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It began as a singularity,
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the entire universe compressed
into a space the size of a proton.
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00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:37,292
Then the Big Bang...
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00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:40,537
blew it apart.
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00:00:41,700 --> 00:00:47,649
Matter, converted from energy,
swirled and compressed itself into stars
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00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:49,655
Red Giants...
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00:00:49,699 --> 00:00:52,691
and tiny white dwarfs.
10
00:00:53,299 --> 00:00:56,257
Stars congealed into galaxies.
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Massive nebulae
and timeless spiral clusters,
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00:01:01,299 --> 00:01:07,056
spinning faster and faster
into the endless void.
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00:01:07,739 --> 00:01:12,051
Black holes arose, swallowing matter.
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00:01:13,459 --> 00:01:16,417
Constellations filled the night sky.
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00:01:16,459 --> 00:01:18,450
Libra...
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00:01:22,698 --> 00:01:24,689
Stifficus.
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00:01:26,898 --> 00:01:29,856
Planets took form.
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00:01:29,898 --> 00:01:31,889
Moons arose...
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Atoms formed molecules,
then molecules formed life
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throughout the universe...
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Alien creatures, hideous in form.
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The earth took form.
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Then God appeared.
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And Gods voice was heard.
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Shut up you stupid monkey...
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00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:14,817
And then a single celled organism
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00:02:15,857 --> 00:02:21,648
evolved into the highest form
of intellect known to God...
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MAN.
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It was one of those days you
never forget. I'd arrested Osmond Bin Laden
30
00:02:33,297 --> 00:02:37,255
at a Lakers-Knicks game. Now I was back
in D. C. on the QT making my way asap
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00:02:37,296 --> 00:02:41,255
to the HQ when I heard the APB:
-All available units to big joes,
32
00:02:41,296 --> 00:02:44,254
hostage situation, armed terrorists.
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The police needed my negotiating skills,
perfected by years of volunteer service
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00:02:48,296 --> 00:02:52,733
with the pet rescue division. Coaxing cats
out of trees and gerbils out of holes,
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00:02:52,776 --> 00:02:55,734
made you smart about a lot of things.
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00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:59,815
This is the Washington police force.
There is no way out.
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00:02:59,856 --> 00:03:04,247
You have five minutes to give
yourselves up, and counting.
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00:03:04,296 --> 00:03:07,254
You're surrounded!
Throw down your arms! Now!
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00:03:12,696 --> 00:03:16,734
Come out! We've got ya!
-Yeah? And we've got burgers
40
00:03:16,775 --> 00:03:20,734
and hostages and fries...
-I'm ordering you to give yourselves up!
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00:03:20,775 --> 00:03:23,733
And I'm ordering one car and one plane.
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00:03:23,775 --> 00:03:27,245
One plain what?
-One plain plane. With pilot.
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I want those hostages! Now!
-One hostage coming up!
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00:03:32,015 --> 00:03:36,247
Those hostages were my new gerbils.
They needed marshal Dick Dix to free them.
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00:03:43,095 --> 00:03:45,086
Shit!
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00:03:48,215 --> 00:03:52,048
Dix! This is police business!
You have no jurisdiction here!
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Now get lost!
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Alright!
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00:04:15,614 --> 00:04:18,572
Well...
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00:04:18,614 --> 00:04:23,404
Let's play a little game of
Simon says, good...
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00:04:23,454 --> 00:04:27,810
Simon says: Get your hands on your
head and line up in front of me here...
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00:04:27,853 --> 00:04:30,162
hurry it up!
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Let's go.
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00:04:33,693 --> 00:04:37,811
What are you? A bunch of fanatics?
You hate this county, you're mad
55
00:04:37,853 --> 00:04:43,246
just because we don't play soccer here?
-But Mr. Simon, we are the hostages.
56
00:04:43,293 --> 00:04:47,252
Who do you think you're talking to?
A dummy? These hard-working immigrants
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are the backbone of this country!
They put the damn on the hover,
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they put the railroad ties
over the great divine
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and they did it with a smile buddy.
They weren't mad at anybody.
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00:05:00,413 --> 00:05:04,565
No. Don't lower yourselves to their level.
I'll take care of this.
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00:05:04,613 --> 00:05:08,571
I'll seek to it that they get a fair trial
and then we'll strung them up.
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00:05:15,692 --> 00:05:18,650
Fire the tear gas!
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I'm gonna kill him! Dix!
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Dix!
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Let's get one thing clear.
This situation was not created by the police
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00:05:39,892 --> 00:05:43,964
but it was created by people
who are getting in the way of the police.
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00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:50,246
The police aren't there to create disorder.
The police are here to protect disorder.
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00:05:50,691 --> 00:05:53,683
You come back here!
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00:05:55,291 --> 00:05:59,762
There's nothing better
than a job delicately handled,
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00:06:01,491 --> 00:06:05,484
but now it was a time to meet
the big boss Secretary Osgood.
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00:06:05,851 --> 00:06:09,844
I loved my job.
Every day was different.
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00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:15,409
Every assignment was different. Everything
about the department was different.
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00:06:19,211 --> 00:06:23,203
Enough, enough, stop, stop.
-This is not respectful for the deceased.
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00:06:34,290 --> 00:06:38,283
To the untrained eye, this looked like
the normal bullpit of any old precinct.
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00:06:38,330 --> 00:06:42,323
But hidden deep within the bowels of this
house grave matters of state were at play.
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00:06:46,890 --> 00:06:52,044
Dix, come on in. Good to see you, my boy.
-Good to see you Mr. Secretary.
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This is Cassandra Menage, Executive Officer
on Vegan. -How do you do?
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She is in charge of Human and Alien affairs.
-Some kind of dating service?
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00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:07,240
She oversees our sensitive Alien operations!
-Well there's nothing sensitive about them.
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00:07:07,289 --> 00:07:11,840
All you need is to tighten up the borders.
-Dix, I'm talking about alien Aliens.
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00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:15,848
Alien, aliens.
You mean like from outer space?
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00:07:15,889 --> 00:07:19,882
Yes, Vegan is a lunar base,
just like Area 51, but shielded
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00:07:19,929 --> 00:07:23,922
from Earth by a reflective bubble,
and there are plenty of Aliens there.
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00:07:23,969 --> 00:07:27,962
Cassandra files classified reports
to the various international governments.
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00:07:28,009 --> 00:07:32,048
This latest one she delivered it in person.
If what she says is true,
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00:07:32,089 --> 00:07:36,081
the future of the planet is at stake.
-Now that could be serious.
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00:07:36,128 --> 00:07:40,121
I know it smells funny, but the President
of the United States has been kidnapped
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and is being held captive on Vegan.
The man in the White House is a clone.
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00:07:44,208 --> 00:07:48,201
Just a minute, it says here the man
in the White House is a clown.
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00:07:48,248 --> 00:07:50,239
Clone.
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00:07:51,568 --> 00:07:55,561
Clone. That's what it says here.
-Yeah, I know. That's my report...
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00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:59,601
This isn't a joke, Dix.
-I know that Sir, but I saw the President
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on television the other night.
-That wasn't the President.
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00:08:03,688 --> 00:08:08,478
She's right. We're all set for
Memory Recapture. Have a seat Marshal.
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00:08:08,528 --> 00:08:12,520
Cassandra, your brainwaves
will be transmitted to the screen,
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00:08:12,567 --> 00:08:16,560
so we'll be able to see
exactly what you saw and heard.
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00:08:16,607 --> 00:08:20,646
When you're ready,
I want you to tell us what happened.
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00:08:20,687 --> 00:08:24,680
Close your eyes,
relax and let your unconscious take over.
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00:08:24,727 --> 00:08:28,720
Let your mind go blank.
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00:08:29,647 --> 00:08:31,638
Dix.
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00:08:32,247 --> 00:08:34,203
Dix!
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00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:37,239
You need to watch the screen.
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00:08:42,087 --> 00:08:46,126
I'd gone to the Vegan mines to investigate
a grievance by one of the miners...
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00:08:46,167 --> 00:08:50,159
After a lot of turns and twists,
I realized I was completely lost.
105
00:08:50,206 --> 00:08:54,199
My way was blocked by a cave-in.
Then I noticed light coming through
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00:08:54,246 --> 00:08:58,239
a crack in the wall.
I moved forward and found myself in a room
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00:08:58,286 --> 00:09:02,279
overlooking some kind of operating theatre.
108
00:09:02,326 --> 00:09:06,319
A man was talking in an alien dialect,
so I switched the Auto-Trans to English
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00:09:06,366 --> 00:09:10,359
to see if I could recognize his voice,
110
00:09:10,406 --> 00:09:14,399
but I couldn't.
-I will get that sillicon for you
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00:09:14,446 --> 00:09:18,439
if you will make me
leader of the new world.
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00:09:18,486 --> 00:09:22,479
By using DNA building blocks
I will create clones
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00:09:22,526 --> 00:09:27,155
of existing world leaders
who will follow our orders.
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00:09:27,565 --> 00:09:31,160
Activate the cloning machine,
115
00:09:34,605 --> 00:09:37,597
and now for our latest clone creation.
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00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:42,555
A world leader admired by all.
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00:09:43,965 --> 00:09:47,958
And there he was, Groucho Marx.
But what happen next
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00:09:48,005 --> 00:09:52,999
was more frightening still.
-In Washington, the man in power,
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00:09:53,045 --> 00:09:57,038
the President, is a clone... our clone.
Now, let me...
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00:09:57,085 --> 00:10:02,841
introduce you to his predecessor,
the real President of the United States!
121
00:10:03,164 --> 00:10:07,157
Now we got cloning control,
we will take your earth
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00:10:07,204 --> 00:10:12,562
and all it's silicon too,
then its hasta la vista.
123
00:10:14,284 --> 00:10:17,037
Bastards!
124
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:21,077
And that's when I ran, as fast as I could.
-They took the President,
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00:10:21,124 --> 00:10:25,117
took his DNA and put an impostor
in the White House. Kidnapping,
126
00:10:25,164 --> 00:10:29,203
robbery, and fraud. Breaking the law.
-Dix, I want you to go to Vegan
127
00:10:29,244 --> 00:10:33,237
to make a routine inspection.
I'll arrange the clearances.
128
00:10:33,284 --> 00:10:37,755
If the President is there,
find him and bring him back.
129
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:41,796
The implications here are very grave.
Any mistakes, even fumbles,
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00:10:41,843 --> 00:10:45,836
will be denied at this end.
You're acting on your own.
131
00:10:45,883 --> 00:10:50,240
And when you both meet again on Vegan,
you've never seen each other before.
132
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:54,754
I've forgotten already.
-It'll take me longer than that...
133
00:10:54,803 --> 00:10:57,795
Oh... that's so nice.
-Oh, thank you,
134
00:10:57,843 --> 00:11:02,598
I always had a good memory, even as a boy.
-Well, Marshal.
135
00:11:02,643 --> 00:11:06,955
Miss...
-Menage.
136
00:11:15,603 --> 00:11:21,120
If you don't stop pulling your thing,
you're going to go blind, Richard!
137
00:11:21,522 --> 00:11:24,241
But I like pulling on it, Mum!
138
00:11:24,802 --> 00:11:30,957
Your son is rapidly loosing his sight.
And we don't know why, Ms. Dix.
139
00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:35,074
Mum, meet my new girl friend.
140
00:11:35,122 --> 00:11:39,752
Richard, you have to wear your glasses.
141
00:11:40,642 --> 00:11:44,635
I have the outer most faith in you,
Marshal Dix, have a good flight.
142
00:11:44,682 --> 00:11:50,678
Thank you Mr. Secretary,
but I think this must be broken.
143
00:11:51,282 --> 00:11:55,752
I didn't have a lot of time.
I had to catch a plane to cape Kennedy,
144
00:11:55,801 --> 00:12:01,080
then the shuttle to Vegan
and avoid any pressing delays.
145
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:25,275
The department was gonna to have to dive
in at the deep end,
146
00:12:25,321 --> 00:12:29,553
because I was headed for the moon to maybe
save the President of the United States.
147
00:16:25,434 --> 00:16:30,383
This should help beam me up.
I've got to get back to my ship.
148
00:16:30,434 --> 00:16:34,347
Scotty, Bones, Mr. Spock,
where the hell are you?
149
00:16:43,274 --> 00:16:47,790
Secretary Osgood was right when he told
me there were plenty of aliens on Vegan.
150
00:16:47,834 --> 00:16:52,349
But he had forgotten
to tell me how butt ugly they were.
151
00:16:52,393 --> 00:16:55,385
They were ugly from any direction.
152
00:16:59,673 --> 00:17:04,224
The rules: Smuggling or assisting any Alien
back to Earth means immediate imprisonment.
153
00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:07,026
Open your bag, please.
-Yo, is that Marshal Dix? It's ok.
154
00:17:07,073 --> 00:17:11,191
He's police. Lieutenant Shitzu,
Vegan Security. Misswick. -Miss who?
155
00:17:11,233 --> 00:17:15,385
Misswick. M. S. W. I. C.
Mother-Sucker-who's-in-charge.
156
00:17:15,473 --> 00:17:18,226
Is this your bag?
157
00:17:18,393 --> 00:17:21,749
I'm writing a book...
-Welcome to Vegan, Marshal Dix...
158
00:17:21,793 --> 00:17:25,866
That's right isn't it?
Dix... as in more-than-one-dick?
159
00:17:25,913 --> 00:17:30,383
Good to be someplace where your feet
will do what you tell them to do...
160
00:17:30,432 --> 00:17:34,664
Attention! Sensors detected
an alien hiding in a human life-form.
161
00:17:40,152 --> 00:17:42,143
Move down!
162
00:17:43,272 --> 00:17:47,265
What's going on?
-That fool's a conversion.
163
00:17:47,312 --> 00:17:51,305
Do you need holy water for that?
-When these brothers first came here,
164
00:17:51,352 --> 00:17:55,345
we didn't know about their plan to use
conversions to take over the Earth.
165
00:17:55,392 --> 00:17:59,385
Lucky for us, all our asses were saved,
due to the sounds of our modern life:
166
00:17:59,432 --> 00:18:03,425
Arcade, TV, rap, hip-hop.
All that irritatin' shit.
167
00:18:03,472 --> 00:18:07,623
High-pitch sound
makes these suckers explode.
168
00:18:08,711 --> 00:18:11,703
Close the lid, babboom!
169
00:18:19,631 --> 00:18:21,622
Good. Fangullo.
170
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:28,503
Mi scusi, mi dispiace.
I am capitain Valentino Di Pasquale.
171
00:18:28,551 --> 00:18:32,544
I don't speak Alien.
-He ain't kickin' no jive-ass Alien lingo!
172
00:18:32,591 --> 00:18:35,583
He jes' tryin' to show some love!
-What?
173
00:18:35,631 --> 00:18:39,624
Mi dipacia, diabola. He try to speak-a
inna piccolo Ebonico. -Pickle what?
174
00:18:39,671 --> 00:18:43,663
No disrespect, y'all up in this ice cream
and you don't even know the flavour!
175
00:18:43,710 --> 00:18:46,099
You think he don't understand plain Inglish?
176
00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:50,140
Please, my father was from Brooklolino...
-Yo man, did years in Vegas babe,
177
00:18:50,790 --> 00:18:55,659
who can take the sun, yea.
Right back babe, yea.
178
00:18:55,710 --> 00:18:59,988
That guy is right, Marshal,
this way, this way. Andiamo!
179
00:19:18,390 --> 00:19:23,383
Our operation and research director,
Dr Pratt, will show you around.
180
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:26,421
The base commander couldn't be hear,
cuz' he's out playing golf.
181
00:19:26,469 --> 00:19:28,937
Everything is alright!
182
00:19:28,989 --> 00:19:33,585
Good, that means that nothing works.
-But he did ask me to escort you
183
00:19:33,629 --> 00:19:36,621
to a reception here tonight.
184
00:19:39,789 --> 00:19:42,781
Yeah, one stronzo alien less.
185
00:19:46,829 --> 00:19:48,820
Dr Pratt?
186
00:19:51,549 --> 00:19:53,540
Dr Pratt!
187
00:19:53,629 --> 00:19:57,587
Yes, Lieutenant?
-Oh, you scared me again, you got me.
188
00:19:57,628 --> 00:20:01,701
You keep on getting me each time,
I tell you. This is Marshal Dix.
189
00:20:01,748 --> 00:20:06,424
Ah, yes, right on time.
I'll never understand these inspections.
190
00:20:06,468 --> 00:20:10,222
What are we looking for this time?
-Routine...
191
00:20:10,268 --> 00:20:15,217
Perhaps you may be interested
in my pičce de resistance.
192
00:20:15,268 --> 00:20:19,261
Piece of what?
-A scale replica of the entire complex.
193
00:20:19,308 --> 00:20:24,257
Here's the entrance to the mines...
the administration complex...
194
00:20:24,308 --> 00:20:29,428
the spaceport... all the details...
Now... We are... here.
195
00:20:30,268 --> 00:20:34,260
No, no, no, don't touch.
Its very delicate.
196
00:20:34,307 --> 00:20:39,301
Doctor, the next time you're on Earth,
I'll show you
197
00:20:39,347 --> 00:20:46,298
the Piper Club model I made.
-I'd certainly look forward to that.
198
00:20:47,067 --> 00:20:51,345
Here's the report, Doctor Pratt.
-Thank you, gentlemen, my assistant,
199
00:20:51,387 --> 00:20:54,299
Yetta Pussel.
-Gentlemen...
200
00:20:54,347 --> 00:20:59,341
I took the liberty of requesting a copy
of the last routine inspection.
201
00:20:59,387 --> 00:21:03,380
Now, all our research is carried out here.
202
00:21:03,427 --> 00:21:08,421
Our study of silicon, for example.
Abundant on Earth, non-existent
203
00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:13,494
on many other planets. For most Aliens
it's life supporting, like food to us.
204
00:21:14,266 --> 00:21:19,294
Hence our ongoing conflict with them
and our tight security here.
205
00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:23,339
Works real good on the old Johnson.
-Johnson... President Johnson?
206
00:21:23,386 --> 00:21:27,902
There are no Presidents on Vegan.
I'm afraid we're being battered
207
00:21:27,946 --> 00:21:31,905
by a mistaken sense of humor.
-Alright, my main man Marshal Dix.
208
00:21:31,946 --> 00:21:34,938
Okay?
-Dr Uschi Künstler,
209
00:21:34,986 --> 00:21:38,865
Senior Base Science Officer.
-Doctor?
210
00:21:38,906 --> 00:21:42,899
Yes. Of psychology,
parapsychology and solar proctology...
211
00:21:42,946 --> 00:21:47,019
I also supervise genetic replication...
212
00:21:47,386 --> 00:21:50,377
Clones.
-Are those clones?
213
00:21:50,425 --> 00:21:54,896
No just plain old-fashioned rabbits.
But we've made major advances with sheep.
214
00:21:54,945 --> 00:21:59,018
Molly for instance, was created only
yesterday, the exact age and likeness
215
00:21:59,065 --> 00:22:03,058
of Dolly, her mother-in-law.
-Can you do that with human beings?
216
00:22:03,105 --> 00:22:07,098
No, that is not allowed.
-It's strictly against international policy.
217
00:22:07,145 --> 00:22:11,138
I should hope so.
It's against my policy, too.
218
00:22:11,185 --> 00:22:16,179
I was in the Marines.
-Careful, that's the rapid-cloning switch.
219
00:22:16,225 --> 00:22:20,218
You tamper with that,
and we'd be overrun
220
00:22:20,265 --> 00:22:24,258
with all kinds of animals.
-The officer of Human Alien Affairs,
221
00:22:24,305 --> 00:22:28,058
Miss Menage, will show you your quarters.
-I'm headed in that direction.
222
00:22:28,104 --> 00:22:32,256
Maybe, the Marshal and I
can go down together and meet her.
223
00:22:48,304 --> 00:22:55,096
I just met him. Yes, from what I can see,
he'll be absolutely fine...
224
00:23:23,903 --> 00:23:30,058
Welcome to Vegan, Marshal Dix...
-I'm glad to be here.
225
00:23:33,983 --> 00:23:39,420
Oh, the very person we wanted to see.
This is Marshal Dix.
226
00:23:41,822 --> 00:23:43,813
Oh!
227
00:23:45,902 --> 00:23:48,211
He is...
228
00:23:48,622 --> 00:23:51,614
he is... here...
229
00:23:52,502 --> 00:23:55,494
on a routine inspection.
230
00:23:55,542 --> 00:23:58,500
Yes, I can see that...
231
00:23:58,582 --> 00:24:02,894
Menage. Cassandra Menage.
232
00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:05,217
The Marshal...
233
00:24:06,142 --> 00:24:10,215
needs to be accommodated.
Marshal, you can...
234
00:24:10,262 --> 00:24:13,220
let me down now.
235
00:24:16,981 --> 00:24:20,974
Perhaps you can take care of his needs.
236
00:24:21,021 --> 00:24:27,893
Does he have any needs left
to be taken care of?
237
00:24:27,941 --> 00:24:33,174
Well, it was nice meeting you Marshal Dix.
-Thank you, me too.
238
00:24:33,221 --> 00:24:36,133
Marshal, if you please.
I had checked into the room
239
00:24:38,301 --> 00:24:42,738
I'd be sharing with Capitaine Di Pasquale.
Unpacked my stuff
240
00:24:42,781 --> 00:24:46,774
and then sent Cassandra off to the library
to look for plans that might lead us
241
00:24:46,821 --> 00:24:51,372
to the location of the cloning lab.
And now on with the dead crime-motive sketch
242
00:24:51,421 --> 00:24:55,413
to the alien I had seen
on Osgood's recapture screen.
243
00:24:55,460 --> 00:24:59,931
I was ready for a little lunar socializing
and snooping. Hey! What are you doing?
244
00:24:59,980 --> 00:25:05,213
I'm your escort, I'm keeping tabs on you.
-Take your hand out of my pocket.
245
00:25:05,260 --> 00:25:10,288
Keep tabs on somebody else.
-Hey champagne.
246
00:25:19,700 --> 00:25:24,694
Apparently, some of these aliens
learned English by monitoring movies
247
00:25:24,740 --> 00:25:28,733
on our tv transmission satellites.
They all sounded like Hollywood actors.
248
00:25:28,780 --> 00:25:33,295
Even here everyone wants to be a star.
-I saw the Alien that was in the caves.
249
00:25:33,339 --> 00:25:36,456
Yes, me too...
250
00:25:39,419 --> 00:25:41,410
Two?
-Yea?
251
00:25:41,459 --> 00:25:45,418
Ah, Marshal Dix, there you are.
-How do you do?
252
00:25:45,459 --> 00:25:50,533
Commander Sir Cecil Humphrey Wickernuts.
My wife, Oona Hottenlocker-Wickernuts.
253
00:25:50,579 --> 00:25:54,618
So you're from Washington.
I hope you'll put in a good word for us.
254
00:25:54,659 --> 00:25:58,652
What's that?
-I found it on the floor.
255
00:25:58,699 --> 00:26:03,773
Ah, it's Grop...
no, no, no it's Prong, yes... no...
256
00:26:03,819 --> 00:26:07,653
You know what they say.
They all look alike.
257
00:26:07,859 --> 00:26:12,249
We're throwing a party
tomorrow at the club. Do join us.
258
00:26:12,298 --> 00:26:17,247
Miss Menage here will be singing, too.
-What a voice she has! True nightingale...
259
00:26:17,298 --> 00:26:19,766
Thank you.
-Miss Menage,
260
00:26:19,818 --> 00:26:25,893
enchanté. Excuse us, won't you.
There's something I'd like you to look at.
261
00:26:26,618 --> 00:26:31,533
Excuse me.
-Of course.
262
00:26:36,978 --> 00:26:40,971
So, Marshal Dix,
you gonna be my new roomate?
263
00:26:41,018 --> 00:26:45,011
Molto bene, you see this is a good way
264
00:26:45,058 --> 00:26:49,847
to know where your food has been first.
265
00:26:55,257 --> 00:26:59,489
Excuse me.
-Please.
266
00:26:59,537 --> 00:27:04,531
I thought you'd like to hear how your
Alien Courtesy Center's coming along.
267
00:27:04,577 --> 00:27:08,570
It was your idea, you may remember.
Perhaps you'd like to come
268
00:27:08,617 --> 00:27:12,610
and see my renderings.
-I'd be happy to...
269
00:27:12,657 --> 00:27:16,650
All erections on Vegan are
rubber stamped by me, you know.
270
00:27:16,697 --> 00:27:19,973
That must keep you busy...
271
00:27:28,536 --> 00:27:32,529
Hey there, you ever done it monkey style.
272
00:27:32,576 --> 00:27:36,251
Too bad, could have been a hairy ride.
273
00:27:38,096 --> 00:27:41,088
Oh my God, my dress!
274
00:27:46,616 --> 00:27:49,130
Do like, the music?
275
00:27:49,896 --> 00:27:54,811
I love the sound of the flute.
276
00:27:54,856 --> 00:27:58,610
Doctor Pratt, is this is yours...
277
00:28:05,215 --> 00:28:10,335
Where did you get that?
-Fell on the floor.
278
00:28:14,095 --> 00:28:16,086
Thank you...
279
00:28:16,415 --> 00:28:19,213
Come this way.
280
00:28:20,935 --> 00:28:24,769
Let's sit here shall we.
Miss Menage...
281
00:28:25,055 --> 00:28:27,046
Waiter.
282
00:28:38,814 --> 00:28:40,805
Excuse me.
283
00:28:43,254 --> 00:28:47,566
I don't think these false
eyelashes become you.
284
00:28:51,654 --> 00:28:55,647
Bon appetit.
-Merci.
285
00:28:56,254 --> 00:29:00,247
Excuse me, Doctor Pratt, Captain Pasquale
is going to take me back to the apartment
286
00:29:00,294 --> 00:29:04,287
in a few minutes, you can reach me there,
if you need me. Good night.
287
00:29:04,334 --> 00:29:07,212
Good night, Dix.
288
00:29:27,213 --> 00:29:31,286
Excuse me.
-Yeah.
289
00:29:32,613 --> 00:29:37,164
Thanks. I thought I'd never get rid of him.
-Leave now, before he gets back.
290
00:29:37,213 --> 00:29:40,205
Okay, I'll go. Thanks.
291
00:29:42,653 --> 00:29:47,044
Miss Menage has gone back to her apartment.
She's got a headache.
292
00:29:47,093 --> 00:29:53,645
Really, well, that's too bad.
-Oh, yes, real bad.
293
00:29:59,332 --> 00:30:06,283
It is important in life to have two boxes.
One for food, and only one for fun.
294
00:30:06,492 --> 00:30:12,169
As you can see, I am not only
a master of the buffet, I am a master...
295
00:30:12,732 --> 00:30:16,645
of disguise. All kinds: look.
296
00:30:34,531 --> 00:30:38,365
What?
-Oh, the final touch.
297
00:30:38,411 --> 00:30:44,486
Now you don't gonna to believe your eyes.
Look my special magic maker.
298
00:30:48,171 --> 00:30:52,210
You like it.
-Ah, very good. -I know.
299
00:30:52,251 --> 00:30:56,244
Oh, sorry. Let me un-zip your face.
300
00:30:58,331 --> 00:31:01,323
Oh, the telephone.
301
00:31:01,451 --> 00:31:05,443
-Yes. -I'm at Pratt's. It's all clear.
-I got over there
302
00:31:05,490 --> 00:31:09,483
faster than a speeding bullet,
if you know what I mean.
303
00:31:09,530 --> 00:31:14,524
If any plans existed that could lead us to
the human cloning lab and the president,
304
00:31:14,570 --> 00:31:17,642
I was sure this is were they would be.
305
00:31:17,730 --> 00:31:21,643
My job was to get in get the plans
306
00:31:21,690 --> 00:31:25,285
and get out as quickly
and as quietly as possible.
307
00:32:01,169 --> 00:32:07,199
Cassandra, I'm in.
-Roger.
308
00:32:41,728 --> 00:32:44,720
It's all clear down here.
309
00:33:30,847 --> 00:33:32,838
Oh...
310
00:34:26,845 --> 00:34:31,441
I saw lights flashing in your office.
And somebody was dancing the can-can.
311
00:34:31,485 --> 00:34:34,477
Right. Let's have a look, shall we?
312
00:34:34,525 --> 00:34:38,518
It's Pratt.
-I'm coming. I'm on my way.
313
00:35:15,764 --> 00:35:18,642
What kind of man
would do something like that?
314
00:35:18,804 --> 00:35:22,797
I know exactly what kind, Doctor Künstler.
315
00:35:24,644 --> 00:35:29,159
And I promise you,
he going to pay dearly for this...
316
00:35:29,203 --> 00:35:31,194
very dearly.
317
00:35:59,123 --> 00:36:01,683
Who is it?
-This is Dr Pratt.
318
00:36:01,723 --> 00:36:05,715
I want a few words with you, Marshal.
-Yes.
319
00:36:05,762 --> 00:36:10,153
I don't have all day, Dix.
Just open the door, will you?
320
00:36:10,202 --> 00:36:12,762
I'll be a moment, Doctor Pratt.
321
00:36:15,402 --> 00:36:19,395
Open the door!
-Just putting on my trousers,
322
00:36:19,442 --> 00:36:22,195
just putting on my trousers.
323
00:36:23,402 --> 00:36:27,315
Ah, just cleaning yourself up,
are you Marshal?
324
00:36:27,442 --> 00:36:32,436
You are shaving, aren't you?
-Yes, I shave my whole face.
325
00:36:32,482 --> 00:36:36,475
My wiskars grow pretty fast. I start
very early when have important function
326
00:36:36,522 --> 00:36:41,515
to attend to, like the one this evening.
Come in, come in.
327
00:36:41,561 --> 00:36:46,351
Oh, good to see you.
-Let go of my hand Dix!
328
00:36:46,401 --> 00:36:50,394
What are you doing? You fool, let go of me.
What are you doing to me?
329
00:36:50,441 --> 00:36:56,198
Look at me. What are you doing.
Dix you imbicile, stop it!
330
00:36:56,241 --> 00:37:00,234
There is something I want you to know...
I know who you are
331
00:37:00,281 --> 00:37:06,356
and I know why you're here...
But you will never going to find him!
332
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:39,072
The man behind the whole thing is
Dr Griffen Pratt. He has told me
333
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:43,113
he got the President prisoner,
even challenged me to go find him.
334
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:47,153
He's as guilty as jam lips
kissing a fruit tart. -Pratt.
335
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:51,273
We have to be very careful.
-Yea.
336
00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:56,271
I'm going to change now.
See you later.
337
00:38:00,799 --> 00:38:03,791
I think I'll skip this one.
338
00:38:08,119 --> 00:38:12,715
You and Shitzu, keep an eye on Dr Pratt.
-Ok.
339
00:38:18,319 --> 00:38:23,632
Please, Marshal Dix wants us to keep
an eye on Dr Pratt. Capito! Micione.
340
00:38:23,679 --> 00:38:27,069
Pratt? Why doctor Pratt.
-I don't know.
341
00:38:27,119 --> 00:38:31,634
But I do know what I better do right now.
342
00:38:31,678 --> 00:38:35,114
Excuse me. Oh, what a line.
343
00:38:51,918 --> 00:38:56,469
Your Majesties and Humble Beings.
Let's hear a warm Vegan welcome
344
00:38:56,518 --> 00:39:01,546
for our star attraction:
Miss Cassandra Menage!
345
00:39:36,997 --> 00:39:41,991
I didn't think anyone
could take my mind off of Pratt,
346
00:39:42,037 --> 00:39:46,029
but suddenly there she was:
On stage,
347
00:39:46,076 --> 00:39:50,069
a woman who could take
anyone's mind off of anything.
348
00:39:50,116 --> 00:39:54,109
She had deep nurturing instincts and
strong family things that make her
349
00:39:54,156 --> 00:39:58,866
an ideal mother for an child.
Cassandra was a nightingale.
350
00:39:59,196 --> 00:40:03,189
The old saying,
wet birds never fly at night,
351
00:40:03,236 --> 00:40:07,070
I think she could fly anytime
she wanted to.
352
00:40:12,636 --> 00:40:16,629
There he was, Dr Griffin Pratt.
A man who could ruin
353
00:40:16,676 --> 00:40:20,669
anyone's wet dream.
Suave, cool with all the moves
354
00:40:20,716 --> 00:40:24,708
of a slick ballroom dancer.
355
00:40:24,755 --> 00:40:28,748
It was time for Dr Pratt
to find out that he'd met his match,
356
00:40:28,795 --> 00:40:33,266
his intellectual equal.
I was about to arrange that introduction.
357
00:40:33,315 --> 00:40:37,308
Doctor Pratt... you said to me,
I know why you're here
358
00:40:37,355 --> 00:40:42,713
and I know what you want. We'll there's
something I want you to know, so do I.
359
00:40:42,755 --> 00:40:46,748
So do I?
-Yes, know why I'm here, know what I want.
360
00:40:46,795 --> 00:40:50,788
We stand here facing each other
like Chief Ten Bears and Josey Wales.
361
00:40:50,835 --> 00:40:54,828
Chief Ten Bears?
-He would say, There is iron in your words
362
00:40:54,875 --> 00:40:58,868
that you know, as there is iron in my words
that I know. As there's iron in the words
363
00:40:58,915 --> 00:41:02,907
that your living that you don't know it.
Turn back to Ten Bears before it's too late.
364
00:41:02,954 --> 00:41:06,947
Chief Ten...?
-Ten Bears.
365
00:41:06,994 --> 00:41:10,589
And the other one? -Josey Wales.
Who is he?
366
00:41:10,634 --> 00:41:13,626
Clint Eastwood.
-Clint Eastwood...
367
00:41:13,674 --> 00:41:20,193
you are a very convincing thinker, Marshal.
Let me get back to you. On this one.
368
00:41:20,234 --> 00:41:24,193
Out of order, it's thirty minutes
I've been waiting here.
369
00:41:40,393 --> 00:41:44,386
You man stand clear, stand clear.
-What is it? Another Alien Conversion?
370
00:41:44,433 --> 00:41:50,668
Close enough...
371
00:42:27,432 --> 00:42:31,744
What's the celebration about?
-You'd be giggy too, bro,
372
00:42:31,792 --> 00:42:36,183
if you only dumped once a year.
-Where's Pasquale.
373
00:42:39,232 --> 00:42:42,224
I hate aliens.
374
00:42:42,272 --> 00:42:46,982
Why do they have eat fama beans, fangulo?
375
00:42:49,752 --> 00:42:52,823
Okay fellas, now come on,
you've been over-served here.
376
00:43:14,031 --> 00:43:16,022
Marshal, Marshal.
-Yes.
377
00:43:16,071 --> 00:43:20,826
I have to speak to you.
-Is this some kind of performance?
378
00:43:20,871 --> 00:43:25,626
He's a cyborg, it happens all the time,
I'll to put him back together tomorrow,
379
00:43:25,671 --> 00:43:28,662
he's going to be just fine.
Come on, I need to talk to you.
380
00:43:32,510 --> 00:43:37,220
Make yourself at home.
I'm gonna be right back.
381
00:43:51,750 --> 00:43:55,345
Hello.
382
00:44:00,910 --> 00:44:04,698
Something's going on.
383
00:44:04,750 --> 00:44:08,742
I don't know who's behind it.
I don't know what they're doing,
384
00:44:08,789 --> 00:44:12,782
or why they're doing it.
All I know is, I know,
385
00:44:12,829 --> 00:44:16,947
I want you to know.
386
00:44:16,989 --> 00:44:21,301
Well, I'm glad you told me.
-Marshal, I know exactly why you're here.
387
00:44:21,349 --> 00:44:24,625
I can help you,
388
00:44:25,029 --> 00:44:28,021
but therefore you have to trust me.
389
00:44:30,589 --> 00:44:33,581
Did you know that a male lion
390
00:44:33,629 --> 00:44:38,703
can mate forty-five times in three hours?
391
00:44:38,749 --> 00:44:42,900
I don't have a lion.
I don't even have a dog.
392
00:45:15,548 --> 00:45:20,541
One of the advantages of working undercover,
was that sometimes things got uncovered
393
00:45:20,587 --> 00:45:24,580
that you didn't expect to get uncovered,
and you learned about things
394
00:45:24,627 --> 00:45:29,621
that you didn't expect to learn about.
Whatever Dr Kunstler was trying to hide,
395
00:45:29,667 --> 00:45:34,582
she sure wasn't doing a very good job.
-Anything you mind, Dick?
396
00:45:34,627 --> 00:45:38,176
No, I'm not even thinking.
397
00:45:38,627 --> 00:45:42,063
Doctor Künstler! Get a grip!
398
00:45:44,667 --> 00:45:48,660
That does it, it's time you went home.
-I am at home.
399
00:45:48,707 --> 00:45:52,222
It's time I went home.
-Stay...
400
00:45:52,267 --> 00:45:56,260
Don't you want to find out the rest?
-No, the stuff about the lion,
401
00:45:56,307 --> 00:45:59,343
that was good enough for me.
402
00:46:05,786 --> 00:46:09,381
There you are! At last you come!
403
00:46:11,506 --> 00:46:15,499
My God, is that all you people
do up here in the evenings?
404
00:46:15,546 --> 00:46:19,539
It is good for the lip, Marshal,
a nice, sweet, warm decaf,
405
00:46:19,586 --> 00:46:23,704
non-fat latte,
a touch of mocha, no foam.
406
00:46:23,746 --> 00:46:26,260
Do you want some?
-No, thank you.
407
00:46:26,306 --> 00:46:30,299
I came by to see how Valentino was doing
after that dreadful thing at the club.
408
00:46:30,346 --> 00:46:33,816
Pretty bad, huh?
-I also told him
409
00:46:33,866 --> 00:46:37,574
about the President being a prisoner.
We need all the assistance we can get.
410
00:46:37,625 --> 00:46:41,618
Yeah, but...
-The elephant is sitting on my lips.
411
00:46:41,665 --> 00:46:46,181
I say nothing to Lieutenant Shitzu.
-I saw you leave the club with Dr Künstler.
412
00:46:46,225 --> 00:46:49,217
What happened?
-Oh... nothing!
413
00:46:49,265 --> 00:46:53,258
Strange young lady.
Another wild goose chase.
414
00:46:53,305 --> 00:46:58,174
I don't know about the wild goose, but the
chase looks like it was very exciting.
415
00:46:58,225 --> 00:47:05,176
No, it is a little cold in here,
I think I'll have some of that hot coffee.
416
00:47:07,905 --> 00:47:11,897
My God! Someones' stolen my zipper!
417
00:47:19,224 --> 00:47:22,694
I thought I said no contact.
-I know sir.
418
00:47:22,744 --> 00:47:26,737
But I am now convinced the President
is here and is being held prisoner.
419
00:47:26,784 --> 00:47:30,777
The man behind it is Doctor Griffin Pratt.
-Are you sure? -I'm positive.
420
00:47:33,384 --> 00:47:37,377
Send in the Galactic National Guard.
-Who is it?
421
00:47:37,424 --> 00:47:41,417
No! That would sign
the President's death warrant.
422
00:47:41,464 --> 00:47:45,457
You must handle this with Miss Menage.
Confront Pratt, threaten him, anything.
423
00:47:45,504 --> 00:47:49,496
But work fast. The President's life
is at stake, to say nothing of our planet.
424
00:47:49,543 --> 00:47:54,333
What this impostor will say at conference
in Paris on Friday, God only knows.
425
00:47:54,383 --> 00:47:58,934
Momento. Don't you think for a minute
that Marshal Dix is doing nothing up here.
426
00:47:58,983 --> 00:48:03,659
He's dealing with one of the most important
man of the American government.
427
00:48:03,703 --> 00:48:08,697
This guy, lives in a big white house,
but I can't tell you who is him.
428
00:48:16,863 --> 00:48:18,854
Cassandra?
429
00:48:21,583 --> 00:48:23,574
Cassandra?
430
00:48:56,062 --> 00:49:00,055
Wait a minute, you mean the President
is a prisoner here on Vegan?
431
00:49:00,102 --> 00:49:04,094
How did you know?
-You just told us, man.
432
00:49:04,141 --> 00:49:06,701
-Ah, fangulu, I did not. -Yes you did!
-I did? -Yes.
433
00:49:11,221 --> 00:49:15,214
Doctor Griffin Pratt.
-I hope you don't think there's anything
434
00:49:15,261 --> 00:49:19,254
you've missed the other night, Marshal.
-Just one thing, you, you're under arrest,
435
00:49:19,301 --> 00:49:23,294
you have the right to remain silent...
-Before you say another word,
436
00:49:23,341 --> 00:49:27,334
there's something I want you to know.
I was ordered to reconstitute the President.
437
00:49:27,381 --> 00:49:30,373
Reconstitute? What does that mean?
-First...
438
00:49:30,421 --> 00:49:34,414
drain all his body fluids...
-What's that? Some sort of enema?
439
00:49:34,461 --> 00:49:38,932
No, no, no, drain all his blood.
Then reconstitute it into refined plasma,
440
00:49:38,981 --> 00:49:43,178
ready to activate, the clone.
-Well... wouldn't that kill him?
441
00:49:43,220 --> 00:49:47,213
Most certainly. -I thought so.
The thought of killing the President
442
00:49:47,260 --> 00:49:51,253
has kept me up all night.
Well, to be perfectly honest,
443
00:49:51,300 --> 00:49:55,293
I may have dozen off,
so at least half the night.
444
00:49:55,340 --> 00:49:59,811
I don't know how I let this happen.
I feel like I was drugged or brain-washed
445
00:49:59,860 --> 00:50:04,615
or whatever they did to me.
But your words about Chief Ten Bears
446
00:50:04,660 --> 00:50:07,652
and Josey Eastwood... -Clint Eastwood.
Eastwood...
447
00:50:07,700 --> 00:50:12,216
brought me to my senses
and I must undo the damage I've done!
448
00:50:12,260 --> 00:50:16,969
I want to take you to the President and
help you get him out of here. But fast.
449
00:50:17,019 --> 00:50:21,012
Faster than you think.
I just came from Cassandra's apartment.
450
00:50:21,059 --> 00:50:25,052
She's been kidnapped.
-Kidnapped? Abducted?
451
00:50:25,099 --> 00:50:29,775
Up till now it's a simple kidnapping.
She left a note on her door in glue.
452
00:50:29,819 --> 00:50:35,177
See it says Help,
spelled backwards, H.E.L.P.
453
00:50:35,219 --> 00:50:41,374
We'd better get moving. There may be
two lives we have to save.
454
00:50:42,139 --> 00:50:46,178
This is the easiest way
to get to the President.
455
00:50:46,219 --> 00:50:49,894
But don't touch that button.
456
00:50:55,778 --> 00:50:57,769
Follow me...
457
00:51:06,058 --> 00:51:10,051
Put this on, you'll be less conspicuous.
458
00:51:23,938 --> 00:51:27,692
Mr. Dix, meet the President.
459
00:51:33,577 --> 00:51:37,092
Mr. President, is that really you?
460
00:51:37,457 --> 00:51:41,450
That depends on what you mean by is.
461
00:51:41,497 --> 00:51:45,490
... are that really you?
-Of course it's me.
462
00:51:45,537 --> 00:51:49,735
I keep telling these people
about my birthmark. Here, take a look.
463
00:51:53,657 --> 00:51:58,651
I'm the only man with a birthmark like that.
Almost a perfect four-leaf clover.
464
00:51:58,697 --> 00:52:03,213
It does look like a four-leaf clover.
-If that isn't sufficient,
465
00:52:03,257 --> 00:52:07,535
then give me the name of someone
who plays the sax as good as this.
466
00:52:07,577 --> 00:52:11,569
Mr. President, I'm convinced.
My name is Marshal Dix,
467
00:52:11,616 --> 00:52:15,575
International Security Force.
I'm here to take you back to Washington
468
00:52:15,616 --> 00:52:18,608
where you belong.
-Great. Yea.
469
00:52:28,456 --> 00:52:30,447
Cassandra!
470
00:52:30,496 --> 00:52:33,488
When did you get here?
471
00:52:33,536 --> 00:52:37,734
Surely, you didn't think it was going
to be as easy as all that, did you, Dix?
472
00:52:37,776 --> 00:52:42,770
Now, do you wish to become
a Rodman or a Rodham?
473
00:52:42,816 --> 00:52:46,808
I see the President is getting upset.
Perhaps we should switch him
474
00:52:46,855 --> 00:52:51,007
with Cassandra.
-Alright, that's he does it!
475
00:52:51,055 --> 00:52:55,048
You're under arrest!
And so are these bozos, here.
476
00:52:55,095 --> 00:53:00,089
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say will be written down...
477
00:53:00,135 --> 00:53:02,126
Seize them!
478
00:53:11,695 --> 00:53:13,845
Such grace... Such property...
479
00:53:13,895 --> 00:53:17,888
What a cunning stunt.
480
00:53:17,935 --> 00:53:20,927
Any move and I'll ripe your faces off.
481
00:53:20,975 --> 00:53:25,968
I was a sucker for that romantic talk.
This young woman
482
00:53:26,014 --> 00:53:30,007
could not only sing like a dove,
she was blessed with a serene peace
483
00:53:30,054 --> 00:53:34,047
that would have been at home
in a Tibetan monastery.
484
00:53:34,094 --> 00:53:39,088
She had everything:
the delicate footwork of a ballet dancer,
485
00:53:39,134 --> 00:53:44,128
the high-kicks of a Rockette.
Boy, did I love those high-kicks.
486
00:53:44,174 --> 00:53:50,488
Very impressive. But now as they say,
it's your turn to bite the dust.
487
00:53:53,094 --> 00:53:57,087
I'm glad you were here.
I feel safe with you.
488
00:53:57,134 --> 00:54:02,890
Let's not talk about me. We gotta
get out of here. Follow her, Mr. President.
489
00:54:06,493 --> 00:54:10,486
Captain Pasquale. See if you can locate
Lieutenant Shitzu and doctor Kunstler.
490
00:54:10,533 --> 00:54:15,527
Meet us in front of the research center.
We're heading for Washington D.C.
491
00:54:15,573 --> 00:54:19,532
and the White House
and bring your make-up case.
492
00:54:19,573 --> 00:54:23,851
Who was this guy?
-Come on, all of you, Rupert up again,
493
00:54:23,893 --> 00:54:28,444
come on Kubrick, pull yourself together,
up, that's it, good boys, good boys.
494
00:54:28,493 --> 00:54:31,803
No, no, wait, let them go.
495
00:54:34,413 --> 00:54:38,883
Di pasquale worked hard and fast
to disguise the President as Fidel Castro,
496
00:54:38,932 --> 00:54:43,608
or ZZ Top, take your pick.
Anyway, it was the perfect way
497
00:54:43,652 --> 00:54:47,691
to get to Washington.
-It's me, it's me.
498
00:54:47,732 --> 00:54:53,807
Oh sorry. Step back. Please.
-I wonder if ZZ Top needs a sax player?
499
00:55:12,812 --> 00:55:16,804
It was good to see Washington D.C. again,
but this was no time to sightsee.
500
00:55:16,851 --> 00:55:21,163
In couple of days, that clone-clown
would be shooting his mouth off in Paris.
501
00:55:21,211 --> 00:55:25,204
I'd contracted Secretary Osgood.
He came up with a water tight plan
502
00:55:25,251 --> 00:55:29,244
to make the switch.
-Okay guys, time for me
503
00:55:29,291 --> 00:55:32,647
to shake hands with little willie.
504
00:55:32,851 --> 00:55:38,483
Marshal, did you bring an umbrella?
-No, just grab him before he takes aim.
505
00:55:51,171 --> 00:55:55,163
Di Pasquale disguised the President
that nobody would think twice about.
506
00:55:55,210 --> 00:55:59,647
A dirty old man.
507
00:55:59,690 --> 00:56:01,248
Yes.
508
00:56:01,530 --> 00:56:05,603
At the Three Tenors Gala Concert
in Paris this Friday night,
509
00:56:05,650 --> 00:56:10,166
following the
International Heads of State Conference,
510
00:56:10,210 --> 00:56:14,203
I will announce changes that will benefit
511
00:56:14,250 --> 00:56:18,209
the future of our world forever.
-Good job. Well done, everyone.
512
00:56:18,250 --> 00:56:22,243
Now all that remains is to get
our friend off to clone heaven.
513
00:56:22,290 --> 00:56:26,283
We kept Earth to ourselves for far too long.
-What?
514
00:56:26,330 --> 00:56:29,048
Hey, that's Doctor Pratt?
-Yea, yea, it's-a him!
515
00:56:29,089 --> 00:56:33,082
We must be willing to reach out...
516
00:56:33,129 --> 00:56:38,408
Please, there are forces at work here,
let's just forget about it and move on.
517
00:56:38,449 --> 00:56:42,488
Now if someone will give me a hand
getting our imposter out of here...
518
00:56:42,529 --> 00:56:46,522
Wait. This is moving a little too fast.
I think there are forces at work.
519
00:56:46,569 --> 00:56:50,562
But I think that they're our own.
More than possible,
520
00:56:50,609 --> 00:56:54,602
that we've been set up
to put clone in the White House...
521
00:56:54,649 --> 00:56:58,642
And take the real President out.
-Right.
522
00:56:58,689 --> 00:57:02,682
Why are you the President?
-Because of the birthmark!
523
00:57:02,729 --> 00:57:06,721
When you're cloned,
your birthmark is cloned, too.
524
00:57:06,768 --> 00:57:10,761
But I don't have a birthmark!
I had it removed three months ago.
525
00:57:10,808 --> 00:57:15,677
Personal reasons. If you'll give me
a little help, I'll show you.
526
00:57:23,368 --> 00:57:25,836
Oh, my God!
-Doctor Künstler,
527
00:57:25,888 --> 00:57:30,484
the birthmark should be on the side!
-You see where there used to be something,
528
00:57:30,528 --> 00:57:35,158
but now there is no birthmark there now.
-There is a simple solution.
529
00:57:35,208 --> 00:57:39,326
One dead president.
-So it's not just Doctor Pratt,
530
00:57:39,368 --> 00:57:42,360
it's you, too.
-Very good, Dix.
531
00:57:44,327 --> 00:57:49,526
Now that really is a job well done.
-Not well enough done, Mr. President.
532
00:57:49,567 --> 00:57:54,561
Do you have anyone you can trust
who can get us to Paris? -Yes.
533
00:57:55,527 --> 00:57:59,520
The President's plan was genuine
but his travel plans didn't fly.
534
00:57:59,567 --> 00:58:05,324
Then suddenly our luck turned full circle
and we were airborn.
535
00:58:09,207 --> 00:58:13,200
The job was to undo what I had
already undone. There was the president,
536
00:58:13,247 --> 00:58:17,240
and he had a birthmark
on his left hip to prove it.
537
00:58:17,287 --> 00:58:21,279
We had the real president
538
00:58:21,326 --> 00:58:25,319
but he had removed the birthmark,
so we couldn't prove anything.
539
00:58:25,366 --> 00:58:29,359
How it would be all worked out,
I didn't know, but I did know
540
00:58:29,406 --> 00:58:33,718
that the President had to make
every effort to keep his pants on.
541
00:58:42,206 --> 00:58:48,122
Thank you very much.
Thank you, thank you.
542
00:58:48,166 --> 00:58:50,157
Bonjour, bonjour.
543
00:58:50,206 --> 00:58:54,996
C, what is a four letter word for word?
544
00:58:58,205 --> 00:59:02,198
Do you have reservation.
-I have reservations about being asked
545
00:59:02,245 --> 00:59:05,920
about if we have reservations.
In America they have Indians,
546
00:59:05,965 --> 00:59:10,516
they have reservations,
but no one asks if they have them.
547
00:59:18,885 --> 00:59:22,514
What is that?
-That is a hockey cup.
548
00:59:22,565 --> 00:59:26,717
Yea, we use it to play
sand hockey in the desert...
549
00:59:26,765 --> 00:59:30,155
Do you have identification.
-Well, yea...
550
00:59:30,205 --> 00:59:34,834
Ah, prince yaboty of Jabooty,
good to see you son,
551
00:59:34,884 --> 00:59:37,603
take this, it's me Shitzu...
552
00:59:37,924 --> 00:59:40,643
Good to see you. Oh my god.
553
00:59:43,364 --> 00:59:47,357
Doctor Pratt wouldn't look under this.
-You look too conspicuous.
554
00:59:47,404 --> 00:59:51,397
Me, how about you?
That arab accent sounds kind of German.
555
01:00:02,324 --> 01:00:06,283
Ah, really, it is a rat trap...
556
01:00:06,324 --> 01:00:10,283
Do you have an invitation?
-Yes, of coarse.
557
01:00:15,003 --> 01:00:17,995
The artist formerly known as...
558
01:00:18,043 --> 01:00:21,956
It is Prince, in disguise.
Excuse me Mr. Formally known as,
559
01:00:22,043 --> 01:00:26,036
smile please.
Wait, you're not the artist
560
01:00:26,083 --> 01:00:30,873
formely known as Prince.
The real artist is over here.
561
01:00:32,123 --> 01:00:37,880
My God, it's the Pope. Come on Dix,
let's get out of here before he corners us.
562
01:00:38,563 --> 01:00:41,635
They serve Italian dinner tonight.
563
01:00:41,723 --> 01:00:44,715
I think I'll have the Toreodor.
564
01:00:53,002 --> 01:00:57,792
Yabooty, yabooty, you camel,
pay me what you owe me.
565
01:01:09,722 --> 01:01:13,715
Keep a low profile.
Did he call me a camel.
566
01:01:22,282 --> 01:01:26,274
They wanted you to play a saxophone solo
after which intermission?
567
01:01:26,321 --> 01:01:31,315
The White House itinerary said after
the first intermission that I would
568
01:01:31,361 --> 01:01:35,832
appear magically on stage through a
trap-door. But we don't have a sax.
569
01:01:35,881 --> 01:01:39,317
We will.
-Hey hello,
570
01:01:39,361 --> 01:01:43,274
do you want to taste an ice-cream,
it's very, very good. Here, take it.
571
01:01:43,841 --> 01:01:47,834
Or maybe you like vanillia,
vanillia is wonderful,
572
01:01:47,881 --> 01:01:51,999
the best Italien ice flavor. Pistachio,
bonissimo. You like ice cream.
573
01:01:52,041 --> 01:01:55,636
No.
-No, thank you very much.
574
01:01:58,481 --> 01:02:00,790
Gelati, gelati, gelati!
575
01:02:15,920 --> 01:02:18,912
Mon sax. Voleur.
576
01:02:32,320 --> 01:02:36,313
Ice cream, gelaté, italiana, chocolato,
vanillia, gorgonzola...
577
01:02:36,360 --> 01:02:40,352
Oh signore, congratulations.
This is a great ice cream, it....
578
01:02:40,399 --> 01:02:44,392
Sir, you will have to move!
-Please. Let it go.
579
01:02:49,319 --> 01:02:50,877
Shit!
580
01:02:51,959 --> 01:02:56,828
I'm sorry Ms. President, I'm really sorry.
-No, no, it was only an accident.
581
01:02:56,879 --> 01:03:00,872
You see, it was only an accident.
-Okay, we got this, go back to work.
582
01:03:00,919 --> 01:03:04,912
Thanks for stopping by.
-I see our friends are here.
583
01:03:04,959 --> 01:03:11,671
Do you want an ice cream.
-I think we'd better alert the police.
584
01:03:16,919 --> 01:03:20,547
I think I better go check to find out
what's going on.
585
01:03:24,318 --> 01:03:26,786
The gang's all here.
586
01:03:30,158 --> 01:03:32,149
Oh, ice cream.
587
01:03:34,278 --> 01:03:39,272
One is disguised as an ice cream vendor,
the other as a French police officer.
588
01:03:39,318 --> 01:03:42,037
What, merde!
-Inspector Wazoo,
589
01:03:42,078 --> 01:03:45,593
the President's life may be at stake.
590
01:03:46,198 --> 01:03:51,226
We will search zi place from top to bottom.
Allons! Vite! Allons! Casse-toi!
591
01:03:51,278 --> 01:03:55,270
We knew where they were at the hotel
in Washington, didn't we, Osgood?
592
01:03:55,317 --> 01:03:59,310
You had to be there. You were busy
being the man in the moon. I was there.
593
01:03:59,357 --> 01:04:04,351
They only can make the switch under
the stage at the trap-door lifts.
594
01:04:04,397 --> 01:04:08,390
Let's take a look, shall we?
-Let's go get your saxophone
595
01:04:08,437 --> 01:04:12,794
and check backstage.
-What did the Japanese delegation say?
596
01:04:12,837 --> 01:04:16,830
Oh, you can't understand a word they say.
They said, would I enjoy sushi.
597
01:04:16,877 --> 01:04:21,587
Well I said sure thing man,
send Suzi to my room.
598
01:04:21,637 --> 01:04:27,075
Oh, I'm just kidding,
you could trust me baby.
599
01:05:20,355 --> 01:05:24,985
Hey, this is no a rap concert.
I hate Opera.
600
01:05:37,235 --> 01:05:41,228
Take this.
-Ditch the Arab disguises.
601
01:05:41,275 --> 01:05:45,268
They're checking everyone.
602
01:06:06,834 --> 01:06:10,747
Maybe there'll be some costumes
under the stage?
603
01:06:13,874 --> 01:06:16,593
Are you okay?
604
01:06:17,394 --> 01:06:21,387
Where are we?
-Under the stage. Do you think, the roof?
605
01:06:21,434 --> 01:06:24,311
There must be something in here,
606
01:06:24,473 --> 01:06:28,466
now you stay in that outfit,
so keep your face covered.
607
01:06:28,513 --> 01:06:32,586
There must be something here for me.
So we won't look so much like a team.
608
01:06:32,633 --> 01:06:35,625
That a good idea, Dix.
609
01:06:35,673 --> 01:06:39,029
It's mostly woman's clothes in here.
610
01:06:41,913 --> 01:06:43,904
Allo?
611
01:06:46,713 --> 01:06:50,149
Allo?
-Oui, oui, oui... allo!
612
01:06:50,553 --> 01:06:54,546
That's what I call a really
nice prop there Maestro.
613
01:06:54,593 --> 01:06:59,621
Maestro, is it that you?
-Yea, yea, it's the Maestro?
614
01:07:00,272 --> 01:07:03,947
Oh, I heard zis crash! Are you alright?
615
01:07:04,312 --> 01:07:09,181
It was an accident.
I'm a-changing my robes,
616
01:07:09,232 --> 01:07:14,226
as Pharaoh to the robe I use
for singing for farrow in the Aida.
617
01:07:14,272 --> 01:07:17,150
Oh... pardon.
618
01:07:20,952 --> 01:07:22,943
Oh la lŕ!
619
01:07:22,992 --> 01:07:26,985
I told you they were not right.
620
01:07:27,032 --> 01:07:31,025
You know this is probably zee wrong time.
But could you just
621
01:07:31,072 --> 01:07:35,702
sing une petit note, a little note per...
622
01:07:35,752 --> 01:07:37,026
Si, si.
623
01:07:37,071 --> 01:07:41,542
Molto grande, molto grande,
molto grande, Clementine.
624
01:07:43,631 --> 01:07:48,341
you gone and I lost forever,
molto grande, clementine.
625
01:07:51,031 --> 01:07:55,024
Merci, I'm sorry, these are for yours.
-No, no, you keep them, as a memento,
626
01:07:55,071 --> 01:08:00,350
they are not the right condom
for my beard.
627
01:08:00,391 --> 01:08:03,781
Merci, I will cherish these.
-Arrividerci.
628
01:08:03,831 --> 01:08:07,062
Merci.
-Pronto di salami. -Chow.
629
01:08:07,111 --> 01:08:11,423
Pasta di fasa-ota.
630
01:08:28,110 --> 01:08:32,342
What is this?
-The platform. Up and down, up and down.
631
01:08:56,429 --> 01:08:59,307
What the hell is this?
632
01:08:59,949 --> 01:09:03,544
Pardon, pardon. You 'ave piss?
-Well, I had one three hours ago.
633
01:09:03,589 --> 01:09:07,582
Does that count?
-Show me your piss.
634
01:09:07,629 --> 01:09:10,780
What?
-You need a big-stodge piss.
635
01:09:10,829 --> 01:09:13,138
Backstage... Okay...
636
01:09:19,509 --> 01:09:22,501
I think he said backstage pass...
637
01:09:26,229 --> 01:09:29,220
Don't touch the control panel.
638
01:09:29,268 --> 01:09:33,102
Zis is where everything is controlled.
639
01:09:44,428 --> 01:09:47,579
No one will get pissed while I am here.
640
01:09:51,548 --> 01:09:53,539
Fix the controls.
641
01:11:57,744 --> 01:12:01,737
If it looks like
they're going to succeed,
642
01:12:01,784 --> 01:12:06,255
kill the President...
the real one that is.
643
01:12:19,944 --> 01:12:23,937
I want them found and seized.
-There is no one...
644
01:12:23,984 --> 01:12:27,977
Ah, shut up you fool!
I got and a rest now
645
01:12:28,024 --> 01:12:32,017
and then changing my costumes
for the second act. When I come back,
646
01:12:32,064 --> 01:12:36,056
you had better have caught them
or else... schnip, clip, swish.
647
01:12:36,103 --> 01:12:38,094
Capice?
648
01:12:41,143 --> 01:12:45,534
You know the story about the women
in the doctors office. She says, I'm sick.
649
01:12:45,583 --> 01:12:49,576
He says, well here, let me take
your temperature through your rectum.
650
01:12:49,623 --> 01:12:54,572
What is a going on here.
I am an outrage.
651
01:12:55,463 --> 01:13:00,332
Oh Maestro,
oh I have to thank you again for this.
652
01:13:00,383 --> 01:13:04,376
You see I have kept it close to my heart.
-What are you talking about,
653
01:13:04,423 --> 01:13:08,177
I didn't give you anything.
Besides my condoms are engraved
654
01:13:08,463 --> 01:13:12,614
with my portrait and covered with fur.
These are counterfeit!
655
01:13:12,662 --> 01:13:18,259
Now out of my way!
-Oh, counterfeit, Maestro.
656
01:13:23,862 --> 01:13:27,855
Doctor Kunstler is one of them.
She's a superspy.
657
01:13:27,902 --> 01:13:31,895
I told you she was a supp... suppository.
658
01:13:31,942 --> 01:13:34,661
I knew she was in bed with Pratt.
-What? And she had me in her apartment.
659
01:13:34,702 --> 01:13:38,695
She danced for me, rubbed her body
all over mine. Used her tongue.
660
01:13:38,742 --> 01:13:43,372
The slut, a lap dance.
-Could have been... Lappland, Finland...
661
01:13:43,422 --> 01:13:47,415
Then she told me about the lion.
They mate forty-five times in three hours.
662
01:13:47,462 --> 01:13:51,454
How many times?
-You just keep your eyes on Kunstler.
663
01:13:51,501 --> 01:13:54,493
She has order to kill the President.
664
01:13:54,541 --> 01:13:58,011
She gets up on the tables.
He gets behind her.
665
01:13:58,061 --> 01:14:01,770
Wardrobe! Wardrobe! Where is my costume?
666
01:14:01,821 --> 01:14:05,814
I know it was here. I hung it myself.
-And I'll hang you myself,
667
01:14:05,861 --> 01:14:09,854
if you don't find it.
-Luciano! They came to hear you sing,
668
01:14:09,901 --> 01:14:13,894
not see your clothes.
-You think the French won't notice
669
01:14:13,941 --> 01:14:18,935
if I'm on an Italian battlefield fighting
the Germans wearing American boxer shorts?
670
01:14:24,381 --> 01:14:29,738
''Hey doctor, that's not my rectum.''
''Yea, that's ain't my thermometer either.''
671
01:14:31,140 --> 01:14:34,735
Mr. President, we're ready for you now:
672
01:14:34,780 --> 01:14:40,377
Well, I'm on.
-Good luck snookums.
673
01:14:45,220 --> 01:14:50,169
no more birthmark games tonight,
just remember, you don't have one anymore,
674
01:14:50,220 --> 01:14:54,213
but there's a clone and he does have it.
So you just keep your pants on tonight
675
01:14:54,260 --> 01:14:58,253
and keep your fingers crossed that Osgood
won't remember what he thought
676
01:14:58,300 --> 01:15:03,293
he saw in the hotel, thought he didn't
see what he thought he saw
677
01:15:03,339 --> 01:15:07,810
in the hotel, I was right the first time.
678
01:15:07,859 --> 01:15:12,853
First the condoms, now my costume.
And you still haven't found them.
679
01:15:12,899 --> 01:15:16,414
Your robe.
-Sure. Skuzi.
680
01:15:18,219 --> 01:15:23,213
Or rather, that he doesn't know
what he thought didn't see in the hotel.
681
01:15:23,259 --> 01:15:26,808
he didn't see the birthmark and...
682
01:15:29,659 --> 01:15:34,528
Monsieur le President.
Everything is chicked and ready.
683
01:15:34,579 --> 01:15:39,733
blow your instrument with cuntfidence,
knowing that I am holding the fart.
684
01:15:55,618 --> 01:15:59,736
Thank you, thank you, and now,
Ladies and Gentlemen,
685
01:15:59,778 --> 01:16:03,293
it gives me great pleasure
to introduce our surprise guest.
686
01:16:18,177 --> 01:16:21,965
So far so good.
-Don't be a pessimist.
687
01:16:28,377 --> 01:16:32,575
I like the way he blows his horn
-My son like to tute too.
688
01:16:36,417 --> 01:16:38,408
Let's go!
689
01:16:43,617 --> 01:16:46,131
You alright?
690
01:16:48,297 --> 01:16:51,607
Here, catch the saxophone.
691
01:17:02,856 --> 01:17:05,848
So, now?
-I'll lower the trap door.
692
01:17:05,896 --> 01:17:09,935
You get on it, go up and I'll bring
the clone down and put the arm on him.
693
01:17:38,535 --> 01:17:39,524
What?
694
01:17:50,895 --> 01:17:54,888
You messed up things for the last time.
695
01:17:59,175 --> 01:18:00,813
Yes!
696
01:18:27,294 --> 01:18:29,967
Ça va merde!
697
01:18:31,654 --> 01:18:34,122
'oo is 'oo?
698
01:18:35,974 --> 01:18:38,966
We have here, two President.
699
01:18:39,814 --> 01:18:43,887
Two of them, my gosh,
this could be an interns nightmare.
700
01:18:43,934 --> 01:18:46,128
Two, identicule.
701
01:18:47,413 --> 01:18:51,406
Identical, yes...
But are our memories the same?
702
01:18:51,453 --> 01:18:56,049
Here's something I composed when
I was six years old. No one knows it.
703
01:19:10,293 --> 01:19:13,888
So, now who is the real President?
704
01:19:15,053 --> 01:19:19,729
Okay... How about this one?
I learned it yesterday.
705
01:19:43,572 --> 01:19:48,692
Not so good, huh! There's your clone.
He remember everything about my life,
706
01:19:48,732 --> 01:19:52,850
Until the time he was cloned
and nothing after that.
707
01:19:52,892 --> 01:19:58,888
Right, there's your clone, Dr Pratt.
-You're the one who did this to me.
708
01:19:58,932 --> 01:20:02,924
I'm going to destroy you. You hear me.
709
01:20:11,571 --> 01:20:14,563
What...
-Lord, give me a sign.
710
01:20:16,491 --> 01:20:18,482
You've got mail.
711
01:20:21,171 --> 01:20:25,164
God says, let there be music,
on with the show.
712
01:20:37,570 --> 01:20:41,882
So much for taking over the world!
-I just wanted to rid the world of idiots.
713
01:21:51,209 --> 01:21:53,199
Look out!
714
01:21:54,088 --> 01:21:57,080
Oh that's going to leave a mark.
715
01:22:34,967 --> 01:22:38,198
The solution is, kill the President.
716
01:22:56,167 --> 01:22:59,159
Holy shit baby.
717
01:23:21,566 --> 01:23:24,126
Hasta Lavista baby.
718
01:23:36,006 --> 01:23:40,557
Ladies and Gentlemen, This may have been
the greatest save of all time...
719
01:23:40,606 --> 01:23:44,598
and the man responsible for this,
720
01:23:44,645 --> 01:23:50,242
is from Interplanetary Security:
Marshal 'Dick' Dix.
721
01:23:55,405 --> 01:23:59,444
Thank you, Mr. President.
-You're very welcome Marshal Dix
722
01:23:59,485 --> 01:24:02,477
and the world thanks you.
723
01:24:31,644 --> 01:24:36,160
Now I knew what it was like
to be a roman candle on the 4th of July.
724
01:24:36,204 --> 01:24:40,641
But this hero stuff was not for me.
I was ready to get back on the beat,
725
01:24:40,684 --> 01:24:45,678
hear the wail of sirens and my gun
and play with my handcuff
726
01:24:45,724 --> 01:24:49,717
Yes, I was ready to plant my flag
back in Washington D.C.
727
01:24:49,764 --> 01:24:53,757
where every congressmen has the
constitutional right to be a felon.
728
01:24:53,804 --> 01:24:56,796
Good old America.
729
01:25:08,723 --> 01:25:11,112
Here's your soup Sir.
730
01:25:11,563 --> 01:25:15,556
Mmm, smells great.
731
01:25:15,603 --> 01:25:19,516
Well, I want to drink a toast.
732
01:25:22,803 --> 01:25:26,159
I want to drink a toast to you.
733
01:25:32,203 --> 01:25:36,195
No to you. You've made the world
a safe place again.
734
01:25:36,242 --> 01:25:42,192
Well your high kicks, help out
pretty good there, too, you know.
735
01:25:42,242 --> 01:25:45,518
How are things on Vegan?
I hear you've gotten a promotion.
736
01:25:48,962 --> 01:25:53,831
Yes, I'm responsible
for all new erections.
737
01:25:54,962 --> 01:25:58,955
Congratulations,
I'm not a bit surprised.
738
01:25:59,002 --> 01:26:03,996
I love spending my vacations here on earth.
This place is so peaceful...
739
01:26:04,042 --> 01:26:08,035
the ocean... the music...
The product placements...
740
01:26:14,761 --> 01:26:17,116
Are you alright?
741
01:26:22,881 --> 01:26:25,873
Just picking my teeth.
742
01:26:27,321 --> 01:26:32,600
There's something I need to tell you.
I see dead people.
743
01:26:32,961 --> 01:26:39,196
What?
-I see dead people. Look.
744
01:26:39,241 --> 01:26:41,232
David Bowie.
745
01:26:41,281 --> 01:26:46,275
Our dessert specials today are silicon
hooter pie with whipped cream, for you.
746
01:26:46,321 --> 01:26:50,836
We have silicon-lips ice cream, for you.
-And we've got guns,
747
01:26:50,880 --> 01:26:53,678
big guns, for you.
748
01:26:53,720 --> 01:26:57,713
Guns, big guns, those aren't guns...
749
01:26:58,440 --> 01:27:00,431
This is a gun.
750
01:27:07,280 --> 01:27:12,229
Oh, Marshal, you've made the world
a safe place again, again.
751
01:27:12,280 --> 01:27:16,273
Your so wonderful,
you know you could be my father.
752
01:27:16,320 --> 01:27:21,030
Oh, no, no. That concert was the
first time I was in France, ever.
753
01:27:21,080 --> 01:27:23,071
Oh, Richard.
754
01:27:35,479 --> 01:27:41,475
Subtitles: VICOMEDIA 11/2002
64066
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