --> 00:24:36,679
Yes.
699
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:39,679
And this is
a real-
700
00:24:40,512 --> 00:24:42,178
this is one
of those,
701
00:24:42,178 --> 00:24:44,011
"I saved my life...
702
00:24:44,887 --> 00:24:46,804
because I met
that challenge.
703
00:24:47,261 --> 00:24:49,679
Don't mess with
my system."
704
00:24:53,053 --> 00:24:54,095
Okay.
705
00:24:54,387 --> 00:24:57,095
♪groovy
beat♪
706
00:24:57,095 --> 00:24:58,804
No, we've never
gotten this far...
707
00:24:58,804 --> 00:24:59,929
before.
708
00:25:01,178 --> 00:25:02,512
[Annie] We've
never been...
709
00:25:09,095 --> 00:25:10,512
♪Don't let me
do it to him♪
710
00:25:10,512 --> 00:25:12,220
♪Don't let me
do it to him♪
711
00:25:12,512 --> 00:25:15,178
♪He came to me with
a messed up face♪
712
00:25:16,053 --> 00:25:17,220
Thank you.
713
00:25:17,220 --> 00:25:18,553
-Have a good one.
-[inaudible]
714
00:25:18,553 --> 00:25:21,136
♪What he don't know
is I ain't no clown♪
715
00:25:21,136 --> 00:25:24,303
♪So I pulled up close
and I struck him down♪
716
00:25:27,095 --> 00:25:29,178
♪Struck him down,
down, down, down♪
717
00:25:30,178 --> 00:25:30,970
♪Yeah
♪
718
00:25:32,345 --> 00:25:33,720
♪Struck him
down♪
719
00:25:36,637 --> 00:25:39,136
♪Words are words but
what he did was bad♪
720
00:25:39,136 --> 00:25:42,178
♪Maybe he thought he
could just hold me back♪
721
00:25:42,553 --> 00:25:45,136
♪What he don't know is
I ain't no clown♪
722
00:25:45,136 --> 00:25:48,178
♪So I pulled up close
and I struck him down♪
723
00:25:48,845 --> 00:25:50,720
♪Da-da-da
da-da-da♪
724
00:25:52,387 --> 00:25:54,887
♪Ooh, I struck
him down♪
725
00:25:55,512 --> 00:25:58,428
♪I struck him down,
down, down, down...♪
726
00:26:02,512 --> 00:26:03,595
♪Ahh
♪
727
00:26:06,095 --> 00:26:07,553
♪I struck him
down♪
728
00:26:08,512 --> 00:26:09,762
♪Yeah
yeah♪
729
00:26:12,637 --> 00:26:15,220
♪He came to me with
a messed-up face♪
730
00:26:15,220 --> 00:26:18,220
♪Tryna hold me down
put me in my place♪
731
00:26:18,595 --> 00:26:20,762
♪What he don't know
is I ain't no clown♪
732
00:26:20,762 --> 00:26:24,095
♪So I pulled up close
And I struck him down♪
733
00:26:26,261 --> 00:26:27,762
♪I struck
him down♪
734
00:26:33,303 --> 00:26:34,095
♪Yeah
♪
735
00:26:34,595 --> 00:26:35,345
♪Yeah
♪
736
00:26:36,595 --> 00:26:39,136
♪Words are words but
what he did was bad♪
737
00:26:39,136 --> 00:26:41,970
♪Maybe he thought he
could just hold me back♪
738
00:26:42,470 --> 00:26:45,220
♪What he don't know
is I ain't no clown♪
739
00:26:45,220 --> 00:26:48,470
♪So I pulled up close
and I struck him down♪
740
00:26:51,345 --> 00:26:53,637
♪Pulled up close and
I struck him down♪
741
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,303
♪I struck him
down♪
742
00:26:56,303 --> 00:26:57,637
♪I struck him
down♪
743
00:26:58,637 --> 00:27:00,136
♪No, no
no, no♪
744
00:27:01,470 --> 00:27:03,470
♪I'm
unstoppable♪
745
00:27:04,428 --> 00:27:06,470
♪I'm
invincible♪
746
00:27:07,428 --> 00:27:09,136
♪You get in
my way♪
747
00:27:09,136 --> 00:27:12,261
♪Then I'll be like him
and I'll strike you down♪
748
00:27:14,303 --> 00:27:16,804
♪Yeah
♪
749
00:27:20,387 --> 00:27:21,887
♪Yeah
♪
750
00:27:22,553 --> 00:27:24,303
♪I struck
him down♪
49775
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